There's A Dimensional Rift In The Toilet Door

by Xenonic

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1147

Go into the mare's toilets they said. It will be fun, they said. Spike shouldn't have listened...

Late one night, a small group of celestial beings and deity's were playing with the fabric of space-time, toying and twisting it with their immense powers, creating something that no-pony had ever seen before.
They were drunk.
Very drunk.
And so, the morning after the night before, it came to be that the Legend of the Toilet Door was created...

And not a single crossover happened.
(Note: Happens somewhere between Season 2-3.)

Published 2013-07-17 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-17 20:20:01 UTC

In The Chamber Of The Gods/Prologue

"...ahaha! Hahaha..."

Laughter abounded, bouncing off the walls deep in within the depths of Canterlot Castle, in a place only the highest-ranking guards knew of. The journey there was not spectacularly glamorous: a veritable climb through the unkempt edges of the Canterlot Gardens would get you to the start of the journey there. If you were not discouraged from the quest from that point, then you would have to walk through the wild forest beyond and find the cave within the hill. If you hadn't brought a torch at that point then you would undoubtedly get lost in the next part of your venture. One would have to cautiously make their way through the chasm-like, eerily silent cave chambers, going through only the smallest and most silent ones, and eventually you would begin to notice that the tunnel was getting tighter, and the height of it higher. If you were thin enough, and didn't have claustrophobia by then, then eventually you would come out in a tastefully-decorated chamber of emerald-green walls and shining, midnight-black floor tiles. The chamber was small, and branched off into several different ones, each decorated with various bits and pieces of odd furniture. The very first one, however, was bare, save for the myriad of cushions strewn about the room and the many televisions attached at precarious angles to one of the walls. Each one showed a different part of the castle.

"...ahahaha, and so that was when he..."

"Oh, no way!..."

Currently abiding in the chamber were four celestial beings - a god of chaos, two celestial entities and a goddess of emotion. Each of them wielded a unique, foreboding power that could be matched by no other. One could re-arrange and shift reality as he pleased, shaping and warping it to his content. The two celestial beings, who sat side-by-side, possessed similar yet diverse gifts: the former could call up the moon and stars, and move them as she wished, the latter being able to send up and lower the sun itself every morning and night. The last, who was draped across the back of the first, could intensify or clear away existing feelings within a mortal being, and stir them or still them like water.

In the center of their little circle, laid on its side, was a large cream jug that had been finely decorated with deep, intense sea-green swirls, arranged in bands that raced around the sides of the slim, wide-bottomed jug. Dripping out of it slowly was a clear liquid, though there wasn't much of it left - for the majority of it had already been consumed.

"and then I said, I'm allergic to roses! ahaha..."

For within the chamber were a draconequus and three alicorns, all four drunk out of their wits.

"...oh, you should ha' sheen his face, Shelly! I' was sho funny...aha, ahaha...ha..." Cadence slurred before passing out on Discord's back. Said draconequus took a sip of his glass and looked over his shoulder.

"Well, there she goes, finally. I thought you said Cadence could hold her drink decently?" He questioned, while moving the sleeping pink alicorn to a pile of cushions in the corner, placing a bucket of water next to her face. Heavens know she'll need it in the morning, he thought.

Luna tilted her head towards the mound of soft cushions that encased Cadence up to her snout. "Well, I thought she could. When I - *hic* - visited the Crystal Empire, I got talked into a drinking bet against both her and Shining Armour. Obviously, they were no match for me, but she managed to outlast him for at least half an hour. Maybe Crystal Empire alcohol's just - *hic* - really weak or somethin'..." All at once, there came a vague murmur from the white alicorn sitting next to her - well, more leaning on her - as said pony raised her head and muttered something else, before giggling and lowering her head. Somehow, the blue alicorn seemed to understand this.

"Yes, under any other circumstances, that would be a good idea, but I wouldn't do it because at the moment you're more drink than pony."

"Um, what?" Discord wasn't too familiar with drunken-alicorn speech.

"She said that she was real bored an' wanted to play a prank or somethin' on someone. But I don't know what..."

Discord took a sip out of his glass and turned towards the televisions on the wall, studying each on to see what might be possible. There wasn't altogether that much happening - Twilight and Spike, along with their friends, had come to stay in the castle for a while, so they were fast asleep snoring up in the tower. In the barracks of the Royal Guard, he could spot a pair of day guards making out rather passionately in the showers - thank goodness Celestia's too drunk to see properly, he thought, before quickly changing to direction of the camera - and down in the kitchen, just hidden behind the fridge, there was dear Fluttershy, in the midst of consuming a slice of pizza. Or three.

"Well, there doesn't seem to be much going on. I don't know what we could do."

"Hmm..." Luna thought a moment. "No, I can't think of anything either."

All of a sudden, Celestia stumbled to her hooves like a newborn foal, raising her head like it was the heaviest part of her body. She tripped this way and that, all the while mumbling and shuffling her wings. She wasn't exactly the lightest pony around, and Luna had to roll out of the way quickly before she got knocked out by her sister's rather hefty posterior.

"Um?...Sister, what are you doing? Are you quite alright-" Before the blue alicorn had time to finish her sentence, Celestia managed to gain some balance and her horn lit up. She threw her head back dramatically and increased the the strength of the aura around her snow-white horn.

"Wait! No-"

"Celestia, stop!"

The two conscious deities cried out against whatever it was Celestia was about to do, but they were too late, as before either had time to get to their hooves and do something, there was a brilliant white flash that seared throughout the chambers and ceased as soon as it had happened. The white alicorn slumped to the floor, unconscious, with a loud *thump*.

There was a long, heavy silence. Neither spoke. Finally:

"...What just happened?"

Author's Note

A bit short, perhaps, but prologues aren't meant to be that long! Anyway, more to come soon. I think I'll take suggestions for different universes to be included in the story in the comments, if you wouldn't mind. But no crossovers - I'm trying to see if I can write a multi-alternate-universe fic without any! Remember to like, favorite and stalk!