The Master's New Life

Chapters

Chapter 1 or It begins
Chapter 2 or Once again intimidation solves all the problems with no negative side affects
Chapter 3 or Dramatic Revelation
Chapter 4 or the badass that needs therapy
Taking a break (author's note)
Chapter 5 or Bar Brawls and Innuendos
I'm sorry.

Chapter 1 or It begins

Chapter 1

I woke to somepony nuzzling my chest. I was delighted to discover it was Twilight and that she was somehow still asleep, but she appeared to be having a nice dream judging by the smirk on her face. She is adorable when sleeping, I reflected. Actually, she is just plain adorable any time.

After deciding that having a lie-in would not benefit me in any way, I slipped out of bed and went to make breakfast.

She walked in just as I was finishing off breakfast.

"Blueberry pancakes topped with whipped cream, butter, violet petals, and apple syrup. And a side of fried egg sandwiched between two slices of toast. A glass of orange juice, no pulp.“ I announced.

"That's incredible! You remembered my favorite breakfast!"

"I have photographic memory." I boasted.

"Really? You never told me."

"I am a stallion of many mysteries." I said with a twinkle in my eye and a smirk on my face.

Twilight cocked her head." Like what?"

"I have two hearts, no lungs, four kidneys and I am a time lord from another dimension. And I'm fairly handy with a sword."

Twilight raised her head to the same level as mine. "How do I know that you're telling the truth?"

I smirked. "You don't. And if it is true?"

"Hmmm... I wish I'd known all that sooner, but it doesn't change anything. I still love you."

"Love you too, Twilight. Let us eat."

After our large but rather healthy breakfast, I went to lie down on one of the sofas in library for a few minutes before Twilight came and joined me. We were in a nice snug position wrapped up in each other’s hooves, it was very comfortable.

"So what did you do after graduation?" she asked.

"I became a detective, thwarted an alien invasion, vanquished a swarm of flesh eating shadows, asserted my authority over the goddess of nightmares, and stopped a bunch of evil enchantresses from rebuilding an empire. How about you?"

So she told me a story. She told a tale of friendship conquering darkness and chaos alike. A tale of good versus evil. A story about harmony. The Doctor was going to facehoof when I told him later, and I would laugh. Bearers of the most powerful magical artifacts in history, that is just important enough to bend time.

"I am really proud of you, Twilight." I whispered into her ear.

"Thanks, Koschei." She was blushing.

I kissed her, deeply. She kissed me back. Before I knew it, we were there for twenty minutes. Just kissing, but I remembered an old human saying. We would have gone longer, but we were interrupted by the sound of somepony fainting. We looked up to see the other five elements standing there. Well, not Rarity, she was the pony that fainted and was laying on the floor. Applejack was just giving us a look that seemed to say "seriously?” Rainbow was trying not to laugh. Fluttershy was hiding behind her mane. Pinkie had a knowing smile.

"Before we have to explain anything, somepony wake Rarity up. I really would prefer not to do this twice." I said calmly. Once Rarity was awake, she was livid.

"Twilight! How could you?"

"What.. what are you talking about?"

"That is The Master!"

"Oh... Well this is awkward."

"I saw him first! I called him!"

That was the moment when I stepped in. Now, I got to be the angry one. Seriously, no one 'called' me on anything.

"CALLED ME? CALLED ME? AM I JUST A PRIZE TO YOU? WHO IN TARTARUS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" I exploded with rage, no one tried to control me. I wasn't called the Master for nothing.

"Calm down sugarcube. What Rarity means to say is that it was unfriendly of Twi to make a move when she knew about Rarity's feelings."AJ tried to smooth it over, but it would not work.

"Yeah, not to mention our agreement. Rarity tries first since she met him first." RD whispered to Twilight.

Now that made things interesting. I liked secret agreements about me less than me being controlled or influenced.

"Agreement? Rarity tries first? How many of you have a crush on me?"

"How did you hear that?"

"That's not important. Tell me, now."

"Oh, just Dashie and Rarity, those silly fillies. But they made the rest of us go along with their silly rules." Pinkie explained.

