Poker night jokes

by Roarin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Random
Length: 2794

Joking around with Pinkie and the princess

Poker night with the girls, two players left. who is going to walk away with the bits?

Written for a challenge with Unlicensedbrony

Art by http://harwicks-art.deviantart.com/

I'm not fully happy with the story but a deadline is mostly a deadline!
(not fully edited, please excuse will work on it)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-06 06:00:02 UTC

The only one

Poker Night

By Roarin

A two week and a bit writing challenge with Unlicensedbrony

Pinkie Pie was fiddling with her chips as turn was being flipped in front of her, her heart pounded in her chest.

“The ace of hearts girls, Applejack you the first to act.” Twilight said as she took burned(1) the next card on the deck.

“Bettin' forty bits, hey RD pass some of those chips there will yah.” Applejack quickly said as she turned her head at a 45º angle to get a better look at the chips and dip. But Pinkie pie knew the farmer and was easily able to see the bluff that she had tried to get away with. Then again almost all of the girls knew the farmer's tells, such as trying to shift the attention away from her and to the dip she was trying to get at.

“ forty bits... slick moves applejack, to bad we all know your bluffing! I'll see your tiny bet there and raise you 80 bits!” Rainbow Dash said with a grin. She placed the bet down in chip pile and leaned back. Pinkie Pie's head jerked up at the bet and she looked Rainbow Dash up and down. Nope not a bluff she has an ace, Pinkie pie breathed out and began the wait to fold.

“Oh poopie and I like my hoof too, I mean come on a pair of eights! Their called snowponies! Such a silly name! Its like somepony looked at the pair of cards and was like “hey they should be snowponies!” I mean who does that?” Pinkie pie let out a giggle and looked at the next player still left at the table, Princesses Celestia. The princess looked confused at her cards then the table then back to her cards.

“Oh  dear, what do the “K”s on the cards stand for again?”  Princess Celestia asked as she looked generally confused at the hoof that in front of her. All of the other players let out a sigh, especially the two who had been eliminated.  Luna who had been taken out by her sister sat on the couch beside Fluttershy. They had both went all-in a few hoofs ago but had been rivered(2) by the confused princess.

“Oh! I know what that means! I will check!”  Celestia said quite happily as she tapped her hoof on the table. Rainbow Dashes head hit the table hard, Rarity who was sitting next to the princess took a swig of the drink next to her and looked up to the ruler of the land.

“Princess”

“Yes Rarity? Oh I do believe it is your turn now my little pony.”

“well um,  yes it will be but you... can't check Rainbow Dash made a bet.”

“Oh... Oh! Yes right silly me! How much was the the bet?”

Celestia began to take apart her castle made of different coloured chips.

“Eighty bits I believe. That would be the green and two blue chips.”

“Eighty, Eighty?! But that takes down my west wall! That's protecting the well and the statue garden! Oh fine! Make me take my castle apart...”

Celestia threw her chips in angrily, and began to pout a bit. Luna burst into laughter on the couch behind them after the elder sister made that face.

“Whats so funny Luna? Unless its something private, I mean then of course I can just... nevermind...” Fluttershy had shut herself down before anypony could say anything.

“We are laughing at an old joke Fluttershy.” Luna looked at her sister and smiled.

“It was from when we were young, a bit of an inside joke between us.” Celestia  finished.

“Ohhh! A joke! I really want to know the joke! I know plenty of jokes! I can even tell you about fish! Or maybe the about the funny one Twilight told me about cupcakes!” Pinkie pie yelled. Rainbow Dash's coat shivered at the mention of that one word... Fish. It was a tragic story about how a fish took her grandpa's life. Wait... or was it about taking the life of his fish? Rainbow Dash was never to sure, all she knew was that it was tragic or was lead to believe.

“Don't worry pinkie it's not that funny, just an old joke over told.” Celestia smiled and began to rebuild the west wall of her mighty chip castle.

“Awww But I want to know the joke! I being the element of laughter have to know every joke in Equestria! MAY MY LAUGHS PERICE THE HEAVENS!” Pinkie Pie cried out and stood on her hind legs with a triumphant look on her face. Rainbow Dash who at this point had brought her head up quickly placed it firm back on the table with a thud. A second thud was heard when Twilight joined Rainbow Dash placement on the table. Silence had filled the room until Tank yawned really loudly and Pinkie Pie sat back down. Celstia starring at the pink fluff ball of a pony placed her chips in the centre of the table. Rarity who seemed unfazed by the pink party ponies antics, could also have been the ear plugs that were her left ear.

