May 1: How Many CrackFics Does It Take?
Let's light this puppy, shall we?
Once upon a time... Wait, no. In the futuristic land... No, not that either. Anyways, Welcome to 2019, where its like 2012, but with just new cars, I-phones, and fads. Luckily, we are ever closer to hovercrafts. Still, they are unstable as a nuke core in a little kid's pants. A metaphor. Sort of. Where was I? Oh, right. 2019.
Here, we meet are main plot point of a human. His name?
Joshua!
Why is he significant, besides being the main character? Well, his parents are dead. They died at age 56 and 47. Josh was 9 when they died. His 20 year old sister, Hannah, decided to take care of him. His eldest sister, Haley, off in who-knows-where-land, had no clue. That is what happens when you alope.
Hannah got a job that year to get an income. Badaboom, badabing, we are going five years later. Josh here is getting a job and Hannah, 25 now, is working at the theater, A rundown, barely surviving movie theater that, surprisingly, is earning more that the next closest theater, 38 miles away. Josh is hopefully going to getting a job there. There life in Beaver Town, Michigan is an interesting one. Quick Glimpse, shall we?
"Yo, sis of 3rd shift. Awaken. Today is the day of interviewing."
Hannah bolted out of bed. Their small home seemingly cramped.
"Really? Oh lord, I forgot! What time is it?
" 5 o'clock, On the dot, actually. Make me a sandwich, I'm hungry and leaving in 20 minutes."
Hannah sighed, went back into bed, and remarked the following.
"Make noodles. This is stupid."
"I'll light your Luna doll and your old One Direction Posters on fire."
"I'll do the same with you Spike one. And that dumb dinosaur plush you still own after 10 years."
" Don't you dare. AND DINO BOY ISN'T DUMB!"
Sad, is it not? He still owns his Dino plush from when he was four. Kinda cute, too.
Later, Josh burst through the door of the house, also knocking a few books off a nearby shelf.
"I GOT THE JOB! AND CHEESY PRETZELS!"
Hannah grunted. Apparently she didn't notice the ear splitting bang of the door, the numerous books falling down, and the aroma of cheesy pretzel, her seventh favorite food. She couldn't wake up, unless the world was ending.
"Wait. Do I smell... Cheesy Pretzels? Josh, did you kill someone? You always bring cheesy pretzels when you do something bad."
"What? NO!" Josh shouted, face-palming."I got the job 15 minutes ago!"
"Really? Oh gosh, Spike, you have to tell me these things sooner!"
"YOU WERE SLEEPING, DAM IT!"
"WHY ARE YOU SWEARING?!?!"
"I WASN'T! ITS CALLED MAKING CREATIVE WORD PLAY! AND I SAID DAM SPACE IT. NOT DAMMIT!"
"YOU SAID 'DAMMIT'! I HEARD YOU!"
"LETS JUST STOP YELLING, *OK?*" Josh caught his breath. "I'm sorry for almost swearing."
Hannah was about to say something, but quickly shut her mouth.
"What time is it, anyhow?"
Josh quickly turned around, looked at the clock, stated the time {6:55 AM}, paused, Then squeaked in delight.
"You know my birth anniversary is at 6:58, right?"
"Oh gosh, I forgot! I'll get the cake!"
Hannah jumped out of bed, wobbled a little, and went into the kitchen. Josh proceeded to the table and sat down, singing a little.
~Happy birthday to moi, happy birthday to me...~
When Hannah brought the Oreo shaped cake, Josh felt ecstatic! His favorite flavor of cake was in front of him.
~BLEEP~BLEEP~
Time seemed to slow into oblivion. Everything seemed to blur. An old memory popped into his head.
My math may not match with your age,
But that wont save you from my rage.
I'll sent you where friends and family went,
Where the rest of your days shall be spent.
Fourteen.
Time slowly sped up, and I looked at the royalty in front of me, realizing who it was.
"Luna? Your Back?"
