The Tech and The mage

by The Gunny

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, DJ P0N-3, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy
Length: 4530

Two brothers, One a Gun Smith and the Other A Mage go to Equestria

Two brothers, One a Gun Smith and the Other A Mage go to Equestria

Collab with Slayer Brony

Will get funnier later on...

Published 2013-05-14 09:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-14 09:00:03 UTC

Chapter 1

In a home in the mountains of Evergreen, Colorado lived two peculiar teens. In school and around their parents, they were the happy go lucky teens everyone thought them to be, but when they weren’t around. The two boys had rather special talents. The first boy named Zedrick practiced alchemy and the magical arts while Nero, The second teen, who was learning to be a gunsmith,currently in an apprenticeship, and proficient gunman.

Nero stood six foot four and had broad shoulders, his muscles were toned and defined like they were chiseled from stone itself he had deep brown eyes and a face like that of a roman centurion. He wore black combat boots, digital camouflage pants, and a olive green tank top. In his hand was a AK-47 with folding stock and on his hip in a black leather holster suspended by a utility belt was a black Colt Single Action Revolver with the words “In guns we trust” engraved on the barrel.

Zedrick had a different appearance. He stood at six foot two and wore a large grey trench coat to cover up most of his body. Beneath the trench coat was a plain white T-shirt and blue jeans along with some black sneakers. On his shoulder was a medium sized satchel looking bag that was imbued with gems and his hands were covered with fingerless gloves and a ring on each finger that had a different gem. His coal black long hair was pulled back in a ponytail to keep it from getting infront of his ice blue eyes.

While Nero was studying how to create and build guns, along with testing the guns he was allowed to from the master gunsmith, he was quite social and easygoing to most people,when he was angry it was prefered that you weren’t the one he vented his anger on. Zedric, on the other hand, was rather a hermit at times as he was constantly reading and practicing the arcane arts. He’d prefer not to talk to anyone as he tried to keep his skills sharp and easy. Occasionally he would take his practicing outside so he wouldn’t blow up part of their home on accident.

Today they both were home as Nero had gotten home from his work, and learning more about gunsmithing, and Zedrick was in the kitchen grabbing himself something to eat.

“You would not believe what I have been through today!” Nero sighed as he plopped down on the couch with a thud.

“Lots of time tinkering with those mechanical things have you.” Zedrick said blandly as he pulled items out of the fridge.

“We this one customer come in saying he wanted a gun, when the boss man asked him what kind he said ‘I want one that shoots’.” Nero growled “I facepalmed so hard I’m surprised I don’t have a concussion!”

“Hence why I don’t like such things. I prefer my books and studies.” Zedrick said plainly as he made a simple sandwich and put the ingredients away.

“You know who you sound like?” Nero said with a smirk.

“I swear to god you bring that fucking show into this conversation. I will literally melt you.” Zedrick hissed as several of the rings on his fingers lit up. “NO liquify!”

“What? I was gonna say Steven Hawking ya jackass.” Nero retorted with a chuckle

“Oh... Good.” Zedrick said taking a bite from his food.

“Twilights not as stuck up as you are.....” Nero said before making a dash for the door. A softball sized flame hit the doorframe as he sped out. “JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU TRYING TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!”

“FUCK YOU!” Zedrick bellowed as his right hand had steam rising from it.

“No thanks!” Nero laughed hysterically from the lawn. Zedrick walked out and gave him a strange look before walking back in and closing the door gently.

“Oh fuck, now I’m screwed....again.”

“LOOK AT ALL THIS PORN!” Zedrick shouted from inside the house.

“YOU SoN OF A BITCH THOSE ARE MINE!” Nero roared before bolting towards the door.

“Wazzat? I can’t hear you from out there! I was just about to make a nice fire!” Zedrick laughed as he locked the door from upstairs.

“I’LL FUCKING END YOU! I’LL SHOVE MY REVOVLER SO FAR UP YOUR ASS I’LL HIT YOUR TONSILS!” Nero bellowed as he ran up the stairs and banged on the door to his room.

“You gonna bring that show up again?” Zedrick asked calmly.

“You burn my shit and I’ll never drop it!” Nero threatened, he pulled his fist back.

