The Usual Susponies

by Einhander

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Trixie, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves
Length: 10259

Five ponies are brought in for a crime they (probably) didn't commit. But the real question is, "Who is Pranker Pon-ay?"

NOTE: FIC IS CANCELLED.However, leaving it up as an artifact of another time.

** Set after Season Two, but taking place in and around Season 3 **

Six weeks ago, a box of muffins went missing in Ponyville, and the new Sheriff Trixie (yes, that Trixie) decided to round up the usual suspects. How else can you explain why Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Flutterhy, and.... er... Derpy have all been arrested for the same crime?

Can newly drafted law pony Twilight get her friends out of this mess? Will Sheriff Trixie use this crime as revenge against her tormentors? Can self-appointed Detective Inspector Pinkie Pie find the real culprit? Or will these (maybe) falsely accused ponies get revenge their own way? And just WHO is the mysterious Pranker Pon-ay?

In world where no muffin theft is what it seems, you've got to look beyond...

(A tongue in cheek parody of The Usual Suspects, thoroughly Ponified. You don't need to watch the movie to enjoy/understand)

(But if you haven't seen the movie, do yourself a favor and rent it).

Published 2013-05-06 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-10 04:31:57 UTC

Six Weeks Ago

Chapter 1: Six Weeks Ago

From the testimony of one Ditzy 'Derpy' Hooves:

The whole thing started six weeks ago, a little bit after the dessert contest kerffluffle. You know, the one where the Cake's Cake had been bitten into, and was Donotupia, and the... Uh... Cream filled things... And someone ate most of a moose. But the moose lived?

Yeah! And then they put the moose into the cake and the donuts and they won first prize! Or maybe Pinkie meant she ATE first prize.

Um. Anywho...

A plateful of the Cake's prize winning muffins, which were set for delivery to Princess Celestia, had gone missing at the train station. Mmmm... Muffins!

Anyway, the cargo compartment on the midnight train had been broken into. The box had been ripped apart. All that was left were crumbs, 30 bits, and one smooshed muffin on the floor.

But some pony messed up. The train conductor who found the empty box heard a voice. I guess that's all they needed...?

--
Six weeks ago...

--

Ponyville

4:30am, Carousel Boutique

Rarity was asleep, dreaming of fashion shows with rave reviews and princes in attendance who knew how to treat a lady. Vinyl Scratch was mixing, somehow mashing up classic orchestra with the latest electronica, but in a tasteful way. Her designs were earning just the right amount of oohs and aahs. And Prince Blueblood—well, Prince Blueblood 2.0—was just as handsome, but this time paid for drinks, opened doors and didn’t turn his nose up at ‘common’ desserts.

It was a recurring dream, but dream Rarity didn't know, and half awake Rarity never minded.

They both minded when the floor of the dreamland runway lit up with a blinding white light, and every pony in attendance (including Prince Blueblood 2.0) scattered. She awoke to that same light, which was somehow penetrating her eye mask.

"Rarity!" Boomed a voice. She hesitated. She thought she recognized the voice. She hoped she was wrong. "The great and powerful Trixie demands you account for your whereabouts two hours ago!"

She wasn't wrong.

Rarity lifted her eye mask and saw she was surrounded by lights and stern stallion faces. The clock read 4:32 Am. Egads. Dream Rarity and Half Awake Rarity rallied and replied:

"I was sleeping, which is what I WAS doing until just now, when you barged in my house so RUDELY. What in Celestia gives you the right to be in my house at this ungodly hour?!"

Trixie smirked and took off her hat, revealing a sort of badge stuck to her mane that a royal seal on it. She was tilting her head as if to say without saying, 'how do I look', utterly unaware that the answers would range from a polite 'fine' to 'oh my what is that THING in your hair here let me get it out for you.'

But Rarity had bigger problems than Trixie's ensemble. A piece of parchment was being magically unrolled in front of her face.

"The great and powerful Trixie has a warrant for your arrest."

The parchment levitated in front of her at eye level. It looked official enough, and the name 'Trixie' was under the title 'authorized to arrest" and her name was among the five listed under 'wanted', and at the very bottom was Celestia's seal. Egads multiplied. She recognized all the names except one, which seemed… off.

”Who is R. Sprint?” she asked.

Trixie rolled up the parchment and said with a smile: "Never you mind. There is a new Sheriff in town, and her great and powerful name is Trixie. Now are you coming quietly or will Trixie's men have to get....rough?"

Rarity looked around, and realized that the stallions were all police stallions. She hesitated. “If this is a joke…”

“Trixie assures you it is not a joke. That is what makes it so amusing! Ha Ha Ha!” she paused, realizing she was the only one laughing, and gestured impatiently to her squad. Eventually hollow “Ha… Ha… Ha”s were her reward, which she joined in on.

Rarity was appalled, on every level. This was real, this was happening. But! Even though she was sleepy and confused and angry and about to be arrested, Rarity was a lady. A lady surrounded by attractive guard ponies and a hateful fake wizard. If outrage wouldn’t work, charm would have to do.

"Trixie, darling, I know you're just doing your job, but really, dragging these poor handsome stallions out in the middle of the night for little old me... Even guard ponies need their beauty sleep." A few of the guards lowered their lights sheepishly. Rarity smiled, then turned to Trixie, and added "then again, maybe no amount of sleep will fix what's broken... "She waved her hoof around Trixie's mane "... In this general area, darling. Best to just keep your hat on."

Trixie's eyes went wide. The police stallions began to snicker. She put on her hat quickly and shouted, "Seize the suspect Rarity!"

**

7:00am, Sweet Apple Acres

Applejack was up early. The sun was rising, there was a crisp wind, and she has just bucked her first tree...yeah, today might just be a mighty fine day.

The family was behind on harvesting the south fields, as Big Mac had gotten sick and the rest of the family had to take care of him. He had gotten better but the harvesting had fallen behind, so everypony got up early today to make up for lost time.

As the apples fell from the tree, she felt a pang of guilt for skipping breakfast. Apple Bloom had made apple cakes, and seemed hurt that her big sister hadn't had any. But Applejack was telling the truth: she just wasn't hungry. She had eaten late. Poor Big Mac had to eat a second stack to make the little chef smiling, and on a smaller stomach too.

She shook her head. Time to look forward, not back. Big day ahead. Squaring up to buck another tree, she realized it had gotten very quiet. Even the birds had stopped chirping. Then she heard a nervous cough behind her.

"Uhh.... AJ?"

"Morning, Big Mac," she replied cheerfully without turning around "ah don't need any help here, but the next acre over would be a great place to start. Gotta catch up to-"

"Uhhhh... Some pony here to see you, AJ."

That made Applejack stop. She loved her friends, but few were early risers, especially this early. She thought hard, then asked: "Who wants to see me at this hour?"

Trixie's voice boomed: "The Great and Powerful Ponyville Police Department!"

