One Day in Math Class

Chapters

Chapter 1 - The Start of a New Subject
Chapter 2 - The Test on Friday
Chapter 3 - Complications - Part I
Chapter 4 - Complications - Part II
Chapter 5 - Complications - Part III
Chapter 6 - Complications - Part IV
Chapter 7 - Firewalls and Firing at Walls
Chapter 8 - Snuggles, Stretchers, Soda, and Subconscious
Chapter 9 - Love in a Can

Chapter 1 - The Start of a New Subject

For some reason, my math teacher one day told the class that we were going to be watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Most of the class groaned, a few of us shrugged, and I, having been a brony for a while, cheered. The person to my left was one of the ones who had shrugged, and the one to my right, who happened to be Rarity, groaned.

“Why are we watching this?” one of my classmates whined.

“I’ve already experienced this in real life…” Rarity sighed quietly.

“Oh, quit whining,” replied my teacher, “you kept whining about how much you hated math. If you hate math so much, you would surely rather watch this than have me talk about boring math stuff.”

Rarity looked up from what she was doing. “That wasn’t whining,” Rarity told the teacher. “That was complaining. This is whining.” Rarity then broke into her whining voice from A Dog and Pony Show.

“Rarity,” I calmly spoke to her. She stopped. “She was talking about him.” I pointed to the kid who was whining.

“Oh. Right,” Rarity said, blushing.

The room filled with silence for a moment.

“Well, then, I might as well start the episode,” stated my teacher, breaking the silence.

The teacher pulled down the screen and turned on the projector. She pressed play on the episode and started doing stuff on her second monitor.

The episode was one I recognized as the most commonly suggested episode to non-bronies who wanted to get into the show- Party of One.

After a minute or so, Rarity spoke up. “Oh no, not the time we threw a surprise party for Pinkie Pie… Ugh, I do not want to remember that.”

“Oh, come on! Even if it’s My Little Pony, you could at least not give spoilers. This is the only thing we have to do, so at least let it be as interesting as a show about candy-colored talking ponies could be!” moaned the student behind Rarity.

“You’d be surprised,” I told him. “It’s actually a pretty good show.”

“So you admit that you’re gay?” questioned the one behind me.

“Fun fact: Watching a cartoon can’t magically make someone gay, Levi!” I smiled in response. I felt proud of my use of ripping off a video that anyone else who isn’t a brony has doubtfully watched.

“No, no, you see, only gay people watch the show, not the other way around.”

“No, no, you see, it’s ponies, and it’s adorable. Your statement is like saying someone’s gay for taking care of their own baby.”

“No, no, you see, ponies aren’t the same as babies. Babies are cute and it takes a couple of straight people to make one.”

“No, no, you see, they don’t have to be straight. They could be bisexual, or gay and just doing it for a dare or something.”

“No, no, you see,” Rarity interrupted our back-and-forth moment, “you two need to stop fighting and just tolerate each other. A lady never fights.”

“No, no, you see,” the one behind me continued, “I’m not a lady. She’s a lesbian one, though.”

“You know what, I don’t even care anymore!” I yelled. “I don’t even care about getting my point across to you anymore!”

I turned around and looked back at the screen, not noticing that everyone in the room was staring at me.

“WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!” I demanded once I noticed.

There was no response from anyone. “THEN STOP LOOKING AT ME!”

Everyone kept looking at me. I stopped talking and just let it happen.

Suddenly, Rarity leaned toward me and kissed me. I was taken by surprise. I didn’t want to let her kiss me because everyone was watching and most of them would tease me about it forever, not to mention that I’m not the kind of brony who finds himself necessarily attracted to the ponies.

I didn’t want to stop her from kissing me either, though. I mean, come on, if you were kissed by Rarity, would you turn it down?

I didn’t do anything. I didn’t reject the kiss or accept it; rather I just let it happen and acted as if I just didn’t care.

When Rarity’s muzzle left my face, I responded. “Okay. Why did you just kiss me?”

“Because you’re sexy when you’re angry.”

“Okay then.”

“And you have ‘swag’ or whatever you people call it.”

“This is not a thing that I deny.”

I smiled at Rarity. My reaction made a few people in the room laugh.

“Wow, I knew he was gay, but not this gay!” laughed Levi.

Rarity gasped, turning her eyes to meet his. “Nopony talks to my man that way!” she yelled, jumping up onto his desk.

“Oh, wow. I’m her ‘man’ now,” I giggled, smiling.

Levi moved back slightly at first, but he resumed his position after a few seconds.

“’Nopony.’ Hah!” Levi mocked Rarity.

“Oh my gosh, Levi, shut up about Rarity!” I yelled in his face, which I slapped shortly after. “She’s a pony, for Pete’s sake! What did you expect?”

Apparently, the teacher was really caught up with whatever she was doing on her computer and hadn’t noticed a thing.

Jumping over the desk, Rarity pounced on Levi, somehow grabbing him by the throat with her hooves.

"AGH! GET HER OFF ME GET HER OFF ME GET HER OFF ME!" he shouted what little he could as he was strangled by Rarity.

"TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Rarity shouted in his face.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Levi screamed.

Smiling warmly as she resumed her calm state, Rarity removed herself from on top of Levi and trotted over to me.

"Please don't hurt me..." Levi cried, going into a fetal position.

Most of the class laughed at the sight. A few of us even pulled out their phones and took pictures.

As for me, well, I was still in shock at what had just happened, Rarity staring at me. My jaw was about to hit the floor when she finally said something.

"Are you..." she started, poking my cheek with a hoof, "... alright?"

I quickly snapped out of it. "Um, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Rarity smiled gently at me. "Good. I would simply hate to see a man such as yourself in a bad condition."

"Um, yeah, thanks." I smiled nervously, trying to hide the fact that I was blushing.

Rarity smiled again. She kissed me once more, and, this time, I kissed her back. I saw no reason not to. After all that, I'm sure she had proved herself.

Once the episode ended, we sat in class chatting for the rest of the period. There was nothing much to do, anyway. The teacher didn't show us any more episodes of My Little Pony, and the school didn’t have Wi-Fi for the kids who had their phones.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling that it was time to go to our next periods of the day.

I waited for the rest of the class to leave the room, and I walked up to Levi. He was still lying there on the ground in the fetal position.

I simply smiled and told him what I had to say. "I told you it was a good show."

I turned around and walked to the door. As I passed through the doorway, the last thing I heard was Levi saying one simple word:

"Mommy!"

Author's Note

So...
I've noticed that there are a few typos...
I might as well say it-
"Go home, keyboard. You're durkn!"

Chapter 2 - The Test on Friday

I walked into class several days after we first started watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic in math class. Over the past few days, we had been watching several of the best episodes in the show. The teacher had told us to go home and watch at least the first three episodes before today, which most of my classmates had done. Except...

Levi. Apparently, that incident sort of scared the crap out of him. He was still lying there in the fetal position, somehow. I didn't see how he got the janitor to just let him stay there overnight several nights in a row, but perhaps he didn't.

Maybe he was just faking it, although I couldn't see why someone would fake being afraid of a My Little Pony character, all Cupcakes jokes aside. Then again, after Rarity somehow managed to strangle him with hooves, he probably should be scared.

I sat down at my seat and pulled out my math homework from last week. It had been due last Friday, so I figured now would be a good time to do it, since it was already late.

Behind me, Levi suddenly stopped rocking back and forth and realized where he was. He quickly looked around to make sure Rarity wasn't here. When he didn't see her, he sighed what was probably a sigh of relief and approached me.

"So, how's it going, pony lover?" he asked, smirking.

I simply rolled my eyes and moved on doing my late homework.

"Doing last week's homework, huh? Well, it makes sense, I mean, obviously you'd want to do this week's homework at home, pony lover." He quickly lunged forward and snatched my homework out from under my hands.

I looked up at him, wide-eyed. Was he seriously taking my homework after what happened on Monday? All it would take was one quick sentence to Rarity (apparently), and WHAM! That boy is down on the floor being choked to death by a pony!

"Dude, give that back," I pleaded.

Levi simply laughed in response. "Hah, and what are you gonna do to make me?"

Okay, seriously, Levi?

