Discord Writes a Ship Fic

by Phoenix Quill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 94814

It can get so boring up there in Canterlot, so to alleviate that Discord tries his talon at writing the most offensive literature his twisted mind can conceive.

Everything seemed to be alright the day that Discord came back to Canterlot under the watchful eye of Celestia as a (mostly) redeemed draconequus. But the luxurious life of royalty is so... BORING! "Do something creative," they said, "It'll be fun," they said. Thus it was that Discord sat down and began writing the worst stories he could imagine! But between posh living, running a ministry, court dates, random quests from Celestia and Luna, and learning about the magic of friendship, surely these stories can't be that bad, can they?

Published 2013-05-15 07:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-29 05:13:06 UTC

Over The Moon

Over The Moon
By Discord

Once upon a time, there was a little pony named Front Line. He was a white pegasus with an icy blue set of eyes and matching mane and tail, as was usual for most ponies in the Royal Guard.

The story began one evening, as he was standing guard in one of the many halls of the royal palace. Front Line stood still as a statue, staring straight ahead, seldomly blinking, and only taking the shallowest of breaths as is proper for him to do.

"What is taking so long," he thought to himself, "It's past sunset, where is the next shift already?"

As he stood waiting, he could feel the time slowly slipping away, he could almost visualize it, that time had come to a halt just to toy with him, ~~(but between you and I, it was really a handsome draconequus that was messing with his head lol).~~

Anyhow, a few moments later he finally decided to say, "Buck it, you know what? I'm going to complain to the princess, this is poppycock!" ~~(That's what ponies say these days, right?)~~ And he stormed off to do just that.

Minutes later, he found himself standing outside the throne room, he opened the doors and stormed his way in, "Princess Celestia, I want to know what is taking so long for my relief to come by! I've got to do some shopping before the market closes in a few minutes!"

He looked up at the throne, and froze, his face fell when he saw Celestia was not sitting on the throne, but rather her sister, the terrifying Ruler of the night, Princess Luna,~~(No, seriously have you met this pony?)~~ HOW DARE THEE INTRUDE IN HERE MAKING DEMANDS! DO THOU NOT KNOW THINE PLACE?

Front Line's jaw dropped, not only from fear, but he was suddenly struck by the sheer beauty of the princess, he had never seen Luna before, and now that he had, he knew that it was love at first sight, "Forgive me your highness, I did not know that such a lovely creature as yourself would be on the throne." ~~(The poor poor sucker)~~

Princess Luna tilted her head, "You think I'm beautiful?" she said with a blush. ~~(hah I would pay so much to see that happen!)~~

Front Line bowed deeply before the princess, "Truly you are, I have never seen known such beauty to exist." ~~(Gag me...)~~

The princess looked down at the pony, "Never before has a pony dared to approach me in such a brazen manner, step forward." ~~(Note to self, make sure to save next time so I don't have to rewrite three paragraphs)~~

He did as she commanded and looked up into her eyes, as he did he saw all the stars in her mane and was again enthralled. Luna then leaned down and kissed him tenderly on his lips. "Tell me, what is your name?"

"My name is Front Line," he said with a smile. ~~(OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I need a break, stupid storm erased the ending. I'll just make a new one.)~~

"Well front line, I hope you really love the stars, because there's a great view where I'm sending you." She then turned around and bucked him in the chest, sending him flying out the window. He continued to soar ever higher into the air until the stallion found himself in orbit around the moon.

As he floated there wondering what happened, a note appeared before him, he opened it and it read as follows, Learn your place. P.S. You're fired.

The End

Author's Note

Version 1.2 for Equestria Daily.

Stay tuned, there's more insanity to come!

In the next chapter Discord shares his work in, So I Wrote This Story...

So, I wrote this story...

By the time Discord reached what he felt was the conclusion of the story, the storm had whipped up into a fury. He yawned wide as he looked over at his clock, and noticed that not only had it changed into the shape of a cat, but that it was well passed midnight, "Wow, that took longer than I expected... Writing's hard."

Discord quickly hit the print button, and watched as the paper came out with his story on it with glee, "I can't wait to send it in!"

A week later, Discord received a letter from Equestrian Printing. Excited, he opened the package expecting to see how many ponies had read his story, only to for his face to fall flat when he found his story inside. He picked up the sheet of paper, turned it over a few times, then finally looked inside the package.

After digging through the over sized envelope a few times, he found a small note tucked away near the bottom. He pulled out the paper and looked it over and read it. Then he read it again, then once more just to be sure. The note read as follows,
Dear Mister Discord,
I am afraid that we here at Equestrian Printing, while we do allow anyone to publish a story for free distribution with us, have strict limits to make it worth our readers, and sponsors while.Your story has several flaws with it, including but not limited to, Author notes in the middle of the story breaking the flow, Improper uses of the parenthesis, flat characters, and lastly, this story is far too short at only Six Hundred and Thirty Six (636) words (we require a minimum of one thousand words per short story). Please correct these issues before you send this story back in. Sincerely yours,

D. McNitpick

Discord was in shock as he looked the note over and over again in hopes of finding something positive about his story, yet could find none. Finally he grabbed the paper and threw it on his desk, "What do they know, I'll show it to Twilight and see what she thinks! After all it was her idea."

Discord quickly snapped his fingers and instantly was in the guest room where Twilight Sparkle was staying, "Discord! What have I told you about entering without knocking?"

Discord groaned aloud, "Fine, Princess..." He said the word princess with a mocking tone as he made a door appear and knocked on it, "There, now may I come in, your highness?"

Twilight sighed as she put a dress in a suitcase, "I suppose, what do you want Discord?"

"Well you see, do you remember last week? How I was bored, and you were all, Hey you should write a story! And I said no. Well you see, Luna actually said the same thing later, so, I wrote this story..." he left it hanging in the air as he held up the sheet of paper for Twilight to see.

Twilight took the story in her magic with a smile, "Well let's see what you did here? Oh, oh my..." she stopped and actually read it a few times in mere moments before lowering the paper to look him in the eyes, "Did you, actually read what you were writing?"

Discord shrugged as he looked at some of the little nick nacks on the shelves, "I don't know, I just sorta shut my brain down and wrote what I was feeling at the moment," he paused to shake a snow globe before continuing, "Why? What do you think about it? Be honest with me, it's good right?"

Twilight tilted her head, then turned the paper over to look at it's back to see if there was more there, then read the whole story again, "Is it supposed to be a love story?"

Discord laughed and slapped his leg, "Really? A love story? Of course not, it's a biting piece of social commentary about how Luna has a nasty temper, and no sense of humor."

Twilight stared at the story for a few moments, and read a segment out loud, "He did as she commanded and looked up into her eyes, as he did he saw all the stars in her mane and was again enthralled. Luna then leaned down and kissed him tenderly on his lips. 'Tell me, what is your name?'" she paused and looked up at the old draconequus with a sly grin, "I never knew you had such a tender side! Why, your just an ol' softy aren't you?"

Discord's face turned red, then a putrid green color, "I think I'm going to be sick, never make such insults about me again. Now just tell me, is it good enough to send into Equestrian Publishing?"

Twilight's smile dropped, and she looked sheepishly at the ceiling quickly before answering, "Well... It's a good first attempt, at making a rough draft."

Discord immediately slumped down, "I told you that this was a dumb idea."

Sensing his sudden change in mood, Twilight quickly waved a hoof and tried to cheer him up, "No no no no no, you did fine for a first try, you just need some help. Maybe somepony that writes can help you work on it?"

Discord quickly perked up and before she knew it, he was right in her face, "So you're going to help me? Oh that's great! With you helping me out with all that, brainy... stuff you got going on I'm sure that this can become as great as I can imagine it to be!"

Twilight's eyes widened at the thought, "Me? Oh no I can't. I'm leaving back to Ponyville, I don't live here and now that I'm done with all this coronation business, I can get back to my studies. But maybe somepony else can help you."

"Oh," Discord said softly as he backed away, taking the story with him.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine! Why don't you talk to Princess Luna, maybe she can give it the critical eye you need."

Discord froze, and almost could feel the walls closing in around him at the suggestion. The lighting turned red, and a discordant sequel like a poorly played violin over a radio with far too much static cutting in filled the air, "Sure, what could go wrong?"

Discord stood just a few feet away from Princess Luna's bed, the perpetual darkness brought about by thick black curtains over the windows made the room so dark, that he could hardly see Luna, if it wasn't for her glowing mane and tail sticking out from under the blanket.

Discord crept his way closer, flying through the air twisting like a snake. He was upon her and grinned wide as he poked her side, "Wooonaaaa? Wakey wakey!"

She responded with a snort before turning over and grabbing her favorite plushie of the constellation Lupus Major. Discord held his breath for a few moments, only to poke her again. This time she uttered only one word, "Rosebud..."

He rolled his eyes at this statement before finally snapping his fingers. Ten gallons of water suddenly appeared over Luna's bed and floated there for a moment. The draconequus grinned as he pointed down at the bed, making it fall faster than gravity and soaking the occupant.

Luna gasped in shock as she sprung out of the bed, "ABANDON SHIP! PRINCESSES AND FOALS FIRST!" As gravity started to take its effect on the jumpy princess, Discord rolled through the air clutching his gut in laughter.

"What is the meaning of this! How dare thee intrude on my room!" Luna shouted as she rose from the floor, "I ought to roast you alive and serve you to the gryphons piece by piece!"

Discord stopped laughing and whipped a tear from his eye, "Oh Luna, the joy that you have brought upon me! It does these old eyes good to see you still have a sense of humor."

The soaked Luna slipped on the marble floor a few times before finally reaching the steady ground of her carpet to stand upright, "What in the world could possibly be so important, that you had to wake me up five hours before sunset! Aren't you supposed to be in Day Court right now?"

Discord waived his tallon through the air in a carefree manner, "Already taken care of."

Meanwhile in day court...

"So I pass it on to you, my ministers, to put it to a vote. Shall we pass proposal number seven two six b alpha into law? All in favor?"

Celestia watched as fifteen of the twenty five ministers raised a hoof, or in some cases talon, claw, or paw and said "Aye" in unison.

"All oppose?"

The rest of the members raised their right arm's and gave an echoing "Neigh" to be taken into account.

Celestia looked in the middle of the group and noticed that Discord had not voted either way, "Discord, what is your vote?" The cardboard cut out of Discord wearing his wig and robe simply bobbed its head on the spring it was attached to. "I see, so no strong feelings one way or the other?" It continued to bob its head about, "Right, well the ayes have it. Let it now be known that for the rest of the day the members of this court shall enjoy a party in the ball room to celebrate Discord's four months of freedom without turning Equestria into a giant rubber moose," The rest of the ministers applauded at this news before Celestia continued, "We should hire Trixie, that magician that Discord likes so very much, and pizza from Neigh's Original."

Back in Luna's room...

"It's not like I'm missing anything."

Luna snorted slightly as she shook herself dry as she could, "Well then what is it you want?"

Discord then waved his paw and all the water disappeared as if it was never wet to begin with, then passed Luna the story he had written, "I just wanted you to read this, maybe you can help me make it better?"

The princess snatched the paper out of his hand with her magic and began to yell at him again, "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU DOUSED ME JUST TO HAVE ME READ YOUR STUPID STORY?!" She started reading the story, then her face fell. Then a blush rose to her cheeks, lastly she began to shake. Discord sensed that something was wrong and ducked before the explosion, "HOW DARE YOU WRITE SUCH THINGS ABOUT ME!"

"Well, you see, I just wanted to-"

"OUT OUT OUT! And take this idiotic tripe with you!" She yelled loud enough to shake the room itself, then picked Discord up with her magic and threw him out her bedroom door so hard, that when he hit the other side of the hallway, he left a hole in the marble wall.

Discord lay still against the wall for a few minutes and watched the stars spin around his head. Finally after a few moments he responded as loud as he could, "As you wish..."

He started to get up, and rubbed the sore spot on his head. That's when the sound of cracking filled his ears. Discord turned to the sound to find one of the decorative pillars was cracking near the base, "No, no no!"

An open parasol appeared in his talon, he raised it up to help block the falling chunk of marble. It didn't work.

It was nearly sunset by the time Discord was finally let out of the castles private doctor's office, "Now keep that ice on your head until you feel better, okay?"

The draconequus nodded to reply, only for the sharp pain to strike him again, "Yes nurse, I get it," as quickly as he could he made for a swift get away, still clutching his story in his paws.

"I wonder where I should go next? Maybe I'll just go procrastinate in the garden," he thought to himself as he aimlessly wandered. As he did he floated past the huge double doors to the ballroom. Suddenly the doors flew open, and everyone from the board of ministers filed out laughing and carrying on.

"Wow, what a party!"

"I can't believe how modest Discord was through the whole affair, he was so cordial!"

"Yes, I'm glad he approved of my joke about the timberwolf, zebra, and a unicorn walking into a bar. Hey you wanna hear it again?"

"No, just no."

Discord groaned on the floor as the others walked past, not even seeing him. Suddenly he looked up to see Celestia had stopped by, "Discord, what are you doing out here? I thought you were at the table," She turned around to check, only to find the cardboard cut out was gone. She shrugged then offered Discord a hoof up, "That was a pretty good party, I'm so glad that you were there for all the pizza, and cake, and icecream and chocolate milk, cookies pies and soda. Why I particularly loved how good a sport you were about Trixie sawing you in half."

Discord looked up at this news as his eyes grew wide, "Wait, all that happened?!" He then groaned loudly as he took the hoof up, "Glad I enjoyed it..."

Soon enough the two were walking down the hallway, headed to the kitchens to let the staff know about the left overs. Celestia was in a cheerful mood as they walked, when suddenly she noticed the paper in Discord's hand, "Hey, what's that?"

Discord held up the paper to look at it and frowned, "It's a story I wrote, Twilight and your sister both said I should, but Twilight said that it needs work, and your sister... Your sister did not like it much at all."

Discord felt the paper suddenly leave his paw as Celestia took it in her magic, "Let me see this for a second," she glanced at the paper for a few moments, then continued walking. Discord, having nothing better to do, followed.

Soon enough the two were in the castles kitchens, as soon as the door opened, the head chef ran over and bowed, "Princess Celestia, and Lord Discord, thank you for stopping by my kitchen! How might I help you?"

Discord rose his talon to make an order, only for Celestia to interrupt, "I need you to get a staff together to clear space in the fridges for the leftovers in the main ballroom, waste not, want not and all that."

The chef bowed politely, then ran off to gather a crew. Celestia then put on her serious face, and a pair of reading glasses appeared on the end of her muzzle, "Now let's see what you have done here," she then began to read the story.

After a few moments, a smile appeared on her face, and it grew wider, and wider. Finally she took off her glasses and gave Discord a hug, "Oh how creative of you Discord! I'm so proud of your latest little hobby!"

Discord smiled a bit, "Well thank you! Maybe you can tell me how to make it better?"

"Oh, make it longer, but other than that I loved it!" She then walked over to a fridge and stuck it on with a magnet, "This is going to go right here. Right here, on the fridge, so everypony can see it. Right along with this fine art by Sticky Hooves," She then pointed out a crude drawing of a castle, and a stick figure Celestia and Luna, clearly drawn by a foal.

"Uh, thanks," was all Discord managed to get out.

That evening, Discord was once again in his room. Thanks to Celestia's over enthusiastic love of his story, it was now lost forever, and he did not feel like rewriting it. So instead, he brought back the computer, and was wasting time on the inter-dimensional-net, watching videos of cats.

As he did so, he suddenly got another idea. Quick as a flash, Discord opened up the word program and began to type, "Yes, YES! This will be my best idea since the stuffed deep dish thin crust pizza with anchovy, jalapeno, garlic, and pineapple! With cheese!"

Author's Note

WOW! I did not expect this many people to like this story!

Hopefully this chapter lives up to expectations, or not. I don't know!

~goes to my corner of shame to rock back and forth in fear of the masses~

Out To Sea

Out to Sea

By Discord

Rainbow Dash groaned loudly as she sat down by the side of the ocean, "UGH I'm so bored, why do we even have to go on a cruise?"

Her friend Rarity smiled as she fanned herself lightly from under her umberella, "Dash darling, a little sea air would do you some good! You've been cooped up in your house for weeks with all this dry weather. It's not good for you!"

Rainbow Dash grumbled to herself as she folded her arms together, "I could be watching Captain Kangaroo right now..."

The pristine white unicorn rolled her eyes as she looked back out to sea, "Just you'll see, the Jewel of the Ocean is a fine ship, with all the amenities one could want, like the spa with mud bathes, and fine salt water soakings. Oooh I'm getting all goose-bumpy about it!"

And so the pair waited together on the pier for any signs of their ship. Not realizing that it was coming in more ways than one. ~~(See what I did there? Wow I'm so clever!)~~

BWOOOOOOOOOOM!
The sound filled the air so loud that both ponies quickly covered their ears in an attempt to block it out, when they looked behind them, the duo had found that the ship had finally pulled into port, and began to let the passengers on, "Well come on Rainbow Dash, I've been looking forward to this for months!"

As Rarity moved forward to board the ship, Rainbow Dash stood stock still, the ship was big, bigger than anything she had ever seen before, with its huge smoke stack raising up to the sky like a tower, it's masts with little flags carrying little simboles on it, and the little French script writing by the anchor, proudly displaying the name, Jewel of the Ocean.

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, and felt her heart pop as she got closer and closer to the ship. She reached her hoof out and gently touched the side of the ship, "Hi, I'm Rainbow Dash."

The cruise liner bobbed in the water closer to her, and she felt her heart do a little flip, "I never knew what this feeling could be like. Are you going to take me places I've never been before?"

"Ummm, are you talking to the ship?" somepony asked and Dash was quickly brought back to reality, ~~(Or the closest thing that she can ever get to anyway)~~

"Wha? Who me? No, I was just talking to..." She looked around in hopes of finding something, or somepony she could pin it on, unfortunately she brought no luggage, and everypony else had already boarded, "Myself! Yeah, I was talking to myself!"

The sailor looked at her wairily before backing away slowly, leaving Dash alone to find her shared room with Rarity.

****

~~(That is how I do a page break? I think it is, oh well.)~~

The next day, Rarity and Dash woke up and headed down to get breakfast in the dining hall. "Hey Rarity, do you think it would be a good idea to split up? You know so we can have some alone time when outside the room?"

Rarity turned as she tossed aside one of her dozens of sun hats, "Rainbow, we are on this trip together so we can get to know each other better. After all, we barely spend any time together. Besides, a hooficure might do you some good!"

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to protest, only for Rarity to give her the thousand yard stare of doom, instantly shutting her mouth.

So the first day was spent with Rarity, and Rainbow Dash in the ships spa. For the entire duration of the day, Dash was treated to the best massages, hooficures, steam rooms, and mud kelp wraps that money could buy, and she was in misery.

It wasn't until after the spa that Rainbow Dash could finally have a moment to herself. While Rarity trotted off to the all you can stand to eat buffet, Rainbow Dash took off to the casino.

She wandered about aimlessly, a few bits in her bag and a bored expression on her face, looking for anything that would give her a thrill of winning. Suddenly she spotted the wheel of fortune, shrugged and walked up to it, "Place your bets miss!"

"My brother Flam and I guarentee that this game is easy to win!"

"That's right Flim, how about it miss? A bet on any number you like!"

She looked at the two stallions behind the table and raised an eyebrow at them, "Aren't you those two con ponies that tried to take Applejacks farm away?"

"Never heard of it, have you Flim?"

"Not I Flam, so how about a bet on number fourteen? Hottest number of the night!"

The Currulian pegasus gave a shrug with her wings and placed her bits on the table, then thought it out. "Wait, are you telling me to bet on this number because the wheel is fixed?"

The twins looked at each other, "Er, of course not! We are just two hard working ponies trying to make an honest living!"

Dash gave the pair her most scrutinizing squint, ~~(Wow that's a tough word...)~~ and shifted the bits to the number six, "Don't be offended, but I just don't trust you."

The two brothers smiled as they spun the wheel, "Well let's see if she is right to mistrust us,"

"Of if her folly will cost all her bits to go down the drain!"

The wheel spun around for several moments, creating a buzzing sound as the needle hit all the little pins. Finally after what felt like forever, the wheel stopped on, "Number fourteen!"

"Awww, what a shame. Maybe next time you should listen to us!" The two ponies then laughed as Dash walked away frustrated.

****

Angry, and alone, Rainbow Dash wandered out out of the bar, reaking of hard cider. She stumbled onto the ships deck and took off to fly around the ship for a while. She flew round and around the ship and couldn't help but blush at the sight of it, it was so big, "Hey, how's it goin'?"

The boat, naturally didn't say anything, but it did sway through the water a little bit, "Oh you naughty little boat, I see you swishing for me."

She then leaned up against the boat's smoke stack, "You know, I always thought that my first time would be with a stallion, but I guess you'll do," She then kissed the smoke stack, and followed it down to the engine room.

****

Three months later...

Dash was feeling ill, and was laying down on an examiners table in the doctors office back in Ponyville waiting to find out what was wrong with her.

Suddenly the door came open and the doctor looked at the x-rays in confusion, "Well Miss Dash, I have some news."

"Give it to me straight doc, will I ever fly again?"

The doctor looked over the x-rays again before giving a sigh, "I don't know how to say this but, your pregnant," He then held up the x-ray to show it, "Congratulations, your going to be the proud mother of a tug boat!"

And that's where tug boats come from!

The End

Author's Note

I think that's a ship that nobody has seen before!

Discord has a "normal" day Pt. 1

As Discord put the finishing touches on the story, he yawned slightly to himself. Finally content with the work, he looked over all the little notes he had written for himself in the story, and deleted them.

With a lazy snap of his fingers, the computer disappeared to be replaced with a printing press. He let the press fall to the lead type print against the paper, making the story seem much more official when printed in this manner.

After the simple machine finished printing the story, it disappeared into the ether known as Who the hexagon knows where it is now, leaving behind a crisp copy of the story. Discord cackled with delight and snapped his fingers to send the copy out to Equestrian Printing's inbox. Then waited.

After thirty two seconds he got tired of waiting and decided to go to sleep instead.

The next day Discord awoke to the smell of purple, and the bright burning light of Celestia's sun poring through the hole in his ceiling, despite the fact he was three floors down from the roof. As he yawned he took a deep breath and started his day right.

A rather somber song began to play in the room, and Discord felt the lyrics rise up in his chest, he knew then what he must do next,
"25 centuries,
and my life is still,
Trying to get up that, great big hill of hope,
For a destination.

I realized quickly when I knew I should,
That the whole world's MADE UP OF this sisterhood of mare
FOR w-hatever that means."

Then the beat kicked up faster, and Discord started to bounce slightly to the tempo of the music, as the illusion of sparkles flying on a rainbow back ground appeared behind him,
"And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I-I, I am feeling (feeling feeling) a little peculiar!"

As Discord continued to sing, he left the room and continued the song,
"And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,
And I take A deep breath and I get real high!
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
What's goin' on?"

Discord continued to prance about as the shower of sparks on a rainbow back drop followed after him. Several of the castles staff watched in confusion, while others more used to his antics let him carry on without a second thought.

"And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey yay yay....
I said hey, what's goin' on?
And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey....yay yay
I said hey, what's goin' on?"

Suddenly two ponies came up behind Discord and began to sing with him.

"And he Tries!"

"Oh my Gob, do I try
I try all the time, in this institution"

"And he prays!"

"Oh by me, do I pray
I pray every single day"

"MYAHHH﻿!"

"FOR A REVOLUTION! WHOOOOOOOO!"

"And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey yay yay....
I said hey, what's goin' on?"

That was when quite suddenly, Screwball appeared and landed next to Discord to sing with him in the background.

"And I say hey.... hey...."

"Don't cry out loud,"
"I said hey, what's goin' on"

"Just keep it inside,
Learn how to hide your feelings."

As the growing number of singers passed by a bakery, a lone baker inside continued to mix the batter to his cake, all the while he could hear the muffled music from outside. He continued to slowly mix with the whisk and could only think to himself, "It must be a Friday."

"And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on?
And I say hey, YEAH YEAH YEAH!
I said hey! What's goin' on? YEAH!"

The song then slowed down, back into the more somber tone it had started out with,
"25 centuries, and my life is still,
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope."

"For a destination." He then gave a sad sniff as the song came to a close.

The group of ponies behind him applauded wildly as Discord took a bow, "Thank you thank you. Now, how many of you actually work for me?"

Out of the group of ponies, two raised a hoof into the air, "I know you do Screwball. Alright, lets get to work," and with a snap of his fingers he and the two ponies disappeared into the unknown, teleporting to the Ministry of Practical Chaos.

The Ministry of Practical Chaos was the latest jewel in the shining city of Canterlot. A prime piece of architecture that was shaped like an hexacosichoron. The confusing looking building was painted with a new type of paint that constantly shifted and changed color. It was never the same color to two different ponies. Some said that it was red, others blue. Once a gryphon pointed out that you could see the image of Sir Fluffy of the octagon table from ancient gryphon's lore on the side. Whatever it was, it was something that Discord was rather proud to call his own design at the end of the day.

"Alright," Discord said with a clap of his mismatched hands, as he did, Discord was suddenly wearing a business suit, with a bright red tie, "Where is the door today?" After asking the question, Screwball and the other pony, Random Thought both shrugged. Discord cackled with glee at this news, "Perfect then I'll simply throw myself, HERE!"

Discord then threw his body against the side of the building, and suddenly found himself inside the structure, "It's alright, I found the entrance!"

A moment later, the two ponies crossed the threshold into insanity. Screwball hung her beanie up on the nearby hat rack, only for it to waltz away with the side table as it ate someponies keys. "Alright, Screwball you know where you need to go. Random Thought, follow me we need to get a meeting put together with the higher level employees."

"Ah, sir! That is, Lord Discord, if I might make a suggestion," Random Thought started as he used his magic to bring a notepad out, "According to some of the staff, it would be a good idea to have the supply closet not move around so much, and perhaps to let the work tools just be ordinary. Productivity has slowed to a crawl since you gave most of our basic tools legs to run around with."

Discord waived a paw through the air, creating a set of little plastic chips, "Pass these out to employees, if they hold this chip on their person it will normalize items within five feet of them."

"Excelent sir, I'll have a go-fer get right on it, GO-FER!"

A gopher suddenly popped up from a burrow in the ground and started to chitter animatedly with Random Thought. He didn't understand anything he said, so he looked up at Discord for support. The draconequus simply shrugged leaving Random to give the orders, "Would you kindly pass one of these out to each employee?"

The gopher gave a quick sharp salute before running off with the box of chips, "Tell me again when Sparky is going to be done with those animal translation devices?"

Discord skated away ahead of Random Thought on the way to his office, "Around the time Fluttershy manages to truly explain the different dialects between creatures."

As Discord kept skating down the halls that looked like a surrealists painting come to life, Random followed in an attempt to fill Discord with more news, "We also have a letter from Equestria Science, the owner is asking us if we can succeed in creating that combustible lemon for them. And, the minister of war has just entered the lobby."

Discord paused as he opened his office door, and turned to face Random, "Write a letter to Cave telling him that he's bonkers if he thinks I'm going to hold his hoof on this one, and send the minister to my office. That will be all," With that out of the way, Discord slammed the door shut and sighed as he sat down behind his desk.

According to legend, superstition, and old proverbs, in the eye of chaos, is order. That out of chaos came order, and this is where it happened. Discord's office was very much the eye of the storm, in that despite the fact it was in the center of the building, he still had a window looking out over Canterlot's Royal District. While his desk was neat and organized, it still held traces of his personality, like a pack of crayons and coloring books sat next to the regular business pen and paper. His coffee mug had the letter Q stamped on the side, not sure why but he felt a fond connection with the letter. Behind him, there was a framed copy of his diploma from the University of Chaos.

Discord pulled open a drawer and found a pair of reading glasses and placed them on his face, and waited for the minister of war to enter.

As he waited, Discord drummed his fingers on the desk for a few moments before finally picking up the notepad, and writing down some ideas, "Perhaps I can use this for another story, but later.

The sound of galloping brought his attention up to the door, "Ah seems that Nickolas is here," as he spoke, the door flew open to reviel the gryphon riding a bucking chair into the room, "Nickolas, I see you already have a chair, please remain seated, would you like some coffee, tea, cake, light bulbs?"

The minister of war shook as the chair came to a halt, he then smoothed down his puffed up feathers in an attempt to look presentable, "No thank you, I just ate. So tell me, have you come up with anything you can offer the ministry of war?"

Discord then smiled as he raised a finger in the air, "Ah, yes my department spent a few days on this one," he turned to the file cabinets and rifled through the folders before finally pulling one out with glee, "In here, I have the ultimate tool to win any war. A device that deactivates any weapon on the battlefield by changing them into harmless lilies."

The gryphon raised an eyebrow at this as he leaned in closer, "Lilies?"

"Is there an echo in here? Yes, lilies, LILIES! You activate this device, and everything that can be used as a weapon of war, and is not living, is instantly turned into a lily."

The minister of war huffed, puffed, and sputtered like an idiot for a few moments before he could respond, "But how could we win a war if all of our weapons are flowers?!"

Discord paced around the room with his mismatched hands pressed against the back of his suit jacket, "You disarm your enemy, and they can not fight. Imagine, you are in a losing scenario, and suddenly every weapon is now a lily. No more armor, guns, bombs, arrows or swords. Just harmless flowers within five miles. You can stop the enemy before they even attack. The best way to win a war, is to not fight."

Nickolas frowned and narrowed his eyes at Discord, and leaned forward in the char, "You said that you could have your ministry create a way to win any war, and I come back to see you are making flowers?"

Discord adjusted his tie to make sure it was straight, then leaned forward and grabbed the Minister of War by the scruff of his neck, "You asked the spirit of Chaos for a weapon. You asked for a way to make sure we could win without casualties," He let go of the gryphon and brushed his mismatched hands off on his suit jacket, "If I have to draw it in crayon I will. Now get out."

At that, the chair that the minister of war was sitting in used its arms to grab the gryphon, much to his dismay, and galloped away taking him with it. Once the door slammed back shut, Discord sighed and loosened his tie slightly, "Idiot war mongering zealot. How dare him, the nerve of him," He stomped around the desk to the files and slid the idea in for later, "He knows nothing, and thinks of war as a game."

Suddenly a little Discord poofed over his right shoulder. It dressed in robes with a halo over his head, and a harp in his paws appeared, only with both wings feathered, "Just like you once thought that destroying lives with your chaos was fun?"

"My shoulder angel," Discord said with some shock.

"Don't keep listening to that pansy," Another Discord appeared, this time on his left shoulder and dressed in red tights, and both wings were bat like, "He's trying to take you down that lame path of righteousness, don't you remember me? I take you down the path that rocks!"

Discord looked at the both of them, and shrugged, "Look, I've listened to you way too much lil evil me, and I spent milenia trapped in stone, you on the other hand, too lame. Suggestions on the minister of war?"

"TURN HIM INTO A POT PIE!" The evil little Discord said.

"No, I'm with him, just turn him back later."

"Works for me! Just, I'll wait until he tries to make demands again."

"Lame,"

"Whateves."

With that the two poofed away into the nothingness.

Later that day, Discord was free to his own whims for an hour before he had to be at Day Court for the next few hours, and decided to finally take the time to walk through the Royal Canterlot Gardens. This normally meant for him, that he would look at the different statues, and laugh at how he got free, while they were still stuck despite his crimes more than likely being greater offences.

Today however was different, his suit now gone he was free to be his usual chaotic self, filling the buttercups with actual pads of butter, or making a rain of tomato soup for some of the other wandering ponies. While some would run away, others didn't mind the small downpours and would gladly fill the first bowl, or thermos that was on hoof for a quick free meal.

But despite the jovial aperence, Discord was on a mission. Searching for a certain statue he came across in the past, drew a mustache on, then ran away laughing. "He must be here somewhere, unless they moved or released him."

As Discord walked through the maze of statues, he finally spotted the one he was looking for. It was one of the more extravagant, yet ignored statues. It was a statue of a unicorn stallion, wearing a top hat, suit with a cravat, cape and glasses. The unicorn had a smug grin on his face as he was surrounded by a large pile of books. On the base of the statue was one simple word, Determination.

Discord looked the statue over, with a frown, then summoned a sheet of paper with his magic, and put on a pair of x-ray glasses, "Turned to stone for harassment on the Equestria Daily newspaper of Canterlot. Eight counted attempts at breaking and entering said building. Lastly, charged for being a public nucince, and flying a hot air balloon without a licence," Discord grinned as he made the paper disappear, "You'll do."

Author's Note

For those of you that are not math geniuses (See example High School Drop out, Phoenix Quill) Here is a link for you to understand what a Hexacosichoron
hexacosichoron on wikipedia the inaccurate encyclopedia

And this image,

Discord has a "normal" day Pt. B

Outside of the throne room, Discord waited with the other ministers as they all adjusted their assorted robes and wigs, each in different colors according to the ministry the represented. Discord's robes were surprisingly simple, yet menacing in the black and red colors he had chosen to represent his ministry. As usual with him, he wasn't sure why he chose to wear these particular robes, but they simply felt right to him.

The other twenty three ministers were mingling about the entrance way making small talk, and side deals before entering, and it was at this time that Discord went to make his move, "Minister Hard Time! How lovely to see you again, tell me did you get a new mane cut?"

The dull colored minister of the justice frowned at Discord from under her wig as she tightened her grey robes in a huff, "What do you want pest? Can't you see I am a busy mare?

Discord smiled brightly at the perpetual sourpuss as he pulled flowers out of thin air, "Oh come come my dear, you're much to young to have such a dour outlook on life. Smile! It looks good on everypony!"

The Minister of the Justice took the flowers in her hoof and smiled slightly, showing her crooked teeth, Discord then shuddered slightly at the sight before she ate the flowers, "This flattery will get you nowhere. Now again I ask you, Lord Discord, what do you want?"

Discord frowned slightly as he pulled out a sheet of paper and passed it to Hard Time, "I am interested in this prisoner, do you recognize him?"

The minister pulled her spectacles out of a pocket of her robe and placed them on the end of her muzzle, "Hmm, prisoner number A-A-Twenty-Three. Yes, I know of him, he's currently serving a one year sentence without the possibility of parole by order of Celestia. What's your interest in him?"

"Oh, noting important," he said with a smile, "I just felt that the longevity of his punishment was disproportional to his crimes."

Hard Time looked at Discord with a deadpan expression before answering, "You want him for your stupid ministry don't you?"

"NO! I want him to help me make stupid stories... I mean, yes. I want him for my ministry," as he finished the sentence a small, crooked halo appeared over his horns.

"What was that about stupid stories?"

"NOTHING! Er, I mean," he cleared his throat and adjusted his robes, "Nothing. I saw he was an author, and that he worked for the Canterlot Airship Yards. With his chaotic imagination, I can perhaps give him that second chance he needs in life."

Hard Time stuck her muzzle in the air before prancing away from Discord, "I don't think so. You'll just have to wait for his sentence to end in four months."

She then ran straight into Discord, who was quite suddenly in her path, "Why my dear Minister of the Justice, everypony deserves a second chance," as he said the phrase, his eyes swirled in a rainbow of colors, instantly turning the drab minister grey in tone.

Fortunately for Discord, she already was colored grey on grey with grey eyes, so nopony noticed.

As the clock wound its way closer to five o'clock, the ministers and audience of petitioners were gathered in the throne room before Celestia, listening as a business owner finished her plea for an extension on taxes, "So, that is why I need an extension, as soon as I can come up with the last few bits, I'll send them right over."

Princess Celestia gave a rather solemn nod of her head, "I understand my little pony, however I must confess to you that this matter should have been brought up before my sister Luna, for she is the one that writes the laws concerning taxes," the pony before her began to shake slightly in anger about how it had taken her three weeks to get an audience with Princess Celestia, only to be pushed away to her sister. Celestia saw this and raised a hoof, "However, since you have come all the way from Vanhoover, I will see to it that you may present your case in my sister's court tonight."

Instantly he gave off a smile and bowed, "Thank you, Your Majesty," with that he gave a bow before trotting outside the throne room to wait for the Night Court.

"Now that we are finished with the petitioners, is there any last minute propositions from the ministers?" Instantly, Hard Time shot her hoof in the air, the only one among the group to do so, "Yes Miss Hard Time?"

Hard Time stood straight and held a piece of paper in her forehoof to read aloud, "Your Majesty, fellow members of the ministry. I have here, a request to release prisoner number A-A-Twenty-Three. Most commonly known as Perseverance."

A loud murmur shot through the room as chaos broke out among the ponies, much to Discord's delight, "Order, ORDER! This is outrageous," Celestia called out over the room, "The early release of a known criminal, convicted by my own authority. Minister Hard Time, what makes you think that he should be released now?"

The room fell deathly silent as all eyes turned to the dull colored Minister of the Justice. Hard Time cleared her throat and pulled a hoof through her oily mane before speaking, "If Discord had proven anything to me, its that everypony deserves a second chance."

The rabble broke out once again as ponies began to argue the point over and over, until finally Celestia knocked her hoof against the throne, "Order, order please! This matter will now be discussed in private, Minister of Justice, and of Practical Chaos will please accompany me to my study. Court is adjourned!"

The sound of her hoof against the throne clacked out one final time, and the room began to clear out as Discord stood to meet Celestia with Hard Time. As the two came up to the Princess, she narrowed her eyes and looked at the two of them, "Discord, if you would be so kind as to make a quicker route to my study."

He nodded slightly and opened the door to the hallway behind the throne, only to reveal her study on the other side, "After you both, I insist," Celestia said with a frown.

The two ministers looked at each other in slight worry before walking into the small room followed by Celestia. She stepped with purpose as she walked behind the desk, picked up a pair of reading glasses and frowned, "Miss Hard Time, may I have that piece of paper?"

The grey mare gave a smile and nodded idiotically as she passed the paper to her. Celestia frowned at the proposal for a few moments before speaking, "Discord, turn her back."

Discord gave a casual tilt of his head as his eyes grew large and suddenly had long eyelashes to make what little inner innocence he still had shine through with flying colors, "Why, what do you mean Celestia? I have done nothing to this pony."

She gave a look at Discord as Hard Time gave a dazed grin while looking up at the chandelier in the room and muttered, "It's so pretty, I want to eat it. Hello, I'm gonna call you shiny!"

As Celestia's look hardened at Discord he finally rolled his eyes snapped his fingers, instantly undoing the personality flip he had given the Minister of the Justice, "Have it your way, personally I found it to be an improvement if you ask me."

The dark grey mare seemed not to change in appearance at all, but her attitude quickly changed as she shook her head, "Why in the name of Tartarus am I here," she then looked at a watch strapped around her fetlock and gasped, "I'm late for the weekly prison check!" She started to spin in circles as she began to panic slightly, "How am I supposed to know if the guards are doing their jobs? What if they are over torturing the prisoners! I must run before the train leaves without me!"

The earth pony began to gallop away, only for Celestia to slam the door shut in her face, causing her to run headlong into it, "Please, give me one moment of your time before I personally make sure you are on time for your inspection of Grey View. Tell me, what do you know about prisoner number A-A-Twenty-Three?"

Hard Time blinked slightly before giving a small shrug, "I only know that you personally imprisoned him upon the request of the Equestria Daily newspaper staff, and that you gave him a fairly short sentence given all that he had done," she paused to contemplate things for a while before continuing, "He was an author that never made it, and made his home in the southern district here in Canterlot, and he worked at the Canterlot Airship Yards on the east end. According to the books, only one pony ever visits him, a mister Steam Shine."

Celestia nodded slightly at this information before continuing asking, "Can you elaborate what the technicalities say about releasing him early?"

She looked at Celestia with confusion, as if the concept were foreign to her before answering, "Well, since you are the accuser and were technically the injured party in the case, you can't act as a neutral judge. You will need to find somepony of equal standing to do that for you. However, if you wish it, you can act as a prosecutor."

Celestia nodded as she listened carefully, "Thank you for clarifying that, I'm afraid you will miss your train to Applewood, but we will need a witness for what is about to happen."

With a flash and a pop, Luna appeared in the center of the group, still in her nightgown and holding her favorite plush, "No more clowns Tia," she mumbled to herself before snoring out loud.

"Luna, wake up, we need you," Celestia called out as she tapped her a few times.

The younger sister's only response was to yawn and mumble to herself in her sleep, "Yes I am a natural blue."

Celestia and Hard Time looked at each other for a few moments before Hard Time shrugged slightly. Discord then rolled his eyes and slithered past the two, "Honestly, you ought to get to know your own sister better," he leaned in close to Luna's ear and whispered something softly. So quiet that Celestia and Hard Time both made the mistake of leaning in to listen.

"THOSE VILE CORPORATE SCUMBAGS! How dare they try to restrict who I can share with!" She suddenly shouted as she turned to face the two ponies behind her, one of which was twitching on the ground while both had hooves jammed over their ears.

As Discord gave off a very smug grin, Luna blinked a few times as she tried to assess the situation. Finally, after a few moments of awkward staring Luna asked, "What am I doing here?"

Celestia, Discord, and Hard Time all tried very hard not to slap their face with a hoof, or paw in Discords case at the question. After a few moments, Celestia put her best smile on and answered, "We need a neutral judge concerning the release of a prisoner."

Suddenly Luna was all smiles, and wide awake as she summoned a box, "Huzzah! Finally a chance to wear the traditional royal judge outfit! Tell me Tia, is it something serious? An attempted robbery? Murder? Is it a military court? Oh do I need to get my tricorne?"

This time Discord could not resist slapping his face with a paw, and even Hard Time felt the need to shake her head at Luna before Celestia interviewed, "Actually, its just us. We need you to review whether we let a prisoner out early or not."

Luna's ears drooped down slightly, accompanied by a frown and wet eyes. Discord took a step back in fear of an oncoming temper tantrum of some sort. Finally, Luna looked at Celestia with her most childish look she could muster and asked, "Can I still wear the wig and tricorne?"

Celestia rolled her eyes slightly before responding, "Well, I suppose if you really want to;"

Luna interrupted her sister with a squeal as she clopped her hooves together and placed the fancy headgear on top of her cranium with a smile so wide her eyes were closed. Celestia sat down on some cushions as Hard Time stood to the side to whitness the proceedings, and Discord began to think of good excuses why he was going through with this, "Remember what I told you Luna, and this will all go very smooth, understand?"

Luna eagerly nodded as a round table appeared between the four of them. Luna sat down at the far side of the round table, as Celestia and Discord sat beside each other opposite Luna. Hard Time watched from afar as Luna cleared her throat to begin, "LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THIS SESSION OF THE ROYAL COURT IS PRESIDED BY THE PRINCESS OF THE MOON."

As Celestia's mane was blown back, Discord's ears decided to rebel and run away as he was sent flying into the wall behind him. Meanwhile, poor Hard Time had fallen over like a fainting goat from being unfortunatly close to the source of the Royal Canterlot Voice. Celestia shook her head to get her mane back into order before frowning at Luna, "What did I just tell you about remembering what I told you?"

Luna smiled brightly before answering, "I did remember, you told me about one thousand and eighty years ago, that when presiding over court to always speak with authority, and the proper linguistics befitting royalty."

This time it was Celestia's turn to smack her own face with a hoof as Hard Time shakily stood up mumbling about jets being quieter, "No Luna, No. I meant about how its JUST US. You don't have to yell at Discord and I, nor should you be yelling at anypony anymore."

She looked slightly crestfallen as Luna looked down at the table, "Oh, right then. Will Lord Discord present his case before the court?"

Discord stood and was suddenly once again in a suit, this time blue with a red tie, and a small pin on the lapel. He adjusted the tie and ran his claw through the new swept back spiky hair before clearing his throat, "Your honor, I stand before you representing prisoner A-A-Twenty-Three, a unicorn trapped in stone for the past eight months. I propose that such a sentence is inequine, enough to drive a sane pony mad," he paused as he snapped his fingers to show several floating images of the pony in question doing various things. Some of which were the ones that landed him in trouble, "This imaginative pony is simply being punished for his unique thinking. Something that can be rewarded in my ministry if he had the opportunity then that he could have now. I propose that he can be a great asset to my ministry, and can work off the rest of his sentence for me."

Luna nodded solemnly as Discord sat down. She then turned to her sister and gestured toward her, "And what does the prosecution have to say about this?"

Celestia now stood with her hooves on the table to present her case, "I represent Equestria Daily, owned by the Royal Canterlot Publishing Corporation. As you may be well aware, Equestria Daily was founded by none other than you Luna, and Myself well over a millennium ago to let our subjects know about current events."

Celestia paused for a few moments before continuing, "The pony in question had attempted to break into Equestria Daily no less than seven times, despite requests to leave by several employees and even high management. However, when I received a letter requesting my audience with him, that was the final straw. He threatened to continue harassing the business that I own half of until he got his way, and took that as a personal threat against royalty. As a result I felt it necessary to teach him a lesson." Celestia paused to look at Discord before she continued, "Allowing this pony free early might be all it takes for him to revert to form, and go back to his old habits. Now I am not asking for an extension on his sentence. Just that he fulfills his debt to society."

Luna nodded before writing down several notes on a pad before turning to Discord, "Any closing statements you have?"

Discord stood as Celestia sat back down, "Your honor, life is like a bowl of nacho cheese. It's not all smooth, in fact sometimes its lumpy with peppers and other spices. My esteemed opponent on this case, the Princess Celestia, is punishing a pony for being no more than a chunky pepper in her queso. A pleasant surprise at best, and a nuisance at the worst. Let it not be forgotten, that he had hurt nopony, other than himself. There is no law against being stupid, nor is there one against determination. In my eyes, this pony had not broken any real laws, other than being a prat, and there is no law against that."

Luna nodded as she took down a few notes, and Celestia picked up the proverbial ball, "Luna, you know me. I would never punish a subject unless I thought that he or she was a danger to either my subject, or themselves. Prisoner A-A-Twenty-Three is particularly thick, and I feel that it would take time to get it through to his head, and I feel that it has not been a long enough time for it to sink in."

Luna nodded slightly as she stood and held her notes up with her magic, "I believe that I have come to a decision. In the case of prisoner A-A-Twenty-Three, I agree with Discord, there is no law against being stupid. I also find that the reasons why he was imprisoned in the first place was for petty revenge on the part of my sister, who forgot to tell me that I partly own a publication. Therefore, I grant him to be released early," as she said this Discord began to throw a fist into the air when Luna continued, "On strict probation, under the personal care of Lord Discord, since he wants him out so badly. Court is adjourned."

With that, Luna slammed her hoof down on the table to finalize it. Celestia walked away to teleport Hard Time to Applewood and Discord was left standing with a look of confusion on his face as Luna walked past him, "Come on, lets go get your latest employee out."

Discord followed in mild confusion as to what to actually do with a pony under his custody.

Author's Note

Whew... Sorry I took so long. My brother graduated High School, and my Dad and Oma came up to watch the cerimony, so I had to clean EVERYTHING all by myself so it would be perfect for them. Then I was reminded what it like to be a perfect host for three days for people with old world values and high standards. It sucks.

Anyhow, sorry, no story from Discord YET. One more chapter to come before the next short story from the Lord of Chaos himself. Stay with me, and trust me, I know what I am doing. (Famous last words...)

Unleash the Idiot! Part Cubed.

It was mere moments later that Discord found himself in the statue garden for the second time in a day. Nerves couldn't help but flair up as he followed Luna and Celestia trotted behind him, almost as if he had been here before, "If either of them say they got me a gift, or ask me to sing again, just send yourself to another dimension and save yourself the trouble."

As they walked through the statues, Discord couldn't help but feel that a disquieting feeling was growing in the pit of his stomach. It was almost as if rather than being an actual victory, he was marching to the gallows, trying to enjoy the last view his eyes would ever see while his innards cried out for a last meal.

Suddenly Luna came to a halt and softly spoke only three words, "We are here," the trio looked up at the statue of a pony nearly forgotten by all, the smugness of a moment forever captured on his face.

Celestia stepped forward with a small frown and looked up to the statue. After a few moments she spoke aloud, "Prisoner A-A-Twenty-Three, commonly known as Determination, you have been granted a probation by the justice system as of this date, prepare for reanimation."

The two sisters nodded at each other and cast a spell simultaneously. Discord stood back with a pair of sunglasses on his face to block out the blinding light that the two unleashed. Several moments later, the light died down, and the two ponies backed away, "Welcome back my little pony," Luna said with a reassuring smile.

Celestia frowned slightly at the blue unicorn laying in a daze in the grass, "Try not to cause any trouble. I leave you now under the care of Discord. Sister, we must be away," With that the two sisters left Discord alone with his new charge.

Discord looked down at the pony lying in the grass, a small smile on his face as he held out his paw, "Hello, name's Discord, but I'm sure you know that already;"

"Shhh, silence if you please, I must think," the pony rudely interrupted Discord with a frown, "I've been forced to stand in that position with my eyes open for what feels like forever. This grass and I have a lot of loafing to do."

Discord's jaw dropped in shock at the clout of this unicorn before he frowned deeply, "Listen here, I talked my way into letting you out early because you are needed for a job, now if you would kindly;"

It was amazing how fast he moved at those words, the stallion jumped to his hooves so quickly that his hat and cape flew off of him into the dust, "Oh by the old gods! How could I forget, I was supposed to be at the Canterlot Airship Yards," he paused and did some quick math in his head, "Eight months ago! Oh, I hope that they did alright without that message I was supposed to deliver to maintenance about replacing the hydrogen with helium."

"You wouldn't happen to have been on the crew for the Titan on your last day out, would you?"

The pony stopped his frantic movement for a few moments to nod while he tried to grab his satchel, only to find it still made of stone, "Yeah she was on my roster, why do you ask?"

Approximately Eight Months Ago...

It was an overcast day as a small group of ponies stood awaiting the arrival of the airship Titan, the worlds biggest, and safest airship. Amid the group of ponies there was a gryphon and unicorn working together on a recording device, while a team of nearby ponies were filming for the national newsreels.

Brightsound paused from her work at the station and pointed a hoof at the gryphon letting him know it was time to begin, "Hello everyone across Equestria, be you a pony, gryphon minotar or what have you. This is Herb Razortongue reporting. It is a beautiful day here in Neigh Jersey, slightly overcast but it shouldn't be a problem for the expert crew of sixty one aboard the Titan. Yes, the pegasi are now leaving the ship to bring in the mooring lines, as is traditional for these proceedings."

On cue the pegasi passed the several mooring lines to the waiting earth ponies, as several unicorns took a magical hold on the silver giant. "And now here she is coming in for a landing, and it's starting to rain again as they bring it closer to the mooring mast, the motors are just barely going to help keep her in place."

Suddenly everything went wrong, a sudden spark caught the rear of the ship on fire, spreading panic through the masses, "Oh by Celestia it has burst into flame! Everypony get out of the way!"

Quickly, a team of pegasi above, unleashed an emergancey torrent of rain, while a set of unicorns buckled down to carry the entire weight of the ship, and others still snuffed the flames out entirely. "And that was a near fatal disaster today here at Neigh Jersey, Thankfully, there was a strong staff of unicorns and pegasi available, or this could have been the biggest disaster in the history of airships. Who knows how this will effect the business of airships as it stands today."

As the memory of the recorded broadcast played through Discords memory, a glazed look fell on his features, one that he quickly shook out of his brain and gave a small smile, "Nothing they couldn't handle."

It was then that the unicorn began to panic slightly, "I can't believe it! Maybe if I hurry, I can beg for my old job back. What if they make me start at the beginning again? I can't go back to loading cargo! WAIT! What about my stories! They are all still petrified! Hey, think you can lend me some magic so I can get this satchel out? I kinda need it, it's got my I.D. and paper work. OH! What about my apartment? What if they rented it out? My stuff! Oh, I gotta get to the south end of town and see if Steam Shine has been holding it for me," the unicorn kept rambling at a mile a minute as his voice kept getting squeakier with panic.

Discord raised a talon to say something, only to keep getting interrupted by the pony, again and again. Finally he had enough and grabbed the stallion by his horn as he hyperventilated into a paper bag, "Be silent you ungrateful little... I mean, relax. I'm going to try an exercise with you to calm you down, would you like that?"

The unicorn nodded slightly as he stared deep into the mismatched red eyruses of Discord's yellow eyes, "Now I want you to empty your mind."

"Empty my mind?"

"Empty your mind of everything not related to story writing."

"Empty my mind," the effect seemed to be working as he seemed to relax slightly under Discord's stare.

"Empty your mind of everything not related to writing. Writing, and breathing..."

Inside the mind of the relaxing unicorn, a visual image of an office space with about a dozen versions of himself sitting behind desks materialized. Suddenly another version of himself, this one wearing glasses and a top hat burst into the work space, "I just got orders from the top, everything not related to writing has to go!"

