When I came to I was sitting in an iron cage with Vinny, the brilliant planner of this whole thing. My hands were behind my back tied by a rope tied to the cage and Vinny appeared to be restrained in the same way. It wasn't the first time I woke up with my hands tied behind me like this but at least the cop who busted me didn't lock me in a cage; at least not at first. Outside of the cage was a none other than one of those talking ponies. This one had wings like a wasp and really big green eyes but the nasty part about this thing was the holes in its legs; like really dude don't you know what stitches are? It just sat there looking at us before finally laughing making me realize this thing wasn't a dude, it was a chick.
"Having fun yet?" It asked us.
I felt like answering but one thing being on the inside taught me was not to smart mouth the guards. They smack you around and then write a four page report telling the warden and whoever else how you managed to smash your face into the side of your cell five times as hard as you could. Seriously you can't make this shit up.
"You enjoying my island?" It asked.
I didn't want to look at this thing but it was hard not to. Its kind of like watching a movie with a weird part that you don't want to watch but at the same time you feel you have to. If this thing was a human it would be one ugly motherfucker, like Lindsay Lohan in rehab ugly. After she was done staring at Vinny for a few seconds it turned to face me.
"What about you," it asked "Are you having fun on my island?"
"Fuck you." I replied instantly without thinking.
I could see she was angry but she wasn't showing it. Instead she just laughed and moved closer to me.
"You're angry, I get it," she said "I can't feed on anger, it just makes everything so much harder for me."
I didn't even respond. I really don't know how to respond to something like that. I feed on anger pretty easily and it makes my life a hell of a lot easier. This crazy bitch is clearly doing it wrong.
"Harder for me means harder for you. You can either walk out of here in one piece or you can die in the slowest most painful way imaginable; you choose." She said.
Again I wasn't saying a word. There are times to talk and there are times to shut up and listen, and when you're in a cage tied up its usually the sign to shut the hell up and listen.
"I like him," She said as she walked over to Vinny, sitting down behind him "He doesn't show the hatred you do. I can harvest this for my subjects, you will be of great use to me."
I had to turn my head away. This pony wasp thing was legit feeling Vinny up from head to toe, and I don't mean the head on his shoulders. This place is more fucked up than South Central Los Angeles, and I know that because I live there.
"Not to be that guy," I said once again without thinking "But what the fuck are you talking about?"
She looked up at me and hissed like a snake, sticking her tongue out and all which looked like it freaked out Vinny more than it freaked me out. My body was pulled back into the cage by another one of these pony wasp things but when I looked up it had eyes like a fly...nasty. At least the other one had eyes I could actually see.
"The more love we harvest the more power we get," She said as she stood up "And our harvester gets a lot of love from us."
"Well you're going to starve, bitch. Ain't nobody going to love your hideous ass." I replied.
I was hit in the back of the head from the guard while the crazy bitch hissed at me again.
"We feast on those we can't harvest from. Everyone has a little love in them and sometimes its a little harder to find, but we will find it," She said and then began walking away "I'll come back in a little bit when you calm down."
About ten seconds went by before Vinny finally said something to me.
"What the hell is that thing!?" He asked.
"Hell if I know." I said.
I pulled my hands out from behind my back, I was working on breaking the rope on the lower corner of the cage where the bottom met the sides. They basically built a three foot long blade for me to break myself out with. I quickly crawled over the Vinny and untied his hands but we still couldn't crawl out of the locked cage so we would have to get someone over here who had a key.
"Hey asshole, over here!" I yelled to the guard standing a few feet away.
The guard turned around and walked over the the cage in anger as he noticed that we broke free of our restraints. In his angry rant he pulled Vinny out of the cage by his hair and shoved him to the ground. I held the cage door open with my hand after the guard dropped it and then crawled out when he started beating on Vinny. Without hesitation I picked up a decent sized rock on the ground near the cage and hit the guard three times in the back of the head with it. He fell limp to the ground with a large pool of green fluid pouring from his head which I assumed was his blood. I think I killed the poor bastard.
"Holy shit Kenny you killed him!" Vinny yelled.
"Shut up," I said as I covered his mouth with my hand "Stay quiet and follow me."
"Are you crazy!?" Vinny asked.
I ignored him and began walking the other way. I didn't know where the exit was but at some point I would run into a wall I could probably climb over. We walked through a few empty shacks to avoid being seen but there were guards everywhere we turned. I didn't see anyone else we came with and I don't think Vinny did either because he probably would have stood up and yelled their name like an idiot. When we walked out of our fourth or fifth shack we came to a small fence that had some kind of stage on the other side with five people on it accompanied by two guards. All five people had their heads facing the ground while the guards walked in front of them.
"You're highness," one of them said as he bowed to that crazy bitch that we saw before "Five more non-compliant subjects for you."
Without saying a word to the guard she walked onto the stage and looked at the second person. I could see the person shaking as the pony wasp thing just stared at her for what seemed like an eternity until she finally turned to face the guard.
"He goes first," she said "Use the cauldron. If he looses consciousness wait until he wakes up before you finish."
I kept walking past the stage behind the fence where I came to what appeared to be the cauldron she was talking about. There were a few burnt body parts around it, the smell making me want to vomit. I guess she literally meant feast. On the other side of the cauldron was a small ledge that Vinny and I leaped off of into a high patch of grass. We made it out of the compound and now we had to find out where we were.
"Okay stay close to me and-" Bang
Blood spattered all over the back of my head and when I turned around I saw Vinny lying on the ground with a bullet wound in the back of his neck. The crazy wasp thing was standing on top of the ledge with one of the guards but shortly jumped off and laid right on top of me.
"Oh you were so close!" She said said.
I tried moving my arms to break free but she had me pinned down pretty good; it was kind of creeping me out too.
"If you were a mother with two kids and someone told you that you had to kill one of them, which one would you choose?" She asked me.
"You've got a lot of problems, don't you?" I asked.
"The ugly one, you kill the ugly one. That's what I did, I can harvest so much more out of you!" She said in a sort of ecstatic tone.
"Get off." I ordered.
"No!" she replied immediately in playful voice.
Fuck me man this just went from bad to worse to a fucking nightmare. I fought some more which didn't seem to get anywhere until I finally broke my left leg free and kneed the pony wasp in the stomach which made her double over in pain. Without hesitation I punched her in the face, threw her off me, stood up and sprinted into the forest behind me narrowly evading a barrage of bullet being fired at me. How the hell do they even shoot guns anyway!?
"Get him!" I heard one of the guards yell.
I kept running through the woods busting through branches, running up and down hills, through a river, and even climbed a bunch of big rocks to try and put as much distance between me and the crazy pony wasp things as I could. Bullets were still bouncing off the trees and the ground but they weren't even close to hitting me from what I could see. When I finally broke out of the woods I found myself on a cliff overlooking a waterfall that was easily a one hundred foot drop. I stood on the edge for a second thinking about jumping but after I heard bullets whizzing past my ears I decided to go for glory. I ran off the edge of the cliff and plunged into the water below which was just barely deep enough to keep me from smacking the bottom of the rapids. I was dragged along the current under the water desperately trying to reach the surface of the water but I couldn't seem to find it. A few feet downstream was propelled into a large rock and then grabbed onto a vine on the side of the river; somehow not ripping my arm right out of its socket. I pulled myself out of the river and collapsed in a patch of bushes where I prayed I would be out of sight from my hunters. For the third time in probably twelve hours I passed out on the ground.