"I see. Well, sorry to burst their bubbles, but Twilight and I grew up together. She just knew me by Koschei, so if you all went around talking about the Master, of course she wouldn't have recognized me. Sorry you two, but I fell for Twilight a long time ago. And thanks Pinkie for telling me."

"Okie Dokie."

Then I began nuzzling Twilight's neck, providing them with a reason to leave. The rest of them cleared out quickly rather than watch. It soon evolved into more than nuzzling, but that is between me and her. Although it was rather intresting...

Later that evening.

I was thinking hard about what I was going to do next. I just found the love of my life and Ponyville considered me to be a hero.

Then, there was Pinkie Pie. She was clearly a party pony and I had the feeling I would be attending a lot of celebrations with her around. I really wanted to stay in Ponyville. On the other hoof, I had a career to think about. Love of my life or career as a Canterlot detective.

Love, no regrets whatsoever. Obvious and easy choice. I have no idea where people in romance novels got all that internal conflict from. Wait....

The entire day there was someone missing.

"Twilight, when did you say Spike would be back?"

"Two hours ago. I hope nothi..." She said in a worried tone as she glanced over at the clock before a loud roar tore through room, blasting my eardrums to the breaking point.

"We should investigate that, right?" I asked, even though it was obvious.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously."

With that the two of us charged out the door, hoping nothing had happened to Spike.

Editor's Note: Cobra of England here, now proof reading and editing this where necessary.

Author's Note

Disclaimer: I own neither Doctor Who nor MLP:FIM. Non-profit entertainment usage.

Props to Cobra of England for editing this for me.

Chapter 2 or Once again intimidation solves all the problems with no negative side affects

Chapter 2

Once Twilight and I had scrambled out of the library, it was obvious what direction the explosion was in from the large column of smoke rising off in the distance. We ran straight towards it, weaving through the streets and alleyways but as we got closer, a disturbing thought occurred to me.

"Twilight, is that smoke coming from the same area as the Ponyville Power Plant?"

"I believe it is."

Well, that wasn't a good sign. There seemed to be less smoke than before, so hopefully that meant the fire was dying out. As we continued to run across town, Rainbow Dash flew up alongside us.

"So guys, what do you think caused that?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Aliens? Spies? Vampires?"

"Rainbow, there is no such thing as vampires." Twilight informed her as she sighed at her friend's stupidity.

"Anymore." I added.

"What do you mean anymore?" Twilight asked, I had almost forgotten about her seemingly endless quest for knowledge.

"Exactly what I said. They were hunted into extinction eons ago. There may be a few mutated beasts descended from them, but the last true member of their kind was killed centuries ago." I explained.

"How do you know all of this?" Twilight asked.

"We time lords are the basis for the legendary vampire hunters. We wiped out most of their kind millions of years ago. The last Great Vampire was found and killed by a childhood friend of mine. Any remnants might call themselves vampires, but they would be little more than a twisted shadow of a once mighty race." I sighed.

"Wait, isn't that genocide?" Twilight asked.

"Despite the diversity ponies have, some races are pretty much the same throughout. In the case of vampires, they were vicious predators that preyed on intelligent life. It was either commit genocide, or allow heartless monsters prey on the helpless until the very end of time." I said before I diverted the subject. "Oh, look we arrived. We can discuss the unfortunate fates of dead races later."

The roof had been blown right off the building. Most of the walls were gone as well. Well, it looked like we would be using candles for a while. And, standing just outside the wreckage, was an red equine with orange eyebrows, and what appeared to be gray molds scattered all over his face.

"Well, who might you be?" I asked.

"Voidear of the Rajin Grig!" He responded proudly.

"You… you are an androgum, are you not?"

"Of course," he answered, still full of pride.

I may have lost control upon that confirmation.

"Hahahahaha! Perfect! Just this once, I have a problem that is actually relatively simple to solve. Alright androgum, take me to your leader!" I commanded. This would be easier than I had anticipated.

"Why should I?" he asked as he glared daggers at me.