"Everything?!" The group of ponies echoed back at him.

"EVERYTHING!"

Instantly there was a flurry of unicorns galloping about in a frenzy as they began to shred all files and folders not related to writing. One eager pony was shredding entire files from the drawer of long term memory. Some of witch included, Foalhood Memories, Spice Tips, the surprisingly thin folder marked Proper Social Skills.

The boss part of the mind came up to him stomping his hooves on the tile, "Come on come on, faster! What do you think I pay you for!"

To his shock, the stallion raised a hoof and answered back, "You don't pay me! We don't even exist at all. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract representation of thought."

The boss was apparently not pleased with this as he gave the lesser version of him a stern look, "One more crack like that and your outta here!"

The other unicorn threw his forehooves together and got on his knees, "NO! I have comic books I want to buy!"

Thus the anarchy spread across the filing system of his brain, in an attempt to literally delete everything as if they were cyberponies and the memories were an army of timelords.

Discord gave his best smile to the stallion as he tilted his head, "How do you feel?"

The pony continued to stand there with his mouth slightly open and his eyes unfocused. Discord blinked a few times as he waited before growing impatient and snapped his fingers a few times, making a variety of silly hats appear atop the unicorns head. Nothing happened, he didn't even blink in response. "Oh great, I broke him! Just my luck."

The unicorn's response was to simply drool slightly onto the grass. Discord grimaced at the sight, "Ugh, lets get you out of here before Celestia finds out," with a snap of his fingers the two disappeared, back to the Ministry of Practical Chaos, leaving behind the petrified satchel and books.

Three hours later, and Discord's nerves were in shatters on the floor. After several attempts to pick them up and place them back where they belong, he would find them falling out again. He couldn't help but pace the room, muttering to himself, "Okay, the author is hidden for now, but what if somepony finds him? Maybe some work would calm me down. A drink perhaps? I should check in on him..."

Discord seemed to be stuck in a loop as he repeated the phrases over and over in different ways, would sit down for a few seconds, then finally stand up to pace his office again. Discord turned around and poured himself a glass of melonade as he kept talking to himself, "Steady Discord, just take one quick peek on him and see if he's recovered yet."

After a few seconds of nodding, and arguing with himself in the mirror, then having to tap out and give in after his reflection reached out for a sleeper hold, Discord left the relative safety of normality that was his office, and entered the rolling waves of the hallway. Discord quickly grabbed the nearest skateboard, and rode the waves down the hall, swerving to the left and right to avoid other ponies on roller skates, and the chain chomps roaming the halls.

"Lord Discord! Oh, Lord Discord! Can I speak with you for a moment before quitting time?" He turned to the voice calling after him to find Random Thought surfing the linoleum on a mop bucket with wheels, "I need to ask you about the latest figures coming in. We are getting complaints, stating that there is no practicality in dissolving bits, and ponies are frustrated that their money keeps disappearing. The gryphon at the national bank ripped his feathers out he was so furious!"

Discord groaned as he lowered his sunglasses to address him, "Have the dissolving bits shipped back here, we will pay the difference, and get somepony to slow down that rate of dissolve! It's supposed to take decades to break down to keep inflation down, not instantly!" Random Thought nodded as he veered to the right into another hallway, as Discord continued down for several moments, then took a left and entered the stretching gallery.

Upon entering the room, the wall behind him slid shut, and began to stretch taller and taller. The dizzying chamber had no windows, nor doors, only four portraits that became longer with the room, relieving to be longer, and more sinister as they did.

Discord floated up to the image of Luna walking a tightrope over a river of snapping hydras and pulled it open. On the other side he found the small, hidden chamber. Once inside, Discord's eyes lit up like the lamps on a carriage, and began searching for the pony of interest.

After several minutes of searching around the room, and finding a discarded black and red uniform with an artistic star pin, flugelhorn, sombrero, boots he could swear he never saw before, a doctors coat, and lastly he discovered several kitchen appliances mashed together with a refrigerator, a hastily scrawled note reading Time Machine taped to the door.

Discord opened the door of the fridge, and inside, huddled in the bottom corner, he found the author. His hooves were wrapped around his head as he shook, "Oma, why am I not good enough? Can't I go to college too?"

"Well, I see you're making a slight recovery," Discord said as he lifted the trembling unicorn up, "At least now you are making complete sentences." He heaved the pony over his shoulders and walked across the storage room, and finally placed him on the slightly torn couch in the corner, "Do you feel better? Would you like something to drink?"

The pony nodded slightly at the question, as Discord passed a glass of cider to him, "Now, tell me, what do you remember?" As he asked the question, Discord watched in some amusement as his guest tried to lift the glass with his hooves, mumbled a few times, then gave up, "Sorry, didn't hear you."

The pony sighed and gave up on the drink before answering, "A few scattered bits of my foalhood, life experiences that I can draw upon in writing. Other than that, all I seem to recall is how to write stories, and breathe," as he finished the sentence, he grabbed the drink with a weak magical grip, and quickly threw its contents into his own face.

"It also seems that you have a drinking problem," Discord said with a bit of a grin, "Well, come along. It's time to see if letting you out was worth it. We need to test those writing skills!"

The unicorn tried once again to drink from the glass, this time by trying to lap it up like a dog, after failing once again he looked up and nodded, "Alright, but I need a typewriter, paper, and you to tell me what you want."

Discord paused, waited for a few moments, then finally answered, "Do you know anything of science fiction?" The pony simply nodded in response, "Wonderful, here is your premise, a form of travel, and a disaster." as he said these things, the lights went up, and a typewriter appeared with several stacks of paper.

The pony nodded a few times before he froze and looked at Discord with a frown, "What does that have to do with science fiction?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just wanted to know if you know about it," Discord answered with a grin, "Now get to it!" The pony nodded and popped his neck. After searching for a few moments, he found and put on a pair of glasses, then began to type...

Author's Note

And here we go, the first major story arch is almost done.
Next chapter is the author's story, AIRSHIP!

P.S. for those that don't get what part cubed means, tis a math term.

AIRSHIP!

This story begins at the Phillydelphia airport, it was a cool autumn evening when the taxi carriage arrived with Buck Striker. The stallion was clearly nervous as he exited onto the sidewalk, and looked up at the building with trepidation, "Well, here we are, don't worry, your not flying, just go to Elaine, and tell her whats on your mind." he thought to himself.

The earth pony swallowed down some of his saliva, and almost actually made a step toward the building before turning around shaking slightly, "Come on Striker, it's just an airport, you don't have to actually get on the airship, let alone fly it."
Suddenly the voice of a mare came over the loud speaker, as the pony pulling the taxi carriage took off, "The white zone is for immediate loading, and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone."

Buck placed a hoof to his heart, and caught his breath, after a few moments he ran into the building. As he did a stallion announced on the intercom, "The red zone is for immediate loading, and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone."

Buck looked around the room for a few moments, before spotting Elaine. The gryphon truly was easy to spot in a crowd of ponies, the reason why was because, even when she wore her flight attendant uniform, she constantly wore that same curly blonde wig. As Buck made his way over to her, the two voices on the intercom began to argue about the white and red zones, and were ignored by absolutely everyone, "Elaine, I'm glad I caught you. Listen, I know your about to leave to Chicacolt, but I need to tell you how I feel."

The gryphon turned to the source of the voice with an annoyed look, "Buck, how many times do I have to tell you, it's over?"

"Hold it, hold it HOLD IT!" Discord yelled, suddenly bringing the author out of his writing trance, "I don't get it, where's the story? What's going on here? This is so, boring! Who would read this stuff?"

The author paused, and took his glasses off before answering, "Well for openers, I would, I think. And second of all, you did give me a lot of wiggle room here, I mean, come on! I just started setting up the premise, and you make me stop?"

Discord rubbed his eyes with his fingers before massaging the sides of his head, "Alright fine, just skip ahead a bit, I want to see where you are going with this."

The pony banged his head against the table a few times, sighed, then finally said, "If I skip ahead, then you would be missing a lot of the plot lines."

Discord stood dumbstruck by the idea, he sputtered, folded his arms, stomped away then walked back. The author looked at Discord with an eyebrow raised as Discord raised a talon, opened his mouth, and promptly turned away, "Of all the inconceivable, absolutely ridiculous ideas," he started to say as he walked to the far end of the storage room, knocking over things at random.

The author sat with his chin in his hooves and a small smirk on his face, "You know, the longer you act like a five year old, the longer this is going to take!" He yelled across the storage space to the pacing Discord.

The affect was instantaneous, as the pseudo insult went flying, Discord flew across the room in anger, "How DARE you say I'm acting like a five year old! I'm at least acting eight."

"Well why don't you act your age then HUH?!" The pony shouted at him.

Discord stood still for a few moments, silent then grinned, "Alright, if you insist." Discord then began to decompose at an alarming rate, becoming a walking, rotting corpse before the ponies eyes.

The pony behind the type writer simply yawned, as the zombie Discord shuffled across the room, like a jerky puppet with half its strings missing, "Really, you would have to try much harder than that," he said with a frown, "Now, grow up a little and have some patience so I can at least do a cliff note version of this."

Discord changed back into his usual self, arms folded in anger before he flopped down on an old couch near the author, "Oh, very well then. BUT, It had better be amusing!"

The unicorn chuckled to himself as he drank down some of his water successfully, "Oh ye of little faith and mind. Tarry not and behold." Discord raised to protest, not sure if it was an insult or not, only to stop as the unicorn started typing again,

Cliff notes,

So, basically, Buck is afraid of flying again in an airship since an incident during the (insert word here) war. However, his love, or rather, former love, Elaine is a flight attendant for Equestrian Airways, and he catches the five hour flight just to be able to try to convince her that he still loves her, and to try and get her back together with him.

Things seem to go well enough, despite the crazy cast, including a hypochondriac, a doctor, a perverted pilot, a hot mare that has only the attribute of being good looking, Striker himself, Elaine, and a sick filly in need of a heart transplant.

Everything is going smoothly enough on the flight, that is until the on flight meal is served, the hay is alright, but anyone that ate the straw is suddenly infected with a strange disease that makes ponies spit eggs, and then pass out in an extreme sweat.

With that out of the way, let's continue with the actual story.

****

It had only been seconds after the last of the plates were cleared away by the flight attendants, and already ponies began to drop like flies, some of the unicorns literally becoming flies and dropping to the floor.

Elaine stood still in the small bridge of the airship, looking over the slumped over bodies of the co-pilot, and navigator. "Oh no, not you too!"

The captain stood still at the controls as he piloted the massive ship with ease, "Thank Celestia you came! Quick, get on the horn and alert ground control!

As quickly as she could, the gryphon obeyed the captain. She flipped the switch on for the wireless, and tapped out a message, "H... E... L... P. C R E W I L L. S T O P."

That was when the voice on ground control came in over the set, "Flight 32, why are you tapping out horse code? That has been phased out over ten years ago!"

"Sorry!" She cried out into the radio, "I don't know that much about modern technology! We need help, ponies are getting sick on this flight and we need to make an emergency landing!"

The radio stayed silent for several moments, crackling with static. Finally after several tense moments, the voice from ground control came back, "Roger, alert captain Clearance that Canterlot Airship Yards can receive as soon as you get here. Estimated time, one hour, over and out."

Elaine nodded and shut off the radio, "Captain we are clear for landing in Canterlot, is there anything I can do?"

The captain nodded slightly in his seat as he turned around, "Yes, go see if you can find a doctor for the sick ponies on this flight. Bring him here to see if he can treat Roger and Vector."

Elaine nodded and quickly left the bridge to find a doctor.

Meanwhile, in the dinning hall, Buck Striker continued telling his life story, "And that was when I started to have a relapse. It's not my fault really, when you think about it. Those aeroplanes were so new at the time. Anyway, when I started to relapse, I felt that Elaine was losing respect for me then, yet I kept slipping away." As he continued to talk, the mare next to him proceeded to place a plastic bag over her head, no longer wanting to live for one more second if she had to sit next to this stallion for the next four hours of this flight.

As the bag began to slip over her head, Elaine quickly snatched it off of the mare's face and smiled kindly, "First I want to ensure that there is absolutely nothing wrong."

The pony blinked at the gryphon with a blank, dead like stare before answering, "Okay, I believe you."

The gryphon nodded and gave the best smile that she as a gryphon could, "Wonderful! Now, I was just wondering if you know if there is a doctor nearby?"

The mare nodded and smiled back slightly, joyful that the stallion beside her had finally shut up, "I believe that that pony over there is a doctor," she said as she pointed to a brown earth pony across the way. The pony seemed a bit too happy about things as he sat in the seat, fiddling with what looked like a metal stick with a blue light on the end of it.

Elaine sighed slightly, "Well, thank's for trying." She then put the bag back on the ponies head and continued her search.

"Oh yeah, that goo

d," Discord said with a grin, smacking his lips.

The unicorn behind the type writer stared at the ink blot that followed most of what Discord said a few moments ago and then proceeded to stare down the draconequus, "DISCORD! You interrupted my train of thought! Now look what happened!" As he spoke, he pulled the sheet of paper out with his magic to float it over to Discord.

Discord stared at the story for a few moments, yawned and then tossed it behind him. "So you made a mistake, big deal. Why don't you just rewrite it?"

The pony snorted a few times in anger before responding, "Rewrite it. REWRITE IT! You delusional dip! Why should I rewrite it now? You know what, no, forget this! Put me back in the gardens, no way I'm going to stay in this dusty attic writing stories at your whim!"

Discord held his talons and paw up in a defensive gesture. "Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down pony, that's not what you are here for at all! I just wanted to see if you were better than me, and see if I could get a few tips."

The blue unicorn seethed for several moments. Finally, after several moments, he slowed down his breathing and smiled. "Okay, I think I'm good." He then gathered up the sheets of unused paper and neatly stacked them up before asking the question on his mind. "So, what are you eating that is soo good?"

Discord paused for a moment, then smiled wide as he held up the plate of food. "It's fried potatoes cut julienne style, dipped in mayonnaise!"

The unicorn wrinkled his snout at the thought of how it would taste. "That's disgusting! I mean, I have had potato fries, but with mayo? Eww!

"Oh don't be so droll," Discord said with a grin, "That's what the Europeans use for dip."

The pony stared at him for a few seconds as he ate the last of the food, smacking loudly. Finally, he asked the only real question left on his mind, "What's a European?"

Discord froze suddenly, and backpedaled slightly, "Err, nothing. Nothing you have to know about. So, about how about it? Feel like helping me out?"

The pony raised a hoof to his muzzle as he contemplated. After a few moments, he asked, "All I have to do is help you with your stories?"

Discord waved his mismatched hands in the air while answering, "Well, there's a few legal things to take care of. I mean, you can't work here and do just that. You can be a... hmm, what is it that Random Thought does for me? Other than complain that he needs help? I want to say secretary, but that doesn't sound right. He's not a personal assistant, cause he helps everypony in the building. Oh well, you are going to work for his department anyhow. On your off time, you can help me with writing."

The unicorn looked at the broken table, and sighed inwardly to himself, "What choice do I have? First lesson, meet me tomorrow, I'm sure you can find me since I'm under your custody."

Discord grinned as he held his talon out, "Excellent, we have an agreement! The pony nodded and offered his hoof and the two shook for a few moments as the floor vibrated. "So, are you going to finish that story you were writing? It sounded like it could be a good one."

The pony shook his head at the statement before answering, "Nah, I'm sure that somepony, or something else made a better version of that story. Besides, how dramatic could a slow moving airship be? Perhaps if aeroplanes were big enough to carry passengers."

Discord rolled his eyes slightly as the unicorn went off on a tangent. "Whatever. Look, it's closing time, and I'm sure you don't have a place to actually stay, so."

The unicorn smiled and quickly trotted up to Discord, "Well thank you, I'll be glad to stay with you at your place."

"Oh that's good, cause... Hey wait!" Discord said with a slight bit of confusion in his voice, "I was going to say you could sleep here for the night!"

The stallion looked up at Discord with wide, watering eyes. He looked just as pitiful as they come as he spoke. "But, what if I get hungry, or thirsty? What if I need to, you know... relieve myself."

Discord was about to dismiss the pony, when suddenly the thought of a grown stallion relieving himself on the floor while locked in the attic made him shiver slightly. "Oh very well. Come on, er... say, its funny. I never did get your name."

The pony froze in his tracks before he could get any closer to Discord. "My name?"

Discord smiled kindly at the blue stallion before nodding, "Yes, your name, you do have a name, don't you?"

"My name..."

Within the mind of a certain author pony...

The mental caretakers of the brain of this particular little pony were working in a frenzy as they searched high and low through all the file cabinets, only to find most of them empty. "COME ON! What's his name?!

"I can't find a file with a name! What's going on here?"

That was when suddenly a fire broke out, and one of the unicorns shouted, "OH SWEET LUNA AND CELESTIA, WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!"

The blue stallion stood before Discord twitching violently. Discord, might not have been the most caring being on the face of the earth, but he still worried about what was taking the pony so long to answer. Suddenly, the unicorn turned and bucked Discord in the chest! "Ow, what the!" Discord cried out as he flew across the room from the mighty kick, slamming hard into the so called time machine.

The pony meanwhile began to bark and growl like a mad dog before grabbing the type writer in his magic and throwing it at Discord, along with the sheets of paper, sending them flying in a fiery blaze of pain towards Discord. "NOT THE FACE!" It was the last thing Discord said before snapping his fingers. There was a flash, and suddenly Discord found himself, and the pony within the confines of his room back at the castle.

With a sigh, Discord slumped back against his bedroom door, watching the barking mad pony spin in confusion. "Well, at least he stopped throwing things. Took care of it like that!" He said, snapping his fingers for emphasis.

There was a flash, as Discord accidentally brought back the flying typewriter, still flying toward his face. "Oh, poop." It was the last thing he managed to say before the lights went out for him.

Author's Note

HAH You thought you would be getting a story by the Author character? Well your wrong! This is Discord writes a ship fic, not Random pony writes parodies of famous films! (but honestly, who would tell the difference?)

Next chapter, "Mail Call, By Discord."

Oh and happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans, try not to blow yourselves up with illegal fireworks, okay?

Mail Call

Discord woke up with a headache better left undescribed, and still slumped on the floor by the door. "Ugh, what happened?" Discord looked around for a clue as to what could have possibly brought him to this state, and found the broken typewriter on the floor next to him. He stood up and looked, only to find his room in even worse of a state than he remembered, and a blue unicorn snoring on his bed. After several moments of groaning to himself, Discord finally stood upright, and shook the cobwebs out of his head before assessing the damage.

Other than the pony he had accidentally broken, twice, the room had very little in the way of things being damaged beyond repair. For the most part, the items in the room that suffered the most, were things that could easily be set on fire, like his collection of fine dryer lint from around the world, or the spare horsehair for his viola bow. Not to mention the still smoldering blaze that was his comforter blanket in the fireplace.

Discord was about to just snap his fingers to make everything the way he likes it, when he noticed a beeping sound. He turned, and found nothing really out of the ordinary. The beeping continued, it was in a constant, repeating monotone pattern. He turned around to face the desk by the window, and found the thirty pound five inch screen monitor smashing his keyboard. "Oh for the love of Celestia, why?!" Quickly, he picked up the monitor, and started to close the window proclaiming something or another about an error, and found underneath on the desktop, a file simply titled, Feeling Fine, a short story. Discord tilted his head and said, "They say a story is the window into an author's soul, looks as if he's making a recovery." He then double clicked the image, while subconsciously snapping his fingers to make the room as neat and organized as he cares for it to be. After saying a few choice words about how slow his PC was, the story finally opened.

Feeling Fine
By ....

What is my name, not knowing my name makes me go crazy, what is my name? What is my name. What. Is. MY NAME?! what's my name? OH MY NAME! What is it? what is in a name? What's my name? what's my name? What is my name? Who am I? I think, therefore I am? Do I even exist? What is my name? Who am I? Why do I remember being shot out of a canon? When did that ever happen to me? Who is that pink pony? Oh Celestia, this device shows me things, I have never been meant to see. What are those creatures standing on hind legs? WHAT AM I?! WHO AM I?! what does it mean? What is my name, what is my name? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I SHOULD NOT HAVE WATCHED THAT FILM! Discord did something to me, I just know it! What are these thoughts and feelings in my mind? Who am I?! Do I have a family? Friends? Do I have a mother? I hope it's not Discord. I shudder to think that I am a part of him in any way! Not knowing my name makes me go crazy! Who am I? What am I? I am a pony, a unicorn stallion, but what is my name? What do I do for a living? Do I write? Who am I?

Discord read the "story" to himself in silence. as he scrolled down, the same long paragraph would repeat over, and over again. Written in different styles, fonts and ways, yet always conveying the same message. "How do you like it?"

Discord, could not help but scream like filly at the sudden, creepy introduction to his guest. The pony stood behind him, horn lit with a spell ready to go aimed right at Discord, "All I need is a title. What do you think of, Not knowing my name makes me, something something."

Discord tilted his head slightly at the mad unicorn. "Go crazy?" He offered politely.

"Don't mind if I do!" He yelled in Discord's face suddenly, before making a series of screams and body jerks in front of Discord.

He watched him wig out for a few moments before Discord frowned deeply with boredom. "Yes, that's very nice and all. But I have work to do today, so why don't you just go downtown and have an existential crisis with somepony else." Discord paused and grabbed a bag of bits off of one of the many shelves in his room and tossed it at the pony. "Go get yourself some breakfast at Joe's or something. I have to go to work, soon as you are done eating, I'll send Screwball out to get you." With that said, Discord disappeared, leaving the unicorn to his own devices.

The unicorn looked around the room for a few moments and continued to foam at the mouth while spinning and bucking the air. Suddenly he came to a halt, grabbed the bag of bits and spilled it out onto the bed and counted it out. "Whoa, that fool paid out almost a thousand bits! Time to go shopping, Silk Street, here I come!"

It was nearly nine in the morning now, and for some reason, today has been proving to be a particularly slow one for Discord's ministry. He had already gone through all the paperwork that was supposed to take him all day, and it wasn't until lunch time when they would have what was jokingly called a company meeting to discuss the future of the ministry.

As he sat back in the chair, Discord flicked a sharp pencil up to the tiled ceiling, and giggled into his paw when it stuck in like a dart. After waiting for a few moments to see if it would fall back down, and realizing that it wouldn't, Discord sighed and pushed the intercom button on his desk, "Miss Screwball, has our latest employee finished breakfast yet?"

Silence echoed through the speaker for a few moments, before Screwball answered by blowing a raspberry over the speaker.

"Screwball! I know you are perfectly capable of speaking plain and simple Equine! Now try again, and use your words like a big mare."

"Hiya folks, you say lost your latest project of chaos?" The mare said in a near perfect impersonation of an old philosopher mare. " Ya say ya gave him a job today? Ya say its 9 A.M. and your colt ain't home from eating yet?"

Discord rolled his eyes slightly, "Real cute. Just tell me where is he?"

"Ya say your employee went out for a doughnut or two this morning, - and the doughnut came back but he didn't?"

Discord pulled on his beard slightly as he contemplated what she was trying to say. "Well, I did get this box of jelly doughnuts this morning, but I don't know where from..."

Ya say your furniture is out all over the sidewalk cause ya accidentally made a pony go mad? And ya got chapped lips, and paper cuts, and your feets all swollen up and blistered from pounding the pavement looking for him? Is that whats troubling ya fellow?"

Discord started to reply when the fanfare of a marching band suddenly erupted throughout the room, as Screwball shouted loudly in the same voice, "Well lift your head up high, and take a walk in the sun with dignity and stick-to-it-ness! And ya show the world, ya show the world where to get off! You'll never give up, never give up, never give up...that ship!"

As the music died down Discord laughed a little bit at how she managed to surprise him, then he answered, "Real cute but what does that have to do with anything?"

Screwball simply answered with saying, "In the summer time when the weather is high, you could streatch right up and touch the sky!"

"ENOUGH WITH THE SINGING! This game has gone on long enough, now where is that unicorn!" Discord finally yelled.

After a few moments of silence, Screwball finally replied with a sigh. Then said, "He just left Hoity Toity's fashion boutique on Silk Street. It seems like he has been shopping for clothes and writing supplies."

Discord nodded slightly at the report, "Very good, keep an eye on him, and bring him to me as soon as he is done eating breakfast, Discord out." As he went to disconnect, the mare responded with another raspberry over the line.

Finally finished with that business, Discord looked up at the clock over the doorway out of his office with a grin to see if it was almost time for the meeting, only to find that three measly minutes had passed. "ARRGH! What am I going to do for three hours!"

That's when he spied it, the old Royal Typewriter and several sheets of blank paper. "No, I shouldn't! Not when I'm working," he said holding his mismatched hands up between him and the paper while looking away. "Besides, it's not right."

After several moments of looking at a poster on his wall of a kitten hanging from a tree branch saying, Hang In There, he looked back at the typewriter and dove right in, "Oh but it's so much fun Discord!"

Mail Call
By Discord

This story begins in the magical land of Equestria, where the grass grows, pegasus ponies fly, and ~~(brudda, I hurt people lol)~~ hay is the most popular meal. It was a late evening, and inside the Royal Equestrian Mail Post Office, stood a grey pegasus pony. She had a blonde mane and tail, and seven bubbles on her flank. Her name was Ditzellia Esmerelda Doo, or Ditzy Doo for short. Still again to others, she was known simply as Derpy Hooves.

In the past, the name Derpy bothered her, but after the end of her adventures, such trivial things failed to bother her, and she has grown to accept the name, even smiling at it. But, we are not here to hear the life story of a mare and the origins of a nickname, but rather to set a scene. ~~(I think it's okay to have all this writing to set the scene... maybe I'll consult whats his face pony when he decides to come into work)~~

Derpy Hooves was hard at work nearly alone in the post office, making sure things were squared away properly for the night. "Hey, Ditzellia!" She turned to the voice of the only other pony in the building, her boss, Boxxy. She couldn't help herself, but smile sheepishly, after a few moments he signaled to her with a hoof. "Come into my office, we need to talk about these late nights you have been pulling lately."

Derpy grinned bashfully at her boss as she slid one of the packages aside, "What do you mean? I'm just making sure I finish my work before I go home." Even as she explained this, she continued to slide more letters and packages into neat piles around her station.

"That's what I want to talk to you about, just step into my office." He gestured to the open door with a wing and slightly worried smile. "I think that there might be a problem with your paycheck this week."

The grey pony looked down at the floor the entire time that she walked into the office. She looked up at Boxxy with her golden eyes wet with tears, and rightfully so! He looked down with a comforting smile and led her in. "Don't worry, I'm trying to help you." With that, he shut the door behind them leaving the main room in complete silence.

Oh, did I say complete? I should say mostly silence, for as soon as the slam resonated through the post office, the only sound that could be heard, was the slight buzzing of the electric lights, and the soft ticking of a clock in Ditzy's work station. The voices of Ditzy and her boss were so muffled from his office, that it was almost as if they were not there at all.

In the center of the room, a pile of boxes sat on a low table, ready to be sent out to the various corners of Ponyville in the morning. As peaceful and silent as any box could be asked to do so when unattended. Suddenly, one of the boxes shifted slightly. It was an ever so slight movement, one that could almost be missed if it wasn't for the fact that it had done so again moments later.

The rouge package jumped off the table and landed on the hard tile floor with a sickeningly loud thud, followed by moaning. "Ugh, I thought she would never leave. Where's my pocket knife?" The voice said with a muffled voice through the box. A blade pierced the skin of the box, making a neat cut along the tape keeping the package closed. Soon, the flaps were free to spill it's contents out. It was a pony. "AHAH! I knew shipping myself would work! Come along Gold Digger!" He called out cheerfully to another box on the table.

The other box shifted, and soon enough burst open to reveal a dull yellow mare. She groaned for a few moments as she kicked her way out of the box in a rush, grumbling under her breath the whole time. Finally, after several moments, she pulled a purse out of her box and glared at the earth pony before her. "Cheapskate, I can't believe it! You are a billionaire, and you wouldn't pay the ten bits to ride the train?!"

The green stallion grinned from ear to ear, "For your information, I saved three bits shipping us to Ponyville! Besides, everypony rides the train."

"Everypony rides the train for a reason, it's safe! I've been stuck in that box for two days just to get from Canterlot, to Ponyville! We could have been here two days ago, in comfort! I mean, I have cramps in places I never knew I could get a cramp!"

Cheapskate smiled as he wrapped his forelegs around his wife. "My dear sweet love, don't think of it as torture in a box. Think of it as, an adventure!"

The mare looked her husband in the eyes, and was about to tell him off, when she heard the muffled voices from the office. "Well, I'm going to my mother's house. AND I'm taking the train!" With that, she stormed her way out of the post office as quietly as she could.

"Honey bun, wait!" He whisper shouted to her as the door shut quietly behind her. Cheapskate stood in the deserted room for a few more moments, then began to gallop after her. Suddenly, he came to a stop when he saw a book of stamps. He looked at the stamps for a few moments, then shrugged and took the entire book, and left a single bit coin on the table before leaving after his wife. "I knew I shouldn't have married a pony named Gold Digger." He mumbled to himself before the door shut behind him.

A few moments later, the office door opened, letting Ditzy and her boss out. "Well, I'm glad that we have that straightened out Ditzellia, see you on Monday."

Ditzy nodded as she clocked out, and her boss followed suit. The two trotted to the door, one with a bounce in her step, the other shuffling with a look of exhaustion. As Ditzy grabbed her delivery bag, she noticed a coin. Curious, she grabbed it with a few primary feathers from her wing and exammined the coin with her one good eye. "Wow, a neoclassical bit, this thing's almost a thousand years old, and it looks brand new!" Ditzy exclaimed aloud to herself. "Well, I know a certain antique store that will give me a few thousand newer bits for you!"

THE END

Author's Note

Why did this thing take so long?!
I got no excuses. Anyhow, I hope that there are still people out there reading this, and enjoying it! Next chapter, The return of the idiot, a chaotic conference, and the first lesson! All that and more in... DISCORD WRITES A SHIP FIC! FIc.. Fic... fic...

Cider

Cider

By Discord

Not too far from Canterlot, lies the hamlet of Ponyville, home to a little over a thousand ponies, a nut, and two squirrels.
This story begins with a nut.

It all started on an atypical bright and sunny day, because Ponyville's mayor has been bribed by Celestia to keep the clouds out of the sky more often than not. Pinkie Pie was happily trotting away from town to go to Sweet Apple Acres, and was singing to herself. "Apple apple in the sky, falling down from up real high, lands on a rock and it goes splat! Its apple sauce now think of that! Apple apple under hoof, pile them to reach the roof! But I think apples taste the best, when changed to cider from a press!"

It was really a nonsense song, the kind that Pinkie like the best, just something to sing happily to herself to keep boredom from striking her while walking.

Not too far ahead, Big Macintosh was moving some crates into the back of a cart at a steady pace, not really caring too much for this job. "I wish Applejack took this job instead, how did I get stuck with boxing up the cider? I could be tending to the new trees but no, she had to go help Fluttershy with a stray animal." He thought to himself with a small frown.

As he continued his work, he looked into the open barn and saw that most of the cider was already bottled, but there was still about two or three bottles worth he had to finish before he could crate them. "Applejack said that somepony was coming over to help, I wonder who it is."

Just then, the sounds of singing reached his ears. Big Macintosh looked up over the hills and raised a hoof over his eyes to block out the sun ~~(That is again so super bright because of a certain alicorn princess that does not understand the concept of less sunny than usual, or partly cloudy)~~ and saw a bouncing pink mare.

He froze suddenly, and looked around, "Nope! Nope nope nope nope nope! He shouted in a semi whisper as he looked around for a place to hide from Pinkie Pie. "Not her, anypony but her. That mare's crazy!" Finally, after a few moments of debate with himself, he ran into the barn and slammed the doors in hopes that he could hide from her.

He could hear her as she came closer to the barn. "Big Mac! I came to help! Where are you?" Quickly, he threw his hooves over his mouth to help silence his breathing, praying to Celestia that she would not be able to find him.

For a few tense moments, he could hear the sounds of the pink pony of parties trot around the barn, then suddenly she turned away to look for him somewhere else on the farm.

Big Macintosh looked around the barn for a few seconds and sighed, finally safe, he began to pour the last of the cider into a few glass bottles before taking them to town. As he began to grab a bottle from a table, the cupboard underneath suddenly burst open. "Hi!" He jumped back at the sudden closeness of the pink mare that had popped out of a supply cupboard. "I'm here to help!"

He looked at her frozen for a few moments, not sure of what to say and only tilting his head. Pinkie looked back at him for a few moments before continuing, "Dash was supposed to help you today, remember? But she can't because she had to go to court. Something about the father of her tugboat refusing to see their son Borealis." ~~(HA Return of the tug boat pegasus baby!)~~

Mac nodded and said, "Eeyup," in a simple agreement as he thought back on the strange events of her sister's friend Rainbow Dash. ~~(If you don't understand, read my past story, Out To Sea!)~~

"However," Pinkie Pie began again, "There's been talk going on about how laws state that she can't have a tugboat as a son, even if she is technically the mother, but that one pony, Cave from Aperture wants to put Borealis to work, something about secret cargo that will stop someone called Cave Prime from stealing his test chambers. Anyhow, what do you need me to help you with today?"

Big Macintosh stood there with his jaw hanging open for a few moments before shaking his head and pointing at the bottles of cider. "Just put the bottles, in the crates."

Pinkie nodded and began to do so.

****

I would like to, if I may, to take you to a different perspective. Not too far away from Pinkie and Mac sat, a bottle. One out of many exactly the same, who knew nothing more about love than he knew about equine speech. Oh sure, he knew that they could talk, but really all he cared about was being cool around the other bottles and not getting his contents spilled out before they could be drunk.

The pink one had finally stopped prattling on, letting the big red one explain what she was there for. She seemed to like the prospect of whatever it was she had to do, and approached closer to grab a few bottles. The red one yelled something at her, making her face fall into a frown before he disappeared. Only to return with a small cart with crates.

The bottle, (who we shall call Jim) stopped chatting with the other bottles for a few moments, to pay attention to what was really going on once the crates came in. There was nothing too exciting other than the obvious prospect that he would finally serve his purpose by getting sold, and his contents drunk by a pony. Who knows, maybe they would even reuse him as a water bottle, or a display. Or if he was really lucky, a makeshift flower vase!

As he watched the big red one unload the crates, he suddenly was struck with awe at the sight before him. She was square, the perfect symmetrical shape. All wood with smooth sides, and no splinters. A classy kind of crate that while it wasn't painted up like some street fair goods holder, she was still was tastefully stained to retain her natural beauty and moisture.

As Jim watched her come in, with several that were almost exactly the same, the pink pony said something, grabbed a crate, and began to place bottles in, much to the enjoyment of the bottles. Shouts of, "YAY we're going to go to market!" rang about the room from the other bottles. Yet Jim just sat there, hoping that he would be able to be placed in the classy crate.

"Jim, what are you looking at?" Paul asked him with a bubbly smirk.

"It's that crate, do you see her? I think, I feel something for her." Jim said with a dopey look on his label.

"Well don't look now Jim, but the pink pony is about to grab us."

"Wait what?" Paul was right of course, the pink pony grabbed Jim, and several of his friends and placed them in a crate. "No, NO. NOOOOO!" He screamed as he was placed with several others in the wrong crate. As he sat in the wrong crate, he watched as the classy crate was put aside, with nothing to go within her. "This can not be! I must be with my beloved, I MUST!"

"Jim, we're bottles not a pony! We can't just get up and walk away whenever we want to!" Lenard said with his usual gruff attitude.

"Cracks on you, I'm not going to miss out on my chance to meet the crate of my dreams!"

"What about me?" The crate they were currently in asked.

"No one asked about you, have your way with the other bottles."

The crate they were in suddenly began to crackle. "I can't believe it, less than a minute and we're breaking up!" As she spoke, the pink pony picked up the crate, only for part of the bottom to fall out leaving Jim to tumble through the air and land on the hard, cruel floor.

****

Big Macintosh turned to the sound of a bottle dropping, and quickly slid his way out from under the cart with a screwdriver in his mouth. He quickly spat out the tool and looked at Pinkie. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

Pinkie smiled bashfully as she put the crate she was carrying on her back into the cart. "I'm not doing anything, the bottles just shifted suddenly and this one broke out!"

Big Macintosh looked her over for a few seconds then grunted to himself before going back to adjusting the axle under the cart. "You overloaded that crate. Put that bottle in a different one." As she went on to do so, the leaf spring on the cart suddenly gave out and collapsed. "Great, something else for me to fix before I can go to town."

****

He looked up at the ceiling, barely able to keep his contents under pressure as the pink pony fell under the verbal assault of the red one again for nearly smashing Jim on the floor. She put the rest of the crate in the back of a cart before snapping something back at him.

He continued to lay there, hoping that he did not get any cracks, and that his crown cap will be able to hold back the building pressure of the carbonated cider within him. The red one slid back under the cart before mumbling something to the pink mare. Jim watched as she stuck her tongue out at him, which he had learned fairly recently was a rude gesture that ponies do to each other sometimes.

Finally, she turned around and picked Jim up, placing him in the first crate she could. Jim stood silent and watched the pink pony. She looked around to see if there were any other bottles, when she discovered that there weren't any, she left him alone and placed the crate holding him in the back of the cart.

After several moments of silence, Jim looked around and sighed. "I guess I'll never see her again."

****

"Okay Big Mac, I got all the bottles here done." Pinkie said with her usual trademark smile.

He nodded and moved to the front of the cart to hitch himself up. "Thanks." He was going to leave things at that as he pushed the barn doors open, then looked back at Pinkie. She just sat on the ground smiling at him. "Maybe she isn't that crazy after all, she certainly works hard." He gave her a smile and began to step out of the barn, when suddenly he was struck with an idea. "Do you want to walk back to town with me?"

Pinkie smiled as she came next to him and gave him a playful nudge to his side. "I thought you would never ask." And the two headed back to Ponyville together in the beautiful sunlight. ~~(That was again, so abundant because there are never any clouds in Ponyville. IT'S A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!)~~

****

Jim couldn't help but feel distraught as he looked up into the clear sky. "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I mean, what would a classy crate like that want with a bottle like me?" He looked at his surroundings as they were constantly moving and asked aloud, "Where am I anyway?"

"You, are in me. And it's just you, and I." Jim looked around and saw he was surrounded by slats of tastefully stained wood. Not too dark, and there was not one splinter or bit of warped wood in sight.

If Jim had had eyeballs they would have bulged, he suddenly realized where he was! Jim was being carried by the classy crate. Quickly he adjusted his stance and made sure to look as cool as possible by adding a little condensation to his surface. "Hey, my names Jim. What's a classy crate like you doing in a cart like this?"

The crate giggled slightly before answering. "Oh, you know. Carrying you in a cart to town. What about you? What's a nice cool bottle like you, going to do with all that cider?"

"Oh, you know. Get sold to a pony then get my contents drunk."

Suddenly, a shout of, "YOU GO JIM!" came from the next crate over, followed by the clinking sound of bottles laughing.

"Don't pay any attention to them." The crate said. "It's just you and me, they don't matter any more. My name's Sherrie."

Jim smiled with his cap and bounced from the bumps in the road until he landed in one of the corners. "Well my name is Jim, but most bottles call me... Jim."

Suddenly, the cart came to a stop. The pink pony had come back, and laid a blanket down over the crates of cider, casting them in a dark shadow.

Jim and Sherrie looked around in the shadows, and found that the rest of the crates of cider could not be seen anymore because of a fold in the blanket. "Great, now we can't see anything!" Jim lamented out load.

"Don't be so upset Jim dear," Sherrie said with a slight giggle. "I think that this might be the best thing to ever happen to a crate like me, and a bottle like you."

Jim stood puzzled for a few moments before asking, "What do you mean?"

"I mean," She said with a sudden husky tone, "That we may not see them, but nobody can see us either."

Jim continued to stand dumbfounded for a few moments, when suddenly it began to dawn upon him. "Wait, are you saying that-"

"Yes Jim. I may be a classy crate, but when it comes to a love like this, time is short." She shifted suddenly as the cart began to move again. "Come on Jim, we'll paint the town red with the stories they'll tell about what we did in the back of this cart!"

And then they-

Author's Note

A short story by Discord for you! I hope you like. And for those of you that were following my blog and made a guess to the new ship, you were wrong.

Weekend... Part A. Take The Last Train to Ponyville.

Discord dropped the Atomic Tangerine crayon to his desktop and rubbed his face with his paw and talon. "And then they... what?! They're a bottle and a crate, what could they do?" A few thoughts ran through his brain before he shuddered slightly. "Not that that's for sure, I mean... It's a bottle and a crate! They can't do that, can they?"

As he slumped over the desk, a sudden migraine began to take over, placing his usually chaotic mind into a strange orderly state, where clear thoughts began to come through. As he sat there, all he could say over and over was, "What have I just done?"

He looked out of his bedroom window, and saw the moon hanging low in the sky. It was not quite time for sunrise, but the hour was drawing near. He turned away from the window and glanced at his room. Quickly giving his pet bologna dog a pat on it's meaty head, he left into the hallways. He decided to float near the ceiling and become invisible, to look for some fun with the ponies working the night shift.

It wasn't too surprising that there wasn't much going on. It was just past three in the morning, and most of the ponies that were on staff would be sleeping, except for the select few that worked for Luna. For a while, he was content with making the chandlers move over head the guards in hopes of freaking them out, but quickly grew bored with their steadfast faces of stone.

A half hour later, and Discord found himself writing dirty couplets on the mirror in one of the castles larger public restrooms that are on the ground floor. Despite the chaos of writing it all in melted chocolate, his laughter felt empty. "This isn't any fun. I need to find somepony to entertain me." Quickly Discord dropped the soap, smashed a sink, and flooded a toilet with wads of paper towels before leaving the room to go find his favorite in castle victim.

"And so my loyal guards, that is why it is so important to actually use soap when you shower, and not just run cold water upon yourself. Is that clear?"

The three members of the night shift before her nodded and mumbled something under their breaths, as they did so, the captain of the Night Guard hit all three of them with a slap of his leathery bat like wings. "You slackers will learn your place! When Princess Luna speaks, you respond properly! Is that clear!"

"Yes Sergeant!" They said in unison standing at attention as best they could.

"Good," Luna said with a smile. "Now, I want each of you to take a shower, with real soap and hot water. Then by my order, you are all going through basic training again, until you shine like the soldiers you should be. Is that clear?"

"Yes Princess Luna!" They called in unison before turning and running out at different canters.

As they ran out, Luna leaned over to the Sergeant and whispered into his ear, "Give them the towels." He gave an understanding nod and gave chase. A few moments later the sounds of a towel being cracked like a whip, followed by screams could be heard behind the closed doors to the throne room before more guards came in.

Luna smiled as the new guards took their places beside her. After eyeballing the two stallions for a few seconds, she leaned back on the throne and looked up at the ceiling. "It's good to be the princess."

"What was that your majesty?"

"Nothing, nothing. So, what is the next order of business for the night court?" Luna asked before clearing her throat and straightening up.

The guard that stood by the door to the throne room coughed lightly into his hoof before speaking. "Announcing Prince Blueblood. Representing the house of the Unicorn Tribe." The doors opened, and as they did a short fanfare played for the prince.

"Ah, our distant nephew. What did I do to deserve this extreme displeasure?" Luna laminated out loud.

If he heard the remark, Blueblood did his best to ignore it, and pranced in as if he owned the place. "Ah, my dear Aunt Luna, it is so wonderful to see your smiling face once again. Tell me, how does this late evening fare for you?"

Luna sat still on the throne with a dead pan look of annoyance on her face. The silence between the two grew more uncomfortable as Blueblood waited for the answer, and Luna waited for the inevitable interruption from her nephew. Finally, she took a breath to answer. "It fares well e-"

"That's great, good to know that things are going well for you. Anyhow, as much as I wish to just chat over a cup of coffee and wafers with you, I have been getting reports in lately from the Ponyville province."

Luna raised an eyebrow at this statement as she pulled forth a map of Equestria. After a few moments of searching she found her suspicions to be true. "Ponyville province is mostly an earth pony population. Tell me, why are you the one to bring this news to me and not Chancellor Wheat Straw?"

Blueblood shuffled his hooves a bit at this question and smiled sheepishly. "Well you see, Wheat Straw is on vacation, and the general running of her tribe has been split between Commander Sky Heart and myself." He clopped a hoof on the ground, and faster than lightning a servant of his came forth kneeling before him. Blue Blood rifled through the servant's saddle bags for a few moments before he smiled and pulled out the paperwork proving this to be true.

Luna looked over the paperwork for a few moments before nodding and passing it back. "Very well. Tell me, what kind of a creature is this to be wrecking enough havoc to actually make you come see me."

Blueblood shuffled about in place while rubbing his mane with a hoof. "Well, it's really rather difficult to explain. Nopony has got a very clear picture of this, whatever it is. But it's enormous, bright orange, and has a diabolical laugh. I beg of you, please, send somepony to help! Reports are coming in that it's stalking Ponyville's outskirts and attempting to lure foals into the Everfree! I haven't had a wink of sleep since these reports started coming in!"

Luna narrowed her eyes at Blueblood and saw that deep shadows had circled his eyes, and for once felt a tinge of pity for the spoiled prince. "Very well, captain Claymore! How fast can we assemble a team of guards to find this beast?"

The guard to her right stood at attention and saluted before addressing Luna. "You're majesty, it may take several weeks, maybe even a month before we could get a whole troop together to go after this, thing."

"THEN WE SHALL NEED A VOLUNTEER TEAM!" The room reverberated with the Royal Canterlot Voice, causing ponies to cover their ears and fall over from all the shaking. Suddenly, a loud sickening thud echoed across the room as Discord fell from the ceiling. When he fell, he became quite visible to Luna, covering his head from the sound of the voice. "Ah, perfect, glad to see some initiative from you Discord."

Discord shook the static out of his head before breaking into laughter. "Are you kidding me? What makes you think I'm going to risk my beautiful face fighting something from the Everfree?"

Luna gave a small smile to the draconequus before answering. "Well, it is your civic duty, and, maybe you would like to enjoy a weekend out of town."

Discord continued to laugh at Luna before answering her properly. "Oh that is just too rich, I think you forget who you are talking to! For all you know, I might have created this problem." As he said problem, he used his talons and paw to make air quotes around the word problem that physically appeared in between them.

Luna frowned at him and raised an eyebrow. "Did you?"

Discord shrugged casually at the question before he began to walk away. "I have no idea, now if you'll excuse me, there's a head chef that is baking a souffle that needs a jump scare."

"Then I call Chaos's Gambit!" The sound of gasps filled the hall as Discord stopped and looked back at the Princess of the Night.

"What did you say?"

"I call Chaos's Gambit." Luna stated once again with a calm smile. "By the ancient rites since time immemorial, you have been bound within reason to play by the rules of your own gambit."

Discord quickly descended upon Luna with a foul look upon his face. He quickly grabbed the pony and held her up in the air as if she were a mere insect compared to him. "You dare to call forth my gambit?" He then dropped her back on the throne with no small amount of force and called forth a large stone with a jewel encrusted chaos star on the surface, a scroll of paper, and a quill. "Name your terms, and I shall call forth my own, if the stone of binding accepts your terms, I shall play the game by your rules."

The dark princess smiled as she stood and placed a hoof on the stone, and discord placed his paw on the other end. "My terms are as follows, you shall go to Ponyville with a team of your choosing. You shall take the form of a mortal pony to hide your identity. You shall be limited to the powers of the pony you chose, no alicorn or chaotic magic. You shall find, and remove the creature that is plaguing the Ponyville Provence. Do you accept?"

The stone gave a dull grumble before the two, and thee of the eight jewels light brightly only to fade away. "These terms are almost acceptable," Discord said with a frown." But there has to be stakes."

Luna frowned before she spoke, choosing her words carefully. "Very well, if you lose this contest, then you will have to agree to no practical jokes on anyone, or anything for a month."

Three more jewels glowed at the proposition, and Discord picked up the ball. "And if I succeed, I demand that Proposition one dash one from my ministry be enacted without hesitation. Doing so would make Chaos Day an annual holiday every nineteenth of January for a full twenty four hours, as regulated by a tamper proof hour glass. Do you accept my terms?"

The last two jewels from the ends of the arrows glowed brightly, leaving only the images of the shafts, and the great center jewel to activate. Luna reached forward with her right hoof, offering it to Discord's eagle claw. "We accept."

The pair shook, and the rest of the image glowed brightly giving off a great beam of light, blinding everypony else in the room for a few moments. When everypony's eyes adjusted, the stone was gone, and instead of a towering draconiquus standing before Luna, there was a brown unicorn with grey mane, beard, and tail His eyes matched and he had a casual appearance to him in general. The unicorn wore a dark blue blazer, and a white shirt with a green bow tie, and had a cutie mark of a scroll, and he had the general look of an older stallion. "Well, not quite what I was looking for, but not the worst form I could have chosen."

"Well then, I guess you have a busy weekend ahead of you. Pick a name for yourself, get your crew together and get to Ponyville."

Discord bowed to Luna, only for his hooves to slip out from under him and hit his nose against the hard marble floor. At this, one of the bat pony night guards laughed out loud suddenly. "I take laughing boy over there as my first team member." Discord said with a growl.

"Excellent, glad to see you have got the ball moving. Go with Discord, Private Hearth Stone. Anypony else want to volunteer?" Silence was the only reply. "I'll see you both on Monday."

Wordsmith was still trapped within the confines of his desk from the wall of paperwork that surrounded him. Not that he was working at the moment, he had finished the work hours ago, only to find that everypony else had left him alone with no way to get out from behind his desk.

As he sat, he looked over the latest story that had come his way via Discord's usual method of having things randomly appear before him, and was rather pleased that it needed very little editing done to it. "Perhaps I can take a nap, just until somepony rescues me from the wall of paper."

"WORDSMITH! Wordsmith! Where are you?" The shout was soon followed by the sound of a door opening and a few papers scattering in the wind. "Wordsmith, are you in here!"

"YES I'm trapped behind the papers! Who is it? Are you here to get me out?"

"It's me, Random Thought." Called out the voice.

"And me, Screwball! Discord needs us now! It's an emergency!"

"I can't I'm trapped behind the papers!"

Wordsmith could barely hear the mutterings from behind the paper wall, when suddenly they all disappeared, revealing Screwball and Random Thought, who was holding a small device with a button. "The mark three portable instant mater transporter. Never leave home without it." Wordsmith quickly grabbed the story, and galloped out of the room after the two ponies that worked over him.

"Where are we going?"

"To the castle, something big is going down!" Random Thought replied.

"Wait, what about all those papers, I'm not going to have to do them again, am I?"

"Nope!" Screwball replied with a smile. "It's all been sent to the filing clerk!"

"Can somepony please tell me what's going on?" Wordsmith cried out with annoyance.

"Best to let the boss explain, here's our exit!" Random Thought called out before shoving Wordsmith into a wall, only for him to fall out of the building several floors off the ground.

Wordsmith screamed as he fell, and was sure that in moments he would become a sidewalk pony omilet when suddenly he felt somepony grab him, and slow his decent. He looked up and saw Screwball was holding him around the middle, flying with the aid of her propeller beanie. "Hey, don't worry, I got you. Now come on, to the castle!"

Wordsmith smiled as the pair took off over the Canterlot skies, and Random followed with a jet pack. With incredible speed, the trio soon found themselves landing at the castle gates, only to find them closed. The trio of ponies stood outside the gates of the palace wall for several moments looking at each other and shrugging. "You think it's too early?" Wordsmith wondered aloud.

"Bull," Random Thought responded. "The sun's already risen, the gates should have been opened by now." Quickly, he cast a spell to magnify his voice, cleared his throat and called out, "HALLOO IN THERE! HALLOO!"

Several moments of silence followed the call, when suddenly a guard popped his head over the wall. "Hello? What is it?" His voice was nasally and had a strange accent that not one of the ponies could recognize.

The three ponies shrugged before Random answered back. "I am Random Thought, and these are my co-workers from the Ministry of Practical Chaos. With who am I speaking with?"

"I am La Nouvelle Protection, of the third day guard division."

"Go and tell your commander, that we have been charged by Lord Discord, on a noble quest. If he allows us passage to seek council with Discord, we then may continue on our search for the Monster of the Everfree."

The guard looked behind him for a moment before calling out, "Well I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's already got one you see."

Random Thought blinked in surprise for a few moments, unsure of what he had just heard. "What?!"

"He said that they've already got one." Wordsmith commented.

Random Thought frowned slightly at this response, then shouted back, "Are you sure he's got one?!"

