What's In A Name?by Der LampmanChaptersPrologue - To Ponyville!A New HopeDue ProcessPatient ZeroLullDoctor LoveLonely HeartsThe BluesPrologue - To Ponyville!The Pegasi of Cloudsdale had certainly lived up to their promise. Canterlot had perfectly beautiful weather – not perfectly cloudless, but the clouds were only thick enough to provide ample comfort against the heat of the midday sun. Ponies were all enjoying the wonderful day. Except one, a downhearted blue unicorn with a blue and white mane inside an office. “Why can’t I work here?” Minuette asked the pony in front of her, who had just turned down her application. “You see, Miss... Minuette, we are looking for dentists here in Canterlot Dental Services. And your name, not to mention your cutie mark, do not seem fit for a dentist,” replied the brown unicorn stallion, with a large amount of snobbishness in his voice. “But –“ “No buts, miss. We simply cannot accept somepony who doesn’t have dentistry as their life’s calling.” The unicorn pointed to the door with a hoof and turned around in his chair, leaving a dejected Minuette to walk out on her own. The beautiful day outside did nothing to lift up her spirits. It was the third dental practice to reject her since she arrived in Canterlot, and several others had rejected her in various cities like Trottingham and Manehattan. All of them had the same reason – both her name and cutie mark did not signify talent in dentistry. It made her think – “so what if my mark is an hourglass? Does that mean that once we get our mark we’re not allowed to marks in other fields?” “I don’t know, miss, but you really should get inside, you’re blocking the door.” Somehow Minuette had managed to end up at Pony Joe’s donut shop while lost in her thoughts, and somehow she managed to say those thoughts out loud.. Deciding that having a donut or two couldn’t possibly worsen her day, she stepped inside. The place was mostly empty, so she took a seat by the counter and asked for a mug of hot chocolate and a donut. “So, miss, what’s on your mind?” asked the stallion after putting down a steaming mug of chocolate and a plate with a simple honey glazed donut on it. “Ah, it’s nothing much. Wouldn’t want to trouble you, really. Mmm. This donut is tasty,” came the answer, and a donut with a good third of its volume gone was placed on the plate. “I can see why this food for the everyday pony made it in Canterlot. You know, with all the uppity ponies out here.” “Thanks. Been a rough time here, but my donuts are selling, so I’m happy doing business here anyway. Even if Canterlot does have a... say, discerning taste. So, what’s up? And don't worry, there aren’t any other ponies in right now, so believe me, telling me is better than me simply sitting here doing nothing. Besides, you lose nothing anyway.” “But –“ “It’s perfectly fine, miss – what IS your name?” “Oh, okay then, if you insist. Everypony around here seems to hate ‘buts’ – ahem. Name’s Minuette, and I hate every second of having that name.” The hot chocolate went down in one gulp, leaving a satisfied look on the blue unicorn. “Another chocolate, please.” The shopkeeper took the mug and refilled it, handing it back to an eager Minuette. He put his hooves on the counter and leaned forward slightly, asking, “What’s with the name? It sounds beautiful.” Minuette sighed. “It is. I know that, but that name has kept me from achieving my dreams. Just because my name’s like that, ponies everywhere think my abilities are time related or dance related or something else, and they won’t even give me a chance to show what my talents really are!” “So you’re down because ponies are rejecting you because your name doesn’t signify your talents?” “Exactly!” She slammed the mug down on the counter, spilling hot chocolate on it. “Sorry about that...” “No problem. Go on.” “I mean, what’s in a name? Just because my parents raised me with something in mind, doesn’t mean that’s what I’ll do and excel at anyway! So what, if I name a foal something like ‘Roadkill’, that’s what he’s going to be? It isn’t fair that they judge and set based on names!” Pony Joe set to work on the brown stains on the counter with a cloth and said, “I think it isn’t just the name. Nopony judges everything simply on names. Some of us aren’t that open – minded, but even the least open – minded among us base their decisions on more than that. Did these ponies who rejected you say anything?” “They did say that my cutie mark wasn’t... fitting.” The counter was spotless again, and the donut was also finished, so Joe fixed the mess before he started talking again. “There you go. The mark does say how you’ve made your impact to this world, and as yours is something time – related, letting you enter another field is kind of like making a big gamble – and most businesses around here simply can’t gamble something secure.” “It isn’t just here in Canterlot! They also rejected me in Detrots. Again in Fillydelphia. Even in Manehatten they did the same!” “Those are all big cities. There, one wrong move could put your work down under, and nopony’s willing to risk that in such a place.” “So I can’t be a dentist because they don’t trust my abilities?” “No, you can’t be a dentist because – wait, you got that right.” “What do I do then?” she asked, banging her head softly on the now spotless counter. “Give up on my dreams? Let go of everything I ever wanted?” “No, of course not. If you want it that badly, then you have to work towards it. Even if neither your name nor your mark is related to what you want to do or to be, you can always fight for your destiny. Whoa. When I said that just now, that sounded like a zebra talking.” Joe grinned at Minuette, who smiled back faintly in return. “But how do I do that if nopony wants to accept me? I can work a private practice but I won’t make it here, or in Manehatten, or in Fillydelphia, or anywhere similar! I can’t just set up shop here and expect patients, I’ve got way too much competition here if I do that.” “Ah. See, you said the solution just now.” “I did? What is it?” “You said you ‘can’t just set up shop here’. There's one word there that's the answer.” Minuette started thinking. “Can’t just set up shop here. That is true, but what can I do about it? Here, there’s plenty of big names to fight with – wait! Here, I have no chances, but... That’s it! I have to try somewhere else! I can start my own dental practice somewhere smaller!” She exploded with joy as the realization that she could still be a dentist and live her dreams. “Bingo!” Joe grinned again, and pointed to the half - eaten donut, asking, "You going to eat that?" "Oh, of course," Minuette replied, taking the donut and finishing it, putting the empty plate back on the counter top. Minuette was happy again and she was beaming, showing a perfect set of teeth. She was extremely grateful for the wisdom of the stallion in front of her. She pulled him across the counter into a hug, shouting, “Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you – wait, I don’t know your name.” She released him, an act for which he was most grateful considering he was practically suffocating from the hug. “J- Joe. Pony Joe, but Joe is fine.” “Thank you so much, Joe!” “N - no problem.” And with a new plan for her future as a dentist, Minuette trotted off outside the store, fully appreciating the beautiful day for once. The shining sun seemed to smile on her, as though Celestia herself was wishing her luck on her journey. The clouds were thin and the breeze was soft, relaxing her from her ecstatic dash into a normal walk. The city was a happy place again in her eyes, with unicorns walking around seeming less uppity than usual, Derpy delivering a piece of mail without crashing into anything, and a brown Earth pony stallion with brown hair and an hourglass cutie mark looking directly at her. She froze when she noticed the brown pony. She blinked, and he wasn’t there, so she wrote it off as her mind seeing things. Soon enough, she was at the Canterlot train station, buying a ticket for her train ride to a new home, and possibly where her rise as Equestria’s greatest dentist would start. She rode off to Ponyville, not noticing the brown stallion on the station watching her train speed off into the distant horizon. Ponyville seemed perfect for her purposes. It was a small city, and luckily one without a single dental care – dedicated facility. However, it was connected by train to several other cities, meaning her name could spread throughout Equestria from there. Her name. She remembered how ponies based judgments on names and marks. Nervousness flooded her again and she froze on the station, thinking about how to get past this obstacle. After a moment or two, she finally thought about how to fix her naming conundrum. The mark on her flank, the hourglass, she could do nothing about. But the name, she decided, would be different, and her decision was not a moment too soon, as a pink earth pony with a fluffy mane bounced her way to her and gasped audibly. Minuette – no, not Minuette any longer - watched the pony with a face of shock and amusement as she descended slowly to the earth and regained her calm – a calm that lasted only a split second before bursting into a most exuberant welcome, every word in the rapid speech punctuated by a bounce. “Oh you’re a new pony in town! I know, because I know everypony here in Ponyville and unless you were invisible for the last few years I would know you since I’m friends with everypony here! Since you’re new then that means you’re not my friend yet, but you will be! Oh my gosh I totally forgot! We have to go give you a welcome party! There’s going to be cake and balloons and games like pin the tail on the pony! Of course, we have to write a banner with your name on it, so everypony knows who you are! What is your name anyway?” The blue unicorn was staring distractedly at the pony who defied all logic she had, until said pony put her face closer and asked with one raised eyebrow, “Are you okay? Maybe you’re tired from the ride! I should let you rest now... Wait! What’s your name so I know what to call you?” She sighed and decided that this was the moment that would change her life forever. Here was the first time the name of the pony fated to be Equestria’s greatest dentist would be heard by pony ears. “Name’s Colgate. I’m a dentist.” A New HopeWhere the balloons, or the cake, or the streamers and confetti came from was a mystery. So were the ponies – Colgate didn’t think she told anypony where she was going to stay, having only arranged for lodgings a short time after leaving Canterlot and arriving in Ponyville. So she was shocked, to say the least, when she opened her door to a very loud chorus of “Surprise!” that was echoed by another pony who said it late. The aspiring dentist’s jaw dropped when her eyes fell on the banner above the cabinet of the place soon to be her new home. It read, “WELCOME, COLGATE” in blue paint, and confirmed her knowledge that the party was indeed for her, that this was her place, and she didn’t simply walk into somepony else’s house by accident. The ponies were all looking at her expectantly and in total silence, smiling as though waiting for a speech. A mint green unicorn was standing on her hind legs beside a cream earth pony, and the mailmare she saw earlier in Canterlot was floating above, one eye on her, the other on the ceiling. Many others were also staring at her with nervous grins, as if afraid that Colgate didn’t like the reception. A pink – maned yellow Pegasus with a bunny in tow. A lavender unicorn with a dark purple mane that had a pink streak. A white unicorn with a curled violet mane. An blond, orange earth pony with a Stetson. A cyan Pegasus with a multicolored mane. A brown stallion with darker brown hair – every single pony looked tense, and the moment of Colgate’s dumbfounded shock stretched for ages. That is, until the pink earth pony spoke up. “So, do you like it or do you like it or do you REALLY like it?” “It – it’s very nice.” “You hear that everypony? SHE LIKED IT!” A cheer erupted from the sizable crowd and the party was suddenly underway. Laughing, drinking cider, eating muffins and cake, among other things, suddenly started in several parts of the house. Looking at the party, Colgate wondered how these raucous ponies were able to hide in the house silently – and then she wondered how they hid in at all, considering that the place she took wasn’t that large. She stepped in, bouncing pink pony beside her. “How did you set this party up? I only took about ten minutes to walk around before I came here from the station,” asked Colgate. “Like – this!” replied Pinkie, pulling out a cannon from thin air and shooting out several streamers, balloons, muffins and a fresh barrel of cider, much to Rainbow Dash’s joy. Pinkie bounced on the cannon, flattening it comically and putting it away. “My party cannon! I never leave home without it, in case I run into anything that needs a party – like you!” Colgate was shocked again when she saw what Pinkie did, but decided to dismiss it as the pony being herself. The Element of Laughter was known even in the big cities, after all, and common consensus was to not question her antics. Something else, however, was begging her to ask the pony something else. “And... How’d you know where to put up the party? I never told anyone where I’m staying.” “Oh, I know the housing and real estate of Ponyville like the back of my hoof! I have to, in case somepony moves from somewhere else - like you! This place was the only one in town that wasn’t occupied, and since you were just moving here, I figured this was where you’re staying, cause, you know, you didn’t know anypony here, which is sad cause you have no friends yet and nopony to stay with, but now you have plenty of new friends!” Pinkie emphasized the last word by bouncing twice as high when she said it, putting her hoof on Colgate’s back, and gesturing to all the partying ponies. “That’s... great, I guess. Thanks.” “No problem! Oh, and by the way, I don’t think this is going to be a slice of life story. You should be careful!” And with that, she bounced over to her friends, looked around, and produced a green alligator that instantly grabbed a muffin and walked away staring into space. Colgate was still disoriented. This was by far the warmest welcome she had in all the cities and towns she’d been to – by a huge margin. In the others, not a single pony even turned their heads to acknowledge her existence, let alone approach her. But here, she was instantly accepted as part of the town, and as a friend – something rather new due to her past having involved lots of travel taking up most of her time. She smiled warmly, and thought that it was a good decision to move here, where the past didn’t matter and all she had to look to was the future. “Minuette.” The voice snapped Colgate out of her trance – like state. She knew that voice. Just when she thought that her past – her name and the history it had – would leave her alone, it came back in the form of a brown earth pony stallion. There was no mistaking that brown mane, or that hourglass cutie mark, just like hers. “My name’s Colgate, not Minuette.” She turned around, and saw the Doctor. It was a sight she'd become familiar with, but not one she particularly liked, due to the fact that it was always accompanied by something bad. “We’ve known each other for too long for me to call you Colgate. And I definitely expect you to at least talk to me properly.” “Fine,” said Colgate irritably. “Let’s talk outside and get this over with.” The two stepped outside for their conversation, a thing which didn’t go unnoticed. The mint green unicorn said, “She’s been here five minutes and he already got her to go with her away from this party? He’s good.” In response, the cream pony beside her jabbed her in the side with a hoof. Outside the house, the surroundings were silent. For some reason the ruckus inside was completely contained, and Colgate appreciated that. If the noise was too much, the conversation would never end properly and would keep coming back to kick her in the flank. “We haven’t seen each other in ages, Doctor. What do you want now?” “Look, Minuette, I promised that I would leave you alone last time –“ “As you damn well should.” “- but the possible consequences of doing that are too dangerous – “ “Then leave me out of your danger and let me be.” “- so I have to ask for your help again.” “To which I will explicitly say ‘NO’.” Doctor Whooves sighed dejectedly and asked, “Why are you acting like this, Minuette?” “The name is COLGATE, and if you call me Minuette one more time this talk is over.” “Okay, fine, Colgate. Why are you like this?” Colgate drew a long and deep breath, preparing for a monologue. She stated, “Because every single time you ask for my help, you ruin whatever I have! Last time you got us stuck in that place filled with the two legged hairless monkey things, and I almost died there!” “I am sorry for that, but you know as well as I do that that was an accident.” “Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that you nearly got me killed.” The Doctor had no reply, so Colgate continued. “I just want to move on now. I don’t care about the past. Why do you think I changed my name and moved to a new city? Even if the future is in danger right now, I’m living here. In the present. I would suggest you do the same. And for Celestia’s sake, can’t you get others to take on your adventures aside from me?” “I can’t live in the present, not when our enemy lives in the past, and all over time.” “The past is the past. Just leave it alone! And he’s YOUR enemy, not mine.” The Doctor was completely silent, and walked away unnoticed. Colgate had turned around, opened the door and entered her new home, where she was tackled by the mint green unicorn who asked, “What did you two talk about? I’m not letting you go until you tell us all everyth – oof!” “Cut it out, Lyra.” The cream pony jabbed the mint green pony in the side again, pushing her off Colgate. Turning to the blue unicorn, she offered a hoof and asked, “Are you okay? Sorry about that, Lyra really likes knowing things about ponies around here.” “Oh, I’m fine, thanks.” She stood back up and looked at Lyra. “We didn’t talk much,” she said with a mischievous grin. Having been all over Equestria was an experience that taught her how to read ponies somewhat, and she could just tell that this particular unicorn was one who loved knowing every single thing in town. Lyra’s ears perked up, and she was back in front of Colgate. “You didn’t... talk much? What were you doing?” She was practically vibrating as her head went through the possible meanings of the statement. Colgate was right. Lyra could barely handle not knowing, especially when it was right in front of her. “Lyra! Leave the poor pony alone. It’s her first day here. I’m pretty sure she would want to keep her secrets until she trusts us all.” The cream pony clapped in front of Lyra, snapping her out of whatever it was going on her mind. “No, it’s okay, really. But that’s all I’m telling you, uh... Lyra. We didn’t talk much. That’s all you can know for now.” Colgate advanced forward again, only to be stopped in her tracks by a much more excited Lyra, who grasped her by the shoulders and shook her, saying, “I gots to know!” The cream pony pulled her back. They were already making a scene, and she made Lyra sit down to prevent the scene from getting bigger. “Sorry about this! Maybe we can talk when she’s calmer or something. Nice to meet you, by the way. Name’s Bon Bon.” “Nice to meet you too,” said Colgate, shaking Bon Bon’s hoof before she walked away and herded Lyra to the chairs. She faintly heard Bon Bon’s voice say “...you really have to stop doing that...” The pink party host came back to Colgate’s side and started talking. “Oh good, you have friends now! Wait! I just remembered, you haven’t met anypony else! Well, aside from Lyra and Bon Bon and Time Turner and me, but you don’t even know my name, do you? Of course you don’t, because I haven’t told you yet, but I’m about to tell you... Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!” She bounced up into the air, and froze halfway up, shouting in a military – like voice, “Everypony! Line up!” Every pony did line up, and Colgate found her being introduced to more ponies than she could possibly remember on such short notice, with Pinkie Pie pulling up pony after pony from the line and placing them in front of her, with a short introduction accompanying each. “Here’s Fluttershy,” – the yellow pegasus said a weak "Hi" – “and this is Applejack” – the orange earth pony said “Howdy” – “and this is Rarity” – the white unicorn greeted “Hello there, dear,” – “and this is Rainbow Dash” – the cyan Pegasus said “Oh cool, a new pony!” - “and this is Twilight Sparkle” - the lavender unicorn asked, “How do you do?” – “and this is – Derpy!" Pinkie told off the blond pegasus who had gone back to the table with the muffins on them. "You can have muffins when you’ve said your hello to Colgate!” said Pinkie Pie, as the wall – eyed gray mailmare went back to her spot on the line, disappointed at not having gotten a muffin before getting noticed. “Where were we? Oh yeah! This is Berry Punch, and this is Carrot Top, and this is...” Colgate just let the words go through her ears. It wasn’t like she would actually remember all of them instantly – that would take time. Instead, she just smiled and shook hooves, thinking of the good days ahead of her here in this friendly town which, if Pinkie wasn’t lying, had parties full of sweets every week at the least. That would really be great for her new life as a dentist. Her time in Ponyville had started. A new life, and if the Doctor really stayed out of her mane, a good one. She smiled to herself, looking forward to the days ahead of her. Due ProcessDue Process Part 1 “N – no... This can’t be! This can’t be true... PINKIE!” “I told you this wouldn’t stay a slice of life for long...” With that, she stopped moving entirely and lay dead in Colgate’s hooves. The tears had resumed – now they were falling so rapidly in such large amounts on the pink pony’s dead visage that if she were alive, she would most likely have drowned. “PINKIE!” “AAAAAAH!” Colgate’s head snapped up with a start. She wasn’t injured, she notes, quickly looking at herself, although she was shaking excessively and cold as ice. Slowly, her logic returned and she realized that that could only have been a dream – there was no way that would happen in Ponyville. She muttered to herself in relief, “Oh thank you, Celestia and Luna, thank you for making that just a weird dream...” “What weird dream?” “Nothing, Pink –“ All of Ponyville ceased what they were doing for a moment when Colgate’s shrill scream resounded through the small town. “W – w – what are you doing in my bedroom? WERE YOU WATCHING ME SLEEP?” Colgate instinctively reached for a blanket and found none. “This isn’t your room, silly!” giggled Pinkie. And I WAS here even before you fell asleep!” Colgate was still in shock, but she forced herself to look around. She was on a couch, like the one she had at home, in her bedroom’s right side, but there the similarities ended. The room was more spacious than she knew, there were three doors in it, as opposed to the single door she remembered in her own room. The plain white of her walls were replaced with a burnished light brown oak, and there certainly wasn’t supposed to be a receptionist area in her own quarters. “W – where am I?” she asked in fear, in case Pinkie had decided to kidnap her, Sure, at most she would possibly just throw a party, but the lack of security that would allow for something like that to happen would forever be a threat against her peace of mind. “In the town hall, duh!” Pinkie said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look so good...” The town hall. Colgate suddenly recognized the somewhat spacious building when Pinkie pointed it out, but what she was doing there hadn’t returned to her conscious mind yet – too much information in too little time. There was the dream – and then the waking up – and then being somewhere different – “Colgate?” “Uh... What?” “You still look weird. You’re not okay are you? Oh, silly, of course you’re not, you just woke up screaming my name! And you’re all pale –“ “Pinkie.” “-and you’re complaining about a weird dream-“ “Pinkie...” “- and when I was like ‘what weird dream?’ you were all like ‘AAAAH!’ – “ “Pinkie!” “- and then I gave Gummy a blueberry muffin that Derpy didn’t see – yes, Colgate?“ asked the party pony while alternating blinking and opening her eyes wide very quickly. All of a sudden the pink pony asked nopony in particular, “how do you know I did that?” Pinkie looked around menacingly, from left to right, before saying, “No, I looked right first! Why are you narrating my day?” She started advancing towards an empty side of the office, shouting to nopony in particular, “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” before running out of the town hall to look for the "voice". “Well, there goes my day...” Colgate wracked her brains for a few minutes. She could not for the life of her remember what she was doing there. It was unlikely that Pinkie kidnapped her, because despite the little information she had, Colgate knew that if Pinkie wanted her down and out, she very well would be. So no, not kidnapping, she thought. Another piece of information resurfaced – only moments before entering the hall, she had conversed (heatedly) with the Doctor. He appeared to have no intention whatsoever of giving up recruiting her for his next delusion, and the argument, if she remembered right, settled nothing. It ended with her simply walking inside the hall and him – well, she didn’t see what the stallion did afterwards, considering her lack of eyes on the back of her head. That answered why she was in such a horrible mood and possibly the nightmare, considering how the doctor tended to make her recall certain less - than - pleasant things, but it didn’t remind her of what the hay exactly she was doing there. Town hall... The only reason she could think of to go to the town hall was either if she was summoned or had something legal to process. Was she summoned? She’d only been there three days, so no. She wasn’t capable of getting that badly out of control that quickly. Something legal to process... Something clicked in her head. Colgate advanced to the receptionist area. She had remembered why she was there – to apply for the construction of her dental office. Hoping that the dream she just had wouldn’t affect her application, she stepped forward, still slightly tipsy. “Oh, hello, my name is –“ “Miss Colgate, yes, wonderful to see you. No need to introduce yourself, Pinkie already did that the first day you were here. Remember?” “Uh... yes, I guess?” Colgate was confused now. The receptionist was nice so far (having barely started) but it wasn’t in her knowledge that a government worker would be able to talk so casually. The others she’d met were all formal and annoying, to say the least. But then again, this was a new place where she started a new life, so she couldn’t be surprised at everything that happens. She had to stay on her guard and be alert. This casual proceeding could possibly be just a front to pass some unbiased judgement on some unsuspecting behavior. “Ahem... I’m here to –“ “Get your dental practice's construction underway, if I remember correctly?” The receptionist was a sharp pony. Way too sharp for Colgate’s comfort. “Uh... yes, I’m here to speak with –“ “The Mayor, of course, to get the process started –“ “IF YOU COULD JUST LET ME FINISH!” For the second time that day, Ponyville stopped in its tracks as another shout resounded from the town hall. However, the ponies of the town saw weird thing almost every other day, so a scream like that was barely of any impact to them. Not one put their head up listening for the shout for longer than two seconds. Even the receptionist didn’t care – either she was plenty used to screaming ponies in front of her face, or she simply had the patience of a master. But that mattered not to Colgate, who had encountered the Doctor just before entering the hall. Colgate, who was told to wait for so long that she had fallen asleep in the atrium. Colgate, who upon falling asleep in the town hall atrium, saw a very graphic dream involving a burning town, a ton of dead pony, and the possibility of it being all her fault. At that exact moment Colgate didn’t care where she was or who she was talking to. Her patience was taxed already, and she snapped for a moment. “HOW’D YOU EVEN GET A JOB WHEN YOU DON’T LET THE OTHER PONY TALK? YOU KEPT INTERRUPTING YOUR EMPLOYER UNTIL HE GOT SO FED UP THAT HE GAVE YOU A JOB? IS THAT ALL YOU DO?” However, Colgate could pride herself in her ability to quickly recompose herself. The moment she said those things, she caught her tongue before she could continue, blushed furiously red, and apologized with a very timid voice that would make even Fluttershy sound extremely loud, saying, “¬Sorry about that... Rough day...” The receptionist simply smiled and said, “It’s perfectly fine. I couldn’t be a decent receptionist now if I couldn’t handle a scream loud enough to wake Ponyville or two, right?” She then pointed to her flank, showing the mark – a cactus? What sense was that supposed to have? Why would a cactus be connected to menial paperwork? “I don’t really get the mark.” “I don’t have any more idea than you why it’s a cactus, of all things, but I guess it fits since my talent is patience! Like the cactus, I think, which survives waiting for water in the desert for ages. I could be wrong and doing something that’s not what my mark is telling me, but oh well, it IS my life! Anyway, that’s beside the point. Point is, I’m patient enough, which is why the mayor took me in here,” she proudly proclaimed. However, all of a sudden her voice dropped low into a whisper. “Also, because she needs help with the other guy, and you’re also going to need help with the only other employee here.” “What help?” “Well, let’s see... You’re going to need infinite patience for that colt.” Colgate groaned. She already snapped because of a nightmare and the Doctor. And now this pony who somehow took her outbursts without any issues was telling her that she’d need tons of patience. That spelled a future disaster for Colgate. She was already starting to regret choosing this town, but she decided that this was where she would start her new life and career, and she almost never went back on her word. Sighing, she asked for what to do to apply. “The process is simple, actually. All you have to do is to take this form right here,” the receptionist said while producing a form out of nowhere. “- and fill it all up, then take it to... Red Tape.” The name she said with utter annoyance, as though her tolerance of him was at its limits. “Pretty simple, but Red Tape always makes legal proceedings much more of a hassle than they should be... Well, good luck! He’s over there,” she said, pointing to the door on the left. Colgate started walking, very slowly, trying to compose herself as much as possible. She put a hoof on the door handles and pushed them open. The room was grand – to such an extent that it just didn’t fit with the rest of the town hall. A massive ornate desk was situated in the dead center of the room. There were several glass cabinets on the walls, containing fine china that Colgate was sure cost more than all she had while her things were on their way through Pony Packing Services from her old home. One wall was an entire window, which made her wonder how she didn’t notice the flashy thing. On top of this window was a clock reading eleven – thirty in the morning. The lower part of the window was blocked by a chair with its back facing Colgate and completely concealing any presence of any pony sitting on it. “Hello? Mr. Red Tape?” The chair swung around in response to Colgate’s voice, revealing a light magenta stallion with a short white mane, black eyes and a rabbit in his hooves, which he was stroking with his hooves. When he smiled upon seeing the guest he had, Colgate could have sworn she saw the skies blacken and flash with lightning. “Ahh... Yes... Good of you to visit my humble workspace.” The lightning flashed again as the bunny scampered away from his hooves, causing him to exclaim with annoyance, “Bunny! I just borrowed you from Fluttershy, now come back! Come – ah dangit, he ain’t coming back.” “Mr. Red, can I get muffins now?” came the voice of Derpy, her head poking out from the thundercloud that was outside the window. The wall – eyed mailmare jumped one more time on the cloud, making another flash of lightning for the ominous lighting effect. “Sure, sure, go on then,” was Red Tape’s distracted answer while looking for the bunny which had already snuck out, making Derpy dart off in glee to the Sugarcube Corner. Red Tape sat and adjusted his position on the chair, which was now much less similar to Lyra’s trademark sitting position. “What are you here for then?” he asked Colgate who was on the other side of the desk. “Well, I need to have proper permits for me to set up a dental clinic. And according to the receptionist, you have to do something to this form she gave me right here.” “Have you filled up the form?” “Not all of –“ “Fill it up and then you bring it back here. Quills are in the cabinet on the left, ink is on the highest shelf in the opposite room.” “Highest shelf... In the opposite room?” “Yes. I believe I made myself clear.” “But... Why is it so far away?” Red Tape raised an eyebrow and asked, “What were the instructions I gave you?” “Fill up the form –“ “And how can you fill it up without ink?” “I can’t.” “Then you’d best stop asking and go get the ink already. Only fifteen minutes till noon, and I only work until noon.” That last remark made Colgate jump, and whatever retorts Colgate had in mind were put down under until she could finish this process. She darted to the atrium, and into the next door, where she immediately put her magic to work, trying to reach the ink. It was out of her accurate reach, so instead she used magic to stack boxes to get high enough, where the bottle was within reach. It took her a few tries, but she did get it securely wrapped in her magic’s blue glow. Carefully, she leapt down with such speed and excessive stress – produced force that she blew away the boxes she’d just stacked, and she ran off back into the room. The quill was an easy task to procure, being within physical reach, and she hastily started to scribble on the form, filling up all the spaces – “This part’s wrong.” Colgate looked to where the magenta hoof was pointed. The field said Full Name: Colgate. What was wrong? Did this pony somehow also know her past? Maybe he was one of the versions of the Doctor – what if he was his enemy? She started hyperventilating for a few moments until she was able to clear her lungs enough to ask what was wrong with it. “It says full name.” “Colgate... is my full name...” “Really now?” Oh no, he knows! He knows me as Minuette, not Colgate! Think, Colgate, think, think DAMMIT, THINK! Can’t think... Stall, Colgate, stall! “Yes it is!” “Yeah. Sure it is. I think I would recognize a dentist name if I saw one. Colgate? Doesn’t connect to anything tooth or medical care related.” Oh thank Celestia he’s just one of them biased ponies. Colgate sighed in relief knowing that her secret was safe. She planned to keep it that way , even if the price was that she had to take all of this pony’s ignorance. “Look, I was named Colgate. I can’t exactly do anything about that now can I? Besides, Colgate isn’t connected to anything, which means I can do whatever I want.” The last three words were punctuated by pauses for emphasis on each word. “Is that so – look at that! 12 noon, can’t take papers, please come back on Monday to get your papers signed.” Red Tape walked straight to the door after saying so, leaving a Colgate red with anger. “Monday? MONDAY? TODAY IS TUESDAY!” “I only work two days a week, miss, and right now you don’t really have much of a choice,” Red Tape replied with a smirk before trotting out. “WHY. THAT. INSOLENT –“ Ponyville ceased everything for a third time that day. Patient ZeroDue Process Part 2 “There you go. Now, keep him away from those petrified logs and he’ll be fine.” “Oh, thank you so much! I was worried when Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth came complaining about his teeth and none of my usual tricks worked. Thank you so much!” “It’s fine, Fluttershy. Just make sure to keep him away from those rock trees. And why in the Princesses’ names are there rock trees here anyway?” “They were an experiment from Twilight. Anyway, we should be going now. Thanks again!” “No problem. Good to have actual patients.” Colgate waved as the yellow Pegasus left with a beaver in tow. She had been in Ponyville for two weeks and her dentist equipment had arrived, but that pony who infuriated her to no end, even more than the Doctor’s insistence that she come along on his adventure, had her at a loss. Red Tape had delayed the process of her dental practice’s application for a permanent office so much that she had taken to wandering around with her supplies, fixing up those she encountered. This was a noble cause to her, although it was still annoying for a few reasons. One, there was no pay involved, but she could live with that. Two, most ponies still doubted her due to her not having any dental namesake or mark, like the acclaimed Dr. Toothbrush, who was raised since foalhood towards being a practitioner of the dental arts. Even if she could live with that, it still annoyed her. The biggest issue she couldn’t swallow completely was the absolute lack of dental problems. It was baffling – she experienced firsthoof how much this town consumed in terms of sweets and similar tooth – damage causing foods. And she observed no particular adherence to some sort of oral hygienic practice either, so how in Tartarus the ponies avoided problems with their chompers made no sense in the slightest. In retrospect, however, she thought that they could simply be hiding it out of their distrust of her abilities. She was, of course, most thankful to Fluttershy who had become her main source of activity with all her critters having problems every now and then, although she still resented the others for not approaching her for theirs. Sighing, she made her way back to Ponyville. It seemed that most of her time was split in three parts, one she spent at home, another at the Town Hall, and the third at Fluttershy’s. It wasn’t tiring, but her patience was draining slowly; between Red Tape’s antics, the Doctor popping out every now and then, having no close friends to spend time with, and still not being accepted fully into the community, it was a miracle she hadn’t snapped that badly yet. Back to the Town Hall she went. It was one in the afternoon, the time Red told her to come back for her processed papers. That was, if he actually bothered processing them. For the past week or so, he would always pretend that there was another issue more important than hers that he had to handle, and smirk while dismissing her. Colgate was not having any of that today, she thought to herself as she entered Red Tape’s office. She had started to enter unannounced whenever she visited, in the hopes of catching him slacking off and hopefully off guard. So far that had not happened yet. “Ah, Miss Colgate. How many times have I told you to knock?” asked Red Tape, still hidden beneath that oversized chair of his. He didn’t even bother revealing himself, although Colgate was sure he was stroking his rented bunny as usual in an overused parody of stereotype villains. “Same number of times I told you you’re wasting both of our times with the ridiculous ‘due process’ of yours. Why not save both of us the trouble and give me the permit? I know it’s there in your desk, already finished up.” This particular bit of info came from the receptionist outside, who told her that every single possible case or permit a pony would need from the hall was already premade and stocked in bulk. “Oh, pish posh. If I give you the papers now, I would still have to sit in this office! Might as well have some angry and amusing company with me. After all, what’s the point of having influence if you’re not going to use it? The papers aren’t processed yet, but I doubt I have to tell you that.” He was still hidden but the smirk on his face was obvious. “Ughhh... Why now? Another emergency case from another nonexistent pony?” Colgate’s left eye was twitching already from the pent up anger she held for this pony who was keeping her from her dreams, or at least from starting on them. “Nope. I just lost the papers,” he replied nonchalantly. He then smiled and produced a pair of earmuffs, placed them on his ears, and counted down silently to the hissing of steam behind his chair. 