An Extremely Boring Story

by Nyan_Cat

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1203

Pinkie Pie eats candy. Fluttershy heals animals. Twilight reads. Rainbow Dash sleeps. Applejack bucks trees. Rarity clothes. Hilarity doesn't ensue.

Pinkie Pie eats candy. Fluttershy heals animals. Twilight reads. Rainbow Dash sleeps. Applejack bucks trees. Rarity clothes. Hilarity doesn't ensue.

It's teen because in the second chapter Rainbow Dash swears.

Meh.

Published 2013-05-06 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-06 23:00:01 UTC

Deseat

So after the monster came in and killed everypony, Fluttershy and the Cutie Mark Crusaders went home because they survived. Naturally they didn't care that their families had died.

Scootaloo decided that she was going to marry the crushed vacuum cleaner, since she had dragged it out of the building and fell in love with it.

Sweetie Belle decided that she was going to move into the library since she's a dictionary and because the totally doesn't like Spike.

Applebloom decided she was going on an epic quest to find her parents.

Fluttershy went home.

After all this happened, Twilight found out about all the dead ponies in the theater and decided she was going to resurrect them. So she went there, joined the party, and luckily she was in a level 25 guild, and she used Mass Resurrection and they all came back to life.

"Don't die for another hour because I can't res you guys, okay?" she asked, glancing around the room.

They all nodded because they had no idea what happened anyways.

All the ponies in the theater went to their various homes.

Rainbow Dash went to her fortress thing in the sky above Ponyville. She immediately slumped onto the couch when she got there. As she was about to fall asleep, she noticed something black crawling on the ceiling. She flew her fat ass up there and found out it was a spider-scorpion thing crawling around.

Rainbow Dash had a heart attack (Not literally) and flew out of the house.

"HOLY SHIT FUCK GUYS THERE'S A SPIDER DEMON IN MY HOUSE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO-" she screamed, getting cut off by Pinkie Pie.

"Silly Rainbow Dash, don't you know that today is Spider Demon Party Day?" she cried, flinging a festive hat onto her panicking friend.

"PINKIE PIE YOU DON'T UNDERFUCKINGSTAND THERE'S A SPIDER SCORPION MONSTER BEAST IN MY HOUSE AND IT'S GONNA MURDER US ALL DON'T YOU GET I-"

"Rainbow Dash, that's no way to treat our friends!" Pinkie scolded, magically growing wings so she could fly next to Rainbow Dash.

"PINKIE WHAT THE FRICK ITS GONNA KILL CHOP STAB US AWL!" she cried, her voice becoming a massive garble. "ITS AGONEF EAFNONEOFNO AOEINK BOEOAWEFOMF!"

Pinkie simply shrugged. She didn't believe in spiders anyways, so she decided that Rainbow Dash was nuts.

Author's Note

I seriously have this spider scorpion offspring crawling on my ceiling right now guys. If I die, the last commenter can have my account.

Deseet

So after this bug thing has been crawling around on my ceiling for about an hour now I decided I should write more about it.

As I write this it is crawling in a circle while moving its large posterior up and down.

firstworldproblems #yolobecauseofspiders

So after a 10 minute break I got a better look at this thing. It's like a wolf spider on steroids. If there is any god out there, please oh sweet jesus christ save me from this monster from the abyss, because this is terrifying.

I am such a wimp.

After another break (5 minutes this time) I got the guts to walk underneath this damned demon and grab my computer and flee for my bedroom.

Deceit

So today Fluttershy was trying to be a comedian.

Yes.

You heard me.

A comedian.

And not just any comedian, no. A fart-joke comedian.

With painfully bad circle-jerking jokes.

As you could imagine, nobody could understand why this was funny, except for 10 year old boys who LIKE fart jokes and pretend to understand the pop-culture and media of the latter section.

So overall, she was bad.

And why, you may ask, was she a comedian? Well, it was actually a demonstration for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Fluttershy actually was a comedian as a foal. She did it for a few years, until she ran out of jokes and ideas, got laughed at, then fell down to Equestria and became a hippie.

But that's another story.

But anyways. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were trying to get their audience cutie marks. They rented a theater, put posters around town, and sat and waited. They actually got a good crowd to attend; Pinkie Pie had even brought cakes and candies. Everybody was scared of how excited she was about them though, so they somewhat politely declined her offer.

She ate them all.

The food.

Not the ponies.

Much to her delight.

Fluttershy couldn't remember half of her old jokes, sadly. For a little while she sat behind stage and thought, trying to recall some of them. Sadly, she couldn't.

Applebloom kept cheering her on from the front row.

Cheering.

Cheering.

Cheering.

Sweetie Belle got bored after a while and started to draw what she thought Spike would look like older. For no reason, of course. She didn't like him or anything.

Don't lie, Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo manged to convince Rainbow Dash to come along. With her vacuum cleaner. For some reason. Scootaloo didn't care, and sat right next to Rainbow Dash the whole time, and kept whispering stuff to her.

Rainbow Dash didn't care. As usual. She doesn't care about much.

"Do you know what Rainbow Dash's favorite color is?" Fluttershy began at one point.

"WOO, FLUTTERSHY!"

"I don't know, she can never decide!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!..."

And it went on like that for the whole show. While they were sitting there, Rarity turned around at one point and said "Oh hey guys look this monster is about to kill us all!" and so they all ran away in fear.

De-ohshitspiders

So eventually Rainbow Dash got some guts and flew back to her house, along with Pinkie Pie, who decided she was going to hug this foul beast from the depths of hell.

When they got there, Dash decided that she was going to die, so she flew back down, grabbed an alicorn, and then flew back up.

When they arrived they saw Pinkie Pie crippled on the floor, her face purple and her eyes twitching. She raised one hoof slowly and pointed up at the offender; Spider Beast.

"Spider Beast... you did this, didn't you," Dash sobbed, pointing at the paralyzed pink party pony polluting the floor.

Spider Beast hissed.

"Spider BeeeeaaAAAAAAAAAAAST!" Dash cried, pulling a sword out of nowhere and heroically flying to the demon. She stabbed randomly, hitting nothing but air.

"Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssshk!" Spider Beast retorted, lunging forward, leaving a trail of web behind. Dash parried and rolled over in the air, flying upside down. She aimed at the monster's stomach, but he moved just in time, spitting venomous fluid at the floor.

"No!" the alicorn cried, flying towards the foe.

"No, alicorn! Save yourself!" Dash cried, wiping poison out of her eyes, then chopping freely into the air once more. Amazingly she hit, and dark purple blood poured out of the spider's wounds.

"Krsssssssssssh!" he snarled, turning his attention to the injury. This unknowingly opened it's weak spot to injury.

"This is OVER!" the cyan mare screamed, bringing the blade down on her enemy's neck, bodily fluids raining down upon the trio of ponies. Dash spit venom out of her mouth, saying:

"God, I need a better narrator."