One Final Sorry

As she continued to trot down the dirt road, ever so slowly, Trixie decided to take a break. She stopped pulling her cart, and used her magic to lift the harness off her back, feeling the weight taken off her shoulders, but not feeling any lighter. The rain was pouring heavily around her, and she knew she should step inside her mobile home, lest she catch a cold. After all, it wouldn't do if the great and powerful Trixie tried performing with a cold. Still, her mind was caving in on her yet again, and she knew that, as they always did, even when on the run, her memories had caught up to her.

She began to think back of home. Trixie had grown up in a small town, not much smaller than Ponyville, but definitely much further from Canterlot, and it grew at a much slower pace as a result. Her foalhood had been nothing worthy of mention, except for when it came to her schooling. Growing up in a modest family had her believing early on in life that humility was a crucial character trait to possess. When she came into school, in the first grade, she had never thought of just how cruel some ponies could be. Often times not stepping up to take credit either immediately or at all, somepony else would. As a result, many of her achievements in all of her classes were never thought of as hers; this lead to problems with her teachers and her grades. She had managed to maintain herself all the way up to the sixth grade, which in itself was yet another mountain she had climbed, but nopony would ever know of. Finally, in grade six, worried of her lack of achievement and below par grades, her parents had finally been contacted and became involved.

Of course, her lack of openness and unwilling to change due to foalhood morals she had built into her, lead to the situation at home becoming worse and worse. It finally escalated to a point where each and every day she would go to school, get bullied and outshone, come back to her house, get yelled at by parents, yell at them in retaliation, lock herself in her room, and cry herself to sleep. Rinse and repeat. Her days and nights had become monotonies of despair, and her house was no longer ever a home.

At the beginning of the seventh grade, her life had finally been looking up a bit. She may have still been a blank flank and constantly laughed at and mocked, but she had managed to find a way in which she had slightly improved her grades into the average mark, at least allowing for a bit of cool down with tensions at home. But fate and destiny are cruel maestros, and the light at the end of the tunnel revealed itself to be a flaming train with gigantic spikes attached to the front. Only two months into grade seven, her mother had passed away, right in front of Trixie’s eyes.

In a rare occurrence, a unicorn and his pegasus friend had staged a home invasion on Trixie’s house. The Pegasus had swooped in and knocked her father unconscious before he could react, while the unicorn simultaneously broke through the front door, unsheathed a knife, and had fatally injured her mother as she had been attempting to gallop away to tell the police. Trixie had been lucky enough to have heard the commotion from her locked room while she was doing her homework, and had teleported away just as her door came crashing down.

No, not lucky, Trixie thought to herself. The police never made it in time to get her mother to the hospital to stop the bleeding, and she had passed away as Trixie and her father waited outside the emergency room. She should’ve stayed and fought. She had known basic offensive and defensive magic, and could’ve at least easily levitated objects with enough force to knock out the intruders. But she hadn't. Instead, she had only been thinking of herself.

And as Trixie sat there by the roadside, having been brought back to the present, she looked at her own hooves, and saw a soggy shade of blue. What a befitting colour she thought to herself, for a pony with a life such as mine. Tears had already begun streaming along her face, visible to none as it mixed with her coat and the rain around her perfectly. Try as hard as she could, and still she would never be able to stop these demons from coming back and haunting her. Just as they did since she left, just as they did now, and just as they would forever. She decided that maybe it was better she thought about the gloomy past rather than her future at the moment.

What happened the following year was in no way pretty, or ever even had the glimpse of possibly coming near that description. She had only become even more of a social reject. When teachers tried to help her, she would constantly refuse it, leading only to frustration on their parts. Her father had become a stoic and unmovable fortress, who never spoke to anypony any more, not even Trixie. The bullies at school relented for a day or two, but then came back stronger than ever, constantly making dark humour jokes about her mother. When the year was near its end, and Trixie got her report card, she had failed every last class. In addition, she was bruised and battered on her entire body thanks to a select few ponies who took the extra step and knew she would not, and could not retaliate. Yet, her grades had apparently been most disappointing to, not her, but her father. That day, he finally snapped, and his fortress opened its gates. But out came not a dove, only an army of pent up anger and rage.

He had stared at the paper for two full minutes at the dinner table in complete silence, Trixie, afraid to move until he acted. And when he did, he did with force. She had gasped from shock as the back of her father’s right hoof connected with her jaw, sending her reeling. But he was not yet finished; he continued to assault her for another full half hour. At the end of it, she was bleeding heavily and had more broken bones in her body than she was even aware existed. In his final act of spite, he sent her flying out the front door onto the cold hard road, and locking her out. As she rapidly lost consciousness, she noticed somepony had seen her, and was galloping over at full speed. She did not know what happened when they reached her, as her vision finally took on its final shade of darkness and became a full black.

