Soup's "Tales of Merriment"

by Boner_Soup_007

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance
Length: 7262

The fics of a psychopath soup who lives in a universe of ponies, and documents their adventures.

Several documents of sorts, written by an insane bowl of soup, living in a universe of rainbow ponies. Follow the tales he writes based off of the adventures the ponies have.
Category: Boner Kill
(Non of the ponies mentioned from FiM are actually their canon selves, completely different universe, but at the same time, very much the same universe....)

Published 2013-05-18 07:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-22 21:07:58 UTC

Love at First Optical

Ah hello, I am Soup, your narrator, I will be taking you on this adventure, the following documents are of the encounters I have recorded of the ponies that live around me. I write them from an omniscient point of view. Why? Well, not only is it more entertaining, but I can read minds, and I know their EXACT thoughts so it's as if someone was making these stories up >.> . These are tales, and I bring them to you as a gesture of love. Some may call this whole thing I do with the ponies "stalking".....I would agree...

It was a nice day in Ponyville, uneventful, and quaint. Night came, and everypony was preparing for bed. Pinkie Pie was in her house, cleaning her Flugelhorn, when she suddenly heard a knock at her door. "Who could it be at this hour?" wondered Pinkie Pie as she rushed to the door at the possibility of an emergency.

She ran down, and made sure she was decent, and then answered the door….If only Pinkie had known this would lead to a series of events that may or may not be unfortunate for her…..

When Pinkie opened the door she was shocked to see a tall, handsome, and down right sexy Stallion. "Hello, who are you?" asked Pinkie Pie, not suspicious, and ignorant as usual. "Hello Pinkie Pie" said the Stallion "My name is Optical Pie, and I brought these for you." He pulled out some flowers, and handed them to her. "Um, thanks?" said Pinkie Pie with the down right stupidest look on her face, like, you just wanted to punch her in her god damn face so confounding hard because of it. "You see Pinkie Pie, I've traveled a long way to come see you." said Optical "Is this your house? I would very much like to come inside…..your house, like right now. Please." said the Stallion as he walked in. At this point Pinkie didn't quite like this Stallion, something about him just wasn't right, but she let him in regardless, with the same annoying look on her face, god, you would want to stab her in her damn gut 15 times if you saw this face. Optical Pie walked in, and sat down on Pinkie's couch.

"Pinkie…." said Optical Pie as he took off his shirt, did I mention he had a shirt? Well he did, an entire uniform in fact, it was hot. "Pinkie…..I need to show you something, it will continue to hurt my soul if I don't.". At this point Pinkie was suspicious about Optical, but his rock hard abs, and huge long, and thick black mane made her somehow trust him. Pinkie had never felt like this about anypony before, it was consuming her, and her legs were shaking….
"You see Pinkie," said Optical as he took of his Uniform pants, revealing his huge pink, hairy, and very shiny, cutie mark. I'm your cousin, I just thought we needed to meet, that's all, well I gotta go, see ya later Pinkie Pie. He left and Pinkie was happy to see him.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes : What fascinated me about this encounter was Optical's uniform, man, it was quite handsome... ah, but I digress, Let us continue to the next tale shall we?

Hands……..oh wait, that's already been done before…….Fingers? Yeah, Fingers

Lyra was bored in her home, she was continuing her studies of humans, she kept this all a secret from the other ponies, since they would think she was crazy if they knew she studied these "things" nobody even cared about. She knew, in her heart that she would get to the land of the humans soon enough, and discover their powers.

Lyra was taking a little break from her studies, when she went downstairs, what she saw, she could not even fathom. It was some sort of portal! Lyra was scared, but intrigued, it didn't seem dangerous, all she could see inside of the portal was a blurred image of some landscape…She decided to check it out without telling anypony, you know, cause that's something anybody would do. Lyra went in slowly…….going in, and out, ever so tenderly, making sure she didn't make any sudden movement, caressing it so gently, and making sure it was nice and wet, er…..I mean safe….She finally penetrated with a force like no other, it was surprisingly satisfying……….going through the portal, and when she came to the other side, nothing could prepare her for what she saw.

