It was a beautiful day at EQP headquarters. The birds were shining, the sun was singing, and the babies were chirping. All throughout the extremely stereotypical office building, pre-readers sat in swivel chairs, basking in the utter bliss of hearing the crushed dreams of many hopeful writers. They chortled in delight at the massive mountains of hatemail that littered their desks.
Many of these little letters consisted of the same boring things like " My Little Pony fanfiction is my life, and I'm going to kill you for rejecting me" or "Boo hoo, what do you mean this pop song is absolute shit?" One of the proofreaders had just finished laminating his one millionth death threat. He was proud of his ability to despise the "creative" writing of those Fimfiction dregs. In fact he loved belittling the community so much that his cubicle wallpaper consisted of nothing but the crushed hopes and dreams of the people he rejected. In addition, his miniscule member throbbed at the excitement.
Truly this elite force of complete assholes was the epitome of evil. Not like the Schlimfiction mods such as Blueshift, NTSTS, and Alex, who are all very handsome and cool, and should totally accept this story. Anyway, while the pre-reader team at EQP consisted of only the lowest of the low(except Alex) there were two entities that far surpassed them.
Bethisto and Berealvelocity sat in their executive office, laughing as they bathed in a pile of money.
"Haha," laughed Beth as he choked on his sweaty neck fat," lol, clop is le bad, faggots, humans FTW!"
If you haven't guessed yet, Beth can only talk in 1337SP34K, making him even less like able than before.
"Totally bro," replied the gangly Berealvelocity, who was almost impossibly thin, his long, pointy nose remniscent of a mosquito's proboscus," those idiots will never stop giving us cash for telling them what they already know."
"Not to mention, those shitty pop songs have raked in so much skrill, soon I'll be able to get that third chin added to my solid gold statue of me," added Beth, who doesn't actually talk in 1337, that would just be silly.
Both of the two business behemoths got out of the cashtub, their tiny, borderline microscopic penises shrinking even more as they escaped the warm embrace of the cash, and were exposed to the cold office air.
Beth's miniscule member had the unfortunate fate of being covered in greasy rolls of fat, giving him quite a cute man-cunt. His body was pockmarked with pus spouting pimples, each of which tremble with every one of his steps, threatening to burst, and release a horrifying torrential downpour of sticky, putrid pus.
Bereal, on the other hand, was tall and sticky, with an annoyingly pointy nose that just screamed "I'm a Jew." His body was thin to the point of looking sickly, yet still his puny penis managed to retreat back into his disgusting, bony body.
"Hehe, check the chart," said the stupid Beth," how far are we from our goal?"
Bereal pulled a small, black rectangle out of his über anus, pressing a small, red button on the top. Instantly, a large television screen with a percentage chart on it appeared.
"Ninety-nine percent!" exclaimed Beth," We're so close that my nipples can taste it."
Bereal pressed another button on the small device, and a large box sprung up from the floor.
"One hundred percent of hatemail collected, opening portal," said a sultry computer voice.
Beth and Bereal dove into the box, shrouding themselves in the light of the massive, inter-dimensional gateway.
Beth and Bereal popped out on the other side of the delicious, creamy portal. Surrounding them was a massive amount of hunky school ponies.
"Lol, portal worked, and we didn't even Hax0rZ!" Said the ever eloquent Beth.
"Le Secks nao?"
"Yus."
Bereal got on his potato chip knees and began to fiddle with Beth's fiddle, sticking the flimsy, flaccid phallus into his urethra.
This immediately brought them both to orgasm cause they are le quick shot newfags.
Then Celestia appeared in all of her him. Her him was so her that him had her in its clutches. But then HE showed up and hummed until him was hem. Hem took her to him and began to ham. But ham said "If god isn't real then how come flip flop bippity bob?" Checkmate, atheists.
Twilight Sparkle awoke from her creepy dream, fully aroused and ready to party. She plunged her hoof deep beneath the covers, playing with her labia lips as she moaned in ecstasy.
"Flippitty flap gumbo chops!" Screamed Twilight as she rapidly rubbed her clitoris. "Pudding pops!"
The prospect of pudding pops brought Twilight to full orgasm, as she unleashed a torrent of lady peepee juice all over her brother,himunicorn.
"Twily, frazzle snazzle?" asked Shining Armor.
"BLEEBITY!" She responded.
Shining Armor sighed and put his fleebity flop into Twilight's gumbo chop. His hard fleebity(which had a Bill Cosby head instead of a penis head) thrust into Twilight's twat.
Both Twilight and Shining began to fleebity flop until they gumbo chopped into the zordamabob.
Twilight Sparkle jolted awake.
"Brad! Brad, wake up!" She screamed as she shook her spouse.
Brad Stu awoke from his slumber.
"What is it, dear?"
"I just had this horrible dream where I wasn't a creepy, purple human, and I was having sex with this guy named Shining Armor."
"That's just silly."
"Yes I suppose you're right."
Twilight lay back down, but Brad stayed sitting up, staring menacingly at her.
"Yes, go to sleep, Twily!