“Might be worth it.” Zedrick said.

“NOT. *Bang* FUCKING *bang * Likely! *Crack*” Neros hand punched through the door and felt around for the handle

“Justy answer me this.” Zedrick said as he walked over and leaned against the door while he held a small flame under Nero’s arm.

“FUCKING HOT! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! I’LL TEAR YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!” Nero bellowed

“Ah ah ah, Stay calm or I will just hide them where you will never find them.” Zedrick warned.

“I’LL BEAT EVERY LAST OUNCE OF BLOOD FROM YOUR CORPSE THEN SLICE OFF YOUR HEAD AND MOUNT IT ON A PIKE!” Nero shouted with a animal like war cry.

“Nero, shut up.” Zedrick deadpanned.

“You shut up Twilight!” nero shouted, he soon found the door handle.

“That’s it. Everything is burning.” Zedrick said plainly as he simply walk over to the bed and lit a small flame onto the box of porn before he hopped out the window and floated to the ground. “Damn, I have gotten good at that.”

“MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA KILL YOU! AND WHEN THEY’RE DONE! I’LL KILL YOU AGAIN! THEN BRING BACK TO LIFE AND KILL YOU AGAIN!” Nero shouted as he desperately tried to put out the burning box, the flame then jumped to the bed, and the curtains and the carpet.

“Oh shit.” Zedrick sighed out facepalming. “Wrong spell.”

“ZEDRICK REGINALD MARKSON!!” A male voice bellowed from the driveway

“Uuuugh.” Zedrick groaned as he facepalmed. “I don’t think any form of magic can’t stop that.”

“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” nero roared as he exited the house with a slightly burned buzzcut. “YOU COULD’A FUCKING KILLED ME!”

“Zedrick! Put out that fire NOW!” The other man shouted.

“Okay okay!” Zedrick whined as the fires glowed brightly for a moment before extinguishing themselves. “Thank god that worked.” Zedrick mumbled breathing a sigh of relief. “See? No harm done!”

“YOU FUCKED UP MY ROOM NOW I’M GOIN’ TO FUCK YOU UP!” Nero bellowed.

“STAND DOWN NERO!” The other man shouted, he was wearing an army uniform.

“Yes sir sorry dad.” Nero said meekly.

“Welp, my job is done, so I will be off!” Zedrick said quickly as he began to turn.

“Nuh uh, son I want you to go to your room and sit there until your mother gets home. Nero I want you too go and calm down.” The man said, Nero nodded and walked towards the garage.

“Ah what?! Oh fine.” Zedrick said weakly as he slumped and began to walk into the house. “It wouldn’t have done anything, just a small inanimate fire.”

“NOW! MARCH YOUR ASS UP THERE BEFORE I GET YOU DRAFTED!” The man shouted

“Stupid drill instructor.” Zedric mumbled as he walked into the house and upstairs.

“I HEARD THAT!” The man who was their father replied, he walked inside to find nero’s room was a complete disaster. The vein on the side of his head began to pulse and his face took on a shade of fiery crimson that radiated so much angry energy it could have dwarfed a nuclear blast.

Several hours later.....

“So you burned your brother’s room. Because he mentioned that show with the ponies?” The mother asked.

“He knows I hate that show.” Zedrick mumbled.

“Son, you have no idea how upset I am, I’m not just mad at you. I’m very disappointed. I thought we could trust you with your magic.” The Father said sternly

“Look! It’s easy to fix, can’t you just listen to me for a moment?” Zedrick asked.

“I am listening....” The father said with a skowl

“It’s easy, all I need is a little time, and a bottle.” Zedrick said leaning back in his chair.

“You have one hour, if you can’t fix it by then....well you won’t like what happens next.” The Father said with fire in his eye.

“I agree. We will check back later.” The mother said walking out of the room.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll get started right now!” Zedrick said with a mock happy tone before he swiveled his chair and started pulling items he need from drawers.

“Son, don’t think I won’t smack you in the face.” The father called up the steps.

“Hurraaaay....” Zedrick said twirling a finger in the air. He began mixing powders and some chemicals along with a few bits of magic here and there before Nero walked in with an angry expression, but rather calmed down. “Sup.” Zedrick said as he continued to mix chemicals.

