Poker Night

by KenSES64

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Braeburn, Random, Discord, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 4215

You, a cocaine powered super villain, a cyborg pony, a unicorn created by magic, and a pegasus engineer from 200 years in the future, play poker. Yeah, this isn't weird or anything.

*2nd Person Fic*

You, a cocaine powered super villain, a cyborg pony, a unicorn created by magic, and a pegasus engineer from 200 years in the future, play poker. Yeah, this isn't weird or anything.

Warning contains references to the stories linked below, random cameos, and Rainbow Dash's middle name.

Have fun.

Inspired by Teletale Game's Poker Night at the Inventory series.
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Characters in order of appearance.

*Steam Valve is from New Cloudsdale
*Seth Disarmonia is from Spawn of Disharmony, More Stories Featuring Seth, and Seth Disharmonia and the Universe Hopping Princess
*Cyborg Braeburn is from A Dream,The Adventures of Cyborg Braeburn (both by: totallynotabrony) and The Silver Stallion Braeburn
*Snowflame is from DC Comic, My Little Snowflame: Cocaine is Magic, Snowflame Steals Bon Bon's Slippers, Snowflame Goes into Ponyville and does Stuff, and Razor vs. Snowflame (this one by: RazortheAwesome and is technically non-canon to my Snowflame in Equestria series)

Also this is non-canon to all of these stories above, so expect fourth wall breaking.

Published 2013-05-15 21:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-09 05:50:34 UTC

Story

Poker Night

By: KenSES64

You’re standing in front of a metal door in a dark alleyway. You look at the strange invitation you received about a week ago, making sure you have the right address. You get a feeling of nervousness in the pit of your stomach, but you take a deep breath and knock on the door anyway. After a few seconds of silence the door slowly creaks open by itself.

Stepping inside to look around, you see a long, empty hallway. Suddenly you then hear the door then slam shut behind you, which scares the crap out of you.

After waiting a couple of seconds for your heart to go back to a normal pace. You walk down the hallway. You look around as you walk, but there’s not much to see other than brick walls.

Then you run into something that grabs your attention. Standing in the hall is what looks like a small, white, horse-like creature with wings, a red and light blue mane, and what looks like a tattoo of a golden wrench on his... umm... bottom.

It turns to look at you and you see that it has red eyes. It smiles, “Oh, you must be *insert name here*,” it says to you in a masculine voice. “Our host said that you’d be coming by, follow me.”

Not sure what to think of the red-eyed talking pegasus, you decide to just follow it to wherever it’s taking you.

“The name’s Steam Valve by the way.” the pegasus says as you reach the end of the hallway, only to see another door, which opens by itself as well.

Both of you walk into the room. You see a bar, many tables, and a round poker table with another pony sitting at it, but this one has a horn instead of wings, a black coat, a purple mane, and the image of an upside down, grey star on his rump. He looks up and you see that this one also has red eyes.

“Finally somepony else is here,” the black unicorn says. “I’ve been getting bored.”

“Oh, how can you get bored in a place like this Seth?” a voice says that makes the three of you look around.

Then, out of nowhere there is a quick flash of light in the middle of the room. When it fades, you see a strange looking creature. It looked like something Dr. Frankenstein would make if he got super drunk one night. It was standing on two-legs, had a horse-like head, a bat wing, a goat leg, a lion paw, and many other different animal parts.

“Oh, hi dad.” The unicorn said to it.

The creature just chuckles and says, “Oh no, I’m not the same Discord for your universe.”

“Oh, mutiverse. Of course that would explain whatever the hell that thing is.” Seth says, pointing his hoof at you.

You feel insulted, but hey, you’ve been calling these things ‘its’ this whole time.

Discord points his lion paw in your direction and says, “This is *name here*. He’s a human, and a mute. Well, I could give them the ability to speak if I wanted too, but I don’t feel like it. By the way, hello *name here*, I’m Discord spirit of chaos and disharmony, along with the owner of this fine establishment.”

