Arbor Day

by Gravitys Rainboom

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Princess Celestia
Length: 10305

Celestia goes shopping for an Arbor Day present for Luna.

Happy Arbor Day! Yes, it's Arbor Day, and much to her horror, Celestia has forgotten to get her dearest sister a gift to celebrate this momentous holiday. Now she and a hapless guard must venture to Canterlot's market to find one before the day is out!

And yes, there will be blood.

Thanks to Professor Plum and AggroViking for editing.

Partially inspired by PhantomFox's "Sunny Skies All Day Long," and Explodium's "It Must Be Tuesday."

Published 2013-05-08 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-08 00:10:02 UTC

Arbor Day

Arbor Day

The sun’s luminescent rays peaked through the morning clouds as they invariably did almost every morning, or, in this case, at the beginning of most stories. Celestia, who consequently was the ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun (although, if you didn’t know that by now you’re way behind), stepped from her balcony and back into her ornate quarters with the futile hope that she may garner a bit of extra sleep before having to commence her royal duties.

Incidentally, many of these duties included dealing with the recently arrived Prince Blueblood, who had taken a rather expensive trip to Manehatten (funded, unbeknownst to anyone, by the Royal Treasury). As anyone who had even the remotest affiliation with the crown could tell you, that duty in itself was a hell comparable to skewering one’s eardrums with burning nails, as one hysterical royal servant had chosen to do a few weeks prior rather than deal with the pompous Prince.

So no, it was not a pleasant prospect for Celestia.

For this reason alone, the Princess rationalized that she more than deserved a few more minutes of sleep. Lying back down on her luxurious mattress, Celestia sighed contently as her head gently came to rest, and all the muscles on her neck relaxed and released any unwanted tension. Soon her eyes were closed, and she very quickly found herself in that sketchy plain between consciousness and sleep. You know the one? That moment when your body is in a state of total relaxation, and anything that happens around you in perceived as a distant memory? Well, in any case, that’s how she felt.

In fact, she was so relaxed, that she didn’t even notice a certain blue alicorn sneak her way into
her quarters.

Celestia’s breathing was deep, and her face content. She thought happy thoughts as she patiently awaited sleep to envelop her. She was in such a state of momentary bliss that a smile almost formed on her muzzle…

…almost.

“GOOD MORROW DEAREST SISTER!!!” shouted the dark blue alicorn in what most would recognize as the Royal Canterlot Voice™.

Celestia’s eyes shot open, and she stared groggily at the smiling face in front of her. “Luna,” she groaned.

Luna was jumping up in down giddily; she looked at her sibling an expression a foal might have to open presents on Hearth’s Warming Eve. In truth, this was actually almost the cause of Luna’s excitement…

…again; almost.

“HUZZAH!!!” shouted Luna joyfully, causing Celestia to wince at her sister’s volume. “WE HAD THOUGHT WAKING THOU WOULD HAVE PROVEN A MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TASK!!! BUT THOU HAVE NOW AWAKENED, AND WE MAY IMPART ON THEE THE TRADITIONAL EXCHANGE OF GIFTS!!!”

“Luna…” moaned Celestia. “Would you please speak at a lower volume? You’re going to give me a headache.”

“WHAT IS THE MATTER SISTER!?! HAST THOU TAKEN A LIBERTY OF CLEANSING THY PALLET WITH TOO MUCH WINE LAST EVENING!?! THOU MUST SURELY BE MOST FAMILIAR WITH ITS EFFECTS!?!”

“What? Of course not,” huffed Celestia, a twinge of indignation in her voice. “I am simply asking you to speak normally. You’re hurting my ears.” To illustrate this point, she rubbed her sore ears and winced.

“AH, WE APOLOGIZE SISTER, BUT WE CANNOT STOP SPEAKING AT THIS VOLUME. WE ARE MUCH TOO EXCITED!!!

“But why?” asked the Princess of the Sun as she gently nudged her sister off her. She lifted her covers, slowly climbed out of bed, lightly stretched her muscles, and lifted a comb to straighten her disheveled mane. “And what was this I heard about exchanging gifts?”

Luna scrambled off the bed in a manner not befitting a princess, and stared at Celestia like she had just asked if the moon was indeed made of cheese, before bursting out in cacophonous laughter.

Laughter loud enough to be perceived as seismic activity at Griffes University’s institute of Geographical research, causing many griffon towns in the nearby area to be evacuated.

To Celestia, it was simply the cause of a skull splitting headache.

“HOW HUMOROUS OF THOU CELESTIA. WE HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HEAR THOU JEST. THOU HAVE BEEN MUCH TOO SERIOUS OF LATE. THIS IS MOST REFRESHING. NOW, PREPARE THYSELF FOR THY GIFT!!!

Celestia looked at her broken mirror, which had been cracked by the force of Luna’s laugh, and sighed. That was a priceless two thousand year old gift from Griffons, she thought as she lamented the loss of her favorite piece of furniture. “I am not ‘jesting’ sister. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

This time Luna seemed less amused by Celestia’s confusion. “Is it not Arbor Day?” she asked worriedly. “We had checked the calendar and…we had been keeping track of the days for almost a fortnight.”

Celestia tapped her chin pensively. “Is it?” She glanced at the calendar on her night-stand and saw that it was indeed April tenth. “Oh, look at that. But what does that have to do with giving each other gifts?”

At this point, Luna looked absolutely crestfallen. “We…we had thought that Arbor Day was celebrated by giving family members gifts, and enjoying each other’s company next to a blazing hearth.”

Celestia stared at her younger sibling for a full minute before bursting out in laughter. “Oh Lulu, I’m sorry, but I think you’re confused with another holiday.”

Looked down at the floor with a miserable expression. “A-art…art thou sure?”

“Yes sister.”

“O-oh… thank you for…explaining my error Tia. We…I shall leave you to thy…your duties.” Luna turned around and made her way through out of Celestia’s room, hanging her head as she went.

Celestia looked at her sister in concern. “What’s the matter Luna? You weren’t really that excited about receiving a gift were you?”

“It is just that…since returning from my…exile…” the word ‘exile’ came out strained. “…we have not been fitting in very well. We were hoping that this holiday could be a most splendid opportunity to…reconnect with you,” she muttered quietly. “But we could not even learn Equestria’s modern holiday’s correctly. How could I be so foolish? Arbor Day…”

Celestia’s heart broke at the sight of her sister being so miserable. As much as Luna tried to hide it, it had been very evident to the Sun Princess that her sister had yet to adapt to modern times. Much to her chagrin, some of the castle servants actually feared Luna and spent most of their time actively trying to avoid her. It had been a rough couple of months for the Raiser of the Moon, and as silly as the error with holidays may have seemed to an outsider, it was still a reminder of how out of touch she was; of how alien she appeared to the rest of the ponies.

It was with this in mind that Celestia made a decision that many ponies would come to regret for the next few hours.

