A Shadowy Stranger In Equestria

by Flutter7Dash7

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 4452

Jet VanFox (my OC pony played by me) is fired from his dream job as chief graphics designer at Bungie.net. But when he dies in a car crash, he expects that he is going to heaven. However, his unemployment is the least of his worries...

Jet Yosef VanFox is a happy young man who has his dream job as chief graphics designer at Bungie.net. However, when he gets fired from his job for being a prick, he takes his anger out on the road. This causes him to die from a fatal crash with a truck. However, instead of going to heaven, hell, or even Purgatory Jet ends up in a colourful and joy filled land called Equestria.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-16 02:11:30 UTC

Chapter One: The End...or The New Beginning.

Chapter One: The End…or The New Beginning?

It’s not possible. How on earth could this happen to me, of all things that had to happen. Why did it have to be this?

“Jet, you’re fired!” yelled Mr Anderson, who as usual was steaming with rage.

“How could you fire me? I’m the chief graphics designer for this game. I even came up with the story line!” I cried with frustration.

“This is true, but you are lazy and constantly late for work. On top of that, you always seem to pick meaningless fights with others over the stupidest things” Mr Anderson replied with a more calm tone.

“Pfff. That’s not true at all” I said with hesitation. Clearly he could tell I was lying.

“You threatened to throw a metal chair at Anna when she knocked over your coffee by mistake; tried to cut a nine year old’s hair off for sitting in your chair during ‘Bring your Daughter to work day’ and most recently broke a window cause someone misplaced your pen”. He wasn’t lying either, I had serious anger management issues since I started working for Bungie.net.

“So your point is?” I asked with arrogance.

“That’s it! Jet Yosef VanFox, I here by fire you and ban you from this company! Now get the hell out of my sight before I call security”.

----------Two hours Later----------

I was currently driving home in a rage on the highway at 11:00pm in Las Vegas, the gambling city of the world. The lights flickered and broke through the darkness of the night. I hated lights, they were distracting and incredibly annoying.

"Stupid Anderson and his stupid company. How dare he fire me? His chief graphics designer. And for what? ‘Cause I just pissed off a few workers? Who really cares about that?" I drove faster as I continued to rant on about the idiotic Bungie.net. There was a traffic jam on the edge of town. Still enraged by my unemployment, I started yelling at the drivers hoping that it would be effective enough to move traffic along. How wrong that I was.

"Come on you damn assholes! Move along, some of us actually have valuable lives to get back to!" Noone was listening. What I did next would change everything. In an attempt to get pass traffic, I made a U-turn into the right side of the road and continued on from there. But then, without warning, a truck came speeding towards me with my final words being

“Well, fu-”

Crash!

----------Moments Later in Ponyville hospital----------

“Is he going to be ok Doc?” asked a Rainbow coloured pony.

“It’s hard to say, but it appears that both his wings are crippled and his left hoove is fractured. It will take about two weeks before he is fully recovered but he should be fine before then”.

“Princess Celestia should hear about this. A Pegasus pony with markings of a Zebra but with magical qualities as well? That is strange…” Said a purple pony.

"Ugh. Where…where the hell am I? I feel like I have a hangover, but then again I have never had a drink in my life".

A yellowish pony walked up to me and said eagerly “Howdy there sugarcube, yal’ feeling alright?”

Shocked with disbelieve my only response was even shocking to the talking pony-things.

"What the Shit is going on?"

Chapter Two: An Unsettling Welcome

Chapter Two: An Unsettling Welcome.

The pony like creatures looked at me with anticipation, as if they were expecting an answer back. The yellowish one came closer to me with a delighted grin on her face, as if my presence was all that she wanted.

“Well? Aren’t ya’l gonna answer me?” she asked with a sweet tone in her voice.

"Um, I feel…fine I guess". Of course I was lying. In what way was this ok? Talking ponies in heaven? Even here it made no sense.

“You took quite a fall there fella” said the Rainbow coloured pony. Wait, was she flying!? I started to shudder at the thought that this was actually happening.

“Twilight, I think he has something wrong with him. He looks like he’s seen a ghost or something” said the Rainbow one.

“Well Rainbow Dash, he did take a nasty fall after all. Luckily we got to him before something else bad happened” said the purple one. Finally, I couldn't take it any more.

"Ok, so what in the hell are fucking talking ponies doing in heaven? Is this some sick and twisted joke?"

