Returning the favor

by FrozenMasquerade

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 2613

Rarity finds a colt sleeping in the same bed as Sweetie Belle. Problem is, I look just like her.

Discord is a serious troll, even if he claims not to be evil any more. He offered me and two friends a one way trip to equestria. Being bronies, we jumped on the offer without question. You know, when we decided it would be neat, I don't think any of us pictured ending up as a gender bent version of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Here is your warning for foul language. (No, I'm not talking about chickens. Though I could really do with some fried scootaloo)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-06 08:00:02 UTC

Prologue: Discord must of been really bored.

I woke up one morning, and something just felt absolutely off. Have you ever just had a feeling of dread creep up your spine, screaming into your mind that something positively terrible was going to happen? Yeah, I woke up one morning feeling exactly like that. I'm not claiming to be psychic, magic, or any other bull crap like that; all I'm saying is something bad was going to happen. Something really really bad.

A noise from my right distracted me momentarily from my ruminations of despair. I look over and see my phone near my head, ringing loudly. Who the hell dares wake the great Roman Sinton at this hour? That's me, the "great Roman Sinton" as I call myself, your standard college drop out desperately trying to make a living as a jazz pianist, parents are just dying for a reason to kick me out, but screw that noise. Free room! Wait, what time is it? I picked the phone up, and answered as casually as possible.

"Who the hell is this? You have any idea what time it is?"

"ANY IDEA WHAT- DUDE, WE HAVE BEEN WAITING ON YOU FOR TWO HOURS!" I cringe and pull the phone away from my ear at the shout.

"Oh hell, Atreyu, what time is it?"

"It's two thirty, dip shit. Wake your ass up, and get over here already." I heard a bit of a click on the other side of the phone, and it fell silent. That was one of my two only friends I ever had on earth, Atreyu Svhey. He was a handyman with a temper. If he had an idea, he could make it. If something made him mad, he would break it.

I looked at my phone and see that it is now two thirty one PM. I was supposed to have met Atreyu at his place at noon, but oversleeping sounded more fun at the time. Oh well, too late to be early now. no reason to be later. I lazily rolled out of my bed, and trudged into the bathroom to do my morning business. I know it wasn't morning at all, shut up.

By some act of some bored god somewhere, I felt the urge to look in the mirror. What I saw was the typical, disgusting, beach bum looking, scrawny nerd. My chin length hair was a tad disheveled, sticking straight up in some parts, going horizontally in others. Definitely a hat day. I decided against a shower, after a sniff of my underarms confirmed I would only need a spritz of deodorant to pass as a human for the day. What can I say, hygiene has never been my number one priority.

I decided to dress as extravagantly as my wardrobe can muster, which means that I wore nothing  but a white t-shirt, some dark blue jeans, and some mud covered combat boots. I take a step outside, into suburban hell. Everything seemed like it was going to be another boring day, with another whole lot of boring crap to deal with. I turned around and leaned my head back inside of the boring, cream colored house behind me. "HEY MOM! I'm going out for the day!"

I hear a faint "Don't come back without a real job!"

"Love you too mom!"

"I meant it!"

I rolled my eyes. She was right though, I needed a job. Preferably one that paid in more than free drinks at a club every Tuesday and Thursday. I looked over at my car, a navy blue, beat up, '86 mustang. It's wheels were missing. The car was sitting on cinder blocks. How the hell does that happen with no one seeing it, but the one time I throw something at a trash can and miss, instant 200 dollar littering fine. With a sigh, I retrieved my old bike from behind the shed and started off towards Atreyu's house.

The trip was long and arduous, but I eventually closed the grand total distance of two miles. What I saw, when I came up on the home of my childhood friend, was startling. The aforementioned handyman was actually outside. For the life of me, I could have sworn the guy was agoraphobic. He was leaning against the door to his simple, small house, wearing a Pinkie pie shirt and green shorts. He was a rather well muscled fellow, unlike myself. He would be a ginger, red headed and blue eyed, if he didn't shave his hair off and wear colored contacts. He couldn't hide the freckles though.

I rode my bike clear through his precious yard, much to his visible dismay. "Hey Atreyu, how's it hanging?"

"Oh, nothing special, just standing at my door for two hours, waiting on some ignoramus to show up."

