Just Thinking
Sparks: A MLP fanifction.
I look back on my life every once in a long while. I think about the awesome sensation of soaring through the skies. Being a co-captain with the wonderbolts.
I think of my cool friends I met. A few pets I had in my childhood. I even think of my parents now and then, even though I will never again see them.
This is one of those nights.
Right now I’m laying here in my bed just.... thinking.
I don’t know why, but Its nice to just think a little bit. Its a quiet enough night also. I found my old diary from when I was a colt in my closet, so I thought I would write down my thoughts. Y’know, just for the fun of it.
I never really thought about how different life could have easily changed. If I did just a few things differently, no one would even recognize me as Soarin.
So when I’m not flying, or spending time with my wife, I lay here and think. I go through my memories, usually starting with my oldest ones.
I think of the academy, Spitfire, and everyone back there. When we were so innocent. But I guess when you grow up, you lack innocence.
Now where should I start with all of this. Why not at the beginning.
So I was born with two brothers and a sister. But when I was five, my sister was diagnosed with a rare disease.
I remember how clean the hospital was, the night they tried to surgically remove the disease.
Everything sparkled, yet it all seemed so dark on the inside. All the doctors wore fake smiles, but they obviously didn’t want to tell us the truth.
We stayed for hours. Me and my brothers played some games they had for kids in the waiting room,while my parents were talking out in front of her room.
We were doing tic tack hoof, when they walked over and sat down next to us. I will never forget what my mom said to me. “Boys I need you to stay strong no matter what happens in there. We won’t fill your head with lies like these doctors will. Your sister may not make it. But even if she doesn’t, we are still a family. We are here for each other.”
That’s the first moment I felt hate.
I felt it for my mom, who straight out had no faith our sister would live. Hate for the world for taking her away. Hate for the doctors who wouldn’t tell us this. Hate for my dad, who just sat there quietly. But mostly hate for myself.
I should’ve been able to help her. If I could’ve done something...
That's also the first time I yelled at my parents. “She will make it! shes stronger than you think! How can you have no faith in her?!?! Shes your daughter! I hate you!” I stormed out of there, I ran off to some dark place in the hospital, where no one could find me.
I hid under a patients bed, not realizing at the time that it was occupied. I heard a family of five come in.
I peeked and saw five orange ponies, all gathered around the bed. The youngest seemed to be about my age. She looked very pretty, but also very sad.
I couldn’t make out the words, but I was guessing they were saying goodbye to who ever occupied the bed.
I long beep signaled he was forever lost. The family immediately burst into tears. They all hugged each other for comfort. I realized I needed to be there with my family. They needed me.
“Come on Spitfire, lets go leave your dad some time alone.” She brought out the young child. The others seemed to be uncles, who left soon after.
Spitfire... I wonder if I’ll ever see her again....
After they all left, I snuck my way back out. I returned to my family, and we wnet in to talk to my sister. We got the news.... she wasn’t going to make it.
We said goodnight (we didn’t want to scare her with death), and we all embraced as she closed her eyes one last time.
My sister never woke up from that nap. The one closest to me was now gone forever. Yet. I couldn’t help feeling like I could have done more for her.
The next thing I remember, seemed insignificant at first. I couldn’t tell why I had this memory. I was sitting, playing with my dad and brothers. It wasn’t until later, I realized my mom wasn’t there.
Dad brought us into the family room and had a talk with us. This meant alot to us, since he wasn’t a deep kind of guy. He only had family discussions if he had to. He seemed to like the quiet better.
He told us mom went on a trip, and she wouldn’t be back for a long time. I never saw my mom again.
After a few months, my brothers thought she was kidnapped or dead. Our theories got so absurd, my dad eventually came out with it.
Mom couldn’t handle the stress of losing a daughter. Also my hating her. I never truly forgave her, and I liked to make it obvious for some reason. She left to a place far away, where she didn’t have to think about any of this.
That's the second time I felt hate.
My family never really was the same. My dad basically sunk into nothingness. He just sat on the couch all day, and rarely said anything to us.
Me and my brothers took care of everything. I probably should’ve mentioned my dad is a wonderbolt, but since to his lack of effort, was kicked off the team.
Money stopped coming in, so we resorted to stealing from the market.
My brothers treated me like dirt. They blamed me for moms leaving, and after awhile I blamed myself too.
We argued alot, mostly about mom. Once in awhile we would even all out fight, but I would end up losing due to two against one.
Dad never intervened with our lives. He let us do whatever. My oldest brother started weed. He got in with a bad crowd, and eventually left to live on the road with them. My other brother did his best to take care of dad.
We were never the family we once were.
I often wondered if that ‘spitfire’ could teach us a thing or two about this also. I at first admired her family, but jealousy grew inside me, which soon turned into me despising her.
A few years later, my oldest brother was eventually excepted into a college. We said farewell, which was one of the few occasions my dad spoke to us.
It was weird being the only kid left in the house. Better yet, the only real perosn in the house. I stopped considering my dad a pony, since hes mostly a blob now. A deformed depressed version of himself.
