Anomalous Materials

by Codes and Ponies

Rating: everyone
Tags: Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Crossover, Zecora, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Other
Length: 3793

What are The Hazard Team up to?

Open Computer Database File: Event May 19, 2013
There was a Flash. That was all Doctor Colette Green remembered before she woke up here. She didn't know if she was even still alive. Her friends Doctor Richard Keller & Doctor Gina Cross were with her. They had to find out more about this world if they were going to survive. Even stranger, Colette, Gina, & Richard have had their bodies turned into those of equines.
Join the Black Mesa Hazard Team as they at least try their damnedest to survive in a world where magic & science work together. Will Gina be able to stand a 100% vegan diet? Will Colette manage to execute self-defense with her equipment if need be, despite her lack of hands? Will Richard be able to cope with wing boners? Just a normal day for these fellas.

Published 2013-05-10 11:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-19 05:24:20 UTC

1: What happened?

May 19, 2009...
Black Mesa Research Facility...
Black Mesa, New Mexico, United States of America, North America, Earth...
There was a bright flash, then blackness. That was all Colette Green could remember, aside from an ominous noise before being knocked unconscious alongside her friends & business partners, Gina Cross & Richard Keller.
May 19, 2013...
Canterlot High-Priority Medical Treatment Hospital...
Canterlot, Equestria, Planet Equanus...
"Ugh...," said a Unicorn mare with a red pin-bun mane, blue eyes, & a sand-colored coat. She saw another Unicorn mare, this 1 with green eyes & a straight red mane (but still with a sand-colored coat), as well as a Pegasus stallion with a light yellow coat, a white mane, & blue eyes, regaining consciousness in the gurneys next to hers.

"Girls, you okay?" Asked the Pegasus stallion.

Just then, a Zebra mare wearing an outfit resembling a typical "Coma patient doctor" outfit, as well as a dark blue Alicorn mare, walked into the room these 3 ponies were in. The green-eyed unicorn mare instinctively readied herself for battle in a demented fashion, flailing about in an attempt to find a suitably threatening battle stance, but gave up upon realizing how difficult it is to do that when 1 is confined to a gurney. "Oh good, you're awake," said the Zebra mare. "We just want to ask you a few questions," remarked the Alicorn mare.

"However, allow me to introduce myself. I am Princess Luna. Call me Luna if you like. The Zebra next to me is Kinte. She is the doctor that was taking care of you while you were unconscious. Now, on to the questions. First off, what are your names?"

"Gina Cross," said the blue-eyed unicorn mare.
"Colette Green," said the green-eyed Unicorn mare.
"Richard Keller," answered the Pegasus stallion.

"Second, what was happening when you went unconscious?"

"Well," answered Richard, "we had just survived an alien invasion at a place called the Black Mesa Research Facility. We worked as theoretical physicists there. All we remember after that was a bright flash accompanied by a loud boom, than blackness. We just woke up right before you 2 came into this room just now. How long were we out?"

"4 years. You just materialized, unconscious, in a grass field on May 19, 2009. Today is May 19, 2013. We're shocked you were even able to regain consciousness after that long." Replied Kinte.

"Third, you materialized wearing some kind of electronic armor. Care to explain?" Asked Kinte.

"Well," said Colette, "those are Hazardous Environment Suits. They are essentially Hazardous Materials suits that were designed with hazardous environment combat situations in mind. When can we have ours back?"

"Well," said Luna, "the automated equipment in my laboratory back home is in the process of decontaminating yours. Judging by the amount of radioactive tainting on the suits, you 3 somehow survived being caught in a nuclear explosion."

"WHAT!?" yelled Gina. "That must have been the bright flash & boom: The nuclear explosion killed us 3, & we were transferred to this other world when we were being given a second chance. The equine bodies are because sentient equines are the dominant sapient/sentient species on this other world, so the forces of reincarnation (I can't think of a better way to put it) gave us these bodies to help us function better in this world. We were knocked unconscious due to cross-dimensional transformation trauma!"

"That explanation... Also explains both a) how the stallion made it here with you mares, when he should have been killed in the blast, & b) why the workplace employee identification cards I found in the storage wormholes of your suits depict you as humans, when humans are a myth on Equanus." Said Luna.

