Leftoversby CrutioAstarothChaosChaptersCodename one: UneatenCodename two: The mildewy cheeseCodename three: Grocery listCodename one: UneatenSilver Script was an ordinary pony, in every meaning of the word. He was the height of an average earth stallion, had average purple fur, with average grey mane and average blue eyes. Not a good coloring for someone, who worked in a theater, but he didn’t really needed to be stunning to write plays. Nonetheless he did everything in his power to appear as good as he could; eat regularly, exercise regularly, take good amounts of sleep, but when somepony is living with others like his flat mates, things get difficult. “Hey Marble, who’s turn is it to do the dishes?” he yelled, seeing the huge pile of unwashed plates in the sink. “I did it last week, and the week before that, so it’s not mine!” “I have no idea,” the other stallion, Black Marble replied, lying on the couch in the living room. Marble was anything but black; the unicorn’s coat was white as snow, and while his mane and tail was truly black, his eyes were light grayish-blue colored. “Wasn’t it Flank’s?” Their third roommate, Flank Sinatra popped out of the bathroom, his brown coat dripping from water, his wet blue mane covering his face. “Oh, sorry Silver, I’ll do it after I finished my bath!” he replied, disappearing in the bathroom again. “I’m sure there are some extra plates somewhere in the kitchen!” Script snorted, but started looking for a plate nonetheless. One of the cupboards had one, and he laid it on the table, and then opened the fridge to prepare a sandwich for himself. “Hey guys does anyone know anything about the leftover cheese in the fridge?” he asked, noticing the huge roll of cheese on a platter, right on the middle shelf of the refrigerator. Suddenly the cheese erupted in a green flame and the cheese turned into a changeling. “Darn it! I was sure ponies liked cheese!” the shifter swore. “Sweet Celestia’s flank it’s a changeling!” Script yelled, slamming the fridge shut. Marble reacted immediately, jumping off of the couch, while Script held the door of the fridge. The changeling on the inside kept pounding on the door and yelling. “Just tell me what food you like!” he yelled. “I could be the most delicious parfait you ever ate!” “Sorry, but I have diabetes!” Script replied, as Marble grabbed the fridge in his magical grasp, and threw it out the window of the second-floor flat. “Dude! You killed it!” the purple stallion yelled at Marble, and looked out the window. “Oh wait, my apologies. The changeling broke the fridge’s fall.” Twilight Sparkle was wandering on the streets of Canterlot. Spike was back in Ponyville, having a day off with her other friends, and Owlowiscious was making sure nothing went wrong. She herself was visiting her parents in the city, and decided to drop in to see Princess Celestia, before leaving to Ponyville. Even though she spent years among the tall buildings of the capital, she still wished for the peace and quiet of the small village. Not like there ever was peace or quiet in Ponyville, but the faint belief that small villages were supposed to be quiet made Twilight a bit more comfortable. Also, ponies in the village weren’t yelling insane things about changelings in their store-rooms. “Sweet Cadence, my broccoli turned into a bug!” she heard the yelling of a female unicorn from above her head. “This has got to be some kind of cruel joke,” she said, and looked upwards, to see the commotion. A window on the third floor exploded, and an all too familiar black figure flew out into the open, hovering in the air, avoiding the magical bursts of its attacker. “Seriously, just tell me what kind of cake you want me to be!” the shifter yelled. “I won’t judge you if you don’t like chocolate!” “I hate chocolate cake!” the unicorn yelled, and for a moment Twilight had a hard time deciding who to attack. “Give me back my broccoli!” Twilight decided to attack the bugpony, and with a magic burst, she sent it flying away. She noticed similar events happening on the street, ponies fighting changelings, who have seemingly appeared out of fridges, ice cream stands, grocery stores and basically anywhere where ponies would store food. Twilight decided to resume her route to her original destination, and either ask the princesses to help, or aid them in whatever way she could. “Princess Celestia!” Twilight yelled as she burst into the throne room. “There is a catastrophe happening throughout the entire city!” “Yes, my dear student, I know of the ninja pony festival on the main street, and I don’t intend to cancel it!” Celestia replied, not taking her eyes off of the official document she was reading. “Wait, ninja pony festival? I didn’t see a thing on the main street!” “Your point being?” the alicorn asked back, cocking an eyebrow. “My point being is that there is a bigger catastrophe! Changelings are invading the city!” Twilight replied, somewhat annoyed. “Oh dear,” Celestia let out a bored sigh, “not again.” “But this time it seems that they are trying to mimic themselves as food,” Twilight said to herself, speculating on her experience from the city. “I wonder what could’ve made them do that.” “Luna!” Celestia launched from her throne in a rather un-royalty-like way. “Grab what you can, sister! We must barricade ourselves in the kitchen!” “But princess! What about the rest of Canterlot?” Twilight asked. “You’re right, my faithful student!” she turned back, and touched the unicorn’s shoulder. “I hereby grant you full authority to handle the situation as you see fit!” “Princess?” Twilight cocked an eyebrow, unsure of her mentor’s intentions. “I’m sorry, but I must go!” Celestia replied. “My cloud-cake is in danger! Not to mention my favorite milkshake!” Twilight watched helplessly and shocked, as the alicorn ran off in the direction of the castle’s kitchen, calling out to her younger sister for help. “Yep, this is a cruel joke,” Twilight noted to herself. “Better get to work!” Luna was trying to isolate herself from the world, but unfortunately her pillows weren’t too soundproof. She was spending her midday sleep, having dealt with the crazy events of the night, organizing the evening rains for the next month, planning some meteor falls for the curious ponies, and of course mooning everypony. However it seemed that the ‘do not disturb’ sign on her door was not a very effective way of keeping others out. The thought of investing in an armor-plated door crossed her mind, but when she saw who disturbed her she knew, that no lock could keep her dear sister outside. “Luna! Changelings!” Celestia yelled. “The changelings are already in the kitchen!” “Dear sister, thou can surely take care of them!” she moaned in reply. “And while thou art there, could thee bring me some chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk?” “I’m serious!” Celestia panicked. “They are disguising themselves as food!” That sentence was enough to make the night princess launch out of her bed like a star falling trough the sky. “Our cookie jar!” Luna yelled, knocking Celestia over in her hurry. “We’re coming our dear biscuits!” “Your cookie jar?” her sister asked back. “My cloud-cake is in a bigger danger than a jar of cookies! Do you know how much time it takes to prepare the perfect frosting?” “Come on already!” Luna turned back, grabbing Celestia by her tail in her magical grasp. “We wish thee could move thine huge flank as fast as thou can blab!” “Are you insisting that my butt is big?” Celestia screamed, being dragged away by her sister in a furious speed. Meanwhile in Luna’s bedroom a green flame erupted from her bed, and a group of changelings emerged where the huge bean-bag mattress was. “I told you we shouldn’t stick to the plan!” one changeling remarked. “Did you see how she was hugging me?” “You were a pillow, Cheesebrain,” another replied. “But for the love of Chrysalis, why did I have to be the mattress? She does have a sizeable flank!” “Shut up, Cottage Cheese.” the third one retorted. “At least she didn’t shake you before she went to sleep.” “I have to admit it was kind of funny, with you being the cover!” Cheesebrain said with a smile. “But you have my sympathy Emmental.” “Let’s just get to the kitchen and see what they’re doing!” Emmental said, leaving the room. “And just in case, I’ll turn into an empty glass, while you two decide who will be the platter, and who will be the maid.” “Dibs on the platter!” Cottage Cheese