She arrived, she looked around, she saw a sign that said: "Oakland Park". Lyra was perplexed, when suddenly she saw a bench, and walked over to it. She approached the bench, and as she was about to sit down, a figure came by, and bumped into her. "Oh excuse me" said a voice, and when Lyra looked up her eyes widened, it was a human! Standing on two legs! "Are you okay miss?" said the man, and Lyra looked down….she was a human too! "Oh yes….um I'm fine!" said Lyra with a smile on her face. "Oh um….this is embarrassing, but you have a really pretty smile." said the man, Lyra was perplexed, this man, did he like her? Lyra looked him over, he was damn attractive, had nice hair, and he looked like one of those gay kids she had always studied about, which she found to be quite interesting. "Oh thank you" said Lyra "What's your name?" "Oh I'm Keith" said the young lad. "Keith Bronxton, it's nice to meet you miss…?" "Lyra!" said Lyra "Lyra Heartstrings" (That's her name, don't believe me? Google "Lyra mlp last name" first thing now deal with it) "That's a very pretty name" said the Keith as he grabbed her hand. The sensation Lyra got from feeling his fingers on her's was incredible, she got goosebumps, and was frozen. "So Keith…" said Lyra as she came to her senses "Would you mind showing me around?" "Sure, are you new here?" asked Keith to which Lyra replied "You could say that…."

That day Keith took Lyra sightseeing, she went all around the city Keith lived in, and was just so amazed…..by Keith's fingers! They went to Keith's house later that night…. "So do you live around here?" asked Keith "Yeah sorta…." said Lyra, knowing how to get back to the portal. "Well should I take you home?" asked Keith "Well….I was thinking….we could do something else…." said Lyra with a smile on her face. Keith knew exactly what she wanted….and he was prepared to give it to her…… Lyra began, she got in Keith's bed, and got her body nice and ready, Keith was preparing himself in the other room, and finally came back. "Well are you ready to give me those fingers?" asked Lyra "Oh man, am I ever" and that's when Keith whipped it out……….It was big………..thick………………white and shiny………………………he took it, and put it in Lyra's hands to hold and enjoy…………….it was a clay sculpture of a hand, you see Lyra had told Keith how she was a pony, and He told her he would give her the finger sculpture, then Lyra left, thanking Keith, and she went to the portal, got home safely, and the portal closed behind her. The End.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: That portal Lyra used to enter the human world is the same one I used to come to this pony world....ah fond memories....

The Moon and The Octave

It was a cold night, and we find the young colt Boner Soup sitting down in a chair in his house, while simultaneously drinking some cider. He was bored, and was reading a book he had borrowed from Twilight. "Ah…." said Boner "Time to finally read this." as he opened the book titled "The Lusty Pegasus Maid" he noticed that it was oddly quiet outside, sure it was night, but usually you could hear some noise, or at least the wind, but it was as if time had stopped around him, the silence was unsettling, but he ignored it, and began to read his book.

Boner was reading for about half an hour, when he heard a knock at his door, he answered, and it was Octavia, his sister. "What do you need Octy?" said Boner "Oh have you seen Luna's half brother Purrie around?" asked Octavia "Everypony has been looking for him, and we think he's lost. You're always hanging around with him, do you think you know where he went?" "Well, no actually, do you guys need help? Do you have any leads?" asked Boner "Well" said Octavia "Fluttershy told everyone she saw him go into the Everfree forest" "Hm, I could go look for him, if you guys wanted, I know the forest better than anyone." said Boner "Hey but where are the princesses, are they helping?" asked Boner to which Octavia replied "Um, they are too busy…." *cough*

Boner and Octavia went to the forest, and Octavia stayed at the entrance with everypony, and Boner went in, ready to find his friend. He walked around the forest for 2 hours, it got really late, and there was an unsettling silence the entire time he was searching, Boner was getting desperate, he was scared that his good friend could be hurt, and that he could be in danger. He imagined the worst scenarios, but continued to look.
Boner was walking when suddenly he heard a noise. "Hey man, don't talk to me like that *hic* it's not my fault your face looks like that!" Boner recognized the voice, it was Purrie! He ran through a bush in the direction, and came to a small clearing. There was Purrie, about 15 empty bottles of cider on the ground, and a bag full of bottles of cider near him. Purrie was holding a tree stump, and he was talking to it. "Man, if only my buddy *hic* Boner was here, he-he would tell you to shut your mou- *hic* mouth!" said Purrie to the tree stump, and that's when Purrie looked over at Boner. "BONER!" said Purrie with a grin on his face "You made it, man I was just with this *hic* guy over here *hic* he's a good guy!" "Ah, the cider taking it's toll on you Purrie?" asked Boner "PFFFT…..I don't-" and then Purrie stopped and looked at the cider "- well, yeah I've been drinking" said Purrie giggling "You want some? *hic*" "Sure!" said Boner, as he got some cider, and sat on the ground next to Purrie.

