The Venture Outside Is The Most Difficult Adventure Of All
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The Venture Outside Is The Most Difficult Adventure Of All
Chapter One:
The Venture Outside is the Most Difficult Adventure of All
“I almost didn’t get out of bed to come here today.”
The teenager sat slumped in the too brightly lit room, on the couch sagging with the molding of too many patients, his skin pale and slightly grey under the fluorescent lights. His hair was black and stringy, like it’d been left too long without washing or brushing. He kept it in front of his face and shivered in the air-conditioned room, even though he wore a dark, thick sweatshirt.
“Oh? And tell me, why was that?”
The therapist tapped manicured nails against her clipboard, her strawberry blonde hair pulled up in a cheery ponytail that made the teen cringe to look at. She had a sweet face, but it was empty, like a doll’s.
“I just…couldn’t figure out any reason to get up anymore,” he said quietly, forcing words through a dry throat. He hadn’t even brushed his teeth that morning. Hadn’t eaten. It had taken everything in him to even get dressed in clothes that weren’t whatever he’d slept in. “What’s the use of getting up if nothing works? If everything fails? If…if everything dies? What difference should it make whether or not I die now or fifty years from now?”
“Well, you have to live for your family and friends, Falun. To leave before your time would be selfish, don’t you agree?” The therapist replied airily. Falun sighed.
“I don’t have any friends to miss me. My family would forget me. All living is for me is surviving because…why? I have no reason to survive, Elsie. I have no reason to live,” he replied, a twinge of annoyance entering his tone. “I’m not good at anything, no special talents, nothing I can offer the greater good. I’m just dispensable human. That’s it. That’s not a life.”
Elsie leaned back in her comfortable chair with the arched back for added support that cost upward of (Falun guessed) five hundred dollars, not even half her paycheck. The way she held herself, you’d think that the pens she wrote with had dragon’s blood ink with a unicorn horn finish inlay. It wasn’t a comforting atmosphere, like Falun supposed it should be. The air around him felt stale and he could nearly feel himself crumbling away.
“I hate going outside anymore. There’s just never any use,” he continued, the annoyance gone and the indifference taking its place once more. “It’s difficult.”
“Falun…all life is difficult. It’s the struggles that make it worth living, and the connections we share with others,” Elsie said, simple as stating a fact. It sounded recited. “But we all lose hope sometimes, and that’s okay. It will pass.”
Falun glanced at her; a bubble of some angry emotion rising up suddenly, but just as quickly, it popped and disappeared, leaving more emptiness in its wake.
“And what if we’ve tried everything to find that hope again, but it hasn’t worked? If it’s only sufficed to strive hope farther and farther away from the mind?” He said. “Hell, Elsie, we’ve even tried some questionably legal treatments and it hasn’t worked. I’m so tired. I want to just stop fighting. All my weapons are gone. Nothing works.”
Elsie pursed her glossed lips in thought, staring at the melancholy teen in front of her.
Falun had been in therapy for years. It had started at thirteen, when he tried to hang himself. Rather than being instituted, his parents simply paid the therapist more than normal to treat him the best she could. It looked far worse to have a son in a crazy house than to have a son in therapy because he’s “prone to depressed whimsy”. So here he was. Through fourteen, when he took so much of his medication that they almost didn’t pump his stomach in time and after which he’d starved himself in fear of having the hospital experience again. Through fifteen and sixteen, during which he’d kept tally of the passing days on his arms, legs, hips, and stomach, nearly dying from blood loss thrice. Through to seventeen, the present age, where he’d been diagnosed with whatever worked, taken medication meant for someone twice his size, forced through hypnosis and meditation and chakra cleansings, and had a monk chant over him for hours. It didn’t matter what they tried. Falun didn’t know the problem; Elsie didn’t know the problem. No one knew why he was so hopeless and depressed, therefore they had no idea how to treat it.
A week ago, Falun had quit smoking the medical marijuana and marginal bits of prescribed opium Elsie had given him. It wasn’t working except to pull him further into his mind, into the void that simply sucked like a black hole everything in around it.
Elsie sometimes thought that even the edges and air around him seemed darker, like he was pulling in the light itself and refusing to let it out.
“Falun,” she began, chewing her lip nervously. The teen in question watched her fidget with a blank expression. “If you’re willing, there’s one last thing we can try. It’s very, very new, and there are still a few kinks to work out, so you’d partially be a test subject.”