yelled running out into the corridor. “Aw man!” Cheesebrain sighed, lagging behind his brothers. “I wanted to be the shiny platter!” Twilight rubbed her forehead with a hoof. She was only sitting on the throne for ten minutes, but the chaos was so big, that Discord would’ve been proud. Reports came in from all over Canterlot, and it wasn’t just the changeling problem. Many restaurant owners wanted to know if their insurance covered their stocks of food as well, not just their shops, others simply panicked, and asked to be placed in the castle for protection, and there were some who asked her to make an official statement, and ask for the help of the Mysterious Mare Do Well. “For the last time: insurance issues can wait until the streets of Canterlot are safe from the changelings.” Twilight said to the guard, who came in with another report. “I don’t want to hear anything that does not help us solve this changeling issue!” “Understood ma’am!” the guard replied, and turned around to leave. As he opened the doors, Twilight caught a glimpse of a maid in the corridor, who carried an empty glass on a platter. “Hey, you!” she launched from the throne, to catch the mare before she disappeared. “I know it’s probably not the best time, but could you bring me a huge cup of hot coffee?” “Um, perhaps?” the maid replied, shocked from the request. “I’ll do my best to bring this... cofe of yours!” “Coffee.” Twilight said. “You know; brown liquid, filled with caffeine? Ponies drink it in the morning while reading newspaper, put sugar and milk in it? Ring any bells?” “Yes, yes of course!” the mare nodded, still a bit tense, and hurried away. “I’ll bring it in a minute!” “The kitchen is in the other direction,” Twilight remarked with a deadpan look. “Of course it is!” the maid replied with a nervous giggle and in such a rush, that she almost dropped the platter. “Hmph. Must be new around here,” the unicorn said to herself, and returned to the throne room. “What do we do now?” Cheesebrain asked in the form of the maid, once they were out of hearing distance. “I have no idea what this ‘cafeine’ stuff is!” “Oh, hush, we’ll figure it out!” the glass, also known as Emmental replied. “Just get us to the kitchen!” “But the princesses are there!” the platter warned his brothers. “Brilliant idea Cottage!” Cheesebrain brightened up. “We’ll ask them about this coffee!” “Cheesebrain, you are a cretin,” Emmental stated. “Thanks!” the maid replied with a smile. “Whatever that means.” Codename two: The mildewy cheeseReflective Rock was an earth pony, who owned a gem-shop, selling trinkets and jewelry to everypony who wandered into her well secured shop on a small street of Canterlot. During her ten years of owning said shop she never had a break in, and nothing had ever been stolen from her, thanks to her spending money on buying well fortified display cases and putting strong locks onto everything. Well, almost. She felt a bit hungry and she remembered putting a daisy sandwich into her fridge a day ago. She quickly locked the main entrance, and left a note on the door, saying she’ll be right back. Rock then moved to the back of the shop, and opened her precious fridge. She was rather surprised when she found a cheesecake in said container. She was even more shocked when she grabbed the cake and it started talking. “Eat me!” the cake said. “I want you to take a big juicy bite out of me!” Rock started screaming and dropped the food on the floor. It turned into a changeling, stroking its flank with a hoof. “Ouch! There is a gentler way to put me down, you know!” The shifter yelled at the pony, who grabbed a broom and started hitting the bug. “Ow! Quit it!” The changeling ran into the front part of the shop, Rock persistently screaming and chasing him with the broom. The shifter backed up to the door, while the mare continued to pursue him. Soon enough the bug found out that the front door of the shop was locked tight. It was then that he had more than enough from the continuous abuse by the broom. “Enough!” he yelled, grabbing the broom with his magic and breaking it into pieces. “I’m trying to escape here, but some idiot locked the door, and now I’m stuck here with you!” Understanding what the changeling said Rock realized she was locked together with one of the most dangerous things in all Equestria. On that note her brain decided it would be best to shut down, and so she fainted. “Great just great!” the changeling yelled. “Now how am I supposed to find the keys?!” Meanwhile in the palace a maid, carrying a plate and an empty glass, was mumbling to herself, opening every door she encountered. “No, this isn’t it either,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I wish we would find the kitchen already!” “Maybe we should ask somepony?” the platter asked. “Brilliant, as always I see, Cottage,” the glass replied. “Let’s pretend we’re a maid in the royal castle, who has no clue whatsoever where the kitchen is!” “Aren’t we doing that part already?” Cottage retorted, to which Emmental’s response was a snort. “Wait, we’re in the royal castle?!” Cheesebrain panicked. “Oh boy, why haven’t you warned me before!” “I thought you knew!” Cottage said. “You know, you were the pillow of an alicorn princess? Alicorn princesses don’t just live in every household!” “They don’t?!” Cheesebrain screamed in sheer terror. Emmental couldn’t take the mental pain anymore, and the changeling let out a deafening scream. Cheesebrain stopped, his legs shaking, his heart racing and his eyes nervously looking around. “The guards will be here any moment! We’re doomed!” “Get a hold of yourself Cheesebrain!” Cottage tried to calm him down. “You have been trained to do this! You’re the best at finding kitchens!” “But… but…” “The third door on your left is the kitchen!” Cottage lied. “All you have to do is to go there, open it, and get this coffee, and then mission complete!” “I can do this!” Cheesebrain stated with newly found confidence. The brain-damaged changeling walked up to the third door on the left. Surprisingly enough there was a note on the door, saying: ‘Kitchen – under fortification of the Royal Sisters. Enter for reinforcements only!’ “Hey guys, we actually made it!” Cheesebrain cheered. “It says this is the kitchen!” “How the heck did you know this was the kitchen?” Emmental asked shocked. “Educated guess,” Cottage replied. Emmental let out a disappointed sigh while Cheesebrain opened the door of the castle’s kitchen. Of course the scene they faced caught them unprepared. The royal sisters were actually barricading almost every entrance to the cook-room. They moved the huge tables from the center to block the window; their makeshift barrier had holes that couldn’t keep bigger creatures like a timberwolf out, much less a bunch of small changelings. The other two-winged door to the kitchen however was properly blocked from the inside by a bunch of cupboards. The only noticeable flaw of it was that the barricade covered only the lower half of the door. Oh, and the fact that the doors opened to the outside. Not to the inside. The princesses themselves were viciously guarding the fridge, which was moved to the center, and had a huge cloud-cake and a jar of cookies sitting on the top, just like two princesses sitting on their thrones kept safe by their guards. “Ah, finally the reinforcements have arrived!” Celestia cheered noticing the disguised changeling trio. “Thou hast left a door open for anypony to come through?” Luna asked shocked. “Of course not, my dearest sister!” the white alicorn replied. “I directly left a note on the door, forbidding entrance to anypony who is not reinforcement!” “Ah, I see!” Luna nodded in agreement. “I think we found some ponies, who think on the same level as you do, Cheesebrain,” Emmental muttered, still in the image of the glass. “Well, speak servant, how many more can be anticipated?” Luna interrogated the disguised changeling. “We are short on guards here, if you wouldn’t have noticed!” “Well, I was sent down by the purple pony for some caff-ee stuff,” Cheesebrain replied. “And since this kitchen was turned upside down, maybe you can tell me where it is?” “Well, we may know where it is, but you have to deliver a message to the purple pony to send us more troops, because we’re in dire need of some ponypower!” Celestia replied. “Of course I can do that!” the changeling nodded with a happy smile. “Why don’t you just put down that dirty glass onto that counter, it