"Oh yes! It's uh, very nice!" The guard then looked over at a few of his fellow guards and whispered, "I told them we've already got one." The trio of guards with him then burst into silent snickers.

Undeterred, Random continued to talk his way in. "Well then, can we see it?"

"Of course not!" The guard shouted back. "You are Equestrian types!"

"Well what are you then?!"

"I am French, I come from Prance! Why do you think, I have this, outrageous accent, you simple bureaucrat!"

Curiosity got the best of Wordsmith at this comment. He could't help himself but ask, "What are you doing in Equestria?"

"Mind your own business!"

Wordsmith looked at his comrades in some mild embarrassment and confusion at the rudeness of the French guard up on the walls of the palace. Random Thought had had enough of this by now and nodded at Screwball, sending her to search for another way in. "Now look here, if you don't let us in to see Discord, or show us the beast, we shall find another way in."

"You don't frighten us chaos representing pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms foals of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so called, Random representative! You and your silly, Canterlotian, sssmunderlings!" He then blew a very long raspberry while making several rude guestures at them.

"What a strange person." Wordsmith commented.

"Now look here my good-" Random started.

"I don't want to talk to you any more! You empty headed, animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Wordsmith looked around, only to find that Screwball had disappeared, leaving him and Random alone to speak with the stubborn guard. "Is there somepony else we can talk to?"

"No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time! HURK!" If Wordsmith and Random Thought were in shock from the sudden gagging sound coming from the wall, it was nothing compared to the shock that La Nouvelle Protection received.

Screwball was up on the wall with the quartet of guards with her forelegs wrapped tightly around La Nouvelle Protection's neck in an excellent choke hold. "I'll teach you to steal from the same source that we stole our jokes from! You, stupid, French, peasant, pony, peon! Now let us in to see Discord!"

"JE malédiction vous et votre ministère stupide!" La Nouvelle Protection muttered under his breath. Then shouted as best as he could, "Open the gate!"

Screwball tightened her grip on La Nouvelle Protection and whispered into his ear, "Pardon your actual French," then let him go as the gates rose up to let the other two ponies in. "Come on, we wasted enough time on this bit, and I hate Monty Python!"

"The time, noon. The place, Canterlot Royal Palace. I am Sealed Scroll. I teach history and advanced magic at Pony University. Secretly though, I also work for the Ministry of Practical Chaos. I have been socializing with the other low level bureaucrats in the castle, nopony suspects that I am not one of them. But secretly Lord Discord himself."

"Actually, we all know that now, so thanks for monologuing out loud," the pony next to him whispered. "And thank's for insulting me, I spent five years for this so called, low level, job. Not everyone can get things hoofed over on a silver platter."

Discord looked at the green pony as she walked away with her muzzle in the air, and felt his jaw drop. "Well that's just rather rude of her. What's taking those three so long to get here?" Suddenly the sound of galloping caught his ears, and Discord turned to see Hearth Stone, still in his uniform, coming up quick. "Well, any news?"

"Oh I've got news alright Dis- umm I mean, Sealed Scroll, They're in the dungeons."

Discord's eyebrows quickly shot up as he began to trot to the dungeons. "Really? For what crime?"

"Attempting to break into the castle, and attacking a guard." He explained quickly. "They were ambushed once they came in the main gate, never stood a chance. They've been locked up ever since."

The pair quickly broke into a gallop as they descended the stairs to the dungeon. "And when did this all happen?"

"This morning, about twenty minutes after sunrise."

"How long is it going to take to get them out?"

"We need somepony to post bail, or a word from a minister or princess to get them out."

"I'm a minister, I think I can get them out."

"You are bound by that stupid gambit, remember? You're gonna have to post bail unless you want Celestia involved."

Discord shuddered slightly as he used some unicorn magic to slam open a door, and tried to bring a bag of bits to his side, only to find that the magic wasn't strong enough to summon his money. "I hope they take a check."

The walls soon changed from the fancy marble to simple carved stone as they continued deeper into the mountain, and more torches lit the walls than actual sunlight. Eventually, they came to a closed door with a guard posted on either side holding spears. The pair quickly slowed as Hearth Stone saluted with a hoof. "Sirs! Escorting Sealed Scroll to post bail for the prisoners brought in this morning."

The two pegasi looked over the bat pony with some curiosity, one even prodding the leathery wings with his own feathered one. "I've never seen a bat pony in person before, aren't you supposed to be nocturnal? How are you even awake?"

"Coffee does wonders," Hearth replied with an endless supply of snark behind his tone. "Now, can you help us out or not?"

The pair nodded, and one pulled out a clip board. "Just sign your names here and we can let you in to see them, then meet with the master jailer to pay for bail."

Hearth was quick enough to sign his name, but Discord was having difficulty trying to figure out how to hold the pen properly. "This is most inconvenient, how am I supposed to hold this blasted pen?!"

The thee guards looked at him, before one of the pegasi pointed up at his forehead. "You could always use magic."

Discord quickly slammed a hoof into his face in how idiotic he felt, and then felt even dumber because he now had hooves instead of a soft lion paw to do that with. "Why didn't I think of that?" He then signed his pseudonym on the paper, and was let into the small dungeon cell block.

As they walked down the narrow halls, they noticed that all the cells were behind solid iron bars, and everything else seemed to be made of stone. There were very few torches in here, and there seemed to be water dripping. "So, where are my co-workers located at anyway?"

"The two stallions are sharing a cell, the mare has her own. Forgive the dampness, we haven't had to use these cells for quite a while."

"I see that..." Discord replied under his breath.

As they continued down the hall, the sounds of a lone harmonica flowed from one of the cells, as they got closer to the source of the sound, rather than getting louder, it seemed to become quieter. Finally, one of the guards that was leading them stopped before a cell and tapped on the bars. "Hey you two, got some visitors."

Wordsmith and Random Thought quickly ran forward to the two ponies visiting them, and Wordsmith immediately began to do one of the things he does best, look pathetic. "Thank Celestia you're here, They fed us a cabbage cauliflower soup with beans for lunch, and I have to use a toilet, and there's no toilet in this cell! And Random keeps passing wind! This place reeks and they expect us to just, go where we stand like animals!"

Discord raised an eyebrow at the statement. "Most animals are smart enough to go in one place, like the corner or something."

"Don't muddy the facts with you're fancy logic and facts! Who are you anyways to tell me what to do?"

"He's your boss." Hearth Stone commented. "He has to go as a mortal to fulfill his mission as stated by Chaos's Gambit." Just then the sound of thunder rumbling filled the cell block. "Excuse me, there's a mare I need to talk to, carry on Sealed Scroll."

Discord nodded, and used his magic to smooth out his blazer and bow tie before continuing, "Now, as you can see I'm not myself, and you will address me as Sealed Scroll while out in public. I've come to post your bail. Don't move, don't blink, don't think, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred bits, and most importantly, don't pass gas. I can't stand the smell. I'll have you out in a jiffy, and if you do break wind, I'll lock you up in my dungeon, and you'll wish you were back here. Understood?"

The pair of unicorns nodded as Discord took off to post bail.

Many hours later, after finding out that they don't take checks, a few promises to Hearth Stone, a run to the bank, then back to the cells, they had finally posted bail for the three ponies and were now on their way. Discord was exhausted from all the running around town he's had to do, and for the first time in a very long time felt as though he actually needed to sleep, rather than just wanting to take a nap for the sake of dreams. But, there was no time for that, as the five ponies went their separate ways to prepare for the journey ahead of them.

Soon enough, Discord, Hearth Stone, Wordsmith, and Random Thought were gathered together in a plaza by a fountain. "So, everypony got everything they need?" All the ponies gathered around him nodded in affirmation. "Alright then," Discord said with a slight frown. "I'm going to teleport all of us to the outskirts of Ponyville, there we will walk to my friend's cottage, and see about lodging before we spend tomorrow looking for this, thing in the forest."

He mustered up as much magic as he could, and concentrated on teleporting all four of them to Ponyville. The magic sparked, and glowed with power. As soon as he unleashed the spell they all disappeared, only to reappear exactly forty two inches to the left. "Well that didn't work." Hearth Stone said with a frown.

"I don't get it, what went wrong?"

"You're a unicorn now!" Wordsmith shouted suddenly, "You can't just use magic all willy-nilly! Do you realize how far away Ponyville is, not to mention with the shear number of us, its impossible to teleport anywhere useful at all!"

Discord threw his hooves in the air and stomped the ground before walking away and turning around sharply. "Well that's just great, now what do we do?"

Suddenly, they heard a bell ringing. All four stallions looked around for the source of what seemed to be an alarm of some sort, only to find the sound coming from one of the latest inventions to hit Canterlot, a public telephone. Discord scrambled on his hooves to get to the booth, picked up the reciever and called into it, "Hello? Who is this!"

"Screwball here, and I have an important message for you."

A guitar rang out from the small speaker on the side of the phone, and suddenly everypony could hear the music coming out as Screwball sang.

"Take the last train to Ponyville,
And I'll meet you at the station.
You can be be there by four thirty,
'Cause I made your reservation.
Don't be slow, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Ponyville,
Now I must hang up the phone.
I can't hear you in this noisy
Railroad station all alone.
I'm feelin' low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don't know if I'm ever coming home."

Discord quickly shouted back into the phone, "Of course you're coming home, and stop with the singing already! Other ponies would like to sing too you know!" He then quickly slammed down the phone and turned to the rest of his crew. "To the station everypony, and hurry! It's the last one of the day!"

The quartet quickly took off galloping, only to come to a halt less than a block later when they arrived at the train station. "Well, that was fast. Quick! TO THE TICKET BOOTH!" The call was followed by them giving a war cry, and were soon joined by Screwball who just gave them the tickets that she had already bought for them. "Oh, okay then... TO THE FIRST CLASS CAR!"

Rather than inspiring the rest of the ponies to run like they were going to attack the enemy, they just sauntered onto the train and flopped down into the comfy chairs and opened up their saddle bags to find something to entertain themselves with.

An hour into the six hour trip, the group had already taken naps, played a few games, ate snacks, and in Discord's case, check to see how well his stories were doing. Now most everypony was looking at the rolling fields as the sun began to set over the horizon. It was Hearth Stone who finally broke the silence. "ARGH! I'm so bucking bored!"

"Patience is a virtue young one." Discord said calmly.

"You're one to talk." Random quickly shot out before going back to staring at the horizon.

"I've an idea," Wordsmith said with a smile. "How about we play a game? We each write a page of a story, and can only look at the last page right before ours. When the story is done somepony reads it aloud and we see how crazy it gets."

Discord shrugged, and the other ponies muttered agreement in general. "Alright then, I'll start, and we rotate clockwise between us. No cheating by looking farther back than you are allowed to, and write your initials on top of the page."

"What should we call it?" Screwball asked as she passed him her notepad.

"We shall call this story, All That Glitters." He then quickly dipped a quill in ink, and began to write down his page.

Author's Note

Wow, this story is late... So late. I am so, so sorry that it took this long.
As some of you may know, when I started this chapter I had recieved some bad news about the income of my household, and will most likely have to move again. I am also spending most of my time job hunting now, so things may slow down a lot.

So many references, so little time. Let's start with the what you must know deals.
Prance, A country in the continent of Gryphania that is mixed Pony and Gryphon population. They often call themselves French because Prench sounds dumb, and the gryphons that live there refused to be called Prancers.

The Three Tribes are United in Equestria under the rule of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, however the three tribes still elect leaders to represent them as a whole in the kingdom via the Earth Pony Chancellor, the Pegasus Commander, and the Unicorn Prince or Princess. These titles hold very little power other than as a representative of these ponies in the country. The Earth Pony Chancellor is elected, while the Pegasus Commander is the highest ranking pony in the REAF (Royal Equestrian Air Force) Both in essence have to earn their title. The Unicorn's Leader however is a birth right. Hence why Blueblood is their representative, even if he shouldn't be.

Discord's new look is one created by Jan Animations, for the "Let's go and meet the bronies" segments from the documentary Bronies, the unexpcted adult fans of my little pony

The Stone of Binding has a jewel encrusted symbol of chaos. Here is an image for those of you that have never seen one.

Next chapter, everypony gets in on the writing action! Let's see how that turns out...

All That Glitters

All That Glitters

By the Ministry of Practical Chaos' Monster Hunters (yay!)
Aug 24th 2013, south bound to Ponyville.

Wordsmith smiled at his work, tilted his head a few times to make sure it was alright, then passed it off to the pony to his left, and into the hooves of Random Thought. "BY CELESTIA Your writing's hard to read!" He then read the page, and flipped to a fresh one. "I don't have to write that much, do I?"

"Just write what you want, as much as you want and pass it on." Wordsmith replied with a smirk. "And sorry for any misspellings, I don't have my dictionary with me."

Random Thought grumbled something under his breath as he took the quill in his magic and began writing.

"Oh no, I ran out of paper... Can I use another sheet?"

"No way." Discord said with a frown. "Screwball is next, and I'm after her, and you took long enough as it is! Now pass the paper."

Random glared at his disguised boss and passed the pad, quill and ink to Screwball. She read the sheet that Random Thought had written on and started to giggle. "What's so funny?"

"For a pony named Random Thought, this is pretty straight forward, I mean. It's really short!"

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Almost everypony in the car shouted back at Screwball, making her blush hard.

"What I meant was, you didn't leave much to offer."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

"Okay, that joke is old, and overused." She then quickly began to scribble down her part of the story.

"Alright, I'm outta room." Screwball said with a smile.

"Gimme that paper already!" Discord said as he tried to grab the paper with his hoof, only for everything to fall to the ground. "Ugh... really? Stupid hooves, they're an inconvenient way to end any limb, let alone all four of them."

"Hey, hooves are perfectly convenient," Random Thought said with a frown.

"Hmm, tell you what my little underling." He then reached into his saddle bags and pulled out a revolver. "If you can fire this without using magic, I'll believe you."

Random quickly snatched the gun out of Discord's magic and tried to force his hoof into the small trigger guard designed for a gryphon to grip with it's talons. "I'll figure this out!"

"Mhmm, you have fun with that." Discord muttered as he picked up everything with his magic and started his page.

Discord put the final words on paper and began to pass it back to Wordsmith. "Here, I ran out of room so, I think that we have to go around again."

"Oh no you don't, you forgot about me!"

The rest of the ponies looked around, and spotted Hearth Stone was sitting in a chair across the aisle. "OH It's you, I forgot you were there." Discord mumbled to himself.

"I didn't reconize you without your uniform." Screwball commented.

"Seriously? I'm the only pony on this train with bat wings, and you forget I'm here?"

"Alright, I get it, sorry." Discord said as he passed the notepad to Hearth Stone. "But make it quick, I want to see what we came up with."

Hearth stone grabbed the quill in his teeth and spoke around it, "I'll do my besht but you gotta be pashent okay?"

"There, hope you like it."

Wordsmith quickly snatched the story away from the guard, and began to read it aloud. Soon enough, the group was laughing at some of the randomness, and silly mistakes like changing Applejack to Pinkie mid story, and the absurdity of a ninja squirrel, and Popsicle house. Then they got to the last page.

"-The end... Wow, what a downer ending. Way to go Hearth Stone." The rest of the group nodded and mumbled something along the lines in agreement as Random kept fiddling with the gun. "Well, we could always try again, only one paragraph per pony."

"NO!" The rest of the group shouted at him before tossing the used notes out the window of the train.

"Well, you can't blame me for trying." Wordsmith muttered under his breath. As he did, he went back to staring out the window, when he noticed a group of ponies running alongside the train. "Hey, what do you think those ponies are doing wearing bandannas over their faces?"

Author's Note

Short, yes. To the point? Never. Hang on to your belongings Discordiants as we ride on to the next chapter of this story arc, Weekend... Part 2!

For those of you still having trouble reading the story because of horn/mouth writing of the ponies, here is a link for regular type face. All that glitters...

ALSO I would like to announce that I am holding a contest for the best shipping idea you guys can come up with! Details HERE!

Weekend... Part II. Knott's Berry Farm Solution

"What do you mean that there are ponies wearing bandannas running alongside the train?" Discord quickly scanned the window, and soon enough saw that there were six ponies and two gryphons either galloping, or flying beside the train. Just as Wordsmith said, every one of them had a bandanna over their face. Every one of them were wearing frontier style clothing, including a wide brimmed cowpony hat.

"Just that," Wordsmith replied. "You don't suppose that they are stunt ponies, do you?"

Steamer leaned back in his chair while keeping a steady hoof on the engine's throttle and brake. The train was slowly lumbering down the Canterlot Mountain Loop, and he wanted everything to run smoothly. He knew the grades well, and just how to handle this dangerous and delicate operation.

All Aboard, the conductor pulled his watch out of his fob and frowned. "Steamer, we're running behind."

Steamer grunted in reply as he eased up on the throttle. He then looked out the window and frowned. "We're about a minute away from Hairpin's turn, go tell the brakepony to get to the brake wheel and make an adjustment for the cars."

All Aboard kept looking at his watch, then gauged the speedometer. After a few moments he frowned at the slowness of the train. "At this rate we're never going to get there on time."

"Listen, you worry about the time, I'll worry about safety." He gave the engine a little more speed before getting up and shoveling a few coals into the firebox. "I'll speed up after we get through the curve, but only once we hit Sunshine Plateau, after that it could be dangerous to go full throttle."

The conductor nodded as he left the engine compartment for the baggage car. "I'll be sure to let Full Stop know what's going on."

After carefully dancing around the coal in the engine's tender, All Aboard entered the baggage car and found Full Stop sitting on a pile of goods, preening his wings. "Full Stop! We're headed into a tricky turn, Steamer wants you to adjust the brake wheel so the cars can help slow the engine down through the curve. But I want you to open up the brakes through the plateau, got it?"

The pegasus gave a sloppy salute before flying through the access panel in the roof of the car, and soon enough the squeal of the brakes rang throughout the car as it leaned to the outside of the curve. All Aboard grabbed a stick with his hooves and knocked against the roof as it did. "A bit tighter! We don't need complaints from the passengers!"

The brakepony responded by simply doing what he was told, and soon the cars straightened out as they rounded the curve before the plateau. "So, how's the new guy working out for you?"

All Aboard looked and saw that the Mail Pony, Parcel, had stopped sorting through the mail to enjoy a cup of coffee, and decided to engage in conversation. "Full Stop? He's doing alright so far. This is his first trip down the mountain, so there's still a few things that needs working out. All done with the sorting for the next stop?"

Parcel nodded as he patted the small sorting station with a smile. "Yep, not too many letters today, but I'm sure we'll get more at the next station."

The squealing soon halted, and the engine began to pick up some speed as they entered the wide field of Sunshine Plateau. All Aboard smiled and stood up from his seat and looked at his watch. "Well, we might actually make it on time if Steamer goes full throttle through the plateau, or we don't have to stop for another special train up the mountain."

The loud clang of something heavy falling to the floorboards interrupted him, All Aboard and Parcel jumped at the sound, as they saw Full Stop scrambling to get back into the car. "BANDITS! There's bandits running alongside the train!" He quickly picked up the brake wheel and gave it to All Aboard. "We need to do something with this, if this train stops who knows what will happen!"

All Aboard nodded and took the wheel in the crux of his foreleg and began to run out the front of the car. "You two, lock the doors, look after each other while I warn the engineer and passengers. Don't open the door for anypony whatsoever! I'll use my key to get in!"

Quickly he galloped out the front of the car, through the coal tender's narrow path, and into the engine compartment. When he got there, he saw Steamer was busy shoveling as much coal as he could out of the tender, and into the engine compartment. "Steamer! We got bandits!"

"Tell me something I don't know! Did that tenderhoof manage to get the brake wheel off?" All Aboard nodded and passed the wheel to Steamer, who then placed the wheel in a bag of simulated dragon hide, and threw it into the firebox. " That should prevent them from stopping us. Go warn the passengers! I'm going to lock this engine down and open her up! Hopefully, we can lose them at the bridge!"

As soon as the conductor left the engine compartment, Steamer threw a lever, lowering a roll down steel cage, locking him in the compartment, and keeping anypony else from getting in. As he watched All Aboard muster his way back to the baggage car, he quickly grabbed his bulletproof vest, threw it on, and punched the throttle in hopes of outrunning the bandits.

The train suddenly jerked with incredible speed, and everypony tried their best to keep balance, or risk being thrown to the back of the car. "Well this is just great!" Hearth Stone complained. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

"Keep calm," Discord said as he stood on his hind legs. "With a snap of my fingers, I'll transport the whole gang to the nearest jail cell, and we'll be on our way." He then looked at a hoof, and his face fell. "Again, all the proof I need that hooves are impractical!"

Screwball reached forward and hit Discord over the head with one of her impractical hooves. "Will you shut up about the hooves already! We need a solution that works. Hearth Stone, do you have any weapons?"

"Oh yeah! I always carry weapons with my uniform, I'll just run to the baggage car, break into it and be armed to the teeth!" He snapped back. "We need a strategy, and quick, before they stop us, or jump aboard!

"Uh, hey, what are they doing now?" Wordsmith asked aloud. Quickly, everypony rushed to the windows to see that the gang suddenly ran off to the head of the train, while the flyers swooped up above the train. "Maybe they realized that this is the wrong train?" Wordsmith wondered.

"No way," Discord said with a frown. "If they are splitting up like that, it probably means trouble."

All Aboard quickly grabbed the train's master key, and began to unlock the door to the baggage car. "Come on, come on! Work you stupid key!" The lock clicked, and All Aboard opened the door and ran in. "Get that back door open! I've got to warn the passengers about the bandits and lock this train down!"

"Ah, you must be the conductor. Sorry to intrude, but I believe you have the key that unlocks this car's doors." All Aboard looked up, and saw that Full Stop and Parcel were tied together back to back, and next to them stood a gryphon in western style clothes holding a revolver in each of her claws. "No warning shots, no tricks, and no stopping this train, we don't need the engineer to know we got on board. Now, I want you to open the loading door so my friends can come in."

All Aboard swallowed his saliva and held out the key. He took a step forward as the gryphon shook one of her guns in his face. "You won't harm the passengers, will you?"

"No promises about that," she said with a smile. "Now hurry up."

The conductor took another step forward, and held out the key in the crux between his hoof and leg. He looked up and saw how she got in, the roof's access panel was still open. Without a single thought given to his actions, All Aboard quickly threw the key out the open panel. "THERE! You'll never see the rest of your gang again!"

The gryphon's smile grew as she stepped forward and placed one of the revolvers in it's holster, and held out a claw expectantly. Sure enough the key landed right in her open claw. "Thank you Sly."

"No problem Rebecca." A pegasus responded as he flew down the access panel. "I told you he would give that a try."

Rebecca nodded as Sly pulled a hoof canon out and kept it aimed at All Aboard. "And now, it's time for you to say goodnight." The gryphon chortled as she pistol whipped the conductor on the back of his head. "Now lets open that side door!"

Panic was starting to spread in the car as the first class passengers began arguing among themselves over what should be done. Amid the chaos, Hearth Stone rose and whistled loudly to get everypony's attention. "Alright listen up! Everypony, gather ONLY the valuables that you can't part with, and place them in the center of the room! There is an emergency strong box, but keep a few bits on you so they don't tear up the car looking for it, or you are going to lose everything!"

The panic slowed slightly, as everypony quickly grabbed their bit bags, jewelry, watches and other valuables, Hearth Stone opened the hidden safe under the floor in the middle of the car's aisle. Soon, the box was nearly full with valuables of all sorts, he closed the lid and replaced the carpet. "Alright, now back to your seats, and try to remain calm! We're from the government and we are going to help!"

As soon as he said the phrase, "we are from the government" another stroke of panic flew across the car as sudden shouts of, "We're all going to die!" flew across the room.

Despite the spread of panic, Random Thought was still trying to fire the revolver without magic, and wasn't paying any attention to his surroundings. He was about to give up when he looked out the window and noticed a gryphon flying along side the train. Random watched him for a few moments in curiosity, when he suddenly grabbed onto the railing that ran over the top of the car.

The gryphon wore a ranchers hat, and gloves on both his talons up front, and the lion paws on the rear, with open ends so he could slash at victims. The gryphon had a terrible scar running down the side of his face, running over one of his golden eyes that shone with excitement. He reached into his vest and pulled a revolver out of his holster, and aimed straight into a car full of passengers that were not noticing him at all.

Only Random noticed, and he knew what to do. He quickly used magic to hold his gun, and smashed the plate glass between himself and the gryphon, showering the would be shootist in razor sharp glass. As he became covered in small cuts, he gripped his face with both claws, flying away to recover and meet with his fellow gang members.

While everypony else finally turned to see why the window was suddenly smashed, all anypony saw was that Random Thought was fooling around with a gun in his mouth and soon ignored him. "Maybe if I use my tongue to pull the trigger..."

Rebecca pushed open the giant sliding door, and whistled loudly between her talons. As soon as she did, another pegasus, two unicorns, and an earthpony hopped on board. A few moments later, another earthpony hopped on board, and he immediately lowered his bandanna and smiled wide. "Alright, let's get to work."

Rebecca looked out the door for a moment, and failed to find the other gryphon of their gang. As the rest of the bandits continued to their places, she couldn't help but worry. "Boss, where's William?"

The leader frowned slightly at the question and headed to the safe to make sure that Short Fuse wouldn't accidentally blow up anything inside the safe while trying to blow it open. "He's on the roof picking glass out of his face. These passengers have bite, and we're going to put the fear back into them."

Rebecca frowned at the leader before passing a bag to Bullseye to go through. "We won't hurt them, will we? That isn't what I signed up for."

"Now I thought you'd stick up for me a little better than that," William responded as he swung into the open door using the grip rail that ran down the length of the car. "But I hate to say I agree with Rebecca, why don't we just leave enough alone, one of them has a gun and I don't need a standoff today."

The earthpony grinned as he pulled a hoof cannon out from his duster. "Now where's your sense of fun? William, Bullseye and Sly, your with me. The rest of you, get that safe open and we'll be out of here in no time."

Discord and Wordsmith managed to repair the glass with a simple spell, and through the efforts of Screwball and Hearth Stone, they managed to calm the rest of the passengers down, and a silent fear had settled over everypony.

Suddenly, the door in the front of the car was violently kicked open! So hard in fact, that it slammed into the wall and left a sizable dent in it as three ponies and a gryphon came in wielding guns. "ALRIGHT! This is a stickup, all yer valuables into the sack and nopony gets hurt! Come on move it, move it!"

Despite the all the planning everypony had gone through, everypony in the car jumped into action by panicking and running around in circles, leaving Discord and his group in mild confusion. Suddenly, Random Thought jumped out of his seat with Discord's revolver in his mouth, and began to yell around it. "Alrigh you four, I don' care if dare's more of ja, I gotsch a gun aimed right at yer unprochected head! Nhaw back off da train beshore I fire!"

The earth pony in the group stepped forward and brushed back his duster with a hoof, showing he was strapped down with guns, knives, and sticks of dynamite. "Who dares to challenge my rough riders? Those that speak against my gang, speak against me! Do you even know who I am?"

Everypony shook their heads, causing the leader to sigh and roll his eyes. "Figures, you just can't get good publicity these days. Alright boys, tell 'em who I am!" After he gave the call, the rest of the bandits in the car broke out in chorus.

Bad Horse,
Bad Horse!
Bad Horse,
Bad Horse!

He robs across the nation,
This thoroughbred of sin.
So here's the situation
that he's put you in!

He gave evaluation,
and now the games begin!
A heinous crime, a show of force,
to kill you would be nice, of course

Bad Horse,
Bad Horse!
Bad Horse,
He's bad!

He's a crack-shot with the gun,
so you best beware!
If you try to be a hero,
it will be your last, we swear!

So you better succeed,
or he'll make you his mare . . .

Get saddled up!
There's no recourse,
Or just surrender,
To Bad Horse!

After the short musical number, there was a smattering of applause as Bad Horse and his gang bowed. "Thank you, these are of course only a small part of my rough riders, the rest are busy with the safe in the baggage car. But I figured, what the heck, let's have some fun with the passengers! Now, I say once more, GIMME YOUR MONEY!"

Random Thought, to his credit, did not back down, but instead continued to aim the gun at Bad Horse. "I'm not shcared of hyue! Leaf now and I won't fire!"

Discord raised hoof and tried to pull Random down into his seat as best he could. "Random, don't do it. Please believe me, it's not worth it!"

Everything went dark when the train entered a tunnel. Somewhere in the car, a mare screamed, and Random knew just what to do. "This is my chance, I'll fire now while he can't see me, or move without tripping on something!" Quickly, he used his tongue to pull back on the trigger, and the sound of a chamber round exploded through the car. Screams began to ring out, and another explosion went off! Soon the sounds of a scuffle took place, as they exited the tunnel, the situation remained nearly the same as it was before. The only difference to be found, was that Random was tied to his seat.

Bad Horse laughed as he yanked the gun out of Random's mouth and passed it to his cronies. "Nice try hombre, you would have killed me there if it weren't for one thing," he passed the gun to the unicorn who opened the chambers, letting the casings fall to the floor. "Next time you shoot to kill, you should make sure you have bullets, and not a six chambers of blanks.

Random shuffled as best as he could in the chair to face Discord. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE GUN WAS LOADED WITH BLANKS!?"

"Do you honestly think I would have given you a loaded gun? We're on a train! You can barely manage to talk, breathe, and chew bubblegum at the same time!"

"That has nothing to do with the situation, I could have saved us just now!"

"If I knew that the train was going to be robbed, I would have loaded it with bullets okay?!"

"If you two are done bickering, I would like to get back to the business at hoof. Now, give us, your money," Bad Horse said with a steely tone of voice.

Discord quickly pulled out a checkbook and grabbed a quill with his magic. "Well, I don't carry cash, or anything of value really. I mean, I'm from the ministry of Practical Chaos, I don't exactly make a lot of bits." He then paused as he dipped the quill in ink and looked the bandit in the eye and said, "I assume you want me to make it out to cash."

"Oh yeah, I'll just walk into the bank and cash a check," Bad Horse commented before slapping the checkbook out of Discord's hooves. "Idiot! Keep your paper, it's worthless to me! Anypony else have any cash?"

The remaining ponies in the group quickly was searched by the other gang members, and all they came up with was a half bit coin from Screwball. Soon, the gang began to go through everypony's saddlebags and pockets in hopes of finding anything of value.

While the gang continued to search for valuables near the rear of the car, Discord and his group stayed close together. Fortunately, they were ignored for their lack of cash or valuables. As the gang held up a posh gryphon, Discord waved a hoof to gather the rest of his group closer together. "Listen," he whispered just loud enough that the bandits couldn't hear him, "I think I have a plan."

Screwball frowned as she continued her attempts to untie Random Thought from the chair. "You think you have a plan, or you actually do have a plan?"

"Be quiet and put some faith in your boss for a few seconds." Discord snapped back at her. "Now listen, Random, I want you to act sick so the bandits will come back to untie you, while that happens, Screwball will draw a trap door on the floor and use her... whatever sort of magic it is that she has, to send whoever is standing on it out under the train. Meanwhile, Wordsmith and I will knock out two with our hooves, and Hearthstone will tie them up with the rope that they just took off of Random Thought. Any questions?"

"Yeah, where is Hearth Stone?" Discord, Random, and Wordsmith all looked around and shrugged at Screwballs simple question. Sure enough, somehow Hearth Stone had gone missing.

"Aww, have you lost a friend?" The gryphon asked as he came back to them. "Maybe he grew a brain and ran off! Now, the boss wants all four of you to get in line with the rest of the passengers, come on. MOVE!"

Discord, Screwball and Wordsmith stood without question and followed the gryphon into the center of the car, where all the other passengers were lined up. Bad Horse cackled as he twirled the hoof canon around his hoof, and looked Random Thought in the eyes with a smile. "So, hero. How does it feel to know you can't do anything to save these good passengers?"

Random growled under his breath as the bandits tied the hooves, and in some cases claws of the passengers behind their backs. "Let this be a lesson hero, one you carry for the rest of your life. Never cross Bad Horse." The leader grinned maliciously as he aimed his hoof canon into Discord's head. "When I give the signal, fire. No witnesses, only one failed hero, and a car full of rotting well to do."

Discord managed to smile at what was happening, and actually began to chuckle. "Bad Horse, if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine, and you will pay for it."

Bad Horse pulled back on the hammer of the gun and grinned wide. "I hope by the old gods you're right."

For a moment, Discord's eyes flashed golden, and he smiled even wider from what was just said. "I'll remember you said that."

Suddenly the gryphon broke away from the rest of the firing squad and put his revolver in it's holster. "Bad Horse, I can't do this! You said it wouldn't come to this!"

"I am altering the plan, pray I don't alter it any further!" he screamed back at the gryphon. "Now back to your place Bill and when I give the word, you're going to fire! One... Two..."

Short Fuse carefully measured the safe, and grabbed an extra stick of dynamite and placed it on the hinge of the safe door. "How much longer until the Hayford Tunnel?"

"Not too much longer," Lookout called from above. "We should be coming up on it after Moon Phase Bridge."

Rebecca twirled her revolver around a talon nervously as Short Fuse placed another stick onto the safe, Sparky dug through the packages, and Lookout continued to look ahead of the train from the access panel above the car. As she continued to twirl the gun around her talon, she sighed suddenly and tipped her hat back. "Boys, I've been thinking. What's going to happen to us when this is done?"

"What do you mean?" Sparky replied as he picked up another bag with his magic, "We're going to be rich! We'll split up and go our separate ways and live like royalty!"

The sudden burst of singing from the car behind them caught their attention as Sparky hummed along for a few bars. "Why won't they ever let me sing?"

"Because you couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Now get ready to light this sucker up, I'm almost done here."

Lookout grinned as he glided down the opening and closed it behind him. "Good news, we're over halfway across the bridge, and headed straight for the tunnel, nopony could stop us now!"

Short Fuse nodded as he extended the fuse a little bit on the charge. "Alright, Sparky, light er up. Everyone else to the far end of the car, and cover your ears if you value your hearing."

Rebecca, Short Fuse, Sparky and Lookout all huddled around the open side door for the baggage car, and covered their ears as Sparky used his magic to light the end of the fuse. Moments passed, and soon the train entered the tunnel and they couldn't see anything.

But somepony else was there, and he was watching them. Even in the darkness of the tunnel, he could see everything. And he knew that now was his time to strike.

Hearth Stone smiled as he silently glided into the baggage car, and landed behind the unicorn and pegasus. None of them noticed him as they stood with their ears plugged with their hooves or claws. "Best I take care of these two first, the gryphon is too big to fly in here, and I don't need magic in the mix." Hearth Stone the slammed the two ponies heads together, just as a shot rang out from the car behind them.

"What was that?" Rebecca called out as the dynamite exploded, showering the rear half of the car with shrapnel.

Shortly after that, Rebecca recovered from the sound of the blast, and quickly ran back to investigate the sound of the shot, rather than to collect the bits. She pulled open the door and looked through the glass of the one behind her, and saw that Bad Horse was holding his gun up to a pony, as Bullseye was pulling a revolver apart. "This is going too far. Fuse, Lookout, Sparky, I don't care what you do, but I want nothing to do with this any more. I'm bailing."

She turned around to make her exit out the side door of the car, only to find that her three comrades were out cold, and a pony with bat wings stood with his wings spread wide. "It may not be too late for that new leaf. But surrender now, and I'll put in a good word for you."

The gryphon pulled her pistol out and held it straight at the face of the intruder. "Don't come any closer, I'll shoot!"

Hearth Stone smiled as he stepped closer to Rebecca, and held a hoof out. "Drop the gun, you willfully turn yourself in and I'll make sure you get a reduced sentence, maybe even just a warning. Come on, you don't want to do kill me."

Rebecca stood frozen as she continued to hold the gun at him. Hearth Stone continued to stand there, a comforting smile on his face. "Please, I need to help the passengers, you're not a killer. I can see it in your eyes."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I AM AND AM NOT CAPABLE OF! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" Rebecca pulled back on the hammer of the revolver, and glanced out the open door behind her. Bad Horse and the other three with him were tying passengers up and lining them in the aisle.

A flutter of panic filled Rebecca's heart and she froze. She looked back at the pony before her as he stepped even closer. "I'm Hearth Stone," He said softly, "I'm a private in Luna's night guard. Trust me, I'll help you."

Rebecca lowered her gun slightly and looked Hearth Stone in the eyes for the first time and asked, "Can you help them?"

Hearth Stone nodded as he stepped even closer. "Yes, I'll save the passengers. I don't know about your friends, but if you surrender now, I'll be able to help you."

Rebecca holstered her gun and placed her talons behind her head. "I submit to you, guard."

Hearth Stone smiled a little and smartly tapped the gryphon on the back of her head with a silver hammer, knocking her out cold. "Sleep now," he muttered under his breath as he placed the hammer back into a case marked as the property of Maxwell Edison.

As soon as he hogtied Rebecca, Hearth Stone grabbed his suitcase, found his armor and put it on. As soon as he was ready for battle, Hearth Stone went to the back of the car, and witnessed Discord kneeling before a pony with a hoof canon counting down. "Now back to your place Bill and when I give the word, you're going to fire! One... Two..."

Hearth Stone kicked open the door and yelled as loud as he could, "HALT RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" All four bandits turned on the newcomer and aimed a weapon at him. The night guard grinned as he flared his wings, showing the chrome, bladed tips, and the eye of his armor glowed brightly. "You are in violation of several legal statutes and laws in the country of Equestria. Drop your weapons and surrender now or suffer the full extent of the Lunar Court. You have 20 seconds to comply."

The bandits all stood there silent for several seconds before suddenly bursting in laughter. "You think that you can stop us? Shoot him down boys!"

Five triggers were pulled, but not a single shot was fired, as the eye of the armor did it's job to disperse all the weapons of his enemy's. Hearth Stone grinned darkly as he pulled his short sword out of it's sheath. "My turn."

As Hearth Stone pulled his sword out, the bandits began to draw their throwing knives, blades began to hurl through the air, only to be stopped short by the blunt side of Hearth's sword. Hearth swung with all his might, and Bad Horse ducked down below the arc of the blade.

At first, Bad Horse grinned, until he noticed that the sword was continuing it's downward arc, with the heavy, blunt end of the hilt aiming straight for his face.

Bad Horse had no time to react, and the end of the hilt smashed into his muzzle, followed shortly by several quick jabs with the bladed wing tips in his sides, Bad Horse was soon overwhelmed. Before he knew it, Hearth Stone finished him off by head butting him with his helmet, knocking the earth pony out cold.

Hearth stood triumphant over the defeated form of the sleeping Bad Horse and grinned wide after he sheathed his sword. "Anypony else want to go the hard way?"

Bullseye, William and Sly all raised their forelimbs up in a gesture of surrender as Hearth began the task of cutting the rope binding his friends, and fellow passengers.

Author's Note

Hmm, I guess that this chapter wasn't very funny. But they can't all be that way I suppose, rather I was hoping to pull off a genuinely exciting moment to better introduce our latest member of the cast, Hearth Stone.
Also for those of you who did not know, there is a contest going on right now! Read the rules and enter HERE!

You don't know how much I wanted to do a Discord style author's notes in the middle of writing this, SO many times.
~~And then Phoenix was interrupted by the loud laughter of people getting drunk the next room over and talking about dirty subjects that makes him shudder slightly as he wonders who is into that?!~~

And now for some of the back story, and images that inspired this chapter.
When I was an itty bitty boy of 4, I went to Knott's Berry Farm in Buena Park CA. Those of you that has never been, go someday, it's fun. Anyhow, There is a really old steam train that runs through the park, and every time you ride it they have train robbers rob the train.

Now a days, they tell jokes and so on while they are robbing the train, but back in 91, they played it straight when they did the robbery (or at least they did on this one), and I thought it was real. It stuck with me ever since.

Flash forward to a few days ago, and I was watching a scene from some old western, and they were robbing the train by riding horses and jumping off them on a moving train, and I thought to myself. "If they were ponies, they would just run and jump aboard, or fly aboard..." And thus began a week long project to watch as many movies with train robberies as possible, most of which involved stopping the train!

However, I think that the image that really caught my attention and made me say that a train robbery had to happen, was this image here.

Last thing I wish to announce, is that I am thinking of doing something more with this story soon. I might do a reading, or a rewrite so it's done as a radio show style, or if I can find animators, maybe some scenes animated. I'm not sure. But I really wish I could see some of these scenes spring to life! Any artists out there that feel up to the task?

Weekend, Part Triangle. Dreams, Journals, and Ponyville at last.

The sun slipped past the horizon as the train continued on it's journey to Ponyville. The lamps in the cars flickered on as the conductor made his rounds, checking on the passengers, and taking reports.

Normalcy began to take hold in the car as the knocked out Bad Horse and the rest of his gang were taken into the baggage car. "Well, one thing's for sure, nothing that exciting isn't going to happen again on this trip," Discord grumbled.

Wordsmith and Screwball were still struggling with untying Random Thought from his chair, when Random turned to Discord and shouted, "Good! I hope that it is the last! You know, if it weren't for Hearth Stone, we could all be dead right now!"

Discord waved a hoof dismissively at him as he watched a few of the passengers leave the car. "Oh please, I wouldn't let that happen. If he had actually fired I would have been able to get back to my usual self, and undo whatever damage he'd done."

"At the cost of losing your gambit, which may I remind you, losing would result in you refraining from practical jokes for a whole month." Screwball then took off her beany and used the propeller like a saw to cut the ropes off Random. "Sealed Scroll, you have got to consider our lively hood before you risk such a gamble with anypony's life like that."

Discord snorted at her while the trio left together to the dining car. "Well, at least it won't get much worse between here and Ponyville."

"Sir, bad news I'm afraid," Hearth Stone said in a gravely voice. "This train is coming to a halt at Clear Water Junction to fill up on water, and drop off the criminals we are holding."

Discord groaned as he slid his hooves down his face. "Great, where is this place, when do we get there, and how long will this take?"

Without missing a beat, the bat pony answered. "Clear Water is at the bottom of Canterlot mountain, we should be stopped for a half hour to an hour, and we will be stopping, now."

There was no warning of brakes squealing, or even a gradual slow down as the train jerked to a full, near instant stop. Discord was quickly thrown into the seat across from him and felt his horn jam into the wooden wall behind it right before the lights shut out for him.

"Where am I?" He looked around for several moments in bewilderment, still unsure of where he was as he looked around. For such a simple question, it took a very long time for Discord to come to the conclusion that he did not know, and that it would be unlikely that the answer would be coming any time soon.

He turned, and looked across the landscape. Gently sloping hills of grass was all he could see, until the earth met the sky. He raised his paw over his eyes as he turned in all directions, nothing was different. No matter what view he took in, all that he saw was the rise and fall of green earth.

Discord continued to turn, until he spotted a lone oak atop the highest hill. "May as well go there," Discord mumbled as he took off.

"Ah pony feathers, he's gone and got himself stuck in the wall!" Random Thought quickly tried to pull the knocked out unicorn from the position he's been thrown into before Hearth Stone offered a hoof. "You would think that somepony as old as him would know better by now."

Screwball rolled her eyes before turning to leave for the dining car. "Whatever you say Random. Let us know when he recovers, I need a drink."

Wordsmith's ears perked up and he instantly swivled his head to look at her with a smile. "Oh? What are you getting?"

"A stiff cuppa tea. With honey, and maybe a touch of lemon! I need to calm down before I lose control of myself."

"What happens when you lose control of yourself?" Hearth Stone asked with a curious tilt of his head.

"You don't want to know," Random intervened. "I thought that I wanted to know, but then I found out." As Random spoke, he and Hearth managed to pull Discord's horn out of the wall, and set him down in a seat.

Hearth Stone shuddered as the quartet walked back into the dining car. "Well, how about a loose word describing what happens?"

"Chaos, true unbridled random chaos." Random Thought said with a shudder. "She reverts back to how she was when she shared a body with somepony else. Before she had a mind or continence of her own."

"Wait," Wordsmith said while holding a hoof up to stop Screwball. "You're not a real pony?"

"Of course I'm real you perpetual petulance! I was just, created by a mare's paranoia of anything abnormal and her obsessive compulsive disorder to make sure everything was neat and orderly and her suppression of any trace of an emotion, instead of the more traditional way ponies are born!"

As Screwball stomped away, leaving behind a trail of squeaking sounds with each stomp, the three stallions shook their heads in confusion. After several seconds Wordsmith began to rub his head before going after her. "I think I need a drink, a stiff one. Like a scotch."

The two other stallions nodded and said, "Agreed," before following him to the back car for the bar and lounge.

It was a long climb to the top of the hill, but somewhere in his mind, he knew that it would be worth it. He looked about himself and gave a weary sigh. High above him, the sun shone brightly as if mocking him, and he looked up into it's heart with a dark glare before continuing on.

The shadow of the tree stretched out over him, offering cool comfort from the burning rays of the sun, and Discord smiled. He was finally there, under the shade offered by the crown of the mighty oak. The scene was ideal as could be, with the green grass growing just as thick under the everlasting darkness of the tree.

"Well, now what?" A chill ran through the air as he looked about, searching for an answer of any sort before he spotted it. A lone red bound book lying in the grass.

Hearth Stone, Wordsmith and Random Thought put down their glasses and quickly motioned for a refill, and got it. As they sipped their scotch down they would go back and forth between it, and their own respective chasers. Random had a cola, Wordsmith had some juice, and Hearth Stone chased his shots with another shot.

Wordsmith and Random watched in awe as he would do this again and again, and still seemed perfectly fine. "Uh, Hearth Stone? How are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" He then slugged back another pair of shots.

"That, just there! You should be drunk or passed out by now from that!"

"Bat pony," he vaguely answered before taking another shot. "Alcohol has very little effect on me."

The other two gave a resounding oh before finishing their drinks. "Well," Wordsmith said as he slammed a hoof to the bar. "I'm done here. If you would excuse me, I'm going to find some solitude for a bit of writing."

"That's nice," Random said with a wave. "I'll be seeing you around." He then ordered another drink from the bar and drank deep from his glass of cola.

Hearth Stone took another long swig from his tall glass of scotch, wiped his mouth with a hoof and gave a contented sigh. "Well, I think I'm done here. I'm going to go ahead and write everything down in my log."

"You mean a journal?" Random Thought offered with his eyebrow raised.

"No, I mean just that, my military log." The grey bat pony heaved himself out of the seat, took five steps, then quickly passed out from too much scotch.

Random Thought snorted slightly before taking another shot followed by cola. "Immune to alcohol my left hoof." He then drained his glass of cola and left the bar with a hoof in the air. "Keep the change High Proof!"

The train had begun moving again, and Screwball was sitting in the dining car. "Those fools, they don't know the power of the chaotic side." She then sipped from her tea, and sighed as it changed into hot cocoa. "Not a clue."

She watched in mild amusement as Wordsmith wandered by her seat without even noticing her, mumbling to himself all the while inaudible words. When he left the car, she looked to her left and saw that she had left her journal open, waiting for her to put the next entry within. With a sad smile and a sigh, she looked under her beany on the table, pulled a ball point pen out, and began to write.

Dear journal, The train is on the move once again. I must admit however that I am baffled by the strange events that seem to follow me and my employer wherever we go, especially when we are together. Granted, I being who I am will always have to deal with strange events, and even create some on my own.

Despite that, things are moving along well, and there are supposed to be no more stops between here and Ponyville. My employer, last that I knew of, was sleeping off his latest head trauma. I only hope that as a group we can really get our act together before we enter the forest. From the files I was given, the threat we are facing is truly, Oh my Celestia, is that a chipmunk? It's so cute! Oh my goodness, I wish I could draw it. It's running along the telegram wire outside the train. Oh, it just got picked up by a buzzard.

Wow I hope that's not an omen.

Suddenly, I want a pie. That's all for now!
Hugs and kisses,

Screwball

Discord looked at the book in curiosity, and he shuddered. He felt a thousand harsh eyes looking upon him, yet no one was in sight.

He quickly shook off the feeling and picked up the book. "What are you doing here?" Discord puzzled as he turned the red book over in his mismatched hands. It was rather plain, no gold or silver filigree, no images of any sort, not even a title emblazoned the cover of the book to let somepony know what end was the front, or the top.

"I wonder, who's is this?" Slowly, Discord opened the book, and began flipping through the pages. After several blank sheets, he soon found that he was at the back of the book and holding it upside down. Discord rolled his eyes and flipped the book around the right way and began to explore the contents.

La draconequus vidas ĉion ĉirkaŭ ĝin, ĝi voras ĉiuj vidas. Paco neniam estis eblo. Li ne povas helpi al lia naturo, ĉar li estas estaĵo de detruo, dio de kaoso. Malkonkordo estas bezonataj en la mondo de harmonio. Sed la mondo turnos al cindro se vi lasu lin vagi libera.

Ne rigardu al la malplena, ĉar ĝi ne scias. Ne rigardu en la menson, ĉar ĝi importas ne. Nek vi devas rigardi al viaj manoj kiel iloj por solvi detruo. La mediaciisto inter la kapo kaj manoj estas la koro. Trovu vian koron, malkonkordo, kaj vidi kio kuŝas antaŭ via vojo.

Discord dropped the book quickly after reading what was inside. The sky suddenly darkened and an inky black shadow began to spread from the book. The grass withered and died everywhere it touched, quickly spreading to the old oak, and leaving destruction in its wake.

Lightning flashed, and Discord turned to it, as the black void ate up everything around him, turning what was a peaceful field into a wasteland, he saw it. Far off in the distance Discord saw himself, a giant vision of terror and might laughing maniacally as he spread chaos in his wake.

Discord watched in terror as he turned to flee from himself, only to find that he was a pony. The same brown unicorn that he was on turned to. An ant before the might of his own former self. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

The giant Discord guffawed before eating a plate of soda and tossing the liquid aside. "You can not hide from me! You know what you are! You know who I am! Join me and we can do great things once more!"

Discord kept galloping, trying desperately to outpace the leviathan draconequus, and the destruction he left in his wake. "NEVER! I'll never go back!"

The mad god behind him continued to laugh as the void swallowed him up, leaving Discord alone in the dark with his evil alternate ego. "You will never be one of them."

"NO!"

Everypony on the train looked at the brown unicorn that suddenly shot up like a rocket form his seat. Discord felt the eyes of everypony on him, and soon he felt the blood rush to his face. Quickly, he mumbled apologies before galloping as best as he could out the back of the car to find the rest of his team.

Aug. 24. 2013
Today, I found myself losing my mind. We are slated to enter Ponyville in less than an hour, if not sooner at the rate of speed we are moving in. There's not much to look at right now, I'm sitting in the engine with the driver, and have just helped him shovel some coal and he even let me blow the whistle! Truly, this is the greatest day of my life that I can remember.

I just asked the driver how much longer until we reach Ponyville, and he says that we should be coming up on the station in a few moments. I'm going to head back and check on the rest of the group. Until next time, caio.
Wordsmith.

Wordsmith smiled a little as he folded up the book and placed it in his bag. "Well Steamer, thanks for letting me see the engine!"

"No problem, thanks for helping me with the coal. You better get your friends together, we're about to pull in to the station."

"Right, see you later!" He gave a wave of his hoof before running through the coal tender, then baggage car before he entered the first class car. That's when he found that the only one in his group that was there, was Random Thought. "Hey, where's everypony else?"

"Sealed Scroll had a nightmare and went to talk to Screwball, and Hearth Stone is passed out in the lounge car. Sealed Scroll and Screwball are going to get him before they come back here to get our stuff and exit the train. Any more questions?"

Wordsmith shook his head as he used his magic to grab his hat from the storage space above the seat. "Not really. Everypony else got their stuff out of the safe, right?"

"That's a question, but yes they did," Random Thought snarked quickly before folding up his newspaper. "How soon until we stop?"

"Any second now. Hopefully Sealed won't go flying into any more walls this time."

"I heard that." The two ponies turned to see the remaining three of their group headed into the car with similar frowns on their faces. "And I'll have you know that I would appreciate it if you showed some courtesy for your boss even when I'm not around thank you very much."

"Aha-ha-ha-ha," Wordsmith said sarcastically as he threw his hat on. "My boss, you know what, if it wasn't for you, I'm sure I would have set free by now. Not to mention I would have my own memories, and a job that actually pays me."

"Hey, that castle bedroom doesn't pay for itself you know."

The brakes suddenly squealed loudly, and the train began to slow to a halt. "Ponyville station! Everypony off for Ponyville!" The five ponies grumbled slightly as they gathered their things, and quickly made a hasty exit from the car.

"What a nightmare. I never want to take the train again as long as I live." Discord grumbled while stretching to pop his back. "We could have walked and been here sooner, I'm sure."

"Walked, yeah we would only be here in a day instead of six hours." Screwball commented as they gathered their bigger luggage from the baggage claim to the side of the platform. "Anyhow, where do we plan on staying?"