“I think…at this point…if it seems like it might work, then I figure that it’s worth a try,” he replied half-heartedly. “I don’t think it’ll make much of a difference, in any case. But, why not. I haven’t anything to lose.”
Elsie set her clipboard on her immaculately ordered desk and stood with the grace of a dancer she never was. She waited for Falun to drag himself into standing (all the skin and bones of him), then led him out of her office and into a very dimly lit room with only a large, soft looking recliner, what looked like a helmet attached to the ceiling, and a set of small monitors that sat blank-screened.
“Please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” the therapist said kindly, her smile candy-like. Falun took a cautious seat in the recliner, messing with the controls until he felt at ease in the position. Elsie came over and pulled down the helmet, settling the top against the top of his head and pulling the strip-like visor down over his eyes. He could barely make out her form through the dark grey glass. He heard the monitors flicker to life and saw dim green squares light up.
“Now, I know this seems sketchy and slightly frightening, but I promise that it’s not,” Elsie said, her voice soothing like how it had been when she’d tried to hypnotize him that one time (or three). “It’s called virtual reality therapy, or VRT. Simply put, we program in your symptoms, it reads your brainwaves, taps into your subconscious, and then provides the patient with a lifelike experience tailored specifically for mental rehabilitation.”
He heard a few clicks and clacks as he guessed she was putting in his symptoms.
Suddenly, the glass in front of his eyes flared to life, a dim white that had him blinking from the suddenness. He felt the helmet come down around his ears and was instantly sense-deprived. His body tensed up, and a female voice that wasn’t Elsie’s spoke.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” it said calmly. “Virtual reality will rehabilitate your mind and eventually, your body. You’ll be alright, I promise. Just concentrate.”
Falun relaxed slightly, feeling dubious. A black music note showed up on the screen in front of him, and the female voice continued.
“Or, try some music,” it offered softly. “Simply use your mind and press the black musical note you see in front of you. Concentrate, relax, and let the healing begin. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Falun took a deep breath that rattled in his lungs and made him cough slightly. The icon pulsed gently in front of his vision, waiting patiently. He stared at it for a moment, wondering how he was supposed to press it with only his mind.
“Concentrate. Don’t overthink it. Just relax. You’ll be alright, I promise,” the voice murmured, and Falun blinked slowly, less worried than he should have been about the fact that when he did so, the screen didn’t blink out of view as well. “I promise. Virtual reality will rehabilitate your mind and eventually, your body. Try some music.”
After a few unsuccessful attempts, Falun finally figured out how to make it work, and tapped the icon, which glowed, then bloomed into a circle of differently colored music note icons, each one with unreadable words beside it. They floated softly, beckoning him with their choice. Falun felt himself relax further, his breathing slowing down and his heart thudding comfortingly. Which to pick? They all seemed wonderful, he thought blearily.
Trying not to overthink it, like the voice had instructed, he tapped a little blue one. It made a pleased little chirp no louder than a mouse squeaking and arced to the middle as the rest filed off screen. A quiet, relaxing, trance-y song began to play, and the female voice came once more.
“Excellent choice. You’ve chosen the music of Loyalty and Adventure. Now, please relax and remember-there’s nothing to be afraid of. Let your mind go and allow the sensations you feel to come without resistance. You are healing. You are safe. You have nothing to be afraid of. You’ll be alright, I promise. We will begin on the count of five, and with each number you shall fall deeper and deeper until you are so deep within your virtual reality that nothing except your healing will matter. Let’s begin.”
Falun took a deep breath that was easier this time, feeling lazy. The music floated about in his brain like rain falling upside down and sideways.
“One. You are entering the first phase of your virtual reality. Your breathing is slowing down and your heartbeat is calm, like you are asleep.”
Pause. Falun waited with patience, like he had during hypnosis, except he felt this actually somewhat working. He felt too lazy to be surprised or happy about this.
“Two. You are entering the second phase of your virtual reality. Your body is heavy and tired. It needs to heal, therefore it is now running on automatic, like a finely tuned machine. You couldn’t move a muscle if you tried, even though, if you really wanted to, you could.”
His arms and legs felt like they were falling through the chair, but he held no fear of the plummet. It was more of a slow and gentle fall through nothing and nothing and nothing. He hoped that death would be like this, when he died.
“Three. You are entering the third phase of your virtual reality. Your senses are no longer operating on the mundane plane of reality, but in the reality of what your subconscious mind will create. They will refuse response from outside stimuli. They are not hallucinations, but the world in your mind, created by you, for you, to help you. To heal you.”
