Xenophilia: Shotglass Oneshots

Chapters

1: Candy by VelvetHeart
2: Biology Class by StarSlinger
3: The Big Question by VelvetHeart
5: First Date by Minalkra
6: Home Truths by Minalkra
7: Hound by VelvetHeart
8: Love and games by VelvetHeart
9: Crystal Harmony by VelvetHeart
10: Crystal Heart by warpd
11: Crystal Clarity by warpd
12: Problems Per Pink Palette's Pornographic Pamphlet by VelvetHeart
13: The First by warpd
14: Catching Hope by warpd
15: A Chance Meat-ing by DES
16: Sharing the joy – Alicorn style by NachoTheBrony
17: A letter home by NachoTheBrony
18: (B)itch by VelvetHeart
19: The Mailmare, the Time Lord, and the Sun by TheAlmightySage
20: A Mother’s Care by StarSlinger
21: A Father’s Support by StarSlinger
22: Father by warpd
23: The Reason by Rikmach
24: Light and Darkness by StarSlinger
25: Action Lero by SpinelStride
26: Demolition Man by Xzeron2000
27: The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 1 by FanOfMostEverything
28: The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 2 by FanOfMostEverything
29: After by SpinelStride
31: Fallen Far by SpinelStride
32: The Music Man by SpinelStride
33: Vacation for Two: Snowed In by Minalkra
34: Vacation for Two: Beach Babe by warpd
35: Ascension by SpinelStride
36: A new brother by warpd
37: In Other Words by warpd
38: Bittersweet Apples by BackgroundNoise
39: First! by SpinelStride
40: First Contact by FanOfMostEverything
41: Fanfic by SpinelStride
43: Fairy Floss by FanOfMostEverything
44: Dreamboat by SpinelStride
45: Getting Applefaced by SpinelStride
46: Saucy! by SpinelStride
47: BBBFF by warpd
48: Alternative 4 by The Quiet Man
49: A Sunset Refracted by FanOfMostEverything
50: Don't Tell Anypony by VelvetHeart
51: Imported Vices by VelvetHeart
52: Crystal Eye Candy by warpd
53: Diverted from the tracks by VelvetHeart
54: Not subtle by VelvetHeart
55: The Bell Tolls by VelvetHeart
56: (in)Humane Fashion by VelvetHeart
58: A Little Game by TheAlmightySage
59: Dream Stallion by VelvetHeart
60: Ivory Alicorn by warpd
61: A Friend In Need Is Wetter by VelvetHeart
62: Culture Crystallized by VelvetHeart
63: Art Dump by VelvetHeart
64: Mystery Skills by VelvetHeart
65: The Everfree Effect by VelvetHeart
66: Zeno-filia - ever closer, never quite there by GroaningGreyAgony
67: Hooves by warpd
68: Lost tales by ?
69: More Lost Tales by ?
70: Yet More Lost Tales by ?
71: Lost Tales Of The Slightly Longer Kind by ?
72: The Hiding Show by VelvetHeart
73: Predator Privilege by Goat Licker
74: History Revised by VelvetHeart
76: Untamed Life by warpd
77: Off days and On days by VelvetHeart
78: Superman by VelvetHeart
79: At Magic's End by Goat Licker
80: The Natural Music of Ponies by Goat Licker.
81: Don't Be Dense, Lero by Goat Licker
82: Lero's Hospital Duty by Goat Licker
83: Death of a Knight by warpd
84: Just Dropping in by PhucknuckL
4: Readers Letters by VelvetHeart
30: Done Waiting by SpinelStride
42: Exceedingly Unlikely Plot Arc by SpinelStride
57: Bury Me Deep by TheAlmightySage
75: The Mystery of the Disappearing Lero by Goat Licker

1: Candy by VelvetHeart

*****************

"-instead of eating you-ou!" Shrieks were followed by laughter as the princess of the night dropped her Nightmare Moon disguise and found a little spot among the giggling foals.

"Can we have some of the candy now?" Sweetie Belle reached out with a little hoof, several other little hooves quickly joining hers to rummage through the pile, quickly laying claim to some of their personal favorites.

"Oh, oh! There's some of the new stuff!" An excited Scootaloo dragged a small paper satchel from the mass of candy, the others in the little cluster suddenly returning to frantic digging. It wasn't long until each of the little ones had acquired themselves a similar baggy.

"By golly! I didn't know anypony was handing these out! Greatest Nightmare Night Ever!" A small pinto colt eagerly exclaimed, extending a colorful paper packet in Luna's direction. "You should try it, princess! They only make it here!"

A new treat? Equestria had become a true font of new experiences since the princess had returned from her lunar exile. Even to this very day, new things popped out at her on a near-weekly basis. For a moment, Luna left the curious candy levitating in the aura of her magic while a chorus of ripping noises announced the foals digging into theirs.

"Lero and Twilight came up with it. Bon Bon makes it but she can't without their help and it's very tiring to make so they can't make much. I thought there wouldn't be any this Nightmare Night," Sweetie Belle murmured through partially-closed lips.

"You're supposed to put the stuff inside on your tongue, princess!" Pipsqueak eagerly exclaimed, demonstrating that very method all too eagerly.

After only a moment's hesitation, Luna echoed her little fan's motions, peeling a strip of paper from the satchel's top and pouring the lumpy powder within upon her tongue. Slowly, she felt her mouth fill with saliva and sweetness.

Fizzzzzzzpppppfzzzppppppfffppp!

Luna's eyes went wide. It was true that it had been an abysmally long stretch of years since she had a unicorn lover, but it had not been so long she'd forgotten that particular texture!

The princess of the dawn, Celestia, glorious alicorn and diarch of the Equestria startled awake as a familiar blue alicorn popped into existence at her bedside, shaking a paper baggy of some kind in Celestia's face. "W-wha? Luna, why do you disturb me at-"

"Sister dearest, We have reason to believe thine favored student may be a pervert! Look upon this candy she 'created' with the aid of her mate, these 'Pop Rocks'. When placed upon the tongue they-"

Ffffssshhppppssssssssssh!

Luna's rant came to a halt mid-sentence as she looked upon her sister and the ruptured satchel she was now holding. Her sister, the white alicorn, who now had a very distinct pink cast to her otherwise-blemishless cheeks.

"Ah, ehm..." Celestia coughed, but didn't spit out the rocks still fizzing in her mouth, "...you said 'new candy'. My dearest student made this?"

"Yes, and it was being granted to the little ones on my be-favored holiday. This is-"

"Not like my student at all. There must have been a mistake, dearest Luna. I'll go talk to her."

Twilight Sparkle smiled, "Oh, did you like it, princess? I would've offered you some, but we're barely producing enough for it to be anything more than a special treat just here in Ponyville. It's really tiring to make, but with Lero's wonderful hands and relentless motivation, I managed to push myself hard enough to get it ready for Nightmare Night. The first batch was easy enough, but oh, by the fifteenth, my horn was so sore! Maybe I should get Lyra to help next time.

...

Princess? W-why are you glaring like that? I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"

2: Biology Class by StarSlinger

Biology Class by StarSlinger

********************

“Alright class settle down,” called Cheerilee. “Our next biology presentation will be giving by the team of Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle. Their topic was ‘Reproduction.’ Whenever you are ready, my little ponies.” The teacher then turned her attention back to her desk, where she had been furiously trying to catch up on her grading while her students gave their presentations.

“Thank you ma’am,” Scootaloo started, walking up to the small podium provided. The young filly then cleared her throat. “Fillies and gentlecolts!” she began grandly. “The title of our presentation is: Rainbow Dash: Most Awesome Lover In Ponyville Or Of All Equestria?”

Meanwhile, Scootaloo’s partners had set up an easel and placed on it a stack of poster boards, the first of which displayed a drawing of Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark with the presentation title displayed beneath it.

“Now,” Scootaloo continued, “before we get to the surveys comparing Rainbow Dash’s stallion Lero’s satisfaction to other Ponyville stallions and their mares, we would like to present an audio and visual presentation of Rainbow Dash in action!”

At this point most of the class was looking nervously at each other, however, Cheerilee was still busily grading and had not realized what her students were actually saying.

A moment later, Sweetie Belle revealed a strange box with a crystal attached to the top. “This is the newest version of Twilight Sparkle’s audio recording machine!” she enthusiastically informed her fellow students. She continued, as if reciting a memorized speech. “While it works much better than the previous version, and the AI daemon can’t become self-aware, it can still turn on during intense emotional situations. Fortunately, that was a great break for us and our presentation, as it recorded an example of pony reproduction between Rainbow Dash, Lero, and their herdmate Lyra!”

Sweetie Belle finished her part of the presentation with a curtsy and switched on the magitech device. Immediately, sounds of passion started to echo through the now completely silent classroom. In addition to the sounds and voices of two ponies and one human, the machine promptly and accurately narrated the scene, its neutral voice a strange contrast to the others.

Meanwhile, the sounds of intimacy finally filtered through to Cheerilee. Her head snapped up, and she stared, eyes wide and jaw loose, as she realized what her students were presenting. Slowly, a bright blush developed along her face as she sat, completely motionless, her mind still not fully processing the situation before her.

Oblivious to their teacher’s reaction, the three fillies continue their project. Sweetie Belle removed the title poster, revealing a complicated timeline chart. Meanwhile, Scootaloo expanded a metal pointer and began to explain. “Now, since it can be hard to follow with just the audio, we have prepared this annotated timeline to help everypony follow along. Apple Bloom is now handing out copies.” Scootaloo nodded her head to her fellow Cutie Crusader, who had already finished giving the handouts to her fellow students, even putting one in front of her teacher, still frozen due to shock.

Scootaloo continued, pointing to the timeline chart. “Now, to begin, at approximately 4:25 we find Rainbow Dash on top of Lero, in a position commonly referred to as…”

Scootaloo was interrupted by her teacher, Cheerilee, knocking her and the podium over in her frantic dash to silence the magitech audio device.

3: The Big Question by VelvetHeart

The Big Question by VelvetHeart

**********************************

Bubbles gleamed, tiny rainbows dancing across their surfaces, catching the warm sunlight flowing through the window. In innocent awe, two wide pony-eyes watched them form glittering mounds and islands across the bath-water's surface, shortly followed by a little chirp of a giggle as two tiny forehooves broke through the soapy curtain to shatter the surface with splashy results..

Big Macintosh felt his lips quiver as he tried not to smile at the adorable sight of the tiny filly slapping the bathwater, gurgling with glee as the great stallion reached down, leaned over the tub, and gently drew the tiny little mare from watery playtime. Her breath washed over his nose as he laid her on the pre-warmed towel and leaned in to nuzzle her, tiny little pulses of air across his face.

Tiny little legs clamped around his muzzle, inquisitive eyes seeking the stallion's as she hugged his snout the best she could. A little kiss of her belly, followed by a considerably less small raspberry convinced the little filly to let go in favor of ticklish squirming, freeing the stallion enough to let him gently enfold her with the warm towel, drying her mane with strokes as gentle as a butterfly's caress.

"Love you, sweetie." The words were so quiet, he almost hadn't spoken.

Then he made the fatal mistake.

He opened his eyes.

Suddenly he was alone again, in his room, holding only the ragged and abandoned old stuffed toy that had once belonged to a mare.

...Smarty Pants only partially muffled the lonely stallion's sobs.

-----------------------------

The weather pegasi had done a marvelous job, as usual. It was a perfect day to go out, and enjoy a little lunch at a pleasant little outdoor cafe together with friends, chatting and pony-watching. As it was wont to do, the conversation wandered from subject to subject, until it finally settled on a subject that had been bothering poor Applejack for a while now: Her herdless brother Big Macintosh and the rather sizable issue that'd prevented him from properly 'meeting' a mare or four. The answer was obvious. Without their help, the poor stallion would live a lonely life indeed.

"So, all we gotta do is find some unattached mare who's a... uhm..." Applejack faltered for a moment, eyes roaming her tight little circle of friends. "A mare who is fond of-"

Suddenly she realized that one of her friends had gone mysteriously missing. Their little huddle of friends lacking an excitable mass of pink curls that she was sure had been there moments ago. "Ehm, girls? Where's Pinkie Pie?"

"Hello miss! Are you a raging masochistic size-queen?" Pinkie Pie cheerfully bounced through the crowd and both across- and along the street, going from pony to pony.

"Hello miss! Are you a raging masochistic size-queen?"

"Oh... oh dear," Fluttershy whimpered.

5: First Date by Minalkra

First Date by Minaklra

**************

"Twilight, we find this most unbecoming of a Princess." Luna ruffled her feathers underneath the tight confines of her blue-black dress, clearly uncomfortable. That the fool thing was designed to allow for her wings to flex but not rise and was meant to keep any unseeming 'wing boners' under control. It had been a suggestion from her dear sister.

Once-dear sister, Luna corrected mentally as she was herded down the busiest Ponyville street she had ever seen. Mares and a few stallions gave the two alicorns a wide berth, parting despite the crowded marketplace. "And tis a most horribly sunny day. We should return to Canterlot before the day is done and We've missed our time for sleep."

"Oh hush, Luna! You've been cooped up in your tower or throne room since you returned." Twilight - newly crowned Princess of Equestria (and Magic, incidentally) - nudged the well-dressed mare next to her with one wing, serendipitously preventing her from turning in the crowd. Luna bit her tongue at the blessed freedom Twilight's wings were allowed despite the pair of saddlebags she was wearing. "Besides, why are you nervous? It's not as if you have anything to fear - Nightmare."

Luna blinked at her newly-crowned equal and struggled to come up with a suitable retort. Suddenly, a very pink mass attached itself to her chest and regarded her with two very blue eyes.

"Oh my gosh, you look super-fantasticularly-awesome Princess!" Pinkie Pie disentangled herself from Luna's person and bounced in place. "I haven't seen you in, like, forever! Have you been super-duper busy relearning everything about Equestria since your banishment and trying to re-integrate into what essentially was a single-pony monarchial governmental system?" A pair of blinking alicorns regarded the still grinning Element of Laughter with confusion. Twilight cleared her throat and turned back to her fellow alicorn.

"Anyway Luna, this is the first time you've dated since the early Classical era so I have a list of all the things that have changed since then in regards to finding a mate." Twilight magicked a rather large rolled scroll from one of her saddlebags. Luna stared, mouth agape, as the pillow-size mass of paper floated towards her. "I've taken into account everything that might possibly - " With a hoof, Luna stopped Twilight from continuing on. A bit of saliva was preferable to trying to read that monstrosity.

"Twilight, I appreciate the gesture but I have been keeping abreast of the social changes that have occurred since my banishment." Luna rolled her eyes, a smirk playing itself across her muzzle. "I'm not going to club him over the head and drag him off into a cave somewhere."

"Princess, he's waiting." Pinkie Pie motioned towards the opened door of her place of employment - Sugarcube Corner. Before Twilight could launch into a lecture on proper etiquette or her nerves abandoned her, Princess Luna of Equestria - one of the four most powerful mares the world had ever seen, diarch of the Moon and immortal warrior-queen - hesitantly stepped into the dim recesses of the bakery.

"Hello, Sir Big McIntosh. I hope I've not kept you awaiting me."

6: Home Truths by Minalkra

Home Truths by Minalkra

*********************

The dying light from the fireplace cast strange shadows across the floors and walls of the Apple family farmstead, illuminating the weathered and browned photos of old and distorting the newer and brighter colors that clung to newer and brighter memories. The muted colors, the lack of readily discernable forms save a rattling lump that moved in ways no lump ought ... had it been any other pony, none would have blamed her if she had turned tail and fled. Applejack, however, was this house's mistress. If not in name, at least in spirit and deed. Quietly, she tiphoofed her way across the family's comfortable - if sparse - living room and with a gentle nudge, the apple farmer slowly brought her motherly matron back to the land of the conscious.

"Granny?"

"Hu-wha? Oh, Applejack." With the snapping of several joints and a yawn that would have put a manticore to shame - had she any real teeth, anyway - Grinalda 'Granny' Smith of Apple stretched her old bones and idly scratched her barrel as the quilt that had just recently covered her snoozing form slipping onto the floor. A quick glance at the darkness outside confirmed what her aches were telling her and the matron of the Apple family gave her son's daughter a confused look. "It's gettin' pretty late, innit? About time you settled in for some shut-eye."

"... Ah couldn't sleep." Applejack settled in next to Granny's rocking chair with a sigh. Despite her physical presence, Granny knew that her mind was in a far away city where a Princess and a farm stallion were whiling the night away in dance and laughter fit for royalty.

"Ah see," Granny said. She knew the fears Applejack was harboring. She had spent many a night like her youthful scion. Kept up late into the early morning with fear and worry. The fact that life had changed did not much matter to the small instinctual fear inside each mare. Especially about kin.

With a huff, the elderly earth pony nudged Applejack's face up, looking her right in the eye. "Applejack, yer brother ain't gonna let them Canterlot nobility ruin him. Ah doubt they'd get the chance with how dang feisty that new Princess is. Shucks, if Ah was about twenty seasons younger and weren't his gran-ma-"

"Granny!" With a start, the orange-colored apple farmer jerked her head back and out of reach of her relative.

"Heh, you younguns and yer prude ways. Remember, Applejack, Ponyville was a very small town back in th' day and tweren't nothin' for a herd to have a pair 'a sisters in it most times." Granny Smith nodded over towards the wall of portraits, some of them even older than she was. Strangely enough, despite the cultural norms surrounding pony herds, many of the pictures showed only a single mare and stallion couple. Only after Ponyville had been founded did the Smith family settle down and give up on their ancient and ill-liked habits.

Applejack looked over the wall of pictures with tired eyes until they landed on a particular group photograph. Two stallions and four mares surrounding a small red bundle. Granny winced as old memories bubbled to the surface.

"Granny, why did they leave us?" Applejack's question wasn't unexpected. It wasn't the first time she had asked and it wouldn't be the last. Big Mac's new fillyfriend had only re-opened that old wound. Rejection. Abandonment. Granny could hear the tears in her heir's voice.

"Applejack, come 'ere." With a strength that told a liar's lie to her age, Granny pulled the slightly reticent younger mare in for a hug before settling the orange mare's head down into her lap. As she spoke, Granny's hoof slowly and gently stroked Applejack's mane. A calming rhythm for the both of them.

"Yer father an' mother's herd was, well, you know there was always this undercurrent of monogamy tween yer ma and pa." The elder mare's emphasis was not lost on Applejack. Not a venomous dislike as some ponies spoke of it. It was a longing. A set of Old Ways denied to her. "Yer father was playin' favorites a bunch with his chosen mare and that never did sit right with the rest a' the herd. Heck, if this town had been any bigger back then, I reckon he'd've been like them Cakes that friend a' yers lives with. But it was a different time back then, not so prudish about where and how the foals came ta be - long as they came. But with four other mares in th' herd and yer pa only with the one regardless of if she was with foal or not, well ... when she got with Applebloom, that was the last straw."

"Ah jest - Ah remember Mandarin and Mosley playin' with Big Mac and me when we were jest tiny foals with Ma and Pa lookin' at us with these big eyes jest filled with so much happiness ..." Applejack's voice slowly faded until her shaking shoulders were the only thing to indicate her ears were still open. Granny sighed. She had seen first hand a herd torn to pieces over a stallion and perhaps ... perhaps she had pushed Applejack too hard to be 'normal.'

"... when that storm ripped outa th' Everfree and stole away yer birth parents right after Apple Bloom was born, well, things never did get to be normal tween the Apples and the rest a' yer pa's herd. Lotsa old hurts and yellin'." The Oranges had been called 'aunt' and 'uncle' for so long, most Apples didn't even second guess the relationship. Or the reason they had gone only as far as Manehatten instead of somewhere with more land. Even as hurt as they had been, Mandarin and Mosley had done the proper thing with Applejack and Granny wouldn't forget them for it. "Ah jest wanted mah three grankids to grow up without a herd angry at them for the love their parents had and without the stain of what their great gran'parents had done to set them a'wanderin' in the first place."

"Granny, Ah miss them."

"Ah know, Applejack. Ah miss them all."

As the night slowly turned above, two Apples sat as close as bodies could get, taking comfort in their hurts while a third Apple laughed in a field so far from where his tree had first sprouted.

7: Hound by VelvetHeart

Hound by VelvetHeart

**********************

"Heart and Hooves day. This is it," Rose's hoof struck the ground forcefully in emphasis, "today we will fool the Hound for sure." Turning to her two allies, Lily and Daisy, she presented the stopwatch dangling from her neck. "Synchronize watches... now!"

Three clicks followed, close enough to be one sound.

"I can't believe it! Finally, after all these years!" Lily couldn't contain a little squeal as all three turned to the fence that barred their way into the Apple Family's property, each tucking their greatest treasure in their manes.

"Remember your training, ladies. Let's get to it!"

And they were off. Lily launched herself over the fence, her hooves a rapidfire thunder through the fertile earth while apple trees flashed by. She was barely a minute in when she heard the first sign of trouble: The rapid, insistent barking of Winona.

Lily tightened her eyes to slits and poured on the speed: The Hound was on her trail.

But Lily was never the athlete, and the Hound knew this orchard like her own garden - it clearly had the advantage. But maybe, maybe she could...

By the time poor Lily knew what hit her, she was on her back, skidding through the dirt, getting a rather intimate sniff of Winona's doggy breath. By the canine's side, its master stood, chewing contently on the last petals of a rasberry-pink flower.

"Ain't gonna happen today, sugarcube. You gotta do more than get up early if you wa-" Applejack stopped, then glared at Lily. "Ain't there three of you? Goshdarnit! Winona, find!"

Daisy heard the coming of the Hound as the barking through the trees grew ever louder. She'd tried backtracking, she'd tried going through irrigation ditches, but the Hound was undeterred. She'd made it past the funny treehouse and almost to the first barn when the world suddenly went topsy-turvy, and she woke to the sight of Applejack trying to get something magenta out from between her teeth.

Daisy could only produce a whimper as Applejack and Winona rushed off again.

Rose heard the hound coming, but hope had blossomed in her heart as she broke through the trees and into the field surrounding the farmhouse. Her target was dead ahead, deep crimson hide glistening with sweat as his impressive physique carried a hefty load from a nearby barn with the aid of a friend. Rose quickly snatched her flower from her mane mid-run, and began to shout: "Big Macintosh, will you be-"

At that point the ground under her hooves disappeared, followed by a sudden, but surprisingly-soft, well-padded impact. Looking up, she could see the hole she'd fallen through, a familiar mare's face peeking over the edge. "Made mahself some pit-traps fer this year. Good I did too."