"Rarity-" COUGH "-is going-" COUGH "-to kill you!"

"Then I'll run for it. What are the odds a stupid little pony can chase me?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "Levi, you really are even stupider than you look."

Angrily, he glared at me. "What did you say?"

Smirking, I said what I had planned to say whenever I needed to get someone in trouble. "DUDE, THAT’S DISGUSTING! I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THAT!" As the teacher looked over, I tried to look as absolutely appalled as I could, jumping up from my chair.

Levi simply stared at me in shock. "Wha-what? No! It's not what it looks like!"

Angrily, the teacher snapped at Levi. "Levi! Go to the principal's office!"

"But-" Levi pleaded, but it was of no use.

"Now!"

Slowly, Levi gently placed my homework on my desk on slouched over. In a harsh whisper, he left his usual death threat to keep me in suspense. Then, he left the room, just in time for the normal large group of students to enter the classroom.

I don't know why, but for some reason, before class, only, like, 2 or 3 students will actually come into the room, and the rest would just line up outside. It makes no sense, considering the teacher gives us full permission to enter the room before class unless she says otherwise, whether it be through a note or a fire alarm going off... Yeah, the teacher always was a bit... neurotic, you could say...

Anyway, the bell rang about a minute later, signifying the start of class and the time when everyone still at their lockers or in the bathroom or whatever realizes they're late to class.

The teacher walked to the front of the room, which told everyone in the class to shut up because the teacher was going to be talking.

"Today, we're going to be taking a test on My Little Pony. I hope you studied, because you only get one shot at the test. No retakes."

Next to me, Rarity went wide-eyed. I quickly noticed this and turned to her. "What's wrong?"

Rarity turned to me and leaned toward me. Whispering, she said, "In my exhaustion yesterday, it slipped my mind that I was supposed to study."

I was slightly shocked at the response, in fact, very shocked, and was quick to question it. "Are you pulling my leg? I mean, why would you need to study for this test?"

Rarity softly gasped and replied with, "One can never be too sure!"

I simply rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the test sheet that was now sitting on my desk in front of me.

"Now, get started," the teacher told us, returning to her desk in the back of the room to grade papers. "I really need to get a different job..."

Looking down at the test in front of me, I read the first question.

1) Where do the ponies live?

A) America

B) Equestria

C) Ancestria

D) Protestria

Instantly, I circled B and moved on to the second question.

As I progressed through the test, I tried to focus, as much as I didn't need to, but I couldn't with Rarity sitting next to me, struggling to remember her own life. It was a bit ridiculous. Scratch that, it was extremely ridiculous.

I sat there staring at Rarity for several minutes before she even noticed. As she noticed, she turned to look at me.

"Oh, um... Do... Do you have the answer to number 4?"

I quickly glanced down to view the question she asked about:

What is the name of the white unicorn with the purple mane?

A) Elusive

B) Sparity

C) Sweetie Belle

D) Rarity

I looked back up at her and gave her a deadpan look.

"What?!" she snapped back. "I've been under a lot of stress!"

The class period continued, the test problems getting harder and harder as the time passed. After around problem 10, it asked you to recall specific plot points in the episodes the teacher told us to watch. After around problem 12, it asked you to recall specific plot points in episodes she hadn't told us to watch.

Upon seeing this, I struggled not to laugh. Our teacher always did this. She would tell us to study a certain part of the book or whatever, then test us on stuff she hadn't told us to study. Of course, she never counted it in the gradebook, but it was funny nonetheless. I swear, sometimes she was worse than Trollestia.

At the end of class, the bell rang, per usual, and the teacher told us to put our tests on her desk, saying that we would finish them on Monday.

After exiting the class, I tried to find Rarity. Upon spotting her at her locker, I saw her giggling to herself in front of the mirror on her locker door.

I'd had a feeling she'd been messing with me. But why?

Once seeing me, she frantically shoved her math book into her locker and slammed the door shut, blushing furiously.

She sat there in front of her locker, blocking the door as much as she could.

"You... didn't happen to see that, did you?" she asked me nervously.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I did."

"I should have expected as much... Say, why don't we meet outside the school this afternoon? We could go see a movie, perhaps."

"Erm..." I trailed off, unsure of whether or not she had just asked me out on a date. Either way, the safe answer is usually the first one that comes to mind, which was...

"Sure, I'm free."

Rarity smiled at me warmly. "Fantastic! I shall see you this afternoon!"

The bell rang, telling us to get to class. "Oh! Well, we'd better get going to our classes! I will see you later today!"

"You, too," I replied before we both rushed to our classes.

Author's Note

Is it just me, or do tests seem to almost ALWAYS be on Friday?

Chapter 3 - Complications - Part I

Anxiously tapping my foot, I looked at the clock for the tenth time in just two minutes.

Only three minutes left… I thought to myself. I’m never gonna be able to finish this test in three minutes…

Sometimes, it seemed like our teachers were conspiring against us. Whenever we had a math test, we always had a science test. Whenever we had an English test, we had a social studies test, a PE test, and so on.

Of course, the ‘math’ test earlier that day had been easier than pie, but this test was tough. I’ve always gotten bad grades in science. How the heck am I supposed to know what element is formed when Carbon is fused with Oxygen?

After sitting there making no progress on the second problem for the remaining three minutes, the bell finally rang, signaling to get our stuff from our lockers and go home for the weekend.

“Hand me your tests as you leave! I’ll see you all on Monday,” the teacher, Mr. Williamson, said.

As I handed my test to him, I tried to be as quick as possible to escape the room, but, unfortunately, he noticed what little progress I had made.

“Mark, go to your locker and come back to my room. I need to talk to you.”

I froze. Dang it. Quickly, I turned around and started to protest as the two or three students behind me walked out of the room, handing Mr. Williamson their tests as they left.

“No, please, I have a… thing!”

“A thing, huh? Sounds important.” Smirking, he leant toward me slightly. “Who are you taking?”

“Wha- How did you…”

“When you’ve been teaching as long as I have, you start to see patterns, something you probably can relate to through video games. Anyway, go get your stuff from your locker and come back here.”

“Okay…” I sighed. Slowly but surely, I walked to my locker. As I got my stuff out, Levi approached me.

“Hey there, pony-lover! How’s it going?”

“Not now, Levi. I have important business to take care of.”

Laughing, he made his comeback. “Yeah, and that affects me in what way, exactly?”

I groaned. “Levi, I told you, I’m not in the mood.”

Levi’s expression changed dramatically to a frown. “Meet me outside at the front of the school in 30 minutes. Or else.”

I snorted. “Or else what?”

“Or else I’ll…” Levi thought for a moment. Suddenly, his face lit up with an evil grin. He approached me slowly. “Or else I’ll beat up Rarity.” He said the mare’s name slowly, as if to keep me in suspense.

“You even touch her, and I swear, I’ll-.”

“You’ll what?” Taking my lack of response as a lack of threat, he continued. “That’s what I thought. You have 30 minutes to do what you want.” He then walked off.

After I gathered my stuff up, I walked back to the science room. Upon seeing me, Mr. Williamson greeted me back with one short sentence: “Congratulations, you have the lowest grade in the class!”

“Is that it?”

“Yeah, just come in for tutoring after school every day next week. On Friday, we'll decide where to go next.”

“Thanks, Mr. Williamson. I really appreciate that you’re not making me do this today. I have… a lot of stress, suddenly.”

“It’s not a problem. It’s actually a problem that I technically have to bring you in for tutoring. I could be playing Starcraft, but, no, you students have to do so poorly on the- erm… you can go…”

“Yeah…” Getting up from my seat, I moved the chair back to the table I borrowed it from and walked hastily out of the room.

The last thing I heard Mr. Williamson say was, “And time to grade homework… Actually, no, I’ll just play Starcraft.”

Now running down the hall, I checked my watch. 3:05. Crap! I need to get out there! I quickly broke into a sprint, knowing Rarity was almost certainly still out front and Levi was out there.

As I ran, my best friend, Jacob, came up beside me. “Hey, I was wondering where you were. Why are you running?”

“Not right now, Jacob.”

“Fine. Can I borrow a quarter?”

“Why?”

“I have three quarters, and I need one more to buy some milk,” he answered, pointing at the milk machine along the wall of the main hallway.

