Winning in Los Pegasus

Chapters

Chapter 1: Meeting up
Chapter 2: Level Game
Chapter 3: Fall Guy
Epilogue: Grounded

Chapter 1: Meeting up

I groaned as the minute hand of the station clock crept into the second half of the hour. The train was thirty six minutes and thirty seconds late by that clock. One of my best, it was accurate down to around twenty or so seconds lost per week,very precise for a pendulum clock. There’s a reason that most of Ponyville have Time Turner Timepieces. You won’t find any better around here.

I stood alone outside while everypony else was inside out of the cold. Ponyville station is little more than a small building, a coal shed, and a low platform. It’s really just a little stop between Canterlot and the other end of the line, here mostly for passengers to use the restrooms. Today’s destination was the fabulous city of Los Pegasus, and the train would be filled with wealthy Canterlot ponies ready to lose their money.

My plan was simple: I’d to Los Pegasus and get as much of that money as I could out of the rich twits. A time keeper’s salary is almost non-existent and so I need to supplement it. Between selling clocks and the occasional business trip, I’ve managed a set fair bit aside. Here’s a tip, ‘never to gamble what you can’t afford to lose’. But right now I could afford to lose, and I had a few tricks to help me win.

I stepped back from the window and returned to walking back and forth along the platform. I’m a pacer by nature, most earth ponies are, and it was either this or huddling inside with everypony else. The exercise helped to keep me warm while the cold wind blew past with rogue leaves that escaped the clean up following the ‘running’ last week.

As I did another circuit of the platform, the train finally meandered around the corner with a half dozen earth ponies running in front of it. There wasn’t any smoke blowing from the engine’s smoke stack, and the only reason it was making any speed at all was because they were running downhill.

Out of coal again? I thought. It never seemed like Equestria could import enough coal to keep the trains running. I had to be in Los Pegasus before the day ran out, and without coal I might as well run the entire way myself. The brakes on the engine screeched as it came to a stop in Ponyville Station. Without fuel, the breaks were the only reason to drag it along with them.

I casually worked my way off the platform and up to where the ponies pulling the train were taking a breather. They were as out of puff as the engine was. I put on a pleasant smile and asked, “Did you guys gallop all the way from Canterlot with that thing?”

A couple of the engineers gave me a breathless nod while the lead engineer said, “Canterlot Yard *huff* is *puff* outta coal.”

“No kidding,” I said quietly. I considered the engine chained behind them, “I’ve always wondered why you don’t just use wood. A team of earth ponies could easily farm enough timber to fuel all of Equestria’s trains.”

The lead engineer gave me a nod and used his cap to wipe the sweat off his brow. “Yeah, that’s been suggested before. But Management didn’t think a tree farm would keep up with the usage.”

I snorted, “Really? Let me guess, the management are…”

“Unicorns,” he replied and we laughed lightly. It’s the shared plight of earth ponies everywhere. You see pegasi with wings and unicorns with horns, but there can’t be anything special about earth ponies because we don’t have the extras. Yet it’s always the earth pony that’ll surprise you.

“You know,” I said as the laughter dried up. “Somepony should just sell them charcoal instead. They’d never see the difference.”

“It would fix the short fall at least,” the engineer agreed. “Yeah, I’ll ask around. Somepony’s got to have a cousin in wood farming somewhere.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me. I have a second cousin who pilots airships.” Unicorns might have long bloodlines and detailed family trees, but earth ponies mastered interconnected families.

“Well,” I looked around. “If you guys want ride the rest of the way; you could get some coal out of the shed over there,” I pointed back toward a shed adjoining the station.

The lead engineer got his breath back and said, “The emergency stock? That’s for guard use only.”

“Pfft,” I shrugged. “They never use it. I’ll tell you what: I work for the mayor’s office, so I can just fill in a form and have it restocked. No pony will notice it’s gone.” I smiled to myself as the engineer considered my proposal. He looked to the train, then at his crew nodding back at him and finally back to me.

“We won’t get in trouble for this?”

“Nah,” I said with a smile. Public servants are lazy, they’d just decide to restock it and call it a day.

“Alright, we’ll get the loco up to steam,” the lead engineer conceded. “Just make sure the coal gets replaced.”

“No problem.” We bumped hooves to seal the deal and I went back to the passenger cars with a smile on my face.

I nipped into the forward carriage and I looked around to find a spare seat amongst all the Canterlot ponies already on board. After a minute of searching, I found an empty bench where a group of ponies must have just disembarked. I claimed the spot, shucked my bags off and laid myself down across it. I stretched, relaxed and then got out a book to read.

It was a few minutes while the steam engine warmed up. I read quietly while the other ponies in the carriage talked amongst themselves. I was halfway through a chapter when the bench shook as somepony sat down on the other end. I looked over my book to see a purple pegasus with a blond mane spreading herself out to get comfortable.

She looked up and noticed me peering over my book. She threw me a smile, gave her wings a flutter and said, “hi there.” Then she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“Hello, Cloud Kicker,” I said as I looked back at my book. “I heard the weather team’s been doing well lately.”

“Going to Los Pegasus as well, Time Turner?” Cloud asked. “You know, we could always find a good nightclub, or a hot tub,” she said with a sly smile. “Then after we’ll bang.”

That didn’t take long, I thought. I looked back over my book and found that Cloud had moved herself closer.

This is Cloud Kicker in a nutshell. If you’re single, you’re on her to-bang list, and I was, more or less, single. Cloud probably did Thunderlane last week. He’s been stupidly happy for some reason, and Time Turner would be the next alphabetically.

But I didn’t want to be just another pony she could cross off her list. I put my book down and leaned forward to look deep into Cloud’s eyes. “I’m going to be busy tonight. So, as appealing as the thought of going to a nightclub is, I’ll have to pass…” a flash of disappointment crossed her face, “…but the hot tub is tempting.”

“If you’d rather relax, I’ve learned a bit about giving massages," Cloud's eyes closed, a shiver running up her spine as her wings twitched. “The spa twins are great teachers…”

That’s… an interesting mental image, I thought. No, wait. Stop thinking about that. That’s how she gets you. Think of clocks, and change the subject.

I hummed in thought. “Perhaps I should pay them a visit and find out why Rarity’s always there.” I shrugged, “there’s got to be something to it.”

“Perhaps they do more than massage her…” Cloud thought aloud.

“Unlikely, last I heard she was still pining for some distant and unreachable prince.” I shook my head and smiled, “Ah unicorns, it’s hard to be down to earth when you’re halfway up a mountain.”

“You don’t know who Rarity’s pining after?” Cloud looked a little surprised.

“Not really,” I lied.

“Prince Blueblood,” Cloud said with a roll of her eyes and sighed. “Rarity’s got herself tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, and she’s planning on cornering Blueblood there to declare her undying love to him. It was the talk of the town for an entire week, how didn’t you know?”

“I must have been out of town that week,” I said. I knew about it, Rarity hadn’t been discrete about her intentions, but by pretending I managed to derail Cloud Kicker. Looking a little silly was worth it.

“I just don’t get what she sees in him,” Cloud said. “He’s an arrogant, stuck up, insolent, waste of space.” Cloud started squashing a white cushion sitting between us.

I couldn’t resist. “Feeling a little jealous?” I had a smirk spread across my face. Cloud glared up and me and pushed the little white cushion into the seat lining. “Rarity’s entitled to her opinion,” I continued. “Personally, I think it’s just another part of the fantasy she’s written for her life.” I tilted my head in thought. “Though to be fair she’s done quite well for herself, despite delusions of grandeur. She’ll learn when she meets him.” After all, she won’t listen to anypony else.

“You know Blueblood as well?”

“I used to do consulting work in Canterlot.” I rolled my eyes, “I spent enough time there to learn to love the place and to hate it as well.” I brought my fore hooves together, “Blueblood is a complete jackass, but as far as I can tell he and his predecessors have helped the Princess manage her more… stuck up subjects.” I chuckled, “they deserve him.”

“They can keep him.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Perhaps Rarity might be able to find the diamond buried in Blueblood’s heart.”

“And Rainbow Dash will give up her dream of becoming a wonderbolt,” Cloud joked.

“There’s a thought, I should see if someone in Los Pegasus will give me good odds on whether Dash will make it.” I smiled, “We both know it’s going to happen, but nopony in LP does.”

“After the best young flyers competition, I don’t think anypony in Los Pegasus would take that bet,” she said with a satisfied smile. “Since we’re on the subject of LP, what are you doing tonight anyway?” She asked. “It must be fun.”

I shrugged, “not really. I’ll be stuck in a room with a bunch of ponies who take themselves far too seriously.” I looked around at Canterlot ponies surrounding us. “You know, like most of the ponies in this carriage.” A few unicorns who’d been watching our exchange in interest suddenly decided we weren’t important enough for them, and looked away.

“What’s so bad about them?”

“I’ve spent enough time consulting in Canterlot to know what they’re like. They’re vultures, and they deserve Blueblood,” I said with a snort. “If they didn’t pay so well I wouldn’t visit as often as I do. Spend some time there and you’ll see what I mean.”

A smirk crossed Cloud Kicker’s face as she said, “I grew up in Canterlot.”

I snorted, “You don’t sound like you’re from Canterlot.”

“Well neither do you,” she replied in sing song.

“That’s because I’m from Trottingham.” I brought a hoof to my chest and declared, “Home of dramatic theatre.” I laid myself back down with a shrug. “It was a nice place, but I like living in Ponyville more. There’s less drama.”

The look Cloud Kicker gave me was priceless. If I had to describe it I’d say it was two parts ‘what?’, mixed with three parts disbelief, one part ‘really?’ and shaken with ‘you’re kidding right?’

I shrugged, “Granted, Nightmare Moon was a bit weird, but crazy stuff happens all over Equestria. Trottingham had a mule in a mask haunting the opera house for a few years when I was a colt, and I’m never going to forget the ‘Crystal Dragon’ incident.”