He didn’t know if his eyes were closed or not; he couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter, though, because open or closed he could still see the screen and its calmly pulsing blue music note. All he could hear was the music and the lovely voice.
“Four. You are entering the fourth phase of your virtual reality. Your mind is now detached from your body and operating on its own. Your body is safe. You’ll be alright, I promise. Do not struggle. Do not fight. Simply allow your inner mind to take control. Relax. Just concentrate. Preparing for virtual reality sequence.”
Falun’s mind grew blank, filled with only music and that one little note.
“Five. You are entering the fifth and final phase of your virtual reality. Preparing data sequences, preparing code, uploading backgrounds, and—“
There was a small click and suddenly Falun was blinking against much too bright sunlight in confusion. His legs and arms felt cramped up underneath his body awkwardly, and he couldn’t feel his hands. Dazed, he neglected to realize the extra appendages on his body.
“You are now operating within your virtual reality. Therapy sequence has begun. You’ll be alright, I promise. There is nothing to be afraid of. Begin therapy now.”
Falun looked up, seeing nothing but blue sky through green trees. Where did the music and the icons go? Where was he? What was going on? And more importantly…
He gasped, a deep lungful of breath that got him coughing hard. Smoking that “prescription” opium certainly hadn’t done him any favors. He felt something pull back against his head, and reached up to touch it and figure out what it was.
He nearly stopped breathing, staring at the…the thing that he held before him.
He wasn’t even really holding anything really; it was simply that his hand, which was supposed to be there, was now the strangest looking hoof he’d ever seen, which was not supposed to be there. It was very rounded, and soft save for a ring about the very bottom which was hard like a regular horse’s hoof. It was covered in a fine, plush fur that was a pale lavender-grey. He pulled his other hand out from underneath him to find the same thing, except a mirror image. Almost rolling onto his back in haste he kicked his legs out from underneath himself as well, gazing in shock as he was met with two more hooves. He felt the things against his head again and reached up hesitantly to see what he could feel.
Ears. Of course they were ears. Rounded and large and covered in that same fur. The hooves were surprisingly sensitive on the soft parts, like fingertips, and Falun found that he could close them in half long ways in a mock imitation of a gripping hand. He felt himself begin to hyperventilate. Using the strange hooves, he felt at his face, feeling a small muzzle and much too large eyes. His neck was too long, and when he turned, he was met with more strangeness as two wings stuck out awkwardly and a thick tail lay heavily on the ground. His…mane (he had a hard time even thinking it) was longer than his real hair, with a f…forelock? He thought that was the right word; with his forelock swept delicately to one side. His mane and tail were both jet black.
He whipped his head around frantically, not trusting himself to stand up on limbs he wasn’t used to, his breathing fast. He had to get out of here, he just had to. This wasn’t real. It was something his mind concocted, it wasn’t real, he had to go back, he had to get back to the real world, he…
“E-end transmission,” he tried, shakily, his voice coming out weak and scared. He could feel the feathers on his wings trembling. Nothing happened. “Stop, quit, end VRT, please, I want to go back, I want to wake up!”
“Excuse me, are you lost?”
Falun spun around, shoving himself to his feet and propelling himself over too far, stumbling on unused legs and falling over, scrabbling to find some sort of purchase that would allow him to run, if needed.
A strange animal was looking at him with a tipped head and intelligent eyes. It…Falun squinted, trying to discern what it was that he was really seeing. It looked like how he supposed he looked, vaguely equine and very plush, with soft lines that were almost cartoony in nature. Instead of wings, though, it had a small spiraled unicorn horn. It was a bright lilac color, with a straight cut royal blue mane and tail striped with dark purple and magenta.
He stared at the odd unicorn with wide eyes, words quailing in his throat.
The unicorn looked at him, confused.
“Are…you okay?” The voice was feminine, and cheerful, with a hint of skepticism that Falun knew all too well. He swallowed and shook his head, a strange sensation.
“Wh…Where am I? What am I? What are you? What’s going on?” He puffed out, struggling to keep his voice from going too high and cracking out of fear and nerves. The unicorn tossed her mane importantly.
“I’m a unicorn, but of course, you can see that,” she said, giving him a strange look. “And…obviously you’re a pegasus, otherwise you wouldn’t have any wings. You’re in Equestria, in Ponyville, to be exact. Well, to be even more exact, you’re in the Everfree Forest, but that might be getting a bit too specific. What’s wrong?”