She woke up several weeks later in the hospital. In that time, she had found out her father had legally disowned her, and she had been under intensive care for the first few days of her life. She was told she was very lucky to have survived, but this was yet another time when luck had shown its true face to Trixie, and she knew it would never give her the fortune of being on its good side. Being a foster foal now under legal circumstances, at least she didn't have to worry about paying for her treatment. She was released several months later into the world, as there was no foster home in her small town.

During those months in the hospital, Trixie had time to think to herself. Much more time than could have been healthy, but there was nothing she could do about it. In that time, she thought long and hard of just how her life had ended up where it was. And she always came to the same conclusion; it was all her parents’ faults. They had taught her to be humble and not to outshine others, and it had led her down this dark road of failure. Well no more, she thought to herself. She was going to prove to her dad that humility in life will get you nowhere and that when you achieve anything in life, it deserves its celebration, and after all, every small light will fend off the darkness of this world.

She left town the day she was able to and never even so much as glanced back at where all her memories remained. Trixie was going to start a new life, and it was going to be great and powerful. But to begin, she would need practice and quite a few bits. She found some work luckily with a travelling circus, and managed to gain all her essentials to begin her career as a showpony. Finally dropping off from the crew in Baltimare after 10 years with them, she used her earned bits to buy herself her accessories and mobile show and home which she would carry around. It was during her first performance, that the great and powerful Trixie finally earned her cutie mark, and she saw it as a sign that she was right about her assumption in relishing in every victory, no matter how small.

From then on, Trixie had taken to travelling from town to town, performing show after show. Oh yes, her life was extremely lonely, but so it had been for many years, and so she thought it would have to be for the rest of her life. As such, she never bothered much with friendship. And with each and every show, she got a little cockier, a little more boastful. And this all continued until it finally reached the boiling point.

When Trixie had arrived in Ponyville, she was ready to perform her most extravagant show yet. And once she had begun, she refused to disappoint. Her act lit up the sky, struck many faces with awe and wonder as she embellished and even lied of her life in order to impress the crowd. In fact, two members of the crowd who were rather odd looking seemed to be especially stunned by the brilliance of her performance.

What Trixie had not been expecting though was for the very bearers of the elements of harmony to defy her. What had they against her and her show? She was simply performing, and could not allow them to undermine her! If anything, they were supposed to show her friendship could be magical, not hateful towards those without it! She used this rage inside of her, and used in a storm of spells meant to shame and embarrass the ponies who dared to try and cause her to falter in her profession. In the end though, with Twilight vanishing the Ursa Minor, Trixie had been forced to flee as not only had she been outperformed, but it seemed the entire town was slowly getting more and more hostile towards her. She had decided that it was only one odd town, and she should just put the experience behind her, even if it hurt her like a knife had pierced her heart for the first time in eons.

To her dismay, she watched her life crumble around her yet again. To the symphony of destiny, she watched as town after town had kicked her out, and some had straight out denied her entry as they had already heard of the news of a blue mare going about causing problems. She couldn’t understand; hadn’t she simply been doing her job? Wasn’t it her profession to perform for the crowd and to tell tales to amaze them, not for them to try and outshine and embarrass her? Apparently not. It seemed to her that life had suddenly decided to twist its rules again, and cause the entire world to immediately hate her no matter what she did.

Finally, having given up, Trixie had cracked under the pressure. If the world would stop at nothing to ensure she was viewed as a villain, then she would stop wasting her time denying it, and become one. Using some bits she accumulated working at a rock farm to sustain herself, she managed to track down and obtain the Alicorn Amulet. She had had her famous battle with Twilight over Ponyville, and had relished in her control of it. Unfortunately, she was given yet another twist to the tale as she lost when Twilight had dueled her in the rematch and used cheap show tricks to beat her. Oh how the irony had twisted the blade that day.

After it all, Trixie had no idea how to continue with her life. She had tried so many different angles at life, and found that no matter which way she turned, she would end up facing yet another abyss. Her mind cracked this time, and she truly gave up. She decided on one final course of action, apologize for all her mistakes, and make sure amends were made everywhere they were due before her life was over, so that at least she would leave this world in a more neutral manner.

Back in reality, she found herself finishing her tears, upon that very last road, just several miles outside the very last town on the list. She finally cried all the remaining tears, and seeing as none remained, she mentally forced herself to rise back to all four hooves, and bear the burden of her mobile life once more, choosing her final path.