“Crystal—“

“Don’t ask,” I interrupted. “All I’m going to say is I was picking fragments of crystal out of my coat for days.”

Cloud’s face was a picture a disappointment, until she grinned evilly and said, “Well, maybe I could check to see if any are left in your coat tonight.” Cloud wiggled her eyebrows and gave me a saucy smile to make her intentions as obvious as a buck to the face.

Ah, horse apples. “I’ll be busy. Because tonight I’ll be in a dull game of wits, lying, greed, cruelty and other terrible things that terrible ponies do to each other.

“I could just take you to a nightclub instead,” she replied. “Wouldn’t you rather do that then sit in a room full of ‘terrible’ ponies?”

“A nightclub doesn’t have a prize pool of two thousand bits.” Her wings ruffled and ears flicked as she looked at me with renewed interest. “Los Pegasus isn’t just the home of nightlife and film stars,” I explained. “It’s also got poker tournaments; like the Autumn Free Fall at Cloud Nine.”

“How are you getting into that?”

“It’s not an invitational,” I shrugged. “I just need to put two hundred and fifty bits in the pot and I’m in.” Sure two fifty’s a lot, but it’s what I charge for some of my more interesting business trips to Canterlot. If there’s one good thing about nobles it’s that they’re loaded with money.

“Then how are you getting up to Cloud Nine?” she asked again. Of course it was a cloud hotel.
I brought my hooves together with a clink and showed her my shoes. “I’m sure a pegasus like you can tell me about thunder forged steel.” Forging steel with pegasus induced lighting is an artisan craft only a few pegasi still practice. The big advantage to thunder forging is the residual pegasus magic from the process lets the steel sit on a cloud like a pegasus can, and a set of shoes will let me walk on clouds without getting an enchantment.

“Where did you get those?” she asked as she admired the skilled work.

“A gift from a friend,” I said evasively. The pegasi responsible are very skilled smiths and they made them especially for me as part of a job they needed done.

“They won’t help you fly.”

I shrugged, “maybe there’s a pegasus somewhere willing to let me ride her up there.” Cloud Kicker grinned back at me and I cringed as I realized what I’d just said.

Los Pegasus: The city built by hope, and made from dreams.

After Cloudsdale it’s the second largest cloud city in Equestria and the only place where gambling is encouraged. Personally, I suspect the only reason Princess Celestia has allowed this city to grow is to make sure all the bad eggs end up in one basket. That way if a rotten egg breaks the smell won’t reach the other towns and cities of Equestria.

Unlike Cloudsdale, which floats freely, Los Pegasus is anchored above the earth pony city of Applewood. The lower city was founded by an enterprising branch of the Apple Family that set up an orchard beneath Los Pegasus decades ago. In the face of almost insatiable demand for their produce; the founding Apples quickly expanded their orchards and soon rivalled their cousins in Ponyville.

Applewood quickly sprung up around the orchard as wingless ponies came to get the Los Pegasus experience. The only reason the Applewood orchard hasn’t outgrown Sweet Apple Acres is because the development of the city took up the land before they could buy it. Ironically, the slower more sedate growth of Ponyville has allowed Applejack and Big Mac to increase their lead over their cousins in terms of orchard size and output. Though being larger hasn’t improved the Acres’ income.

The engineers driving the train made up for lost time on the way and brought the train into the station only ten minutes after the scheduled time. Considering how late they were running it was a positively brilliant trip.

I followed Cloud Kicker out onto the platform. She’d spent the entire trip throwing more and more detailed euphemisms at me between other topics. I enjoy a good word challenge and I’d soon joined in as well. By the end of the trip I think we invented several new phrases and permanently scarred a dozen Canterlot unicorns for life. There were a couple of foals in the car as well, but like with most kids they’d completely missed the double meanings in our conversation.

I took a deep breath of the air and sighed. It didn’t smell like Ponyville. Applewood has the smell of the earth after rain, but Instead of being a temporary treat it was a permanent fixture and lost its specialness. The sky was occupied by the underside of Los Pegasus with areas of the city in permanent shade while others basked in bright spears of sunlight between clouds. Naturally the Applewood orchard was bathed entirely in sunlight.

We found a map of Applewood with information on how to get to the city above. Instructions for pegasi were simple, fly up. For the wingless there was a list of cloud stairways and warnings on the temporary nature of cloud walking spells. Listed beside each were extortionate tolls and prices for cloud walking enchantments. Everypony wants to be upstairs, and the greedy elements of Equestria were gathered here to take advantage of that.

“Somehow I don’t feel like paying twenty bits every time I use the stairs,” I grumbled. “Cloud Kicker, can I get a favour?”

She turned to look at me and gave an interested, “hm?” This was probably why she stuck around. She knew I’d be asking.

“I don’t want to be a chump and take the normal options, they're all terrible.” I sighed, “I’m guessing you don’t have a hotel room booked for tonight?”

“I wasn’t planning on booking one,” she replied innocently. Three guesses to what she meant by that.

“Well,” I said. “If you give me a lift up to Cloud Nine I’ll return the favour.” I weighed up my decision one more time and said, “All players in the Autumn Free Fall get a complimentary overnight stay in one of their best suites. I’ll let you share it, and if you’re interested you can come watch the tournament.”

Cloud Kicker brought a hoof up to her chin and made a show of considering it before asking, “Room service?”

“I’ll split it with you.”

“The bed?”

“Princess sized cloud bed, but you’ll get the couch.”

“We’ll see,” she said with a smile. “What time does the Free Fall end?”

“When I win it,” I replied.

One of her eyebrows went up, “You sound confident.”

“I travelled across country from my comfortable rut in Ponyville with over two hundred bits to put in the pot,” I said flatly. “Damn right I’m confident.”

“I bet the other players think that too.”

“That just means they’ll—“A unicorn bumped past me at a gallop, and his horn was dimly lit as he ran away. I flicked my head back toward my saddlebags. My coin purse was gone. This is why you shouldn’t say that you’re carrying lots of money in public, or at least in Los Pegasus.

I scowled at the thief as he galloped away. Cloud Kicker figured it out and shot after him. Sure she could probably get it back quick enough, but I wanted to do this myself and I could make it look like an accident.

“Reset,” I said and the world froze. A grin crossed my face as time reversed and brought the unicorn thief back toward me. This is my special talent; it allows me to turn time backwards by up to forty two seconds. Good for fixing mistakes and avoiding accidents. I can’t do it all the time because it needs to recharge after each use, but when I do use it, I abuse it.

“I bet the other players think that too,” Cloud Kicker repeated as time resumed.

I nodded as I threw a hoof up. To an observer it would look like I was about to point at something. Now, a unicorn’s horn has a direct line to their brain. Eons ago it might have been a dangerous weapon, but now it was a magically laced bundle of nerve tissue connected to an alicorn spiral. From what I’ve been told, giving it a good whack really hurts and it’s also a good way to stop a unicorn casting a spell.

The thief ran straight into my steel shod hoof, knocked himself silly and tumbled onto the ground. I tried to keep a smirk from my face as I ran over to him.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I stood over him and gave his shoulder a tap, “you know, if you gallop around like that somepony might think you’re up to no good.”

A flash of surprise crossed his face when he realized who was standing over him. I gave him a nice wide crocodile smile.

“Is he alright?” Cloud Kicker asked she landed on the other side of him.

“Oh, it was just a bump on the horn.” I helped him stand back up, put an arm over his shoulder and leant over to whisper in his ear. “I know what you were planning,” I whispered pleasantly. “You’re going to walk away like this never happened, and I’ll forget all about this.” I removed all trace of emotion from my voice, “If I ever see you again, I will drag your sorry flank to the nearest guard station and get them to put you through a reform spell.” I gave him nice a pat on the back. “Now say thank you and walk away.”

I took my arm back and the thief thanked me for my help before calmly walking away. He broke into a gallop once he was halfway down the street. I waved politely.

“I wouldn’t have let him go,” Cloud Kicker said darkly.

She noticed? I looked back over my shoulder, “Don’t be so judgemental, Cloud Kicker. He was stupid and he paid for it.” I checked to see if the thief was gone and then turned to smile at Cloud. “Anyway, he hit me hard enough that his horn’s going to be smarting for days.”

“And if he tries to steal again, what then?”

That put an eyebrow up. I paused to look at Cloud for a moment, she didn’t look angry, but she looked like she was in a bit of grouch. It was probably a good time to fall back on the old stallion standby for dealing with mares, don’t say anything.

Cloud continued on with a little remorse in her voice, “You should never let a problem go, or it’ll get worse and when it does it’ll be too late to stop it.” Cloud Kicker sighed and stared off into distance.

So, that touched on something. Luna alone knows what nightmares might have been haunting Cloud. I stepped closer. I’m not a paragon among ponies or much of a softy, but Cloud looked like she needed a hug from a friend. I supposed I was the closest thing to that around here.

I put an arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to ask, “You okay?”

Physical contact snapped Cloud Kicker out of her funk and she returned it by throwing a wing over me. I flinched a little at the sudden escalation. “I’m fine,” she said. “And I’ve finally managed to get a hold on you.” Her sudden move back towards her ‘normal’ mood felt like an attempt to hide her funk.

What are you hiding, Cloud? I decided to keep an eye on her for now. I always love a good mystery. “Yes well, I doubt you’ll have to worry about that guy for long,” I said to change topic. “If he doesn’t learn he’ll get caught again and be dragged to the Princess for a reform spell.”

Cloud eyed me for a moment. “How did you know what he was about to do anyway?”

I don’t tell anypony about my time turning ability. For one thing, if anypony found out I wouldn’t be able to get into the poker game upstairs. “He was following us from the platform,” I lied. “I’m good at reading ponies. I just had to wait for him to make a move and clap him on the horn.”

Cloud regarded me with a tilted head and a raised eyebrow. “Really, so you think you’re good enough at that to win the Free Fall?” She took her wing back, stepped in front of me and said, “Go on, read me. What am I thinking?”

