Everdeath

We walked on without incident for the next two days, making it to the Barren Lands. This stretch of land was much larger than the forest, and would take two weeks to make it to the other side, that is if we weren't interrupted by anything.

"Can we stop and take a break? My hooves are hurting!" Rarity whined.

"Sure! And then we can stop at a food stand and get iced coffee!" I said to her, clearly displaying how annoyed I was with her, she had been whining like this for the past hour.

"Hmmph, well I thought you were above using sarcasm Sargast." She said to me.

"I thought you were above whining like a foal!" I said to her. "Now shut up and come on!" The heat and continuous walking was getting on everypony's nerves, not to mention Rarity's whining.

"My word! Do you have any idea how to speak to a lady!" She said to me.

"I do Rarity. It's just I don't think you qualify as a lady! I think you're just a stuck-up bi-" I was cut off by Applejack.

"How about we take a break ya'll? I think we all need one." She seemed to direct the last part at me. We sat down and pulled out our water bottles, they were almost empty.

"Rainbow, next time we stop can you fly around and try to find some rain clouds? We can use the water to fill our bottles up." Luna said to the cyan pegasus.

"Okay!" Rainbowdash seemed to be the only one that hadn't turned into a complete asshole. "Will Rarity need a cloud for herself so she can rest her aching hooves?" Never mind, we're all complete assholes.

***

We set up our tents under a small rock overhang, sure it wasn't safe but nopony would be able to get to sleep without the shade cooling us off. Yes, even during the night this place was like an oven. "I'll keep guard tonight, Luna you need some rest." I said to the princess of the night.

"Sargast, I don't sleep. Princess of the night remember?" Luna said back to me.

"Right." I said through my mega face-hoof. Luna walked out of our tent leaving me alone. Ever since that night where Luna cast that spell on me I have been falling to sleep quite easily, so it wasn't a surprise when I drifted off into dreamland faster than I usually did.

"Where am I?" I asked myself looking around. I looked to be back in Ponyville, and everything seemed to be normal. I decided to walk around and see what was messed up, cause knowing my dreams well meant knowing that nothing normal ever happened in them, ever. I checked everywhere, everything seemed normal, so I decided to talk with the dream ponies. "Hi Pinkie, how are you doing?" I asked the pink mare.

"CUPCAKES! RAWR!" She yelled at me. Well there we have it, the messed up part. "C IS FOR CUPCAKE AND CUPCAKE IS FOR ME!"

"Jeez Pinkie! Stop yelling!" A deep voice boomed.

"Oh, hey Deadriser, what's up?" I said casually.

"Oh nothing much, other than the attack that is happening right now! It really sucks for you how you can't wake up until I want you to doesn't it?" He said to me.

"What? Attack! What the fu-" He cut me off.

"No swearing Sargast! I thought you would know that by now! Oh yes, by the way. If you try to wake up before I want you to I will fry your brain, making you fall back to sleep. So i'd suggest you don't do that." He laughed.

"Try this!" I yelled at him. This was my dream, so flying kittens counted as lethal weapons.

"What in the name of-" The first cat disappeared into the sky, an explosion followed it. "Okay! I will wake you up! This hurts my brain!"

My eyes opened to Fluttershy shaking me, I could hear screaming as well as lots of scuttling. "What the hell is going on!" I yelled.

"We were attacked by giant scorpions!" She said to me, she was shaking like crazy.

"You stay here, it's time to kick some tail." I said to her, pulling my sword out of it's sheath. I ran out of the tent yelling random one-liners and catch-phrases. The scorpions all turned to face me, I grinned a sadistic grin. "Its killing time!" I yelled and I ran at the group of insects. They charged as well, but as I chopped the first one's head and legs off, they started running. "Oh no! You get back here right now!" I yelled. I charged after them, killing five more before they escaped into the night. "Is everypony alright?" I asked, running back into camp.

"Well Fluttershy fainted, and Pinkie seems to be acting like a normal pony, but other than that we're fine." Luna said to me. "How are you though? You look like a mass-murderer."

"Yeah, I needed to blow off a little steam." I said.

"A little steam? You ripped the tail off of one of them!" Rainbow said. "If that was blowing off steam i's hate to get in your way when you're angry." I chuckled a little. Then Fluttershy staggered out of my tent, took one look at the dead scorpion, and fainted again. I busted out laughing, this was ridiculous to me.

"Fluttershy must have some tough time if she faints every time you girls get into battle!" I said, still laughing. Then Pinkie perked up, looked around at everypony, then said.

"Pay up!" I was confused, why were the girls all giving Pinkie five bits?

"What are you doing?" I asked them.

"We made a bet that you couldn't laugh, Pinkie bet that you could." Rainbowdash said to me. This made me start laughing again.

"Okay, we need to get our rest." Luna said to us. I realized it was around midnight.

"In the morning i'm gonna teach you mares how to fight." I said to the group. They all nodded.