surely can wait until this whole ordeal blows over!” Luna suggested and Cheesebrain obeyed with a happy smile. “Ah found it!” Celestia stated from outside the door’s barricade. “And I found a flaw in our barrier too!” “There is?” Luna asked frightened. “But of course!” the white alicorn replied. “We forgot to turn these cupboards, so they face us, and we can use what’s inside as weapons or provisions!” “Brilliant idea!” the other princess cheered, moving to help her sister, while Cottage fought hard not to burst out laughing. “While you’re fixing this flaw, we’ll help our little pony with her coffee matter,” Celestia said, grabbing a coffeepot and boiling some water. “Any sugar? Or milk?” “For me?” Cheesebrain asked back with a dumb smile. “Yes please!” “Ah, a maid with a sense of humor!” Celestia giggled. “I meant for the coffe silly!” “Well, why don’t we just ask the coffee?” the changeling replied. At this point Cottage couldn’t take it anymore and burst out laughing. The princesses shuddered at the unexpected sound, and both of them quickly jumped back to their guard posts. “Quick! Take this coffee to the purple pony, and deliver the message to her that the changelings have already breached the defenses of Canterlot!” Celestia gently put the hot cup of coffee on the platter. “Hurry!” “And tell her to send somepony that can be used to get us some desserts from a nearby cake-shop!” Luna added, and the maid left after a quick salute. “We’re desperate for some ischlers!” “So how do you think this will end?” Celestia asked her sister after a small moment of silence. “I must say that the changeling queen got us by surprise this time!” “She did get us by surprise the last time too you know!” the other replied. “How do you know? You were sleeping during the whole ordeal!” Celestia retorted. “We read the papers,” Luna replied casually. The chit-chat between the two princesses continued, both failing to notice the sound of someone munching on some cookies. “You know, we could just ship off every fridge to the Griffon nation,” Celestia suggested. “I hear they eat everything, no matter what it looks like!” “But then where would we get new fridges?” Luna asked. “Achoo!” the third voice added. “Bless you!” both princesses said, not even glancing up. “Well, I guess we can buy some at the local furniture shop.” “It’s not that easy to buy a fridge for everypony in the city,” Luna replied. “It’s not as common to buy one as one buys cookies at a bakery.” “Speaking of cookies, where do you get yours?” the third voice asked. “Oh, we get them from Donut Joe’s place!” the moon princess replied casually. “He bakes them from a special recipe.” “They are most delicious!” the voice praised. “Art thou eating our cookies dear sister?” Luna turned to Celestia with an accusing look. “What are you talking about, I haven’t had a single bite!” the other replied glaring at her sister. Between the faces of the princesses a small bunch of crumbs fell down from above. They looked up to see the queen of the changelings sitting where Celestia’s cloud-cake previously had been, holding Luna’s cookie jar with her magic, trying to get a look inside for any more biscuits. With a sigh, she dropped the empty jar next to herself, and spread out on the top of the fridge. “I wish there was something more to eat!” She sighed, adding an un-royalty like burp. “Well, shall we open the fridge?” The two rulers of Equestria froze in absolute terror, watching Chrysalis, who just had opened the fridge, and started looking for something more to eat. “Our cookies!” Luna screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice. “My cloud cake!” Celestia added in the same tone. My ears! Emmental thought, fighting the urge not to scream from sheer pain. “Give me back my cake immediately you hag!” the sun princess yelled. “And our biscuits!” Luna said. “Would you stop with your stupid biscuits for once?” Celestia asked clearly annoyed. “Well, what dost thou expect?” the other replied. “She ate our stock of cookies for the next two weeks!” “There were only fourteen cookies there!” Chrysalis cried out. “What, you only eat one cookie per day?” Celestia teased her sister. “That should be perfectly enough for a princess!” Luna retorted with a snort. “And we let thou know, that we exercise too, which cannot be said about somepony, who eats half a cake everyday and sits on her sun-sized flank, doing nothing!” “Did you just call my butt big?!” Celestia recoiled at the insult. “We reckon we did!” “Ladies, can we focus on me for more than a second?” Chrysalis asked with an annoyed sigh. “Dost thou wants us to call thine flank sizeable too?” Luna asked with a smirk. “I’ll let you know that my hindquarters are in perfect shape!” the queen leapt up with indignation, and turned around, shoving her backside in Luna’s face. “See?” “Well, I guess the moon princess was–” Celestia put up her royal sunglasses. “ mooned!” “Aaaaaaah!” a fourth voice yelled. “Something is not right!” Cheesebrain stopped for a second. “I sense a disturbance somewhere!” “You couldn’t sense a damn thing when that huge rock hit you in the head four years ago!” Cottage replied. “How could you sense something now?” “I don’t know, I guess I did!” “You guess?” “Well, it passed!” Cheesebrain stated with a happy smile. “Back to work!” “It just dawned on me; where is Emmental?” Cottage asked. Emmental was sitting on the counter where Cheesebrain left him, watching in agony as the two princesses and his queen babbled endless stream of offensive words. The changeling let out a heavy sigh, hoping it would somewhat ease his pain. “I wish I could just simply change, burn down this whole palace, walk away and never look back,” he wished, watching the childish argument going on between the royalty of the two sides. “But no, I just had to pick the glass!” Codename three: Grocery listSweet Salad had a usual day. The earth pony was the owner of a grocery stand on the Canterlot market, selling the goods she had delivered from her family’s farm every week. She was just checking her tomatoes, when a customer arrived at her stand. “Hello!” she greeted the fuchsia colored unicorn mare. “How may I help you?” “Hi!” the other replied. “I would like to buy some tomatoes. How much for a bunch?” “Hmm, well, how about two bits for three tomatoes?” “Two bits? That is outrageously cheap! They aren’t rotten are they?” the unicorn asked, inspecting some of the vegetables. “Of course not!” Salad replied somewhat hurt. “They’re fresh from the farm! Just brought them here today! Want a free taste?” “Well, why not?” the mare accepted a tomato, holding it in her hoof, looking at it. “Seems fine.” Well duh! Salad thought rolling her eyes, I’m not going to jeopardize myself by putting rotten vegetables on display! “I’m a potato!” the tomato, which suddenly turned into a changeling yelled. “Damn it, Celery! You were supposed to be an eggplant! I’m the potato!” a potato from the stack cried out. The two mares started screaming and ran away, as more and more fruits and vegetables turned into changelings on the grocery stand. “If you’re the potato, what the hell am I?” asked a changeling, sitting on a bunch of bananas. “I don’t know, but seriously, look at this!” a fourth one added, holding up a small sign. “Who would pay four bits for a bunch of carrots?” “Halt! You are under arrest!” A small group of royal guards yelled, arriving on the scene. “For what, being nuts?” a fifth one asked giggling at his own joke. “Really colonel, what are we going to arrest them for?” a guard asked his superior. “Maybe you can tell your captain that we were totally-” one of them replied. “-Bananas!” The group of changelings started laughing so hard they fell off of the grocery stand. Still giggling like fillies being tickled they continued to joke about the situation. “Maybe if they bring us in they’ll get a celery raise!” one said between two hiccups of a laugh. “I’ll bet their actions will be very fruitful!” “Are they making fun of us?” A guard asked, torn between his pride and laughter. “I don’t know,” another replied. “But their jokes are pretty… nutty!” The group of guards burst out laughing, joining the cacophony of changeling giggling. If somepony were to witness the scene, they would have surely lost all faith in the royal guards. Twilight wished the coffee would’ve arrived five minutes ago; she could really have used it back then. Since then the chaos may have died down, but the