Lily sighed as her flower disappeared into Applejack's gullet. Today wouldn't be the day after all.

* * *

"Sis, why ain' you eating any?" a curious Apple Bloom asked after she finished inhaling the last bit of apple pie that'd carelessly been left on her plate, hungrily eying the untouched treat on Applejack's plate.

"Ah had a lot of flowers today. Couple bouquets worth. Ah'm full." As if to emphasize the point, she let out a particularly well-perfumed belch.

"An' Macintosh?" the little filly asked, turning to the big stallion, who similarly hadn't touched his food.

"Lotta sausage."

Applejack had to jump up from the table to get Granny Smith's dentures out of her throat.

8: Love and games by VelvetHeart

Love and Games by VelvetHeart

********************

From the diary of Turgid Heart, therapist:

Today I had a most fascinating conversation with a stallion of a most unusual caliber. While, of course, I'd read about him in the paper, I admit I never considered actually meeting him during my visit to a quaint little town called Ponyville.

You see, I found myself with some time to spare for a late bruncheon at one of the local feeding establishments only to find my table already taken by a creature with the name Lero, whose full name and spelling escapes me at the moment. This rather exotic male seemed entirely accommodating when it came to friendly conversation about our birthplaces, but soon the subject wandered and eventually, I found myself listening to Lero's description of one of his favored entertainments back home.

I admit, I felt more than a fair share of horror as he described a bloody battle as if it were but a game with neither consequence nor pain. Close friends cruelly shooting each other, time and time again; it sounded like a gore-filled massacre with a bodycount in the scores.

It was when he described his favored instrument of victory (a 'pump-action shoot-gun') that I finally understood something that cleared the growing terror from my bowels: He was speaking almost entirely in euphemisms!

It was the pumping action he mimicked with his foreleg that finally caused it to click in my head. The 'battle' starts after the human stallions have prepared themselves, and soon they are running around, 'pumping their action'. Once another human stallion is spotted, the 'fight' begins, in which the two stallions attempt to spray each other, preferably in the face, until one of them is covered in enough seed and submits. At this point, the 'loser' lays down on his back, and receives the victor's testicles in his mouth in gratitude, bathing them in saliva and helping the victor to recover from the previous ejaculations. This is called 'teabagging', a rather humorous little term apparently drawn from the idea of repeatedly swirling your 'baggie' in something hot and moist (the loser's mouth).

This would explain the clear lack of mares on the 'battlefield' of this all-stallion orgy-game, and Lero verified, once asked, that mares attempting to join the orgy often get negative and even hateful responses from the participating stallions, who make various remarks in regards to the mares' desire for sex or their lack of beauty.

I admit, this is one sport I would've loved to see imported to Equestria, however, there were some points of worry that came up throughout the conversation: He described some of the qualities of various shootpenises such as the ejaculation frequency, ejaculation range, accuracy, and the refractory period (the 'reload time'), and more than once mentioned a never-ending quest for a better shootpenis.

A quick glance in the stallion's concealing garments (subtly, with magic) proved that Lero was fully extended to the point I could not discern the sheath itself, but flaccid. This seemed to indicate some mild sexual interest in the conversation and gave me a good idea of his personal anatomy. The size of his stallionhood seemed modest compared to pony stallions at full extension, and seems unlikely to grow much during erection. This, combined with his clearly excessive clothing coverage of his genitals (indicating shame) and earlier-mentioned desire for a larger and more powerful penis has left me with a theory that this Lero subconsciously feels that he is somehow inferior and insufficient to meet the needs of his herd.

As such, I have decided to invite Lero to join my 'Your Anatomy Is Lovable' therapy group. I'm sure that, with his thorough previous experience with stallion-on-stallion sexuality, he will fit in with the other stallions in the group just fine and will feel far more confident about his penis by the end.

I fear preparing the paperwork to include Lero has eaten up much of my time today, so my original plans were slightly postponed. Tomorrow, I will continue on to my originally-intended destination: Sweet Apple Acres, where, according to a reader's letter in the latest issue of SuperSizeStuds, a stallion by the name of Big Macintosh lives. Apparently he is very unhappy with his impressively-large stallionhood. Clearly, he too needs to learn to love his anatomy.

--Turgid Heart, Therapist.

*******

With a heavy thump, Big Macintosh took center stage, his eyes roaming the circle of his fellow therapy groupmembers. "Ah'm Big Macintosh," The stallion took a deep breath, exhaled, sat down, and finally exposed himself fully. "And mah big penis is loveable."

"Your penis is loveable!"

"...Oh gawd, this can't be happening..."

"Your penis is loveable!"

9: Crystal Harmony by VelvetHeart

Crystal Harmony by VelvetHeart

*********************

"Who would've thought that inviting the dragon ambassador and her party for a buffet in a town that is entirely dragon-edible would cause such confusion amongst the esteemed guests!" Rarity sat down, gaze wandering the glittering structures of the Crystal Empire. "It looks like we managed to save everything from becoming a snack, however."

"Not everything," Pinkie Pie interrupted with a mournful note, pointing at a building with a rather impressive bite taken out of it. "The Flugel-horn repository will never be the same again."

Rarity winced. "Ah, yes, dear. I'm sorry, I was, ehm, mysteriously-delayed trying to save that structure and it's terr- ehr, magnificent instrument contents. It was a good excuse to use the crystal heart again, though." The fashionista let out a little squeal of barely-restrained joy as she bounced for a moment, glittering brightly in her crystalline form. None had been spared the sparkly fate, except for one:

Lero, his eyes warded by the slightly-unfashionable sunglasses he'd picked up at the trainstation, stood besides his now-crystalline herdmates. He'd been staring down at Rainbow Dash for a while now, strange expressions on his face.

"Rainbow Dash. Are you anything like a wineglass?"

The pegasus looked up at her stallion, rather confused for a moment. "...huh? A wineglass?"

"Hold still for a moment," Lero replied, and wet his finger before kneeling down. Slo-o-o-owly, he ran his finger along the edge of Rainbow's ear.

A soft, rolling chime sang through the room, and Rainbow's eyes went wide. Her ear was ringing, literally! "Wait, how did you do that?!" she exclaimed, quickly clamping a hoof over the singing ear. The sound had already caught the attention of the other ponies in the room, but their confusion didn't keep Lero's smile from growing into a knowing smirk. With one hand, he grasped Rainbow's right wing, extended it slightly, and snapped his finger across one of the longer primaries with a chiming 'Ping!', sending strangely-exciting vibrations running down the feather and into her wing.

"Alright ponies, we've had a busy day, so Rainbow Dash and I, and maybe Twilight if she'd care to come, are going back to our rooms for some rest," Lero announced out loud, grinning ear to ear as he leaned in closer and whispered something into the prismatic pegasus' other ear:

"Tonight, I'm going to play you like an instrument."

There was a knock on the wooden door of Ponyville's library, quickly followed by an urgent second and third knock as Lero hurriedly clambered into his pants to meet the unexpected guests, only to find they'd already opened the portal before he'd managed to reach it.

"Hey, hello there, Lero!" a surprisingly-sparkly Vinyl Scratch announced, snickering. "Ok, sorry to drop in on you like this, but my friend here really wanted a favor really bad, and we traveled all the way to the crystal empire and back to get ready, so please hear me out before you slam the door shut on us, ok? We kinda, ehm... we heard you have the special ability to play crystal ponies like musical instruments, somehow. Uh, I don't know how, really, but, ehm...

...you see, my friend Octavia here -" Vinyl gestured to an equally-sparkly, if slightly-more subdued earthpony mare behind her, "she has had this really big dream of becoming one with music, like, real deep, and she wants you to play her. Like, just once. She wants to be your uptight bass."

"Upright bass, Vinyl." Octavia shot a glare at her friend.

"As I said, uptight bass. We got the best bow we could afford and hopefully you can really make her sin-" That's when Vinyl's plea got interrupted by a faceful of Rainbow Dash.

10: Crystal Heart by warpd

Crystal Heart by warpd

*******************

A cascade of music echoed in harmony throughout the Canterlot auditorium. Noble stallions and mares held their breath as Octavia poured out her soul in the music. All four princesses had tears that rolled down their cheeks. They lived for this moment, when a pony will liven up their immortal lives for just the briefest moment.

Octavia moved the sound of music to the lowest pitch. The resonance shook everypony to their core. The raw nature of existence became parallel to Octavia’s music. Music was now in its most primal form. Heart beat. The cry of new life. Pony and Harmony born again.

Then Octavia charged to the highest of heights. Clarity, not seen since the dawn of creation when the great Creator took her brush and drew new life, came down upon her audience like a typhoon on a small desert island. A state of nirvana so pure a villain would turn from their wickedness; enlightenment that would be spoken of in reverent whispers eons into the future.

Time lost all meaning as Octavia performed her greatest masterpiece. Such clarity and perfection to only be cherished in memories and the throes of eternity. No other could repeat the perfection of this piece. Octavia was one with her music. Her music was one with her soul.

Her partner gracefully moved his fingers across her transparent crystal form with tender strokes. Lero’s soft fingers unlocked the song in her soul. The human traveled across the curve of her back. The low primal tones were his reward. His nails carefully ran through her mane to open the high tones. They were one now; they had reached a new height of understanding between male and female.

All things come to an end. Lero calmly helped Octavia back down as the audience sat there still awestruck. Slowly their minds caught up to them as they shouted and stomped their approval. The sound of tens of thousands of hooves vibrated the foundations. The magic of music had reached pure Harmony.

“That was fantastic, Octavia.” Lero's soft smile warmed Octavia.

Octavia looked up at him as he handed her a rose from one of the many being thrown on stage. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down to her level. This kiss was deep and passionate. Blood rushed through her body as a fire burned deep inside of her.

They broke the kiss and he spoke her name to her lovingly. “Octavia!”

Wait, that sounded like Vinyl.

“Octavia!”

Octavia bounced up and hit her head on Vinyl Scratch’s thick skull.

“Ouch!!!”

Octavia rubbed her skull as she tried to alleviate the pain. They were both normal now, the crystal enchantment had left them. “What happened?”

Vinyl laughed as she sat down across from her friend. They were back in the apartment. Vinyl must have carried her home. “You really don’t remember? You passed out when Lero played you like a cello. It must have been pretty good if it got you so worked up in your dreams as well.”

Octavia blushed as she smelled something familiar in the air.

“Their house smells like it too thanks to you.”

“S-shut up!”

11: Crystal Clarity by warpd

Crystal Clarity by warpd

********************************

Come one, come all to the 200th annual Crystal Fair celebration. This special year marks our two hundredth anniversary since the rebirth of our fair Crystal Empire. For our opening ceremony our anthem will be lead by a duet. Normally a crystal pony and a human would perform, but this year we have special players. Our very own Princess Cadence will be the instrument and the founder of crystal vibrancy Prince Bellerophon Michaelides. This will be the first time our Princess Cadence will be used for the performance and the first time in 150 years since Prince Michaelides has played in the opening ceremony. Do not miss this once in a lifetime chance...

Lero sighed as he placed the pamphlet down. He collapsed back down on the chair and his hands rubbed the edges of his face. The long red hair hung low and shielded him from the rest of the world. His purple suit wrapped around him belied his depressed demeanor. The crystal threads made the suit glow while the embroidered six pointed magic star twinkled. Platinum buttons lined the front pocket and the opened single-breasted jacket.

“Lero?” He looked up at his duet partner. Cadence hadn’t aged a day since they had first meet. The crystal enchantment made her translucent body sparkle. “Are you going to be ok?”

Lero sucked in a breath of air and released it slowly. “Ya, ya I’m fine. Just stuff you know.”

“Please share with me. Why is your heart so pained?” Cadence nestled close to the human. “I’ve always enjoyed the love that illuminated from you.”

“Well the last time...the last time, “Lero suppressed a cough, “I did something like this it was with Rainbow.”

“I can still feel your love for her.” Cadence smiled softly. “Please go on.”

“It was her final request. If you remember Lyra had passed a few months before.” Lero rubbed his eyes as they started to itch. “Rainbow felt her time coming so she wanted me to play her. So I did, in her final moments as I held her, as she left to join Lyra, I played one last melody with her.”

“So when we just practiced it reminded you of her.” Cadence whispered as she remembered his hands on her wings.

Lero nodded. “I tend to walk around when I am upset. Sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

They were silent for a few moments until Cadence spoke up. “Twilight told her she made you mad.”

Lero glanced up, his eye contact with her did not waver. “What did she tell you?”

“Nothing, but she was about to break down.” Cadence answered. “She was going on and on how you would leave her and it was all her fault.”

A humorless chuckle breached Lero’s lips. “That silly filly. Still to this day she worries about offending her stallion. I can’t tell you how much I don’t deserve her.”

“So what happened?”

Lero hesitated. His breath slowed as he gathered himself. “Luna...Luna gave us a flower. Twilight accepted it, I didn’t.”

“Twilight wanted to expand the herd from just the two of us. It had just been us ever since Rainbow and Lyra passed on. I can’t do it though. So we got into a fight. Said a few things I should have never, ever, have said to her. She said I was being cruel and I said she didn’t love me anymore. So, so stupid of me.”

Cadence sat across from Lero. “I thought Luna and you both were really close to one another.”

“We are, but I’m not sure if I can be her lover.” Lero tightened his hands around each other.

Cadence placed her hoof on his fists. “Are you scared that you will be unloyal to Rainbow and Lyra?”

Lero opened his fist and held her hoof. “Probably a factor, but mostly I am terrified. It is getting harder and harder to remember things from long ago. I...I can’t remember Lyra’s voice.”

Cadence's eyes widen as her other hoof came up to his hands. “That shouldn’t happen are you sick with something?”

“Well apparently my so called ‘immortality’ was a given to me by literally ripping the mortality out of me. Well that is all they did, my mind is still that of a normal person.” Lero tapped the side of his head to make his point. “After fifty years those memories fade.”

Tears welled in Lero’s eyes once again as Cadence wrapped him in her wings. “Have you told Twilight?”

“No, I figured it was a natural thing and magic can’t restore my memories. Didn’t want to bother he-OW!” Lero yelped as Cadence nipped his shoulder.

“You idiot what makes you think anything you do bothers her? She might not be able to restore you, but she can share her memories with you.” Cadence sat up on her haunches. “I’ll have you know alicorns’ have fantastic memories. I can remember what my dear Shining Armor had for lunch on his forty second birthday!”

“But what about when the spell fades?” Lero rubbed his poor shoulder. “Spells don’t last forever.”

“Then she’ll cast them again and again. As many times as you desire.” Cadence poked him in his belly which made him flinch. “You need to see your wife. Talk to her about your worries and about Luna. If you are having memory problems then you probably don’t recall the last thing Rainbow told you.”

“Well I can sort of remember that.” Lero smiled a bit. “A little.”

“Here is a refresher then. ‘Lero, I love you. No matter how far you go or what you do from now on I will always be with you. That feather will last as long as you will. Take care of Twilight and never leave her. Don’t be afraid to love somepony else--”

“‘Because you are happier when you have a family.’ I remember that now.”

“Well then, we can practice again in a few hours.” Cadence grinned as she got up. “Go on.”

Lero bent down and hugged the Crystal Princess. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem. Now go get her.”

12: Problems Per Pink Palette's Pornographic Pamphlet by VelvetHeart

Problems Per Pink Palette's Pornographic Pamphlet by VelvetHeart

****************************

Pink Palette could hear the trouble coming, mostly because it hammered her front door angrily. Still, it would be rude not to open, and with a sigh, she rose and opened the door to the sight of a red-cheeked, and very angry-looking Applejack.

She only got a glimpse before a piece of paper was shoved in her face, pages fluttering to expose a rather salacious piece of artwork. "This your work?" Applejack grunted.

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Yah used mah brother!"

"Of course not. Don't be silly. Your brother is Big Macintosh, the applefarmer. Any similarity with Big Banana, the banana farmer, is pure coincidence."

"He looks just like Big Macintosh!"

"Quite the contrary. As you can see, his cutiemark is completely different."

"He responds with 'Eeyup!'."

"Your brother isn't the only one who-"

"He's sucking on a sprig!"

"That's not the only thing he's suck-"

"Argh!" Applejack stomped her way out of Pink Palette's home, and the artist finally could turn back to-

*thump thump thump!*

It was like a deja-vu; within moments, one of her comics was pressed to her snout.

"Hey! You used Lero!" Rainbow Dash shouted, waving the pornographic imagery in her face.

"Of course not! It's another monk- ... ehm... heh.... yeah, I used Lero."

"You got his cock wrong."

13: The First by warpd

The First by warpd

**********************

Pale soft baby hands. Trimmed pliable foal hooves. The newborn child cooed in her sleep as her mother nuzzled her body. Lyra’s herd mates stood close by with pleased looks. Because of special conditions they were in a unique maternity ward just for them. A few select nurses were allowed to handle the affair and only close friends and family saw the baby. For good reason.

“She is so small.” Rainbow barely spoke above a hushed tone.

“Well, Twilight this is certainly interestin’.” Applejack rubbed her eyes. “Was it supposed to work out like this?”

“Verily, our research was supposed to bear pure pony offspring.” Luna stared intently as the newborn. “We just don’t know what went wrong.”

“I think she is perfect.” Lyra whispered.

“The fact that Lyra has a child is a success.” Twilight rubbed Lero’s hand with her head.

In the crib slumbered a small baby. The top half was perfect white skin with some baby fat that made her well rounded. A small patch of cyan hair rested on top of her perfectly round head. The lower half of the body was covered in mint fur and a small tail that matched the hair on the head. The child’s eyes fluttered open for a moment revealing deep rich brown eyes like her father.

“Balance is found in the most unlikely places. I’m just so happy.” Tears welled in Lyra’s eyes as she peppered her foal with more kisses. Her child responded with cheerful giggles.

“She is soooo cute.” Fluttershy squealed loudly (for Fluttershy at least).

“I’ve never seen anything like it. This is like superrific spaztastic amazing.” Pinkie Pie pressed her muzzle against the window as it started to fog up.

“I am a little curious,” Rarity pulled Pinkie Pie back to control her. “What is she? Do we have a new race on our hooves?”

Lero, who was scratching Twilight being the ears, perked up. “I’ve been waiting for someone to ask that question.” He walked over to his offspring and gave Lyra a short hug. “Back home we had a legendary creature called a Satyr. They were half man half goat. Obviously we have a variation of that here, she has pony parts and is a girl.”

The baby looked up to her father and stretched out her hands towards him. “And she is adorable!” Lero picked up his child and cradled her. “Hi there baby girl.”

“Oh gosh, she already has em’ wrapped around her hoof.” Applejack chuckled.

“Tell me, do you know anything else about Satyrs?” Celestia softly smiled as the fathered continued to baby talk.

“Well, when you get a little older we’ll get you a flute to play with. We’ll frolic in the fields and dance with joy while wearing a crown made of flowers.” Lero answered in his own special starry eyed way.

“She’s going to be absolutely wonderful to have around I’m sure.” Celestia replied.

Spike peeked up at his new baby sister still in a state of awe. "This is going to be so cool."

“Well you meet mom Twilight in the delivery room, but now it’s time to see mom Dash.” Lero shifted the child over to Rainbow and knelt down on one knee so they could see each of the better. “Say hi to mom.”

“Hey there.” Rainbow rubbed her nose against the baby’s forehead. “I’m your mommy Dash. Never thought I would ever say that in my life, but here I am. We are going to take care of you. It doesn’t matter how different you are. If some dork gives you any problems I’m gonna give them a good buck.”

“Aw, I think she likes you.” Lyra curled her tail around Rainbow’s tail.

Twilight dragged her large alicorn wings around her family in a tight embrace.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! What’s her name!? I need a name for the cake and the sign and the cards and the musical numbers and the name tag and a whole host of stuff.”

The family looked at one another then back up to their friends.

“Lauren Hope.”

14: Catching Hope by warpd

Catching Hope by warpd.

***************

“But I don’t want to go to school. It’s so boring.” Hope whined to her mother. “You already taught me so much anyway. What’s the point?”

Twilight groaned as she reorganized the young satyr backpack. “School is the most important thing for young fillies.”

A teenage Spike snickered. “It would be if you hadn’t taught her high school grade material.”

“Not helping, Spike.”

Lero shook his head as he knelt down to Lauren Hope’s eye level. “Ok. Hope, do you wish to learn the real secret to why we all go to school?”

“To allow parents free time so they can do naughty things.”

Lero stifled a cough. “Noooo, it’s so you can make friends. Sure you read and learn things from a teacher, but school mostly teaches you how to make relationships with other ponies.”

Hope rolled her eyes as she puffed away a stubborn strand of hair off her face. “Ponies are slow and boring.”

Rainbow Dash snorted back to the waking world from her nap. “Excuse me short stuff?”

“Well not you obviously mom. You’re the only one who can catch me when I want you too.”

Rainbow Dash rubbed the sleep away from her eyes. “Squirt, I’m pretty sure more ponies then me can catch you.”

Hope folded her arms and frowned. “Really, who?”

Lero looked over to the other mother of the herd. “Well Mommy Twilight for one.”

“Nope, she’s a slow flier.”

Spike nodded in agreement. “Ya, she’s more into gliding long distances because of her wings.”

Twilight stuffed the 12th pencil into the pencil case to put in the pencil holder of the bag. “Honey, I can teleport. It would not be hard to catch you.”

“Mom you glow a bright purple before and after you disappear. I see a bright light for a whole three seconds before you appear. It’s like you are telling me ‘Here I am, watch out!’ then I just bounce away. I turn on a bit and still keep up my speed.”

“Aunt Pinkie.” Rainbow grinned.

“Well, she might be able to catch me, but I always keep emergency candy stashes in my pockets just in case of Pinkie emergencies.”

“Speaking of which.” Twilight pulled out said candy with her magic from Hope’s pockets.

“Hey!” Hope’s eyes went wide eyed.

“No candy in school.”

“That’s not fair!”

“It’ll be all right. I’ll have your candy here when you get back.” Twilight carried the candy into a jar and dropped them in.

“I’m not going.” Hope stomped her hoof.

Spike leaned back on the wall as a small toothy grin grew. He closed his eyes and softly whispered to himself. “And here we go again.”

Lero took a careful step towards his daughter. “Hope, just give it a shot. It won’t be that bad.”