"If you do not, I will rip his whereabouts out psychically. I am afraid the chances of serious mental trauma go up if you resist." I coldly informed him.

"Ponies don't have psychic powers." He declared, overconfident in himself.

"I am a time lord!" I told him. He cringed, and staggered back as if I had struck him.

"M-my lord, a-apologies, I did not recognize you. The locals are so similar in appearance; I mistook you for one of them."

Oh, I missed this, races that recognized the authority of my people. Ah, it is good to be a lord at times like this.

"Well? Let us go forth." I commanded as I gestured vaguely with my hoof.

…..

15 minutes later

We were on a spaceship headed towards a nearby space station. I had gotten some information out of our alien friend. He was sent hunting for new types of food. Can't say I blame them, Androgum are ravenous omnivores with colossal appetites.

And, like many primitives, their sole motive for action is pleasure and in their case that meant the devouring of food. They are also really stupid, which helped a lot when dealing with them. Really, I do not blame them for being what they are. I would not interfere at all, if not for the fact that they were hunting intelligent life forms, more specifically, ponies from my planet. So, Twilight and Rainbow Dash and I were on our way to the nearby androgum space station to inform their leader that our world is off limits.

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe we're on an alien ship!" Rainbow squeed.

"Eh, you get used to it." I said, wishing that I still had the Valiant. I missed that ship so much...

"How can you two be so unconcerned? These creatures eat ponies. This just screams trap!" Twilight scolded us.

"Ever since that flesh eating shadow incident, I have been perfecting some combat spells and I also developed a way to amplify my psychic power through magic. If they are stupid enough to try something, I will send them to Tartarus." I informed her as I stared at the wall.

"I really hope it doesn't come to that. Sure, I have gotten into fights, but I'm not a killer!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Do not worry Twilight, I will take care of you." I promised, and then kissed her.

"I know." She blushed.

…

1 hour Later

Their leader met us in the docking bay. Voidear must have radioed ahead. The minute we walked into the bay, 50 androgum pointed their laser rifles… at me.

Great.

"So, what's with the rude welcome?" I asked.

"Apologies Lord, but your chosen place of residence indicates that you're a renegade time lord. We, and most other races, have had bad experiences with renegade time lords."

"You should have brought more. In such small numbers, I doubt you could have stopped The Monk, let alone me."

"Lord, what is your moniker?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I am The Master." I responded, and saw an instant effect. The blood drained from all their faces. It was priceless, but I did not laugh. Standard policy requires maintaining a dignified manner during diplomatic undertakings.

"Well… Lord Master, what can I do for you?" he asked nervously.

"Well, you can start by not using my planet as a hunting ground and I would also like a look at your most up-to-date star charts. Political maps of the galaxy are somewhat rare on Equis."

"Of course, Lord Master." He answered, quivering in fear.

…

I was scanning a monitor and the screen displayed a map of our galaxy. I really didn't like the look of things right now. It would appear that a number of advanced civilizations existed and all of them were way too close for comfort. I was going to have to talk to one of the princesses about setting up a reasonable defense against extra-equisians, but that shouldn't be too difficult.

"What's with all the servile stuff?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Androgum are more advanced than ponies, but still crude and primitive compared to mainstream space-faring civilizations. They are used to being reduced to servants and test subjects by higher civilization. And, while most of us avoided them like a plague, androgum know that time lords are far more advanced than they are. It is not surprising really, on more than one occasion, our advanced technology and highly evolved biology have caused primitives to mistake us for deities." I explained.

"And what did he mean by renegade time lord?" Twilight added.

"Time lord law specifically forbids interference with the affairs of less advanced civilizations, and in the affairs of space-faring civilizations our custom is to remain completely neutral, unless a threat arises that endangers our well-being or that of the universe in general. I do not agree with those policies, and a few others. I left the time lords, and as a result of defying those laws, was declared a renegade." I explained, leaving out the kinds of things I did that violated time lord laws. They did not need to know about those.

"So when you slew the vampires, it was a rare exception?" Twilight asked.