The two friends talked for hours, laughing and drinking cider, the cider had made them both intoxicated, and they didn't care at all. "Man Boner…..I swear, there are just *hic* way too many things that make me m-mad…" said Purrie "Yeah, I know what you mean" said Boner "I *hic* hate all this stuff man…..*hic* it makes me just want to, push a cow…..o- or just break a lamp….man *hic* I think the cider, is making me feel bad." when Boner said that, Purrie turned to him and said "Well I know what'll make you feel better" both the colts were out of it, and they had little to no control of their bodies. Purrie took his uniform shirt off, oh did I mention he had a uniform? Uniforms are hawt. Purrie took it off, and Boner didn't know why, but he wanted this to happen. He was unsure why, but doing this with his friend made him feel like it was right, like it would be the most satisfying experience ever. Then Purrie turned Boner on his back and got on top of him………………………………Purrie got his hands and body ready………………………….and then…………………..he gave Boner a nice…………………………………….. long and hard……………………………. back rub to make him feel better. The two friends then got up and went home a few hours later. The End.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: Boner is actually a pony version of myself that I stumbled upon in this world, he writes his own fics about humans ._.

Reminds Me of the Old One

Minty was a young colt, still small, with no cutie mark. He was always shunned by the other ponies of his age, and never had very many friends, his only true, best friend was the Princess, Celestia. They always got along, Celestia loved him, she had always seen the small Minty as a nephew of sorts, she always protected him, and made sure he would never get picked on, or hurt. She cared for him for the longest time, and she became very attached to Minty, but one day, Minty was sent away to a private school by his parents, and Celestia had to part ways with him. Minty didn't want to go. Where was his friend? Why couldn't Celestia help him, and have him study with her instead?
Minty's private school life was awful, he endured a lot of suffering, no one there liked him, the teachers and care givers mistreated him, and Minty had an awful life. He went to the private school for 12 years, he matured a lot, and grew quite big, but never got his cutie mark. He endured the suffering, and completed his studies, but in that time, Minty had become a husk of his former shy self. He grew a hatred inside of him for Celestia, without anypony around him knowing. Minty constantly blamed his private school suffering on Celestia. He was finally returning to Canterlot after these past 12 years.
Minty arrived to Canterlot, and the first person to greet him was Celestia. "Minty!" said Celestia "How have you been? I missed you so much!" "Me too!" said Minty as he hugged her, with a fake grin on his face. "Would you like to come to the castle?" said Celestia "We have got to catch up!" "Sure" said Minty, plotting in the back of his mind.
They arrived at the castle, and sat down in a table, where Celestia had some nice cookies. "The tea will be ready in a bit." said Celestia "So, Minty, wow, you grew a lot! You are quite the stallion now! You must have had all the fillies fawning over you, huh?" "No…" said Minty "They only liked colts with their cutie marks…." "Minty….." replied Celestia "Your cutie mark will come soon enough, you just have to wait, your special purpose will be revealed, trust me." They both got quiet, and Celestia went to get the tea.
When Celestia came back, she was shocked at what she saw. Minty was standing in front of her, knife in his hoof. "M-Minty?!" said Celestia as she dropped the tea, and was frozen in place by the shock. Celestia then said "Okay, let's not get hasty-" "I am tired of waiting!" said Minty interrupting "Everypony is always telling me 'wait for your cutie mark' 'wait until she falls in love with you for who you are' 'wait for blah blah blah'! I am sick of it!". Minty then approached Celestia and said "Well, I'm done waiting" Minty pinned Celestia down, knife to her neck, "Thankfully, I won't have to wait for this!" and Minty got into position, Celestia got her body ready, she then looked down and they both got quiet as it happened……………………………..they saw a glow of light coming from Minty's flank………….his cutie mark! Minty dropped the knife on the ground and got off of Celestia, Minty had a wrestling cutie mark! He apologized to Celestia, and Minty became the best wrestler of all of Equestria. The End.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: I feel by now you've come to expect this from me <3 Good.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 "A Hoofle of Hollas"

It was a gorgeous day in Ponyville, and the sun was shining, making for a great day to be outside. The young Colt Breezy was just shooting some B-Ball outside of the school, and he was really relaxed, drinking his juice box, and having a good time. Breezy was enjoying this day, it was so nice to have a day like this, it almost seemed too uneventful, and Breezy was surprised that nothing was happening. Breezy was about to head home, when suddenly the little filly Apple Bloom bumped into him, and tripped him. "Sorry!" said Apple Bloom "I'm in a hurry!" and she left. Breezy got up, and brushed himself off, he got his stuff, and got ready to go home for the afternoon.