“Oh, did you say Arbor Day?” she asked with a big fake smile. “I thought you said…uh…Labor Day! Well of course Arbor Day is an important holiday for Equestria. How could I forget? Thank you so very much for reminding me.”

Luna just sighed and sunk her head down lower. “While thy intentions may be noble Tia, we find this gesture most patronizing.”

“Patronizing? How could you say such a thing Luna? I am not lying to you. I was planning on celebrating…um…Arbor Day for days. It just slipped my mind.”

Luna looked up at her sister with suspicion, which only caused Celestia to widen her smile. She was never very good at lying to her sister. Luna narrowed her eyes even further at this. “If thou art truly being sincere, then where is thy gift?”

Celestia blanked for a moment. “The gift? Oh! The gift. Well I have it hidden. I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise on such a momentous holiday. Just be patient until dinner and then we can exchange our gifts.”

Luna leaned in toward Celestia in a very Pinkie-esque manner. She hummed pensively and rubbed her chin as she attempted to glean even a speck of deceit on Celestia’s features. Celestia, for her part, was on the verge of sweating bullets. Years of experience (and, well, life) had allowed her to perfect her skills of deception. Not that she used them often, but the fact remained that when it came to diplomatic negotiations, she had a hell of poker face.

But it was all rendered mute when it came to Luna. The two had grown up together, and, despite the exile, the two had naturally learned each other’s ticks. Not that it was impossible for them to lie to one another; they just had to really work for it.

Still, after a few seconds of inspecting Celestia, Luna appeared satisfied and backed off. Celestia had to stop herself from sighing in relief.

“Very well Tia,” said Luna in a formal tone, before returning to one of childish excitement. “Ooh, we art most excited! We shall go prepare the meal while thou attend to thy duties. TONIGHT SHALL BE GLORIOUS!!!”

Celestia couldn’t help but cringe as her sister hopped out of her room. Luna’s cooking was less than optimal at the best at times, and hospitalizing at the worst. The Princess sighed as she lifted her to-do list from out her the drawer of her night-stand, and ripped it into little pieces. I’ve got a much more important duty to attend to today, she thought with a small smile.

With that, she rang the silver bell that she kept in her dresser, and before long, the Royal Guard that was on duty stepped into her chambers. Celestia was surprised; he was not one of the usual guards. This guard had amber colored eyes (which was the only way to tell them apart when they wore their enchanted armor), and in place of the stern, professional expression that the guards normally wore, this one looked like he was absolutely terrified, and was doing his best not to show it.

The young guard bent down to bow respectfully, but stumbled awkwardly before finding his footing. “You r-rang, your Grace?”

Ah, a new recruit, thought Celestia with a shake of her head. I must really ask Shining to update the guard manual, nopony says ‘your grace’ anymore.

“Yes I did young guard. Please, rise.” The young guard did as he was ordered but still chose to avoid eye-contact with the Princess. “I have a very important duty for you. Tell me, what is your name?”

“M-my n-name?” stuttered the soldier cleverly. His lack of coherence was to be forgiven, for at that moment, the only thought in his head happened to be: Important duty!?! That’s what they call suicide missions, right!?

“Yes, your name,” repeated Celestia patiently.

“Uh…everypony calls me P-Pen, your Grace.”

Celestia raised the eyebrow of her one visible eye. “That is what everypony calls you, but I want you’re true name.”

“Um…m-my n-name,” stuttered the soldier again.

“Yes. Your name.”

“M-my n-name is uh…P-P-Punctured A-Armor, your Grace.”

Celestia stared at the soldier in front of her in a mixture of confusion and surprise. She didn’t say anything as she tried to register what she had heard. “I’m sorry?” she finally asked.

“M-my n-name. It’s Punctured Armor,” repeated the probably bullied-a-lot-in-school stallion; his cheeks began to flush with embarrassment. “My parents aren’t the best at coming up with names.”

Nor are they the brightest of my little ponies. “Oh, what a lovely name,” answered Celestia for lack of anything better to say. “But I think I will call you Pen, is that alright?”

“Whatever you prefer, your Grace.”

“Well Pen, I have a special duty for you. I need you to accompany me to Canterlot Market so that I may purchase a gift for my dearest sister. I assume you are familiar with the market, yes?”

“Um, yes Princess. But why don’t you just send a servant? N-n-not t-that I’m q-q-questioning your judgment, your G-Grace.”

Celestia rolled her eyes at the nervous stallion. Why must they always be so intimidated by me? “This requires a more personal touch. Please, strip yourself of your armor Pen, I don’t want to attract too much attention when we get there.”

Pen blushed furiously at the Princess’ request, but she had the good grace to pretend not to notice. The stallion unbuckled the straps of the armor and shed the plates, leaving nothing but the chain mail that lay underneath. Once that was removed, the enchantment emanating from the attire deactivated, and the white stallion that had stood before Celestia was replaced with a light, navy blue earth-pony. The only things that remained consistent were his amber eyes, which weren’t affected by the armor’s charm. Pen finally slipped his helmet off to reveal a disheveled mane which happened to be the same color of his eyes.

What a handsome young stallion, thought Celestia as Pen kicked off the last bit of mail off his leg. Once the guard had stripped, Celestia closed her eyes and her horn began to glow. Before long the room was washed in a blinding white light, and the Princess was encased in a glowing aura. Pen shut his eyes and covered his ears in a vain attempt to muffle the humming noise that was emanating from the Princess. Once the commotion died down and he opened his eyes, his jaw disengaged from his face.

There, right where the Princess had been standing mere moments ago, stood an average sized white pegasus with a bright pink mane. Instead of the Royal Symbol that had previously adorned Celestia’s flanks, now was a cutie mark of a sun peaking over a pair of clouds. Despite the drastic changes to her body, the white pegasus still bore some fleeting resemblance to the Sun Princess. The change was so sudden that it took Pen a minute or so to understand what had just happened.

The poor stallion was absolutely star-struck by the mare in front of him. The way she tossed back her mane caused his stomach to churn and his face to heat up. And her eyes. Sweet Luna, her eyes! When Celestia looked at him, Pen felt a torrent of emotions that poets could only dream of experiencing. Emotions that had inspired countless of artists to create beautiful pieces of such heart-wrenching magnificence, that they had forever immortalized their creators, and placed them in the pantheon of the greatest geniuses of emotional expression. All these passions that Pen was feeling were all quantified in a single, profound thought:

She’s pretty.

Celestia inspected her new body. Once she was satisfied with the results, she looked up towards Pen and smiled.

“Just call me Sunny.”

The store was a toy shop. Dozens of wooden pegasi and carriages hung from the ceiling, while a few enchanted toy pegasi actually flew around the store, zigzagging and weaving between the strings that Canterlot market was teeming with activity that morning. More so than usual, as it was Sunday, and Sundays were widely considered the best day to shop in the city’s bazaar-like plaza.