"No, we waged war on them before we adopted those policies. In fact, they are the reason that we did. Our war with them was so horrifying, that most of our race would abhor violence forever." I sighed, explaining time lord history is rather depressing.

"I'm glad you ended up with us here, even if it is because your own people no longer accept you." Twilight said, with more than a little sympathy.

I just pulled her close and kissed her. After the kiss, I kept a foreleg wrapped around her. At first I feared I was being clingy, but relaxed when she raised no complaints. An androgum walked in.

"Lord Master, a ship has been prepared for you," he told me.

"Alright, Twilight, Rainbow, it is time to head home," I announced, it appeared we could finally get back to finding out where Spike had vanished to...

Author's Note

I did not make up the androgum, the Great Vampires, or the time lord laws that the Master referenced. They are all from the old series.

Credit to Cobra of England for editing.

Chapter 3 or Dramatic Revelation

Chapter 3

The ship landed on the edge of the Everfree forest. I began the power down sequence as Twilight and Rainbow walked outside. I still couldn't believe the androgum were so generous. When they said they prepared a ship for me, I did not realize they meant for it to be a gift. It was no TARDIS, but it was still something I could work with. I walked towards the exit, and heard a conversation begin outside.

"Let Spike go you monster!" Twilight screamed, obviously in distress about something.

I began to run, intending to help, but nearly tripped when I heard the response.

"No, I am leaving with this ship. I am taking the dragon with me, and there's not a pony on this forsaken hunk of rock that can stop me," said that cold, intelligent voice.

"Not one," I mused as I walked down the exit ramp. "Would you like to test that claim?"

I finally came in sight of her. She had neither a horn nor wings, so that would make it easier if it came down to a fight. She had steel grey eyes, a cream colored coat, and a dark chocolate mane. Her cutie mark was a beaker filled with a foaming green substance. The beaker was labeled with one symbol, an hourglass. She was staring at me, with that cold, calculating look I had learned to hate. I just chuckled, but then I saw that Spike was on the ground and she had a hoof positioned at the base of Spike's neck.

"What could you possibly want with a dragon?" I asked. I knew she liked dinosaurs, but I never thought that extended to all oversized bird-like reptiles.

"I don't care that he's a dragon. He's just a useful hostage." She declared, voice filled with malice.

"And now that you know I am here, you have to change plans. How frustrating," I glanced at Spike.

The moment she thought my guard was down, she lunged at me. I just sent a telekinetic wave her way, I wasn't in the mood for a full on fight right now. It hit her straight in the head, knocking her out cold.

"Oh Ushas, when will you learn that you cannot get the drop on me?" I asked nopony in particular as I walked down the ramp.

"Koschei, who is this monster?" Twilight asked, the distress still evident in her voice.

"She is a genius biochemist called The Rani. She is the epitome of the old, evil scientist cliché, perhaps even the inspiration for it." I replied.

"What now?" Rainbow Dash asked, obviously unsure of what to do now.

Of course, they would be unsure. They had gotten in fights before, but had never had to take somepony prisoner.

"Rainbow, go find Applejack. Tell her we need her to contact The Doctor," I gave the order.

"Which doctor?" she sounded perplexed.

"She’ll know." I answered.

Rainbow Dash sped off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres, wings flapping as I turned to Twilight.

"Wake up Spike. We are going to need the princesses, both of them if possible," I told her. "In the mean-time I will see about restraining our prisoner."

…………………..

2 hours later

The Rani was in a straightjacket. Both princesses, Spike, the Elements of Harmony, The Doctor, and me were all around her trying to decide what to do about her. But first, I had a question that needed answering.

"Rani, you died. How, exactly, are you here?" I asked.

"The Daleks resurrected me during the time war. They wanted me to build a biological weapon that targets time lord DNA only."

"Did you?" The Doctor asked, obviously suspicious of her. To be honest, I couldn't blame him.

"No, I may be a killer, but I am not omnicidal and I don't like the idea of a Dalek apocalypse."

"How did you escape then?" I asked, intrigued.