"Well," Discord said with a clap of his hooves. "I had John Smith go ahead and let Fluttershy know we were coming. I asked him to join us, but he said something under his breath that I couldn't understand about time, space, and paradoxes. Anyhow, he did get Fluttershy know, so if I know her, she should be right... HERE!"

Discord and his group rounded a corner, and found the yellow mare sleeping on a park bench outside the station with a small cart next to her. "Well, looks like we might be a bit later than we thought," Hearth Stone said with a frown.

"It's only about eleven or so, what gives?"

Discord ignored Wordsmith but held up a hoof instead and bobbed it up and down while mouthing a count down. He then dramatically pointed at the train, and as he did it's whistle blew and it began to take off. "I'M NOT SLEEPING! Oh, um, I mean, hello. Can I help you?"

Discord smiled wide as he stepped forward holding an arm wide open. "Fluttershy! It's so good to see you!" He then wrapped a foreleg around her in a warm hug. "How've you been?"

Fluttershy's eyes went wide at this close encounter and she froze for a second or two. "STRANGER DANGER!" She then stunned Discord by hitting him in the most painful and vulnerable spot she could hit. His horn.

Instantly Discord's magic discharged and he backed off as he felt his energy drain away. "Ow! What was that for! It's me! I'm in disguise, don't you recognize my voice?!"

Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion before she noticed that the ponies that surrounded him were Screwball and Random Thought from Discord's ministry. Then she noticed the night guard, and finally put the pieces together. "Discord? But you look so different! What happened?"

"It's a long story. Anyhow, did you find a place for us to stay?"

"Well, yes. Well, I mean, no. Not really. The mayor has declared a state of emergency over the creature in the Everfree, and now all the hotels are closed."

"Well that's just great," Wordsmith mumbled to himself. "Now where are we supposed to stay?"

"Don't worry," Fluttershy said with a smile. "I have a room for all of you at my cottage. It's not much, but I'm sure you'll be comfortable."

After about a half hour of walking, and a good meal, the five ponies found themselves all cramped in Fluttershy's bedroom in her cottage. "Well we should have seen this one coming."

"Quit complaining Hearth Stone," Screwball said as she turned over in the bed that all five had managed to cram themselves onto. "Fluttershy was kind enough to bring us into her home and feed us a decent meal. Not to mention give up her own bed for us all to sleep in."

Hearth Stone turned over as best as he could away from Screwball and folded his foreleg under his head. "Yeah well this place smells like a zoo. I mean, I can actually taste it, in my mouth. I don't understand how she could have so many animals in here."

Discord then got out of the bed and laid down on the floor. "Will the both of you kindly shut up. I've been knocked out and run ragged and I need sleep." He then grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from the closet and set up a small sleeping area on the floor. "We have a long day tomorrow, and I need my beauty sleep."

"I don't think you'll get enough of that by tomorrow." Wordsmith said with a grin. If looks could kill, the glare Discord gave Wordsmith would have easily put him in a coma for a few weeks.

After that, silence reigned supreme throughout the cottage. Everypony in the bed was sleeping, no matter how difficult it came to them. The only one still awake, was Discord.

"What if this doesn't work. What if we fail? What am I going to do if they get hurt?" Discord looked at the four ponies in the bed and frowned. "I don't know what I would do if they got hurt because of this. Fluttershy said she would go with us, but I don't know if that's such a good idea anymore."

He turned over on the floor and found his saddle bags next to him. "I need to relax. Do something to get my mind off of tomorrow, then maybe sleep will come." Using his magic, he grabbed his journal and a pen and quickly just wrote whatever came to mind.

Author's Note

Translated from the book of dreams...
The draconequus sees everything around it, It devours all it sees. Peace was never an option. He can not help his nature, for he is a being of destruction, a god of chaos. Discord is a needed in the world of harmony. But the world will turn to ash if you let him roam free.

Look not into the void, for it knows not. Look not into the mind, for it cares not. Neither should you look to your hands as tools to solve destruction. The mediator between the head and hands are the heart. Find your heart, Discord, and see what lies before your path.

WOW That took a long time. I am so sorry, but things have been hectic in my life lately. Job searches, driving, taking care of my mom, putting up with requests, getting used to have three house guests that I did not expect to suddenly live with us.

ANYHOW, coming soon is the wining idea from the contest I was holding! Are you excited? Can you stand it? Hang on because the ride never ends!

A Special Kind of Cupcake

A Special Kind of Cupcake
By Discord
Chapter One.

Picture a scene of darkness, a new moon leaving no glow upon the night of Equestria. The time, midnight. The place, Sugar Cube Corner. Deep within this business, Mister and Misses Cake slept soundly in their bed, while their foals, Pound, and Pumpkin Cake, dreamed sights that only infants could envision.

One pony did not sleep however. Past the kitchen, behind the refrigerator, a secret doorway stood. Behind the doorway and down some steps, Pinkie Pie sat in a darkened cellar. Her elbows rested on the table before her and her hooves tapped each other before the scowl on her face. "You have eluded me for years, but now I find that your time is up."

She stood and walked around the table she operated on with her ever deepening frown. "You thought that you were special, that I would have never used you for this. But you are wrong."

"No, Pinkie Pie! Show mercy!"

Pinkie turned to the table and glared at the unfortunate subject. "Mercy? Did you show mercy to me when you sent your comrades into battle? Did you show mercy before you slaughtered your own friends to save your own skin?" She came back to the table and slammed her hoof against it, right next to her victim's head. "I don't think so."

She then picked up the gingerbread pony from the table and continued to speak in a silly voice out the side of her mouth. "Oh no! Noooo-aggruble lugablug blub." The soft, lifeless cookie began to burble as it drowned in the glass of cool milk, and Pinkie relished in the silliness of it all. She giggled and snorted a few times before finally eating the poor cookie.

"Mmmm delicious!" She turned away from the table and flipped the lights back on. "That was fun, but now I need to go back to work on my secret project." She briskly walked past the shelves of chemicals and baking ingredients and pulled down her kitchen timer.

"Here, in my secret underground laboratory and kitchen, I have labored for far too long on you." She quickly turned a dial on the small oven before grabbing a few of the baking supplies off the shelf and placing them on the table next to a mixing bowl. "But tonight, I shall finally do it. THE PERFECT RECIPE FOR CUPCAKES WILL BE MINE!" ~~(Okay, I think this Pinkie scares me.)~~

She almost fell victim to diabolical laughter, but heard a groan from above and quickly silenced herself. "Lets see here, confectioners sugar, pure flower, two eggs separated. A little milk, and some nutmeg! Perfect... Clearly, having a combination secret lab and kitchen was the best idea ever!"

She placed the filled mixing bowl under the mixer on the shelf and flipped the switch. "Nothing could possibly go wrong now! I'll go get the cupcake rack!" She happily bounced away as the mixer continued to do what it was supposed to do. As she turned the oven on, and dug in one of the cupboards, unbeknownst ~~(Is that a real word?)~~ to her, but benknownst ~~(If unbeknownst can be a word, why not this?)~~ to us, one of Pinkie's projects began to operate.

The vibration of the mixer shook the shelves, and an open test tube simply marked X was slowly making its way across the edge of an upper shelf. It fell over, dumping it's contents into the mixing bowl before rolling off the shelf entirely, and landing on the floor. It sat still for a few moments before rolling under the shelves.

Pinkie meanwhile remained unaware of this as she continued to grease the pan with butter and lay it down on the table. "These will truly be the perfect cupcakes!" She looked at the batter and nodded sagely before pouring some in one of the cup holes. She paused, and quickly wrapped up the bowl. "Best to keep this on hoof, just in case it's not as good as I hoped, then I can test to see what went wrong." She then popped the tray into the oven and set her timer.

Then she waited.

And waited.

Then waited some more.

Finally the timer went off, and she rushed to pull the lone cupcake out of the oven with a wide grin. ~~(When doesn't she have one of those? Seriously?)~~ "Gotta cool off for a minute." She placed the tray on a cooling rack and opened the small fridge to pull some more ingredients out for the frosting. "I think that buttercream frosting would work best," she mumbled as she prepared a new mixing bowl.

A few minutes later, she had the frosting ready in a bag, and the lone cupcake sitting on a plate. Cool and ready to go. "Cupcake, meet frosting."

"Hello Frosting, I'm Cupcake."

Pinkie almost dropped the frosting bag in shock as she gasped loudly. "Oh Celestia, you're alive!"

"Am I?" The cupcake wondered out loud. "I wasn't sure before, but I suppose that I may be."

"But, how? Your made out of sugar, and spice, and everything nice that goes into a perfect little cupcake!" Pinkie began to pace the room as her mind flowed with the possibilities. "Did I accidentally create life?"

"I don't know, but maybe you could add some of that frosting to me, I feel a bit bald without it."

Pinkie paused, then bonked herself on the forehead. "Duh, how could I forget? A cupcake is hardly a cupcake unless he's got a nice frosted head!" She grabbed the bag and squeezed some on the cupcakes head and smiled at the perfect swirl of frosting. "There, I think that looks a lot better, don't you?"

The cupcake shuffled around on it's plate and looked itself in the mirror, he was all white with an off white frosting top. As he looked at himself, he noticed that he had bright blue dots for eyes and a little hole for a mouth. He couldn't help but smile at himself. "I look, adorable! Thank you Pinkie!"

Pinkie Pie smiled as she lowered the mirror. "Yes, you do. What's your name?"

"Well, I don't know. I suppose you could just call me, Sweetie."

"Nah, that's a fillies name, you look more like a Sucrose, or a Fructose."

The cupcake shrugged his tiny shoulders as best as he could and smiled politely. "As you wish."

Chapter 2.
~~(Wow, I can't believe that I managed a second chapter! Score one for Discord!)~~

Pinkie and the cupcake spent all the night talking. Mostly Pinkie did all the talking while Phillip VonFructose did all the listening. Eventually however, Pinkie began to tire, and went to bed. ~~(A tired Pinkie Pie, I wonder if that really exists, or if the sugar she eats keeps her awake all the time.)~~

The next morning, Pinkie woke up late. But that was alright because it was her day off anyway. She streched and yawned widely as she awoke before checking her clock. "Hmm, eleven in the morning, I guess that isn't so bad." She let herself tumble out of bed and bounced her way into the restroom. "A quick shower, then I'll brush my teeth and take Phillip to see Twilight! She'll be so excited to see him!"

Little did she know, that as she bathed, Phillip was already there. The small cupcake was hiding behind the mirror in the medicine cabinet, watching as the pink party pony placed herself into the tub and shut the curtain to start the shower. "She sings when she showers..." he thought idly to himself.

Pinkie remained unaware of her little stalker as she bathed. Phillip meanwhile continued to watch her for only a few moments longer before jumping out of the cabinet and making a swift exit out of the bathroom. "You were the first pony I ever saw, and I knew that love was real. I will make you mine, my sweet."

"Isn't he just amazing? He's got a mind of his own, and he can talk and walk and think and everything!" Pinkie Pie smiled wide as she held Phillip out with a hoof to show Twilight the smiling cupcake.

"Hello!"

Twilight screamed and backed away from the pair before drawing out a giant set of tweezers. "It talks! How, I don't understand! What did you do?"

"Well, I added sugar, spice, and everything nice, and when I baked him as a test to see if it was the perfect cupcake, he popped out talking!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Silly, it makes perfect sense! We live in a world of magic, why couldn't it just have happened?"

Twilight ignored Pinkie as she continued to poke, and prod Phillip with all sorts of tools in an attempt to understand how this came to be. "You didn't add anything unusual, did you?"

"Well, I did add a pinch of nutmeg."

"Pinkie, that's not what I meant!" Soon enough the library was filled with the beeping of machines as Twilight continued to experiment. "Now, let me ask you something Phillip, does this hurt?" She then took some tweezers and pulled a crumb off of him.

"OW! Yes, it hurts! Pinkie, make the mean pony stop!"

Pinkie frowned deeply as she scooped up the little cupcake. "Twilight how could you! Phillip is just a little defenseless cupcake!"

"It's just a tissue sample. Besides, how do we even know if it's really sentient?"

"Well I guess you won't ever find out!" Pinkie then threw her nose in the air and left the library. "Come on Phillip, let's go somewhere where you won't be treated like a science project."

The day passed in a blur for Pinkie as she took Philip out to the park. Together, they flew kites, played with some balloons, bounced a ball, and even got to ride together in a paddle boat! "Wow Pinkie! This is the most fun I have ever had in my life since, ever!"

"That's what happens when your friends with me Phillip! Come on, I think that there's a band playing at the gazebo today!"

"Actually," Phillip said as he rubbed his back with his little hand. "I think that we should sit down and talk for a bit."

Pinkie tilted her head in confusion for a moment, then smiled widely. "Okie doki loki!" She then sat down in the shade of the tree and folded her legs under her. "What's up Phil?"

Phillip shuffled his tiny legs around for a few moments and fidgeted with his fingers as Pinkie waited with a bright smile on her face. Finally, he decided that he had to say what was on his mind. "Pinkie, today has been really great, and I really like being friends with you."

"Aww that's so sweet of you! I like being friends with you too!"

Phillip turned a slight tinge of red at this, and cleared his throat before continuing. "Yes, well. What I wanted to say was, you are the first thing that I saw when I came out of the oven, and I think I feel something for you. Like, maybe we can be more than friends?"

Pinkie tilted her head in confusion before laughing a little bit. "But we are more than friends silly billy! We're more like a family than anything else."

"That's not what I meant," he continued. "I mean, like, how do I put this. I think that I might be in love with you."

Pinkie stared at him for a few moments without blinking. Not sure how to react, and letting the information really sink in. Finally, after nearly a minute she spoke. "Phillip. I don't know what to say."

"Say you feel the same way," he began to beg. "Say that you love me too!"

"I do love you too, just, not that way. You feel more like a son to me than anything else." ~~(Wow that's gotta burn.)~~

Silence rang out from those words, and somewhere deep within the fluffy confines of Phillip, his small sugary heart broke. "Oh, okay."

"Hey, don't feel so bad," Pinkie said with a small hug. "We're still friends, and if anything I can say that I'm proud to be your parent!"

"Yeah, a parent."

Over the course of the next few days, Pinkie began to drift farther apart from Phillip as he tried desperately to show his affections for the pink party pony. One morning she awoke to him standing on her chest, watching her sleep. Another time, she came upstairs from working to find the entire room covered in rose peddles. Later still, she found a box of chocolates with a poem written in it. ~~(I personally would have turned her bed into a trampoline made out of gelatin, but hey whatever.)~~

While Pinkie ignored these actions, or would try to talk to Phillip about how it's wrong, he would ignore her protests, and just continue trying. And as the week wore on, he became more and more stale. Trying some of the same tactics over again in hopes it would work this time.

Then one day, Pinkie discovered that Phillip couldn't move. There he lay on his back on a tea cup saucer and there he stayed. "Pinkie, Pinkie? Where are you?"

Soon enough the mare entered the room and lay down next to the saucer. "I'm here Phillip, what is it?"

"Pinkie, I think, I think I'm dying. I'm not much longer for this world."

"No, don't say that!" Pinkie cried. "You still have so much to live for!"

"Don't be sad Pinkie, I had a good life, the best any cupcake could have." He coughed a few times as he turned over a little. "I only wish... never mind." ~~(Wow this is intense feels going on here. I'm a genius!)~~

Pinkie's ears picked up at this as she leaned in closer. "What, what is it you wish? I'll do anything you want!"

"I only wish, that you loved me as I you. I wish, I had a kiss before I left." ~~(And cue the violins...)~~

Pinkie began to cry slightly, but tried to keep a brave smile for him. "Okay, one kiss. Before you leave this weary world behind." She then leaned down, and did so. Not just any kiss, but the kiss that a lover would give to their partner. A kiss of passion, of love, and of sorrow. Knowing that they could never do this again.

Phillip smiled as the kiss finished and he leaned back. "Thank you Pinkie. Live well. Goodbye." He then gasped and closed his eyes, and exhaled one final time.

"Goodbye Phillip." She then took a cupcake wrapper and placed it over him and bowed her head. "I'll give you a funeral deserving of someone like you." ~~(Wow, this is a rather somber tone, I wonder how I should actually end this...)~~

Four hours later in the garbage bin outside Sugar Cube Corner, a box on the top of the heap shifted. Moments later Philip came out, quite alive and not dead. "I should have tried that sooner, I can't believe it worked!"

He then threw the wrapper off and used it to make a clean path out of the bin, keeping himself clean and tidy. "Well, I suppose that I can't be with her, now that she thinks I'm dead. Maybe there's somepony else out there for me. Yes, I will search Equestria for that special pony! Somepony who-"

What that pony was supposed to be, Phillip never quite got out. Because in his state of monologue, he failed to notice the cart that was being hauled by a white stallion, nor did he consider the danger that wheels can present to a pastry.

The End.

Author's Note

And here was the winning idea, Pinkie Pie X A Cupcake, submitted by F1utt3rshy!

I hope you like the direction I let Discord take it in! If not, then... Well, oops.

Weekend! Part 4. Family Stories, and Forest Fiends

It was almost three in the morning when Discord closed the journal, satisfied with his work and finally feeling the grip of sleep upon him.

He yawned wide into his hoof and used some magic to wrap himself tightly in a blanket. "Maybe it's not so bad being a mortal pony after all." He smiled to himself as he let his eyes drift closed slowly, finally falling under the smooth lids and drifting off to dreamland.

A low rumble filled the room, jerking Hearth Stone awake from the bed. "Halt! Who goes there?!" He jumped out of bed, instantly awake and in his element, in the dark of the night, ears perked and eyes scanning for an intruder. "I could have sworn I heard something, it sounded like a monster of some sort..."

The room filled with the sound again, this time actually shaking the bed enough to wake up the others sleeping in it. "Oh for the love of Celestia what is that?!" Wordsmith was clearly in a state of confusion, but showed it more than the alert guard as Screwball and Random thought moaned and popped their backs.

Screwball rolled over and looked at a clock before rolling out and groaning. "It's Discord. He snores."

"Anyone here a good muffling spell?" Wordsmith nodded slightly at Random before casting one over the still sleeping unicorn, effectively making the sound nearly silent.

Everypony looked at each other for a few moments, unsure of what to do next. As they mumbled among themselves, a light came on downstairs, alerting them that Fluttershy was woken up by the noise too. "Well now what do we do?"

"Well I can't sleep any more," Screwball commented as she headed for the stairs. "I'm going to let Fluttershy know what's going on and get a cuppa tea." She stopped on the top step before turning around and looking back at the three stallions. "Would I be right in assuming that you're up for the night, Private Hearth Stone?"

The guard nodded slightly as he gathered up his armor and weapons from a corner of the room with all the luggage. "Sleeping through the night feels strange to me anyhow. Some tea, maybe coffee if there is any and I'll be back to normal. Care to join us gentlecolts?"

Wordsmith and Random Thought shrugged at the guards invitation before heading down stairs. When they got there, they saw that their host was busy trying to calm the restless animals, awoken by a snore that probably could be measured on a Richter Scale. "Now now little ones, there's nothing to be afraid of. Come on everyone, back to your beds. I'll see you all in the morning."

As the last of the animals went back to their small beds to sleep, Fluttershy gave a week smile to the four guests coming down the stairs. "Oh, did he wake you up too?"

"Understatement of the century," Wordsmith whispered. "We saw the lights come on and decided to come down and try to get to know our host better. That is, if you are going to be up awhile."

Fluttershy simply smiled as she lead the way into her kitchen. "We can talk more openly in here, there aren't any animals sleeping in the kitchen." She quickly pulled a kettle out and set it to boil on her stove and pulled out her tea set as the door shut behind the guard. "I hope you all like tea."

The four ponies nodded and mumbled thanks, and that tea was fine. As they did, Fluttershy opened her fridge to search for some scones to serve with the tea. "I know that you Canterlot ponies are more sophisticated than me, and that you probably have had better. But, I'll do my best to make you comfortable at my table."

"Actually, I come from Ponyville too, remember?" Screwball commented as she pulled up a chair. "I never was much for the Canterlot elitist ways of thinking. It's actually nice to be around a home that feels, homey."

"And I came from a village deep in the unicorn mountain range," Hearth Stone replied. "Honestly, there are more comforts here than I have ever seen in a normal ponies house."

Random Thought smiled as he raised his hoof with a grin. "Trottingham's my home town. What about you Wordsmith? Any memories from your foalhood still in that brain of yours?"

Wordsmith leaned back in his seat and blew bubbles out of a pipe. "My foalhood? Bits and pieces of it I can still remember. I lived in my earliest of years in Los Pegasus. I looked after my little brother while my father worked where he could, and my mother tried to find work. Eventually, my grandmother lost the house, and we all left to find a new place to live. We moved from place to place for a few years. Eventually, I spent the rest of my foalhood in Hollow Shades. As soon as I was old enough I left for Canterlot, and I haven't talked to my family since."

The others looked at him with various expressions on their faces. Finally, it was Screwball that broke the silence. "We asked where you grew up, not for your biography."

A few of the other ponies nodded to the statement, but Fluttershy had a look of concern on her face. "Why don't you talk to your family? Did they disown you?"

Wordsmith snorted slightly as he put the toy pipe away. "Hardly. I grew up with a family of constant bickering and fighting among ourselves. Family feuds, mind games and back stabbing. Always, someone was trying to look good to the matriarch, to be better than the rest of the family. I left because I didn't want to get wrapped up in that. I never wrote or spoke to them because I don't want them to find me. I may not remember the name of our house, but I do know I never spoke of it because I'm ashamed of them all."

A silence filled the room for a few unsettling moments as the tea kettle started to whistle, prompting Fluttershy to take it off the heat. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, their loss, I'm awesome," Wordsmith said with a grin.

"I don't think that's what she meant," Random Thought interjected. "I think that she's sorry for you."

"For me? Why should anyone feel sorry for me? If anything it's a victory in my book for being able to rise above my family's petty ways."

"You ran away from your problems," Hearth Stone said with a frown as Fluttershy began passing out the drinks and scones. "Instead of staying with your family, you left them behind. Family doesn't do that, and ponies shouldn't run away from problems, but instead solve them."

Wordsmith stood up and walked away. "I don't need to take this from anypony. You don't know me, and you don't know them. I just wanted a new life, a fresh start. Pretend I never even told you about them." He then began to leave the kitchen. "I'm going outside."

"Running away from another problem? Maybe I should congratulate your family for their loss. They might even be happier without you being so cold to them."

Wordsmith froze and looked back at the guard. Anger flashed in his eyes before he shook his head and exited the kitchen.

"I think you may have gone too far Hearth Stone." Random Thought said with a frown.

"So what? He's a coward for doing that, and cowardice is one thing I can't stand. Besides, what's he going to do to me?" As if in answer to his question, a faint blue glow of magic appeared around his teacup. Before he could react, the cup shot up and smashed against his face, covering him in bits of porcelain, and boiling hot tea.

Wordsmith sat outside of the cottage with a deep frown as he looked up to the sky. There, he sat in quiet contemplation of the constellations on Luna's sky, and let his mind run wild. "How dare he say such things. He doesn't know me. He wouldn't know what they put me through."

Wordsmith suddenly started to tap his hooves against the dirt. Finally he got up and started to pace as he let his thoughts run wild. As he lost himself in his thoughts, the front door opened, and out stepped Hearth Stone. "Wordsmith? Do you want to talk?"

As he paced, Wordsmith idly kicked a stray pebble in his path to Fluttershy's fence. "There's nothing to talk about."

"I think there is," Hearth Stone interjected with a frown. "For somepony that want's nothing to do with his family, you sure are on the defense about them.

Wordsmith opened his mouth to say something before he paused, closed his eyes and leaned on the fence, looking up once more to the sky. "I don't quite know how to put it," he started with a frown. "Some ponies are a cancer. Well, that's not right either. What I mean is, they aren't bad, but they do all they can to drag you down."

He looked back at Hearth Stone and waited for him to say something, only for the night guard to rotate his hoof in a gesture for him to continue.

"When I was in Hollow Shades, I was living with my mother, father, and younger brother. We had very little, and the other foals would make sure that I knew it. My parents would argue often, and my brother required special attention. The final straw for me, was the lonely feeling that I had around them."

"What do you mean, lonely feeling?" Wordsmith gave a sad smile as he turned to look him in the face. For the first time since they have met, Hearth Stone noticed something in the unicorn's eyes. A darkness, as if somepony had snuffed the light out of them, and he was dead inside.

Before he could linger on the thought, Wordsmith turned away, and continued to look up into the sky as a few tears came down his cheeks. "It's hard, growing up without friends, especially when you want them. To have a family reputation so badly, that nopony wants to be around you, because they think you will do them wrong the moment their back is turned. It effects everything, your grades in school, your mood, your attitude, even what you wind up becoming as an adult."

Hearth Stone frowned as he came up next to him and leaned against the fence. He looked up at the stars as well before giving a small sigh. "It must have been hard growing up like that."

Wordsmith nodded silently while he weighed his thoughts out for a few more moments, choosing his next words carefully. "The final straw for me, was when I couldn't find work. Nopony wanted to hire me, because of who my family was. They all judged me on my family, and what they did instead of what I could do. That's why I left them, almost six years ago, and I never looked back. I don't even know how to feel. I know they would never forgive me for leaving."

He turned away from the sky as he looked over at the looming Everfree Forest for a few moments. Finally, he looked down at his own hooves before mumbling the last of his thoughts. "I thought that if I erased them from my past, I would be happier. I thought that if I came back a success, everyone would be proud of me. Now I don't even remember my own name, let alone theirs. The circle is done. Now I'll never find them again."

The pair of Stallions sat outside for a few more moments under the moonlight, neither sure of what to do next. After several moments, Hearth Stone finally spoke up. "I'm sorry. I don't know if it would make you feel better, but I can never go home either."

Wordsmith turned to look at the guard, his curiosity peeked. "Why? Why can't you go home?"

"Disowned," he mumbled under his breath. "The village where I grew up, was an isolated community. Nopony ever leaves the village there. Sure, merchants come and go, but that life never interested me. I never wanted to live out my whole life being a mushroom farmer like my dad. When I learned I had a talent for protection, I did not know what to do with it. The village elders wanted me to become a guard for the town, and I did. Then Princess Luna came back."

He paused as a small smile crossed his features, and he couldn't help but hold a hoof to the eye on the chest of his armor. "When I heard that she had returned, the news spread like wild fire. We pegasi with bat wings, have a long tradition of guarding Princess Luna's night. I, and a few others wanted to go, but the elders forbade it. They wanted to keep our presence a secret from most of the world. We decided to leave anyway, not knowing we could never return. They caught us at the exit, and banished us on the spot. We could never contact our family again, we could never come back, and we could never tell others where to find the village."

"Except you just told me it's deep in the unicorn mountain range."

Hearth Stone glared at Wordsmith for a few moments before asking, "Do you really want to search every cave in the mountain range for a village of bat ponies?"

"I suppose not," Wordsmith replied before shuffling his hooves.

"The point is, I would give almost anything to be able to see my family again. I left, because I felt that it was my duty to my princess to go. Not because I was running away from trouble." Wordsmith's ears dropped as his head sagged to the ground with guilt. "But, now that you spoke, I can understand why you left. There's nothing you can do about it now, but if I'm as good at reading ponies as I think I am, you'll find a way to let them know you're alright. I know you care about them, and want to know that they are fine too."

Wordsmith looked up at the guard, and Hearth noticed that the unicorn's eyes were beginning to water. The next thing he knew, he was under the assault of an emotional hug. "You're a good stallion Hearth Stone! Thank's for having this talk."

"It's, fine... just, let go..."

"Awwww! How cute! I told you boys have feelings too!"

The pair of stallions turned to see that Screwball was smiling like the cat that swallowed a canary as she lead Fluttershy and Random Thought out into the front garden. Just in time to see the two still embraced in a hug.

Wordsmith and Hearth Stone looked at each other for a few moments before shoving each other away and coughing into their hooves. "So, uh, what brings you three out here?"

"Oh," Fluttershy started as she looked anywhere other than directly in somepony's eyes. "We thought that since it's a warm night out, we could sit outside with our tea."

"The girls were worried you were gonna slug him Hearth Stone."

An awkward silence settled upon the ponies as they all looked at each other. Finally, Screwball clapped her hooves together to cut the tension. "So, shall we go sit down at the table?"

The rest of the ponies all mumbled something along the lines of agreement as they converged upon the small table and drank the hot tea in near silence.

"So," Screwball said with a smile. "What do you think this creature looks like?"

"It's probably a hydra," Random Thought commented with a bit of a frown. "I hear that they are pretty commonly found around the nearby bog."

"But a hydra doesn't match the description of the creature," Fluttershy commented. "It might be something entirely new. What if it's all alone?! Oh, the poor thing..."

"If it is alone, we will still have to find out what it is, and remove it from here. If we can learn where it came from, all the-" Hearth Stone froze as he looked past Screwball. Behind her, on the edge of the forest, an orange streak flashed between two trees. "Nopony move..."

Everypony instantly froze as looks of concern crossed their faces. "What's wrong Hearth Stone?"

"I think that the creature we're after, is right there in the forest," he whispered while pointing to the trees. "Everypony, keep an eye on that area, and stay silent."

A new tension filled the air as they all watched the dark space in the woods. Waiting for something to happen. That's when they heard it. "Hu-hu-he-hu-ha-ha!" It was a laugh of some sort, with the strange musical quality of a song, yet the sinister nature of a clown gone wrong.

Fluttershy was frozen with fear, but she wasn't the only one. Wordsmith, and to an extent Random Thought was as well. Screwball quickly assessed the situation, and knew how to handle it. "Fluttershy, go inside and lock your doors and windows. Wordsmith you and I are with her, make sure all windows and doors are shut while I go get Discord. When you are sure that the cottage is secure, join me in gathering our supplies. Hearth Stone, Random Thought, keep an eye open for the creature and let us know of it's movements. Ready? On three, one, two, three, break!" With that, all five split off to do their part of the plan.

Author's Note

Well, this story has taken a sudden and unexpected turn for the feels lately...

I feel bad for that. BUT FEEL NOT! For that should be the last of those pesky feels getting in the way of things. Next chapter, we confront the beast of the Everfree...

And, maybe see what's going on back in Canterlot. if you want.

Weekend? Part POEE. Into the Everfree

The five ponies were trekking through the Everfree forest brush, following the tracks of the creature closely. "Stay close everyone," Discord said with a dramatic tone. "You never know if, or when the beast will strike!"

"It's not likely to," Hearth Stone commented with a snort. "From the look of these tracks, this creature is in retreat."

Random, Screwball, and Wordsmith all followed the other two closely. With Wordsmith bringing up the rear of the group, keeping them covered. "Uh, guys, can I be in the middle? I really don't think that I should be bringing up the rear."

Random Thought rolled his eyes at Wordsmith as he studied his map of the forest."You're bringing up the rear, because you are an-"

"Hey look!" Screwball suddenly interrupted. "The tracks end here!"

"You're right!" Hearth Stone said with a frown. "What do you think it means?"

"It means that we lost our target, that's what it means!" Discord screamed. "Now I'm going to lose the gambit!"

"H-hey, everyp-pony," Wordsmith said with a small stutter. "There's something c-coming this way."

"Alright, listen up," Hearth Stone stepped up onto a tree stump, and gave his most commanding pose. "Screwball, Random, I want you two to help protect Wordsmith. He probably can't fight well, use those weapons we brought. Discord, you're with me! We'll bag us a beastie tonight!" He looked down at the other four, and saw that rather than doing as he said, they were all dashing in circles, trying to make heads or tails of anything and screaming like foals. "Oh for the love of Luna... Where did Wordsmith go?!"

Discord and the others continued to follow civilian emergency panic plan alpha, scream and run in random directions. However, as soon as the question was brought up about Wordsmith, Discord made an executive decision. "I'm enacting emergency panic plan beta. EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!" With that, the other three ponies ran screaming into different directions of the forest, leaving Hearth Stone alone to wonder where his life went so crazy.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm being punished for something I did in a past life." Wordsmith looked around the dark forest and watched the world rose higher around him. "Yep, I'm sure I did something, at some point, to make someone really angry with me, and the cosmos are now having a laugh at my expense."

Wordsmith continued to sink lower into the quicksand. As he did, the sounds of whatever was following the group a few moments ago grew closer. "Well, this is it. The end of my story..." He was now chest deep in the muck, and his magic failed to find anything he could use to pull himself out, and solid land seemed to be miles away.

The steps grew closer to him, and Wordsmith closed his eyes. "Just take me now and be done with it!"

"Um, I'm sorry to ask but, what are you doing in that puddle?"

Wordsmith opened his eyes to the voice and instantly smiled. "Fluttershy! Quick, use those wings and help get me out of this quicksand!"

"Uh, that's a puddle of mud. I mean, if you're stuck, I'm sure I can pull you out, but that's not quicksand."

Wordsmith's jaw dropped, and he leaned closer to the muck to investigate. Sure enough, it was mud, simple as that. Very watery mud at that. "Oh, well... I guess I can just walk out of this mud."

Fluttershy reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a towel for Wordsmith. "What's happening? Why did all of you run off like that?"

"Well," Wordsmith said as he dried himself off. "When we heard steps, we thought that it was some sort of monster, and panicked. Who knows where the rest are."

"Of everyone in the group, I had to get stuck with you," Hearth Stone grumbled as Screwball floated beside him. "I mean, Random Thought is a bit of a stick in the mud, and Discord's pretty harmless right now. But you, YOU make no sense!"

"Filly please, I'm a unique snowflake."

Hearth Stone rolled his eyes at this and checked to make sure his sword was ready. "Whatever, just keep an eye open for the others. Hopefully this trail might lead to somewhere useful."

"Like a village of ponies that never got their cutie marks, or ever heard of them? But they really are zombies, and want to turn any blank flank into the like them because they are cursed to walk the earth for all eternity because of the horrible things they did when they were all still alive?"

Hearth Stone stared blankly at her for a few moments before shaking his head. " How in Equestria is that useful to what we are doing? And how could such a thing even exist?!"

"I don't know, but it sounds like it would be an awesome adventure!"

"That's it, you're not allowed to talk any more. Understand?"

"Beep Beep."

"None of that either."

The two of them continued walking in silence, searching for the rest of the group, and a lead for where the creature went. The moon came out behind the clouds, lighting the way slightly better to reveal something that Hearth Stone never expected. In a clearing not too far ahead, the two ponies spied a small schoolhouse. "Wow, maybe I was right about the village after all!"

"I already said none of that." He looked down at the dirt path leading to the building and spotted a set of the beast's tracks. "Look! The beast is here! Now we just need to sneak up and catch it. What weapons do you have?"

Screwball grinned as she took off her beany to dig through it with a hoof. "Lets see here, I've got chalk, a classic sling shot, a boomerang, mallet, and a net."

"What?! You didn't bring a gun?"

Screwball snorted a bit as she funneled everything back into her beany. "Gun, who needs a gun when you have... Imagination!" Hearth Stone watched in confusion as she said imagination slowly, and used her forehooves to make an arch where a rainbow appeared after the path her hooves made.

"Okay, new plan. We're going to quietly sneak to that building, and see if we can spot the beast. Understand?" Screwball started to nod, when suddenly her eyes grew wide and she froze. "It's right behind me, isn't it?"

Screwball could just barely nod at the question before Hearth Stone was suddenly grabbed by an orange, claw like appendage. "Oh boy, more friends! Hu-hu-he-huh-hee!"

Discord and Random Thought stood in a small clearing, back to back. Keeping a sharp lookout for any sign of either whatever was following them, the creature they were following, or the rest of the group. "Well m'lord, it would appear that we are in a bit of a tight spot."

"Okay, what's with the accent whenever it's just you and I?"

Random Thought raised an eyebrow at this as he continued to scan the darkness. "Whatever do you mean sir?"

"That!" Discord said as he raised a hoof in frustration. "You sound like you're from Eagleland or something."

"Rule thirty three, it never hurts to suck up to the boss."

"Shut up," Discord snapped as he used his magic to grab his gun. "Now, if we are lucky, the others aren't too far away, and we can meet up with them before we find the creature. After that it's only a matter of- WOAH!"

The two of them were looking up at the earth, Discord, in his infinante wisdom garnered from years of existence, had tripped a trap, and the pair of them were hanging by their rear legs in the tree. "Okay, you want me to talk normal, how about this. Smooth move ex-lax."

"Shut. Up. Can you use your magic to get to the weapons? My horn isn't working."

Random nodded, and tried to cast a spell, only for it to fizzle out. "I think this rope might be enchanted."

Discord opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted. "Oh boy! Even more friends to play with! This day is just super-de-duper!"

The pair looked in the direction of the voice, but all they caught was an orange and green blur moving in their direction. Before they could raise their voices to scream, darkness enshrouded them.

"See, I know that the Everfree Forest is no place to get lost, and once I was sure my animal friends would all be alright, I followed you into the forest," Fluttershy said with a smile. "Hopefully we'll find the rest before they get eaten by something."

Wordsmith trembled as he followed Fluttershy down the moonlit path. Somewhere in the dark, an owl hooted, causing Wordsmith to jump almost high enough to grab a tree branch. "How are you not afraid of this place?!"

"Oh, I used to be, but I've been down this path so many times that I know it pretty well. And don't be scared of that old Mister Owl, he's just saying hello."

Wordsmith continued to shake as he pulled his cloak tighter around him. "Hello Mister Owl. Please don't peck at us. Owls don't eat ponies, right?"

Fluttershy raised an eye at the question before giggling at him. "Now don't be silly Wordsmith, Owls eat smaller things, like mice, and rabbits."

"Oh, good." He breathed a sigh of relief as they continued down the path. After a few minutes, Fluttershy came to a sudden halt. "What's wrong Fluttershy?"

"I think I've found something, there's a fork in the path, and they are all going to the right, but..."

"But what?" He wondered as he leaned forward to investigate.

"But, there shouldn't even be a path to the right! At least, there wasn't one here last month." She leaned forward to investigate the tracks carefully. "Hmm, according to the tracks," she mumbled to herself. "The creature passed this way four times within the last few minutes. Twice carrying two ponies, and twice to reenter the forest."

"You can tell all that from the tracks?"

"Oh yes, see how the ones going this way are more sunken in and spread apart? That means he was carrying a heavy load, about the weight of two ponies. But also notice how the path weaves a bit when weighed down, whatever he's carrying is struggling. Lastly, you can see the marks of hooves being dragged along the dirt here."

Wordsmith felt something snap inside him as he suddenly grinned and walked away. "Oh well we tried, come on let's go back to the town, and I'll just go back to Canterlot and talk to the princess about getting my old life back together now that Discord's gone."

"Now you listen here mister! It's up to us to help our friends!"

Wordsmith laughed at the statement as he continued to trot away from Fluttershy. "Your friends. They aren't any friends of mine, they just exploit me for cheep labor."

Fluttershy stared at him agast at the nonchalant behavior on display. She breathed fast for a few seconds as she panicked, then realized what she had to do. Fluttershy flew up and ahead of Wordsmith, landing in the path before him. "Now you listen here! Just because you're scared, doesn't mean that you can get away with not helping!"

"Yes. Yes it does, I'm pretty sure that's even a valid reason to not join the military."

"Do you want something to be afraid of?" Fluttershy asked as her frown deepened. "I'll give you something to be scared of." She then opened her eyes wide at Wordsmith, giving him the full force of the stare.

Wordsmith looked at her for a few seconds, unsure of how to react, when he felt it. A sudden deep sense of fear. Fear of the pony in front of him, judging him with her eyes. He instantly shrunk down before the mare and curled up in a ball. "Okay, I'll help you save them."

"Good." Fluttershy then smiled and trotted away with a proud gait.

It had been a long time since Discord and Random were brought to where ever they were now. He still couldn't see because of the bag over his head, but from what he could tell his hooves were tied to the pony behind him. "Hey, Random, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. How about you?"

"Is Random doing that fake Braytish accent again?"

"Technically it's Eagleish," Random interjected.

"Shut up Random! Screwball? is that you?"

"Not just her, but I'm here too," Hearth Stone replied.

"Okay," Discord said with a grunt as he tried to use his magic again. "Can anypony get this bag off of my head? I would really like to see."

"Hang on," Random Thought said as he began shifting around. "I think I've got a plan. Discord, I'm going to rub myself against your body."

"You're WHAT?!" Discord started to jump and scoot off away from Random Thought.

"No, wait! It's not like that! If I can get this bag off my head, I might be able to untie us!"

Everypony gave a collective, "Oh," in understanding as Random slid into Discord and began rubbing his head against him in a bid to knock the bag off his head. After a few failed attempts, the bag came off and he looked around. "Alright, we're inside a schoolhouse, the windows are boarded up, and I think I see some scissors!"

Hearth Stone turned in the direction of Random's voice to speak with him as he continued to struggle with the ropes. "Well hurry up and use them to untie us!"

Random Thought scooted across the floor as quickly as he could to get to the scissors. That's when he noticed something was off. "For an abandoned school, this place is really well kept, the desks are all in a row, and there are plenty of stocked craft bins and toys. It's like a preschool here, or kindergarten at best. The creature is not exactly a messy housekeeper."

He grabbed the scissors with his mouth and started to scoot his way back. "Come on Random! What's taking so long?" He quickly took the blade and brought it to the hooves of Screwball, going back and forth along the rope.

"What's going on back there, why haven't you cut me loose yet?"

"I'm trying, but these have a plastic blade!"

There was an imediate cry out in annoyance from this as the other three expressed their disdain.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Come on!"

"Who makes those? Honestly?"

"Look," Random said with a frown. "I've almost got Screwball's rope broken, as soon as I get her untied she can get my rope off and I'll use my magic to get the rest of you."

It was a slow process, but soon enough all four of them were untied and walking about the room. Much like how Neigh Jersey sounded bad, but was actually a lot worse, so was their situation. They were inside a dark class room, and as Random Thought said, all the windows were boarded shut. "Well now what do we do?"

"Alright," Hearth Stone said with a hint of command to his tone. "Here's the plan, search all the windows and doors for a way out. Unicorns, try to use your magic to remove the boards if you must, but we have to get out of here. I'm going to gather what I can use for weapons."

Screwball tried the door, and found it was locked. "Pshh, like that's something that ever stopped me." She took off her beany and began to dig around with her hooves. After a few moments her face fell. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh?" Discord rushed over from the window he was trying and looked at Screwball questioningly. "I've never heard you say uh-oh before. How bad is it?"

"Well," Screwball tapped her forehooves together for a few moments before checking the hat, then her mane one more time, then searching all over the ground. "My chalk is gone. I was going to use it to draw a key, or a new doorway. But they are all gone missing! Now I'm trying to see if I can find some."

"So, you can't get us out?"

"I've got even worse news," Random Thought said as he walked up to the pair. "Whoever boarded up these windows knows a few things about spells, there's no way to use magic to pry them open."

"And the best weapon I've found so far is a pencil," Hearth Stone said with a frown.

"PENCIL!" Screwball quickly snatched it away from the night guard and began to draw a key on the ground. As usual it materialized into a real key and she rushed over to open the doors with it. "Come on, work... WORK!" After several moments of nothing happening, she tossed the key away and tried to draw a hole in the wall, only for nothing to happen. "Why isn't this working?!"

"That's it, we're doomed," Random Thought cried out as he fell to his knees.

"Wait, there's still hope," Discord said with a smile. "All our weapons are outside, and so is Wordsmith! He'll get someone in town to come and save us all!"

A clicking noise suddenly echoed through the building, and everypony looked to the door of the schoolhouse. Everypony fell silent as they watched the door nob turn slowly. "Quick! Back away, it's the creature!"

Everypony moved back, just as the door flew open to revile the silhouette of the great brute. He stood tall over the arch of the door, and had to duck to enter. Slung over his back for everypony to see was Wordsmith and Fluttershy. "Uh, hi everypony, I'm here to save you?"

Hearth Stone slammed his hoof in his face and shook his head at this. "That's it, were done for."

Random then did a power slide on his rear legs with his forehooves raised above his head in anguish. "DOOOOOOOOOMED!"

The creature shut the door and quickly turned the lock to keep everyone inside. It stepped forward and they could hear it breathing deeply through it's mouth. "Oh deary me, looks like someone's been naughty and tried to get out of class early!" It spoke like it was trying not to laugh all the time, in an overly cheerful tone as it showed all of it's teeth. After a moment, it lowered the pair of ponies to the ground and raised a clawed finger to the light switch. "Oh well, looks like the fun starts early! Good thing I ran out of rope to tie you two up, so now we can all play together!"

The claw slid up the light switch flooding the room with light. As soon as everything was lit up, everypony saw how everything was so foal friendly and brightly painted that they began to feel slightly nauseous. "Wow, it feels like somepony really got creative with their colors when they did this building."

Discord stopped talking, and let his jaw drop at what he saw. There, standing by the door was what could only be described as the most vile thing his eyes had ever seen. Something that his twisted imagination could have never come up with in a thousand lifetimes.

It stood on only it's hind legs, it was bright orange with a green belly and spins, and a few smaller green dots on each upper leg. It looked like somepony's sick idea of what a dragon looks like, without wings. "Yum yum doodle bum! I love making new friendly friends to be friends with! My name's Baloney, and we're going to be the bestest friends ever! Hu-hu-ha-hu-heh!"

The six ponies quickly backed away from the giant polyester-saurus rex, only for him to follow until they were backed against a wall. "We're going to have so much fun de lilliyum fun! We can make masks, and tell stories and use our imagination! Hu-hu-ha-hu-heh! And the best part is," he stopped to cover his dopey grin as if he was snickering. "We can imagine fun things together forever!"

Author's Note

Eagleland, An island country that is a part of the Braytish islands that makes up the United Braytish Commonwealth in the northern parts of the Griffonian continent. (This universes England)

Some day, I'll just make a map.

Here he is, you may recognize this terror from your past. But now he's back in your lives. Enjoy what's to come.

Weekend-Final Section. Sunday in Ponyville....

It was something that could be described as a bad opening to a story, the birds were chirping, the sky was clear, and the sun shone on the good ponies of Ponyville. Yes, clearly it was one of those lazy days that almost any budding author that just got his or her cutie mark in fiction would start with in a story. This however, is not the beginning of a story.

It was in the field between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville where if one cared to look, they would have seen an unusual sight beneath a mighty oak tree. "Well Miss Sparkle, it's as I promised, it goes through both time, and space."

"But Doctor," the unicorn replied. "It looks exactly the same. Are you sure this is the future?"

"Oh yes, but it's not that far off for you. Just wait until you see the crowning of the new princess."

"New princess? But that's impossible! Princess Cadence was already crowned in my past!"

The Doctor smiled as he pulled open the doors to his blue box. "Well, my mistake then," he said with a slight twinkle in his eyes. Suddenly he paused and looked into the air and his ears perked up. "We must get going. Tell me, have you ever seen the moons of Zaphrini?"

Eager to see where he might lead her next, Twilight hopped inside the blue box and shut the door behind her. All was silent for several moments before a grinding whine began to echo softly with the fading of the box. All was still for almost a full second before the box reappeared. It wasn't until after the noise finally stopped that the doors flung open to let the Doctor out once again. "And that's basically how she works, and no I will not tell you how to make one, that's not apart of my job description."

After The Doctor, the six ponies that had entered the Everfree Forest stepped out, more dazed and confused about things than ever before. "So, that's it," Wordsmith said with a frown. "We won't ever hear from that thing again?"

"Nope, sent away to a time and place far from the here and now. Besides, I'm sure he'll be much happier entertaining kids in his own way."

"So, why am I still looking like this?" Discord pointed a hoof at himself as if to prove a point before continuing. "I mean, the jobs done! Shouldn't I go back to my usual self?" As if the universe was listening in on him, without any ceremony or even really interesting visuals to go with it, Discord changed back to his usual chaotic form with the soft sound of a pop. "Huh, well I guess that answers that. Well," Discord slapped his mismatched digits together and rubbed them back and forth a few times as his grin grew. "I guess we can call that a success. So, how far till I get my new holiday?"

"Holiday?" The ponies around him gave some questioning stares before The Doctor stepped forward. "Um, no offence to you, but..."

"But?" Discord leaned forward, several of his bones popping as he actively stretched out his neck at the brown stallion. "But what my little employee, where I can eliminate your French benefits that are supposedly magic?"

Random Thought slammed a hoof to his face at the phrase and muttered, "That's fringed magic benefits," under his breath.

Screwball and Fluttershy looked at each other for a few moments as the silence grew. Finally, Fluttershy looked at an empty spot on her foreleg with fake shock. "Oh my, would you look at the time! I think I need to go home to feed my animal friends."

"And, I need to, see my mother!" With that the pair of mares took off in opposite directions, leaving Wordsmith, Random Thought, and Hearth Stone to figure out their own escape.

"What I mean is," The Doctor said with a deepening frown, "Is that you failed to actually do anything yourself successfully Discord, I was the one that did the actual work!"

The three remaining stallions looked at each other and gave a silent nod as they backed away slowly from Discord and the mysterious Doctor. "You did the actual work?! Only after my team and I wore him down!"

"Oh please," The Doctor spat back. "You were engaging him in a pillow fight, that you lost by the way!"

"Real mature, come on guys back me up! Uh, guys?" Discord looked around, only to find that the other five ponies that were with him had left no sign that they were ever there. Except for Twilight, who was rapidly taking notes of everything, in the hope of finding some vital information about her future. "Right, well then I guess I have no choice but to take a more executive route."

"Oh?" The Doctor leaned forward with a small grin, knowing he'd won. "And what's that?"

Discord gave a cocky half smile as he held his paw over his heart. "Why, I'll just take all the credit for what my employee has done. After all, that's the executive thing to do." He then gave a bow to the flabbergasted earth pony before walking away. "Congratulations on earning your bonus! Your now a member of the jelly of the month club!"

"Thank you so very much for delivering these bolts to me! I know that today is your usual day off, but I was in such dire need of this particular fabric for an important client that I didn't know who else to ask."

Button Stitch gave Rarity a small smile. "It's no problem, really. With Davenport at sofa-con, I haven't really been doing much these last few days."

"Oh? Well, would you like to come inside for a cup of tea? I just got a box of tea imported from Draconia that's supposed to be quite divine!"

Button Stitch winced suddenly at the sudden outburst before smiling politely. "No, thank you. I think I'm just going to go for a small walk through town before I go home."

Rarity gave an understanding smile to Button as she started leaving. "Well alright, I'll be here if you change your mind."

Button Stitch gave a small wave as she cantered away at a leisurely pace. Moments after the shop door closed behind her she breathed a sigh of relief before looking back at the towering boutique behind her. "That was nice of her to invite me, but I just don't have the time."

"Why not?"

"Oh, I don't know. I mean, I suppose I have plenty of time, but I just don't feel like staying at her place for who knows how long talking about anything and everything that comes to her mind."

"Tell me about it."

Button Stitch froze in her hoof steps when she suddenly realized that somepony was in fact talking to her. She looked around only to find nopony in sight. "I could have sworn."

"Didn't you know that swearing isn't polite?"

Now slightly panicked, Button began looking around behind her. She saw nothing out of the ordinary, and was quite alone. Button Stitch tried to calm herself down as she continued down the road. "I must be losing my mind, maybe I need to see somepony about this."

"Nope, you just aren't too good at finding me!" Button couldn't help but whinny slightly at the shock of seeing the source of the voice looking at her dead in the eye, for above her head floated Screwball. "Hiya ma! I'm back!"

Button Stitch looked at the pinkish mare before her for several seconds before finally fainting from shock.

Meanwhile, in a bar on the outskirts of town, three stallions sat in a row. Each had the same look of dull lifelessness in their eyes as they sipped on beers and stared blankly at the mirror behind the drinks. "You know," Random Thought said. "I can't help but feel as if we were misplaced."

Hearth Stone twitched his wing and looked over at him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Wordsmith here might get it more than you, but let's pretend for a moment that we were characters in a story."

The other two stallions stared at their counterpart for a few moments in silence before Wordsmith held up a hoof. "Bartender, I'm gonna need some tequila, now!"

"Wait, hear me out. Let's pretend that all our life, we were characters in a story, and in that story we were apart of the main characters."

The other two quickly downed a shot each before sipping their beer before nodding. "Go on, continue."

"Well, what if in this story, we weren't the main character, but only supporting characters. Let's say that the author of this story, just suddenly realized that he-"

"Why does it have to be a he?" Hearth Stone interupted. "I mean, couldn't a mare be the writer?"

"You're missing the point," Random said with a frown.

"Well," Wordsmith said with a smile. "There's lots of famous mare authors, I mean even Princess Luna wrote the first book on chess."

