Exterminate!

by SYST3MF41LUR35

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Lyra, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, DJ P0N-3, Hoity Toity
Length: 1278

Strange noises have been coming from an abandoned house on the edge of Ponyville. Word is that there is some kind of infestation in the house. But what kind of infestation?

A team of four ponies are called in to exterminate whatever is hiding in the old abandoned house on the edge of Ponyville.
There's only one catch. What infested it?
Find out in this fanfic

Published 2013-05-17 07:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-17 07:40:01 UTC

First Class Mail

Derpy

Derpy hopped from cloud to cloud, bobbing her head to the beat of the music she was listening to. Just a normal day on her mail route. She stopped, reaching into her mail bag, grabbing blindly for the next letter. There was only an envelope in the bag, Good, I'm nearly finished she thought. She stared at the envelope, it had an unfamiliar address and had a large stamp on it that read "First class mail."

She stared at it for a few minutes before flying off to the post office to see if anypony there knew the address. She showed to the mare out front and she just smiled and shook her head. Derpy showed it to her boss and her nearly fell over laughing. Frustrated, Derpy flew out of the post office, How come everypony was being so mean to her? She decided to just throw it away when she got home, after all it was just one letter.

She landed on the cloud her house was on and stopped, staring at her mailbox. She nearly punched herself in the face, it was addressed to her. She sighed, just another thing to add to the list stupid mistakes sitting on her bedside table. She went inside and sat at her table. Who would send her an envelope through first mail? It certainly wasn't the box of cookies her mom sent her every Hearth's Warming Eve.

She tore it open at the bottom with her teeth and a ton of papers slipped out and scattered everywhere.

Derpy sighed an began picking up the papers, this better be worth it. she thought. She was hungry, tired and needed a bath. "Yes, a bath" she thought aloud and stood in the middle of her living room daydreaming.
Suddenly her grandfather clock chimed and she snapped back to reality. She looked down at the paper in her hand it read:
"Hello Citizen,
You are receiving this order from ~~Her Royal Majesty, Nightmare Moon~~ Princess Celestia. As you know every citizen in this great empire must serve it in some way. If you don't ~~You will be executed under Section 3 in the citizen handbook~~ Too bad! However there is a reward of ~~Three day's ration of bread~~ 10,000 bits if you help us for this occasion.

We need you to exterminate an infestation on the edge of town, it should only take a few hours if you work hard. Please Consider our offer, ~~Puny subject~~ friend!
Regards, ~~Empress of Everything~~ Princess Celestia"
Derpy mulled it over, 10,000 bits was quite a bit of money. She looked around, she could certainly use some of the money to fix her house up. Derpy Decided to send a letter tomorrow to Canterlot. An extermination was easy, all you needed was a can of Raid and a fly swatter. She decided to take a shower instead of a bath, she needed to be up bright and early tomorrow morning.

A little later....
Derpy stepped out of the shower, it had done wonders for her. She was heading to bed when a few thumps and hushed voices came from her living room. She grabbed a baseball bat from her bedroom and crept down the hallway. " Negatory, Section 3 Article 5 is now in effect." a gruff voice said. Derpy raised her bat and approached the pony standing in her living room. "Understood, retrieving citizen now" the pony said and spun around to face her. Derpy was about to hit him in the face when he said "Seven days..." Derpy stopped "excuse me?" she asked. "Did I say seven days? I meant seven minutes. You have seven minutes to pack your things, okay?" He responded "Pack my things for- Derpy started to say but colt interrupted her "Seven minutes!" he barked and Derpy rushed off to pack. She stuffed a suitcase full of random things, an alarm clock, a few muffins, and a few magazines. Not knowing what to wear she pulled her Ghostbuster's costume on.

She walked back to living room to see the colt eating her club sandwich that she had been saving. "Hey, joke's on you, that's two weeks old." She told him with a smirk. The colt's face turned a little green and he leaned out the window and started retching. Derpy waited patiently for him to finish, his head popped back up and he weakly said "This way please."

As soon as they stepped outside she was nearly blown back into the house. There was some sort of giant metal...well some giant metal thing with these four spinning things on it. She was pushed into an opening in it where there were four more ponies. one was an exact duplicate of her escort. One of the other ponies was running around the room with a huge grin on her face.

She ran up to Derpy and gave her a hug. "This is going to be so awesome!" she hollered before continuing her circuit. Derpy recognized this mare, she had a peppermint colored coat and had a cutiemark of a Lyre. One of the other ponies grumbled, Derpy didn't know this colt, he had a grey flank and white hair, he was also wearing some sort of purple sunglasses. The third pony was wearing headphones that looked like they were designed for an elephant, she had a white flank and an electric blue hairstyle and some sort of mix between goggles and glasses.

Derpy took a seat next to the grey colt. He looked at her "Seeing as we're both stuck in this, I'd better introduce myself, the name's Hoity Toity." he extended a hoof. Derpy shook it, "I'm Derpy Hooves" she told him. "Might as well introduce the rest of our little group" he said, he pointed to the mare with the headphones " That's Vinyl, she's some sort of disk jockey or something." He pointed at the peppermint mare "That thing we call a pony, is named Lyra. She's....." He paused, staring off. "Special?" Derpy finished for him. "Yup, that about sums it up." Hoity nodded. It was then Derpy noticed that they were moving. "By the way, what is this thing?" she asked Hoity. Hoity looked at her "I heard one of the guards calling it a quad-copter."

Derpy looked at the window to see most of Equestria passing below her. She heard some noises from the cockpit and they began to descend towards the very outskirts of the kingdom. This action excited Lyra further and she began to make noise that sounded like a police siren. "Stop that." One of the guards ordered her and raised a baton. That shut Lyra up, she ran back to her seat and sat in it in a very awkward manner.

There was a slight jolt when the quad-copter landed, the back upon and they were pushed out. Derpy looked around, there were sitting in a clearing that might have been pleasant during the day, but the night had changed it into an eerie environment, including odd shrieks and groans coming from the woods. Lyra began the siren sound even louder, echoing all over the place. "Aren't you going to stop her?" asked Hoity. "Nope she's your problem now, your supplies are right over there, don't think about trying to runaway, you wouldn't last a day without our help. Head north for few kilometers and you'll see a house, go in and exterminate whatever's inside." The guard told Hoity. "But won't we-" Hoity started to say "You may begin." the guard interrupted him. Derpy sighed, this was going to be a lot worse than she thought.