A Shadowy Stranger In Equestria

Chapter Four: Beds and Idiots

I was currently walking through the town of Ponyville, hoping to find Twilight. I had to force myself to go out, as anywhere was better than being in the same room as that damn dragon. Although, he can take quite a hit for such a small thing so I could kind of respect that.

"Holy crap, where the hell is this day spa that twilight is at?" I asked myself. Finally I decided to ask for directions, however, it had soon proved to be much more of a challenge than looking for the spa myself. I came across a grey Pegasus with yellowish hair;

"Um excuse me sir, er miss? Could you direct me to the day spa please?" The Pegasus turned around and I found something quite…disturbing about her. It appeared that her eyes were crossed in opposite directions, giving the appearance of a badly drawn cartoon with bad animation.

“Hi there, Mr, I’m Derpy” said the grey Pegasus. "Yeah…hi" I replied awkwardly, as I was completely distracted with her stupid looking eyes. “Would you like a muffin Mr?” she asked. "Um no thanks" I replied; I decided to take this opportunity to ask her for directions.

"Um excuse me, er, Derpy? Could you direct me to the day spa by any chance?" There was a 30 second silence, of which I was about to leave until she finally replied.

“Oh yeah! I know where that is. I also know where the hospital is, and the schoolhouse, and the-”

"Ok!" I interrupted suddenly, "I get it. You know your way around this place. Now can you tell me where the day spa is exactly?"

“Um, let me think. Oh yeah its next to sugarcube corner, I love sugarcube corner they make the best muffins there. Though it’s kind of hard to eat them on the count of my eyesight. Speaking of which would you like a muffin, Mr?” At this point I was getting extremely annoyed with this Derpy.

"Look, I don’t care about e hospital, or the schoolhouse, or even your eyesight. All I want to know is where the fucking day spa is! That’s it!" I was getting annoyed to a point where I was sweeting.

“Hey Mr, you should watch your temper. You know what you need? You need a muffin!” Finally, I cracked.

"Right, that’s it! I don’t want your stupid muffins, you fucking retard! You know what, screw you! I’ll find the damn thing myself!" At first I felt guilty for upsetting her. I DID feel guilty, until she started throwing muffins at me.

"Ow! What the hell!? What s in those things? Cement?!" I ran away from her as she continued to throw her cement muffins at me screaming “You’re a meany!” at the top of her lungs. Finally, I hid in a bush and avoided her as she went by.

All was quite until I heard a familiar voice.

“Um Jet? Why are you hiding in a bush?” It was Twilight. "Ugh, thank God I found you Twilight! I was trying to find you when this dumb bitch started throwing muffins at me!" I was so relieved that I had found her.

“Well, I was also looking for you. Applejack has some spare beds in her old barn and she said that she would be more than happy to lend you one. Do you want to come and look?” I was conflicted. On one hand, I really didn't want to go to some shitty farm; but on the other hand I was not going to wait around with Spike for hours on end. "Sure why not" I replied.

“Great! Let’s go” Twilight said with enthusiasm.

----------At Sweet Apple Acres--------

“Welcome Jet to Sweet Apple Acres!” said Applejack with eagerness. “I promise ya’ll have a wonderful time while ya’ll here”. The scenery was pretty good, the fields were littered with apple covered trees all lined up in perfect sections. We were about to take a look at the beds when I suddenly heard a load “ouch”. “What in the hay was that?” asked Applejack in shock. Taking advantage of the situation once more, I offered to go check it out.

"Um, I’ll go check what it is if you don’t mind Applejack"

“Why that is mighty nice of ya’ll, Jet” said Applejack with gratitude. I made my way down the grassy hill into the fields of trees, while I took caution to not trip over any loss roots or fallen apples. I finally came into a clearing where there stood in the middle a tree house.

"This better not be anything like Twilight’s so called house" I mumbled to myself. Then suddenly, out walked three small ponies from the little tree hut. One had a horn and looked kind of familiar, one had wings with a shitty hair-do, and one just looked normal.

“Hey Mr, are ya’ll lost?” asked the normal(ish) looking pony.

"Oh no, I’m just here to pick up a bed from Applejack" I replied. Suddenly, the horned pony got really excited for some weird reason. “Wow! I really like your cutie mark. Do you play games or make them? Can you tell us how you got it? Hey girls we could get a cutie mark like this guy!” Of course, another crazy pony to waste my time. I had no idea what she was talking about. "Um, little…girl? What’s a cutie mark?" All three of them suddenly showed signs of shock and disbelief on their faces. “Seriously? Mr, its that thing on your flank” said the orange Pegasus in annoyance.

"What the-" I stopped myself after realizing that these ponies were children, so I figured it to be unwise to curse in front of them. "I mean, what are you talking about?" I checked what was known as my flank and to my shock I found a tattoo of a video game controller on my ass. "How in God’s name did this get here?" Luckily the normal pony, who clearly appeared to be the sane on of the group, decided to explain it to me.

“Well Mr, a cutie mark is something that every grown up pony has to show what their special talent is. But we don’t have one yet” she said in dismay. Now it made sense to me, however, I felt really stupid for not noticing it on other ponies two days ago.  “Why don’t you come inside and tell us how ya’ll got yours Mr?” asked the normal pony with eagerness. "Um, sorry but I have to go-"

“Nonsense! We insist that you come in and introduce yourself to us” insisted the Pegasus pony. Once more, the situation could not get much worse for me. Sadly I was wrong.