Last men standing- invasion of ponies

by Mewzy

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 4721

Faced with events of apocalyptic significance, a young man of a rather wealthy family is left with the task of holding off pony-geddon. Will he be able to bring himself to the task, or fall victim to the ponification syrum?

The only thing standing between certain eternal involuntary slavery to Princess Celestia is a rather heartless, arrogant, and slightly insane man with the highest intelligence of his small group. He and his (rather wealthy) family must find a way to keep themselves from falling victim to the ponification syrum through way of defense. Will he be able to hold his own against the ponies that want to doom him to slavery or will he ultimately give up the fight and join Celestia's ever-growing army?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-04 20:43:10 UTC

Chapter 1- preparation and quarreling

Chapter 1 of 3

         Its been about a month since the pony bombing in Washington. Our family, a few friends and about 100 construction workers have been working ever since news of the nuke got out to build our protection. We've purchased about 700 cans of food, 60 5 -gallon containers of water, a few canisters of oxygen, fertilizer for home crops and a large steel dome to cover our entire house. It's nuke proof; 50 feet thick and underground 80 feet. It comes together underground so nobody and no pony can make it in no matter how far down they go. We need to be able to make it out in a worst case scenario; food or water shortages as an example, so we added a tunnel with three 10 foot thick steel doors, hack proof computers with a passcode to open each.

I'm not kidding when I say it's taken SHITLOADS of work to get this much done. The dome took 20 days to arrive and 10 days of nonstop digging to get it submerged in the soil. We all pitched into the expense; especially me. I had to give up my small bank account in order to help buy food, while my siblings kept theirs all to themselves. It was a bit angering, but what will money be worth when no one is left to buy and sell? We need all the doe we can get NOW if we are going to be the last bit of humanity.

If we were to repopulate humans, we would need to release small groups of them to fight. In this case, we have plenty of weapons to do just that. I can't believe that a princess whose sole purpose in Equestria was to teach friendship would do something so evil to us here. For now, we wait and hope. We eat out until the pony army comes along to throw their ponyfication vials at our city... or will they nuke us instead? It's not that big of a city; a nuclear warhead would be wasted if used on a city this size. I just hope SHE feels the same way.

          Remember how a while back I wrote about my siblings keeping their allowances? It turns out they spent their allowances on BASIC shit like toothpaste and Advil. It wasn't to help either; they were just making a normal grocery run while the rest of us were preparing for pony-geddon. To the future pony or perhaps if were lucky, human, reading this, you may be thinking; harsh attitude much? Step into my shoes, douche pickle. If you were preparing for Armageddon, and you spent everything you had on survival while your siblings spent barely any of theirs on a canister of toothpaste, Advil and a loaf of fondue bread, you'd be pissed too.

Back to important business. All of Europe and Asia are under control of Celestia and Luna, but Indiana  has yet to be struck by her wrath. Today, I finished wiring a computer-controlled turret for the outside of the dome. It can be reloaded automatically, turn a full 360 degrees around, and go up and down 180 degrees. I want to see the look on the ponies faces before they're blown to pieces by MY wrath, so I of course have a micro camera on the body of the gun, pointed down the barrel so I can also use it to aim. I think it will be the most fun to shell Celestia; oh how unprepared she'll be.

       Indiana has been entered by ponies as of yesterday. They hit Indianapolis first; they used a nuke, as I was expecting. Indy is a city I would expect to be nuked and not raided. Fort Wayne, which is really close to us, will be raided. This information was discovered by a traitor pony, who secretly fought for us by feeding the remaining media info as to the whereabouts and attack plans of Celestia and her army. The pony was unfortunately reported to Celestia by a human hoping to gain mercy, and now this pony has a date with a pony firing squad. Knowledge of their raid date is unknown, but we aren't eating out anymore, that's for sure.

     Fort Wayne's raid started today. My hand shakes as I write this. I am truly terrified, but our final purchases, made yesterday, included several gas masks because of a last minute discovery. We learned that the vials contain a liquid that changes to a gas the instant it comes into contact with air. We already knew that they transformed humans to ponies, but we didn't know that you had to inhale the fumes to transform. We thought that it was injected or ingested. Enough about gas. We are at a serious downfall when it comes to visibility. The dome is like a small skyscraper, and the ponies are searching for large buildings first. Let's hope they don't see us for at least one more day.

