Whose Hat is it Anyways?

by TrinityDragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy
Length: 5501

Shortly after her coronation, Princess Twilight meets a pony named Hatless. He wants help getting home, but Twilight isn't sure she can trust him.

After Twilight becomes a princess, she encounters this pony–Hatless. He wants to get home, but due to magic blocking his way, he cannot. Therefore, he came to Twilight for help. A mysterious and illogical past is revealed, and the freshly-coronated princess finds it difficult to trust him. Thus begins the search for answers.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-06 07:50:02 UTC

Chapter One (Twilight and Hatless)

“Where did you come from?”

“Call me Hatless.”

“Huh? I asked where you came from.”

“If I answered that question, you might lose your ears in an unnecessary speech.  I am pretty sure you don't have the kind of time for that.  That doesn't matter.  Just call me Hatless.  Besides, I plan on leaving as soon as I can.”

“You don't like Ponyville?”

“I actually quite enjoy it here, but since I rarely speak poorly of any place, for me to say that has no real value.”

“So why are you here?”

“Well... it would take awhile to explain everything, so I'll keep it short.  I am trying to go home, and I can't for some reason.  Some sort of magic blocks my path.  That's why I decided to pay you a visit.”

“Hm? How did you know about me?  Hey, why did you figure I would help you?  I don't know you; we just met.”

“Hahah, wow, you're a curious goose.”

“What?”

“Eh, nevermind that.  I know about you for many reasons.  Primarily, I thought to seek you out because of your recent coronation.  Before then I hadn't quite thought about it.  As for your second question, I figured you would help me because of your history of helping other ponies.  For instance, I heard how you helped Princess Luna, and you did not know her that well.  Regardless of that, I would like to get straight to the point.  Would you be willing to help?”

“I... I don't know.  This is pretty sudden.  Luna was also open with me about everything, so I can't say if I trust you or not.”

“That makes compl-.”

“If you want my help, you have to answer my questions.”

“Er... uh... I'll see what I can do.”

“Where did you come from?”

“Oh boy... fine.  I'll tell you the full truth. I was raised in the land of the dragons.  For most of my life after that, I have been a traveling vagrant.  In that I mean, I don't decide where I go.  I tend to... end up at places.  Your expression tells me that you don't believe me.”

“You were raised... where!?”

“I answered your question.  I was raised in the land of the dragons.”

“You're an earth pony; there's no way you could survive there!”

“Hum... you are correct.  Nonetheless, here I stand.  This is hurting your brain, I can tell.  It takes a lot to do that, but I am not surprised considering how I ridiculous this is.”

“...What the hay? How would you know?”

“I can tell by your distinct pause, slightly squinted eyes, and tightened teeth.”

“...”

“Yup, now you think I'm a complete nut case.  You are correct, unfortunately, but I am telling the truth.  Lying is not something I make a habit of.”

“Getting back to the point, I want to know why you were in their territory.”

“I lost both my parents.  My uncle sent me and my brother to an orphanage there; it was much safer.  The people that took away my parents would not be able to get to us.  Soon after that, the King in the land took both of us in, as well as an abandoned Dragon.  He raised us for the remainder of our youths. Before you even ask, I'll answer: Yes, I was raised with a Dragon.  Yes, there were some sinister folk that took my parents away, but this was not in Equestria either.  I was not born in Equestria.”

“Stop!”

“Oh... sorry.”

“This is crazy.  None of this makes any sense.  There is a king in the land of the Dragons?”

“There was.  He passed away some time ago.”

“Was he a Dragon?”

“No, He was not.  Don't go any further.  I clearly have clogged one of your ears, and the next will be such if this talk goes any longer. I don't lie, I don't exaggerate, and, even if I am insane, I have not forgotten or mixed up the details.  You wanted to know about me, and I have told you.  If you don't believe what I say, then I do not see a reason to pursue this conversation any longer.”

“I... I need time to think this through.  Where are you trying to go?  Do you want to go back to the Dragon's territory?”

“No.  I am looking for my brothers, and they aren't there any longer. I can't return to them because of the magic.  That's why I need your help.”

“All right.  Give me two days to think this through.  Would you mind if I mentioned you to my friends?”

“If it helps you clear your head, then I do not.  Please do not make a big deal of my presence in Ponyville, though.  I prefer not to cause a stir.  Before you ask, I have a way with people.  If I start a conversation, then it'll end up pretty much like this.  Or worse.”