Applejack closed her eyes in irritation, then opened them and turned her head slightly. She saw her brother, blushing with embarrassment. She saw at least a dozen police stallions looking sternly. And she saw Trixie, with a big hay eating grin on her face.

"What in tarnation are you talkin about, you big fake show pony?"

"That's SHERIFF big fake show pony to you! I have a warrant for your arrest." She used her magic to hover the parchment.

”Horsefeathers. You’re just here to mess things up again, just ‘cause we showed you were a big faker!”

“Uh…. AJ?” rumbled Big Mac.

Applejack turned to her brother. His expression said it all "Don’t tell me. That thing’s legit?"

Big Mac nodded his head sadly. "Ayup."

Two futures played out in front of Applejack. If it was just the blue unicorn, she’d fix her good and send her on her way, then get back to work. With Trixie PLUS a bunch of police stallions involved… this mess is gonna take up my whole dang day. The only question was whether she'd spend it first arguing and fighting, only then to be arrested, or to cooperate and try to get this sorted as soon as possible. Either way, no apples were being harvested today. She sighed, and bucked the tree with all her might.

With a THUD, Apples rained down around Applejack. Trixie shrieked, "she is resisting arrest! Seize her!"

The police ponies stared at one another, hesitating. Did apple bucking constitute a crime? Applejack wasn't running or stomping her hoofs or threatening any pony. She was just coolly staring Trixie down. When the last apple fell applejack caught it and held it in front of her. The police ponies took a few steps forward. Applejack shook her head, and took a bite.

"Don't worry, y'all. I'll go quietly. Help yourself to some apples. Ain't got time to harvest them now." She walked up to Trixie as the police ponies followed her directions and started munching on the best that Sweet Apple Acres had to offer.

Applejack stared Trixie down. With a calm voice but cold eyes, she asked:

"Think you brought enough ponies?"

**

09:30am, Main Street Market

Fluttershy walked through the market, feeling the sun on her face mix with a nice fall breeze. It was the perfect time to get the proper ingredients for Angel's lunch... Namely, right after she had made Angel's breakfast.

Walking through the various stalls and stands, she gave hellos and nods to the various ponies up and about. There were several police ponies out as well, no doubt to enjoy the nice air. She nodded at them as well, but they stared straight ahead. For a moment, it occurred to her how odd it was that there were... Quite so many police out in the park, with no apparent emergency.

But that moment vanished when she found her favorite vegetable stand. Carrot Top's little storefront had moved in front of the park, and it had the best greens in all of Ponyville. Or more accurately, it had the only veggies that Angel would eat.

"Morning Fluttershy," said Carrot Top with a cheerful (loud) emphasis on the 'morning', "the usual for you today?"

"Yes, please. two bunches of your fancy carrots."

"Do you want regular fancy, or today I have EXTRA fancy carrots? I got them from Canterlot, fresh off the midnight train!"

"Oh my. Extra Fancy? What's makes them extra fancy?"

Carrot Top swelled with pride. "Enhanced carrotness!"

Fluttershy arched an eyebrow. She wasn't sure what carrotness was, but she was pretty sure it wasn't worth an extra two bits per bunch for more of it.

"Just the plain, I mean, your wonderful but regularly priced fancy carrots. Please."

Carrot Top sighed, "No one wants the extra fancy carrots," but then smiled, and began preparing the order. In the distance behind the stand, a figure was waving at her. She squinted and made out little Spike, sitting on a bench with an emerald in his non waving claw and an excited grin on his face. Fluttershy smiled and waved back. The carrots can wait for a moment, she thought.

"Please just hold them for a moment?" She asked as she placed her bits on the counter. "I’ll be right back." Carrot Top nodded and Fluttershy began hopping over to the excited baby dragon.

Suddenly, a stallion appeared in her way. It was one of the police stallions from earlier.

"Oh, excuse me." Said Fluttershy, who took a step to her right to walk around the stallion… who took a corresponding step to his left, still blocking her. Fluttershy flinched and took a step back. The stallion took a step forward. She began to get flustered, wondering What Would Iron Will Do (WWIWD) when it came to police ponies. Then she caught sight of Spike over the police pony's shoulder. The dragon's grin had faded, and his eyes had gone wide. Fluttershy saw movement in the corner of her eye, and turned her head left to see Carrot Top cowering in her stall. Something was wrong.

When she turned her head back front, there were now two police ponies in front of her. She turned right, and there was another. She backed up and ran into somepony, who gave a gruff cough. Usually, in this part of her nightmares, she would start to wake up. As the circle of police got closer and closer around her, she realized that this was not a dream.

"We have you!" Boomed an unfortunately familiar voice.

This was, in fact, her nightmares made real.

"Trixie, the great and powerful, has you surrounded!" The police ponies parted to allow Trixie into the circle. "Trixie demands you confess!" she thundered. "Confess your crimes!"

"Yes! Yes! I confess. Just... Um..." She hesitated. "What am I confessing to?"

--

09:38am, Outside Golden Oaks Library

As Fluttershy was hauled off by Trixie and her posse, Spike jumped off the bench and hurried to the library. If Trixie was involved, Twilight was at risk. And even if she wasn't, her friends- no, THEIR friends- needed their help. He just hoped she had arrived from the train station by now....

He ran as fast as his little legs would carry him, and finally reached the front door of the library. Panting and holding his side in pain, he took a moment to make yet another resolution to get in shape. Then he drew himself up, thrust open the door and said:

"Twilight, Flu-BLARGH!"

The scroll shot out of his mouth, flew in an arc and landed on Twilight's desk. Spike's eyes crossed, he moaned and he fell over on his side.

There was a silence. Then, a voice came from the kitchen:

"Spike is that you? Do you want some coffee?"

Silence continued. Then a purple unicorn trudged into the center room, two cups of coffee floating in front of her. She had watery, bloodshot eyes and was at about half her usual speed. Passing a mirror, she paused to look at her reflection.

"Well, they don't call the overnight train for nothing," Twilight yawned. Then she caught Spike's reflection, gasped, and rushed to her little assistant. The coffee cups fell out of the air, as her concentration switched abruptly from casting the spell to helping her friend.

Other than a little drool, he was unharmed. She smiled and said, "poor little spike, probably working himself ragged while I was gone." She put a blanket over him and shut the door. Then she turned and saw the mess the now broken coffee mugs had created.

The coffee steamed as it burned a dark stain into her rug. She sighed. First her luggage didn’t make the midnight train, and now this.

Today so far, she thought, World 2, Twilight 0.

As Twilight tended to her now snoring assistant, the scroll Spike had coughed up remained on her desk. Unnoticed, and unread.

**

10:45, a Cloud above main street

The morning was well underway, and the beautiful day that was promised earlier had been delivered.

But while the town was bustling with activity, there was a worried tone in every pony's words. Rumors were flying fast and furious, not only of a new Sheriff, but a rash of arrests in a space of a few hours. There was police tape over the entrance of Rarity's boutique, no one had seen a member of the Apple Family at the market all morning, and now ponies were saying that Fluttershy- yes, THAT Fluttershy- had been arrested in broad daylight at Carrot Top's stand for theft.

