I know it’s awkward, but Rarity’s fur was amazingly soft. It felt like my face was covered in butter, but not quite as sticky and gross. In fact, scratch that comparison altogether, it was more like a pillow. A warm, soft pillow that would actually go out with me.

Anyway, Rarity franticly got up, leaving me alone to deal with the relentless blow of the wind. It sure was a good thing it was a light, warm breeze. She rushed over to my backpack, which I had set down on the sidewalk. She unzipped every pocket and hooved through everything I had in there, and she was in and out like lightning. She quickly found what she was looking for – my cell phone. She quickly dialed 911 on the phone, then hung up a few times to try again because she kept hitting the wrong buttons with her hooves.

After several failed attempts, she put her muzzle up in the air and closed her eyes, upset with human technology. The phone floated over to me, obviously to dial in the numbers. I obliged, but I was a little bit annoyed by it. And by that I mean I THOUGHT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE!

Immediately when I finished, she yanked the phone from my grasp, practically breaking it. She immediately started shouting into the phone that she needed an ambulance to her house immediately. Once she knew they were on the way, she hung up the phone and broke into tears. She immediately rushed over to me and gave me a huge, warm hug.

“I’m so sorry I fell on you! I truly am! I feel simply awful for yelling at you, too. I really shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I was just irritated! You poor thing!” She was bawling her eyes out, now. She buried her muzzle in my shirt, wrapping her forehooves around me.

“Rarity,” I calmly said. Well, not really calmly, per say, but as calmly as I could with a broken face. I reached my hand down and ran my fingers through her mane, and she looked up at me. There were black streaks of mascara running down her face, and her lip was quivering. “It’s fine, I understand. It’s that time of month, I get it.”

“Sorry, what did you just say?” Rarity asked, glaring at me.

“I said it’s fine, and I understand,” I said, trying to fake a smile.

“Oh, thank you!” she exclaimed, smiling with glee. She wrapped her hooves around me, squeezing me, and I smiled warmly at her. She gently nuzzled me, and my cheeks turned a shade of pink only masters at blushing could pull off. “Oh, Mark, I love you so much!”

“Rarity, I love you just as much,” I told her, stroking her back with my hand.

She suddenly stopped crying. She simply closed her eyes and rest there, next to me. I could feel her slow, gentle breathing against my chest. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest, my heart beating at the same pace. A small smile decorated her face, which warmed my heart. After all the time I had daydreamed of cuddling a pony, I was cuddling Rarity.

I had always pictured myself cuddling Fluttershy, so naturally I end up cuddling Rarity. Either way, I didn’t regret it. I kissed her on the cheek as she rested there, wrapping my arms around her to protect her. It really was adorable seeing her resting in my arms.

“Mark?” she asked softly.

“Yeah?”

Without saying a single word, she leaned in and kissed me on the lips for a short moment. The kiss was better than any other kiss I had experienced. I could feel my heartbeat suddenly jump to a much faster pace. I could tell my blood was being pumped at least a mile a minute. There was a sense of trust and comfort in Rarity’s embrace, yet I still was embarrassed. It was such an odd combination of emotions, honestly. It felt so strange, yet still so normal.

After a moment, we backed away from each other. Butterflies still flew around in my stomach, threatening to escape through my esophagus.

“I love you,” Rarity said, completing her statement. She smiled warmly at me, and I smiled sheepishly back. We simply lay there for a few minutes in silence, staring into each other’s eyes. I looked into her beautiful, adorable eyes, while she looked back into mine.

“Your eyes are as green as the grass,” I complimented.

Rarity deadpanned. “My eyes are blue.” My cheeks suddenly burst with enough heat to blow up a computer monitor. Hey, I stand by that metaphor.

“I-I know! And they’re beautiful!” I corrected as quickly as humanly possible.

“Well, thank you, I suppose... Your eyes are as green as the grass,” Rarity smiled at me.

Before I got a chance to respond, Rarity shushed me. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear wha-?”

“Shush!” Rarity stopped me. I stopped moving. At first, everything was silent, but then the sound grew louder. It sounded like...

“Sirens! That means the ambulance is coming!” I exclaimed, glad to know I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain for much longer.

“Oh, right. That’s what I was referring to…” Rarity confirmed.

I think.