You look at this Discord guy, wondering what he meant when he said most of that. Suddenly you hear the door open behind you, followed by a clanking sound.

You turn around to see yet another pony, but this one looked like it was dressed as if Robocop decided to dress up as a cowboy or something. You can see that it has a yellow coat and a blond mane. “Howdy.” It says with a southern accent.

“Ah good to see you, Mr. Braeburn. How’s being a cyborg treating you?” Discord asks him.

“As well as you’d think, but as long as mah marefriend, Cherry is fine with it, I can get used to it.” Braeburn responds.

‘Wait that’s not a costume?’ you think to yourself, ‘This isn’t going to be the end of the weirdness is it?’

“Now why don’t you all take a seat?” Discord says to you all.

You do as such. To you left is an empty seat, and continuing from left to right are, the cyborg known as Braeburn, the black unicorn Seth, and then the pegasus Steam.

“Huh, I figured our last player should’ve been here by now.” Discord states. Then suddenly, right behind him someone else, who you swear looks like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, flies out of the right wall and right into the left one.

Out of the hole in the wall emerges, thankfully not a pony. Instead, it’s another human with long white hair, white face paint around his eyes and wearing a red and white sleeveless jumpsuit and brown boots.

“Foolish ninja, you honestly thought you could defeat Snowflame?!” he shouts, white flames flowing off of his arms.

“Oh, good you’re here now.” Discord says while snapping his fingers. With a quick flash of light, the walls are restored.

“Was anyone recording that?” Snowflame asks, “If so, can you send the video of Snowflame to those guys at Netherrealm Studios? Snowflame deserves to be in Injustice!” Snowflame then takes the empty seat next to you.

“The game is Texas Hold’em.” Discord says. “You each should have 20000 bits worth of chips. Lets begin.” And with a snap of his fingers you each have two cards in front of you.

You: 20000 bits
Snowflame: 20000 bits
Braeburn: 20000 bits
Seth: 20000 bits
Steam: 20000 bits

Snowflame puts in 400 bits and Braeburn puts in 800 bits for the blinds.

You look at your card seeing you have a 2 of clubs and an ace of hearts.

Seth shakes his head and folds.

“I fold” Steam says.

You decide to call and place 800 bits into the pot.

Snowflame places 400 more bits and says, “Call.”

Braeburn taps his metal hoof on the table and say, “Ah check.”

Then a 5 of hearts, a king of spades, and a 2 of diamonds appear on the table.

“Snowflame checks.” The other human says.

“As do Ah.” Braeburn says.

You check as well.

The next card is a 2 of hearts.

Snowflame smiles and shouts, “Snowflame will bet!”, adding 8800 bits into the pot.

“Yeah, Ah’m not suicidal... anymore.” Braeburn said, folding.

Seeing you have three of a kind, you call.

The fifth card is a queen of clubs.

“Snowflame is all in!” Snowflame exclaims adding the rest of his chips.

The three ponies all look shocked by this.

Confident with what you have you also go all in.

You and Snowflame flip your card, revealing that he had a 2 of spades and a 4 of clubs.

“Snowflame has three of a kind, and the our silent friend has three of a kind.” Discord says “*name her* wins with an ace kicker. Snowflame has been eliminated.”

Snowflame looks pissed for a few seconds, but then shrugs and says, “Well, it’s not like it was Snowflame’s money anyways.” He then stands up and says, “Discord, Snowflame wants a coffee to cheer Snowflame up.”

“Okay what size?”

“You can do anything. Give Snowflame a bottomless cup!”

“As you wish.” Discord says with a snap of his fingers. Suddenly, a cup of coffee appears in Snowflame’s hand, but almost instantly the coffee inside spills onto the floor.

Snowflame glares and Discord, who shrugs and said, “What? You said you wanted a bottomless cup.”

Snowflame chuckles and said, “Okay you got Snowflame there.” and walks off.