Twilight continued to stuff the backpack full, completely oblivious to her daughter’s posture and tail flicks. “Your Dad’s right, school is going to be so much fun for you. You’ll get to learn different languages.”

“Twilight.”

“Go out on field trips to museums and libraries.”

“Twilight.”

“Bring home homework!”

“Twilight.”

“Yes, Lero?”

“Lero pointed to the vacant spot where Hope was and the open window. “She’s gone.”

Twilight blinked vacantly before reality snapped her back. “What!?”

She galloped over to the window and propped her forelegs onto the windowsill. Hope was already at the market area with Rainbow Dash hot on her hooves. Twilight’s royal voice carried across the town. “Hope!!! No child of mine is going to become a tardy delinquent you hear me!!!

Hope turned back and stuck out her tongue. She then pulled a 90° turn which made Rainbow crash into a cart of cabbages. Twilight grinded her teeth as she teleported out of the house.

Lero looked over to Lyra who watched the whole thing with amusement. “Were you ever that way as a child?”

“Yup, just not as fast.”

“Well I better go catch her.” Lero whistled as he strolled out the house with Hope’s book bag.

Hope whooped as she leaped over walls, bounced off ceilings, and vaulted over ponies. “Hi, Aunt Applejack.”

“Hope shouldn’t you be—“

Hope was already well out of hearing range as she galloped. A bright purple flash told her that her mom was about to appear in front of her. Hope threw an apple she borrowed from her aunt then pulled another 90° turn.

“Hop—gha!”A juicy apple impaled itself on Twilight’s horn.

“Don’t worry, Twilight. I got her.” Rainbow flew past her herd mate. Hope yelped as she put her legs into high gear. To an on looker, it appeared that two blurs danced with one another. When Rainbow got close enough Hope would make another impossible turn that gave her the lead once more. Rainbow Dash would have had an easier time with a rabbit on a sugar high.

Hope leaped towards a large tree; her mom was once again close behind her. Rainbow anticipated which was her daughter was about to turn. She was not about to lose this time, just a few more inches.

Rainbow crashed straight into the tree. Hope had decided to go vertical and climbed the tree. In the safety of the tree Hope looked back down at her dizzied mother. “Told you. Nothing can catch me.”

Pride comes before the fall, literally in this case. A camouflaged net wrapped around Hope and pulled her out of the tree. Lero hefted his daughter into the air with a pleased grin on his face. “Gotcha.”

Hope looked around and noticed she was in front of the school house. “How!?”

“Emergency filly catching net in case of filly fleeing emergencies.”

“Aunt Pinkie taught you that! That’s not fair.”

Lero carried her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Wouldn’t you have more fun making new friends in school rather than getting your mothers angry with you?”

“B-but it won’t be fun.”

Lero placed her down, took the net off her, and gave Hope the backpack. He gave a quick kiss to her forehead. “Do you remember the stories Scootaloo told you about the CMC? Where do you think she meet her friends?”

Hope gasped then disappeared into the school building. Lero brushed off his pants and walked back towards Twilight and Rainbow as gave him gracious smiles.

Lero then heard his daughter cry out to him.

“Love you daddy! I’ll see you after school!”

15: A Chance Meat-ing by DES

A Chance Meat-ing by DES

"We could always go to the racetrack!" Rainbow Dash suggested, not for the first time, and she glided alongside her herdmates.

"For the last time, Dash, they'll be sold out this late in the day." countered the purple unicorn walking beside her. "And no," she continued as the pegasus opened her mouth to respond, "I'm not pulling any strings as the Princess' personal student to get us last-minute VIP box seats."

Lero, the dimensionally displaced human, along with his herd of three, walked down a cobblestoned Canterlot street. Twilight had finished her business at the palace, the main reason for the trip. Lyra had tagged along, needing to meet with another Grand Master the following morning. Lero had suggested he and Dash might as well come along too, turning the trip into a spur-of-the-moment day-long vacation for the herd of four.

The group was currently out to find somewhere to have dinner as the sun crawled ever closer to the horizon. The presence of a restaurant within the Wonderbolt Derby on the edge of the mountainside city meant that at least one member of the group knew with certainty where they wanted to dine.

"Aww." The pegasus hung her head, trying to look her saddest in the hope of getting Twilight to change her mind.

Lyra, the other unicorn in the group, opened her mouth, likely to deliver some profound piece of grand master wisdom concerning the situation, but then suddenly stopped and looked back, along with her herdsisters.

Lero had stopped walking, and was now swiveling his head to and fro, pointedly sniffing the air.

"Lero?" Rainbow Dash asked as she landed next to him. "What's the matter?"

"Bacon."

At this, the three mares raised their eyebrows.

"Bacon?" the pegasus inquired.

"Bacon." the human simply repeated.

"What do you mean..." Rainbow started, but was interrupted as the distracted human continued.

"I definitely smell bacon." At that, the human turned to walk down a side street, his mares moving to follow.

"Lero, what do you mean, 'bacon'?" Rainbow repeated.

Twilight answered before Lero could. "Do you mean bacon, as in 'Cooked meat'?"

The other two mares looked at her, then back to Lero, who nodded.

"Yeah," he replied. "It's been almost a year, but I still remember that smell. That is definitely the smell of bacon. And..." he took another deep whiff of air. "Steak. Bacon and steak. It's almost like someone's running a..."

The group rounded a corner.

"...barbecue." he finished.

A few houses down the street, across the road, was a small establishment, the entrance and patio partially shaded by an awning. Mounted on the building's facade was a sign proudly declaring the establishment as "Güstâve LéGrandé's Le Rôti à le Broché" Despite the pretentious and decorated sign (the grammar of which made Twilights eye twitch) the establishment seemed, for all intents and purposes, to be an honest to goodness steakhouse.

Notably, most of the customers visible, sitting by the few tables on the patio, were griffons. There was a pony or two there as well, sitting with griffon compatriots, dining on salads. Carried from the restaurant by the mild afternoon breeze was the unmistakable smell of grease, charcoal, and cooked meat.

"Girls," Lero stated, a dreamy twinkle in his eye. "I think I know where I want to have dinner."

16: Sharing the joy – Alicorn style by NachoTheBrony

Sharing the joy – Alicorn style by NachoTheBrony

*****************************************

As she returned home from Scootaloo’s place, Twilight would have wanted to flutter in happiness: she had finally answered the prompt from the former CMC to find or create a spell to let each other feel the unique sensations of having a unicorn’s horn, a pegasus wings and an Earth pony’s hooves. At first, she had thought of teaching Sweety Bell how to cast a sensation-sharing spell, but she had then discarded the idea in favour of a brainwave she had suddenly had.

It had then taken her two months to develop the spell, one more to make it self-reversible and two more to experiment until she could deem it perfectly safe. And today she had finally cast it on the former CMC, and had left them to enjoy the shared experience with their coltfriend Featherweight.

It might not have been the best idea to cast it on three full-sized ponies during daytime, as even her baseline Alicorn magic had been taxed, but the young herd had been so overjoyed! She would have wanted to be currently skipping or fluttering home, but she was just too tired…

Now, it would only take a little fiddling with schedules…

(Six days later, just before dusk)

Twilight just couldn’t stop walking around the living room, while Lero and Lyra looked at her with concern: she needed to cast the spell during her afternoon high (just after dusk), and they were cutting it awfully close, and Rainbow wasn’t here yet!

Ten minutes later, Twilight felt her body grow as she became fully empowered and knew the opportunity was lost until the next time Rainbow could get a leave. Her power peak only lasted between four and six minutes, after all!

It was exactly ninety five seconds later when the deadlock on the front door chose to slide open. Not wasting another second, Twilight used her telekinesis to rip off the handle and grab a surprised Rainbow from beyond and pull her inside, depositing her on the couch by a surprised Lyra. One hundred seconds!

“Now girls, I really wanted to explain this spell before casting it, but I only have some two more minutes left of my power peak before its lost, and I really wanted to make this work tonight! Remember that secret research I have been working on these past few months? It was a significant upgrade on the sensation-sharing spell, but I haven’t yet found out how to cast it on myself, and as Lero’s body refracts magic, it has to be between only the two of you. Now girls, can you trust in me for a second?”

Her herd-sisters shared an uncertain look for a second (after all, Twilight was quite intimidating when she was fully empowered), but then shared a nod.

“Always, Twilight!” Lyra said.

“I trust you with my life, Twi!” Rainbow said.

“I won’t disappoint you, girls,” Twilight replied, as she started gathering her power. One hundred and fifty seconds!

“I’ll be closing the door,” Lero said, jumping from the couch and out of the room.

“Sorry,” Twilight stage-whispered as her cheeks coloured, but she remained concentrated.

“Girls, please stand side by side, pressing together.” One hundred and fifty-nine seconds!

“Rainbow: place your wing over Lyra’s back. And girls: try to synchronize your breathing.”

Her herd sisters shared a sideways look, but then started inhaling and exhaling in unison.

At the second two hundred and sixteen, Twilight finally reached the accumulated power level necessary to cast the spell instantaneously and offered one last commentary.

“This may feel weird for a second, but just close your eyes, keep immobile and keep concentrating on your breathing. Everything’s going to be fine, and the spell will self reverse in a few hours.”

She then pointed down her horn, and let the spell out.

Lyra and Rainbow disintegrated into a luminous mist, but this quickly congealed into a single aquamarine pony with an emerald horn and sky-blue wings, and a mane and tail looking like a green-filtered rainbow.

And just then, Twilight’s peak passed and she rapidly shrunk back to her normal body.

She looked at Lero, who had been silently overlooking from the foyer. She smiled mischievously at him and gestured him to remain silent. She then produced a rolled bandage and moved it over her currently fused herd sisters.

“Now I’m going to cover your eyes and cast a no-speaking spell on your throats,” she said, as the bandage began unrolling itself and she fired a tickling spell at their throat. “…And then I’m going to give Rainbow her very first horn job while our darling Lero takes Lyra aside and shows her just how good his hands feel on a mare’s wings.”

Twilight then shot a mind-link spell at Lero, then told him “You don’t touch me, I don’t touch you, and lets see how long until they figure it out!”

Lero’s reply was a very naughty grin.

It took Lyra and Rainbow almost an hour before one of them forgot about the no-speech spell, which conducted them to remove the bandage and notice what had Twilight done. Not that them were going to protest while they were being attacked so intensely and from every possible angle, leaving them so overwhelmed that they could hardly focus their eyes.

As usual, Twilight was woken up by her power-up during the few minutes before dawn.

She noticed that Rainbow and Lyra had popped apart during the night, as expected.

Feeling her own power, she had an idea. She quickly shock them awake and asked them if they wanted to be merged again.

Their grins were answer enough, but they then put her in a tight spot when they waited for her to build up the power to then come and press themselves into her sides.

Later, Lero woke up to having only one wife.

It took them a week to figure out how to reverse the spell, but that was a very good week.

17: A letter home by NachoTheBrony

A letter home by NachoTheBrony

**************************

{CRASH!}

...

{CRASH!}

Aristotle Michaelis, age 61, had been violently woken up by the first horrid crashing sound.

By the second sound, he entered his disappeared son’s bedroom and saw it with a new well and skylight.

Looking down, he was in time to see the kitchen’s floor give way and {CRASH!} send whatever-it-was to the basement. And, sticking out of the cloud of dust, he saw something like a leather-bound tome on a silver tray.

Down in the kitchen, he picked it up and opened it.

The very first page was a dedication from his long-lost son:

Dear Mom and Dad:

I know I must have disappeared from Earth some nine years ago. Probably some more, but nobody here really knows.

‘Thirteen years, seven months and three days, not that I’m counting’, thought the old man.

Anyway.

I was abducted, like in ‘flying saucer flies off with me’. Weird, isn’t it? Well, some equinoid aliens then rescued me, but with no way to ask my abductors where they had picked me from, the government gave me citizenship and welcomed me among them.

I have been preparing this scrapbook since, a month ago, a friend told me that he may have found where I came from.

I’m sorry, folks, but I’m not coming back: that day when I was abducted I lost a life, and the ponies have let me make myself a new life among them. I am a part of the community. I have friends. I have three beautiful, smart and fun wives. I have a dear stepson and, through genetic engineering, now I also have a beautiful baby daughter with one of them. Your granddaughter’s name is Lauren Hope, and she’s five months old now. I want to be as awesome a parent as you always were for me, so I can’t leave her behind. Thing is, she isn’t human, her three moms aren’t human, and I will not leave them for anything.

Besides, what would be my opportunities upon returning? Here I am a physical therapist, and well paid enough that it took me a year to pay off a little house. Back on Earth, I would be a thirty-something guy with a diploma from a non-existent college and three wives who aren’t even human.

And I can’t ask you to come with me: my other siblings are still on Earth, and I don’t want their Mom and Dad to just banish on them. Please have Mnemosyne, Erebus and Damocles known that their big brother is well and says hi.

Well, images speak better than words. Enjoy the scrapbook, and all the little notes we wrote in it. My friend says he can help us send one every year.

Cheers.

PD: My friend brought back a bunch of newspapers, showing that the Earth is in a bad recession at the moment. I’m sending you a couple months of my savings, changed into gold coins. Pass them to my siblings if they need them more. And don’t sweat on it: not only is gold cheap around here, but all the girls are well paid enough that we won’t feel the difference.

PPD: My friend says he also wants to send a souvenir. He’s as crazy as he’s rich, so I hope he doesn’t send anything too over the top.

Thus, Aristotle began leafing through the scrapbook.

Eventually, Hope returned from her bridge club night. He silently guided her to the kitchen and sat her down with him.

They learned about their daughters in law:

Twilight, a graduate student working on psychokinesis research (which apparently was a very serious science over there).

Rainbow, an acrobatic flier and the regional coordinator for weather manipulation.

Lyra, a constable, an Army reservist and a grandmaster in a martial art reliant on psychokinesis.

Their new daughters showed them around their home, around their town, and around their capital.

Their son showed them his hang-around spots and the spa where he worked.

They dedicated a chapter to showing them Hope Faust, their fifth granddaughter.

And they showed them a million photos of their son wrestling with Rainbow, reading with Twilight, meditating with Lyra, playing with his baby and his stepson Spike (a drake!), cooking, tossing out a burnt cake, visiting places, doing home maintenance, spending time with friends, having picnics on the park, stargazing…

The sun was well up before they closed the book. They then went to bed and had the best sleep they had had in more than a decade:

Their oldest wasn’t only alive,

Belerophon was happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue:

Later that day, they went down to the basement to pick up the gold and assess the damage.

The gold was easy enough to locate: a red velvet sack, so heavy that Aristotle could barely carry it. A week later, it proved to be worth well over eight million dollars, and happily liquidated their remaining three children mortgages.

The other thing was the “souvenir”: A life-sized, exquisitely detailed metal sculpture of Star Trek’s Q, wearing a Polynesian skirt and a coconut brassiere, standing on a roast pig on a giant platter, drinking deeply from a pineapple cocktail while his other hand held a tray up high (the tray that still protruded from their kitchen floor). Neither parent needed an art degree to know that the sculpture was hideous, and would not sell even for free.

At first they tried to ignore it, which was easy: once removing the rubble from beneath it, the tray was two inches below floor level and the entire well could be repaired. Once in the basement, it was easy to forget. In fact, it took them almost three months before Damocles came visiting, noticed the cratered concrete under the sculpture and suggested having the metal analyzed.

Aristotle almost had a heart attack when the results came: the 2.5-ton monstrosity was made of the purest platinum known to mankind.

Author's Note

NachoTheBrony's Author’s Notes:

Two gold doubloons per cherry, anyone? Last time I checked, four troy ounces of gold may buy a truckload of cherries along with the truck underneath them. And I had Lero send some 500 troy ounces: I think that, after a good decade, he may have forgotten just how crazily valuable gold is on Earth.

And Discord: he was just being a jerk, intentionally choosing to make a crater through the entire house by depositing a life-size sculpture made of the third-densest metal on a normal roof. Of course, this happening well after his reformation, he chose a metal that would be worth more than the damage. He just didn’t know how insanely valuable platinum happens to be on Earth.

And why Star Trek’s Q? Why John DeLancie? Who is Discord’s VA?

Take care.

18: (B)itch by VelvetHeart

(B)itch by VelvetHeart

***********************************

The large barn doors produced an audible thunk as they finally settled in place, casting the dusty air within in a half-shade, cut only by the orange beams of light shining in through the western window high above.

With a grunt, Lero set down the final basket of apples of the day, only to see the massive scarlet stallion by his side shift his own much-heavier load upon the ground.

Big Macintosh groaned and stretched his neck, "That'll be the last bunch for t'day, 'less you're interesting spending the night pickin' out the bad ones." The smirk he aimed in the human's general direction got a similar answer.

"Bite me." Lero jokingly snapped back, one hand patting his friend's withers, only to stop in hesitation as he saw Big Macintosh' expression collapse into a frown.

"Now Ah don' quite know how your herd goes 'bout it, but on this here farm, we ask politely. We don' demand." His frown evaporated, "But yer' a friend an' I unnerstand if yer' be needin' help. I'll bite yah if yer' willin' to do the same for me. Where're you itchin'?"

Lero blinked, baffled for a few moments, before his memory gently reminded him of a mutual pony grooming custom. "Wait, what do you- oh. No, no, I don't literally want to get bit anywhere. It was a figure of speech; I can scratch myself just fine. Humans use our fingers, we don't need to ask for help." To demonstrate, he ran his fingernails through his hair, across his back-end, and even twisted a little to reach the spot between his shoulderblades for a good scratch.

"That there is mighty handy. Like having a set of extra mouths at the end of a set o' big ol' flexible necks. But that ain't helping me none, I'm still itchin'. Could you please use yer' fancy fingers, right there just 'bove my cutiemark?"

"Well, I suppose I could. Back where I'm from, scratching another guy's backside would be pretty awkward." Lero began vigorously running his fingernails along the slightly-sweaty coat, "Although I suppose biting another human man's backside would have a whole set of different connotations than it would for a pony."

Big Macintosh' answer was little more than a groan and a set of rolling eyes, his body leaning slightly into the hard-working fingers. "Right there. Oh, that's been itchin' up a storm. Now move up a lil'. There. More to the front."

Lero couldn't help but smirk as the big stallion melted into the scratching like the gentle giant he was, obediently following suggestions as he ran his hands along both sides of the massive pony's barrel, leaning in as he worked further and further up his friend's body.

"Yer' like a whole herd worth o' scritchins, Lero. Ah hate t' ask, but can those fingers o' yours also get that itch under mah yoke?"

The human snickered and rested his elbows on his friend's back, lifting the yoke slightly while his nimble, if now very dirty fingers dipped underneath. The result was a very deep, rumbly groan.

"Oh, yeah, Applejack's friends might'a been right after all 'bout yer fingers."

CREAK

"There! There! That there angle! Yes!"

Lero stopped. That last sound wasn't one of his friend's noises. Turning his head, he found himself eye to eye with... a rather stunned-looking Applejack standing in the half-opened barn door. Confusion struck, followed by a sudden understanding as he took a moment to re-evaluate the situation laid out before the farm-mare: Him, draped across a groaning Big Macintosh' back, hands clamped over his yoke, his groin pressed firmly against the stallion's taildock...

"This isn't what it looks like!"

Applejack stared. Big Macintosh turned even redder.

"Your brother asked me to scratch an itch of his!"

Applejack sputtered, went quiet, and after a moment, finally asked,

"Can Ah... watch?"

19: The Mailmare, the Time Lord, and the Sun by TheAlmightySage

The Mailmare, the Time Lord, and the Sun by TheAlmightySage

~vworp vworp~ ~vworp vworp~

The sound of time and space being manipulated echoed as a blue Phone Box, with the words "Police Public Call Box" written on the top along with a blinking light, phased into existence.

After a few moments, the door opened and a tan stallion with a spiky brown mane poked his head out glancing about. "Well Ditzy, it looks like we're in the Royal Gardens."

"So we're at Canterlot Castle?" A grey coated pegasus with a messy blonde mane and offset eyes asked as she stepped out beside the stallion to look about the gardens.

"Indeed we are my dear assistant," the spiky haired stallion answered while he admired the chrysanthemums. "Beautiful view as always, although I still say they should put in a little shop."

"So why are here, Doctor?" Ditzy asked as she stretched her wings.

"Oh, I got a message on the psychic paper," the Doctor answered casually pulling out what appeared to be a blank ID card.

As Ditzy looked at the blank paper the message of: Please come to the Royal Gardens for tea at 2 o'clock appeared then vanished leaving the psychic paper blank again before the Doctor tucked it back into his coat pocket.

"Wait, you mean actually took us where we wanted to go for once?" Ditzy asked genuinely surprised.

"What do you mean by 'for once'?", the Doctor asked petulantly as he straightened his green tie.

"Doctor, what did I tell you about arguments you can't win" Ditzy said with a sigh.

"Yes, yes I remember," the Doctor replied rubbing his forehead gingerly.

"Good," Ditzy giggled, before lazily flapping her wings.

"Let's just see if we can find whoever sent the message," the Doctor said, looking about the gardens.

"Wouldn't want to keep anypony waiting, Doctor?" Ditzy asked with a lopsided smile.

"Precisely, my dear assistant," the Doctor said nodding to a gate decorated with colorful variety of flowers.

"...and so that's why I was using celery as a canary," the Doctor said, finishing a rather rousing tale of time and space shenanigans, as he and Ditzy rounded a rather tall hedge and stepped out into a well kept area with a stone table three seats, tea and sweet breads for three set out, and Princess Celestia already seated and quietly reading the morning edition of Equestia Daily that was held on her magic.

"Good afternoon, your..." the Doctor started, before.

"Hi Princess!" Ditzy nearly shouted out while waving a hoof cheerfully.

The Doctor winced rubbing an ear. "Please Ditzy, not so loud."

Princess Celestia lowered the tabloid and smiled at the Doctor and Ditzy, before motioning them over with regal wave of her hoof.

"I see your sense of timing still hasn't improved," Celestia said with a smirk as her two guests took their seats.

"Your note said 2 o'clock and it is precisely..." the Doctor said confidently, before the princess levitated up a silver pocket watch that read 2:45 PM.

"Point taken," the Doctor deadpanned.

Celestia gave an airy laugh while Ditzy giggled at the Doctor's unamused expression.

"So how have you been, Doctor?" Celestia asked before levitating the teapot and filling his and Ditzy's teacups.

"Quite well actually," the Doctor answered cheerfully.

"Really? No end of the world disasters lately?" Celestia asked while filling her own teacup.