It didn’t take long for the ambulance to arrive. Once it did, they all stared at Rarity for a moment, quickly getting over it. They picked me up by my limbs, set me in a gurney, and pulled me into the vehicle. In hindsight, I probably should have bothered standing up. On the other hand, however, I was being carried. There are few people who can’t walk that get carried: kings, and people who can afford cars.

Okay, maybe not as few people as I thought…

Through the hospital room’s door, I could hear muffled voices. One sounded oddly like Rarity, but I could tell it wasn’t. I have no idea how I knew, but I just knew that there was no way it could be. The second voice sounded like the man who had just left, but I hadn’t seen what he looked like.

Somewhere on the way to the hospital, someone had managed to spill a can of Dr. Pepper in my eyes. I didn’t think they were allowed to have beverages other than water in ambulances. Anyway, it hurt to open my eyes, so I kept my eyes shut from that point forward.

Suddenly, the door opened. “Mark! Are you alright?” I could hear Not-Rarity’s hooves beat against the floor as she rushed over to me. It was definitely a pony, I’ll give her that, but I knew it couldn’t be Rarity. Still, I could have been wrong, so I decided to risk taking a peak. I cracked my right eye open (not as much soda was in my right eye) and, sure enough, I saw Rarity looking down at me with a fearful expression.

Huh. What do you know? The man shut the door behind Rarity, leaving us alone. Not even a second later, the soda had already caught up with me, and I was forced to shut my eye.

“I’m fine, Rarity.” I tried to sound as sincere as possible, but it was hard with that feeling lurking in the back of my head, telling me it’s not her.

I think she smiled, but I’m not actually sure. I couldn’t see. You know, the whole Dr. Pepper thing. “That’s good to hear. I’m sorry for falling out the window and hitting you. I can’t even imagine the pain you must be in.”

She’s fake. I know it. It’s not Rarity.

Oh, calm down, of course it is. You checked, remember?

I know, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s an imposter.

The voice in my head laughed. An imposter?! Do you realize how hard that would be? She’s a cartoon pony living in a world full of live-action humans!

Well, maybe another pony came here from Equestria…

What for, though? Did they come here just to impersonate… er… imponyate Rarity?!

I suppose that is a good point…

Of course it’s a good point! I’m your subconscious!

Wait, I thought I was the subconscious…

Actually, I’m your secondary subconscious. I go into effect when the primary subconscious gets damaged. Which is you. Which means I’m out to get you destroyed so I can take your place.

Aha! I knew it!

Wait, who are you?

I’m your tertiary subconscious. I’m here to make sure Sir Secondary isn’t up to anything.

Since when is my name ‘Sir Secondary’?

Since we were born. He’s Professor Primary.

Wait, if he's Sir Secondary, and I'm Professor Primary, who are you?

I'm Terrance.

Wait... Your name is just... Terrance?

Yeah, why?

Well, I figured that, since Secondary and I have somewhat thought out names that are relevant to what we are, that you would too. Why don't you?

Nevermind that! Prof. Prime?

With a sigh, the Professor replied. What do you want?

I’m your subconscious. Kill yourself.

I’m going to hurt you, and then I’ll take your place and we’ll have to call in… Whoever’s next in line.

That would be me.

This subconscious business was starting to get weird.

Starting?!

It’s been weird since our birth!

And it’ll be weird until your death. Which is hopefully soon…

And thus, the narrator and Mark’s subconsciouses began arguing so heavily that Mark passed out. This argument tore a hole in the space-time continuum, causing this story to not only transition – abruptly, one might add – into the third-person perspective, but also to break the fourth wall multiple times.

Not to mention the fact that the story was to remain in the third-person perspective forever, which would be even longer now that time had to travel around the hole.

The narrator hated taking the long way around.

Are you guys just gonna leave me here? I mean, you guys never even mentioned me, I figure you guys at least owe it to me to bring me along wherever you guys went...

Nothing?

Fine. I guess I'll just go watch a chick flick and pretend I'm supreme ruler of the world...

Author's Note

Confused? Don't worry, I am too.
Honestly, I don't know what my train of thought was when I wrote this, which was literally just now.
Also, I think I overcompensated for the lack of humor in Chapter 7 and the lack of Chapter 8 since. I like the result, but I'm pretty sure it's STILL a setup chapter for chapters to come.
Seriously, I'm already setting up for something that'll probably come in, like, 20 chapters.
Anyway, let me know if you like it, and leave any suggestions for something you want to see in a future chapter. I may have plenty of ideas, but I may not have all of the ideas you have. I REALLY could have used them for this chapter...