Mr. House in Equestria -For the sake of practicality-

by Capitalist Banter

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 1899

So what would happen if Mr. House went to Equestria, how would he adapt, how would Equestria adapt to his alien form of business sense and morality?

I wrote this due to be not being able to find a story with Mr. House or Andrew Ryan, I was quite upset, hopefully I can do his character justice.
No doubt they're will be plenty of errors committed, but such is the nature of any first story. This is currently in a sort of beta, expect heavy revisions, and by all means, if i get some Fallout lore wrong feel free to point it out, but since Mr. House has little background there will be expansion upon his previously existing plot points and non-canon breaking fillers. Hopefully you enjoy, critique is appreciated etc. Tags will be added when I feel they are necessary, however, It will certainly be an adventure.

So what would happen if Mr. House went to Equestria, how would he adapt, how would Equestria adapt to his alien form of business sense and morality?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-02 18:10:44 UTC

The House Has Gone Bust!

What do you think you’re going to accomplish?

Mr. House thought to himself as his former promising investment steps in to the elevator leading to the chamber that protected him from the outside world during the past 200 years. The traitor had already destroyed the Securitrons on hand protecting the antechamber.

The elevator doors shut and as the courier rides down the elevator, Mr. House observes him through the mounted cameras, and makes a note of his emotionless nature and resolve in his path.

As the traitor stepped out of the elevator and walked toward the console controlling Mr. House’s Life support chamber, Mr. House thought, Does this fool know what he’s doing? Doesn’t he know what I could have done for mankind? All those years, of planning, preparing, are all going to be a waste due to this, *failure*.

The Courier strolled up to the console, and pressed the buttons that would unseal the life support chamber, not even batting an eye at the consequences his actions could cause for both himself, and humanity. The chamber depressurizes open; the two atmospheres become one. The paddle holding Mr. House slowly rises out of its tube and places itself in front of the intruder.  When the Courier sees his true form he briefly gawks, but then proceeds to walk up to a few feet of him.

With his two hundred year old rusty vocal cords, he says  "Why have you… done this?... centuries of preparation… so much good, undone….”

The Courier, after a very brief moment of thought replies “I don’t like you.”

Mr. House summons what little physical strength he still possesses to give his words some weight and stares right into the Couriers eyes “Fool… to let… personalities… derail future… of mankind? …stupid!”

After a moment and a raised eyebrow, the Courier said “Time for you to die, Mr. House.”

With his mannerisms returning Mr. House manages to retort “May there be… a hell… for you… a Tartarus… bleak, unending…”

With that, the Courier turns around, steps up to the terminal and activates the “Sterilize LS chamber” function. Electricity shoots out; the cybernetic implants on Mr. House’s skin explode and after a bloating, his body explodes in a bloody mess of gore.

Fool! Fool! Fool! Wait, why am I still alive?

Mr. House felt around his new environment, rough patches of grass were under him.

Hmm, grass, why I haven’t felt grass in years. Where could I be that has Grass. Heaven perhaps? I never expected to achieve immortality through such… plebeian means.

He finally remembered how to open his eyes, -his eyes went blind long ago in the chamber, and he sort of lost touch of the muscle control of many of his  appendages-  and what he saw was, well, trees.

Peculiar, I appear to be in some sort of forest.

He observed that this forest was rather dark, there were very few openings for sunlight in the canopy there were various forms of shrubbery as well.

It was then that Mr. House Proceeded to try and stand up, but found that he could not manage to stand on his limbs, at first he thought it was just his so called, rust, wearing off, but came to realize that his limbs appeared to take on a different form.

Hooves. Really. Why would I have hooves?

He then proceeds to look over his new form briefly, he has a light brown coat with  darker brown mane and tail. He could feel his trademarked mustache over his upper lip.

Hooves or not I will not be stuck here, immobile, in a *forest*.

He began to move his limbs to form some semblance of balance adapting as best he could to his four legged nature. He observed was not at all like the horses he had owned, being quite short and with peculiar dimensional sizes in comparison.

After he managed to stand he took another look his surroundings, the coloring seemed off compared to the trees he remembered, but, well, that was over 200 years ago.

Well, no sense standing around in the woods.

He proceeded to walk off in a seemingly random direction, hoping to find some form of civilization.

After around roughly an hour, Mr. House came across a trail and not long after a sign that says "Hollow Shades", the sign was pointing in one of the directions the trail follows.

Well, I suppose this is our first sign of civilization, hopefully its a town but... what a strange name for a town.

After that brief moment of thought, he looked both down the path and towards "Hollow Shades" and proceeded to walk toward the unknown destination.

After another hour or so, he began to see lights in the distance, and then more and more lights. As he got closer he saw that the lights were from within buildings and street lamps. The buildings and lamps were both beneath the same forest he has been traveling through, there was a very serene feeling to the whole environment.

He briefly took a moment to look at some of the outlying lamps and noticed something strange.

Why do the lamps on this side of the street use bulbs, while on the other side candles?