I narrowed my eyes as I scanned every detail of her posture and her wings. Then I brought a hoof up to my chin and stood thinking for a minute before answering, “You think I’m making it all up and talking a pillow full of pony feathers.”

Cloud gave me a snort, “amazing.”

I shrugged, “you were either going to think I was psychic, could see the future, or I’m crazy. It was the safe bet, and that’s how I’m going to win. I’ll play it safe and when they’re vulnerable, I’ll strike.” That speech did little to remove the sceptical look from her face. “Don’t believe me? Come watch the game and see what happens.”

Cloud Kicker shook her head and opened her wings. “Get on, and let’s go.”

I grinned, “I thought you preferred to be on top?”

Cloud Kicker held me between her legs as we flew up toward the clouds above. It was an interesting feeling being carried like this. I couldn’t feel the earth beneath my hooves anymore and I found that surprisingly weird. I knew I would be fine, but it felt like some key part of me had been taken away. You can take the pony away from the earth, but you can’t take the earth out of the earth pony. I wondered if this was how pegasi felt when they’re grounded.

Looking around I admired the cloud architecture of the city. Everything was big, open and grand. Most of the structures wouldn’t even be able to support their own weight if they were made from conventional materials. Unlike Cloudsdale, there wasn’t a single style shared between buildings. Instead the cloud structures resembled architecture from all over Equestria, the stark column and openness of Cloudsdale meeting the curved swirl of Canterlot amid the gothic grandeur of Stalliongrad. The only thing missing was the simple homey-ness of Ponyville and other earth pony towns.

We flew towards the largest cloud in the sky, the luxurious Cloud Nine Casino. We came to low hover over a landing pad and Cloud put me down on the surface. The cloud beneath me didn’t feel solid; it was like standing on soft sand that had a little bit of a bounce to it. Cloud touched down beside me and we walked inside.

Out of curiosity I stopped to flick my tail through a cloud column. It seemed that everything else still went through the clouds. I was a little more careful with my hoof steps after that. The last thing I wanted was to trip over and wind up hanging upside down from my shoes.

I walked over to the reception desk where Cloud Kicker had already started to chat up the desk mare. When I finally got the desk mare’s attention, we made arrangements for the room and I gave her a letter of credit from the Ponyville branch of my bank as a deposit.

With that sorted, she gave me my room number, a key to the room’s safe, and sent a note down to room service to get enchanted bed sheets sent up. I wanted to be able to sleep in my bed after all.

We went upstairs to my room and opened the door. “Not bad,” I rated as I looked around the open room. The view was excellent and I could see Canterlot and Cloudsdale in the distance. There was a small kitchen and sitting room with the bedroom adjoining.

“I’m surprised they’re letting us stay for free,” Cloud Kicker said.

“It’s just for one night,” I said cynically. “That’s as far as their generosity will go, and I’m sure they’re making their money back somewhere.”

“Well, we’d better make the most of it then,” Cloud Kicker said as she went to check out the bedroom.

Instead of following her I went over to the room safe in one of the sitting room walls. I opened it with the key and I put my saddle bags inside. I took out my money and my old fedora hat. I hit the hat against my flank a few times to get the dust out of it, I don’t wear it often these days. When I was done I put the coin purse on my head and covered it with the hat.

I closed the safe, locked it shut and hid the key in the lining of my hat. It isn’t easy to secure a cloud room if the average pegasus could fly through any open window. I imagine safes like this are a common way to store valuables. Of course a safe’s only safe if it’s still in the room; I could throw it out the window and get anything out of it once it broke open on the ground below. Still, it looked safe enough.

Next, I decided get a drink and went to discover how a kitchen works in a cloud building. Not very well apparently. The kitchen looked much like one would downstairs, but with a few crucial differences. First: The oven was a freaking storm cloud, and when I stepped near it I felt my coat and mane stand on end. I decided not to touch it. Second: the sink had a traditional basin, made of cloud, with a fluffy rain cloud floating above it. I took a glass off a shelf, put it under the cloud and gave it a few taps with my hoof. Despite being able to touch it with my shoes I couldn’t to get it to rain.

Somehow I didn’t expect the bathroom to be much better.

Instead of using the sink to get a drink, I opened up the mini snow-cloud fridge and took out a bottle of juice. I opened it and drank it down in a single lift. When I put it back down I noticed a four bit price tag on the side. I’d had enough.

A passing glance at a sundial showed the time was getting toward five thirty. The Autumn Free Fall would be starting shortly. I went over to the bedroom and found Cloud Kicker spread-eagled on the bed. The enchanted bedspread hadn’t been brought up yet and Cloud was almost swimming in the fluffy looking cloud.

I coughed and she sat up and barely stifled a laugh when she saw me. “What is that on your head?”

“It’s a fedora,” I said as I straightened it. “Fedoras are cool.”

“Fifty years ago maybe,” she said and stopped suppressing her laughter. “Are you actually going to wear that?" She asked between chuckles.

“I’m going to a poker tournament.” Then I scowled, “Yes, I’m going to wear the hat. I hope you enjoyed the bed while you could, because you’re getting the couch tonight.”

It wasn’t like I could actually sit on the couch and so I won by default. Cloud said something along the lines of, “we’ll see,” as I walked out.

“Come on,” I called back. “The Free Fall’s starting soon and I want to win a year’s supply of impulse purchases.”

Chapter 2: Level Game

Following the directions I got from the desk mare, we found the tournament room in the deepest part of the hotel. The walls were made from dark storm clouds and the room was lit by a single gem light. The centre of the room held the game table along with eight cloud seats underneath the light. Surrounding the table was a raised amphitheatre, hidden in shadow and filled with spectators.

A royal guard with the grey colouring of the unicorn division met us at the door. I supposed that an event like this would need to be overseen by the government somehow. At least a unicorn could deal out the cards for us and make sure everything ran smoothly.

The guard greeted us gruffly and asked, “Time Turner?” I replied with a nod. “Good. I’m Keen Eye, your referee for tonight. Your seat at the table is ready, but I’m going to have to ask your marefriend to take a seat upstairs.”

I gave a shrug to Cloud Kicker and she rolled her eyes. I turned back to the guard, “Can she stay down here until the game begins? For moral support,” I added.

“Nothing in the rules saying she can’t,” the Keen Eye replied and led the way to the table.

The other seven seats were occupied by a griffon and six pegasi. I ignored them, because I had a much more important concern: my seat was a cloud.

I turned to the guard, “Do you have any enchanted cushions?”

“No,” Keen Eye replied. “The rules do not permit anything that may conceal a card. Can’t you sit on it?”

“Earth pony. I’d fall right through it.”

“Then how are you—“

“Thunder-forged shoes,” I replied briskly.

Keen lit his horn, “I can just give you a cloud walking spell.”

“I’d really rather not,” I said. “I find spells make me a little… ill. That’s something I’d rather not have to deal with when I’m playing.” Ponyville’s home to a very talented unicorn and considering the mistakes she makes, I’d rather not trust an amateur.

“Then I’m afraid you’ll simply have to stand, sir,” Keen Eye replied.

I was about to argue against the ruling when Cloud stepped forward. She gave me a wink and brushed past Keen Eye to extend my seat with some very clever cloud manipulation. When she finished, she sat down and covered the rest of the seat with her tail. She looked back at me and tapped the seat.

“That works." I shrugged and went to sit down. I suppose I was technically sitting on her tail, but that was being held up by the cloud beneath it and so I skipped the enchantment while Cloud got an excuse to stay down at the table. Credit where it’s due.

“Sir,” the guard said as he stood alongside me. “I can’t allow your marefriend to stay down here.”

“You mean my personal disability assistant?” I quipped. Cloud chuckled beside me. I shrugged, “If I were blind you’d let somepony sit beside me to tell me what my cards were. Is this any different?” A frown crossed Keen’s face and a smile crossed mine. I love loopholes.

“Don’t worry, corporal,” Cloud said. She put an arm around my shoulders and leaned on me. “It’s just like that time my cousin Dust Kicker had to escort the Mayor of Manehattan on her goodwill tour here.” Then she gave me a saucy grin and whispered, “I could also show you where it ended.”

“Wait, then you must be Cloud Kicker?” Keen asked. Cloud nodded and Keen started to laugh. He winked at me and said, “Have fun,” before walking away.

Right, so Cloud had cousin in the Los Pegasus guard and now everypony thought she had a hold on me. What have I gotten myself into? I asked myself.

Cloud leaned over and said, “You’re coming out clubbing with me tonight.”

“Joy,” I said flatly.

“Alright,” Keen said as he leaned over the edge of the table. “Now that you are all seated, we shall begin. The game is Apple Two Card and the pot is two hundred and fifty bits apiece. Please put your bits on table.”

Everypony produced their own coin bags. I lifted my hat and dropped mine on the table. As soon as they all landed, Keen Eye’s horn lit to stack the bits in front of their owners. His horn glowed and a deck of cards floated through the air. Two cards were split off for each player and positioned on a stand in front of them. Another five cards split off and were placed in the centre of the table.

The cards on my stand shimmered and the image of a 5 of Apples and an 8 of Wings appeared on them. My stand was the first to glow. I pulled a few bits from my pile and pushed them into the centre, “I’m in.”

The first rounds were rather dull. Nopony made any large bets as each tried to size up their competitors. I managed to win twice and kept my share around the two fifty mark. Rounds rarely ended with cards being revealed, and everypony folded early at the first sign of someone acting intimidating.

I wasn’t winning, but the griffon was. She sat taller than anypony else, kept her wings up and glared at anyone who dared meet her bets. In second place was a greasy pegasus who kept looking around and watching everyone else closely, but he didn’t seem to focus much on Cloud and me. He was younger than I was, perhaps around twenty two. But what really made him stand out was the gold key around his neck.

A yawn from beside me made me notice Cloud again as she started to nod off on my shoulder. Well, there was the long train ride followed by this boring game. Normally if you’re playing poker with friends there’s lots of conversation, pizza, jokes and so on. Everypony here was just so… serious.