Indeed it was the final path, as it led back to her old house. She would’ve once called it home, but now found herself lacking anyplace she could give such a title. Having re-traced her life as far back as she could, on hoof, Trixie had spent the last 9 years going around and asking for forgiveness to those she wronged, and getting it from those who had wronged her (when she could). Now there was only one pony left in all of Equestria she needed to speak to: her father.

She planned on coming back, sitting down with him over dinner, and talking about the past like reasonable grown adults. They would discuss who had wronged whom and hopefully in the end be able to forgive each other once and for all, and begin the path to reconstructing their relationship. After all, home is where your family is, and Trixie wanted her family again.

As she arrived outside her former house, she saw a pony sitting by one of the windows with the lights on. Her heart leapt at the prospect of finally ending this forsaken journey, and she hurried to unfasten her house in exchange for one she hoped to regain. She broke into a gallop as she ascended the steps and gave several light knocks with her right hoof. When the door opened, an unfamiliar mare stared back at her. They each blinked in confusion several times at one another, and it was the one at home who spoke first.

“How may I help you?” she asked, curious as to who the blue mare in a wizard hat with a mobile home standing outside her door in the rain with bloodshot eyes was.

“Pardon my interruption, but my father and I used to live here. I’m assuming he’s moved out if you live here now, so would you mind giving me directions to wherever it is they decided to build a retirement home in this village? It’s been an awfully long time since I’ve been here, but I’m sure they must at least have that,” replied Trixie

The mare inside the door stared at Trixie in shock, knowing exactly of whom she spoke, and tears began to well up in her eyes as it slowly dawned on her that the unfortunate travelling soul was not yet aware of what had happened. “I’m sorry to say, but our town has yet to build a retirement home. It’s for the best if we discuss this inside.” She moved aside to allow the blue mare into her home.

“Very well, but I hope you’ll explain more of what you mean, as if my father is not in a retirement home, I cannot possibly fathom whatever you would mean,” Trixie stated as she slowly trotted into the stranger’s lovely home, made to appear much nicer than hers had ever been.

The sun was shining bright in Manehatten, and the weather team had scheduled for no cloud cover today, allowing it to shine in its full glory. Yet, for Trixie, it could not be any darker of days as she stared at a tombstone. She stood there for hours, reading and re-reading what was written on it, as her mind continued to shatter into more and more pieces with each look at the engraving.

> Here lies Shining Firework,

who died on March twelfth, year 1367AD.

A stallion who spent thirteen years travelling the nation, looking for his daughter.

Here he lies once and for all, having collapsed in the street from a variety of factors such as hunger and disease.

He spent his final moments demanding to continue searching.

May he rest in peace, now that his search can continue no more.

Tears welled up in the eyes of Trixie, cursing the cruelty fate could have to make today the loveliest day Trixie had ever seen with her eyes, but knew that behind the curtain it was the worst she would ever experience. Her father had spent thirteen years after what he did to her trying to look for her and to say sorry, and she was nowhere to be found. There he lay, a testament to his failure, a memory to a life which no one but Trixie would ever know of, and tears were pouring down her face. It took all her strength to not collapse fully as she uttered her final goodbye.

“Hello father, it’s been a while.

Clearly both you and I have traveled much more than a mile.

You raised me up when I was a foal,

And made life seem easy with your soul.

But soon the outside world saw me tainted,

And the rest of my life became forever painted.

I brought my issues home, and never let you help me fix them.

I think back on it now, how you were offering me only a gem.

But I mistook your lessons and used them wrong,

So here I stand singing this final song.

I’m sorry for all my mistakes,

And for all your heartaches.

I’m sorry for what happened to mother,

If I had stayed, the result might have been another.

Instead I only fled,

And for that, your heart bled.

I forgive you for everything,

As no pain ever hurt more than that of you missing.”

At this point, Trixie finally broke down, crying harder than she ever had, as her heart felt like it was being torn apart by discord. The tears were not stopping, nor had she any intent of ever trying to make them.

“I’m so sorry, daddy, everything that ever happened was all my fault, and now you’re dead having tried to find me, and to say you’re sorry. But I see now, it was never you who should have apologized. I promise I’ll do my best to make it up to you now though. I’ll stay by your side and never leave. That way, we’ll be together until the very end, forever and always. I’ll never leave you ever again daddy, ever.”

And so Trixie lay there, and she never rose again. And as she drifted off into her eternal slumber, she uttered one final sorry.