Discord's Bane

by Psycho Pwny

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7623

Discord is granted the gift of parenthood! Will he humor the universe and become responsible?

Ever since his reformation Discord must find more tame means to fight off boredom, as well as learn how to embrace a peaceful lifestyle if he is to remain within Equestrian society.
He finds the perfect (yet chaotic solution) in becoming a parent...
Everypony isn't sure Discord is cut out for the job, as he can barely keep himself under control.
His chaotic impulses are only becoming more and more unstable, thus, drama is ensured.
Will the "magic" of friendship and parenthood be enough to keep dear Discord sane?

Published 2013-06-13 06:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-15 06:19:28 UTC

Intro: Profound Reflections

|====[Discord’s]====|
|========[Bane:]========|

|--------------------Profound--------------------{Intro}--------------------Reflections--------------------|

Celestia’s blinding beast of a sun was peaking over the horizon and I watched with a slight sliver of interest as Luna’s starry sky slowly faded from view. I, Discord, the now reformed master of chaos, witnessed this act unfold countless days before hand from my new mountain home. The mountain previously concealed a smoldering red dragon, which the bold little embodiments of harmony quickly evicted, as it was disrupting their precious way of life.

And yet, as much as I mock harmony, I find myself becoming more and more integrated within their little society. Fluttershy, my reformer and dear friend was the only pony (save for Celestia) to offer me another chance at freedom.
I took it of course, as being turned to stone is an extremely mental and physically taxing experience that I wish never to experience again!

Oh, how I delighted in reigning chaos upon the land of Equestria and I revel in the memories of my shortly lived rule. Ahh, such an opportunity may never present itself again, yet, even if it did, I may not even take it. Of course, I would love nothing more than to slowly twiddle away at the perfect harmony and controlled society the Princesses have established, but all the burning motivation that previously fueled my chaotic parades has all but died out once I opened my mind to the magic of friendship~!

Yes, yes, laugh as you will, but it rings true, as well as remains close to my chaotic character. Chaos is constantly changing in definition and is bound by the laws of Entropy. I have many times tried to abolish any rules that may apply to the chaotic concept over the centuries, but motivation for such a goal died out just as strongly as my motivation to rule Equestria once more...the end results just become too repetitive, expected, predictable...so very non-chaotic.

Anyway, I digress, as I suppose I could continue thinking about philosophical and droll ideologies for well over a year. Chaos remains my main priority and purpose, yet it is very much out of my control, lately. I am limited to the interior of my cozy little cavern lair in conjuring up all the chaotic imagery I please. The temptation to turn the entire mountain range into a massive concentration of cotton candy or a giant bouncy castle is very hard to ignore...oh, painfully so.

However, after my "reformation", cruel callous Celestia brought me back to Canterlot and slowly-QUITE PAINFULLY...began to sap my beloved magic reserves, ensuring that I wouldn't be fit to cause a chaotic rampage anytime soon. (What a bother.)

My chaotic powers are slowly regenerating, yet, it will take around a decade for me to bounce back to my full potential.
When said time comes along, I plan on teaching Celestia a very painful lesson, *sigh* but what to do in the meantime?
I might very well lose every shred of sanity to my name in a few mere months. The same chaotic based urges and impulses have been continuously plaguing me.

Never have I experienced such a withdraw, and to think, I believed chaos could only benefit me~!
|--|

"Rawr-!"

Ch.1: Flutter n' Friends

|====[Discord’s]====|
|========[Bane:]========|

|--------------------Flutter n--------------------{Chapter One}--------------------' Friends--------------------|

It was another harmony bound day in the little town of Ponyville. Stall vendors were prepping their wares for the hours to come and everypony was getting ready for another usual day. Fluttershy was no exception and was already preparing various meals for all the animals under her care.

She had remained a close friend to Discord ever since his reformation and expected him to visit at least once a week. They would usually have a nice brunch together and make small talk, but it had been around three weeks since Discord’s last visit, causing Fluttershy to worry. Discord didn't have a lot of responsibilities from what she had been told, prompting him to be prone to getting himself into frequent trouble.

"What if he went too far with another one of his pranks and the Princesses had to intervene?
What if a gang of mean cockatrice turned him back into stone?
Perhaps bounty hunters saw his unique hide as a trophy and napped him out of Equestria?!"

Fluttershy forced herself not to think of such things. She should have more faith in her friend's independence after all.
Regardless, she put aside some tea cookies to reassure herself Discord would arrive soon.

And of course, the universe tended to always smile upon sweet, kind Fluttershy as Discord promptly phased into her living room, looking as lively as ever.

As much as I love the dull coloration of the cave walls, I decided that my time would be better served if I stretched my limbs a bit. It just occurred to me that I haven’t talked with Fluttershy, or anypony for that matter, in quite a long time. I phased my way into Fluttershy’s small cottage by the Everfree forest and hoped that she didn’t have other plans for the day.
I spotted her almost immediately and her whole body flinched when she noticed me.