(Not, to be sure, for stealing anything from Ms. Top. "I didnt call the cops on her! She paid for the fancy carrots! I swear!" She moaned, as the crowd of ponies backed up from her stand, afraid to be similarly accused.)

Considering that the last time anypony was arrested was the great cider riot a few years back, much less charged with anything...

(that would be the last time Mayor ran for Mayor and somepony pied her in the face)

(that Pony was Pinkie Pie, who thought thats what you were supposed to do at a political debate)
(she was given a warning and forced to make a dozen pies for the Mayor as community service)

(she didn't mind.)

It was a dark day indeed. Metaphorically. The actual weather was gorgeous. There was but one cloud in the sky, a very low one, and Rainbow Dash was napping on it.

Oblivious to the rumor mill and the fate of her friends, Dash slept without a care in the world. She had gotten if one were to hover over Equestria's fastest flier and get a bird's eye view, one would see a circle of police ponies converging around the cloud.

In this case, Trixie WAS the one, as she floated above Rainbow Dash in a hot air balloon, signaling her police ponies while her assistant tried to control the balloon. The Pegasus Police ponies were hovering above the cloud on tiny clouds of their own. While the earth ponies were readying piles of rope. Trixie was grinning at the sleeping Rainbow Dash, who was kicking her legs and smiling at some pleasant dream.

Trixie's balloon began to cast a shadow on Dash, and the sleeping mare's smile faded into a grumpy awkwardness. Whatever the dream was, it turned sour as the sun was blocked out. She half opened her eyes.

"What gives," she muttered, "it's not supposed to be cloudy until later..." And she rolled over, hoping the dream would pick up where it-

"The great and powerful Trixie is what gives!"

Dash's eyes flew open.

"And what Trixie gives is... Er... This warrant, because..."

There was a silence, as Trixie trailed off. Dash stared gaping, while most of the police squad gave a collective eye roll. Finally Trixie drew herself up and announced:

"What Trixie gives... Is justice! To the town Trixie has been entrusted to protect! So Trixie is arresting you! That is Trixie's gift... To you!"

Dash stared a moment or two longer, and then she cracked. It began as a small chuckle, escalated into a laugh, followed by a fully certified guffaw. She began rolling on her cloud, holding her sides, trying to stop. It hurt to laugh, but Trixie wasn't helping with her super serious frowny face.

"What is so funny, Rainbow Sprint? Trixie is going to bring you to justice! Behold!"

Trixie produced her warrant. Rainbow stared at the now dog-eared proffered document, and promptly lost it again. "Stop! Stop! You're killing me..."

"Does this warrant for your arrest not quelsh your buffoonery?!"

Rainbow tried to get the tears out of her eyes. "It actually says Rainbow Sprint! I can't believe it! Hahah!"

Trixie paused, quickly re-read the name on the warrant, and glared at the assistant pony in her balloon. The police pony shrunk under her stare. "We TRIED to tell you that wasn't her name.."

Trixie batted her assistant on the head with the warrant, and snarled at Dash, "You won't find it so amusing when the Great and Powerful Trixie has you in chains!"

"Hahahah... Really!? Ha ha ha... hooo... hoo... You and what great and powerful army!

Trixie smiled. At last, the battle of wits broke her way. "THIS ARMY!" With her signal, four police Pegasi suddenly descended from the sky and surrounded Dash. Ropes flew up from underneath and wrapped around Dash. The trap was sprung!

Or at least, it would have, if Dash was still on the cloud.

But once Dash had seen the warrant, misspelled name and all, she knew this was serious (even if it was impossible to take Trixie seriously). And once the Pegasi started coming down, she sped off, kicking the balloon with her back hoof as she got away.

The balloon spiraled from the impact. "After her, you fools!" But her minions were in worse shape, as the surprised Pegasi were ensnared in the ropes the Earth ponies had thrown up. It was a mess.

Dash turned her head and snickered at the sad display. She shouted as she flew: "You're gonna to need a faster balloon if you're wanna catch-"

CRASH

The sound of pony hitting wood could be heard from miles around. The birds heard it. The bees heard it. The entire of Miss Cheerlie's class heard it. Even Granny Smith, who couldn't hear anything, heard it, and chalked it up to an early storm rolling in. In fact, the only creature who didn't hear it was Rainbow Dash.

Dash was fast and brave and bold and loyal, but she still forgot to look where she was flying when she was bragging. She was traveling faster than sound when she hit the now decimated acorn tree. Which means she was out cold before the crash was heard 'round Equestria could reach her ear.

By the time the Police and Trixie eventually caught up with her, she was still out, surrounded by shattered wood, a whole mess of acorns, and one very (VERY) angry squirrel.

**

10:50 AM, Golden Oaks Library

The sound of Rainbow's latest crash tore through Twilight's library, reaching the studying Twilight and the sleeping Spike.

"What was THAT?" Said Twilight.

Spike awoke with a gasp.

"SomeponymadeTrixiethenewSheriffandahearesstedFluttershyweneedtohelpher!"

Twilight stared at her assistant. "What?"

Spike took a breath and said, "A bunch of police ponies arrested Fluttershy and took her away! We gotta go help!"

Twilight cocked her head at Spike. "You got all that from the noise? It sounded like a tree falling to me."

"No! No! I saw it, Twilight! Fluttershy needs our help!"

Twilight shook her head. "It's too early for this, Spike. Why don't you tell me EXACTLY what you saw."

Spike groaned. "Fine! I SAW Fluttershy at the market, she SAW me wave to her, I SAW police ponies surround her, I SAW Trixie say she was the new Sheriff and then I SAW-"

There was a frantic knock at the door. "Hold that thought Spike." Twilight said as she opened the door, finding a very scared little filly holding some sad looking flowers. "Sweetie Belle? Are you okay?"

"H-have you seen my big sister?" She sniffed. "I went over to surprise her with these violets, but..."

Twilight waited patiently. "But...?"

Suddenly Sweetie Belle was bawling. "H-her house is all broken up! And there's yellow tape everywhere! And s-she's gone and I can't find her and the police ponies wont tell me anything these violets are ruined nowaaaaAAAHHH!"

Twilight, flustered at the sudden increase of hysterical youngsters this morning, hugged Sweetie Belle and tried to calm her down. "Now... There there. It'll be alright..."

"But that mean blue unicorn said she's a thief! But Rarity would never! Rarity says crime is uncouth! My big sister wouldn’t ever be couth!"

"A thief?" asked Twilight. She only had a few of the puzzle pieces, but it was all bad. Then she blinked. "Mean blue unicorn?"

"Did she nab your sister too?" piped up a young voice with a twang. They turned to see a red-eyed Apple Bloom, riding on top of a glum looking Big Mac.