The white pony came up to me with a look of confusion on her face, as did the rest of them in the room. “Why whatever do you mean, darling? You’re simply in Ponyville hospital recovering from a terrible fall two weeks ago”.

"This is ridiculous! I demand an explanation! I mean come on, I’m a grown human man and demand some respect!" I was very frustrated but at the same time I was terrified. What if I wasn't in heaven? What if this was Hell or worse, Purgatory.

“Excuse me, um, sir? I hate to be a bother, but you are a pony too. I just thought I would point that out” said the yellow pony who clearly needed a life coach due to her shy nature.

"Pfff. Bullshit, I am no damn pony. Look, I have fing-" I was cut off by my own shock at what I was gazing at. My hands and fingers had been replaced by a blue hoof. I looked at my current appearance. The yellow pony was correct; I was a blue pony with red and black hair!

"Ahhhhhhhh!! What the fuck happened to me!? I’m a God damn pony!"

“Calm down. It’s perfectly normal. The impact from your fall not only put you in a coma for two weeks, but also may have caused some memory loss too” the pony in the lab coat said. Clearly he was a certified Medical officer of some sort, but in what area?

“Could you tell us your name, please?” asked the purple pony.

“He’s still in shock at the moment girls. Maybe you should come back tomorrow when he’s feeling slightly better” the Doctor said to the purple one.

“Oh, ok then we will come and visit tomorrow. Bye, um, Mr” The door shut behind the seven ponies; while I lay awake wondering what in God’s name was going on.

----------The next morning----------

The morning sun came faster than I had anticipated, as it felt like I only just went to sleep a few seconds ago. But something felt…odd, like there was something on my bed. I slowly open my eyes to investigate.

“Hi there, Mr Stranger!” yelled a pink pony who was sitting on top of my bed frame.

"Ahhh!" The initial shock had thrown me right out of bed.

"Ugh. Who are you? How did you get here? And what is that on my blankets?"

“Well, my name is Pinkie Pie-”

"Wait a sec. You’re a pink pony and your name is Pinkie?"

“Yes. And I came through the window with some-” Again I had cut her off from her rant. "You climbed through my window as opposed to simply informing the front desk that your visiting?"

“Yep. And that thing on your blankets is some yummy fudge and a cup of tea.” There was a slight pause as I tried to run this through my head. "So let me get this straight. You’re a pink pony who’s name is directly associated with your coat colour, broke into my room to deliver some sweets to a stranger that you have no idea of who he might be".

She tilted her head a bit in confusion but finally replied with “Want some fudge now?” I did not think it was possible, nor did God I bet, but I may have found someone who is far more irritating than I was back home. Clearly this was going to be an interesting experience. At that moment, five other ponies came into my room, once more, uninvited. “Hi there. Told you we would come and visit again” said the purple pony with delight.

“Oh I see you meet Pinkie Pie” I then glared at the pink pony with utter annoyance.

"Yes. She made an effort to make herself noticed" I said grimly.

“So who are you anyway?” asked the Rainbow pony who was clearly rude and inpatient.

"Why are you so eager to know a stranger’s name? I just want to rest."

“Well how’d about we introduce ourselves first. I'm Applejack” said the yellowish pony.

“ I'm Rarity” said the white one. “I'm Fluttershy” said the shy one, though it was hard to hear her.

“I’m the one and only Rainbow Dash!” yelled the arrogant rainbow pony.

“And I'm Twilight Sparkle, you've already meet Pinkie Pie”. It was clear that these six ponies were not leaving until I made some effort to befriend them.

"Well my name is Jet Yosef VanFox, but you can just call me Jet."

“Well Jet it’s nice to meet you” replied Twilight with eagerness. "Likewise. Um say, how come some of you look different from each other?"

“Why what ever do you mean dear?” asked rarity in a sweet voice.

"Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that you two have wings and you two have horns!"

“Dude, have you looked in the mirror lately?” said Rainbow Dash.

I did not know what she meant, but I investigated and indeed I had a pair of cyan wings. "Well great as if things could not be more fucked up as it is." There was a knock at the door. It was my Doctor who was taking care of me, though in my opinion he was doing a bad one at that. “Twilight, could I please speak to you and your friends  for a moment?” he asked polity.

“Sure thing, come on girls” they all left for a moment while I was once more alone in my room.

--------At the Doctor’s Office------

“Twilight, I have looked into all possible patient files, even those from Canterlot. But sadly, there is no record of this Jet VanFox fellow. Ina way, he does not exist”

“But how is that possible Doctor?” asked Twilight.