3... 2... 1... “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST THEM?” All who heard the shout trembled in fear – that is, all of Ponyville, and a few creatures in the Everfree forest – and dropped to the ground. They expected a massive dragon to be flying overhead, so great was the fury of the shout. It shook off books from the desk, made the chandelier sway violently, and pushed Red Tape off his chair, leaving the bunny to scamper off like it did every day that Colgate visited. Her magic had been channeled into her shout, unconsciously due to her anger, and when she closed her jaws the room was now a scene of utter devastation. “Oh, dear. Do you not know how much trouble it is to console that little bunny? Every time you come here, I have to fix him up for when he goes back to Fluttershy, and that isn’t easy,” said Red Tape, surprisingly calm, pushing the chair back upright and looking for the bunny again. It always managed to find a good hiding spot every time it ran off. “I. DON’T. CARE!” Colgate reached her limits with his telling her that the papers she’d worked hard for, bearing with his pointless antics for, and tested her patience for, were all lost for whatever reason it was that he had. “I have had it up to here with your idiotic, ignorant insolence, and your pointless practices, and your foalish treatment of legal procedures. I quit trying to play your games. Tomorrow, you better get ready, because I am taking this to court!” Colgate had advanced while speaking, and she grabbed Red Tape in her hooves around the collar, which was the only piece of clothing he wore. “You got that?” She glared him right in his face with one eye, and asked even louder, “DO YOU GET THAT?” “I believe I got the gist of it, yes. Now let me go before you crush my collar.” Colgate obliged and stormed off; leaving a slightly bemused and very amused Red Tape to start fixing up the mess made by her draconic shout and her minor rampage. Things were getting more and more interesting, he thought, as he picked up the fallen books. “Hi, how can I help you –“ “Twilight, you have to help me!” Colgate knelt down and embraced Twilight’s forehooves, begging the unicorn to help her in her plight. She was trembling in anxiety as the librarian nervously looked around and told her to get up. “I’ll, but could you please get up? We’re in the middle of the road...” She blushed as the passing ponies looked at her, some snickering, and some others looking grim. “Oh, right, forgot about that, sorry.” Colgate stood up, and she could distinctly hear Lyra in the background whisper, “I knew she had a thing for Twilight, the way she acts around her...” and a distant jab of hoof against rib. She made a mental note to talk to the mint green unicorn at some point, but right now this was more important. She walked along with Twilight back to the library. “So what do you need my help with? And please, next time, don’t do that in public... Ponies are starting to say strange things. You can always just wait for me here, you know,” Twilight said, slightly embarrassed at the misinterpretations of her dealings with Colgate. “Here’s the thing. I’m applying for a land permit up the northern part of Ponyville for my dental practice, but this pony in charge of the process has absolutely NO sense of professionalism! He delays me every single day with pointless papers that have no use whatsoever – and trust me, I’ve read the fine print – just so for his amusement! And today, do you know what he did?” “No, but you should sit down before you say it, your pacing’s starting to leave marks on the floor.” “He told me that my papers – the only ones that actually have any value – were lost! He lost them for no reason and he expected – expects me to put up with it!” Her pacing had lowered her into the floor about an inch, making Twilight stop her in her tracks with magic and force her into a chair. “And of course, I snapped, so long story short, I have to find something in the Equestrian bylaws that says his kind of behavior isn’t allowed.” “Wait, wait, wait. Let me get your story straight – he lost your papers and refused to replace them.” “Yes.” “And now you started a civil case.” “Uh – uh.” “And you want me to help you study Equestrian law?” Twilight’s eyes were widening and starting to sparkle. That was not a good sign. It meant research mode, which usually had some negative effects on the immediate vicinity. True, the fact that it was a law study would probably negate the possibility of magical experimentation, but Colgate had heard through word of mouth how horribly zealous Twilight could get over the smallest things. “On second thought, maybe I should just check the books...” “This is PERFECT! I’ve been looking for something new to study ever since I recently cleared out the archaeology books, and this would also entail some sort of hearing, which means I could get firsthoof experience... Oh thank you so much for bringing this here!” Colgate was at a loss. She had no idea if she really wanted to risk Ponyville for her clinic. But then she thought, “What could possibly go wrong?” She shrugged. It was a long few days of research ahead of her. “Seriously, Twilight? You’re... Okay with this?” “I can see why you’re concerned, after all, this is the first time for both of us. But it will be okay.” “Are... are you sure you wouldn’t want somepony else?” “Colgate, how many times do I have to answer that question?” “I know, I just mean... This is important, and all...” “Colgate...” Twilight stared into Colgate’s eyes. “Don’t blame me if something goes wrong...” “Nothing will... It’s okay.” Colgate gave in. Whatever oppositions she had to Twilight’s crazy idea were still there, but she wasn’t allowed to act on them by virtue of the lavender unicorn beside her on the bed. Twilight faced her, leaned in, and said, “Go on...” Colgate looked in front. This was definitely a bad idea. But if Twilight said it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. She sighed an exasperated “Okay,” and told the three fillies in front, “You’re going to be part of my legal counsel.” “YAY! Cutie Mark Crusaders Lawyers!” they shouted in unison. “Twilight, you are sure about this, right? They are allowed to be my lawyers by law?” Colgate asked. She hoped it wasn’t legal, but Twilight had said it was, and it was unlikely for her to be wrong when it came to things involving fine print. Still, it wasn’t illegal to hope, or at least as far as she knew. She really needed to study her Equestrian laws more. “I didn’t see any law concerning age restrictions of legal counsel in the Equestrian Law Primer, or in the Simplified Foal’s Guide to Equestria’s Legal System, or in the Totally Legitimate Law Handbook, or in the One Thousand Years: Equestrian Rulership History, or anywhere else...” “I get it, I get it. So it’s allowed for me to be represented by little fillies. This is a bad idea...” “Don’t worry. I’m sure if we teach them right –“ “What the hay is a lawyer anyway? Mah sis never told me anythin’ about lawyers!” “I don’t know, but what if we get our marks in being one?” “That’s going to be awesome! But only if lawyers are cool! I don’t want to be some lame worker if that’s what it is!” “- they’re going to be very helpful.” Twilight lost her confidence in her own statement halfway through it. She gulped, and hoped that Colgate was wrong about this being a bad idea. That didn’t do much to convince her. Colgate straightened her suit. It felt foreign, but Twilight had insisted that it was necessary to look good and professional. It would help her with the judges, she said, yet it didn’t help her spirits in the slightest. It was the biggest – and very first – legal case she had ever taken part in. One that would decide the fate of her lifelong dream, one which now lay on the shoulders of three overexcited fillies. Somehow they kept their interest in the case, despite all of her efforts to make it boring. She admired their tenacity, even if it would in all likelihood destroy her chances. “Okay, I think we’re ready. I’ve done last minute reviews of what he might bring up, what we could use to counter, and everything else that I could do here. Do you think we’re ready?” Twilight asked. The three young fillies were to be the speakers; she was just their advisor. “Not excessively, no.” “Ready or not, here we come!” “We’re gonna win this, and get our marks!” “Yeah, guys, we have ta’ win this!” “Let’s get this over with,” said a resigned Colgate. She opened the door with a hoof, and what lay beyond it almost made her do another one of what Ponyville now called the “Dragon’s Shouts”. Instead of the Town Hall having a jury and a judge, and her opponent on a set of tables, the hall had been rearranged that it now looked more like a gladiatorial arena. The jury, composed of the receptionist and one other pony that Colgate didn’t recognize. The judge was, of course, the Mayor, who only agreed to participate in the legal process now. That irked Colgate. But the main difference between what she knew as a court of law and - whatever this was - was the presence of the audience. It appeared that majority of Ponyville had turned up to watch the case unfold, no matter how minor it was. No other court hearing she had ever witnessed – not that she’d witnessed many – had an audience like this. For that matter, she remembered none of them having any audience at all. Glancing at Twilight, she asked, “What the hay are all these ponies doing here?” This crowd would have an effect on the little fillies. “Please don’t be affected, please don’t be affect – oh, too late,” she prayed, stopping when she noticed the three starting to bounce in eager anticipation. Gulping down something that didn’t exist, she stepped forward to her assigned seat on one side of Red Tape. “Fillies and gentlecolts! We are gathered here today to be witnesses to the resolution of the dispute regarding Miss Colgate’s application for a land and construction permit! As you all know...” The mayor’s voice slowly trailed off in Colgate’s ears. “Why does this feel more like a public duel instead of a hearing?” she muttered to herself. “That’s because it is,” smiled Red Tape. “I applaud how prepared you are, but this court operates differently from what you know.” “Hey, mister! I don’t care who you are, but we’re going to beat you at... at... What do you call what we’re doing now again?” asked Scootaloo, confused. “Hay if Ah know! All Ah know is we’re going ta be fightin’ him in some way...” answered Applebloom. “It doesn’t matter as long as we get our cutie marks from doing it,” piped in Sweetie Belle, completely derailing the conversation into an argument between the three about what kind of mark they would get, what they would be doing, and the point of getting a mark in something you didn’t even know. “Adorable counsel you have there. Good for you they’re not going to be needed today.” Red Tape leaned back further on his chair, his face showing no care or worry about anything. No matter how insufferable he was, Colgate had to admit he was right about their being unneeded being a good thing, and she admired how he was able to not care about anything in the world. It was much better than her current approach to the case that used panic, to say the least. “Now, as is customary with Ponyville court, the complainant begins. Miss Colgate, whenever you’re ready.” The mayor’s voice and the sudden silence of the thundering crowd brought Colgate’s thoughts back to Equestria. She realized in an instant that her preparation was pointless, and that she had no idea what to do now. She considered her options: guess what she was supposed to do and do it, or ask what she had to do. She decided on the latter. “I have no idea what to do.” The crowd whispered to itself. The mayor looked confused, until she remembered that Colgate came from elsewhere in Equestria, and this system of settling cases wasn’t practiced that much outside Ponyville. “Ponyville court cases are handled in the form of a public discussion, instead of what I’m sure you prepared for, what with the legal counsel and all. Here, all we do is let you two talk, and if you are still unable to come to a settlement, then we intervene,” elaborated the mayor. That sounded much simpler than trying to undermine Red Tape in front of a dozen ponies, especially considering his freakish immunity to undermining. Perpetually calm, he would never lose in a court case if the tactics of his enemy rotated on trying to slip him up. Thanking Celestia and Luna of the simplicity of the system, Colgate began her petition. A speech would be a piece of cake, having been forced to learn persuasion for survival purposes in her past with the Doctor. “For those of you who don’t know, my applications for land and construction are handled by this pony right here,” she started, pointing to Red. “I have worked all the while that I was here in Ponyville to get that process – the first step to me realizing my dreams – completed, or at least somewhere in the works. But this pony right here,” she said, pointing again, “appears to be Tartarus – bent on making sure I do not do that.” She swallowed. It was time for the main part of her speech. So far, the ponies were all listening intently and appearing to be on her side. “Ever since I started processing my papers, he has done nothing but delay me at each and every turn possible. When I initially filed my applications, he refused to accept them until an entire week after, saying that ‘it wasn’t in his office hours’ and that ‘he had the power, so I had no right, or ability to resist’ his unfair antics. He had the power, yes, that much I acknowledge, but did he have the right to do that? I sincerely doubt it.” There was a murmur of agreement in the audience. They seemed to be favoring Colgate already. “Naturally, I put up with him, because it was – it is my lifelong dream in his hooves. But slowly, he has been draining my patience by wasting both of our times with pointless side – processes and pathetic excuses. He once even made me fill up one form thirty – pages long about the connection of my name to my desired profession! It was an interesting question, yes, but it had nothing to do whatsoever with my concerns at hoof, so it shouldn’t have had been part of the process.” The audience was now at full attention. Colgate had gotten their attention. Now it was time to get them to outrage. She made a mental note to thank the Doctor, infuriating as he was, for his past adventures with her teaching her how to subtly talk ponies into favorable situations. “Nevertheless, I put up with his nonsense. It was the way I saw most fitting to deal with the problem. I thought perhaps if I let him have his way, he would soon enough let me have mine. But only three days ago he proved me wrong. Three days ago, I went into his office for the next step in my process – one which had taken far too long to be considered proper – and prepared myself for whatever his nonsense might have had in store. Still, I was completely unprepared for what he would say next – the papers I labored so hard to accomplish, especially with his unhelpfulness, were lost! He told me that my labor was gone, that he’d lost it, and for no reason whatsoever.” Several ponies in the crowd gasped, whilst several others whispered things like “the nerve!” and “how dare he?” One particularly loud pony exclaimed, “And to think I accepted muffins from you!” “It is clear to all present then, that his absolute lack of professionalism is intolerable! His attitude towards me and my work is nothing short of rude and downright wrong. And he doesn’t even attempt to make amends!” Colgate knew that at that moment she had every single eye, ear, and heart. It was time for the finisher. “Ponies of Ponyville, I would like to think that you have more sense than him, and so I ask you – in the names of all things good – make him repair what damage he caused! Make him fix my application, and make him apologize! Make him stop from getting in the way of my dreams!” There was a massive roar from the audience, followed by a very loud chorus of clapping. Colgate was sweating slightly – her clothes were warm, and that speech had roused her body to the point where she might have been taken for a fever sufferer. She sat back down contentedly, smiling; knowing that there was no way Red Tape could ruin her chances now. She looked at him, and it annoyed her to no end that he was still smirking in that way of his, but she put it out of her mind. In moments he would have no more reason to smile. “Alright, everypony, we’ve heard Miss Colgate’s side. Now, if the defendant would like to say something?” This was the moment. Colgate would see him squirm in his futile attempt to take the judges back to his side. Clearly the one – on – one settlement wouldn’t work, with Colgate being that annoyed by the stallion. His only option was a convincing public defense, which was also unlikely. “I would like to resign this case,” he said, grinning. There was a full ten seconds of silence, during which every single pony just stared at him, until they cheered for Colgate’s well - earned and well – deserved victory. Twilight could be heard behind Colgate, congratulating her, while the three fillies were downhearted at not having had a chance to try their hooves at being lawyers, and consequently, not having had a chance to earn their marks. “But –“ started Red Tape. Every single pony fell silent. “Before I accede to the demands of the court – that is, the immediate approval of Colgate’ permits – I would like to have a private moment to speak with her, if she’ll let me, of course.” He looked over to his left, where a somewhat downcast Colgate replied, “Fine.” “Very well then. If everypony would vacate the hall for ten minutes so they may come to their agreement?” One by one, the audience dispersed, and it was only Colgate and Red Tape inside. “What do you want?” snapped an irritable Colgate. “You already resigned the case. You no longer have power here.” “Oh please, don’t think that. I may have given up, but that was only out of common sense. Even a blind foal could see that I had no chance there. That was quite the convincing speech you gave there. Ever consider taking a career as a speaker instead?” “You’re not answering my question. What do you want? Let’s get this over with quickly, if you’d be so sensible.” “I’d rather take my time, thank you very much, considering time was one of my main considerations with annoying you. You see, boredom is a constant companion of mine in that little office, and you simply happened to be the best companion I could have there to replace being lethargic.” “I... I don’t follow.” “Do you not see? I did this – all of this – to get you to stay. So I could spend time with you. And of course, that means I plan to take full advantage of our remaining eight minutes.” Colgate went furiously red – the exact opposite of her color scheme – upon hearing that. Could that be true? Could he simply have been trying, in most misguided methods, to get her attention, to have her close? No, she wasn’t having any of it. This was a trick of his, a ruse, a clever move to get her off guard. “Explain more clearly.” “Goodness, I never figured you for the slow type. What could you not understand about a pony going to such lengths just to spend time with another?” “That means... You –“ “Most definitely, yes. And of course, seeing you so flustered every single day was most amusing. And that speech of yours? What did you say again? Ah, yes, something like, ‘if I let him have his way, he’d let me have mine.’ That was a great line. Gave many ideas. I'd certainly enjoy it if you let me have my way.” “I did not mean anything like that –“ “I know.” He was still smiling, completely ignoring the fact that Colgate was so red she was starting to glow. “Rrgh. I give up! You will always be the most annoying pony I have ever known. It’s a good thing this whole legal process is over.” “I wouldn’t say me being the most annoying is a bad thing. It means I’m going to be in your head forever.” He smiled even more widely – if that was possible – and said, “Just because this case is over doesn’t mean I’m going to be out of your mane. I can always get a tooth ache from overeating sweets.” He then went back to his seat, and a very, very perturbed Colgate went back to hers, still noticeably red, much to the chagrin of the ever – curious Lyra who had just walked back in, along with several other ponies from the audience. She looked plain furious at not seeing what transpired between the two, and Colgate was sure Lyra would jump her the moment she stepped outside the hall. But for now, court was resuming, and she would see it to the nearing end. “Have you two reached any form of agreement?” “No, but I believe that the results are the same anyway. She gets her permits in two days, at which point she may begin setting up the place,” reported Red Tape. The crowd was happy for Colgate, but they seemed disappointed at the anticlimactic ending. “Very well then. If that is all, then this court is now adjourned!” Three swift strikes from the mayor’s mallet landed on the wooden disc on her table, signaling the end of the tedious journey Colgate had to go through. She was most thankful that this affair was now over, but as she sat in the emptying hall, she had plenty to think of. Actually, not plenty, but this thing took up all her thoughts. What had Red Tape meant with those words of his? He hadn’t let her finish her question, so she wasn’t entirely sure if he meant what she did, but judging from his words, he did. And Colgate had no idea how to deal with that. In her thoughts she was so lost that she didn’t notice the hoofsteps approaching her, nor the golden eyes looking at her. Only when Lyra prodded her did she notice, and even then she was still a little out of it. “Hi there, Colgate. Let me get right to brass tacks – what happened between you and Red Tape here earlier? I’m a hundred percent sure that it wasn’t anything about the case, the way you were blushing when I walked in. What did he tell you?” she asked, leaning in real close. “Come on, you can tell me anything! I may be nosy, but I don’t tell tales.” “It – it’s nothing to be concerned about.” “Oh, please, it concerns me, that’s for sure. I’ve been wanting to know the deal with you ever since you got here! First it was the Doctor. Then it was Twilight. Now, is it Red Tape?” “Wha – What are you talking about?” Colgate knew full well what she was talking about but she had no intentions of riding on. “Who’s your current ‘special somepony’? Is it still the Doc, or is it Twilight, or Mr. Red Tape here?” “What we said or did in those ten minutes is a secret only for the two of us,” interjected Red Tape, heading for the door. “All I can tell you is that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other.” Colgate went so red at this point that she appeared to be nearing a point of explosion. Red Tape brought out earmuffs as he stepped outside the door into the glorious sunshine and the bright future. He counted down from three. He smiled as the town hall shook and the blue unicorn leapt outside, violently red, and rushed on home, with a green unicorn behind her squealing like a fangirl at the revelation. It was a good day. LullPatient Zero A bell chimed from the doorway of the building. It had only been ten minutes since the ribbon of Colgate Dentistry had been cut and the door already saw its first patient. Apparently Colgate’s acts of kindness worked wonders as an advertisement. Two months had passed since she moved here and lived her new life. Those two months were riddled with obstacles beyond count. On her very first day she had encountered her nemesis, the Doctor, who now pestered her regularly. Ever since she argued with the Doctor outside her welcome party, she had noticed plenty of whisperers dogging her, and in the case of a certain Lyra Heartstrings, the whispers were loud questions and occasional abductions and interrogations. This town took to rumors like trees to a wildfire, and when their misguided fantasies of Colgate and the Doctor being together were cut down, the ponies latched on to a new fictional romance – her and Twilight. Colgate had nothing against such relationships or Twilight – in fact, they were indeed friends, but she was friends with the other ponies who hung out around her as well. The six were usually at the center of the scene, so every now and then they would interact, especially with Colgate’s tendency to attract troublesome situations. Her application for a permit; the one that would allow her to build her office – was accompanied by a brand new pony named Red Tape who declared, most likely on a whim, that he had feelings of attraction towards her, much to her annoyance, and the joy of the rest of Ponyville. The town really loved its gossip. This was Red Tape’s final act, a legacy that would continue to bother her even if he himself no longer did. Once the permit was secured, the actual building had begun, and to no pony’s surprise, there were several mishaps on the construction as well. First was Rainbow Dash crashing into the single weakest point of the foundation and bringing the whole thing down – thankfully, no pony was seriously hurt, nor was the construction hindered too much considering it had just begun. The next disaster was much worse. A swarm of ravenous parasprites had chanced through Ponyville, and for some reason the only thing that was completely devoured was her office. No matter. All of that was the past now. All that mattered was the present, and presently she had a patient. One she had failed to notice entering, and failed to notice standing in front of her. “Umm... Colgate? Are you busy? I have someone I need your help with, but if you’re not free...” The weak voice snapped her out of her reverie. There was a brief flash of disappointment on her face as she said, “Not at all, Fluttershy. Another of your critters have a problem?” She was expecting her first patient to have been a pony at the very least. Still, a patient was a patient, even if they weren’t equine. “Actually, no. It’s not a critter; it’s just a friend of mine. He’s been having some sort of annoyance with his tooth.” Colgate lightened up upon hearing that it wasn’t one of her innumerable pets. Finally, she could do work on a real pony, and see if she was indeed cut out to be a dentist. Eagerly, she said, “Let me see him then, and I’ll see what I can do.” “No need for that, dearie, I’m right here. Lovely place, by the way.” The voice emanated from Colgate’s recliner, the covering of which turned out to be not the blue cloth it appeared to be, but instead was a flattened pony that was sprouting limbs of all sorts of creatures. Two yellow eyes opened, and there was a full body lying on the chair below the lights and mirrors. A pony body, without a doubt, but the rest of it seemed as if the maker of the pony misplaced the rest of the proper pony parts and replaced them with whatever spares were on hand. “Oh. Princess. Celestia.” Colgate's eyes widened, and her jaw opened. She was happy to have a pony patient, but whether this pony was considered was a question up for debate. “The name’s Discord, if you don’t mind. Do I look like a white princess who gorges herself on cake?” Discord asked, turning into Celestia and then saying, “I do now, but I would still prefer to be called by my name.” He reverted to his original form, and with a claw snap made the mirrors dance overhead. “I must say though, the years have been kinder on her and her sister. She has a colorful mane now, and all I have is a bit of a hard coat.” “I’m sorry to leave him with you like this, but I don’t know how to deal with these problems myself, and if he tries to fix it with his magic, he keeps making something else pop up. It's just I have to be in Canterlot with my friends, and I can't just leave him be like this. I'm very sorry, but I have to go.” She walked up to the door and went out into the skies that never seemed so beautiful. Perhaps that was only due to her office containing several clouds dripping honey. “Don’t worry about it, Fluttershy,” said Colgate, swallowing air as Fluttershy left. It was hard enough to deal with pony teeth. Dealing with the teeth of the spirit of chaos itself would be much more challenging, to say the least. Nevertheless, she said she would do it, and Colgate never backed down. Right now she regretted being that way. “Yes, Fluttershy, you need to stop worrying!" he said to no pony in particular. "I’m sure this one tooth of mine is perfectly fine. There was no need to bring me to a professional, but since you insisted, I will apologize in advance to her.” Discord bowed low and said, “This will be good for me, madam. For you I doubt it will. Shall we begin?” From nowhere came a chorus of ponies chanting, “Start! Start! Start! Start!” As Colgate peered in closer to examine Discord’s only visible tooth, a mug spoke as a commentator, surrounded by her equipment acting as audience, as though this was a sports show or something. “She leans in closer, and closer, and closer – and she barely dodges the snake!” A snake did pop out of Discord’s open mouth, which Colgate jumped away from in fear. It disappeared, and she went back closer. “Ooh. Look at that! She’s closed the distance! Down comes the lens – and she sees it! I repeat, she sees it!” The equipment started clapping as Colgate observed Discord’s tooth. She frowned. “I see the problem. IT’S MADE OF GLASS.” “Is it?” asked Discord, as the inanimate audience laughed. “My sincerest apologies. Wrong tooth, I guess. It would explain why it feels so brittle,” he said, yanking it off. Another one grew in its place. “Go on now. It’s not glass.” “You’re right, it isn’t. It’s wood now.” Colgate was starting to snap again. Normally she was calm but Ponyville had other plans. The audience was laughing itself silly again. “Just let me do my job properly so we can both go our ways, okay?” “Let me consider it...” Discord scratched his chin with eight sets of various paws. “No, this sounds like a much better use of my time.” Colgate was just about to shout, but she remembered that angering this pony was going to be more harmful than anything else. She set to work again, but Discord seemed to have something else in mind. “I want to play a game,” he said, smiling ominously. Colgate replied, “Then play on your own. I have things to do.” “Like what? Attend to the needs of this community?” Discord stood up and started circling Colgate. The equipment fell silent and became inanimate once again as Discord's voice turned more serious. “And once I leave, who’s next? Who’s next in this infinite line of patients you have? No pony. So please, if you’re going to waste your time here, you might as well waste it playing a game with your first patient.” He had a point. There were no other ponies queued up. And he was a patient, even if he was impossible to deal with, and was in all likelihood capable of curing himself. Now that she considered it, she wondered whether draconequi were subject to the same dental rules. “Fine. What do you want to do?” “This is a game you’re going to absolutely enjoy. You were complaining about the lack of patients, were you not? So...” Discord brought up a paw. Colgate realized what he was planning. She was about to speak out against it, and found that her mouth disappeared. Discord’s lion paw snapped and almost instantly the ponies of Ponyville gave a unified scream of pain. “Now you’re going to have all the patients you want!” “Discord! I thought you were reformed? Put them right this instant!” Colgate advanced on Discord, who was now yawning. “I’ll tell Twilight and the others!” He simply replied with a yawn too loud to be unintentional. “Oh, please. They’re in Canterlot right now. Why do you think Fluttershy left me here? She would have stayed if she could have. But she couldn’t, so now, enjoy!” A flash of lightning struck outside the window as Derpy crashed in pain on a stray cloud. “And I am reformed. It simply hurts to think you would doubt me like that. It isn’t like I dabble in lies or things like that anymore.” Discord’s face and tone fell, looking sad, and then fell literally after two seconds. The face now spoke to her from the floor while the body went around blindly looking for it. “I don’t need to do good every single moment, you know. I simply stopped suppressing everypony’s dental problems. They had them from the start!” He found his face, put it back on his body, and melted into the floor, out of sight. There was knock, and then several, and then the noise of a wave of pony crashing on the door. They were all squealing in pain and panicked. The moment she opened the door, an entire crowd burst in. All of them were speaking at the same time, so that it sounded like senseless dialogue. They were screaming, “Help me,” and “Colgate,” and some other things in random sequences. Fed up, she made her horn flash and burst in sparks, shouting, “ONE AT A TIME! LINE UP, SINGLE FILE!” Instantly, they lined up, with ponies occasionally jostling for the better spot. Once they had quieted down, she said, in her normal voice, “With how many you are, this will take some time. Please avoid chit – chat if you’re the one being examined to save on time. First pony, in the chair, please.” A cream earth pony sat down, slightly wincing. This was going to be a long day. “I just don’t know what went wrong!” “Do you brush?” “No.” “And you still wonder?” Colgate sighed. If Discord really suppressed these problems, then all of these ponies owed him much. Their dental care was terrible. She set to work on Derpy’s teeth, cleaning them with a magically – powered brush before dabbing on some paste to fortify the weak teeth. She handed the tub of paste to Derpy, along with a brush. She was using up way too much supply, and the line was still long. Oh well, she thought. Duties first. Perhaps if these ponies learned their lesson, there wouldn’t be crowds this big. It was already well into the night, past the normal closing hours of any clinic, but Colgate’s office still had a massive line in front of it. She took care not to rush any of the patients. Some were better off than the others, having observed some form of oral hygiene, and some others having observed none. Her current patient was an oddity of sorts. Her teeth weren’t the slightest bit unclean. In fact, they were spotless, barring them being in a state of total wreck. “These are interesting,” she said. “What do you eat mostly, and what do you do with your mouth? This is the first time I’ve seen a case like this.” “Wine,” she slurred. “Wine and... more wine.” That explained it. Alcohol killed off the little bacteria living on her teeth, in exchange for weakening them, and probably the rest of her as well. This one wasn’t an issue of hygiene, but an issue of consumption. And alcoholism. That seemed to be the bigger problem. “You’re going to have to cut down on your drinking. It’s screwing up your teeth, and if I’m right, the rest of you as well.” “Cut down on drinking? Prepsterouse! Or is it... Preposterous?” “Hasn’t anypony told you that you need to drink less?” “I don’t know – hic! They might have. I don’t... rememberrr...” Colgate called to another pony, and asked, “Are you ponies seriously just letting her drink?” “Well, yeah!” “You shouldn’t have done that! Do none of you care about her health?” “We do! It’s just that she gets... Dangerous.” “Doesn’t matter. You’re going to get her to stop drinking. Help her back home so I can get to the other ponies in line now. DO IT.” She glared at the pony, who promptly went to Berry Punch and brought her home. “There’s nothing wrong with your teeth, Lyra. You have ten seconds to explain why you’re here even when it’s five past midnight. The pony before you I understand, but you have no reason to be here.” Try as she might, Colgate just couldn’t bring herself to be intimidating with that level of energy. She was far too tired. “I have to sleep. Save it for later.” “But I waited all day!” Lyra exclaimed. “I demand a talk!” “We can talk later. Good day.” She yawned and went to her room. “But –“ “I said good day!” said Colgate, pushing Lyra out with magic and sealing the door. She could faintly hear knocking, and several groans of disappointment. That mattered not. She walked into her bedroom, ready to fall asleep the moment she fell on the bed. At least she would have had a spirit of chaos not manifested from her lampshade. “How was your first day? Satisfying! I would hope so,” said Discord, bringing out a small covered basket and leaving it on her nightstand. “You’re tired, I see. Adieu for now then. I go!” he said, exiting in a cloud of smoke. Colgate opened the basket. It was full of food, mostly apple based. There was a note in it. Dear Colgate, Discord told us how he stopped keeping everypony of Ponyville from having problems on your first day. I understand how frustrating it must have been, and I’m sorry for his behavior, but he really did mean well. I hope you’re not angry at him. Fluttershy P.S. Twilight says it would be nice if you could talk to her and perhaps help her with her letter to the Princess. Colgate smiled. She knew Discord did mean well, although that realization came halfway through the mess. She had to thank him. Thanks to him, she knew the satisfaction of following her dreams, and of helping ponies. Tiring, yes, the day was tiring. But it was fun. She considered Twilight’s request for help with the letter on the magic of friendship. She picked up a blank paper and a pen, lay down on the bed, and fell asleep instantly after writing a short message. Dear Princess Celestia, Being a dentist in Ponyville is hard. Doctor LoveSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Lonely HeartsSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.The BluesSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Prologue - To Ponyville!The Pegasi of Cloudsdale had certainly lived up to their promise. Canterlot had perfectly beautiful weather – not perfectly cloudless, but the clouds were only thick enough to provide ample comfort against the heat of the midday sun. Ponies were all enjoying the wonderful day. Except one, a downhearted blue unicorn with a blue and white mane inside an office. “Why can’t I work here?” Minuette asked the pony in front of her, who had just turned down her application. “You see, Miss... Minuette, we are looking for dentists here in Canterlot Dental Services. And your name, not to mention your cutie mark, do not seem fit for a dentist,” replied the brown unicorn stallion, with a large amount of snobbishness in his voice. “But –“ “No buts, miss. We simply cannot accept somepony who doesn’t have dentistry as their life’s calling.” The unicorn pointed to the door with a hoof and turned around in his chair, leaving a dejected Minuette to walk out on her own. The beautiful day outside did nothing to lift up her spirits. It was the third dental practice to reject her since she arrived in Canterlot, and several others had rejected her in various cities like Trottingham and Manehattan. All of them had the same reason – both her name and cutie mark did not signify talent in dentistry. It made her think – “so what if my mark is an hourglass? Does that mean that once we get our mark we’re not allowed to marks in other fields?” “I don’t know, miss, but you really should get inside, you’re blocking the door.” Somehow Minuette had managed to end up at Pony Joe’s donut shop while lost in her thoughts, and somehow she managed to say those thoughts out loud.. Deciding that having a donut or two couldn’t possibly worsen her day, she stepped inside. The place was mostly empty, so she took a seat by the counter and asked for a mug of hot chocolate and a donut. “So, miss, what’s on your mind?” asked the stallion after putting down a steaming mug of chocolate and a plate with a simple honey glazed donut on it. “Ah, it’s nothing much. Wouldn’t want to trouble you, really. Mmm. This donut is tasty,” came the answer, and a donut with a good third of its volume gone was placed on the plate. “I can see why this food for the everyday pony made it in Canterlot. You know, with all the uppity ponies out here.” “Thanks. Been a rough time here, but my donuts are selling, so I’m happy doing business here anyway. Even if Canterlot does have a... say, discerning taste. So, what’s up? And don't worry, there aren’t any other ponies in right now, so believe me, telling me is better than me simply sitting here doing nothing. Besides, you lose nothing anyway.” “But –“ “It’s perfectly fine, miss – what IS your name?” “Oh, okay then, if you insist. Everypony around here seems to hate ‘buts’ – ahem. Name’s Minuette, and I hate every second of having that name.” The hot chocolate went down in one gulp, leaving a satisfied look on the blue unicorn. “Another chocolate, please.” The shopkeeper took the mug and refilled it, handing it back to an eager Minuette. He put his hooves on the counter and leaned forward slightly, asking, “What’s with the name? It sounds beautiful.” Minuette sighed. “It is. I know that, but that name has kept me from achieving my dreams. Just because my name’s like that, ponies everywhere think my abilities are time related or dance related or something else, and they won’t even give me a chance to show what my talents really are!” “So you’re down because ponies are rejecting you because your name doesn’t signify your talents?” “Exactly!” She slammed the mug down on the counter, spilling hot chocolate on it. “Sorry about that...” “No problem. Go on.” “I mean, what’s in a name? Just because my parents raised me with something in mind, doesn’t mean that’s what I’ll do and excel at anyway! So what, if I name a foal something like ‘Roadkill’, that’s what he’s going to be? It isn’t fair that they judge and set based on names!” Pony Joe set to work on the brown stains on the counter with a cloth and said, “I think it isn’t just the name. Nopony judges everything simply on names. Some of us aren’t that open – minded, but even the least open – minded among us base their decisions on more than that. Did these ponies who rejected you say anything?” “They did say that my cutie mark wasn’t... fitting.” The counter was spotless again, and the donut was also finished, so Joe fixed the mess before he started talking again. “There you go. The mark does say how you’ve made your impact to this world, and as yours is something time – related, letting you enter another field is kind of like making a big gamble – and most businesses around here simply can’t gamble something secure.” “It isn’t just here in Canterlot! They also rejected me in Detrots. Again in Fillydelphia. Even in Manehatten they did the same!” “Those are all big cities. There, one wrong move could put your work down under, and nopony’s willing to risk that in such a place.” “So I can’t be a dentist because they don’t trust my abilities?” “No, you can’t be a dentist because – wait, you got that right.” “What do I do then?” she asked, banging her head softly on the now spotless counter. “Give up on my dreams? Let go of everything I ever wanted?” “No, of course not. If you want it that badly, then you have to work towards it. Even if neither your name nor your mark is related to what you want to do or to be, you can always fight for your destiny. Whoa. When I said that just now, that sounded like a zebra talking.” Joe grinned at Minuette, who smiled back faintly in return. “But how do I do that if nopony wants to accept me? I can work a private practice but I won’t make it here, or in Manehatten, or in Fillydelphia, or anywhere similar! I can’t just set up shop here and expect patients, I’ve got way too much competition here if I do that.” “Ah. See, you said the solution just now.” “I did? What is it?” “You said you ‘can’t just set up shop here’. There's one word there that's the answer.” Minuette started thinking. “Can’t just set up shop here. That is true, but what can I do about it? Here, there’s plenty of big names to fight with – wait! Here, I have no chances, but... That’s it! I have to try somewhere else! I can start my own dental practice somewhere smaller!” She exploded with joy as the realization that she could still be a dentist and live her dreams. “Bingo!” Joe grinned again, and pointed to the half - eaten donut, asking, "You going to eat that?" "Oh, of course," Minuette replied, taking the donut and finishing it, putting the empty plate back on the counter top. Minuette was happy again and she was beaming, showing a perfect set of teeth. She was extremely grateful for the wisdom of the stallion in front of her. She pulled him across the counter into a hug, shouting, “Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you – wait, I don’t know your name.” She released him, an act for which he was most grateful considering he was practically suffocating from the hug. “J- Joe. Pony Joe, but Joe is fine.” “Thank you so much, Joe!” “N - no problem.” And with a new plan for her future as a dentist, Minuette trotted off outside the store, fully appreciating the beautiful day for once. The shining sun seemed to smile on her, as though Celestia herself was wishing her luck on her journey. The clouds were thin and the breeze was soft, relaxing her from her ecstatic dash into a normal walk. The city was a happy place again in her eyes, with unicorns walking around seeming less uppity than usual, Derpy delivering a piece of mail without crashing into anything, and a brown Earth pony stallion with brown hair and an hourglass cutie mark looking directly at her. She froze when she noticed the brown pony. She blinked, and he wasn’t there, so she wrote it off as her mind seeing things. Soon enough, she was at the Canterlot train station, buying a ticket for her train ride to a new home, and possibly where her rise as Equestria’s greatest dentist would start. She rode off to Ponyville, not noticing the brown stallion on the station watching her train speed off into the distant horizon. Ponyville seemed perfect for her purposes. It was a small city, and luckily one without a single dental care – dedicated facility. However, it was connected by train to several other cities, meaning her name could spread throughout Equestria from there. Her name. She remembered how ponies based judgments on names and marks. Nervousness flooded her again and she froze on the station, thinking about how to get past this obstacle. After a moment or two, she finally thought about how to fix her naming conundrum. The mark on her flank, the hourglass, she could do nothing about. But the name, she decided, would be different, and her decision was not a moment too soon, as a pink earth pony with a fluffy mane bounced her way to her and gasped audibly. Minuette – no, not Minuette any longer - watched the pony with a face of shock and amusement as she descended slowly to the earth and regained her calm – a calm that lasted only a split second before bursting into a most exuberant welcome, every word in the rapid speech punctuated by a bounce. “Oh you’re a new pony in town! I know, because I know everypony here in Ponyville and unless you were invisible for the last few years I would know you since I’m friends with everypony here! Since you’re new then that means you’re not my friend yet, but you will be! Oh my gosh I totally forgot! We have to go give you a welcome party! There’s going to be cake and balloons and games like pin the tail on the pony! Of course, we have to write a banner with your name on it, so everypony knows who you are! What is your name anyway?” The blue unicorn was staring distractedly at the pony who defied all logic she had, until said pony put her face closer and asked with one raised eyebrow, “Are you okay? Maybe you’re tired from the ride! I should let you rest now... Wait! What’s your name so I know what to call you?” She sighed and decided that this was the moment that would change her life forever. Here was the first time the name of the pony fated to be Equestria’s greatest dentist would be heard by pony ears. “Name’s Colgate. I’m a dentist.”
A New HopeWhere the balloons, or the cake, or the streamers and confetti came from was a mystery. So were the ponies – Colgate didn’t think she told anypony where she was going to stay, having only arranged for lodgings a short time after leaving Canterlot and arriving in Ponyville. So she was shocked, to say the least, when she opened her door to a very loud chorus of “Surprise!” that was echoed by another pony who said it late. The aspiring dentist’s jaw dropped when her eyes fell on the banner above the cabinet of the place soon to be her new home. It read, “WELCOME, COLGATE” in blue paint, and confirmed her knowledge that the party was indeed for her, that this was her place, and she didn’t simply walk into somepony else’s house by accident. The ponies were all looking at her expectantly and in total silence, smiling as though waiting for a speech. A mint green unicorn was standing on her hind legs beside a cream earth pony, and the mailmare she saw earlier in Canterlot was floating above, one eye on her, the other on the ceiling. Many others were also staring at her with nervous grins, as if afraid that Colgate didn’t like the reception. A pink – maned yellow Pegasus with a bunny in tow. A lavender unicorn with a dark purple mane that had a pink streak. A white unicorn with a curled violet mane. An blond, orange earth pony with a Stetson. A cyan Pegasus with a multicolored mane. A brown stallion with darker brown hair – every single pony looked tense, and the moment of Colgate’s dumbfounded shock stretched for ages. That is, until the pink earth pony spoke up. “So, do you like it or do you like it or do you REALLY like it?” “It – it’s very nice.” “You hear that everypony? SHE LIKED IT!” A cheer erupted from the sizable crowd and the party was suddenly underway. Laughing, drinking cider, eating muffins and cake, among other things, suddenly started in several parts of the house. Looking at the party, Colgate wondered how these raucous ponies were able to hide in the house silently – and then she wondered how they hid in at all, considering that the place she took wasn’t that large. She stepped in, bouncing pink pony beside her. “How did you set this party up? I only took about ten minutes to walk around before I came here from the station,” asked Colgate. “Like – this!” replied Pinkie, pulling out a cannon from thin air and shooting out several streamers, balloons, muffins and a fresh barrel of cider, much to Rainbow Dash’s joy. Pinkie bounced on the cannon, flattening it comically and putting it away. “My party cannon! I never leave home without it, in case I run into anything that needs a party – like you!” Colgate was shocked again when she saw what Pinkie did, but decided to dismiss it as the pony being herself. The Element of Laughter was known even in the big cities, after all, and common consensus was to not question her antics. Something else, however, was begging her to ask the pony something else. “And... How’d you know where to put up the party? I never told anyone where I’m staying.” “Oh, I know the housing and real estate of Ponyville like the back of my hoof! I have to, in case somepony moves from somewhere else - like you! This place was the only one in town that wasn’t occupied, and since you were just moving here, I figured this was where you’re staying, cause, you know, you didn’t know anypony here, which is sad cause you have no friends yet and nopony to stay with, but now you have plenty of new friends!” Pinkie emphasized the last word by bouncing twice as high when she said it, putting her hoof on Colgate’s back, and gesturing to all the partying ponies. “That’s... great, I guess. Thanks.” “No problem! Oh, and by the way, I don’t think this is going to be a slice of life story. You should be careful!” And with that, she bounced over to her friends, looked around, and produced a green alligator that instantly grabbed a muffin and walked away staring into space. Colgate was still disoriented. This was by far the warmest welcome she had in all the cities and towns she’d been to – by a huge margin. In the others, not a single pony even turned their heads to acknowledge her existence, let alone approach her. But here, she was instantly accepted as part of the town, and as a friend – something rather new due to her past having involved lots of travel taking up most of her time. She smiled warmly, and thought that it was a good decision to move here, where the past didn’t matter and all she had to look to was the future. “Minuette.” The voice snapped Colgate out of her trance – like state. She knew that voice. Just when she thought that her past – her name and the history it had – would leave her alone, it came back in the form of a brown earth pony stallion. There was no mistaking that brown mane, or that hourglass cutie mark, just like hers. “My name’s Colgate, not Minuette.” She turned around, and saw the Doctor. It was a sight she'd become familiar with, but not one she particularly liked, due to the fact that it was always accompanied by something bad. “We’ve known each other for too long for me to call you Colgate. And I definitely expect you to at least talk to me properly.” “Fine,” said Colgate irritably. “Let’s talk outside and get this over with.” The two stepped outside for their conversation, a thing which didn’t go unnoticed. The mint green unicorn said, “She’s been here five minutes and he already got her to go with her away from this party? He’s good.” In response, the cream pony beside her jabbed her in the side with a hoof. Outside the house, the surroundings were silent. For some reason the ruckus inside was completely contained, and Colgate appreciated that. If the noise was too much, the conversation would never end properly and would keep coming back to kick her in the flank. “We haven’t seen each other in ages, Doctor. What do you want now?” “Look, Minuette, I promised that I would leave you alone last time –“ “As you damn well should.” “- but the possible consequences of doing that are too dangerous – “ “Then leave me out of your danger and let me be.” “- so I have to ask for your help again.” “To which I will explicitly say ‘NO’.” Doctor Whooves sighed dejectedly and asked, “Why are you acting like this, Minuette?” “The name is COLGATE, and if you call me Minuette one more time this talk is over.” “Okay, fine, Colgate. Why are you like this?” Colgate drew a long and deep breath, preparing for a monologue. She stated, “Because every single time you ask for my help, you ruin whatever I have! Last time you got us stuck in that place filled with the two legged hairless monkey things, and I almost died there!” “I am sorry for that, but you know as well as I do that that was an accident.” “Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that you nearly got me killed.” The Doctor had no reply, so Colgate continued. “I just want to move on now. I don’t care about the past. Why do you think I changed my name and moved to a new city? Even if the future is in danger right now, I’m living here. In the present. I would suggest you do the same. And for Celestia’s sake, can’t you get others to take on your adventures aside from me?” “I can’t live in the present, not when our enemy lives in the past, and all over time.” “The past is the past. Just leave it alone! And he’s YOUR enemy, not mine.” The Doctor was completely silent, and walked away unnoticed. Colgate had turned around, opened the door and entered her new home, where she was tackled by the mint green unicorn who asked, “What did you two talk about? I’m not letting you go until you tell us all everyth – oof!” “Cut it out, Lyra.” The cream pony jabbed the mint green pony in the side again, pushing her off Colgate. Turning to the blue unicorn, she offered a hoof and asked, “Are you okay? Sorry about that, Lyra really likes knowing things about ponies around here.” “Oh, I’m fine, thanks.” She stood back up and looked at Lyra. “We didn’t talk much,” she said with a mischievous grin. Having been all over Equestria was an experience that taught her how to read ponies somewhat, and she could just tell that this particular unicorn was one who loved knowing every single thing in town. Lyra’s ears perked up, and she was back in front of Colgate. “You didn’t... talk much? What were you doing?” She was practically vibrating as her head went through the possible meanings of the statement. Colgate was right. Lyra could barely handle not knowing, especially when it was right in front of her. “Lyra! Leave the poor pony alone. It’s her first day here. I’m pretty sure she would want to keep her secrets until she trusts us all.” The cream pony clapped in front of Lyra, snapping her out of whatever it was going on her mind. “No, it’s okay, really. But that’s all I’m telling you, uh... Lyra. We didn’t talk much. That’s all you can know for now.” Colgate advanced forward again, only to be stopped in her tracks by a much more excited Lyra, who grasped her by the shoulders and shook her, saying, “I gots to know!” The cream pony pulled her back. They were already making a scene, and she made Lyra sit down to prevent the scene from getting bigger. “Sorry about this! Maybe we can talk when she’s calmer or something. Nice to meet you, by the way. Name’s Bon Bon.” “Nice to meet you too,” said Colgate, shaking Bon Bon’s hoof before she walked away and herded Lyra to the chairs. She faintly heard Bon Bon’s voice say “...you really have to stop doing that...” The pink party host came back to Colgate’s side and started talking. “Oh good, you have friends now! Wait! I just remembered, you haven’t met anypony else! Well, aside from Lyra and Bon Bon and Time Turner and me, but you don’t even know my name, do you? Of course you don’t, because I haven’t told you yet, but I’m about to tell you... Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!” She bounced up into the air, and froze halfway up, shouting in a military – like voice, “Everypony! Line up!” Every pony did line up, and Colgate found her being introduced to more ponies than she could possibly remember on such short notice, with Pinkie Pie pulling up pony after pony from the line and placing them in front of her, with a short introduction accompanying each. “Here’s Fluttershy,” – the yellow pegasus said a weak "Hi" – “and this is Applejack” – the orange earth pony said “Howdy” – “and this is Rarity” – the white unicorn greeted “Hello there, dear,” – “and this is Rainbow Dash” – the cyan Pegasus said “Oh cool, a new pony!” - “and this is Twilight Sparkle” - the lavender unicorn asked, “How do you do?” – “and this is – Derpy!" Pinkie told off the blond pegasus who had gone back to the table with the muffins on them. "You can have muffins when you’ve said your hello to Colgate!” said Pinkie Pie, as the wall – eyed gray mailmare went back to her spot on the line, disappointed at not having gotten a muffin before getting noticed. “Where were we? Oh yeah! This is Berry Punch, and this is Carrot Top, and this is...” Colgate just let the words go through her ears. It wasn’t like she would actually remember all of them instantly – that would take time. Instead, she just smiled and shook hooves, thinking of the good days ahead of her here in this friendly town which, if Pinkie wasn’t lying, had parties full of sweets every week at the least. That would really be great for her new life as a dentist. Her time in Ponyville had started. A new life, and if the Doctor really stayed out of her mane, a good one. She smiled to herself, looking forward to the days ahead of her.