“Well, my boss says that since you ruined my room and all of my studying books he can’t teach me. So he canned me.” Nero growled

“Well that’s all nice and dandy, but I am working on fixing your room.” Zedrick hissed looking back at Nero for a moment before going back to his work.

“Just don’t fuck up numbnuts.” Nero muttered as he walked out, his steel toed boots clicking against the burnt floor.

“Keep that attitude up and I will just make your room one massive slug.” Zedrick said as he blinked to clear his vision.

One hour later....

“Okay! Fuckin’ done!” Zedrick said as he leaned back in his chair and looked at a small orange bottle.

“Really? It doesn’t look done, infact it looks like shit.” The Father said with a condescendingcondescending tone.

“You don’t believe magic works, do you?” Zedrick asked as he picked up the bottle carefully and began to walk to the burnt room.

“I prefer science to ‘magic’ and personally I wish you would stop living a lie as a Sorcerer or Wizard or whatever the fuck you call it.” The father replied.

“Alchemist.” Zedrick said as he entered the room and looked around.

“Well you got thirty seconds to impress me.” The father growled

“Alright, be patient. Jeez. Magic doesn’t take affect instantly sometimes.” Zedrick said as he began to pour the bottle over the burned and charred room, along with coating the walls and furniture.

“Well we are all waitnig.” Nero said conversationally.

“Christ, you all are like vultures.” Zedrick mumbled.

“Zedrick, be nice.” The mother said while Zedrick just facepalmed and groaned. A few minutes later the room slowly began to shift back as the bed and sheets turned back to their normal way along with the walls and the guns and books sitting on the desk also reformed. Zedrick looked back at his family with a shiteating grin.

“Impressed?” He asked as he smiled.

“Son, I don’t know what to say.” The father said in a stunned voice.

“How about-” Zedrtick began before a large orange portal appeared below his feet. “I fucked up.” He said stunned as he fell through the floor.

“SHIT!” Nero shouted, he grabbed his guns and all the ammo he could before he was pulled into the portal. “I BLAME YOU ZEDRICK!”

“DEAR GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR KIDS?!” The father shouted in a panicked tone as the mother simply fainted. The room glowed a bright orange for a moment before returning back to the normal room it once was. “... Magic just ain’t right.”

(♥♠♥♠♥♠♥)

Thunk.

“Ow.” Zedrick groaned as he was thrown into a tree. He groaned a bit more before shakily standing up.

“AAAAAHHHH *thud* Medic.....” Nero muttered before falling on top of Zedrick

“Christ you just love to ruin the mood even more, don’t you?” Zedrick moaned as he pushed himself up again. He watched his brother flop onto the ground as he stood up.

“Well *thud* Ow...*Thud* Medic..” Nero said again as his wepons landed on his head.

“If I can find a rose, then I can heal a bone.” Zedrick said looking around the strangely colorful environment they were in. “Where the hell are we anyway?”

“Holy shit, am I dreaming?” nero asked, he looked around to see several thatched roofed buildings surrounding them before a loud squeal escaped his mouth.

“Whoa! What the fuck was that?!” Zedrick yipped as he looked at his brother.

“NO FUCKIN’ WAY DUDE!” Nero said in amazement.

“What? Do you know where we are?” Zedrick asked excitedly.

“Do I know where we are he asks! Of course I know where we are!” Nero said as the inhabitants of the town began to exit their home.

.

“Well where are we then! Africa? Germany?... New Zealand?” Zedrick asked looking around. “If we are, people are unnaturally short.”

“You’re an idiot, can’t you see the sign!” Nero pointed to a sign hanging from a low tree branch.

“Hmmmm. Library.... That’s not very helpful.” Zedrick deadpanned looking at his brother.

“Not that one! THAT one!” Nero grabbed Zedrick’s cheeks and turned his head to another sign hanging from a large building.

“Welcome to.....” Zedrick began before his left eye began to twitch. “..... I have brought us to hell.”

“HI! I’m Pinkie Pie!” A pink pony shouted as she appeared out of nowhere.

“AAAAAH!” Zedrick bellowed out before he ran as fast as he could out of the alleyway they were in and not noticing any of the ponies eyes following him as he bolted for the town gates.

