Where's that Fan Fiction?!
Grace under fire. Poise in the face of danger. Calm within the storm. Serenity now. Peace. Breath in, and breath out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Zen. You must be zen.
A rather strange ritual to repeat to yourself on and off throughout your normal day, maybe. But the chances are, everyone's parents did that same repertoire at one point or another. Raising young ones is never easy. Whether it's making sure your three little grandchildren don't get crushed by apples and you don't throw-out your back; watching your daughter spend hours on end to reach an impossible standard that she wants nothing more in the world to reach; or trusting that your little filly can be away from the house and start her own life far away. Parents never have it easy... But, parents can dish the same stress right back at their kids with years of pent-up aggression under their belts.
For you see, it is widely accepted by fillies, colts, and young ponies still under the yoke of oppression that parents can be placed on -what they like to call- 'the wind scale'. The scale is a complicated and intricate compendium of science, math, history, and double-checking from Twilight Sparkle since she is the only pony in Ponyville with an education higher than Cheerilee; one of 'them'. Regardless, it is a proven system that places parents into different groups. At the bottom of the scale, we have 'gentle breezes'. An example of parents like this would be that of Rainbow Dash's. Parents that you have no idea where they are, and yet the child is still doing remarkably well and seems to have nothing bad to say about their parents. Mid-way into the scale, we have 'tornadoes'. A perfect example is shown in the actions of Rarity and Sweetie Belle's parents. Harmful, embarrassing, and seem to leave nothing but dread after they leave. Yet, they hardly are along for long.
Now, why would any of this matter? Simple. Because it is rare for the scale to ever be broken. But, when it is... It is done by only one sort of parental force. A category ten parent. The Black Hawk of parents. A form of parenting that is unlike any of ponykind. A 'hurricane'. All a hurricane does is destroy, ruin, demoralize, and eliminate all life before their child can even get within range. They are an unstoppable force of chaos, hate, fire and brimstone. They are the ultimate in bad parenting. They are... Discord and Chrysalis.
"Where could he be hiding it...!?" The Lord of Chaos slithered across the colt's bedroom, tossing papers and rulers in wild disregard in his erratic movements.
Pipsqueak was far from a clean colt. What young colt ever was? His room was decorated with maps, charters, crayon artwork, and a few posters that his mother forced him to put up. And yet, as his guardians ran amuck through the cloister of his inner sanctum, it only became more and more of a mess. Discord tossed crumpled up papers over his shoulders with careless flicks of his paw and claw; on occasion hitting Chrysalis in the face as she stood watch by the door. Usually, Chrysalis would have sent hateful comments to Discord at the action, but she herself was too curious to pass up on this chance to look into her ward's mind.
Only a week ago, Discord had lured a slipped truth from Pip on the stage of 'Know Your Mare'. A truth that no guardian could pass up. It's common belief that fan fictions in today's age are always written about how Daring Do defeats the mole men after getting freaky with Ahuizotl; or something like that. Or maybe a story about the daring adventures of the Mysteries Mare Do Well... And how that somehow ends with her getting in a heated scene in someone's house with Daring Do. The point is that fan fictions take a look into somepony's mind and sees characters or a story through their own perspective... Also to see some of their perverse fantasies. Now, looking into Pip's mind without magic? Discord could NOT resist that. And looking into the lustful desires of her little colt? Chrysalis would be STUPID not to. Even more so... In the line of work they have put him around, he could have very well have written a story about any guest on their show...
"He must have put it where your moronic mind would never hazard a guess to..." Chrysalis offhandedly mocked Discord.
"Aaaaaaaand a place where your cold heart wouldn't risk getting close to..." Discord as well retorted.
Insults they may have been, they both considered the idea. Pipsqueak's room was not that big; much bigger, however, to the cardboard box Chrysalis had planned for him to live inside of. But still, there was not much to it. If he didn't want them to find it, it would be in a place neither of them would come close to. Some place that crosses both of their hates together...