"Not really, aside from Dinky forgetting her lunch this morning," The Doctor answered with a chuckle.

"And the batch of muffins you burnt?" Ditzy asked before popping a crumpet into her mouth.

The Doctor gave an embarrassed laugh while Celestia smirked once more. "Ditzy, darling, I told you that wasn't my fault. The timer didn't go off."

"Well it would've gone off if somepony hadn't used its bell for a time dilation alarm," Ditzy said casually, before sipping on her tea.

"Trouble in paradise, Doctor?" Celestia asked, her grin unashamedly ear to ear.

"Don't we have something slightly more pressing to discuss?" The Doctor asked trying to steer the conversation to its true subject.

"To the point as always, Doctor," Celestia commented before she sighed softly.

"You wouldn't call me over for tea without a reason," The Doctor countered with a cheeky grin.

Celestia nodded and drank the last her tea. "What do you know of Lero Michaelides, the human living in Ponyville?"

Ditzy cocked an eyebrow at the question, while the Doctor took it in stride. "Sadly, not much. He's a bit odd, but he seems like a nice enough chap. Ditzy?"

Ditzy scrunched up her face in concentration for a moment. "He's got a herd of three so far. Rainbow, Twilight, and Lyra, plus Spike as a sort of little brother. Um, he works at the spa as a massager, but spends a fair amount of his time repairing various things around Ponyville," Ditzy idly explained in detail before she popped another crumpet into her mouth.

"That is correct," Celestia agreed before pouring Ditzy then herself more tea, "But what do you know of his method of arrival to Equestria?"

"Fluttershy found him passed out and looking very beaten up on the outskirts of the Everfree forest," Ditzy answered before drinking her tea.

"There was also a rather unnatural tear in the fabric of time and space near where Fluttershy had found him," The Doctor explained, his voice taking on a hard edge.

"So you know?" Celestia asked gazing directly at the Doctor.

"Yes, I am painfully aware of what manner of beings are only capable of causing those kinds of tears in the fabric of reality," The Doctor replied with a grim expression.

"Doctor," Ditzy said, her voice barely above a whispered, as she took the Doctor's hoof in her own.

"I'm fine, Ditzy. Just something I was hoping to never have to deal with again," the Doctor said with a weak smile.

Ditzy laid her head on the Doctor's shoulder and draped a wing around him. "You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," the Doctor replied nuzzling Ditzy's cheek.

"Doctor, I know this is a painful topic for you, but I need to know if this could happen again," Celestia all but pleaded to the Time Lord seated across from her.

The Doctor gently rocked his head side to side as he thought while Ditzy stayed close to him, then looked up at the princess. "No, They wouldn't take a risk of that size again for a very long time."

"What makes you say that, Doctor?" Celestia asked in gentle tone, not wanting to upset her old friend further.

"Three reasons, but for starters They aren't stupid. Insane and oddly angled, yeah sure, but far from stupid," The Doctor answered with a cheeky grin.

Celestia felt herself relaxing as the Doctor fell back into his usual mood. "And the second reason?"

"Well, by now They'll know that you and more importantly your sister will know that They've breached one of the old agreements," The Doctor explained with a chuckle, "And knowing Luna, the moment she learns of this she'll probably want to drop a black hole on all Their heads."

"Luna has always been a bit moody since her teen years. For the record, Doctor, I blame you for that," Celestia said with smirk.

"You should see the mess the house is in after the Doctor watches Dinky and Sparkler for only an hour," Ditzy chimed in with a smirk.

Celestia openly laughed at that thought, "Oh, I can only imagine."

"Females," the Doctor let out with a groan and a facehoof.

"Would it be possible to send Lero back to his home dimension?" Celestia asked she idly swirled her teacup and watched the leaves for any discernible patterns.

The Doctor rubbed his chin in thought and stare off into the sky for a moment before answering, "Maybe, if it was shortly after he had arrived here in this side of the pond, but now I'd say it's out of the question."

"He's a fixed point, Doctor?" Ditzy asked in surprise. Despite her clumsy reputation, Ditzy Doo was not a dumb pony. As a matter of fact she is one of the few ponies able to keep up with the Doctor's comprehension and explanations of time, space, and the fabric of reality.

"Precisely, my dear Ditzy," the Doctor said with a nod, before looking back to the princess, "He is here for a reason and has a part to play here in Equestria. And if I'm right it'll be a big part."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to give me any hints, my old friend?" Celestia asked with her most charming smile.

"As much as I liked to, Celestia. You know the rules just as well as I do," the Doctor replied with a smirk.

"Well it was worth a try," Celestia said with a shrug, earning a laugh from Ditzy.

With business finally out of the way friendly conversation, and a bit of cheeky commentating, became the rule over the rest of the princess' tea party. The Doctor was one of the few ponies that Celestia could have such casual conversation with now days and Ditzy was such a delight to have around, as well. Celestia wished she could have them over more often.

"A shame you have to leave so soon, my friends," Celestia said as they stood by the Doctor's blue box.

"Comes with the job I'm afraid," the Doctor said with a smile and a shrug before he opened the TARDIS' door.

"Those crumpets were as good as muffins from last time," Ditzy said with a bright and infectious smile.

"I'll be sure to let the royal baker know, Ditzy," Celestia said smiling as well.

"Come along, Ditzy. I think if we hurry we can make it back in time to get a batch of muffins ready before Dinky gets out of school," the Doctor called out from the TARDIS' door.

"Good idea," Ditzy replied before stepping through the door.

Celestia held up a gilded hoof, before the Doctor turned to trot into the TARDIS, "One last thing before you go, my old friend."

"And what might that be, princess?" the Doctor asked with a grin.

Celestia leaned in and spoke quietly. "What was the third reason They wouldn't try anything again?"

"Simple, I already warned them once and one warning is all anyone gets," The Doctor replied with a cold anger glinting in his eyes.

"Doctor, please don't do anything brash," Celestia asked of her old friend, concern obvious in her voice and upon her face.

"No worries, Celestia. I won't be going out of my way to fight Them. I've got plenty of reason to stay and enjoy this quiet life of mine," the Doctor said with a smile glancing over at Ditzy, who was fidgeting with the TARDIS control panel.

"Be seeing you," the Doctor said with a cheery grin as he closed the TARDIS' door.

"Take care, Doctor," Celestia said with a smile bidding farewell to her old friend.

Celestia stood and watched as the TARDIS vanished into the streams of space and time.

20: A Mother’s Care by StarSlinger

A Mother’s Care by StarSlinger

*****************************

In the stale light of the hospital, Lero sat, watching the two forms sleeping in the recovery room across the hallway.

“How is she?” asked Lyra, the mint-green unicorn walked up and nuzzled his shoulder in greeting.

“Who?” Lero asked, a teasing note in his voice. “The patient or her insanely-protective guardian?”

“Well,” Lyra replied, playing along “I was quite aware of Rainbow Dash’s state of mind when I left, especially since I mostly agreed to go personally in order to appease her.”

Lero chuckled, “yeah I seem to remember that.” Earlier, Rainbow Dash had been like a drill sergeant, barking orders and fanatically trying to destroy any complications that arose in the care of the hospital’s newest patient. She had even personally flown over and “recruited” a specialist doctor, dragging the poor stallion away from his home in Cloudsdale on his day off and giving him a front row seat to a Sonic Rainboom.

The human continued, “I had to stop the hospital staff twice from trying to sedate her. No telling what she would have done in her state of mind if the staff had tried to jump her… probably gone into attack mode. I managed to get her to calm down just a bit, and she then pretty much collapsed from exhaustion.”

“I can’t say I can blame her,” Lyra replied, “the poor dear still looked absolutely dreadful when I left.”

“Yeah…” sighed Lero, the memory killing his desire to keep up the light-hearted banter with is herdmate. “Anyway, to answer your first question, other than the various scratches and bruises, Scootaloo suffered a concussion from the branch she hit while trying to make that jump on her scooter, and a broken hind leg and wing from her fall.” Lero paused, stealing a glance at the heavly-bandaged orange filly laying on the hospital bed. “The most serious injury was actually the broken leg” the human continued, his voice soft. “The bone broke the skin and the wound was bleeding pretty badly. If Dash hadn’t gotten worried and gone looking for her, she might have bled to death at the bottom of that ravine without ever regaining consciousness.”

As Lyra put a comforting hoof on her stallion’s leg, he continued. “Of course, the other concern was her wing. Scootaloo must of landed on it when she hit the ground. Even if her pegasus magic saved her life, it evidently can only stop so much momentum. The break was a complex one, and the doctors here in Ponyville were concerned they didn’t have enough experience with pegasus wings to set it 100% right. And, of course, if it isn’t set perfectly, the wing could become deformed if the bone healed wrong… hence Dash’s kidnapping spree.” Lero finished with a small grin.

“Anyway,” he continued. “Everything is fine now, she will be in a cast and on the ground for about three months, even with healing magic, but the wing specialist assures us that the injury will not impact her flying once it completely heals. We are pretty much waiting for her to wake up now… as well as discussing the other issues…”

This time is was Lyra who sighed, “Yes, the other issues.” Her face took on a steely professional expression, the one she used for when she stepped into her Guard role. Even now, Lero was not used to her in this mode, so different it was from how she usually acted with her herd.

“Well, first off, we found them, the Sponge sisters. They had evidently decided to take a spontaneous daytrip to a spa in Baltimare that ‘somehow’ ended up lasting ten days and counting. According to them, they had left Scootaloo quote ‘plenty of canned cream-of-hay soup and a whole two bits for expenses, more than enough for the silly little foal to get by on.’ They then launched into a rant on how noble it was to be a foster-herd especially when their charge was so ‘out-of-control’ and how the stipend they get from the Crown is so little they can barely afford their spa trips which they need to keep their sanity, Scootaloo being SUCH a handful and probably a future hooligan.” Lyra actually gritted her teeth. “I then asked them if that is why they locked their foster-filly out of their house while they were gone, incidentally preventing access to the ‘food’ they had left her. Their answer: ‘We didn’t lock her out, we just do not want her to have a key, if she would of just stayed indoors, she never would of gotten stuck outside!’”

“That would explain why the other Crusaders said it looked like she had been living in the tree house for the last week.” Lero said.

“Yes, that would make sense” Lyra said, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Anyway, for some reason those two mares kept injuring themselves as we escorted them out of the spa, the floors being so slippery you know.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed that myself, being a professional masseuse and all” Lero said drily, giving his love a sideways glance.

“Anyway,” the unicorn continued. “The Sponge sisters will most likely be brought up on filly abandonment charges and stripped of their foster-herd status. Normally they could drag things out in court, contest the facts of the case, etc., but in this instance… having multiple Elements of Harmony speaking against you, one of which sent a literal book of instances of neglect to Princess Celestia herself…“

Now it was Lyra who glanced into the recovery room, looking at her rainbow-mane herdmate. “You know,” she said softly. “I have always considered myself the most patient of our herd in all things. But I don’t know if I could have observed everything that was happening behind the scenes with Scootaloo and just kept a log for when things finally went too far. If it was me, and especially if it was someone with the temperament of Rainbow Dash, I would have fully expected those two nitwits to end up in traction somewhere.”

“But then they could have simply moved, taking her with them,” Lero responded quietly. “They just saw her as a way to collect wealth, and people… and ponies do not surrender those things easily. And until now, they had the right to relocate Scootaloo anywhere they pleased. Dash understood that, maybe it reminded her of her own childhood, and she has been taking Scootaloo under her wing ever since. Trying to negate the bad… create some awesome memories for her…” The human chuckled “I guess we can’t blame Scootaloo for becoming a little obsessed with her.”

Lyra chuckled long quietly with her human stallion. However, her face quickly became somber once again. “The big question now is, where does Scootaloo go once the hospital discharges her? The Sponges will never be allowed near her again, in fact they have been informed that they are officially not welcome in Ponyville anymore, mayor Mare has seen to that. If they show their faces, they are likely to be set upon by both official and vigilante forces. The only other official foster-herd in town are the Cakes. But after all these years with Pinkie Pie and now raising two foals of their own, I think they are finished with the foster program. If we want Scootaloo to remain in Ponyville, we might need to convince another foster-herd to relocate here.”

“Twilight and I may have found a solution for that” Lero replied. “She is off researching the details, but she thinks all it would take for our herd to be given temporary guardianship of Scootaloo is an endorsement from a high-enough government official. Especially since the filly in question is injured and the hospital cannot afford to keep her for her entire recovery. Evidently mayor Mare’s endorsement would probably be sufficient, however Twilight is certain that with the properly worded letter, Princess Celestia could be persuaded to handle everything from her end.”

“So for the time being,” the human continued, “we are going to be taking care of Scootaloo. Long-term… well, we will just have to wait and see.”

Lero looked again into the hospital room that contained Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash, both ponies sound asleep for very different reasons. The cyan mare sat beside Scootaloo’s bed, her head leaning against the headboard. Perhaps unconsciously, one of her wings had stretched out, protectively covering the sleeping filly.

“Besides,” Lero continued, gazing at the pair, his voice quiet and suddenly thick with emotion. “I think what Scootaloo needs most right now is a mother’s care.”

21: A Father’s Support by StarSlinger

A Father’s Support by StarSlinger

**************************

“Blank flank! Blank flank!”

The two pranced around the third. With tiara and glasses glinting in the afternoon light, the two fillies seemed oblivious to the gusty, cold wind and constant hail pelting their matching forest-green hooded ponchos, so joyful they were with tormenting their prey.

Scootaloo, meanwhile, in a dark-red hooded poncho of her own, continued to crawl forward, eyes firmly pointed to the ground in front of her. Her scooter, usually a source of speed and freedom for her, was now being used merely as a crutch, supporting her hind right leg, which was completely encased in a heavy plaster cast. Her right wing was also in a lighter cast, strapped tightly to her body. Tightly gripping the handle bars of her scooter, it was taking all of Scootaloo’s concentration to keep her balance on the increasingly slippery path. The fact that she now had two tormenters prancing around her was not helping.

Feeling her hind left leg, which she had been using to move herself along the path, suddenly slip on a patch of ice, Scootaloo instinctively flared her uninjured wing to help keep her balance. However, this maneuver nearly ended up being her undoing, as without the counter-balance of her injured wing, the unfolded left wing caught a gust of wind and almost dragged her to the ground. It was only the orange filly’s natural athleticism that allowed her to barely keep her balance and steady herself. Grimacing in annoyance while quickly refolding her open wing, Scootaloo took a deep breath and again started to move herself slowly down the path. However, the two ponies circling her had taken notice of the near fall, and they had adjusted their taunts accordingly.

“Gimpy, gimpy, blank flank! Gimpy, gimpy, blank flank!”

In her mind, Scootaloo pictured them as two timber wolves which had found an injured lamb away from its flock. Still, she silently kept on, she needed only to make it around the next bend and she would be in sight of the library. Then maybe these two timber-wolves-in-pony’s-clothing would leave her alone.

“What’s the matter gimpy? Not feeling chatty today?”

Scootaloo gritted her teeth and tried to decide which was more annoying, having the hail hit her back or the insults hit her gut. She was really regretting leaving the Fall’s End dance early. Especially since she had slipped away without telling her two friends and fellow Crusaders. They were the ones that usually helped her get home and kept these two bullies at bay. However, Scootaloo had started to get depressed at only being able to watch while her classmates and friends danced around the decorated barn at the Apple family’s orchard. On the other hand, she did not want to force her two friends to sit out the party in order to keep her company. And so, the orange filly had, she thought, quietly scooted away without anyone the wiser. However, it seemed that her current tormenters had caught her leaving and had decided to have some ‘fun’ on their own.

“You know, my father says that pegasus wings almost never heal right once broken. I bet there is a good, like, 50% chance that you’re going to be gimpy forever!”

That, of course, was her not-so-secret fear. That her wing would not heal right, despite the assurances from the wing doctor from Cloudsdale. She was terrified of never being able to fly or do stunts again. Of her idol, Rainbow Dash, losing interest in her. Of ending up as one of those sad and broken ponies you read about in the paper, dying all alone in a ditch somewhere after living what, for a pegasus, had to be a half-life at best.

“Must be tough not only being a blank flank, but not even being able to walk or fly straight… and now your injured too! Hahaha!”

They were baiting her, trying to get her to attempt to catch them. They wanted to see her fall again. She had already tempted fate once before. Shortly after being released from the hospital, she had responded in anger at the barbs thrown her way by these very same ponies. However, she had almost immediately toppled over as she tried to build up speed on her scooter. Only a quick twist had prevented her from landing on her broken wing. That had earned her a stern warning from the hospital staff that had seen her after the fall. All it would take is one more spill and her wing could possibly never recover.

“Hey! Maybe then you’ll get your cutie mark, it’ll be like a broken stick or something, since your special talent will be being a gimpy loser! Hahaha!”

Despite her resolve, Scootaloo was close to her breaking point. Either she would try and rush them or she would start crying. Either outcome was a victory for the bullies. Continuing onward, the injured filly slowly and silently rounded the bend in the road, her now-tearing eyes still fixed firmly on the ground.

Frustrated with the lack of reaction from their prey, the two bullies began to ramp up the viciousness of their taunts.

“Pffft, your no fun gimpy! No wonder you’re a foster-filly! I bet your mom threw herself in front of that train just to forget how much of a LOSER yo…”

A new voice cut the taunt short.

“Girls… that’s enough!”

It was the tone of the voice that stopped the two bullies in their tracks more so than the command it gave. While the tone held some anger, it mostly sounded determined and… disappointed?

Looking up, Scootaloo saw Lero, standing tall against the wintery weather. His head and the top of his face obscured by a hooded cloak, with only his beard visible to the filly. If Scootaloo’s tormenters were a pair of timber wolves, then Lero was an Ursa, a tower of cloth and hair looming above her.

For a moment, it seemed as if the timber wolves would try to take on the Ursa, however, the two bullies were able to catch a glimpse of Lero’s eyes, which held the same determination and disappointment as his tone. New emotions began to trickle into the minds of the two fillies, feelings that they usually did not feel outside of their own herd.

Scootaloo was looking at her tormenters now, waiting to see what they would do. Briefly, she could have sworn she saw regret and shame flicker on their faces. However, twin masks of indifference quickly replaced any other emotions. The two fillies turned, their heads held high and their noses in the air, and trotted back up the road.

Lero looked down at Scootaloo, who was now looking straight head towards the library, now in view, still trying to keep her tears at bay. In one fluid motion, the human moved to the young filly and placed a reassuring hand on her left shoulder.

“Come-on, kiddo, let’s go home”

He then helped her along the slippery path. He could of carried her, even with the scooter he could easily bear her weight in his arms. However, Lero sensed that this was a journey that Scootaloo needed to finish with as little help as possible.

With the tall human helping her balance, Scootaloo’s pace increased dramatically. She was proud of herself that, even now, she was still in control of her emotions. Oh, the tears would come, but now they would be for those that cared, and not a trophy for bullies.

And so the two made their way towards their home, lit brightly against the now darkening sky. As they drew near, Scootaloo came to a stop. Her eyes closed, the young filly basked in the sense of safety, security, and support that radiated from that light… as well as from her human guardian, standing protectively beside her.

Author's Note

StarSlinger:
This is a sequel to “A Mother’s Care.” So be sure to check that out for the story behind Scootaloo’s injury.

22: Father by warpd

Father by warpd

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It was just Dash, Lero, and the foals that evening much to Rainbow's pleasure. The rest of the herd went on a date night to a lovely dinner and show that Twilight was really excited for. Rainbow got to goof off with her children as much as she wanted. So many games to play, which included her favorite activity: Everypony pin Lero.

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Lero wiggled under the combined weight of all the youngsters.

“April Showers, poke him hard right there.” The rose colored pegasus giggled as she attacked her father in the ribs. Rainbow was pleased with the results as Lero tried to jerk away.

“Stop!” Lero squirmed helplessly. He could barely get a word edgewise as his voice continued to crack. “S-show some mercy for your Dad!”

“Hmm, naw. He still struggling!” Apple Cider, the oldest of the group, nestled down on Lero’s knees. His large, heavy body was perfect to keep Dad in one place while the rest tickled with no worries. Cider's tail brushed up against their father's feet very slowly.

“I’ve heard he is sensitive if you lick the edges of his ears.” Penumbra carefully moved her horn to not hurt him and received a positive response as she licked Lero. “Geez Dad, where aren’t you sensitive?”

The toothless Apple Jam gummed on Lero’s hand with reckless abandon. Rainbow Dash noticed and had an evil idea. “Hey everypony, start nibbling him! That really makes him howl.”

“No, no, no, NO!” Lero never survived the onslaught, rest his weary soul.

“May we have pizza?” Rainbow looked down at the more reserved foal of the herd, Blitz.

“Did somepony say pizza?” The rest of the foals shot their heads up and stared at their mother.

Rainbow chuckled as she rubbed her head. “Well, we could have pizza. Unless your Dad wants to make something for supper.”

Like a zombie that refused to die, Lero rose up. “I’m cool with pizza.”

After being told then retold what they all wanted, Rainbow finally had the order ready. “All right, I’ll be back real quick. Apple Cider, you’re in charge.”

“Wait a minute…” Lero gave Dash an unruly glare.

“Later!” Dash was out the door before any of them could blink.

Lero sighed as he scratched the back of his neck. “What do you all feel like doing while we wait for our delivery mare to come back?”

“Actually Dad we do have something we wish to talk about.” Apple Cider looked nervous as he nodded at Penumbra.

The unicorn’s horn glowed as she produced a folder stuffed full of paper. “Did you go riffling through Momma Twilight’s stuff?”

Apple Cider looked nervous, like he was about to share something he wouldn’t like the answer to. “We know how you are different from other ponies.”

“And not just in body.” April Showers added. “We know that you are bent like Mommy Dash is.”

Lero pinched the bridge of his nose. “Children, I love your father just as much as your mothers.”

“We know.” Blitz answered. “Apple Jam found these the other day.”

The folder was labeled with a faded 'Lero'. The human took it and opened it up. In it was the entirety of Twilight’s research so Lero could have children with Lyra, Dash, and herself. Lero wasn’t sure what he should have said at this point. “Wow, this is some old stuff.”

“I looked through it. Mom made some groundbreaking stuff with this. Some of the magic here makes my head swim.” Penumbra sat down next to her siblings. “There was only one problem.”

“Your genes couldn’t be altered.” Apple Cider answered. “You were trying to have foals of your own and failed.”