The main square was positively bursting at the seams with an overwhelmingly large amount of ponies. Among them wandered Sunny and Pen, both trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible while they searched for Luna’s gift. The white pegasus and blue earth-pony were walking whither to whither, and while Celestia was busy enjoying the sights and sounds of her magnificent city, Pen was slightly preoccupied with more nerve wracking thoughts.

Oh dear Luna, SHE’S TOUCHING ME!!! Okay Pen, calm down. Just remember your training. Don’t think of her as a gorgeous mare. Think of her as a gorgeous princess. Gah! That’s not helping! Deep breathes, take deep breathes. Oh Tartarus, just don’t think of anything risqué, like holding hooves. Or kissing. Or making-out, smooching, SUCKING FACE, SNOGGING, TOUCHING…SALIVA!!! GAH!!! What on earth could she be thinking!?!

Meanwhile, in Celestia’s mind:

My word, why is Pen hyperventilating so much? We haven’t walked for more than twenty minutes. I must review the training regimen for the guards. They seem to be getting more out of shape every year.

Back in Pen’s mind:

Alright Pen, there is no doubt about it anymore, the Princess is coming on to you. She must be planning a way to seduce you. This is not good. Don’t freak out! Keep calm, and take deep breathes; I don’t think she’s noticed that I’m freaking out yet. If she tries anything, just make something up. Say you’re married or something. Yeah, that’s it. ‘I’m sorry your grace, but I cannot make-out with you because I’m married.’ Yeah, nice and cool like that.

Celestia turned to address her companion. “So Pen, are you native to Canterlot?”

“I’M MARRIED!!!”

Celestia took a step back from Pen in surprise, while other ponies in the market were giving them odd looks. Pen, for his part, blinked and shrunk down self-consciously.

“Uh…very well,” said Celestia rather uncertainly.

“Sorry,” muttered Pen as he rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I’m not from Canterlot.”

“Yes, I thought so.”

“Really, how’d you figure…uh, your grace?”

Celestia pointed to her forehead.

“Oh, right,” murmured the guard. “Earth-pony.”

“And I thought I told you to call me Sunny? We’re trying to be discrete, remember.”

“Sorry, your grace.”

Celestia laughed and jabbed the wound-up guard playfully. She was so happy to be able to forgo much of the stuffy tradition and showiness of the noble class. She rarely ever got to behave so casually, and she was finding the experiencing thoroughly cathartic. I should celebrate Arbor Day more often, she mused. She looked over to Pen, who had a light blush tinting his cheeks. My, he is cute.

“So, you said you were married?” asked Celestia as she glanced around the food stalls that stood along the street. “What’s your wife’s name?”

Pen panicked. Oh Luna! She’s on to me! Oh why couldn’t I have just said I was gay? Wait a minute…that’s it!

“Actually, I’m gay,” said Pen confidently. His new plan was absolutely foolproof.

Celestia raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Really now? Well what’s your husband’s name then?”

Dammit!

“Uh…” Pen looked around desperately for an idea. They had entered the produce section of the market. The stalls which surrounded them were laced with fruits and vegetables from all over the world. The air was rich with the aroma of exotic spices. The stands sold everything from saffron and truffles from the Kingdom of Gryphe, to bananas and passion fruit from the jungles of Zebraica. Only the best was sold here. It was a gourmet chef’s dream come true. But, as far as Pen was concerned, it was absolutely useless. Still, the Princess was waiting, and he needed a name.

“H-his n-name?”

“Yes,” said Celestia with a roll of her eyes. “His name.”

“H-his n-name is…Mango…Spice.” Pen actually cringed when the words left his lip. I. Am. An. Idiot, he thought as he resisted the urge to face-hoof.

However, if Celestia noticed the absurdity of the name, she said nothing. “How nice,” she said with a smile. “And have you two been together long?”

“Well um…he…you see he…uh…” Hold on, I got it! “…the thing is, he’s dead.”
Celestia looked horrified. “Oh no! I’m so sorry Pen.”

“Yeah well, you know, stuff happens,” said Pen airily with a dismissive wave of his hoof. “Hey, look at that.” Pen hastily made his way to one of the shops along the cobbled street in an attempt to avoid pursuing that line of inquiry any further. Celestia was left standing flabbergasted in the middle of the street, before following the blue earth pony into the shop.

When they walked through the front door, they saw that the store was a toy shop. A massive model train track, which ran around the entire length of the shop, featured multiple trains moving up and down its track, each one spewing white smoke as it ran. The walls were full of cupboards stuffed to their brims with balls, stuffed animals, dolls, action figures, and board games. Finally, the store was populated by an endless sea of foals, each one playing with one of the various items the store had to offer.

Celestia looked around the environment rather uncertainly. “I don’t think I could find anything for Luna in here.”

“How about a stuffed animal?” offered Pen.

Celestia picked up picked one of the many stuffed animals that were on sale. It was a standard teddy bear with a red bow tie. “It seems a little…trite, don’t you think? Surely not something dignified for Royalty on such a momentous holiday.”

“You mean Arbor Day?” deadpanned Pen.

“Touché.”

“Oh come on your gr- I mean, Sunny. Everyone likes a good teddy bear . Besides, it’s the thought that counts, right?”

Celestia stared at the stuffed bear pensively. “I suppose you’re right.” With the toy in hoof, she approached the cashier, followed closely by Pen. “Hello,” she greeted the stallion working behind the counter. “I’d like to make a purchase.”

“Sure,” said the very exhausted looking employee as he examined the toy. “That’ll be ten bits.”

“Ten bit? Hmmm, I’ll give you two bits for it,” replied Celestia.

Both the cashier and Pen blinked in confusion.

“Uh no,” said the cashier with a frown. “The price is ten bits.”

“This cannot be worth one bit, let alone ten. I’ll pay you two bits for it.”

“Look lady, I don’t make the prices. If you want the stupid toy then pay the ten bits and get out.”

Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “Very well, I shall offer three bits, but I will not go any higher.”

“Sunny, what are you doing?” asked Pen nervously.

“No,” muttered the stallion through gritted teeth, his irritation becoming very apparent. “It. Is. Ten. Bits.”

“I am sorry, but three bits is my final offer,” declared Celestia.

The stallion behind the counter gave an exasperated sigh. “Alright, let me make something perfectly clear,” he growled. “I have to wake up every morning at five A bucking M, just so I can come to work on time. Then I have to deal with snot nosed brats with enough sugar pumping through their veins to kill an elephant, and their pompous parents. I do all this, so I can make minimum wage and pay my way through college, so I can then cram for a three to five hour exam I have to take on a Saturday. So the last thing I need is some mare trying to con her way to a lower price. So I say this one more time: It’s ten bits. Pay or I’ll have you thrown out.

“Just give him the money, Sunny."

“Don’t be absurd Pen,” said Celestia. “He can’t throw us out.”

“I can’t believe he threw us out!”