"This allows me to skip question 4, which regards the aforementioned documents. Question 5: Why were you carrying all those military grade weapons with you, when a scientist clearly should not have access to assault equipment like that? I mean, I saw complete authorization documents for both of you in regards to everything except the nests, but still."

"We got these armaments over the course of our fighting through the invasion we mentioned," said Gina.

"We received complete training with everything except the nests from the dedicated training facility at our workplace. Those nests are an alien weapon. Basically, they contain large bugs that function as homing acid grenades with a 20-second fuse. They repeatedly bite at their chosen victim before exploding. They also have a nasty habit of going after the nearest living thing to their point of landing after being thrown, meaning they will turn on their user if it is close enough. They also turn on their user anyway if their designated target dies before the bugs do. Besides, we were government scientists, so technically, it is perfectly legal for us to have those. Also, we would never use them on another member of our own kind except for the purpose of 'mercy killings', like infectees of a disease that can't be cured & is doing horrible things to their mind to the point that death would be a preferred fate over whatever the disease does".

"You may have your armaments back when I am done repairing them. The fallout clogged their systems & spoiled the ammunition. The nests were somehow unaffected. How your weapon papers are still legible is beyond me. You will also need to have the photos on your weapon licenses & identification cards altered to accompany the change of species. Speak with my older sister about that once you are well enough to leave the bed," Finished Luna as she left the room with her notes. As she flew back home (she ordered her chariot-pullers to take a break because she didn't want to intimidate the newcomers into doing something suicidal, or possibly endangering of other ponies), she used her iPhone to e-mail the information she got to her sister. This way, her sister would have time to read it over before they discussed it.

Back at the hospital, Kinte told the trio, "The princess is right. Your minds may be fully recovered, but your bodies are making up for having gone through a dangerously sudden spike in your life processes, judging by the readings of the medical equipment built into your beds. But first, have something to eat," & she called in for plates of food for the poor former scientists. After eating, Gina, Colette, & Richard pondered what lay ahead of them, & went to sleep.

Author's Note

I know you may think I was too quick with Gina, Colette, & Richard figuring out how they got to Equestria, & that they would at least be hesitant at admitting that's exactly the case upon them finally figuring out how they did so, but honestly, would YOU retain any capability of disbelief after living through the Black Mesa Incident?

2: All Its Worth

2 weeks later...

Gina, Colette & Richard were being let out of the hospital. As they signed their release forms, Kinte wished them luck on their life in Equanus.

"So, now what?" asked Gina.

"Well," said Richard, "the black Pegasus-unicorn hybrid left a note by my bed, as well as leaving the storage satchels we are now wearing." He pulled out a note labeled "Places for you to go after waking up."

"Our first stop is the Royal House, so Luna can return our equipment to us. Also, it feels good to be able to walk again," continued the Pegasus stallion.

"Well, how the hell do we get there? We don't have a car or any money to take public transportation," replied Colette.

As if in response, a bright, shiny-gray glow emanated from Colette's horn. The glow expanded until Colette, Gina, & Richard were all engulfed by it. When it folded in on itself, they were gone.

In front of the royal house, the process instantly reversed, as the trio materialized there. As she recovered from the expenditure of energy, Colette woozily asked "What in the name of Shub-Niggurath?"

"We must have teleported. It probably kicked in in response to our problem," quipped Gina.

After seeing other random unicorns teleport around, Richard concluded, "It must be a universal ability among Unicorns. Anyway, let's go in." Richard knocked on the door.

A white Pegasus/unicorn hybrid with a Sun motif to her attire answered the door. "You 3 must be new. Please explain. By the way, to make this less awkward for you, I am Princess Celestia."

Colette replied, "Your Majesty, I am Doctor Colette Green. These are my friends/business partners, Doctor Gina Cross and Doctor Richard Keller." The 2 referred ponies greeted in response.

"Ah! You're the newcomers Luna told me about!" She realized. "Good to finally meet you. What are you here for?"

"Your sister was performing maintenance on equipment that we were carrying when we were entering this world." replied Richard. "Also, what's the deal with Pegasus/Unicorn hybrids?"

"In this world, Pegasus/Unicorn hybrids (or 'Cerapter'-Elleneighca for 'Horned Wing', to use the proper term) are basically the equivalent to what the sentient species of other worlds refer to as 'deities'." Replied Celestia. "anyway, the repaired equipment pickup area is in the basement, to the left," She gave them a map to help them.