"'Apple Bloom? What do you mean 'nabbed too'?" said Twilight.

"Applejack's bee in' railroaded!!" yelled the little pony, who jumped off her brother and began stomping the ground. "She didn't steal no muffins! I don't care what that Trixie says!"

"Trixie?!" Gasped Twilight. "She's back??"

"She says she's the new Sheriff and she can arrest who she likes and if we don't like it we can leave! Well I don't like it, and I ain't leaving!"

Twilight looked at Big Mac. "Is that true?"

"Eeyup."

Twilight turned to Spike, "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

Spike gave her a Look, with a capital L. "Seriously?"

Apple Bloom slumped to the ground. "I just want my sister back."

"Me too." sniffed Sweetie Belle.

Twilight was serious now, pacing back and forth. "Okay so Trixie is getting revenge on us... Rarity, AJ and Fluttershy... but it just doesn't make sense... I understand how Trixie could want to be a Sheriff, or want to fool people into thinking she was in charge, but police ponies aren't fools... she'd have to have a royal order... and there's no way Celestia or Luna would give that order.."

"Uh Twilight?" interrupted Spike.

Twilight kept pacing. "or even if they did give that order, they wouldn't have put her in charge of Ponyville... "

"Twilight."

"At least they would have WARNED me! Sent a letter or something!"

"TWILIGHT!"

"Huh?" Twilight snapped out of her inner spoken-out-loud monologue.

"Finally!" huffed Spike. "What about that letter that came right when I ran into the library?"

"What letter?"

"Who!" rumbled Owlicious, flying up to Twilight with the letter in his claws. The owl, who had been woken up by all of the crying and shouting, deposited the letter and then groggily flew back to his perch. Twilight smiled sheepishly and whispered "thanks friend," before quietly ushering everyone outside and closing the door behind her.

"Okay, I'm sure this letter will explain everything. Surely Celestia must be aware that Trixie is..." she trailed off, reading the letter in growing disbelief. She finished, then immediately re-read it, willing the message to change. It didn't. In fact, she was so angry, only certain fragments got through:

My dearest and most faithful student...

...forgive and forget the past...

... Entrusting Trixie with new this responsibility...

Please extend your friendship to this misunderstood...

She has promised to use her abilities for good and not....

Trust me in this...

Princess Celestia

"What does it say, Twilight?"

Twilight took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. It was her new calming technique. It didn't work.

"WHAT the BUCK?!" she screamed.

Spike and the two fillies gasped. Big Mac blushed and whispered to Apple Bloom, "uhhh... Earmuffs."

"This is the DUMBEST thing Celestia has EVER done!” she seethed, “Take the most irresponsible and attention hungry unicorn in the land and make her the law of Ponyville?! Well I don't care if she made Trixie the Sheriff, or the Mayor or... Or the head of the library! Trixie can't just arrest my friends for no reason!"

"Darn straight!" said a new voice. They turned and saw Scootaloo on her bike. "Twilight, are you a law pony?"

Everyone looked at her, and then at one another. Spike raised a claw.

"I believe I can answer this. Ahem." He produced a monocle from somewhere and held up his head. "While Twilight Sparkle is the princess's personal protégé, a master of magic, an excellent friend and caretaker, a natural worrywart and occasional freak-out-er extraordinaire, she has not, in fact, gone to law school." He paused. "Unless she's been sneaking out at night and taking classes." He removed the monocle and scratched his head. "Which, knowing Twilight, is actually possible."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "No, I am not a law pony. What's wrong, Scootaloo? Although I think I can guess."

The little Pegasus had a dangerous glint in her eye. "Look, Rainbow Dash has been arrested for something I know she didn't do, but all that dumb Sheriff would tell me is that she was going to need a smart law pony to defeat her 'great and powerful' justice. Well I don't know any law ponies, but you're the smartest pony I know. So are you going to help spring her legally, or do the cutie mark crusaders have to get a cutie mark in jailbreaking?"

"Yeah!" Said Apple Bloom. "And I bet we'd be really good at jailbreaking too! Right, Sweetie Belle?"

The white unicorn was still crying. "I didn't even know Ponyville had a jail. Poor Rarity... You're going to help, aren't you, Twilight?"

Twilight looked at all the expectant faces surrounding her. Three little fillies, one scared, one angry and one determined. Big Mac, who looked utterly lost. Spike, who returned her gaze and gave her fierce nod. She made a decision.

"No one arrests our friends and gets away with it! C'mon, Ponies. I have a plan. Spike, tell Princess Celestia what's going on here by letter; then go to the train station and wait for Pinkie Pie."

Spike frowned. "Our friends are in danger and you want me to wait for a train?!"

"Spike, if four of our friends have been arrested, Pinkie is also a target. She's on the next train in from Canterlot and she may be in danger. And I need a friend, a strong and loyal friend to protect her."

Spike shuffled his feet, still grumpy but flattered as well. "But I want to go with you. Can’t Big Mac do that?"

"Big Mac is going to go into the Everfree forest and find Zecora. We're going to need back up. Unless you want to go by yourself..."

Spike blinked, and thought about his previous Everfree forest adventures. Then he saluted, "Write a letter. Protect Pinkie. Got it!"

Twilight smiled and turned to the crusaders. "And as for you three-"

"Yes??" The three fillies looked up at her expectantly. She was going to tell them to wait at home, but realized that wouldn't do. Family was family, and the crusaders and Dash were the closest thing to family Scootaloo had.

"You three come with me. We're going to the mayor, and we're going to get Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash- AND anyone else caught up in this dragnet- we're going to get them all free!"

"Yeah!" chorused Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.

"What's a dragnet?" said Sweetie Belle.

"C'mon every pony! We've got friends to rescue!"

The band cheered, and went their separate ways.

**

Unseen and unnoticed, a pony was watching them from above the library. The pony saw and heard everything, watched them to, and nodded with a small smile.

Then, just like that, the pony was gone.

The Lineup

2: The Lineup

From the the testimony of one Ditzy 'Derpy' Hooves:

They got me last. I didnt know what I was doing there with these famous ponies. Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and rainbow dash never really included me Iin her friends wacky adventures, And even without Pinkie Pie , this whole arrest everypony thing was... very wacky.

Why me? I knew Pinkie was away in Canterlot for the contest, but Twilight must have been around... if Trixie had a bone to pick with the ponies that beat her, why did I get arrested?

I didn't really mind, though! because I knew I hadn't taken any muffins. At least, any prize winning muffins. At least any prize winning muffins I could remember.

Besides, it was fun! The five of us, hanging out...

.... like we were friends...

--

(Still) Six weeks ago

3:00PM. Ponyville Precinct.

