“Careful, just a few more inches… Watch yer hooves.”

Whump

The engineers had just finished laying the second wing in the field, next to the first. At some point, a few of the other engineers, not working on the wings, had moved the smashed engine and tail pieces into the field as well.

Noticing that they were finished, John walked over from where he was speaking with Shining Armor. After making sure that none of the other ordinance was compromised, John had dismissed the ERD ponies

“Alright, good job everyone. I think that’s a good stopping place for today. At the rate we’re going, we’ll be out of here in no time.”

There were a few sighs of relief from the engineers, and John didn’t blame them. They hadn’t exactly been moving around feather pillows. In fact, he was surprised that the ponies were even able to move the wings in the first place, especially with most of the ordinance still attached. A few rockets had come out of their tubes, and a cluster bomb had sheared off its mounts. To be safe, John made an inventory of all the weapons. The only things he couldn’t find were two Mk-84s, but, to be fair, he had just blown one up, so that left only one weapon unaccounted for. John wasn’t too worried though, since the massive bombs were stored on the mounts directly under the main body. The other bomb was most likely wedged between the fuselage and the ground, at the bottom of the rut the plane had made.

As if on cue, Ratchet walked up, looking exhausted. “I still think there’s no way in Tartarus that this thing can fly. It’s too damned heavy”

John smiled. “Keep telling yourself that. Anyways, same time tomorrow?”

“Sure thing.”

“Alright, see you then.” They parted and John returned to Shining and the girls.

Shortly after the detonation of the bomb, John had checked over the rest of the ordinance to check for faults, and, finding none (other than some bent fins on a few bombs and some smashed seeker heads on some missiles), he dismissed the ERD team. The Princesses departed as well, but Shining Armor asked if he could remain behind.

John was worried at first, but he was surprised when Shining began questioning him about all the weapons that his aircraft could carry. He spent the next hour or so explaining the different types of ordinance and what their purposes were.

“Alright guys, it’s been a long day, I’m tired, let’s get out of here.”

Rainbow looked at him with a funny expression. “Tired!? How can you possibly be tired? You haven’t done anything all day, except talk about boring stuff.”

“I can’t exactly do anything other than talk.” John gestured at his sling. “Besides, you didn’t seem all that bored when I was talking about my weapons.”

Rainbow flustered. “Well… Yeah… Because they all explode!” She then acted out the events that had occurred earlier, including hoof gestures and sound effects, causing everyone to laugh. After a few minutes, they all made their way back to where John had given the safety brief earlier that morning.

John saw his duffel bag sitting where he had left it, and placed his clipboard inside, zipping it up. He shouldered the bag, then looked around and spotted the pony he wanted to talk with.

“Hey Sergeant! Can you come here for a sec?”

Ironhoof trotted over and saluted. “Sir?”

“We’ve moved several pieces of the aircraft into the field west of here to facilitate transportation. I want you to station a few guards over there as well. You can also decrease the radius of the perimeter if you want, the area is safe. Same rules apply though, no one gets in without my say-so.”

“Yes sir!” The stallion ran off to relay the orders to his men.

John looked up and determined that it was only about four in the afternoon. Rarity probably wouldn’t have his stuff finished yet, and his arm was still in the sling so he couldn’t help Applejack, so he didn’t really have anything to do. He didn’t feel like carrying the duffel bag around all day, and he was rather tired, so John decided that he would go back to the guard station and take a nap. John voiced his opinions to everyone.

“A NAP!? You can’t take a nap!” Twilight didn’t approve.

Rainbow yawned. “Actually, a nap sounds pretty awesome right now.”

Twilight glared at the rainbow maned Pegasus. “No! Nopony is taking a nap. We’re going to take John… on a… uh… tour of Ponyville! Yeah.”

Everyone looked at the lavender mare with suspicious looks, but John shrugged and decided to go with it. He had nothing better to do, and a tour would give him a chance to learn the layout of the town.

"Uhhh... Sure, why not. But first can I-" John saw that Twilight wasn't paying attention, but instead was making odd faces at her brother. The weird part was that he was making faces right back at her. John assumed that the two were having some sort of wordless conversation, which ended with a Pinkie Pie sized grin on Twilight's face and an exasperated sigh and roll-of-the-eyes from her brother.

Shining pointed a hoof at Lightning. "Corporal, can you please take the Lieutenant's bag back to his bunk, then come find us."

The Pegasus raised an eyebrow and took the bag from John. "Uh, certainly, sir." With a puff of dust, Lightning took off and headed toward the guard station.

“Alright, Ponyville is pretty big, so we should probably get started.”

“That’s it?” Twilight nodded. John was utterly confused. Ponyville was so small that the group had walked from one side to the other in a little under fifteen minutes. “How on earth did I get lost for forty-five minutes!?”