I came to a stop a few feet away from him. "I am not an ignoramus, I consider myself rather well versed thank you very much."

He just cocked an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms over his chest. "All of the big talk you want will never teach you to learn to be on time."

"At least I'm not dumb enough to think Pinkie is best pony."

And suddenly, I thought he wanted to break my neck like a twig. Dunno why, just felt like he did. Weird, right?

"Pinkie is best pony, you TwiTard."

"Psh, Twilight is sooo much better than that loquacious pink mass of illogical fallacies."

"I'm not entirely sure what you just said, but I think it translates to English as 'I'm an idiot, of course Pinkie is best pony' "

His victory in the argument was inevitable. Sometimes, you just can't convince the stupid of how stupid they really are. "So anyways, whats with all the rush getting me over here?"

"It's round back. Come on, I'll show ya." He stopped his oh so arrogant looking lean and walked towards the back yard. I followed, unsure of what to expect.

Within the confines of the fence around Atreus yard, I saw Derryl Deflower. Beyond the dark tan and the long blond hair, you could easily mistake him for Slender Man, he was that tall. Derryl was sort of the adrenaline junkie of the group. He wasn't much of a talker, usually quiet. He was also crazy, it's always the quiet ones. You name it, this guy was crazy enough to try it. He once got so drunk he insisted that we lit him on fire so that he could prove he liked warm weather. Ever since that incident, he's preferred the cold. He stood in a pale grey sweatsuit, looking down at a hole in the ground.

Before either of us said a word to him, before he even knew I was there, his voice grumbled. "Stench that would make god's nose curl in disgust? Audible eye rolling at the previous statement? Sudden desire to kill one of the two people behind me? Must be Caligula."

I face palmed at the nickname. My friends seemed to have a bit of a tendency for teasing me about my name, calling me anything from Caligula to Caesar. Personally, I like Caesar more, he knew how to get things done. Did you know he defeated a once great nation by simply building a wall around their capital? He knew their army was too strong to beat, so he just starved the city to death until they gave in. Clever man that Caesar was.

Atreyu punched me lightly in the arm. "Come on over here, you gotta see this."

"What is it?" I said, unmoving.

"Well, if you take ten freaking steps and look, I wont have to tell you and waste my  breath, will I?"

"You're wasting more breath by arguing the matter, but I suppose I can humor you." I shot the guy my cockiest grin and made my way over to the small hole in the dirt. I looked in, to see a small silvery metal ball, with a lone blue line etched onto the diameter.

I looked to my two comrades. "What the hell is that?"

Atreyu scoffed. "Hell if I know, that's why I called you over. You're supposed to be the smart one, you tell me."

I studied it for a moment, before dropping to my hands and knees for a closer look. "It's got burn marks on it, definitely fell either from space or from very very close to it. The shape of the hole tells us it fell from the south west, and at a sharp, angle. I'd say about 33 degrees, compared to the ground." I rubbed my chin in contemplation for a moment. "One of you find me a long, straight stick."

"Huh?" Derryl said, dumbfounded as typical.

"Just go find something I can poke it with, without directly touching the thing."

The other two started walking around Atreyu's unkempt yard, like idiots. I went back to staring at the mysterious little object.  I held my hand a foot away from it to help figure out the size, without touching it. It looked to be about the size of the standard baseball. Atreyu returned with a stick, after about 5 minutes.

"Really, it took you guys this long to find a stick?"

"Shut up and do your thinking."

I rolled my eyes and the stick. I poked the orb-thing a few times, nothing happened. Content with that, I held the stick with one end firmly against the orb, and the other end pointing in what must of been the angle of trajectory. I followed the path the stick made with my eyes, to see a tall line of in tact, undamaged trees.

I mumbled, to my self more than anything, "That makes no sense, it should have at least bent a few branches on it's way down. There's no way it could have left an impact like that without disturbing those trees."

Derryl poked me in the arm and pointed in another direction. "You mean like those ones over there?"

I looked to the trees he was pointing at, they were a bit farther off but they were taller. Along the line of leaves at the top, there was a noticable gap in the leaves. I took out my phone and loaded up the camera app. Thanks to the wonders of digital zoom, I could clearly see burn marks left on the leaves around the gap.