“We'll meet back here in two days.  Same time.”

Chapter Four (Rarity and ????)

“Pfff... the princess is going to get into trouble.  I suppose I should trust her, though.  Oh well, no sense worrying about it right now.  Eh... but I do worry.  I know! A little shopping to help a girl get her mind off things.  The market should be open, and I do need some food.  Ahh... here we are.  I don't have too many bits, so I'll have to skimp on the extravagant items.”

“Aaaaaahhhhhh!  Get away, get away, get away!”

“Is... that somepony being chased by... oh my, poor fellow.  Huh?  He looks oddly familiar.  I wonder if he lives around here.”

“Okay, I'll take your apples.  Yes, all of them.  Whew...”

“Hello, good sir.”

“Hello.  Who might you be?”

“I'm-”

“Oh wait, I know!  You're the owner of that shop... uh... uh...”

“Carousal Boutique?”

“Precisely.”

“Who might you be?”

“Uh... I'm-”

“Aren't you one of those fliers that competed in the Best Young Flyer competition?  Hm... where are your wings?”

“You must have me confused with somepony else.  Anyways, I have to go.  I have an important errand to run.  Please excuse me, miss.”

“That was odd.  He seemed to be in a hurry.  Oh my gosh, I forgot to finish my shopping, and I have that meeting with Photo Finish tomorrow.  I must prepare!”

Chapter Five (Hatless and Big Mac)

“This seems to be the only out-of-the-way location where I can get some chow—even if they are only apples.  Let's see if anyone is home.  Oh, hello there.  I was wondering if I could purchase some apples.”

“Eeeyup.”

“...oh.”

“...”

“I should probably ask yes and no questions, am I right?”

“Eeeyup.”

“Okay then.  Would you mind getting me a few apples?  I'll pay here.”

“Nooope.”

“Twenty bits.  I appreciate it.”

“Eeeyup.”

“I take it Applejack and Apple Bloom are out selling apples.”

“Ee-huh?  Who are ya?  How d'ya know their names?”

“You can tell that I'm not from around here, eh?  I'm an acquaintance of the neighborly princess, and I'm just passing by.  I found your farm on my own.”

“...”

“Eeeyup.  I'll see you around.  Thanks again for the apples.”

“Stop.”

“...What?”

“Who are ya?”

“Wh-huh?  You're upset at me, aren't you?  My apologies, good sir.  I tend to forget that I can come across extremely suspicious.  Call me Hatless.”

“Stay away from my family.”

“...”

“...”

“Uh... yes sir.  I'm sorry... I didn't mean-”

“Leave.”

“Understood.  I'll just leave this here.  The least I can do for the worry I have caused you.  Oh... right.  There isn't anything dangerous in here.  I'll just empty it... 100 bits just for you.  I'll be going now.”

“Hrrrmph...”

“Now that I think about it, I can see how that could have come across horribly.  Come on, Hatless!  Grah!  Stupid, stupid.  How much have I learned?  Apparently nothing.  Forgive me, my King.  I fail you on a daily basis.  Heh... I don't even know how I deserve to live.  I shouldn't mope, though.  Eh... that's a lot harder to do than to say.  Whatever, He is faithful.  Speaking of which, I need to trust Him on how to get out of here.  I'll go meditate on the Word for awhile.”

“The Word?”

“GAH!!! For crying out loud, don't scare me like that!  Huh?  You followed me?  You're that... I... you're full of surprises today, aren't you?”

“Why are ya here?”

“I... I can't tell you.  Augh... I really am sorry.  If you want your apples back, you can have them.  I carried myself horribly back there, and I would like your forgiveness.  Oh... I suppose you want to know how I know Applejack and Apple Bloom.  I have never met them, but I have heard a lot.  They don't know me, and I don't know them.  Names, that's all.  Please, forgive me for my stupidity.  I'll work here on the farm too, if that will help.  Wait, I didn't mean it like that... gah!!!  Now I've startled you.”

“...Wh-at are ya?”

“What do you mean?  Are you... shaking?”

“N-nooope.”

“Did I do... something?  I really should go off then.  Bye.  What would it take to scare him senseless?  I couldn't have shown my true self... I hope.”

Chapter Six (Hatless and Twilight)

“We meet again.”

“Well, duh, we planned for that.”

“Right.  So, what did you decide on?”

“I have more questions, and the answers to them will decide for me.”

“Will you believe my answers?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, go on.”