I gave Cloud a nudge, “You know if you want to go out clubbing later you’ll need to stay awake.”

“If this goes for too much longer, I won’t be,” she grumbled.

“Well, find a way to entertain yourself,” I said off hoof.

Then Cloud looked at me with a wide smile and a look in her eye that said she was going to make me regret bringing her here. She leapt at me and threw her hooves around me in an obvious display of affection. Then she started nuzzling me and occasionally licking me. I’m not kidding, she went right for it.

The rest of the table froze mid-game to watch while Keen Eye stood back in the shadows chuckling to himself. Every stallion at the table looked on with envy in their eyes, and so did most of the mares. I wasn’t sure if she was doing this to irritate me or just to play with everypony else’s reactions. Then I noticed something, no pony was paying any attention to the game and the attending guard didn’t care.

So I did what any pony of dubious moral character would do. I returned Cloud’s advances and then said, ‘I raise.” I stuck more bits forward and none of the other ponies challenged it, except for the griffon. I gave her one of my best irritating smiles while ruffling Cloud’s feathers. “So birdy, those cards feel nice? Because I know how nice pony feathers feel.”

I leaned back to pretended to give Cloud’s ear a nibble and whispered, “You’re the pegasus. Tell me: how do I annoy a griffon?”

Cloud eyed Birdy for a moment and one of those dangerous smiles crossed her face. “Easy, just keep insulting her and if her comebacks don’t work, she’ll just get madder. She’s like a volcano, enough pressure and she’ll blow.”

“Easy.” I leaned forward against the table and Cloud returned to simply hugging me. I looked down at my cards. I held a seven of wings and the princess of hearts – Mi Amore Cadenza was pictured on it. The centre held a seven of apples in the four cards revealed, so I had a pair and a high second. It was a good enough combo.

I raised again and said, “Come on, Birdy. You going to match me, or are you chicken?”

The griffon finally opened her beak to speak for the first time tonight, “I don’t care about your lame-o insults, dweeb.”

“Aww, what a shame,” I said lamely. I shrugged, “Well at least I got you to speak. I was starting to think you’re one of the birds that can’t talk.” I pushed a few more bits forward, “Oh, I’m raising again by the way.”

Birdy’s eyes narrowed and she matched my bet. “What-cha trying to pull, doofus?

“Pull? I think I can pull about a ton or so, easily enough.” I pushed another coin into the pot.

“No, what’s your angle?” Birdy said as she flipped a coin into the pot.

“Angle of what, attack? That’s a flight question, and officially not my problem,” I replied and flicked another coin.

“What are you up to?” Another coin from her.

“Dunno,” I tapped my chin a few times. “Cloud, how high up are we?”

Cloud Kicker extended her wings and flapped them a few times. “28000 hooves, or so,” she replied.

“Really?” I asked in a show of interest. “I would never have guessed, what with being an earth pony and all.” I casually flicked another couple of bits forward.

“I’m watching you,” Birdy growled, “like a hawk.”

I scrunched up my face in confusion, “what?” I asked quietly. “That can’t be right…” I looked back at Birdy, “I thought griffons were half eagle, not half hawk.” Birdy glared at me for a moment. “Also, it’s your bet,” I said innocently.

Birdy picked up a small pile of bits and threw them into the pot.

“Don’t you know it’s bad form to splash the pot?” I chided then said, “I match by the way,” and pushed forward a similar sized pile of bits.

The final unrevealed card in the centre was flipped over to show the Princess of Diamonds. Amusingly, it was Prince Blueblood on the card. It’s a shame we only have three princesses to go onto the four suits. Though if Rarity did manage to marry Blueblood we’d finally have somepony worthwhile to be the Princess of Diamonds.

I now had a pair of sevens and a pair of Princesses, I’d basically won. Though it’d be nice to have all of Birdy’s bits, I had to push her harder.

Think, think, it has to be something personal, but I don’t know anything about her. Friends, family or… huh, that’s a thought… I wonder if that legend is true.

“So, Birdy, there’s something I’d like to know.” I played around with the small pile of bits I had left. “I’ve always heard that griffons mate for life. Never moving on from the one they love even after they die or leave.” I put an arm around Cloud as I ignored the dirty look Birdy was giving me. “If it’s true, then that’d explain the low griffon population in Equestria. They wouldn’t want to leave their special somebird behind.”

I tapped the table to ‘check’ and said, “Am I right?”

The bet passed to Birdy and she put a couple more coins in the pot. “Yes,” she hissed.

“Then one wonders why you’re in Equestria,” I mused. “You can’t have somebird back in the Eyries. So you’re here avoiding something or looking for something, or somepony.” Birdy had her beak pointing down and she was tapping the table cloth with her talons, rather forcefully.

Just a little more. “Oh,” I said brightly. “I raise,” and I pushed half of what I had left forward.
Birdy snarled with a sound halfway between a purr and a roar. Then she stood up and pushed the last of her bits into the pot.

I tried to keep the glee from my face as I stood up and pushed the rest of my bits in as well. The room went silent. Everypony at the table held their breath as Keen Eye took our cards and laid them out on the table. Birdy’s cards were the seven of diamonds and a four of apples that paired up with a seven and four already on the table. Birdy had two pairs, but my two pairs were better.

Keen Eye took the pot, more than a thousand bits, and held it with his magic before announcing, “Time Turner wins.”

It’s such a good feeling when you win like this. Getting one over your opponent is so much sweeter when you caused them to make that critical mistake. All the pieces fall into place, your grand scheme is revealed and the world applauds you. But you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, and that normally annoys the bird.

Birdy roared with rage and shot through the air above the table toward me. I had a split second to consider the wisdom of ticking off a predatory animal before I was struck. The blow came from my side and sent me tumbling into the cloudy floor, where I came to a rest hanging from my shoes in the middle of a dark grey cloud. Above me I could hear a scuffle.

There was a cry of, “Celestia, what are they doing?” and Keen yelled, “Stop!”

What followed was a series of meaty sounding impacts, a squeak, and a grunt of pain. Then birdy said, “Come on, a dweeb like you has no—“there was a loud smack, a painful sounding crunch and then a high pitch screech.

There was a final thud as the screech ended, and between heavy pants Cloud Kicker said, “That was for Eepysqueak.”

“Hello,” I called out from my damp prison in the cloud, “Kinda stuck down here.” There was a slight sound of hoof on cloud as part of the cloud above me was pulled away. Cloud Kicker reached down, grabbed hold and pulled me up with a few flaps of her wings.

I was dizzy for a few moments as up and down reasserted themselves. I looked around to see the unconscious griffon held up by Keen Eye’s magic. The rest of the room was abuzz with what just happened, and I felt like I’d missed out on seeing something remarkable.

I walked unsteadily back to my seat and Cloud sat down again. I returned to sitting on her tail and leaning on the table for support.

“You okay?” Cloud asked.

I looked back at her with a dumbfounded look on my face, “Am I okay? I should be asking you that, because it sounded like you just beat up a griffon without breaking a sweat.” If it weren’t for the slightly out of place mane and ruffled feathers you might think Cloud hadn’t been involved at all.

“She was fairly amateur, for a griffon,” Cloud dismissed. She stretched her wing out and began to preen it. “Oh,” she said after a few feathers. “You owe me for that one as well.”

The game was put on hold for Keen Eye while he delivered Birdy to the local lock up. When the game resumed, I found myself once again standing still. Just covering my losses with the occasional small win. Meanwhile the greasy pegasus across the table started to rake bits in as he fleeced each of the other competitors bit by bit.

I was watching him like a griffon as he won his way through their money piles. It was strange, he never challenged me directly and only leapt on the others. I needed a second opinion.

I gave Cloud Kicker a nudge to try and wake her up. She’d given up on constantly nuzzling me when the novelty had worn off the other players and finally fell asleep out of boredom. I gave her a harder nudge and her head rolled onto my shoulder. A wing stretched around to draw me into a hug.

I suppose the enthusiasm for the game had left me as well. Much of the audience had left once the griffon was taken away. I was desperate enough to want to wake Cloud up again, even if that meant potential pain.

I gave a couple more nudges and then blew down one of her ears. Cloud shot into the air and pulled her tail out from under me. If I hadn’t grabbed hold of the table I would have fallen through the cloud again.

“Oh look,” said the greasy pegasus. “She’s awake again.”

I ignored him like I had been for the past hour. “You okay, Cloud?”

Cloud walked back over and slapped me across the back of my head with a wing. My hat fell onto the table and knocked my cards over. I sighed, “I suppose I deserved that.”

Cloud sat back down and I returned to sitting on her tail. “Turner, I had Lyra and Bon-Bon,” she complained. “Why’d you have to wake me up?”

“See that smug snake over there?” I said quietly as I put my hat back on. My cards had fallen face up and my round was effectively over. “He’s been winning against everypony and he’s too confident and cocky.” I grumbled, “He’s cheating somehow.”

“You just sound like a sore loser you know.”

“I know he is, I just haven’t spotted it yet.” I rubbed my forehead with a fetlock, “I’m not watching him all the time. Could you keep an eye on him?”

“I’d rather go back Bon-Bon’s sticky syrup,” Cloud replied.

“What was she—“Don’t. I sighed, “Alright, what do you want.”

The sultry smile returned the Cloud’s face. “You come out and party with me for the rest of the night. Then after you’ll stop trying to prove something and we’ll have some fun,” she emphasised the last word with her eyebrows.

I looked back at the table to see the greasy mug win another round. I suppose I might as well, it could be fun, and everypony else has been crossed off her list by now. I looked back at Cloud, she already had victory written across her face, “Alright. I suppose you would have eventually won me over anyway.”

“Oi, Time Turner, you done over there?” yelled the smug twit. “If you don’t wanna play you could just hoof over your bits now.”

I swear, I’m going to smack him down. I looked across the table with whatever fake smile I could put on. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced, who are you?” After all, I need to know who you are if I’m going to set up some sort of prank slash trap.

“I’m Card Shark, who the buck are you?” Smug dimwit replied.

