When A Heart Loses Its Shine
When A Heart Loses Its Shine
Cadence stared out into the starry night sky, watching as the twinkling spots of light glittered and shone through the darkness. It was a quiet night, save for the crickets chirping, and the shuffling of grass in the light breeze. Cadence sighed as she turned her gaze on the horizon, finding only dark blue sky meeting the rolling plains.
Behind her a mile or so back lay the Crystal Empire, shimmering brightly in the silver moonlight. She had seen its glory every night for the last year. The beauty of the city had been a shining light whenever she had needed it. But tonight, its shine was dull and meaningless. It wasn’t what she was looking for.
“Cadence...?”
Cadence flinched and slowly turned to see Twilight, shuffling her feet ever so slightly with her ears flat against her head.
“I looked all over for you,” Twilight said, her voice timid and broken. “When I saw you weren’t in your bed, I thought that you had really left... I didn’t know what to do.”
Cadence sighed then gave a slight smile at her favorite sister-in-law and beckoned her over. Twilight trudged over and sat down in the grass alongside her.
“I just went out for some air. It’s kind of empty feeling, sleeping all alone. I mean, with this past year being so full of conflict and Shining Armor being deployed all the time, I had thought I’d gotten used to it, but now it just has..”. She sighed and drooped her head. “I don’t know, it has a kind of finality to it,” Cadence said as she turned back and looked at the sky. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”
Twilight sniffed and wiped her nose. “Cadence—” she said, voice nearly cracking. “I miss him...”
“No, shh.” She turned and pulled Twilight into a hug. Twilight bowed her head and buried her face into her longtime friend’s shoulder. “I can’t take seeing my favorite little sis looking like that,” Cadence said. She rubbed a hoof through Twilight’s mane as she trembled. She could feel small drops of moisture soaking into her shoulder.
“But he could still come back,” Twilight sobbed. “He might still be out there. He might just be missing.”
“I know,” Cadence returned softly, her own eyes starting to moisten again. She had lost count on how many times this had happened since the recent news. “I want to hope for that too.”
For a moment the two simply sat there, hanging onto each other as a light breeze ruffled the spare leaves and grass around them.
“Twilight?”
“Yeah?” Twilight answered, voice muffled.
“I just wanted to tell you thanks.”
Twilight perked her head out and looked up at Cadence. Her eyes had become red and puffy, and her hair had a messy look that was foreign to her usual straight mane. “W-why?”
“For coming out to the Crystal Empire to be with me for the weekend.” Cadence was still staring out past the horizon. Her eyes had a glossy sheen and her voice was tired. “I-I’m really glad to have someone around at a time like this. You didn’t have to. I know with the war being just over you’ve had a lot of work to do.”
Twilight moved away and sat back down, wiping her eyes with a hoof. “No, I wanted to.” She turned and watched her sister-in-law, still staring off into the distance. Her eyelids were half closed as she stared blankly across the sky, streak marks stained across her cheeks. It was a familiar sight for anyone who had seen Cadence recently.
“Cadence?”
“Hm?” she said absentmindedly.
“Are you okay?”
Cadence gave a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just hard to accept that it’s been two days and they’ve had to call off any more search parties.”
Twilight nodded. A cool breeze caressed her side as the grass moved in the wind. The night was so peaceful and quiet. She yawned and leaned against Cadence’s side, snuggling into it.
Cadence smiled. “Tired?”
“It’s been a long day.”
“Why don’t you go ahead and get back to bed. You deserve some rest, Twilight. I’ll be back in a little while.”
Twilight sat up, eyes flickering across Cadence’s face. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I just need to clear my head a little.”
Twilight waited for a moment before finally nodding. “Okay. I’ll see you in a bit. Don’t forget, I’m here if you ever need me,” she said and started the walk back to the castle.