For that matter he noticed that the houses had much darker light on the side with candles, then the side with bulb lamps.

Perhaps the indoor lighting is the same as the outdoor, but why would there be two different sources of lighting? Especially with one being candles of all things, haven't those gone the way of the dinosaur by now?

After a moment of admiring the aesthetics of his location, Mr. House glanced down the street, and saw that there was..... a horse.... on a ladder, working on one of the lamps on the bulb side of the street.

Obviously, it appears the inhabitants here are... these weird horse forms I now find myself sharing in.

This other horse had a very strange color scheme, it's mane and tail were a dark purple and it's coat was a grey with, strangely enough, a mark of a bulb on it's flank's coat.

Hmm, how should we approach this? It's painfully obvious that this creature is likely sentient. Hmm...

After processing this sensory information, Mr. House proceeds to walk toward the horse, and as he gets close the horse notices him, smiles, and says, "Hello their mister! Welcome to Hollow shades, I haven't seen you around here before."

Mr. House, shocked for a moment - but not showing it- at seeing a horse speak says in a very unenthusiastic monotone voice, "Indeed."

It's smile lost some of it's luster at his response, but the horse proceeded on in its welcoming nonetheless,"Well whats your name? What brings you to our little town?"

Mr. House, says with a stoic poker face says, "My name and business are my own."

She - Mr. House assumes it's a she by her voice- frowns at his response, but after a moment continues to press on with a smile, "Well my name is Night Light, it's a pleasure to meat you Strange-r"

Mr. House, ignoring her last inflection, let's his curiosity getting the better of him asks,  "Why does this side of the street have light bulbs bulbs, while the other side has candles"

She smiles and says proudly, "Well, I invented these bulbs, but I only install them on one side so Ol' Smokey Wax isn't out of a job."

I wonder if shes addressing candles as 'Ol' Smokey Wax'  or another pers-...horse... considering shes named 'Night Light' of all things, its a possibility.

A moment later, Mr. House, poker faced as usual says, "You invented a better product, but allow your inferior competition to exist?"

Light, slightly confused responds, "Well yea! It wouldn't be very nice to take away Smokey's job."

Mr. House says in an extremely condescending voice, "Your only stunting progress by doing that you know, not to mention your own lost opportunities"

Light, being put on the defensive, becomes slightly aggressive in tone, " Hey, what do you know buddy!"

Mr. House rolls his eyes ignores her and says, "So this is Hollow Shades, what land is it in?"

Light becomes angry, "You come to our town, I give you a good greeting, and you insult me? Who do you think you are buddy, you haven't even told me your name."

Mr. House, stoically says, "Robert House, and you still haven't answered my question"

Light, scoffs and says, "Yea, what ever buddy,"

Night Light, having enough of this guy continues her interrupted work, she takes out a light bulb from a pack she has near the lamp.

The bulb being currently inert allows Mr. House to get a better look at it's engineering. "That's your bulb?" he says sarcastically.

Light glances back at House and fuming close to the breaking point says, "Yea whats wrong with it? You going to insult my work now too guy?"

Good, she appears to be angry, time to be diplomatic.

Mr. House sighs, and says in as a unnerved way as possible, "I apologize for insulting you, I'm just... lost and upset at not knowing my current environment."

Light's expression softens at this, "You're lost? Well where did you come from and how did you get here?"

Hmm, perhaps I should tell her the truth? Then again, what human would have not thought someone was crazy if they said 'oh I'm a horse from a different world' or land or whatever this is. Can't say I don't remember because I said my name. But she seems gullible enough to believe that if necessary, just need to put on some more acting to make more believable.

A second of thought later, Mr. House replies, putting on a air of being downtrodden."I... don't remember, it's all very fuzzy to me."

Light deadpans, "You don't remember, then how do you remember your name?"

Mr. House doesn't miss a beat, speaking glumly, "That's one of the few things, I can remember..."

Light steps down from the ladder she was on for working on the lamp post, and speaks regretfully while suspiciously "Right... Well I apologize for being rude... Robert."

Perhaps not as gullible as I thought.

she continues, "Well to answer your earlier question this town is in land of Equestria, and its just a little northeast of the capital of canterlot."

Creative names indeed, well she appears to be open to questions now weather or not they are strange and suspicious,

Mr. House says, "Who is our leader?"

Night light responds, "Pincess Celestia, she rules as our immortal.... goddess, she raises the sun and lowers the moon"

Mr. House deadpans for a few seconds in contemplation,

Really... Immortal and raises the sun oh how I so believe that

Mr house says, "A monarchy? Interesting... How is she immortal if I may ask?"

Matter of factly speaking, but with an air of suspicion, says, " we'll she's an Alicorn of course"

she, seeing House's deadpan response continues,

"... That means she has both a horn and wings."

"And that makes her special?"he says

"We'll yea! She can both fly AND use magic" she says

"Flying and magic..." He says stoicly

"Yea..." She says suspiciously

Ignoring the possible implications for the moment he continues, "We'll no doubt the last few Celestias were just as immortal..."