You: 40800 bits
Braeburn: 19200 bits
Seth: 20000 bits
Steam: 20000 bits

Seth puts in 400 bits and Steam puts in 800 bits for the blinds.

You look at you new cards, which are a jack of clubs and a 2 of spades.

You call, placing in 800 bits, as does Braeburn.

Seth turns to Braeburn and asks, “So how’ve you been? Have you seen that Quick Draw guy since you’re extremely rushed encounter?”

Braeburn looked at Seth and said, “Like y’all are one to talk about rushed, most of that ‘Universe Hopping Princess’ story of yours was rushed. Thank Celestia that mah story didn’t end on the line ‘I found the fuzzy hoofcuffs’.”

Seth blushes a bit and says, “Touche.” He then calls placing in 400 more bits.

The pegasus taps his hoof to check.

Out come a 3 of hearts, as well as a 6 and 9 of spades.

Seth then checks, followed by Steam betting 1200 bits.

Feeling that you’ll not win with this hand, you fold.

“Ah’ll call that.” Braeburn says adding 1200 bits to the pot.

“As will I.” Seth says.

Then the fourth card is shown to be a 4 of clubs.

You notice Seth take a deep breath before he motions to check.

“I’ll bet.” Steam says adding 2800 bits.

“Excuse me while Ah raise.” he then raises the bet by 5400 bits.

“Yeah, no.” Seth says while folding.

“It’s just a game.” Steam mumbles to himself. He then pushes in his chips and says, “All in.”

Braeburn puts in all his chips and says, “Ah’m gonna call that.”

Since Steam had 800 more bits than Braeburn when he went all in, he got it back.

They flipped their cards, Braeburn had a 5 of clubs and a 7 of hearts, while Steam had a 6 and an ace of clubs. Braeburn nods his head, seeing that he has the better hand.

The river card is shown to be a jack of diamonds.

“Braeburn has a straight, and Steam here has a pair of sixes. Braeburn wins the pot.” Discord explains.

“Well thank y’all for this donation.” Braeburn says, pulling in the pot.

You: 40000 bits
Braeburn: 41200 bits
Seth: 18000 bits
Steam: 800 bits

You place 800 bits for the blinds, and Steam places 400 bits.

You look at you new cards which are an ace and 7 of hearts.

Seth turns his attention to Steam and asks, “So Steam, can I expect the next chapter of New Cloudsdale to come out this month or next month?”

Steam gave him an unamused face, “Buck you.”

“Well you don’t have to be rude about it.”

They each call by adding more bits to the pot. Which for Steam was also going all in.

You tap your fingers on the table to check, the first three cards are: a 4 of spades, a 3 of hearts, and a 2 of diamonds.

You motion to check again.

“Somepony doesn’t look confident.” Braeburn said, betting 1800 bits.

“Somepony? Wow, no surprise for a country pony to not be politically correct.” Steam comments.

“Hey, everypony says it in this time, so I’m not going to use your future lingo.” Braeburn defended himself by saying.

“It’s not like it’s hard to say someone. I mean its one less syllable.”

“Don’t care.”

A red aura formed around Seth horn and chips and they moved forward, “I am all in.”

You, seeing that you have nothing good, decide to fold.

Braeburn pushes his cards forward, “Not this time.” Which made Seth get 19000 bits back.

Seth and Steam flip their cards over. Seth had a 4 of hearts and 6 of diamonds, and Steam a jack of spades and king of diamonds.

“Damnit,” Steam whispers.

The fourth card is a 7 of clubs, and finally the last card is a queen of clubs.

“DAMNIT!” Steam shouts, slamming his hoof on the table.

“Mr. Disarmonia has a pair of fours, and Mr. Valve has king high. Seth wins the hand.” Discord announces. “Steam has been eliminated.”

“What in Celestia’s royal tush just happened there?” Steam asks.

“You lost,” Discord deadpanned.

“Great. Now I have more things to explain to Clementine,” Steam got out of his chair and flew off.