“Do…do you regret that. Not being a father?” April Showers stared intently at Lero.

Lero knelt down to them. He pointed at each one as he spoke. “Am I not a father? I have all of you. Each and every one of you are my special babies.”

“B-but these papers.” Apple Cider stamped his hoof. “You all tried hard and it didn’t work.”

Lero sighed. “Twilight’s plan was an idea that she had. You know your mother, when she gets a thought she will pursue it until she knows everything she can about it.”

“You don’t resent us?”

“Wanna know a secret?” Lero leaned in close and continued in a hushed whisper. “It was my idea to find your father. Your Uncle Mac helped out.”

“It was your idea!?” Blitz blurted out.

Lero flashed them a smile. “Strange isn’t it? I’ll admit that I don’t see stallions the same way I see mares, but if I didn’t do that I would have missed out on all of you.”

Lero reached his arms out wide and pulled them in close. “Then I couldn’t do this.” He placed a single kiss on each forehead. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Don’t you forget it.”

23: The Reason by Rikmach

The Reason by Rikmach

********************************

"Twilight?"

"Mmmm?"

Lero looked down at the ball of purple and green scales, curled up between them on the couch. Both of them were reading on a quiet evening alone. Lyra had gone to spend an evening with Bon Bon to catch up, and Rainbow was in Cloudsdale attending a regional weather manager's meeting.

"Why did they let you keep Spike? I mean, maybe I'm missing something, but weren't you practically a filly when you hatched him? I mean, I'm glad they did, the little guy's awesome, but giving a foal essentially a child to raise- especially one that can breathe fire- seems a little questionable to me."

Lero looked at her intently, hoping that he'd not said anything that would upset her; rather she smiled, taking off her reading glasses setting them aside.

"That's actually a very good question- and there were some ponies who wanted to. But let me put it this way: You know while not a large number of unicorns get into Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, there's still a sizable number each year, yes?"

"Yes..." Lero frowned slightly.

"And that attempting to hatch a dragon's egg is part of the entrance exam, right?"

He blinked, suddenly realizing the problem with that.

"And you don't see many unicorns walking around with dragons, even in Canterlot?" Twilight asked, confirming it.

"No, you don't. How does that even work?"

Twilight pauses, thoughtful. "The egg is a dud. the shells of dragon eggs have special properties; they're highly magically reactive, as a defensive measure- they tend to absorb, refract, or disperse magical energies. This prevents magical creatures from piercing their rock-like shell, as well as protecting the developing embryo from being affected by powerful ambient magical fields- too thin, and magical radiation plays merry hell with the developing embryo... Too thick, such as the one used by the school- the child never received any of his Parent's powerful magical aura, which is the spark needed to start the dragon elemental development process."

"So... trapped?" Lero asked.

Twilight nods. "Essentially, in magical stasis, forever. It's too tough to shave it down, and cracking it would just kill the egg. Most dragons just eat them to reabsorb the nutrients. However, they have uses to nondragons- for example, the observable reactions to the magic used on them is very useful in gauging someone's magical power, what kind of magic they use, how they react to magical resistance, adapt their spells and so on. In short, having someone cast magic on a dragon's egg is a near perfect way to gauge their power and skill."

"Wait- it was in stasis and magic resistant, yet you got it to hatch? How's that even..."

"...Possible? It's not supposed to be. Heh, some of the staff were even upset at me, apparently finding and paying for a replacement took a large chunk out of the budget. As for how I actually did it? Hey, Element of Magic." She grinned, gesturing to an invisible tiara. "But... more seriously, Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom somehow set off some sort of... cascading magical reaction in me that caused a massive surge of magical power- several thaumometers hundreds of miles away caught it- the sheer magical force simply blew through the egg's defenses and... well, gave Spike the spark of life."

Lero stared, almost slack-jawed at this. "That's... amazing, but it doesn't quite explain why you were allowed to keep him."

She noddded. "Well... as I said, there were several reasons. First, the magical force that brought him to life... made him my familiar."

"...Your what?" Magic was frequently beyond Lero.

"Well... some wizards form magical links to animals to expand their capabilities, as well as create completely loyal, obedient servants."

"Spike, a perfectly loyal, obedient servant? I don't buy it." Lero snarked.

Twilight laughed. "He used to be a lot more, ah, slavish when he was younger, and seemed more like an extension of myself. Normally, it's nearly impossible to do it with a sentient being, much less one as magically powerful as a dragon. And as time has passed, and he's grown older, gained power, developed a personality, formed a stronger will... I find him more and more defying my will, or doing unexpected things. and... You're never to tell him this, but I... delight in it a little bit whenever he does. It means he's not a slave, and I'm not a slavemaster. I think it's why mages don't normally make powerful, intelligent beings their familiars- They can't really be controlled that way. At least, not forever."

"So he'll eventually grow out of it?"

"Not really. Massive magical surge, and all. No matter what, we'll be connected. Not to mention, it's had some... effect on him, being given life by pony magic, rather than dragon magic. You seen any other dragons with messenger breath?"

"No... but what does this have to do about separating you two?"

"Well... Being my familiar, even if we were separated, he'd do absolutely everything he could to get back to me. There's ways to cut the connection but it's... traumatic for both parties."

"Traumatic how?" Lero asked.

"Well... It'd essentially be yanking out a bit of magic that has been deeply integrated into him. For Spike, it'd be like someone tore out a chunk of his soul. For me, It'd be like someone chopped off a limb." Lero winced at the idea. "Yeah. So, Princess Celestia decided that it was too much of risk to damage my talent- Spike functionally has a tiny spark of my magic inside him- that's how the link is made, and where the connection and loyalty spring from."

He nodded thoughtfully. "So, that's it? He's your familiar? That's why you kept him?"

She shakes her head. "No, that's really the reason why everyone else accepted it- ultimately, if I decided it wasn't something I wanted, I'm sure I could eventually learn to sever the link without hurting either of us. The reason that I decided to keep him was really the most important one."

"What was that?"

She pauses, looking down at the sleeping dragon, affectionately putting a hoof on his side. "Because... While maybe we treat each other mostly like brother and sister- we did grow up together, after all- and while maybe being my familiar gives him the desire to be close and loyal to me... ultimately? I may not have carried him, but Spike would never have been hatched without me. He's my son. He's my son, and I love him." She leans down, kissing his cheek. the sleeping drake murmured and snuggled closer to her. "And I wouldn't ever let anyone take him away from me." She smiled up at Lero.

Lero smiled at her. "...and that's probably the best reason, ever."

24: Light and Darkness by StarSlinger

Light and Darkness by StarSlinger

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Blackbeak cursed as the wires slipped again from his talons. Of all the things for a proud griffon warrior such as himself to end up, playing assassin for a bunch of Canterlot ponies!

Holding himself aloft in the air by his wings, the griffon forced himself to move slower, his talons finally snagging the wire, allowing him to attach it to the blasting spell box which was now firmly embedded in the rock wall of the ravine. The griffin stole another nervous glace at the motion detector device on the other end of the wire, eight feet below, ready to be concealed with leaves and twigs.

Now, the only thing keeping the trap from being fully armed was the activation remote in his pouch, secured around his waist by a thick leather harness. Once he was finished concealing the motion detector, he would lay in wait above the ravine, activating the trap once his prey was in position.

Impulsively, Blackbeak reached down and removed the activation remote from his pouch. The box looked innocent enough, consisting two colored lights, one red and one green, and a toggle switch on the side. Currently, the green light was lit, indicated that the trap was still inactive. Flipping the switch would cause the device to arm after a five second delay. The griffin assassin put the remote back into his pouch and gave his handiwork one more look.

Satisfied that the wires were firmly in place, Blackbeak allowed himself to drift down to the ground and began concealing the motion detector device.

The trap was indeed cleaver, the griffin reluctantly admitted to himself. His clients had provided the magitek device, providing him with instructions on its setup and activation. For his part, he had stalked his prey for days, observing his habits, until the perfect place to ambush him became apparent.

Blackbeak wondered again why this monkey-thing… this ‘huuuuman’? Yes, he remembered, ‘human.’ Why this human was such a threat to his clients that they would go to such lengths and secrecy to get rid of. Oh, he was not stupid or simple, despite what their sneering, condescending tones suggested, he had heard the rumors and the gossip. About the impending public marriage between the human and the ponies he had made his mates. About how some of these ponies were influential with the Princesses. Blackbeard suspected that the ‘purity’ excuses yammered about was secondary to political ones. After all, this human’s mates were evidently very powerful and influential. Officially recognizing them as a herd would form a new, inherently powerful, pony House.

The human seemed to be the lynchpin to this new coalition of powerful ponies. Therefore, those who wanted the status quo to persist needed him eliminated.

The griffin smirked, in the end, these ponies were not as pure and noble a race as they tried to convince themselves, he thought.

Still, he thought grumpily, the method in which his clients wanted the deed done left much to be desired. In his Clan, before they were betrayed and scattered as ronin, all that would need to be done was for a death duel to be declared. Even if the human somehow won, the warrior’s second would then be justified in avenging his partner. In Blackbeak’s opinion, such public executions were both more efficient and reliable than all of this ‘make it look like an accident’ nonsense. However, the Canterlot ponies were paying for it to be done this way, so he had no room to complain.

The motion detector concealed, Blackbeak stood a moment admiring his handy work. Now he just needed to fly to the top and wait.

Faintly, the griffin heard a beeping noise from somewhere nearby. Glancing around for a moment, he released the sound was coming from his pouch. Eyes widening in panic at a sudden suspicion, Blackbeak frantically clawed at his pouch, ripping it open and taking out the activation remote. As he had feared, the beeping was coming from the remote, its red light blinking, indicating that his trap was about to arm. Hurriedly, the griffin tried to move the toggle switch back to the off position, only to realize that it had somehow been jammed. Now fully terrified, the griffin assassin hurriedly spread his wings to take off, just as the red light turned solid.

Lyra Heartstrings gracefully treaded through the wreckage of the rockslide. The informant had been correct. The unicorn was relieved that she had been in time to takes steps to protect her stallion from danger. Fortunately, the griffin assassin had briefly removed what she had correctly assumed to be the arming device from his pouch long enough for the unicorn to get a mental image. This allowed her to manipulate the device with her magic, even as it was once again concealed.

Scanning the rubble, Lyra spotted what she was looking for, sticking partially from underneath a rock was the griffin’s pouch, the only storage place that Lyra had observed on the creature. If her hunch was right, and they usually were, there would be further clues in the small bag that would shed some light on who the assassin was working for.

Using her magic to free the pouch from the debris, Lyra levitate the her prize in front of her. Opening it, she found what she suspected she would - sheet of parchment paper. On it were instructions on how to use the magitek weapon that had caused the rockslide.

Her examination of the document was interrupted by a wheezing sound coming from beside her. Glancing over she saw the griffin assassin, barely alive, reaching towards her. Only the creature’s head and left foreleg was visible, the rest buried under a ton of rocks.

Lyra regarded the griffin coldly. “I see you have survived the rockslide… and for that, I am sorry.” With an off-hoof flicker of her mind, the assassin’s head was suddenly twisted ninety-degrees, silencing its wheezing.

Turning her attention back to the magitek document, Lyra eyes widened. She recognized some of these watermarks! Her eyes narrowed, this information would have to be hand delivered to the Princess. She could not risk a courier and trying to use Spike would cause too many questions.

The mint-green unicorn sighed. She hated having to travel alone to Canterlot again, especially since the wedding was just around the corner. However, this was simply too important a matter to delay. She would need a good cover story as well, least her herd suspect something.

A moment later she had an idea. Her mother had been making noise about wanting to help her pick out a veil for the wedding ceremony! Lyra had until then not even decided if she wanted one, however, allowing her mother to drag her around Canterlot for veil shopping would be a perfect excuse for a sudden trip to the Equestrian capital. Also, as the associate Guard member to Ponyville, it would be her duty to report to the Griffin embassy, informing them about the tragic death of one of their citizens in a random rockslide just outside of town. The body soon to be discovered by a Ponyville weather squad which were due to fly by this location in about… 15 minutes.

Lyra started to make her way back out of the ravine. Humming a tune, she walked along the grass-lined road that led towards the Everfree Forest. She needed to hurry back to Fluttershy’s place, where Lero had been delayed during his trip home – stopping to help catch some animals that had mysteriously gotten free from their cages.

“Many a pony dreams of being one with the Balance, to use this knowledge to banish darkness from a world of light. But light and darkness are equals and where one exist, so to must the other. When one finally realizes this, they can start down the path to true Balance.”

-- Crackhorn, Grandmaster of the Still Way

Cue credit music:

25: Action Lero by SpinelStride

Action Lero by SpinelStride

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Rainbow Dash's hooves skidded against the smooth stones of the palace courtyard. "She's coming!" she gasped out, wings still flared at her side, still backwinging to slow herself. "She'll be here any minute!"

Twilight let out a long, slow breath. "Okay. You can do this. We can do this. Are you ready?"

Princess Luna nodded her head, once. Princess Cadance swallowed, then nodded as well. Lero bit his lower lip, but nodded his assent as well. Everything that needed to be said had been. Anything more would just distract Twilight.

The purple alicorn lowered her head and closed her eyes. When they opened again, white light burst forth, and her horn glowed lavender, then overlaid itself a paler purple, then a third ring paler still, and then a fourth of purest white. Her body shone, and the bright power spread itself across the other two Princesses. More slowly it crept across Lero's form, as though having to trudge through his skin.

"Against the day, on threat of war, we yield us up our rightful forms. Let our power be absorbed, as we surrender wings and horns," Twilight incanted. Lero could feel the power thrumming through him, feel *something* accept the offering of the spell.

"Blade of Night," stated Luna, and Lero felt a cool hilt against his right palm, a crescent blade gleaming blackness and twinkling with stars in his grip. He felt the moon waiting patiently to rise, the vast emptiness it bathed in.

"Shield of Love," Cadance declared, and a gentle weight tugged at Lero's left arm, a pink, heart-shaped shield rimmed in steel hanging there. He felt Rainbow's still-burning love for him, Twilight's deep care, the warm glows of ponies across Equestria.

"Armor of Magic," Twilight announced, and the light was gone, Lero's body encased in a perfect suit of armor, a star across the breastplate. He felt a circlet against his head, a gem against his forehead, and for the first time understood what magic really felt like in a way even Twilight's mind-sharing spells could never properly convey.

Rainbow stared at Lero. The light hadn't moved to her. She inhaled. "You... look good, Lero. She'll be here. Shining Armor and the entire Guard will be trying to keep a shield around the courtyard to keep the... side damage down, but it won't hold her if she attacks it. You have to beat her. Nopony else can. She knows ponies too well. She knows how ponies fight. She can't... pull those tricks on you." She flung her forelegs around Lero's waist and squeezed him, and then leapt away.

Light blazed across the stone. A burning fury descended, four hooves melting the ground beneath her. A purple force field surrounded the courtyard. She said not a word, only blasted flames from her raging mane at Lero. He lifted his shield and the fires scattered to his sides. Her eyes flashed, and Lero felt magic wash across him, only to shatter against the armor, felt Twilight's presence holding him in her altered state.

He didn't have anything to say either. Of course he had to defeat the maddened Celestia. The Changeling poison would make her attack relentlessly until she was stopped. No pony could fight her. Even the other three Princesses couldn't stand against her on their own. It was so logical he didn't have to think about it, just know it, like he knew he had to sink his blade into her, had to drive Luna's vast empty spaces into the heart of the flaming beast before him to let her power absorb and dissipate the poison.

Lero advanced. Celestia's head dipped a fraction of an inch, and then her hoof lashed forward, striking to the side, exactly where a dodging pony would step. Lero wasn't there. He did not avoid the feinted strike; he swung the Blade of Night to meet it. Since Celestia had moved to make her real attack, her horn was out of place to block. The sword slashed across her cheek, and curls of plasma boiled from the cut, and a wild scream of raw outrage poured from the crazed alicorn's throat.

Her horn meet his sword on the next swing, the horn she had so pointedly noted to him on that first meeting, told him it could spear through him if he proved a menace to her little ponies. The Blade of Night turned it aside and left Lero unscathed.

Her hooves left trails of fire behind them as they moved, the hooves she had threatened to grind his skull to fertilizer with if he was some monster's emissary, come to HER lands to hurt HER herd. The Shield of Love met them and held them back.

Hissing words of incineration poured from her lips, the spell she had promised to use if he was some trick of the outsiders, to turn his bones to fire inside him. The Armor of Magic caught her power and disassembled it into nothingness.

Her eyes flashed again, and Lero felt the gem against his forehead grow warm as he scattered her teleportation spell, keeping his feet on Equestrian soil, not banished to the emptiness halfway between the sun and the world.

The Blade sunk deep into her chest, and pulled out of Lero's hand. The flaming creature screamed, and screamed. Oily blackness leaked from its eyes and mouth and nose, and the heat died away. He stood, watching, watching the mane and tail of fire slowing, cooling, for a single moment etherial before fading into wavy pink hairs. The glowing white barrel faded, still white, then off-white, then distinctly pink. The Blade drew back on its own from her chest as she shrank and cooled before Lero. He felt the Shield slip from his arm, the armor fall from his back.

The three Princesses stood at his sides as he stayed there. Celestia lay on her side, eyes closed, breathing slowly. She was smaller, pink hair unmoving and a single solid color. Her chest showed no sign of the wound he had so clearly inflicted. Luna knelt and draped a wing across Celestia's side. Lero noticed absently that Luna had grown taller, her chest broader, her wings fuller. "It's all right, Tia," she said softly. "I forgive you."

The purple field fell away, and a blue bolt slammed against Lero's chest. He caught her and held her close, and reached out to draw Twilight against him. She too had grown. Lero couldn't pull his eyes away from the fallen alicorn. For the first time, he felt no fear at the sight of her.

***

Luna opened her eyes, then squeaked and jerked backward. Celestia's eyes were boring right into hers, her muzzle close enough to feel her sister's breath.

"Was that entirely necessary?" the Princess of the Day inquired placidly.

Luna shrank down against her couch, the divan where she rested her body while pursuing her self-appointed nocturnal duties as guardian of dreams. Then she twitched and pushed herself back up, then stood, making Celestia step back. "Of course it was. Were thou... were *you* watching?"

Celestia laughed, and her body relaxed. "Watching? Luna, you pulled me in. You had to push so hard to get into his dream that it drew in everyone else who was involved. His resistance to magic is amazing."

Luna flushed, heat on dark blue cheek mostly hidden by fur. "I had not intended for the matter to become public. He still fears you, sister."

Celestia sighed softly, disappointment dripping in her voice. "I know, Luna. I misjudged his responses when I first saw him, mistook his terror for defiance. I don't know how I can win his acceptance at this point."

Luna shook her head. "Sister, even now, dozens of ponies dream every night of Nightmare Moon, and I accept this as my due. You may have to learn to accept having one strange biped among our subjects who places you in that role. And for him to face his fear, to face you and stand as a hero in his dreams, is certainly theraputic."

Celestia nodded her head slightly, and turned to go back to her rapidly-vacated bedchambers. Still, Luna caught her words.

"For who?"

26: Demolition Man by Xzeron2000

Demolition Man by Xzeron2000

“Okay, class, today we’re going to be learning about multiplication tables, the Gemwing Wars, and...” Ms. Cherilee’s ritual speech that always started off with ‘Today, we’ll be learning...’ never interested Mach Dash. No, what interested this brash young foal would be happening later on in the afternoon.

Today was the big day.

He’d finally get out of school at around four, then sneak around to the back of the schoolhouse to meet his friends. They’d have what they needed, and he’d grin as they showed him the contraband. The group would then head out to Miss Fluttershy’s place, and do their work.

Their work? It was questionable, to say the least. One of Mach’s friends had an acquaintance that was a real explosives nut, and wanted to bring him and another mutual friend out for his first test bombing. They were doing it on Fluttershy’s property because there were several sheds that went unused which they could easily destroy with a small bomb, and because they were close enough to the Everfree to use the trees for cover.

None of this concerned Mach at all, even though it could, quite possibly, end his or one of his friends’ lives. All Mach could think about is how furious his moms would be, and how hilarious momma Twilight’s overreaction would be.

After all, how could anything go wrong?

But, then there was the wild card. Dad, for example, would be a wild card until the news was broken. Mach had confidence, though that Dad wouldn’t go completely ballistic, seeing as he’d always put on a calm face whenever Twilight’s mom visited.

Mach didn’t like it that his dad was so calm in the face of something that clearly distressed all his herd’s members to some degree. Sure, no one was physically hurt, but between seeing Twilight crying herself to sleep on the couch, Dad at her side and his birth mother taking her frustration out on some punching bags, Mach was pretty sure that his father’s inaction could only lead to problems.

In school, when Mach would discuss such things with his friends, they would look at him funny and tell him that, ‘Your dad’s just letting the mares do their job.’ When he tried to counter their argument, they’d just keep giving him funny looks until he gave up and changed the subject.

“Mach, what’s the answer to problem number five?” Cherilee’s voice broke through Mach’s daydream, his eyes snapping up to meet the teacher’s.

Quickly glancing at the board, he searched for problem number five.

Cherilee smiled at Mach as he tried to put together the answer. Even with the addition of symbols, Mach could tell that all the problem really called for was a few steps to simplify it into a simple nine times four.

“Having trouble?” Cherilee asked teasingly.

“What’s nine times four?” He countered, slightly annoyed.

“Thirty-six.” Cherilee replied, her eyes drilling into Mach’s.

“Then that’s the answer.”

Cherilee’s smile grew, and she wrote the answer on the board.

“That was record time, Mach. Nice work!” Cherilee said.

Mach heard quiet snickers from behind him, and grit his teeth in anger.

He’d show THEM who is boss someday. Just not today.

And so, the monotonous routine of class continued on until four fifteen in the afternoon. Mach had spaced out for at least half of that time, going mostly unnoticed by Cherilee. When lunch came, he and his friends found a secluded corner and rehashed the plans for later in the day before playing an impromptu game of hoofball with some of the other schoolfoals. Needless to say, Mach’s team won.

When Cherilee dismissed the rest of the class, she motioned for Mach to come up to her desk before he could leave.

Grumbling, Mach complied.

“Mach, you need to pay more attention in class. Your grades are going to start going down if you keep doing what you’re doing, and I’m concerned.”

Mach simply nodded in response.

“I’ll try to do my part, but it’s your choice in the end,” Cherilee sighed, and shuffled a stack of papers into a more organized pile on the corner of her desk. “You can go, Mach.”