“Where did your name come from?  How did you get the name Hatless?”

“Huh?  I don't know why that matters, but I shall answer nonetheless. I gave it to myself. Since you'll ask why, I will tell you that as well. My name is irrelevant. I do not believe to the slightest degree anyone needs something particular to remember me by. I have had people start to idolize me before, but I would rather they follow my example, not me.  For the reason, I now change my titles every time I go to a new place. If I make a positive impact, then I am happy; I don't need or desire fans. That is my answer.  If I may, why did you ask that?  That took me by surprise.”

“I wanted to know what kind of person you are.  I knew that your name was related to who you are.”

“Heh... you nailed that on the head.  Good job.”

“Thank you.  My next question is what kind of ruckus would making your presence known cause.”

“That depends. Sometimes, I am welcomed with a great commotion; other times, I am chased out with pitch forks and torches.  There are also occasions with greatly mixed reactions.  I want to leave as soon as I can because of that.  This place is peaceful, and I don't want to disrupt that peace.”

“Hm... why would you 'disrupt that peace,' exactly?”

“That is an incredibly hard question to answer, princess. If I don't answer this, you won't trust me enough to let me go, and if I do answer, you really won't trust me enough to let me go.  I ask that we go to another question.”

“Okay.  I do have another question I would rather ask.”

“Really?  Go ahead.”

“What are you?”

“...”

“I studied thoroughly the history of Equestria, exchanged letters with Celestia and Luna, and heard about what happened on Sweet Apple Acres.  Additionally, there has been talk of a mysterious pony in Canterlot and in Manehatten.  Celestia and Luna both tried to find this pony, but somehow he eluded them.  Very few in the history of Equestria have ever done so.  Added with the eyewitness account at Sweet Apple Acres, I find it suspicious that you are a pony at all.”

“...”

“Well, are you?”

“This is not a good place to talk about this.”

“We can go to my house, if you like.”

“I... don't think that-uh, no, that is the best place.  Let's go.”

“Okay.  Here we are.  I'll check on my assistant.  I will make sure he does not overhear us. One moment.  Oh... okay.”

“Back so soon?”

“He's asleep.  We can talk now.  Please answer my question: are you a pony?”

“No, I am not. Before you ask, I am not a changeling either.”

“I knew that already.  A changeling can't have a heart like yours.”

“...”

“Why are you smiling?”

“Hahaha... heheh.  A changeling can't change his heart.  Oooh, the irony.”

“Can we please stay on track?  What are you?”

“This is on track, princess.  A changeling can't change his heart.  It's amusing because you're wrong.  You might as well say that Nightmare Moon can't change her heart except it is true that she can't and she didn't.  Without a doubt, you know where I'm going with this.  I can see it in your eyes.  That sparkle of curiosity... I wish I had that.  Oh, I'll stop digressing.  Nightmare Moon didn't change her heart, and a changeling can't change his own.  As for me, what I have done, and what I am far exceeds the wickedness found in those you call evil. It's just that my heart has changed. A changeling can change even though he can't change himself.”

“I... I... was not prepared for an answer like that.  You still-er-haven't answered my-uh-question.”

“You don't believe it when I say I have done things that evil.  If you can't, then you won't believe when I tell you what I am.”

“I am trying.  I think it will help if you tell me.  Please.”

“Augh... fine.  I am nothing.  While I may be a who, it is difficult to say that I am a what.  I don't have a body.  See, I told you you wouldn't believe me.”

“I think I do believe you, actually.”

“What.”

“That would explain why Celestia and Luna could not find you.  Plus, I already know your character.  There is a reason I asked first about who you are.  A heartless creature would not admit to his own evil.  I don't believe anypony can fake the way you have acted and what you have said.  Even if I can't understand how it is possible for somepony to not have a body, I can believe that it is true.  I can even tell that you're baffled by your drooping mouth.  Heheh.”

“I have found extremely few that actually believe me. I wonder if this is how my King felt during His life.”

“I don't know what that means, but I trust you, Hatless.  I will help you get home.  I do have one more question, however.”

“What is that?”

“Do you still plan on leaving?”

“Oh... yes.  Why do you ask?”

“You mentioned before that you like be a positive example to people.  I don't see why you can't do that here, instead of hiding like you are.”