"I infected the planet with an artificially intelligent pathogen that targets Daleks. Once they were dead, I took a ship and fled to the edge of the universe. There was a hole in reality which I fell through and ended up here. My ship was destroyed, so I was stranded here on this damned technologically useless hunk of worthless rock, which brings us up to the present." she explained, her voice dripping with rage.

"Well, I can understand that you were desperate," Celestia began, "but that is no excuse for attacking my subjects. You are sentenced to imprisonment, until such a time as you are no longer a threat to Equestria."

"You're imprisoning me for being a threat, but letting him walk free!" Rani exclaimed, pointing directly at me.

Oh, buck it all for the second time today!!

"What are you talking about? He has done nothing." Celestia retorted.

"They don't know who you are, do they? They have no idea what you can do, what you have done, do they?" Rani asked rhetorically.

"Koschei, what is she talking about?" Twilight asked, both concerned and curious.

I was in trouble. Again. Everyone was looking directly at me. All I could do was look at Celestia with a guilty, pleading look. Her mouth formed a surprised "oh", before she looked back at the Rani.

"I know exactly who he is. His name is Koschei. He was born 19 years ago into a wealthy family in Canterlot. He attended my school for gifted unicorns, and graduated with honors. He is one of the most successful detectives in Equestria. For all his services to my kingdom, I intend to knight him. That is who he is. Who he was, is not my concern." She announced clearly, for all to hear.

Buck the hay, YES! I was off the hook. Legally, I mean. I still owed Twilight an explanation. Still, no prison time for me. I was getting knighted, too! Awesome!

"You fools! He and The Doctor are playing you! And you're just taking it! Like whores! AHHHHHHHH" she screamed.

Luna smacked her. Then Luna winked at me, before beginning her tirade.

"Shut up, maggot! You are a prisoner now. No talking. No insults. No thinking for yourself." Enter prison warden Luna, using the Royal Canterlot voice too. I was definitely a bad influence on her. Even Celestia gasped at her sister's behavior.

"You who-AHHHHHHH" screamed Rani.

"You will address us as Highness, maggot!" Luna roared.

"Y-yes, highness," whimpered The Rani.

……………………..

1 hour later

It was me, the Doctor, and the Element bearers, sitting in a restaurant eating dessert. Twilight finally repeated her question.

"Koschei, what was she talking about?"

Cue awkward question time.

"Before I came to Equestria, I wasn't a good person, by any stretch of the imagination." I finally admitted. It is true what they say, confessing does soothe the conscience.

"In what way were you bad?"

"The title Master," I began, "Has become, throughout millions of civilizations, synonymous with domination, enslavement, and cruelty. They got that from me. I was a ruthless, manipulative warlord. My goal was to become master of the universe." I looked at the ground the whole time. I did not want to see their reactions.

"Why?" was all Twilight could say.

"He was insane." The Doctor answered. "The leader of the high council implanted a severe hallucination in his mind. Then, when he made his first major mistake, everyone turned their backs on him. Then, his first companion turned out to be a spy for the Celestial Intervention Agency. Between the hallucination and the overwhelming sense of betrayal, anyone would have gone mad." The Doctor sighed. "I blame myself. We were best friends, but when he needed someone the most, I turned my back. Master, I am so sorry."

All I could do was nod. Centuries of pain and loneliness had finally caught up to me. I did not fall apart sobbing like a child. I was silently letting the tears out, in a stoic, masculine way while Twilight hugged me. I buried my face in her mane, and stayed there for a long time.

Author's Note

Here it is. The cat is out of the bag. Oh, and I slipped in a reference to a popular video game. See if you can spot it.

Credit to Cobra of England My favorite (and only) Editor.

Chapter 4 or the badass that needs therapy

Chapter 4

Three days later...

I was sitting in Twilight's writing room drawing up plans and blueprints in a notebook. I was almost finished designing a land to space defensive turret system, I just needed to calculate the optimal frequency for the particle beam to penetrate gravity-bubble based shielding.