The five ponies trudged in to the line up room in a... Well, in a line. Derpy first, next a dazed Rainbow Dash (with some fresh bandages on her head, covering her left eye ), then a trembling Fluttershy, a still sleepy Rarity and finally a very un-amused Applejack. Behind them was a wall with a height chart, in front of them was a mirror window. Derpy stopped at the end of the room an looked around. the four ponies were to her right, each with various expressions of unhappiness, each with a sign and corresponding number. Applejack was 1, Rarity was 2, and so on. Derpy was an upside down not quite right 3, which she thought was odd. Magic lanterns floated above the mirror, but otherwise the room was bereft of anything notable except the door they entered in from. And and as soon as applejack finished entering the room, the door shut and the lanterns came alive with a bright Woosh! The light was blinding at first, but eventually it was just unpleasant. All five ponies winced.

Suddenly, a voice boomed "You all know the drill. When your number is called, step forward and read the words on the card."

There was a pause as everypony looked at each other in bafflement. Finally Rarity spoke up with a yawn, "I'm afraid no pony knows what card you're talking about, Darling."

There was another pause, and there was some muffled shouting behind the glass, followed by the sound of some pony being smacked with a newspaper. Finally the door opened and a pony with a fresh bump on his head (Dash recognized him as the same pony in the hot air balloon) sheepishly handed applejack a small card, and then closed the door. Applejack stared at it, and then showed it to the others. It made no sense.

" Number 1, step forward!"

Applejack huffed, "Trixie, I ain't got time for-"

"Step. Forward."

"This nonsense has already taken up my whole day! Apples ain't going to harvest themselves!"

"STEP FORWARD!"

She gave a withering look, a sigh and then took a step. She held up the tiny note card and cleared her throat.

"'Oh horse feathers, I dropped a muffin.'"

She waited, heard nothing and took a step back.

"Number 2!"

Rarity held her head up high . Applejack offered her the card, which Rarity magically lifted from and levitated in front of her. She stared at the card, nodded to herself, cleared her throat and closed her eyes. Silence.

"Oh HORSE FEATHERS!" She shrieked, throwing the card into the air, summoning her fainting couch and then collapsing onto it. "I dropped a, a, muffffiiinnnwaaaahhh!"

Every pony cracked up as fake sobs filled the room. Even Applejack managed a smile. Rarity's cries dissolved into chuckles, and she did a small bow. Derpy started to pound her hooves in applause, but quickly stopped as every pony stared at her.

"That's enough!" Boomed the voice, "Trixie demands no fainting couches in the lineup! Number three!"

Rarity floated the card to Fluttershy, who stopped smiling and nervously fidgeted with it. It was fun when other ponies were on stage, but it was rarely fun for her. She only agreed to be talked into the Hearts Warming Eve pageant because it was once a year. Even thought it was the other four ponies and Trixie- well, Trixie and whoever was behind that glass- oh my goodness, the train pony was probably behind there, and, and maybe Mrs. Cake? And who knows who else? Twilight? What about Princess Celestia?! Did they bring her in on Muffin Crimes?

"Number three!"

She opened her mouth and "ohhorsefeathersidroppedamuff..." tumbled out.

"In English, please."

Fluttershy blinked. "Ex...excuse me?"

"In English!"

"Oh.. Horse... I..." She squeaked, and couldn't stop shaking. The note fell out of her hood and fell to the ground.

"Speak up, number three!"

Standing next to her, Rainbow Dash was also shaking. With rage. While she and Fluttershy couldn't be more different ponies personality wise, there was a part of Dash that would always be protective of the timid pegasus. And while being accused of crimes against pastry was one thing (a crime which, to be sure, they were both guilty of in the past) there was no need to be mean.

If Trixie wanted to play games, Dash would play. And win. Dash grabbed the card.

"Number f-"

Dash took a giant breath.

"Oh! Horsefeathers! I! Dropped! A Muffin!"

The other ponies visibly jumped back from her as she pounded the ground with each word. Dash smiled without mirth, and thrust the note to her left, where Derpy stood.

"Number five."

Derpy took the note and squinted at it. Reading was not her strong suit, despite the fact that it was, in fact, part of her job description.

"Number 5!"

Derpy wondered why number 5 wasn't talking, and then she realized that a backwards not quite 3 was actually... A 5 upside down. Embarrassed, she nodded to the voice, and squinted even harder at the piece of paper. She could feel the other ponies staring at her. Then a light went off: she didn't have to read it, she just had to do what the other ponies did! Say the line, slightly different! Yes! Just fit in!

"Oh Horsefeathers! I dropped a..." she paused for effect. "....muffin?" She said the last word loudly and proudly, like it was a question for the ages. She then turned and grinned at the other ponies, looking for confirmation that she had done what was required.

Reaction was mixed.

Applejack was giving her a very dull stare, followed by a snort. Rarity's smile hovered somewhere between encouragement and pity. Fluttershy wasn't looking anywhere but the ground, which she pawed at idly. Rainbow Dash was wearing a pair of sunglasses that she had somehow acquired in the last few moments, so her expression as unreadable.

Derpy drooped just a little. They weren't the stares she usually got, but they weren't exactly friendly. Oh well.

But as they were being led out, Dash turned to Derpy, and did something wonderful. She lowered her sunglasses and, using her one good eye, winked at Derpy.

Derpy Hooves asked for so little out of life. In that moment, she got it. Happiness filled her heart. The fact that she was in jail was immaterial.

**
3:30PM. Mayor's Office.

The Mayor was working busily on planning next year's Winter Round Up. The previous one had just ended not to long ago, which of course meant the next one was around the corner. Her office was nice and quiet, save for a ticking clock, which was just the way she wanted it. Ponyville was the nicest of all possible towns, but it could also be very... loud. Especially when a certain pink pony was throwing a party. Which was almost everyday.

But Pinkie was still coming back from Canterlot, which meant the Mayor had just a little bit of time to get some work done before... what was that noise?

There was a dull roar from just outside her door, which she began to recognize as the familiar sound of ponies arguing. But usually it was two earth ponies over a farm dispute, or two pegasi who ran into one another. No, this was different, it was lots of voice, different ages, arguing.

And it was coming closer.

Knock Knock

The Mayor looked up, frowning. Technically, no one had an appointment for the next thirty minutes. Maybe they'll just go away.

Knock Knock Knock Knock

Maybe not.

The Mayor weighed her options. Suddenly one voice rose above the others.

"Mayor. We need to talk!"

Oh no, it's Twilight Sparkle...

"Mayor!"

Maybe she could just hide under the desk.

Then the door burst open, and all manner of ponies fell into her office. The Mayor paused and looked at the motley crew in front of her. Yes, here was Twilight "Smarty Pants Incident" Sparkle. But also Applejack's family sans Applejack, Rarity's little sister, a little orange pegasi whose name she could not recall, the zebra witch Zecora from the forest and the Cakes. There was also a police pony standing dangerously at attention.

"I see.... all of you at the same time?"

A cacophony of voices answered her:

"Yes!" said Twilight. "Eeyup." said Big Mac. "Now!" said Applebloom. "Er... now?" said Sweetie Belle, more tentatively.
"Yeah!" said Scootaloo. "At once!" whined Mr. Cake, who was shaking. "Now now, dear, " comforted Mrs. Cake.
"Talk we must, for what is just!" said Zecora.