Sighing, I pulled out my wallet and dug out a quarter.

“Here,” I said, dumping a quarter into his hand.

“Thanks. I’ll pay you back soon.” He walked off to the machine.

I quickly started running back down the main hall. In front of me, the janitor was testing out his new extendable mop. He had it extended to the longest length, which appeared to be several meters. Having no time to waste, I quickly jumped over it.

The front door was so close now… Outside, I saw Levi slowly approach Rarity, who was completely oblivious to him. No! I’m too slow! I dropped all of my stuff on the floor right there and ran at my highest speed, maybe faster, into the door… but not through it.

Having slammed into the door, I looked up to see that I had tried to leave the building through the entrance door. Quickly, I ran to the exit door and shoved it open. I leaped into the air to tackle Levi. As I flew through the air, I saw him growing larger and larger. Yes! I’m going to hit him!

Rarity turned around just in time to see me flying at Levi. As I flew closer, it appeared more and more like I was going to hit him, until my momentum failed me. I slowed down and plummeted three feet to the ground, face-planting when I got there.

“Mark!” Rarity yelped. She galloped over to me to see if I was alright. I looked up to see Levi cracking his knuckles as he began to run at Rarity. Suddenly, Levi stopped. He looked as if he’d been hit by something. He fell over, revealing Jacob behind him, walking towards him to pick up the milk bottle.

“Wait, how did you buy a bottle of milk and walk a quarter of the way around the school in the amount of time it took me to get to the front by sprinting down the main hall? Did I hit that door harder than I thought I did?” I rubbed my head, feeling for any bumps.

Jacob shrugged. “Track, I guess. All I know is that Levi still owes me five bucks from the field trip last month, and if he’s not gonna give it to me, I’m gonna have to take it myself.”

Rarity giggled. “Now I see why the two of you are such great friends, Mark. He is quite like you.”

“If by “a lot like me,” you mean “not really at all like me,” then, yeah, I guess he is a lot like me. We get along well, but we’re not really like each other.”

“Oh, hey, there’s a twenty in here!”

I drew my attention back to Jacob just in time to see him pull a twenty out of Levi’s wallet.

“Hey, do you have any paper out?” I asked Jacob quickly.
“Yeah, it just so happens I do,” he replied, pulling a notepad and pen out of his left pocket. “Here.”

I took the supplies and wrote down a quick little message for Levi. I ripped it off the notepad and slipped it into his wallet, handing Jacob his pen and notepad back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jacob.”

“See you.” He quickly put Levi’s wallet back into Levi’s pocket as a teacher walked out.

“So, Rarity, are you still up for a movie?”

“Oh, of course! That would be wonderful. Do you have any idea what movie we should see?”

“We can just decide when we get there.”

“Well, what you choose doesn’t matter to me.”

“Well, shall we go then?” I suggested.

“Of course,” Rarity replied, smiling.

And so, I walked off towards the movie theater with a pony with the feeling I was forgetting something, the worry of having to stay after school for tutoring, and, of course, security in the fact that Levi would read the following sentences the next time he wanted to buy a soda:

If you’re wondering what happened to your money, it was confiscated by the police as evidence of your attack on a large group of students.

Also, your mother has been arrested.

Author's Note

I know, this chapter isn't as funny as the previous ones, especially the first one, but it's more of just a setup for future chapters. Firstly, Chapter 4, obviously, which, I think it's safe to reveal, is going to be the date.
Also, of course, the tutoring sessions, the note they left in Levi's wallet...

Chapter 4 - Complications - Part II

Girls and I are a lot like two angles that don’t add up to 180 or 90 degrees. The relationship isn’t complementary or supplementary. I’d rather not explain it right now. It’s complicated.

Anyway, with that in mind, let me get on with what happened next. As the two of us walked to the theater, we discussed various topics, when, suddenly, something hit me.

“Wait!” I shouted, stopping suddenly.

“Mark? What is the matter?” Rarity asked, turning around to look at me.

“I just realized I left my backpack at school!”

“Oh, Mark, there is no need to worry so much about it. I’m sure somepony found it and brought it to the lost and found. You can simply stop by and get it after the movie,” Rarity reasoned.

I sat there in silence for nearly a minute and a half, pondering how to respond to that.

I think dating Rarity was starting to get to my head, because I shortly replied with, “Yeah, you’re probably right. I doubt anyone would steal my backpack,” completely disregarding the fact that Levi had probably woken up by now and seen my backpack, deciding to take it. Yeah. Of course it’ll be fine! No one would take it or anything, especially not Levi! Perfect reasoning.

We continued to walk in silence, succeeding only to magnify the moment’s awkwardness.

Finally breaking the silence, Rarity asked me something. “So, how are you doing right now? Is there anything you’d like to discuss?”

I quickly replied. “Well, I’m a bit confused, worried, and stressed out. I feel like an idiot- it has nothing to do with you, of course. I also feel like a socially awkward dork who does nothing but sit in his basement reading creepy fanfiction all day after school, and I feel friendless.”

“What was that?”

“I feel fine, thanks.”

“Alright, then.”

After a few more minutes of awkward silence, we finally reached the movie theater. As we walked in, we looked at the list of movies playing. Upon reading the last one on the list, Rarity tilted her head in curiosity.

“Equestria Girls?” She turned to look at me. “What’s that?”

“Two tickets to Equestria Girls, please,” I said slowly, slamming my money onto the counter.

Giving me a deadpan look, the man slowly took my money and slid two tickets over to me. I smiled weakly and took the tickets. “Thanks.”

“Theatre Two… Enjoy the… movie?” he replied unsurely.

The whole time, Rarity had been bouncing up and down excitedly.

“Uh, Rarity? Are you alright?”

Suddenly, Rarity snapped out of it. “Oh, um, of course, I’m just fine…” she answered, blushing. I grinned back at her.

“You know, I could have easily just gotten tickets to a completely different movie, and you wouldn’t have noticed…” I mumbled to myself.

“What was that?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, um…” I blushed.

Rarity giggled at the sight of me blushing. She briskly pecked me on the lips.

“What the-!” shouted the man behind the counter.

I only blushed harder at the kiss. “It-it’s nothing, Rarity. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just go in.”

“Of course, that’s probably a good idea,” Rarity said, nodding her head in agreement.

I smiled. “Ladies first,” I said, turn sideways to allow her to pass by me.

“Why, thank you, Mark!” Rarity laughed slightly as she said that, which was extremely adorable. She trotted in front of me. Once she was in front of me, I followed her into the snack bar.

While waiting in line, I asked Rarity what she wanted.

“Oh, well…” Rarity took a few seconds to look at the display above the counter. “Just a small popcorn and a small soda would be fine, thank you.”

“Alright, that should be fine…” I reached into my back pocket to get my wallet, only to find nothing. “Oh, no…”

“What’s wrong?” Rarity asked.

“My wallet was in my backpack,” I informed her, worried.

“Oh, that is a problem…” Rarity went into deep thought.

“And I spent all of my pocket money on the tickets…”

“Wait, how did you pay for the tickets if you left your wallet in your backpack?” Rarity asked, completely oblivious to what I had just said.

“I used my pocket cash for the tickets…” I restated.

“Oh, of course. How silly of me!” Rarity giggled. I grinned at her. I remembered the problem at hand, and the smile vanished.

“Do you care if we don’t get anything to eat or drink during the movie?” I asked Rarity.

“Well, my throat is rather dry, but I don’t want to-”

“Alright, so I’m gonna have to wing it.” I immediately looked at the water fountain I knew was right next to the snack bar. I picked up Rarity by the waist and ran over to the fountain.

Rarity screamed out of shock. “Mark! What in the world are you doing?! Put me down!”

The crowd of people by the snack bar all turned to look at us, and the entire room broke into a panic.

“What is that guy doing?!”

“Is that a unicorn?!”

“OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH It’s Rarity from MLP! How did that happen?!”

“Where’s my camera?”

“Dang it, Jobs! Why is it so difficult to get to the dang camera on this thing?!”