I couldn’t take care of the house on my own, so me and my dad were relocated to a shelter. After a few years, I was excepted into the junior speedsters academy.
It was hard to say goodbye yet again. “Son, I know I’ve hardly been a dad, but I am proud of the strong colt you have become. I know you will do great.”
After all this time, he finally talked to me. I always wished he would, just so I could have company. But this time, I realized I had nothing I wanted to say to him. I simply nodded and went on my way. I wouldn’t see him for a long time, but I never felt bad about saying so little to him.
The academy was no less than torture. Everyone knew me as ‘that shelter kid’. They picked on me, much harsher than my brothers.
I taught myself to fight, but restrained from using it. They weren’t worth it.
Besides that I loved the academy. Cozy beds, fresh pie each day. Lets not forget flying those amazing skies. I had done so little flying in my youth, but I had a knack for it.
It was what really made me happy. I forgot all my troubles and worrys. I was a free spirit above the clouds. Nothing was in my way.
It was the same routine at the academy for a few months. I liked it that way, especially the flying part.
About a year it my enrollment, a new student moved into my wing of the bunks. I never thought I would see her again. The firey haired ‘spitfire’ mare.
She was just as I remembered, although she looked more mature. She was beautiful.
“Hi I’m Soarin, its nice to meet you!” I pulled off a smile, which wasn’t too difficult. I was happy just being in this mares company.
“Hi I’m spitfire.” She smiled at me and shook my hoof. The sensation of her hoof touching mine sent electricity up my body.
I wondered if I was blushing. Her hair was combed back, and she wore no makeup like many other mares here. Yet she was still more beautiful by a ton.
“S-so ummm, you like to fly?” I can’t believe how stupid that sounded. Of course she liked to fly! She was at a flying academy! Man she must think I’m a idiot now. I was scared of what she would say next.
To my surprise she laughed. “Yeah, I do. I’m guessing you do too?” She laughed again. She had a beautiful laugh. A sweet young girls, but yet it said I could easily rip you apart. It brought a big stupid smile to my face.
Our instructor asked me to show her around campus, which of course I would be happy to do. It meant more time to be with Spitfire, but even this wasn’t enough time.
I showed her around, but I honestly didn’t care about the tour. She told me about herself. Not much out of the ordinary, which reminded me of my past thoughts of her.
I envied her, but spending today with her, my mind was completely changed.
Even after the tour, we hid out on a cloud and talked with each other more. I wondered how much time had passed. Hours?
By the end of the time we were basically best friends. Neither of us had been happpier. I never wanted this day to end.
Sadly later that night it began raining like the gates of hell had broken loose. So of course we decided to finally head back inside.
I slipped on the cloud we were in, and I fell right off of it, heading down fast. I tried to flap my wings, but the winds were pushing too hard for me to control them.
I fell faster and faster, and I could see the ground gaining on me.
Next thing I saw spitfire jumped off after me. She fought as hard as she could against the winds, and eventually got within a hoofs length of me.
“Grab on soarin, I can help you land!” I grabbed her hoof, but she only slowed us down a little, we still plummeted into the clouds below.
Luckily the landing was rather soft. After the impact I immediately looked over to her, praying her her safety. She just laid there silent.
No I thought, shes gotta be okay. Then I heard a sound, a beautiful sound. She began erupting with laughter.
“That was so cool!” She eventually got me laughing along. We just laid there laughing our heads off in the pouring, ice-cold rain.
Our laughter was cut short, for I heard the flap of wings. I figured it was our instructor furious at our abandoning the class for the day. But there was many pairs of wings.
I could see them, the colts who had bullied me the whole time I spent here.
I pulled spitfire back around the big dumpster in the back of the academy. “What are you doing?!?!
I shushed her, which she took offensively, but before she could respond I put a hoof over her mouth.
The bullies, I believe there was 8, rounded the corner at that moment. They weren’t just bullies, they beat the snot out of me, I was afraid of what they could do the fire.
“Let me take these jokers!” She whispered. She ran out form behind the dumpster and confronted them.
“Hey hey hey, its little Ms. Dumpster Diver!” The bullies all laughed.
“You want a piece of me?” She raised one of her hoofs. She had alot of spunk, and seemed to be quite sure of herself.
“Hahaha, yeah right. A lady can’t fight!” They laughed harder, and I could almost see the steam coming out of fires ears.
I wouldn’t take any more. “Shut up!”
“Well it looks like dumpster doll has a husband!” Now I was fuming. “Are you worried your marefriend is a better fighter than you? Cuz I bet she is!”
Thats where I charged, but they grabbed me and through me off the side of the cloud. I plummeted, but slowed myself down enough to a slight crash.
I landed in a ditch filled with mud. “A proper bed for the dumpster bunch!” The other ponies landed above the ditch, Spitfire next to them.
The look on her face was mixed with horror and anger. Yet her eyes she didn’t make a move to help me up.