The Mayor managed a grim smile. "Oh, Good."

Only the policepony was silent. She gave him a look. "And who are you?"

The pony saluted. "Officer Pokey, Ma'm. Pony Pokey. Of the newly formed Great and Powerful Sheriff Trixie Posse!"

The Mayor sighed. "But of course you are."

**

From the continued testimony of one Ditzy "Derpy" Hooves

After the line up, they went to work on us, one by one.

What? Oh, I'm sorry, that's what Dash called it. I meant they started questioning us, one by one. Applejack went first, complaining all the way in that no muffins were worth all this trouble. (I could, though! I mean... Muffins! Mmm!)

Applejack? She's the hardest worker I know! She's strong and honest. She always pays her way. Theres no way shed take muffins without paying! And shes kind and patient...Definitely, a pony who cares about everypony!

**

3:45 PM: Ponyville Precinct, Interrogation Room.

"I'm gonna have your badge, sugar cube." hissed Applejack, " and you better believe if I lose a crop of apples I'm sending you the bill."

"Trixie is the one making the threats here!"

Applejack snorted and leaned back in her chair.

"I've never been arrested for nothin. Ever. And even I know y'all aint got a hoof to stand on."

Trixie sneered. "No one is innocent, Ms: Jack. every pony is guilty of something."

"We'll not me! Never stole, Never cheated no-pony! Well, except for in the race with Dash, but she cheated too..."

"Ah ha! Yes! Confess your sins to Trixie!"

"I ain't ever taken nothing I didn't pay for, and you know it. I don't even know why I'm here."

Trixie's assistant ran in with a piece of paper, gave it to Trixie with a whisper; then rushed out. Trixie smiled triumphantly.

"The dance is done, Ms. Jack. These were apple muffins," she said proudly brandishing the letter," and we just found traces of apple leading to your home!"

"Really. I work on an apple farm," deadpanned Applejack. "Where apples are pretty much all we do."

Trixie looked over at her assistant, who swallowed and gave a miserable nod.

Applejack cocked her head "You got a team of diamond dogs working around the clock on this one?"

"Trixie will not be ruffled by the likes of you! We have the power to keep you here all night if you don't talk! Do you know what happens then?"

Applejack shrugged. "Twilight cleans your clock and Pinkie Pie throws you a party?" Then she leaned so she was practically nose to nose with Trixie. "You gonna charge me, honey?"

**

Next was Rarity, just the most gorgeous fashionista pony ever! She's the spirit of generosity, and she's always giving! Just the other day, she was giving me advice on how to wear my mail cap and how to not fly through her windows. She's a giver, not a taker!

She could be a little... Dramatic, though? I dunno.

Also, where she gets that couch from, I also dunno,
**

"You can't keep me here any longer! I'm being deprived of my beauty sleep, and thats practically torture! or at LEAST a crime against fashion! Officers, you should arrest her for THAT!"

"Trixie is in charge of what the crimes are here! Now, tell us where you were-"

"I'm going to tell the MAYOR!" she collapsed onto her fainting couch, which again had materialized from nowhere. "I'm going to tell TWILIGHT SPARKLE. I'm going to tell the PRINCESS, who is a close personal friend!"

"Really? Luna or Celestia?" Piped up the taller of the two ponies guarding the door.

"BOTH." Replied Rarity.

"The mayor and the princesses know of my authority! They do not question it, they-"

"Excuse me, Ms. Rarity?" That same guard pony was raising a hoof. "Do you think if I gave you a picture of Princess Luna, you could have it autographed for my niece?"

There was a pause.

"She's a big fan, and uh. Well it would mean a lot to her."

Trixie stared, her eye twitching. Rarity, after looking confused for a moment, saved the day with a gracious smile and said, "Of course dear, I'm sure Luna wouldn't mind at all. Just as soon as we've cleared up these baseless charges and false arrest. Drop it off at my boutique."

"Baseless?! False?! BOUTIQUE?! " snarled Trixie. "you mock our mission!"

Rarity patted Trixie's hoof sympathetically. "Just nerves, my dear. I know this is embarrassing for you, first case and all. But next time you should have some evidence before you start arresting ponies."

"Evidence?! You know you were one of the three ponies charged with eating the Cake's cake!"

Rarity bristled. "How DARE you. That was never proven in a court of pony law!"

Trixie smirked. "So you deny it, then?"

"Oh was that the prize winning cake that made the cakes famous?" Said the soon-to-be-demoted officer with the niece. "Shucks, I heard that thing was beautiful. A shame Pinkie Pie ate it all after the Cake's won."

Trixie stared at her minion with her mouth open, wondering how it was possible for a pony to be quite so stupid. The other guard pony quietly inched away from his partner, figuring there was no reason for him to get in trouble too.

Rarity regarded the surely-no-longer-employed officer with a smile. "Well at least one pony has his facts straight. And such a tall, handsome, caring about family stallion... And does Mr... Ah?"

"Officer Steady, ma'm. Rock Steady."

"Does Officer Steady have a lucky special somepony?"

Officer Steady blushed. "Gee, uh, we'll actually-"

"TRIXIE DOES NOT BELIEVE THIS. THIS IS A POLICE INVESTIGATION NOT A SINGLES MIXER. FOOLS. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS." Trixie heaved a giant breath and pointed at the now-surely-doomed Officer Steady. "YOU are relieved of duty!" Then she pointed at Rarity. "And YOU will tell me who ate those muffins!"

Rarity stared at Trixie coolly. "I would, darling, if I could. But I can't, so I won't." She stood haughtily. "So I'm not. Officer Steady? Since you're leaving as well, would you be so kind as to escort me to my cell?"

**

Fluttershy was quiet. A little too quiet if you ask me!

Really I can't ever hear her. She's too quiet when she speaks

She's a really nice pony, though. Very kind to all animals, and always smiling when I deliver her mail... Even if I kind of make a mistake or too with her deliveries. She says she understands, and I believe her. She says her little Angel also understands, but, I've seen the way that rabbit looks at me and I dunno. Maybe Angel doesn't understand what the word 'understands means.

She and Rarity were always having those weekly Spa dates. I knew they were close, but why on earth they would both be arrested for muffin napping was beyond me....

**

"And then I went to the market, and then I saw cute little spike, and then you... Um... arrested me... And then we did that line thingie and now I'm here." Said Fluttershy.

"That's interesting, Fluttershy." purred Trixie. "Because your friend Rarity told us a different story altogether."

"She did? Was it the one where she gave the water dragon part of her mane to fix his mustache? I LIKE that story." She smiled and looked at the pair of police ponies guarding the door. Rock Steady had been replaced by Trixie's twice-battered assistant, who was trying to look tough.