Falun curled in on himself, not knowing how to make his wings close and not wanting to have strange, malleable hooves and feeling a large sense of dread that he would never get back to the real world.
“I…I don’t know if you’d even know what I was talking about, if I tried to explain,” he replied, feeling sick to his stomach. He laid his head on the ground and wished it would open up. The purple unicorn walked slowly over to him and leaned down so that they were almost nose to nose.
“That’s okay, I’m a scholar,” she said. “I read a lot of crazy things every day. I’ll bet yours isn’t any different. Why don’t you come back to the library with me and I’ll see what I can do, okay?”
Falun blinked, feeling the emptiness creep back into him as he struggled to find something other than straight fear and doubt to feel. She was a unicorn, which meant she had magic, right? And what the mind believes, the body follows. Therefore, if he could convince himself that she could take him back, then she, in theory, would. He slowly got to his feet, shaking and stumbling clumsily as he tried to get used to the new sensation.
The unicorn watched him with another funny look on her face, like she found it odd that he couldn’t get his bearings. He didn’t care. His tail felt heavy and weak, his back muscles twitching as they struggled to naturally hold it in the air. His wings finally worked, and he folded them tightly against his body. He took a few cautious steps, his balance thrown out of wack with the rest of his skeletal structure.
It took him a few minutes, but eventually he was stable enough to trail after the unicorn, his eyes either on her tail or on the ground in front of him. She led him out of the forest without conversation, seemingly content with comfortable silence. Once they had passed the tree line, they came across a town. It was like any other town Falun had seen before; it had houses and streets and vendors and shops. But it was also very unlike any town Falun had ever even dreamed of, with more soft lines and more of the strange equines. He noticed that each one had a different picture on their flank, except for the very small ones (which were even more bulbous-like and cartoon looking), even the unicorn leading him had one on each flank. It was a large magenta colored six pointed star with small white stars in the spaces between the points. The strange horses were staring and whispering, making Falun hang his head self-consciously. Somehow, he felt that those pictures were something he should have as well.
The unicorn stopped in front of a large tree that had been turned into a house, or in this case, a live-in library. Her horn lit up a soft purple and the door was engulfed in the same color, opening on its own. She trotted inside and Falun followed slowly, feeling slightly better now that he was out of the prying eyes of others. He stayed near the door, though, wary.
“So, how about we start with your name? I’m Twilight Sparkle,” the unicorn chirped, using her magic to take off her saddlebags and set them down neatly.
“Falun,” he replied softly. “What are those pictures on your sides? How come I don’t have them? What…what am I? I don’t understand what’s going on.”
Twilight Sparkle settled herself down on a floor pillow, tucking her legs underneath her and flipping her tail around to her side.
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, I’ll get Spike to make us something to drink, and I’ll answer any question you have,” she suggested, pulling up another floor pillow. Falun picked his way over before sitting on it, still unsure about his body and how it operated. “Spike!”
Small footsteps pattered down the wooden steps that spiraled upward out of the library, and Falun felt his ears flatten even closer to his head. A very small lizard-like reptile appeared, rotund and baby-faced, with purple scales and round green spikes.
“Oh, I didn’t know we had guests, Twilight,” it said, its voice boyish and slightly scratchy. It held an arrogance Falun was also familiar with, and his indifference toward the lizard went south a few points.
“This is Falun. Falun, this is Spike, he’s my assistant,” Twilight said proudly, Spike puffing out his chest importantly. “Spike, would you make us something to drink? Falun’s…not having the best day, I can surmise.”
Spike nodded and bustled out of the room happily. Falun gazed after him with a look of pity. Assistant equaled servant, in his mind. He’d seen it all too often with his mother and her work assistants. Overworked and underpaid. Underappreciated. It made Falun sick to see it happen, the imbalanced exchange of help and respect.
“Falun, I hope you don’t mind my asking,” Twilight began. “But I can’t help noticing that you seem kind of…uncomfortable here. Are you from somewhere else that isn’t Equestria?”
Falun sighed. She wasn’t going to believe anything he said. It was, he supposed, worth a shot though.
“I’m…I’m not. I’m not even…a whatever I am, a pegasus. I’m from…” He struggled to figure out how best to put it. Virtual or not, hearing that you were simply a figment of someone’s lost imagination wasn’t ever easy. “This…this is all in my head.”
Twilight tilted her head.
“What do you mean? Like, a lucid dream?” She asked, confused. Falun shook his head.