On his way home, Breezy was humming a tune, he was completely in a relaxed bliss, nothing could ruin his day. Breezy walked, and when he got to the town square, he bumped into a pony, and instantly snapped out of his little daydream. "I'm so sorry!" said Breezy "Oh it's quite alright…" replied the pony, and when she said that, Breezy looked at her, jaw dropped, his mouth was wide enough to fit an entire cucumber in it, why a cucumber? Because, that's why, now hush up, and keep reading. Breezy was stunned, frozen in place, he had never seen a pony so stunning in all his life. "Um, are you okay?" asked the pony, and Breezy was unable to speak. "Hello?" the pony said, waving her hands in front of his face, Breezy opened his mouth "Yeah, sorry, um….uh…. Hi…um…My name is Breezy…what's yours?" The other pony then replied "Hoofle, it's a pleasure to meet you Breezy!", Hoofle smiled. "This might be a little direct, but, are you doing anyone….er….anything later Hoofle?" asked Breezy with a nervous smile on his face "No, would you like to go to the event with me this evening?" Breezy was shocked! She asked him to go with her, and saved him the trouble, Breezy's heart melted, but first he asked "What event?" to which Hoofle replied "The big party that they're having for that colt Dawnmew and Big Macy, they're getting married! Isn't that so romantic?" "Yeah, let's go! I'll pick you up later!" said Breezy, "Sure! see you then" replied Hoofle.

Breezy walked home, and put on a suit, as he had to look as good as possible for his big date "You can do this Breezy!" said Breezy, talking in a mirror "She asked you out, so she must like you…right? Argh…this is going to be hard….but I can't mess this up! I better prepare myself before I go… Breezy pulled it out, he had to give himself some confidence, and if he did this now, rather than later, it could really help him…..So he grabbed his big, long, and hard cologne bottle, and sprayed some on himself before leaving, he was ready.
Breezy picked Hoofle up, and they started walking to the reception. "Breezy, you smell really nice" said Hoofle, winking, with a smile on her face "I really love the cologne you're wearing." to which Breezy replied "Thank you for noticing, I thought it would do good to look my best since we are going to a wedding." Hoofle and him made it to the reception. "Wow, everyone in Ponyville is here…" said Breezy he saw Colgate, she looked like she was hiding or something. Breezy walked over to her and asked "You okay Colgate?" to which she replied "Yeah…um….oh, is that your date? She's pretty, never seen her around, but hey, can you like, leave me alone, I'm a little busy…" "Sure, whatever, sorry" replied Breezy, and he went back over to Hoofle.

The reception started, and almost immediately Hoofle asked Breezy "Hey, do you want to get out of here? I'm not feeling good…" to which Breezy replied "Um, you sure you don't want to stay?" "Yes I'm sure." said Hoofle, and they left before the couple even came out. Breezy took Hoofle home, and when he got to her door he asked her "Do you want me to come inside?" to which Hoofle replied "Yes, please." They went inside, and Breezy took Hoofle to her bed. "So should I just go?" asked Breezy "No….Breezy, I need you to something for me…." replied Hoofle as she got him on the bed. Breezy knew what was about to happen, and he got himself ready. "Oh Breezy" said Hoofle "You are so nice…do it…." and Breezy began. He slapped it on her lower back a couple of times, and started, he was going fast, and very hard, it was so warm, and then he stopped, it was very oily, and he had to clean it up before starting again. Breezy cleaned up, and came back Hoofle's bed, "Thank you Breezy, I really needed that back massage, was the lotion hard to clean?" said Hoofle "Not at all," replied Breezy "Glad I could help, I'm heading home, bye Hoofle!" and Breezy went home.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: Oh, sorry I wasn't paying attention to this one... I was asleep when I wrote it. Yes, I write these in my sleep ;3

Breaking Dawn Part 2 "Well Brushed Apples"

It was a gorgeous day in Ponyville, and the sun was shining, making for a great day to make some art. The young filly Apple Bloom was outside of the Cutie Mark Crusader's Tree-house, painting with her cousin Babs, who's parents had her visit. Babs was on break from school, and really wanted to visit her cousin. "So cousin," asked Apple Bloom "what do you think this painting is going to be…?" Babs had no idea, since they were both drawing on the same paper, completely without prior planning. "Uh…" said Babs "I guess it's a…er…" and Babs paused, looking over at Apple Bloom "I think we should start over…" said Babs with a disgruntled look on her face. "I think so too," said Apple Bloom "My side of the painting, and your side of the painting aren't coming together well…" Apple Bloom put all the painting materials away, and they left the "painting" to dry.