I maintained the fake smile, “Well, I’m Time Turner, if you haven’t been paying attention.”

“And Hot Flanks beside you?” Sharky asked, with a smarmy look on his face.

“Cloud Kicker,” I replied before she could lay into him.

“Well, she can come to my party tomorrow to celebrate my victory here,” Sharky said. “That is of course assuming you’re still playing.”

I would have liked nothing more than to walk away with the money I’d gotten so far. I had a thousand bits here. However the tournament rules said there could be only one winner and to leave early was to forfeit your winnings. That was starting to make me a little suspicious.

The game resumed with me playing again, while Cloud kept her freaky pegasus supervision on Sharky. Several rounds passed and more of the remaining competitors were eliminated. Sharky’s pile of bits was soon equal to mine.

Cloud Kicker nuzzled her way up to me while Sharky was busy fleecing the last competitor. “Watch his eyes,” she whispered. “Look where he’s looking.”

I followed his gaze as he stared down the last player and after few moments I caught it. His eyes would flick up just after he blinked. Looking up, I noticed he was glancing towards a pegasus in the audience perched behind the last player. The audience had thinned out more as time ran on, and it became obvious. There was a watcher behind every seat. This was a set up, they were watching to see what cards the players had and signalled Card Shark.

I turned my head to nuzzle Cloud and looked out into the audience behind us. “First row behind us, toward our” left. There was another watcher who looked a little frustrated. I smiled when I realised he couldn’t see my cards. Cloud was sitting in the way.

“Somehow I don’t think this tournament was going to go as advertised. This is too well staged,” I said darkly. I suppose this was a good time for a little paranoia. The observers were too well placed, the rule against bowing out early too convenient, and even the fact that this game was open to anypony with money.

“He can’t see your cards. So this puts you on level clouds, right?” Cloud asked.

“Close enough,” I said as I watched the smug git through narrowed eyes while he took the rest of the other player’s money. The shoes were going on, metaphorically, no more Mr Fair Pony.

Cloud sighed, “This is going to take all night isn’t it?”

“Twenty minutes should do,” I guessed. It depended on the cards and how confident Sharky was. “Then you can show me what passes for music in this darned city.”

The next round was dealt out and I received an eight and a nine. I looked up at my opponent and said, “Alright Sharky, ready to play the real game?”

I bet heavily before the cards in the centre were revealed, and when they came up I cursed. There was a pair of twos and a three. I didn’t have much to work with this round. I bet conservatively while Card Shark did his best to drag me further in.

When the next card was revealed it came up with a nine to give me a pair in addition to the pair of twos already on the table. I had something to work with and rose to the challenge.

“I raise,” I pushed a small pile of bits into the pot and Sharky matched me. The final card was revealed to be another two. That left me with a triple and a pair, a full stable. Not an easy to beat setup, but if he had the last two I’d be royally hosed.

Of course the smug git had a broad grin on his face as he raised his bet again. He’s was being far too obvious to be bluffing. I matched his bet and pushed more in for good measure. The pot total was over a thousand bits and would easily win either of us the tournament.

“Show me your cards, Sharky,” I grumbled as I threw mine down.

Sharky’s grin went straight to laughter as he put his cards down. It was the last two and another nine to boot. A quartet backed up by another pair, literally unbeatable. There, I’d lost the game. Without that cash he’d quickly bet me into irrelevance.

“Well,” I said with a grin, “reset.”

Knowing your opponent’s cards is nice, but nothing compared to taking back your bet. My reset kicked in and drove time backwards to just before I raised the stakes. I couldn’t save everything, nor did I want to, because I had to at least appear to be playing properly.

I glared at Sharky just as I was about to push my bits forward. I watched him long enough to make it look like I’d seen him flinch and then flicked my cards off my stand. “I fold.”

I promised twenty minutes to Cloud Kicker, and I did my best to move things along quickly. I blitzed through the betting stages and gave up just enough money to see Sharky’s cards. Every round I hit the reset and fell backwards in time to use my foreknowledge to get out early, or to get as much out of him as possible.

Normally I’m don’t abuse the reset this heavily, but if he was going to cheat then I could cheat as well. Of course I could cheat better. If anyone cared to look at my flank, they’d might notice sand flowing through my hourglass. I was moving so quickly that the sand barely had time to reach the bottom before I flipped it again.

Eventually I’d built a two hundred bit advantage over him and it was starting to annoy him. Sharky had just been too used to winning, and I was enjoying this more than I should.

Next round I got a princess of apples, Celestia, and the nine of wings. A good enough set, I made a few middling bets and waited for the centre cards. The cards resolved themselves into a pair of princesses, Cadence and Blueblood, and the nine of apples. So in the first flip I had a triple and a pair, a full stable.

I looked across at Sharky. He was trying to hide a smile on his face and suddenly looked a little more interested. Considering he was normally good at hiding his tells; so he had to be holding some hot cards. He probably had the last princess, but that wouldn’t be enough for him to win.

I kept things business as usual and waited for him to make the move. He had to be convinced he would win, and then he’d put all his money in the pot to try to get mine. I leaned over to “kiss” Cloud, “Cloud, look worried.”

“What?”

“I want him to be overconfident. Try to stop me betting or something.”

I looked back at my game. Sharky raised the stakes by putting another fifty bits in the pot. I met his bet saying, “Come on, Sharky. You can do better than that.”

Sharky gave me a smug grin, “If you think you can match it.” He pushed forward another hundred.

“Pegasister, please,” I said with a laugh. “I’ll double it.”

I started to push two hundred bits forward when Cloud stuck a hoof out to stop me. “What are you doing?” she asked in a loud ‘whisper’ that Sharky could probably just hear.

“I’m trying to win,” I returned in the same ‘whisper’. “I thought you wanted to get out of here.” I gestured toward the door. “Anyway I won this money, I’ll do what I want with it.”

“It’s his money,” Sharky interrupted. “If he—“

I pointed a hoof at him, “Shut up, you brat!”

“See, he’s leading you in,” Cloud pleaded.

“He’s going to lose,” I said forcefully. I pushed three hundred bits into the pot instead.

“Why did you do that?” Cloud wing slapped me.

“Damn it, filly, leave me alone.”

Sharky coughed loudly. Both Cloud and I rounded on him with a “What?!”

“Your turn,” he pointed at the pot. Where another card had been overturned to reveal a three of apples, and a large pile of bits. I snorted with laughter. Sharky had smelt blood in the water and went all in.

“I’ll match that,” I pushed in enough bits to match. It left me with only two hundred left.

Keen Eye flipped the last card in the centre to reveal the princess of wings – Luna. “Cards on the table please, gentlecolts.”

Card Shark could barely keep his glee in check and slapped his cards down on the table, two nines. “Full stable,” he declared with all the self-assurance of Prince Blueblood. “Three princesses, two nines. I’ll take my money now.”

I giggled. “Oh, that’s a nice combo. I’ll see your stable and raise you four princesses.” I put my cards down on the table and reunited Celestia and Luna. The look on Sharky’s face was priceless. It was like somepony had shot him in the face with an anaesthetic spell.

Keen Eye took the bits in his magic and declared, “Time Turner wins the tournament,” as he stacked them in front of me.

I gave Sharky a grin and said, “Well, I think you might have jumped the shark.”

“All in all, a productive night,” I said as we walked into my room. I carried the large bag of bits over to the safe.

Cloud followed, “it wasn’t too dull either, though much of it could have been more interesting,” she said with a frown.

“At least you got to go one on one with a griffon. I got to experience the visual wonder of clouds to the soundtrack of your epic battle,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “Oh, could you hold this, a moment?” I passed the two thousand bit prize over to Cloud. I flipped my hat off and got the safe key out of the lining. “One thing that still confuses me,” I said past the key in my mouth. “Is that you were able to fight her off without a single injury.” I opened the safe and returned the key to the hat.

I took the bit bag back from Cloud. “I’m a black belt in Krav Pega,” she explained.

I gave her a blank look. “Let’s assume the earth pony doesn’t know the secret methods of the pegasi.”

“Pegasus martial art, all the royal guards learn it.” Cloud shrugged, “It’s used to take down opponents quickly using wings and legs.”

I opened my bags in the safe and stuck the bit bag in one of the pouches. “Can’t say I know any ancient earth pony martial arts,” I said from inside the safe. I stepped back and shut the safe. “If there’s an earth pony way to fighting it involves: A: not getting hit and B: apply hoof to face.” I locked the safe with a crank. “And last, but not least, C: when in doubt, buck it.”

“Shall we get going then?” Cloud asked. “I know a few good places to find some more company,” she gave her eyebrows another wiggle on the last word.

“As long as it’s in Apple Wood. I need to feel the earth move beneath my hooves again.” I walked toward the bathroom. “It feels so weird to have been away from it for so long,” I called back over my shoulder.

I went over to the sink to give my face a wash and realized I couldn’t use the rain cloud. I settled for rummaging through the cabinet by the sink for some cologne or something. I found a bottle of a scent called sea breeze, probably a pegasus favourite, and a white carton labelled, ‘Counter Concept for stallions’. Curious, I flipped it over to read the back. It was a zebrican contraceptive with the tagline, ‘prevents what you do from coming back to haunt you.’

“Charming…” I supposed it was time to decide. Allow myself to be added to Cloud Kicker’s list of conquests, or turn her down. I doubted that she’d object if I refused, but then again I hadn’t pushed her away yet. Hay, I’d even enjoyed a few of her advances and her company.

I sighed as a new thought rose up with a gem of earth pony wisdom, when in doubt, buck it. Probably not the original interpretation, but the large earth pony families had to come from somewhere. I opened the carton and took one of the herbal pills. Just in case, I told myself.

I walked out of the bathroom to find Cloud waiting in the kitchen with a couple of cups. I flipped my hat onto the coat rack and joined her.

“Coffee? Figured you could use a wake up jolt before we went out,” Cloud said with her own held in her wing.