My legs were sore, and it was hard to move. “Fire, could you give me a hoof?”
She just looked away, and I saw a brief glimpse of regret. “Seems she doesn’t like you much, knowing your a shelter kid!”
They told her! Shes acting like this because of that! “Well fine, I don’t need any of you!” I flew off, no matter how much pain it brought me. Thats the third time I felt hate.
I didn’t return to my bunk, the others were too close by it. I slept on the roof under the rain that night.
I couldn’t explain it. I felt such strong emotions for her. Like she was the most important thing ever, like she had all my happiness inside her. But I also hated her for what she’d done. I almost told myself I loved her. But that would obviously just be a dream.
She seemed like the best pony ever, but now I couldn’t stand her. But I couldn’t stand not being with her either.
I was confused, and with those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.
The next few months were the hardest I faced at the academy. Spitfire ignored me, and when she did talk to me she was joking along with all the bullies.
I never thought she would be that pony, but she was horrible. She called me names, and pushed me in the hallway. But everytime she did it, I couldn’t help but notice a glint of remorse in her eyes.
Did she feel bad about it?
It was onto the final week of our first year at the academy. We were all supposed to dress nice for a farewell dance and party.
Of course everyone had a date except me. I never talked with anyone, no one honestly knew me but Fire. Even she had a date with one of the bullies.
I just got some nice clothes from a store, and called it good. I could hear the music starting outside at the flying field. It was already dark.
When I arrived everyone was already partying with their dates. Everyone except me. I just sat on the bleachers off to the side and hummed along to the songs that they played. I s fine with it.
I couldn’t help but notice when Spitfire entered. She was absolutely beautiful. She had a red dress and her hair was actually down. It wasn’t her, it couldn’t have been.
Throughout the dance, she seemed different. She lacked her spunk, she seemed like a normal mare.
It was nearly midnight and the party was still in full gallop, but I decided to leave.
I flew off torwards the west wing for a little fly before bed. But apparently the bullies spotted a opportunity. They gained quickly behind me.
I sped as fast as I could, swerving around, doing twists and turns. But they stayed right behind me the whole time.
Eventually one grabbed my leg, and pulled me into the roof. I laid stunned for a moment, but remembered the issue.
One grabbed each of my hoofs, while a third started punching me in the gut. The first few times I sucked it up, but I couldn’t hold it in much. I let out a burst of pain, and coughed up a little blood.
Thats when I saw one go face first into the roof. The second knocked inton the third, both the tripping over each other.
I looked and saw Fire, glaring down at them. “You buckers want anymore? What girl can’t fight now?”
They flew off after catching the anger in her eyes.
She gave me her hoof, and I reluctantly excepted it. “Yeah, thanks. I owe you one.” I thought I could at least be polite.
“No you don’t. I was such a jerk. Theres no way i could ever apologize correctly. Please, all I want is a second chance.... I’m sorry.” She seemed to choke on that last word. She didn’t seem like the mare who said that alot.
“Why? We were friends Fire.” I looked her in the eyes, and with the moonlight on her tonight, I couldn’t imagine how this mare could be more perfect.
She had her hair back to normal, which I couldn’t help but be glad about. “His dad, was a huge sponsor for the Wonderbolts. I’ve always wanted to be one of them, and my parents wanted me to. I thought, if I sucked up... I could get into the bolts. But I didn’t like what I became, or what I had done to you.” Her eyes looked completely honest.
“Fire, as long as you do one thing for me. Please stay my friend. I could never stay mad at you.” I smiled at her, and she smiled back.
“Of course Soarin.” She hugged me tightly, and I hugged her back. Her body was warm, even under the moonlight. This was truly perfect. “I missed you Soarin.”
“I missed you too Fire.”
That night we danced on the rooftop, there was no place I’d rather be.
She was my best friend, my only friend. Although I couldn’t help but feel more for her.
My brother, my brother who got addicted to weed, died this same week. He pushed a unknowing mare out of the way, right before a carriage hit her. His back broke.
I changed all my thoughts about him. Even though he made bad choices, he was still the same brother I loved this whole time. I just wish I could have told him.
It was a small funeral. Me, my dad, my brother, a few friends, and Fire. Its the first time I cried in front of her.
Fire had reintroduced me to the Wonderbolts. Who’s still in and everything. I was honestly interested. After my dad, I forgot about them completely. I made her a promise one day we would both join.
I have been in my bunk all day today. I haven’t moved, I’m sure Fire is looking for me. But its exactly that.
Today I decided I loved her.
I guess I always knew it. But I wanted her to know also. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if this ruined our friendship? Thats what I thought about all day, and when the others returned for bed, the bullies pulled me aside.
“Where were you today blue boy?” Their tone was mean, but they seemed honestly interested.
I decided to tell them. For after all I was not ashamed (alot) that I loved her. They looked at me for a bit, then one patted me on the back.
They actually congratulated me. But then I told them my worries.
“Well you guys are like best friends right? Why not just write a note or something?” After they even assured me, I still wasn’t entirely sure in myself.