“No, like a mental reality. Something created by me. It’s…part of a therapeutic treatment. Right now my real body is laying in a chair as still as death while my mind is…here,” he tried to explain. He hated how real this all felt, like it was taunting him with the idea that it wasn’t just a virtual thought.
Twilight laughed. Falun looked at her like she was crazy.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, it’s just that, there’s no way we could be your imagination, or even made up by someone else! We’re real as day,” she said.
“I told you you wouldn’t believe me,” he mumbled, and just then Spike came in carrying a tray with two cups on it full of dark liquid. Twilight lifted them and set one down in front of Falun, sipping from the other.
“It’s…not that I don’t believe you, it’s just that I guess I’m not really sure what the whole story is,” she said, and Falun sniffed the liquid cautiously. “It’s just tea, don’t worry. I don’t have any reason to harm you.”
He leaned down and sipped it carefully, not trusting his hoof things to work well at the moment with something as breakable as a glass cup. It was rich and flavorful, bitter and slightly sweet. It felt good on his empty stomach, which hadn’t seen food in a few days.
“Well, it…I was in therapy for depression,” he explained. “My therapist, Elsie, decided to try something new they had, called VRT, or Virtual Reality Therapy. I sat down in a chair, she put a helmet on my head and a screen in front of my face. She punched in my symptoms and told me that the system took my own mind and used it to rehabilitate the rest of me. So this is what my mind came up with to best treat my ailments, I guess. I don’t know what I am, I don’t know how I thought of this, and I don’t know how to get back to my world, the real world. I don’t…I don’t know how to get back to my real body.”
As he said it aloud, it hit him fully for the first time. He slouched, laying his head down. Spike and Twilight Sparkle were looking at him with pity and he hated it. He closed his eyes and exhaled.
“I’m never going back, am I?” He mumbled. “Maybe I finally died and this is where everyone goes when they die.”
“You’re far from dead, Falun,” Twilight said. “Besides, if this is all just a therapy procedure, then logically, the only way to go back is to be cured. You were sent here to be healed, so I guess it’s up to us to rehabilitate you.”
Falun blinked his eyes open and stared at her skeptically. Her expression was soft.
“Don’t worry. I know it can help you, if you let it,” she said comfortingly. “The magic of friendship helped me, and I was pretty much deemed a lost cause. We’ll all work together to help you feel better, I promise. Spike, take a letter, the Princess will want to hear about this.”
As Spike ran to go get letter writing supplies, Falun sat back up.
“The Princess? There’s a princess?” He asked. Twilight nodded.
“A few of them, actually. The one I’m writing to is my teacher, Princess Celestia,” she explained. Spike came back, a quill poised above a blank scroll. “Great, Spike! Okay. Dear Princess Celestia. You may already know about this, but a new arrival made their way into Ponyville today. His name is Falun and he was sent here from…let’s go with a different world, that seems like it’s accurate enough. He was sent here to be helped by the magic of friendship. With your blessing, the other ponies and I shall begin the treatment at once. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
With a few late scribbles, Spike rolled up the scroll and sealed it before burning it with a small pouf of bright green flame. Falun felt nervous, suddenly. What if the virtual reality princess didn’t want him here? Then how would he get back? He shook his head, trying to rid himself of such ridiculous thoughts. Why did he even care? He was wasting away in the real world and now he got to waste away here in this mental world that was too candy colored and hurt his head.
“Twilight Sparkle,” he began, and was interrupted.
“Just call me Twilight! It’s what my friends call me,” the purple unicorn said cheerfully, taking another drink of her tea. Falun cleared his throat.
“Twilight,” he tried again. “I don’t think I can be rehabilitated through this method. Friendship doesn’t seem like a valid therapeutic process to me.”
Twilight waved her hoof about dismissively as Spike settled down next to her.
“You’d be surprised. Friendship can work wonders, but you have to accept it,” she replied. “Why don’t we go see my friend Rainbow Dash? She definitely knows what it means to be a good friend, especially in the loyalty department.”
Loyalty. That struck a bell in Falun, but he was blanking on what exactly it was he wanted to remember. It seemed like it was important. He stood slowly, wobbling a bit before steadying himself.
“That sounds…alright, I guess,” he said quietly. Twilight bounced up instantly, upsetting Spike’s seat and her teacup, both of which she righted with her magic and an apologetic blush.
“Come on, she lives on the other side of town, hopefully we’ll catch her at home,” she said, leading the awkward pegasus out of the library and back into the streets full of staring, whispering ponies. “She’s almost always out doing something crazy or sporty or fun. She’s very active.”