Apple Bloom and Babs walked to the front of Ponyville's Town Hall, all whilst coming up with other plans to get their cutie marks. "I guess we could try surgery," said Apple Bloom "but where would we get a pony to help u-" Apple Bloom paused mid-sentence when she saw a blue Pony that was smiling, The Pony had the shiniest teeth the two fillys had ever seen, and with a toothpaste-looking colored mane. "Is that Pony new here?" asked Babs "I don't think I saw her the last time I visited." "I've never seen her either…" replied Apple Bloom "She gives me a bad vibe…" Babs and Apple Bloom saw the Pony walking away to the shopping district. "Babs, that Pony…" said Apple Bloom "Could she be a spy?" Babs looked at Apple Bloom and said "Should we…should we follow her?" Apple Bloom looked at Babs and said "Okay, you go around the other side, and I'll follow her directly, maybe we can trap her!" Babs nodded. They bumped their hooves together and cheered "Cutie Mark Crusaders spy investigators!". They started running to the shopping district.

Apple Bloom was running as fast as she could, she accidentally ended up bumping into a Pony at the basketball courts, tripping him. "Sorry!" said Apple Bloom "I'm in a hurry!", and she continued running. She made it to the shopping district and saw the blue pony. Apple Bloom started sneaking around, attempting not to be spotted. She moved through the crowd, and stands, getting ever closer to the pony. Apple Bloom was right behind the blue pony, "Gotcha!" screamed Babs…scaring off the blue pony… "Babs!!!" said Apple Bloom "Why did you do that!?" "Sorry…" said Babs "She was right in front of me, I thought I could get her…" "Well" replied Apple Bloom "I guess we could try and find her again, but where do you think she went?" Babs shrugged…

For the next several hours Apple Bloom and Babs searched for the blue pony. The search was long, and very hard but they gathered some information. There was a wedding that was to happen. Everypony in Ponyville would be there, and no doubt the blue pony would be there. The two fillies arrived at the reception, they were dressed, and ready to blend in to search for the pony. "You ready?" said Apple Bloom "Yup!" said Babs, and they began waiting at the reception in hopes the blue pony would show up. They waited, and greeted everypony, but the blue pony wasn't showing up. "Babs, I think you scared her out of Ponyville." said Apple Bloom "Hey, I was only trying to he-" Babs paused, and widened her eyes to what she saw. Apple Bloom turned to see, it was the blue pony! They saw the Pony Apple Bloom bumped into earlier say something to her, and walk off, then the two fillies started to approach her once she was alone…

Babs and Apple Bloom slowly approached the blue pony…sneaking through the crowd trying not to be seen. They got close to the blue pony…This was their chance, they jumped in front of her and said "Gotcha!" Suddenly the blue pony looks at them both angrily, and grabs both of them, and leaves through a door behind her, unseen. The pony dragged the two fillies, covering their mouths so they wouldn't scream. She brought the two fillies into a clearing in the ever free forest, and pulled out a sharp tool. "Hah! I knew I would see you two fillies again! Now I'm going to do this slowly…don't, move."The two fillies were completely silenced in fear, they had no idea what this pony was about to do to them…When all of a sudden, it began. The pony was going in and out furiously. She got in deep, making sure to go in as far as she could. It ended, Apple Bloom and Babs got up, feeling a bit dazed… "Well thanks Colgate!" said Babs "I didn't know if I didn't brush like that I could get cavities." "Yeah and gingivitis!" said Apple Bloom "Thanks for the deep mouth cleaning!" Colgate smiled and said "Well, I just saw you two fillies were not properly cleaning your teeth, when I saw you at the shopping district I ran to go get my cleaning tools, came back, and you two weren't there, so I knew I would find you at the wedding." The two fillies got up and went home.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: Babs is my waifu... <3

Breaking Dawn Part 3 "Heavenly Toast"

It was a gorgeous day in Ponyville, the sun was shining, making for a great day to have some toast! We find the young colt Haven making his breakfast, and toasting bread in his toaster. Haven loved toast more than anything in the world, he could eat it with pretty much anything. Haven was making an egg toast sandwich as he had a big day in front of him, he was asked to go repair the altar where Ponyville had it's weddings. Last night he got the call that it needed immediate repair, as there was to be a wedding. It was pretty unexpected, so Haven had to go get this job done quick. He grabbed his breakfast and left.