“Yeah, I could.” I picked the cup up with my mouth and slung it back to drink some of the nectar inside. “Thanks for this, I didn’t want to touch that cloud,” I gestured to the angry looking thunder cloud that served as an oven and stovetop. “I’m fairly convinced it wants to kill me. Just being this close is making my hair stand up.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. The room wasn’t designed with wingless ponies in mind,” she said with a shrug and drained the rest of her coffee. “Let’s head down to Apple Wood, get some food and hit the town.”

I finished my cup and gave her a nod. We walked over to the balcony and I looked down on the city below. “Long way down,” I commented nervously. “I suppose I never stopped to think about it until now.” From up here Apple Wood looked like a circle of lights surrounding a dark hole in the centre. No light in the namesake apple orchard at night. Before I could comment on this to Cloud, she seized me between her legs and flew us out down toward the city below.

Chapter 3: Fall Guy

I was woken up by a breeze blowing across my face. I opened my eyes and found myself staring up the nose of a mare whose name I couldn’t remember.

What happened last night? I yawned and looked around. There were another four pegasi mares on the bed with me. Wait. Oh yes, A flood of memories from last night hit me and I didn’t want to forget any of it.

There had been a little alcohol, just enough to loosen up. Any more would have made the entire experience a waste of time. We’d started at a place that did huge bowls of hay fries covered in cheese and pineapple pieces. We went through one each and split another one. Then we started touring the various night clubs that catered to the ponies freshly returned from the casinos and arenas in the upper city.

As we passed through them, we started collecting a small crowd of ponies as we continued on to try the next place. We experienced a dozen musical genres from a dozen or so DJs and we danced. Finally when the night drew toward the small hours of the night and the crowd started to dissipate until only the group still with us was left. As much as I’d like to claim credit for last night, I could only admit to a few good toasts and driving a zebra to stop rhyming.

Then we ended up back in my hotel room. The rest I’ll leave to your imaginations, though suffice it to say that we banged. I looked around again and noticed that I couldn’t see Cloud Kicker anywhere. I wasn’t that surprised. The master of ceremonies has a known habit for slipping out before breakfast.

I slowly freed myself from the pony pile on the bed, and moved softly so I wouldn’t wake anypony. After last night, a sleep in was probably justified. I snuck out of the bedroom into the main room of the suite. Cloud was sitting at the table with an empty cup of coffee and an apple core. I pulled an enchanted cushion off the nearby sofa and sat across from her.

“Remind me to never doubt your sense of fun again,” I said as I sat down. I nearly spluttered in laughter as I saw Cloud properly. She looked like she’d flown through a hedge backwards and her mane and feathers were in complete disarray.

“You don’t look much better,” she said grouchily.

“Stallion. Nopony cares,” I said as I tried to figure out how to lean casually on a cloud. “Anyway, how do you think I get my mane to stick up like this?” I slipped off the chair. “I’ll go get myself a coffee as well, and you can probably use another.” Halfway to the kitchen I called back, “do you take it black?”

“Any colour’s fine; I’m not picky,” she called back. “Anyway, I thought you couldn’t use the kitchen clouds…” I could hear the grin.

“Oh, for the love of Luna,” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ll just get some juice out of the snow cloud then. At least I can open that,” I grumbled. I opened the cloud and found nothing. I shut it, waited for a moment and opened it again, still empty. “Cloud, what happened to the fridge?!” I called out.

“Don’t you remember spin the bottle last night?!”

“Yeah.” I distinctly remembered doing dares all the way. I even stuck my head into the neighbouring room and wolf whistled at somepony in the shower at one point.

“That’s where the bottles came from.”

“There were ten bottles in here, at four bits each!” A few moments of morning maths later I said, “eighty bits? That can’t be right…” I walked out and sat in front of Cloud Kicker. “I remember you agreeing to split room service,” I said in a vaguely accusatory tone.

“I remember saving you from an angry griffon as well,” she returned with a smug smile.

I sank in my seat. “Horse apples...”

“It’s not like you’re short on bits,” she said with a shrug. “Get some out the safe and get room service to send up a Canterlot breakfast with coffee.” I stood up and went to get the key out of my hat. “Oh,” Cloud added, “remember to get enough for everypony else as well.”

“I hope you’ll be paying for some of that,” I said through the key in my mouth.

“Whose tail were you sitting on last night?”

This deal is getting worse all the time. I gave the safe a crank, opened it and froze.

My saddle bags were empty.

I pulled them out and started rummaging through them. They weren’t entirely empty, all my odds and ends were still in here, but the bits were gone. I checked the rest of the safe, there weren’t any holes in the sides and the door was still working. “Cloud, the money’s gone.”

“What?” she said as she flew over.

I shut the safe, locked it, tried opening it without the key, and then gave it a buck. It remained secure. “It’s gone somehow,” I replied. “The safe’s intact so someone had to have opened it with the key.”

“The key you hid in your hat?” Cloud asked.

“Right where I left it last night, undisturbed,” I ruled out.

“Magic?”

I looked at the safe for a moment. “No, not without TS level brute force,” I said. “Rare is the unicorn capable of the fine telekinesis needed to do this and fewer still could feel their way around the mechanism without seeing it.” I thought for a moment, “Rarity might be able to do it, and I could probably open one if I had all day in my workshop back home.”

Cloud rubbed her chin, “So, somepony used a key to open it then.”

“Or the hotel skeleton key,” I added.

“Hmm,” Cloud thought for a moment before she went over to her bags and pulled out a coin purse. She pulled out a high denomination bit, came back and passed it to me. “Go order breakfast for everypony. We’ll talk more when you get back.”

“Alright then, I’ll be back shortly,” I said with a sigh. “At least I’ll have time to think.”

The walk to the kitchens did give me time to think. I came up with a short list of suspects as I walked down the flights of cloud stairs. I’ve stayed in many hotels in my travels, but most have some arrangement for summoning room service. I suppose a quick flight down isn’t too much trouble for a pegasus.

I returned upstairs with a small herd of waiters carrying plates of food. When I got back to the room all the mares from last night were waiting at the table. A few cheered as I brought the parade of breakfast in. I tipped the waiters with Cloud’s money and sat down with the rest of last night’s party goers.

The piles of omelettes, eggs, hay bacon, and toast were distributed with orange juice from a huge pitcher. Everypony tucked in with gusto.

“So Turner,” Cloud said from across the table. “I filled everypony in on what happened. Vanilla thinks she knows what happened to it.”

I’ll admit I didn’t remember who that was, so I waited patiently for one of the mares to finish her mouthful and take up the explanation.

“There’s only one real key for each safe,” Vanilla said. “But there are three skeleton keys for them.” Now that I knew which one was Vanilla, I recognised her as the desk clerk from the reception desk yesterday. The same one Cloud Kicker had started to chat up.

“The three keys belong to maintenance, security and to the hotel’s owner, which he shares with his son,” Vanilla continued.

I stopped chewing the omelette in my mouth and thought. Last night’s tournament was intended to be a trap: watchers in the audience, thousands of bits on the table, winner takes all. I started to chew absentmindedly again as the dots connected.

Naturally that would need to be set up by somepony with influence over the hotel. Sharky was the one who was going to benefit, so it was his idea. He must be the owner’s son, and now that I think about it he was wearing a golden key around his neck.

“Vanilla,” I asked. “Is the owner’s son called Card Shark?”

“Yes,” Vanilla replied with surprise. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess, that smug git was cheating at the card game last night.” I leaned forward and took up the glass of OJ for a drink. I sculled the entire glass and dropped it back onto the puffy cloud table. “Cloud, didn’t Sharky invite you to some sort of victory party tonight?”

“He did,” Cloud replied and considered it for a moment. “He’s probably still going to do it without the victory anyway.”

“Types like him love having toadies around.” I toyed with my remaining food. “Vanilla, his room would have a safe as well, right?”

“All the rooms do, though the penthouse has a larger and more secure model.”

I shrugged, “That’s what most ponies would think, but I’ve got an idea to fix that.” I sat up straight. “Well, I’d like money back. Cloud, you up for going to another party tonight?”

“Are you saying that you’re going to steal it back?” Cloud asked with a scandalized tone.

“Hey,” I shrugged. “Sharky stole it from me and I’ll take it back. The underlying harmony balances out and everything will be peachy.”

“Turner, this isn’t our job,” Cloud argued. “We should just report it to the guard and let them handle it.”

I disagreed. I’ve seen how the guard work back in Canterlot. They’re mostly ceremonial trumpeters and chariot pullers acting as camouflage for the few truly skilled members that hide in their ranks. Most anypony of worth is somewhere else, not in the cities. Not to insult Dust Kicker, she was probably one of the good ones.

“Cloud, I don’t think going to the guard would be a good idea.”

“Why not?” she asked, like she was personally affronted.

“We’re in a city run by casinos owned by ponies with bank accounts that read like the royal treasury.” I tapped my empty plate. “Sharky was cheating in front of Keen Eye last night, and he probably knew about it.”

“What about my cousin?” Cloud asked.

“Same story, I doubt that the local guard is actually corrupt, but they’d have a lot of trouble trying to pin anything on Sharky.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “The moment an investigation starts the bits will disappear and they’ll deny everything. We need to move in quickly and without any warning.”

Cloud surrendered, “what do we do then?”

“What we do best,” I said and then looked around at our guests. “You girls want to come as well? It’ll be fun.”

The music was rocking, ponies were dancing and Card Shark was probably in the centre of it all. Until his guards opened the door and the entire room came to a halt.

Not all at once, first a few ponies saw us and they stopped to look. Then more started to look upon us and soon the entire room was watching.

Standing in the grand doorway were the six of us in our pointy sunglasses and large hats. In the centre stood Cloud and me, and we were surrounded by our companions from last night. We looked ostentatious, eccentric and perhaps a little scandalous. I’ll admit, Cloud Kicker has some amazing swag and right now half the ponies in the room wished they were us.

A ripple passed through the crowd and Sharky stepped out into the clearing in front of us. He looked rather surprised to see us.