As they made their way down, they pondered their situation.

"We can't go back. We died in our home universe." said Gina.

"I hope Stanley is okay. We never got along well, but I wouldn't even wish death on him," said Richard. He was referring to his colleague Doctor Stanley Rosenberg. Stanley created the Anti-Mass Spectrometer, the machine which caused the Black Mesa incident & this whole mess in the first place. "I should have listened to him. How could I have been so stupid that day? The Administrator was blindly fooling with technology he shouldn't have been. It's partially my fault the world went to metaphorical hell that day."

They arrived at the lab, and knocked on the door. Luna answered it.

"Ah. Hello, scientists. Here for your equipment?" asked the goddess of the night.

"Yes," said Colette.

"Give me a second to get your crap." She walked up to the "Awaiting pickup" booth & grabbed 2 sacks of equipment.

As the trio left the Royal house, Richard ran over a checklist Luna gave them to make sure they got all their weapons back.

"Okay," he started. "I want to make sure each of you got each of the following items back. Just say 'check' if you did, okay?"
"Crowbar?"
"Check," said the two mares.
"Glock 17 with 100-round capacity 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum hollow-point bullet cartridge Beta Company Century Magazine? Huh. Didn't know they make that in a version for Glock series pistols. Must've been released while us three were unconscious. Also make sure you've got 20 spare magazines for it, with 100 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum hollow-point bullet cartridges each, for a total of 2,000 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum hollow-point bullet cartridges."
"Check" they replied.
"Colt Python Elite revolver with iron-sights, a full 6-round 0.357 Magnum chamber, speed-loader clip, and 36 spare 0.357 Magnum bullets?
"Check," they replied.
"Beretta Model 9 Advanced Series 1 Semiautomatic 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum Pistol with a 15-round 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum Total Metal Jacket ball bullet cartridge magazine & 20 spare magazines with 15 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum Total Metal Jacket ball bullet cartridges each, for a total of 300 spare 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum Total Metal Jacket ball bullet cartridges, and attached L.A.S.E.R. sight? Must've added that as an upgrade."
"Check," they replied.
"Heckler & Koch MaschinenPistole 5 Automatisch 3 with 100-round capacity 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum solid-point bullet cartridge Beta Company Century magazine, attached Model 203 Picatinny Rail Grenade Launcher with 1-round capacity Model 406 High-Explosive Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenade cartridge magazine, 20 spare 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum solid-point bullet cartridge Beta Company Century magazines, for a total of 2,000 spare 9 millimeter by 19 millimeter Parabellum solid-point bullet cartridges, and 10 spare Model 406 High-Explosive Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenade magazines, for a total of 10 spare Model 406 High-Explosive Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenades?"
"Check," they replied.
"Colt Model 4 Carbine Assault Variant 1 with 100-round capacity Mark 262 Mod 1 5.56 millimeter by 45 millimeter North Atlantic Treaty Organization cartridge Beta Company Century Magazine, attached Model 203 Picatinny Rail Grenade Launcher with 1-round capacity Model 433 High-Explosive Dual-Purpose Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenade cartridge magazine, 10 spare Mark 262 Mod 1 5.56 millimeter by 45 millimeter North Atlantic Treaty Organization Beta Company Century Magazines for a total of 1,000 spare Mark 262 Mod 1 5.56 millimeter by 45 millimeter North Atlantic Treaty Organization cartridges, and 10 spare Model 433 High-Explosive Dual-Purpose Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenade magazines, for a total of 10 spare Model 433 High-Explosive Round 40 millimeter by 46 millimeter Grenades?"
"Check," they replied.
"Franchi Sporting Purpose Automatic Shotgun with 8-round capacity 12-gauge buckshot shell internal tube magazine, 128 spare 12-gauge buckshot shells, pump-action/semiautomatic toggle, and tube-loader clip?"
"Check," they both replied.
"GAM14B Guided Shaped-Charge High-Explosive Anti-Tank Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher with L.A.S.E.R.-based guidance system, 1-round capacity Guided Shaped-Charge High-Explosive Anti-Tank Rocket Propelled Grenade cartridge magazine, and 5 spare Guided Shaped-Charge High-Explosive Anti-Tank Rocket Propelled Grenade cartridge magazines, for a total of 5 spare Guided Shaped-Charge High-Explosive Anti-Tank Rocket Propelled Grenades?"
"Check," they replied.
"Tau Cannon with 156-round Depleted Uranium magazine, high-power shot ability, teleport-based reload, and 10 spare Depleted Uranium magazines for a total of 1,560 spare Depleted Uranium Units? Must've built them from the notes they found on us."
"Check," they replied.
"Gluon Gun with 100-round Uranium-235 magazine, narrow-beam/wide-beam toggling, teleport-based reload, and 10 spare Uranium-235 magazines for a total of 1,000 spare Uranium-235 units?"
"Check," they replied.
"Displacer Cannon with 100-round Uranium-238 magazine, blast that teleports enemies, user-teleporting ability, teleport-based reload, and 10 spare Uranium-238 magazines for a total of 1,000 spare Uranium-238 units?"
"Check," they said.
"25 Mark 2 Defensive Fragmentation Hoof Grenades, with regeneration device?"
"Check," they replied.
"Satchel Charge remote with accompanying magically regenerating supply of Satchel Charges that caps at 5?"
"Check," they replied.
"5 M23B L.A.S.E.R. Trip-mines, which regenerate upon running out?"
"Check," they replied.
"1 Snark nest with unlimited Snarks?"
"Check," they replied.
"Hazardous Environment Vitality Suit?"
"Check," they replied.
"Infinite Hazardous Environment Vitality Suit armor fuel recharger?"
"Check," they replied
"Finally, Long Jump Module?"
"Check," they replied.