"Would you both knock it off I'm trying to talk!" The two stallions quickly closed their mouths before pointing at their glasses once again for the bartender to refill them. "Anyway, what if the author didn't know what to do with all of the characters anymore, and wanted to dispose of them, without killing them."

"And this has what to do with us sitting in a bar?" Wordsmith asked with a slight slur before drinking deeply from his glass.

"Well, hypothetically speaking, wouldn't a scene like this be the perfect place to drop of characters you don't know what to do with at this point of the story?"

"So," Wordsmith said with a frown. "Your saying that if my life were a story, I'm not even a main character, but rather a side character? You're telling me that everything I know about me, was made up by some hack author in a matter of minutes just to fill a void for the main character to have follow him around. Is that what you are saying?"

"Pretty much."

"Well how do you know that this bar isn't the main part of the story," the bartender said with a smile. "Why just last week I had to break up a fight between those ponies that dress as pirates and ninjas all the time. Why I remember."

"You're definitely not the main character," Hearth Stone said with a frown. "Seriously, this is a pointless conversation. What kind of universe would this be if we were at the bar because some author just didn't have use for us anymore?"

"The Great and Powerful Escape Artist, and Unicorn Extraordinare Trixie agrees with you!"

A grey mare with a darker grey mane and tail raised a glass of sherry in her hoof and nodded. "That's right, I mean what makes you think that we are extras just to be tossed around and forgotten, right Lyra?"

"Absolutely," the mint colored unicorn said with a smile. "I mean, that's like saying that when nopony's paying attention to me, my shop, house and heck even I myself disappear!"

"Everypony is the star of their own story, it's up to them how they live it." A purple pegasus said with a smile before looking back down at his drink.

Wordsmith suddenly looked up at the pegasus. "That sounds familiar, who told you that?"

"My neighbor from the apartment I live in. Great guy, too bad about him being turned to stone."

Wordsmith looked back down at his drink and watched the bubbles flow up to the top. "Sounds like a great guy, I'd like to meet him."

"Yeah, I've been keeping his place and get some mail for him sometimes. What's your name anyway?" The pegasus looked down the bar at the trio of stallions, and his smile dropped. Suddenly his eyes went wide with shock as he rushed over to them. "Oh by Celestia, IT'S YOU!"

Discord was feeling pretty good about himself as he strolled down the main thoroughfare of Ponyville, everywhere he looked, there were ponies shopping, eating or just hanging out in the general vicinity. The perfect victims for pranks.

Wherever he went, some small acts of chaos decided to follow, be it something as simple as a waiter would trip on his way to the table, or as extravagant as somepony accidentally allicorned for a moment or two before turning back to their normal selves. It was an interesting day.

The day however was going to become a whole lot more interesting. As he was making his way around, and just turned some mare's bouquet of roses into a bundle of poison joke, he suddenly became aware that somepony was racing towards him. He looked to his right to get a better look, and saw a grey blur streaking in his direction. "And how can I help you?"

The blur didn't respond much beyond a single word being shouted out. "DISCORD!" The next thing that happened, was the mare's hoof landed hard in the side of his head, knocking him for a loop as Ditzy Doo gave chase to continue landing hits on his body. "How DARE you come back to Ponyville again!"

Discord disappeared in a flash of light, only to reappear behind the enraged mare. "How dare I? My dear, sweet, Ditzellia, I don't recall us leaving on any bad terms."

The mare turned and spread her wings in an aggressive stance as she gritted her teeth. "You turned Equestria upside down for your own amusement, you tricked me into doing nothing until the last minute, and do you even know what you had that stallion try to do to me?!"

"So," Discord looked around sheepishly as he rubbed an itchy spot on the back of his neck. "I take it you're angry?"

The grey pegasus, rather than respond with words, decided to show her emotions by bucking him with both rear legs in the face, sending him flying into a tree.

Fluttershy was at home, fortunately for her. The reason why is because if she wasn't at home at this time, she probably would have helped Discord, if she knew what was going on. Or she probably would have had some conversation with one of her friends today only to wind up caught in some sort of epic mission.

But she wasn't out, instead she was at home, napping. In fact, the author is not sure why this is part of the story, maybe because she is his favorite pony. But, cut poor Fluttershy a break, she's been up all night helping Discord and his employees fight a terrible parody of Barney that the author ripped off from way more talented people from the nineteen nineties.

This has gone on long enough.

Meanwhile, not too far away from the area where Discord was currently getting his own tail stuffed down his throat, Screwball and Button Stitch were walking and floating down Magnolia Avenue. One was constantly talking, while the other was nervously looking around and wishing she were somewhere else, or that somepony would save her from one of the worst parts of herself. "So, yeah it took a while to learn Equestrian language, but that was no big deal. You know, I write you letters every month, why don't you ever reply? Oooh, hey is that a sandwich shop? I love sandwiches! Can we get some, with soup? I love butternut squash soup! And cream of mushroom, but I'm not crazy for cream of asparagus for some reason. Hey where are you going?"

Button Stitch sighed and looked to the skies as if expecting help from above. "For the final time, I'm trying to get away from here! I don't need to be seen with you right now."

"Why not?" Screwball replied with an innocent smile.

"Because," she paused to look around the corner. "I haven't seen you since you left last year, who knows what effects your being around me can do to my stress levels. Next thing you know I'll be speaking in random sounds and syllables."

"Oh I doubt that," Screwball said in an offhand way. She then looked to her left and her eyes went really wide.

There, for her to see above all else, was Discord making every attempt to escape the screaming mare that was trying to land blows on him, without actually harming her. Button Stitch looked on at the scene in awe as Screwball just stood there with her jaw agape for several more moments. "Oh my Celestia," Button said in awe.

"Oh my Celestia is right... You have a hobby shop!" Button looked on as Screwball zoomed past the battling pair and pressed her muzzle against the glass window displaying the little electric train set. "Mom, can I have one?"

Button Stitch trotted up next to the strange mare with a look of awe on her face as she continued to glance at the spectacle in the small square behind her. "Aren't you in the slightest interested in what's going on between your boss and that pony?"

Screwball blew a raspberry as she swatted the air with a hoof. "Please, he probably deserves it somehow I'm sure. So, can I have the train? It looks just like the one I rode into town on!"

"Wait who are you talking to again, me or them?"

The purple pegasus ignored Random Thought as he fluttered past them and landed on the bar. "Don't you remember me? Don't you remember I helped you with trying to get a story published?"

Wordsmith groaned as his brain continued to misfire and looked past the annoyance in front of him. "Uhhh, bartender? This pony knocked over my drink," he then looked for a few seconds longer before adding, "and is probably drunk."

The bartender, Barely Brews raised an eyebrow at the unicorn as he continued cleaning a glass. "It's a bar, most everypony here is drunk."

The pegasus blushed slightly as he hopped off the bar and continued staring at Wordsmith. "Don't you remember me? I'm your best friend, Steam Shine!" He smiled brightly as if saying his name would somehow make a difference to the pony he was talking to.

Hearth Stone flexed his wings slightly as he turned to Wordsmith and placed a hoof on his shoulder to get his attention. "Hey Wordsmith, you want me to get rid of this guy? He's creeping me out."

Wordsmith gave a relaxed smile as he waved him off. " Nah, I got this. Look, I'm sorry, but what you're saying doesn't ring any bells." Wordsmith then went back to face the bar as a fresh drink was placed before him. "Now, I've had a long weekend, I'm tired, and Random, Hearth and I just need to relax, I don't need some sort of plot development to happen around me tonight. Hope your friend gets out soon."

The pegasus, rather than looking distraught, started laughing. "Wordsmith? Really? Did you come up with that name all on your own or was it given to you when you got out of Celestia's private garden to protect your identity from the world?"

"I'll have you know, that Screwball came up with it so we could call him something other than new guy when he said he couldn't remember his own name." Random Thought suddenly clamped his hooves over his mouth as he realized just what he said, and he knew something was going to happen.

"So, amnesia huh?" Steam Shine began to chuckle as he reached into a satchel. "Well, if you really are Wordsmith, then I guess that these things don't belong to you then?" From out of the satchel, he pulled out a quill, some ink and paper, and finally an identification card. "Read it."

The trio of stallions at the bar looked at each other, Hearth shook his head while Random nodded, excited to see where this would go. Wordsmith sighed as he got off the stool and looked down at the card and gasped.

Discord and Ditzy were still going at it, despite how careful he was in attempts to not harm the pony, he couldn't do much without either accidentally causing her to harm herself, or wind up with a good blow landing on his body somewhere. "This is going on much too long."

Ditzy meanwhile continued to buzz close to Discord shouting a battle cry. After a few more near misses she landed one more successful hit to Discord's wing, sending him tumbling to the ground a few feet below. She wen't for another hit when suddenly, she found that there was a shackle around her hoof. "What is this?!"

Discord gave a smug smile as he snapped his fingers once again, and in a flash placed Ditzy in a cage. "There, now that you can't move, I think it's time that you and I had a little talk." Within a second the pair disappeared from the town square and found themselves in the heart of Canterlot's Ministry of Practical Chaos building. But they weren't alone.

"How in Equestria did I get here?" Steam Shine shouted from the back of the group.

"Ah, this is where I work," Wordsmith said with a smile as Random Thought's desk roller skated across the floor with a stack of the latest reports, and Hearth Stone vomited from the strange mode of travel.

"Oh my, what is this place?" Everypony suddenly noticed the mare that had tagged along with Screwball as she cowered behind her. "How did I get here? I demand to see the pony in charge!"

Discord smiled at the mare and bowed deeply. "My apologies, I'll send you to the arboretum to wait as I finish here. Please, help yourself to any snacks until I'm done, and I'll send Screwball in a moment as you were visiting."

Button Stitch snorted slightly as she frowned. "Hardly." That was the last thing she said before disappearing.

"Now," Discord said to Ditzy as she continued to give him the stink eye. "I don't know what it will take to say I'm sorry, other than that I am sorry. I did some things that I regret, but as I said in the past, what he tried to do was already in him. I never intended any physical harm to you."

The mare in the cage snorted slightly as they disappeared, and rather than attacking him again simply pointed a hoof at him. "You lied to me that day, you used me."

"You aren't the lone stranger there. I was a different draconequus back then." Discord suddenly felt the glare of every employee in the building as they stared him down. "Well, not that different, but different enough that I now know something I didn't before." He hung his head in shame as Ditzellia looked on with her wall eyes and heavy frown. "You don't have to forgive me, but I wish to make amends. We may never be friends, and that's alright, but when I tell you this, I mean it. I am sorry."

Ditzy Doo looked at Discord and her frown increased. Finally after a few minutes of heavy silence, she spoke. "I forgive you. But I will not forget." She looked down at a watch on her foreleg and frowned. "As far as friendship goes, you will have to earn it if you want it. Trust will go a long way, and it will take some time before I trust you. Now, I need to get to Canterlot"

Discord grinned slightly as he waved a paw around and a split appeared in the wall. "Well, allow me to say Welcome to Canterlot. Take a right outside that opening, and fly north to the castle."

Ditzy looked at the opening to the city with surprise for a moment before nodding. "Thank you." She then took off for the castle, her mail bag in tow.

"Well, that all happened," Random said as he continued filing through the papers, only to see a new one appear. He picked it up in his magic and gasped. "Lord Discord! Princess Luna and Princess Celestia require us at once!"

Discord sighed as he closed the gap in the wall. "Just you and I, or what?"

"You, me, Wordsmith, all of us!"

"Wait a minute," Steam Shine shouted suddenly. "I was in the middle of something with him, I'm not letting him out of my sight again!"

"Fine then come with us," Discord said nonchalantly. "As of now you work for me, and this weekend is over. So let's get to work ponies!"

Author's Note

This took forever to update.
Sorry if you don't like some of it, but I tried. THUS ENDS THE WEEKEND STORY LINE!

Coming soon, Steam Shine's plea, Discord VS Celestia, and finally. FINALLY I get back to what this story is all about, RANDOM SHIP FICS!

Judgement of the Two Sisters

It did not take long for Discord to reach the castle, but he couldn't help but think he would have been faster if he didn't have so many tag alongs with him. Between Random Thought, Hearth Stone, Screwball, Wordsmith and the latest addition Steam Shine, they seemed to constantly bicker among themselves over things that he just didn't care about one way or the other. He felt the twinges of a headache, and wanted to send Random Thought blasting on a one way trip to the stars every time he stopped in his tracks to point out and pick up a discarded bit.

But finally, after long last the six of them reached the castle's front doors to find it guarded as usual. "Hey Discord, what's with the entourage?" One asked with a slight grin.

"It's a long story," Discord said with a frown. "Like, long enough to fill up eleven months, a family moving twice, life altering events that would make someone weep I'm sure, and a lot of lost interest by the time it's wrapped up."

"Right," the guard said as he looked around in confusion. "Well, the princesses are waiting for you, just go to the throne room as usual."

Discord gave a slight nod as he walked in casually, and the rest of the group followed. As the doors shut, Random Thought suddenly shouted, "hey look, a bit!" Discord winced and was about to say something, when Random began walking with his muzzle to the ground. "Hey look! Another bit!, Oh look, another bit! Oh look, another bit! Well what do you know, another bit!"

As Random Thought followed the trail of bits to the throne room, muttering about how somepony needs to be more careful, Discord suddenly realized the large amount of panicking ponies in the foyer. "Uh, hey everypony? Why don't we move a little faster to the throne room?"

There was a murmur of agreement as they moved at a faster pace as Random continued following the trail of bits to the throne room saying, "Oh look, another bit," the entire way.

When they reached the throne room, they were not too surprised to see it was open. They were however surprised to see who was in the room before the two sisters. "Hey Jess," Hearth Stone said to one of the guards at the door. "What's going on here? I thought they wanted us immediately."

The guard smiled as she pointed into the room with a wing. "They never knew when you would get here, so they went about business as usual."

"Hey," Screwball said as she pointed a hoof at the group before the throne. "Isn't that the gang that held up the train a few days ago?"

"Hey you're right," Wordsmith said as Random Thought finally caught up with the group. "You think we've stumbled into a trial?"

As if in answer, Celestia and Luna looked up from each other and began to address the gryphons and ponies before them. "It is our judgement that the entire gang known as the rough riders, will be sent in to the Ludovico facility in Manehatten, there you will be treated in a courteous, and equine manner, as you are reformed for society."

Celestia had come to a sudden stop as she looked at Luna, who was too busy drinking a cup of coffee to realize that it was her turn to speak. Celestia cleared her throat sharply, causing Luna to look around, and blush slightly as she wiped the whipped cream from her face before speaking. "There are of course, two exceptions to this case. Will the pony known as Bad Horse, and Rebecca the gryphon step forward?"

While the rest of the gang was quickly taken out of the throne room, everypony watched as the two remaining prisoners reacted quite differently to the princess's request. Rebecca did what was requested of her, but went several steps beyond her requirement by kneeling with her wings spread on the ground. However, while she showed such respect that she was willing to lose her wings to the rulers, Bad Horse simply stood still and glared at the two princesses.

The two sisters looked at each other for a few moments before nodding in agreement. "Bad Horse, according to your records that are before us, we have noted that you have escaped from several prisons." She paused to look at the notes once more before continuing. "It also says that several ponies have come to a violent end because of you. Clearly, there is no chance of reform for somepony like you, nor any prison that can hold you."

"So what are you going to do? Send me to death row?" He then shot Luna a smug grin before pointing an accusing hoof at her. "You're outta touch, but I'm sure Celestia let you know that that isn't an option anymore."

Luna didn't bat an eyelash at the stallion's remarks, and simply picked up where she left off. "We are aware of such things. We are also aware that you have a fondness for music that is almost as strong as your love of violence. Therefore, we have decided to banish you to another universe. One where you might either do better to earn your way back, or continue in your ways and become subject to their laws."

"You can't scare me princess, you're nothing you hear me! Nothing!"

Luna nodded at him before looking to her older sister. Celestia then waved a hoof to her left. "Take him to Detroit."

That was all it took for him to start screaming as he was dragged away. "No! No, not Detroit! No! No, please! Anything but that! No! No!" The only thing that stopped the sound of his screaming was the slamming of the great doors as he was dragged off to the mysterious section of the castle, where his last view of Equestria would be dungeon walls, and the last pony he would see before falling through the portal in the floor would be a sneering pegasus guard.

Rebecca meanwhile was still bowing low, eyes closed and beak shut. Braced for the impact of equine hooves crushing her wings. "Rise Rebecca, and look us in the eyes." She heard the voice and shook slightly, nearly falling down again as she did so. "Why do thee fear us?" Luna asked with genuine curiosity in her eyes.

"I.." she suddenly realized that her throat was quite dry, and she had no idea what to say. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm scared because of what I did. What we all did, and what I almost did. I know that I'm not a citizen of your country, but I broke the law here, and I... I just don't want to die!"

Celestia gave a calm smile to the gryphon, and tried to look comforting as a mother as Rebecca began to sob slightly. "As Bad Horse said, we do not kill in this realm," she said softly. "Your offences were not as bad as your leader's, but are equal to some of the others in your gang."

"However," Luna picked up. "You showed that you are not beyond help, nor is William or even the rest of your former gang. But while William showed he knew what he was doing was wrong, you submitted once you knew great harm would come to others if you didn't." Luna rose up from the throne, and pulled with her a black judges robe. "We won't banish you, brand you, nor pass any sentence on you whatsoever. You showed somepony that day that you may have made some poor decisions, but you aren't a bad gryphon, and you will show us that today."

Luna was now standing right in front of Rebecca, and despite what Luna said, she couldn't help but fear her. "But, what shall happen to me?"

Luna took the judges robes and draped them over the gryphon, then took her own crown off and placed it atop Rebecca's feathered head. "This robe is your life, and this crown is your concise. You are your own judge in life. Thus, you shall judge yourself, and tell Equestria what should be done with you."

Waves of shock scattered around the room, as even Discord paid extra attention to everything. Everypony was in an uproar over what had just happened. But even though everypony was shocked, nopony was as shocked as Rebecca herself. The gryphon, unable to control herself any longer, sobbed uncontrollably as she stood there. Finally, after almost a minute of sobbing, she spoke. "I, Rebecca of Gryphania, sentence myself to one year of prison, followed by six months of community service and two years of probation."

Luna nodded in agreement before turning to the throne. "So let it be written, so let it be done." With that, she took the crown back and went back to her seat as Rebecca was taken out of the room. "Ah sister, look who's been watching us from the side door."

Of course she meant Discord and his party had arrived. Discord gave a smile to the two princesses before walking forward with his group in tow. "Greetings to you, my favorite lunatic. I am pleased to report that I had finished doing your dirty work."

Luna's face began to turn red, and she nearly broke into the royal Canterlot voice, when Celestia touched her on the side. "Allow me sister." Celestia coughed into her hoof with a delicate grace, then smiled for a few moments at the group behind Discord. "Would the five of you, kindly wait outside?"

The ponies all looked at each other, and Random Thought started to raise his hoof, only for Steam Shine to reach out and lower it while shaking his head. The five of them all filed out the way they came in, and once the doors shut, Discord gave a small smile. "So you wanted to see me?"

Celestia's entire demeanor changed suddenly, and faster than anypony could blink, she was suddenly on top of him with a look just short of shooting laser beams out of her eyes. "YOU BET I WANTED TO SEE YOU!" The strength of her version of the royal Canterlot voice was so powerful, that if it weren't for some sort of magic, every window would have shattered for miles around. "WHILE YOU WERE OUT HAVING FUN, THERE'S BEEN A SURPLUS OF BITS LET LOOSE IN THE WORLD. DO YOU KNOW WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS REPLICATING BIT?!"

Discord's face was still blown back from the voice being blasted directly in his face, and after taking a moment to clean out his ears of the ringing, he answered. "Well, I certainly didn't approve of it getting out. Wordsmith was put in charge of that paperwork and,"

"Don't you dare try to pawn this off on your employees," Celestia seethed. "As minister, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure everything is working right, and everypony is doing their part." She snorted a couple times in anger before suddenly placing her carefully practiced smile back on her face and getting off of Discord's chest. "Now that that's clear, tell me what you plan on doing with all these bits, clocks, and who knows what else you've mindlessly approved of?"

Discord let what Celestia said sink in for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted. "I'll tell you what you are going to do. You are going to take your little ministry, and send everypony on vacation, with pay. Then, you are going to go out there, and find every last one of your products. Every duplicating bit, every snooze proof alarm clock, every easy button, and every single one of those chaos balls. And once you find them all, you will destroy them. Until then, your ministry is closed. Do I make myself clear?" Discord could only nod slightly at this as Celestia nodded. "Good, now get going."

Discord began to walk out of the room with his shoulders slumped, then he suddenly turned around with a small smile. "Princess? I know it might be a wrong time to ask, but-"

"Oh it is," Celestia remarked with her trademark smile. "But please go on."

"Er, well me and Fluttershy and all those ponies out there, we all really did defeat a terrible creature. Shouldn't your sister uphold her end of the bargain?"

Celestia looked at Luna, who looked at Discord with bloodshot eyes, and coffee dripping from her muzzle. "You shouldn't try to take credit for somepony else's work. No, you don't get your holiday."

Discord was about to ask how they would possibly know so fast, and got as far as saying, "but."

However, that was as far as he would ever get before Celestia and Luna said in unison, "Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey."

"Well this bites," Wordsmith said as he slammed some things into his briefcase. "Less than a week at the job and I'm fired."

"You're not fired," Screwball said with a smile. "You're on vacation."

"With pay!" Random finished with a grin. He then turned to Hearth Stone and passed him a box of pens. "So Hearth, what happens to you now?"

"Oh you know, I go get some shut eye, take a couple nights off to get back on schedule. After that it's back to guarding princess Luna."

As the four ponies continued helping Wordsmith with his office, Steam Shine walked in with a scowl on his features. "Alright, I know what Discord did, and I've waited long enough. You've had your memory wiped by Discord, and I can prove it!"

Everypony moaned as the pegasus walked in and sat down. "Why can't you just leave me alone? Can't you see I'm happy?"

"You might be, but I'm afraid that the pegasus is right." Everypony looked at the door, and saw Discord walking in. "I had to erase your memory when we first met because of your breakdown," he said calmly. "Though I doubt you remember even that."

Wordsmith was about to say something, but Discord held a paw up to stop him. "Let me continue, I can't keep an eye on you once this ministry closes, I'll be kept too busy for months, maybe even a whole year. But that stallion can help you, and, these might help you too." Discord then picked up a black satchel that came out of nowhere and tossed it to the unicorn.

Wordsmith looked at the bag with curiosity. It was a rather plain satchel, the only thing that was of interest was that it was littered with pins, including one of his own cutie mark, and that it said REM Canterlot Ship Yards on the flap. After several moments of staring at the bag, Wordsmith shrugged and finally opened it. It didn't take him long to find what was needed, a small laminated identification card, with his picture and a stranger's name. "So, this is who I am supposed to be?"

Steam Shine nodded solemnly as Discord gave a sort of sad smile. He took off his top hat and began to fidget in his suit for a few moments before asking, "What about you though? I mean, once we all are shut down. What are you going to do?"

"Oh I'll be fine," he said before stepping forward. "I'll be on call with Celestia for a while, but I'll be kept busy cleaning up after you."
Wordsmith winced as Discord said that, and mumbled an apology. "Don't be sorry, you didn't know. The point is, it's up to you. You can go on living as Wordsmith, with only the faintest of memories of the past. Or you can go back to who you were, the choice is yours."

Silence reigned as the ponies all looked at the light blue unicorn. He didn't move for the longest time as he looked at the identification, then at the papers on the desk, and finally at the papers in the bag. Finally, after five minutes of silence, he spoke. "I want what everyone wants. I want a life, I want to know who I am, but at the same time I'm not sure if I can ever be the pony these papers say I was."

Discord suddenly laughed as he snapped his fingers, instantly undoing the spell that was placed on him. "Oh my little pony, you are never going to be the pony you were a year ago, you've grown up and learned far too much since then."

Wordsmith stood there for a few moments, trying to shake out the dizziness in his head. Finally he smiled and gave a nod. "I think I know what I'm going to do." He then placed the identification back in the satchel and whistled loudly. Within seconds, a beautiful oak table galloped in and he jumped on it.

"Wordsmith," Screwball shouted at the laughing unicorn, "what are you going to do?"

"Do?" he said with a smile. "I'm going on vacation, there's stories that need to be written! Come along Steam Shine!"

Steam Shine grinned as he jumped on the back of the table with gusto. "Now that's the pony I know! Where to?"

"To Silk Street of course, we're both getting paid for this break! High-ho side table, AWAY!" And with a kick of his hoof, the table took off galloping for the exit.

"What a strange pony," Random said as he looked down the hall. "I wonder what his real name was."

As if in answer, somepony screamed as the table knocked over a serving cart in it's mad dash for the exit. It's master however simply laughed before shouting, "LOOK OUT CANTERLOT, PHOENIX QUILL WRITES AGAIN!"

Author's Note

Well, mystery solved on who Wordsmith really, really, really REALLY was. A parody of a self insert.

Will we ever see him again? Probably not as much, but we will see Discord return soon. A whole season has come and gone since this story arc began, which means only one thing, we pick up where season four ended with... The Journal of Discord's Travels!

Journal of Discord's Travels

Day One.

I have decided against writing the dates beyond anything other than what season it is, and what day of the week it is. Or not, I don't know or care to be honest. Surely Applejack would be proud to know I told the truth in the first paragraph of the book.

Well, I'm writing in here simply because this was given to me by Luna when I left the castle this morning. OH I should probably mention I don't live there any more. Yeah, Celestia kicked me out until the job's done. Anyway, my first stop is Eagland of the Braytish Empire. For some unfathomable reason, a lot of ponies like to vacation there to look at castles and other crumbling buildings. As if Equestria doesn't also have these things.

Maybe they really just want to laugh at their Braytish accents. I don't know, now where was I? Ah yes, the day. Today I teleported myself and Random Thought to the Canterlot Airship Yards to book a first class cabin on board the Airship Regale. Only to find that by "First Class" it meant that we got the only room that isn't being used to carry mail at the moment. Between the two of us, we have a budget of thirty trillion super bits. Which has the buying power of about a hundred bits two weeks ago.

Once the ship was ready, we headed east. The day was rather bland for a while, and the meal was horrendous. I can't believe how they prepare this food sometimes, it's not even fit for a diamond dog, and they eat anything.

So far it's been three hours into the trip, and I have come to a very important decision. I really hate rooming with Random Thought. For openers, he bounces back and forth in his seat or bed wherever we go and will randomly tell me some fact I could have gone until the end of time not knowing about. But even worse than that, is when he DOES decide to tell me something I need to know, he mumbles it so I have to ask him to tell me again, and when he does tell me again, he is loud enough that I'm sure that everypony can hear him.

Anyway, what else is there I could say? I've got a few days before the ship gets there. Maybe I should enjoy myself?

Day Two

I have come to an important decision, I don't need Random Thought. In fact, I don't need this ship! So I turned the ship's fuel into maple syrup, and had a good laugh at the captain before teleporting to Eaglend!

I have to admit, the gryphons here are so interesting, I particularly like their custom of taking guests to the stocks for randomly teleporting on their queen's lap. (She's a real gem.) But hey, joke's on them because I can escape from this stock at any time I want.

I just don't want to right now is all.

Okay I'm actually stuck in this thing, and am using my mouth to write.

Hope Random gets here soon with my paperwork to explain why I'm here.

Day Three

Okay so I got out of the stocks today, and I know I was way too tall for those things. I mean, I was stuck in one position for the entire duration of last night. Not as bad as my old stone suit, but still.

So Random managed to save me, after a lecture that I thought would never end. Once he was done, we began work at once. Even though I can simply snap my talons to send the wonky currency to a safe place, I still have to find it. So, enter John Smith's device. It goes ding when there's an anomaly.

You would think that being so near to me, it would go off a lot, but so far we had cleaned up around seventy percent of the duplicating bits. We should be done by tomorrow, if we keep up this pace.

Day Twenty

I can't believe it took this long just to do the Braytish Isles. Fortunately for us, we only have so many countries to actually visit on the Gryphonian Continent. I know it's been a while since I wrote last so here's the deal.

At first, we thought that the country side wouldn't be so bad, but it turned out that many ponies like to see this part of Great Brayton. I have decided that I hate these ponies. But it only took a week to take care of that. See the biggest problem I had, was that John Smith kept showing up in his box when we would go back to the capitol city. Sure enough, every time he showed up, something would happen.

Daleks and Cyber Ponies/Gryphons are now on my list. You know, the list. The list of things I will destroy if given the opportunity.

Anyway, it's almost Hearth's Warming Eve back in Equestria, and despite this country being mostly gryphons, there are quite a few ponies here, and they do celebrate that as a holiday. Surely nothing can go wrong with a Hearth's Warming Eve in Lofton.

Day Twenty One

Never spend Hearth's Warming Eve in Lofton. Everything goes wrong, and invasions seem to be the norm. Why are so many alien beings attracted to this city? The strangest thing is that right after everything was over, and John Smith, sorry "The Doctor" disappeared, nopony, or gryph remembered what had happened.

What was I writing about? Ah who cares. Anyway, the train to Prance will be ready again tomorrow.

A Princess and a Peon.
By Discord

One bright sunny midnight after the Prench surrender to the ponies of Spur, a pony walked into a drinking establishment. Little did anyone realize at the time, but you and I do, is that this was no ordinary pony, but Princess Celestia herself. She wrapped the cloak tightly around her, hoping beyond any reason that none would be able to recognize the freakishly tall alicorn pony in a cloak.

Fortunatly for her, and the plot, ~~(lol, plot)~~ none noticed as she made her way past the swinging doors. ~~(pubs still have those, right?)~~

Anyway, she made her way across the room, and fortunatly nopony noticed her because they were drunk, passed out, or both. But the bartender, (a lovely hippogryph named Zelda) did recognize her and waved enthusiastically. "Hello Princess Celestia, I heard that you have a wonderful singing voice! Can you sing, You Are My Sunshine, on my humble little stage?"

Princess Celestia however just shook her head and said, "No, sorry, I'm a little horse," and the bar erupted in laughter. "Hey, come on, what? Where is all that laughing coming from anyway?"

Day Twenty Seven

Prance is just as much of a lovely place as anyone has told me. Surely Queen Chrysalis would have a ball if she brought her changeling army here.

Since the atmosphere here was so perfect for lovers, I decided to ditch Random Thought, and go find a date for the evening. The Queen of Eagland does not like to be suddenly brought to a foreign country, so I guess my date was doomed from the start. Fortunately, she enjoys baguettes and wine, so I bought the ol' gryphon several and sent her back. I wish I could see the look on her guards faces.

Okay, I just brought a guard here to see the look on his face. He's surprisingly stoic for a gryphon trying to slash me with his talons. Today is not one of my best ones for ideas, so I'm going off to the Volière Tower.

Discord's log,
Prench Date, who cares. I'm running from the Prench police right now because they don't appreciate my improved version of Volière Tower. Clearly I should have used baguettes between the gumdrops instead of pretzel sticks, more Prench that way. Fortunatley I lost them in the many catacombs under the city. Crap I think one of them spotted me, time to move again!

Day Thirty Two.

Okay, I think I'm lost, and without a good bearing on things, and I can't seem to use my chaotic magic here. Don't ask me why, I don't know myself. I'm going to blame the ponies in Germaneigh, because, reasons.

Day Forty

Finally found my way out of the catacombs, only to find that Random had done the work for me, and every improvement I had made to Prance has gone back to normal. What kind of omnipotent being am I lately? I suppose I'm one that has limitations of some sort, or at least limitations I set for myself.

Anyway, I just got a letter telling me to come back to Equestria, and to bring Random back, because I'm not supposed to have help in this job. So, let's see what's going on back home.

Day Forty Two

Alright, I should keep a better track on things I did millennia ago, because one of my plans to defeat Celestia and Luna has only JUST NOW taken effect. Talk about a delayed reaction, (I swear this is the first time this has ever happened.) Helped save the day, fat lot of thanks I got for it too. On a more positive note, the Elements of Harmony are no more! On a not so positive note, Fluttershy's stare scares the willies out of me. I think I'll just mind my peas and queues for now.

Day One Hundred and One

I hate Gryphonia. I hate every inch of this continent. It's not the ponies, or the buildings, or the cows, or the mules or anything else like that. It's the gryphons.

You might be saying, Discord that's an incredibly bigoted thing for you to think. To which I say, why are you reading my journal?
It's not that I hate gryphons, I don't really. It's just that they are so serious! It's like they all have a cactus branch stuck up their plot holes so deep that they might just cough out needles any moment once they roll out of the wrong side of the bed and prepare themselves for a gloomy day.

That's the other thing, gryphons seem to really like cloudy days. Sure Prance got some sunshine, so did Spur and Crate and the Minotaur Islands, but Germaneigh, Cowstantinople, The United Coalition of Classified Mules, I think they have a grudge against Celestia and Luna or something because mare, those skies are grey twenty four seven.

What else do I have to say, ah, I'm about to enter the worst of it, the Empire of Gryphonia. I know it sounds confusing, but let me explain. Heck I was there at the beginning so this should be fun.

The Story of Gryphonia
As told by Discord.

So during a period of history known as, A Long Ass (it's not swearing if we are talking about donkeys) Time Ago, the gryphons were considered a mostly nomadic group of beings. Often considered to not be of any special intellect, they managed to survive by hunting smaller prey, and consuming nuts and berries.

Despite the fact that these gryphons were mighty hunter warriors, there were two problems. One was other gryphon tribes, and the other were dragons. Enter into the story Blitz VonFlügel, he was your typical gryphon war lord, young, harsh, and most decidedly greedy.

Blitz VonFlügel was the leader of what was known as the Storm Bringers, a clan that originated in the far north of modern Gryphonia, and they surely did earn that name. Now, I was young...ish when I ran into this gryphon, and didn't much bother to interact with anything, so long as it stayed out of my area. He however did invade my territory. Him and his army of toy soldiers.

See, I was busy at the moment trying to make a cross between a fish and a bird, because the other day Rhyme told me, "that a fish and a bird might be in love but where would they live?" So I wanted to show her what's what by combining the two. Since you are probably interested in such matters, I'll tell you that I never could get it right, and Rhyme would always just smile at me. How I hated her for that.

Anyway, while I was working on my brilliant hybrid, when Blitz and his army came crashing through the forest. When I saw him strutting about, so important I decided that poison ivy underpants would change his demeanor. And oh how it did, I wish you could have seen his face as he began to twitch uncomfortably. He shouted something about how he's going to check on something and sending his army ahead of him, and once they were gone, he stripped out of his armor faster than someone that works in a house of ill repute.

It didn't take him long to find me laughing of course, and it frustrated him to no end when he couldn't catch me. It went on for a while, and once I grew bored with his ranting and attempts to slash me open, I turned him into a field mouse and set him on a rock and said, "Now you look here."

He looked up at me with the pink eyes I gave him, and I couldn't help but giggle to myself before continuing. "I am Discord, spirit of Disharmony of the world, and I demand to know why you have entered my forest."

He was about to speak up, or rather, squeak up, when I heard someone say, "Our forest Discord."

Some of you have only heard rumors of Rhyme, and I'll let you know a few things about her before we move on. While we both could chose to be anything we wanted, she didn't look anything like me. While I would bare my natural beauty to all, she would chose to be something familiar to whomever looked upon her. In this case, she appeared as a snowy gryphon. She walked forward and changed VonFlügel back as if I never did anything and said, "Speak mortal," in an airy yet commanding voice. "Why do you enter the sacred wood?"

He blinked stupidly a few times before finally answering. "We seek to give order to the world, we are only passing through to a battle with our enemy clan."

We looked at each other, I smirked while she frowned, and I said, "You seek to give order, but do so by sowing confusion through war?"

He looked confused for a few moments as he thought of an answer, as if I had given him some sort of riddle. Finally he nodded before giving an answer. "Yes, in order to prosper, all the tribes need to unite under one clan. My clan is the strongest, so I will bring them to me, and destroy any that stop me."

Silence echoed through the forest as we looked at each other. Of course, it was the perfect moment for me to kill the mood, so I did by saying, "Sound's good to me, go berzerk and make me proud!"

"Now hold," Rhyme said with a raised talon. "You are willing to let him destroy for something you despise?"

I shrugged and blew a raspberry in response. "Pu-lease. He's not the first war mongering gryphon to do half my work for me, and he won't be the last. These guys are always having squabbles with each other."

Rhyme looked at me for a few moments before a smile spread across her beak. "Alright Blitz VonFlügel, you have my blessing for this, and you shall wear a crown of many nations that spreads from your frozen and harsh home, to the fertile warm lands to the south. All that is west of the red river shall all be yours."

I wish my jaw could have dropped lower than the ground, because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Wait, what?! You can't do that!"

"I just did," she said with a frown. "He will unite all that live there, and they will prosper in my light."

I looked at the two of them as he began to grovel thanks to my counterpart. He then looked at me, and I saw fear begin to enter his eyes as I towered over him. "Fine, you have her blessing, and I said you may pass, but now I give you this." I then took a pinch of dirt from the forest floor, and it became a crown. "So long as you fight, you will be in victory, and a king of all nations in those lands. But, you will lose your life to one of those that you conquered." I showed him a silhouette of ponies, other gryphons, cows, donkeys, mules, and minotaurs surrounding the crown. "And no heir of yours shall inherit what you sought to create."

After that, we left the area together, leaving Blitz VonFlügel to make his page on history. One I'm sure you slept through in middle school. Everywhere he went, he brought such delicious chaos, only to leave order and harmony, rhyme and reason if you will for those that would follow him. How I hated Rhyme, she became so elated that her way was spreading so far and wide, but I got my kicks too on the battle field, where the words, to confuse, and, ordered chaos, became synonymous with war.

And when he had everything west of the Red River that marked the start of the dragon lands, he stopped his fighting. Naming everyone there Gryphonians, and the empire was to be known as Gryphonia. It was such delicious irony when his best friend killed him. It was even sweeter that it was an earth pony. For the next several centuries, leaders came and went, and the empire slowly broke up, and the Empire of Gryphonia shrunk to the island where it all started. But the continent kept the name, perhaps just to confuse us all. And I love confusion.

Huh, it seems that in my story time with you, the boat has made with port at the Empire of Gryphonia. I can tell from the rain that they still seem to love being miserable about things as always. Oh well, if there's anything I learned about gryphons through Blitz VonFlügel, it's that they can be fun in the right conditions.

Day One Hundred and Two.

Alright, these guys so far have been cordial. Seems that they still tell the story about Rhyme and I, they even have a celebration every year. Good thing it's in a few days, and they are treating me as an honored guest here in the capitol. So far, I have had to sign a few things, and managed to get Equestria back into their good graces. (It's all in the fact that I am me, and I am the best thing since ever.)

Anyway, as I was setting up my room, (nice digs by the way, very posh) I had been going over the letters I had been sending back and forth between myself, and Fluttershy, and I realized something. In a few letters here and there, every one of her friends had at least sent me a "how are you," or "good luck out there," note attached to a few of her letters. All that is, except for Twilight.

Maybe she's too busy being the latest princess to hit Equestria, but I think it's time that I took a day for me. Surely things will go over well if I leave for one day to say hi to everypony. But I need a plan, yes, I need to test Twilight. If only I knew what to do.

Huh, I just realized that all the police in this town are missing, so I asked what was going on. Seems they all called in sick at the same time with something called, "blue flu." In other words, they are striking without striking.

I have a plan.

Day One Hundred and Eleven

That was one of the best/worst ideas I ever had.

Yes, I got Twilight Sparkle, and bonus, her sister in law Cadence to care for me, and even go to the edge of Equestria to try and "cure" me!

Worst thing ever, I actually got sick from a... thing that sneezed on me. Fluttershy got me back up to speed though, so I managed to get back to Gryphonia on time to not be missed.

Anyhow, I still have a few places to see, bits to collect. Will be done in about two weeks before I head south. I look forward to it, because making all these heaters is really draining my magic.

Day One Hundred and Fifty Two

I've been in Saddle Arabia for a few weeks now, and I am half way done.

Oh how I hate it here, I thought the cold was bad, just imagine what it's like to melt like an ice cube when you step outside. Fortunate for me, I only have one more bank to check in on, and I get to move on at last.

Day One Hundred and Sixty

I'm done, and not a moment too soon, I just got a letter from Celestia about something going on back in Equestria that ISN'T MY FAULT! Seems someone got out of Tartars, and Celestia wants me to find him. She promises that once I'm done, negotiations will start about getting my ministry back.

But I wonder, why should I negotiate with her? I mean, I did all this work because of something I wasn't responsible for, and still had to pay my employees. These talks had better go well, because I don't think I can just stand being Celestia's personal jester. Or worse still, treated like some kind of assistant.

It's times like this, when I get summoned to do this and that, no matter who's responsible and it all falls on my back, that makes me wish I never agreed to reform. That I just took over everything once more when the Element's were gone. But I do enjoy Fluttershy's company, and reading her friend's journal has been more fun than it should be. I don't know any more.

Maybe I just need a nap before I get back to Celestia. Let's see what kind of emergency this really is.

Author's Note

And now we are caught up!

So yeah, bit of a history lesson, as told by Discord, a short story that doesn't involve shipping (gasp) that I ripped off from Viva Imma toon link
And I just kinda wrote around everything that happened in season 4! Now we move on to the now, and what happens next. Stay tuned!

Edit:
I changed the name of a character from Harmony to Rhyme. Because, well Harmony felt forced, and I like how "Discord and Rhyme" sounds.

Back to the start.

Discord looked back at the latest addition to Ponyville with a fond smile, and a new sense of fondness for his friends. Yes, now he could admit it, all six of them were indeed his friends. Then he looked to see Celestia standing next to him. "There is much to discuss back in Canterlot, would you kindly give us a lift back?"

Discord gave a slight grin as the two fell through a trap door, landing comfortably in a pile of cushions in Celestia's room. At first, there was a short scream of shock from Celestia, but what came next he never expected to hear, genuine laughter. "My dear Celestia, are you actually amused?"

Celestia continued to laugh for a few more seconds before gaining control over herself and straightening up. "Sorry, it's just that I didn't quite expect that. It was," she paused to think about the ramifications before finally saying it out loud. "Fun!"

Discord looked astonished for a moment, but it was as if a spell came over him, or perhaps the humor of it all finally struck him hard as the two began to chortle together for a few good minutes. "Oh Celestia, it simply must be my lucky day! Do you realize how long I've been wanting to simply hear you laugh?"

Celestia just smiled for a few more moments as she answered, "Eons, I'm sure." Her face suddenly grew slightly more serious as she stood from the cushions. "Well, I'm afraid we can't just sit here and laugh about these little things. We do have some business before the day is done."

"Oh, can't it wait until tomorrow?" He whined while flopping down on the pillows. "I've been through so much more than you can ever realize. Not just on the whole life changing, mind altering day sort of way, but I haven't barely had a seconds rest for months!"

Celestia was already walking out the door at this point, but she took the time to look back at him with a knowing smile. "Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood." She then trotted out the door at a brisk pace. "Come along Discord, you will want to hear what I have to say."

Discord looked up at the ceiling in exasperation, and only gave a sigh in response before uttering, "Fine," under his breath. He continued to stare at the ceiling for several more minutes. Finally he elicited an exasperated groaning sound before just making the cushions stampede with him on them. The entire way down the halls to the throne room, he sat upright with his head tilted back and tongue hanging out.

It didn't take long for the cushions to take him to the throne room, but by the time he had arrived there was already a long stream of drool hanging out the side of his mouth. "Ah, at last the guest of honor has appeared. And just as presentable to the court as ever."

Discord looked down from the ceiling at last, and brought his long standing groan to a halt when he saw the entire royal court before him. Luna and Celestia sat side by side in thrones, while Celestia was laughing behind her wing at Luna's comment, the younger princess acted as if nothing were the matter at all. "What was that Luna?"

"Princess Luna, if you please," she said with a slight snap. "Now, rise and come before us."

Discord looked around at all the posh ponies around him. How they whispered to one another behind hooves, and one or two actually dropped a monocle from their eye. He looked in front of him and saw the princesses reassuring smiles, and Celestia giving a slight nod, still holding the bouquet he gave only a few minutes ago. He knew what to do.

Discord rose from his seat and gave his most impressive bow he could muster before slithering on all fours up to the thrones, and lowering his head in respect. A few ponies gasped at the strange act, simply because it was so proper, and yet looked so strange for a creature like Discord to do it.

"Discord, master of Chaos and Disharmony, formerly known as the Ruler of Equestria, and prior as Master of the Sacred Wood of Germaneigh. You are brought here, not to vilify, but to honor." Celestia paused, leaving a moment for an applause that never came. "In your travels across the Gryphonian continent you have managed to once again assure our friends from abroad that we care not only for our own ponies and their future, but theirs as well. Not only that, but you had also gone above and beyond by moving ahead of the problem, and cutting off the flow of replicating bits before they reached East to Draconia, or south of Equestria to the Zebra Empire by heading to Saddle Arabia, the hottest country of Desertum, which is infamous for being terribly hot."

This time there was a smattering of applause in that Discord had managed to save face of the realm by doing his own legwork in these matters. "However," Luna said this time. "You had betrayed us all to Tirek. You stand here a hero that helped, and yet we wonder if you deserve such praise."

Discord stayed humble for a moment as the tips of his fingers tapped each other. "I don't," he finally answered. "Under normal circumstances, you would call me a bad pony. But I'm not a pony, and these circumstances are far from normal."

"Indeed they aren't," Celestia replied. "But not in the way that you think." She then lifted herself from her throne, and walked down the steps to Discord. "You had come full circle, from a fiend, to a friend and back again. Only once you saw what it is like to be on the receiving end of things, did you see what it is like to fall under cruelty."

Discord lowered his head ever further in shame, only for Celestia to lift him up to look at her with a gentle wing. "You have seen something that most ponies never truly will. To know what it truly is like to be on both sides of things. That is why we are here to honor you." She then looked into the crowd of ponies before her and said, "It is my belief, that with the events of not only today, but the past several months, Discord has truly reformed. And as such, I am proud to reinstate his title as Lord Discord of Canterlot."

There was some polite applause to the statement, even as a few ponies began mumbling to each other again. Words such as, "scandalous," "vile creature," and "punish him," were throne around.

Celestia ignored these ponies and continued however. "Furthermore, as of this moment the Ministry of Practical Chaos shall be reinstated, and lead by Discord after a week of sabbatical time to rest. As such, he will represent his ministry not only in this court, but in the new Court of Friendship, lead by Princess Twilight Sparkle."

Again, the mutterings began. This time, without any applause to even attempt covering. "And," Luna said with a smile. "If anypony here finds this objectionable, I suggest you step forward and submit yourself to voluntarily inspect and test products that the Ministry of Practical Chaos produces before the public receives them."

Silence suddenly rang out at that suggestion. Instantly nopony wished to object, because nopony wanted to test whatever they made in that building. "Then it is settled," Celestia said with a slight grin. I then declare this court session over, and that the Ministry of Practical Chaos will resume in one weeks time, in time to celebrate our newest national holiday, National Chaos Day."

As the words were spoken, everypony stayed silent, because despite how stuck up the nobles were, they would rather endure such a day, than have to live it every day by speaking now. But if anyone was in shock, it was Discord. As everypony filled out of the throne room, he just stood there stock still, unsure of how to react, or even what to do first.

It was almost an hour later when he finally moved. Leaving the silent throne room, only to enter his own quiet corner of the castle. It wasn't as chaotic as it once was when he used to stay there, but it was silent, and still had what few objects he actually owned. He was still silent when he began to sit at the simple desk, and summoned some paper, quills and ink. Finally, he continued to stay silent as he began scratching out the first of many letters he had to write.

Dear Fluttershy,

I don't suppose you would know the news yet, but I have something to tell you, and all my friends...

One Week Later

"And it is with great honor, and humility that I pass the golden scissors to the first friend I ever had, and the best friends that I could ever hope for. Without these six, none of what you see here, would have ever been possible."

There was an explosion of applause for Discord as he stepped down, and Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rainbow Dash all took center stage. All six of them smiled wide, even Fluttershy, even though she kept her face hidden in her mane.

Chaos Day had been a huge success with the ponies of Eqeustria. Despite the fact that nobles loathed the day, Celestia and Luna both embraced the madness, and even as the sun became a spotlight for the disco ball moon, and bananas ran through the streets chasing after chalk drawings of buildings, there was not a bad feeling to be found. Rather than a disaster, it seemed as if Equestria had a new most popular holiday, one that truly let itself go for laughs.

And as Twilight took center stage amid the slight drizzle of skittles that constantly poured over Rainbow Dash, she smiled and said, "We now declare this ministry, open!" All six of them closed the scissors over the ribbon, only for it to shatter like glass. More ponies stomped wildly for several more minutes before entering the new lobby of the strange building.

For several hours the party kept Discord busy answering questions, and being a good host in general. It wasn't until the music started that he finally found the time to go into a quiet corner to relax, and just feel the world move to the music. "Ah, I don't think anything could top today."

"Maybe not, but just wait until you see the bill today cost." He looked up and saw Random Thought, Fluttershy and Screwball standing before him. "So, working hard or hardly working?" Screwball said with a grin.

"Bit-o A, and a bit-o B," he said with a small grin. "Where's whats his name?"

"The author? He's around somewhere, showing off his latest story," Random said with a roll of his eyes. You sure you want him to keep working here?"

"Why not," Discord said with a shrug. "After all, I still need him for something."

They all sat down at the table, as Fluttershy and Discord gave each other a small hug. "Oh, that's so nice of you to let him keep working here after he accidentally let those bits out."

"Yeah, nice, but it won't do us any good if he keeps doing that," Random said with a frown. "What could you possible need him for anyway?"

Discord gave Random a dark glare in warning. It was short, and gone in a second as Discord just smiled. "Well, you remember how I went everywhere to collect those bits?" He then snapped his fingers, and a rather thick book appeared. "Did you think I would just do my work and nothing else?"

Curious, Screwball opened the book and flipped through a few pages. "It's nothing but names, what is this?"

"Not just names," Discord corrected. "But all names, everypony, gryphon, minotuar, mule, cow, bull, horse, zebra and dragon that has ever walked this earth." He then grinned wide as his fingers drummed around the binding of the book. "And so many ways to hook them up with each other..."

Author's Note

What? That's it?
Yes this is it, but it's not the end.

Things will continue at a pace soon enough with the return of more stories from Discord, more moments with his ministry, and more moments with his friends. Stay in touch with this story, and see what will happen next!

The day that Canterlot went crazy.

The Ministry of Practical Chaos had been open for exactly one week and a day. That meant only one thing, it was Tuesday again. Discord was managing things pretty well so far from his old office space, and was just going over the latest piece of paperwork with Princess Luna. "So, what is the location for this new office?"

"It will be located upon the corner of Star Swirl Way and Nobel Road," Luna replied with a yawn. "How much longer doth this usually take? I would like to go to sleep someday."

"Shouldn't take too much longer," Discord said with a smile. "I just need you to sign here, saying you approve of this budget, and I sign in agreement and we are done." Luna nodded sleepily at him before putting a set of glasses onto the end of her muzzle and continuing reading. After a few moments of silence she stopped reading and a small snore emitted from her. "Again?" Discord rolled his eyes as he read over the fine print, snapped his fingers, and a train whistle appeared next to Luna and went off.

"WE ARE AWAKE!" She looked around for a moment before realizing what had just happened, and felt rather awkward. "We, er, I am sorry. It's just that, what do you need this new office for anyway? You just had a new lobby installed here."

Discord signed one of the papers before passing it to Luna and picking up the next one. "Well, while this place is a great environment for us to work in, we have been having issues with long term filing." He continued to read the sheet of paper before turning it over, only to find even more writing on the back. "There's also a problem with how most ponies react to our building in more serious situations. I told you about the new contract with the hospital right?"

"Mmm," she replied with a nod before signing her name on the paper before her. "You're helping out with the Changeling Program aren't you? What is it that you're helping with on that?"

Discord thumbed through a folder for a few moments before he found what he needed while he answered. "Doctor Offering Heart's program is a pretty good one, but what we're doing is offering ponies a chance to see what will happen to them before they agree to anything." He glanced over the latest paper for a few moments before rubbing his eyes and sighing. "We had a mare come in for help because her foal might need a conversion to live and she threw a fit. She said we were tactless."

Luna tried to hide her laugh, but Discord caught on anyway. "Oh come on, don't laugh over this! I sent Screwball to talk to her, and everything! It's not like we're going to remodel the entire building over one new division!" It was too late now however, Luna was laughing openly at this point. Not at what the mare was there for, but at Discord's misfortune. "Okay, it's not even close to that funny."