But it was hard to be tough with a pony like Fluttershy. Looking right you, saying things like, "I like any story, really, as long as it has a happy ending."

Fluttershy then turned to Trixie, bowed her head and added, "I'd like to go home now."

Trixie blinked. She could understand failing to bluff Applejack or intimidate Rarity, but surely she could not play a battle of wits with Fluttershy and lose. She tried a different tactic.

"Dear sweet naive Fluttershy, don't you see? Trixie has solved the mystery. The jig is up!"

"Jig? Said Fluttershy, suddenly apprehensive. "Oh, no thank you, I don't really like to dance. I get nervous."

"... I mean that I know. I know about the cake eating incident on the train."

"Oh, I don't like that story. Um. I can tell you about the time that Applejack thought I was a tree?"

"I mean that I know you did it!"

"Oh! Yes." Fluttershy hung her head. "Yes I did it."

"So you admit it?"

"Yes."

"Good! Now tell Trixie how you did it."

"Um... Did what?"

Trixie pounded the table. "The muffins you silly foal! Where are the muffins?"

"Oh.... I don't have any muffins. I could get some for you, though! If you let me go..."

Trixie face hoofed and sighed. "You've got to be bucking kidding Trixie."

"Oh wait, but, Carrot Top has my bits... Hopefully she still does... I asked her to hold them when- oh my goodness!"

"What?"

"My poor little Angel bunny as gone for hours without his fancy carrot lunch! OhmygoodnessheisgoingtoFLIP!"

"...what." Said Trixie flatly.

"Angel bunny is going to FLIP! He's going to FLIP FOR REAL!" Fluttershy stood up from her chair and started pacing in place, like she had to go to the little filly's room. " I've got to get out of here! I've got to... Got to got to got to..."

"Now THAT's a jig." Said the one of the police ponies.

Trixie just shook her head. "You're not going anywhere. Trixie will make sure your precious bunny gets his precious carrots. Now back to-"

"CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THE BACK?!" Hollered the now hysterical yellow pony, grabbing the blue unicorn by her shoulders, "HELLO!? MY BUNNY NEEDS CARROTS!"

"Off-off-icer-s-s!" Trixie stuttered mid shake. The officers restrained Fluttershy, who went limp as soon as they touched her. The whole precinct heard her crying as they dragged her away:

"Carrots... Extra fancy carrots...he deserves the carrotness... Angel bunny forgggggivvvee meeee....."

**

But Rainbow Dash, my best friend? For some reason Trixie was the happiest about grabbing her.

I didn't know this, but Dash was apparently a big prankster in school. She actually had a... Uh... A tape! No, that's not it. A... Report... A... A record! That's it. She had a record.

But I don't believe you can judge a pony by their past. After all, if that was he case with me and all the times I screwed up... I'd have no friends at all!

Maybe that's why no pony wanted to be Trixie's friend...

**

"I want my lawpony." said Rainbow Dash, still behind her sunglasses. "I know my rights."

Trixie smiled. She had prepared for this. "Unfortunately for you, rights are only for those who have never done wrong!"

There was a nervous cough, and Trixie's (much abused) assistant leaned over and said, "Yeah I don't think that's true, chief."

"Silence! Trixie's word is law- and the law says no..." She trailed off, realizing that the other police pony was staring at her, shaking his head. "Really?" She asked. Both police ponies nodded.

Trixie put her head in her hooves. "This department has the worst bucking law ponies."

Rainbow Dash chucked. "Yep. This is ridiculous. You got nothing on me. On any of us."

"Trixie thinks not, Ms. Spri-er- Dash." Her horn glowed and a thick file floated up from underneath the table and dropped in front of Rainbow Dash.

"You're not just a prime suspect in this case. Looks like you're famous in other parts of equestria."

Rainbow Dash lowered her sunglasses and stared down Trixie. "That was supposed to be sealed. How did you-"

"Cloudsdale alone, lets see... " Trixie grinned as she magically flicked through the pages of the file. "Vagrancy, disorderly conduct, flying while intoxicated... Need I go on?"

Dash frowned, but the anger was gone. There was a a far-away look in her eye as she murmured, "That all happened a long time ago."

Trixie leered. "Ponies don't forget. Especially when 'long ago' is but a few weeks. Or did you forget your train ride on the eat-all-the-cake express?" Trixie closed the book and leaned back, with a smirk. "And how do you think your friends will feel once they learn about the REAL Rainbow Dash?"

"I am Rainbow Dash," she spat back, but with a slight tremor in her voice. "Best flier in equestria. Awesome friend. Expert Weather Pony."

"Criminal!" Trixie cheerfully added. "Trixie is going to make you FAMOUS, you silly foal."

Dash stared at the ground. the room had gone very quiet. "Please." it was almost a whisper. "Please don't."

"Very well." said Trixie, and she produced a piece of paper and quill with the flourish of a poker player revealing an Ace as her final card. "Confess, and maybe Trixie will keep the past in the past."

Dash took the quill and stared at it and the paper. She felt like some other pony with her voice said: "What do you want it say."

Trixie blinked. "Why, the truth of course."

"Which is...?"

Trixie glared. "That you took the muffins! That you took the prize winning muffins, without permission, and what you did with them! And where we can find the evidence of your guilt!"

Dash, as drained as she was, managed a cold chuckle. "Seriously?

"Trixie will not have her first case end in lies! And half truths! Trixie doesn't just want your confession, Trixie wants everything! Total conviction, no room for doubt! Now WRITE."

Rainbow Dash's one good eye hardened. Then she looked down, and quickly scribbled something, and signed the paper and dropped the pen.

Trixie's shoulders sagged in relief. Finally. She hovered the paper back over to her and looked it over.

I WANT A LAWPONY.

R. DASH

Trixie's eyes couldn't have been more wider if the paper had said

WILL YOU MARRY ME.

XXOO

R. DASH

"I've been here for years. Same name, same address. And if you charge me with this... Crud." She pointed at Trixie. " I'll beat it. That's a Pinkie Promise."

Trixie tried to remain calm. "Are you done?"

Dash snorted and looked away, feigning disinterest. "Just get back to the muffins, Sheriff."

Trixie regarded Dash for a moment. Then her horn glowed a bright blue, and the chair underneath Dash pulled out from under her. She fell to the ground with a sudden violence that made the police ponies cringe. Dash cried out and then held her breath. Don't let them see you hurt... But it was hard to hide the tear that escaped her good eye. She looked up at her captor.

"Oh, good. NOW you're done." Trixie smiled. "Then lets get back to the Muffins.

**

4:00pm. Mayor's office. Ponyville.

"Well that's what I heard!" yelled Mr. Cake!

"Please, this is CITY HALL!" the Mayor said, stomping her hoof on her desk.

"Ms. Mayor, this is illegal!" Huffed Twilight. "Not to mention ridiculous."

The Mayor shook her head, "I'm sorry dear, we've gone over and over this. I know they're your friends, but theft is a serious charge. Even the theft of muffins."