Just than Gina realized something.

"HOW ARE WE GONNA USE OUR WEAPONS WITHOUT FINGERS?" she screamed. As if in response, a maroon glow surrounded her horn, as the same glow also surrounded the primary trigger of her Tau Cannon.

"Huh. I guess unicorns of this world have telekinetic powers in addition to teleportation powers," snarked Colette.

"Well, let's go find an apartment to hold us over before finding permanent homes. There was this bag of metal shards accompanying our shit." Richard pulled out a bag of metal shards. With it was a note that read:

"Dear Gina, Colette, and Richard,

Here is a bag of 6,000,000 bits. Bits are what we use as currency here in Equestria. I have given you this cash to help you get started on your new lives.

Best of Luck,
Luna"

"Well, I guess that means we can afford Public transportation." said Gina.

They looked over the map of Equestria, trying to decide on a city to live in.

"How about Fillydelphia?", said Richard as he was practicing his flying. Eventually, after accidentally spotting a couple doing naughty things by their bedroom window, his wings went stiff & he fell on a cloud with such force that he squeezed lightning out of it. The lightning almost hit Colette.

"Hey! Wait a minute... How did you do that?" she asked.

"I have no idea," said Richard. He noticed the cloud was somehow supporting his weight and his wings were erect and stiff.

Note to self: straight stiff wings are apparently the Pegasus equivalent of an erection, he thought to himself.

He jumped up and down, each impact with the cloud squeezing out more lightning.

"I wonder..." he said, as he tried pushing the cloud around, and succeded.

"Okay, that's cool. Apparently, Pegasi can manipulate weather." He said to the mares as he realized this fact.

Later, the trio brought their tickets for the 2:00 PM train to Fillydelphia. As they boarded, Gina said "I hope Gordon got out okay," referring to Gordon Freeman, one of her co-workers at the old Anomalous materials lab. He was responsible for putting the crystal that caused the Anti-Mass Spectrometer to cause this mess. She tried dating him, but it didn't really work out.

"Also, plan. When we get to Fillydelphia, we milk the powers our new bodies have for all they're worth, so as to test the extent of our powers. Finally as to these marks on our rumps, they're called 'Cutie Marks'. Basically, they're a visual representation of that aspect of ourselves that allows us to make a living. Sometimes they stand for an otherwise significant aspect of ourselves. It says so on the notes the Princess left us. For instance, mine is a crystal, accompanied by a spectrometer & a security guard helmet with the phrase 'Top-Level' written on it."

The Intercom alerted everypony that the 2:00 PM train to Fillydelphia was now boarding. They got on the train, and waited for it to start.