paperwork was just beginning to increase. Reports came in that the guards managed to contain most of the outbreaks, and that so far nopony was seriously hurt. But now that she was not needed to help plan a way for the guards to secure the city, more and more ponies demanded that she began to sort out their insurance issues. Twilight hoped that if she complied, it would ease some of the pressure on her. After this terrible decision, she needed more than five coffees. “Finally!” she cheered and yelled at the same time, when she saw the maid enter with a platter with a single cup on it. “I trust everything went well?” “Of course ma’am!” the maid replied, holding out the platter for the unicorn, so she could take the coffee. “Good, because I need you to bring me five more of these!” Twilight ordered. “Five more?” the maid asked back shocked. “But…” “You’re right, make it fifteen!” Twilight cut her off. “By the time you come back I’ll need them all!” “But I can’t go back to the kitchen!” the maid said, tapping her chin with a hoof. “Well, not without an armored platoon of ponies!” “An armored– what?” Twilight asked back, her eyes wide. “But why?” “Well, the nice ponies in the kitchen asked me to tell you they needed some guards down there!” “Nice ponies? You mean the princesses?” the lavender unicorn asked suspiciously. “Yes, them!” “May I see your cutiemark?” Twilight asked the mare. “Of course!” she replied, moving her skirt with a hoof. “It’s a compass, see?” “You’re not very bright for a changeling are you?” “No, I’m pretty sure I’m black.” Cheesebrain replied. “But a brighter shade of that!” “Figures.” Twilight snorted. “The only maid in the whole castle, and it has to be a changeling! Tell me, are there any more of you in this room currently?” Cheesebrain nodded with a happy smile. “Is it my coffee?” The changeling shook his head in response. “Thank Celestia!” “It’s the platter!” “Way to go Cheesebrain, you just had to expose me!” Cottage said, turning back into his original form. “Now what are we supposed to do?” “How about you two help me solve this mess?” Twilight suggested, massaging her forehead. “I really could use a solution right now. Or more coffee.” “How about making a royal decree that changelings are no longer enemies of Equestria?” Cheesebrain suggested. “Then you may be able to start working on a way to make all volunteer changelings citizens of your state!” “You are not the same retarded changeling I came here with this morning,” Cottage Cheese said both his and Twilight’s mouth agape. “Of course I am, silly; I still remember when you tried to turn into a vase, thinking ponies love vases!” “I can’t help it!” Cottage defended himself. “It was so pretty and I broke it!” “Wait, let’s go back to the topic at hoof; what about your suggestion?” Twilight asked curiously. “Well, if you would offer a way for changelings to become legal citizens of Equestria, I hardly think there would be many who would decline the opportunity,” Cheesebrain explained. “We are after all starving without the proper food source. Offering the opportunity for a stress-free hunting ground for the changelings would blind them so much that they would agree to any reasonable term immediately.” “But why have you not come forward with a diplomatic solution before?” Twilight asked. “Well, our queen thinks that as predators we should stick to ruling our prey.” Cottage added. “She thought that by making ponies feel distrust towards their food she could starve them to the point that they would be weak enough to be taken over.” “But I think she didn’t take into account that the hive’s total population is barely enough to take over Canterlot,” Cheesebrain took over. “And that with our current supplies and tactics we would last for about three days at maximum.” “How the hell do you know all this?” Cottage asked, still shocked at his brother’s logic and knowledge. “Know all what?” Cheesebrain asked with his usual dumb smile. “Three days at maximum means if we want to make a move, we have to do it immediately!” Twilight brightened up, turning to leave. “Finally a way for me to get rid of the annoying insurance issues! Come on you two; we have diplomacy to do!” “Yay, let’s do it!” Cheesebrain cheered, following Twilight. “Is that some sort of cake? I can mimic any cake!” “I seriously can’t understand that little idiot,” Cottage murmured to himself with a smile, going after the two. “So, are you finally ready to meet my terms? Or should I continue destroying your food?” Chrysalis asked with an evil smile. The two princesses watched in shock as the changeling queen took another bite from the last dark-chocolate and vanilla cake. They tried to take down the evil queen, but she took the contents of the fridge as hostages, and neither ruler would’ve wished to harm the sweets with a reckless attack. This of course meant that they were forced to watch as the evil queen slowly devoured all their precious cakes and sweets. “Art thou mad?” Luna asked. “We have no way of storing the love of our precious ponies, how dost thou expect us to hand over love enough for a year for thine hive?” “Hmm, good question,” Chrsyalis replied, tapping her chin with her hole-filled hoof. “Sadly that’s another of my demands turned down, and you know what that means!” “Wait!” Celestia interrupted before the queen could take another bite. “I’m sure we can work out something!” “Like what?” the changeling asked smiling. “Really sister, what art thou thinking of?” Luna whispered to her sister. “Maybe we can send her off to Appleloosa,” Celestia replied in the same low tone. “But Appleloosa is filled with barbaric ponies who have no love for anypony!” Luna said. “But she doesn’t know that!” the princess of the sun added with a mischievous grin. “And in the meantime we can secure Canterlot, and then she can’t invade us again!” “Brilliant!” the other cheered. “You know, I’m sitting right here!” Chrysalis said with a frown. “And I can hear what you’re planning!” “You think she’s onto us?” Luna asked whispering to her sister. “You bet I am,” the queen replied. “And for the hundredth time: you won’t get rid of me this easily!” “Who said anything about trying to get rid of you?” Celestia inquired, faking innocence. “Well, so far you haven’t come up with any useful ideas!” Chrysalis blamed them. “You tried to send me off to try and befriend the dragons, suggested that all changelings enter the pupa state and become beautiful butterflies, and offered me a chance to become Luna’s personal fly-tamer!” “But I really need a fly-tamer!” Luna pouted. “They keep flying off all the time!” “My point is that everything you suggested would require no input from either of you!” the queen said furiously. “You don’t care about your little ponies, you care about your cakes and biscuits! And you wouldn’t even lift a hoof to save those!” “I beg your pardon, but I’ll let you know I do care about my little ponies!” Celestia replied indignantly. “I left the most capable pony sitting on the throne, instead of me!” “Was it prince Blueblood?” the moon princess whispered fearfully. “No, somepony way better than him!” “Hey Emmental!” the head of a changeling popped in through the door. “We’re gonna set some diplomatic terms for a peace between changelings and ponies! You wanna come?” “You bet I do, Cottage!” Emmental replied, turning back from his glass form into his original body, jumping off of the counter. “I’m sick of listening to this charade!” “Oh, hey there, your majesty!” Cottage said waving a hoof when he noticed Chrysalis. “Good day my faithful servant!” the queen replied somewhat shocked, watching as Emmental left the room. “What is this ‘negotiation’ you talk about?” “Well, there’s no time to explain!” Cottage replied. “Got to hurry and do diplomacy!” The trio of royalty left alone in the kitchen kept staring at the doorway, still frozen from shock. “A negotiation…” Celestia said. “Between ponies…” Luna added. “And changelings…” Chrysalis continued. “Without me?!” all three of them yelled. They looked at each other for a second, finally finding a common thing between themselves, and with an embarrassed cough they all quickly looked away. “Truce?” Luna suggested finally. “Just until this thing is sorted out.” Chrysalis said, and they all shook hooves with each other. They all hurried after the two changelings, leaving everything behind. Not exactly three seconds later Luna re-entered the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a tart and a pie, and ran back after her sister.