Due ProcessDue Process Part 1 “N – no... This can’t be! This can’t be true... PINKIE!” “I told you this wouldn’t stay a slice of life for long...” With that, she stopped moving entirely and lay dead in Colgate’s hooves. The tears had resumed – now they were falling so rapidly in such large amounts on the pink pony’s dead visage that if she were alive, she would most likely have drowned. “PINKIE!” “AAAAAAH!” Colgate’s head snapped up with a start. She wasn’t injured, she notes, quickly looking at herself, although she was shaking excessively and cold as ice. Slowly, her logic returned and she realized that that could only have been a dream – there was no way that would happen in Ponyville. She muttered to herself in relief, “Oh thank you, Celestia and Luna, thank you for making that just a weird dream...” “What weird dream?” “Nothing, Pink –“ All of Ponyville ceased what they were doing for a moment when Colgate’s shrill scream resounded through the small town. “W – w – what are you doing in my bedroom? WERE YOU WATCHING ME SLEEP?” Colgate instinctively reached for a blanket and found none. “This isn’t your room, silly!” giggled Pinkie. And I WAS here even before you fell asleep!” Colgate was still in shock, but she forced herself to look around. She was on a couch, like the one she had at home, in her bedroom’s right side, but there the similarities ended. The room was more spacious than she knew, there were three doors in it, as opposed to the single door she remembered in her own room. The plain white of her walls were replaced with a burnished light brown oak, and there certainly wasn’t supposed to be a receptionist area in her own quarters. “W – where am I?” she asked in fear, in case Pinkie had decided to kidnap her, Sure, at most she would possibly just throw a party, but the lack of security that would allow for something like that to happen would forever be a threat against her peace of mind. “In the town hall, duh!” Pinkie said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look so good...” The town hall. Colgate suddenly recognized the somewhat spacious building when Pinkie pointed it out, but what she was doing there hadn’t returned to her conscious mind yet – too much information in too little time. There was the dream – and then the waking up – and then being somewhere different – “Colgate?” “Uh... What?” “You still look weird. You’re not okay are you? Oh, silly, of course you’re not, you just woke up screaming my name! And you’re all pale –“ “Pinkie.” “-and you’re complaining about a weird dream-“ “Pinkie...” “- and when I was like ‘what weird dream?’ you were all like ‘AAAAH!’ – “ “Pinkie!” “- and then I gave Gummy a blueberry muffin that Derpy didn’t see – yes, Colgate?“ asked the party pony while alternating blinking and opening her eyes wide very quickly. All of a sudden the pink pony asked nopony in particular, “how do you know I did that?” Pinkie looked around menacingly, from left to right, before saying, “No, I looked right first! Why are you narrating my day?” She started advancing towards an empty side of the office, shouting to nopony in particular, “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” before running out of the town hall to look for the "voice". “Well, there goes my day...” Colgate wracked her brains for a few minutes. She could not for the life of her remember what she was doing there. It was unlikely that Pinkie kidnapped her, because despite the little information she had, Colgate knew that if Pinkie wanted her down and out, she very well would be. So no, not kidnapping, she thought. Another piece of information resurfaced – only moments before entering the hall, she had conversed (heatedly) with the Doctor. He appeared to have no intention whatsoever of giving up recruiting her for his next delusion, and the argument, if she remembered right, settled nothing. It ended with her simply walking inside the hall and him – well, she didn’t see what the stallion did afterwards, considering her lack of eyes on the back of her head. That answered why she was in such a horrible mood and possibly the nightmare, considering how the doctor tended to make her recall certain less - than - pleasant things, but it didn’t remind her of what the hay exactly she was doing there. Town hall... The only reason she could think of to go to the town hall was either if she was summoned or had something legal to process. Was she summoned? She’d only been there three days, so no. She wasn’t capable of getting that badly out of control that quickly. Something legal to process... Something clicked in her head. Colgate advanced to the receptionist area. She had remembered why she was there – to apply for the construction of her dental office. Hoping that the dream she just had wouldn’t affect her application, she stepped forward, still slightly tipsy. “Oh, hello, my name is –“ “Miss Colgate, yes, wonderful to see you. No need to introduce yourself, Pinkie already did that the first day you were here. Remember?” “Uh... yes, I guess?” Colgate was confused now. The receptionist was nice so far (having barely started) but it wasn’t in her knowledge that a government worker would be able to talk so casually. The others she’d met were all formal and annoying, to say the least. But then again, this was a new place where she started a new life, so she couldn’t be surprised at everything that happens. She had to stay on her guard and be alert. This casual proceeding could possibly be just a front to pass some unbiased judgement on some unsuspecting behavior. “Ahem... I’m here to –“ “Get your dental practice's construction underway, if I remember correctly?” The receptionist was a sharp pony. Way too sharp for Colgate’s comfort. “Uh... yes, I’m here to speak with –“ “The Mayor, of course, to get the process started –“ “IF YOU COULD JUST LET ME FINISH!” For the second time that day, Ponyville stopped in its tracks as another shout resounded from the town hall. However, the ponies of the town saw weird thing almost every other day, so a scream like that was barely of any impact to them. Not one put their head up listening for the shout for longer than two seconds. Even the receptionist didn’t care – either she was plenty used to screaming ponies in front of her face, or she simply had the patience of a master. But that mattered not to Colgate, who had encountered the Doctor just before entering the hall. Colgate, who was told to wait for so long that she had fallen asleep in the atrium. Colgate, who upon falling asleep in the town hall atrium, saw a very graphic dream involving a burning town, a ton of dead pony, and the possibility of it being all her fault. At that exact moment Colgate didn’t care where she was or who she was talking to. Her patience was taxed already, and she snapped for a moment. “HOW’D YOU EVEN GET A JOB WHEN YOU DON’T LET THE OTHER PONY TALK? YOU KEPT INTERRUPTING YOUR EMPLOYER UNTIL HE GOT SO FED UP THAT HE GAVE YOU A JOB? IS THAT ALL YOU DO?” However, Colgate could pride herself in her ability to quickly recompose herself. The moment she said those things, she caught her tongue before she could continue, blushed furiously red, and apologized with a very timid voice that would make even Fluttershy sound extremely loud, saying, “¬Sorry about that... Rough day...” The receptionist simply smiled and said, “It’s perfectly fine. I couldn’t be a decent receptionist now if I couldn’t handle a scream loud enough to wake Ponyville or two, right?” She then pointed to her flank, showing the mark – a cactus? What sense was that supposed to have? Why would a cactus be connected to menial paperwork? “I don’t really get the mark.” “I don’t have any more idea than you why it’s a cactus, of all things, but I guess it fits since my talent is patience! Like the cactus, I think, which survives waiting for water in the desert for ages. I could be wrong and doing something that’s not what my mark is telling me, but oh well, it IS my life! Anyway, that’s beside the point. Point is, I’m patient enough, which is why the mayor took me in here,” she proudly proclaimed. However, all of a sudden her voice dropped low into a whisper. “Also, because she needs help with the other guy, and you’re also going to need help with the only other employee here.” “What help?” “Well, let’s see... You’re going to need infinite patience for that colt.” Colgate groaned. She already snapped because of a nightmare and the Doctor. And now this pony who somehow took her outbursts without any issues was telling her that she’d need tons of patience. That spelled a future disaster for Colgate. She was already starting to regret choosing this town, but she decided that this was where she would start her new life and career, and she almost never went back on her word. Sighing, she asked for what to do to apply. “The process is simple, actually. All you have to do is to take this form right here,” the receptionist said while producing a form out of nowhere. “- and fill it all up, then take it to... Red Tape.” The name she said with utter annoyance, as though her tolerance of him was at its limits. “Pretty simple, but Red Tape always makes legal proceedings much more of a hassle than they should be... Well, good luck! He’s over there,” she said, pointing to the door on the left. Colgate started walking, very slowly, trying to compose herself as much as possible. She put a hoof on the door handles and pushed them open. The room was grand – to such an extent that it just didn’t fit with the rest of the town hall. A massive ornate desk was situated in the dead center of the room. There were several glass cabinets on the walls, containing fine china that Colgate was sure cost more than all she had while her things were on their way through Pony Packing Services from her old home. One wall was an entire window, which made her wonder how she didn’t notice the flashy thing. On top of this window was a clock reading eleven – thirty in the morning. The lower part of the window was blocked by a chair with its back facing Colgate and completely concealing any presence of any pony sitting on it. “Hello? Mr. Red Tape?” The chair swung around in response to Colgate’s voice, revealing a light magenta stallion with a short white mane, black eyes and a rabbit in his hooves, which he was stroking with his hooves. When he smiled upon seeing the guest he had, Colgate could have sworn she saw the skies blacken and flash with lightning. “Ahh... Yes... Good of you to visit my humble workspace.” The lightning flashed again as the bunny scampered away from his hooves, causing him to exclaim with annoyance, “Bunny! I just borrowed you from Fluttershy, now come back! Come – ah dangit, he ain’t coming back.” “Mr. Red, can I get muffins now?” came the voice of Derpy, her head poking out from the thundercloud that was outside the window. The wall – eyed mailmare jumped one more time on the cloud, making another flash of lightning for the ominous lighting effect. “Sure, sure, go on then,” was Red Tape’s distracted answer while looking for the bunny which had already snuck out, making Derpy dart off in glee to the Sugarcube Corner. Red Tape sat and adjusted his position on the chair, which was now much less similar to Lyra’s trademark sitting position. “What are you here for then?” he asked Colgate who was on the other side of the desk. “Well, I need to have proper permits for me to set up a dental clinic. And according to the receptionist, you have to do something to this form she gave me right here.” “Have you filled up the form?” “Not all of –“ “Fill it up and then you bring it back here. Quills are in the cabinet on the left, ink is on the highest shelf in the opposite room.” “Highest shelf... In the opposite room?” “Yes. I believe I made myself clear.” “But... Why is it so far away?” Red Tape raised an eyebrow and asked, “What were the instructions I gave you?” “Fill up the form –“ “And how can you fill it up without ink?” “I can’t.” “Then you’d best stop asking and go get the ink already. Only fifteen minutes till noon, and I only work until noon.” That last remark made Colgate jump, and whatever retorts Colgate had in mind were put down under until she could finish this process. She darted to the atrium, and into the next door, where she immediately put her magic to work, trying to reach the ink. It was out of her accurate reach, so instead she used magic to stack boxes to get high enough, where the bottle was within reach. It took her a few tries, but she did get it securely wrapped in her magic’s blue glow. Carefully, she leapt down with such speed and excessive stress – produced force that she blew away the boxes she’d just stacked, and she ran off back into the room. The quill was an easy task to procure, being within physical reach, and she hastily started to scribble on the form, filling up all the spaces – “This part’s wrong.” Colgate looked to where the magenta hoof was pointed. The field said Full Name: Colgate. What was wrong? Did this pony somehow also know her past? Maybe he was one of the versions of the Doctor – what if he was his enemy? She started hyperventilating for a few moments until she was able to clear her lungs enough to ask what was wrong with it. “It says full name.” “Colgate... is my full name...” “Really now?” Oh no, he knows! He knows me as Minuette, not Colgate! Think, Colgate, think, think DAMMIT, THINK! Can’t think... Stall, Colgate, stall! “Yes it is!” “Yeah. Sure it is. I think I would recognize a dentist name if I saw one. Colgate? Doesn’t connect to anything tooth or medical care related.” Oh thank Celestia he’s just one of them biased ponies. Colgate sighed in relief knowing that her secret was safe. She planned to keep it that way , even if the price was that she had to take all of this pony’s ignorance. “Look, I was named Colgate. I can’t exactly do anything about that now can I? Besides, Colgate isn’t connected to anything, which means I can do whatever I want.” The last three words were punctuated by pauses for emphasis on each word. “Is that so – look at that! 12 noon, can’t take papers, please come back on Monday to get your papers signed.” Red Tape walked straight to the door after saying so, leaving a Colgate red with anger. “Monday? MONDAY? TODAY IS TUESDAY!” “I only work two days a week, miss, and right now you don’t really have much of a choice,” Red Tape replied with a smirk before trotting out. “WHY. THAT. INSOLENT –“ Ponyville ceased everything for a third time that day.
Patient ZeroDue Process Part 2 “There you go. Now, keep him away from those petrified logs and he’ll be fine.” “Oh, thank you so much! I was worried when Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth came complaining about his teeth and none of my usual tricks worked. Thank you so much!” “It’s fine, Fluttershy. Just make sure to keep him away from those rock trees. And why in the Princesses’ names are there rock trees here anyway?” “They were an experiment from Twilight. Anyway, we should be going now. Thanks again!” “No problem. Good to have actual patients.” Colgate waved as the yellow Pegasus left with a beaver in tow. She had been in Ponyville for two weeks and her dentist equipment had arrived, but that pony who infuriated her to no end, even more than the Doctor’s insistence that she come along on his adventure, had her at a loss. Red Tape had delayed the process of her dental practice’s application for a permanent office so much that she had taken to wandering around with her supplies, fixing up those she encountered. This was a noble cause to her, although it was still annoying for a few reasons. One, there was no pay involved, but she could live with that. Two, most ponies still doubted her due to her not having any dental namesake or mark, like the acclaimed Dr. Toothbrush, who was raised since foalhood towards being a practitioner of the dental arts. Even if she could live with that, it still annoyed her. The biggest issue she couldn’t swallow completely was the absolute lack of dental problems. It was baffling – she experienced firsthoof how much this town consumed in terms of sweets and similar tooth – damage causing foods. And she observed no particular adherence to some sort of oral hygienic practice either, so how in Tartarus the ponies avoided problems with their chompers made no sense in the slightest. In retrospect, however, she thought that they could simply be hiding it out of their distrust of her abilities. She was, of course, most thankful to Fluttershy who had become her main source of activity with all her critters having problems every now and then, although she still resented the others for not approaching her for theirs. Sighing, she made her way back to Ponyville. It seemed that most of her time was split in three parts, one she spent at home, another at the Town Hall, and the third at Fluttershy’s. It wasn’t tiring, but her patience was draining slowly; between Red Tape’s antics, the Doctor popping out every now and then, having no close friends to spend time with, and still not being accepted fully into the community, it was a miracle she hadn’t snapped that badly yet. Back to the Town Hall she went. It was one in the afternoon, the time Red told her to come back for her processed papers. That was, if he actually bothered processing them. For the past week or so, he would always pretend that there was another issue more important than hers that he had to handle, and smirk while dismissing her. Colgate was not having any of that today, she thought to herself as she entered Red Tape’s office. She had started to enter unannounced whenever she visited, in the hopes of catching him slacking off and hopefully off guard. So far that had not happened yet. “Ah, Miss Colgate. How many times have I told you to knock?” asked Red Tape, still hidden beneath that oversized chair of his. He didn’t even bother revealing himself, although Colgate was sure he was stroking his rented bunny as usual in an overused parody of stereotype villains. “Same number of times I told you you’re wasting both of our times with the ridiculous ‘due process’ of yours. Why not save both of us the trouble and give me the permit? I know it’s there in your desk, already finished up.” This particular bit of info came from the receptionist outside, who told her that every single possible case or permit a pony would need from the hall was already premade and stocked in bulk. “Oh, pish posh. If I give you the papers now, I would still have to sit in this office! Might as well have some angry and amusing company with me. After all, what’s the point of having influence if you’re not going to use it? The papers aren’t processed yet, but I doubt I have to tell you that.” He was still hidden but the smirk on his face was obvious. “Ughhh... Why now? Another emergency case from another nonexistent pony?” Colgate’s left eye was twitching already from the pent up anger she held for this pony who was keeping her from her dreams, or at least from starting on them. “Nope. I just lost the papers,” he replied nonchalantly. He then smiled and produced a pair of earmuffs, placed them on his ears, and counted down silently to the hissing of steam behind his chair. 