Cadence listened to the hooffalls hesitate a little ways before continuing and falling out of earshot. “Yes... I know, Twilight.” Cadence’s ears perked up as the sound of wingbeats met her ears. Heavy steps sounded from behind her. “You didn’t want to say hi to Twilight?” she said.
Celestia moved to the side of her niece and smiled. “Not right now. She needs space for awhile, I think. Can’t say the same for you. Holding it all in is going to do more harm than good.”
Cadence stared at the ground and pushed around some grass with a hoof. “Twilight’s taking the death of her brother really hard. She needs a strong role model. Shining would have done the same thing.”
“I see... you need her to believe you’re okay, but the real question is—are you?”
Cadence gave a weak smile. “No, not really. I’m just so tired of crying is all. I’ve had plenty of that these last few days.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “The changeling war is finally over and a lot of good ponies are finally getting to return home. This is supposed to be a happy moment for Equestria.”
Celestia shifted as she watched the breeze waft over the grass in the distance, moving over the blades like waves. “We’re happy because it’s over due to stallions like Shining Armor,” she said. “War is never happy—not before or after. In all my years, it’s by far the most painful thing to watch.” Celestia looked up at the stars with her niece.
“What was it like?” Cadence said, breaking the silence.
“What was what like?”
“The final battle. Every stallion I asked didn’t want to talk about it. They just kept assuring me that Shining did a great job, and whenever I asked where his body was...” Cadence could feel water welling up in her eyes. “Every time they just couldn’t even look at me.”
Celestia was silent as she stared off. “They used something called a spellbomb.”
“A what?” That didn’t sound like any weapon Cadence had ever heard of.
“A spellbomb,” Celestia said quietly. “It’s a weapon whose magic spreads over a whole area and burns everything. I thought they were a lost magic, but somehow they got ahold of one. Chrysalis was particularly upset with Shining Armor and didn’t like the idea of being captured. We tried to have her surrender but she wanted to fight to the bitter end and take as many as she could with her, especially Shining. She—detonated it when they got close to the main hive. The changeling all committed suicide with their queen. That’s why we couldn’t recover any bodies.”
“Shining Armor was one of them.”
“I was told he was involved, that’s all.”
Cadence pawed at the ground. “Do you think he could be alive?”
Celestia didn’t answer, instead taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Cadence, you know, Shining Armor actually had a really hard time leaving you too—probably worse.”
Cadence perked up, wiping the salty moisture around her eyes. “He talked to you?”
“Yes. Just before he shipped out at the train station. He looked like he really needed it.”
“What did he say?”
Celestia thought back to that hot summer day.
The station was crowded and filled with cold-eyed, serious stallions of all shapes and colors. They all waited around front of the platform, ready to shove off soon. All except Shining. He had set himself a fair bit away from the main station and was sitting alone, head down, shoulders slumped and staring up to the castle. It was definitely uncharacteristic of him. He had always had a certainness about him, like he was set in his morals and motivations and nothing in the world could shake them apart.
Not that morning.
“Good morning, Shining Armor, something on your mind?” Celestia said as she strode over.
Shining Armor snapped to attention and saluted. “Oh, um, Your Highness. Good morning.”
Celestia smiled. “At ease, Shining. Can’t we be a little less official? I was hoping you’d have gotten comfortable with me by now.”
Shining widened his eyes and dropped his hoof. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry. I’ve just had something on my mind.”
“Oh?”
“I-I just.” Shining looked back up to the crystal castle far in the distance. “I’m leaving her all over again. I just came home. We barely spent an hour together.”
Celestia gave a knowing smile. “Well, isn’t being in the guard what you wanted all along? I remember you when you were still a private back in the day. You were full of heart, ready to take on anything. When did you start losing steam? Are you not happy being the guard’s commander?”