Roughly ten seconds later, Celestia and Pen found themselves sitting on their rumps, just outside
the toy store. Pen stood up and rubbed his sore backside. “Yeah, who would have thought a toy store would have such intense security.”

Celestia didn’t listen; she just continued to rant angrily to herself. “That fool didn’t even try to haggle. He just set a price and honestly expected us to pay at face value! The nerve.”

“Wait, you were trying to haggle?”

“Of course.”

“Why would you do that?” Pen snapped. He didn’t mean to. It was just that the security guards had been less than gentle when showing them the way out, to Pen especially.

“It is customary, isn’t it?”

The guard gave Celestia a puzzled look. “No, it isn’t.”

The Princess looked surprised. “It…it isn’t?”

Pen shook his head. “Not in Canterlot it isn’t. Heck, I don’t think they do it in major cities anymore. The only places they still haggle in are in small, backwater towns.”

“Oh.” A look of realization splayed itself on Celestia’s face, and she wilted somewhat. “Oh,” she murmured, her ears splaying back.

“Celestia,” said Pen somewhat concerned. “How often do you get out of the castle?”

Celestia scuffled the floor with her hoof and lowered her head in embarrassment. “Not…not as often as I would like.” She gave a long, miserable sigh. “Now I know how Luna feels,” she mumbled.

Pen felt his chest tighten at the sight of Celestia so down. He lifted her chin up with his hoof, looked into her eyes, and gave her a small sigh. “Hey now, it’s okay,” he said softly. “Here, would you like to go get some ice cream?”

Celestia gave the guard and annoyed look and sorted. “I’m not a foal… but yes, some ice cream would be nice,” she mumbled resentfully.

Pen beamed at the Princess and the two walked wither to wither down the street and towards the ice cream shop. As they did so, an alarming thought passed through the stallion:

DID I JUST ASK THE PRINCESS OUT ON A DATE!?!

Both Pen and Princess Celestia sat at a local ice-cream shop, with the former staring at the latter with an expression conveying fear, horror, awe, and maybe a little infatuation. For while had Pen ordered a standard cone of vanilla, Celestia, not one to be above drowning her sorrows in comfort food (as her weekly midnight cake raids had demonstrated) ordered the largest thing on the menu: the understatedly titled, ‘Large Banana Split.’ This dish consisted of over a dozen bananas, ten kilos of ice-cream, and thousands upon thousands of sprinkles. The entire dish was roughly the size of a large stallion, and would even give Pinkie Pie a run for her money. Not surprisingly, the poor teenaged colt behind the counter had nearly passed out when ‘Sunny’ had placed her order.

What was surprising was that she had actually managed to finish the meal…

…in less than fifteen minutes.

“Wow…you…uh…you eat fast,” said Pen reverently.

Celestia blushed in embarrassment (which Pen found so adorable he nearly contracted diabetes on the spot, not unlike how most patrons would after attempting to conquer the 'Large Banana Split'), and dropped the spoon into her empty bowl. “Sorry. Sugar just calms me when I’m upset.”

“Yeah, I get it.” The two sat before each other, each trying to avoid each other’s glances as an air of awkwardness quickly descended upon the table. “So…uh…you never really…you know…answered my question.”

“And what question would that be?” asked Celestia.

“How often do you get out of the castle?”

Celestia sighed and rested her cheek on her hoof. “I leave very often, it’s just…I rarely have time for myself.” She looked around the ice-cream shop in amazement. “I must say, I am shocked to see how much Canterlot as grown.” She groaned before placing her face on the table. “It just reminds me how out of touch I am. Of course ponies don’t haggle anymore. How foolish of me…”

Pen frowned. “Now don’t say that. Come on, it was just an honest mistake. I mean, you’re the ruler of an entire country! I think you deserve to be cut some slack.”

Celestia gave stallion a puzzled look. “Cut me some what?”

“Er…never mind.”

“Well, this day has been a disaster. Let’s just head to the castle. I’ll have to come clean to Luna.”

Celestia groaned. “It’ll devastate her.”

“Come on now! We can’t give up,” huffed Pen resolutely. “This is too important to quit now.

This…wait, what was this present for again?”

“Arbor Day,” deadpanned the Princess.

Pen just stared at the Princess. “O…kay. Well, in any case, we can’t give up now!”

Celestia gave Pen a small smile. “Very well.” She stood up and stretched her wings. “Thank you Pen. This was nice.”

Pen’s pupils shrunk, and his face erupted into an ardent blush. ‘This was nice’!? What the heck does that mean!? Does this mean it was a date? Oh Celestia! I’m dating Celestia!!!

Fortunately for the hapless soldier, Celestia didn’t notice his change in demeanor, as no sooner did he help motivate her that she was heading out the door (the rear view of the Princess did little to quell Pen’s blush). The guard scrambled off the chair, and hurried to catch up her majesty.

The two returned to Canterlot’s day-long Sunday market and continued searching for a gift fit for the Princess of the Moon. Before long, Celestia stopped to marvel at a flower stand, which featured some of the most exotic specimens she had seen in many years.

Magnificent bushels of Zebriacan ‘Kuimba’ roses (also known as the singing flower) played a soft, pleasant tune, which was carried by the city’s gentle breeze. Luminescent, green Flint-Woods swayed from side to side as if alive, their sweet scent clouding the stall. But there was one type of flower that caught her eye.

The Viola bulla, more commonly known as the ‘Bubble Flower’ was among the rarest of the world’s vegetation. The plant, a native to the Changeling Badlands and, to a lesser extent, the Everfree forest, was most known for the thin layer of membrane that surrounds the flower, giving it the appearance of being encased in a bubble. Within this membrane was the actual flower, a green, web-like plant that twisted within the bubble. Although Celestia had never personally seen it, it is said that the seed let out a blue glow in the dark, giving it it’s second, less common nickname of ‘Midnight Kiss.’

They were absolutely perfect.

“Excuse me, how much for a dozen of these?” asked Celestia to the zebra behind the counter.

“I am sorry, young pegasus in white,” said the zebra with a shake of his head. “But someone has placed an order for all my flowers of midnight.”

“Oh no!”

“Are you sure you don’t have any in the back?” asked Pen.

The zebra gave the stallion a curious look. “Please don’t take me for some sort of a hack, but this is a simple counter, and I have no ‘back.’”

“Oh…uh…right.”

Celestia sighed. “I thought we were so close.”

“Don’t worry Celes- er… Sunny. We’ve still got all day. Here look, there’s a stall selling some spices. Does Luna like to cook?”

“Hmmm…she does like cooking quite a bit. As a matter of fact, she’s seemed quite enthralled with modern culinary sciences since she’s gotten back; although, here results can be…less than optimal…

…which was a diplomatic way of saying that the two poor souls that actually tried her highness’ cooking nearly died of food poisoning.

“See? I’m sure you can get something here. Excuse me, what kind of spices can you offer us?”

