Tower of Pimps!!

by Redwolf15

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2201

What is this new object that has landed in Equestria? And why does it look so swag?

The Tower of Pimps, a wonderful beacon of dreams and swag made out of four cubes of solid gold on top of one another, all erected on a square block of obsidian. A construct that only the gods themselves could have envisioned crafting.

Unfortunately, they didn't craft it, a annoying yet very lovable git named Gavin Free made it. And sadly there is no real Tower of Pimps, so the boys at Achievement Hunter have to make do with a plastic miniature one, yet still just as swag as the actual one.

But now the mini one has disappeared! Where could it be? What could have happened to it? How could this have happened? And who is to blame for this atrocity?

Well, as to who did this our best guess is Gavin.

But as to where, why the answer is obvious: Equestria.

Teen for mild amounts of language.

Published 2013-05-17 18:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-17 18:10:02 UTC

Tower of Pimps!!

"What are you doing?" Geoff Ramsey asks as he walks into the Achievement hunter office with his bearded companion Jack Pattillo.

"Looking for the bloody Tower," Gavin answers from under his desk.

"Wait, what do you... Gavin, did you lose it?" Geoff raises his voice a little in anger.

"No I didn't lose it; it just vanished."

"Things don't just vanish from your desk Gavin," Michael comments, just as annoyed by what happened. "You always loose shit."

"I'm telling you I didn't lose it; one of you guys must have taken it."

"Well, I didn't do nothin'. Ray?"

"Nah man, I didn't touch it." Their Puerto Rican friend mentions without looking away from his computer that has the greatest screen saver. (Author's side note: Here it is by the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about. Hehehe, fuckin' Oney's great.)

"Well I haven't seen it." Jack, the bearded wonder comments before anyone get's the chance to ask him.

"Hang on," Geoff walks out of the office and calls from the hallway to their sixth member. "Hey Ryan, did you take the Tower?"

"Uh no, you know I don't see it very often." They hear a voice call from another room. (Arthur's second side note: sad but true.)

"Great job, Gavin." Michael says offensively as he goes back to editing another of their Let's Play.

"I'm telling you I didn't lose it." He defends, "it was right there when I left the office the other day, and now it's gone."

"Well then, what could have happened?" Jack asks being one of the few calm ones about this.

"I don't know, someone broke into the office and took it last night?" He suggests.

"Someone breaks in here, just to steal piece of plastic that only looks like gold, when there's a shit-load of expensive equipment in this room alone?" Geoff questions, finding it to be a stupid answer, even for Gavin standards.

"Well, it's possible Geoff!" He retorts back pissed that everyone's blaming him for something he knows he didn't do.

"Well, fans probably would kill one another just to get that little tower Geoff," Jack includes.

"Hey Michael, maybe it was sucked into Equestria." Ray jokes.

"If it did, then that is one lucky-ass piece of plastic."

"Oh come one guys, nothing that stupid could happen." Geoff argues, overhearing them.

Meanwhile in a different universe at that exact moment...

Twilight Sparkle was happily reading a book in the library. She found it nice that nothing random had happened in the last few days. Usually something crazy happens at least once a week in their little town, but for once it was nice to have some peace and quiet. Even if it was just for a moment. Then a blue blur burst through her door.

"Twilight!" and suddenly she knew that the moment was over. "You gotta come quick, it appeared in the centre of town all of a sudden, it's so cool!"

"Whoa, settle down Dash. What do you mean ‘it’?"

"I don't know, just come on." Rainbow Dash proceeds to push her out the door. Twilight stands up, and begins to run on her own, following Rainbow Dash to the thing.