“Hm... heheh.  Actually, I hadn't really considered that.  I've been so focused on not causing problems, that I've forgotten I can help solve them.  Hah... sorry, I'm not on the top of my game.  I'll think about it, but I still want to try to remove the barrier.  I like having options.  Anyways, I'll come back tomorrow morning around eight o'clock, if that works for you.”

“Yeah.  See you then.”

“Yup, bye.”

Chapter Seven (Rarity and ????)

“Oh my goodness gracious.  What happened to you?”

“Eheh, don't ask.  Miss, may I come in?”

“This is a shop; you don't have to ask—or even knock.  Come in, come in.”

“Thank you.”

“I have a favor to ask.”

“Oh, I don't even know you. I have seen you a few times, but I cannot consider that proper acquaintance.  Besides, you rudely ran off on me last time I tried to talk.”

“Sorry for that.  I need your knowledge of gems.”

“My, aren't you cutting to the chase?”

“Yeah... I'm in a hurry. I can repay you later, but please I need to know.  Is there anyway to cause them to react?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“It's a long story. Can you make them expand?”

“Well... not that I know of. Crystals, which are quite similar, can be expanded.  You need very strong magic, though, and only the princesses know how to use it.  I-I can't help with that.”

“Actually, you have helped tremendously. Miss, I will repay you soon.  Thank you.”

“Y-you are welc-he ran off.  BRGRH!!! OH COMPLETELY AND PERFECTLY DISRESPECTFUL!!!  That's the last time I shall ever speak with him.  Grrr.”

Chapter Eight (???? and Fluttershy)

“Now that I resolved that problem, I only have to prepare.  He'll be coming this way tomorrow.”

“Uhm... sir...”

“It won't be easy getting rid of him. If I am to do so, I will have to learn the magic of this land just in case plan A does not work.  If I used foreign methods in plan B, somepony might notice.”

“H... ey?  You're... on my... property.”

“If he would only listen, then he would not have to suffer pain.”

“Sir... you're scaring my-”

“I heard you the first time.  Next time if you want to get my attention, you have to speak louder than that.  Anyways, thanks for letting me use your roof.  Bye.”

“H-huh? S-sorry.  Oh, bye.  What was that all about?”

Chapter Nine (Shining Armor and ????)

“An alert? At this time of night?  Ugh, I hope this isn't Twiley trying to break in again.  Men, let's go check it out.  Open the gate to the archives.  What do you mean, you can't?  You can't even unlock it?  I'll go in to check it out first.  Hah! I'm in.  That teleportation spell Twiley showed me sure came in handy.  Men, stand guard; I'll check it out.”

“Dum-dee-dee, dee-dum.  Hooomm, dittle-leeee.”

“Who's there?”

“Oh? You got in?”

“Hey! Leave those scrolls alone.  This room is forbidden for just anypony to use—especially at night.”

“I'm learning. I need to understand how your magic works.”

“If you wanted to know, you could have asked, but breaking in has gotten you in trouble.  Now, if you don't want me to send you to prison, come with me quietly.”

“Make me.”

“All right, don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Hm... I can't move.  Is this a binding spell?  I wonder how long you can hold it.”

“Long enough.  I'll just unlock this door, and presto! Huh?  It won't budge.”

“I wonder why that is.”

“What did you do to the door?”

“I wonder.”

“Would you stop that?  Get this door open.”

“You'll have to release me, but I will if you do. I haven't come to cause anypony harm, and I have already succeeded in my mission.  I'll even leave willingly.”

“How have you succeeded in your mission?”

“Easy, I learned how your magic works.  I read all the scrolls I needed to, and I got to see it in action on more than a basic level.  You have helped in the latter part.  As such, there is no more reason for me to be here.”

“Hm... I still don't trust you, but I will allow you to go free if you stick around for some questioning.  I want to know who you are.  Since my men can rip the door off and take you away, I suggest you take this offer.”

“Sure, why not? I prefer that over conflict.  Ah, good, I can move now.  I shall unlock the door immediately.”

“I already unlocked the door.”

“Ah, but you didn't.”

“Huh?  What are you talking about? ...what is the glowing blue stick and what is that sound?”

“Presto! You can ask your questions now; I am in a hurry to be somewhere.”

“Uh, okay.  I'll be as quick as I can.  Who are you?”

“I am a traveler.  You can call me Mr. Physician, though.”

“Physician? That's an odd name.  Are you a doctor?”

“Sure.”