I had already drawn schematics for anti-teleport field generators, and an astral barrier to keep psychic projection at bay. The best part is that I would not even need to introduce a new energy source. Ponies are geniuses when it comes to renewable energy. They had mastered wind and hydroelectric power decades earlier and while solar power was much younger, they were still exceedingly proficient at it. They never even used fossil fuels for anything other than a train, or cooking back when they still used coal in ovens (before they learned to harness electricity). The point is, there was a huge energy surplus which made my job a whole lot easier.

I heard voices outside as I continued my sketch on the designs.

"You can't just barge in! He's working on schematics for the princess!" Twilight informed them, however they just had to visit.

"Don't worry, darling. It'll only take a moment." The distinctively-accented voice of Rarity assured her. The door swung open.

"Yeah, Twi, chill out. Jeez, you need to liven up." A voice that could only be Rainbow added. Twilight just groaned and went back to what she was doing before.

The door swung shut. I looked up to see two, rather stern-looking, mares intent on saying something. They clearly believed it was important. I stopped writing, and gave them about, 90% of my attention. The other 10% was listening to birds singing. Rarity started.

"Things have been happening so quickly lately that we didn't get to have this chat before. Since you are working for the princess, we'll make it quick. If you do anything that harms Twilight, we will-"

"Fail so pitifully to harm me it will not even be comical." I cut her off. They thought they can pull that crap with me? I would have laughed if their sudden hostility was not so insulting.

"Hey! You think you're above us, don't you?" Rainbow looked angry. Too bad, what I had to say would hurt even more.

"No, frowning down your nose at others is Rarity's thing. I just want you to understand that I am an ancient rouge who has played the games of war and intrigue for longer than you have lived. I am way out of your league. I will not be intimidated by a pair of immature rookies." I spoke with cold confidence, and just a hint of ferocity. Rarity looked disheartened while Rainbow was just made angrier.

"Please, we beat Nightmare Moon and she was 1000 years old. What makes you so special?"

They wanted to play that card? Well, game over, first set to me.

"She spent most of her life on the moon. It's highly unlikely that she had any real experience in battle, or anything else. I do. More than she ever could even, seeing as I am a time lord." I explained, swatting away her argument like a bug. My statement seemed to surprise them, like I knew it would.

"What does that even mean? Time lord? You throw that around with your intimidating speeches, but you've never explained it to any of us. What is a time lord?" Rarity finally asked.

"I feel the passage of time. I am intimately in tune with every minute detail of time. I instinctively understand the moment I am in and how significant it is to the timeline. Most importantly, I have the right to interfere in time and the responsibility to protect the web of established events from the threat of temporal flux. The vastness of all time-space burns within my mind. If I avoid violent death, drowning, poison, and certain diseases, then I can live forever. I have genius level intelligence, and education from the most advanced civilization that ever existed. In the end, what it means to be a time lord involves concepts that ponies do not even have words for."

I said all that in a melancholy tone. I really was starting to miss Gallifrey, I longed for the chance to be among my own kind again. They seemed to pick up on my tone, even if they did not know the reason for it.

"Darling… what's wrong?" Rarity asked, now she was all concerned.

"Twilight, could you come in here for a moment?" I called her. If I was going to talk about my feelings, it was going to be with her present.

"Yes, what's wrong?" Twilight sat next to me and wrapped a foreleg around me. I had been infrequently talking out my emotional problems over the last 3 days, and she was doubling as both supportive girlfriend and therapist. OH, I really do love her.

"I was telling these two about time lords. Apparently, I was melancholy and they want to know why, so I figure I should tell you as well." I explained as I embraced her tightly.

"All right, what's bothering you?" She smiled encouragingly.

"My home world was destroyed. As far as I know, only three time lords remain. Myself, The Doctor, and The Rani. For some reason, it has taken this long for me to start feeling lonely." I finished with a sigh.

"Why would anyone destroy your people?"

"The high council was full of selfish, corrupt bastards. They initiated a plan to destroy the universe as part of a scheme to ascend to a higher plane of existence. The Doctor had to destroy the entire planet to stop them. It… was awful. It was necessary, but horrible all the same." I explained. ……………………………………….