“O-oh Discord, it’s very nice to see you again! You haven’t visited in a while so I was afraid something horrible happened to you…uh um, I can get us some tea and cookies, the market isn’t open yet..”

The cream yellow mare gave me a relieved smile and I couldn’t help feel a tiny bit guilty for not visiting more frequently.

It was a new experience, being late. I have been in existence for at least a few eons

(I gave up remembering my age once it began stretching into the quadruple digits.)

and the natural sense of time any creature is born with has merely seeped away from me.

A week felt like a day and an hour was a year.

Anyway, I digress, the day was still young for Fluttershy and I knew I was imposing somewhat, yet I didn't plan on returning to my hermit cave for at least a few days. The stoic silence up there was enough to drive a deaf rat completely up a wall, dotted with nails.

“Ahh Fluttershy, it’s very good to see you again as well--I just, have been feeling a bit empty and meaningless as of late, the usual. Being deprived of one’s chaotic purpose and drive tends to not make for the best of moods or conversations…you understand, yes?”

“O-of course, but um, that’s horrible, I’m sorry that I can’t help you more. I don’t think that’s something I can really fix, but um, you will never be meaningless to me, Discord. You’re my friend!” Fluttershy gave me one of her sweet signature smiles and I began to feel better already.

“Discord, what do you mean by "empty?"-that can’t be any good for you. I will try to help out in any way I can, remember that.”

Oh, of course! I neglected to tell anypony about how Celestia drained most of my powers prior to being allowed to roam freely.

“It was Celestia!...Cele*cough*-it was Princess Celestia. She took away some of my good ol' chaotic powers before letting me go, to ensure I wouldn’t harm anypony!” I clenched my teeth together and my muscles stiffened as I recalled the unpleasantness of such an event . Such a detriment to my health won't easily be forgotten...nor forgiven.

“But Discord, you wouldn’t hurt anypony, would you? I know you wouldn’t,”
She paused to think,” but I’m sure Celestia has a reason for it…”
I shrugged. Celestia had reasons sure, but they were stupid nonetheless!

I admit, maybe I shouldn't have called her a "Baron of Beloved Beastly Brothels," made her cake bite her bum, and ate a generous portion of her rainbow cotton candy mane--although, her shock was truly a new brand of chaotic beauty--a delicacy I may never experience again.

BUT, really?! Did such actions justify painfully sapping my happy powers right out of my once joyous soul!?

“Discord, you don’t look so well. I’m sure some healthy elderberry tea will help perk you up nicely! Also, I could maybe get a bath ready for you…with aromatherapy bubbles?”

Before I could reply, Fluttershy fluttered into the kitchen to get some tea ready. Now that Fluttershy had mentioned my appearance, I took note of how pale my coat was and the matted nest my mane had become. My eyes suddenly became very heavy when I noticed the multiple dark bags under them and my spine struggled to keep my body upright.

I couldn’t help but smile a big toothy grin when Fluttershy brought in the promised tray of tea and various cookies. I eagerly grabbed a shortbread cookie and inspected the tea Fluttershy poured for me. It was more bitter than what I normally preferred, but the warmth did wonders in calming my mind.
“Um Discord, I just remembered that I have an appointment with Rarity at the spa. I still need to take care of my animals so I won’t be able to be here all day with you.”

“Not a problem, Flutter dear~! I can simply just come along with you!” I raised my tea cup up high, to further emphasize my excitement.
“But, uh, Discord, Rarity still doesn’t um, feel comfortable around you that much, plus, you should rest instead, before you get sick.”

“Ha, Fluttershy, please! I’m a demigod, embodiment of chaos! If anything, I am the reason for all the sickness in the world!”
Ok, maybe I exaggerated the last part a little, nor did it do much to improve my image. How does one define sickness anyway? Any form of abnormality a being may face in regards to their bodily existence?...I don't care.
“And Rarity?” Fluttershy gave me an unconvinced look.

“Well, Rarity is…Rarity. Look, you want me to be friends with your friends, as well as friends with friends of other friends…bah, and yet, how am I going to achieve anything if you won’t even give me the chance?” I pulled my ears into an innocent bonnet and gleamed a smiled resonating with all the good intentions I could ever hope to muster.

“Alright Discord, but if you upset Rarity in any manner, I’m going to be very displeased and I may be forced not to go into town with you anymore."

“Yes, as you wish Fluttershy. After all, I’m reformed, have a little faith.”

Ponyville was just a bland as I remembered it. Everypony’s actions were just so predictable and expected. A stall vendor and a customer exchanged bits, young foals frolicked in nearby fields, Granny Smith’s hip gave out, butterflies landed on flowers, a timberwolf was on fire, and I was outright bored.