"Yes it is!" Luna said between a fit of giggles. "Just think about it, if this happened last year, you would have told the mare, 'too bad you don't like it,' and sent her on her rump! Now you're bending over backwards to open a new office just to make a select few ponies feel better when they make an initial appointment!"

Discord failed to see the humor in it still, and just rolled his eyes. "Hardy har-har-har," he said in a flat tone before passing Luna a piece of paper. "There's the last of it. Sign it and you can go straight to bed." He then snapped his fingers and a side door opened up from nowhere leading to Luna's room.

"Yes, that would be ideal," she said, followed by another yawn. She quickly scribbled her name on the document before heading to the door in the middle of the room. "Well good morrow Discord. I shall see you in the evening."

"More than likely," he said with a slight smile. "I'll be in the castle in a bit myself, big meeting with the other ministers."

"Hmm, have fun with that." Luna yawned once again into her wing before shutting the door behind her, and it disappeared as if never there.

"Well that was, dull as ever," Discord said with a frown. He then gathered all the papers, and stuffed them into a pneumatic tube to send them to the proper place before he sat down at his desk. He fiddled around with a pen for a few seconds before tossing it up in the air and waited for it to come down. He held out his paw expectantly, but nothing happened. Finally, he looked up and saw that he had managed to stick it into the soft tile like it was a dart.

He groaned slightly and pointed at it, and then his desk. It then rocketed down and impaled him through the leg. Discord looked at the pen for a few seconds and didn't move. All he did was look off to his side and say, "Normally, anyone else would say that this hurts. But in my case, I'm going to say that this really, really REALLY hurts." He then pulled the pen out with a grunt and threw the pen into a wormhole to another universe where it probably assaulted a low level politician.

However, something else came back, and it attacked Discord's face. He gave out a small scream before it bounced harmlessly off his antler and clattered to the desk. "Huh, what's this?" He picked up the small jar and turned it over a few times. "Newman's Own Salsa Con Queso." He stared at the face of, what he assumed to be Newman. A smiling older human male wearing a sombrero, and a ridiculous mustache. "Clearly this came from a world with humans. Humans like to eat bad things, but they like to make bad things taste good. Too bad I don't have any chips."

As if in answer, another object fell out of the portal. "I thought I closed you!" He shut the wormhole with a snap before investigating the latest object. "Huh, Pringles." He opened the tube, and discovered that they were indeed chips. "It's almost as if I am supposed to have a snack time or something! Must be my lucky day."

He weighed the options for a few moments before shrugging and opening the jar. "Well, at least now I know that they like salsa and cheese too." He grabbed a chip, and was just about to take a bite when he noticed something. "What on earth is that smell?"

Sure enough, there was a smell, like urine, vomit and a dead cat all rolled into one with some other mysterious smell. It filled the room with a noxious gas that caused his potted plant to suddenly curl up and die. "Well, that's something you don't see everyday."

After a moment of thinking, Discord looked at the salsa con queso and held the chip in his talon. "Well, maybe it tastes better than it smells." With a trembling talon, he dipped the chip into the more than likely fake cheese. It reacted by burbling more foul fumes to it's surface before allowing the chip to take away a piece of it's gooey body.

Slowly, he raised the chip out of the yellow lake of who-knows-what-is-actually-in-there, and raised it to his muzzle. The smell began to fade as his nostrils became adjusted, and he quickly popped the chip in his mouth. The flavor hit him like the inside of a roadkill skunk, and as he quickly shut the jar and threw it to the other end of the room, thoughts began to flash through his mind. Oh by the creators, what do I do? If I spit it out, this place is going to reek for who knows how long. But if I swallow, who knows what will happen to me! What do I do, what do I do?!

He looked as his garbage can suddenly ran away, and he knew what he had to do. What he always had to do. He swallowed. The after taste sat on his tongue for a few moments as he scrambled to pop as many of the Pringles down his gullet to kill the flavor of the salsa. It wasn't until he ate the whole can that the taste was finally gone, and he pushed a button on his intercom. "Hello, lab? Get somepony or gryphon over here. I have a substance I need studied."

"Is it hazardous?" The voice cackled back.

"Full bio-hazard threat, be sure to keep sealed until you get it into a closed and sanitary environment!"

"Will do sir, we will be there in two minutes!"

"Good, I'll be here." He ended the conversation with a press of a button, and sat down. He stayed silent as he waited, and began once again to fiddle with his desk. That's when he heard a burbeling sound come from his guts. "Huh, that dip couldn't have been that bad, could it?"

His body responded with a louder burble, and he suddenly sat up straight. "OOooh, okay, uh. Let's see, should I stay or should I go?"

He felt nervous and began to drum his mismatched hands on the table. It was only then that he noticed the label on the can of chips. "Diet pringles... you betrayed me." Quick as a flash he got up from the desk and ran, still stiff as a board to the nearest restroom. Three floors down.

Twilight Sparkle sat down in the theater seat and gave off a sigh as the images continued to flicker on the screen. "Just what we needed, a night out, just the two of us. Right Spike?"

Spike nodded as he continued to munch on his over sized tub of popcorn. "Mhmm!" He then swallowed hard and grabbed another fistful of the snack. "And it's a double feature tonight! So, what's going to play first?"

"Well, there's still a couple short subjects and cartoons. Wagon Train to the Stars will play first, but I think the news is up next."

Spike suddenly slouched in his seat and gave a mighty groan. "Aww, I hate the news."

"It's only five minutes," Twilight chided as the News came on. "After that, there's probably going to be a cartoon."

"I hope it's one with Foxy in it," he grumbled as somepony shushed him, and the news finally started. On the screen it showed Canterlot as ponies walked through the streets and a camera filmed the whole thing, before turning to face the crowd in the theater.

"Eye on the news," the announcer said in a dramatic voice as the fanfare built up. The music changed suddenly as it showed several ponies running in panic. "Canterlot," the narrator said, once again using a dramatic voice. "Is in a panic, as there was a sudden explosion near the center of our great capitol city."

The shot changed to show an altogether familiar building with a giant blast hole in it. "Oh by Celestia," Twilight said. "What happened?"

"The epicenter of the explosion, was here! At the newly reopened Ministry of Practical Chaos! Speaking to you now, is Minister Lord Discord. Discord, what do you have to say about this incident?"

"Never eat diet Pringles."

"Thank you Minister of Practical Chaos, Lord Discord. And in related news today, a giant, horrible smelling monster that resembles warm vomit has been terrorizing Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns."

It sounded too fantastic to be real, but there it was on the screen in glorious black and white. It stood as tall as the medical ward, and twice as wide as it took a swipe at several unicorns fleeing the scene. Even from the distance that the shot was made from, she spotted what looked like a smiling face printed on a jar. What creature was smiling, she wouldn't ever know. Once again to speak on it, is Discord."

"I should probably add that this Salsa Con Queso monster is Newman's own brand of dip, and is theoretically edible. But I advise against it. Now excuse me, my porcelain throne has suddenly called me."

The news droned on after that with another report from another city, but Twilight payed no attention. Anger built up inside her, as she shouted out the name that was destined to forever be her bane. "DISCORD!"

She was then promptly shushed by everypony around her as an usher came up to her seat. "One more shush at you and I'll have to throw you out ma'am."

"You wouldn't dare throw me out! I'm a princess!"

Another shush rang across the theater, and Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship suddenly found herself quite alone on the sidewalk. Angry, and demanding to be let back into the theater.

Spike meanwhile, continued to munch on his popcorn as Foxy drove his trolley car through town, singing a song about smiling or something. "Eh, I've seen this one."

Author's Note

Yeah, I'm a bad person.
Next chapter will be a story by Discord. Anyone care to guess the ship?

Hint: It has nothing to do with this chapter, I just kinda felt like writing this for no good reason.

Also, the cartoon Spike is watching is called "Smile Darn Ya Smile" It stars Foxy and is from 1931. Look it up because, why not.

You are the rock in my life.

You are the rock in my life.
By Discord

Almost twenty miles to the north east of Ponyville, there's a small town with no name. There's not much to be found here, a general store, saloon, salon, and a sheriff. Sure, there's a few other specialty stores, but they hardly ever bother to actually be open.

This town with no name, serves the farms around it. A small outpost of civilization that's closer to them, than Ponyville itself is. All these farms shared the same crop, but the biggest of them all is the Pie Family Rock Farm.

Maude Pie sat still as she stared out to the setting sun, and slowly blinked. "Do you ever feel lonely bolder?"

The small rock next to her, did nothing at all. But that didn't stop Maude from replying back anyway. "No, you're right, there are lot's of rocks here. But sometimes another pony would be nice."

"You've still got us, and mom and dad!" Maude looked next to her to see the smiling faces of her younger sisters, Marble and Limestone.

Maude's face remained the same as she blinked and looked back to the setting sun. "That is not what I meant."

The other two sisters drooped slightly as they went in for dinner, leaving Maude alone once again. "I only sort of wish that I would meet someone different while I am at school. Nopony else is going for a rocktorate degree."

Silence was the only response from Boulder, but Maude nodded at the "advice" anyway. "Yeah, I guess so."

It was then that things became quite different for the pony, because in that moment, she was suddenly in the presence of quite possibly the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria. ~~(Me.~~

~~Now, I know what you are thinking,~~ Discord, you can't be in this story! ~~Well, you put me in so many of yours, why can't I be in my own? So, go buck a tree, I'm in this.)~~

Discord walked up to Maude and gave off one of his classic smiles, and a glass of water. Because Maude didn't seem like the kind of pony that cared for extravagance. "Why hello my dear! You must be Maude, your sister Pinkie told me all about you!"

She blinked slowly, and said, "That's nice," in her usual flat voice.

Discord looked at her with a frown for a few moments, twanging his favorite fang, ~~(I call him Steve.)~~ "You know what I think you need? I think we need somepony to liven up this place, get a real hoedown on this rock farm!"

Maude tilted her head and pointed to a small building off the side of the house. "We have a few hoes in the shed. We use them to till the rocks on the farm."

He looked at the grey mare with some confusion before just slapping his forehead with the lion's paw. ~~(Because it's softer.)~~ "That's not what I... Oh never mind."

With a snap of his elegant talons, Discord tried to summon the premier party pony in Equestria. Instead he got ~~(the background musician's friend)~~ Cheese Sandwich. "Wow, my Cheesy sense never saw that coming!"

Discord blinked a few times before picking up the yellow stallion. "Hmm, you're not the pony I wanted. Where's the element of laughter?"

"The whosit of whatsit? I don't know what you are talking about slim, but-" He stopped, and looked around the barren wasteland of rocks. "Is this Tartarus?"

"No, just my home." Maude said as she sauntered up slowly to the pair. "And I want you gone."

"Gone?" The stallion looked around at the devastating scene before him. "Not without throwing an 'I-just-met-you-and-you-need-some-cheering-up-of-this-place' party!"

The dashing draconequus looked at the pair with a smile. "Well you met somepony new, goodbye!" And with that, the author disappeared in a puff of awesome.

The two ponies looked at each other for a moment. One was bouncing in place while thinking of all the things he could do. The other stood stock still as images of violence no doubt played in her mind. Finally, it was Maude that broke the silence. "Well, that happened."

"Oh you bet it did!" Cheese said with a grin of Gouda."And to think I was going to go to the Zebra lands instead!" He rolled his eyes and made a slight 'tch' sound before continuing. "But clearly this was the better idea!"

"Do you always yell?"

"Only most of the time, why? Do you always mumble?!"

"I prefer to be still. And silent."

"Well I know what can change your dower demeanor!"

"If you left?"

"Maybe," Cheese said with his trademark cheddar like voice. "But I'm getting payed by the syllable here, so I'm sticking around for a while!"

He then wrapped his forehooves around Maude in a tight hug, leaving her quite breathless. After a few moments of trying to push him away, she finally asked, "Can you let me go?"

"Not until you cheer up!"

She didn't sigh, all she did was say two words. "Oh joy."

Maude was turning over the rocks in the west field to make sure that they would get the proper amount of sunshine on their undersides. "Can you please let go of me now?"

"No," he said with gasp and a wheeze that followed. "Not until you smile!"

"Please get off my back before I push you off a bridge," Maude replied with a steely cool and calm voice.

"Aww you're no fun," Cheese Sandwich said with a pout.

"Pinkie would disagree."

"You know Pinkie Pie?" He tilted his head, now curious.

"She's my little sister," she said with her usual straight face.

"Hold on a second," he finally let go of Maude and jumped off her back. He then grabbed a glass of water from who-really-knows-or-cares-where-the-point-is-he-has-one-now, and slammed it back to do a spit take. "WHAT?! How can you be related to Pinkie?!"

"Well you see, my mom and dad love each other. And when a mare and a stallion love each other they-"

"Stop. Just, no. That's it. I'm done here." He suddenly made the sound of a microphone dropping. "I don't care how much you're paying me to read this, it's complete garbage!" Despite how close he was, the ranting seemed far away. Even though it was coming from his mouth, it was as if it was coming from across a room inside him. As he walked away Maude could clearly hear the sound of two voices yelling in a room, and steps coming from within Cheese Sandwich himself. It continued until he finally reached the vanishing point, and could not be seen nor heard by her anymore.

She shrugged silently at the strange pony, and continued turning over rocks in the field. After a few moments, she pulled bolder out of her pocket and stared at him. "You know what, I don't think I need anypony special in my life."

Author's Note

Oh look, I did a thing, with the thing that the story is supposed to be, with the shipping done by the guy, that ships the ponies in the story.

I'm tired, I've been working six days a week for over a month now, I worked all day, and I came home and wrote. I hope you guys like it, I'm trying to get back to basics for a bit. Let me know what you think!

Meanwhile...

It didn't take too long for things to get settled between Discord and Celestia. Stella would work for him to learn more about Equestria's government system, while earning a few bits on the side for food and a place to stay. Celestia meanwhile, was going to put forward funding for her to get better educated on government matters by a private tutor. Naturally, Celestia picked the smartest, most well educated mare she knew.

"And you see, that's why the bit crisis a few months ago nearly bankrupted the world," Twilight said with a chipper smile, only to receive silence in return. She turned around from the blackboard to look on at the lonely library inside Canterlot castle and gave a sigh. "I don't understand why Celestia didn't accept my request to educate that gryphon yesterday."

"Aww, cheer up Twilight, at least you'll get to sit in on Luna's classes once in a while to help. Isn't that something?"

Twilight gave off a small groan as she folded one of her books shut and placed it back into it's spot on the shelves. "I suppose so," she said as she turned around to face him with a frown. "It's just that Luna's been away for so long, that she's just now got to the point where she doesn't have to have somepony tell her that the things she brings up in court are no longer valid." She picked up a set of old saddlebags and nodded a signal for Spike to climb up for a ride. "I think she should be helping me teach, not the other way around."

Spike was just about to say something, it was quite possibly meaningful, and quite heartfelt. However, we will never get to know that for sure, for at just that moment, the door to the room she was in opened with a hard slam. "Behold, the smartest pony in Equestria hath graced your tiny mind's presence!"

Twilight felt a slight throbbing in her temples, and gently applied pressure with a hoof. "Hello Luna,"

"Ah-ah-ah," she interrupted sharply before Twilight could continue. "That's genius professor Luna to you, teacher's assistant Twilight!"

It was in that very moment that Twilight felt a very strong urge to commit a very slight amount of regicide. Not a complete destruction of the system, just one very annoying blue one. "If you only came here to gloat, would you kindly submit all remarks in writing, thank you for playing."

"Aww, somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morrow." Luna jumped over a small stack of books to get closer to the pair and held a hoof up. "I shall, what is it my sister calls it, boop your nose to make you better, yes?"

Twilight grabbed a few books with her magic, and stuffed them into a bag as she, and by proxy, Spike made way for the exit. "I'm really not in the mood for this Luna. Now, let's go meet up with Stella before she winds up doing something rash."

Luna waved a hoof dismissively at the thought as she followed Twilight out of the room. "She is perfectly fine waiting for our arrival. Surely she can not do anything too problematic waiting in our chambers."

"Wait," Spike said as things began to click in his mind surprisingly fast. "Are you telling me that you left your new student alone in your room, where you keep several personal things, including dangerous magical items. With no supervision at all?!"

The two alicorns looked at each other, then away from each other. Luna caught on a little slower than Twilight, but both reached the same conclusion. "Pony feathers!"

Meanwhile, at a part of the castle, Celestia was having a quiet chat with her assistant. "So, you see, that's why I always wear amethyst stones in my regalia."

"Wow, I never would have guessed that was the reason," Raven said with a shake of her head.

"Yes, hardly anypony would to tell the truth. But, you see, the thing is that nopony ever asked before you did." She took a small sip of her tea, and nearly felt green from it's taste. However, she kept her best smile and gently lowered the cup. "Hmm, needs more sugar," she muttered to herself before adding several heaping spoons of the fine granules to the light brown brew.

Raven nodded slightly to herself, unsure of how to take in such information. She instead opted to shrug it off and have a sip of her own drink, orange juice. "So, I hear that you decided to have Stella go through a tutelage as well as her job with Discord?

Celestia felt the beginnings of a headache at the thought of all the paperwork she had only finished filing through a few hours before bed last night. "Yes, I did think it would be best for her in the long run." She looked idly out the window at a squirrel as it ran on a low wall in the garden. "I know she's determined, but I don't think she should just be given the keys to the kingdom, to use a phrase. " She sipped on the tea, and was now satisfied with it. "After all, it takes years of education to become an assistant around here. Right Raven?"

Raven simply nodded in consent as she looked over a few sheets of paper. "Yes, about seven years of schooling to get where I was when I started. Everything else, well, you learn at the job." She smiled in a tired manner before sipping from her juice and continuing to read the papers. Suddenly she raised an eyebrow and looked over at Celestia in curriousity. "How unusual, that you turned down Twilight's offer to tutor the gryphon, and instead chose your own sister. Any particular reason?"

Celestia smiled as she dipped a cookie into her tea a few times before giving it a bite. "Well yes, Twilight's going to be very busy for the next few days, what with her new castle, and the paperwork involved in that of course."

"Of course," Raven echoed before taking a sip of her juice.

"Anyhow," Celestia continued, "Not to mention the furniture she'll be needing, and all those problems that will be brought to her as a princess. Besides, Luna's probably more qualified. After all, she's been apart of Equestria just as long as me."

"Excluding that thousand year gap of course," Raven said with a sip of her drink before unfolding the news paper, and giving a precursory glance to the want adds. Celestia nodded to Raven, and the mare watched Celestia and began to count down from ten. When she hit five, she suddenly saw a slight shift in Celestia's features, followed by three more before she reached the number two. Finally Celestia's face settled on horror when she reached one, and Celestia jumped out of her seat and spilled her tea everywhere as Raven reached one in her mind.

"What is wrong with me?!" Celestia screamed as she began to make a dash for the door out of the tea room "Luna barely is able to get through a session in court without wondering if she could just behead somepony a little bit!" She began to nervously bounce on her hooves as she quickly grabbed her regalia and threw it on. "We've got to hurry, where do you think they are right now?"

"Probably Luna's room, she seems to enjoy having company there," Raven said as she began to sop up the spill with some napkins.

With that information in mind, Celestia quickly rushed out of the room, and made a mad dash for Luna's chambers, on the far end of the castle.

Meanwhile, in yet another part of the castle, Discord was bored out of his skull. It was after all, his day off, and he just wanted to do anything other than try to figure out the work he'd brought home. So instead, he'd opted to stare at the emptiest wall he had in his room, and hold up a sign that simply read as follows,

Anypony else remember when I wrote fiction?

Meanwhile, in yet another part of the castle, Stella was standing in the middle of the room she'd been told to wait in. It was rather a strange combination of styles found in this area of the castle, and most definitely not something she would have expected one of the co-rulers of Equestria to live in.

Granted, there were several artifacts that were quite possibly several millennia old, and the furniture was quite befitting somepony of her station. There were star and moon charts, and several books and sheets of paper dedicated to mathematics, and even some evidence that the younger princess enjoyed painting in her spare time.

But what it was that seemed strange to her, was the shear number of items dedicated to music that seemed to over take the room. And while that wouldn't seem to be such a problem to most ponies to assume that Luna enjoyed an orchestra now and then, it did put things into perspective when she had posters lining the walls of several heavy metal bands in such a way, that Stella was unsure what color the wall was behind all of them.

Stella closely leaned into the wall and examined some of the stallions, and a few mares that had adorned the walls. The posters included groups such as Carriage Stepper, Blended Brother, Iron Dirigible and Rockellica, just to name a few. But it didn't end there, but rather continued as images spilled into the mirror frame, where the princess posed with band members and even managed to stuff a few guitar picks into the gaps of the frame.

It wasn't until the small figure of a mare with bat wings screaming into a microphone surrounded with what appeared to be offerings of dried flower petals surrounding it, did Stella suddenly get the idea in her head that Luna's obsession was slightly creepy. She turned away from the wall with the vanity and too many posters to count, and instead turned her eye to a buero. "Odd, I don't recall ever seeing either of the princesses wearing clothes before." Currious, she edged closer to the drawer and carefully gripped one of the handles. She gently started to slide it out, only to stop, suddenly feeling a twinge of guilt for going through someone elses drawers.

Silence danced it's way through the room, and nopony seemed to be coming, so she shurgged with her wings and pulled the drawer the rest of the way out, and her beak dropped slightly at the sight. "Oh my..."

Meanwhile, at the ministry of practical chaos, Steam Shine, Button Stitch, Wordsmith, Random Thought and Screwball were all sitting around one of the cafeteria tables. "So, how do you like working here?" Random said with a half smile at the three ponies that were brought in a few weeks ago.

"Err," Steam Shine said with a frown. "I don't think I've done anything here yet. In fact, I still work in Cloudsdale last I checked."

Button Stitch gave a small nod with her head and violently stabbed at the carrots on her plate. "I still have no idea why I'm not allowed to go home, I mean, I've got a business to run."

"No," Screwball said with a very serious face. "Not until you admit that I'm your daughter."

"But you're not!" The mare screamed in frustration. "You're a part of my altered ego brought on by Discord when he infected me with your, whatever you are that's been purged from my body!"

"So," Wordsmith said as he pointed his hoof lazily at the pair of mares. "What you're saying is, that you're the mother, and Discord's the father?" The only real response to that question was a slap to the face that resulted in an instant knock out from one of the two mares at the table. And five bits say you can figure out whom was the responsible party member.

Random Thought was leaning with his chin on his hoof during the last half hour of this conversation, and was continuing to not pay any mind to everything going on around him. Not because he was actually not paying attention, but rather, because he had been busy wishing that he was either any where else on earth right now, or they would just change the subject already. As Button and Screwball continued to go back and forth about the logistics of weather or not she is Button's daughter, and the reasons why they should and should not have a relationship, Random decided to shake things up a bit and lean over to Steam Shine. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Steam Shine said with a bored droop to his eyes. "What's up?"

"Do you ever think that we're only characters in a story, but not the important ones, so the author only uses us as filler between important scenes?"

Steam Shine did his best to look shocked at the question, but in truth he only came off as amused. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, I mean, isn't it strange that we haven't come together in weeks, and our lives haven't been anything unusual at all, and suddenly here we all are together trying to hash out some last minute details, after months of never bringing it up?"

Steam Shine then leaned away from the unicorn as he took a bite of his sandwich. "Okay, I'm not talking to you." He then tried to get back into the conversation between the mares, only to find that he'd seemed to have missed something important.

"Alright, so I'll visit, but you have to warn me if you do the same for me," Button said as she pointed at Screwball with a hoof.

"Fine, but only if I get to call you mom."

"Only when nopony else is around."

"Done."

"Done." And with that, the two mares shook hooves, and Screwball pulled off her beany to pull out a rather ornate door. Once again defying logic as known by anypony beside Discord. "I suppose that will take me home then?"

"Yeppers," Screwball said with an energetic nod. Button Stitch nodded back and entered the door without comment. "Just walk through the door and you'll be entering your back door. Just, you might want to use your front door to leave home from now on."

"Wait what?" Was all she managed to get out before the door slammed shut behind her, and disappeared into nothingness. "Well, that's one more plot hole filled in," Screwball said with a smile. "So, what's next on the agenda?"

"Well, we have the issue on weather or not we should keep calling him Wordsmith or Phoenix," Random said with a bored look on his face.

"Nope, nopony cares about such meta details," Steam Shine said with a frown. "How about we do something different?"

"What if we just make some sort of reference to a piece of pop culture and call it a night," Wordsmith said as he came out of his short forceful snooze. There was a round of agreement to the idea, and they all sat quietly for a few moments as they thought of what to say next.

Finally, it was Random who finally said, "I never wanted to work in the ministry."

"If you say you wanted to be a lumberjack, I'll turn you into an Ex-parrot." Screwball said with a steely glint in her eye.

Silence reigned at the table for a few moments. Nopony was sure of what to say to that at all. Finally, Wordsmith looked over to the wall on his right and commented, "And now for something, completely different."

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Princess Celestia and her assistant were busy running through the castle, and Raven was beginning to run out of breath. "Your majesty, why can't we simply teleport to her room?"

Celestia was also starting to become short of breath as she continued to run on through the halls. "Because, there's a spell cast over the," she stopped to breathe for a second as she kept running. Once she felt able to continue, she picked up the talk where she left off. "Castle, it prevents teleportation within castle grounds, except in key points."

Luna and Twilight meanwhile, have just now reached the same conclusion, after trying to teleport and finding themselves appearing in the dungeons office several times in a row. "Blast it all, we'll never get there at this rate!"

"Calm down Luna, maybe there's some kind of secret passage way we didn't think of?"

Luna took Twilight's idea, and ran with it. "Brilliant idea, perchance in one of these cells?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Twilight started before she was pulled along with Luna's magic to a nearby cell.

Luna scoured the room for a few moments with her eyes and magic, hoping to find something that would trip off a doorway or tunnel hidden in the walls. "There's always something like that in those books I read," she said to herself. That was when the door to the cell slammed shut without warning, leaving the two trapped within.

Twilight tried to push the door open with a hoof, only for her to find that it was, of course, locked. "Great, now what?"

Meanwhile, at the barracks of the lunar guard, Hearthstone was sleeping. Since nothing exciting is happening here, let's move on to someone else. Meanwhile at Discord's private chambers, he was now busy holding a sign that read,

If anyone wants to read a story from me, send me a note saying you like stinky cheese in your breakfast cereal.

Author's Note

Kinda a random chapter, but I am trying to set things up for the next one, where we get the ball rolling on some new stories from Discord, and how things are going to develop in his work life.

Discord Needs a Class.

Discord had finally grown tired of holding up his signs, and tossed them out the window to hit the royal guard that was flying past. A surprised shout of, "what the," echoed through the grounds as the guard took a nose dive to the grass below.

Discord thought about leaning out the window to apologize, but thought better of it. Nope, I'm not responsible. He then quickly snapped his fingers and brought a typewriter out of nowhere. "Let's see what I can pull out of my hat today," he commented as he began to randomly type what came to mind.

Carrots Need Sunshine Too

It was a perfect day in Ponyville, which surprised nopony at all, because it always seemed to be perfect weather. Unless it was raining. But as far as I know that's only happened once. And it was scheduled.

Anyway, where were we. Ah, yes, perfect day in Ponyville. And Carrot Top was strolling down mane street. "What a lovely day," she said out loud, which drew a lot of stares.

"Miss, who are you talking to?" A donkey in a bad wig asked her.

"Nopony at all! I'm just loving life!" She then continued to hum to herself as she trotted down the street to her carrot stall. It comes as no surprise to anypony, but Carrot Top sold carrots. What a shocker.

She flipped the sign to open, and pulled the tarp off of the stand to show the crates of carrots she had available, and was clearly not expecting anything special to happen.

But something special did happen, as is likely to do so in stories. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a story at all, now would there? You see, it had all been rather pedestrian for her as she continued to trot on down the street, up untill she fell into a wormhole that dropped her into the fourth dimension. It was all rather interesting in it's own way, and there was a point where Carrot Top became queen of the sock people, but we aren't going to go into that.

Instead, we are going to come back to the moment that she fell out of that fourth dimension, and found herself wiped entirely clean of those more fascinating memories. That was when she had found herself in a bath tub. "Huh, how did I get here?" She asked as she noted the small rubber duck that floated past her in the bubbles.

"That would be interesting to know," Carrot Top froze, and turned around to the voice. Strangely familliar, as if she'd heard it before in some foggy, distant memory of an event she'd been to. One where important ponies congregated on an anual basis. There, mere hoof lengths away, was the face of Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and known prankster of subtle porportions. "Tell me, where did you come from little pony?"

Naturally, after having ones memory ereased, falling through a portal to another dimension, becoming the ruler of the sock people, and then having your memory re-activated without recent events of being said queen of the sock people, you tend not to be very eloquent. "Er. I don'know."

Celestia gave a small nod as she sat herself up in the tub. That was when Carrot Top noticed that she was currently lying on her rulers stomach. "I see," she said as she rose out of the tub. "Well, I believe that there's a special place that I have for ponies like you."

"Is it home?" Carrot Top asked hopefully.

"Close enough," Celestia said with a sly grin.

Carrot Top leaned against the bars of her dungeon cell in an extremely bored manner. "But I'm telling you, I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Quiet in there," the guard said as she smacked the bars with the not pointy end of her spear. "It's bad enough you need to be watched, I don't want to have to listen to you wine all day either."

Carrot Top was at this point, confused. Not over the fact of where she was, or how she had wound up in there, but rather over the sudden inexplicable feelings that she had grown over seeing her ruler soaking wet in the bath. Before, she had always thought of being with a mare as, well, just fine really, just not for her. Now she's suddenly finding herself having day dreams of one, and not just any one, but the ruler of the entire country.

Clearly, she needed to get out of her cell, and probably think things over in a place that could explain to her that she was more than likely suffering from a case of what was known in the castle of being blinded by the sun. However, she wasn't about to tell anypony anything of that sort, and decided that it was probably best to just wait it out. yes, that I think would be best, just wait until they let you go.

And so she did. For all of ten more minutes.

Okay, I think I have a plan, she thought to herself before sticking a hoof between the bars. "Guard! I think I'm gonna be sick, can I get a cup of water?"

The guard grunted out a response before trotting off to fetch the requested drink, and Carrot Top gleefully rubbed her hooves together. yes, all according to plan. She stopped the moment that the guard came back, and went immediately back to acting ill. "Thank you," she said with a slight cough as the door to her cell opened.

The guard placed the water on the small desk in the cell, and for only one instant, her back was turned on the prisoner. But as anypony who works in the correctional institute knows, you should never turn your back on the prisoners you watch over. Unfortunately, Carrot Top didn't know this, and when she tried to sneak out the cell door.

The result that followed was something that was probably interesting, but I feel that I'm not quite capable of being able to convey the imagery into writing. Basically, things happened, and-

"No, no NO!" Discord yelled and threw the story away from him as fast as he could. "Sweet cheeses crust pizza! This is terrible! Where's the romance, the passion? WHERE'S ALL MY CARES TO GIVE?!"

The room suddenly filled with the sound of a heavenly chorus, and everything dimmed in the room. Discord looked over and saw that a spotlight shone in a corner of his room, and there floated down Screwball, the propeller of her hat spinning rapidly to keep her afloat. "Discord," she said in a voice that was more heavenly than any he ever expected to come from her. "You have lost your compass."

Discord looked a little lost for a moment, "Uh, no, it's right here, see?" He then pulled out a compass from the same place that he seemed to keep everything that is simply known as who knows where.

"No Discord," she said with a serine face. "You spent too long doing adventures for the princesses, and not enough time concentrating on what's important."

"Yes," Discord said with a claw to his chin, it's so obvious, I need to study more to become better with my writing!"

Screwball then slapped Discord hard as she could, making his face spin into an unrecognizable pattern. "Foolish fool! Have you learned nothing? Hard work never got anypony anywhere!"

"But what about Filthy Rich?"

"NOPONY!" Screwball yelled before putting back on her serine face. "No, your way is not the road traveled by the sweat of your brow, for you are Discord, spirit of chaos, lord of lies, and your path is the mean spirited one!" She then gave discord a stack of papers. ""Now get out there, and make fun of some ponies."

Discord looked at the papers, and felt the awe of the possibilities, then shoved them aside. "Maybe later, I think that we should probably resolve the thing that's happening on the other end of the castle."

"Oh, is there something going on over there?"

Stella seemed to be magnetically attracted to the book, despite the fact that she could only just barely be able to understand the ancient ruins that graced the cover of the book. She reached out to grab the book, only for the door to burst open. "Luna, you can't possibly;" Celestia froze in the open door as she saw the gryphon standing in place, one claw in one of Luna's drawers and a set of socks on her rear paws.

The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment or two, only for the sound of something heavy tumbling around in the air vent. "What's going on in here?" Raven said as she pushed her way passed Celestia, only for both Twilight and Luna to fall out of the air vent and land on her with a resounding thump.

"WE HATH ARRIVED!" Luna said as she stood in her best attempt to look regal. "Halt right there with those magical, and possibly dangerous artifacts!"

Stella gave a resounding, "ummm," and gave the group a face that was not too dissimilar to that of being caught with her claws in the cookie jar. "It's not what it looks like?"

"Oh no it's not," Discord said in a slimy voice as he slithered out of one of Luna's drawers wearing a pair of panties on his head. "After all, we almost forgotten about how Luna is standing on Twilight's wings."

Everypony then looked down, and saw that that was indeed the case. "Oh my," Luna exclaimed before jumping up off the groaning Twilight. "We didn't see you there, art thou alright?"

Twilight was about to answer, when Discord interrupted, "She's fine I'm sure," he said with a casual wave of his claw. "Now, my little intern, put down that book. You don't know the power of the horrors that lie within."

"But I haven't," Stella started only for Celestia to speak up.

"Stella, just put the book down, I have seen the horrors that lie within that drawer;"

"What?!" Luna said in shock.

"Quiet LuLu;" Celestia said with a harsh tone. "The point is that I need you to put those down and leave the room. I need to talk with my sister and Twilight about something."

Silence sat about the room, until Stella kicked him out by simply saying, "Fine." She then took the socks off and gently placed them in the drawer before walking out."

"Leave the book of fan art behind." Discord said with a sharp tone, causing Stella to drop the book that she had tucked under her wing. It left a resounding thud and flipped open to reveal a rather saucy picture of Princess Luna that somepony had sent to her. Everyone in the room at once cringed.

It took a few weeks for everyone to recover from the shock of the image. Everyone that is, except for Luna and Discord, who had a mild case of embarrassment, and a laughter coma. Discord never did quite recover from the fact that the goth princess could laugh herself into a coma.

Author's Note

So, if there is anyone out there still reading this, I do have to say that I am sorry that I haven't written lately, however I have started a new job as a truck driver, so updates will be sporadic at best. Cheers to you!

The Rockey Lemon Exploding Thing

"And if you look here on this chart, you will find that once again Ponyville is once again driving up our debt due to disaster based relief efforts." The mare paused for a moment to point out to the ministers of the court that the numbers was three times higher than that of even Manehatten.

"I see," Celestia said with a friend she adjusted her small glasses. "Ministers of the court, take some time to reflect on this, we shall continue on with the decision tomorrow."

There was a slight murmur and general amount of noise as the ministers gathered up their belongings. Despite the mundane normalcy that had taken place in the court for the last several months, it was something else that bothered her.

She made her way for the exit herself, knowing full well that, for a lack of words, Discord was to blame. Not by his presence, but his long absence.

It's been far too long, she thought to herself as she wound her way around a corner and took to a flight of stairs. He can't move forever.

She walked through a passage hidden behind a painting, twisted the turn and came to another set of stairs. She continued to vent to herself as she climbed up and exited behind a stained glass window to find herself in the right hallway.

She reached a red door, or rather what was a red door, only to find it painted black. She hesitated before using her magic to grab hold of the brass knocker, also painted black, and gave a rapid set of knocks. "Discord, we need to talk," she shouted at the door.

The door quietly cracked open, only to show that Stella answered the call. "Your majesty! I'm honoured to see you," she said with a sweeping bow before continuing, "But Discord isn't here right now. Can I take a message?"

Celestia looked as though she might have suddenly swallowed an entire salt rock, and felt as if a blood vessel had finally given up. "Alright, I'm through being Miss Goodbar," she said with a tap of her hoof.
"It's been seven months since he'd gone sulking into his room and I'm sick of it!" She quickly and carefully moved Stella to the side as she ranted before stepping into the room. "Now see here, I gave you a ministry to run and;" she'd stopped. For as unfortunate as it was to see with her own eyes, the formerly chaotic room was now quite plain. In fact, other than the fact that gryphonian literature now occupied the shelves, she would have assumed it to be any other guest room.

Celestia spun around and made a rather impressive dumb face. "Ah, buh, what? Where is he?" She looked at Stella and tried her best not to shake the poor gryphon before her. "Why didn't you tell me that he left the castle?"

Stella took a moment to soothe out the feathers on her head that came undone after Celestia's unsuccessful attempt at not shaking her before answering. "He's been living in the closet for the last few months, but he isn't sure if, or when he's going to be ready to come out."

Celestia looked at her with a tilt for a few moments before asking, "Figuratively or literally?"

Stella took a moment to let Celestia think things over before walking to her closet door. "Discord, come out of the closet."

There was a few moments of silence before a muffled "no," came from behind the door. Stella knocked again before Discord's voice said, "go away."

Stella gave a sad look at Celestia as if to say sorry before the princess herself came over and nudged her aside to try. "Discord, it's me, Celestia, we need to talk. Would you kindly come out of the closet?"

The door violently swung open to reveal that Discord wasn't actually there, but rather a small swirling vortex that seemed oddly enough, to smell of fresh watermelons. "Ah so you did notice my absence," Discord's voice called from the void in it's usual snide manner. "Come in, make yourself comfortable."

Stella was about to enter with Celestia, when the solar diarch held forth a wing to stop her. "You stay here, there's no telling what he's been up to in there." Stella looked as if to protest, but at seeing the look in Celestia's eyes, simply nodded and stepped away.

Celestia gave a nod of approval to the gryphon, and then stepped into the portal in the closet, only to have the door slam behind her. "Forgive me that I ask you to indulge me on insisting that you enter, things have been working against me," Discord's voice rang out through the void as she continued to walk forward.

For a few moments, other than how vast the emptiness seemed around her, there was nothing truly amiss, that was when she suddenly stumbled over the lack of a floor beneath her hooves. "Watch that last step, it's a doozey," Discord's voice said as she began floating in the void.

Celestia's first instinct to try and fly, was met with a laugh track as she seemed to tumble pointlessly in the darkness. "Hmm, this won't do at all," Discord's voice said as a source of light shone on Celestia. "I mean, you can't even navigate nothing!"

"Well, maybe if there was something here," Celestia said with a huff as she folded her front legs across her barrel. "Or a point where I could go, I would go there!" She then motioned in the direction that she thought she came from and tried her best smile. "Come on, let's go back to the castle, we can talk things over and;"

"I'm sorry Celestia," Discord said suddenly, cutting her off mid sentence. "But I've been very busy with my latest project, and I can't hear you from way over here." To emphasize his point, a very large, if not strange house appeared in the distance, lights aglow and despite the dark architecture of the place, it was certainly more inviting than a vast nothingness.

Eager to get things over with, Celestia attempted to teleport herself over to the house. She gathered up power for the spell, and cast it properly, only to instead find herself in a forested area next to a low, long vehicle. "Sorry about that," Celestia heard Discord's voice, and placed it in the vehicle beside her. She opened the door only to find he wasn't inside. Rather, it was coming from a small radio in where the dash board would be on a carriage or sleigh. "But your magic doesn't work here. Try the path."

Celestia squinted her eyes to look around, and sure enough the vehicle was parked at the dead end of a dirt road that wound through the woods. She shrugged and was about to take a step when a peal of thunder echoed. She thought nothing of it for only a second before a heavy rain began to fall.

Celestia couldn't help but make a face as she looked inside the metal vehicle, and found a jacket. She reached out a hoof and quickly snatched it up, only to find a brown stallion was sleeping beneath, and gave a small startled scream of surprise.

Unfortunately, the sound startled the stallion awake and he screamed, which made her scream louder, which made him scream louder before he finally shouted, "Why are we screaming?!"

"I don't know!" Celestia confirmed in equal loudness before they both quieted. The two looked at each other in silence before the stallion realized that he was in the presense of Celestia and quickly bowed as well as he could in the front seat. "Y-your Majesty," he stuttered mid bow," I didn't think that you actually heard me, but thank you for coming to save me!"

"Oh well, I didn't;" she stopped before coughing into her hoof and nodding. "Um, yes, yes my little pony, I heard your prayers and came forth to bring you out of here, with the one responsible." She then grabbed a few news papers and pulled them over her head. "But Discord is determined to have his fun with us first, and I need to say a few things to him."

The stallion nodded to himself a few times as he quickly put the coat on himself, and she noticed that it was a mail delivery uniform. "Well, if that's the way out, I'll take it," he said with a brisk smile before exiting from the passenger side and stretching in the rain. "Oh, that's different."

"Excuse me for asking," Celestia said as he came up next to her, "but how long have you been here?"

"Not sure," he said as he examined the forest around him. "I came to deliver a letter to Discord, and he was going on about the grand galloping gala, and asked why the letter was late, and I've been here since." He then noticed the flat front left tire on the vehicle as another lightning bolt shot across the sky like one from a bad horror movie. "At least it looks like there's some sort of place around us," he commented, mostly to himself. "Usually there's just a void and random floating objects here."

"So I had gathered," Celestia said as she took the first few steps down the road. "There's a castle a few miles back that way," Celestia said as she pointed down the road. "If we hurry we can get you home before I set the sun."

A few minutes of silent trotting, other than the sound of the storm, the pair had passed through in silence, and without incident. Which had surprised Celestia, but had left the pony beside her jumping at every shadow. who knows what kind of damage being here for so long has done to the poor pony, Celestia thought to herself.

Finally, the woods parted on one side of the road to show a great iron fence. Beside the wrought iron gate, a hoof painted sign said, Enter at your own risk! Celestia rolled her eyes and shoved the gate open, and as she did she heard a steady beat start up.

It was still a good few meters from the gate to the small castle proper, and Celestia felt a sudden tug on her chest. That was when she knew she should have let Discord's musical license expire last month instead of approving it.

Celestia:
In the velvet darkness of the blackest night
Burning bright, there's a guiding star
No matter what or who you are.

Celestia and the Stallion:
There's a light over at the Frankenhoof Place
There's a light burning in the fireplace
There's a light, light in the darkness of everypony's life.

Stallion:
I can see the flag fly, I can see the rain
Just the same, there has got to be
Something better here for you and me.

Celestia, Stallion, unseen choir:
There's a light over at the Frankenhoof Place
There's a light burning in the fireplace
There's a light, light in the darkness of everypony's life.

Suddenly, a small pack of Motorcycles roared up the driveway, as the two jostled out of the way, the pair of ponies didn't notice a curtain had opened up, and Random Thought looked out at the pair holding a candelabra and began to sing to himself.

Random Thought: The darkness must go down the river of nights dreaming
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
Into my life, into my life.

Celestia, Stallion, Invisible Choir:
There's a light over at the Frankenhoof Place
There's a light burning in the fireplace
Celestia and Stallion:
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

The music ended with a sudden thunderclap and the pair of ponies quickly ran under the small awning out of the rain by the front door. "Let's go back Princess," the stallion said in a surprisingly shrill voice, "I'm cold and frightened and just plain scared."

"Now my little pony,"

"Brad," the stallion said with a frown.

"Brad," Celestia said and tried not to laugh at the name, "Discord's most likely inside, and he's our way out." She then reached forward wrapped her hoof around a pulley rope for a door bell, only for the sound of the broken mechanism falling on the other side of the wall to be heard through the door.

The door creaked open like a classic horror story, and Random Thought peeked his face out at the pair. "Hello," he said in the most nasally voice he could manage.

Celestia and Brad stood quietly for a moment before Brad stuck out a hoof to the stallion behind the door. "Hi, I'm Brad, and this you know is Princess Celestia and;"

"Your wet," Random Thought responded in the same nasally voice, this time with a matter of fact tone behind it.

Celestia looked at the stallion as if he just said the dumbest thing she'd ever heard in her life before blinking it away and responding, "Yes, it's raining."

"Oh," Random Thought said as lightning flashed once more. "I think you had both better, come inside." He then opened the door wider to let them in.

As they entered, Celestia responded, "You're too kind," curtly before throwing the wet newspapers away in a wastepaper basket by the door. As the door shut behind her, she noticed that inside the building, was rather than a large and imposing room, it was a small and comfortable living room, as if from a model home in the countryside.

Everything was neat and clean, and wrapped in plastic. The sunburst wall clock on the far wall showed that it had only been a few minutes since she'd entered the closet, and an open window let in a bright stream of sunlight.

Random thought coughed into his hoof as he opened a closet door and held out his hoof. "Sorry about my voice," he said as he took the stallions wet coat and hung it up. "I've had a cold all week."

Celestia nodded in understanding before motioning his attention to the stallion beside her. "I'm here to see Discord, but would you mind showing this pony the way back to my castle? It appears that he's been lost out there for some time and;"

"Say no more Princess," Random Thought said with a bow. "If you'll follow me sir, it's just through this door here," he then re-opened the closet, this time it showed the inside of Discord's bedroom from the castle.

Suddenly Stella poked her head around the doorway and asked, "Did you find him yet?"

"Not yet," Celestia said with a frown. "But I have a lost stallion coming back."

The pair of stallions left through the closet door, letting it slap shut behind them, leaving Celestia alone in the house. "Well," she called out into the silent house. "Where are you Discord?"

A set of double sliding doors opened, and showed in the next room over was a massive model railroad, and Discord himself at the electric controls. "Over here," he said with a smile.

Celestia walked over as he continued operating the two trains, as they weaved in and around the small town, she noticed the three rail track going around the buildings and over bridges. "Discord," she finally said with a frown, "You haven't been showing up to work for a while and I was wondering,"

"What about?" Discord said as the two trains headed for the same bridge in opposite directions. Suddenly he grabbed a plunger box and jammed it down and the small bridge blew up, taking both trains with it.

"You meant to blow them up?" Celestia asked in surprise.

"Of course, why else would a spirit of chaos play with trains." He then passed the plunger to Celestia and said, "Care to blow the other bridge?"

"Maybe later," She said with a frown as she pushed the plunger away. "I'm here because I've been worried about you."

"Why for?" he said with a frown. "I've been seeing my friends, pursuing new hobbies,"

"Forgetting about your job, the Ministry of Practical Chaos," Celestia said for him.

"Oh come on," Discord said with a huff. "That was so three years ago, now its all about trains." He then snapped his fingers and the layout was like new all over again and he began controlling the trains once more. "Besides, Random has been handling things for me."

"Well then," Celestia said with a frown. "I guess I'll just leave you to your business," She then turned around to the closet that lead out. "I'll just give Random your job, title, room and board, and have him handle the project I have in mind."

Discord's ear suddenly twitched as he waved a claw to shut the doors leading out of the room. "Project? What project?"

Celestia smiled slightly as she turned around to face Discord once more. "Oh, it's nothing you need to concern yourself about, Minister of Practical Chaos stuff. Your not interested in that though so I'll just have him handle it for me."

Discord stepped away from the table and got a little closer to her. "Well, I'm sure he can handle it, being locked away in the office and pushing papers." He then got even closer and asked, "But seriously, what is it?"

"Oh, it's actually a bit of an away trip," Celestia said as she went to reopen the doors. "An inspection of a certain private facility, one owned by a certain pony that requests more bits than we give." She then looked at Discord with a frown, "One that you seemed adamant to keep funded for testing products, despite their often dangerous nature." She then turned back around and opened the double doors. "But you don't want the job anymore, so I'll just go give Random Thought a promotion and;"

"Minotaur pie you'll do that!" Discord bellowed as he followed her out. "I've been wanting to get a chance to go there for almost a year now, and you aren't taking that away from me!"

It was Mariachi day in the break room for the Ministry of Practical Chaos, and the employees were eating their lunch as Flim and Flam's automated music player blared music from one corner of the room.

The truth of the matter was that ever since they had turned on the music player, every day for the last month was Mariachi day, but nopony seemed to mind since they were all wearing ear plugs anyway. In one corner of the room, a rather sad looking group in particular were all trying to drown out the music by talking rather loudly. "You think he's going to come back?" Screwball said with a frown.

Phoenix Quill, or Wordsmith as he was still called by everypony at the ministry, simply shrugged as he took a draw from his milk shake. "I don't know," he said with a frown. "I mean, it's been pretty steady without him. If he were to come back to work, don't you think that the odds are good that things will go bad?"

"For the ministry?" Screwball said in surprise.

"No, for us, as in you and I and anypony else he rounds up when he's got a wild hair up his;"

Wordsmith's words were cut short by the sudden burst of the cafeteria doors bursting open in an orange puff of smoke. Hearthstone quickly jumped up from the table the three of them were sitting at, and was ready to either attack, or evacuate the building. "Everypony stay calm!" He shouted above the crowd.

Of course, nopony paid attention to him, not because they were panicking, but because not only were events such as these were so commonplace, that they had ignored the explosion and the puff of smoke and continued to eat their lunch in silence. But also they were all quite deaf from their ear plugs, and couldn't hear a train crashing into a bomb factory.

Wordsmith and Screwball both walked over to the guard and patted him on the back as he landed by the door. "There there," Screwball said as sympathetic as she could. "You tried."

Out of the smoke, they suddenly noticed Random Thought coughing into his hoof and trying to clear the smoke. "Bit overkill don't you think sir?" he asked as he stepped through the door.

"There's no kill like overkill," Discord said as he stepped out of the smoke and into the cafeteria. "Ah, I see we already have three volunteers."

Wordsmith, Screwball and Hearthstone all looked confused before finally Hearthstone said, "Wait what?"

As Wordsmith started to go into a rant about how he knew something would happen, Screwball quickly wrapped her hooves in a hug around Discord's middle. "Oh it's so good to have you back here!"

"Good to be back, even for a moment, because I've got a great surprise for the three of you."

It was only a few days later, and Discord, Wordsmith , Hearthstone, and Screwball were all exiting from a royal carriage. "Thank's for the lift," discord said with a casual wave as the four of them looked over the massive building.

"Hello." The four of them turned to a khaki colored pegasus stallion. He wore a suit jacket over a black turtle neck sweater, and had eyes as yellow as his shock of hair. He was turned just so that Discord was quick to notice the lemon with an image of an atom in it's center that was his cutie mark. "I'm Cave Johnson, I own the place."

Author's Note

Holy...

I'm still alive.
Updates coming... when I can.
Not bad for a few hours spare time, hopefully.

Cave Johnson pony based on this design,

Back Page Deadline.

At the same time that Discord, Wordsmith, Screwball, and Hearthstone stood outside of the rather large cement structure built into a mountainside, several miles away, Princess Twilight Sparkle was busying herself with her own project. While it would remain to be true that what Discord was setting forth to do that day was of vital importance to the advancement of chaotic based sciences, what she had set forth to do was so vital, that the fate of Equestria rested upon her capable back.

"Spike, what's a four letter word for precipitation?" Twilight asked with a frown as she looked up from the newspapers weekly crossword puzzle.

Spike looked up from his comic book with a deep frown before slamming a palm into the center of his face. "Rain, Twilight, the answer is rain."

"Of course!" Twilight loudly proclaimed as she clopped her hooves together with glee. "It was so obvious!" She then quickly scribbled the word down in the puzzle before pausing to look up again at Spike. "So, what do you know of a common vernacular expletive that comes in four letters that describes the action of-"

The question was left unfinished, as her train of thought was broken by a slight breeze from the nearby open window scattered her papers across the room. "Shoot!" Twilight exclaimed as she quickly set about to reorganize the paper.

"I doubt that's quite the answer that the crossword demands," Spike said with no small amount of snark in the tone of his voice.

"Ha ha. Very funny," Twilight grumbled as she tried to organize the paper properly. As she did, an article had caught her eye, or rather, the name of the writer had caught her attention. "Hey Spike, check this out," she quickly folded the page open to display the rest of the story properly.

"What is it?" Spike said as he sauntered over with mild bemusement. "Did the mayor decide to install another emergency shelter for Ponyville?"

"No," Twilight said as she glanced over the article a few times in thought. "But she probably should, considering." She paused for a few moments in reflection before shaking the train of thought off the tracks. "Anyway, it's right here," she said calmly as she pointed a hoof to the article for Spike to read to himself.

He looked over the title with bemusement for a moment before laughing slightly. "You mean to tell me that Discord wrote a story about you for the local paper?"