Rainbow Dash almost died of laughter. “BWAHAHAHA!!! YOU GOT LOST!?”

“Yeah.”

“But…. Hehe… How? Ponyville is, like, one of the smallest towns in Equestria.”

John rolled his eyes. “I have no clue. Everything is so close together, it’s like a miniature city.”

He wasn’t kidding. Ponyville had everything that a small city would have; Houses, stores, vendors, businesses, a night club, taverns, a hospital, fire department, guard station, weather service, movie theater, town hall, and even a small outdoor amphitheater. The only downside was that everything was crammed into about one square mile of terrain, and since there weren’t any apartment complexes, malls, or office buildings, there were buildings everywhere. The only exceptions were Applejack’s farm, Fluttershy’s cottage, and the library, which were all on the outskirts.

"Besides, nobody told me that Rarity's place actually looked like a carousel. Now that I think about it, I'm not surprised. I probably walked past the place ten times this morning."

Rainbow's laughter suddenly stopped. "Y-you went to Rarity's this morning?"

John raised an eyebrow, curious at the mare's reaction. "Yeah, I brought some clothes back from the castle that were a bit too big for me, so she's resizing them for me. That's all." John glanced at Rainbow as she let out an almost imperceptible sigh. "Something you want to tell me?"

Rainbow's cheeks turned as red as Big Mac as she stumbled a few steps before recovering and stuttering a few words in response. "N-n-no, n-nothing! I-it's nothing."

John was unconvinced, but decided not to press the matter. He was somewhat relieved when Twilight cleared her throat and announced their next destination. "Alright then! Now, we've seen almost the entire town, but you still haven't been to Sugarcube Corner. Seeing as you skipped lunch, John, I vote that we stop there and get something to eat." There was a chorus of yeah's and ok's.

John shrugged. "Why not." As if to punctuate his words, his stomach growled loudly, followed by chuckles from everyone.

Everyone was happily chatting as they walked to the bakery, but as they approached, John's gut told him that something was wrong. All the lights were off, window blinds closed, and the door was shut. Add Twilight's earlier behavior, and John felt like something just didn't add up.

Twilight glanced at everyone, which made John pause. "Oh, look, there's Sugarcube Corner! I'll just... go... getatablereadyandtellPinkiewe'recoming!" The Lavender mare rocketed forward, closely followed by Rainbow, Applejack, and Shining Armor. They made it to the door, opened it, filed in, then slammed it shut again all in the span of about 0.023 seconds, leaving a stunned Lightning, Star, and John standing in a dissipating dust cloud.

"Um... What in Tartarus just happened?" Star was shaking his head in disbelief.

John approached the door. "I have no idea, but I have a feeling that it won't end well." He grabbed the handle and cautiously opened the door, revealing a darkened room full of tables and chairs with a counter and display case on the far side of the room.

John didn't like it. It was too quiet, and there was nobody in the room, the same room that four ponies had entered not fifteen seconds ago.

He backed out of the doorway and stacked up on the door, pressing his back to the wall. After a few quick hand signals to Lightning and Star, the trio swiftly entered the building and split up, Star following the left wall, Lightning took the right wall, and John went straight up the middle. He was almost to the when the door slammed shut and plunged the room into complete darkness.

"What the fu-"

BOOM!!!!!!

John's instincts took over as he dove over the counter and drew his sidearm, ignoring a slight twinge coming from his left arm.

“What the hell is going on?” John’s heart was beating a mile a minute as he tried to figure out what was going on. All of a sudden, a pink blur shot around the end of the counter and stopped in front of him, materializing into Pinkie Pie holding a small cannon.

“SURPRISE!”

John whipped up his sidearm and aimed it at the mare, but lowered it once he recognized who it was. “Holy hell, Pinkie. You scared the shit out of me.”

Pinkie giggled. “Oh, silly, it wouldn’t be a surprise party if you knew about it! Then, it would be an un-surprise party!”

“So… if this is a party, then why are you holding a cannon?”

More giggles. “This is my Party Cannon! I use it to set up parties in a jiffy, see!” She stood on her hind legs and pointed a hoof at the interior of the room.

Peeking over the top of the counter, John’s mouth hit the floor. The room, which had been completely empty (with the exception of the tables and chairs), was now fully decorated with balloons, streamers, confetti, a table full of food and a few gifts, and even a banner that read ‘Congratulations for not Dying, Get Well Soon, Thank You for not Blowing Up Ponyville, and Welcome to Ponyville John’. The room was also full of ponies, who all yelled ‘Surprise’ when they saw him peek over the counter.

He slowly stood up and holstered his weapon when he noticed Twilight walking up to him. “I assume you’re to blame for all this?”

She laughed. “Oh, I had some help.”