“I’m not entirely sure, but he is being prepared for discharge. So one of you will have to-”

“Twilight!” interrupted Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy.

“Ugh. Fine, he can stay with me. What about his head injury?”

“It should heal soon enough. But be sure to keep him in a quite place so not to startle him. Though he can fly now and walk, he is still getting over the initial shock of the fall.”

“Ok Doctor, I’ll try” replied Twilight.

---------My room-------

“Good news Jet, you’re ready to be discharged. Plus, Twilight Sparkle was kind enough to offer you a place to stay” said the Doctor.

"Well it’s better than staying here. Anywhere is better at this point".

However, like 99.9% of the time it seems, I was dead wrong.

Chapter Three: The Tree house and The Dragon

Chapter Three: The Tree house and The Dragon.

I was slowly trying to get the hang of walking with four legs, not to mention the God awful foot wear that I have. The purple pony, or as her friends call her, Twilight was walking me to her library/house as she so clearly explained it to me. We finally arrived and once more it seemed that things could get much worse for me.

"Um…Twilight?" I asked. “Yes Jet?”

"Your Library/House its…it’s a tree."

“Well it is a tree house after all silly” she replied cheerfully.

"But wouldn’t it make more sense…you know what never mind just take me inside please." I didn’t need to start up another conversation about making sense of things, as the whole situation itself was irregular on its own.

“Well make yourself at home” Twilight said, once more with a cheerful nature.

"Thanks. Hey could I have a glass of water or something?" I hadn’t had a decent drink in ages since I got here so I was quite thirsty.

“Sure thing. Spike can you get some water for our guest!?” she shouted. While I was waiting, I was gazing at the Library as it seemed to be built right into the tree itself. I had to admit, the design was genius. Finally my water arrived.

“Here you go, er, sir” said a young voice.

"Thanks I haven’t had a drink in-" I came face to face with what appeared to be some sort of lizard-like creature with purple scales and green spots. Of course, I freaked out.

"Ahhhh! A monster! Quick Twilight, kill it before it eats us!" I yelled while pushing her towards the beast.

“I’m not a monster, I’m a dragon” said the dragon.

"That’s even worse! Get it Twilight! Kill it with fire or something!" Talking ponies was enough for me, but talking dragons? Now this was just getting ridiculous.

“Calm down Jet. This is Spike, he’s my assistant in the Library and studying magic and friendship” Twilight assured me.

"Twilight, what the fuck is a dragon doing in your damn house, er I mean tree house?"

“Hey! Watch your mouth, I’m a baby dragon after all” said Spike. “Spike don’t be rude” said Twilight.

“The doctor said that he needs to be in a quite spot where he won’t be startled so easily”.

“Seriously Twilight, you do know that he just used…that word before” said Spike. Twilight looked as confused as I did when I first woke up from my so called ‘coma’.

“What word, Spike?” she asked. Seriously, she did not even notice but the baby dragon did. At this point I was greatly concerned with who I was staying with.

“You know the F U C K word” Spike whispered to Twilight.

“OH. I just thought that that was a side effect to his head injury”. I don’t know what’s worse. Staying with someone who has no idea what cursing is, or the fact that there was a demon in her house. “Seriously” Spike and I said at once.

“Well its getting late, but I don’t think I have a bed for you yet Jet. Sorry, you’ll have to share with Spike” she said. Twilight sounded regretful in that sentence, so I knew from that point that tonight was going to be eventful.

“What!? I’m not sharing my bed with some weirdo who has no taste in clothes as Rarity would put it” Spike said rudely.

"Hey! I didn’t exactly choose to wear these, so shut up. At least I don’t sleep with a blanket or call for mommy in the middle of the night!"

“You take that back!” he yelled. "Why don’t you make me, bitch!" Clearly I was not here to make friends with a bloody dragon. “That’s it! Come here!” Spike launched himself at me as we began to wrestle each other on the floor. I attempted to punch him continuously with my hooves, while he painfully clawed at me. Twilight rolled her eyes and finally stopped us. She used her so called ‘magic’ and levitated me and Spike away from each other. “Stop it both of you! Now you’re both going to have to share a bed while I find one for you Jet. Until then, you will both have to get alone with each other. Ok Spike?” she glared at him waiting for an answer. “Uh, yes Twilight”

“Ok Jet?” She steered at me like my mother would when I stole or broke something. "Ugh, fine" I replied grimly.

“Good now both of you go to sleep”.