You: 39200 bits
Braeburn: 38600 bits
Seth: 22200 bits

Braeburn places 400 bits and Seth places 800 bits for the blinds.

Your cards are an ace of spades and a jack of clubs. You then call.

Braeburn calls as well.

“Man deciding to burn The Voice alive was an easier choice.” Seth mumbles to himself, “I raise.” He then proceeds to add 5400 bits to the pot.

You’re feeling confident, so you call his bet.

“Ah’ll let you two fight this one out.” Braeburn said folding.

The first three cards are a king of diamonds, a 4 of hearts, and a 6 of clubs.

Seth then bets 3000 more bits, and you call.

The fourth card is an 8 of clubs.

Seth taps his hoof to check, and you check as well.

The final card is a 2 of clubs.

You both check again.

“Wow, y’all are so brave,” Braeburn says in a sarcastic tone.

“Says the guy who folded,” Seth responded.

You both flip your cards, and Seth has a queen and a 9 of diamonds.

“*name here* has ace high, and Seth has king high. *name her* wins.”

You: 49200 bits
Braeburn: 37800 bits
Seth: 13000 bits

You place 800 bits, and Seth places 400 bits in for the blinds.

Your cards turn out to be an ace of spades and a 6 of diamonds.

“Yeah, Ah’ll call that.” Braeburn says placing 800 bits into the pot.

Seth calls as well, placing 400 bits.

You tap your fingers to check.

The next three cards are a 10 and 7 of hearts, along with a 6 of clubs.

Seth taps his chin with his hoof for a second, before betting 3400 bits.

You, seeing that you have a pair, call.

“Well then Ah’ll raise.” Braeburn says putting in a total of 8000 bits into the pot.

“Yeah, I’m in.” Seth says, calling.

You, not so confident now, fold.

The next card is a 3 of diamonds.

“Time to separate the stallions from the colts.” Seth says, going all in.

Braeburn calls adding 4200 bits to the pot.

They flip their cards, Braeburn had a 7 of diamonds and queen of hearts. Seth’s cards are a 2 of clubs and 6 of spades.”

“Well looks like good things are coming mah way.” Braeburn says smiling.

Then the last card is shown to be a 6 of hearts. You mentally kick yourself for folding.

“Tain’t fair.” Braeburn says, his smile disappearing.

“Our cyborg friend has two pair, and Seth has three of a kind. Seth takes the pot.” Discord says.

“Oh the joys of underage gambling.” Seth says pulling in the chips.

“Y’all not 21?” Braeburn asked.

“Nope, I’m only one.”

Braeburn gets a surprised look on his mostly covered face, “Y’all gotta be lying.”

“Okay, I’ll be two in September, but still that’s a couple of months away.”

Braeburn opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

You: 45000 bits
Braeburn: 24800 bits
Seth: 30200 bits

Discord looks at a watch that was now suddenly on his arm, “These blinds are too low. Lets raise them to 600 and 1200.”

You pay the 600, and Braeburn pays the 1200.

You get a 5 of clubs and a 5 of diamonds for your cards.

“So Ah heard y’all got married not that long ago.” Braeburn said to Seth.

“Yeah, and to the most wonderful mare in all of Equestria, Rainbow Vivian Dash.”

“Vivian?”

“Yeah, that’s her middle name.”

“Huh, well according to a letter Ah got from mah cousin Applejack, the Rainbow Dash of mah universe is pregnant. Ah think the father’s name is Guinness or something like that.”

Seth’s eyes flash completely red for a quick second, but then he takes a breath and says, “Well that’s not my Dashie, so what do I care.”

Seth then calls with 1200 bits, you call with 600 bits, and Braeburn checks.

The cards are a 4 of diamonds, 2 of clubs, and 7 of hearts.

You and Braeburn check, but Seth bets 5000 bits.

You decide to call, while Braeburn folds.

The next card is a jack of diamonds.