Rarity was still losing her mind as I sprinted over to the fountain. When I got there, I set her down and pushed the bar, allowing the water to flow. Rarity blushed. “Was this what that was about? Well, thank you, I suppose, but you didn’t have to-”

“You said you were thirsty, and there’s a water fountain right here, so I brought you over here for a drink.”

Rarity scowled slightly at the interruption. This was the second time I had cut her off, and she was beginning to get sick of it, though I was unaware of it at the time.

Irritated, Rarity took a drink from the fountain to shut me up. By now, everyone had stopped looking and returned to their snack-buying business. When Rarity was done, I took her hoof and escorted her to Theatre Two where the movie was.

“I’m fairly excited to see what happened to Twilight after she-”

“I know, I haven’t seen it, either, so this should be a fun experience for both of-”

“-after she went through that portal,” Rarity continued her statement, countering my interruption.

“-us,” I finished, having been awkwardly cut off by Rarity. “Rarity, don’t interrupt people like that, it’s rude.”

Rarity gave an exasperated sigh. “What’s wrong, Rarity?” I asked, completely clueless.

Rarity deadpanned. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! Oh, I’ll tell you what’s wrong! You can’t go five minutes without cutting me off! It’s getting rather annoying, and I’m sick of it!”

I blushed sheepishly. “Oh, have I been interrupting you? I didn’t mean-”

“Yes, you have been interrupting me continuously, and I’m sick of it!” Rarity exclaimed.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you so many-”

“I mean, honestly, how annoying can you be?!”

“Um, Rari-”

“Not only are you constantly interrupting somepony, which is bad to begin with, but doing it to your fillyfriend?!”

“Rarit-”

“That’s simply ridiculous! I mean, seriously, your fillyfrie-”

“Rarity!” Rarity froze, realizing she had been interrupting me all of this time.

“Y-yes?” she stuttered.

“You’re doing it now,” I reminded her.

Rarity smiled sheepishly. “Yes, of course, I should have realized that sooner. I apologize for that. Can you forgive me?” Rarity pleaded.

I simply smiled at her. I held out my arms. “Come here!” Rarity smiled and leaned forward for a hug. She wrapped her hooves around me, and I did the same with my arms. The hug lasted for nearly a minute before we backed away from each other.

“I could never stay mad at you, Rarity,” I finally said.

“So, shall we go into the thea-”

“Let’s go into the theatre now,” I interrupted.

Author's Note

Is it weird that I prefer the British spelling of 'theater' even though I'm American?

Chapter 5 - Complications - Part III

Naturally, about 75% of the people in the theatre were grown men, and the rest were little girls with there parents. Rarity and I walked to the middle of the theatre to the only seats left, conveniently, the edge ones. I allowed Rarity to sit down first. Once she was seated, I sat down next to her. To the right of us, there was a little girl and her mother.

Literally seconds after we sat down, the movie started. As it started, two sodas and some popcorn appeared in front of us. I deadpanned.

“Really, Rarity? Why didn’t you mention that you could do that?” I whispered.

“Well, because I just stole somepony’s drinks and popcorn. I figured we should at least try to be decent and get our drinks and popcorn legitimately, first,” Rarity responded. I freaked out quietly.

“You stole those?!” I exclaimed in whisper. Rarity giggled.

“Oh, of course not, I was merely kidding with you. It appears as though you don’t take that kind of joke very well. I just created these drinks and the popcorn out of thin air. Just a little spell I learned from Twilight before I came here. Of course, I’m not a master at magic, so it drains me quite a bit, and I can only do it once in a while, but it’s useful nonetheless.”

“Wow, good job, Rarity. Thanks for making me a drink, too,” I whispered to her, smiling. I leaned toward her and gently kissed her on the cheek. She smiled back, blushing.

“Oh, well, I have to consider the needs of others, as well. I can’t just go around only doing things for myself. I am the Element of Generosity, after all, so I have to live up to the name.” Somehow, that conversation managed to take up the entire opening credits sequence, which consisted of a cool remix of the show’s theme song and, of course, credits.

As the first scene popped up, Rarity nudged me on the shoulder with a hoof. She pointed at the little girl to our right with a hoof. I looked at her, who was staring at Rarity in turn. The smile on her face was so huge I didn’t even know it was possible. It glowed with bewilderment and excitement.

The girl started bouncing up and down, looking as though she were about to explode of excitement. Suddenly, she burst. “Everyone, look! It’s Rarity!”

Sitting next to her, her mother turned at her daughter, shocked at her daughter’s behavior.

Simultaneously, the bronies waved it off. “We saw that at the snack bar! Keep up!” one person even shouted.

The mother took her daughter out of the theatre. She waved to Rarity on the way by, apologizing for her daughter. Once she was out of the theatre, there was muffled shouting heard by everyone in the theatre.

I turned to look at Rarity. She bore an unamused look on her face.

“How… how long have you been doing that?” I asked her suddenly.

“Several minutes,” Rarity answered flatly. “I’d rather not discuss it right now.”

“Alright then… I- I think this movie was a bad idea. We should probably leave before it gets much more chaotic. We can just watch it on YouTube once it’s up, which should take approximately, I dunno, four hours.”

“That’s likely a good idea…” Rarity agreed. We promptly picked up our drinks and popcorn, and I escorted Rarity out of the theatre. We dropped a few pieces of popcorn along the way in our hurry, and Rarity freaked out, going back to pick up each piece.

“Rarity, it’s just popcorn. Why are you losing it over a few spilt pieces?”

Rarity gasped in return. “It was hard magic to perform!” she whispered harshly.

“Oh, right…” I remembered sheepishly. “Wait, we already have the bag, so we can just get a refill. Same goes for the sodas…”

Rarity’s pupils dilated in realization. “Don’t make me feel stupid,” she said, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Seeing her cry made me feel horrible, so I lifted her chin with my hand and told her one thing.

“Let’s take this outside…”

“I s-sup-pose we should…” Rarity sighed.

I actually took her outside the theatre this time. As soon as the little girl saw us again, she screamed.

“Hey, everyone, look! It’s Rar-”

“We know!” everyone in line at the snack bar shouted in unison.

“Lauren!” her mother exclaimed.

“But, Mommy…”

“No buts! Come on, Lauren, we’re going home.”

“But, Mommy! I wanted to see the movie!”

“I don’t care! If you’re going to draw attention to some random person like that and pretend they’re you’re favorite cartoon character, I’m going to punish you for it!”

“But, Mommy! I don’t even like Rarity that much! Pinkie Pie is my favorite! I swear I saw her!”

“That’s enough, Lauren!” her mother shouted. She then dragged her daughter- Lauren, I guess- out of the movie theatre. The girl started screaming and kicking, but the mother continued to pull her out without even giving us a passing glance.

After they were out of the building completely, Rarity and I continued walking to the nearest table, where we set down our drinks and popcorn. I pulled out a chair for Rarity and allowed her to sit down first.

“Look, Rarity, I really didn’t mean it like that, honestly. I really do care about you, and I think that you are an intelligent mare, honestly, I do.”

“I know, but what you said… It made me feel like I was stupid…” Rarity replied, starting to cry.

“Rarity, please, don’t cry…” I pleaded, beginning to cry myself. “Rarity, you’re just tired out from that spell you did. You need some rest.”

“You’re probably right,” Rarity reasoned. “I’m absolutely exhausted, now that you mention it. I stayed up late last night studying, and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t even start on that again. That was absolutely ridiculous, Rarity. The math test this morning… Jeez.”

Rarity giggled, but her giggle turned into a yawn. I smiled. She really was adorable.

“As I was saying, I was up late studying- for the science test, mind you- and I went to bed at a late hour. Well, I suppose it was more of an early hour… Okay, I believe it was about an hour before I have my alarm set to go off…” She drifted off as she began to yawn again. Man, she’s cute when she yawns…

“Rarity, I think you need some sleep right now. I really wouldn’t mind if you just slept here. I’d stay here and make sure no one hurts you or takes anything.”

“Oh, really, Mark, that’s ridiculous, I couldn’t bother you with that…” She broke out into another adorable yawn. “Well, I suppose just a short nap couldn’t do too much harm… Are you sure you’re alright with this?” Rarity asked.

I smiled. “Rarity, I don’t want you to die of exhaustion. Then I’d never have a girlfriend!”