Luckily, we arrived at the spa before I was temped to do any nefarious acts nopony (but me) would approve of.
Rarity promptly greeted Fluttershy at the entrance and her eyes twinkled with disdain as she noticed me. Such a reaction was a common occurrence when I associated with anypony, save for Pinkie Pie, of course!

Ahh, yes, Pinkie Pie was as much a friend as Fluttershy was, she was the only pony for miles whom embraced any sort of chaos and unpredictability.
As I watched Fluttershy and Rarity get settled into their spa routines, boredom returned to me with a vengeance.

"Fluttershy, I'm going to go see what Pinkie Pie is up to."
Rarity's faced flashed with relief.

"Alright Discord, just remember to be considerate."
Rarity didn't even attempt to cover up her joy at my departure.

"Yes, yes! Of course..."
I couldn't help but to reinforce proper manners as I shaped Rarity's mane into a grotesque afro before my swift departure.

"¡Adiós, amigas!"

Against all better judgement, I decided to walk to Sugar Cube Corner. The quaint chaos-free atmosphere Ponyville perspired was truly sickening. Ahh, it could have been something great--The CHAOS capital of the world! Alas, to restore it to its former glory wasn't even an option, and I suppose such a realization was the most sickening of all.

"Hey, Discord! Shouldn't you only be allowed to wander around with Fluttershy?!"
Oh, JOY! Its dainty little Rainbow Dash. I stared up at her, seeing her glare down from a particularly fluffy cloud.
I decided that the best reaction would be silence.
"What's wrong? Haha, did you lose a bet or something?! Can't talk? Cat got your tongue?-blablablah..."

I simply stared at her with my best poker face and begin to slowly float my way up to her level. She stopped talking and refocused her attention to my expression--my. dead. unfaltering. expression. She attempted to match my hardy gaze, but her unease soon became apparent...perfect.

Without warning, I twisted my expression into the most horrid image I could manage and bellowed a profound savage sound akin to a wild beast--you should have seen her face~!

As faith would have it, I met up with Applejack and her chipper sister, Applebloom, as I roamed through the marketplace. Applejack was almost as hostile Rainbow Dash in her greeting, but obviously held back her full annoyance for the sake of setting a good example for Applebloom.

It may come as a surprise, but I actually like Applebloom, as well as the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. Despite being mere children, they do a good job stirring up chaos.
"Discord, yah know, we don't appreciate yer crazy chaos-doohickeys around here parts."

I ignored Applejack's icy glare and stared down at the presented merchandise.
Gah, it was nothing but apples, all red to top it all off! Chaos was desperately needed, but I needed to be clever...the chaos had to be backed up by good intentions in order for me to retain any shred of freedom I had left. An excuse you could say.
"Do us a favor why won't you and leave."

The burning perfection of the RED produce practically made my eyes shudder, then I remembered Rainbow Dash's priceless expression...this trick was almost too easy.

I snapped my fingers and all the RED delicious apples were transformed into the much more beloved and varied ZAP-apple variation.

Both the Apple ponies were left speechless, yet, while Applejack looked upon me with searing disgust, Applebloom showed signs of admiration before I flashed away.

I finally made my way to Sugar Cube Corner and I barged in perhaps a bit too eagerly. Pinkie Pie was apparently taking care of the cake twins and I managed to spook them.
"Oh Discord! Its great to see you again, but um...now Pound, Pumpkin Cake, you remember Uncle Dissy don't you!?
Come on...yes, yes, yes you do~!"

Pinkie began to bounce around in an absurd manner, in a desperate attempt to calm the twins.

I floated closer to the little foals and beamed a tame grin. The twins looked at each other, then to Pinkie, as if contemplating their options. I floated down to their level and began dulling down my more intimidating traits. My teeth became more akin to a pony's and my horns shrunk down.
They watched in awe of my magic display and began to stomp about in laughing approve.

"Ahh, thanks Discord. I taught I was going to have to open another bag of flour and Mrs. and Mr. Cake don't like it when good ingredients go to waste."

"Well, I do appreciate the chaos a child can bring about."

"Dissy, do you think you could help me feed the twins?
I need someone to watch them while I go finish their food. Oh! I can bake you a super duper chaoticilous cupcake!"

Hahaha, Pinkie's cupcakes always held a special flare to them. The taste of a hoofmade cupcake tended to always be a bit more genuine then magical based ones, besides, the opportunity to influence the next generation's appreciation of chaos was more than enough.
"Of course Pinkie Pie, how could I say otherwise? You run along now and prepare foodstuff."

I waved Pinkie away and settled down in front of the twins, shrinking myself down to a more appropriate size.

Hmmm, I could try a do a game of "Pick-A-Boo"...no, I'd be too tempted to scare them. Ahh, plain ol' "Funny Faces" would do the trick to keep them distracted. I began to configure my expression into the childish cliche kind, careful to not spook them. I wouldn't want to put the twins off on chaos.
"I'm back! Oooo, its carrot potato oat mush!"