“Hmmm what was my plan again? Oh yes!”

Rarity picked up her cards and looked at the table, and then back to her hand. She looked up a gave a small smile and levitated her chip pile into the centre.

“All in”

Fluttershy and Luna turned their heads back to the table watched the action unfold. Raity smiled and gestured to Pinkie Pie to start her turn.

“And you all think that I'm the crazy one! Order up of Hay fries, With a side of foldandaise sauce!” Pinkie pie threw her cards at Twilight who was the dealer that night only do to lack of funds.

“You know pinkie you can just slide them over to me. I bought this table so then you wouldn't throw them. The whole reason I can't play this week is because I bought the table. So please don't throw them.”

“But then I can't make the cards fly! They need their freedom Twilight, Just like the rest of the girls chips want to hang out with mine!” Twilight tried to make sense of her friend and after it caused her to have a headache she sighed and looked to Applejack who was next to act after Pinkie.

“... Ah did it... AH did it!” Applejack began to dance a little bit in her seat.

“What did you do darling? If I maybe so bold to ask.”

“Ah Bluffed! You all thought that I was trying to bluff a bad hand, when in fact I have a great hand! All in!” Applejack grinned like an idiot and pushed her chips into the centre. Twilight however had to create a side pot just due to the fact that Rarity had More chips than Applejack. Twilight was always left doing the math for the poker night, Applejack complained that it was just too fancy.

“I knew it! You are such a spy! Too bad for you two, I've got one up on both of you! I'm going all in as well!” Twilight's face dropped, as she saw make her rain into the centre of the table. The piles were prefect, all the chips lined up perfect. Then Rainbow Dash happened, needless to say Twilight head fell on the table again. As she was soon covered in the chip massacre caused by her friend.

“hehe, sorry Twi you got in the way of my Sonic Chip Boom! SCB for short! Pat and pending of course.” Rainbow Dash looked quite happy with herself sat back down and waited for the last player to act. Twilight began to clean up the chips and went to stack them up.

“Ok lets see here... on the table their is a Queen of hearts, Ace of hearts, two threes, and I have King of hearts with a ten of hearts...” as Celesta Finished talking to herself she looked up to the ponies still in the game and smiled.

“So all I need is a jack of hearts! Might as well go all in as well!” Celesta clopped her hooves together and smiled.  Every player still left on the table held back laughter, Twilight's head once again dropped to the table. With that move the rest of the players were in the pot.

“Oh dear, well the chances of getting a Royal Flush are quite impossible my dear and its a little late to buff. I think i have this hoof in the silk bag.”  Raity took in a deep breath and flipped her hoof to show a pair of queens for the seamstress. “three of a kind queens.” After the card flip she looked to Applejack and her smile faded. The farmer pony had a grin from ear to ear.

“It's never a good idea to wait fer one card princess, makes the make too much about luck. You need to try and bait the players in, see like ah did. Sorry Rarity, but this pot is mine! ” as Applejack finished her explanation she flipped her cards to revel pocket aces(3). Rainbow Dashes looks at the cards her mouth drops.

“I lose way to much playing poker with you girls... ARGGGG.” Rainbow Dash mucked(4) her hoof and joined Fluttershy and Luna on the couch.

“That because your not waiting to see the river Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled to the Pegasus who already had some turtle in hoof already.

“well lets see here... Two three of a kinds on the table I have the last queen and the other ace, yeah I lost. So its time feed tank anyway.”

“Well maybe there is a secret Ace in the deck! You never know Dashie! Ohhhh Maybe there are 68 cards in the deck! Twilight! Have you been cheating? I should have known! Using your alicorn powers like that! Shame on you Twilight! Aunty Pinkie is very cross with you!” Pinkie pie stared down the young Alicorn.

“I'm not even playing Pinkie, why would I cheat?”

“Your bored?”

“... Fair enough.” Twilight sighed, her mentor had been lucky all night. Their was no way that she could hold on to this luck was there? Twilight took a peek at the next card and her face faded a couple of shades lighter. Luna noticed as twilight quickly placed the card back on the deck as Applejack was explaining to the princess why it was a bad idea to go in on a hand like that. Twilight couldn't believe it, this game was going to be come a heads up between Pinkie Pie and Celestia. Sure enough Celestia flipped her cards to show the king of hearts and a ten of hearts. Twilight flipped the card to show the one thing that no pony wanted to see. The jack of hearts. The table was speachless as Celestia clopped her hooves together and dragged the chips over to her soon to be upgraded castle.