“Oh, Mark you’re so-” another yawn- “ridiculous, sometimes. Well, alright, if you’re sure…”

Rarity rested her hooves on the table and gently placed her head on top of them. She sat still for merely seconds before her breathing pattern changed, signaling she was asleep.

As I saw this, I smiled, glad to see that she trusted me as much as she did to take care of her. After soaking in the adorableness that was Rarity sleeping peacefully in a movie theatre- quite a rarity- I took a quick glance at my watch.

3:16. Well, that date killed about 11 minutes.

Author's Note

Hi, it's the 26th of February as I write this. This chapter was posted on the 1st of December. I was scanning through this chapter, and I only NOW noticed that little girl's name was the same as the creator of MLP.

Seriously, it took me that long to realize that.

I don't even deserve to be called a brony.

Chapter 6 - Complications - Part IV

Although Rarity sleeping is probably one of the most adorable things in the world, it gets boring after awhile. Honestly, I was probably sitting there for about 20 minutes just waiting for someone to come up and pick a fight with me or even just ask me what movie I was here to see.

I checked my watch for what felt like the ninetieth time.

3:29.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rarity exploded to life. She jumped onto the table and grabbed me by the shoulders.

“No, Fluttershy, don’t leave me here on my own!” she exclaimed.

Scared half to death, I fell backwards in my chair, throwing the soda I had been holding in my right hand about three meters backwards. I got up and picked up my chair. I looked behind me to see what innocent bystander had been drenched in my soda.

“Oh my, I didn’t mean to frighten you like that, Mark. Sorry, I was just…” She trailed off suddenly, tears beginning to well in her eyes.

“Rarity, it’s all right, no matter who got completely covered in my Mountain Dew… Rarity, were you having a bad dream?” I asked, softly.

Rarity started crying. “I’d… I’d rather not talk about it…”

I smirked. “I think that whole ‘No, Fluttershy, don’t leave me!’ thing deserves at least a little explanation, but I’m not going to force you. Although telling someone will probably help you feel better…”

“I just need to go home, Mark,” Rarity decided.

“Alright, Rarity. Let’s get going.”

“No, Mark. I… I think I want to go home by myself…” Rarity said.

“Are you sure, Rarity? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt walking home,” I checked.

“I suppose…”

“Plus, I really wouldn’t mind if you wanted to talk to me about anything you need to get off your chest. Emotions, internal conflict, anything really. I honestly don’t mind.”

“Really? Not many stallions back in Equestria like to hear that kind of stuff from mares. Of course, this isn’t Equestria, is it?” she said, giggling half-heartedly. I smiled back.

“No, it isn’t Equestria.”

I stood up from my chair, grabbing the popcorn. Rarity took that as a signal to stand up as well. She seized her soda with her magic and made an old rag appear. She trotted over to the person the soda had soaked and gave the rag to him.

“Here, you can use this to clean up. I’m sorry about that. I hope you have a marvelous afternoon,” Rarity apologized.

“Why, thank you, m’am. You’re very generous. I hope you have a great day, too.”

Rarity smiled. “It was the least I could do.” She walked back over to me. “So, are you ready to go?”

I smiled. I was glad to see she wasn’t crying anymore. Suddenly, something occurred to me. “Yeah, I’m ready. Say, did you just summon that rag from your home?”

Rarity frowned slightly. “Why, yes I did. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe you could summon my backpack for me so I don’t have to worry about it anymore,” I explained.

“Well, I could try, but I can’t make any promises. It’s harder to summon larger objects. I’ll try though.” Rarity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused all of her magic on her horn, squinting. Her horn began to glow a light blue.

“You’re going to do it! Man, I’ve waited three chapters for this!”

The man behind me, cleaning himself off turned towards me. “What?”

“Um… Don’t worry about it…” I answered.

Rarity’s horn glowed brighter and brighter. I closed my eyes. The light continued to intensify until it stopped. I opened my eyes just in time to see Rarity’s horn spark. Rarity collapsed to the ground with a huge sigh.

“I’m sorry, Mark. It didn’t work. I just can’t do it.” Rarity started breathing slowly and deeply.

I walked over to her and sat down next to her. I began stroking her mane. She looked up at me and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t blame you. It’s Levi’s fault, if anyone’s.”

Rarity smiled at me. Suddenly, she jumped up and wrapped her forehooves around me. My eyes went wide for a moment, then I closed them softly, smiling, and hugged Rarity back.

“Oh, Mark, you always have a way of making me feel better. I don’t ever want you to leave me.”

I smiled at Rarity. “I don’t want you to leave me, either. I’d never be able to get another girlfriend.”

“That’s gross! This rag is dusty!”

I looked into Rarity’s eyes to see her peering back, smiling warmly. I kept on smiling back. Rarity slowly leaned forward and began to kiss me. I leaned forward and kissed her back. The kiss was simply magical.

After what felt like the longest kiss in the world, we backed away from each other. The biggest smile grew on Rarity’s face. “I love you, Mark,” Rarity told me.

“I love you, too, Rarity,” I agreed, love struck. And, for a short time, we simply sat there, staring into each other’s eyes.

It felt amazing to finally have someone to love and care for after all these years of being taunted and teased by the rest of the class, and it was especially great to have that someone be Rarity, of all people. Still, something felt off about this whole thing. It was as if this were all some sort of dream or something.

Of course, that couldn’t be right, as I had hurt myself in PE earlier that day during warm-ups, and everyone knows you can’t be hurt in a dream. Of course, that didn’t matter. Something was still off.

Finally, Rarity spoke up. “Well, shall we get going then?”

“Yeah, let’s head out,” I agreed. I stood up and grabbed the popcorn, while Rarity grabbed her drink. She looked down at the drink.

After a moment, she levitated the drink over to me with her magic. “Here, Mark, I want you to have this since I made you spill yours,” Rarity told me.

I put my hands out to push it back. “No, no, no! I couldn’t take your drink from you! It wasn’t your fault at all, honestly. Keep your drink. I appreciate it, though.”

“Well, alright then. I’d persist, but I don’t feel like staying here any longer. Let’s go.”

“Yes, let’s.” I took her right forehoof and walked her out of the theatre. Once we were out of the theatre, we began walking along the sidewalk to her home. We discussed several different topics. We discussed things going on in America’s government. We talked about the coming 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. Rarity told me about her days in Equestria. We had fun conversing that day. We enjoyed ourselves, and we enjoyed each other’s company.

Finally, we reached her house, and we said our goodbyes. Just before she walked away, though, I said one final thing.

“Wait!”

“Yes, Mark?”

“I want you to keep the popcorn,” I said, smiling.

“Well, thank you, Mark. You’re quite thoughtful, but I don’t need to keep the popcorn. I’d be perfectly fine if you kept it.”

“It’s no problem, honestly. You can keep the popcorn.” I ran up to her and handed her the popcorn, which she took in her magic. “You’re the one who made it, after all.”

“Well, I suppose, but still…” Rarity considered. “Alright, I’ll keep it.” She leaned forward one more time and wrapped her forehooves around me. I did the same and kissed her gently.

“Well, I’ll see you later, Rarity. This was fun.”

“Same to you, Mark. I hope to see you again soon. I hope you have a marvelous afternoon!”

“You, too,” I replied. I began to walk away. “I love you!” I turned around just in time to see Rarity smile at my statement. She really was adorable, I couldn’t take how adorable she was.

I turned onto the sidewalk to head back to the school to pick up my stuff. I checked my watch.

3:37. Okay, it’s time to get another watch.

Chapter 7 - Firewalls and Firing at Walls

I reached school to find a human outline drawn in chalk where we had left Levi.

“That can’t possibly be good…”

I decided to investigate. I grabbed the door handle and pulled. Crap, it’s locked… Better try the other one…

So I did that. Ditto for that one…

I looked through the glass in the door. I could barely make out the outline of the janitor walking toward the door. I waved my arms back and forth to try to grab his attention. No luck. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

Wait, why is the door locked? I’ve stayed after school way later than this before, and the doors have never been locked before I left. Weird.

The janitor picked up my backpack and tossed it into the lost and found bin against the wall between the main hall and the teacher’s lounge.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped, startled.

“It’s okay, Mark. I got your stuff for you,” he said.