I looked to the two confused people staring at me. "You guys realize what happened right?"

Two empty looks continued to stare at me.

"Really, neither of you are noticing this?"

They kept staring.

"There is no way that something that made this hole could have made those burns. It should line up perfectly, but it doesn't.  The only two explanations are that either there is another object somewhere further down that line, or this one changed directions. And this is the only small crater I'm seeing."

Atreyu glared at me. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"This thing turned, mid flight. The size of the hole tells us it was moving fast, too fast for wind to do that much of a turn without destroying it's velocity.  There are no obvious signs of an impact or other outside force causing such a shift in direction."

"Again, what do you mean exactly?"

"Don't you see?! This thing turned on it's own, to land in YOUR yard! Either it was under a remote influence from some thing somewhere else, or there's something inside of it, controlling the movements."

"So what you are saying, is that an alien wanted to bug me, so he put a hole in my yard, instead of someone else's."

"Yup."

A new voice came from no where in particular, yet everywhere at once. "Fillies and Gentlecolts, we have our winner! Congratulations sir, you have solved the riddle. What is your name?"

I just stared at Derryl and Atreyu, it seemed we all shared a confused expression.

"My name? It's Roman Sinton..."

"Ahh, a fine name. Named for one of the greatest empires your world ever knew! Real shame that they kinda screwed themselves over with over expansion though. They were an interesting group." The voice in our heads chided once more. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't place a name or face to it.

"So, if I won, what's the prize?"

"Three one way tickets to Equestria of course!"

"What?" The three of us said in unison.

"Oh, pardon my manners, I haven't even introduced myself! I am Discord, former god of chaos and havoc. Now that I've 'reformed'," The image of air quotes filled my head. Very sarcastic air quotes. "I can't do things that are evil to amuse myself any more. 'No discord, you can't turn the princesses into llamas.' and all that. It's no fun any more! And so, to alleviate some boredom, I sent a bit of a probe into your dimension to find three suitable compatriots for my next little scheme. It's nothing particularly mean or cruel, just something that I hope will award me a few cheap laughs here and there. I am certain you three know well aware of what it's like to have absolutely NOTHING to do."

Derryl laughed a little. "I know the feeling, bro. These two wouldn't know a good time if it stuck a boot up their asses."

"Is that so? Well perhaps I should find three others to-"

"No!" I shouted. "I'll do it! Anything to get me out of this hellhole called earth!"

"Excellent! All you have to do is poke my little probe, and I can do the rest."

Atreyu pinched the bridge of his nose, something he does to alleviate oncoming headaches. "Poke your little probe? You realize how incredibly creepy that sounds?"

Discord was silent for a moment, but soon his ever-creepy laughter filled our minds. "Ha! Oh, gee, that's rich. I hadn't even realized. See, that is the kind of humor I want more of in Equestria. Just poke the little orb."

"Alrighty, I don't see why not." Derryl just leaned forward, and poked it. He pulled his finger back rather quickly. "Ow! Hell! The little thing pricked me!"

I looked at it, and saw a single drop of blood on the orb's surface. The drop was rapidly soaked into the surface, as the blue circle briefly turned orange.

"Alright, one down, now the other two of you."

"I'm not going to get aids from this or something, am I?"

"Don't worry your little human head, Roman. Soon, you'll have no worry of such diseases."

"Whatever, if it kills me, then I'm gonna kill you for it."

"That's a rather... interesting statement."

I poked the little orb, only to feel a sharp point stab me in the finger tip. "ARGH! That hurt!" It was a surreal sight, watching my own blood seep into the seemingly solid metal. The blue ring flashed white.

Discord groaned. "Ugh, such babies. Next!"

Atreyu looked hesitant. "I'm only agreeing to this because you two already did it." He poked the orb, and pulled his hand away. "That's it? Really guys? You call that hurt?" His finger had a decent stream of blood running down his index finger. "I've felt more pain from being slapped by Derryl's girlfriend when she figured out I lied about Derryl being secretly gay." The blue ring flashed yellow.

"You lied about what?! No wonder she was asking me if-" His sentence was cut short as he fell to the grass, unconscious.

I rushed to his side. "Shit! Derryl! You alright man?" I was shaking him lightly, when my own world faded to black.