Our companions stepped forward into the room and flared their wings to throw glitter around before taking on provocative poses — Cloud’s idea. Then we stepped forward to stand amongst them and Cloud draped herself across me. It was so absurd ponies would have to think we were important and rich, nopony else could be this mad.

“Sharky!” I called out with laughter. “How serendipitous, a true delight to see you once more, old boy.”

Sharky blinked a few times and said “what?” under his breath. Most of the crowd felt the same way.

Cloud hopped up onto my back and rode me as I walked forward, “After last evening, I thought that I should come join you at your victory party.” I snorted a laugh. “Well… not really your victory. Because I won the game, but now everything seems to be coming up Turner.”

I stopped in front of him, with Cloud lounging seductively on my back and surrounded by attractive mares spreading glitter everywhere. I looked over the top of my ridiculous sunglasses, “And I have you to thank.”

Sharky’s sanity didn’t seem to be coping well, “but, but how—wha… is… is she licking your ear?!”

“Yes,” I said as Cloud went to town, “yes she is.” You try saying that with a straight face. It was all I could do to hide the laughter.

Sharky blinked a few more times, “Where did you get the money for this?” he asked. In truth ‘all this’ cost fifteen bits from the local branch of the Party and Prank store. Pinkie endorses their products as ‘fun-a-rific’.

“Here and there,” I dismissed with a shrug. “I haven’t even spent the bits from last night yet, they’re still in my safe.”

You could almost hear the gears turning in Sharky’s head as his inner git told him that I wasn’t as rich as I looked, and that I’d keep embarrassing myself. Given the chance I’m sure he’d try to set me up with a rigged bet tonight to see what else he could fleece out of me. Assuming I had more money of course.

“Well, it’s nice to see you,” Sharky said in some attempt at sounding pleasant. “I hope you’ll enjoy the party. In fact, you might want to join me and my friends a little later for a little game. Until then, have a pleasant evening.” Sharky gave a polite nod and backed away to search for a less sanity blasting pony to talk to.

I smiled as he left and once he was out of sight I craned my neck back to see Cloud Kicker. “Right, we’re in. We all stick together and mingle until we find the safe.”

We swung past the hor’dourves table and the girls took an opportunity to get something to eat. Cloud Kicker made a show out of feeding me pieces with a wing, much to the delight of onlookers. As expected, Sharky had populated his party with sycophants much like the Canterlot Elite do. I became a target of gossip and my eccentric entrance marked me as somepony worth talking to. If I could figure out a way to get them to invest in some scheme; I could probably get actual rich instead of pretend rich very quickly.

We made our way around the penthouse, talking to the other guests and moving deftly between conversations. Cloud helped speed things up by providing a few affectionate displays and tossing out the occasional innuendo. She managed to get a spit take out of one old mare when she said, ‘Oh I’m just returning the favour; he rode me for hours last night.’

We quickly eliminated every room except the locked private study and time was getting tight. We had to do this at the right time. Ideally the heist had to be done during the sunset while we still had light and once night fell we’d escape under cover of darkness. I had a return train trip to Ponyville departing tonight, and I intended to be on it with my money.

“Alright, time for part two,” I muttered. I brought the girls together. “Alright, we’re moving onto the next part. Which means this is where we split up.” Cloud hopped off my back and gave each of the girls a quick wing hug.

“It’s been fun,” Cloud told each of them. “If any of you drop by Ponyville, we’ll bang.” The girls all wished her luck in return and promised to say hello if they were in the area. I didn’t get any attention. I was under no illusions here, they came for the Kicker experience and I was just a sideshow.

“Alright you lot,” I said. “Wait for my signal and make sure you’ve got your nose plugs in. Also, don’t forget that those silly hats and sunglasses are protecting your identities. Nopony’s going to see past them,” I gave them a wink over my glasses. “Oh, and if this works I’ll send you thank you cards and a present for doing this.” With a final wave goodbye, the four mares split off to go mingle in the crowd.

I looked around for any sign of Sharky. “Alright Cloud, let’s get on with it.” I sighed, “I know you’ve been looking forward to this part.”

Cloud’s eyebrow went up and she smirked, “Stop pretending you don’t enjoy this.” I held my forehead against a hoof and gave my head a shake.

“Let’s make it look good, for the audience,” I chuckled as I motioned my head at the crowd. The grin returned to Cloud’s face for a brief moment, just before she shot forward and pulled me into what could only politely be called a kiss. I was held up as she spun me around in a complex dance that was half flying and half kissing. The party guests watched as we spun to a halt in front of the office door. Cloud put me down for a moment and I bucked it open before she carried me in, shutting the door behind us.

“That should guarantee us some privacy for a while,” I said with a laugh.

“Oi, who’re you two?” Said a voice from across the room.

“Oh, guards. Great.” There were two thugs standing in front a decently sized vault in the office wall. I sighed, “I’ll handle this, hot flanks,” I said loudly and began to circle the thugs.

The pair focused on me and followed me as I walked away from Cloud Kicker. “I’m warning you two.” I stood up on my hind legs and waved around my hooves, “I know the mystical art of earth-fu.”

The thugs were about to charge when Cloud flew up behind them and cracked their heads together. They collapsed onto the cloud beneath them without another sound. I looked back up at Cloud and she shrugged, “I can’t believe they fell for that.”

“Sharky can’t afford true goons. Alright, look for the safe key.”

I nipped around the office and looked in desk drawers while Cloud checked the thugs. I quickly gave up when I saw the sun was about to set. “We don’t have time for this. Cloud, open up a tear.”

“Huh?” She asked with a bemused expression.

“In the cloud,” I clarified. “If we can’t find a key then we’ll just toss the feathering vault out into the sky and let gravity open it for us.” I gave my mane a tussle, “I’m probably going to need a lift down though.”

“If you wanted to ride me again you could have just to asked,” Cloud said and she went out the window to make an exit.

I spent another couple of minutes searching the office for the key. Not that it did much good. The only key here was probably the one around Sharky’s neck.

I was rummaging through Sharky’s tax returns – he doesn’t pay nearly enough – when there was banging on the door. I cursed and went to stand in front of the vault. The door crashed down and Sharky walked in with another set of thugs in tow. I simply straightened my sunglasses. Behind Sharky stood most of the party guests as they fought to see what was happening through the doorway.

“Time Turner,” Sharky growled as he spread his wings out to intimidate me. “Did you think I wouldn’t figure out what you were planning?”

“Well…” I scratched the back of my head. “Honestly, I don’t think you will. You’ve come in here with your hired goons and a crowd of party guests at your back.”

“Yes, and of course you realise there is no escape for you.”

I blinked and took my sunglasses off, “Did you really just say that?”

“I have the exit blocked,” Sharky pointed out with a wing. “You can’t fly, and there’s nowhere for you to move.” There were a couple of bangs from behind me. “What was that?”

“Nothing, but I will admit that you’ve managed to back me in a corner, brought an audience and…” I looked over his shoulder, “I think your DJ’s waiting for a fight to break out so he can play his best music.” A grin crossed my face, “That means it’s time.”

“Time for what?”

“Time,” I put my sunglasses back on, “for it to go down.” The DJ slammed his record down and I brought a hoof to my lips to whistle.

In the crowd behind Sharky, the mares who’d escorted Cloud and me to the party flicked their wings out again. Instead of the normal glitter, their wings spread a pink powder that we bought in bulk earlier. The pink powder spread out in dense cloud that caused ponies to break out into fits of sneezing. This secured the escape of the mares and provided a distraction for me to get out.

I spun around and bolted toward the vault. I built up as much momentum as I could in the short distance and leapt at solid mass of steel. The impact pushed the vault out of the back of the cloud wall and I rode it out into the open sky.

I started counting. I had a forty two second window to be caught by Cloud Kicker and if she didn’t catch up to me I’d be forced to activate my reset. Considering how much backup Sharky had up there, I’d prefer not to.

The vault started on its downward arc and I fell off as it rolled beneath me. It fell along with me just in touch range. I craned my neck to look behind me. Sharky and his two thugs were in pursuit, with Cloud following close behind them. They were so focused on me that they never noticed her.

Still, I was merely falling. While flying might be the art of ‘falling and missing the ground’ it also assumed some form of power. Pegasi had wings, I didn’t, and they were catching up.

I looked around for options and spotted a cloud stairway beneath me. I decided to lose my pursuers by kicking away from the safe and falling through the clouds. The thicker stuff they use for construction had to be more solid than the average cloud after all, and I could pass through it where they couldn’t.

I kicked off and tumbled toward the stairway beneath. One of the thugs broke off to chase me. I adjusted my path by throwing my weight around to fall backwards.

The thug quickly caught up to me and grabbed me, “Got you!”

I reached up and trapped his wing, “On the contrary, I got you.”

We fell right toward the towering cloud stairway that lead up from Apple Wood. Just before we hit it, I released him and let the clouds surround me as I passed. The thug hit the thing like it was a slightly spongy brick wall.

It wasn’t much better for me. I thought that my passage would clear the way for my thunder-forged shoes and I’d fly through cleanly. The cloud recovered faster than I would have thought. As I passed, it flowed back to occupy the space I made and caught at the edges of my shoes. I was falling backwards; so it felt like all my legs were being pulled out of their sockets, at the same time.

Argh my legs! This is the worst pain ever! I thought as each molecule of cloud tried to make it worse. I think I was probably screaming. Mares talk about foaling as being the most painful thing ever. I think I found a contender for the gold medal, or at least silver.

Thankfully it ended before it did permanent damage, but it was a month before I could stretch my legs properly again. I tumbled out of the cloud and started falling again. I panicked for a second when I realized I’d lost count of how long I’d been falling. I set my count at thirty and started again from there.

I quickly spotted the next thug flying around the stairway before he made a beeline right for me. Then Cloud Kicker flew around the stairs behind him and got in close. She inverted and came up from underneath him. The thug looked down in surprise for a brief second before Cloud kicked the end of his wing. The thug lost the ability to control his flight and spiralled away to land somewhere.