“All right, you are strange.  Either way, I want to know what you plan on doing with the magic you read abou-wait a second, you have no horn.  You can't use magic. Thinking about it, it's kind of impossible for you to know how magic works.  Why would you say you do?”

“Isn't that obvious? It's because I know how your magic works.”

“That's impossible.”

“Yup.”

“Okay... and what was the instrument you used earlier?”

“Sonic Screwdriver.  I wouldn't leave home without it.”

“Sonic... screwdriver?  How does it work?

“I don't have time to explain.  In fact, I have to be off now.  The sun is rising, and I have a date with destiny.  Bye.”

“Wait, stop!  Grrr... no, don't chase him down.  We know enough about him to track him down, in case he causes trouble.”

Chapter Final (Hatless, Mr. Physician, and Twilight)

1: “Do I actually want to go home?  My brothers probably won't want me around; it's not like they listen to me anymore.  I like it here.  I could stick around for awhile, if my King allows it. Then again, I tend to doubt that He will; I rarely get to stay in anyone place for long.  My life never gets boring, but anymore I sure wish it did. Hm?  Who goes there!?”

2: “I do.”

1: “Oh... you. Hah, I know who you really are”

2: “I'm Mr. Physician, actually, and I don't have a time machine.”

1: “It doesn't matter how hard you try to get rid of me-wait what? You're not him? But you look exactly like his-”

2: “Pony form?”

1: “Y-yeah....  Are you a changeling?”

2: “Nope, and, if I were, do you think I would tell you?  Oh, it looks like the Princess is back.”

3: “Somepony else is here?  Hatless, who is he?”

1: “It's the Do-er... no?  Honestly, I have no idea who he is.”

2:  “Doesn't matter who I am right now.  Princess, I think you should explain to him the issue with his escape route.  You should tell him why you can't help him.”

1: “Princess, what does he mean?”

3: “Hatless, there isn't a magic barrier.”

1: “Eh? But, that doesn't make sense.  I came out from there.  I got here by crawling out from that portal in there.  The last thing I remember before that was working on some machinery.  I just ended up here, and I came from that portal.  I immediately dove back in to return home, but I only came right back out the other side.  I dared not mess around after that.”

3: “...Hatless, that's the Mirror Pool, not a portal”

1: “What is the Mirror Pool?”

2: “Princess, I can tell by your dilated eyes and gaping mouth that you're surprised..”

1: “Hey, that's something I would say! Stop copying me.  You told me to leave, but now that I am trying to do so, you make things difficult.  Won't you make up your mind and will someone please explain to me what the Mirror Pool is?”

2: “Go ahead, Princess.  Tell him.”

3: “The Mirror Pool is an enchanted pond which can clone anypony who goes in.  As far as I have seen, the clone possesses the personality and abilities of its original, but its memories tend to be foggy.”

1: “Then... does that mean, I'm a clone?”

2: “Essentially, yes.  You said it yourself, you don't recall getting here.  On the other hand, I do.  I was inventing some machinery shortly before getting here, but, when I went home one day, I heard someone say, 'from one to another, another to one, a mark of one's destiny singled out alone fulfilled.'  Right after that, I landed in Equestria.”

3: “Are you kidding? I-I said that!  But it doesn't make sense... that changed the Elements of Harmony.  How could it have affected you?”

2: “I can't say.  I usually just end up places.”

1: “Every time you say something that I would, you aggravate me all the more.”

2: “I can't help that, Hatless. I am you, and you are me.  Anyways, it worked out that you met the princess yourself and brought her here.  I need both of you here.”

3: “Ah!”

1: “Princess? What is it?”

2: “She found out why I need her here with you.  Princess, please do this.  I did not understand what the Mirror Pool was or what it would do. Unfortunately, because of that, I mistakenly created Hatless.  He has made himself a personality, but he is not complete.  He can't be.  And Hatless, I may have misspoken back at our original encounter.  It's not that Ponyville isn't safe with you around. It's that Ponyville isn't safe for you.”

1: “What is that supposed to mean?”

2: “If you desire, I can explain at length what this involves, but it will be much easier if you simply do what I say.”

1: “Explain.”