Shining Armor shook his head. “It’s not that I have a problem with my duty. These guys need me, and really, I'm so thankful for the people I meet, the places I've been and the things I've seen. But when she's not here it doesn't feel like I'm living my dream. I know they say that no one is perfect, but I swear she's perfect for me.” Shining Armor looked back to the station as the last of the stallions were getting on board and waving to him. “And that just makes it so much harder to leave,” he said, and picked up his things, heading for the train.
Returning her thoughts to the present, Celestia saw a shooting star arched over the horizon as storm clouds rumbled in the distance of the dark night sky. “That was the last time I saw him,” she said.
“...We had a fight that morning,” Cadence said. “I had wanted him to stay and I thought it was foalish that he had to command on the frontlines.” Celestia watched her niece. Cadence brushed away her frayed mane out of her eyes, her form shuddering now and again as she spoke, trying hard to keep her voice calm yet still letting through a slight tremble that was almost invisible in the wind that blew past them. “I was just so frustrated with it all. I missed him. You never really know how much it hurts to have someone you love be miles away until you experience it.”
Celestia nodded silently and looked up to the large moon above, a brief chill passing over her.
Cadence slumped her shoulders and looked down. “You know what he told me when he left? I still remember it perfectly. Please be strong—be strong for me.” Cadence’s heart dropped to her stomach at remembering those last words. Tears fell to the ground at her feet, soaking into the grass. “And I’ve been trying so hard. I’ve been trying for so long not to show that I’m upset and to fake that I’m okay because I know that he wouldn’t have wanted to see me like this. Auntie, I can’t take it anymore! I waited for so long to see him again, and now he’s gone!” Cadence couldn’t hold back her tears any longer and they started to flow freely across her face as she began to shake. “Isn’t it supposed to get easier? Because it’s only getting worse. I miss him so much, and I try so hard for Twilight and for everyone but I just can’t do it anymore. How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I’m so alone! I can’t...I just can’t anymore.”
Celestia kept silent, her moist eyes looking across a sea of stars. “I’ve seen this too many times...” she breathed to herself. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this Cadence.”
Cadence sobbing quieted to whimpers, the Princess slowly starting to get control of herself once again. It had become a practiced routine at this point.
“He,” she began between sobs. “He told me that no matter what, he would get back. It didn’t matter if he had to walk thousands of miles. He’d come home.” She nodded toward the horizon.
“So you’ve been waiting...” Celestia said.
“I know it’s foalish to hope,” Cadence mumbled. She looked up and watched a falling star arc off into the horizon. “I just wish so badly that somehow he’d just be alive and come home. I know I’m torturing myself like this, but I can’t help it. He meant so much to me. I can’t stop myself from holding onto that small chance and that’s making it hurt so much more.” Celestia stayed quiet, only watching out of the corner of her eye and listening to her niece. “Why aren’t you upset over this?” Cadence asked.
“I am,” Celestia answered, her voice low and devoid of its usual melodic quality. “I just think that sometimes ponies need a strong role model.” Cadence perked up and looked at her aunt. Celestia gave a comforting smile as she turned and spread her wings. “Shining would have done the same thing.”
Cadence watched as Celestia flew off back toward the crystal castle, eventually disappearing in the night sky. A light breeze blew her mane as she gazed at the sky that had always held so much joy and hope for her when she felt alone. She stared at it for a long time, eyes set on the gleaming panorama but mind lost in her thoughts.
Cadence curled up closer to Shining Armor as they watched the breathtaking arrangement of stars above their heads. Both were wrapped around each other, covered in a blanket. Shining Armor combed a hoof through Cadence’s multicolor mane. In that moment, nothing else had mattered to them as they lay together across the grass plains outside the city limits, watching the world above them glow in splendid wonder.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Shining said.
“Yeah,”
“Imagine, Luna placed every single one fresh tonight, like a new masterpiece painting that fades with the sun’s rise.”
Cadence nuzzled in a little closer, turning a little more towards Shining Armor. “Kind of makes you feel small. Like there’s so much else out there,” she said.