“HI!” Nero replied. “One Moment, I need to get my insane brother.”

Then there was a chase as the two ran through the town, skipping, jumping, and sprinting around until Nero finally caught poor Zedrick as he was finally near the front gate. “NO! LET ME GO! I DON’T WANT TO BE HEEERREEEE!!!” Zedrick bellowed out in panic.

“Why? Don’t you like equestria strange alien pony?” A purple alicorn asked as she approached.

“OH. MY. GOD!!” Nero shouted as Zedrick crawled out from under Nero. “I Love you brother! I should have let you burn down my room a long time ago!”

“What are you talking about!? This place is a hell hole!” Zedrick hissed as he stood up.

“HEY! This place is not a hell hole! It has the lowest crime rate in equestria.” The Purple Alicorn said

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU PURPLE THING!” Zedrick shouted as he pointed at the purple Alicorn.

“ZEDRICK! SHOW SOME GODDAMNED RESPECT! YOU ARE SPEAKING TO ROYALTY!” Nero ordered. He snapped to attention and Saluted “Princess Twilight Sparkle! It is an Honor to meet you! Ney a Prvilage!”

“OH goodie! I will get on one knee so that I can show some respect to the purple one! Oh yes! That is such a good idea!” Zedrick said in a mock agreeing tone. “Well for all I care, nothing more than a freakish equine thing.”

“Show some respect!” Nero punched Zedrick lighltly but it still sent him staggering.

“What if I don’t? It’s not like I am going to be exacuted!” Zedrick said spinning on his heels.

“No but you’ll be imprisoned.” Twilight said unsure what was going on.

“You know what. Fuck you.” Zedrick said pointing a finger at Twilight. “Friendship is not Magic! That’s not how it works!”

“H-How can you s-say that!?” Twilight stammered, Nero pulled his hand back.

“Because, I can do magic just fine, and I don’t have a single friend!” Zedrick said stepping towards Twilight. “And I think that the whole idea is a massive pile of shit.”

“Brother! You are dead to me!” Nero shouted at Zedrick

“Fuck you too then!” Zedrick said turning to face Nero.

“HEY! NO PONY CALLS FRIENDSHIP THAT!” A cyan Pegasus shouted from above, Nero gulped a bit before Running “TACTICAL RAINBOOM INCOMING!”

“Oh yeah!? What are you gonna do about?!” Zedrick sneered upwards.

“EVERYPONY GET TO THE GROUND!” Twilight shouted as Rainbow Dash dove down at amazing speed, a massive rainbow Mushroom cloud billowed up from the spot where she impacted Zedrick and the blast wave nearly wrecked the town. After the smoke cleared there was a massive crater with a rigamortis looking hand sticking out.

“Ow..... I need my alchemy bag.” Zedrick whined from the crater.

“Oh dear....” Twilight said putting a hoof to her muzzle. Zedrick slowly and carefully pulled himself from the crater, being covered in dust and dirt, covered in bruises and missing a tooth.

“You still think that friendship isn’t magic brother?” Nero asked as he walked over. He lifted him up and handed him a bag.

“More than you know.” Zedrick said as he opened his bag and pulled out a small vial before slugging it’s contents and hacking for a second. “Fuck that’s nasty.” He shook his head as his bruises left and his tooth grew back.

“What are you two things!?”Some of the crowd began to shout angrilly

“I am an alchemist! And this shit is fucked up!” Zedrick shouted angrily.

“Be calm my little ponies, what seems to be the problem!?” A regal voice said, the crowd began to part and bow. Nero looked ready to explode with excitement while Zedrick spat out a old replaced tooth. When the white Alicorn appeared from the crowd Nero snapped into a salute again before bowing deeply. Zedrick just stood there with a disgruntled expression.

“Your Highness....” Nero said humbly before rising.

“I still got blood in my mouth.” Zedrick said turning his head and spitting on the ground.

“Zedrick shut up or I’ll bust all of your teeth in.” Nero growled earning a gasp from the crowd. “Sorry....”

“Not my fault I am right.” Zedrick said wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

“What are you two....things.” The White Alicorn asked

“You explain, I am just done talking.” Zedrick said as he began to rummage through his bag.