After the many times of having to run through town due to some crisis or another, the two ponies made it to the centre of town in just a short time. As they arrived, they found a large number of ponies had gathered around a foreign object. From a distance, Twilight could only see the top of whatever this thing was, and still wasn't sure what it could be. She gently pushed her way through the crowd, wanting to get a better view, Rainbow dash flew overhead. Soon she was at the forefront of the crowd, her friends already there. Now that she had a better look at it, she could tell what it was: four perfectly crafted square blocks that looked to be pure gold, each placed on top of one another and the exact same size. All of these golden blocks stood on a black square that was just as perfectly crafted.

Nopony dared to get closer to the construct; though it was indeed marvellous, none of them knew what it was. Twilight was entranced by the majesty of it, and was the first to step forward cautiously. Everypony watched as she put one hoof in front of the other, inching closer to the blocky, structure. She inspected it from top to bottom and went all around it, finding it to have zero flaws with perfectly smooth sides and each to the exact length.

After finding that no harm had come to her, Twilight’s friends joined her in the inspection.

"Sooo... what is it Twi?" Applejack asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Well, from what I can tell it looks to be a structure of some sort." She said from her limited knowledge that she's gathered so far. "Each block looks to be the exact same size in length, width, and height and perfectly sculpted to an exact fine. I was sceptical at first but I see no discolouration anywhere on it, I’d have to possibly get a large magnet to determine whether or not it’s real gold. While the bottom piece obsidian, you can tell from it’s glossy fine and how glassy it appears."

"And just look at the craftsmanship," Rarity exclaimed breathlessly. "Whoever created such a thing did not miss a detail in crafting it. It’s perfect smoothness, the polish, even the lengths of each block appear to be the exact size."

"Yes, each block appears to be a perfect square with no obvious flaws or fault lines." Twilight agreed suspiciously. "But that's just the thing, though I do admire the perfection, just how could something be so perfect?"

"Well, whatever this thing is, somepony didn't just forgot it here. They left it." Rainbow remarks, fling over it. "I say we give this thing a name, this tower thing."

"Ooh, ooh, maybe there's chocolate inside. Can we call it The Tower of Secret Chocolatey Goodness?"

"I was thinking more like, The Tower of Awesome!"

"We can't call such a marvel that." Rarity interjects, not liking the idea one bit.

"And why not?" Her hot headed friend asks.

"Look at it darling: such splendour, the shine, the perfect proportioning. Why, I can even see my own reflection." The seamstress answers coolly. "I believe that the Tower of Splendid Elegance is a more proper name. Wouldn't you agree Fluttershy?"

"Well um, I don't think that would be an appropriate name to call it... Not that your's is a bad idea, because it's really not, but I think that maybe it would be more so called the Tower of Mysterious and Possibly Scary Boxes." The timid yellow pegasus squeaks trying to hide behind her mane, slightly afraid of the construct.

"No offence 'Shy, but A'h don't believe that would be such a fitting name for it." Applejack comments trying not to hurt her friend's feelings. "Truth be told, A'h think that this thing here would be better named The Tower of Golden Delicious. What about you Twi? You got an idea for it?"

The purple unicorn rubbed her chin in thought. "Well, though those all do sound like they're appropriate names, I believe that The Tower of Shining Radiance would be the most accurate."

"You named that after Princess Celestia, didn't you?" Rainbow Dash asks, not amused.

"But it's not for us to decide," Twilight interjects avoiding Dash's question, "it would be more for Mayor Mare to decide." Just as if on queue, the ageing mare stepped out of the crowd as though she rehearsed it.

"Thank you for the inclusion Twilight, but I can't make a single decision if it affects the entire town." She says pleasantly. "If this tower will be staying in Ponyville, then it's the citizens of Ponyville that will decide. I suggest that we keep this simple propose a few names, then we'll cast an anonymous vote as to which name this tower will hold." Her speech was finished by a roar of cheers from the townsfolk, happy to be included.

The cheering died down as soon as it started. A brilliant golden light blinded everypony, cutting their cheering short. "If I may have a word please..." As the light died out and everypony was able to see again, they now had a clear view of their sun ruler, Princess Celestia, standing beside the tower with her student.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed in both excitement to see her teacher, but also confusion as to why she would appear with no notice of her arrival.

