Cinco De Mayo Mutha Bucka!

by Shakespearicles

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1029

Sequel to BERRRRRY PUNCH. She drinks some more. Hilarity ensues.

Sequel to BERRRRRY PUNCH.
She drinks some more. Hilarity ensues.
Written again under the extreme influence. (Edited only for readability)
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I write random one-shots.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-05 19:00:02 UTC

WHAH BAM

Sequel to BERRRRRY PUNCH. You don't have to read it. But it might help make some sense. Or it might not. Fuggoff it's party time!

.

Berry Punch stormed out of the bar, trotting over Luna's unconscious form. She would have kicked the doors off the hinges but they were already kicked off the hinges twice. One was embedded in the bar mirror and the other completely vanished. But that's a whole other story

Berry Punch and the Vanishing Door

She bucked her legs at the empty air of the door frame. She fell flat on the floor and considered vomiting on herself. She opted to not look like a complete pussy and got back up and ran outside.

"I AM THE GREATEST MARE ALIVE!"

One might call her egotistical. But having out-drank two goddesses, who could blame her. It was still the early evening. The moon had only just risen an hour earlier. The last sober act of one, Luna. Berry stumbled down the stairs, her face becoming surprisingly intimate with the sidewalk.

The taste of blood in her mouth caused her to inexplicably crave Bloody Marys. But she wasn't about to let a simple thing like a split lip ruin her winning streak! She had just bested the two most powerful beings in Equestria in the game of the drink. She stumbled into Flim and Flam's Casino at the edge of Ponyville.

It was a new establishment that was met with a great deal of hostility. But after a time in the town hall debate, the tax revenue it offered could not be turned down by the legislature. Berry began to feel the effects of the last twenty four drinks catching up to her. Any drinks before them had already exited her body behind a nearby dumpster in a manner she did not feel inclined to mention.

She staggered up to the roulette table and Thew a hoof-full of cash on the table. Her last ten bits.

"Forty two!" She screamed out. "I have a feeling about that number." She whispered to the brown stallion beside her.

"Maddam, the wheel only goes up to thirty eight." The pit boss explained. Berry pondered a moment.

"Thirty four!" She yelled, pushing her newly issued chips in the direction of the number on the green felt. "I have a feeling about that number."

The ball spun around the wheel.

"Thirty four red!" The roulette dealer called out. Berry reaped the tremendous fortune of three hundred and fifty bits.

"Oh my stars," the brown stallion gushed, "You should take that money and-"

"Let it ride!" Berry said with absolute confidence.

"But- but you're crazy! The odds of the same number coming up twice is-"

"Thirty four red!" The dealer called out a second time.

Berry wrapped her hooves around the 12,250 stack of bits, pulling but a 20 bit chip from the mountain.

"LET IT RIDE!"

"You're crazy! the odds of thirty four coming up three times is-"

"Eight black." The dealer said, scooping the mountain away from Berry. She took her chip and shrugged, walking away.

"Wait, aren't you even a little upset?"

"Meh. Easy come easy go." She said, cashing out. "I came in with ten. I'm leaving with twenty. I'll call that a win. Now are you gonna but me a drink or just keep yapping? Because you're mouth isn't spouting vodka!"

"Yes, of course miss..."

"Punch. Berry Punch."

The two of them walked out of the casino. Berry turned around and turned Super Saiyen. Not like in the show where she screams for nineteen episodes and her hair turns yellow. The real kind. Where she grabbed the casino by it's slab cement foundation and picked up the entire building and threw it into space.

Because in her heart of hearts, she believed that gambling was immoral. And it didn't belong in her Ponyville. Maybe Las Pegasus, but not her Ponyville. She gave no second thought to the ponies within who died from asphyxiation in the vacuum of space. Her genocide of the gamblers was a just cause in her mind.

Her companion looked on in horror.

"You gonna buy me a drink or what?"

"Um, where?" He asked nervously.

"In the casino bar! DUH!" She said, annoyed.

He could only watch as the building burned up upon reentry into the atmosphere.

"Um, that may be a bit of a challenge." He said, motioning to the fire ball, rapidly disintegrating in the night.

"UGHH!" she groaned, dragging him back to her usual watering hole.

The pair of them walk into her bar. The doors still vacant from their frames. One still embedded in the bar mirror. The newly regrouped crowd cowered at her presence, kneeling at her hooves. She casually stepped over Luna's still-unconscious form.

"BARKEEP! ANOTHER!" She bellowed, slamming her twenty bit coin on the bar

"Oh, Miss Punch, your majesty, your money is no good here." The bar tender said meekly, pushing both the coin and a full drink toward her.

"Your majesty?" he asked. Berry turned to her new friend, slamming her drink before she answered.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention. I run this shit!" She said, smashing her empty glass on the bar.

Glass fragmented across the bar into a shady pony in a sombrero.

"QUE?!" he swooped in quick onto Berry Punch. His Latin accent forced him to speak in a broken English speech pattern. "You... run... this?" He asked, motioning to the bar around him with his smokey tendrils.

"Yeah! What of it smokey McShitface?"

King Sombra grasped a glass of liquor with his amorphous tendril of smoke and threw back a shot like a champ.

Until the shot flew clear threw him onto the floor.

"Alcohol abuse!"  Berry screamed. "Party foul!"

She grabbed a wide bore straw from her friends glass and stabbed King Sombra with it, taking a huge rip.

King Sombra vanished into the straw. She turned to he friend.

"Hey, you wanna hit this shit?"

Her stallion friend could only shake his head in shock.

Berry knew she had ripped it waaay too hard about when the walls began to melt.

"Aww shit. What now?"