That sounds just, absolutely scrumptious~! Bah, I'm glad I'm not an infant anymore...or, was I ever one? I've never really gave it much thought before.
I digress.
I placed the twins in their highchairs and Pinkie presented two bowls of orange gunk. I decided to feed Pound Cake, as his affiliation with smashed produced may easily persuade him to eat such vile prison gruel.

I tried the traditional method of the spoon, but it soon became apparent it was a painfully outdated tool. I only managed to get Pound to eat once I began to levitate chunks of the goop into his mouth, which he accepted largely out of curiosity.
(And I would have gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for those meddling parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cake.)

"Pinkie, we're back!" Mr. Cake walked in,"The delivery at Manehatten took longer than anticipated."
"Yes, they needed us to help unpack and--Discord! What are you doing here! Get away from my babies-!"
Mrs. Cake, the blue devil bounded up to me and promptly attempted to tackle me down like the gargantuan beast she was. I teleported and re-materialized towards the entrance, narrowly escaping my certain demise.

"Honey Bun, whats the matter! What happened?!"
Mr. Cake looked up at me with a flabbergasted, almost apologetic gaze. I looked back towards Mrs. Cake, whom was trying to calm the now crying Cake twins.
I decided to not push my luck as I floated discreetly out of the building.
I admit, I was surprised how late it was. Celestia's bright blistering bomb was beginning to set and once again proved how incompetent I was when dealing with concepts of time.

I felt a tap on my shoulder-it was Pinkie. She held up one of the most beautiful cupcakes I have ever laid eyes on. It was covered in various candies from multi-colored sprinkles to chewy malt drops and I devoured it with gusto.

"Don't worry, Dissy! Mrs. Cake will come around!"

And with those profound words, Pinkie bounced back into the bakery.

Pinkie's cupcake made me realize just how famished I was. I normally didn't feel hunger of any sort, as my chaotic magic did wonders in sustaining me, of course, seeing how I lacked most of my previous power I no longer had such luxuries.

When I arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, she promptly began to prepare dinner, as well as a nice bath for myself.
"Oh Discord, I wondered where you went off too. I'm afraid its a bit late to have a proper brunch, so dinner will have to do. Also, I insist that you wash that coat of yours. It would be just awful if you did end up getting sick."

The tin tub of water serving as my bath was freezing, but I quickly resolved the predicament with a little fire. I added a solution of "Aromatherapy Bubbles" to the water, and I must admit, it was rather nice.
|--|

"Perhaps I will end up staying at the spa next time."

Ch.2: Pain & Bane

|====[Discord’s]====|
|========[Bane:]========|

|--------------------Pain--------------------{Chapter Two}--------------------Bane--------------------|

The previous days spent with Fluttershy (and Pinkie Pie) have been fulfilling. I wouldn't say I'm exactly content with my situation or current lifestyle; however, having friends such as those ponies do tend to make it difficult to feel any sort of depressing shade of grey.

Regardless, I believe Fluttershy to be some sort of holy oracle, a legitimate gypsy, a true predictor and master of the future...well, such activities seem to be more of Pinkie's specialties...*ahem*-!

Anyway, I have in-fact fallen ill, at least I speculate so.
What could this physically taxing aliment be? Oh universe, why do you detest my existence so?
Alright, I admit that automatically assuming that I was impervious to any sort of sickness was a bit egotistical, but REALLY?

I feel light-headed, dry as a cracked river bed, exhausted from even the most modest of movements, YET, in the blink of an eye I can feel an unquenchable torrent need for destruction-a true testament of rage that would make even the most venom twisted creatures of Tartarus recoil with unbridled fear...and yet......
I'm so drained...so broken...so very...SICK!

Yes, I must go see Fluttershy at once! The kindly druid will know exactly what to do...she always has the solution!

.....

No...I can't...I've been through worse experiences...I swear...yet why, do I falter so greatly with this one?

Have I gotten so weak that I can no longer maintain control of myself..!

Has...chaos regained control over me?!

Oh, to the deepest depths of Tartarus, why! Control, control, control! Was it just a cruel illusion?

I gripped a nearby stalagmite to steady myself and despite my half-hearted attempts at resistance I promptly emptied my stomach contents onto the ground. The resulting vomit was most acidic bile and it burned the inside of my throat, making me only more nauseous.

I became aware of how my breaths were becoming more heavy and harder to muster. Every cell, every atom, every shred of my existence, I could feel it all! Never I have been more painfully in tune with the organs within my body, and that's when I felt it.

The cause of my illness and grand suffrage.
It was a large mass from the way it moved and the way it crushed up against my insides. A tumor perhaps?
No, a BOMB! Celestia....CELESTIA must have placed it there without my knowledge! She...wants me...DEAD!
To DIE in the most...slow...cruel and CALLOUS way possible is just the way she would go!
If I must meet the fate of death, why not do it in a more peaceful, concise, and HARMONY based method...why?