3... 2... 1... “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST THEM?” All who heard the shout trembled in fear – that is, all of Ponyville, and a few creatures in the Everfree forest – and dropped to the ground. They expected a massive dragon to be flying overhead, so great was the fury of the shout. It shook off books from the desk, made the chandelier sway violently, and pushed Red Tape off his chair, leaving the bunny to scamper off like it did every day that Colgate visited. Her magic had been channeled into her shout, unconsciously due to her anger, and when she closed her jaws the room was now a scene of utter devastation. “Oh, dear. Do you not know how much trouble it is to console that little bunny? Every time you come here, I have to fix him up for when he goes back to Fluttershy, and that isn’t easy,” said Red Tape, surprisingly calm, pushing the chair back upright and looking for the bunny again. It always managed to find a good hiding spot every time it ran off. “I. DON’T. CARE!” Colgate reached her limits with his telling her that the papers she’d worked hard for, bearing with his pointless antics for, and tested her patience for, were all lost for whatever reason it was that he had. “I have had it up to here with your idiotic, ignorant insolence, and your pointless practices, and your foalish treatment of legal procedures. I quit trying to play your games. Tomorrow, you better get ready, because I am taking this to court!” Colgate had advanced while speaking, and she grabbed Red Tape in her hooves around the collar, which was the only piece of clothing he wore. “You got that?” She glared him right in his face with one eye, and asked even louder, “DO YOU GET THAT?” “I believe I got the gist of it, yes. Now let me go before you crush my collar.” Colgate obliged and stormed off; leaving a slightly bemused and very amused Red Tape to start fixing up the mess made by her draconic shout and her minor rampage. Things were getting more and more interesting, he thought, as he picked up the fallen books. “Hi, how can I help you –“ “Twilight, you have to help me!” Colgate knelt down and embraced Twilight’s forehooves, begging the unicorn to help her in her plight. She was trembling in anxiety as the librarian nervously looked around and told her to get up. “I’ll, but could you please get up? We’re in the middle of the road...” She blushed as the passing ponies looked at her, some snickering, and some others looking grim. “Oh, right, forgot about that, sorry.” Colgate stood up, and she could distinctly hear Lyra in the background whisper, “I knew she had a thing for Twilight, the way she acts around her...” and a distant jab of hoof against rib. She made a mental note to talk to the mint green unicorn at some point, but right now this was more important. She walked along with Twilight back to the library. “So what do you need my help with? And please, next time, don’t do that in public... Ponies are starting to say strange things. You can always just wait for me here, you know,” Twilight said, slightly embarrassed at the misinterpretations of her dealings with Colgate. “Here’s the thing. I’m applying for a land permit up the northern part of Ponyville for my dental practice, but this pony in charge of the process has absolutely NO sense of professionalism! He delays me every single day with pointless papers that have no use whatsoever – and trust me, I’ve read the fine print – just so for his amusement! And today, do you know what he did?” “No, but you should sit down before you say it, your pacing’s starting to leave marks on the floor.” “He told me that my papers – the only ones that actually have any value – were lost! He lost them for no reason and he expected – expects me to put up with it!” Her pacing had lowered her into the floor about an inch, making Twilight stop her in her tracks with magic and force her into a chair. “And of course, I snapped, so long story short, I have to find something in the Equestrian bylaws that says his kind of behavior isn’t allowed.” “Wait, wait, wait. Let me get your story straight – he lost your papers and refused to replace them.” “Yes.” “And now you started a civil case.” “Uh – uh.” “And you want me to help you study Equestrian law?” Twilight’s eyes were widening and starting to sparkle. That was not a good sign. It meant research mode, which usually had some negative effects on the immediate vicinity. True, the fact that it was a law study would probably negate the possibility of magical experimentation, but Colgate had heard through word of mouth how horribly zealous Twilight could get over the smallest things. “On second thought, maybe I should just check the books...” “This is PERFECT! I’ve been looking for something new to study ever since I recently cleared out the archaeology books, and this would also entail some sort of hearing, which means I could get firsthoof experience... Oh thank you so much for bringing this here!” Colgate was at a loss. She had no idea if she really wanted to risk Ponyville for her clinic. But then she thought, “What could possibly go wrong?” She shrugged. It was a long few days of research ahead of her. “Seriously, Twilight? You’re... Okay with this?” “I can see why you’re concerned, after all, this is the first time for both of us. But it will be okay.” “Are... are you sure you wouldn’t want somepony else?” “Colgate, how many times do I have to answer that question?” “I know, I just mean... This is important, and all...” “Colgate...” Twilight stared into Colgate’s eyes. “Don’t blame me if something goes wrong...” “Nothing will... It’s okay.” Colgate gave in. Whatever oppositions she had to Twilight’s crazy idea were still there, but she wasn’t allowed to act on them by virtue of the lavender unicorn beside her on the bed. Twilight faced her, leaned in, and said, “Go on...” Colgate looked in front. This was definitely a bad idea. But if Twilight said it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. She sighed an exasperated “Okay,” and told the three fillies in front, “You’re going to be part of my legal counsel.” “YAY! Cutie Mark Crusaders Lawyers!” they shouted in unison. “Twilight, you are sure about this, right? They are allowed to be my lawyers by law?” Colgate asked. She hoped it wasn’t legal, but Twilight had said it was, and it was unlikely for her to be wrong when it came to things involving fine print. Still, it wasn’t illegal to hope, or at least as far as she knew. She really needed to study her Equestrian laws more. “I didn’t see any law concerning age restrictions of legal counsel in the Equestrian Law Primer, or in the Simplified Foal’s Guide to Equestria’s Legal System, or in the Totally Legitimate Law Handbook, or in the One Thousand Years: Equestrian Rulership History, or anywhere else...” “I get it, I get it. So it’s allowed for me to be represented by little fillies. This is a bad idea...” “Don’t worry. I’m sure if we teach them right –“ “What the hay is a lawyer anyway? Mah sis never told me anythin’ about lawyers!” “I don’t know, but what if we get our marks in being one?” “That’s going to be awesome! But only if lawyers are cool! I don’t want to be some lame worker if that’s what it is!” “- they’re going to be very helpful.” Twilight lost her confidence in her own statement halfway through it. She gulped, and hoped that Colgate was wrong about this being a bad idea. That didn’t do much to convince her. Colgate straightened her suit. It felt foreign, but Twilight had insisted that it was necessary to look good and professional. It would help her with the judges, she said, yet it didn’t help her spirits in the slightest. It was the biggest – and very first – legal case she had ever taken part in. One that would decide the fate of her lifelong dream, one which now lay on the shoulders of three overexcited fillies. Somehow they kept their interest in the case, despite all of her efforts to make it boring. She admired their tenacity, even if it would in all likelihood destroy her chances. “Okay, I think we’re ready. I’ve done last minute reviews of what he might bring up, what we could use to counter, and everything else that I could do here. Do you think we’re ready?” Twilight asked. The three young fillies were to be the speakers; she was just their advisor. “Not excessively, no.” “Ready or not, here we come!” “We’re gonna win this, and get our marks!” “Yeah, guys, we have ta’ win this!” “Let’s get this over with,” said a resigned Colgate. She opened the door with a hoof, and what lay beyond it almost made her do another one of what Ponyville now called the “Dragon’s Shouts”. Instead of the Town Hall having a jury and a judge, and her opponent on a set of tables, the hall had been rearranged that it now looked more like a gladiatorial arena. The jury, composed of the receptionist and one other pony that Colgate didn’t recognize. The judge was, of course, the Mayor, who only agreed to participate in the legal process now. That irked Colgate. But the main difference between what she knew as a court of law and - whatever this was - was the presence of the audience. It appeared that majority of Ponyville had turned up to watch the case unfold, no matter how minor it was. No other court hearing she had ever witnessed – not that she’d witnessed many – had an audience like this. For that matter, she remembered none of them having any audience at all. Glancing at Twilight, she asked, “What the hay are all these ponies doing here?” This crowd would have an effect on the little fillies. “Please don’t be affected, please don’t be affect – oh, too late,” she prayed, stopping when she noticed the three starting to bounce in eager anticipation. Gulping down something that didn’t exist, she stepped forward to her assigned seat on one side of Red Tape. “Fillies and gentlecolts! We are gathered here today to be witnesses to the resolution of the dispute regarding Miss Colgate’s application for a land and construction permit! As you all know...” The mayor’s voice slowly trailed off in Colgate’s ears. “Why does this feel more like a public duel instead of a hearing?” she muttered to herself. “That’s because it is,” smiled Red Tape. “I applaud how prepared you are, but this court operates differently from what you know.” “Hey, mister! I don’t care who you are, but we’re going to beat you at... at... What do you call what we’re doing now again?” asked Scootaloo, confused. “Hay if Ah know! All Ah know is we’re going ta be fightin’ him in some way...” answered Applebloom. “It doesn’t matter as long as we get our cutie marks from doing it,” piped in Sweetie Belle, completely derailing the conversation into an argument between the three about what kind of mark they would get, what they would be doing, and the point of getting a mark in something you didn’t even know. “Adorable counsel you have there. Good for you they’re not going to be needed today.” Red Tape leaned back further on his chair, his face showing no care or worry about anything. No matter how insufferable he was, Colgate had to admit he was right about their being unneeded being a good thing, and she admired how he was able to not care about anything in the world. It was much better than her current approach to the case that used panic, to say the least. “Now, as is customary with Ponyville court, the complainant begins. Miss Colgate, whenever you’re ready.” The mayor’s voice and the sudden silence of the thundering crowd brought Colgate’s thoughts back to Equestria. She realized in an instant that her preparation was pointless, and that she had no idea what to do now. She considered her options: guess what she was supposed to do and do it, or ask what she had to do. She decided on the latter. “I have no idea what to do.” The crowd whispered to itself. The mayor looked confused, until she remembered that Colgate came from elsewhere in Equestria, and this system of settling cases wasn’t practiced that much outside Ponyville. “Ponyville court cases are handled in the form of a public discussion, instead of what I’m sure you prepared for, what with the legal counsel and all. Here, all we do is let you two talk, and if you are still unable to come to a settlement, then we intervene,” elaborated the mayor. That sounded much simpler than trying to undermine Red Tape in front of a dozen ponies, especially considering his freakish immunity to undermining. Perpetually calm, he would never lose in a court case if the tactics of his enemy rotated on trying to slip him up. Thanking Celestia and Luna of the simplicity of the system, Colgate began her petition. A speech would be a piece of cake, having been forced to learn persuasion for survival purposes in her past with the Doctor. “For those of you who don’t know, my applications for land and construction are handled by this pony right here,” she started, pointing to Red. “I have worked all the while that I was here in Ponyville to get that process – the first step to me realizing my dreams – completed, or at least somewhere in the works. But this pony right here,” she said, pointing again, “appears to be Tartarus – bent on making sure I do not do that.” She swallowed. It was time for the main part of her speech. So far, the ponies were all listening intently and appearing to be on her side. “Ever since I started processing my papers, he has done nothing but delay me at each and every turn possible. When I initially filed my applications, he refused to accept them until an entire week after, saying that ‘it wasn’t in his office hours’ and that ‘he had the power, so I had no right, or ability to resist’ his unfair antics. He had the power, yes, that much I acknowledge, but did he have the right to do that? I sincerely doubt it.” There was a murmur of agreement in the audience. They seemed to be favoring Colgate already. “Naturally, I put up with him, because it was – it is my lifelong dream in his hooves. But slowly, he has been draining my patience by wasting both of our times with pointless side – processes and pathetic excuses. He once even made me fill up one form thirty – pages long about the connection of my name to my desired profession! It was an interesting question, yes, but it had nothing to do whatsoever with my concerns at hoof, so it shouldn’t have had been part of the process.” The audience was now at full attention. Colgate had gotten their attention. Now it was time to get them to outrage. She made a mental note to thank the Doctor, infuriating as he was, for his past adventures with her teaching her how to subtly talk ponies into favorable situations. “Nevertheless, I put up with his nonsense. It was the way I saw most fitting to deal with the problem. I thought perhaps if I let him have his way, he would soon enough let me have mine. But only three days ago he proved me wrong. Three days ago, I went into his office for the next step in my process – one which had taken far too long to be considered proper – and prepared myself for whatever his nonsense might have had in store. Still, I was completely unprepared for what he would say next – the papers I labored so hard to accomplish, especially with his unhelpfulness, were lost! He told me that my labor was gone, that he’d lost it, and for no reason whatsoever.” Several ponies in the crowd gasped, whilst several others whispered things like “the nerve!” and “how dare he?” One particularly loud pony exclaimed, “And to think I accepted muffins from you!” “It is clear to all present then, that his absolute lack of professionalism is intolerable! His attitude towards me and my work is nothing short of rude and downright wrong. And he doesn’t even attempt to make amends!” Colgate knew that at that moment she had every single eye, ear, and heart. It was time for the finisher. “Ponies of Ponyville, I would like to think that you have more sense than him, and so I ask you – in the names of all things good – make him repair what damage he caused! Make him fix my application, and make him apologize! Make him stop from getting in the way of my dreams!” There was a massive roar from the audience, followed by a very loud chorus of clapping. Colgate was sweating slightly – her clothes were warm, and that speech had roused her body to the point where she might have been taken for a fever sufferer. She sat back down contentedly, smiling; knowing that there was no way Red Tape could ruin her chances now. She looked at him, and it annoyed her to no end that he was still smirking in that way of his, but she put it out of her mind. In moments he would have no more reason to smile. “Alright, everypony, we’ve heard Miss Colgate’s side. Now, if the defendant would like to say something?” This was the moment. Colgate would see him squirm in his futile attempt to take the judges back to his side. Clearly the one – on – one settlement wouldn’t work, with Colgate being that annoyed by the stallion. His only option was a convincing public defense, which was also unlikely. “I would like to resign this case,” he said, grinning. There was a full ten seconds of silence, during which every single pony just stared at him, until they cheered for Colgate’s well - earned and well – deserved victory. Twilight could be heard behind Colgate, congratulating her, while the three fillies were downhearted at not having had a chance to try their hooves at being lawyers, and consequently, not having had a chance to earn their marks. “But –“ started Red Tape. Every single pony fell silent. “Before I accede to the demands of the court – that is, the immediate approval of Colgate’ permits – I would like to have a private moment to speak with her, if she’ll let me, of course.” He looked over to his left, where a somewhat downcast Colgate replied, “Fine.” “Very well then. If everypony would vacate the hall for ten minutes so they may come to their agreement?” One by one, the audience dispersed, and it was only Colgate and Red Tape inside. “What do you want?” snapped an irritable Colgate. “You already resigned the case. You no longer have power here.” “Oh please, don’t think that. I may have given up, but that was only out of common sense. Even a blind foal could see that I had no chance there. That was quite the convincing speech you gave there. Ever consider taking a career as a speaker instead?” “You’re not answering my question. What do you want? Let’s get this over with quickly, if you’d be so sensible.” “I’d rather take my time, thank you very much, considering time was one of my main considerations with annoying you. You see, boredom is a constant companion of mine in that little office, and you simply happened to be the best companion I could have there to replace being lethargic.” “I... I don’t follow.” “Do you not see? I did this – all of this – to get you to stay. So I could spend time with you. And of course, that means I plan to take full advantage of our remaining eight minutes.” Colgate went furiously red – the exact opposite of her color scheme – upon hearing that. Could that be true? Could he simply have been trying, in most misguided methods, to get her attention, to have her close? No, she wasn’t having any of it. This was a trick of his, a ruse, a clever move to get her off guard. “Explain more clearly.” “Goodness, I never figured you for the slow type. What could you not understand about a pony going to such lengths just to spend time with another?” “That means... You –“ “Most definitely, yes. And of course, seeing you so flustered every single day was most amusing. And that speech of yours? What did you say again? Ah, yes, something like, ‘if I let him have his way, he’d let me have mine.’ That was a great line. Gave many ideas. I'd certainly enjoy it if you let me have my way.” “I did not mean anything like that –“ “I know.” He was still smiling, completely ignoring the fact that Colgate was so red she was starting to glow. “Rrgh. I give up! You will always be the most annoying pony I have ever known. It’s a good thing this whole legal process is over.” “I wouldn’t say me being the most annoying is a bad thing. It means I’m going to be in your head forever.” He smiled even more widely – if that was possible – and said, “Just because this case is over doesn’t mean I’m going to be out of your mane. I can always get a tooth ache from overeating sweets.” He then went back to his seat, and a very, very perturbed Colgate went back to hers, still noticeably red, much to the chagrin of the ever – curious Lyra who had just walked back in, along with several other ponies from the audience. She looked plain furious at not seeing what transpired between the two, and Colgate was sure Lyra would jump her the moment she stepped outside the hall. But for now, court was resuming, and she would see it to the nearing end. “Have you two reached any form of agreement?” “No, but I believe that the results are the same anyway. She gets her permits in two days, at which point she may begin setting up the place,” reported Red Tape. The crowd was happy for Colgate, but they seemed disappointed at the anticlimactic ending. “Very well then. If that is all, then this court is now adjourned!” Three swift strikes from the mayor’s mallet landed on the wooden disc on her table, signaling the end of the tedious journey Colgate had to go through. She was most thankful that this affair was now over, but as she sat in the emptying hall, she had plenty to think of. Actually, not plenty, but this thing took up all her thoughts. What had Red Tape meant with those words of his? He hadn’t let her finish her question, so she wasn’t entirely sure if he meant what she did, but judging from his words, he did. And Colgate had no idea how to deal with that. In her thoughts she was so lost that she didn’t notice the hoofsteps approaching her, nor the golden eyes looking at her. Only when Lyra prodded her did she notice, and even then she was still a little out of it. “Hi there, Colgate. Let me get right to brass tacks – what happened between you and Red Tape here earlier? I’m a hundred percent sure that it wasn’t anything about the case, the way you were blushing when I walked in. What did he tell you?” she asked, leaning in real close. “Come on, you can tell me anything! I may be nosy, but I don’t tell tales.” “It – it’s nothing to be concerned about.” “Oh, please, it concerns me, that’s for sure. I’ve been wanting to know the deal with you ever since you got here! First it was the Doctor. Then it was Twilight. Now, is it Red Tape?” “Wha – What are you talking about?” Colgate knew full well what she was talking about but she had no intentions of riding on. “Who’s your current ‘special somepony’? Is it still the Doc, or is it Twilight, or Mr. Red Tape here?” “What we said or did in those ten minutes is a secret only for the two of us,” interjected Red Tape, heading for the door. “All I can tell you is that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other.” Colgate went so red at this point that she appeared to be nearing a point of explosion. Red Tape brought out earmuffs as he stepped outside the door into the glorious sunshine and the bright future. He counted down from three. He smiled as the town hall shook and the blue unicorn leapt outside, violently red, and rushed on home, with a green unicorn behind her squealing like a fangirl at the revelation. It was a good day.
LullPatient Zero A bell chimed from the doorway of the building. It had only been ten minutes since the ribbon of Colgate Dentistry had been cut and the door already saw its first patient. Apparently Colgate’s acts of kindness worked wonders as an advertisement. Two months had passed since she moved here and lived her new life. Those two months were riddled with obstacles beyond count. On her very first day she had encountered her nemesis, the Doctor, who now pestered her regularly. Ever since she argued with the Doctor outside her welcome party, she had noticed plenty of whisperers dogging her, and in the case of a certain Lyra Heartstrings, the whispers were loud questions and occasional abductions and interrogations. This town took to rumors like trees to a wildfire, and when their misguided fantasies of Colgate and the Doctor being together were cut down, the ponies latched on to a new fictional romance – her and Twilight. Colgate had nothing against such relationships or Twilight – in fact, they were indeed friends, but she was friends with the other ponies who hung out around her as well. The six were usually at the center of the scene, so every now and then they would interact, especially with Colgate’s tendency to attract troublesome situations. Her application for a permit; the one that would allow her to build her office – was accompanied by a brand new pony named Red Tape who declared, most likely on a whim, that he had feelings of attraction towards her, much to her annoyance, and the joy of the rest of Ponyville. The town really loved its gossip. This was Red Tape’s final act, a legacy that would continue to bother her even if he himself no longer did. Once the permit was secured, the actual building had begun, and to no pony’s surprise, there were several mishaps on the construction as well. First was Rainbow Dash crashing into the single weakest point of the foundation and bringing the whole thing down – thankfully, no pony was seriously hurt, nor was the construction hindered too much considering it had just begun. The next disaster was much worse. A swarm of ravenous parasprites had chanced through Ponyville, and for some reason the only thing that was completely devoured was her office. No matter. All of that was the past now. All that mattered was the present, and presently she had a patient. One she had failed to notice entering, and failed to notice standing in front of her. “Umm... Colgate? Are you busy? I have someone I need your help with, but if you’re not free...” The weak voice snapped her out of her reverie. There was a brief flash of disappointment on her face as she said, “Not at all, Fluttershy. Another of your critters have a problem?” She was expecting her first patient to have been a pony at the very least. Still, a patient was a patient, even if they weren’t equine. “Actually, no. It’s not a critter; it’s just a friend of mine. He’s been having some sort of annoyance with his tooth.” Colgate lightened up upon hearing that it wasn’t one of her innumerable pets. Finally, she could do work on a real pony, and see if she was indeed cut out to be a dentist. Eagerly, she said, “Let me see him then, and I’ll see what I can do.” “No need for that, dearie, I’m right here. Lovely place, by the way.” The voice emanated from Colgate’s recliner, the covering of which turned out to be not the blue cloth it appeared to be, but instead was a flattened pony that was sprouting limbs of all sorts of creatures. Two yellow eyes opened, and there was a full body lying on the chair below the lights and mirrors. A pony body, without a doubt, but the rest of it seemed as if the maker of the pony misplaced the rest of the proper pony parts and replaced them with whatever spares were on hand. “Oh. Princess. Celestia.” Colgate's eyes widened, and her jaw opened. She was happy to have a pony patient, but whether this pony was considered was a question up for debate. “The name’s Discord, if you don’t mind. Do I look like a white princess who gorges herself on cake?” Discord asked, turning into Celestia and then saying, “I do now, but I would still prefer to be called by my name.” He reverted to his original form, and with a claw snap made the mirrors dance overhead. “I must say though, the years have been kinder on her and her sister. She has a colorful mane now, and all I have is a bit of a hard coat.” “I’m sorry to leave him with you like this, but I don’t know how to deal with these problems myself, and if he tries to fix it with his magic, he keeps making something else pop up. It's just I have to be in Canterlot with my friends, and I can't just leave him be like this. I'm very sorry, but I have to go.” She walked up to the door and went out into the skies that never seemed so beautiful. Perhaps that was only due to her office containing several clouds dripping honey. “Don’t worry about it, Fluttershy,” said Colgate, swallowing air as Fluttershy left. It was hard enough to deal with pony teeth. Dealing with the teeth of the spirit of chaos itself would be much more challenging, to say the least. Nevertheless, she said she would do it, and Colgate never backed down. Right now she regretted being that way. “Yes, Fluttershy, you need to stop worrying!" he said to no pony in particular. "I’m sure this one tooth of mine is perfectly fine. There was no need to bring me to a professional, but since you insisted, I will apologize in advance to her.” Discord bowed low and said, “This will be good for me, madam. For you I doubt it will. Shall we begin?” From nowhere came a chorus of ponies chanting, “Start! Start! Start! Start!” As Colgate peered in closer to examine Discord’s only visible tooth, a mug spoke as a commentator, surrounded by her equipment acting as audience, as though this was a sports show or something. “She leans in closer, and closer, and closer – and she barely dodges the snake!” A snake did pop out of Discord’s open mouth, which Colgate jumped away from in fear. It disappeared, and she went back closer. “Ooh. Look at that! She’s closed the distance! Down comes the lens – and she sees it! I repeat, she sees it!” The equipment started clapping as Colgate observed Discord’s tooth. She frowned. “I see the problem. IT’S MADE OF GLASS.” “Is it?” asked Discord, as the inanimate audience laughed. “My sincerest apologies. Wrong tooth, I guess. It would explain why it feels so brittle,” he said, yanking it off. Another one grew in its place. “Go on now. It’s not glass.” “You’re right, it isn’t. It’s wood now.” Colgate was starting to snap again. Normally she was calm but Ponyville had other plans. The audience was laughing itself silly again. “Just let me do my job properly so we can both go our ways, okay?” “Let me consider it...” Discord scratched his chin with eight sets of various paws. “No, this sounds like a much better use of my time.” Colgate was just about to shout, but she remembered that angering this pony was going to be more harmful than anything else. She set to work again, but Discord seemed to have something else in mind. “I want to play a game,” he said, smiling ominously. Colgate replied, “Then play on your own. I have things to do.” “Like what? Attend to the needs of this community?” Discord stood up and started circling Colgate. The equipment fell silent and became inanimate once again as Discord's voice turned more serious. “And once I leave, who’s next? Who’s next in this infinite line of patients you have? No pony. So please, if you’re going to waste your time here, you might as well waste it playing a game with your first patient.” He had a point. There were no other ponies queued up. And he was a patient, even if he was impossible to deal with, and was in all likelihood capable of curing himself. Now that she considered it, she wondered whether draconequi were subject to the same dental rules. “Fine. What do you want to do?” “This is a game you’re going to absolutely enjoy. You were complaining about the lack of patients, were you not? So...” Discord brought up a paw. Colgate realized what he was planning. She was about to speak out against it, and found that her mouth disappeared. Discord’s lion paw snapped and almost instantly the ponies of Ponyville gave a unified scream of pain. “Now you’re going to have all the patients you want!” “Discord! I thought you were reformed? Put them right this instant!” Colgate advanced on Discord, who was now yawning. “I’ll tell Twilight and the others!” He simply replied with a yawn too loud to be unintentional. “Oh, please. They’re in Canterlot right now. Why do you think Fluttershy left me here? She would have stayed if she could have. But she couldn’t, so now, enjoy!” A flash of lightning struck outside the window as Derpy crashed in pain on a stray cloud. “And I am reformed. It simply hurts to think you would doubt me like that. It isn’t like I dabble in lies or things like that anymore.” Discord’s face and tone fell, looking sad, and then fell literally after two seconds. The face now spoke to her from the floor while the body went around blindly looking for it. “I don’t need to do good every single moment, you know. I simply stopped suppressing everypony’s dental problems. They had them from the start!” He found his face, put it back on his body, and melted into the floor, out of sight. There was knock, and then several, and then the noise of a wave of pony crashing on the door. They were all squealing in pain and panicked. The moment she opened the door, an entire crowd burst in. All of them were speaking at the same time, so that it sounded like senseless dialogue. They were screaming, “Help me,” and “Colgate,” and some other things in random sequences. Fed up, she made her horn flash and burst in sparks, shouting, “ONE AT A TIME! LINE UP, SINGLE FILE!” Instantly, they lined up, with ponies occasionally jostling for the better spot. Once they had quieted down, she said, in her normal voice, “With how many you are, this will take some time. Please avoid chit – chat if you’re the one being examined to save on time. First pony, in the chair, please.” A cream earth pony sat down, slightly wincing. This was going to be a long day. “I just don’t know what went wrong!” “Do you brush?” “No.” “And you still wonder?” Colgate sighed. If Discord really suppressed these problems, then all of these ponies owed him much. Their dental care was terrible. She set to work on Derpy’s teeth, cleaning them with a magically – powered brush before dabbing on some paste to fortify the weak teeth. She handed the tub of paste to Derpy, along with a brush. She was using up way too much supply, and the line was still long. Oh well, she thought. Duties first. Perhaps if these ponies learned their lesson, there wouldn’t be crowds this big. It was already well into the night, past the normal closing hours of any clinic, but Colgate’s office still had a massive line in front of it. She took care not to rush any of the patients. Some were better off than the others, having observed some form of oral hygiene, and some others having observed none. Her current patient was an oddity of sorts. Her teeth weren’t the slightest bit unclean. In fact, they were spotless, barring them being in a state of total wreck. “These are interesting,” she said. “What do you eat mostly, and what do you do with your mouth? This is the first time I’ve seen a case like this.” “Wine,” she slurred. “Wine and... more wine.” That explained it. Alcohol killed off the little bacteria living on her teeth, in exchange for weakening them, and probably the rest of her as well. This one wasn’t an issue of hygiene, but an issue of consumption. And alcoholism. That seemed to be the bigger problem. “You’re going to have to cut down on your drinking. It’s screwing up your teeth, and if I’m right, the rest of you as well.” “Cut down on drinking? Prepsterouse! Or is it... Preposterous?” “Hasn’t anypony told you that you need to drink less?” “I don’t know – hic! They might have. I don’t... rememberrr...” Colgate called to another pony, and asked, “Are you ponies seriously just letting her drink?” “Well, yeah!” “You shouldn’t have done that! Do none of you care about her health?” “We do! It’s just that she gets... Dangerous.” “Doesn’t matter. You’re going to get her to stop drinking. Help her back home so I can get to the other ponies in line now. DO IT.” She glared at the pony, who promptly went to Berry Punch and brought her home. “There’s nothing wrong with your teeth, Lyra. You have ten seconds to explain why you’re here even when it’s five past midnight. The pony before you I understand, but you have no reason to be here.” Try as she might, Colgate just couldn’t bring herself to be intimidating with that level of energy. She was far too tired. “I have to sleep. Save it for later.” “But I waited all day!” Lyra exclaimed. “I demand a talk!” “We can talk later. Good day.” She yawned and went to her room. “But –“ “I said good day!” said Colgate, pushing Lyra out with magic and sealing the door. She could faintly hear knocking, and several groans of disappointment. That mattered not. She walked into her bedroom, ready to fall asleep the moment she fell on the bed. At least she would have had a spirit of chaos not manifested from her lampshade. “How was your first day? Satisfying! I would hope so,” said Discord, bringing out a small covered basket and leaving it on her nightstand. “You’re tired, I see. Adieu for now then. I go!” he said, exiting in a cloud of smoke. Colgate opened the basket. It was full of food, mostly apple based. There was a note in it. Dear Colgate, Discord told us how he stopped keeping everypony of Ponyville from having problems on your first day. I understand how frustrating it must have been, and I’m sorry for his behavior, but he really did mean well. I hope you’re not angry at him. Fluttershy P.S. Twilight says it would be nice if you could talk to her and perhaps help her with her letter to the Princess. Colgate smiled. She knew Discord did mean well, although that realization came halfway through the mess. She had to thank him. Thanks to him, she knew the satisfaction of following her dreams, and of helping ponies. Tiring, yes, the day was tiring. But it was fun. She considered Twilight’s request for help with the letter on the magic of friendship. She picked up a blank paper and a pen, lay down on the bed, and fell asleep instantly after writing a short message. Dear Princess Celestia, Being a dentist in Ponyville is hard.