The burly gray stallion behind the counter jumped up in surprise and spun around, glaring at Pen.
“Oy! Can’t ye see we’re closed, ye blue pipsqueak!?”

“B-but there’s no c-closed sign.”

The muscly vendor glared at the off–duty guard and pulled out a closed sign from under the counter. “Are ye blind!? It’s right here.”

“B-but you just pulled that from under the c-counter?”

“Are you callin’ me a liar?” seethed the store owner as he grabbed Pen and pulled him close.

“I-I-I-I… n-no I-I…”

“We’re sorry we bothered you, we were just looking for some spices.”

“What part of closed don’t ye understaaaaaa-wow!” The shop owner’s sneer instantly dropped to a stunned expression when he caught a site of Celestia. He absentmindedly dropped Pen, who landed on his rump with a loud *thump*, and put on the most amiable face he could manage.

“Why of course dearie! Ah’d be more than happy tah help a lovely lass such as yerself.”

“Gee, you sure became eager to help all of a sudden,” grumbled Pen as he rubbed his sore backside.

“The day you get a face like hers, come see how hospitable I can be,” growled the shopkeeper before putting on another charming smile for the Princess. “Now lass, the name’s Checkered Spice, how can I help ye?”

“I was just looking for some cooking spices,” explained Celestia as she looked over the merchandise. “What can you offer?”

“Lass, ye should be asking what ah can’t offer!” boomed Checkered with a laugh. “Ah’ve got every kind of spice, pepper, and chilli from The Badlands to Trottingham. Check out these babies.” He picked out one of the bouquets of red peppers hanging from his stand. “Just got them from Zitutu over there, straight from Zebriaca.”

“It’s Zithkulu,” grumbled the Zebra at the flower stand.

“Ah, same difference. Anyways, ye crack them open and ye use the powder inside as a salt, while the skin can be used for a broth. That’s two spices fer the price of one, ah can guarantee ye won’t find a deal like that elsewhere, lass.”

“Money is not an issue,” explained Celestia. “In fact, I’m looking for something… special. It’s a special day after all.”

“Hmmmm,” hummed the spice vendor as she twiddled his horseshoe mustache. “Ah got it! Just gimme a second.” Checkered Spice rummaged through a part of his merchandise under the cart (the part generally referred to as ‘junk’), muttering swears of such profanity that Celestia, as a member of Royalty, couldn’t help but wonder what they meant. Eventually the bulky stallion popped back up holding a wooden box. “Here we are.” He unlocked the latch and lifted the polished lid to reveal a small sac.

“This here, lass, is powdered Ice-Dragon Pepper.” He poured out the silver dust onto a piece of paper and handed it to Celestia. “It’s the rarest spice ah’ve got. There’s the technical term for a product like that in this business: ‘really bloody hot!’”

Pen wrinkled his nose at the powder. “This doesn’t look that bad.”

“Not that bad!? That there is one of the spiciest damn powders on the planet! Ain’t that right Zitata?”

The zebra paused from arranging his flowers and nodded. “Not to be crass, but a sprinkling of Ice-Dragon Pepper will kick your stomach’s ass.”

“You see? It’s darn dangerous it is”

“How dangerous?” asked Pen suspiciously.

“Er…well…griffon assassins used to use untreated peppers as a… poison in large quantities.”

Celestia and Pen stared at Checkered in shocked disbelief.

“Don’t worry! It’s perfectly safe, ah promise. Just so long as you use it in small quantities, and
keep it away from your eyes or any cuts, and you’ll be fine.”

“I wouldn’t want Luna using anything potentially dangerous…” But then again, it’s not like she needs the help a pepper to make her food hazardous…

Seriously, Luna’s cooking is pretty much lethal; so much so that the servants of the castle came up with their own motto for dealing with it: ‘Friends don’t let friends eat her highness’ cooking.’

“…what do you think, Pen.”

Pen inspected the silver powder on Celestia’s hoof closely. “Well it looks nice enough. And it doesn’t smell half bad.”

Curious, Celestia took a light sniff of the spice. It had a mild, tangy aroma to it that was quite nice. Humming pleasantly, Celestia took another sniff. Her snout wrinkled as she breathed in a little bit of the dust.

“Ah…Ahh…ACHOO!”

Celestia, Checkered Spice, and Zithkulu all gawked at Pen nervously as he blinked and squinted in confusion.

Why are they looking at me at that? Why are my eyes itching? What’s this silver stuff on my face? Where did the Ice-Dragon gooooo- oh… uh oh.

As a dozen surprisingly calm thoughts raced through the young guards mind, everyone looked at each other nervously.

“Uh…how are you feeling Pen?” asked Celestia.

Pen blinked a few more times and rubbed his face as he tried to remove the spice that the Princess had sneezed into his eyes. He looked down at the powder on his hoof and shrugged. “Not… bad actually.”

Celestia sighed in relief.

“What!” cried out Checkered furiously. “Oh ah knew that bloody griffon was rippin’ me off! Never should ‘av trusted the damn buzzard. Last time ah buy product from that part of town let me tell yo-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRGH!!!”

“…oh, there we go. Just took a second to kick in,” chuckled the vendor with a shake of his head as Pen flailed his forelegs wildly and ran around in pain.

The pain that Pen was currently experiencing was of a such excruciating nature, that no conjuncture of words would be able to properly do it justice. However, despite how herculean the task may be, this author will attempt to do so regardless.

Imagine getting kicked in your genitals, but for your eyes…
…
…and the boot is tipped with spikes.
…
…and acid.

Pen continued screaming and running around in a panic, while Celestia and a group of nearby ponies tried to calm the panicked guard.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CELESITA THIS HURTS!!! MAYBE…MAYBE BLINKING’LL HELP!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRGH!!!”

It did not.

And that’s the story of a how Pen, an unassuming guard from the country, had the distinction of being the first pony in two-thousand years to learn the Royal Canterlot Voice™.

Celestia stared on helplessly as the stallion barreled through stalls and produce in his panic, sending pieces of fruit and vegetable, and in some cases ponies, flying into the air.

“We’ve got to help him!” she fretted.

“Don’t worry lass; this happens more often than you’d think. I’ll fix this.”

“Do you have some sort of potion to help with the pain.”

“Er…somethin’ like that…”

The large spice vendor pulled out at rather intimidating two by four from under his counter, and walked behind the shrieking guard.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”

*THUNK*

Pen collapsed onto the ground, a cartoonish bump slowly rising from the back of his head.

“Bugger! This muppet’s got a thick skull I’ll tell ye that.”

Celestia rushed to Pen and held the dazed stallion in her forelegs.

“Pen. Pen! Are you alright? Say something!”

Pen dazedly gazed up at the angelic white face looking down at him.

“Pretty pony princess,” he giggled before passing out.

Celestia tried shaking him awake, but it was no use.

“Well…er…that’s somthin’ you don’t see every day,” muttered Checkered awkwardly. “Soooo…this may be a bad time, but that’ll be three-hundred bits please.”