I could be a statue and then grounded into a fine powder, perhaps through the means of many bombs?!
The Princesses and ponies of Equestria would be sure to enjoy such an event! My gritty ashes could then be converted into a few fancy stepping stones or horseshoes so that the memory of my demise could live on, serving as a horrendous example to all!? (It's the pony way after all!)
Just as I thought I was beginning to understand how harmony worked within this little jolly society-*cough*
...I just don't get the ethnics of harmony, anymore.

Oh, Faust-! I'm DYING-!!!

NononononoNO-! If Celestia wishes for me to die, then it is my duty to ensure her plan fully fails! What kind of bitter nemesis would I be if I didn't fulfill my profound duties, hmmm?

I am the GOD of CHAOS-! The LORD of the UNEXPECTED-!! I shall PREVAIL-!!!
The burning in my belly soon became unbearable and the bomb must be near detonation.

I would be literally damned if I let Celestia win and I taught of the only possible solution.

The bomb would need to be directly ripped out of me and tossed away before it was too late.

I estimated the location and size of the time bomb by placing my lion paw on my burning belly and prepared to make a ghastly incision.
I flecked my eagle talons, ensuring they were sharp enough, then I readied my lion paw to stabilize the wound if I hit a vital organ.
I breathed deeply and braced myself for the pain to come. My talons penetrated my feathery flesh with ease and adrenaline dulled my senses. I eagerly felt around for any abnormality and I soon found something out of place.

It wasn't made of metal and it flailed around like a sentient noodle as I grasped it.

It wasn't a bomb, but a parasite! Ahhaha, then I will enjoy its elimination all the more-!
How dare a creature be so bold as to leech off the almighty power that is I, Discord-Master of Chaos...
And yet, when I pulled the struggling little monster up, any intentions of destroying it were immediately wiped away...
|--|

"............................................................................."

Ch.3: Childish Chaos

|====[Discord’s]====|
|========[Bane:]========|

|--------------------Childish--------------------{Chapter Three}--------------------Chaos--------------------|

To say I was stunned would have been an understatement. I was shocked cold.
I couldn't move, I couldn't think, only stare.
The parasite struggled to get out of my bloody grasp and I dropped it onto the cave floor once I fully realized what it was.
It shrieked in detest and it curled into itself as it glared at me with angry accusing eyes.
I anticipated a nest of ascaris worms, a ravenous echinococcus, or a miniature succubus at the most-!
I expected any sort of parasite, but not a baby. Never a BABY.
Ha, I suppose I should have expected an infant of some sort, they tend to be the worst parasites.
You can get rid of any other parasite through conventional means, but a baby made the whole eviction process much more contrived, and *ahem* messy.

After a few stiff moments, I finally felt capable of assessing the situation.
The ~~parasite~~ child was shaking in the questionable cranberry jelly slowly growing at my feet, looking up at me with a baffled expression that likely mirrored my own.
I crouched down to get a better look at it and immediately regretted it. The wound I inflicted on my belly was still very much active and I bitterly summoned up a pile of blankets to help stop the bleeding with a snap of my talons. Once I was sure the wound was stable I turned my attention to the bloodied child in front of me and picked it up by the scruff.
Almost immediately, it lashed out at me and I promptly halted its pathetic assault as I began to clean it with a spare blanket.
As I cleaned the child off, I looked it over. It was an exact replica of myself, only in fun size.
The only difference I saw was that its overall complexion was a brighter coloration and its eyebrows where a youthful beige in contrast to my premium white ones--it also lacked any sort of beard, how unfortunate- my beard was my everything.

I continued to clean the area at a snail's pace, so that my mind was forced to stall the inevitable realization of this new responsibility. I refused to look at the child for as long as possible until it drew my attention by breaking out into a crying fit.
Small storm clouds misted from the infant's eyes which sparked my fur and hot acidic tears irritated the air around me.

I hissed in defiance as I covered my ears as banshee screeches vibrated the cave's foundations and I was quick to recoil by screaming back with the supporting forces of heated chaotic irritation.
This shut the kid up quick; however, it refused to lose on it's birthday and soon retaliated by crying once again.
Alright, what do kids like? They like...um, uh...CANDY of course! I conquered up a generously sized pink swirly lollipop and carefully nudged the treat into the kid's muzzle.
Ahh, problem solved. The return of silence made me appreciate it all the more and the relief I felt brightened my mood so much that I smiled when I saw the giddy expression of the candy coated child.