John walked out from behind the counter and surveyed the crowd in the room. He saw a few familiar faces, like Twilight, all of her friends, Lightning and Star, Shining Armor, and Lieutenant Crimson; but there were also a few unfamiliar ones A grey Pegasus with googly eyes, an aquamarine mare who was staring at him with wide eyes, a beige mare with a curly blue and pink mane, and a white mare wearing a pair of purple glasses and standing behind some turntables.

“How could you have possibly had help?”

“Oh, Pinkie has wanted to throw you a party since you arrived,” John glanced at the pink mare, who was nodding furiously, “but you were in the hospital. We were going to have the party yesterday, but you had to go to Canterlot, so, after you stopped the work at Sweet Apple Acres, I sent a message to Pinkie and made up an excuse to bring you here.”

Something didn’t add up. “Wait, if you were with me all day, how did you send Pinkie a message? The only perso- er, pony, that left was……....” John’s eyes narrowed as realization slapped him across the face. “Oh, I’m gonna kill him.”

\\

Big Mac was pulling a cart full of apples to the family stall in the market. Today had been a pretty eventful day, to say the least. First, the human that his sis had talked about had showed up, then, the Princesses arrived and the hill out past the south field blew up. He didn’t know what all that was about, but he didn’t really care, so long as his work got done.

He was coming up to Sugarcube Corner when he heard a muffled ‘Bang’ and the door flew open.

“GYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

He stopped chewing on the piece of straw in his mouth to watch a dark blue Pegasus shoot out of the building and fly past him, landing in a heap on the other side of the road.

Clearly dazed, the Pegasus got up and stumbled back into the building.

Big Mac just shook his head and continued pulling the cart.
“Eeyup.”

\\

“Hey, Pinkie, do you mind if I borrow your cannon for a second?”

A large grin slowly spread across Pinkie’s face. “Of course, Johnny-wonny! Just push the big red button.” She handed John the cannon, which was surprisingly light.

John walked over to Lightning and Star, who were busy flipping up the table that Star had kicked over to take cover behind when the cannon went off. He put the cannon on the ground behind the unsuspecting pair and took aim.

“Hey, Lightning!”

“Yeah?” The Pegasus turned around, eyed growing wide when he saw the cannon pointed at him with the human standing behind it, a sinister grin on his face.

“Surprise.” John kicked the big red button on the back of the cannon.

BOOM!!!!!!

Lightning was hit full on in the chest by a supersonic bundle of confetti, sending him flying out the front door.

Picking up the cannon, John returned it to Pinkie, who was rolling around on the floor in a fit of laughter. In fact, the only ones NOT laughing were Star and Twilight, but Star didn’t really count since he looked like he had just seen his life flash before his eyes.

Twilight, on the other hand… hoof?... was not amused.

“Why the hay did you do that!?”

John shrugged, placing the cannon on the floor. "I don't like surprises."

Pinkie immediately stopped laughing and gasped, sucking in all the air within a ten foot radius. "Why not!?"

"Because I'm a Pilot. When you're flying at 350 miles-per-hour, thousands of feet in the air, inside a giant metal death-machine, surprises are generally VERY bad. Plus, I almost shot you."

"Oh! OK!" She smiled and happily bounced away.

Twilight seemed to calm down when she saw Lightning stumble through the door as soon as John stopped talking. "Wait, what kinds of surprises could possibly be that bad?"

John thought for a moment. "Let's see... I could have an engine failure, hydraulics failure, oxygen system failure, ejection seat failure, GPS failure, radar failure, electrical failure, fuel leak, fire, I could get hit by a missile or anti-aircraft fire, stumble across enemy aircraft, get hit by a rogue artillery shell, the list goes on... and on... and-"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Ok, I get it. Has any of that stuff happened to you?"

John chuckled. "Yes, actually, but that's a story for another time. Suffice it to say, I needed a new flight suit and I had to clean the seat out."

The unicorn stared at him for a moment, confused, but then grimaced as she realized what he was talking about. "Sounds..... Interesting..."

"That's not even the half of it. Anyways, we should probably get back to the party.”

“Oooh, my head…”

John rubbed his forehead as he walked back to the guard station with Lightning and Star.

\\

The party had gone off without a hitch… for the most part.

Due to the fact that John didn’t know very many ponies in town, Pinkie hadn’t invited very many. In fact, she had really only invited the DJ, Vinyl Scratch. Derpy was there because she wanted to pick up an order of muffins, and Lyra found out (somehow) that John would be at Sugarcube Corner and she didn’t want to pass up a chance to meet a human, and Bon Bon tagged along to make sure that she didn’t get into trouble. John didn’t mind though, he liked meeting new faces, and Lyra had some very interesting questions for him. At one point, she had tried to lick his ear. At that point, he decided to go get a piece of cake.

All of the food and refreshments were supplied by Pinkie (duh), and were absolutely amazing. John had surprised himself by eating almost half the cake singlehandedly, causing Pinkie to break the fabric of time and space by pulling another cake out of thin air. He decided not to question it, he didn’t want to hurt his brain. Instead, he brought his attention to a pile of packages at the end of the table.