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

“Ow!”

“Oh stop squirming, you big baby! It’s just a little alcohol is all. Now why in the world would you throw a spice in your eyes anyways?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” muttered Pen sarcastically. “It just seemed like so much fun.”
The nurse jabbed him hard in his side, eliciting a high-pitched (and not very masculine) squeal.

“There’s no need to be snippy! I was only asking.”

“Will he be alright, nurse?” asked Celestia from a corner of the emergency room.

“Oh he’ll be fine, sweetie. I’ve worked here for over thirty years. I know what I’m doing. Believe me, it’s just a minor bump on the back of his head, nothing to cry about. ” The nurse finished wrapping a bandage around the stallions head, and backed up to admire her work. “And done. There you go, boy. Good as new.”

Pen hopped of the steel table and rubbed his head awkwardly. The bandage matted down his fur and made his scalp itch. “Was it really necessary to use this stupid thing?” asked the colt, gesturing to the small band around his right hoof hooked up to a nearby heart monitor.

“It’s standard procedure. If you don’t like it then maybe you can save yourself the trouble and not throw a dangerous, corrosive powder into your eyeballs. How’s that sound?”

“Thank you nurse,” said Celestia, ignoring the banter between the two.

“Oh it’s no problem, sweetie. It’s my job after all. Just try to keep that coltfriend of yours out of anymore trouble.”

Pen’s face heated up so much that his newly applied gauze threatened to burst into flames.

“Coltfriend!? We…I…she…she’s not…but I… w-we’re just f-friends!”

“Is that so?” asked the nosy nurse skeptically. “Well, such a pity. You two sure make a cute couple.”

Smoke began rising from Pen’s slowly burning mane. His eyes frantically glanced over to Celestia, and was surprised to see a small blush tinting her bashful smile.

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Celestia and the nurse started in alarm.

“Dear Celestia! Your heart’s stopped!” cried out the nurse.

Pen wasn’t paying attention. He was too preoccupied drooling over the Princess. She’s adorable, he thought with the last few seconds of life he had left.

“Pen!”

The smitten guard was snapped out of his daze when the Princess called him.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

“Huh? Oh I’m fine, I’m fine,” assured the guard, trying to keep his growing blush from lighting fire to his fur.

“What was that all about?” asked Celestia in concern. Her soft eyes were almost enough to cause Pen’s heart to stop again.

“Ah stupid machine,” complained the nurse as she bucked the heart-monitor. “Crummy thing’s always been on the fritz. Now, away with you before your heart stops again.”

Not needing to be told twice, the Princess and the guard uttered their final goodbyes and promptly left the hospital.

“I’m sorry about all this, Pen,” muttered Celestia as the two strolled down one of the capitals cobbled roads. “I never wanted you to get hurt.”

“It’s not your fault, your grace. Besides, it’s just some eye drops every twelve hours, it’s not that big a deal.”

“That’s not the point. I should have just told Luna thee truth and spared everyone the trouble. Come, you can escort me to the castle.”

Pen’s recently battered heart went out to the crestfallen Princess. “We can’t give up now. I mean sure, I was almost permanently blinded and hit on the head…” HARD “…but that doesn’t mean we can’t keep looking. What’s a little minor brain damage? I’m up for it!”

Celestia snorted before quickly covering her mouth with her hoof to conceal her giggle. Seeing the white pegasus smile warmed Pen’s chest, and he too sported a rather silly grin.

“You’re funny, Pen. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Positive,” answered the guard with a resolute nod.

“Well…alright then. I suppose we can try one more time.”

The pair cantered down the nameless streets until they found themselves back in the market. Passing by the shops, the two looked high and low for a gift for the Princess. Alas, high and low was neither high nor low enough, and by the time they had inspected every nook and cranny of the square they had diddly-squat to show for it.

“That was exhausting,” sighed Celestia, plopping her rump on the sidewalk. “I can’t believe we didn’t find anything!” I don’t remember shopping for gifts to be this tiring.

“I’m sorry, your gra- Sunny. If you want we could go back to the castle.”

The white Princess was about to accept, when she noticed a slightly dilapidated building on the corner of the street.

“South-Canterlot Animal Shelter… what about that store, did we go there yet?”

“Uh… I don’t think so.”

“Well then,” groaned the Princess as she stood up and stretched to her pop her joints. “Let’s go take a look.” Wearing a confident smile, Celestia led the wary guard to the animal shelter. She had a feeling that this was going to be it…

…once again: almost.

While the outside of the building was rundown, the interior was anything but; rather, it was all very clean, orderly, and nicely decorated. The only thing that was a tad uncomfortable was the smell. The odor of wet dog caused Celestia to wrinkle her nose, and Pen to not so subtly gag and dry-heave.

“Welcome to South-Canterlot Animal Shelter,” beamed a unicorn behind the front desk. “I’m Spot, how may I help you?” Curiously enough, this gray mare had a brown spot over left eye, and wore a red dog collar. In fact, the duo almost mistook her for a dog until they saw the horn on her forehead.

“Hello…er…Spot, my name is Sunny. My coltfriend and I are looking for a pet for my sister.” It took Celestia a second, but when she realized what she had said her eyes widened and a blush spread across her cheeks. The effect produced was not unlike that of a record being scratched. “I mean friend! Not coltfriend, just friend!”

Pen, meanwhile, was pretty sure his heart stopped all over again. That or his face spontaneously combusted. He was not sure which, but it was definitely one of those two.

Spot gave the two a curious look before shrugging. “Certainly, come with me to the back and you can see some of the critters that are up for adoption.”

The two followed Spot past the desk and through a back door, both trying desperately to avoid eye contact.

The walls of the back room were lined with cages from top to bottom, each one housing some adorable little creature inside. It was like being in a cuteness factory. Puppies, kittens, bunnies, mice, even a baby elephant all resided in the animal shelter, much to their surprise. They were all stretching out to them, looking up with the most adorable little eyes.

“So what kind of pet are you looking for?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” admitted Celestia. “Something small, I suppose. Oh, and that’s not too time consuming to care for.”

“I think I have just the thing.” Spot opened a nearby cage and returned holding a small ball of black fur in her hooves. When Celestia leaned in to take a closer look, a pair of ears popped out from the ball of fur. Before she realized what was going on, she found herself staring down at a dark kitten.
The little kitten gave a quiet meow and looked up at the white pegasus with big, a-d'awww-able blue eyes.

The Princess’ heart melted at the sight.

She picked him up in her hooves, and he purred happily.

“Ooooh,” cooed the Princess as the kitten licked her hoof affectionately. “He’s absolutely perfect!
Isn’t he adorable, Pen?”

“He sure is.”

“Do you want to hold him?” Celestia gently handed the kitten over to Pen.

D’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw, squee’d the stallion. He didn’t know why, but holding the cute ball of fluff filled him with joy.

It was short lived.