"Hello Twilight Sparkle, and to the rest of you, Ponyville." She said ever in her royal and gentle tone.

"What are you doing here? I never received a message that you'd be visiting."

"That would be because this is an unannounced visit my student, concerning this." She turned to the tower. "I suppose that you have been wondering as to what it is, or where it came from?"

"From what I've been able to gather, I suspect that they're four gold blocks-"

"Or four golden wrapped chocolate boxes!" Pinkie Pie interrupts.

"All on top of a single obsidian block." She finishes, ignoring Pinkie. "It's strange though Princess, each block is perfectly crafted with no indication of fault. It would be incredibly difficult to create something so perfect, even with magic."

"Very observable of you my pupil, but you still haven't told me as to where it came from." Twilight's face made a cringing expression as she was reminded. Celestia laughs gently. "Do not fret; as to 'where' this tower originated from is exactly why I arrived unannounced. I sensed a strong magical presence take root here, and a very familiar one at that. Something needing so much magical power would have to have been taken from another universe. Beginning to worry as to what was pulled into our world I came to investigate."

"Another universe? But where'd it come from, and how?" Right on after Twilight’s question, an explosion of confetti and fireworks randomly flew out in all directions from the other side of the tower where Celestia stood. Ponies screamed in confusion as they ducked out of the way so as not to be struck by a stray firework.

In place where the explosion was, a very familiar mismatched beast stood... wearing a mariachi suit and four other beasts stood behind it, all playing a song from their instruments. The next beast looked exactly identical to the original one, right down to the beard on his chiny-chin-chin.

"Discord?" Everypony but Fluttershy and Celestia said in surprise.

"Discord, it's so nice to see you again." Fluttershy replied, happy to see her newest friend again.

"Hello Fluttershy, Celly, Twilight, and the rest of the town." With the snap of his lion paw fingers the mariachi band burped out of existence. (Author's third side note: Yes, you just read that correct, and now you are envisioning it. Don't lie, you totally are aren't you?)

"Hello Discord," Celestia greeted pleasantly. "So it was your magic that I sensed when this tower appeared, wasn't it?"

"Guilty as charmed." The god of chaos said gleefully. "It's been awhile since I've seen my old pal Fluttershy, so I thought I'd drop by. But it's been so long that I felt I had to bring something."

"So, what is it, and where'd you get it?" Twilight asked him, leaning on the edge of her figurative seat.

"Sorry, but as to where I got it is more of a secret." He said playfully tapping his nose. "But I will tell you this: go ahead and call it whatever you want, I don't care. It’s completely harmless."

"Well, in honour of Discord’s kindness, I would like to suggest naming this The Tower of Friendship. Where it will act as a beacon of kindness, hospitality, and harmony for as long as it may stand. What would the town say to that?" Celestia's speech was concluded by the entire town cheering in agreement, praising their ruler for the name that she gave their newest addition to the town.

"By the way," she whispered over the crowd so only Discord could hear. "The removal of this tower wouldn’t cause any chaos in its home universe, would it?"

"Mmmmmaybe," The chaos bringer said slyly as he averted his eyes and sucked in his lips, giving no effort trying to deny that that may be the case.

"Well, as long as the chaos can be easily mended, I suppose everything is fine." She sighed in defeat knowing that old habits die hard.

Back at Achievement Hunter...

"Well god dammit Gavin, I can't find it anywhere. You had one job." Geoff says angrily.

"I keep telling you, I didn't lose it! It just disappeared!"

"You know, technically, he has several jobs." Everyone ignores Ray's correction.

"You always loose crap from your desk." Jack says calmly, but annoyed deep down.

"Or he breaks it." Micheal includes.

"Or you assholes knock it over." The Brit defended.

"... You stupid shit." Micheal states.

Author's Note

Probably the funniest thing I've ever written.