2: “All right then.  Well Princess, take your time to consider now.  If he decides to pull something, you may have to make a sudden action.  Now then, Hatless, you cannot continue to live.  You were my mistake and unfortunately, you have to suffer for my mistake.   As for why you can't live, it's fairly simple. In death, you'll find peace, but in life, you will find yourself living under my shadow.  My brothers are my brothers, and as cold as it is to say this, they are not yours.  You can't go to them; I will not allow it.  If you weren't me, I would allow you to live here, but since you are and I know my tendencies, I can't do that. These people are not ready for us and may never be.  Because of that, Hatless, you will make many enemies and will eventually hurt the few friends you might make. In the end, you can't stay here, and you can't go home.  I'll be merciful and give you two options.  The first is you can return to the Mirror Pool and stop existing.  The second is you can live in banishment far far from here.”

1: “...”

2: “You have to make your decision here, but I don't mind waiting.”

1: “Princess, am I right to assume he needs you to place me into the Mirror Pool?”

3: “Y-yes.”

1: “Will you do that, if I decide I don't want either 'choice.'?”

3: “As a protector of this land, I cannot allow clones to walk around; your presence will most likely cause a lot of trouble.  The last time a clone came around; Ponyville came close to destruction.  That was only with Pinkie clones.  With what both of you have told me about your own species, I cannot in good conscience trust a clone who, at any whim, could create more clones. As I see it, you endanger Equestria. If you try anything, Hatless, I will be force to send you into the Mirror Pool.”

2: “There is your answer, Hatless.  Make your choice.”

1: “I choose the Mirror Pool.”

3: “...”

2: “Princess, it is easier to end it sooner rather than later.  Don't lengthen his suffering.”

3: “Hatless, I wish this could go another way.  I'm sorry.”

1: “Princess. No, Twilight, thank you for all you have done for me.  It was a good life. Good-bye.”

3: “Good-bye.  There, it is done.  Sir, may I have your name? I know Hatless was the title he had given himself, but you... have... my crown!?”

2: “Twilight, my dear.  I'll let you in on a secret.”

3: “Give that back!  Huh?  Why won't my magic work on it?  Grrr... hand that over now!”

2: “How about two secrets? First of all, Hatless did lie.  I know what he told you, but it was wrong.  I am not a what or a who.”

3: “Give it to me!!!  Hhhh... I-I went str-straight through... h-him?  What are you?”

2: “Hahahahahaha! You have no idea how funny that statement is.  The answer: Nothing.  Additionally, before you ask, who I am.  I already told you.  I'm No One.  As for that other secret, Twilight, you got the wrong one.”

3: “Nrrgrrr... what d-does that mean?”

2: “You very well know.  I am surprised I convinced both of you that I was the real Hatless.  Heheh, this is fun!  Now I know why my brother loves deception.  Watching your faces; it's classic!”

3: “I will stop you.”

2: “I hate to break this to you, but moments ago you sent away the only person who could have stopped me.  You can try, but you can't touch me and your magic doesn't work on me.  You can't hurt something and someone that simply does not exist.  Oh, but I can hurt you.”

3: “Huh-Gah!  Crystals...!?  My hooves are stuck!  I'll just-! My magic isn't working on the crystals either.  AH! STOP IT!!!  I can't shake loose.  St-stop, please!”

2: “Hatless was right; I'm much worse than King Sombre.”

3: “P-please stop!  If you're Hatless, then you have a heart!”

2: “I have the personality and the abilities of Hatless, as you know.  I do not share his standards or beliefs.  That heart you said I have?  You just tossed it into the Mirror Pool.  So... ciao, sayonara, adios.  As Hatless would say, Godspeed.  Hah!”

3: “I can't get loose.  Ugh, Hatless, I-I made a mistake... I'm sorry.  I'm so sor-”

2: “No witnesses left. Good.  Now, let's get rid of this royal piece of rock.  Simple levitation spell... toss into mirror pool.  Sploosh!  Oooh, watch her sink.  Oh, oh wow... oh wow it's deep!  All the better.  Now, let's dispose of this crown.”

The End

“Loops! Logo! I think I found something.  Hm.... what would a crown be doing in a place like this?”

Chapter Two (Hatless and ????)

“Perhaps I should visit Sugar Cube Corner.  That might bring too much attention, though.  If I meet Pinkie, she would surely tell everyone about me.  Throw me a party.  Hm... I bet Zecora could give me a hand.  A bit of rhyme to my day couldn't hurt.”

“I don't remember you visiting this place before.  How do you know so much about it?”

“Huh?  Who are you... oh.  You.  Wait a second, we've never met before.  I wasn't even sure you knew about me.  Then again, I've known about you for a long time.  Especially considering your own, eh... occupation, I should not be surprised that you would know of me.  You have been tracking me for awhile then, I take it.”