“Yeah, there’s a lot of crazy stuff outside Equestria.”
Cadence quirked a brow and looked at her husband. “Like what?”
“Well, when I went to the outskirts of the arctic areas, we actually saw these crazy auras flying around across the sky.”
“Whoa, really?”
Shining Armor smiled. “Yeah, it was really cool looking. I wish I could show you. You’d love it, Cadence. I wish you had been there to see it...” Shining Armor paused and his smile faded away as he looked off to the side.
“Shining?” Cadence perked her head up and looked at him. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”
“I—I have to talk to you about something.” Cadence’s heart dropped to her stomach. She knew him too well to mistake his tone and mannerisms; she knew what was coming. The Princess turned as her eyes started to water.
“Cadence, there’ve been a lot of concerns with the changelings recently. I’ve—” Shining Armor drew in a heavy breath and turned to face her. “I’ve been called out to talk with some of the neighboring kingdoms. Celestia is hoping we can establish peaceful relations before changeling scouts convince them otherwise.”
Cadence stayed still, listening to him over her shoulder. “So you're leaving again?”
“Yes, I have to. Equestria needs help. I want to keep you safe, Cadence, you know that.” Shining Armor moved closer and wrapped his hooves around her. “Cadence?”
“...Yes?”
“Are you going to be okay this time around?”
“Shining I’ll—I’ll be fine. It’s alright, really, I understand that this is important and what this means to you.”
Shining Armor could feel the light rise and fall of her breathing. What he would give to just stay here forever and not have to leave her ever again. Cadence stayed quiet, still facing away. “I know that sometimes waiting is hard, believe me, I know. When I’m on the road you’re all I can think about, but you know what helps?”
Cadence suppressed a slight sniffle. “What?”
“The stars. Out in the desert or arctic, it doesn’t matter. I can always see a beautiful night sky everywhere I go. But it’s not about the actual stars that brings me comfort. It’s you. I know that it doesn’t matter where I am—I can watch the stars with you from miles away, just like we are now.”
Cadence turned, marks going across her cheeks and moist spots soaked into the lower parts of her coat. “Shining—”
“No, shh.” Shining Armor hugged her tight, letting her rest her head in his shoulder. “I can’t take you looking like that. It bothers me too much when that’s the last thing I see when I’m away. I need you to be strong for me, Cadence. I can’t do any of this without you.” He smiled and put his chin to her own shoulder. “Please, for me. Whenever you feel lonely—just look out at the stars. Wherever I am, I’ll be watching right along with you.”
Cadence blinked away a fresh set of tears as she returned to the present, watching the clouds close over the horizon as they blocked out the twinkling night sky. She finally closed her eyes and got up to leave. “I’m sorry, Shining Armor. I couldn’t be as strong as you needed me to be.”
“It’s okay.”
Cadence’s heart pounded hard. She froze in place and her eyes went wide. Her tears stopped flowing as her ears picked up the sound of a voice she hadn’t heard in a long long time. The wind seemed to stand still as the world stopped around her. She turned, ever so carefully, as if afraid that it may have been a trick of the mind or something in the wind. There, stood a white and blue stallion, covered in cuts and bruises, still wearing his uniform.
“Shi—Shining?”
He moved forward and pulled her into an embrace. “It’s okay, Cadence. You’ve been everything I’ve ever needed you to be.”
Author's Note
Well, a happy ending after all. How mushy.
This was way out of my usual comfort zone, and it was a definite challenge to transition into a sad shot from my usual dark and twisted reading/writing. I hope it turned out well, and I hope any of you who read this enjoyed it.
Gotta give credit where credit it due:
Concept influeced by Kaidan's Twilight's Dollhouse and Miles Away by Memphis May Fire
Much thanks to The Gweat and Powaful Twixie for all the help with characterization. I couldn't have done any of this without his help. If you enjoy what you read, I recommend his story The Sparkling Reflection of Princess Rarity