Codename one: UneatenSilver Script was an ordinary pony, in every meaning of the word. He was the height of an average earth stallion, had average purple fur, with average grey mane and average blue eyes. Not a good coloring for someone, who worked in a theater, but he didn’t really needed to be stunning to write plays. Nonetheless he did everything in his power to appear as good as he could; eat regularly, exercise regularly, take good amounts of sleep, but when somepony is living with others like his flat mates, things get difficult. “Hey Marble, who’s turn is it to do the dishes?” he yelled, seeing the huge pile of unwashed plates in the sink. “I did it last week, and the week before that, so it’s not mine!” “I have no idea,” the other stallion, Black Marble replied, lying on the couch in the living room. Marble was anything but black; the unicorn’s coat was white as snow, and while his mane and tail was truly black, his eyes were light grayish-blue colored. “Wasn’t it Flank’s?” Their third roommate, Flank Sinatra popped out of the bathroom, his brown coat dripping from water, his wet blue mane covering his face. “Oh, sorry Silver, I’ll do it after I finished my bath!” he replied, disappearing in the bathroom again. “I’m sure there are some extra plates somewhere in the kitchen!” Script snorted, but started looking for a plate nonetheless. One of the cupboards had one, and he laid it on the table, and then opened the fridge to prepare a sandwich for himself. “Hey guys does anyone know anything about the leftover cheese in the fridge?” he asked, noticing the huge roll of cheese on a platter, right on the middle shelf of the refrigerator. Suddenly the cheese erupted in a green flame and the cheese turned into a changeling. “Darn it! I was sure ponies liked cheese!” the shifter swore. “Sweet Celestia’s flank it’s a changeling!” Script yelled, slamming the fridge shut. Marble reacted immediately, jumping off of the couch, while Script held the door of the fridge. The changeling on the inside kept pounding on the door and yelling. “Just tell me what food you like!” he yelled. “I could be the most delicious parfait you ever ate!” “Sorry, but I have diabetes!” Script replied, as Marble grabbed the fridge in his magical grasp, and threw it out the window of the second-floor flat. “Dude! You killed it!” the purple stallion yelled at Marble, and looked out the window. “Oh wait, my apologies. The changeling broke the fridge’s fall.” Twilight Sparkle was wandering on the streets of Canterlot. Spike was back in Ponyville, having a day off with her other friends, and Owlowiscious was making sure nothing went wrong. She herself was visiting her parents in the city, and decided to drop in to see Princess Celestia, before leaving to Ponyville. Even though she spent years among the tall buildings of the capital, she still wished for the peace and quiet of the small village. Not like there ever was peace or quiet in Ponyville, but the faint belief that small villages were supposed to be quiet made Twilight a bit more comfortable. Also, ponies in the village weren’t yelling insane things about changelings in their store-rooms. “Sweet Cadence, my broccoli turned into a bug!” she heard the yelling of a female unicorn from above her head. “This has got to be some kind of cruel joke,” she said, and looked upwards, to see the commotion. A window on the third floor exploded, and an all too familiar black figure flew out into the open, hovering in the air, avoiding the magical bursts of its attacker. “Seriously, just tell me what kind of cake you want me to be!” the shifter yelled. “I won’t judge you if you don’t like chocolate!” “I hate chocolate cake!” the unicorn yelled, and for a moment Twilight had a hard time deciding who to attack. “Give me back my broccoli!” Twilight decided to attack the bugpony, and with a magic burst, she sent it flying away. She noticed similar events happening on the street, ponies fighting changelings, who have seemingly appeared out of fridges, ice cream stands, grocery stores and basically anywhere where ponies would store food. Twilight decided to resume her route to her original destination, and either ask the princesses to help, or aid them in whatever way she could. “Princess Celestia!” Twilight yelled as she burst into the throne room. “There is a catastrophe happening throughout the entire city!” “Yes, my dear student, I know of the ninja pony festival on the main street, and I don’t intend to cancel it!” Celestia replied, not taking her eyes off of the official document she was reading. “Wait, ninja pony festival? I didn’t see a thing on the main street!” “Your point being?” the alicorn asked back, cocking an eyebrow. “My point being is that there is a bigger catastrophe! Changelings are invading the city!” Twilight replied, somewhat annoyed. “Oh dear,” Celestia let out a bored sigh, “not again.” “But this time it seems that they are trying to mimic themselves as food,” Twilight said to herself, speculating on her experience from the city. “I wonder what could’ve made them do that.” “Luna!” Celestia launched from her throne in a rather un-royalty-like way. “Grab what you can, sister! We must barricade ourselves in the kitchen!” “But princess! What about the rest of Canterlot?” Twilight asked. “You’re right, my faithful student!” she turned back, and touched the unicorn’s shoulder. “I hereby grant you full authority to handle the situation as you see fit!” “Princess?” Twilight cocked an eyebrow, unsure of her mentor’s intentions. “I’m sorry, but I must go!” Celestia replied. “My cloud-cake is in danger! Not to mention my favorite milkshake!” Twilight watched helplessly and shocked, as the alicorn ran off in the direction of the castle’s kitchen, calling out to her younger sister for help. “Yep, this is a cruel joke,” Twilight noted to herself. “Better get to work!” Luna was trying to isolate herself from the world, but unfortunately her pillows weren’t too soundproof. She was spending her midday sleep, having dealt with the crazy events of the night, organizing the evening rains for the next month, planning some meteor falls for the curious ponies, and of course mooning everypony. However it seemed that the ‘do not disturb’ sign on her door was not a very effective way of keeping others out. The thought of investing in an armor-plated door crossed her mind, but when she saw who disturbed her she knew, that no lock could keep her dear sister outside. “Luna! Changelings!” Celestia yelled. “The changelings are already in the kitchen!” “Dear sister, thou can surely take care of them!” she moaned in reply. “And while thou art there, could thee bring me some chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk?” “I’m serious!” Celestia panicked. “They are disguising themselves as food!” That sentence was enough to make the night princess launch out of her bed like a star falling trough the sky. “Our cookie jar!” Luna yelled, knocking Celestia over in her hurry. “We’re coming our dear biscuits!” “Your cookie jar?” her sister asked back. “My cloud-cake is in a bigger danger than a jar of cookies! Do you know how much time it takes to prepare the perfect frosting?” “Come on already!” Luna turned back, grabbing Celestia by her tail in her magical grasp. “We wish thee could move thine huge flank as fast as thou can blab!” “Are you insisting that my butt is big?” Celestia screamed, being dragged away by her sister in a furious speed. Meanwhile in Luna’s bedroom a green flame erupted from her bed, and a group of changelings emerged where the huge bean-bag mattress was. “I told you we shouldn’t stick to the plan!” one changeling remarked. “Did you see how she was hugging me?” “You were a pillow, Cheesebrain,” another replied. “But for the love of Chrysalis, why did I have to be the mattress? She does have a sizeable flank!” “Shut up, Cottage Cheese.” the third one retorted. “At least she didn’t shake you before she went to sleep.” “I have to admit it was kind of funny, with you being the cover!” Cheesebrain said with a smile. “But you have my sympathy Emmental.” “Let’s just get to the kitchen and see what they’re doing!” Emmental said, leaving the room. “And just in case, I’ll turn into an empty glass, while you two decide who will be the platter, and who will be the maid.” “Dibs on the platter!” Cottage Cheese yelled running out into the corridor. “Aw man!” Cheesebrain