Afterwards you and Seth both check, final card being the ace of clubs.

You once again tap to check.

Seth chuckles and bets 6000 more bits.

You putting your faith into your pair of fives call Seth’s bet.

You both flip your card, Seth has a 3 of hearts and a 8 of spades.

“*name here* has a pair of fives, and Setali here has ace high. *name here* takes the pot.” says your host.

You: 58400 bits
Braeburn: 23600 bits
Seth: 18000 bits

For the blinds, 600 bits comes from Braeburn and 1200 bits come from Seth.

You get a king of diamonds and an ace of hearts.

You and Braeburn call while Seth checks.

Revealed are a 6 and king of clubs, along with the 3 of diamonds.

“Looks like Ah’m going to bet,” Braeburn says, adding 3800 bits.

“It was fun while it lasted,” Seth says before folding.

You call, and the next card is a 7 of spades.

You and Braeburn tap to check.

The fifth and final card of this round is the king of hearts.

Braeburn checks, but you bet 1200 bits.

“Uhhmmm... Ah’m going to go all in.” Braeburn says pushing in all his chips.

You, after not much thought, call.

You both flip your cards, Braeburn having an ace and jack of spades.

“*name here* has three of a kind, and the silver stallion has a pair of kings, *name here* wins, and Braeburn has been eliminated.”

“Son of a mule! Cherry Jubilee is going to kill me.” Braeburn whines, slamming his head on the table.

“Oh, don’t beat yourself up,” Discord says. “That’s the least of your problems.” With a snap of his fingers, a huge car magnet appears out of thin air right above the cyborg pony. Within seconds the magnet pulls him right of out his seat and he clings to it.

“W-What’s going on? Ah don’t like this at t’all. Help!” Braeburn shouts as the magnet slowly moves away from the table and towards the back wall, which part of it opens up and closes behind him.

Seth looks at Discord and asks, “You think that was a little too mean?”

“Oh please. I thought of making some Oompa Loompas appear and sing a song about becoming a cyborg, but I decided against against it.”

“Oompa what now?”

“I think that would’ve better.” said a deep voice.

You, Seth and Discord turn to see a small, white unicorn with a purple and pink mane.

“Sweetie Belle?” Seth asks.

“No, I am the one known as Thrackerzod, and I am a normal pony.”

‘Nothing that’s happened tonight has been normal.’ You think to yourself.

“How did you even get in here?” Discord asks, looking confused.

“Umm... Whichever way is normal.”

“Yeah, enough of this unneeded cameo.” Discord says snapping his fingers, there was a flash of light, but when it faded, Thrackerzod was still there.

“Ha! That was cute. But, I am a normal pony. Thus, I know when I am not wanted. That is normal.”

“We get it,” Seth said, sounding annoyed.

Thrackerzod runs off and the black unicorn turns his attention back to you, “How in tartarus am I going to make small talk with a mute?” He says to himself.

You: 83200 bits
Seth: 16800 bits

You each put in your blinds, you 1200 bits, Seth 600 bits.

You get a 7 of diamonds and 8 of hearts.

Seth calls and you check. The three new cards are a 2 of spades, plus a 6 and a queen of clubs.

After you both check, the fourth card is shown to be a 10 of hearts.

You check again, but Seth bets 3200 bits.

You’re a little unsure about this, but you call anyways.

The final card is the 10 of clubs.

You check, but then Seth bets 3600 bits.

You see the pair of tens and figure you’ll take the risk and call.

You two flip to show that Seth has the jack of diamonds and 8 of spades.

“You both have a pair of ten, but Seth wins with a jack kicker.” Discord says.

“Well thank you very much.” Seth says, once again smirking.

You: 75200 bits
Seth: 24800 bits

Now you pay 600 bits and Seth pays 1200 bits for the blinds.

Your cards are the king of diamonds and a 6 of spades.

You call, and Seth raises by 8000 bits.

You’re thinking you can win this call.