Cloud flew onward and came up behind/below me. There’s probably a term for that, but I’m not a pegasus and I wouldn’t know it. She grabbed me between her legs and turned me back up the right way.

“Did you miss me?” She asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe it,” I gasped. “Quick, get us back to the vault.”

Cloud turned, or ‘banked’ I think, and flew us in the direction I’d last seen the vault falling. As we got back to it I saw Sharky trying to do the impossible and grab hold of it.

“Get in front of it,” I told Cloud and we flew in.

Sharky was trying his best to try and stop it falling when we caught up to him. “Hey, Sharky! I called out over the vault between us. “You want it? You can have it!” I brought up my rear legs and bucked that safe with every little bit of my earth pony strength. It smashed into him with all the force I’d given it and stunned him. Sharky ended up spiralling away in uncontrolled flight. I hoped he’d hit the side of a building somewhere.

Of course I’d forgotten about the other body in that interaction. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and I just kicked me and Cloud Kicker toward the ground. Beneath us lay the hazardous landing zone of the Apple Wood Orchard and we were fast approaching it as Cloud fought to stabilize us.

“Up, up, up, up, up,” I cried as the earth came up to reclaim me. It wasn’t pretty, though I’d wager somepony would find it a fascinating thing to watch. My memory’s a touch hazy, but as my hooves hit the ground they ploughed into the soft earth and threw us from each other. I tucked my legs in and rolled along the ground with a few bounces. Each one leaving a huge bruise on me and probably causing hairline fractures in my bones. I came to a halt when I finally bounced into a tree and fell down to land on its gnarled roots.

I laid there on the roots of the apple tree as I stared up through its branches at the sky above. The sun had finally set and now I could see the stars through the open hole in the middle of Los Pegasus. It felt rather serene and rather nice to be reunited with the earth again.

Cloud Kicker eventually found me and looked down at me with a mischievous grin on her face.

“Cloud… before… you ask… no… because that… would be,” a gasped for a moment, “rather painful for me right now.” She held up a hoof over my chest and waggled her eyebrows. She started poking me and got an, “ouch,” from me each time. “Stop, stop. That’s tender.” She did it again for good measure. “Cloud, I am one giant bruise right now. If you poke me again, I will get my revenge on you.”

She poked me on the nose instead, “boop.”

“That’s it, Cloud,” I said seriously. “That’s the last straw. I’m going to get you back for that. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but I’m going to get you back for that.” I rolled over, pain assaulting me as every root and rock stabbed my bruised body.

“Right,” I said as stood back up unsteadily. “Now, where’s that vault.”

“Over there somewhere,” Cloud motioned with her head behind her. She led me over there while I walked like a newborn foal again. The vault had made a crater when it landed and it sat in the centre of its little hole, intact.

“I don’t believe this,” I complained. “I buck this darn thing out of a cloud and it’s still intact?!”

“Somepony must really want to keep their stuff safe,” Cloud quipped.

I ignored the pun and started to look over the safe. No cracks or much beyond a few dents. I sighed, “Best thing we can do is get it back to my workshop in Ponyville. Cloud, go find a cart rental place. This is technically an earth pony town, so there’ll be one somewhere. I’ll work on this in the meantime.”

Cloud zipped off and returned in less than five minutes with a cart flying behind her. “Will this do?”

“Perfect, how did you find one so fast?”

“There was a place right across from the farmhouse,” Cloud said with a shrug.

“Right, let’s get this thing in and down to the train station.” I rubbed my sore back, “I’m going to sleep the entire way home.”

We quickly got the vault out of the crater and into the cart. It was fairly obvious what it was though. Not many ponies travel across Equestria with a locked safe. Cloud asked, “How do you plan on explaining this to the conductor?”

I considered it for a moment before taking the cart on a circuit of a few apple trees and stopped occasionally to buck a few down. I quickly had a small pile of apples covering the safe.

“Special delivery to Sweet Apple Acres,” I said. “The Apples have to compare their orchards somehow.”

“You sure this will work?”

“Sure,” I said with a shrug. “Nopony ever wants to upset the apple cart.”

Epilogue: Grounded

A few days later I answered my front door to find Cloud Kicker standing outside.

“Ah, Cloud. You’re just in time,” I said cheerfully. “Come on in, we were about to crack the vault open.”

“Good,” Cloud replied as she walked inside. “I didn’t want to miss it after what we had to do to get it.”

“My workshop’s around in the back room.” I turned around, “Follow me. Oh, and don’t mind the clocks.” I led Cloud up a corridor that doubled as a showroom for many of my time pieces. One day last month I was bored enough to set them all up to tick in sequence. After the first one by the door ticks, the rest tick, in order, until it reaches the back door. Then the first one tocks and the cycle repeats itself. Ponies either find it freaky or amazing, Cloud was in the latter.

“How did you do that?” she asked and I tapped the hourglass on my flank in reply. While not a direct result of my ability to turn back time; I’ve still developed a very good sense for how much time has passed. Knowing the flow of time is an essential part of using my reset to its full extent, and making clocks.

I opened the door to my workshop and walked in. “Rarity, Cloud Kicker’s here.”

“Hello, Cloud Kicker,” Rarity said with a wave. “It is delightful to see you again.”

“Rarity, What are you doing here?” Cloud asked and turn rounded on me, “It thought we were going to keep this quiet, Time Turner. What we did wasn’t exactly legal,” she hissed.

“Cloud, please, don’t worry,” Rarity cut in. “Time Turner has already explained what happened and I support it. Even if I believe it was a little rash,” Rarity added.

“I needed Rarity’s help to get the vault open.” I sighed, “The lock’s complex and needed a finer touch then I could manage. And Rarity’s got the finest touch around.”

“You flatter me, Turner,” Rarity said with a touch of a blush. “I’m sure Twilight could do better at it.”

I put on my headgear, which included a jeweller’s eyepiece and a doctor’s head mirror. I sat down to peer into the lock on the vault. “Don’t sell yourself short, Rarity. You’ve got a much smoother touch than Twilight. Though if you can’t get this lock, I’ll probably get Twilight to blow it open.” I gave the vault a hit, “You hear that? Play nice, or I’ll get TS herself to blow you open with enough magic to send ya to the moon.”

“Turner,” Cloud said. “I don’t think threatening it is going to do much good.”

I looked back over my shoulder and lifted my headgear up. “How do you think I got my clocks to tick like that?” I looked back into the lock. “Rarity, if you want to pick up those picks again, we’ll give this another shot.”

The six lock picks I’d made flew into the lock with a light blue glow and took up the same positions they were in when I left a few minutes ago.

I adjusted the focus on my headset. “Alright Rarity, move number three point two five of a milli-hoof forward and number five point three out. Good, give it a turn.” The six picks turned as one and couldn’t move the lock. “Stop and move number two point one forward. Now try.” Rarity turned the picks again and the lock rotated.

“Yes!” I reached up and pulled the handle down. I stood back up and put a hoof on the door. “Let’s take a look inside, shall we?” I opened the door and found the safe filled with bit bags and papers. “Huh, that’s more than I expected. Rarity, could you put all that on the table?”

Everypony started sorting through the bags we had. The first one I noticed was the same bag that held my two thousand bit prize, but it wasn’t alone. The other two soon finished their own counts and brought us to a total of five thousand bits.

“Great, not only did we recover my winnings, but we also stole three thousand bits from somepony who has hired goons,” I summed up flatly. I shrugged, “Well, good thing we live in Ponyville. As long as we don’t go flaunting this around in Los Pegasus, we should be fine.”

“Should?” Cloud asked sceptically.

“Sort of similar to why I moved here in the first place,” I chuckled nervously. “Any pony that comes looking for you tends to stand out. Just look for any sudden Pinkie Parties and you’ll know if somepony new has shown up.”

“So, what are you going to do with all that?” Cloud pointed at the piles of bits.

“Well, this bag is mine fair and square,” I tapped my bag. “Hmm, as for this one,” I picked up a bag marked to say it was holding a thousand bits and passed it to Cloud. “Take this one to Rainbow Dash and see what she can do with it. A little extra water for the farms would probably be welcome and soften the usual weather taxes on them. If she asks, say it was intended for the weather team and got lost in paperwork.”

“I’ll check with Blossom,” Cloud said. “But this should go to good use.”

“Just don’t blow it all on pay raises. As for these…” I considered another four bags with five hundred bits in each. “Rarity, you can take these.”

“Why are you giving all that to me, Turner?” Rarity asked.

“Well, you were a big help getting it open, and you’re a walking charity.” I winked at her, “I’m sure you’ll find a good use for it all.”

“Well,” Rarity thought. “I’m sure Cheerilee could use some more equipment for the school.”

“See,” I said. “It’s already going to good use and I’m getting that warm fuzzy feeling from being charitable.” I started to flip through the documents that came from the safe.

“Anything good in all that?” Cloud asked.

“Nothing too useful… Oh, I found a treasure map.”

“Really?” Rarity and Cloud asked at the same time.

“Yeah, from Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone.” I flipped it over, “signed copy too. I’ll have to give that to Twilight.” I put the pile back down. “So, anypony want some dinner.” I tapped my bag of bits, “my treat.”

“That would be lovely, Turner,” Rarity agreed.

“And then we could go around my place for dessert,” Cloud Kicker added. She was wearing that seductive look on her face again.

I paused to think about it for a moment. “You know what? I think I will, but there’s one more thing. Could you come over here, Cloud? I want to show you something,” I tapped the table top.

Cloud Kicker walked over, “Sure, what is it?”

I tapped my hoof in a box of pink powder I’d got from the local prank stall, turned around and tapped her on the nose, “boop.” There was a beautiful moment when Cloud looked down at my hoof and saw exactly what just I’d done to her.

I smiled back at her, “I said I’d get you back.” Cloud Kicker couldn’t say anything before she collapsed into a sneezing fit. I closed my eyes and stood still for a moment to enjoy that sweet, sweet feeling of victory.