As Haven was walking, he saw his good friend Breezy, talking to some pony he had never seen before, he didn't want to interrupt so he ignored him. Haven walked over to the altar, where he saw his boss. "Haven, we need you to get this done in an hour" said Haven's boss "But, sir, the entire roof is collapsed, it's going to take longer than that to fix it." replied Haven "Well…" said Haven's boss "If we don't get this done in time, we're gonna lose a lot of bits….Are you sure you can't do it?" "Hm…" said Haven "I could try I guess bu-" "Well great!" said Haven's boss, interrupting "'ll leave you to it! See you later Haven!" and Haven's boss left. "Well crap…" said Haven "Let's do this…" and he got started whilst eating his breakfast.
Haven worked as fast as he could, and he got the job done, but there was one problem. There was a floor board that had been glued to one of the bases of the altar, and it needed to dry for another day….Haven decided to leave it as is, it was nearly impossible that the bride or groom would step on it, considering they'll only be at the center of the altar. Haven packed his things, and decided to head home and change for the wedding, he thought he might as well attend, to ensure no one would be unsafe.

Haven went home, and took a relaxing bath. He needed a break, from all that hard, and very rushed work he had to do. He got out of the bath, and dried himself off, he looked over to his cider cabinet…Haven didn't want to drink before going to an event like this, but he was so tense. He thought "How can I have a good time if I'm all tensed up? I'll just have one glass to calm myself." Haven walked over to the cider cabinet. He poured himself a glass of his hardest cider "Granny's Iron Apple Hammer". He grabbed it, and drank it. Haven felt good, the drink made him feel so good, he decided to pour himself another…and another….and another… Haven drank the entire bottle of cider, and was completely intoxicated. "Pffft, all the fillies want me, they think you're ugly!" said Haven to his chair. Haven destroyed nearly half the items in his house under the influence of his cider. Haven decided it would be a good a idea to make toast. He grabbed his toaster, and toasted 7 loafs of bread entirely over the course of several hours. Haven was still in his bathrobe, and he was just staring at his toaster, in complete silence. "…Toaster…" said Haven "I…I lo-*hic* I love you toaster… I've wanted to tell you that for so long." Haven grabbed his toaster and caressed it, he walked over to the bathroom, and grabbed some "GoldFawnd", his favorite lubricant. Haven nearly drowned his toaster in it, and whipped out the big long, black, and rubbery extension chord. Haven connected the toaster in his bathroom, and let it heat up. "This is going to be the best thing I ever did in my *hic*….er…life." Haven said, as he got in position. Haven got started he felt how warm the toaster was on his long, and throbbing hard horse face……when he passed out, tossing the toaster in his bathtub! All the electricity went out in Ponyville…

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: Haven is a cutey :3

Breaking Dawn Part 4 "The Dawn Breaketh"

It was a windy morning in Ponyville and the young colt Dawnmew was just waking up. Dawnmew yawned and got out of bed, tired, and a bit depressed. Dawnmew had a big day today, there was a technical problem at the town hall and he was hired to fix it. Dawnmew knew it would take all day, and he really didn't want to do it. Dawnmew got dressed and ready, skipping breakfast since he had to arrive as early as possible. He headed out the door, with his tool bag.

Dawnmew walked through Ponyville, and an odd silence ran all throughout. Dawnmew felt a suspicious air during his walk to town hall. He turned the corner to the plaza, and there were three colts in masks, waiting for him. They were laughing sinisterly, each with clubs in their hooves. "What's up old man?" said one of the colts, "What do you have in the bag?" Dawnmew was stunned, and he replied "Look, if you guys want bits, just take them, I don't want any trouble." "Of course you don't want any trouble," said the other colt "none of us do. Now, just put the bag down." Dawnmew put the bag down and stepped back, but the colt behind him struck him with his club. "Agh!" screamed Dawnmew in pain. One of the colts walked in front of him, grabbed his bag, and struck him with his club. Dawnmew passed out.