Falun trailed after her, not listening at all as he tried to work some ease into moving his unfamiliar limbs. His tail was still dragging slightly, his muscles getting sore from trying to hold it up, and having wings felt odd. He wasn’t going to try to see if he could fly anytime soon, for sure.
They reached a shadowy spot on the ground, Twilight finally ceasing her chatter as she looked up. Falun followed her gaze, his eyes widening slightly at the sight.
“Rainbow Dash! Are you up there? I need your help!” She called out. The cloud house was huge, floating lazily and puffily up above them a good ten feet or more. It had towers and cloud flags and windows. Falun had heard of finding pictures within clouds, but never building houses out of them.
An equine head popped over the side of the cloud platform, large ruby eyes blinking down at them underneath a shock of rainbow colored hair. The pony was a light blue and had a curious look on her face.
“Hey, Twilight. What’s up?” She asked, and with a flapping sound she hopped over the edge and dived down to them, banking just in time to rest her hooves neatly and safely on the ground. There was a picture on her flank as well, a small cloud with a tri-colored lightning bolt coming out of it. Once again, Falun felt self-conscious about his lack of a picture, and extended his wings awkwardly to try and hide it.
She leaned forward, getting up in his face and narrowing her eyes.
“And who’s this?” She sneered, causing Falun to shrink back away from her. It was like the time back in eighth grade, before he grew those last five inches. One of the biggest girls in his grade had dragged him into the girls’ locker room, and she and her friends had given him a “makeover”, then tied him up to the flagpole outside. He’d been called The Fagpole for months after that. In fact, he wasn’t sure if anybody’d ever stopped calling him that. At some point, he’d just tuned them out. He prayed that sort of thing wouldn’t happen here, of all places.
“This is Falun. The…the Princess sent him here for rehabilitation because he’s having some difficulty with his life right now,” Twilight explained, only half lying. Falun supposed it was better than having to explain the whole story over again to a pony who looked like she was more jock than bookworm. “Because friendship worked for me, Princess Celestia thought it’d be a suitable treatment for him as well.”
Rainbow Dash pulled away, straightening up and puffing out her chest.
“And why’re you coming to me, then?” She replied, unconvinced. Twilight smiled.
“Because he doesn’t understand friendship, and the foremost quality of a good friend is loyalty, which is what you do best,” she said. Rainbow Dash nearly glowed with tangible pride.
“Well, yeah, I mean, it is my element and everything,” she bragged, the boasting lost on Falun because he hadn’t a clue what she meant by element. “Yeah, I’ll help him. He seems kinda scaredy though. And look at him! He looks like he doesn’t even know how to work his wings!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight scolded. “That’s not nice to say! How do you know that he can?”
Falun felt like laying on the ground and covering himself up with said wings. It wasn’t his fault, was it? Maybe he should know how to work the stupid things…they were on his body, anyway. Now he felt stupid on top of depressed. Rainbow scrutinized him, walking forward before suddenly flipping one of his wings up with hers. He snatched it away involuntarily, the wing sticking up awkwardly as he tried to figure out how to put it back down again. The blue pegasus’ eyes blinked and she stepped back.
“Twilight, he doesn’t have a cutie mark…” she said, her voice sounding sad. Twilight furrowed her brow, concerned, and trotted over next to Falun, who was wishing with all his might that they’d go away. She gasped and turned to stare at him.
“Falun…you asked me earlier about that, didn’t you?” She said, and he nodded ashamedly. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I thought you knew…you don’t know what a cutie mark is?”
“I’ve only been here…for…fifteen minutes? At most? I’ve never held this form in my life,” Falun replied, trying to keep his tone from becoming sarcastic. “Of course I don’t, but at the same time, of course I don’t have one. I’m just a freak.”
“Falun, you aren’t a freak, it’s okay to be blank, but…” Twilight trailed off, chewing her lip nervously.
“Usually it’s just the foals who have blank flanks,” Rainbow cut in. “Cutie marks show up when you find your special talent. Like mine, which is a sonic rainboom. My special talent is flying. You think you’d have figured it out by now.”
Falun rolled his eyes.
“That’s nice. Now I’m out of my mind and I’m a talentless fuck. This day couldn’t get any better,” he muttered angrily. The two mares looked at him sympathetically.
“You’ll find it, Falun. There’s still time. There’s always time. Everyone has a special talent,” Twilight said. Falun glanced at her disbelievingly. “Really, they do. It’ll show up one day and all of a sudden, you’ll know exactly what it is. You can’t force it or rush it. You don’t expect it. But I promise, it will happen.”