"Excuse me?! Especially the theft of muffins!" Exclaimed Mr.Cake. "Those were our prize winning muffins, all gone!"

"Now dear, don't get yourself all worked up..." Cooed Ms. Cake.

The very hastily called meeting had produced nothing but bad feelings. Twlight was especially on edge, as Spike had yet to return from the Police Station with Pinkie.

"But where is the evidence they had anything to do with it in the first place? Where was the... oh what is that phrase...." she was searching her throughly bookmarked law tome. "probable cause! What was the probable cause?"

"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.

"Ssh!" Hissed Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

The Mayor turned her head. "Officer Pokey?"

"Sorry, madam mayor, can't comment on an ongoing police investigation."

The mayor arched her eyebrow. "Why not?"

"By order of the Great and Powerful Sheriff Trixie, as the investigation is ongoing."

The Mayor gave the officer a flat stare. "And when does Sheriff Trixie think the investigation might end?"

"I can't answer that because-"

"It's ongoing. Yes, thank you Officer Pokey. Very informative." The Mayor sighed.

"Surely if some pony has done the crime they should pay a fine," said Zecora, "but one should have proof before making accusations with a false hoof."

"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.

"Three of your friends ate our cake on your train ride to Canterlot!" Said Mr. Cake, "Who's to say they couldn't resist again! This is the second time our prize winning pastries have been pilfered!"

"Past behavior isn't proof!" Retorted Twilight. "And that doesn't explain why Applejack or Derpy were arrested! Why on earth would they steal your muffins??"

Mr. Cake opened his mouth to reply, but stopped in mid outrage. he mouthed the words, trying to process what Twilight was saying.

"Well... Applejack does work on a apple farm?"

"So do Big Mac and Apple bloom! Should officer pokey arrest THEM?"

Mr. Cake wilted under Twilight's stare. "Maybe?"

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo gasped. "Do you hear what the cakes are saying?!" Sweetie Belle asked Apple Bloom, "they're saying that just because you all work on an apple farm, you should be suspects!"

Apple bloom tilted her head in thought. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"

Scootaloo nodded authoritatively. "An insult."

Apple Bloom stamped her feet, "I've never been so insulted in my life!"

Mrs. Cake put her leg around the now Trembling Mr. Cake, "every pony calm down, my poor Mr. Cake is just upset, he doesn't actually think Applejack is a thief. Do you honey?"

Mr. Cake shook his head. "She always pays for her desserts. And dear Derpy is our best customer other than Pinkie pie. She buys a muffin everyday."

"So that's two ponies accused for no reason..." Reasoned Twilight, "and as for the other three, didn't their past 'crime' help you in the end?, your cake won the prize!"

The cakes looked at each other. "Well... That is true..." Admitted Mr. Cake.

"Who knows if we would have won against donutopia and the moose mouse..." Said Mrs. Cake. "And now we're a twice winning bakery!"

"Right! Those muffins already won the prize BEFORE they were taken!" Said Twilight.

"And did i hear right, is it not true, that this supposed 'thief' left bits for you?" Said Zecora.

Mrs. Cake shuffled her feet, "those muffins weren't for sale, but yes, 10 bits is about what we charge for a dozen..."

The mayor took off her glasses and closed her eyes in frustration. "So what we have here is less a robbery and more an unauthorized purchase? Of Muffins that already won your contest? Really?"

All the ponies (except Officer Pokey, who stared straight ahead) looked at the Cakes.

"Well, "said Mr. Cake, "it sounds sort of silly when you put it that way."

"The Sheriff was just so excited when we called her over to the train station, you see." Added Mrs. Cake, "she said that after a week of getting pets out of trees, she was excited that a 'real crime' was afoot."

Twilight tensed, feeling an opening. "And after she talked to you, did she investigate the crime scene at all? Look for clues? Interview witnesses?"

"Well.. No, actually. She just ran off cackling about rounding up ponies. It was officer Steady who actually showed us the 10 bits and the crumbs."

"Oh, and the medal!" said Mr. Cake. "The medal was in a different box, untouched."

"So they paid for the prize winning muffins but left the prize," Twilight said with deep satisfaction, "based on that, mayor, I demand-"

"Way ahead of you, Ms. Sparkle. This has gone on quite enough. Officer Pokey, where are the suspects and Sheriff Trixie now?"

"Can't answer that Mayor, by order of the great and powerful-"

"Yes THANK YOU we all know what she calls herself." The mayor rose from her chair. "Well, she may have been hired by Celestia, but in Ponyville she answers to ME."

"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.

Suddenly there was an urgent knock at the door, which Big Mac opened and revealed a very out of breath Spike. "Guys! Two things- first, where are the Cakes?!" The bakers blinked and Mr. Cake hesitated, "here?"

"You two have to get back to Sugarcube Corner! Ponies are lining up around the block to get in!"

"Goodness! Whatever for?" asked Mrs. Cake.

"To try your prize winning muffin recipe, of course! Once everyone heard that not only it won, but it was so good somepony had to steal it, the crowd has been going crazy! Ponies are willing to pay 10 bits a muffin!"

If this were a cartoon world, the Cake's eyes would have become giant bits. But as this was Equestria, they just got really big.

"10 bits a muffin??" muttered Mrs. Cake.

"It's finally happening, honeybun!" whispered Mr. Cake.

"We- we have to- um- excuse us!"

And with that, the cakes were gone, closing the door behind them. Spike leaned against it, still panting.

"Wait, Spike. Weren't you supposed to get Pinkie Pie?"

Spike tried to compose himself, "yeah, that's the second thi-"

And the door slammed open, unfortunately taking Spike into the wall with it. In the doorway stood a figure in Pink, complete with a giant pipe and funny hat.

"Never fear, detective Inspector Pinkie Pie is here!" She bounced in, blowing bubbles as the door behind her slowly creaked back, revealing a dazed and slightly bruise Spike. "I hear you've got a mystery on your hooves, Madame mayor."

The Mayor stared at the Pink 'detective,' and then turned to Twilight with an expression that said, "help me." Twilight nodded in sympathy.

"Actually, Pinkie, the mayor was just about to let our friends go. There isn't any evidence to hold them."

"Of course not, lowly assistant!" Proclaimed Pinkie, putting a silly hat on Twilight's head. "We already learned that in the last episode!"

(The what? asked Sweetie Belle.)

"All we have so far is a Sheriff who didn't learn the friendship lesson of jumping to conclusions!"

(Don't ask, it's just pinkie being pinkie said Apple Bloom)

"So while yes, the suspects should go free-" she paused and glared at the cutie mark crusaders- " for NOW...." She kept the glare going, then turned to the Mayor with a smile, "You've still got a MYSTERY to solve!

She grabbed Twilight and held her close, cheek to cheek, "And we're JUST THE TWO PONIES TO DO IT."

Twilight smiled uneasily. Out of the Trixie frying pan, and into the Pinkie Fire...