“Well, your highness....We are humans. My name is Nero and this is Zedrick. He is my brother though he isn’t very bright I still stand him. I am a follower of....”

(One explanation later)

Zedrick was sitting on the ground reading one of his books and keeping his eyes trained on the words while doing his best to not ever acknowledge the ponies existence. Nero on the other hand was rather happy and smiled.

“Come on everypony! Its time for a party!” Pinkie Pie shouted

“I hate parties.” Zedrick mumbled as he ground his teeth.

“Huh?” Pinkie said with a lifted eyebrow.

“I said.” Zedrick closing his book with a small ‘Clap’ and looking at the pony. “I don’t like parties. Never have and never will.”

“Don’t like.....Does not compute, error error. Bowling shoes, Candy Corn, I LOVE LIBERTY CITY!” Pinkie said before collapsing to the ground like one of the fainting goats from earth.

“What did I break her?” Zedrick asked looking up at Nero.

“Eeyup.” Nero said plainly.

“Oh well.” Zedrick said shrugging and opening his book again.

“Is it good or bad you aren’t freaking out anymore? And aren’t you worried about mom and sir?” Nero asked nervously.

“It’s a good thing, and frankily Mom and Dad don’t really like what I do anyhow.” Zedrick said standing up. “But, if everyone is smart, they will leave me alone for a while.”

“I sense self loathing.” Nero said before turning to walk away, his weapons strapped to his back or in their holsters.

“One more word, and I will cook you from the inside out.” Zedrick said as he began to follow Nero.

“Hmm, from what I’ve seen from the show, that place up there is Canterlot, thats sugar cube corner and that tree we slammed into was the library. So we need to meet Twilight at the library and she’ll ask us some question and then we can see what to do next.” Nero explained

“Lovely. Anywhere I can sleep?” Zedrick asked as he looked up from his book.

“Probably with Twilight if all the Fanfics I’ve read are right....” Nero said.

“Uuuuugh.” Zedrick groaned. “But if it means a bed or somewhere that isn’t outside, I will be okay with it. Well what are you waiting for? Lead the way!”

“Right, fall in behind me.” Nero began to walk towards the library gathering many glances and stares from the populace. “Kinda creepy ain’t it?” He said as an eery silence fell upon the town.

“You really want my opinion?” Zedrick asked raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up Zedrick” Nero snapped

(One long walk later...)

“Hello Princess...” Nero said with a bow

“She already hates me, I am not going to say anything.” Zedrick said shrugging and rolling his neck..

“Ah Nero and....you... What a pleasant surprise!” Twilight said slightly happily, a small dragon appeared behind her.

“See, told you.” Zedrick said nudging Nero with his elbow before leaning down to look at the dragon. “So what’s with the mini dragon?”

“That’s spike, my sorta kinda son.” Twilight said with a smile

“I see... So what, did you bang a dragon or something?” Zedrick asked leaning back up and looking at Twilight. *Smack* Nero slapped him in the back of the head “Ow... It was just a question!”

“No, Zedrick, I didn’t ‘bang a dragon’.” Twilight muttered.

“Oh. Sorry about that then.” Zedrick said shrugging again.

“Whoa.....who are you and what have you done with Zedrick?” Nero joked, twilight's horn glowed

“CHANGELING!” She shouted.

“NO NO NO NO NO NO!” Nero said stepping in front of Twilight “Its just an expression!”

“Yeah, what has gotten in your mane?” Zedrick said confused.

“A changeling is a shape shifter that feeds off of emotion.” Twilight said as her horns glow dissipated.

“Oooooooh. I made of those by accident!... Then I had to burn it alive, but still.” Zedrick said scratching his head. Twilight looked horrified. “Look, It would have killed me, so I was justified killing it!”

“Heeelllllooooooo Darling! I just came to- GOOD CELESTIA! WHAT IN FUAST IS THAT?!” A Marshmallow white mare said in fear.

“CHRIST!” Zedrick shouted whipping around to look at the marshmallow pony. “Oh thank god, I thought you were another one of the familiars I never found again.”

“Wait? What is a familiar?” The Marshmallow pony asked.