         It's the day. Our dome is completely surrounded. As I watch the camera view of the turret on my computer screen, the amount becomes more and more vast. I pan around the area, watching frightened ponies back away and gasp when the turret is pointed their way. I'm tempted to push that small red button and let them have it... But I now realize I'm going to have to pretend this is all a computer game in order to kill any of them. It just seems so wrong... But unless persuasion doesn't work on Celestia, there really isn't anything else I can do. I see the occasional vial smash against the steel, and I point the gun at each thrower as a warning, but this only seems to prompt another pony to have a go. I point the gun straight up and fire once; their final warning.

They stop at this, so I guess they either didn't believe it was real, or thought I was nervous about fumes making it inside. Most likely the first. I set the system to fully automatic, and it loads the next chain of bullets. Now they know I mean business. Because the turret is set to full auto, it will now rotate the barrel and fire at a high rate of speed. They SHOULD know I mean business by now, hopefully. If not, Celestia has killed our society's vast intellect...and pretty much all of society as well.

     We've kept them back for the whole day. It's dark out; too dark to see. I didn't think about night vision, because I figured they would be hunkered down to sleep during the night. I was dead wrong. From the shadows I can see, I know they are still standing, waiting, watching, and occasionally reporting back to the princess our status. It's always "perimeter secured" or "no major activity. Standby."  "Perimeter secured"? Sounds like they're trying to get promoted. We were in here already, they just kind of came and stood around. They aren't doing anything, so every time they say something like that I have the gun point right at them. It would be so easy just to push that button, spam it, smash it and not let go. I want to let them have it, but I can't waste a single bullet until I see Celestia's face.

      It's now morning. I'm about to go violent on the ponies. Several have started climbing up with some sort of equipment, because theres a small pipe at the top of the dome that's made for letting in air. They are planning to break vials into the pipe, and even though it's full of filters, I don't want them to find any sort of weaknesses. I aim at them and push the button. Bullets slice through them, and one pony after another fall dead from the dome and slide down like they're preschoolers on the playground slide. It's somewhat hard to keep myself from just turning the turret off, but I pretend it's only a computer game and I continue taking them out. If it WERE only a computer game, it would be the funnest one ever created.

Unfortunately for me, it isn't, so they aren't just going to disappear and respawn until the game is over. No, not unfortunately. They want to make us into slaves. Humanity has already gone in and out of slavery, we don't need to do it again. This game will end; in my victory. 'MY victory"? I'm getting way too into the situation. I'm not the only one in this giant tin can. There's 20 of us here; 10 men, 10 women. I'm one of the men of course, and I'm happy about that. Makes me look epic with a rifle.

Wait, what was I saying before? Oh right, about 'MY' victory. I'm going to close the air shaft. That way, I can get less involved. If that's open, it's just a good old fashioned game of plants vs. zombies; firing 'peas' at them to keep them from getting to their goal. I'm way too addicted to the actual game already, so I don't need this. I shut down the vacuum turbine that forces air in, and then seal the output vent. Of course, I had to use a hydraulic platform to get to the opening. The turbine is activated by a simple on and off switch. Once I have it sealed, I head back inside. The few trees in the dome along with the oxygen already inside should keep us oxygenated enough for at least the next few weeks, but then we'll have to either use the oxygen tanks or turn the turbine back on. I'm getting more and more impatient waiting for the sun goddess to arrive. I just want to see her on the wall... And all over the trees, in the manes of her servants... What the fuck is this doing to my head?!

       It's been a week, firing rounds into the occasional pony trying to make it in, laughing at the few earth ponies trying to dig under, then digging too deep to get themselves out without the help of an annoyed Pegasi or unicorn. It isn't fun, it's just entertaining. I don't WANT to do this, but what else CAN I do? There's really nothing else, unless I want to help plan dinners so that each can feeds us all evenly, or go outside and start faming...which I sure as hell don't. Most likely the only reason someone else hasn't taken watch out duties from me is because I'm the smartest with computers. At least a fourth of the people here don't know what an HTML is. I don't understand how someone could be that stupid... So I guess a few of those dumb ponies are like the fourth of us that are here, which in that case there may be a few Einstein ponies out there. If that's the case, they are sure to resist a life of slavery. That is, if the serum in the vials isn't designed to drop a human's IQ to prevent resistance. let's hope it isn't.