The kitten suddenly hissed at Pen, swiping his claw at the pony’s startled face.

“Gah!” The soldier reeled back and stretched the fidgeting feline as far away from his face as he could. “What’s wrong?” he asked as if the cat could answer.

To no one’s surprise, he didn’t, and instead continued squirming in Pen’s grip, slashing and hissing at the stallion.

“My, that’s odd. I’ve never seen any of the critters behave so aggressively. They’re usually really docile.”

Before Pen could say something witty and sarcastic, the kitten leapt from his hooves and landed on his face.

“GAH!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!” he screeched as the feline furiously clawed his face.

“Pen!” cried out Celestia in alarm. “Quick, you’ve got to do something!”

“I don’t *Bark* know what *Bark* *Bark* to do!” shouted Spot. “This never *Bark* *Bark* happened before *Bark*!”

“Are… ow… you… argh… barking!?” asked Pen as he tried to pry the kitten off his scratched up face.

“Sorry *Bark*! It’s a tick I get when *Bark* *Bark* *Bark* I’m nervous!”

“Just… gah… do… eeh… SOMETHING!” That was the last thing Pen managed to say before the sweet, adorable, gentle, kind-hearted, psychotic kitten lunged at his eyes.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!”

Fun Fact: Pen’s wail was so high-pitched that it caused exactly 287 monocles to shatter in Canterlot alone.

Pen thrashed his head back and forth, trying to get the demonic tartarus-spawn off his face. It was no use, the evil feline whipped from side to side, but his claws stayed deep in Pen’s cheeks. Desperate, the stallion began smashing his head against the wall, and while this did succeed in giving him a rather unpleasant headache, it did little to deter the kitten. The animals in the cages were in frenzy, roaring, barking, and shrieking as they ran around inside the confines of the bars. Pen eventually gave in and resigned himself to just flail around wildly, screaming and praying for a miracle.

What he got instead was not quite he was expecting.

The guard tripped backwards and smacked against the master lock switch for all the cages in the shelter.

To this day, intellectuals still debate the purpose of why a simple animal shelter would have such a needlessly extravagant thing as a ‘Master Lock Switch’ for the cages, but this debate is sadly dwarfed by the more contested debate of how an animal shelter could afford such a gadget in the first place.

In any case, all every cage door suddenly swung open. The animals looked at each other, a calm overcoming the room as disbelief settled over them. Sadly, this calm was all too brief.

It was utter bedlam. Animals scurried around the floor, jumping and clawing their way through every nook and cranny of the shelter. Spot scrambled around trying to sooth the creatures, while Celestia did her best to help. Cabinets were knocked over, glass was shattered, and lawyers miles away were salivating at the possible lawsuits over property damage.

The animals got over their new found freedom quickly enough though, and eventually focused all their efforts on a single, mutual objective.

Said objective happened to be attacking Pen.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!”

“So I *Bark* take it *Bark* *Bark* that you’re friend’s special *Bark* talent ain’t exactly animal *Bark* care, is it?”

“OW!”

“I said quit squirming! But then again I also told you not to get hurt again and look how well you followed that advice!”

“It wasn’t my fault!”

“Oh, so I take it the animals all just suddenly attacked you for no reason at all?”

“Yes!”

“Right, and I’m Princess Celestia in disguise. Argh look at this, you even managed to screw your head up worse.”

“Well it didn’t help that an elephant grabbed me by the neck with his trunk and smashed me against a wall!”

“You know, the least you could do is come up with believable lies.”

Celestia watched in bemusement as the nurse began re-applying bandages to Pen’s battered head “Thank you for helping again… nurse?”

“Tendercare, and it’s no problem, dearie,” assured Tendercare, her voice sweet as honey as she finished up with Pen’s cast.

“Your name is Tendercare?”

The nurse slapped Pen, hard. “That’s right! And if you come in here again with so much as a bloody papercut, I will strangle you. Understood?”

Pen nodded and whimpered as he nursed his red cheek.

“Good now you two lovebirds get out before I decide to slap this fool again.”

Pen and Celestia didn’t even try to argue the point of being lovers, and just walked (or in Pen’s case, hobbled) out of the hospital. The guard was certainly a site. Bandages covered his face and limbs along with dozens of cuts and bruises. To make matters worse, one of his back legs was entirely encased in a cast.

“I’m so sorry about everything, Pen. This is all my fault.”

“Of course it isn’t, Celestia,” assured the guard, not even bothering to use her ruler’s new alias.

“Yes it is, I should have just told Luna the truth and avoided all this trouble. And even after all that we still couldn’t find anything for her. She’s going to be so heart-broken,” Celestia despaired, hanging her head miserably.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep looking.” A small part of him prayed that, for the sake of his well-being, she said no; but that part was quickly smothered to death by the part of him that wanted to see her happy.

Celestia sighed dejectedly. “No thank you, Pen. I think I just want to head back to the castle.”
Pen hated seeing Celestia so dismal. Trying to think of a way to cheer her up, a brilliant idea popped into his head.

“Hey,” he said, nudging her withers with his. “It’s such a beautiful day, what say we do something for a little while? Wanna go to the park?”

“The…park?”

“Yeah, you know, the park? I was just thinking we don’t have to go back to the castle. And I noticed that you were having so much fun exploring the city that we could stay here a little longer.” The guard became meek. “Uh… you know… if you want to, your grace.” Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

Celestia thought about it for a moment before smiling demurely at the stallion. “That sounds lovely, Pen.”

WOOHOO, she said yes!

The two headed straight there for Crescent Park, eventually arriving to a fenced off meadow in the middle of the city. The duo walked down a gravel path that ran along a small lake, making sure to keep their distance from a group of ducklings, for Pen’s sake. They soon came to rest on a wooden bench under the shade of a nearby tree, watching a nearby group of foals play with a Frisbee.

“So Pen, how long have you been a guard for?”

“Er… not long, I’m still a rookie.”

“So how long?”

“Well… you know… time is relative so-”

“Pen,” interrupted Celestia with a laugh. “How long?”

“This is my first day,” admitted the soldier in embarrassment.

Celestia’s eyes widened in surprise. “My… what a first day. I’m so sorry.”

“No!” Pen cringed at his sudden outburst. “I mean, no don’t be sorry. I had a great time… you know, minus the head trauma and whatnot.”

Celestia giggled at that. “Well I’m glad.” There was an awkward lull as the two struggled to think of something to say. “So what made you want to become a guard?” asked Celestia finally.

Pen shrugged. “My dad was a guard, you know how it is, wanted to follow in his hoofsteps and all that. Besides, working on the turnip farm in Ponyville with my cousin and my aunt wasn’t all that profitable, so I decided to come as soon as I was old enough. I actually heard my cousin was here in Canterlot, so I should visit him soon.”

“Any siblings?”

“Nah, only child,” said Pen with a wave of his hoof. The two quickly fell into awkward silence, or at least it was awkward for Pen. Celestia was quite content resting under the shade. “What about you!?” blurted out Pen, trying restart the conversation.