Dawnmew awoke, he was at the Apple family's barn. "Is he okay?" said Applejack whilst rotating her head 720 degrees, "Eeeeyup." replied Big Mac. "Ow…" said Dawnmew "How long have I been out?" "About 5 hours." replied Applejack, whilst grabbing Dawnmew's bag with one of her 6 legs. "We saved you from those thugs, we scared them off and got your bag for you." "Thanks you two." replied Dawnmew, and as he said that a pony with a red coat walked into the barn. Dawnmew dropped his jaw, she was the most beautiful pony he had ever seen. "Did that colt wake up?" said the pony "Oh, I see he did." "Oh Dawnmew!" said Applejack "This is Macy, Big Mac's twin sister, she's visiting Ponyville with Babs and we've just been introducing her to everypony." "Well it's a pleasure to meet you Dawnmew!" said Big Macy "I'm Big Macy, but everypony usually just calls me Macy." and she shook Dawnmew's hoof warmly. "It's a pleasure to meet you too." replied Dawnmew "Well Dawnmew," said Applejack "I'm guessing you have to go, you seemed like you were in a hurry before those thugs attacked you, you better get going." to which Dawnmew replied, "Oh yeah! I have to go! Thanks for everything!" and he left to the Town Hall.

When Dawnmew arrived, his boss was there, standing in front of the hall. "Sir!" said Dawnmew "You're fired." replied his boss interrupting. Dawnmew was stunned, mouth open. Dawnmew spoke "Bu-" "No buts! You're fired! hand over your bag!" Dawnmew wanted to tell his boss what had happened, but he was so choked up he couldn't. Dawnmew handed the bag over, and his boss left. Dawnmew stood there for 10 minutes, in complete silence. He had lost his job, and had his whole day was ruined. Dawnmew turned around, and started to walk home. On his way back he didn't speak to anypony, not even saying hello. He got home, and went straight to his bed. He lied down, and didn't sleep until midnight, just, thinking.
Dawnmew woke up, feeling even more tired than yesterday, he looked outside, it was cloudy. "Great," he thought "Another 'beautiful' day…." Dawnmew got up, and ate breakfast for the first time in 6 months. After he ate, he went outside and decided to walk to the park. Dawnmew got to the park, and sat down on a bench. He was just watching ponies go by, when he felt somepony sit down next to him. Dawnmew looked over, it was Macy! "Oh hey!" said Macy "You're Dawnmew right? You remember me, right?" "Yeah!" replied Dawnmew "You're Macy! What are you up to?" "Oh nothing much," replied Macy "I was just touring the park I guess, I really like Ponyville, it's so much more quaint than Manehatten." "Yeah, this place is pretty great," said Dawnmew "I lived in Los Pegasus for a while, and the city life just wasn't for me, I like it here." "Well, are you doing anything later?" replied Macy. Dawnmew's heart skipped a beat, was she asking him on a date? He calmed himself and said "No, why do you ask?" to which Macy replied "We could like, hang out for the day, if you'd like." Dawnmew widened his eyes, he couldn't believe it…He was in love….

Dawnmew spent the rest of the day with Big Macy, they talked about their lives, their hopes, their dreams. Dawnmew felt like the day lasted an eternity, he and Big Macy had an amazing time together. They walked in the park, got ice cream, watched a movie together. Dawnmew felt it was the best day of his life, and for once in a very long time, he was happy. That evening, Dawnmew and Macy laid down next to each other underneath a tree, they were talking and laughing. "Macy…" said Dawnmew "can I ask you something?" "What is it?" replied Macy "Macy, I know we've only known each other for two days, but, today was the best day of my life. I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I know that I want to spend the rest of it, with you…" Macy gasped, and started to cry in joy. "Macy…" asked Dawnmew "Will you marry me?" "YES YES YES!!! Dawnmew I love you!" Macy broke into tears, and they kissed. The rest of that night, they watched the stars, and they each went home much later.

The next day was gorgeous! The sun was shining, making for a great day to be outside, make some art, or heck, even have some toast! But Dawnmew wasn't going to be doing any of that. He was going to go plan his wedding! Dawnmew got ready, and head out the door to go see Ponyville's best wedding planner Pha B. Yerus. Dawnmew made it to Pha's house and knocked on his door. "Herro, hao mei ah herp yu?" said Pha as he answered the door, to which Dawnmew replied "I'm getting married, and I need you to plan the wedding." "Oh das so gud!" said Pha "I just have two ponies cancer their wedding, you can have your wedding tonight! I'rr set it arr up for yu!" "Tonight!?" said Dawnmew in shock. "Of course tonight big boy! Go over der to my assistant Lei Po Ni, he wirr fit you for a suit for da wedding!". Dawnmew spent the rest of the morning getting his wedding ready, he told Macy and the Apples, and everypony in Ponyville he knew. The wedding was ready, and he was ready, He was at the reception, getting himself suited up.