John hadn’t expected any gifts, nor did he really want them. After a rather large fuss with Rarity (who was the one that had brought them), he consented and opened them. After a few minutes of opening packages, John ended up with a sizable pile of clothing that Rarity had been working on for the past week and a half. The garments ranged from multi-colored t-shirts, to jeans, to button up dress shirts. She had even finished refitting the BDUs and completed the patch that John had her make. Since he still had only one arm, as further punishment for surprising him, John sent Lightning back to the guard station to retrieve his bag.

There had been entertainment, such as a DJ and various games, but John had opted to just sit and observe everyone. Occasionally, someone would approach him with a question, which he would happily answer. It’s not that he didn’t like parties, he just wasn’t social enough to participate in the same ways as everyone else, so he always found somewhere to sit and observe. At one point, Rainbow came over to him after finishing a hoof wrestling match with Applejack (that ended in a draw) and asked him why he was just sitting there. He tried explaining that he had fun by being around other people having fun (if that makes sense), which only ended up with him getting called a changeling and receiving a hoof to the forehead. The situation was easily defused by Twilight, who said something along the lines of “Changelings can’t turn into humans”.

At some point during the party, Pinkie had started spiking the punch bowl, and, by the end of the night, almost everyone was stumbling and falling over. John wasn’t a big fan of punch, so he was the only one that was unaffected. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop everyone from running into him, which was how he ended up tripping over Rarity and smacking his forehead (which was already bruised from Rainbow’s punch) on a table.

He left shortly after the incident, on account of the headache and because it had gotten dark and he needed to be up in the morning.

\\

The trio made it to the guard station without incident, although John almost had to carry the two ponies to keep them from falling over every few steps.

When they opened the door, they were met by the Sergeant from the night before, sitting at the front desk. He noticed the human first. “Good evening, sir. Hope you had a good day.” He then looked at the two ponies by John’s side. “If I may ask, what happened to those two?... and the Lieutenant, for that matter. He said something about a party?” The Sergeant pointed a hoof at the LT’s door, which was ajar and had a pair of red legs sticking out of it.

Lieutenant Crimson had left the party shortly after he, and everyone else, had become tipsy. Apparently, he had made it back to the station alright, but had passed out in the doorway of his office.

John rolled his eyes. “Pinkie spiked the punch.”

The Sergeant looked at John, then at the two ponies attempting to climb the stairs, and started cracking up. “That’d do it. Anyways, The LT mumbled something about you being in charge until he recovered, before he fell on his face.”

John let out a sigh. “Alright. I assume everyone already knows what they’re supposed to do tomorrow?”

The stallion nodded. “The shift schedule was posted yesterday, so there shouldn’t be any problems.”

“Good. I’ve got to head down to Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow morning, so, assuming Red takes the day off tomorrow, that’s where I’ll be.” John looked over to Star, who had just tripped and fell down the stairs, blabbering something about escalators and dragging Lightning down with him. “I’d better go make sure those two don’t kill themselves. Come get me if you need anything or if something comes up.”

The Sergeant saluted. “Will do, sir.”

With that, John walked to the bottom of the stairs and picked up Star, since he was on top, and carried him up the stairs. John returned to Lightning, who had already fallen asleep, and carried him up as well.

After getting both ponies into their respective beds, John walked to his own and shrugged off his duffel bag and opened it. He then opened the chest and pulled out his rifle and pushed all his gear to one side of the chest. Reaching into the duffel bag, he pulled out the clothes that Rarity had made for him, as well as two of the BDU sets, and put them in the now empty side of the chest.

Shutting the chest, he placed the third BDU set on top of it, kicked the duffel bag under the bed, propped the rifle against the wall, and unclipped his sidearm from around his waist. He took his sling off and quickly disrobed and climbed into bed, setting the alarm clock as he did so.

John was jolted awake when the door to the room burst open.

“Lieutenant! Get yer gear! We’ve got a BIG problem!”

Author's Note

Alright, sorry for the shorter chapter, and sorry it took so long. My internet cut out last weekend, so I decided to do some editing, which evolved into rewriting sections, which evolved into a complete chapter rewrite.

I've also been packing and getting ready for my trip next weekend, so I haven't had much time for writing. Normally I wouldn't start packing so early, but I've forgotten something every year and I don't want that to happen again (Forgot my sleeping bag last year, felt like an idiot.)

I'll try to get another chapter out before I leave, but no guarantees. I'll be busy this weekend and I don't know how busy I'll be next week. I SHOULD be able to crank one out, but I might also to some revising of this chapter as well, I think it needs to be touched up in a few places.

Anyways, give me your feedback. Good? Bad? Needs Improvement? Can't fix it if I don't know what to fix.