Falun shrugged the best he could, almost falling over from the action as it threw his weight forward.
Rainbow Dash puffed herself back up, looking determined.
“Well, in any case, we gotta get you all up to speed, buddy,” she said authoritatively. “First things first, we gotta get those wings workin’.”
Falun just blinked.
“What’s the point?” He asked. “I’ll be just as clumsy up there as I am down here. I’ll be just as depressed. There’s no point in learning something that I’ll fail at, or have no use for. I’ll go back to where I came from and not have to remember a damn thing about flying, because I won’t need my wings. It’s hard enough trying to walk.”
Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes and stamped a hoof.
“Twilight, you can go now. Let me show this foal how it’s done,” she said. “Friends don’t let other friends just give up like wusses.”
Twilight gave Rainbow a slightly worried look, but turned and left the two alone in the middle of the path. Falun felt very vulnerable all of a sudden, trying to curl in upon himself.
Rainbow Dash saw him and stepped forward, snapping his head up, his back straight, and his wings out, having none of his defensive actions. She looked him over completely, assessing to his increasing discomfort.
“Well, from what I can tell, you’ve definitely never flown before, which I can’t even really understand, cuz you’re a pegasus and all,” she said finally, stopping in front of him. “Most pegasi learn to fly before they can even walk.”
“I’m not from around here,” Falun replied tiredly. “The wings are completely new to me.”
Rainbow Dash sighed at this.
“Then it’s better late than never, right? Okay, let’s get this show pony rollin’!”
. . .
Falun was exhausted. Rainbow Dash (though he figured she had good intentions) was definitely one helluva coach. She had been absolutely relentless, pushing him and pushing him until he could barely pick up his wings. His muscles couldn’t take much, as they’d never been used before since the whole equine body was new to him, and they felt like they’d melted over the course of his time with the blue pegasus.
He’d been pushed through sports before, when he was in middle school. His father thought that football would do him some good as a “man” and therefore he’d had no choice but to try out. Because his parents were the richer part of town, of course he’d gotten on the team, but that didn’t mean the coach was any easier on him. He was skinny and small and frail. He couldn’t run fast and he couldn’t handle a tackle. The coach had picked on him the most, pushing him to do things that he couldn’t, then making fun of him for it later. He’d been bullied and beaten up in the locker rooms, and finally by the time he was in high school, his father agreed to let him quit.
When he’d started out with Rainbow Dash, he had expected nothing different. Insults and put-downs, angry yelling and maybe some physical abuse that was meant to “toughen him up”. But while she was definitely good at yelling and not shy about moving his leg or wing into the correct place, she didn’t once insult him worse than what she’d maybe say to a six year old. She also cheered him on when he’d done something correct or even done his best at it, which was completely new to him.
No one had ever encouraged him before, unless it was to kill himself. He didn’t know what to do with it.
Rainbow Dash had walked him back to the library, which he’d learned doubled as Twilight’s house. They were halfway there, going through the marketplace when it happened.
“Look, that colt’s got a blank flank!”
Falun knew immediately that he’d been singled out, his head dropping and his ears falling back against his head. Rainbow whipped around, snorting slightly.
“Look at how old he is! How sad, he doesn’t have a special talent.”
“It’s pathetic. Makes you wonder what kind of pony doesn’t have a special talent.”
“Shameful.”
“Pitiable.”
Falun sighed, his tail drooping to lay heavy against the ground and he trudged forward slowly, falling behind Rainbow Dash. She stopped suddenly, her eyes flashing as the laughter and whispers and insults grew around them, and Falun almost ran into her, stumbling slightly as he came to an abrupt stop.
“Okay, who here thinks it’s okay to make fun of this colt, huh?” She shouted angrily, her voice raspy as it rose in volume. “Come on, you were so bucking brave before, put your best hoof forward and face me!”
“What are you doing with that kind of pony, Dash? He’s got something wrong with him.” A mint colored pony strolled forward with a haughty look on her face. “Only ponies with something wrong in the head don’t have cutie marks at that age.”
Falun cowered behind Rainbow Dash, hoping that she wouldn’t turn around and start picking on him too. He’d had it happen more times than he could count. So-called friends of his didn’t want to seem uncool when seen with him, so in public they’d join the people on the other side. After so many times of this he’d grown tired and fearful of it, so he stopped making friends and stopped trusting other people.