"His scarfs!" They both snapped out the same answer and brought themselves to his closet. Discord pulled the closet open, revealing the very lackluster set of clothes that the colt had. But, what they were looking for was right there. For whatever reason, Pip had started collecting scarfs some time ago. Discord blamed Chrysalis for making the Changeling Kingdom so threatening, that Pip thought he had to protect his neck from 'vampires'. Chrysalis blamed Discord... Because it was Discord. Nevertheless, the started searching through the collection of scarfs, hoping that it was just the place Pip would have hidden the book from them.
Hiding a book in a collection of scarfs? That was so stupid and brilliant at the same time, Discord would have NEVER looked there.
Putting a book in a collection of fabrics that give warmth and protection? The touch alone was making Chrysalis gag.
Searching through, however, they found nothing except for a love letter from-- AH! Who cares? It wasn't the book... The two exchanged sad, defeated looks as they dropped their heads. No words were shared between the two, the defeat was sounding enough for them. Trudging along, Discord and Chrysalis left Pip's room empty handed; except for Discord's claw, which clutched the knob to Pip's door and closed it behind them. In that moment of closing, the room of Pip's was left in a mess of papers sent all about and bundles of scarfs littering the walls and floor. But, the bed was left completely and utterly untouched.
A place so sweet, delicate, and unscathed, Chrysalis would never bring herself to ruin it.
A spot so orderly, taken care of, and filled with a job well done, Discord himself wouldn't undo it.
What a better place -between the mattress- to keep your prized possession away from your parents?
One bright, sunny, happy, glimmery, sun filled day, the sun flew high in the sky. Princess Luna was looking at it, because she was on her way into Ponyville to play with Pip. "Hello, Mr. Sun," Luna greeted with a funny tone of voice and wording that I can't spell. She laughed since the sun could not say hello back (that's a funny part). So, Luna skipped down the long, twisty, windy, rocky, hill, mountain, grass road all the way to Ponyville. When she got there, everyone threw a party for her and gave her cake (but she had to eat it after she had lunch, because dessert before food is bad for your tummy). Then Pip found her at the party and waved at her.
"Hello, Luna!" Pip sounded so cool and stuff that made everyone look at him because he's cool and stuff.
"Good to see you Pip. Do you want cake?" Then they shared the cake and everyone cheered. (Yaaaaay.)
The End.
No, that's not the end yet. I got you there, didn't I? Nope. The story keeps going. Only, now Pip is all the way in the Changeling empire... After he fought off a ~~three four~~ gazilion headed hydra with a spoon on his way there. Oh, and he and Luna cuddled AS FRIENDS. They're just friends. So stop writing those lies on the sidewalk. They even put up posters saying they were just friends. Not like the posters Pip's mommy makes him put up in his room about Changelings being super cool and stronger than ponies. So, Pip got home and said hello to all the Changelings. There's a lot of them, so he misses some, but he still likes all of them so none of them should be sad if he missed them. He still likes them all. Then, he went to his mommy, the beautiful and tall Queen Chrysalis. To say she's pretty is just one nice thing about her. She's so cool, smart, and really really funny. Pip looks up to her and wants to find a filly like her some day... Just maybe not so loud...
Chrysalis gives Pip a mean, scary look, but she loves him, so that's alright. "Prince, go to bed."
It was bed time, but Pip was still sad. He dragged his hooves along, so very sad and... sad. BUT! Then his daddy Discord came in out of nowhere (that's not bad writing, he does that.). Discord is really nice too. He looks scary some times, but he looks like everything really. And that makes him special. Because Discord is specailly special all the way in the heart of Pip. So, Discord takes Pip and sends him to his room. But, he snuck him some rice and sticks. So Pip was really happy with that. Chrysalis and Discord came to his room together then and gave him a kiss on the head goodnight.
"We love you, Pip."
"I love you too."
THE END FOR REALSIES! YAAAAAAY!
Art: Pip
Story: Pip
Idea: Pip
Editor: Pip
Caterer: Pip
Colour Coordinator: Pip
Lighting: Pip
Proxy Written by Luna.