----------The Next Morning-------

I was walking down the stairs, groaning as that stupid dragon’s scales kept digging into my back all night. I was greeted by a familiar smell: French toast. “Good Morning, Jet. Good Morning Spike” Twilight greeted us with delight. "Good Morning Twilight" I said with a mumble. “What’s wrong Jet? Did you not sleep well?” asked Twilight with concern.

"Uh, no. Spike’s stupid scales kept rubbing into my spine all night and at some point drooled on me and breathed smoke into my face" I replied while directing my glare at Spike, as if telling him that he was an asshole. “Well I wouldn’t have if you had managed to shut your mouth and share the blanket! You honestly talk so much in your sleep” said Spike with anger.

"I do not talk in my sleep" I said with annoyance. “Pff, a likely story” he said rolling his eyes in disbelieve. "Hey you two don’t make me use my levitation spell again” Twilight threatened getting ready to use her horn of death as I called it. "Oh God no! You almost killed me by spinning me around the damn room like that!"

“Yeah, I almost threw up ten scrolls from that. If you span me any faster, I would have set fire to the book shelves” spike said while pointing at a burnt area near the door.

“Well then stop bickering. Jet I having a spa day with the girls today, would you mind helping Spike with his chores?”

"Sure, it’s not like I have anything better to do". Before Spike could object to it, Twilight glared at him while her horn glowed. Clearly she was going to get Spike and I to get along, whether with force or not. “Great and while I’m out I’ll see if Applejack has a spear bed that she could lend me for you Jet. Ok I’ll be back soon bye” said Twilight as she left with her satchel.

“You know that I hate you at the moment, right?” asked Spike. "Oh you have no idea how much I hate you at the moment" I replied.

---------At the Day Spa--------

“So Twilight dear, how is Spike getting along with your new guest?” asked Rarity while she was getting a hooficure. “Ugh, it’s a nightmare. Those two argue over the most ridiculous things! I caught Spike stealing Jet’s glasses so he would bump into things, and Jet tried to glue spike to the ceiling. He managed to learn how to fly but only for a few minutes” Twilight said with grief. “Wow, who knew that he could be so much trouble” said Rainbow Dash who was busy getting a massage.

“Twilight, um, maybe I could go talk to them at some point. They could come stay with me for a bit” said Fluttershy. “Hey, that’s sounds like a good idea Fluttershy. But I’ll have to trick them into doing it. Getting them to work together is harder than getting Rainbow Dash to have a hooficure” said Twilight.

“Hey! I can have one when I want to” claimed Rainbow Dash.

“Oh really? Well why don’t ya'll have one now then?” asked Applejack.

“Um…my hooves are too delicate at the moment” said Rainbow Dash. Everyone laughed at Rainbow’s excuse.

-----------Back At the Library--------

“Hey Jet, have you seen my apron?” asked Spike. He then realized that there was something dripping from the ceiling. It was glue and Spike’s jaw dropped when he saw what was up there which was a note and his apron. “Grrrrrrr! Damn it Jet I hate you! Well I might as well see what this jerk had to say on this note” Spike said begrudgingly to himself.

The note read:

Dear Dumbass,

I’ve grown really bored from waiting around for Twilight, so I have gone off into town to see where she is and what she is up to. Don’t try to stop me or that apron won’t be the only thing glued to the ceiling.

P.S. Get a real MALE hobby you pussy.

From Jet VanFox.

“Man, Jet can be a real jerk. I hope Twilight gets rid of him. The sooner the better”.

Chapter Four: Beds and Idiots

Chapter Four: Beds and Idiots

I was currently walking through the town of Ponyville, hoping to find Twilight. I had to force myself to go out, as anywhere was better than being in the same room as that damn dragon. Although, he can take quite a hit for such a small thing so I could kind of respect that.

"Holy crap, where the hell is this day spa that twilight is at?" I asked myself. Finally I decided to ask for directions, however, it had soon proved to be much more of a challenge than looking for the spa myself. I came across a grey Pegasus with yellowish hair;

"Um excuse me sir, er miss? Could you direct me to the day spa please?" The Pegasus turned around and I found something quite…disturbing about her. It appeared that her eyes were crossed in opposite directions, giving the appearance of a badly drawn cartoon with bad animation.

“Hi there, Mr, I’m Derpy” said the grey Pegasus. "Yeah…hi" I replied awkwardly, as I was completely distracted with her stupid looking eyes. “Would you like a muffin Mr?” she asked. "Um no thanks" I replied; I decided to take this opportunity to ask her for directions.