“What about me what?” asked the Princess, unfazed by her companion’s outburst.

“Do you have any… uh… siblings?”

Celestia gave Pen a puzzled look. It only took a couple seconds before a hoof slowly founded itself pressed against his face.

“Right… Luna,” muttered the soldier. Idiot.

“It’s okay,” snickered the Princess before sighing. “I should have told her the truth. She’s going to be so disappointed, and it’s going to be my fault. Thousands of years of experience and ‘wisdom’ and I still act like such a fool.”

“I don’t think you’re a fool.”

“Of course I am, I convinced my sister that Arbor Day was an important national holiday.”

“Well, yeah, that was a little silly,” admitted Pen. “But you only did it because you loved her and wanted to see her happy. I don’t think that makes you foolish, I think that makes you a good sister.”

Celestia looked up at the guard sitting next to her and smiled softly. “Thank you, Pen. That was very sweet.”

Pen blushed bashfully and rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah… well… you know…”

“So let me ask you, did you work on this turnip farm with your late husband, or was it just you?” Celestia’s tone was playful, and you smirked knowingly at the soldier.

Pen couldn’t help but cringe. “Caught on to that, huh?”

“I’ve been around a while. Are you even gay?”

Pen squirmed. “Uh… see thing is… er… again, it’s all relative and… em… no.”

“Then why lie?” inquired the Princess, genuinely curious.

“I was nervous, so I kind of panicked.”

Celestia giggled. “You are a silly colt, Pen.”

“Heh, guilty as charged.”

The two rested stayed resting on the bench, watching ponies as they walked by and occasionally chatting. The duo briefly wondered why the sun wasn’t dipping under the horizon before Celestia suddenly remembered her Royal duties.

“Come on, Pen,” she said gracefully slid off the bench. “I believe it’s time I head back and confront my sister.”

“Okay, and don’t worry Princess, I’m sure your sister will understand.”

Celestia smiled. “Thank you.”

As they stretched and prepared to leave the park, a nearby colt threw his toy Frisbee towards his friend. The child missed his target, and Pen and Celestia watched as the plastic disk sailed through the sky and headed towards their tree…

…and hit a bee’s hive directly above Pen.

As the guard watched the cone-shaped break off the branch and fall towards him, he couldn’t help but sigh. Murphy you son-of-a-bi-

*SPLAT*

Intense pain and screaming soon followed.

“AGAIN!?! WHAT DID I TELL YOU!?”

“I can expla- ARGH!”

Celestia sighed and facehoofed as Tendercare strangled a puffed-up and red Pen.

The white alicorn stood at the doorway to the dining hall. She sadly observed her sister, who was sitting inside, giddy with excitement and oblivious to Celestia.

After the Princess managed to convince Tendercare to not murder Pen, the nurse agreed to once again treat the battered guard. Before long Celestia and a very bandaged up Pen returned to the castle. After returning to her original alicorn form and lowering the sun to make way for her sister’s moon, the Princess of the day spent the rest of her time until dinner fretting over how to confront Luna.

Celestia sighed. There was no use in putting it off any longer. With on last weary glance at her sister, the Princess trudged into the dining room, head hanging low.

“SISTER, THOU HATH FINALLY ARRIVED!!!” greeted Luna in the signature Royal Canterlot Voice™. “WE WERE WORRIED THAT THOU FORGOT!!!”

“Listen Lulu, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“THERE WILL BE TIME FOR THAT LATER, TIA. NOW WE HAVE FAR MORE PRESSING MATTERS TO ATTEND TO!!!”

“Luna, I don’t think that would-”

“HERE!!!” announced Luna excitedly as she placed a tall box on the table. The box was crudely wrapped, with over a dozen ribbons clumsily attached to hanging pieces of duct-tape. “Open it!” pleaded Luna at a suddenly more subdued volume.

Celestia reluctantly did as she was told. When she managed to rip off the final bit of wrapping paper, her jaw hit the ground.

Inside was a triple stacked, vanilla cake. The pastry looked like it was made in a gourmet restaurant, with fluffy icing perfectly lining the edges of the cake along with some of the plumpest strawberries Celestia had ever seen. On the top were the words ‘Happy Arbor Day, Tia’ written in pink frosting.

“Do…do you like it?” asked Luna meekly.

Celestia felt absolutely breathless. “Luna, did you make this?”

“We… I had a little help from some of the castles staff. I remembered how much you liked cake, and I just wanted to say thank you for being so patient with me ever since I came back.”

“Oh Lulu,” choked Celestia as she pulled her sister into a hug, her eyes shimmering. “I’m so sorry, b-but I… I…”

“*Ahem*”

Both royal sisters looked up to the halls doorway to see a royal guard standing at the entrance. It took Celestia a second to recognize who it was, but she eventually realized it was Pen. The guard looked like utter hell.

…even more so than before.

Pen was almost entirely covered in bandages from head to hoof. The few parts that weren’t were red and puffed up from dozens of bee stings, and both his back legs were encased in casts. Curiously enough, he was carrying a large, blue box on his back.

“My word, what happened to you?” asked Luna.

“Oh nothing, just a training accident.” The sorry-looking pony awkwardly limped over to the two Princesses. “Just here to leave this here. I’m sorry you’re highness,” he said, addressing Celestia. “But you forgot this in your room so I thought deliver it to you.”

“But I didn’t-” Celestia was silenced when Pen gave her a wink. She examined the box and noticed a small tag on the side that read, ‘From: Celestia. To: Luna.’

“Uh…here you go Luna,” offered the Princess uncertainly.

“Oooh Celestia, you shouldn’t have!” Luna proceeded to unceremoniously tearing the wrapping paper to shreds. She gently raised the lid of the box, and gasped.

Dozens of Midnight Kisses, all glowing, floated out of the box and danced around the pair of awestruck alicorns. Then, as both Luna and Celestia continued gawking at the beautiful display, a quiet ‘mew’ came from the box. Luna looked inside and squeaked before pulling out a dark, blue-eyed, familiar kitten.

“Tia, is he for me?” asked Luna ecstatically.

“…Yes?”

“Ooohthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Luna nuzzled the kitten and squealed. “We shall name him Cosmos, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him and pat him and pet him and rub him and caress him and thou shalt be our best friend and companion until the end of days!” declared the Moon Princess.

Celestia grinned as saw how happy her sister was. “Did you do this?” she asked, turning her attention to Pen.

“It wasn’t easy,” he said, gesturing to his bandaged body. “That elephant does not like me.”

The Princess smiled softly. “Thank you, Pen.” She bent down low and gave the guard a warm peck on the cheek.

The stallion’s eyes widened before rolling into the back of his head. He fell backwards, his body twitching with one of the happiest goofy grins the Princess had ever seen.

Celestia couldn’t help but giggle.

Best Arbor Day ever.