I gingerly picked up the child with hesitant acceptance and retreated to the back of the cave which held my sleeping quarters. In the dark lighting the child promptly fell asleep in my embrace and discarded the candy onto the ground. My arms wanted their freedom back and so I conquered up a sizable crib using the mental image of the cribs of the Cake twins, not caring for creativity at the moment. After tucking in the child, I sat down in my nearby signature red and golden throne. I started up at the ceiling as my mind struggled to cope with this new found reality and I resolved to go see Fluttershy in the morning at once-she always knows best~!

The night was thankfully uneventful and I rose at the crack of dawn, much to my great irritation-the sun is an ugly thing to behold and it was forcibly the center of attention being the brightest thing in the Faustforsaken sky-!
The child was still sound asleep, so I tickled it's muzzle and it awoke with lively eyes;I was painfully eager to see Fluttershy.
I scooped the child up and realized I relinquished the freedom of my arms once more. It also dawned on me that I shouldn't run the risk of anypony else seeing the child before Fluttershy. I found a solution by stuffing the child into a barley sack I summoned up with a snap of my talons and I daintily tided it around my neck, scrawny bow and all.

I levitated down to the area where Fluttershy's house resided; the child clearly enjoyed the ride as I heard stifled coos emit from the sack as it swung in the wind.
As I moved to knock on Fluttershy's door I was overtaken by anxiety; what if Flutters thought less of me because the Chaotic Lord of the Unexpected couldn't handle a mere child?! Bah, I quickly dismissed such an outlandish idea.

Other ponies may be quick to judge, but even when Flutter held any sort of negative opinion, she never voiced it.
I knocked on the door and after a few tense seconds Fluttershy popped her head out, presenting a warm smile.

"Oh Discord, it's good to see you again so soon. I was afraid I wouldn't see you for a week or more."
Much to my dismay, I probably wouldn't have considered visiting her for weeks on end, my predicament was the only thing that drew me out early. Time...time never worked in my favor, I was too easily caught up in it.

"Uh Discord, are you alright? You are looking a bit pale...something is wrong, isn't there? Oh, let me get you some tea, you are looking a bit sick--ahh, i-if you don't mind that is."

"*Sigh*, am I really that predictable?"

Flutter's ear perked at my monotone voice, obviously sensing the seriousness of the situation, which only served to make me more nervous. I suddenly remembered the sack around my neck as it began to thrash about. Yes, my hearts all promptly turned into themselves as Fluttershy's big suspicious eyes locked onto it.

"Alright Discord...you can tell me what's the matter inside. *giggle* Maybe we can even have brunch a bit later?"

I sat myself on her couch and the sack felt tight around my neck as I swallowed. Fluttershy stood in front of me, expecting me to begin the conversation. No words came to me as I undid the sack and out popped the child.
She was as wordless as I was and several silent moments made the tension physically tangible...until finally...

"O-oh m-my, it's so precious...it's a baby Draconequus?!" Fluttershy put a hoof up to her muzzle, which emphasized her surprise.
Much to my embarrassment, I remained speechless.

"Um, where did this little one come from?"
Ahh Flutters, you always give me the best material to work with.

"*Ahem* Why from me dear Fluttershy!" I puffed up my chest and eccentrically pointed towards myself; the awkward shell was finally broken.
She was taken-aback and took a moment to process the information. I smiled at her confusion.

"S-soooo...you're it's m-mother?!"

My smile took on a stoic appearance. It wouldn't be the word I would have used.
Then again, I am both the child's father and mother, as well as neither.

It comes from me and me alone-essentially it is my genetic clone. What would I be to it? It's creator, it's origin, it's master, it's parent-whatever, it's twin...?

"Discord, how is this possible?"

The child curiously sniffed Fluttershy and she looked down at it with a baffled gaze.
"Well, it's a simple explanation really, Flutters. All Draconequui are hermaphrodites, only our genders are defined. I identify as a male, because, quite frankly, I find the beard rather fitting for my personality, hmm...don't you think so as well?"

I stroked my stark white beard in profound appreciation-it really made me, me.
I could tell dear ol' Flutters was a tad confused as she polity nodded at my explanation. I wanted to ride out her confusion a little longer, but her attention was quickly placed upon the child.

She coddled the child in her hooves and it did little to fight her embrace as it wiggled around in delight within her pink swirly mane. As I watched the two, I prayed to Faust that by some great miracle, she would offer to take the little demon spawn away from me.

I am fully aware that wishing away such a responsibility is a new low for me, I just don't know how I feel about it. Having someone tuned to my own likeliness of chaos appears to be a great thing, yet all in all, it could easily be released into the wild, without any sort of guardian~!

...At least, that is how I remember the blank lapses of my childhood, lacking any sort of parental figure--Ha, and I turned out GREAT~!

"Um Discord, has the little fella eaten anything recently." Bah, she made me lose my train of thought.

"Oh, it had some candy about last night."
"Discord! I'm s-super surprised at you!"