   She's coming. After 5 months, going through about 60 cans of food out of our 700, and 1 and 1/2 jugs of water (wow, they did a good job dividing our food and water) Celestia is only a mile away. I don't know what took so long, most likely she was hitting the few states she hadn't raided yet. I can't wait to just let her have it. I had to kill quite a few unicorns. They tried to use their magic to throw off my gun's aim. Every time this happened, I would scream "Oh HEEELLLL no!" into the microphone and let them have it. Once, a formation of them came to the front. I quickly changed the gun from 'full auto' to 'explosive shell' mode. It took the unicorns out, as well as a few others standing a bit too close. There's a 'missile' mode, as well as a few other modes, but for now 'fully auto' and 'explosive shell' are all I need.

 She's here. She stands in front of my turret so boldly, I can't wait for her to counter my persuasions so I can fill her from horn to hoof with lead. In short, I just can't wait to shoot her and teach her a lesson about the magic of gunpowder for ruining our planet. I call whoever will come into the room to back me up if I run out of ideas for the argument. That's right, I'm making it up as I go, because if she's unpredictable, any planned out argument could instantly go awry. I have the gun pointed at her, and about 7 people in the room- a LOT more than I expected. I was expecting maybe 3 people if I was lucky. Okay, now it's time to start our battle of reason. I speak first, "Well Celestia, I have been expecting you."

"And I've been searching for you. I know you have 20 people in there, because your species has been smart enough to count up everyone and leave the number on record. Once I found the number for this year, I started counting the humans I transformed. The number is 12,398,674,296. I have 12,398,674,276 transformed humans, so it's obvious how many I'm missing if you're quick and good at math." shit. She found the census. Wait, she only has 20 missing, so that means...no...it isn't possible... "Y-you're only missing 20? So that means that we're..." "...the last humans on Earth." she finished.

Son of a bitch...she really did it. "Now, if you come out of your little cave and cooperate, I'll be able to add 20 to my count. It aggravates me to see a number lower than necessary." "You HAVE EVERY OTHER FUCKING HUMAN MALE AND FEMALE ON THIS DAMN PLANET AS YOUR SLAVES!!! YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR FUCKED UP PIECE OF SHIT PLANET AND THRIVE LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKERS YOU ARE, NOW!!!" I scream. She laughs a bit at me coldly, as if she doesn't give a shit. I'm not going to be able to keep my hand off the fire button much longer.

I change to 'missile' mode, and fiddle with my fingers to keep from blowing the bitch to ash. I have it pointed at her for a quick and easy goodbye. "Well, looks like some human won't listen to reason. Our civilization was dying out, we had less than 100 years until mares overcame stallions, and we died out. Me and my sister panicked and started looking for other planets with inhabitants capable of being converted to ponies by the vials you saw us with. We found your planet and decided to set up shop."

"You're being a real ass with me you know that? You could have just converted a few willing males to ponies and taken them back to see if you could survive for longer. If not, you could return and take a few more. You didn't have to go all 'dumb-ass' and call full war when we peacefully gave you the few you wanted. What did we do to deserve this?" " You humans, you just don't get it." "No you son of a bitch YOU just don't get it. You don't deserve to wear that crown. You don't deserve any of the loyal subjects you have. If any of them turned on you, you would just kill them or banish them so they wouldn't get in your way. If you were a human, you would have loved this place, wanted to protect it from you as much as we did." "But you humans were already cloaked in gore and violence before we came. Theres no reason you shouldn't be used to this."  "You're an even dumber fuck than I was expecting. We're Americans bitch, we fight for freedom. We were fighting for justice. We didn't just send random idiots with guns to other countries. They did something to start it; just like we fight you. We aren't fighting because we want to, it's because we HAVE to."

She laughed again. "Shut the fuck up, nothing about this is funny! We have to live in a shit hole to defend ourselves from you, and we weren't doing anything!" I screamed at her. "I had to take this shit from another human, now I have to take it from you. Pity to see so many of you just can't mature." I lost it. I screamed into the microphone. "GOODNIGHT YOU FUCK!" and pressed fire. A large explosion filled my monitor screen. Once it disappeared, she was gone, and several servants were lying dead around where she stood. I hope she's dead. I want to think she is, but something tells me she pussied out and tried teleporting at the last minute. I withdrew the gun,  and a bulletproof glass cover closed over it. I watched ponies lash out against our protection. I hope they know if she's dead, because they're acting like she is.