"Um excuse me, er, Derpy? Could you direct me to the day spa by any chance?" There was a 30 second silence, of which I was about to leave until she finally replied.

“Oh yeah! I know where that is. I also know where the hospital is, and the schoolhouse, and the-”

"Ok!" I interrupted suddenly, "I get it. You know your way around this place. Now can you tell me where the day spa is exactly?"

“Um, let me think. Oh yeah its next to sugarcube corner, I love sugarcube corner they make the best muffins there. Though it’s kind of hard to eat them on the count of my eyesight. Speaking of which would you like a muffin, Mr?” At this point I was getting extremely annoyed with this Derpy.

"Look, I don’t care about e hospital, or the schoolhouse, or even your eyesight. All I want to know is where the fucking day spa is! That’s it!" I was getting annoyed to a point where I was sweeting.

“Hey Mr, you should watch your temper. You know what you need? You need a muffin!” Finally, I cracked.

"Right, that’s it! I don’t want your stupid muffins, you fucking retard! You know what, screw you! I’ll find the damn thing myself!" At first I felt guilty for upsetting her. I DID feel guilty, until she started throwing muffins at me.

"Ow! What the hell!? What s in those things? Cement?!" I ran away from her as she continued to throw her cement muffins at me screaming “You’re a meany!” at the top of her lungs. Finally, I hid in a bush and avoided her as she went by.

All was quite until I heard a familiar voice.

“Um Jet? Why are you hiding in a bush?” It was Twilight. "Ugh, thank God I found you Twilight! I was trying to find you when this dumb bitch started throwing muffins at me!" I was so relieved that I had found her.

“Well, I was also looking for you. Applejack has some spare beds in her old barn and she said that she would be more than happy to lend you one. Do you want to come and look?” I was conflicted. On one hand, I really didn't want to go to some shitty farm; but on the other hand I was not going to wait around with Spike for hours on end. "Sure why not" I replied.

“Great! Let’s go” Twilight said with enthusiasm.

----------At Sweet Apple Acres--------

“Welcome Jet to Sweet Apple Acres!” said Applejack with eagerness. “I promise ya’ll have a wonderful time while ya’ll here”. The scenery was pretty good, the fields were littered with apple covered trees all lined up in perfect sections. We were about to take a look at the beds when I suddenly heard a load “ouch”. “What in the hay was that?” asked Applejack in shock. Taking advantage of the situation once more, I offered to go check it out.

"Um, I’ll go check what it is if you don’t mind Applejack"

“Why that is mighty nice of ya’ll, Jet” said Applejack with gratitude. I made my way down the grassy hill into the fields of trees, while I took caution to not trip over any loss roots or fallen apples. I finally came into a clearing where there stood in the middle a tree house.

"This better not be anything like Twilight’s so called house" I mumbled to myself. Then suddenly, out walked three small ponies from the little tree hut. One had a horn and looked kind of familiar, one had wings with a shitty hair-do, and one just looked normal.

“Hey Mr, are ya’ll lost?” asked the normal(ish) looking pony.

"Oh no, I’m just here to pick up a bed from Applejack" I replied. Suddenly, the horned pony got really excited for some weird reason. “Wow! I really like your cutie mark. Do you play games or make them? Can you tell us how you got it? Hey girls we could get a cutie mark like this guy!” Of course, another crazy pony to waste my time. I had no idea what she was talking about. "Um, little…girl? What’s a cutie mark?" All three of them suddenly showed signs of shock and disbelief on their faces. “Seriously? Mr, its that thing on your flank” said the orange Pegasus in annoyance.

"What the-" I stopped myself after realizing that these ponies were children, so I figured it to be unwise to curse in front of them. "I mean, what are you talking about?" I checked what was known as my flank and to my shock I found a tattoo of a video game controller on my ass. "How in God’s name did this get here?" Luckily the normal pony, who clearly appeared to be the sane on of the group, decided to explain it to me.

“Well Mr, a cutie mark is something that every grown up pony has to show what their special talent is. But we don’t have one yet” she said in dismay. Now it made sense to me, however, I felt really stupid for not noticing it on other ponies two days ago.  “Why don’t you come inside and tell us how ya’ll got yours Mr?” asked the normal pony with eagerness. "Um, sorry but I have to go-"

“Nonsense! We insist that you come in and introduce yourself to us” insisted the Pegasus pony. Once more, the situation could not get much worse for me. Sadly I was wrong.