"Err, what?" Ahh, Flutter's is getting angry...ooh, that's never good...um...what did I do?
"Babies of any sort shouldn't have high amounts of sugar when they are so young...this little one has tiny milk teeth, it needs it's mother's milk."

"Oh."
The tense awkwardness that was present at the beginning of the visit came rushing back--with a vengeance.
"U-ummm, you wouldn't happen to have any on you, would you?" Fluttershy beamed a cherry red and I took a few moments to process what she was implying.

"Bah, well, um...I haven't checked or anything...couldn't we give it some cow's milk or formula?"
"Oh no, it's very important for infants to have the right kind of milk. For example, kitten's would get very sick from drinking too much cow's milk since it doesn't have the right kind of nutrients they need...but um, they could drink dog's milk since the animals share similar diets...but, mother's milk is always best, it has nutrients normal milk doesn't."

"Ahh, not a problem, surely mixing the milk of a pony, a deer, a goat, a lion, a bat, an antelope, and uh, a griffin would do just the trick, yes?"
"Um, I don't think griffins make milk..."

"But they are part lion, they must make milk."
"So they would make lion milk."

"Ahh, rrright."
"Also, you are part lizard, snake, and dragon...those don't make milk at all."

Ohoohoo...Flutters has gotten me good. Abort mission, ABORT mission!
"So please Discord, could you consider...um 'checking'?"

"Absolutely not! I may be a bit of a quirky joker, but I do have limits. My dignity is all I have left!" Newp, nope, nopedy, no, no!"

...Bad mistake, although her 'famed' stare doesn't fazed me a bit, this face right here...it's just...t-terrifying...! It's like an endless void pit embodying, every horrible molecule of passive aggressive PEACE...
"DISCORD! You need to just do this simple little thing! It's for your child--CHILD!"

"Well, I never wanted a child! I'm perfectly fine, aaaaaaaallllllloooonnne~! To go so low...NO, I don't want the kid at all-keep it as a pet for all I care! Besides, I fairly certain I didn't get mother's milk, and I turned out just fine, thank you very much!"

I arched my back and levitated to show intimidation. Oh, it's such a pain when things don't go my way. Usually I force reality to bend to my whim, BUT, what do I do when I, myself, have been bent by forces beyond my grasp?!

As Fluttershy slowly began to asset the situation with her sickening bubble eyes I realized I truly lost all credibly as an immortal God.

"Dis. *huff* Cord. We can approach this matter in a mature manner. It's just something you need to become comfortable with...and I will support you in any way I can, you know that...don't you?"

Once again the universe has proven the existence of it's positive bias towards Fluttershy. I could have abandoned all responsibility with a snap of my fingers, leave Equestria forever!...That would have been far easier to do then what I did next.

"....F-fine..." A great failure of a fool I am. I again looked to Fluttershy in hopes a plausible alternative would come up, but her stern nod halted any previous intentions I had of escaping. I would surely lose my dear friend immediately.
With great reluctance I began to examine my chest area. I had a series of nipples akin to a diamond dog's but they showed no signs of lactation. Heh, then I realized that a certain area between my legs was a bit swollen.

In addition to dog nipples, I also had the udder of a mare, and although it wasn't exactly bursting, it certainly showed early signs of lactation.
The universe just didn't seem keen on letting me keep any of my pride-Oh, bother!

I went down on all fours and through Fluttershy's guidance, the child began to nurse.
It was absolutely humiliating.
Luckily, Fluttershy prepared some cookies and tea afterward, which helped to quell my initial trauma.
"So, what are you gonna name it?"

In all honestly, I never gave it even a little bit of thought. It would create more of an emotional bond, which frankly, doesn't appeal to me.

As I looked down at the gem of a child blessed by Faust herself; granted to me as proof of approval to my previously pending absolution. I could't help but let my hearts swell up with joy as I figured out the perfect name for the little treasure~!

"It shall be called Bane. My little BANE of existence-!"

Author's Note

There isn't a picture this chapter because I got a new computer recently and I still need to set up some art programs. It will come though, and it will be grand.

P.S. This is probably the weirdest subject I have ever written about. 0,o'

P.S.S I know that a bit of the writing may be out of character for Discord, but in all honesty, I have no idea what I am doing.

P.S.S.S Also, if you find the text formatting hard to read, please inform me. In addition, I recommend that highlighting the text as you read is easier on the eyes as it goes against the stark white and saves your spot-just looking out for yah...

Ch.4: Cruel Commitment

|====[Discord’s]====|
|========[Bane:]========|

|--------------------Cruel--------------------{Chapter Four}--------------------Commitment--------------------|

Despite Fluttershy's wise words and profound lecture on dedication, I found myself feeling horribly uninspired to own up to my current predicament. Fluttershy was kind enough to provide me with various infant supplies and to show me the basics of care that I hadn't already learned from Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Everyday soon turned into the same routine. My sense of time was further thrown off course as days, even weeks, melted into the same numb memories. Everyday I waited for Bane to wake up with a screeching maul, everyday I fed Bane, everyday I changed Bane when necessary, everyday I tried to teach Bane something--anything! Bane either cried his irritating tears or was ruining my beloved organized chaos! Worst of all--everyday was the same, same, SAME!