Mach dashed out the schoolhouse door.

Cherilee groaned, and massaged her temples.

“That colt, I swear...”

“Hey, guys. Sorry I wasn’t here earlier, Ms. Cherilee needed to talk to me.” Mach rolled his eyes. “You need to pay more attention in class, Mach,” he said in a failed approximation of Cherilee’s voice.

His friends rolled their eyes in return.

“C’mon, Mach. Y’know you don’t have to listen to her, right? She’s just the teacher.” An earth pony colt with a grey coat, and a lime green mane spoke.

“Yeah yeah, I know, Spinny.” Mach said.

Mach turned to the other earth pony colt of the group, whose flaming two-tone red-with-orange-highlights mane shone brightly, even in the shade.

“So, Flame, when’s that ‘friend’ of yours coming?” Mach asked the colt.

“I dunno, she said she’d be here around fifteen minutes after school,” replied the colt nonchalantly.

“Dude, did you say ‘she’?” Spinny smiled predatorily, a sudden interest in the fourth party making itself known. This behavior was odd for a colt, but Mach’s human influence had rubbed off on his friends.

“Yeah.”

The whole group froze, and Spinny’s grin faded quickly. Everyone but Flame’s eyes were bugged out. Spinny looked like he was about to jump out of his skin, and Mach was gearing up for a fight not long after.

From around the corner of the schoolhouse, a white streak shot out, and over the heads of the group. Mach jumped when he felt a tickle on the back of his neck.

“Nice wings. Can I call you that? Wings?” The voice said approvingly. A soft padding followed as the unnamed pony touched down behind Mach.

Mach noticed an interesting clicking sound made when the newcomer spoke the word ‘can’.

He shivered as he felt something run down his wings, which were held tightly to his body.

Nodding vigorously, Mach attempted to become a living statue when he he felt the object leave its place on his wings.

“Fera, I thought I told you not to scare em’.” Flame said, rolling his eyes when the newly named Fera chuckled from behind Mach.

“She’s a gryphon? AWESOME!” Spinny emptied his lungs on the word ‘awesome’, which caused the rest of the group to cringe as his voice cracked.

“See, they took it better than you thought they would. I told you, Flame,” Fera sauntered over to the blood red earth pony, and put a foreleg around his shoulder.

Flame nodded, and brought a hoof to his chin, rubbing it conspiratorially.

“So, you got the bomb?” Flame asked Fera.

“Yep. You got balls?” Fera countered, taking her foreleg off Flame’s shoulder.

The rest of the group gave her a blank look, except for Flame, who narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out in response.

With Fera at their side, the group set out.

Mach took an immediate liking to Fera. She was playful, daring, not to mention skilled. When it came to explosives, he was sure that the gryphon could talk forever on the subject, considering that’s most of what she did on the trip over.

Exploring the scrub around Fluttershy’s cabin, they found a nice, secluded toolshed to blow up. Removing any debris, Fera set to work on putting the bomb together, while the colts dug earthen berms to provide further cover. After finishing, the group took stock of their work.

It had taken around an hour and a half to build barely adequate berms, and a little more than that to find a place for the tools. When Fera was finished inserting the fuse, they gathered around the front of the shed.

“One of us is going to have to light this. I would love to do it myself, but I can’t put on enough speed just running or flying, or both. There’s a twenty second fuse on this, which was shorter than I wanted since it’ll take us a while to get to the Everfree, but it’ll work if the rest of us are already there,” She stretched out her forelimbs.

“I’ll do it.” Mach said quickly. He was one of the fastest pegasi at summer flight camp, after all. Only Cosmic Flare could beat him, and beating Cosmo was a dream he would never hope to fulfill.

“Alright. All of you, go take cover. I’ll be out in a bit, gotta teach this newbie how to light a fuse.” Fera shooed the others off.

It was relatively simple to light the fuse; there was no complicated timer for the device. During her explanation, Fera got a little too close to Mach for his comfort, but he never complained.

Once it was ready, Fera headed off into the forest.

When she gave the all-clear, he prepared to light the fuse.

Tension hung in the air as he waited for the signal, and when Fera gave a high-pitched trill, he struck the match, lit the fuse, and turned tail.

With a short leap, Mach was in the air.

Only to see something he hadn’t expected. Or, rather, someone.

His father.

Walking towards the shed.

Calling his name.

Mach didn’t waste time, and dove for his father. He was outside the danger area right now, but if Mach didn’t get to him, things would be ugly.

Zooming in at an incredible speed, Mach tackled his father, and sent both of them sprawling.

“Mach, why-” His father was interrupted by the sudden explosion, and splattering of dirt.

Picking himself up, Mach went over to his father.

“Are you OK?” Mach questioned, panting.

“Woah, Mach! What was that? Did you...” Lero trailed off.

“Wings! Wings, where are you? Wings!” Fera’s voice pierced the momentary silence.

Standing up, his father brushed himself off.

“I’m here, Fera! Over here!” Mach yelled in reply.

Fera came through the bushes and tall grass, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw Mach there, unharmed.

“What the heck? Who’s this?” Fera did a doubletake at the sight of Lero.

“I’m his dad. So, was there anypony else that I should know about?” Lero turned to Mach, scowling at the recalcitrant pegasus.

“Uh, yeah, um, two other friends came with me.” Mach said, shrinking back.

Just then, the two aforementioned friends came through the scrub.

“That. Was. AWESOME!” Spinny put all his effort into ‘awesome’, which, once again, caused everyone to cringe.

When Spinny’s eyes met Lero’s, the young earth pony’s smile fell right off his face.

“That was awesome, but you didn’t have to overdo it, Spinny.” Flame said, nonchalantly walking up to Mach’s dad.

“Well, whaddaya know? Daddy’s in the house. Just to let you know, Mach, you screwed us all.” Flame’s sudden acidic tone made Mach boil with anger.

“Flame, if he was your dad, what would you’ve done? Huh? I bet you would’ve saved him, too!” Mach countered, eyes burning.

“Mach, c’mon. Fluttershy’s probably worried sick about me after that, and an argument is an unneeded waste of energy.” Lero said, his voice surprisingly level for the situation.

As they walked off, Mach could almost hear steam coming out of Flame’s ears.

“We aren’t friends anymore, Mach!” Flame yelled.

This tweaked something in Mach that had only come once before: when Twilight spent the night crying herself to sleep because of Lero’s inaction. But, it morphed before it could become a hellfire-fueled rage into tears. As they continued walking, Mach cried silently.

Lero’s attention, however was on a single tree among the few in the scrub. Deciding that this would be a good place to rest and talk with Mach, the two made for it.

As they got closer, Lero noticed something strange about the tree. Imbedded in the bark, were nails.

Lots of nails.

Lero’s life flashed before his eyes in a matter of milliseconds.

His son saved him. Had Mach not tackled him when he did, Lero would be swiss cheese.

This realization had been glossed over by Mach, who plonked down underneath the tree, and began sobbing in earnest.

Today, he’d lost one of his only friends to something stupid. Sure, he regretted it, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Thus, tears.

Lero, suddenly out of breath at the realization that he had come close to death, sat down next to Mach. When he heard small sniffling sounds, Lero’s attention turned to his son. Placing a lone hand on Mach’s shoulder, the two took a few minutes of silence to collect themselves. The first to break the silence, was, surprisingly, Mach.

“He was one of my best friends, and, and I lost him ‘cause of something stupid. Why did I have to be so stupid?” Mach looked to his hooves.

Lero was pulled out of his reverie by this sudden break in the silence. Turning to his son, he made to kneel in front of Mach. Reaching under the colt’s chin, he pulled Mach’s eyes to meet his.

“I b-bet you’re m-mad at me,” Mach sobbed once again, and attempted to look away from Lero, to which the colt’s father responded by gently coaxing his son’s muzzle back towards him.

“Son, you saved my life. I’m not mad. Now, you and your mom are the only two ponies who can claim to have saved my life.”

Mach just gave Lero a blank look, before realization dawned on his face, only to be replaced by confusion.

“You were outside the danger zone, how...” Mach trailed off when his father pointed towards the nails that his son had failed to notice earlier.

“Oh.” Was all Mach could say before he rushed at Lero, hugging him tight. Lero, in turn, swept his son into an all-encompassing hug that gave Mach a sense of security that he hadn’t felt since his early years, when his mother would cradle him.

Mach continued to weep in earnest.

The two sat there, Mach in Lero’s arms, Lero attempting to hold back tears of his own. Time seemed to pass at a snail’s pace, but the father and son eventually calmed down. By the time all was said and done, they were comfortably embracing each other.

“Someday, you’re going to be a father, Mach, and you might have to be saved by your own foals. Then, and only then, will you know what this means to me. That’s why I’m not mad.” Lero said softly, scratching behind his son’s ears.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned. Making bad choices like this, and having friends that are willing to let you make them?” Lero sighed, and ruffled Mach’s mane.

“Anyways, it’s close to dinner time, and we should get going. So, speaking of dinner, how about you help me make it?” Lero smiled warmly at his son, and pushed himself off the ground.

“That my punishment?” Mach asked sullenly.

“Yep. C’mon, Mach.” Lero made to leave, Mach in tow.

A fitting end to a rough day, indeed.

27: The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 1 by FanOfMostEverything

The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 1 by FanOfMostEverything

*****************************
Tourmaline took in the cloak. At first glance, it was nothing special. That was actually a point in its favor; far too many journeymares tried to dazzle with over-elaborate creations that nearly collapsed under their own ornamentation. This piece bore only a single piece of embroidery, a duplicate of Tourmaline's own cutie mark, a pear-cut green specimen of her namesake. Upon closer inspection, the green thread was actually magically verdigrised copper wire.

She smiled. That was actually quite clever. One of the rules of the Sisterhood of Stitches was that a masterwork could not lean on the crutches of gemstones and precious metals. A true master could work beauty from mundane cloth and thread. But nothing forbade the forms of gemstones, and copper was hardly precious. Besides, it was flattering.

Tourmaline telekinetically lifted the cloak, letting her magic seep in and suss out its secrets. The copper trumpeted into her third ear, the magical aging lending a rich complexity to the tone. The outer double-weave was, as she'd suspected, made from cotton grown using the methods of the legendary Irrigation Levy. It was clear not just from the signature blue color, but also the deep bass feedback from the incredible amount of earth pony magic that gave the thread its uncanny durability and, as a byproduct, its hue. Most incredible was the inner lining. Once Tourmaline's magic reached it, it sang in a symphony of instruments she couldn't name. She turned the cloak over and saw just why.

It had begun as silk, she knew that much. What had been done to it, she did not. Rainbows danced across a surface that rippled like liquid silver. To Tourmaline's astonishment, the prismatic patterns began to spread beyond the confines of the cloak, turning her viridian aura into a wondrous interplay of every color imaginable.

She placed the masterwork – and this was a masterwork, there could be no doubt about that – back on the ponnequin with something bordering on reverence. "My," she said, mostly to avoid just standing there slack-jawed. "My, my."

"S-so you liked it?"

Tourmaline nearly jumped. In her wonder, she'd nearly forgotten about the cloak's creator. She turned to the anxious young mare and smiled. "My dear Inseam, to say I merely liked it would be an understatement bordering on the criminal. It is clear that I am in the presence of a fellow master of the art."

Inseam gave her own smile, a huge grin that nearly split her face in two. "You mean it, Miss Tourmaline?"

Tourmaline tittered. "Dear, you have surpassed not just my expectations but my fantasies. Yes, I mean it."

Inseam was visibly shaking with joy by this point. It nearly broke Tourmaline's heart to raise a hoof and say, "However."

The newly minted master collapsed back into a bundle of nerves. "H-however?"

"There is one more task you must complete."

"What? Why?" A hint of indignity crept into Inseam's anxiety. "I'm a master, aren't I?"

Tourmaline silently approved. Such a timid girl. She had a sewing machine for a cutie mark, for Celestia's sake. Perhaps she'd start believing in herself now that she'd rendered her teacher all but speechless. "You are, you are, but that means you have earned the right to attempt this final challenge. Come with me, dearest."

The two headed into the back room of the Diadem Boutique. "Do you remember," Tourmaline wondered, "when you began your apprenticeship and you asked me about the Sisterhood?"

Inseam nodded. "I couldn't understand why somepony like Dame Rarity would bother to do something like run a guild. Compared to negotiating the Macintosh Hills Accord or stopping the Eater of Days, it seems so, so..."

"Trivial?" Inseam nodded, and Tourmaline continued, "Well, she had a bit of an ulterior motive." She approached an old ponnequin head. Years ago, it had been used to display headwear. It had been collecting dust back here for as long as Inseam could remember. The older unicorn flipped it along a hinge the younger had never noticed, revealing a button on the base of the head. When she pushed it, a section of wall no different from any other in the room tilted out a bit.

Slowly, cautiously, Inseam walked towards the hidden door. "What... what..."

"It's not going to bite, dear." Tourmaline swung it fully open without a care and proceeded down the revealed staircase. "Come along,"

Inseam came along. What more could she do? "What's going on, Miss Tourmaline?"

"Nearly two centuries ago, before she created the Sisterhood of Stitches, before she rose to the apex of fashion, scarcely after she became the Element of Generosity, Dame Rarity encountered a creature unlike any other." Tourmaline's voice sounded strangely far off, her words carrying the slight singsong quality of oral tradition. "He was a stranger in a strange land, the only one of his kind in all the world. When the rest of Ponyville shunned and feared him, Dame Rarity and the other Elements accepted him, befriended him, even loved him. And, in Rarity's case, clothed him.

"You see, Inseam, this creature came from a culture where all were expected to be clothed virtually all the time. For them, nudity meant either hygiene or intimacy. Though he came to Equestria garbed in naught but rags, he clung to them. Dame Rarity could not let such voluntary shabbiness stand, and so she made for him a wardrobe. In gratitude, he came to her and only her for all of his future clothing needs, and those needs were greater than any three ponies' put together.

"He was the ultimate customer: courteous, accommodating, understanding, inspiring, and insatiable."

The staircase finally ended. Inseam knew they were beneath the Boutique's basement; there had been too many steps for them to be anywhere else. She'd half-expected some sort of rough cave, but the room, while small, was as neat as the rest of the building, with a concrete floor and stuccoed walls. Magical lights had flicked on with the unicorns' movement, illuminating the only other object in the room, a ponnequin shaped nothing like a pony.

"The Sisterhood of Stitches was made to honor this magnificent stranger," Tourmaline said solemnly. "Every master is thus given this final project. I was given it by my teacher, and she hers. So I pass story and commission on to you, my dear Inseam." Tears were in her eyes, a look of heartbreaking pride on her muzzle.

Inseam's eyes went wide with wonder. "Do you mean—?"

"Yes. You must add to the wardrobe of He Who Must Not Be Nude."

Author's Note

FanOfMostEverything:
Encouraged into existence from reactions to this comment on a Divided Rainbow preview, and using the idea from the side story Living the Dream that the Element bearers are immortal.

28: The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 2 by FanOfMostEverything

The Sisterhood of Stitches, Part 2 by FanOfMostEverything

*****************************

Nearly two centuries of life allowed one to grow accustomed to any number of once-startling events. Magical catastrophe, global peril, a sudden rise in the price of wool, all ceased to concern when one had already encountered them a dozen times before. Thus, Rarity scarcely even blinked when one of the princesses of Equestria teleported into her studio unannounced.

"How can I help you, Twilight?" The heliotrope flash was a telltale identifier; Celestia's would've been white, Luna's midnight blue, Cadence's rose.

"We need to talk."

That got Rarity to look up. That was Twilight's "princess voice," the tone she usually reserved to end arguments with unreasonable foals and nobles. The Duchess of Whinnypeg's new gown could wait. "About what?"

"This, this..." Twilight spent a moment groping for a word. "This cult of yours."

Rarity briefly pondered this. "Do you mean the Sisterhood? That's hardly my responsibility anymore, Twilight. I may be honorary guildmistress, but Sock Puppet runs it."

"Sock Puppet is nothing but a..." Twilight snorted. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rarity assured her, practically oozing innocence. "Besides, I'm simply too busy with other affairs to take a personal hoof in the Sisterhood anymore. With the charities, the commissions, the diplomatic work... Wasn't it you who said we'd never get half as far with the Diamond Dog nations without me?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Rarity, we only need you once a generation. Then we can just threaten to bring back the Unpleasable Demon-Pony of a Thousand Demands."

Rarity scowled. "You know how I hate that awful title. It makes me sound like some dreadful spoiled bully."

"Well how do you think I feel about Lero being reduced to a humannequin and a story about how much he bought from you!?"

Ah. There it was. Gently, Rarity said, "We all do our part to remember him, Twilight."

"Oh, sure." The princess began to pace. "Fluttershy goes to Zebrica to study his closest genetic relatives, Applejack names a new variety of apple after him, Pinkie spreads his recipes, Dash and I have our family and each other, and you make a guild of idol-worshipping tailors. Yeah, great contribution, Rarity. Real nice work."

"Darling, you're blowing this out of proportion. They don't worship those humannequins any more than you worshipped Celestia before you were crowned."

Twilight flopped down into a heap most unbecoming of a princess. Her tail lashed and her wings were flared out in aggravation. "Just... just tell me why, Rarity. Why all the ceremony and the secrecy and the 'He Who Must Not Be Nude' horseapples?"

Rarity sighed and sat far more elegantly at her friend's side. She looked nowhere in particular, her gaze fixed decades into the past. "What's it like, Twilight?"

"What, loving a human? I think you know enough about tha—" Twilight caught herself and hung her head. "I'm sorry. That was—"

"Entirely understandable." Rarity patted her on the withers. "Your emotions are running high and, even now, you're defending your stallion. In any case, I meant being the Element of Magic."

Twilight gave her friend a quizzical look. "Um, I... I'm not even sure how to answer the question. I don't really have any point of comparison."

"I see. Well then, let me tell you what it's like being the Element of Generosity. Imagine one of your best friends in the world, one of the ponies to whom you owe everything, has lost the stallion she loves, that he has succumbed at last to something she never will. Imagine something stirring in your heart, something far beyond the obligation to console that friend that anypony would feel. Imagine an overpowering urge, beyond reason or emotion, to give. To give something, anything to that friend that could take away her pain and sorrow, all while knowing that that there is nothing you have, nothing in the world, that can do it.

"Now imagine this is happening to two of your best friends at the same time.

"The last time I felt so compelled to do something that was so far beyond me, it was Star Swirl's unfinished spell and Rainbow Dash's cutie mark driving my actions. This time, it was my Element telling me, shouting at me, to find something, do something, that would help you."

Twilight thought back to a time she never wanted to revisit. "You, Pinkie, Fluttershy. I don't think any of you left us alone for two weeks."

"I didn't dare," Rarity replied. "Even without Generosity driving me to do it, I worried that you might do something drastic. Or, if not you, then Lyra. If you were to lose both of them, one after the other...

"I can imagine what the others were going through: Laughter telling Pinkie to cheer you up even when she knew you needed time to mourn, Kindness urging Fluttershy to care for you when even she couldn't tend to a wounded heart."

"And Applejack?" asked Twilight. "I barely saw her."

"Honesty is hardly welcome in a time of bereavement. What could she say?" Rarity adopted a passable Appleachian accent. "'Sorry, sugarcube, but he's gone an' he ain't comin' back.' Or would you rather she attempt one of her painfully awkward attempts at lying?"

Twilight slumped further, resting her head on the studio's carpet. "That still doesn't explain all this stuff with your guild."

"Well, after a while, you were on the mend. The three of you had your children and each other, and the three of us knew you would be alright. But it wasn't enough. I still needed to offer you something, some proper memorial. But what? I never knew Lero as well as I liked. We were never much more than clothier and customer, especially not after..." Rarity looked away, ashamed.

Twilight took her turn to give a pat on the withers. "It was never your fault."

Rarity smiled, but the melancholy was clearly still there. "Thank you, Twilight. Perhaps one day I'll be able to believe that.

"In any case, I had a simple choice before me. Either I could work with what I had, or my Element would drive me utterly crazy. So, I decided to make something that celebrated the Lero I knew, the eternally patient customer who forced me to rethink everything I thought I knew about clothing, for which I will be eternally grateful."

"But does it have to all be so, so..." Twilight trailed off, again unable to find a word.

"Cultish?" Rarity chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, Twilight, you dear thing."

"What?"

"You should've seen some of the secret societies I encountered back when I was so terribly desperate to make my mark on Canterlot society. The Lionesses' Club, the Starmasons, the Order of the Silver Crescent... Honestly, the inner circle of the Sisterhood of Stitches is incredibly tame by comparison. All they do is have each master of the craft make an outfit based on Lero's measurements. All the reverence and secrecy is there just so they stay interested. It's something to belong to, an exclusive club that lets them all feel important, as well they should. They've earned it."

Twilight digested this for a moment. "Huh."

"You know, it was Celestia who suggested all the pomp and ceremony when I proposed the idea."

"What!?"

Another heliotrope flash, and Rarity was alone once more. She hummed a half-formed tune as she returned to the gown. Hopefully, that would satisfy Twilight. If she ever saw some of the more risque outfits the Sisterhood had made over the years...

Rarity shivered. It didn't bear thinking about. Back to business, old girl, back to business.

29: After by SpinelStride

After by SpinelStride

*********************

It was a quiet evening in the palace in Canterlot. Not the companionable, pleasant kind of quiet. Not the still, calm, nobody-at-home kind of quiet either. It was the kind of quiet that came after a funeral, when no one can think of anything to say and holding each other close is all a family can do. The foals had cried themselves to sleep. Princess Twilight's docket had been cleared for days. Captain Rainbow Dash was on compassionate leave. Lero had long since retired from professional work, though every now and then he picked up his toolbox to help around the castle.

"I always thought it'd be me." Rainbow Dash broke the silence. Her words came out as a confession. "I never thought..." She trailed off, leaning into Lero's arms. His fingers pressed against the side of her neck, stroking through the fur.

Twilight tried to think of something she could say. Anything. But she couldn't. She'd known it wouldn't be her. Ever since her Ascension. Maybe ever since she'd worn the Element of Magic. Maybe always, she'd known. It wouldn't be her with her herdmates mourning her. Maybe not ever. She pressed her wings more tightly around Lero and Rainbow Dash. She'd continued to grow until she could look Lero straight in the eye, and her wings had grown proportionately. She'd carefully never found out how fast she could fly. Not anywhere that Rainbow Dash might see, anyhow. Or feel challenged by. Princess of Equestria, yes. Alpha Mare, no.