The first three cards are an ace of hearts, a 5 of clubs, and 4 of diamonds.

Seth starts to stare at you and asks, “So you’re a human right?”

You nod your head.

“Interesting, The Doctor has told me about humans, or at least that my name is human-like. Is that true?”

You nod again.

“Huh, now I wonder if there’s a human out there by the name of Setali Depongono Le Uova Di Disarmonia.”

You then shrug as to say, ‘beats me’.

Seth then bets 3600 bits, you then raise by 7200 bits, hoping that he folds, which he does, and you take the pot.

You: 88000 bits
Seth: 12000 bits

The blinds switch, so you pay 1200 bits, and he pays 600 bits.

You get the 7 and ace of clubs.

Seth calls and you check. The three cards are the 8 of clubs, 5 of hearts, and the jack of spades.

You both check and the fourth card is the five of diamonds.

You check, Seth cracks his neck and says, “You know what, all this checking is getting boring so I’m going to go all in.”

You think for a little while, up you then decide that you’ll call.

You flip your cards, and Seth has the 4 of spades and 4 of clubs.

Seth gives you grin and says, “Never bring a knife to a rapier fight, kid.”

The fifth card is a 4 of hearts.

“Aww yeah.” Seth exclaims.

“The mute has a pair of fives, and Seth has a full house. Seth wins the pot.” Discord says. “The blinds are now 800 and 1600.”

You: 76000 bits
Seth: 24000 bits

You pay 800, and Seth pays the 1600.

You get the queen and 2 of spades.

You call, and to you’re surprised to see Seth raise by 10000 bits, which makes you fold, and Seth take the pot.

“Looks like I’m on a roll.” Seth says with his smirk.

You: 74400 bits
Seth: 25600 bits

After paying 1600 bits for the blinds as Seth pays 800 bits. You see your cards are the ace and 10 of clubs.

Seth calls and you check.

Out comes the 2 and 9 of spades and a 7 of clubs.

You check, and then Seth bets 10800 bits. Unlike the last round, you call.

The fourth card is shown to be the 10 of spades.

You check, and then Seth makes a humming sound while tapping his front hooves together.

The red aura reappears around his horn and chips and they all move forward, “Let’s go all in.”

With a pair of tens, you have you call.

You flip the cards, and Seth’s cards are a 4 of diamonds and queen of clubs.

“Ah great.” Seth sighs.

The final card is the 4 of spades.

“Seth has a pair of fours, and *name here* has a pair of tens. *name here* wins the tournament!” Discord announces.

“Damn. Well, I hope Tank doesn’t mind giving up the couch for a little while. Good game though.” He then gets up and walks away from the table.

Looking around the room you see Steam Valve nod in agreement.

Snowflame stands up from the table he was sitting at and looked like he was going to say something, but is interrupted by a voice shouting, “Get over here!” and a spears on a chain coming at him. Snowflame sees this and grabs the chain as the spear is mere inches from his chest.

Snowflame pulls the spear from who threw it, who was a ninja dressed in yellow and black, so you have a feeling that that’s really Scorpion.

Snowflame grins as white flames start coming off of his body, “So you want another round against Snowflame?! Have you not learned that Snowflame feels no pain! Yet, Snowflame relishes in your feeble attempts to inflict it! Be warned that Snowflame is better at fighting than he is at poker.”

Scorpion makes a motion, as if he’s saying ‘bring it on.’

Snowflame runs at him tackling him right through a wall. Discord once again snaps his fingers to fix it.

“Well, now that this is all done, you should be going now.” Discord says to you as he snaps his fingers again, and with a flash of light you’re back outside, but the door you entered before is now gone. In your hand is a large burlap sack of bits.

You grin at the fact you won, but then something hits you like a ton of bricks.

‘Do bits even have any value where I live?’

THE END

Sequel

Yes, this story got one. Appropriately titled Poker Night 2.

Check it out, or not, I'm not here to hold your hand, make your own choices.