In all honesty, I found Bane's games humorous at first--he had a knack for creative chaos I rarely explored in my ancient age, but Bane continuously failed to grasp any of my more "controlled" teachings, and yet I persisted--I didn't remain sane as a statue for thousands of years by being an impatient dolt, correct?

I only reached progress when I presented Bane with a swirly pink lollipop he was so fond off and refused to give it over, demanding he instead make his own. Much to my annoyance, Bane's first reaction was to bite me.

When Bane finally managed to summon his own lolly I couldn't help but to soak in a pint of pride.
Soon after, Bane became a pro at molding the mountainside into various confections and sugary syrups--I recognized a learning opportunity and I happily introduced Bane to the limitless wonders of cotton candy clouds and rich chocolate milk.

Bane was my spitting image *ahem* minus my charismatic charm and endowment of all things arbitrary, of course.
I was absolutely undeniably certain he would grow up proving to be an invaluable ally, as well as a respectable heir to my position...of course, until Bane set everything on fire.

Now, I like to think of myself as a resourceful individual, but I could only think to stare as the once carefully crafted representations the finest chaos had to offer became, nothing. Thick piles of glowing ash washed through my claws as I attempted to revive color and the smoldering cotton candy filled the air with the caramelized scent of bitter disapproval.
My mountain was on fire. My first instinct was to douse the flames with chocolate milk, but it only added more fuel to the carnage. I realized I had to settle for the most common and reasonable of solutions--water.
It took all my willpower to not add something to the water to make it less *gag* harmonious: vitamin water, pellegrino, just anything else would do! It was...painful..to conjure up that water, especially when it bounced back and scalded my face.
The cinders became angry and their smokey insults really began to bother my eyes...really, I think Fluttershy might insist on taking me to the ER if she saw me.

Yet, reliable as always, genius struck. I stroked cinders out of my beard as I fondly remembered working with Pinkie Pie at Sugar Cube Something. The twins would occasionally bring up enough distractions to cause cooking sweets to set on fire. Pinkie solved the issues like how she solves all issues, with...FLOUR~!
The mental strain needed to summon up the fluffy powder was none existent--it was a chaotic enough solution to satisfy my needs; although, I just had to throw in some chocolate chips--something needed to be done about that awful burning smell after all.

Despite my best efforts, my mountain ended up as a pile of petroleum gruel and any chance of deriving any sort of notable color from the fallout was neigh implausible. Color was what made my chaos and without it, my talents couldn't be properly practiced. Oh bother, I would have to find a new home.

A crackling cry from the rubble soon command my full attention. Ahh, how could I forget the cause of it all?
Bane was dug out of the soot, wiggly and ugly. Bane was jet black and his colors were diluted into ugly shades of grey.
I knew right there and then that I would find a new home, a better home--and Bane would be far away from it.
The creature had caused me nothing but grief: he destroyed my pride, he destroyed my chaos, and he destroyed my beautiful beard with his filthy ashes!

I wanted to humble Fluttershy's words to the letter, I truly did, but Bane was nothing but a beast of burden I never particularly cared for in the first place. He made nothing but a mockery of my joyous chaos and dwindled my magic resources into less than what Celestia had left me with.

My first instinct was to leave Bane with Fluttershy, but I quickly tossed that possibility aside. Bane gave me the wrath of Tartarus, and he would surely give Fluttershy the super nova of Celestia's sun. I was simply too good of a friend to Fluttershy--She would convince me to keep Bane anyway.

The increasing cloud of smoke from the reformed mountain also presented me with a new problem. The Princesses and ponies-alike hated any change done to their beautiful environment and a mountain would surely be missed. The blame would immediately be pinned on me and I simply couldn't be turned to stone again--Three times the charm after all, I may not ever escape again.

A miniature version of me certainly didn't help things. Whatever the reality, Celestia would surely use its existence against me in any manner she could. My anxiety got the better of me as the smoke got thicker and I retreated to the closest enclose area: the Everfree Forest.
I landed by a generous river and decided it would be the best place to release Bane. The vital water source was solved and if Bane greeted everything in the forest like he did me with his aggravating bites, he should be well fed. I was well aware Bane could easily fall into the river and drown. The idea that all my hard work would eventually be for naught irked me, but then I was reminded that it had already happened as black smoke began to choke the sky.

I set Bane down and he quickly scampered off, but stopped when he realized I wasn't showing any concern.
I bent down to his level and presented him with a swirly pink lolly, the kind he was so fond of.
He responded by presenting his own, smaller version, and I nodded in approval before teleporting away.