    Her death is confirmed. Luna called in, said that her sister teleported to her randomly, but she was charred up, and she died a few moments after she appeared. A burial will be held somewhere near the dome, hopefully near the turret so I can assassinate Luna as well. She has as much to do with the war as Celestia does. I was overjoyed to hear Luna's voice discussing her sister's death. I was also a bit nervous. If I killed Celestia, every one of them will give everything they have to destroy us. As I write, I see an endless line of ponies, for a moment, I also see Celestia's body upon a casket, but then she passes, and I see Luna. I hesitate, and she's gone. I pinch myself, but decide that maybe I should give them some slack, because they just lost their beloved princess. I smack myself. I hated that asshole, I'm glad she's gone. I can't take sitting here in this room anymore. I go into the basement, set up a makeshift firing range with a long empty concrete room and some paper targets, then grab my rifle, some pistols, and a machine gun. I need to practice my aim a bit.

       Okay, I've practiced up, now I'm ready to get back to business. The funeral is almost over, so I got the gun for the dome ready to fire. It will be on 'explosive shell' most of the time, because it will be hard to keep up with their rage. I realize now I won't be able to kill Luna until the massacre is so bad she is required. If I killed Celestia, I can kill her, and that's something any moron could figure out. All I truly know is that I'm going to end up having another epic argument; with Luna. I wonder if they know how she died, and will take precautions. No armor could withstand the strongest mode I have... 'nuclear warhead' mode. I'll have it mostly set to 'C-4 firing' mode, or 'explosive shell' because we don't need a nuke until we're sure that we can't do anything else.

I'm leaving the room to plug the vent; we decided not to use oxygen tanks, and I'm pretty sure you can hear the turbine running from the outside. Damn, I didn't realize how shut out we were from the world; I cant tell what's going on at ALL. I flip the switch off and ride the lift up with the vent cover. I seal the opening and head back down. I go back to the room where I know I will spend my next few hours sitting again. I don't mind that much, because if I'm elsewhere, who knows what those ponies could plan? I sure as hell don't. I have NO IDEA what they're planning, but I need to be there to stop any possible intellect- with my little friend.

They've sure planned something all right.

 I saw them with a paper, pointing out positions. I zoomed in and enhanced the image, and found that they were planning to evenly spread out around the dome and then climb up simultaneously. Once the top was reached, they would use their various tools to cut through the vent and rope inside. I know how to stop that. If they make it through, I'll wait until they find the fan blade and turn the turbine on. Sure, we'll have slightly salty air, but their plan will go down the drain. (no pun intended)

  They made it through. I'm standing by the switch. I hear them talking quietly, and I switch it on. Screaming, silence, then slightly red air. I put on a gas mask at the sight of some glass, and seal the vent again. I guess we'll be using oxygen tanks for a while.

It's been another 3 months in this hell hole. I can't take much more confinement. How many have I killed? If I was counting...if I even could count how many...I would probably be in the early thousands. I don't care. They deserve it... LUNA deserves it... I'm going to bury all this once leaving becomes an option again. I need the future civilization to see what we've been through. I check the screen to find a pony trying to blowtorch a hole. I take her out. Over all this time, I don't mind killing them anymore, heck I just earlier set my gun to missile mode and took out about 100 for the heck of it. I hope Luna can't revive dead ponies. If so, I'm screwed beyond unscrewing.

I looked over my argument with Celestia a few times, and I now I believe that my argument with Luna will be a lot less epic. Luna has a voice all right- she's just a bit more gentle in conversation. From the little I know about her, she's got some anger management issues, but she can't really say anything inspiringly evil like Celestia. I still enjoy taking rage out on them, but I'm not looking forward to throwing my rage at someone who can barely counter it. Oh well, I can still scream, she'll just think I'm using the 'traditional royal canterlot voice'.  I can't wait for it either way. I don't know how she'll react. Either way, she has to be at least a LITTLE bit more intelligent than Celestia. Celestia's mind was just purely fucked up. I would guess she was just desperate to get me outside so she could feed off of more power. That ended explosively. For being a sun goddess, I would think she could take the heat. For her name, she wasn't very bright. Okay, enough fun. Back to the serious business... Holy shit while I was screwing around, Luna found her way to the camera's view. I quickly trample over myself to the speaker button. "Well, didn't expect to see you so soon, Luna."