I looked left, seeing the flames. They seemingly beckoned, just asking me to own them. Asking a plea only I could fulfill.
"I miss you Twilight, where ever did you go?"
Time continued its normal flow. Everything became as it was. The only difference was that Hannah was lying on the floor, and Josh's face was in the cake, which was covered in candle wax.
"Josh, what just happened?"
"No. Clue."
Hannah scratched her side. Her thigh, to be exact.
"Before we cut the cake," She stated. "I need to use the bathroom."
"I-I can wait. Man, that was some freaky-deaky crap that just happened, am I right?"
The door shut in the bathroom. A scuffling of pajama fleece was heard. A gasp.
"JOSH, WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO?!?!?!"
"Huh, what are you talk..."
Josh sneezed. And almost burned the table with a emerald flame. Half of the area in front of him was a black ashy rubble of charcoal. What. The. Heck.
Hannah walked out of the bathroom, underwear and pants off. Josh attempted to hide the ashes and looked away, try not to be turned on by this own blood.
"Seriously, Josh? You think this is funny?"
Josh regrettably turned around. Luckily, Hannah was turned sideways. What wasn't luck though, was the image on Hannah's Hip. A black smudge with a white crescent moon. Luna's Cutie Mark.
The Mark of the tyrant.
Oh, crap.
"ANSWER ME!" Hannah roared, positively pissed.
"I did not do.. do..crap." Josh said, before green fire shot out of his nose and claimed the table, also everything on it.
"I guess the secrets out, isn't it?" Josh said, slightly freaked out.
Hannah Fainted. Same with Josh.
And that's how Equestria was made. Well, sort of. It's not really how it was created. Eh, close enough. Well anyhow, That is chapter One of "The Purple Blur".
FIC LOG. WRITE DATE. 526131:04 STORY DATE. MAY 2ND. MAJOR BACKSTORY GOES DOWN IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY IF THIS SOUND LIKE TROLLFIC.
The last time we see are heros, they fainted. Big cliche, am i right? Anywho’s, onward into the STORY!
His trusty first mate trotted next to him.
“Any objections to the battle strategy?”
No hoof was raised.
“Good. your turn, big boy.”
“Thanks, Sly Gun. We know what to do, and the formations are set in stone. AM I CLEAR?”
“SIR YES SIR.”
“All right, colts. TO BATTLE!”
We all charged out of our small cave. It was cramped, but just enough to hold the men, guns, armor, and me, the only living dragon left. We raced past numerous chiwawas and demon spawn of hell. We sped acrossed cotton candy landscapes and insane ponies. When we reached our destination, There he sat. The devil of chaos that slaved us here for nine years. The devil himself.
Discord.
Josh woke up with a start and a burning sensation in his throat. He look around remembering what happened the night before. As the memories struck him like an oncoming bus, he noticed what was left of his house and felt like he was hit by one.
His house, and surround areas, were nothing but ash and dirt.
“Well crap.”
He looked west, hoping the sun was at a point so he could determine the time. And it was. Around 8 PM. Thank the lord it was almost summer. The sun was beginning to set. He was out for only 14 hours. He looked over to his sister, just to the right of him. She certainly change during the time they were out. Her feet seemed a little twisted, also with one of her toes looking bigger than the others. and her hair was a brilliant shade of dark blue. She had horse ears and a big bulge near her hiney. She seemed to be resting peacefully.Josh decided to sleep until tomorrow. Maybe then Hannah would be awake and they could figure out what the hay was happening to them. He was shell shocked and didn't realize he thought like a pony for a moment. He didn't care, however, because he was off into the land of nod.
“Oh, how charming, the pawn has led the kings to danger.”
“We’re not afraid of you ,Discord! You haven't won yet!!”
“What do you know, Captain Failure.”
The whistle he then led from his lips almost ruined my ears. Then Sly Gun walked ahead, almost like she was hypnotised.
“Coming Master.......”