Rainbow and Rarity hastily excused themselves when Twilight started cuddling me. I spent the next 15 minutes in what Twilight calls therapeutic snuggling. I doubt it is a legitimate therapy technique, but it always helps me feel better. In fact, by the time I got back to work, I was whistling a cheery tune which was no doubt going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Author's Note

Credit to Cobra of England, my Editor

Taking a break (author's note)

I love this story. Really, I do. But I am at one of those points where I can not work up a passion for it. Every time I sit down to write the next chapter, I feel like I am forcing it. I have the overall story planned, but the details are just not coming to me. I am out of gas. I will, eventually, get back to this, but, in the mean time, I need a long break and to focus on something else. Sorry everypony, I just can not pull it off right now. See you soon

Anommalcolm

Chapter 5 or Bar Brawls and Innuendos

One week later

I was laying in bed in the early morning. As always, Twilight was resting by my side, snoozing peacefully. Since I only require about an hour of sleep every 24 hours, I spend most of the night simply enjoying our closeness. I was in the middle of nuzzling her mane when I heard a very familiar noise.

Of course, I'd know that noise anywhere. I gave Twilight a quick kiss, before I slid out of bed. I went downstairs, but before going outside, I looked out of the window. Oh, did I see a sight to behold? I'll give a hint: It was something old, and something new. It was something borrowed and something blue. I walked outside just as he opened his door.

"Hello Doctor. What brings you hear?" I asked my old friend.

"Hello Master. I was going to a bar in Amazastian territory. I heard from a friend that you needed a night out. Thought I'd see if you wanted to come?"

I rolled my eyes. Drinking in an alien bar with an old friend, of course I'd want to go.

"Rarity was gossiping to Applejack and you overheard, right?" I asked. I did need to know, at least to find out who to scold for talking behind my back.

"Er… yeah."

"Then I'm in. Just let me leave Twilight a note."

The Doctor nodded "Fair enough."

I ran inside, scribbled a quick note for Twilight, gave her a quick kiss, and left the note in a place I knew she would find it, before I ran back outside.

"I'm ready."

"Let's go."

The console room of the TARDIS was different from all the times I'd been there. The floor was actually made of mosaic tiles featuring events from Gallifreyan history. The room itself was round in shape with a domed roof while the walls and ceiling were made of finely cut stone, with murals of a few of the Doctor's own adventures. The doorway to the next room was arched, and made of wood. On the left side, walking in, there was a small table with two chairs, and a small book shelf. On the opposite side, there was a fountain, using thirteen different statues of the Doctor, I didn't recognize all of them, and the current doctor wasn't among them.

"Wow! What desk top theme is this?" I asked, truly impressed.

"Oh, I custom made this. Felt a bit nostalgic for the old universe, and figured if I had to teach a companion about myself or time lords in general, the visual aids would be useful." He explained, with just a hint of nostalgia in his voice.

"I'm impressed. Does the fountain include all your past regenerations?"

"Yes. This is my fourteenth life. Coming to this universe reset my regeneration cycle."

That did explain a lot.

"Reset mine, too. Except, I was already well past fourteen lives."

"That seems very clumsy of you."

"I'm old, and spent most my life as a violent psychopath. Cut me some slack!"

Both of us were old, even by Time Lord standards. While theoretically, time lords could live forever, none of us had ever succeeded in lasting even 20,000 years. War, plague, and accidents of various natures (especially when travelling) all take lives. Plus, despite our tendency to abhor violence, more than a few hostile takeovers occurred within our own government (I would know. I was responsible for a few of these takeover attempts.).

The Doctor and I both laughed. Something about me calling myself old was humorous. The Doctor then set about setting the coordinates into the TARDIS console while I sat at the table and browsed his selection of books. Oh, only the classics for him. A Christmas Carol, The Iliad, Green Eggs And Ham, Harry Potter, Ten Little Indians, etc. It was a small shelf, but it contained a wide variety of masterpieces in all different genres, styles, and languages.