"Don't laugh Spike," Twilight chided as she stood to move herself and the paper to a better reading location. "I was the one that told him to take writing as a hobby, I'm just glad that it's starting to pay off for him."

"Yeah, but publication in the Ponyville Press isn't exactly prestigious publication," Spike said with a grin.

"Oh shush," Twilight said as she lay the paper down on a table. "Do you want to read this with me?"

"Eh," Spike shrugged and tried to scratch that one spot on his back that always seemed to itch, but he could never reach. "I think I'd rather go back to the comic I was reading."

"Suit yourself," Twilight said as she sat herself down on a pillow to begin reading.

Twilight Sparkle Doesn't Get Her Morning Cup of Coffee
By Lord Discord, The First, Last and only Lord of the Ministry of Practical Chaos. Esquire. LLC. Copyright. Limited.
Edited by Rough Draft

It all started on a Tuesday. Or was it a Thursday? Whatever, it doesn't quite matter. But none-the-less, it all started on a day. Not a night. And definitely not last night.

Where was I, ah, yes. So On the day that had started like so many others, she had stretched and yawned groggily as she slammed her eyes against the brightness of the light that was magnified by living in a giant crystal tree. "Celestia is torturing me," she muttered as she blindly fumbled her way out of bed.

After successfully falling out of the edge of her bed, Twilight gave a groan in defeat as she lay sprawled on the floor. "Why," she said more to herself than anyone else. "Why must I live in a giant prism?"

Slowly, but surely, Twilight managed to open her eyes properly and let them get adjusted to the ambient brightness of her room. As soon as she could see properly, she stood up and shuffled her way through the cavernous crystal tree that she called a home, and attempted to find her kitchen.

At first she stumbled through the halls, a broken mare with hardly the power to manage her way over a sudden carpet that lined part of the floor. But soon enough the initial fog had lifted partly for a few words to seep into her consciousness. Migraine, bright, headache. Need, coffee...

Sure enough, the high level of headache she was currently experiencing was due to none other than the infamous lack of caffeine. It wasn't much talked about in the papers, but if there was something that all the royalty seemed to be addicted to, it was a lack of good ol C8H10N4O2 that was starting to slowly drive her mad.

So it didn't take her long to decide to hustle off to the kitchen for her favorite bean, before she started to climb the walls, or worse still brought harm to somepony over her lack of coffee.

She briskly pushed open the kitchen door and found her resident ~~pet wyrm servant slave~~ assistant Spike had already been awoken before her, and was just starting to make himself a bowl of cereal. "Morning Twilight, how'd you sleep?"

Twilight had meant to say, "Very well Spike, thank you. How did you sleep?" But instead, all that came out was a primordial grunt as she slammed open a cabinet and pulled out a can labeled, Chock Full O' Nuts.

Her magic didn't fumble anymore as she automatically brought the can over to the coffee maker, and she quickly dumped some water into the machine and placed a fresh paper cone inside the filter. All she needed to do now, was add two heaping scoops into the paper filter and turn it on. Something she could do half asleep anyway.

She opened the lid to the coffee can, and screamed at the sudden barrage of spring loaded paper snakes that jumped out at her. "What the," she yelled, but couldn't think of how to finish as the fog that the shock had cleared away started to ebb back, this time with an anger filter added to it. "Spike, where's my coffee?"

"Well, I found out that you had run out, so I thought that if I startled you enough, you'd be awake." Spike explained as logically as possible. "Did it work?"

He looked up to find himself suddenly in the shadow of the much taller alicorn. "No, it didn't work Spike," Twilight said as a strange glow came to her eyes. "But I just discovered something," she said as she began to levitate Spike closer to her muzzle."I just discovered that I hate when anypony pranks me before my morning cup of coffee..."

A few moments later, Twilight walked out of the kitchen with some determination in her step, leaving behind Spike as he struggled out of the duct tape that he'd been stuck to the ceiling with. "Stick around Spike," Twilight said bitterly. "I need to find coffee."

Stop Number One, Ponyville Market

The sights and smells of the open air market that dominated the center of Ponyville was a mostly unwelcome assault on Twilight's senses. As she wandered about, she moved from stall to stall in search of anypony selling any amount of the revered bean, but after the first three stalls, she'd quickly discovered that the usual haunts she'd selected for getting coffee for home were out of stock. And so it was that she'd decided to go ask somepony else that would possibly know what was going on.

"So I came to you, do you know what's going on today Applejack?" Twilight asked before a yawn suddenly overtook her.

"Well shoot," Applejack said in her usual drawl. "Didn't you read the papers this morn'?" Applejack then fished out a copy of that mornings papers. She then showed Twilight, right there on the front of the paper in big headlines it screamed, Trade Agreements Fall Apart, Zebras Brings Export of Coffee to a HALT! "I can't believe that you didn't see it," Applejack said with a small chuckle. "Good thing that I don't drink coffee, or I'd be climbing the walls right now."

Twilight read the article in a matter of seconds, glancing over the most important aspects quickly as the urge to climb walls came over her. She quickly put down the paper in disgust before trotting away. "You alright sugar cube?" Applejack asked tentatively as Twilight headed off.

"I can't answer that to you, because you don't drink coffee, therefore you aren't to be trusted." With that, she quickly headed off to Java Bean's coffee shop. Surely he'd have what she desired, even if it was just one lone cup. As she moved farther away, Applejack picked up a small microphone and spoke softly into it. "Abort mission, she's onto us."

Stop Number Two, Java Bean's

Twilight turned around the corner half a block from one of her more usual morning haunts, Java Bean's. As she turned the block however, she quickly ran into somepony's rear and fell over onto her. Who fell into the pony in front of her, and so on for the long half a block line of mares and stallions that were waiting patiently to get into the business. It all came to a head as the last domino of a pony up front fell over and smashed his muzzle into the counter.

Everypony in the line stood and quickly looked back to see the start of the trouble was Twilight, and gave her a dark glare. She had the ability to blush sheepishly for a few seconds before they all went back to their business of waiting in line.

Five minutes later, and Twilight had only barely managed to not fall back asleep as the line shuffled a few pony lengths forward. She had at this point decided that it would probably suit her for the best if she tried to think of what flavor she'd want in her coffee before going in.

Half an hour later, the line had dwindled down as the ponies up front had been served their drinks and happily trotted out with their much needed morning perk. Twilight however was at this moment trying not to strangle the pony behind her that wouldn't stop talking.

Another half an hour later, and Twilight had finally snapped and had taped shut the mouth of the mare behind her, and settled in for the ongoing headache, and attempted to massage her temples to help.

Finally, after a grand total of one and a quarter hours of standing in line, it was finally time for her to be served a drink. This was it, the moment she'd been waiting for, finally, Twilight was going to get her morning cup of coffee! Oh sure, it was now nine in the morning, and it wasn't going to get any earlier, but at least now, she knew that her routine could finally begin properly.

Java Bean smiled brightly at her, as he leaned onto the counter, exausted, but ready for yet another order. "Twilight Sparkle, haven't seen you in a few weeks. How's things going for you?"

"Need, coffee." Twilight answered in softly measured words as she lay a few bits on the counter.

Java Bean looked at the bits and gave a small sigh. "Sorry Twilight, but I'm afraid that due to the shortage, we're out of coffee."

The words hit Twilight like a small truckload of bricks. She twitched slightly as she leaned closer to the shop owner and whispered, "Then what are you doing open right now?"

"Well, I've got tea," he offered with a small smile as he pointed to a rack of several teas. "I had coffee up until a few customers ago, but if you really want a cuppa coffee, I still have some decaf and-"

"Decaf is for the weak," Twilight said as her magic started to grab Java Bean by the scruff of his collar. "I need real coffee!" With that, she let go of the stallion and grabbed her bits to try somewhere else.

Stop Number Three, Sugar Cube Corner

The little bell above the shop rang gleefully as Twilight entered the thankfully empty shop. Pinkie Pie was behind the register and the first thing that she noticed about Twilight was that she had a definite slump to her attitude. Something was off about her, it was as if the light had been shut off in her eyes, and she was only one step away from doing something terrible.

Twilight stomped her way to the counter, a dangerous glow in her bloodshot eyes as she slammed a bag of bits on the counter. "Coffee. I know you have it Pinkie, give me all your coffee."

Pinkie Pie looked at Twilight as she nervously tapped her hooves on the counter. Twilight had a visible twitch as she stood there, and she knew that anything might set her off at any moment. So like a seasoned bomb squad pony, Pinkie tried to defuse Twilight Sparkle, potential H-bomb. "Uh, well, I think I have something in the back of the store, let me just have a look around."

Pinkie burst through the kitchen doors in a rush, and started opening doors in a panic. "Misses Cake, please tell me that we still have our stash of coffee somewhere back here!"

Misses Cake looked at the rushing pink pony with worry as she quickly filed through the cabinet doors before slamming them shut and trying another one. "Pinkie dear, I know that you have a bit of an energy crisis right now, but you know that we don't have anymore coffee."

Pinkie opened another door and pushed a button in the back. "I can't tell Twilight that we're out of coffee, have you seen her?!"

Misses Cake looked worried suddenly, and she glanced a peek out of the kitchen to see the twitchy princess slumped over the counter licking a dark brown stain of spilled coffee from who knows how long ago. "Oh my goodness."

"Oh my goodness is right!" Pinkie cried as she galloped up the stairs from behind the closet. "I don't have anything in my party stores either! All I have is my stash of Twenty Four Hour Energy drinks!" She held one up in contemplation. "Maybe this will be okay?"

Twilight was becoming quickly uncomfortably un-energetic. Desperate for anything to reign in her focus, she gave a small nod, wincing slightly from her headache.

Faster than the pony eye could track, Pinkie quickly dissappeared, then reappeared with a small bottle that looked as if it had no more than a few drops of liquid. Twilight gave the bottle a bleary eyed look of disgust, and quickly popped open the bottle to down it in seconds.

It tasted like crushed vitamins mixed with a fruit pouch drink, but she got it down without much hassle. "So, how do you feel Twilight?" Pinkie asked with a smile.

Twilight didn't move, but instead stood as still as a statue. After more than ten seconds of not moving to even blink, and seeming to not breathe, Pinkie became worried.

That was when she noticed that Twilight's pupils began to dialate. Twilight also began to vibrate violently, like she was a pony on a shake table. Then Twilight suddenly became very animated, and moved at a speed that was uncomfortable to watch. "OHBYCELESTIAITHINKTHATICANDOTHETHINGINEEDEDTODO,HURRYTHERE'SCOFFEETOBEHAD!" And with that, Twilight gave a mighty leap, leaving a set of alicorn shaped holes from the celing, through all the floors all the way to the roof, letting dusty sunshine spill over the display case.

"Oh, Missus cake isn't going to believe this, or like it either." Pinkie said with a frown.

Deep out in space, a federation ship glided silently towards a nebula. "Senior officers, report for duty, commander," the captain said as she sat down in the captain's chair. Set a new course, there's coffee in that nebula."

The ship accelerated forward, and as the nebula grew nearer, a small orb with what looked like an electronic eye shouted, "SPAAAAAACE!" before passing out of sight of the ship.

"Voyager logs, stardate... something, I can't remember. Captain Sparkle reporting, we've been in lost in the far side of the galaxy for some time, and it is unknown to the crew when we will be home at Equestria again, but-"

Twilight woke up from the dream with the sudden jolt of what felt like a sledge hammer to the horn. "Wha-"

"She's gaining conciousnes, everypony back away!"

Twilight smacked her mouth a few times, trying to figure out the right word for the strange, sticky feeling. "Ugh, my mouth tastes like," she paused, unsure of just the right way to put it. "Like, there's a party in my mouth, and everypony is throwing up."

"Twenty-four hour energy?" Somepony nearby asked, as Twilight gave a shaky nod the crowd began to murmer. "Alright, we need to get 'er to the ER, on three, lift. One, two, three, LIFT!" And with that, the pair of paramedics quickly picked up the rather unfortunate stallion that Twilight had fallen on.

Twilight sat up dazed for a moment before asking, "hey what about me?"

"You're an alicorn, I'm sure you'll be fine," one of the paramedics responded as she scooted away with the stallion.

The crowd broke up and watched as the ambulance wagon was hauled away, the pony pulling making "wa-uhh wa-uhh" noises as he ran. Twilight Sparkle however, felt perfectly fine for the first time all day. "Well," she said to herself. "I guess that I'll be alright, surely nothing bad could come out of an energy drink instead of drinking coffee, right?"

Forty eight hours later...

Things were on fire. This was an accurate description of Ponyville on a typical Saturday, but usually it was minimal, and easy to repair. This was not the case.

"I AM YOUR GODDESS! BRING ME MORE ENERGY!" Twilight bellowed before downing another energy drink and moving on to the next shop. She looked at the name of the store, the pear store and proceeded to set it on fire. "THIS STORE SELLS NO PEARS! IT SELLS MAGICAL AND MECHANICAL COMPUTATION DEVICES! ILLOGICAL! IT MUST BE DESTROYED!"

Naturally, fans of the company completely failed to save a single device, simply because Doors users wished to, and did, add lamp oil to the fire. The Pear fan's tears were said to be salty, but useless for putting out the latest fire to Ponyville.

"Pinkie," Rainbow Dash shouted over the sounds of destruction's synthetic string sounds. "We need to do something!"

Pinkie lifted the silver visor up from her face and stepped out of the silver colored vehicle to dramatically look at one of the many watches on her left foreleg. "If my calculations are correct, when that pony hits 88 hours awake, were gonna see some serious-"

"We don't have eighty eight hours!" Rarity yelled as she ran to dodge a flaming toaster. "We need to stop her now!"

Pinkie looked at her watches and then chuckled. "Oops, silly me. I was looking at the wrong watch. She's gonna pass out in... two seconds."

Twilight turned to the local cinema, and started throwing bits at the front doors. "I WISH TO FUND MORE DOCUMENTARIES! She suddenly fell forward and snored loudly in the large pile of coins, which were quickly swept away by the local populace.

"Wow," Rainbow Dash said as she wiped her brow from sweat. "How'd you know Pinkie?"

"Silly Dashie," she said with a sad shake of her head. "For every great rush, there's a crash." She then stuck a cork on Twilight's horn and grabbed some twine from who knows where, and tied up Twilight. "And that's how Equestria was saved."

The fire raged on of course, but hey, what do you want.

Celestia chuckled lightly to herself as she finished the story. That's when the door to her dining room burst open as Twilight marched in. "Princess Celestia, I think we need to talk. Discord's getting way out of hoof!"

Celestia clicked a button down on her stopwatch and looked at it. "Hmm, five minutes and forty two seconds, you found Discord's story pretty fast I see." She then raised a mug and passed it over to Twilight with a smile. "Have you had your coffee yet? I poured you a cup."

Author's Note

Next chapter available soon as I can.

Practical Chaos Pt.1

Meanwhile, at the place with the thing...

The group continued down the hallway at a brisk speed, as Cave lead the way, Discord lazily floated above the group trying not to fall asleep as Cave continued to drone on. "And that's when I found out that one of the Cave's was obsessed with some kind of half spider, thing. Sold newspapers, didn't have any mind for science at all."

"Well," Wordsmith said with a frown, "that's certainly-"

"Uselessly boring," Discord said haughtily. "Listen, I didn't drag myself cross country to listen to you talk about yourself in other dimensions. I came over to see what you are doing with our funding."

Cave cleared his throat nervously before continuing on. "Ah yes, the funding. Well as you can see, due to your generous funding, we were able to expand our testing facility." He paused before a door that was marked with a sign warning about the dangers of opening it's doors too quickly. "In here is were we have the master control room for the test chambers, there's very sensitive equipment inside, so don't get all touchy feeley with everything, understood?"

The group nodded in agreement, and with their consent he kicked the doors as hard as he could. The sound of a pony screaming as he flew away from the door that struck him was quickly followed by the sound of something shattering. "Alright everyone, inspection time! What have you got for us?"

There were two ponies and a diamond dog in the room. The one that had gone for an unscheduled flight was currently pulling himself out from a glass table that had shattered under his weight, spilling the other's lunch all over him. "This one has canned spaghetti," one of them called from the back.

A normal pony would have been embarrassed and backed off quietly. Cave wasn't like any other pony. 'What are you all doing? What do I pay you for, loafing about? I need pictures, pictures of Spider-mare! I mean, results! SCIENCE!"

While Discord's group was confused, Discord himself and the employees of the room seemed nonplussed at the whole scene. "So, boss pony does not want my canned spaghetti?" The diamond dog said with a frown.

Silence sat in the room like an unemployed musician on a couch, and it was violently ejected when Cave threw a chair at the diamond dog, smashing into splinters on the dog's head. The dog whined and grabbed his head as Cave stood tall and towered over the cowering dog. "Do you know why I threw that chair at you?"

"Because you're trying to win an Oscar?" The dog offered with a smile.

Discord sauntered over and looked over the dog with what could pass for pity. "Cave, I don't think that was entirely necessary."

Cave was suddenly wearing very round thick framed glasses, where they came from nopony was sure. "Boss breaks chair over employee's face," Cave said with an air of a professor lecturing to a large group. "We've seen it, covered it." A panel opened up on a wall for a trio of large mechanical ponies to sing in a bass tone, "We've got farmers. Bum-ba-da-bum-bum-bu-du-ba!"

"Let's move along," Cave said swiping off the pair of glasses. Discord's group seemed much more unsure of this trip than they were before.

Elsewhere at the castle with the ponies... IN CANTERLOT!

"I'm so very glad to see you all here my little ponies," Celestia said to Twilight and her friends. She paused for a moment before adding, "And Stella." Stella waved energetically at the princess before a loud cough was heard off to the side of the throne. "Oh, Luna!" Celestia exclaimed, "I didn't see you there in my shadow. Glad you could make it at such an early hour."

Twilight felt an involuntary twitch of her wings as she looked at the clock. It was a little after two in the afternoon, and Luna looked as if the only thing keeping her standing was a comically large cup of coffee. "I couldn't sleep," Luna said in a monotone. "Especially since you had somepony ring a bell."

"Surely a little bell ringing wouldn't bother you." Celestia said with a smile.

"He was in my room."

"That sounds silly." Celestia returned.

"I think I gave him a concussion," Luna said with a frown before settling back into her sister's shadow.

"Anyway," Celestia continued. "We are gathered here today to discuss the Discord problem." Celestia's horn glowed as she pulled out a small stack of papers. "While I know that he's been having several moments together with the six of you."

"Seven." Starlight suddenly interjected.

"Seven," Celestia corrected.

"Eight" Stella said with a frown.

"I'm not addressing you," Celestia said, "I know you work with him but I'm talking about Twilight and her Ponyville friends."

"Then the Great and Powerful TRRrrrrrrRRRrrRRRRrrrrRRIXIE!" Trixie said with a particularly long rolling of her R's. "Would still make it eight."

Celestia began to rub her temples and closed her eyes. "Fine. EIGHT of you."

"What about me?" Spike said in a small voice. "Don't I count?"

"Spike," Celestia said with restraint in her voice. "I'm not in the mood for this. Just consider yourself as Twilight's uncounted shadow."

Spike drooped visually at this as Rarity spoke up. "I'm sorry Princess Celestia, I know Spike's a dragon, but he is a part of our group!"

"Rarity, be quiet." Luna said before downing more of her coffee. "You're all equal in my eyes, all ten of you."

"Yes," Celestia said. "Everypony is equal in my eyes. Except Twilight. She's special." She paused for a moment of thought before finishing with, "And Shabadoo my court jester." Shabadoo beamed brightly and made the sound of a bulb horn honking before playfully cavorting out of the room. "My speed you magnificent-"

"Sorry," Applejack interrupted. "But what is the purpose of me being here? I've got farmin' to do."

"Did somepony say anything? Celestia asked the group. Everypony, even King Thorax shook their heads while Applejack unleashed a storm of a thousand dirty words you can't write in a story rated for everypony.

Elsewhere at Aperture...

"Ahh, here we are," Cave said with the air of a gracious host as he opened the door to another room. "This here is one of our many testing chamber control rooms." He held the door open for the group as they fell into a line by the observation window.

"So what exactly are you testing here?" Hearthstone said as he tried to peer through the glass into the dark room. "I don't see much going on."

"This is our chamber for our multiverse initiative program," Cave said with pride. "We knew that you were coming and decided it would be a good exercise for our team to show you this before sending it off to the so-called, Cave Prime." He said the last two words with contentment.

"Mr. Johnson?" Screwball said with a frown, "you okay? You sounded as if you had contentment in your voice when you meant to have contemptment."

"Don't tell me how I feel when I hate not being the original," Cave grunted as he sat and spun in an office chair. "At least, that's what he says I am. Or said, it's been a while. ANYWAY!" He flipped a switch and lights came on through the other side of the window. This test chamber is something we put together just for you."

The chamber lights flickered for a few moments as the fosforescente tubes warmed up. When they finally became steady, it revealed a massive room with slate black walls, two openings, one of which had a lazer grid in front of it, two doors, one down and to the right, and one that was level with them and attached to a stationary platform on rails. The problem was there was no way to reach the platform, and it was too far away from the door.

"This test is called Practical Chaos, in honor of your very generous donation." Cave said with a smile. "We've taken surveys from our scientists, as well as your own ministry to see how far we can push ponykind in these test chamber scenarios." He casually flipped another switch and a large bulky computer began to spin reels and whir as it's printer spat out an image.

"If you look here on the map," he paused as the printer continued to use numbers, lines and other symbols to print out the map. Finally it was ready and he yanked it away, "this chamber has within it's confines a large maze one needs to navigate in order to get several cubes and spheres. The test subject, would then take those and place them where they belong to activate some portable surfaces, operate the platform, and escape the test chamber."

"Impressive," Discord said with a nod. "So, what did you learn from this test chamber?"

"Mostly that ponies can't see in the dark very well," Cave said with a grin. "But that problem is mostly licked, now we're going to be testing it again today."

"So who's the test subject? Hearthstone asked.

"Thank you for volunteering for the Aperture Science Multiverse Test Chamber Initiative," a robotic voice called from a speaker. "You, [subject name here] must be the pride of [subject hometown here]." With that, a trap door opened up, taking Hearthstone down a slide to the beginning of the test chamber.

At Canterlot Castle...

"As you can see, Discord's been rather busy lately."

"Busy is a bit of an understatement," Twilight said to Celestia as everyone looked at the leaning tower of fiction. "I don't think anypony on record has ever written so much of anything ever before, is this all romance?"

"Most of it," Celestia said with a frown. "I would hazard to say almost all of it is in some way Discord's version of a love story, but out of all these, I think that only five or so are complete stories."

"Only five?" Rarity said with a frown. "You would think that with this much paper he'd manage to have something worth while, don't you?"

"So," Dash said as flew in a reclining position, "Why do we have to look at it? It's not like this really involves us."

"May I sister," Luna asked with a smile."

"By all means, Luna," Celestia said with a hint of a smirk as Luna passed by to search through the stack. It didn't take very long before she had found what she wanted and floated it over for Rainbow Dash to read.

Rainbow Dash looked at the small papers, and turned it over a few times. "Out to sea, what the hay does this mean?" She then turned passed the title page and began to read. At first she looked annoyed, then confused, and then finally angry. "WHAT?" I don't. I mean, what the... I couldn't, no way!"

Rarity, who was reading over her shoulder gave a rather bored looking shrug as she interjected, "Well, I'm sure you could with the right stretching before such a rigorous," she paused at the looks everypony was giving her and gave them all a very confused look. "What?"

"That's not all I'm afraid," Celestia said with a serious look on her face. "Discord had made stories about almost everypony he either knows, or managed to pull out of an address book." She then started pulling out and passing some of the bound up sheets of paper. "It's all here, black and white in some cases, and crayon in others. Discord has, shipping sickness."

Everypony gasped while Spike gave off a resounding, "BUM-Ba-BUMMM!"

Back at the science place

"Look it really doesn't look that hard, why isn't he moving?" Screwball then tried to grab a microphone on the control desk before Cave slapped it away with his hoof. "Ow, what was that for?"

"No coaching," Cave said in the same flat tone he'd used the last thirty times he's said it. He then pressed a button on the desk and spoke into the microphone himself. "Cave here, listen, I know that you've been a war hero, a soldier, have a boss that was banned to the moon by her slightly chubby older sister, but you know what that makes you, brave. Now lets get out there, and do this thing! Could use a little more hustle on the test however."

Hearthstone rolled his eyes and gave off a grunt. "Are you seriously expecting me to wander in that pitch black maze, with no flashlight and searching for stuff I don't know what it looks like, where I MIGHT run into a turret."

"Will run into several turrets actually," Cave interrupted over the loudspeaker.

"Fine, WILL run into, but I don't have ANY IDEA WHAT THAT IS!" He paused to catch his breath. "Or I can prove how dumb this whole test chamber is in like, two seconds." He waited for a response, and saw the silhouettes up in the observation window look like they were laughing at something, while cave tried to choke Discord's disembodied head. "Right, let's do this."

He then spread his wings, and flew up to the small recessed platform, where the door immediately opened for him to let him out of the test. He made a right into another hall and opened the door to the observation room. "This chamber is flawed in design, and I vote not to endorse funding for this project."

"Now wait a minute," Cave said as he waved his hooves back and forth. "I'm pretty sure that non flying creatures are meant for this," he then looked over a few scattered papers on the desk. "Yes, here it says that some bipedal creatures of some sort are to use this test chamber, uses claw like appendages..." he then trailed off into mumbles before pressing down on a button and yelling into a microphone, "BARKER! GET IN HERE!"

The doors to the observation chamber in less than a second, revealing a slightly panting diamond dog. "Yes? Pony boss call?"

"Barker, I want you to get in there and demonstrate this test chamber!" He then tapped his hoof on the ground twice before pointing out the window. "Come on, chop chop, what am I paying you for?"

"Boss," Barker said with a sigh. "This one designed Practical Chaos. This one would be unfair to send into chamber to solve in seconds."

"Hmm," Cave rubbed his chin with a hoof. "Alright, you're excused. Go clean the colt's room or something." He then turned to look at the group in the room with him. Wordsmith did his best to hide behind his boss, while Screwball was actively jumping with a hoof jammed into the air and a grin on her face. "Hmm," Cave repeated as he thought it over.

He looked at Hearthstone once again, and shook his head. "No, we just tried that..." He then looked at Discord and gave a smile. "Yes, you should do."

Discord raised an eyebrow at this. "Me?" The draconequus pointed at himself as he gave a rather smug grin. Alright, I'll bite, why me?"

"Why not?" Cave said with a shrug before pushing a button opening a trap door. Slightly to the left and behind Discord. Unfortunately for Wordsmith, that was where he was standing. "Huh, must have moved the desk," Cave said with a frown before looking into the chamber. "Alright blue boy, let's get a move on!"

Wordsmith looked around the room he was ejected into and took a step forward. "Okay, I can do this..." He took a few more steps forward and looked left to see a laser grid blocking his path. A different, thinner red laser however was pointed right at him. "Hey, what's this red dot on my barrel?"

"There you are," an electronic voice called out in a sinister tone before Wordsmith heard the electronic whir of servos opening up. He looked through the grid and saw a tall ovoid shaped thing with a red eye open it's sides before a series of popping noises came out of it.

Wordsmith ran across the room into another small chamber, and looked up to see a hole near the top of the wall. As he looked, he paused for breath. That was when the floor moved up to put him level with the tight, dark hallway. And there, at the end of the hall, was a pair of smooth white hard plastic looking gauntlets.

Princess Luna opened a drawer and used her magic to pull out a small collection of papers. She eyed the sheets for a few moments before she started to laugh a little. "What's so funny?" Twilight said with a tilt of her head.

"Nothing much Caffeine Queen," Luna said with a smile before tossing over the papers. "Just take a look at that."

"Starswirl and the Cursed Colt?" Twilight read aloud before tossing the story away. "Princess, I thought that we were here to do something."

"We are," Rarity trilled out as she moved through another stack of papers. "It's called entertaining ourselves while we wait for him to return."

Twilight gave a dismissive snort as she made herself comfortable on a sofa. "What entertainment could you possibly get out of Discord's writing, I ask you?"

Fluttershy gave a soft shushing sound as she turned another page to see a rather crudely drawn picture of a pony getting struck by an arrow with heart shaped tips. "I'm trying to read, if that's okay that is."

"Whatcha find?" Rainbow Dash asked as she swooped in to look over her friend's shoulder. "Is it about Applejack?"

"Please, nopony would want to write about Applejack," Starlight said with a wave of her hoof. "She's so..." she looked over to see Applejack giving a look of lasers coming out of her eyes. "Dependable, and trustworthy that nothing interesting happens to her because she's the best pony ever."

Applejack gave a look that clearly said that Starlight should avoid sleep for a few days while Fluttershy, oblivious to the drama, gave a short giggle before turning the page to show them all. "No, this story is about..."

A Diamond in the Rough.

"FORE!" Rarity trilled as she used her magic to swing the club at the small white ball. She missed the ball entirely, and the club went on swinging until it flew off into Spike's back. "YEOW!"

"Be quiet Spike," Rarity said as she threw her hoof out to slap him across his weird ear flappy floop things. ~~in all seriousness, what are those things on the side of his head for?~~ "Golf is a serious game of serious seriousness." she said matter o-factly.

"Whatever you say, my..." he paused, not wanting to go on and admit the thing that ~~A BLIND DEAF AND DUMB SEA CUCUMBER CAN KNOW I MEAN COME ON SERIOUSLY?~~ he dare not admit, for he was far too insecure with himself to ever just get on with it.

"Yes yes, go on then and back up," Rarity said with a wave of her hoof. "You're blocking my swing." She then gave a mighty swing before Spike could react, and sent the ball flying high and left, right into a small forest. "Darn it all," Rarity said in a most lady like way.

"Oh I'll get it Rarity," he then mumbled "my sweet," under his breath as he hovered with his arms folded. It's weird how ponies and dragons and such can do that witout wings, isn't it?

Rarity gave a sigh as she put the club into it's bag. "No," she said with a frown. "It's quite alright. Here," she then floated over a small collection of bits. "Go to the clubhouse and get yourself a treat. Afterward I want you to go ahead and buy a replacement ball, just to be safe."

Spike looked at the coins and his eyes gleamed. "Okay Rarity, I'll be right back!" "Take your time darling," Rarity said with a smile. And with that, Spike ran off to the clubhouse at the far end of the course.

Rarity used her magic to have the golfbag follow her as she made a leiserly stroll over to the clump of trees. There, she followered the paith of where she assumed the ball flew off. "Mayhap I shal find out where my ball went on it's own before Spike returns here, and I can play in,"

Her thoughts were inturupted when a great shadow loomed over her. "Poni with hots pants finds this ball, yes?"

Rarity felt her skin crawl at the accent and knew before she looked around. There, just in back of the tree, was a diamond dog holding her ball.

"Ah, yes indeed." Rarity said in the absolute most posh voice she knew, "That is indeed mine, perchance I can have it?"

"Why'd you stop?" Rainbow Dash asked before chewing on a piece of popcorn.

"Well," Fluttershy said with a frown. "It doesn't seem to go anywhere after that. There's some notes here, something about finding diamonds in a hole, a cream filled marshmallow, I'm not sure if he's trying to be lewd or clever."

"Either way," Luna said, "Things are getting too far out of hoof. I mean, just look at Rarity." She then pointed a hoof over to the alabaster unicorn, who had read ahead in the story, was now curled up in a ball on the floor and stroking her tail while whimpering.

It all began on a Tuesday...

Discord had been bored to tears, common for him to be lately, but in Canterlot there never seemed to be anything he could do! If he tried to make the rain anything other than water, he got in trouble. If he glued macaroni on the oil paintings, he got threatened with being turned back to stone, and if the thought had even entered his mind to swap the colors of a particularly annoying noble, Celestia gave him a glare that just screamed, "Try it, I dare you."

It all began on a Tuesday. Tuesdays were always particularly boring for the lord of chaos. The frantic and fun weekend had come to a close, and the chaotic Monday that started a new work week had left taking the excitement of a fresh start with it, leaving behind only that stale feeling of there are still three more days till the next weekend.

In the Court of the Sun, Princess Celestia sat on her throne the very picture of serenity as she listened to the petitioner before her speak, "And as you can see here from these charts, you will find that if we were to pass Proposition seven-two-twelve B, we can bring the production of alfalfa up by twelve percent, and save Equestria in the long run, a total of seventeen bits a month. All it needs is an initial funding of six point five million bits to get off the ground."

As the stallion droned on about what he was proposing, Discord sat with his chin resting on his paw and eyes half lidded. He tried to focus, but constantly found his talon wandering about, tugging at his uncomfortable robes, or scratching his scalp under the insufferable powdered wig he was forced to wear whenever he sat in court. As he tried to focus, he felt his consciousness slipping like water through a sieve, or a pony on a banana peel.

"And if we are to look over here on this map of Equestria, we can see that over eight percent of our crops and products are based on alfalfa and it's prices, this would truly be a great boon to the economy if we were to enact this plan effective immediately."

Celestia opened her mouth to finally speak when suddenly the sharp snort of snoring echoed across the room. Celestia looked to her left at the seated ministers and gave Discord her best intimidating glare.

Discord gave his best look of innocence as he wiped the drool off his paw and pointed to the Minister of War sitting next to him. Celestia turned her gaze to the gryphon to see that he was indeed snoring softly with his beak tucked into his wing, "It seems that it's time we took a recess," Celestia stated, "Mister Wind Bag, we will continue this in thirty minutes after my cabinet has taken some time to gather themselves and have a cup of coffee. Court dismissed," with that Celestia tapped her hoof on the throne dais to officiate the break.

Almost as if a spell was lifted, sound returned to the room as the ministers and waiting petitioners all rose to exit the throne room. Discord stood and began to follow the rest of the ministers out when Celestia suddenly called, "Would the Minister of Practical Chaos, Lord Discord please stay for a moment, I need to speak with you."

Discord turned to Celestia and pointed to himself with the biggest puppy dog eyes he could manage, she responded only with a curt nod. Head hung he began to make his way over to her only to hear Nickolas, the minister of war snicker under his breath. Discord gave off a sigh as he met up with the Princess and bowed down, "How might I serve you oh mighty sun butt?"

If Celestia was offended, she hid it very well. Instead, she looked Discord over with her usual serene face, "Walk with me," despite the softness in her voice, it was not a request.

Discord's smile drooped slightly as he followed Celestia through a secret door behind the throne. The two wandered through the halls for a few moments in silence while Discord made his official robes disappear in a puff of purple smoke, while he changed his wig into cotton candy. Celestia visibly winced as she listened to him loudly smack his lips while eating the light snack. After a few moments she finally spoke, "You really thought that you could get away with that?"

Discord for the most part kept cool as he swallowed down what was left of his wig, "My dear Celestia, what are you talking about? Why, in fact I'm the very model of a modern minister general!" he said the words with a flair as a red parasol appeared in his paw and music began to swell.

Discord inhaled to begin the song only to find Celestia's hoof over his mouth, "NO no, stop that! None of that now, no singing!" The music that was building up slowed to a stop as if someone had let the record slow to a stop. "Now I want to know why you put nearly the entire cabinet to sleep during that last court session?"

Discord raised an eyebrow as he looked Celestia in the face, "Really? You really think I would stoop to something that low? In case you haven't noticed, Wind Bag has not only managed to waste time, but brutally murdered the last three hours with that petition," He paused to look Celestia in the eyes with a very serious face, something that looked foreign and surreal on his features, "I didn't have to do anything, their attention spans just puttered away after the second hour is all."

Celestia searched Discord for signs of dishonesty, a second nature trait for him, yet found none and gave a heavy sigh, "Regardless, do you even know why you have a title? Or why I created the Ministry of Practical Chaos for you?"

Discord rolled his eyes as he walked ahead of Celestia, leaving a trail of flowers growing in the carpet behind him, "To learn how to control my abilities in a public setting, learn how to apply them in a helpful manner, and to learn more about modern Equestrian laws and society."

As the two walked, Celestia nodded and made the flowers Discord left in his wake disappear, "And what have you learned so far?"

"That it's not okay to make raspberry noises during certain events. Oh and ponies don't usually like it when you bring their lunch to life to have revenge on their delicious fallen brethren."

The two came to a halt outside the castle library when Celestia turned to face Discord, "So tell me what's wrong? Why are you being so difficult today?"

"I'm not being difficult, court is just so BORING!" he moaned out loud as he placed an arm over his forehead, "And I am doomed to having to sit through who knows how much more of that idiotic Wind Bag's insufferable speech about how spending millions now could save us a few bits later. His math is more skewed than my imagination, and that's not a compliment!"

Celestia suddenly gave the draconequus a playful smile, "Well you could always take the day off, the ministers do it all the time if they really aren't needed. Spend some time to yourself, or better still you can talk with Twilight."

"Ugh," Discord stuck out his tongue and made a gagging sound, "The new princess? Why don't I just wake Luna up for a game of tag?"

Celestia raised an eyebrow at this as she opened the library doors, "I did not think Luna would still play that game."

"Oh she doesn't, but I'm sure if I pounced her while she slept and shouted YOU'RE IT she would chase after me."

As Celestia and Discord entered the Library, the silence pressed in on their ears, and the sight of the newest Princess greeted their eyes. Twilight Sparkle sat at one of the low reading tables, surrounded by books piled higher than Discord if he stood straight for once, "Twilight, you have company."

She turned around and gave off a small squeak of surprise before nervously smiling, "Oh! Princess Celestia! Hello," the sudden coughing of Discord filled the air, bringing her eyes to the floating draconequus. Twilight frowned in annoyance at his sight, "And Discord. What can I do for you Princess?"

Celestia laughed a little into her wing before answering, "Twilight, you don't have to call me Princess all the time. Do you hear me call Luna or Cadence by title?"

Twilight frowned as she thought about it, "I suppose not."

"Anyhow, I brought Discord over so you can have some company, take a break and play some chess, or have a nice picnic in the garden, it's a beautiful day."

Twilight frowned for a few moments before nodding, "Alright Celestia. Come on Discord, let's go to the game room"

Twilight stared at the chess board in contemplation before finally lifting a knight and moving it, "And it looks like Twilight is going for the short game," the copy of Discord off to the side of the room spoke in a calm, soothing voice.

Discord lifted up all his chess pieces and mashed them together, "And it looks like Discord is taking all his pieces to conglomerate them together to form ultra mecha chess-a-tron," he then dropped the strange stuck together pieces that vaguely formed the shape of a giant monster on the board.

Twilight felt the sweat drip down her face as she took one of her rooks and flipped it upside down, "And it looks like she has flipped her rook upside down, but will it have it's desired effect, that of confusing ultra mecha chess-a-tron, yes it looks like it's beginning to vomit."

Discord then flipped the table as the copy of him disappeared, "No fair playing by my rules! Your supposed to be good enough to beat me fair and square!"

Twilight stuck out her tongue at him, "Well you wanted to play by your rules, so I adapted," she replied with a small grin.

Discord gave Twilight an annoyed look before shuffling off to find something else to do, "You know, this castle life is really bringing me down. When I was king, we used to take ponies that broke the law or wanted to waste my time with idiotic petitions and catapult them out of the city."

Twilight gasped slightly as she raised a hoof to her chest, "Discord, that's awful! How could you?"

"Like this," He snapped his fingers making a small model of a catapult appear with a chess knight loaded up. The catapult launched the knight to the far side of the room leaving a pony head dent, "It's simple really. Between you and I, lawyers made the funniest screams."

Twilight frowned, "Well tough news Discord, you shouldn't have done it then, and you try it now and not only will I turn you back to stone, but I'll send that statue to the center of the earth!"

Discord gave a small grin as the model disappeared, "Worry not, I did promise, and what is more chaotic than for the bad guy to actually reform?" He paused as he looked out the window and began to eat a cup of noodles that appeared in his talons suddenly, "I just miss being able to do what I want when I wanted. I feel stifled creatively, like... Like an artist that had his canvas taken away, a poet without his muse."

Twilight tilted her head "Is that so? What about your room? Didn't Celestia say you can do whatever you want in there?"

Discord looked at Twilight and gave a smile, "You just don't get it do you princess? How would you like it if I were to tell you that millions of beings suddenly hated you because you became an alicorn, something you never asked for but you were destined to do all along?"

"I guess I see your point," Twilight said. Her ear twitched suddenly as the thought ran through her mind, causing her to shudder. Quickly she pushed the thought away and used her magic to grab a newspaper that was lying on a table. She opened it up to and felt slightly calmer once she began to read.

Discord kept looking out the window, and realized that a strange mood had struck him. It wasn't boredom, nor was it joy, or even sadness. As he kept looking out at the statues in the garden he gave off a heavy sigh, "Twilight, what is that feeling you get, when you are upset but not quite, and you just want to reflect on yourself? Where you just feel but you don't know what it is?"

Twilight looked up from the newspaper and shrugged with her wings, "Perhaps melancholy, or feeling reflective. I'm not sure, I can't feel what you're feeling."

Discord snapped his fingers as he kept looking out the window, causing the chess pieces scattered around to march back onto the board they belonged. Twilight kept reading the paper as she tried to keep a conversation alive, suddenly she spotted the list of recommended stories and got an idea, "Have you ever thought of writing a story?"

The draconequus tilted his head in curiosity, "Why on earth would I want to do that?"

Twilight folded her paper before explaining, "Well, your new job is bringing you down with the court, and you can't share your particular talent the way you envision without making somepony angry or risking being turned to stone again. So why don't you write a few stories to get some of those pent-up feelings out."

Discord tugged on his beard as he thought about it, "Twilight, I think your idea is dumb, and you're dumb for suggesting it."

"Oh come on, do something creative to keep your mind occupied, it'll be fun!"

Discord floated over to Twilight and felt her forehead, "Are you feeling alright? I swear that you must be running a fever if you think that I would spend my free time doing more work when I could do anything else."

Twilight swatted his paw away with a hoof, "And what are you doing that is so important when you aren't running your ministry or sitting in at Day Court?"

Discord gave a dark chuckle as he waited behind a potted plant and waited. The sound of hoof steps came closer, he couldn't help but sneak a peek at the victim. Luna bopped her head up and down as she softly sung to herself, "Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars,"

Discord snickered to himself once again as he snapped his fingers, instantly the floor under the Night Princess disappeared. Luna gave out a sudden shriek as she dropped down before she could open her wings, and she plummeted down into the room below.

A sudden splash of her falling into water echoed through the hall followed by the voice of a young stallion, "Well well well, wishes do come true!" The voice echoed up from the floor below followed by an indignant gasp, and the loud smack of Luna punching him in the face while Discord rolled on the floor in merriment.

Later on, Discord was found in his room, watching the Daring Do toys he enchanted reenact one of his favorite scenes from the books where Daring, and her sidekick, Quite were struggling to escape from the pit of peril.

Suddenly his door slammed open to reveal a soaked wet, and angry Luna, "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in," he said with a laugh.

Next thing he knew, Discord discovered how lovely Equestria looked two thousand miles away when he was sitting on the moon.

"Oh, you know... Stuff."

"Look, just think it over. If you write something, you can send it to Equestrian Printing, and they will put it in their catalog so anypony can order a copy of it."

That evening, Discord was in his room laying back on his bed and trying to concentrate on one of the devices that was presented to him by one of his staff. He turned the device over and over again trying to decipher whether or not Celestia would approve of a device to let anypony use magic like a unicorn.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as the pegasi brought in the last of the storm clouds for the evening, it had been weeks since the last storm, an unusual move for the weather team to decide on for mid spring weather. As a result the water reserves were beginning to run low from all the water sucked up by lawn maintenance and they were forced to get a storm going at last.

Discord yawned as he turned the device over, testing its integrity a few times by using it to pick up his potted piranha plant a few times. For the most part it worked perfectly, but once in a while it would short out and drop the plant, or surge and turn the plant into a bottle of soda for some reason.

He finally placed the device down and gave it his stamp of approval, guaranteeing that it will be presented in court as soon as possible. The light pitter patter of rain began to pelt the window and he turned to look, "Just boring old rain, as usual. Maybe I can shake things up a bit."

Discord looked left, then right making sure that the coast was clear, then snapped his fingers, powdered lemonade mix appeared and he grinned as he sent it up into the clouds, "That ought to be interesting."

"DISCORD! WHAT ARE THOU THINKING OF DOING TO THE CLOUDS!"

Quickly he made the powder disappear, "Nothing Luna!" It never failed that whenever he attempted something like this, either Celestia or Luna would catch him, then came the part he hated.

His door suddenly flew open to reveal the Princess of the Night, "Discord! What have we told thee about thine chaotic trickery?!"

Discord backed away slightly, he might have been more powerful than her, but for some reason Luna scared the living daylights out of him, "I, er that is to say I was just.. There were these pegasus ponies, and they had all this powdered lemonade, and I saw them and I said, HEY! What do you think you're doing?"

Luna snorted in disdain, "Why don't you just write a story if that's what you wanted to do," she turned and looked around the messy room and sighed slightly, "Keep out of trouble, or I send you for another vacation. This time on the sun."

Discord shuddered slightly at the thought and nodded as Luna shut the door. He then quickly stuck out his tongue at the door, "Oh yeah? Well your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberry! Yeah, that's what I should have said..."

"WE CAN STILL HEAR THEE!" Luna shouted through the door before taking off down the hall.

Discord quickly threw his paw over his lips and stayed silent. After several tense moments he finally relaxed and let out a sigh. He looked around the room, what was once a neat and organized room given to him from the princesses, now reflected his personality. Random inventions from his ministry filled spaces on the walls while several wild and strange plants grew out from the floor and ceiling. A dog made of bologna sat on the bed attempting to eat itself while a python sat in his small rocking chair listening to the radio.

As he looked around he spied a clock hanging on the wall, it had no numbers, seven hands and was shaped like a dodecahedron, but he seemed to understand it anyway, "It's only nine? What am I going to do ti'll I fall asleep?!"

He continued to stare off into space, and as he did some of the events from earlier ran through his mind.

"Why don't you do something creative to keep your mind occupied, it'll be fun!"

"Why don't you write a story if that's what you wanted to do."

"You can send it to Equestrian Printing."

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"It'll be fun."

"Fun."

"Fun..."

The thoughts flashed in his mind, and he suddenly got an idea. A wonderful idea, Discord came up with a wonderfully awful idea. A light bulb appeared over his head and he shouted, "Eureka! I've got it!"

Discord snapped his fingers and a personal computer appeared on his desk, "If I'm going to write a story, I'll do it my way!" Suddenly lightning flashed in the background as Discord laughed maniacally, then hit the power button and waited for the computer to load.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the PC finished booting up and Discord sat down, ate the light bulb, and began to write.

Author's Note

draconequus is hard to spell...

I'm only mostly insane!

As Discord finished the last words of his story, he looked up at the wall clock above the doorway and smiled slightly. "Looks like it's time to get to the meeting." He carefully chucked the typewriter as hard as he could at the picture of Princess Cadence that hung over an empty spot on the floor.

The typewriter's bell chimed loudly as it bounced off the wall, leaving a small crack in its wake before heading to the floor, only for a small black hole to open up and take it to an alternate dimension. There, it would be found by a lanky creature that descended from ape like primates, and always wore outfits, despite how uncomfortable they were in the middle of summer. He then took the machine apart and made custom jewelry that nobody bought, or wanted.

Discord meanwhile, looked at his latest story, and placed it down gently on his desk. "I'll have to work out the bugs later with that idiot I hired." He looked up at the clock, and saw that it was almost noon and grinned wide. "Alrighty then, time for the big company meeting." He clapped his hands, and did a flip through the air before grabbing a microphone off his desk and flipping a switch. After a few moments, Discord struck three chimes on a small xylophone, and spoke into it. "Attention employees, attention employees. This is Discord, your humble boss, reminding you that this will be a sort of working lunch, and you will be paid overtime for this. Staff meeting in the cafeteria, repeat, staff meeting in the cafeteria. That is all."

As soon as he dropped the microphone down, he could hear the entire staff groan loud enough to actually shake the building to the foundation. "My work is done here!" Discord called gleefully as he walked out the door and hopped on the back of the waiting giant chinchilla, and rode it to the cafeteria.

At the same time that Discord had taken the massive rodent ride down the slip n' slide hallways of the Ministry of Practical Chaos, a blue unicorn happily trotted down Silk Street. His saddlebags were full of new clothes from the finest shops, and he could not help but feel sharp in his brand new suit. The suit was a nice deep black with a purple vest, silver buttons, a black shirt and an all silk purple tie.

As he trotted down the street, he turned onto the Sunrise Strip and had his olfactory nerve assaulted by the delightful aromas of the finest food he never could imagine eating before. "Well, It's almost lunch, perhaps a quick bite."

He made his way down the wide street, keeping to the side as carriages sped past him, the ponies pulling these were clearly without a care in the world, other than to get where they need to be on time. Quickly pausing to check the bit bag, he grinned to see that he had barely put a dent into the coins, and found a restaurant that clearly served the epitome of good taste. Adjusting his collar, the stallion lifted his muzzle into the air, closed his eyes and made sure that his new derby was properly balanced on his head, then stepped inside the building with all the airs of royalty.

"Welcome to Greasy's Chili Burger Palace, if it ain't got the shack, take it back. How can I take your order, m'lord...?" The pony behind the counter asked, unsure of herself about the status of the pony before her. If he is royalty, what's he doing in a place like this? If he isn't why is he acting like such a snoot? She thought to herself quietly.

The blue stallion looked through his sunglasses with a look of disinterest at the menu board for a few moments before speaking. "Hmm, yes. Is this all that you have available? I have a, sophisticated sense of taste."

The mare behind the counter groaned slightly before answering. "No sir, this is Greasy's Chili Burger Palace. We serve vegetarian burgers with a scoop of chili and mustard on the bread and some vegetables. This isn't The Mint, so again I ask, how can I help you, sir?"

The stallion groaned slightly before responding properly. "I suppose I'll have the number one."

"The Greasy's original with chili fries and a cola?" The mare questioned. The stallion nodded and she wrote the order down before taking the pony's bits. She stopped and suddenly narrowed her eyes at him. "Say, don't I know you from somewhere?"

The unicorn began to sweat slightly as he adjusted the collar on his shirt. "I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah, you're that one pony from the airship yards, oh, what's your name... I'm so terrible with names."

"Look Day Shift, I really don't know who you are, but I just want to get my food and go, is that too much to ask?"

The mare stopped wracking her brain and tried her best to smile, but it only came off as a tired look. "I'm sorry, I guess you just have the face of that pony I used to know. He was such a dreamer, right up until he got arrested. He often dressed like nobility too when he wasn't at work." She smiled as she remembered his memory fondly, then turned around and grabbed the order, passed it to him and then froze. "Wait, how do you know my name?!"

The stallion froze. A puff of smoke belched out of his ears from the sudden increase of brain activity before he magically grabbed the food and dashed out the door. "Thanks for your help, keep the change as a tip!"

As he continued to make his getaway from the mare, his mind kept spinning, new memories suddenly flooding his mind. His job, his co-workers, what he did and what the punishment was. What a fool! How could I forget? I just, I need to go somewhere, my neighbor. He might remember me! Wait, who's that pony? The last thought did not seem too important until the pony in question slammed into his side, sending the unicorn into a puddle. "YOU IDIOT! Do you know how hard it is to get these suits clean?!"

The purple earth pony shrugged as she lifted her propeller beaney cap and pulled a piece of calk out from under it. "I'm coming to take you away, ha ha! I'm coming to take you away, to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time!"

"Wait, WHAT?! I'm not mad!"

"Oh but you must be, if you work for Discord. It's time for a mandatory meeting, come along." As she spoke, the mare drew what could loosely be described as a door on the side of a brick wall, and knocked three times. "My name's Screwball, what's yours new guy?"

He began to answer, but stopped short when a name did not come up to the surface of his mind. Instead he simply shook his head and said, "I don't remember."

Screwball frowned slightly as the brick wall swung open where she drew the door. "You don't remember? Well then, lets take a look at you." Faster than he could imagine, the purple earth pony zipped around him, and looked him over from his red and yellow hair, to his blue coat and eyes, then quickly zoned in on his flank.

"Do you mind?" He asked with no small amount of annoyance.

"Not at all." She responded flatly as she continued to stare at his cutie mark. "A feather, I take it you write?"

He dumbly nodded at the question as she backed away and thought about it. Meanwhile, other ponies passing by continued to stare at the spectacle of the impossible door, before stamping away with their muzzles in the air from the behavior of the two ponies before it. Finally she smiled and began to shove him through the doorway. "Congratulations, your new name is Feather Flank."

The unicorn tried to stop her from shoving him in, unsure about the doorway and definitely sure he did not like the name. "That's a dumb name! Come on, can't you think of anything better than Feather Flank?"