“Ah... What just happened? How... Ah... Darn it... Well Ah guess we're out then Rarity .” Applejack got up from the table and trotted over to the kitchen. Rarity was just frozen there, sure Applejack's hand was better but she was going to be left with some chips.

“How does that even happen! I mean sure luck can play in this just like any other game, but you winning eight pots in a row! Unbelievable! Nope, tonight I am finished! Goodnight ladies!” Rarity  trotted out the door and slammed it shut. Tank made some loud noise that quickly disrupted the silence in the room.

“Well then, It's heads up between Celestia and Pinkie!” Twilight said as she shuffled and dealt out the hoof to the two remaining players.

“Good luck princess! Your going to need it! Not that you haven't been a lucky goose or anything tonight!” Pinkie said processed to look at her hand.

The two players had traded blow for blow in this game, and neither of them could seem to get the upper hoof. Until....

“And the River(5) is an ace, Pinkie your action.” Twilight said as she finished cleaning up the chip pile. Pinkie held a smile back,  Finally a good hand and a descent pot!  Celestia was committed to the hoof, this was the hand!

“All-in”

Celestia was taken a bit a back by the move, sure luck had carried her most of the way through this game and her hand would agree with her again. A full house kings over aces, no way Pinkie had that beat.

“Call”

Pinkie Pie was ecstatic her hoof was aces over kings, she had the game in the bag, as soon as Celestia had said all in Pinkie flipped her hoof show that she had clam over the pot. Celestia started to pout which just made Luna laugh behind her.

“Well Princess, looks like old aunty Pinkie Pie will be taking the pot! To bad too, you were starting to do so much better! Kind of like when I was babysitting the twins. I almost gave up that hoof to, your inside joke thing really had me distracted for awhile” Pinkie Pie giggled to herself as she started to rake in the chips until Celestia stopped her with her magic.

“Hey what gives Princess, I won these chips! ” Pulling back with all of her might she couldn't pull the chips from the centre of the table.

“One more hand pinkie.”

“those aren't the rules silly! You can't redeal!” Pinkie continued to pull on the chips that floated in the air.

“I have one last thing to bet.” Pinkie Pie stopped pulling on the chips and sat back down. She watched as she put the chips back down on the table. “I bet you all of your Chips for the story behind our inside joke. One hand face up, all or nothing Pinkie. What do you say?”  The girls who were still on the couch turned their heads all in unison, Pinkie wouldn't do that... Would she?

“She is not going to do that is she?” Applejack said to the group sitting around the couches.

“Ten bits says she is going to!”

“Your on RD.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack hoof bumped to seal the deal.

Pinkie Pie had no idea what to do. On one hoof it was a lot of bits, on the other hoof it was a joke... about the princesses of Equestria... when they were young. Back and forth she looked at the pile of chips and the piece of paper Celestia was writing on. It was written and she ever so softly placed it on the stack of chips. Celestia smiled and waited for Pinkies answer.

“ It can't be that funny! I mean come on how can it be worth that much?” Pinkie took her head back and looked away from the pile of chips.

“oh well that's too bad, guess I have to tare this piece of paper up! Rip, rip, rip... Time to make confetti!” Celestia went to grab the paper when pinkie screamed.

“Stop! Ok, ok I'm in just don't do that to a joke! Twilight Deal the cards!” The pink party pony ordered the Alicorn.

“heh ten bits to me AJ.” Rainbow Dash said smugly, Applejack could be heard swearing as she hoofed over the money.

The cards were dealt face up as everything that was on the table was up for grabs. Twilight couldn't believe it over a thousand bits for a joke. Pinkie was dealt a five six off suit, and Celestia was dealt two kings.

“oh poopie...” Pinkie pie deflated as the flop was flipped over to show two more kings giving Celestia four of a kind. A very quick hand as the turn and river gave nothing to pinkie. It was over the poker night ended with Celestia leaving with a big bag of bits and Pinkie Pie crying not for the bits but missing out on the joke. After the dramatic events that occurred that evening, Celestia and Luna trotted over to their chariot.

“Thanks for playing a long Luna, that worked out perfectly! Have I ever played Poker before? Good thing they never knew that I was the champion over a thousand years ago!” Celestia laughed and pulled her sister in for a hug. “Well its good to know we can still pull the wool over some ponies eyes.” Both sisters laughed as they entered into their chariot and flew off.

“I knew it! They lied to us! Ohhh next time princesses, next time...” Pinkie pie began to hop away with plans formulating in her head. The sisters didn't know it but soon their might be a pie where they don't expect it.