sighed, lagging behind his brothers. “I wanted to be the shiny platter!” Twilight rubbed her forehead with a hoof. She was only sitting on the throne for ten minutes, but the chaos was so big, that Discord would’ve been proud. Reports came in from all over Canterlot, and it wasn’t just the changeling problem. Many restaurant owners wanted to know if their insurance covered their stocks of food as well, not just their shops, others simply panicked, and asked to be placed in the castle for protection, and there were some who asked her to make an official statement, and ask for the help of the Mysterious Mare Do Well. “For the last time: insurance issues can wait until the streets of Canterlot are safe from the changelings.” Twilight said to the guard, who came in with another report. “I don’t want to hear anything that does not help us solve this changeling issue!” “Understood ma’am!” the guard replied, and turned around to leave. As he opened the doors, Twilight caught a glimpse of a maid in the corridor, who carried an empty glass on a platter. “Hey, you!” she launched from the throne, to catch the mare before she disappeared. “I know it’s probably not the best time, but could you bring me a huge cup of hot coffee?” “Um, perhaps?” the maid replied, shocked from the request. “I’ll do my best to bring this... cofe of yours!” “Coffee.” Twilight said. “You know; brown liquid, filled with caffeine? Ponies drink it in the morning while reading newspaper, put sugar and milk in it? Ring any bells?” “Yes, yes of course!” the mare nodded, still a bit tense, and hurried away. “I’ll bring it in a minute!” “The kitchen is in the other direction,” Twilight remarked with a deadpan look. “Of course it is!” the maid replied with a nervous giggle and in such a rush, that she almost dropped the platter. “Hmph. Must be new around here,” the unicorn said to herself, and returned to the throne room. “What do we do now?” Cheesebrain asked in the form of the maid, once they were out of hearing distance. “I have no idea what this ‘cafeine’ stuff is!” “Oh, hush, we’ll figure it out!” the glass, also known as Emmental replied. “Just get us to the kitchen!” “But the princesses are there!” the platter warned his brothers. “Brilliant idea Cottage!” Cheesebrain brightened up. “We’ll ask them about this coffee!” “Cheesebrain, you are a cretin,” Emmental stated. “Thanks!” the maid replied with a smile. “Whatever that means.”
Codename two: The mildewy cheeseReflective Rock was an earth pony, who owned a gem-shop, selling trinkets and jewelry to everypony who wandered into her well secured shop on a small street of Canterlot. During her ten years of owning said shop she never had a break in, and nothing had ever been stolen from her, thanks to her spending money on buying well fortified display cases and putting strong locks onto everything. Well, almost. She felt a bit hungry and she remembered putting a daisy sandwich into her fridge a day ago. She quickly locked the main entrance, and left a note on the door, saying she’ll be right back. Rock then moved to the back of the shop, and opened her precious fridge. She was rather surprised when she found a cheesecake in said container. She was even more shocked when she grabbed the cake and it started talking. “Eat me!” the cake said. “I want you to take a big juicy bite out of me!” Rock started screaming and dropped the food on the floor. It turned into a changeling, stroking its flank with a hoof. “Ouch! There is a gentler way to put me down, you know!” The shifter yelled at the pony, who grabbed a broom and started hitting the bug. “Ow! Quit it!” The changeling ran into the front part of the shop, Rock persistently screaming and chasing him with the broom. The shifter backed up to the door, while the mare continued to pursue him. Soon enough the bug found out that the front door of the shop was locked tight. It was then that he had more than enough from the continuous abuse by the broom. “Enough!” he yelled, grabbing the broom with his magic and breaking it into pieces. “I’m trying to escape here, but some idiot locked the door, and now I’m stuck here with you!” Understanding what the changeling said Rock realized she was locked together with one of the most dangerous things in all Equestria. On that note her brain decided it would be best to shut down, and so she fainted. “Great just great!” the changeling yelled. “Now how am I supposed to find the keys?!” Meanwhile in the palace a maid, carrying a plate and an empty glass, was mumbling to herself, opening every door she encountered. “No, this isn’t it either,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I wish we would find the kitchen already!” “Maybe we should ask somepony?” the platter asked. “Brilliant, as always I see, Cottage,” the glass replied. “Let’s pretend we’re a maid in the royal castle, who has no clue whatsoever where the kitchen is!” “Aren’t we doing that part already?” Cottage retorted, to which Emmental’s response was a snort. “Wait, we’re in the royal castle?!” Cheesebrain panicked. “Oh boy, why haven’t you warned me before!” “I thought you knew!” Cottage said. “You know, you were the pillow of an alicorn princess? Alicorn princesses don’t just live in every household!” “They don’t?!” Cheesebrain screamed in sheer terror. Emmental couldn’t take the mental pain anymore, and the changeling let out a deafening scream. Cheesebrain stopped, his legs shaking, his heart racing and his eyes nervously looking around. “The guards will be here any moment! We’re doomed!” “Get a hold of yourself Cheesebrain!” Cottage tried to calm him down. “You have been trained to do this! You’re the best at finding kitchens!” “But… but…” “The third door on your left is the kitchen!” Cottage lied. “All you have to do is to go there, open it, and get this coffee, and then mission complete!” “I can do this!” Cheesebrain stated with newly found confidence. The brain-damaged changeling walked up to the third door on the left. Surprisingly enough there was a note on the door, saying: ‘Kitchen – under fortification of the Royal Sisters. Enter for reinforcements only!’ “Hey guys, we actually made it!” Cheesebrain cheered. “It says this is the kitchen!” “How the heck did you know this was the kitchen?” Emmental asked shocked. “Educated guess,” Cottage replied. Emmental let out a disappointed sigh while Cheesebrain opened the door of the castle’s kitchen. Of course the scene they faced caught them unprepared. The royal sisters were actually barricading almost every entrance to the cook-room. They moved the huge tables from the center to block the window; their makeshift barrier had holes that couldn’t keep bigger creatures like a timberwolf out, much less a bunch of small changelings. The other two-winged door to the kitchen however was properly blocked from the inside by a bunch of cupboards. The only noticeable flaw of it was that the barricade covered only the lower half of the door. Oh, and the fact that the doors opened to the outside. Not to the inside. The princesses themselves were viciously guarding the fridge, which was moved to the center, and had a huge cloud-cake and a jar of cookies sitting on the top, just like two princesses sitting on their thrones kept safe by their guards. “Ah, finally the reinforcements have arrived!” Celestia cheered noticing the disguised changeling trio. “Thou hast left a door open for anypony to come through?” Luna asked shocked. “Of course not, my dearest sister!” the white alicorn replied. “I directly left a note on the door, forbidding entrance to anypony who is not reinforcement!” “Ah, I see!” Luna nodded in agreement. “I think we found some ponies, who think on the same level as you do, Cheesebrain,” Emmental muttered, still in the image of the glass. “Well, speak servant, how many more can be anticipated?” Luna interrogated the disguised changeling. “We are short on guards here, if you wouldn’t have noticed!” “Well, I was sent down by the purple pony for some caff-ee stuff,” Cheesebrain replied. “And since this kitchen was turned upside down, maybe you can tell me where it is?” “Well, we may know where it is, but you have to deliver a message to the purple pony to send us more troops, because we’re in dire need of some ponypower!” Celestia replied. “Of course I can do that!” the changeling nodded with a happy smile. “Why don’t you just put down that dirty glass onto that counter, it surely can wait until this whole ordeal blows over!” Luna