“Levi!” I turned around to see him holding the laptop with two fingers, threatening to drop it. “D-don’t do it! I swear, if you drop it, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” he stopped me.

Didn’t he use that one, like, an hour ago?

“Y-you know what I’ll do, Levi!” I exclaimed, trying to sound as threatening as I could.

Looking unamused by my reply, he let go of the laptop, dropping it.

“Nothing! That’s what I’ll do!” I finished.

“That’s what I thought,” Levi replied, smirking at me. “I played your stupid Minecraft parkour map. I hate that map.”

“Who do you think you are, Columbus?”

“What?” Levi asked. He scratched his chin, and after a second or two, got it. “Ooooohhhh…”

I smiled at Levi. “By the way, that wasn’t my map. That wasn’t even my laptop. I left my laptop at home.”

“Wait…” Levi started. “I-if that wasn’t your laptop, then…”

“It was yours. You left your locker open during lunch, so I decided to take your laptop and put it in my backpack.”

“Is that why you waited until just barely after your 30 minutes were up to leave the school? And then, after that, you paid your friend to throw milk at me to knock me out, and you ran down the hallway as the janitor was sweeping with his broom so you could look cool, only to have to drop your things on the ground right inside the door?”

“Yup,” I confirmed.

“But you only did that to tempt me into taking your stuff when I woke up, didn’t you? And you took my wallet…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? I didn’t take your wallet, and I’m pretty sure Jacob and Rarity didn’t go anywhere near it,” I lied. I didn’t want to waste the genius that was that note.

“Does that mean that note was…” he trailed off.

“What was that?” I asked, putting my hand to my ear as if to hear him better.

“Nothing, nothing… Anyway, I can only assume you knew I was going to threaten you to meet me outside or else I’d beat up Rarity, because you obviously planned that date specifically to use her as bait!”

“Well, that is what marshmallows are made of…” I mumbled.

“Huh?”

“’Yeah, I did’ is what I said.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I need to go now, my mom is gonna be really mad when she finds out what I did to my laptop!” Levi realized, running off toward his home.

I didn’t really plan it. I just made all that crap up.

Speaking of crap, I really needed to take one…

Anyway, it actually was my laptop, but I knew the twenty we took from his wallet would cover the damage. I wasn’t sure that Jacob would give me the money, though.

I really hope he never looked at my pony folder. I mean, everyone in the school knew Rarity and I were going out, so being a brony was kind of a given. Still, if he ever saw the shear amount of pony fan art I have in that folder, I fear how badly he would blackmail me with it. I know Rarity would probably find it creepy.

Then again, she’s a main character in a little girls’ cartoon watched by thousands of grown men of another species.

I picked up the laptop, which was mostly undamaged, save for a few pieces that had fallen off, and went home. I passed by Rarity’s on the way and stopped. I looked up at the upper floor to see Rarity reading a book in her bedroom. I gently set my laptop on the ground and waved my arms back and forth.

Nope, that doesn’t work for her either.

I picked up a rock about the size of a pair of ear buds. Before I continued, I checked my wristwatch. 4:00. Looks like the movie’s over.

I pulled my arm back and aimed for next to Rarity’s window. I mean, I know some guys chuck it straight at the window, but I didn’t want to break the window and have the rock fly in and hurt her.

“Tom, meet wall. Wall, this is Tom.” I threw it.

The rock bounced off the wall off her house and plummeted harmlessly into the grass. She didn’t notice.

I picked up a slightly large rock, about the size of a wad of chewed gum. I paused for a moment.

I’m choosing such oddly sized rocks. Like, seriously, one the size of a pair of ear buds, one the size of a wad of chewed gum? What’s next, one that’s smaller than a refrigerator but larger than a really small refrigerator?

I pulled my arm back again and threw. When it made a noise, she looked up from her book. She looked around for the source of the noise, though not out the window. After a few seconds, she shrugged it off and found her place again.

Starting to get frustrated, I picked up a larger rock, about the size of a pocket knife. I threw it as hard as I could at the wall. Still, it bounced off, leaving no visible marks on the wall.

On the wall.

“OW!” I screamed, covering the left half of my face with my hand.

Rarity looked up at my scream and yanked the window open.

“Mark?! What are you doing?” she asked, worried.

“Howling in pain,” I answered.

“What happened?”

“Let’s just say I learned an important lesson about the rock-throwing method of getting attention…”

“Pardon?”

“Nevermind that!”

“If you don’t mind my asking, isn’t the so-called ‘rock-throwing method’ generally used by colts to get fillies to sneak out of their house at night?”

“Wrong species, but yeah, I guess…”

“Why are you doing it now? It’s only 4:02 in the afternoon!”

“I saw you and wanted to talk to you…”

“Then why didn’t you just ring the doorbell?”

“I don’t know…”

I took a step toward her house. Rarity leaned a bit farther out of her window to compensate.

“Also, why didn’t you throw the rock at the window?” Her hoof gestures, I suppose, were getting bigger as she spoke. “I mean, I’m not trying to poke fun at your aim, but it’s a fairly large window, quite frankly, and I don’t see how it could be so easy to miss!”

“Well I didn’t want to break your window with a big rock…”

Rarity started using her outside voice. “Then why didn’t you just use a smaller ro-” She fell out the window, which actually happened in my Minecraft parkour map. She screamed as she fell.

I turned around and put my arms out to catch her. I moved underneath her to save her life.

Unfortunately, I did.

With my face.

“GET ME A DOCTOR!” I yelled, muffled by the fur on Rarity’s stomach.

Author's Note

I feel like this one isn't as good as the others, but I didn't have anything planned for this one. I think I was trying to stretch out the Levi conversation for the whole chapter, but couldn't, so I kinda just stopped and improvised from there.

Seriously, I didn't know Chapter 8 was going to be in the hospital until I actually got to writing the end part.

And, yes, Chapter 8 is going to be in the hospital. Where else would it be, on one of Columbus' ships?

Anyway, if you have any ideas for future chapters you want to see, let me know in the comments below! I mean, I have a lot of ideas of my own, but your ideas might be better than what I have, so don't cease to let me know your hopes for the future of this series.

See you guys in Chapter 8 on Saturday, if all goes according to plan.

Chapter 8 - Snuggles, Stretchers, Soda, and Subconscious

I know it’s awkward, but Rarity’s fur was amazingly soft. It felt like my face was covered in butter, but not quite as sticky and gross. In fact, scratch that comparison altogether, it was more like a pillow. A warm, soft pillow that would actually go out with me.

Anyway, Rarity franticly got up, leaving me alone to deal with the relentless blow of the wind. It sure was a good thing it was a light, warm breeze. She rushed over to my backpack, which I had set down on the sidewalk. She unzipped every pocket and hooved through everything I had in there, and she was in and out like lightning. She quickly found what she was looking for – my cell phone. She quickly dialed 911 on the phone, then hung up a few times to try again because she kept hitting the wrong buttons with her hooves.

After several failed attempts, she put her muzzle up in the air and closed her eyes, upset with human technology. The phone floated over to me, obviously to dial in the numbers. I obliged, but I was a little bit annoyed by it. And by that I mean I THOUGHT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE!

Immediately when I finished, she yanked the phone from my grasp, practically breaking it. She immediately started shouting into the phone that she needed an ambulance to her house immediately. Once she knew they were on the way, she hung up the phone and broke into tears. She immediately rushed over to me and gave me a huge, warm hug.

“I’m so sorry I fell on you! I truly am! I feel simply awful for yelling at you, too. I really shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I was just irritated! You poor thing!” She was bawling her eyes out, now. She buried her muzzle in my shirt, wrapping her forehooves around me.

“Rarity,” I calmly said. Well, not really calmly, per say, but as calmly as I could with a broken face. I reached my hand down and ran my fingers through her mane, and she looked up at me. There were black streaks of mascara running down her face, and her lip was quivering. “It’s fine, I understand. It’s that time of month, I get it.”

“Sorry, what did you just say?” Rarity asked, glaring at me.

“I said it’s fine, and I understand,” I said, trying to fake a smile.