Rainbow Dash was fast and she was strong. He wouldn’t have a chance in hell against her, if she turned. With a sinking feeling, he realized that he really didn’t care if she did or not. Maybe she’d just been getting his hopes up so it’d be that much more hilarious to watch him break. It’d happened before, why not now, why not here? Why should his mind be any different? He closed his eyes and went blank out of reflex, waiting for the blow to fall.
“Only ponies with something wrong in their head make fun of others,” Rainbow Dash bit out. “So, clearly, you’re the one who’s bucked up, Lyra. There’s a reason I don’t hang out with you anymore.”
Falun opened his eyes, surprise flooding through his body. She…
“If anyone else has anything to say, they better do it now,” she shouted defiantly. Lyra, the mint pony, gave her a look of disdain. Rainbow narrowed her eyes at her. “That includes you. Don’t think I won’t return the favor.”
She was standing up for him.
Why?
“Come on, Falun, let’s get back to Twilight’s, I’m sure the Princess,” she emphasized the word importantly so the other ponies could hear, “wants to talk to you personally.”
The crowds hushed as Rainbow Dash led Falun past shocked ponies. Falun was feeling a certain amount of shock himself at what had just transpired as well as a good dose of awe.
They walked in silence, the library looming ahead like a beacon of safety. Falun stopped at the door, causing Rainbow Dash to pause as she went to go inside.
“Falun? What’s up? You still bugged by what those lamers said in town?” She asked. “You don’t have to worry about them, I got it totally covered, dude, I—“
“Why did you stand up for me? You don’t even know me,” Falun interrupted. Rainbow stopped and blinked, ruffling her feathers almost awkwardly.
“Well, you’re my friend, dude. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other. I barely knew Twilight for a day before we’d already saved each other’s flanks from Nightmare Moon,” she replied. “So don’t sweat it. True friends stand up for their friends.”
With that, she walked inside, leaving the door open for Falun to follow. He stepped over the threshold, mulling that over. Was she his friend? Did he consider her his friend? He wasn’t sure, and he was very cautious still about it all.
Twilight was reading quietly, looking up and smiling as she watched them walk in.
“How’d the lesson go? You ready to fly yet, Falun?” She asked good naturedly. Falun sat down before giving her an awkward shrug.
“Rainbow Dash is a good teacher,” he replied. The blue pegasus in question glowed with pride, and Twilight closed her book.
“She is the best flyer in Ponyville!” She said cheerily. “Now, I have a reply from the Princess, if you’d like to read it.”
Falun hesitated, unsure. Did he want to read it? What if it said that she didn’t want him here? What if it was her simply disregarding why he was here and asking him to just deal with it? Twilight didn’t sound particularly distressed…
“Okay,” he said softly. Twilight levitated the parchment over to him, the open scroll settling gently at his hooves that he was still getting used to seeing. He scanned the fancy penmanship.
Dear Twilight Sparkle (and Falun),
Thank you for alerting me to this pony’s arrival. I am terrible sorry to hear about his condition and I hope that you and the other elements can help him the way they helped you, Twilight. If you need help with anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I wish you and your new friend, Falun, the very best of luck in your endeavors.
Your teacher,
Princess Celestia.
Falun gave a tiny sigh. Well, it wasn’t an expulsion letter banning him from the land, which he concluded was a good thing, if at its very least.
“So…I’m stuck here, then, until I learn…friendship?” He asked uncertainly. Twilight nodded.
“It seems so! If this really is a part of a therapy program, then you aren’t getting out without being cured,” she replied, causing Rainbow Dash to look at her in confusion. “So until then, we’ll try and make you as comfortable as possible. But, for ease of communication, maybe we should get the girls together and really explain why you’re here.”
“That’d be great,” Rainbow Dash said, relieved. “This talk is all too over my head. I’d love to know what’s really going on.”
Falun remained wordless, the feeling of indifference pulling him inward again. Great. Now everyone would know how fucked up and terribly broken he was. Could he kill himself in his own mind? Would it affect his body? He wanted to try it, if just to see what would happen.
Twilight beamed.
“Perfect! I’ll call them here and we’ll get started.”
Author's Note
Holy shit, ponies, this is going to be long. This chapter was eleven pages. And it was brutal. The words spoken by the VT system are also part of the song "Lord of Trance" by DJ Tiesto, which was the main inspiration for this fic, and I claim no right to it. I hope you guys enjoy this and I'll update as soon as I can. ALSO I'm working on the third chapter to As The Rush Comes. So, prepare for that.
Enjoy~