suggested and Cheesebrain obeyed with a happy smile. “Ah found it!” Celestia stated from outside the door’s barricade. “And I found a flaw in our barrier too!” “There is?” Luna asked frightened. “But of course!” the white alicorn replied. “We forgot to turn these cupboards, so they face us, and we can use what’s inside as weapons or provisions!” “Brilliant idea!” the other princess cheered, moving to help her sister, while Cottage fought hard not to burst out laughing. “While you’re fixing this flaw, we’ll help our little pony with her coffee matter,” Celestia said, grabbing a coffeepot and boiling some water. “Any sugar? Or milk?” “For me?” Cheesebrain asked back with a dumb smile. “Yes please!” “Ah, a maid with a sense of humor!” Celestia giggled. “I meant for the coffe silly!” “Well, why don’t we just ask the coffee?” the changeling replied. At this point Cottage couldn’t take it anymore and burst out laughing. The princesses shuddered at the unexpected sound, and both of them quickly jumped back to their guard posts. “Quick! Take this coffee to the purple pony, and deliver the message to her that the changelings have already breached the defenses of Canterlot!” Celestia gently put the hot cup of coffee on the platter. “Hurry!” “And tell her to send somepony that can be used to get us some desserts from a nearby cake-shop!” Luna added, and the maid left after a quick salute. “We’re desperate for some ischlers!” “So how do you think this will end?” Celestia asked her sister after a small moment of silence. “I must say that the changeling queen got us by surprise this time!” “She did get us by surprise the last time too you know!” the other replied. “How do you know? You were sleeping during the whole ordeal!” Celestia retorted. “We read the papers,” Luna replied casually. The chit-chat between the two princesses continued, both failing to notice the sound of someone munching on some cookies. “You know, we could just ship off every fridge to the Griffon nation,” Celestia suggested. “I hear they eat everything, no matter what it looks like!” “But then where would we get new fridges?” Luna asked. “Achoo!” the third voice added. “Bless you!” both princesses said, not even glancing up. “Well, I guess we can buy some at the local furniture shop.” “It’s not that easy to buy a fridge for everypony in the city,” Luna replied. “It’s not as common to buy one as one buys cookies at a bakery.” “Speaking of cookies, where do you get yours?” the third voice asked. “Oh, we get them from Donut Joe’s place!” the moon princess replied casually. “He bakes them from a special recipe.” “They are most delicious!” the voice praised. “Art thou eating our cookies dear sister?” Luna turned to Celestia with an accusing look. “What are you talking about, I haven’t had a single bite!” the other replied glaring at her sister. Between the faces of the princesses a small bunch of crumbs fell down from above. They looked up to see the queen of the changelings sitting where Celestia’s cloud-cake previously had been, holding Luna’s cookie jar with her magic, trying to get a look inside for any more biscuits. With a sigh, she dropped the empty jar next to herself, and spread out on the top of the fridge. “I wish there was something more to eat!” She sighed, adding an un-royalty like burp. “Well, shall we open the fridge?” The two rulers of Equestria froze in absolute terror, watching Chrysalis, who just had opened the fridge, and started looking for something more to eat. “Our cookies!” Luna screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice. “My cloud cake!” Celestia added in the same tone. My ears! Emmental thought, fighting the urge not to scream from sheer pain. “Give me back my cake immediately you hag!” the sun princess yelled. “And our biscuits!” Luna said. “Would you stop with your stupid biscuits for once?” Celestia asked clearly annoyed. “Well, what dost thou expect?” the other replied. “She ate our stock of cookies for the next two weeks!” “There were only fourteen cookies there!” Chrysalis cried out. “What, you only eat one cookie per day?” Celestia teased her sister. “That should be perfectly enough for a princess!” Luna retorted with a snort. “And we let thou know, that we exercise too, which cannot be said about somepony, who eats half a cake everyday and sits on her sun-sized flank, doing nothing!” “Did you just call my butt big?!” Celestia recoiled at the insult. “We reckon we did!” “Ladies, can we focus on me for more than a second?” Chrysalis asked with an annoyed sigh. “Dost thou wants us to call thine flank sizeable too?” Luna asked with a smirk. “I’ll let you know that my hindquarters are in perfect shape!” the queen leapt up with indignation, and turned around, shoving her backside in Luna’s face. “See?” “Well, I guess the moon princess was–” Celestia put up her royal sunglasses. “ mooned!” “Aaaaaaah!” a fourth voice yelled. “Something is not right!” Cheesebrain stopped for a second. “I sense a disturbance somewhere!” “You couldn’t sense a damn thing when that huge rock hit you in the head four years ago!” Cottage replied. “How could you sense something now?” “I don’t know, I guess I did!” “You guess?” “Well, it passed!” Cheesebrain stated with a happy smile. “Back to work!” “It just dawned on me; where is Emmental?” Cottage asked. Emmental was sitting on the counter where Cheesebrain left him, watching in agony as the two princesses and his queen babbled endless stream of offensive words. The changeling let out a heavy sigh, hoping it would somewhat ease his pain. “I wish I could just simply change, burn down this whole palace, walk away and never look back,” he wished, watching the childish argument going on between the royalty of the two sides. “But no, I just had to pick the glass!”
Codename three: Grocery listSweet Salad had a usual day. The earth pony was the owner of a grocery stand on the Canterlot market, selling the goods she had delivered from her family’s farm every week. She was just checking her tomatoes, when a customer arrived at her stand. “Hello!” she greeted the fuchsia colored unicorn mare. “How may I help you?” “Hi!” the other replied. “I would like to buy some tomatoes. How much for a bunch?” “Hmm, well, how about two bits for three tomatoes?” “Two bits? That is outrageously cheap! They aren’t rotten are they?” the unicorn asked, inspecting some of the vegetables. “Of course not!” Salad replied somewhat hurt. “They’re fresh from the farm! Just brought them here today! Want a free taste?” “Well, why not?” the mare accepted a tomato, holding it in her hoof, looking at it. “Seems fine.” Well duh! Salad thought rolling her eyes, I’m not going to jeopardize myself by putting rotten vegetables on display! “I’m a potato!” the tomato, which suddenly turned into a changeling yelled. “Damn it, Celery! You were supposed to be an eggplant! I’m the potato!” a potato from the stack cried out. The two mares started screaming and ran away, as more and more fruits and vegetables turned into changelings on the grocery stand. “If you’re the potato, what the hell am I?” asked a changeling, sitting on a bunch of bananas. “I don’t know, but seriously, look at this!” a fourth one added, holding up a small sign. “Who would pay four bits for a bunch of carrots?” “Halt! You are under arrest!” A small group of royal guards yelled, arriving on the scene. “For what, being nuts?” a fifth one asked giggling at his own joke. “Really colonel, what are we going to arrest them for?” a guard asked his superior. “Maybe you can tell your captain that we were totally-” one of them replied. “-Bananas!” The group of changelings started laughing so hard they fell off of the grocery stand. Still giggling like fillies being tickled they continued to joke about the situation. “Maybe if they bring us in they’ll get a celery raise!” one said between two hiccups of a laugh. “I’ll bet their actions will be very fruitful!” “Are they making fun of us?” A guard asked, torn between his pride and laughter. “I don’t know,” another replied. “But their jokes are pretty… nutty!” The group of guards burst out laughing, joining the cacophony of changeling giggling. If somepony were to witness the scene, they would have surely lost all faith in the royal guards. Twilight wished the coffee would’ve arrived five minutes ago; she could really have used it back then. Since then the chaos may have died down, but the paperwork was just beginning to increase. Reports came in that