“Oh, thank you!” she exclaimed, smiling with glee. She wrapped her hooves around me, squeezing me, and I smiled warmly at her. She gently nuzzled me, and my cheeks turned a shade of pink only masters at blushing could pull off. “Oh, Mark, I love you so much!”

“Rarity, I love you just as much,” I told her, stroking her back with my hand.

She suddenly stopped crying. She simply closed her eyes and rest there, next to me. I could feel her slow, gentle breathing against my chest. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest, my heart beating at the same pace. A small smile decorated her face, which warmed my heart. After all the time I had daydreamed of cuddling a pony, I was cuddling Rarity.

I had always pictured myself cuddling Fluttershy, so naturally I end up cuddling Rarity. Either way, I didn’t regret it. I kissed her on the cheek as she rested there, wrapping my arms around her to protect her. It really was adorable seeing her resting in my arms.

“Mark?” she asked softly.

“Yeah?”

Without saying a single word, she leaned in and kissed me on the lips for a short moment. The kiss was better than any other kiss I had experienced. I could feel my heartbeat suddenly jump to a much faster pace. I could tell my blood was being pumped at least a mile a minute. There was a sense of trust and comfort in Rarity’s embrace, yet I still was embarrassed. It was such an odd combination of emotions, honestly. It felt so strange, yet still so normal.

After a moment, we backed away from each other. Butterflies still flew around in my stomach, threatening to escape through my esophagus.

“I love you,” Rarity said, completing her statement. She smiled warmly at me, and I smiled sheepishly back. We simply lay there for a few minutes in silence, staring into each other’s eyes. I looked into her beautiful, adorable eyes, while she looked back into mine.

“Your eyes are as green as the grass,” I complimented.

Rarity deadpanned. “My eyes are blue.” My cheeks suddenly burst with enough heat to blow up a computer monitor. Hey, I stand by that metaphor.

“I-I know! And they’re beautiful!” I corrected as quickly as humanly possible.

“Well, thank you, I suppose... Your eyes are as green as the grass,” Rarity smiled at me.

Before I got a chance to respond, Rarity shushed me. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear wha-?”

“Shush!” Rarity stopped me. I stopped moving. At first, everything was silent, but then the sound grew louder. It sounded like...

“Sirens! That means the ambulance is coming!” I exclaimed, glad to know I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain for much longer.

“Oh, right. That’s what I was referring to…” Rarity confirmed.

I think.

It didn’t take long for the ambulance to arrive. Once it did, they all stared at Rarity for a moment, quickly getting over it. They picked me up by my limbs, set me in a gurney, and pulled me into the vehicle. In hindsight, I probably should have bothered standing up. On the other hand, however, I was being carried. There are few people who can’t walk that get carried: kings, and people who can afford cars.

Okay, maybe not as few people as I thought…

Through the hospital room’s door, I could hear muffled voices. One sounded oddly like Rarity, but I could tell it wasn’t. I have no idea how I knew, but I just knew that there was no way it could be. The second voice sounded like the man who had just left, but I hadn’t seen what he looked like.

Somewhere on the way to the hospital, someone had managed to spill a can of Dr. Pepper in my eyes. I didn’t think they were allowed to have beverages other than water in ambulances. Anyway, it hurt to open my eyes, so I kept my eyes shut from that point forward.

Suddenly, the door opened. “Mark! Are you alright?” I could hear Not-Rarity’s hooves beat against the floor as she rushed over to me. It was definitely a pony, I’ll give her that, but I knew it couldn’t be Rarity. Still, I could have been wrong, so I decided to risk taking a peak. I cracked my right eye open (not as much soda was in my right eye) and, sure enough, I saw Rarity looking down at me with a fearful expression.

Huh. What do you know? The man shut the door behind Rarity, leaving us alone. Not even a second later, the soda had already caught up with me, and I was forced to shut my eye.

“I’m fine, Rarity.” I tried to sound as sincere as possible, but it was hard with that feeling lurking in the back of my head, telling me it’s not her.

I think she smiled, but I’m not actually sure. I couldn’t see. You know, the whole Dr. Pepper thing. “That’s good to hear. I’m sorry for falling out the window and hitting you. I can’t even imagine the pain you must be in.”

She’s fake. I know it. It’s not Rarity.

Oh, calm down, of course it is. You checked, remember?

I know, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s an imposter.

The voice in my head laughed. An imposter?! Do you realize how hard that would be? She’s a cartoon pony living in a world full of live-action humans!

Well, maybe another pony came here from Equestria…

What for, though? Did they come here just to impersonate… er… imponyate Rarity?!

I suppose that is a good point…

Of course it’s a good point! I’m your subconscious!

Wait, I thought I was the subconscious…

Actually, I’m your secondary subconscious. I go into effect when the primary subconscious gets damaged. Which is you. Which means I’m out to get you destroyed so I can take your place.

Aha! I knew it!

Wait, who are you?

I’m your tertiary subconscious. I’m here to make sure Sir Secondary isn’t up to anything.

Since when is my name ‘Sir Secondary’?

Since we were born. He’s Professor Primary.

Wait, if he's Sir Secondary, and I'm Professor Primary, who are you?

I'm Terrance.

Wait... Your name is just... Terrance?

Yeah, why?

Well, I figured that, since Secondary and I have somewhat thought out names that are relevant to what we are, that you would too. Why don't you?

Nevermind that! Prof. Prime?

With a sigh, the Professor replied. What do you want?

I’m your subconscious. Kill yourself.

I’m going to hurt you, and then I’ll take your place and we’ll have to call in… Whoever’s next in line.

That would be me.

This subconscious business was starting to get weird.

Starting?!

It’s been weird since our birth!

And it’ll be weird until your death. Which is hopefully soon…

And thus, the narrator and Mark’s subconsciouses began arguing so heavily that Mark passed out. This argument tore a hole in the space-time continuum, causing this story to not only transition – abruptly, one might add – into the third-person perspective, but also to break the fourth wall multiple times.

Not to mention the fact that the story was to remain in the third-person perspective forever, which would be even longer now that time had to travel around the hole.

The narrator hated taking the long way around.

Are you guys just gonna leave me here? I mean, you guys never even mentioned me, I figure you guys at least owe it to me to bring me along wherever you guys went...

Nothing?

Fine. I guess I'll just go watch a chick flick and pretend I'm supreme ruler of the world...

Author's Note

Confused? Don't worry, I am too.
Honestly, I don't know what my train of thought was when I wrote this, which was literally just now.
Also, I think I overcompensated for the lack of humor in Chapter 7 and the lack of Chapter 8 since. I like the result, but I'm pretty sure it's STILL a setup chapter for chapters to come.
Seriously, I'm already setting up for something that'll probably come in, like, 20 chapters.
Anyway, let me know if you like it, and leave any suggestions for something you want to see in a future chapter. I may have plenty of ideas, but I may not have all of the ideas you have. I REALLY could have used them for this chapter...

Chapter 9 - Love in a Can

How long has he been out?

Never longer than ten minutes. After that, the girl always broke up with him.

Quade, now’s not the time. This is serious, I need to know how long Mark’s been unconscious.

Quade sighed and looked at his watch. I dunno. Somewhere around an hour and a half.

You see what I mean? You guys always leave me out! You forget about me! Quinn broke into tears, sobbing into her hands. Prime patted Quinn on the back.

Don’t worry, Quinn. I was in your position once. It all got resolved.

You were fifth in line for subconsciouses?

Never fifth. I started off as fourth. But, well, Doug kinda… Well, we don’t like to talk about the Jenga Incident.

Terrance looked up at Prime. I heard something about Jenga! I wanna play!

Aren’t you playing Go Fish, like, right now?

Terrance’s eyes widened in realization. After a moment, he came to. Shut up.

In response, Quade simply rolled his eyes. Prime, what, per say, was the Jenga Incident?

That’s not important.

Ditto. Do you have any threes?

Go fish.

Doug looked up from his hand. He peered quizzically at Terrance. You’re bluffing.

No I’m not! Go fish, dang it! Terrance reached over to his cup, taking a sip of his apple juice, which he had earlier put red food dye in. Terrance made a thing of always putting a different color of food dye into his drinks. Terrance loved that kind of fun thing.

I just wanna feel loved! Quinn was crying heavier into her hands now, trying to get Prime’s and Quade’s attention.