Screwball continued to push the stallion as if he didn't weigh a single pound, continuing to talk all the while. "Well I've got to call you something!"

"Well, Discord calls me Author, or You, can't I just continue that trend?"

"He also calls you Idiot, do you really want that one to spread?"

"I suppose not." He noticed that he was almost upon the door, and dug is rear hooves into the bricks on either side. "Come on, there's got to be anything other than that?"

Screwball sighed deeply and finally eased up on the pushing. "You're not going to go with me until we resolve this?"

"Not a snowballs chance in Tartarus."

"Very well then." Screwball said before tossing aside her beany and replacing it with an over the top hat marked, thinking cap. She screwed her face and stared at the pony with her swirling eyes, leaving the stallion in a very uneasy state. Finally, the little light bulb atop the cap began to blink on and off and make a squeaking sound. "I've got it!" Again, everypony that happened to be nearby gave the duo a harsh look before moving on. "I'll call you Wordsmith. Now come on Wordsmith, we're gonna be late! Don't forget your lunch."

At long last, the two entered the door, Wordsmith still wet on his right side, but his belongings nice and dry including his lunch. The door slammed behind them, and he turned around to look only to find a solid wall made of a material he had never seen before. "Hey where are we?"

"Ministry of Practical Chaos, from the looks of it we're just a few halls away from the cafeteria. Come on!" The pair galloped off quickly, only for Wordsmith to get left behind when Screwball began to use her beany to fly. "Hey, do you know how to ride?"

Wordsmith faltered slightly and nearly tripped before answering. "I don't think that's an appropriate thing to ask a coworker!"

Screwball facehooved before answering. "No, that's not what I. Nevermind, hop on a ton-ton and hang tight!" She then landed directly on the back of what almost looked like a giant white kangaroo with spiral horns, wrapped her hooves around it's neck and grabbed onto the reigns attached to a crude bridal, and took off. "Come on! We'll be late!"

Wordsmith watched as the ton-ton began to bound down the hallway, carrying the laughing Screwball with it. He looked and saw another hanging by the wall. He swallowed down some of the excess saliva that gathered in his mouth, grabbed the reigns and hopped on. "I've got a bad feeling about this." Soon enough he caught up with the laughing Screwball, screaming all the way.

Discord drummed his fingers against the surface of the raised table at the far end of the cafeteria. Impatient as always, he looked at the clock on the wall, then a watch on his wrist, then the sundial outside the window that should not exist in the first place. "Where's Screwball and the new guy, can't start without them." He mumbled to himself as he tugged on his beard.

The door burst open suddenly as two ton-tons bounded into the room with a pair of familiar ponies riding atop them, one whooping and hollering while waiving a hat in the air, the other clutched for dear life. "Sorry we're late boss! But this guy just can't seem to find food, he brought a lunch though!" She pointed at her charge with a hoof smiling wide, just the ton-ton bucked him off and sent the stallion flying across the room, reeking of mildew and ton-ton whatsit.

A few ponies quickly galloped over to him, offering him napkins, and solutions to clean him up, and one even asked if he needed help getting up, or if he was okay. "I'm fine, just... back off." He spoke politely, but curt all at once as he rose and quickly cast a cleaning spell on himself and his clothes, once again looking like the peak of high society. "Wordsmith, reporting for work, sir."

Discord flicked his fang in an amused manner. "Wordsmith? I take it you remember who you are now?"

"Actually sir, I named him! Can I get a bonus now? Huh, huh? Can I? Please?" Screwball asked Discord as she bounced around him like a puppy.

"Oh, very well." He replied with a smile as he passed her a Bonus™ candy bar.

"YAY!" Screwball said with a squiel before running off to enjoy the munchy crunchy chocolaty goodness of a Bonus™ with her working lunch.

"Right, now that you are all here, I would like to have a short round of introductions for the new guy. Everyone, this is Wordsmith." Everyone in the room said hi Wordsmith with the exact same of non-enthusiasm before Discord continued. "Now, Wordsmith, I would like to introduce you to a slew of ponies that I can remember the names of, and if I forget you, don't feel bad, just work harder and I'll notice you. Now, there's Flim and Flam, they are the heads of R and D. Random Thought, he's the pony that keeps the business running smooth because I need a reminder. Screwball is in charge of security and does double time work by assisting in the labs. Labcoat is that fine unicorn over there, she runs the chem lab. Then we have the group of Smiths, there's Tunesmith, Blacksmith, Poopsmith, and John Smith."

At the mention of each of the ponies names called out thus far, they would give a smile or wave at Wordsmith, up until John Smith was called. The tan earthpony was busy playing with what looked like a metal wand with a blue light on the end. After a few moments, Discord harrumphed at him. Immediately, John Smith looked up and saw what was going on, and smiled abashedly before hiding the device under his collar, and adjusting his tie. "You can call me Doctor."

Discord rolled his eyes at the statement before moving on. "Now let's get back to it, there in the back, that's Dark Star and his wife Essence, they are doing intern work to reduce their sentence, some sort of music related mob crime, I don't know. Fluttershy here is in charge of Animal Care, and only works once in a while to help out with the gophers, who you will be working with often." She gave off a small squeak before hiding under the table as best as she could before Wordsmith could zone in on her.

"There's also, Beaker, Bunsen Burner, Burnt Toast, Pyro, Engineer, Spy, and Heavy. Gordon Freemane, the Ink Brothers, Red, Blue and Black, then there's the Great and Powerful Trixie, and Gilda, who are a pair of our test subjects. Lastly we have, Tom Neigher, Reality Shift, Deep Thought, Shallow Thought, High Brow, Low Brow, our lawyer Silver Tongue, our accountant Pay Cut, our gryphons in charge of marketing Hans and Francine. And, most important of all, Scruffy. The janitor."

Discord smiled as Wordsmith tried to memorize all the names just fed to him, and seemed to have failed ever so slightly as his eyes were swirling as bad as Screwballs. "Well, I think that's everypony important enough to mention, ponies you'll be working with every day. Did I miss anyone?"

A few hooves shot into the air, and Discord was about to ask for names, when suddenly a voice came in from the hall. "You forgot about me, Discord." He looked to the opposite end of the room, and saw Princess Celestia and Luna standing in the doorway. "You always seem to forget about me." Celestia said with a tone of disdain in her voice before heading in, her sister in tow.

"What do you two want?"

"We heard that you were having a company meeting during lunch today," Luna said with a smile. "And as Celestia and I own a controlling share in the business of your ministry, we have decided to see what is going on."

Discord stood dumbly as the two princesses sat down among the rest of the ponies as if they belonged there. Once seated the two princesses pulled out a set of sandwiches to eat, and Luna felt a tap on her wing. "Pardon me princess, but would you care to swap lunches with me? I've got P-B and J."

Luna smiled at the mare and quickly traded. "Deal, I never liked alfalfa sprouts anyway." The two swapped to the delight of both Luna, and Labcoat, and Celestia's annoyance.

Discord coughed into his paw before he sat down at the table, and opened his lunch, a simple burrito, and took a giant bite out of it. Celestia stood up from her seat and looked across at Discord. "Excuse me, but do you think you can tell us what's so important that you had to call a meeting?"

Discord gave off a sigh, then pulled a sheet of paper out from the thin air to read it from behind a pair of cat eye style glasses. "Leave it to old buzz kill to bring down the party. Alright, first real announcement, due to our latest venture with the military, the minister of war may have declared a small war on us. But rest assured, Celestia will not allow this to continue, right?"

"Naturally," Celestia said with a smile. "If he actually tries to do something, I'll releave him of command, or send him on a hunt for Cthulhu. Nopony ever returns from that one." As she finished her sentance, the lighting went dark around her eyes, and a quartet of violins began to screech, only to come to a dead stop as Celestia smiled innocently, letting everything return to normal. "Carry on."

Everyone in the room stared at Celestia in silence for a few moments, and Discord could not help but drop his glass of melon berry twist punch to the ground, shattering it. All at once everyone in the room scooted away from the princess, causing the room to reverbarate with the sound of chairs scooting.

Discord cleared his throat and carried on. "Right, the next order of business, what's new from the labs? Flim, Flam?"

The two ponies stood up and gave their best smiles before taking off their hats and making way to the front. "Your honor Discord, and your majesties Princess Celestia and Luna."

"My brother Flim and I have something marvelous to tell you."

"Imagine, a razor blade that could be used by earthponies, without having to ask a unicorn or other pony for help!" The room burst with a small smattering of approval of the idea, while Flim smiled, then continued. "Well forget about that idea."

"Blew up in our faces."

"But from the blast, we found that we had accidentally discovered this! We call it,"

"The super electron!" The duo spoke at the same time, and with their magic held up what appeared to be exactly what they said it was, an electron that had somehow managed to inflate several million times too large.

"Now, we aren't sure what we can do with it."

"But I think it's a pretty snazzy device, what say you Princess Luna?"

Luna stood, and made her way to the front of the room. "I'm not sure what I think of it, sister, would you come and look at this?"

"I can think of only one thing to do with such a big electron myself." Celestia said with a smile. "Send it to the moon!"

On the side of the room, a gryphon with a keyboard began to smash the keys and sang loudly, "Giant useless electron, send it to the moon!" As he finished the song, Celestia did just that, and it disappeared forever.

"Thank you Flim Flam brothers." Discord said with a bored tone. "And now we have here a note from Screwball, about dress codes." Discord read the sheet of paper a few times, then laughed slightly. "Yeah, that's interesting ideas you have there. But I got a better one. Anyone want to hear it?" The room filled with bursts of applause. "Well then, I wanna tell you a true story."

The gryphon with the keyboard was suddenly joined by a violinist, a drummer, a guitarist, and an accordian player. They all nodded to each other and began to play a very distinct gypsy style song. Discord let the beat go for a few seconds then began to sing.

"Start wearing purple, wearing purple.
Start wearing purple for me now.
All your sanity and wits, they will all vanish,
I promise, it's just a matter of time.
As he stopped, the music picked up slightly, and he jumped in again standing up with his missmatched hands in the air.

So yeah, ha,
Start wearing purple, wearing purple!" The other ponies in the room, all except Celestia all stood at the end of this line and sang, "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!"

"Start wearing purple for me now,
All your sanity and wits, they will all vanish,
I promise, it's just a matter of time!"

"I know you since you were a twenty, I was twenty,
and thought that some years from now,
a purple little little lady will be perfect,
for dirty old and useless clown."

"HOLD IT HOLD IT HOLD IT!" Celestia yelled suddenly, bringing the music to a standstill. "Did you get a license for this music?"

Discord stood there dumbstruck for a few seconds before answering dumbly. "Er, well that is to say, I had meant to file for a musical moment today."

"No excuses. Meetings over. Come Luna." With that said, she made her way out the door, taking her sister with her pleading to let her stay for another song.

The rest of the room waited in silence, until the tell tale flash of a pony teleporting away lit the hallway. "So, where was I? Ah yes." The music started up once again as Luna ran back to join in the sing along.

"So yeah, ha,
Start wearing purple, wearing purple! A-LA-LA-LA-LA!
Start wearing purple for me now!
All your sanity and wits, they will all vanish!
I promise, it's just a matter of time!

A little over two hours later, Wordsmith was reclining in his new office chair and smiling to himself wide as Discord walked around the desk. "Rather nice isn't it? I try to make sure that everypony has there own space to work."

He nodded in reply as he pulled a quill out of a small pot that held them. "Incredible, if such a job existed a year ago, I would have been here instead of at the docks." He sat up straight and looked over the large desk, taking in the small monitor for the computer to his left, the classic type writer to his right, and the stack of papers ready to be used. "So what am I supposed to do here anyway?"

"Oh, whatever Random Thought, Screwball or I bring in here for you to do. Mostly paperwork. But for now, it's time for you to give out that lesson on how to write better stories."

Wordsmith nodded at the statement and quickly slid the typewriter to his boss. "There are a few simple rules I'm going to give you right now, write them down and you can try them out next time and see if you become more popular." Discord nodded and fed the paper into the machine, and magically let it type, The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Satisfied that it was working properly he nodded and let him continue. "First, try to make references to something you have already written in the past."

As the typewriter hammered out what Wordsmith said, Discord raised an eagle claw into the air. "Excuse me, but no one read any of my past stories, why would I do that?"

"It gives the world you create a sense of unity, so if somepony did not read one of your older works, they would have to backtrack, therefore, boosting your numbers in the ratings."

Discord nodded as the typewriter continued to hammer out the words. He then waved a paw to let him know to continue. "Secondly, always write what you feel you have to write. If you wouldn't read it, don't write it. Next, stay on top of the papers to see what's trending in the media and in pop culture. Ponies love it if you reference something they know about! Last, and certainly most important, always check your story before you send it in. Make sure that it has proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling, and meets at least two thousand words if it's the first chapter, and two thousand five hundred if it's a one shot."

"Why two thousand?"

"Because, the minimum for Equestria Daily is two thousand five hundred for a one shot, and three thousand if it's two chapters or more. You want to get on E-Q-D, that's where the real fame is at."

The typewriter continued to punch out the words spoken by Wordsmith, until it finally dinged and spat out the rest of the paper. "Now that you know, take this paper home with you and use it to your advantage."

Discord gave off a smile as he read the paper, and sent it to his room in the castle. "Very well, I've aranged a room for you close to mine in the palace, I hope to see you after work." He turned and quickly left Wordsmith alone in the office.

"Easiest work I've ever done." He muttered to himself as he placed his rear hooves on the desk. That's when Screwball came in.

"Hey, I got a huge pile of paperwork for you to go through and make sure is all legal, and retype if needed and then send to the departments where they belong." She then brought a small cart through the door, filled to the brim with so much paper it almost scraped the top of the doorway.

"I spoke too soon."

Author's Note

Wow, the Idiot Author With No Name now has a name! And so do a slew of others, I wonder if this is how Oprah feels.

"You get a name, and YOU get a name! EVERYPONY GETS A NAME!!!

This is the longest chapter I have wrote for this story so far... More soon!

Weekend- Episode Six. Team Chaos Strikes Back.

Discord Writes A Ship Fic
Chapter... by Celestia, I've lost count...
It is a dark time for our heroes, although the attempted train robbery has been thwarted, Princess Luna's demands meant that they had to get off the train to capture the creature of the Everfree.

Evading the dreaded royal orders, the team of Monster Hunters, lead by a disguised Lord Discord, established a new secret base, in Fluttershy's house.

But the evil creature, Baloney, desperate to make friends with anypony it found, captured the six ponies and locked them all inside it's schoolhouse lair, deep inside the Everfree Forest.

While this was going on, Princess Luna sat in the throne room, eagerly awaiting either their triumphant return, or to get what she was hoping, that Discord failed so she could handle things herself, and secure peace for the residents of the Castle...

Princess Luna sat on the throne as the evening wore on. There was little to be done, being the weekend. "Maybe I should go assemble my guard for another beast hunt. That could be fun."

"Luna!" She turned around to see Celestia trotting up to her throne. "Where is Discord? I just tried to contact him, and all I got back was a form letter! Care to explain this?"

Luna smiled as she waved a hoof to dismiss the letter. "Naturally that would mean that Discord isn't here. I've sent him away to take care of a problem in the Everfree."

Celestia's mane frizzled up as her mind processed what Luna had just said. "You did what, with who?!"

Luna stepped down from the dais and looked at a small speck of dust on her hoof. "Simply put my sister, Discord volunteered himself to lead an ensemble of diverse ponies on a dangerous mission that they might never come back from. However, he is bound by an oath upon the stone of binding to do so as a mortal pony." She gave a smile to Celestia, quite pleased with herself. "I do believe that thou art happy to hear that our headache will be gone for a time."

The look on Celestia's face was anything but happy. Her expression changed from mortified, to sick, to angry as her face changed colors faster than a traffic signal in Manehatten. "Happy," she whispered before charging at Luna and grabbing her in a tight grip. "HAPPY?! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF SOMEPONY THAT'S HAPPY?!"

"Can't... breathe... too... tight!" Luna began to feel the dizziness from lack of oxygen, only for Celestia's grip to grow tighter.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY CHAMBERS RIGHT NOW?! DO YOU?!"

Luna tried to respond, only for a small squeak to escape her. Celestia saw this and loosened her grip on the younger sibling. "Thou hath been practicing the royal Canterlot voice, haven't you?" Celestia groaned in exasperation and rolled her eyes before teleporting the both of them out of the throne room. After a moment of confusion, Luna looked around and saw that she was in Celestia's room, and it didn't take long for her to see why she was so upset.

The normally pristine room was covered in several piles of letters, and even as Celestia quickly picked one up in her magic and thrust it at her sister, several more appeared out of thin air. "Look at the state he's left Equestria in!"

Luna took the letter and opened it up. "Dear Princess Celestia, a shipment of freshly minted bits had disappeared from one of our vaults recently. We know that you are quite busy, however we were informed that we should write to you personally about this matter. Regards, the first bank of Equestria." Luna looked back at the piles of letters and frowned. "What does this have to do with Discord?"

"Everything," she turned away to point at another stack of letters before continuing. "These here are all concerning something called a snooze proof alarm clock. Those over their are all about disappearing bits, and this one here is about enchanted books!" Celestia frowned as another letter appeared on the pile about missing bits, leaving Luna to pick it up and read it. "Well, who's that one from?"

"You aren't going to like this," Luna said warily. "It's from the United Braytish Commonwealth's Minister of Banking, several bits that tourists had exchanged for Talons in Eaglend had disappeared, causing them to have to arrest dozens of Equestrians touring their nation." Celestia began pacing around the room several times mumbling something to herself, leaving Luna to attempt putting all the pieces together on her own. "Do you think it might be that disappearing bit's project?"

"Of course it's his disappearing bits research project!" Celestia screamed suddenly, causing Luna to jump back in shock. Celestia blinked a few times to compose herself. Finally after a few moments she opened the great glass door to her balcony and stepped out onto it. "Someone, somewhere has spent just enough of those bits to cause some chaos, but what I fail to see is how so much of it got out there!"

A few more letters fell before Luna cast a spell to send the letters to the mail room until they could be dealt with properly. "Listen, just a few days ago Discord said he was going to cancel the project. I told him myself that if he let too many of these bits out that things would grow out of hoof."

"Well somepony didn't get the memo," Celestia said with a dark glare in her eyes. She looked up at the moon, and with all her might shouted out a name that has long been the bane of her existence. "DISCOOOOOORD!" She turned around breathing heavily, and looked around the empty room before finally sighing to herself as she slowly made her way to her favorite pillow, and flopped down.

Luna smiled as she lay beside her sister and gave her a comforting nuzzle. "Sister, do you feel better now?"

Princess Celestia looked up at her little sister and nodded slightly, and gave a muffled reply through the pillow. "A little, I guess."

Princess Luna gave a comforting smile to her elder sister as she wrapped one of her wings over Celestia's back. "Remember, Discord was old when this universe was young, I know he's going to be alright, and so will his team. He will fix everything as soon as he comes back." The two stayed in relative silence for a few moments, when the faint sound of screaming reached their ears. Luna looked out to the balcony, ready to pounce. "What was that?"

Celestia shrugged with her wings before answering, "Probably a loon."

Discord and the rest of the ponies with him screamed as loud as they could at the grinning dopey dinosaur as it lumbered towards them. "Oh boy! Are you six ready to play a neato game with your imagination?"

The set of ponies stopped screaming as they looked around at each other in confusion. "Uhh, wait as second," Discord responded. "Are you telling me that you don't want to eat us?"

"Eat you? Hu-hu-ha-ha! No! I don't wanna eat you!" He then paused as he turned to a supply room and opened it. "How about we pretend that we're all cops and robbers! Who wants to be a cop with me?"

Hearth Stone stepped forward and spread his wings wide at the bright orange polyestersaurus. "Listen here you! My name is Hearth Stone, and I am a private from the Lunar Corps Night Guard. In the name of the Princess of the Night, I order you to surrender yourself, and return all items that you had taken from us, and surrender any other items that you had stolen from the province of Ponyville!"

"Gee willikers, I have no idea what you're talking about," Baloney said with a scratch of his head. "I found these things laying around outside when I wandered through town!"

Fluttershy then stepped forward and looked Baloney in the eyes. "Look here Mister Baloney, you can't just foalnap six ponies and hold them here against their will! Why don't you let us go?"

Baloney held one of his hands under the base of his mouth as if thinking, and soon the smell of an acrid smoke began to fill the room as he tried to process what he was just told. "Well, my friendly friend always lets me know when it's time for little ones to go home." He then pointed to the far end of the room where a clock was mounted high up on the wall. "At four, my friendly friend will pop out and let me know it's time for me to send you home to your mommies and daddies." The sextet of ponies quickly glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that what was left of it was pointing at a quarter to four, and that the pendulum had disappeared long ago, along with the cuckoo bird that should have been behind the open door. "He's been quiet for so long," Baloney said with a frown before perking up with his usual bouncy attitude. "But I guess he just wants me to play more!" He then laughed in his usual idiotic way.

Screwball pulled off her beany, and reached a hoof inside to find something useful. As she dug around the confines of hammer space, Baloney clapped his hands together to draw everypony's attention to him. "So, who's up for a friendly game! I have lots of toys, and crafts, and all kinds of neat-o stuff that we can use our imaginations on!"

"But, shouldn't you just let us go? I mean, the clock's broken," Fluttershy commented.

"Gee little filly, I don't know what you're talking about!"

Screwball rolled her eyes as she continued digging in her beany, only for Baloney to pull her away from her corner. "Hey there! Why don't you join us all over here for our friendly game!"

"I'd rather not if you don't mind," Screwball sneered with disdain. "I would rather escape from this insane asylum you call a school house."

Baloney looked up and scratched his sizable paunch for a few moments in contemplation. "I know! Let's sing the we love each other song! Everyone, gather around!"

Discord, Fluttershy, Hearth Stone, Random Thought and Wordsmith all backed away from the dreaded beast as he picked up Screwball by the forelegs and hugged her tight.

"I like you, you like me?"

"I think you're as dumb as dumb can be."

Baloney nodded in agreement with another one of his laughs before continuing the song. "Yep, uh-huh. Now let's play a game and we can get along!"

"I think you've had us here too long."

The song ended, and Baloney dropped Screwball to the ground unceremoniously as he stomped his way to the supply room. "Okay dokey and zippy! I know a game you'll all like!" His backside swayed to a song he was humming as he began digging through the supplies, as he did, Discord waived a hoof to bring the rest of his group over to him.

"Alright," Discord said as he stroked his beard. "We need to get the upperhoof here, do any of you have any plans?"

"I can't seem to access anything useful in my beany," Screwball said with a frown. "And even though I can draw some things into reality with my chalk, it won't let me bring anything in that creates an exit, nor any projectile based weapons."

"Alright then," Discord said with a frown. "Fluttershy, what about your stare? Do you think it would work on him?"

"Well, um, you see, I already tried that a little bit ago," Fluttershy mumbled softly.

Wordsmith blinked in confusion at this as he suddenly remembered he was apart of this too. "Wait, you did? When?!"

"Don't you remember? Just before he started singing, I tried to do the stare on him. Nothing happened! It's like, like..." she trailed off.

"Like he actually isn't smart enough to be hypnotized," Random Thought finished as Fluttershy gave him as threatening of a look as she could give him for being so tactless.

"Look," Hearth Stone said with a slam of his hoof. "We can't just stand around here all day and fall into his little ploy! I'm gonna rush him, while he's distracted with me, I need the five of you to sneak our weapons away from that supply closet."

"That plan will never work," Random Thought said with a frown. He then stepped forward and gave as sharp of a salute as he could manage. "I may not be much of a soldier, but I can at least do something to help distract him."

"Good stallion, you take him from the tail end, and I'll give an all frontal assault. Do the rest of you think that you can manage to get in there?" Discord, Wordsmith Fluttershy and Screwball all nodded at him, sure that they can manage to get at least a few weapons from the closet. "Excellent, we'll be victorious yet. On my signal, three, two, one, GO!"

Random Thought and Hearth Stone were quick to the action as Random pounced upon Baloney's back and used his weight to pull him out of the closet. "YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG PONIES!"

As soon as he found an opening, Hearth Stone was quick to use his military training to land several hard blows in Baloney's stomach, knees, and even his face. Whirling about and using every bit of his light frame to land successive hits on the dinosaur with hopes to subdue the creature. With each hit he made, despite both he and Random's best efforts, Baloney seemed to pay it little notice as a squeaking sound emitted from him with every blow. "Is this some kind of new game? Are we pretending we're wrestling?"

Discord meanwhile lead Fluttershy, Wordsmith and Screwball to the open door and quickly began to riffle through the contents in hopes of finding a weapon. "Do you see anything?!"

"Nothing useful," Screwball commented. "Blast! Where did he leave our weapons?!"

"They might not even be in here," Wordsmith commented. "For all we know they might still be scattered somewhere in the forest!"

"I'm not accepting that," Discord said with a frown. "He's got to have stashed them here!"

There was a loud banging sound, causing Fluttershy to take off with a squeak and smack herself against the ceiling. "What are those two doing?" She looked and saw that between the two of them, they had managed to somehow slam Baloney into one of the tables, temporarily stunning the great orange monster.

"We don't have much time," Hearth Stone said with a pant as he made his way closer to them. "Quick, did you find anything?!"

"Lots of craft supplies, but no dice on the weapons." Wordsmith said with a frown. "He must have left them somewhere else!"

"Well isn't that fantastic," Random Thought shouted as he laid another kick into Baloney's side, only to cause another squeak to emit followed by a series of giggles from Baloney. "Cause I think we didn't even really make a mark on this thing!"

Baloney continued to laugh as he stood up from the floor. "Oh boy! That was fun!" He danced in a circle for a moment or two before skipping away to the supply closet, making the ponies scatter. "But it wasn't too friendly of you, someone could have been hurt."

"That was the idea," Hearth Stone muttered under his breath.

"But, I think we can play something fun along the same lines!" He then pulled out a bunch of pillows and raised them above his head. "PILLOW FIGHT!"

"Are you joking?" Wordsmith threw his hooves up in the air before pointing at the orange soda colored moronic monster that was holding them captive. "What in the wide world makes you think I'm going to do such an idiotic thing!"

Baloney answered by throwing the entire pile of pillows at him, throwing the blue stallion back into the wall, effectively knocking him out. "So, who wants to plaaaayyy?"

The remaining ponies that were still conscious winced at the thought of actually playing along with him, and all began looking around for an excuse not to. Discord looked around as he thought of an excuse, when he suddenly noticed a large jar of glue. "Alright, let's play."

The rest of his crew looked at Discord with shock and complaints began to come in. Discord raised a hoof to silence them before addressing Baloney again. "I'll just need a moment to talk with my team before we start play." He quickly gathered them up for a group huddle as Baloney began pulling supplies out of his closet. "Alright, we need a game plan to not only win this war, but to take him out of the game and bring him in, any suggestions?"

"We could build a superior fort?"

"Find a better strategy?"

"Build a super weapon using a crayon, duct tape, mints, and a fizzy drink?"

Those are all good ideas, but too small," Discord replied with a casual wave of his hoof. "I say we fall back on what I always say, if all else fails, cheat."

"You don't always say that," Screwball commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure I do, just ask Fluttershy."

"Actually, that's the first time I ever heard you say that."

"Fine, just ask Random Thought."

"Nope, never heard you say that before."

"FINE! Then I'll start saying it all the time. When in doubt, cheat."

"Well that sounds all good and well," Hearth Stone said with a frown. "But how do you propose to cheat? It's a pillow fight! Foals play this at slumber parties!"

Discord responded by slamming a hoof into the side of the soldier's head. "Look around you! This place is a veritable gold mine in items that can be stuffed in a pillow case to turn it into a blunt weapon. Now, you see that jar of glue?" The ponies around him looked over at the table his eyes were focused on before nodding in agreement. "My suggestion is we use that along with the feathers stuffed in these pillows to feather the great buffoon, while he's stunned by what's happened to him, Hearth Stone will grab a table, and use it to pretty much beat him senseless so we can tie him up and take him to Canterlot. Who's with me?"

Discord smiled wide as a chorus of unsure agreement broke out from everypony but Fluttershy. "Um, Discord, I'm not exactly sure that this approach will work. I mean, it's a good plan, but we don't know if we can even hurt him, I know I can't."

Discord frowned at her before face-hoofing with a groan. "Fine, you are on pillow detail with Screwball, make sure that between the two of you, Baloney never notices what we are trying to do." He then gave a quick attempt to try to pick up the glue with magic, only for it to fall over with a slight thud. "As you can tell, our magic is still pretty useless in here, so one of us is going to have to go behind enemy lines to douse him with glue and feathers while the rest distract him."

Wordsmith brightened up as he looked around and began to bounce on his hooves with excitement. "So then, shall we draw straws?"

"Oh hex no," Random Thought said as he slapped Wordsmith down his muzzle. "This story arc has gone on long enough, I'll volunteer, and I'm taking Hearth Stone with me!"

Before anypony could question anything, Discord slapped his hooves together before rubbing them gleefully. "Excellent, then let's get cracking, first thing we need to do is set up the forts."

"Done," he looked behind him and saw that while they were scheming, Baloney had already set up a fort for himself, as Screwball somehow managed to do the same for them.

"Okay, then we also need pil-"

"Check," Fluttershy said as she pointed out to a huge pile behind fort turned over tables and chairs.

"Right, then we need somepony to go grab the bottle of, OH COME ON!" He slammed his hoof into the ground as he saw Random and Hearth both already stuffing the bottle of glue in the crux of Hearth Stone's wing. "Let's just get this over with... I wanna go home as my beautiful self."

Baloney guffawed a few times as he counted the number of pillows he had in his reserves to an audience that only he seemed to see, and most likely did not even exist. Finally, after almost three minutes he addressed the other fort. "Surrender your fort to me! Or by gum I'll take it by friendly force and put you all in time out!" He then laughed again and slapped the part of his leg that could best be described as a knee.

Discord stood up over the barrier of the fort and held a pillow on his hoof. To you, the orange polyesther flavored crush dinosaur, I say nay! Give us freedom, or give us death!"

Fluttershy looked up at the posing Discord with concern. "Isn't this all a bit much for a pillow fight?"

"Shhhh," Screwball replied with a glare. "This is the best part."

"And you, my fellow soldiers," he said while addressing the ponies around him. "While you, will only be risking your lives, I will be risking an almost certain Pulitzer prize nomination, for best leading character. Now raise your right hoof for the pledge." Everypony solomly raised their left hoof at the request before Discord barked out, "RIGHT!" They then quickly switched hooves and waited for him to continue. "Now repeat after me, I."

Everpony did as requested and said, "I."

"Your name."

"Your name."

Discord rolled his eyes slightly at them all and muttered, "Idiots," before continuing. "Do pledge allegiance."

"Do pledge allegiance."

"To Discord."

"To Derpy."

"THAT'S DISCORD!"

"That's Discord!"

"And to the chaos."

"And to the chaos."

"For which he stands."

"For which he stands."

Discord gave an approving grin at his small army as he raised up to his rear hooves. "Now go do, that voodoo, that you do, so well!" The other five ponies were so inspired by his speech, that they almost forgot how serious this really was as they grabbed a pillow each and began to lob them across the room to Baloney, only to almost entirely miss as Discord was smacked with several pillows in rapid succession. "NOT ME! HIM!"

As Discord lead Screwball, Fluttershy and Wordsmith in battle, Random Thought and Hearth Stone silently snuck past the fort of overturned tables and chairs, silently signalling the plans back and forth to each other as they got closer to Baloney's fortress of empty milk crates and boxes. "Alright, so the first thing we do, rip open a few of his pillows."

"Right, while you do that, I'll prepare the glue."

"Got it," Random Thought said with a small salute. The two continued as silently as possible as Discord and the others made a lot of noise throwing pillows, and Baloney continued to idiotically laugh while throwing his own volley. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the high pitched scream of an incoming projectile filled Wordsmith's ears. He looked up to see it headed for him, and dodged to avoid but was too late as the pillow landed on his side at top speeds.

"Random, RANDOM!" Hearth Stone quickly went back and saw the unicorn was holding his side, clearly he'd been hit.

"Hearth Stone, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me buddy, are you alright?"

Random Thought rolled his eyes as he told him what seemed to be obvious. "I've been hit." He coughed into his hoof a few times before collapsing in Hearth's forelegs. "I'm not gonna make it. Tell Screwball that, tell her I..." Hearth Stone rolled his eyes and hit the unicorn upside the head with his hoof. "Ow, gee, what was that for?"

"To save yourself from being an idiot. You're fine, it was just a pillow." He then quickly let go of the melodramatic pony, letting him thud to the ground. "Shall we go on?"

"Alright sure." Moments later, the two officially crossed enemy lines, and were behind fort who cares it's Baloney's pile of boxes. The two watched in awe as the dinosaur, despite it's short arms, seemed to be having the upper hand as he kept throwing pillow after pillow at Discord, while laughing idiotically and dodging any oncoming fire.

Discord meanwhile was growing more and more frustrated by the moment as he continued shouting orders. "Come on, ya bloomin' cockroaches, keep firing!"

"We can't, Fluttershy screamed. "We're out of ammo!" She then ducked down into the deepest safe zone of the fort that she could find.

Discord rolled his eyes in slight disgust as he pointed a hoof out to the no-pony zone of the floor. "Then it's up to you two to go retrieve some!"

Screwball stopped drawing, whatever it was she was drawing to stare blankly back at him. "You mean Fluttershy and I?" As she asked this, Fluttershy gave a squeak and hid her face in her tail.

Discord rolled his eyes before glaring at her. "Noooo," he said sarcastically. "I mean Solo and the wookie. OF COURSE I MEAN YOU TWO!"

"But sir!" Wordsmith said with a frown. "Fluttershy's in no condition to go out there!" To emphasize his point, Fluttershy lay bunched up next to the underside of the table shaking slightly.

"Well, looks like you volunteered son!" He then slapped Wordsmith on the back and shoved him out from behind the fort. After that, it was only a mater of seconds before he was pelted with enough pillows to supply them once more. "Ensign Screwball, retrieve our ammo! Oh, and, Wordsmith too."

Across the room, Private Hearth Stone and Random Thought had finally made their way to Baloney's pillow stash and as Random tried to rip open a pillow, Hearth waited for the word to dump the entire supply of glue over their enemy.

"Hey," Random Thought whispered. "Can I get some help? I can't tear this open."

"Oh for goodness sake, how weak are you paper pushing cream-puffs?" He whispered back. Quickly, he made his way over to the distressed unicorn and tucked the open bottle of glue back under his wing before yanking on the other end of the pillow. "Wow, this thing is pretty tough."

"Told ya." Random whispered back smugly as he continued to pull as well. Finally, after several tries, they finally got the pillow to open enough that they could dump out it's feathers.

"Alright," Hearth said with a frown as he took the glue back in his hooves. "When I let go, I'll fly up there and dump the glue, then you hit him with the feathers, got it?"

"Got it," Random replied with a nod.

"On three then, one, two..." Suddenly, the pillow they were both holding in their teeth was yanked up into the air by Baloney, taking them with it as the orange dinosaur lobbed it across the room. The two ponies let go of everything as they flew at high velocity to the other end of the room, straight at a shouting Discord.

Discord was unaware that things had gone wrong, until he suddenly felt something cold and wet hit him in the back of his head, followed by a hard glass jar. He turned around just in time to see two ponies fly past him, and a ripped pillow less than an inch from his face.

The explosion of feathers was truly one that should be remembered in the history books, not since the days when gryphons and pegasus ponies were constantly at war had so many feathers exploded in a battle. As everypony took in the scene, Baloney danced and clapped his hands at his victory, and Discord stood stock still, looking very much like a pony shaped chicken.

"Oh you put up a good fight ponies, but it looks like I won this game," Baloney said with a grin. Suddenly, he noticed that the feathered Discord seemed to be shaking slightly. "Hey, are you okay? Do you want to sing a song about your feelings?"

"No..." Discord said with a hiss.

"Uh, boss," Screwball said with concern. "You aren't going to cry, are you?"

The pony that was Discord in disguise continued to shake for a few moments longer before he suddenly burst into tears. "YES!" As he continued to sob, everypony backed away slightly. Even Baloney, unsure of how to handle this took a step back. "I tried, and I thought I could, but it's impossible, there's just no way I can beat this... this... thing!" He then continued to sniffle for a few seconds as he tried to gather his nerves. "Therefore, I'm going to have to fo-" he stopped mid-word as a sudden wind hit him that he hadn't felt before.

Concerned, Random Thought put a comforting hoof on Discord's shoulder. "Are you saying you forfeit?

"Quiet you fool, listen!"

Everypony, and Baloney, grew silent as a fain grinding sound filled the room. They looked around for any source of the sound, only for none to be found. "What's going on? I'm scared!" Baloney said suddenly as he tried to huddle with the ponies for comfort that nopony, other than Fluttershy attempted to give.

That's when he spotted it, faintly at first, but becoming more visible by the second was a bright white light. It blinked on and off with a steady timing that was different from the pattern that it faded in and out with whatever was holding it up in the air. As the grinding got louder, the image became clearer, showing a great blue box, with a set of doors, and two windows on each side near the top. Above each set of windows, was a sign that read, Police Public Call Box. Suddenly as it started, the grinding stopped, and the box was clearly fully visible to all in the room.

Wordsmith, curious about the device was the first to step forward. "Blimey, what is it?" Suddenly, the door flew open in his face, knocking him aside and sending him flying clear across the room. Discord watched in awe as out stepped a familiar figure.

"'Ello boss, sorry I'm late. Well, actually, I'm early but I told you I'd be here. Well, future me did. You know how it goes, wibbly wobbly and all that fun."

Everypony stood in shock for a few seconds as Baloney just out and out fainted. Discord looked at the suddenly not very interesting monster and took a step closer. "John Smith? How did you know we were going to be here?"

The Doctor gave a slight grin to Discord as he slyly whispered, "Spoilers. And, you're still calling me that I see, just The Doctor will do." He then turned around and shouted into the box, "Come along Sparkle!"

Anypony that was still awake, suddenly had the joyful experience of having their jaws drop for a second time as out from the box stepped somepony that everypony knew. The newest princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle, only something seemed slightly off about her. "Twilight! Is that really you?"

The unicorn raised an eyebrow at the feathered pony before her. "Yes, but... how do you know me?"

"It's me, Discord!"

Twilight laughed slightly as she shut the door to the phone booth behind her and began to look around. "Well, how did all this wind up happening?"

Discord was about to tell her, when The Doctor quickly jammed a hoof down his mouth. "Ah ah ah! Spoilers." He then trotted off and began examining Baloney.

Fluttershy suddenly looked up from behind the turned over table fort and spotted her friend and quickly flew over to give her a hug. "TWILIGHT! Oh my goodness, I'm so happy to see you." She then paused and let go as she realized what was wrong with her friend. "Um, Twilight, when did you become a unicorn again?"

She looked at her shy friend with confusion for several seconds before a response came out. "Uh, Fluttershy, what do you mean by again? I've always been a unicorn."

It was at that moment that everypony in the room looked at the pair of friends and said the exact same thing. "Spoilers."

Author's Note

Hey there, so sorry that this took so long, but as some of you know my mother had gone to the hospital on the second of last month, and passed away on the tenth of last month.

This chapter, was the last one that she had ever had a chance for me to read to her before she went into the hospital, only for her to tell me it wasn't funny. So after a month of not being able to get in the zone for this, I finally fulfilled her wishes to try to make it as funny as possible.

There will be a gap between this chapter and the next, as I am moving to Los Angeles to live with my grandmother. If any of you live down there, and are going to BABSCon, let me know, I need a lift.

This chapter, as is everything else I have ever written or will ever write, is dedicated to Beatrice Uribe. My mother, the woman that pushed me to write, and without whom, this story would not exist.

Stella, The Foreign Exchange Worker.

This is a somewhat unique story, and requires a different kind of introduction. Below these words, as you may recognize are several more words. Strung together to make several sentences and phrases.Even now you are reading these words, that's the blog post up ahead, your next stop, The Random Zone...

Stella was swam through the warm waters off the shores of Saddle Arabia. Her talons before her as she used her powerful wings to fly through the water. She was trapped in a sense of pure bliss as the sun shone down from high above the water's surface.

She dove deeper still to get a closer look at the fish that swam in the shallow water, when she noticed a dim shadow pass overhead. A small vessel had managed to find it's way through the dangerous coral reef. No doubt on it's way to one of the more touristy islands.

The gryphon rolled her eyes and took a deep breath from her oxygen tank. Another thrust of her wings and she jetted away to another cluster of life. The colors were a lush mix of reds, greens, and yellows as the tiny fish darted about. Trying to survive the only way that they could. Darting from one cluster to the next in search of food, while trying to avoid being on another fish's menu.

Stella took another breath as she slowly swam over the coral reef, and slowly felt a cool calm come over her. This is nice... Her thoughts were interrupted as another shadow passed over her, this time accompanied by the sound of alarms.

Panic filled her heart as her breathing became erratic, and the sea chrurned about her. She was drowning, suffocating. What's going on?

Stella fell out of her hammock, her head landing with a hard thump. Her blankets had managed to twist around her just enough to bind all her limbs to her body, yet one end was still clinging to her hanging bed. "Ugh, not again," she moaned before looking up at the dresser above her. The alarm clock on it was still ringing like mad, and dancing it's way to the edge. "No..." Thus began what turned out to be one of her worst mornings ever.

Once she was clean, and had her feathers and fur adjusted, she still was feeling rather crumby. But, there was always breakfast to look forward to. She smiled at herself in the mirror, and gave the feathers on her head another adjustment to make sure she was truly presentable before finally heading out the door.

Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten several facts before heading out the door. Fact one was that she no longer lived with her parents in Gryphonia, as such she didn't have to take off flying the moment she reached her front stoop. Fact number two that she forgot was that she didn't have a front stoop at all, but rather a long and bland hallway that was indoors. Okay, she thought with her head jammed in the ceiling. This hurts.

Canterlot was not exactly her cup of tea. To tell the truth, she preferred coffee anyway. Sure, the climate was cool and comfortable, unlike the freezing part of the island kingdom she grew up in. But there was a different coldness here compared to her home.

As she walked her way to the front door of the apartment building, she saw the door pony holding it open for her. She smiled brightly at him and sped up, to reach the door. As she did, that was when she noticed that two ponies were coming inside. She quickly brought herself to a halt, and stood aside for the two well dressed unicorns. As they walked by with their muzzles in the air and eyes closed, she offhandedly wondered to herself, How do they know where they are going if they go everywhere like that?

She shook the thought out of her head as she headed back to the glass double doors, only to find that the door pony had shut them again. "Ow, ow ow ow..." She quickly grabbed her beak in one of her talons, feeling to make sure she didn't crack it. The doors opened again, and Stella was soon looking at the face of the door pony as he passed her a paper napkin. "Thank you," she said without even thinking.

"Miss, if you would be so kind as to clean the mess you made on the glass I would appreciate it," he said in a nasally voice.

Stella looked at him with a look of utter heartbreak as the first ray of goodness in her day shattered like a stained glass window. "Sure, sorry," she mumbled before wiping the small spots of spit and blood from the glass. Even though she was cleaning the glass, she still held her beak with her left talons where the blood was finally stopping. She looked over at the door pony and the now clean glass and said, "Ish dat goot?"

The pony snickered slightly before rolling his eyes, and saying, "Ja, dat ish goot," in a horrible Germane accent. "Seriously, where did you learn to speak Equestrian? Night classes in Draconia?"

Stella now could feel heat coming to her face as she held the door open and walked out. "I don' haff an accshent ju baffoon! I haff a bloody beak!"

"I see you have a bloody beak! But that doesn't restrict you from enunciating," He said with a mocking smile.

Stella looked at the door pony as if he had grown a second head as she reveled in the new realm of stupidity his mind had just entered. Finally sick of him, and his smug, dopey face, she grabbed his uniform jacket and wiped the blood off her beak onto it. He stood there dumbfounded for a second or two as she casually walked off before shouting, "HEY! You're gonna have to pay for that!"

She opened her wings for take off and shot him her own smug grin. "Send the bill to Canterlot Castle," and was gone before he could even reply.

The sun was shining brightly through the windows of the throne room as Princess Celestia listened to the pony speaking. "See it's like this, I mean, that is to say, I believe that with a proper investment from Princess Luna's personal, ah, let's call them savings, we could potentially rebuild the lightning business from the ground up. Or, from the sky down as it were." He then gave a snort of laughter at his attempt at humor.

Celestia tried her best to keep a neutral face. She knew that if her real emotions showed, she would probably come off as cruel. Hmm, I don't need to frown, I don't think. Do that and I'm sure that he'll think that I'm going to deny it immediately. She shifted to her right slightly, and the pony before her continued speaking. She gave a serene smile as she closed her eyes. I am going to deny him of course. It's not my business what Luna wants to do with her money. She nodded politely when the proposer brought up the fact that many ponies are now becoming more dependent on electric energy, but still kept her eyes closed. I wonder if he'd notice if I fell asleep right now. Probably not. Unless I snore, do I snore? I think it's just dawned on me that in all my years I never found out if I snore.

"-And that's what the bits would go into. And, in three years time, it would be given back with a three percent interest rate!" He stood proudly and smiled widely as he waited for Princess Celestia to say something. Instead, she simply sat silent for nearly a full minute without any response at all. "Your highness? Are you offended by my suggestion?"

Celestia opened her eyes and gave him a very gentle look. But to anypony that knew her better, they could see traces of laughter and mischief behind her eyes. "Oh yes, I did hear everything, and it sounds like you have thought hard about everything you said today." She paused and looked to her left and saw her ministers were waiting for her. Waiting for either a yes, no, or for her to send it to them to decide. She smiled at them before turning back to the pony before her. "But why are you asking me for Luna's money?"

The stallion's ears lowered as he took a step back from the throne. He started to stutter, but before words could come out, Celestia continued. "Tell me, do you often ask the baker for a loan from the bank of Equestria? Or the apothecary if you can borrow your neighbors hedge clippers?" She waited as he stood stock still, not answering, and growing more nervous by the second. "I will not fund this proposal with my sisters bits, but I won't outright deny you. Request an audience with my sister and see what she has to say about your idea. Not me."

The stallion bowed before grabbing his simple pie chart and making a bee line for the door. Celestia sighed as the doors shut behind him and she slumped low on the throne. "Tell me there's no more. Please, tell me that there's no more ponies asking for favors right now."

Kibitz looked at his list before shaking his head. "No your majesty, there's no more requests." Celestia smiled, and was just about to get off her throne when he continued speaking. "You do however, have an appointment with a miss Stella Naranbaatar of Gryphonia."

Celestia's ears perked up slightly in curriousity at the name before looking back at her ministers. Everyone seemed curious at best, but Nickolas seemed invested, and almost fearful. "Is this someone you would happen to know by chance?" she said in curriousity.

"Nein," Nickolas said with a frown. "I do not know this chick anymore than you do. The sire name though..." He trailed off suddenly, realizing he may have said too much and instead folded his arms across his chest.

This act didn't go unnoticed however, and even as the minister of war tried to act casual, the other ministers already began to feel suspicious, and Discord felt a shot of glee enter his heart. Celestia however wore her mask of serenity well, and simply nodded at Kibitz. "Very well, let her in."

The great doors glowed briefly, but rather than opening them, a smaller door built into the left door opened, allowing Stella into the room. She kept her head forward, and stepped with a well practiced gait, showing herself off as someone of importance to everyone else in the room. Despite the fact that her eyes were looking everywhere to take everything in. She reached the end of the long walk, and bowed before the Dias, spreading her wings out on the floor in presentation before Celestia. "I am humbled to stand before you Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus."

A smirk couldn't help but cross Celestia's features when the archaic title was spoken. "Your display pleases me Stella from the house of Naranbaatar," she looked down with a gentle smile. Celestia knew these traditions well, and while not used for almost five hundred years, knew what was to be said next. "Stead your wings well, I shall not crush them underhoof today. Now speak with me, least I turn a deaf ear to your request."

Stella rose up from her bow and gave the princess a polite smile. "Your majesty, I have traveled far to meet with you. After many years of training, I have come to Equestria in good faith on behalf of my family, as your servant to use in any matter you see fit."

A murmur ran through the room so fast, that Discord was almost sure that he should have been able to spot it. He smirked widely at what had just happened, reveling in the confusion that one lone gryphon had managed to lay across the entire Equestrian government's day shift. "Well, what do you think Nick?" he said to the gryphon next to him, only to see that the Minister of War was slowly shaking his head and muttering something under his breath.

Celestia tapped her hoof on the dais to quiet everyone in the room. "Silence please, or I will send everyone of you away to discuss things in private with miss Naranbaatar." It took only a few moments, but silence did win over as Celestia looked down at the gryphon before her. "Such an offer is unprecedented, and frankly without purpose. Enlighten me please, why would you offer such things?"

Stella was on edge instantly, and a million thoughts seemed to ring through her head as her smile began to crack. Pinion feathers! What do I say to that? This isn't how things were supposed to go, come on... what did your parents say? Think?! "I... my family, they groomed me in many skills that could be beneficial to you Princess. My whole life's work is to make you happy. Please don't send me away, it would be an insult to my honor! Is there not anything you could wish of me?"

Celestia looked over the room. The ministers of course all sat in silence, but it didn't take words to know that she knew what they were thinking. She looked at her guards and gave a mental shake of her head at the thought before looking at the servants for the castle. No, no, I doubt that would be a good idea. I don't think she would want those kind of tasks. Suddenly, a smile spread across Celestia's lips. "I do not wish to insult you, and understand you may have gone through quite the education to even know my full title."

Stella couldn't help but puff up with pride at the statement. She was right of course. Celestia was always right. She was after all Sol Invictus. "And while I do not wish to insult you, I severely doubt you are truly able to help me, my sister, or my protege with any task that you would deem worth while."

Just like that, Stella's pride deflated like a popped balloon. She wanted to protest, she had to protest. But she couldn't, it was wrong to protest. It was practically sacrilege to even think of doing so. And yet, one word escaped from her beak. "But.."

Celestia raised a hoof, and frowned. "Let me ask you something before you continue," she said with a frown. "What is the estimated population of Equestria?"

Stella started to answer, only for her mind to draw a blank. Finally, all she could answer was, "I don't know."

"Alright," Celestia said as she pointed to the ministers to her left. "Without looking, how many ministers are in my cabinet, and what do they each preside over?"

Again she stumbled, and tried not to look to her right before answering. "Um, I believe that there are thirty three members of the cabinet, and they each preside over different ministrations that represent the needs of this country." She couldn't help but smile as she finished her explanation, knowing she had aced the question.

"Hmm, a good guess, but there's actually forty members of my cabinet, and you did not mention that in fact, some of the ministers are also members of the ancient ruling class. For example, Prince Blueblood there is the minister of alcohol and other controlled substances, but also the ruler that represents the unicorn tribe." Celestia then shook her head and frowned. "No, you are not ready yet for something as glorious as you expected. But there's hope for you I think."

Celestia arose from her seat and walked down the dais, causing Stella to bow once again. "I am humbled your highness, that you would be willing to give me a chance at all."

"A chance is what you have, one to prove yourself in." She walked over to the ministers and waved a hoof over them with a smile. "Here you see everyone of my ministers, each with different tasks that need to be filled and each can offer you a unique perspective of this fair land. Choose wisely, will it be the ministry of war? The ministry of controlled substances? Or perhaps the ministry of city planning?" Any one of them at all, and you can start your journey."

Stella thought she was prepared for this day, she expected things to go smoothly and would become one of her advisers, or perhaps a member of the guard. Something, anything to let her be close to Celestia. But everything had gone wrong. From the moment she woke up, to the very moment she was in, nothing was right. Chose... chose, I have no idea who I should go with. She walked down the line, eyeing the ponies carefully before she stopped at a grey mare. "Your honor, if you don't mind, would you please tell me what ministry you run?"

"For sure," she said with a laid back voice. "I'm in charge of the ministry of music. We issue permits for shows, have a library of written and recorded songs, a generous group of talented agents to keep musical progress in action, and we also register every spontaneous musical moment that breaks out in this country."

Stella nodded in thanks before looking further down the line, only for one figure to stand out to her. "Him, I will work for him."

It came as a surprise to everyone except for Celestia and Discord himself that she chose to work for him. After all, gryphons practically worship Discord and Rhyme for what they've done in the past. Not that he blamed them. "I'd be honored to have you little gryphon..."

Author's Note

Naranbaatar means Sun Hero.

Glad to have another part of the story out, and starting a new arc soon-ish. And, if you are currious to learn more about Discord's past in this universe, might I suggest you read my spin off of this story, Discord and Rhyme, where we learn of not only his past, but of how he helped to shape the world as it is today.

It wasn't on purpose of course.