After fiddling with the console for a few moments, he pressed the button for takeoff. Then, roughly five seconds later, we arrived. It was time to drink.

"And thatsh how I met Prinshess Luna!" I finished my story.

"So thatsh where Luna learned to be a complete dom!" The Doctor exclaimed.

Yeah, our words were slurring a little. Time Lord metabolisms make it hard to get drunk, but like always, we managed to beat the odds. And it was worth it.

"Hey! Would you handsome stallions care to conquer us?"

It was two Tivolians. They had shiny cream-colored coats. One had a ginger mane styled into a pony tail, the other had a short, curly black mane. Other than the rat-like teeth and weird ears, they were very attractive. I'm not a cheater though (in relationships, in anything else I'm an under-handed fraud).

"Shorry, ladiesh, I already have a mare. I shure my friend would love to conquer you though!"

The Doctor looked at me like I was crazy, but didn't complain as they half-led, half-dragged him away

"So, how was it?" I asked once he got back.

We'd both sobered up a bit.

"Ugh, way too easy. I like girls with a little attitude. I don't like total subbies that beg and moan and degrade themselves."

"You like Dash don't you?"

"Good grief, No! She's the other extreme. Too much attitude! I prefer more moderate personalities. Confident but not arrogant. Emotional, but not over the top."

"So Applejack then."

He actually blushed.

"N-no, not at all." He stammered his denial. No use denying it now, Doctor. Your voice has betrayed you again.

"Oh come on! You cannot honestly tell me you've never snuck a look at that flank before?"

"Okay, fine, you got me. She's pretty attractive."

"Ha! Knew it!" I chuckled.

"What about you and Twilight?" he was hoping that would rattle me. Nope.

"Oh we're doing great! She is incredible!..." I went on to describe my relationship in great detail. Yep, I was the guy drunk in a bar bragging to my buddy about my perfect girlfriend.

"Hey you ass wipes! I heard one of you mated with my slaves!"

I hate Sycorax. I really do.

"I heard you're a wimpy despot with exposed red skin and a partial exoskeleton!" I responded. I love getting into insult matches.

The Doctor had just enough time to give me an exasperated look, before an energy whip swung our way. I yanked it out of his grip with my magic before The Doctor bucked him hard in the chest. He went flying back.

And just like that, we got caught in a massive bar brawl. The two of us versus roughly two dozen Sycorax.

Good odds for us.

By the end, chairs were broken, tables were overturned, bottles were shattered, and slaves were set free. Oh, and we had to run like hell when we heard a troop of Amazastian peacekeepers were headed our way. We made it to the TARDIS without further incident and spent the ride home laughing about how the quality of warriors had gone downhill since we came to this universe. Most species had not adapted well due to the transition from humanoid to equine.

I got home around lunch time while Twilight was in the kitchen making sandwiches. The minute she saw me she surged forward and examined my face. The zero room helps healing, but doesn't make cuts and bruises disappear instantly, and I had a few after that brawl.

"The note said you were going out for a drink with the Doctor. What the hay happened?"

"I got in a fight with a bunch of alien slavers."

"You said you were going to a bar!"

"The bar was on another planet."

She sighed " What am I going to do with you?"

"I can think of a few things." I answered. Innuendos were always useful in these situations... If you know what I mean.

We didn't get to eat until much later. We used that time to do things. In her room. After using magic to soundproof the walls and seal the door.

Author's Note

Does the level of suggestiveness in this chapter warrant a sex tag?

Credit Cobra of England for edits.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I reluctantly have to admit this. I owe it to you guys. I'm sorry I haven't been able to update my stories or make new ones. I've been severely depressed. Not distraught or anxious depressed, no, I have the 'So overwhelmed with despair that I just can't see the point in anything' kind of depression. My inspriration is near zero and my ability to actually sit down and type anything of considerable lengh is about the same. I'm trying to work through it, and I'm past the denial phase at least, but it's gonna be a big pain for a while. I'll get to writing when I can, but please don't get your hopes up. I feel bad enough without letting everyone down even more.

Life Sucks,

Anommalcolm