In Case Of Parasprites

by Notgoingtoexplainthis

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 678

If you are viewing this it means you are under a Parasprite invasion.

Thank you for consulting Canterlot.inc's Parasprite invasion emergency procedures enclosed is steps to ridding your town/city of the problem
Please remain calm and execute steps correctly.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-09 05:36:52 UTC

Procedures

Canterlot.inc (c) all rights reserved. do not copy

parasprite invasion? not on any occasion!

WARNING: parasprites are dangerous creatures and should not be taken lightly, if you have read and or are following instructions from Fillydelphia.co's manual on the subject please forget whatever lies they told you, that company is untrustworthy and is one of canterlot.inc's (c) largest rivals, not that that has anything to do with this.

Hello and welcome to Canterlot.inc's (c) Parasprite emergency manual. please remain calm, it is imperative that you stick to the steps provided (See steps 1-10 in the section removal)

If you are reading this manual it is clear you are under invasion. The steps to ridding your town and or city of said parasprites will be listed below.(See steps 1-10 in the section removal )

Precautions

important: Parasprites are animals that will eat continuously, if any food is out in the open we ask that you dispatch of it as quickly as possible. Bring any fillies or colts inside and lock your doors, parasprites have not been known to eat ponies but it has never been tested.

If your town has any very magical unicorn inhabitants please ask them to refrain from trying to stop the parasprites with magic.(see "Great Ponyville Disaster")

Do not try to round up the Parasprites in a certain dwelling, they will multiply very quickly in such an enclosed area

Supplies To Be Used

One (1) Tuba

One (1) flute

One (1) harmonica

One (1) set of cymbals

Two (2) snare drums

All items above may be purchased at any outposts of Canterlot.inc (c) for a low low price.

warning In a serious emergency we cannot be held accountable for any trampling's  and or deaths in our stores

Removal

Step one: Gather the supplies mentioned in the section Supplies To Be Used

Step two: Obtain one (1) musically inclined pony (Stallion or mare)

Step three: Construct a wearable suit out of said materials. ( "Polka Pack (tm) is now available in stores provided by Canterlot.inc (c)

Step four: Send before mention musically inclined pony into the streets with the contraption, make sure the parasprites notice him/her

Step five: Have said pony begin playing polka music, (The parasprites are, for some reason, attracted to the music)

Warning: do not try any other genre of music, it will only drive Parasprites mad

Step six: Have the pony slowly move throughout the streets, the parasprites will start to follow the sound of the music

Step seven: Once all streets have been covered have said pony leave town down a small unused road

Step eight: Obtain one (1) "Prarasprite Blazer" (tm) from any store Equestria wide, a simple campfire will do as well

Step nine: Lure parasprites into an old building or enclosed space

Step ten: Burn them, burn them all, leave none alive. It may be a gruesome job but somepony must do this crucial last step. If the animals are not burned they will live on and reproduce to no end.

Disposal

To dispose of the burned and charred corpses you may bury. Canterlot.inc (c) does sell a biodegradable bag and shovel combo that can be used effectively for disposal.

Please bury at least six (6) hooves underground, in death and decomposition the parasprites give off toxic fumes.

WARNING: Do not under any circumstances bury near a water source that is used for drinking

Persistent Parasprite Problems If parasprite problems persist it is possible one or more citizens are harboring the animals (A case like this was recorded in Ponyville last year) A strict watch should move throughout buildings to search for Parasprites if the problem continues. We are not responsible for any violence between citizens, nor can we be held responsible for the continuation of the problem

WARNING: The smell and fumes from the burning Parasprites may cause health problems, we are not responsible for any deaths as a result of this. wear proper protection

Thank you for consulting this guide, come visit us sometime!

all rights reserved do not copy

property of Canterlot. inc (c)