Author's Note

The next chapter has them officially trying to settle into their new homes. Also, in case you don't get what Richard's Cutie Mark means, the crystal stands for anomalous materials, the spectrometer stands for research, & the security guard helmet with the phrase "Top-Level" written on it stands for Top-Level Security Clearance. So, his Cutie Mark, when put together, stands for "Anomalous Materials Researcher with Top-Level Security Clearance"

3: New Homes, Power Milking, & Prankster Gods

Once the train stopped, Gina, Colette, & Richard got out. Having found an old house that was for sale, they purchased it & started looking for work.

Of course, no newcomer to Equanus was safe from mischievous gods.

As Richard was on his way home after an initial job interview with Emerald Hill Research Facility, someone nopony dares to encounter showed up from out of nowhere.

"Hello, Doctor Richard Keller!" said a certain pompous patchwork of a mad god. Richard was shocked.

"How do you know my name? Who are you?", asked the trembling stallion.

"Why, I am Discord. Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. I know who you are because as a god, I can read minds." replied Discord.

"I don't need my life any more chaotic than it's become. Why are you here?", queried Richard as he could feel his mind being probed.

"Well, since being reformed, I have made it a habit to personally greet newcomers to our fine planet," said Discord, "And I have also come to warn you."

"Warn me about what?" asked Richard.

"Some alien species is headed to this world. Judging by the context of the strange language they're using, they want to loot this planet's resources and convert Equanus into a substitute home world for themselves. Also headed here is a monster worse than anything I can imagine. It is faceless, and nigh-invulnerable. I've noticed your associates are well-armed, but you have no way of protecting yourself. You will need these." replied Discord as he gave Richard a saddlebag with various armaments.

The mad god continued, "I don't think you were randomly given a second chance at life. I get the feeling you were brought here to solve something not even the full power of The Elements of Harmony themselves-or even the full power of AN ALICORN-could solve. I may be chaos incarnate, but even I couldn't bear to see this world reduced to a husk run by those things. Arrivederci!" Discord teleported away.

Gina was busy setting up her office in a research base that dealt with hazardous environments. She was just given the same greeting & warning that Richard was, but she knew she could handle it.

Is it me, or did that dragon-horse-deer-bird thing's voice sound like Q?, she thought.

As she was experimenting with her magic, she discovered most of her magical ability was in some way related to either applied physics, biological engineering, or mechanical engineering. One of the things she discovered she could do was handle heavy-duty scientific equipment with her mechanical engineering magic. She could also make approximations of resonance imagery or hard-light Fluid Dynamic simulation models (though slightly less accurate than those made by computers) with her applied physics magic. As far as her biological engineering magic went, she could make a highly accurate hard-light simulation of the thermodynamic flow of a Pegasus's body, or alchemically transmute a bacterium to make a chemical.

Meanwhile, Colette was also warned by Discord. Being the jumpy, demented mare she was, she drew her M4, but she put it away after finding out it wouldn't have worked.

Colette got a job as a research associate for a physics facility.

Most of Colette's magic had to do with either electrical engineering or robotics. She could find the tiniest error in a circuit board design with her electrical engineering magic, or do a thorough dismantling & repair of a maintenance arm with her robotics magic. She has also come to the conclusion that Canterlot is a silly place.

As the 3 ponies got home, Richard called them into the living room so they could discuss the menace. There was something familiar in Discord's comment about "alien planet looters". Richard also showed them his weapons: a pipe wrench, a knife, a creature that could be used as a grappling hook, a 0.357 Magnum Desert Eagle with a 9-round magazine & 54 spare rounds, an M249 machine gun with a 200-round 5.56 millimeter by 45 millimeter bullet magazine & 2,000 spare rounds, an M40A3 Sniper Rifle with a 5-round 7.62 by 51 millimeter bullet magazine & 15 spare rounds, an alien grenade launcher with a 5-round explosive fruit magazine & 20 spare rounds, & an alien electricity gun with infinite ammunition.

Author's Note

Who are these "alien planet looters?" Are they something the trio encountered before? How will Richard fare upon encountering Changelings? Why is Discord willfully helping somepony prevent an instance of the very concept he is an embodiment of? And who is the monster that scares Discord? Hint: It's not Slender Stallion. All these questions will be answered, & many more will be raised, in future installments of Anomalous Materials.