the guards managed to contain most of the outbreaks, and that so far nopony was seriously hurt. But now that she was not needed to help plan a way for the guards to secure the city, more and more ponies demanded that she began to sort out their insurance issues. Twilight hoped that if she complied, it would ease some of the pressure on her. After this terrible decision, she needed more than five coffees. “Finally!” she cheered and yelled at the same time, when she saw the maid enter with a platter with a single cup on it. “I trust everything went well?” “Of course ma’am!” the maid replied, holding out the platter for the unicorn, so she could take the coffee. “Good, because I need you to bring me five more of these!” Twilight ordered. “Five more?” the maid asked back shocked. “But…” “You’re right, make it fifteen!” Twilight cut her off. “By the time you come back I’ll need them all!” “But I can’t go back to the kitchen!” the maid said, tapping her chin with a hoof. “Well, not without an armored platoon of ponies!” “An armored– what?” Twilight asked back, her eyes wide. “But why?” “Well, the nice ponies in the kitchen asked me to tell you they needed some guards down there!” “Nice ponies? You mean the princesses?” the lavender unicorn asked suspiciously. “Yes, them!” “May I see your cutiemark?” Twilight asked the mare. “Of course!” she replied, moving her skirt with a hoof. “It’s a compass, see?” “You’re not very bright for a changeling are you?” “No, I’m pretty sure I’m black.” Cheesebrain replied. “But a brighter shade of that!” “Figures.” Twilight snorted. “The only maid in the whole castle, and it has to be a changeling! Tell me, are there any more of you in this room currently?” Cheesebrain nodded with a happy smile. “Is it my coffee?” The changeling shook his head in response. “Thank Celestia!” “It’s the platter!” “Way to go Cheesebrain, you just had to expose me!” Cottage said, turning back into his original form. “Now what are we supposed to do?” “How about you two help me solve this mess?” Twilight suggested, massaging her forehead. “I really could use a solution right now. Or more coffee.” “How about making a royal decree that changelings are no longer enemies of Equestria?” Cheesebrain suggested. “Then you may be able to start working on a way to make all volunteer changelings citizens of your state!” “You are not the same retarded changeling I came here with this morning,” Cottage Cheese said both his and Twilight’s mouth agape. “Of course I am, silly; I still remember when you tried to turn into a vase, thinking ponies love vases!” “I can’t help it!” Cottage defended himself. “It was so pretty and I broke it!” “Wait, let’s go back to the topic at hoof; what about your suggestion?” Twilight asked curiously. “Well, if you would offer a way for changelings to become legal citizens of Equestria, I hardly think there would be many who would decline the opportunity,” Cheesebrain explained. “We are after all starving without the proper food source. Offering the opportunity for a stress-free hunting ground for the changelings would blind them so much that they would agree to any reasonable term immediately.” “But why have you not come forward with a diplomatic solution before?” Twilight asked. “Well, our queen thinks that as predators we should stick to ruling our prey.” Cottage added. “She thought that by making ponies feel distrust towards their food she could starve them to the point that they would be weak enough to be taken over.” “But I think she didn’t take into account that the hive’s total population is barely enough to take over Canterlot,” Cheesebrain took over. “And that with our current supplies and tactics we would last for about three days at maximum.” “How the hell do you know all this?” Cottage asked, still shocked at his brother’s logic and knowledge. “Know all what?” Cheesebrain asked with his usual dumb smile. “Three days at maximum means if we want to make a move, we have to do it immediately!” Twilight brightened up, turning to leave. “Finally a way for me to get rid of the annoying insurance issues! Come on you two; we have diplomacy to do!” “Yay, let’s do it!” Cheesebrain cheered, following Twilight. “Is that some sort of cake? I can mimic any cake!” “I seriously can’t understand that little idiot,” Cottage murmured to himself with a smile, going after the two. “So, are you finally ready to meet my terms? Or should I continue destroying your food?” Chrysalis asked with an evil smile. The two princesses watched in shock as the changeling queen took another bite from the last dark-chocolate and vanilla cake. They tried to take down the evil queen, but she took the contents of the fridge as hostages, and neither ruler would’ve wished to harm the sweets with a reckless attack. This of course meant that they were forced to watch as the evil queen slowly devoured all their precious cakes and sweets. “Art thou mad?” Luna asked. “We have no way of storing the love of our precious ponies, how dost thou expect us to hand over love enough for a year for thine hive?” “Hmm, good question,” Chrsyalis replied, tapping her chin with her hole-filled hoof. “Sadly that’s another of my demands turned down, and you know what that means!” “Wait!” Celestia interrupted before the queen could take another bite. “I’m sure we can work out something!” “Like what?” the changeling asked smiling. “Really sister, what art thou thinking of?” Luna whispered to her sister. “Maybe we can send her off to Appleloosa,” Celestia replied in the same low tone. “But Appleloosa is filled with barbaric ponies who have no love for anypony!” Luna said. “But she doesn’t know that!” the princess of the sun added with a mischievous grin. “And in the meantime we can secure Canterlot, and then she can’t invade us again!” “Brilliant!” the other cheered. “You know, I’m sitting right here!” Chrysalis said with a frown. “And I can hear what you’re planning!” “You think she’s onto us?” Luna asked whispering to her sister. “You bet I am,” the queen replied. “And for the hundredth time: you won’t get rid of me this easily!” “Who said anything about trying to get rid of you?” Celestia inquired, faking innocence. “Well, so far you haven’t come up with any useful ideas!” Chrysalis blamed them. “You tried to send me off to try and befriend the dragons, suggested that all changelings enter the pupa state and become beautiful butterflies, and offered me a chance to become Luna’s personal fly-tamer!” “But I really need a fly-tamer!” Luna pouted. “They keep flying off all the time!” “My point is that everything you suggested would require no input from either of you!” the queen said furiously. “You don’t care about your little ponies, you care about your cakes and biscuits! And you wouldn’t even lift a hoof to save those!” “I beg your pardon, but I’ll let you know I do care about my little ponies!” Celestia replied indignantly. “I left the most capable pony sitting on the throne, instead of me!” “Was it prince Blueblood?” the moon princess whispered fearfully. “No, somepony way better than him!” “Hey Emmental!” the head of a changeling popped in through the door. “We’re gonna set some diplomatic terms for a peace between changelings and ponies! You wanna come?” “You bet I do, Cottage!” Emmental replied, turning back from his glass form into his original body, jumping off of the counter. “I’m sick of listening to this charade!” “Oh, hey there, your majesty!” Cottage said waving a hoof when he noticed Chrysalis. “Good day my faithful servant!” the queen replied somewhat shocked, watching as Emmental left the room. “What is this ‘negotiation’ you talk about?” “Well, there’s no time to explain!” Cottage replied. “Got to hurry and do diplomacy!” The trio of royalty left alone in the kitchen kept staring at the doorway, still frozen from shock. “A negotiation…” Celestia said. “Between ponies…” Luna added. “And changelings…” Chrysalis continued. “Without me?!” all three of them yelled. They looked at each other for a second, finally finding a common thing between themselves, and with an embarrassed cough they all quickly looked away. “Truce?” Luna suggested finally. “Just until this thing is sorted out.” Chrysalis said, and they all shook hooves with each other. They all hurried after the two changelings, leaving everything behind. Not exactly three seconds later Luna re-entered the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a tart and a pie, and ran back after her sister.