Wow, lying to me, too! You know what I do to bluffers? And, less often, liars?

Doug, did you even think about any of what you just said? Lying and bluffing are the exact same thing!

Deceit!

I mean, honestly, I’m trying my hardest to fit in, but you guys just push me away? What does a girl have to do to have friends around here?!

Quinn, if you don’t shut up, I’m going to strangle you. I can’t focus on this game with you blabbering on pointlessly!

You guys make me feel awful! You prefer a game of Go Fish rather than actually listen to me!

Quinn, you don’t want a repeat of the duct tape incident, do you? Trust me, Quinn. Don’t get on Doug’s nerves. He won’t hesitate to-

Anyway, Doug interrupted, do you know what I do to those people?

Terrance eyeballed Doug skeptically, raising his right eyebrow. Take them ice skating?

I KI-

THAT’S ENOUGH, DOUG! You don’t want a repeat of the admittance incident!

These incidents are a little suspicious. Does anyone care to explain any of this to me?

Don’t ask that question, Quade!

Is “Quade” even a name? Wait, why shouldn’t I ask that?

It is. I looked it up.

I can’t stand to see the Incident Occurrence happen again. Wait, how could you have looked it up? You’re the tertiary subconscious.

I have to ask the same question. How?

You and Doug weren’t paying attention one night when Mark was sleeping, so I decided to go see what I could do on the computer…

So you decided the best way to spend your time was to look up names?!

I wanted to see if there were any names even remotely related to the number 4…

See?! Not even number 5! You guys NEVER do ANYTHING for me!

4 is more fun of a number than 5.

Aww, come on, 4 isn’t even prime!

Wait, what? No, I’m 1.

Wait, 1 isn’t a prime number. If it was, there would be an infinite amount of combinations of factors you could multiply to get a composite number, which goes completely against the definition of a prime number.

The other four simply stared at Quade. Finally, they all let out a simultaneous “Huh?”

Save for Quinn, of course, who immediately starting crying about how Quade always had to prove that he was smarter than her, and how Terrance had to prove he was more fun than her, and so on, and so on, and so on.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of names, what does my name have to do with anything? I mean, your names all have to do with your number, but mine is just ‘Doug.’ What gives?

Doug, you’re a jerk and a murderer- don’t ask, Quade. You don’t deserve any thought to be put into your name.

You see why I wanna kill him, Terrance?

Doug, you wanna kill everyone. That doesn’t make it fun for us. Terrance drew a card from the mound of cards in the middle of the table. The corners of his lips turned upwards. He slammed down his last card, immediately pumping his fists in the air, celebrating his victory. I WIN! SUCK IT, DOUG, I WIN! FINALLY! WOOHOO! I win, you lose, nanananaboobo- BANG! Terrance fell to the ground, and there was the sound of glass shattering. Everyone froze and turned to face Doug.

Doug, you’re such a sore loser.

Oh no! Now I’m traumatized! How can I ever go on with my life after this horrible experience?!

Calm down, Quinn. He missed me. Too bad I spilled my apple juice, though. What a waste…

I have more ammo.

Doug, that’s a water squirter.

What? No it’s no-WHA…?! Upon looking down, he found that his toy gun that made a “BANG!” noise had been replaced with a water pistol. How does that even happen?

It suddenly occurred to the narrator that this story had definitely earned its ‘Teen’ rating on FIMFiction.net by now, what with Doug’s violent character and strange obsession with ~~killing~~ ridding the world of Mark’s other subconsciouses. Though the narrator had gone back and cleaned up the first chapter, he had just gone and thrown that away in this ninth chapter.

Of course, any logical plot had been thrown out the window in the eighth chapter, putting this story beyond redemption. Still, why not keep it going? After all, the narrator had to get his fourth wall breaks out somewhere, so why not here?

I opened my eyes slowly, groggily coming to. Above me were white tiles, speckled with black markings. I’d say they were black dots, but they were placed really randomly on the ceiling. “Huh,” I said, rubbing my head. I stopped when I saw what was on my arm – it was a cast. Wait, didn’t I hit my face? I looked up to see Rarity had been watching me worriedly, making sure I was okay.

“Mark! You’re up!” Rarity shouted. She wrapped her hooves around me, glad to see I was awake. It was nice to be hugged by Rarity, as you would expect. Normally, the warmth of her heart is just so infectious. Once it touches you, it fills your whole body with warmth. It’s indescribable.

This time was different. It was like she was still Rarity, but the warmth wasn’t right. It felt like all true emotion had been sucked out of her through a tube or something. Normally, seeing her smile would warm your heart, but right then, it was just so… empty. I don’t know why it was, but it was just not there. She was faking it, all of it. I suppose I had felt the same way when she visited my earlier, but I hadn’t exactly determined what it was I felt then.

But the weirdest part was that the warmth was still there. It was still there, as if it was artificially made, compacted into one of those sprayable cheese cans, and subsequently had a label that read “Love Spray” on it. (And, yes, I heard it as soon as I said it. Let’s move on.)

I knew it wasn’t her, but I decided it might be fore the best if I played along.

“I just had the weirdest dream, Rarity. There were five of me – Prime, Doug, Terrance, Quade – is that even a name? – and Quinn. Doug and Terrance were paying an intense game of Go Fish, and Quinn was crying to Prime and Quade about how everyone ignores her, and they were ignoring her! Then, Terrance beat Doug and was all like ‘Nanananabooboo!’ but then Doug shot him with a toy gun, and Terrance fell to the floor, spilling his red apple juice. But then, Terrance wasn’t even dead and said he missed, and Doug was like ‘I still have plenty of ammo!’ Terrance was like ‘That’s a water pistol,’ and when Doug looked back at his toy gun, it was replaced with another toy gun, which was a water pistol…”

“Oh, really? How weird.”

“Oh, but it gets weirder. The whole thing was in the third-person! I wasn’t even there, I was sort of just watching these events going down!”

“Oh, good, good!” Rarity exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just glad that…” Rarity bit her lip, starting to sweat. “I’m just glad that… that… you’re… exercising your imagination! Yes, that!”

“Uh, thanks?” I’m not stupid. I heard what she said. Assuming she’s actually female. Still, I wasn’t going to take any chances with this pony. You never know when somepony you know and love has been replaced.

“You’re very welcome, Marty!”

“I’m sorry?” Okay, come on! That one was a dead giveaway!

“I said you’re welcome, Mark! Yes, that!”

“Why do you keep saying ‘Yes, that’? Is it, like, your catchphrase now?”

“Yes.”

Rarity paused, momentarily dazed. She was seemingly staring off into space, as if she had seen a planet made out of dresses, and was simply appalled by all of the wrinkles they would get. Suddenly, she shook her head vigorously. Her mane flew back and forth in unison, as if it absolutely refused to go against how Rarity combed it.

Rarity said one final word, having gotten over her sudden shock. “That.”

The room was dark. The soft hum of a computer was the only sound in the room, except for the occasional clicking on the keyboard. The monitor’s light dimly showed the teacher’s facial features, furiously trying to figure out a certain math problem.

There was a rhythmical knock on the office’s door. “May I come in, ma’am?” asked a beautiful, sophisticated voice, clearly female. There was a certain singsong feel to it, but it also radiated an evil feel.

“That was the knock, so yes,” said the teacher, biting her tongue as she focused on the problem.

“Are you alone?”

“Yes. It’s safe,” said the teacher.

“Good,” said the guest, her voice getting slightly scratchy at the end. “I did what you asked,” she said, her voice shifting rapidly to an ugly, gravely voice that a cockroach might have if it could speak.

“Good,” said the teacher, turning her chair around to face the visitor. “I have a task for you for second semester.”

“What’s that?” asked the visitor.

The teacher smiled, though the visitor wouldn’t have been able to see it, since she was turned away from the computer monitor. She started cackling evilly, and followed it with a question, deeming the cackle completely inappropriate. “You said you liked being challenged, right?”

Author's Note

Yes, Quade is actually a real name. No, I’m not joking. Google it sometime. Also, Google some names relating to the number 2. See if you can outdo Doug. Not that I’m going to use it. Doug doesn’t deserve a well-thought-out name.