Lero bent his head down to press his cheek between Rainbow Dash's ears. His hair had distinct white in it, but hadn't given up yet. He couldn't find words either. He wasn't looking for them. His relationship with Lyra had always been different, calmer, more delight-in-each-other's-company than the sheer energy of his love for Rainbow Dash or Twilight's almost fillylike desire for someone to hold her close. The suddenness of it all still had him stunned. Just two days ago, Lyra had been singing with the Music of Harmony, dancing through the hallways with half the population of the castle, singing a surprisingly boisterous song about the Still Way. Her daughter, Lero's daughter, a beautiful little unicorn filly, Minerva Heartstrings, had asked Lyra to teach her all about it, sparking the whole thing. Minerva had hummed along to let Lero hear what he could of Lyra's song.

And that night Lyra died in her sleep. A fluke, a blood clot from a simple bruise, a little hard obstruction that somehow made it into her brain. They'd all been cuddled together that night, warm and comfortable. In the morning, only three of them were still warm.

Rainbow Dash shuddered against her herdmates, then began to cry. Not loud, wailing bawls, but honest, helpless tears she made no effort to resist. Lero knuckled his fingers against her neck, but the the tears slide across her fur unhindered.

Twilight pressed her cheek against Rainbow Dash's. "Wherever she is, I know she still loves us," she told the cyan pegasus. "If you'd gone first, I know you would too."

Rainbow Dash's tears continued to flow for minutes, and no one else spoke. Finally, her eyes ran dry, and she summoned up the watery ghost of her usual insouciance. "Not Lero?" Then she quivered and pressed her wing hard against Lero's side. "Don't you *dare* go before me," she whispered.

Twilight nuzzled Rainbow Dash's wet cheek again. "Lero's immune to every pathogen in Equestria," she pointed out. "Nothing's suited to him. He... well... Lero? What do you think happens when you die?"

Lero kissed Rainbow Dash atop the head, then Twilight as well. In a soft voice, he said, "Sometimes I think... if you've been really, really good, and someone up above really, really likes you... then you wake up in a magical world of magical ponies who show you what love really is."

Rainbow Dash turned and stared at him, then wrapped her hooves around his shoulders and squeezed down hard. "You are not dead, Lero. You are NOT. You're here with me, with us."

Lero had to try hard to pull in a breath, but he gave his mare a matching squeeze. "If I was, Rainbow, this would be the best Heaven I could have. With you. All of you. And our children. And everyone. And if Lyra went on to another world ahead of us, I know she'll be there waiting."

And both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle sobbed for their lost herdmate, and Lero held them both.

31: Fallen Far by SpinelStride

Fallen Far by SpinelStride

**************

Lero wiped his hands on the rag he kept tucked into his belt, cleaning off the grease. The plumbing at Sweet Apple Acres wasn't really that bad, but there were a surprising number of old and unused pipes. The Apples had clearly reconfigured their house no few times over the generations, and getting everything hooked up right took a fair bit of doing. Now they were trying to get a sink added to an upstairs bathroom outside Applebloom's room, and Lero had answered the call.

Big Mac's heavy hooves announced the red stallion's arrival behind him. Lero spoke without looking over his shoulder. "That should be all hooked up now. You'll need to keep the first-floor cistern filled, but that's all."

:"Nope," came the reply. Lero hmmmmed and looked over his shoulder. Big Mac's usually stoic expression was somber.

Lero set the rag down and turned. "What' s the problem? Something spring a leak?"

"Nope," came out again. Big Mac jerked his head in the direction of the stairs, then turned and left the room. Lero followed, thoroughly bemused. The Apple stallion led him out of the house, just outside one of the outlying barns, then stopped. He gestured at the door with a hoof and said quietly, "Woulda been Ma and Pa's anniversary. Hittin' Applejack hard. Ah'd just end up cryin' with her." He paused a moment, then added, "Please."

Lero nodded and laid a hand lightly on Big Macintosh's side. "I'm sorry," he said softly, then went inside.

Applejack was sprawled atop a haybale, her Stetson over her face, her body shaking. The sounds of choked-back sobs made it out from under the hat. Lero felt a sharp pang of guilt at seeing her like this. They'd never managed to become friends themselves, though they'd spent a fair amount of time together in the mutual company of Twilight and Rainbow, and they were amiable enough as acquaintances. Seeing such a notoriously proud, stubborn, independent pony lost in tears felt like an intrusion.

Lero didn't think Big Macintosh would have asked him if it wasn't serious. He stepped closer, to no reaction from the weeping mare. He cautiously bent down and laid a hand on her side. She jerked away and pulled the hat from her face so fast he could have sworn he saw a miniature rainboom for a moment. Her large eyes were red and watery as she glared up at him.

"What the hay do you want?" she yelled, and then her body shook and she clenched her eyes shut again, a fresh sob slipping through her teeth.

Lero carefully sat down next to her on the bale. "I'm here to help," he said, keeping his voice low and soothing. "Nobody should have to mourn alone."

Applejack sniffed hard and pressed her eyelids shut hard again. "Big Mac just cain't keep his big mouth shut," she rasped out in a misery-roughened voice. "Ah don't need..." She interrupted herself with another full-body shudder, unable to finish the sentence.

Lero set his hand gently on her back, just below the neck. With Rainbow Dash or another pegasus, it would have been a shockingly intimate gesture, but for an Earth Pony it was safe. He could feel her trembling, and after a moment she yielded, moving forward, settling herself across his lap, pressing her side to him, giving up her efforts to stay alone.

"Woulda been twenny-five years today," she said. "Six years ago now. Ah still miss 'em."

Lero set his other hand on her back, starting to carefully massage along her spine. Some ponies liked to converse at the spa. Others just wanted to talk. He let Applejack talk.

"Ma... never recovered after Applebloom was born. Pa stayed by her the whole time. Ah was jes' a filly. Pa... stopped eatin' when Ma did. Ah didn't know what was happenin'. Ah was helpin' Granny take care of Applebloom. Such... such a beautiful little thing she was. Ah remember bein' so happy ta have a new little sister. Ah was so happy Ah didn't realize anythin' was wrong." She shook against Lero, her muscles tensing back up. "Ma went, then Pa was gone not two days later. Ah... Ah know it's not mah fault, an' Ah'd buck anypony inta the Crystal Empire who tried ta blame Applebloom, she was just a foal... but sometimes... sometimes ya just can't convince yerself of somethin' ya know, ya know?"

Lero's fingers found a clenched knot of muscle, and he patiently pressed down into it, massaging back and forth, until it relaxed again. Applejack let out a gasp. "Whoa! Th... that did feel.. good." She swallowed hard and offered, "Maybe Ah oughtta come by th' spa sometime." Lero smiled down at her, though she wasn't looking up. "First one's free for friends," he said.

Applejack couldn't let that pass. "Y'all know Ah just never could get ya, Lero," she said, leaning into him again. "You're a good fella an' all, Ah just cain't figure ya out. Ah talked ta Twilight about it. She said it was prob'ly body language, y'all don't respond the way a pony would, and so Ah get wary about ya. So Ah'm sorry Ah cain't rightly call ya my friend, but Ah do appreciate your help."

Lero patiently located and set to work on another point of tension. "Friends of Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, then."

Applejack nodded slowly. "If'n y'all say so. Thank you, Lero." She lowered her head. "Ah do feel better." She pressed her hoof gently against Lero's thigh. "Comfortable like this. Feels... safe."

Lero moved one hand up to rub behind her ears, and her head pressed back to his fingers. "Twilight thinks it's because I'm taller."

Applejack nodded slightly. "Smart girl. That... that's what it is, all right. Like bein' a filly again, with Pa at mah side." She suddenly turned and wrapped her forelegs around Lero's waist, pressing her forehead against his chest. He felt his bones complain and the air rushing from his lungs, but he didn't say a word. "Ah miss you, Ma. Ah miss you, Pa. Ah miss you both," she whispered fiercely. She held him like that for several long breaths, then let Lero go just as black spots were starting to dance in his vision.

When he'd caught his breath, Applejack had wiped her face with a hoof and stood up, resettling her hat back into place. She gave him a sad but genuine smile. "Thanks, Lero. For carin'. Ah better get back ta work."

And she did.

32: The Music Man by SpinelStride

The Music Man by SpinelStride

*******************

"Are you sure you want to do this, Lero?" Rainbow Dash asked cautiously. "I know it bugs you that you can't hear the music, and this is pretty darn impressive, but... choreography? A marching band? It just seems wrong to organize something like this. It's supposed to just happen naturally."

Lero chuckled and ran a finger behind the cyan mare's ear. "At home, we have wild weather and organized parades. I'll admit to preferring nicely scheduled predictable weather, but a musical number where everyone knows in advance what they're doing isn't a bad thing."

Rainbow Dash leaned into the scratching, but she was far from mollified. "What if the song takes over and everyone starts jumping in, and it goes off on its own? You'd be stuck singing the wrong lyrics and doing the wrong dance."

Twilight piped up, "Actually, Rainbow, I'm fairly sure that even if a Spontaneous Musical Number develops from Lero's plan, since it's all pre-arranged then Harmony Theory says the SMN will accommodate itself to the design. It might go on after he's done, but there's no record of an SMN actually negatively disrupting a performance already in progress."

The blue pegasus was still fighting off her worst case of jitters since the Best Young Fliers competition, and she wasn't even in a starring role this time. "Well, what if a song doesn't start up, and things go wrong? Someone drops their instrument, or everyone trips, or something?"

Lero grinned at her. "I've arranged something for that, too. Just in case." He raised a hand to wave at a white pony to the side with a portable turntable around her neck and a decidedly disgruntled-looking gray mare carrying a pair of oversized speakers behind her. "Worst comes to worst, we've got the needle-scratch all ready to go."

"Just like a real interrupted number!" Twilight added.

"I have never in my life so regretted not specializing in a more portable instrument," grumbled Octavia.

Rainbow Dash sighed and leaned against Lero's legs. "I can't talk you out of this, can I?"

Lero ruffled her mane playfully. "Come on, it'll be fun! Now, let's get this show on the road!"

*** *** ***

"One, two, ready, GO!"

Home is where the heart is,

that once was far away,

but now that I've departed,

in Ponyville I'll stay.

It's hard to make a clean break

from friends and family,

but you should make no mistake,

sometimes it works out perfectly.

Plain to see, it's Harmony,

running free with these ponies,

plain to see, it's Harmony,

Elements that welcomed me!

A rainbow was an illusion,

a dream to chase but never find,

but pegasi in azure skies

have brought me peace of mind.

Plain to see, it's Harmony,

running free with these ponies,

plain to see, it's Harmony,

Elements that welcomed me!

*** *** ***

The not-at-all-spontaneous musical number went off without a hitch. It later developed that Honeydew attempted to sabotage things multiple times over the course of the performance, but she ended up tangled up in a torn length of bunting with a stray wolverine inside. The general consensus was that the effort spent in writing everything out ahead of time and practicing had left the musical number with spare mojo for self-defense. Twilight wanted to study the process, but couldn't find anyone willing to be the attempted saboteur for the next go-round, what with the scratching and the biting and the ow-ing.

Rainbow Dash publicly thought it was totally sappy and then that evening held Lero close and sang just for him the verse Lyra had helped her put together.

I used to fly across the sky

untouched and alone

but you arrived and by my side

my heart has found a home.

33: Vacation for Two: Snowed In by Minalkra

Vacation for Two: Snowed In by Minalkra

*********************************

"I don't get it." Lero - bundled up as only a human can be - stared listlessly out at the snow-covered mountains that filled the windows of the private train car before turning to regard the silent alicorn in the room - literally. "Humans tend to go to places nearby - like the beach or a lake or such - when summer vacation rolls around. Not travel halfway across the world for, uhm -" he waved at the vista outside the window, "- snow."

Twilight fluffed her wings slightly, levitating a ribbon to mark her place before turning to regard her stallion. "Well, it's summer - it's ungoddessly hot. So, go to where it's not hot." With a roll of her eyes and a smile, she shrugged her unclothed shoulders. "Your species is an equatorial one, regardless of where your particular breed hails from. Of course you'd love the heat."

"'Love' is not the word I'd use here, 'enjoy in moderation' perhaps." Lero grinned at his mate - before the grin fell slightly and his gaze traveled back to the scene passing just outside the frosted glass. "I just wish Lyra or Dash could have managed to take time off their schedules to join us."

Twilight winced. It always was that way with Lero. His seemingly 'all or nothing' attitude about their herdlife could be painful sometimes - and the fact Rainbow Dash was his favored above all others was obvious to everypony except Lero. Twilight was grateful that Rainbow was a hesitant 'lead mare' at best and not apt to use her favored position as leverage against her herdmates. It was even at Rainbow's secret insistence that these 'mini-dates' still occur between Lero and his other two mares as often as she could wiggle him into them. Rainbow might not have seemed it to an outside observer but she was fairly smart - smart enough to know that one mare being favored above all others was a recipe for disaster.

Twilight shook her head to clear the poor thoughts from her mind. She was here, with her stallion - hers and hers alone for an entire week! - and she refused to have what should be a happy and fun time away from the worries and trials of life tainted by old thoughts of worthlessness. This was the first time she had actually taken a real vacation with her stallion and she was going to make every second count!

"So," with a mental flick, the book she had just been reading - One Hundred and One Things to Do with Snow - closed with a thunk and the alicorn Princess stepped down from from the bench where she had been perched, "we've got an entire week before I'm needed back at Canterlot. What should we do first when we get to Damver?"

"I am so sorry, Lero!" Twilight cantered around her stallion as best she could in the crowded press of equine bodies. As soon as they had exited the private train, a mob of reporters and curious locals had descended on the royal couple and Twilight was cursing her own insistence of being without guards. The press of mostly-mare bodies was kicking her defense instincts into high gear and she was having a hard time not lashing out with magic to try to clear a path.

"Clear the platform!" A shout from a hovering pegasus guard - a local guard by her looks - went ignored as paparazzi cameras flashed and reporters attempted to drown each other out with shouted questions. With a twisting loop, the guard landed on the other side of the still-shocked human and pressed the crowd back with hoof and wing. "Damn it, your Highness! Where are your guards?!"

"I didn't think we would need them," Twilight replied, her hair a frazzled mess under her tiara. "I'm not used to this kind of attention yet!"

"We need to get you two to your hotel, do you know where you are staying?" A few more local guards had joined the press of bodies but had managed to clear enough of a circle around the two royals that Twilight was no longer attempting to nip at the few ponies that were still a bit too close. At least, not many of them.

"Th-the Hinniverness!"

"Twilight?" Lero's deep, masculine voice brought her head - and a few of the guard's heads as well - snapping up. "Why don't you use a magic bubble?"

Twilight's facehoof could be heard clearly over the shouting reporters. The action caused another flurry of flashes from the mass of ponies.

The Hinniverness Resort and Spa was one of the premier resorts in the Damver area - indeed, one of the premier resorts in all of Coltorado. Luxurious accommodations, direct access to three of the areas four skiing slopes as well as a private ski slope of it's own, five star restaurant able to cater to every species' dietary habits, a spa operated by one of the world famous Bluntclaw sisters - the Hinniversness was the height of pampered living.

It is also a very well designed prison, Twilight noted wryly as she dropped the pamphlet back to the side table. She was currently sitting in the 'common room' of their four room suite. While it was large enough to count as a hotel room alone - with the den, the extremely well-designed 'spa room,' the office and the bedroom, their suite was larger than some houses. And the decor was enough to make Twilight question if she should have Celestia design her own home. The common room was done in light, earthy tones to encourage a homely feel. A few lounges and benches were placed strategically to emphasize the 'togetherness' of the room and de-emphasize its actual size. Which was huge. It even had a chandelier made of imported Crystal Empire crystals! But the center piece of the room was the large double glass doors that would normally have looked out over pristine wooded slopes.

Normally.

Now, it looked over a small tent-city that had been hastily - And illegally, Twilight noted - erected around the hotel by a swarm of paparazzi that seemed Tartarus-bent on destroying what little calm and enjoyment Twilight would normally have pulled out of the situation she and her stallion had been forced into.

"Stupid reporters," she grumbled as she pawed uselessly at the pamphlet she had just finished reading. Again. It didn't help matters that the royal suite had been a headache to reserve - the Hinniverness not having gotten the memo that Princess Celestia was no longer the only Princess in Equestria. Twilight had thought that if the weather schedule had to be changed for any reason, having the larger number of rooms would be well worth it. Being snowed into a smaller two room suite would have been irritating. Or if, say, the royal pair had been under siege by a ravenous horde of vicious character-assassins.

For the first two days, she and Lero had been holed up in their private royal suite to escape the rampaging mass of reporters and paparazzi that had followed them from the train station. The third day was an attempt at actually doing something - anything - but even with a contingent of royal guards (flown in at great royal expense), the mass of equines following her and her stallion's every move was so nerve wracking that Twilight had to call the entire day a waste. The mass of guards couldn't even dent the mass of reporters with arrests and any attempts to move the camp just stirred up a riot.

"Day four." Twilight flicked her ear in irritation as Lero's whispered voice reached her. "Subject shows signs of increasing irritation. Mental stability is still suspect but subject seems to have recovered well from 'Ice Cream-gate.' Subject does seem to be emitting a grinding noise of some description however."

"Eugh." Twilight stopped grinding her teeth and dropped her head to her hooves as Lero chuckled. Her stallion found humor in the strangest of places.

"Subject has emitted a loud groan of some description, testing hypothesis." Twilight perked her ears up as she heard her mate shifting around behind her. It sounded like he was getting closer ...

"W-what hyPOTHAH!" With a yelp and a flash of her horn, Twilight teleported into the middle of the room, her wings stiffly held at 'attention' as she glared daggers at her stallion. The fluttering of paper informed her she was currently standing on her 'Eighty-seventh revised vacation schedule.' "Lero! Your hands are FREEZING!" With a bashful grin, he held up ... a snowball.

"Well, snow tends to be cold, Twi."

"Oh no, we are not having a snowball fight in here." Images of a ruined suite and her mentor - no, her friend Celestia's aghast face filled her mind as she already began to plot out ways of turning the room into a war zone. Turn that table over, use that lounge as cover ... "I've already over extended our vacation budget flying those trussed up pretty-colts in and I do not need any temptatMPH!"

"Shh." With one of his long and dexterous fingers on his lips, Lero silenced her rambling protests. With his other hand, he motioned her to him, patting the seat next to his undoubtedly warm body. Twilight could still feel the damp spot where the snow had flash-heated against her fur - right at the junction of her wings. One of the more sensitive spots on her new alicorn body. Lero was no stranger to pegasi bodies, she realized. He did that on purpose - oh. OH.

"Lero," Twilight whispered as she felt her face flush and her heart beat increased until she could hear the blood in her ears. He had been coming on to her in his slightly awkward, non-pony way and she had been so caught up in her failed schedules and misery to notice. She had snapped at him - her stallion! - and the realization was sinking in. Sinking as fast as her stomach.

"SHH." The commanding tone of his hush was very strange. Usually he was so much more deferential. Something in his eyes and tone, though, reminded Twilight of her father. Her face flushed even more as that thought combined with the earlier ones to create some sort of sick Frankenpony monster that rambled through her head just long enough to turn her chest and ears beet red. Before she could continue, Lero preempted her. "You have been tense, irritable and just downright unhappy since we got here, Twi. Come here."

"B-b-" she stammered as the thoughts of 'mate' and 'father' ran around in her head. He must have hit some sort of buried instinct, he must have!

"Twi, please." His eyes softened and his voice lowered and Twilight was once more looking at the stal-the man she loved. The ghost of her father - who was quite alive but still strangely in the room with them in spirit - cantered happily back into her memories and left her with only her now aching wings and a sad looking Lero. Slowly, as if a sudden move might cause him to bolt, Twilight stepped up onto the lounge next to him and laid her head upon his lap. With one hand caressing her mane and another rubbing her ear, Twilight found her heart beat slowly calm from the staccato rhythm it had been trying before. "Now, I know you had huge plans - I did too. But not everything goes to plan. All we can do is make the best of the situation. What were your plans if we got snowed in?"

"Uh, bu - uhm, well ..."

That night, any wandering pegasus was arrested for 'indecency against the crown.' The reporters grumbled and gossiped until they packed their things and left in a flurry of white powder and scrap paper. Drawn curtains and no royals in sight were not a good story for the local papers.

The remainder of the weekend was spent very well by the two lovers, snowed in as they were by curiosity and gossip.

Author's Note

Minalkra:
So, where would ponies vacation? What are the 'normal' pony vacation spots for, say, summer or winter or what-have-you? I figure that, with a pony's natural covering as well as the temperate climate they evolved from, going to a hotter place for summer ... doesn't really make sense. Maybe it's just me. Of course, culture is different among humans so it's not a huge stretch - if you live near the Alps, I'm sure skiing is more common than sunbathing. I just remember going off to the sandy beaches of Virginia during summer and thinking 'why am I here, it's even hotter!'

Eh, it was a thing. Every summer. Every. Summer. Seriously, mom! I'm in all black with slacks on, stop making me go to a beach!

34: Vacation for Two: Beach Babe by warpd

Vacation for Two: Beach Babe

“Now this is a vacation.” Lero stretched his limbs. He wore less clothing than his normal attire. His thin short sleeved columbian blue shirt and what he appropriately termed 'shorts' billowed in the wind. The airship coasted along a pegasus created jet stream. The ship had been a side project of hers for the longest time. The S.S. Starlight, in her words, ‘is the most advance ship for the sole purpose of exploration, diplomacy, and (getting away from it all)’. The new royal ship was the first ship for Twilight’s naval fleet and was designed for comfort and slick travel. “See for miles in every direction and a sandy beach to look forward to.”

Twilight spat hair out of her mouth as her mane constantly wrapped around her face. “I can’t wait till we land, I much prefer trains over airship travel.”

“You’re not going to throw up again are you?” Lero wrapped his arm around her withers and rubbed his fingers across her body.

She leaned in the embrace and closed her eyes. “No, thank you sweetie, but I’m fine now. I cast a spell to save what little lunch I have left. I’d hoped that my airsickness would have left with the arrival of my new wings. I just can’t stand airships. My equilibrium just goes completely out of whack every time I fly on one.” After the disaster that was the snow vacation last year, Twilight decided it was time for a new approach.