Her expression turned to rage.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU KILL OUR SUBJECTS, AND MY SISTER, AND YET YOU CONTINUE TO SPEAK SO INNOCENTLY?!" she was beyond the 'royal canterlot voice' ... She was screaming. She obviously felt pure abhorrence towards me. I guess I was wrong about her. I'm going to have some fun. "Well well well, looks like the little one wants to raise her voice?" I taunt. "YOU'RE LUCKY YOU PREPARED! IF YOU WERE OUT HERE, YOUR BLOOD WOULD STAIN THE GROUND, AND YOUR ENTRAILS WOULD WRAP MY NECK LIKE A SCARF!!"

I'm completely caught off guard by her attitude. I was expecting just a loudmouthed doofus. She's a lot more prepared than me. "Alright, cut the bravery shit. I know why you're here, and I want to explain what happened. No one needs to get hurt." "Enough with the damn stalling! Just get on with it!" stalling? I haven't said anything else, and the longest it's been since my last sentence is 5 seconds. Well, I guess I should start explaining.

"Okay, Celestia showed up here like an asshole, talking up a storm about how she didn't do anything, while she stood in front of everything she HAD done. You're standing in front of it too. You had just as much to do with this unneeded war as her. Do you deny this?" "No, but-" I cut her off. "But nothing. You didn't need to do any of this. All you had to do was ask for a few males to transform into stallions. You did that, and we politely and peacefully granted your request. What did Celestia do then? She got greedy. She could have taken the few new stallions back, and tried to survive for longer, if it didn't work, you could have come back and asked for a few more. We thrived very well, males just barely outnumbering females, but we were well sustained. Once Celestia got power thirsty, and started building an army, did you stop her? Tell her that she had everything she needed? Tell her "enough is enough" ?" "N-no... But when she decided to call war, she didn't inform me of her decision even a second before it was put to action. I could have stopped her, but when I decided to end the raid where it was stuck, you had killed her. I didn't have the chance to end anything." it made sense, but I didn't want to believe it yet; she was the enemy after all.

"She was asking for it, you should have heard our argument. She was being the biggest asshole anyone could have ever imagined. I wrote down he whole thing, as part of my daily record. I want this to be buried so someone or some pony in the future will know what this horrible year was like. 2695; the year we met our little ponies." "I see. Is it possible you could somehow copy your conversation and let me see it?"

'Conversation' she calls it... It makes me think she still wants me to be thought of as the bad guy. If it was a conversation, her death was not necessary, if it was an argument, you can easily imagine one completely losing it on the other. "I guess I could display it on the monitor. Hold on; I'll convert the writing to text and have it displayed momentarily." I scan the page and have the computer process it. Then, it all appears as text. Once this is completed, I press a button that opens a panel on the dome's surface revealing a screen. I send the text to the screen and watch her eyes scan over what ended in her sister's death. You may be wondering, why not just type this all in the first place? Because computers make mistakes. Humans make mistakes that lead to computer mistakes. Computers aren't perfect, and although pen and paper aren't perfect either, you can't forget to click 'save' and lose everything. It's just there and it stays there.

At the last minute, I changed "GOODNIGHT YOU FUCK!" to "If you won't let us alone, and your thirst for power has changed you from loving to this, I really have no choice but to force you to leave us." it just makes me seem like a less- impulsive person. After reading it over, I see her shocked expression. She says, "Well. I don't know what to say." and then everything is silent once more. It's somewhat awkward really, but I don't think I need to shoot her. If she truly was planning to stop Celestia from taking the rest of us to herself, maybe she will know what to do with the rest of them. Luckily, the bodies of the ponies I picked off have either been hidden by the dead leaves that fell from the forest trees, or been buried by mud after rainstorms. I don't know what I'll do now for the next few months, years, so on. Maybe I'll continue to spend them here, watching, waiting, hoping. Because we truly are... The last men standing.