The time had come, and everypony in Ponyville started to flood the wedding. Dawnmew was a bit nervous, so many ponies, here, at his wedding! Yesterday, Dawnmew thought it was the best day of his life, but today, he was sure, everyday after this wedding, could only get better. Dawnmew was ready, ready to be married. There he was, walking to the altar, Pha waiting for him in his priest robe. The organ pony began playing. There she was, Macy, walking to the altar, Big Mac walking her there. Big Mac let her go, and Dawnmew looked at Big Mac and said "I'll take good care of her." Big Mac looked back, smiled, and teared up saying "Eeeeyup." Macy got in front of Dawnmew, and they went through with the reception. After the vows, Pha said "Then by da powah invested in me, I now pronounce yu Colt, and Wife. You may kiss the bride. Dawnmew leaned forward to kiss, and suddenly, all the power in Ponyville went out! there was silence, and suddenly the cracking of wood was heard, and the entire altar collapsed! The power came back on, and everypony looked at the altar
.
.
.
.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………It was broken, but everypony stepped out of the way in time. ( ;3 umad? ) The couple kissed, and they celebrated.
When it was over, everypony went home. On their way to Dawnmew's house, Dawnmew, and Big Macy met up with Breezy, Apple Bloom, Babs, and Colgate. They all looked at each other. Breezy's entire body was lubricated, and Babs, Colgate, and Apple Bloom had Toothpaste all over them. "Well," said Dawnmew, "Looks like we all had pretty interesting days." They all laughed, and parted ways.

Dawnmew and Macy got home, and went to Dawnmew's bedroom. "Macy, you know, we're married now." said Dawnmew to which Macy replied "Yup, and you know what couples do when they get home from their wedding…" and as she said that, she took off her dress, and Dawnmew took off his suit. Dawnmew got his body ready, he never wanted anything in his life more than this. Dawnmew pulled it out, rock hard, and very hot……………. He put it in, slowly, and when he was done, all of his depression melted away. He pulled it out from inside………..and spread the…….white……………………………gooey………………and warm icing on his pan of muffins. He baked blueberry muffins in the oven, as is tradition to do so after a wedding in Ponyville. Dawnmew and Macy lived happily ever after.
~The End.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: I poured my pasta and juice into this fic, all of it... Still not spaghetti

Echolocation of Love

We find Rarity who was getting ready to go find some gems in a mine she discovered a couple days ago, she was putting on her nice new hat that she made, and was ready to get to work. She walked out, and began going straight to the mine. Rarity made it to the mine quite quickly, and then sprayed some Super Repel on herself to keep those pesky Zubats away. She walked into the mine, and started to use her magic to search for gems.

Rarity searched and searched around the entrance of the mine, and found only a few gems, but she was sure there could be more, she was a little afraid to go deeper into the mine, but she did, for the gems. She began her walk into the depths in to the mine, and sprayed on another Super Repel.

She walked for a good 15 minutes, and was quite deep in the mine, and once again started to use her magic to search for gems, and she instantly saw plenty of gems, and she began to pull them out when she saw a few Zubats fly by, they avoided her, most likely due to her Super Repel, and she was glad she sprayed it on herself. She continued to mine, and began to find a lot of good gems. As time went by she had to use a lot of Super Repels, Zubats constantly flew by her, but only in small groups. She had to hurry and get the rest of the gems before she ran out.

She hurriedly got the best gems out, and had an entire cart full, now she just had to get out, and she turned around and began to hurry back. Suddenly there was a suspicious silence, and then she heard it, the screams of hundreds of Zubats rushing towards her, getting louder, and louder, as they got closer to her, and she started to run, but soon enough, a group of Zubats grabbed her, and picked her up in to the air. She grabbed her last Super Repel, and she tried to spray it, but it was empty! It was too late, the Zubats had her by her arms and legs, and then a few more came and pinned her on to the ground and spread her legs, she was helpless, and then the Zubats settled, all around her still pinning her down, when suddenly a huge Crobat came out, possibly their king. Rarity had tears running down her face, she wondered what they would do to her, then the Crobat got up real close to her………and took her…………………..snacks she had packed for the trip, he ate them and all the Zubats left, she got up, and left home with her gems. The End.

Author's Note

Soup's Notes: Interestingly enough, that Crobat was a stunt double for Matthew Broderick's character Ferris Bueller in the movie "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" wait.....