“Yes, I am here to take you from this place.”

“Shall we take this talk to somewhere more concealed?  I don't enjoy speaking out in public like this.  Especially considering both of our identities.”

“Works for me.”

“...”

“...”

“Good.  Respectfully, I decline your offer.  Your... uhm... vehicle won't work.  I have tried everything in the book, and your transportation is most likely only able to cause problems, not solve them.  The only  other option would be to leave this time, and... I don't do that sort of thing.  That's why I am seeking help from a native.”

“I didn't ask to take you.  I will bring you by force, if necessary.  This place is not safe with you around.”

“Hahahahahah!  Is that a joke?  What? Does death follow me everywhere?  Oh wait, that's what everyone says about you.  Now, now... I don't think you should leave.  In fact, you help out constantly in these places and take absolutely no credit for your work.  You're just a background pony, and that's a step above me.  Oh... and speaking of which, how do you make yourself to look like that?”

“Come with me.  We're going.”

“I do not understand why you care that much about this place.  You haven't shown that much concern for the thousands of places I've visited before.  Finally, in a place such as this, you decide to meet me for the first time only to get rid of me.  What's with that?  Your attitude is incredibly somber too.  This isn't the usual way you act, is it?  What happened to remove your usual pep?”

“I said we're going.”

“Ugh... please understand.  I can't, and I won't.  You can't make me either.  You know what I am.”

“By force, it is.  Don't underestimate me.”

“I already have, and I am afraid I regret it deeply.  I'm sorry.  Oh, he's gone.  What do you know?  Hahah!  I'm an idiot, go Hatless.  Hurrah! Hurrah!  Heheh... I need help.  I guess I may not visit Zecora after all.”

Chapter Three (Rarity and Twilight)

“What!?  That is ludicrous!  Darling, I would not believe a single word he says.”

“I know, I know.  He just seemed so sincere.”

“Come on, Darling, think about it.  He is a total stranger.  You say you met him at the park?  Are you sure he merely requires help? Are you positive he does not want something else? You are a princess now, so I would suggest you be cautious.”

“Right.”

“Besides, what kind of name is Hatless?  That is so distasteful.  Who would name their child that?”

“Actually, I got the impression he gave that name to himself.  I will ask about his name next time we speak.”

“Do you actually plan on talking with him again?  He could be dangerous.  Who knows if he is king of the Changelings? Or worse, King Sombre!”

“Give it a rest.  I have studied the Changelings since the incident in Canterlot.  There is only the queen.  Besides that, King Sombre is gone.  Princess Cadence took care of that.”

“Oh please.  You didn't know about King Sombre until after the Crystal Empire appeared.  There could be a detail you missed.”

“Urgh, nevermind.  I will do some research between now and our next meeting.  If I find anything, I will let you know.  Oh, and please do not speak a word of this to anypony else.  Until I know for sure what's going on, I don't want to cause any trouble.”

“If you insist, Darling.”

“Thank you.  I knew I could count on you.”

Chapter Ten (Twilight and Hatless)

“Where did I put my crown?  Ugh, Hatless will be here any minute, and I won't be prepared.  Spike! Did you move my crown?  I could have sworn I left it on the table.  Then where could it have gone?  Ack!  He's here!  Hey there, Hatless, you can come in.  I have to find my crown real quick.”

“Crown?  Oh you mean the tiara you were wearing yesterday?”

“Yeah that.  I seemed to have misplaced it, though.  I had it last night before going to bed.”

“Do you need it?”

“It helps my magic a lot.  If I am to counteract magic, it would be greatly helpful.”

“Huh, if you don't mind me scouring your house, I'll give a ha-I mean hoof.”

“Please do.”

“Okay.  Whew, how hard could it be to find a tiara?  This thing must have grown legs and walked off.  Princess, how important is this?”

“Very!  Ugh... I'll have to look later.  It's been thirty minutes.  We can come back for it later.  I might be able to take care of the magic without my crown.”

“Are you positive?”

“Yeah, if I've learned anything these days, it's not to worry about every little detail.  Besides, I'll leave a note for Spike to take a look.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Okay, we're here.  Go ahead and take a look; I'll stay here and keep guard.  I think we were being followed.”

“Hm... okay.  I think I already know what this place is, so I should be back quickly.  If you see something, yell and I'll run up.  We can fly off, if needed.”

“Sounds good.”