“Nevermind.” Zedrick said waving his hand to clear the subject. “What is with the yelling, If I can be allowed to ask.”

“Of course, you are in Equestria and you are a new species!” Twilight said with a Squee.

“I am still not convinced about the whole ‘Friendship is magic’ thing, but it’s not so bad here.” Zedrick said.

“Let me show you something Zedrick.” Nero said before taking out his iPhone. “I got full bars? What the fuck? Anyway.....watch this...” He turned on an episode, the one where discord came back. This strange device made Twilight and the Marshmallow pony gasp.

“How do you have this on film?” Twilight asked.

“It’s science. Not shush, I am watching this thing.” Zedrick groaned as he grabbed the device and watched the video. Twenty minutes later he turned off the device and looked around before looking up at Nero and handing him his IPhone again. “You know what I think about what I just watched?” Nero looked at him expectantly. “I think it was just magic stored in those cystals and the chaotic magic tainted the others so the magic would not access them. Thusly when the chaotic magic was broken, they were able to use the crystals again.”

“Ugh you never pay attention to details. No wonder you burned my room.” Nero replied

“I fixed your room too.” Zedricj said.

“You FUCKED us! You damned us! I can only stand so much pony!” Nero roared

“Well that’s your fault, not mine. I wasn’t obsessed with a show that’s meant for little girls.” Zedrick said shrugging.

“Dude, you’re crossing a fucking line. Don’t make me hurt you.” Nero growled, Twilight and Rarity as she was now known stepped backwards nervously.

“I just got tackled by a rainbow going passed the speed of sound, I don’t think you can do much better.” Zedrick said rolling his eyes before looking back at Rarity.

“How about I kill you?” Nero said menacingly.

“Well one, you’d miss me. And two: I’d actually welcome it at this point.” Zedrick said glaring back at Nero. “So you want to put a bullet in my head! Go ahead!” Zedrick opened his arms and faced Nero with his eyes narrowed. “Go ahead and kill me.” Nero pulled his Revolver from his belt and raised it.

“Don’t make me do this, I’ll fuckin pull the trigger.” Nero Said grimly

“Go ahead! Be the monster you and mom and dad all take me for!” Zedrick hissed with his eyes starting to tear up.

“You think we call you a monster?” Nero asked, he lowered the weapon slighlty.

“What else the fuck you think they think of me!? Dad hates what I do and mom is just scared of me in general!” Zedrick shouted.

“Zedrick..... Thats not true...” Nero said.

“Yeah, whatever you say...” Zedrick said shaking his head.

“What the buck is going on here!?” Twilight asked loudly, there was a loud bang.

“FUCK! My fucking arm!” Zedrick bellowed clutching his left arm.

“SHIT! I DIDN’T MEAN TO! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!” Nero shouted as he ran over to his brother

“Mother fucking, shit licking, cock sucking, piece of a two cent whore.” Zedrick growled out as he clutched his bleeding left arm.

“God Damnit! Twilight! You made me shoot my own brother!” Nero shouted as tears started to well in his eyes.

“Fucking... Open my bag!” Zedrick shouted.

“What am I looking for?” Nero asked, he rummaged around in the bag. Twilight looked like she had failed a test so important her life depended on it.

“Well one, a small white box with a red cross on it. And second: A red and blue colored vial.” Zedrick hissed as he looked at the opening in his arm and gritted his teeth in pain.

“Got ‘em!” Nero said as he pulled out the two objects and turned to Zedrick. He smiled weakly before taking the items with his right hand and pulled the lid off the vial and slugging it’s contents, gagin afterwards, before he took off his coat and  opened the small box and pulled out a gauze and began to wrap his arm.

“Aaah god, that fucking stings.” Zedrick hissed as he tightened the bandage and looked at his handy work. He took his coat and tied it around his neck and arm to make a makeshift sling. “Okay... That hurts, but I am not going to bleed out now.”

“More good news, the bullet passed right through.” Nero said pointing to the bullet embedded in the wall.

“Oh lucky me. I get to have a hole in my arm.” Zedrick said rolling his eyes and rubbing his head with his hand. “Can we just get somewhere I can sleep now? I am fucking exhausted.”

“Yeah Twilight, what about that...” Nero began