“Not that I’m objecting or anything, because I’m totally looking forward to the beach, but I recall you saying that you didn’t enjoy going to hot weather on a vacation.” Lero kneaded his knuckles across his beloved princess’ back. He was rewarded with a content sigh.

“We might not be able to tolerate as much heat as you can, but I have a plan.” A twinkle of maliciousness sparkled in Twilight’s eyes as she chuckled darkly. “Oh, do I have a brilliant plan. Those reporters think they can ruin our vacation again? Well I got something to throw their plans in a loop.”

Lero glanced warily at his mare before he shrugged. Twilight occasional mad scientist mode still made him pause to this day. “You haven’t told me what your plan was. How are we going to avoid paparazzi and all that jazz?”

“You’ve been patient so now is a good time to tell you.” She opened up a decorative box and hovered a plan golden necklace over to Lero. He studied the mundane jewelry that glowed with a dull aura. Twilight unclipped it and wrapped it around her stallion’s neck. She took this opportunity to steal a quick kiss. “This is a magically enhanced necklace that allows its bearer to breathe underwater, swim faster, and talk. Normally I would cast a spell on you, but this makes it so I don’t have to keep recasting throughout the day.”

Lero fingered the trinket with a bemused expression on his face. “That’s pretty cool. Normally I would be the one giving you jewlery. So does this mean…?

“Yes, we are not going to play on the shores of a beach while obnoxious reporters nip at our haunches. No, we are going into the ocean! We will being dancing under the sea!” Twilight stood up on her back legs and cackled like a mad mare. “Nothing can stop us now!” At this point she would have fallen over, but Lero positioned himself so she could continue her fun.

Twilight heard a pitiful whimper. She looked down at one her stallion guards who looked like he was ready to crumple down and cry. “P-princess, could you please not summon lightning while we are on this ship.”

“Sorry.”

Pure white beaches stretched on as far as the eye could see. The crystal clear ocean water washed ashore with a steady rhythm. Seagulls chirped overhead as they looked for snack opportunities. The sun scorched the sands with unreal heat. A human might find it comfortable for a short while, but ponies normally found it unbearable after an hour. In the land of Equestria, ponies don’t take long trips to the beach often.

So a large herd of ponies on the shoreline was a strange sight indeed. They all stared out to sea with despondence. Empty bottled water littered around them, a sure sign that the weather did not agree with their nature. Any available shade was taken by multiple ponies. They had worked so hard for nothing, the ship they had followed was far out on the horizon. There was no readily available pegasus city or boat to carry them. The royal couple had outwitted them.

“This is so not fair.”

“Hey, is that wave coming at us getting bigger?”

A gleeful Twilight Sparkle pranced on the ship deck like a foal. Ha, take that free press.

Sandy cays peaked over the surface of the ocean with barely any plant life on them. She could see to the bottom of the ocean with ease. The multicolored coral reef streamed with lifeforms of all kinds contrary to what little could be seen on the small cays around them. There was so much to do here, and so very, very far away from any nosey, rude reporters.

The airship now floated over a section of the coral reef. The amphibian abilities of this ship made Twilight giddy as a foal. Sure she had them tested out before this maiden voyage, but it worked so well out in the field she couldn’t help herself. Twilight took out her checklist and promptly checked it. “Made it with no interruptions, check.”

Twilight placed her list back down on her tower of books (protected by several spells of course). She had just gotten done with One Hundred and Two Things to do with Sand, beloved sequel to the One Hundred and One Things to do with Sand now endorsed by Princess Twilight, so she was prepared for everything. First things first, does Lero want to swim or make a sand castle?

Lero rose from the ship depths wrapped in a towel. “Hey, can we try out your little spell? Breathing underwater sounds really cool.”

Twilight raised her eyebrow at her stallion and wondered what in the world he was doing. “Sure, but why are you wearing a towel?”

“Well, before we came here I commissioned Rarity to make something really special. I haven’t worn it until today and with the way it is I probably will only wear it around you and the other girls.”

Lero dropped his towel. Twilight’s confused expression melted away to surprise. Oh, oh my. That certainly leaves nothing to the imagination. He’s almost wearing nothing at all. Is it getting hotter in here? Oh right, the sun is burning me up. Yup perfectly logical conclusion.

“Back home we called it a speedo. It’s mainly used to show off.” Lero blushed as Twilight’s wings stood at attention; his new ‘speedo’ made it easier for Twilight to see his entire body turn red. “Ready to swim?”

“R-ready to—Oh right swim!” Twilight smiled a completely innocent smile. Then she noticed her royal guards behind Lero. Every one of them were in some state of arousal; wings stretched out to full length, jaws dropped, and one nose bleed. I don’t think Lero knows they are there. No, bad Twilight.

“Right, let’s go then!” Twilight grinned as Lero leapt over the side. She quickly turned to regard her compromised guards with a sharp glare and almost hissed at them. “Not a word to him.”

As she dived overboard she heard one guard say, “I can see the appeal now…I owe you five bits.”
The spell works great! Twilight floated down to the ocean floor. The saltwater didn’t sting her eyes and she had no difficulty breathing. Now where did my stallion go?

“Twilight!” Lero corkscrewed in front of her with the grace that Rainbow Dash had while she flew. “I’m practically a dolphin now.”

Speaking and increase speed, check and check. Oooh I didn’t know he could bend like that. Twilight shook her head and called out to her stallion. “Wait up!”

Despite the spell, Twilight was not nearly as fast or graceful as her partner. Lero swam a few loops around her then nestled up next to her. “Hey, wrap your forelegs around my shoulders and hold on.”

Twilight latched on and rubbed her belly against his bare back. “Ready?” Lero grinned as Twilight nodded. He shot ahead with the fluidity of a shark.

Twilight hugged her stallion close to her, he felt so warm. Normally this would be a submissive position that the stallion would do for his mare. Lero isn’t strong enough to carry us and his biped nature wouldn’t allow this to happen othe—OH look a sunfish!

The coral reef was alive with life. Fishes, octopi, crabs, jellyfish, and so many others. The corals turned various colors as they swam by. Mood coral, looks like we got pink…I think that was lust. Hey is that a manta hawk?

“Hello!”

Lero stopped and looked around, he was more than a little surprised to hear a stranger. Twilight noticed a hazy blur swim by. “Are you two on vacation?”

A vortex of water swirled in front of them to reveal a pony. That’s not a pony, that’s a mermare. Lower body is like a dolphin while the upper body is pony like. Her body’s coloration seems to mix pink and white together.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Greetings, yes we are.”

“Wow, royalty. Never thought I would ever meet a princess.” The mermare darted behind them and gently dragged her tail fin over Twilight’s wing. “I know Princess Celestia is much larger and is white so you must be Princess Luna!”

Twilight twitched her wing away as Lero swam around to keep the stranger in his line of sight. “Actually I’m Princess Twilight. This is my husband, Lero.”

Lero nervously waved. “H-hey.”

“You can call me Seathera, and what is this hunky stallion? I’ve never seen anything like you before.” Seathera’s really, really long mane trickled Lero’s chin as it flowed all around him.

Oh no you don’t. He’s mine! Twilight flicked her wings and spun around Lero so she could look the mermare muzzle to muzzle. Her horn pressed down on Seathera’s head to ward off the promiscuous mermare. “He’s a human and like I said my husband.”

“Oh don’t be like that.” Seathera purred. “I know you ponies love multiple partners.”

Twilight felt her ears being tickled as Seathera kissed (!) her horn. She’s coming on way, way strong. Is she in heat? Do mermares have a heat season? I haven’t researched this! I’m not prepared for any of this. Twilight started to breathe rapidly as her horn glowed. “S-sorry we got to go!”

With a flash of light, Lero and Twilight teleported away and they found themselves on a sand cove. The bubble of water around them crashed down on the beach. They groaned as they pulled themselves up off the now wet sand. Twilight sat on her haunches as she felt the heat subside. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.”

“Twilight, are you going to be ok?” She felt her stallion place his hand on her neck and rubbed her.

“I’ll be fine. I just wasn’t expecting that kind of company.” Twilight shivered as her wet mane plastered itself all over her body. Oh my, maybe we should try to avoid that for now. This is a vacation for me and my stallion.

Lero coughed hesitantly. “She was showing off her…um…ya and she looked like she wanted some action.”

“Well she’s not getting any. This is our time.” Twilight’s feathers were heavy with seawater as she tried to spread them out.

“Yoo-hoo!” The same seductive voice called out from the sea. Seathera waved her hoof at them with a pleased grin on her face. “I know you silly land mammals are having a moment, but you all seem to have forgotten something.”

T-that’s Lero’s speedo! Twilight jerked her head towards her stallion and found he had indeed had his only article of clothing stolen. The dying heat roared to life as Twilight gasped. “Give that back!”

“You want it? Come get it.” Seathera disappeared into the water.

Twilight whined in shock with a slow head tilt as Lero did his best to cover himself. “How did she do that? That was the only thing I had on me.”

Twilight nickered and stomped her hooves as she readied herself for the chase. “No two-bit tail lifter is going to get away with this!”

Lero watched as she vanished into the waves. “I know she is a horse, but everytime she makes those sounds I can’t help but want to giggle.”

Rainbow Dash and Lyra choked back their laughter as Twilight continued to explain the vacation. “Wow Twilight, only one day and you still couldn’t catch a break.”

Twilight snorted as she continued to share the pictures. “Laugh it up. The next day she brought friends. Fortunately we finally laid ground rules so things cooled off. I did get these though.”

She held up the picture of a very tan, very naked Lero sleeping on a sandy beach. The reactions were exactly as she hoped. Oh my yes.

Author's Note

warpd:
Thank you Minalkra for helping!

35: Ascension by SpinelStride

Ascension by SpinelStride

****************

"Are you really sure about this, Twilight?" Lero asked, looking with undeniable nervousness at the six ponies arrayed around him. The phrase 'circular firing squad' kept coming to mind. "Harmony can't reach me with the music, so what if the Elements of Harmony can't do their magic on me? I might just get blasted into chunky salsa."

"Oooh, chunky salsa is the best kind! I once had mrmmmpmmpmrmmrmrmrmm mrmmm phrmrm MMMMRMMPH mrmmmm rmrmrmph!"

Applejack patiently waited with her hoof in Pinkie's mouth until the pink pony finished, then stepped back into position. "Twi' wouldn't be tryin' this if she weren't sure it's gonna work, Lero," she said confidently. "Right, Twi?"

"Um. Absolutely," the lavender alicorn said. While crossing two primary feathers. On each wing.

Fortunately, Rainbow Dash was too enthused about the prospect of Alicorn Prince Lero to notice Twilight's bout of nerves, and Fluttershy was too polite to mention it, and Pinkie was distracted poking at her Element with a sonic screwdriver to see if the two inanimate objects would be friends.

Lero facepalmed. "I must be crazy. Why do I need super powers again?"

Twilight just gave him a puppy-eyed look and Lero swallowed. "Oh. Right."

Twilight nodded and gave him a small, extremely grateful smile. "Yeah. Um. So! All right, girls. Let's do this!" She lifted her head and began her new spell.

"From all of us together, together we are friends. With worlds and destinies made one, there is magic without end."

The power of the Elements was unleashed. Used by themselves, the power flowed smoothing, joining into a seamless rainbow of raw Harmony. When Twilight cast the spell of her ascension, the Bearers learned just how much more powerful their necklaces were; the energy came out so intensely that not a one of them wasn't physically jostled by it. This time was, if anything, even worse. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were blown backwards into the wall and pinned in place while the lightning-shaped burst and the butterfly-outline beam lanced in at Lero. Applejack and Pinkie dug in their hooves with all of their Earth pony strength to keep from suffering the same fate. Twilight's eyes glowed a bright shining white - and such was the power of the spell that just the excess was enough to set Rarity's horn blazing and her eyes shining as well.

The pillar of light in the center of the room was beyond measurement. Every day of Celestia's work put together could not have matched its glory and light, though it harmed no pony. The spell ended, leaving the six Bearers to drop to their sides, panting as though they'd just performed the Running of the Leaves a half-dozen times in a row. Even Pinkie's usual energy was sapped. There seemed to be a shining core of magic left even when the pillar faded, bright brilliant whiteness in the middle of the room.

Rainbow Dash was first to force herself to her hooves. "Lero?" she croaked, legs shaking as she stepped forward, reaching a hoof out toward the light.

The light opened. It unfurled into two wings of pure light. A hand reached out to take Rainbow Dash's hoof. Lero's eyes gleamed gold, and magic danced around his head. Rainbow Dash gasped, stunned into voicelessness, looking at him.

Pinkie Pie popped up with a full-length mirror in front of Lero.

He stared into the silvered glass. Silently, he reached out a hand to brush along his new wing, feeling the pure white feathers there, each one shining and perfect, like light made into softness.

His voice was Harmony itself, music dancing behind every word like a thousand musical numbers all at once.

It was really a pity that his first words were, "Holy shit, I'm an angel?"

36: A new brother by warpd

A new brother by warpd

*********************

“You are absolutely radiant.” Rarity trotted around the angelic form of Lero as she glanced up and down. “I think you are brighter than Princess Celestia. Wooo, I have so many new ideas to dress you up in.”

“Thanks.” Lero answered. His voice ringed pure and true.

Lyra immediately sat on her haunches, her tongue lolled over the side. “I can’t stand up. I’m indecent now. Your voice is just so harmonious.”

Lero yelped when he felt something moist clamp down on his left wing. “R-rainbow! That’s sensitive.”

“Oh I know.” Rainbow Dash answered with eye lids half shut. Her sultry look not missed by anyone. “Always wanted to return the favor.”

“Not in front of our friends.” Twilight blushed as she tugged Dash off.

“So can we do this to anypony?” Applejack asked as she wondered the implications of immortality being given to everyone. “It took a lot out of us, but it might be possible.”

“Sorry, we are already tuned into harmony’s magic. It wouldn’t do anything to us.” Twilight answered as she watched Lero flutter his wings. “The only reason I became an alicorn is because I fully understood the magic of friendship. We just forced harmony to connect Lero to it and this is what we got.”

They stared in awe as Lero finally lifted himself off the ground with his wings, and then they winced when he gracefully crashed into the ceiling and smacked face first on the floor. “I’m ok!”

“I’m so jealous that dirt can’t cling to him now.” Rarity muttered.

“Well what’s all this?” A familiar laughter filled the room as the ponies groaned. “Fluttershy you didn’t tell me you were having fun.”

Discord blinked into existence next to the angel. “I thought I felt something funny. Turns out I was right!”

“Um hey. Why are you here?” Lero leaned back as Discord casually invaded is personal space.

Discord simply hemmed for a few moments. He randomly disappeared and reappeared all over Lero in several blinks of an eye. “Well Twibright and Raintie I do believed you just murdered your stallion. He’s dead.”

“What!!!”

“Excuse me; I’m standing right here and perfectly fine.” Lero shoved Discord’s face away, but the body remained in the same spot.

“Discord you’re being mean again.” Fluttershy frowned. It was lost on Discord as he literally flicked the reprimand away.

“He’s actually more like me then he is any of you. He’s a spirit now.”

Lero blinked several times as the truth settled in. “So I died?”

“Nope.” Discord smiled widely as he rustled Lero’s hair. “You skipped the whole gasping for your final breath moment and went straight to ascended form.”

“That’s strange.” Twilight rubbed up against her stallion between him and the odd beast. “A spirit of what though and why did the Elements of Harmony turn him into that?”

“Spirit of Sexiness?” Lyra suggested.

“Hopefully he won’t end up like you.” Rainbow stuck out her tongue to Discord.

Discord was about to return the favor when he froze into a statue. He bent forward into an odd thinking pose that only Lero recognized. The ponies shared a look with each other before Fluttershy step closer.

“Discord are you alright?”

“Woohoo!!!” Discord leaped up into the air as he grabbed Lero. “I have a baby brother!”

“What!!!”

”I always wanted a little bro of my own! Now I get to be big brother and watch your every move. We’ll play sports, rough house, make each other eat dirt, and talk about girls and how icky they are.”

Discord held Lero like a baby as he danced around the room. The music of harmony started to kick in.

“You ain’t had a brother like me.”

Lero slammed his wing on Discord and completely disrupted the song. “Stop. No singing Disney songs in the house.”

Discord physically drooped (as did Pinkie). “Aw, you’re no fun.”

Then an idea bounced into Discord’s head after it opened up his skull. “We are going to be the best siblings Equestria has ever seen. Oh, I just have to rub this in Celly’s face.”

“I don’t think--.” Discord and Lero disappeared in a flash as Rainbow dived for them. “—so! Darn.”

“Twilight, catch them before something bad happens” Lyra urged Twilight on.

Over at Canterlot Castle, Celestia had a new problem. Discord held Lero like a long lanky cat and rubbed him into Celestia’s muzzle. “Look who’s got a new sibling. You see him uh? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uuuuuuhh? He’s way better than yours.”

The ever calm Solar Princess raised an eyebrow as the former human smashed up next to her. Luna glared at Discord. “What do you think you are doing?”

Discord dropped Lero and twiddled his thumbs. “Well, I just wanted to share something nice with all of you.” Discord kicked Lero lightly. “Come on, tell Luna that I am a much better older sibling then Celly ever was?”

Lero’s zombie gaze met Luna’s. “Am I going to have to put up with this for the rest of my life now?”

A paw patted Lero’s head. “Come on now don’t you love your dear older brother?”

“I do, but I haven’t seen him as I’ve been stuck in Equestria.” Lero folded his arms and glared at Discord.

Discord pointed a claw at himself with a smile. Lero shook his head. “Already the younger sibling resents the older one. Oh if only I had seen the signs I could have saved you from the path of darkness.”

Lero faceplanted with both palms. “You are impossible.”

Discord sniffled as crocodile tears (“They are not!”) trickled down his cheek. “I do it because I love my little brother, but the good of Equestria I must do the necessary deed.”

His countenance brightened up considerably as he pulled out a yellow fruit. “Would you like a banana?”

Lero tilted his head as his brain process slowed. “What?”

“Would you like a banana?”

“Um, I’m not really hungry right now.” Lero looked to Celestia and Luna for an explination. They only shared his bewildered look. Well, Luna looked like she was about to blow up.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Discord pulled a lever down. The floor disappeared beneath Lero as he fell into the pit. A large cannon rose from the hole with the poor angel inside it.

“To the mooooon!” Twilight teleported in as Discord shot Lero to the moon.

“What’s going on!?” Twilight jaw dropped as her stallion took an extended vacation.

“Oh Twilight it was just awful.” Discord wrapped his beloved sister-in-law in a hug. “Lero had to be banned to the moon for the good of tiny horses everywhere.”

“I find this display of tomfoolery of events that I suffered most grating on my nerves.” Luna growled as power flickered from her eyes.

“You’re just jealous of our bond. Now if you will excuse me I have to go find six spunky mares with attitude to manipulate into saving my dear brother before he returns, tata!” Discord snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Twilight stared up at the moon as a bright light flickered on it. “How are we getting him down?”

Luna sighed. “Don’t worry Twilight. I’ll go get him.”

37: In Other Words by warpd

In Other Words by warpd

Who wants a sequel?

************

Twilight appeared on the moon with a purple flash, with permission from Luna, Twilight went to save her stallion on her own. The moon greeted her with its usual bareness. She was sure that Discord shot Lero somewhere in the general area. If Twilight couldn’t find him there she decided that the locals might have had a clue. Her tattered appearance searched rapidly for Lero as she bounced from crater to hole.

Twilight sat on her haunches as she racked her brain on where her stallion was. A warm calm glow grew behind her as a familiar hand brushed down her mane, wild strains of hair fixed as the loving fingers intertwined with them slide along.

Twilight jumped up into his arms as joyous tears streamed down her face. She opened her mouth to voice her apologies, but was patiently cut off by a single finger to her lips.

Lero’s smile grew as he took her front left hoof and picked Twilight up. Though the biped posture was not ideal she flowed with his desires. Then Twilight felt the Harmony of Music, her eyes widened when she realized Lero was about to sing his first Harmony induced song to her.

Discord blinked into existence a little ways away. His Bugs Bunny wrist watch told him that his brother was indeed late for a very important date. Namely the one where Lero returned and had the evilness beaten out of him like a snot-nosed brat.

He looked up when he heard the smooth instruments and rolled his eyes as the two loved birds stared into each others’ eyes. Discord had no time for silly sentimental cheesy lovey-dovey music to ruin his fun.

The music filled both Twilight and Lero, but she did not feel like she was to be a part of a duet. Then Lero’s perfect voice sang out.

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

With a snort, Discord pulled out a fish line and noose. He flung the line like a college quarterback, helmet and all, and the rope landed perfectly around the couple. An evil grin sprouted like a daisy on Discord’s face as he started to pull in. His targets, however, seemed to be oblivious to him.

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

Discord did not expect to be literally on Jupiter and Mars in a span of a quadrillionth of a second. The line broke and he slammed into Mars like a warhead. The hole he found himself in was a perfect outline of his body. Twilight and Lero on the other hand were unaffected.

Lero’s wings unfurled as the unnoticed rope restrains snapped. Twilight felt her entire being on fire as hearts danced in her eyes. His hand held tighter to her hoof as his other head brushed across it.

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Lero’s lips teased Twilight’s ever so briefly. Her wings were now fully extended as she leaned forward for a real kiss. Lero pulled her in with a powerful hug that exuded love. Twilight smelled his scent, it was stronger than normal and it enthralled her. The skin was without blemish and magic within the air was undeniable.

Discord popped out of his lovely hole in the wall with a dignified splat. He made sure his joints were in the wrong places as he snapped his tail back into place like a Lego block. Discord glared up at his unappreciative brother as he took out a butterfly net the size of a moon. With a wink of an eye, Discord pulled back for one giant swing.

Twilight was now full foreleg length apart from Lero as they twirled around in empty space. She felt the stars shined a little brighter just for them.

Fill my heart with song and

Let me sing forever more

The alicorn gasped as a shower of comets rained down around them. Star dust sparkled around them in perfect heart shapes. Twilight then felt a finger drag from the point of her horn to chest where the heart danced.

The comets rained down and the majority of them landed right in Discord’s little net. His body strained as the sudden load threw him off balance. Discord tail-spinned right into the path of a meteor. A small cloud of dust was the only indication where he landed.

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

Twilight squeaked as Lero suddenly threw his face into her neck and nuzzled her. He peppered her with kisses as the fingers trailed all over her body. Twilight released joyous laughter Lero touched all the right places. He released her as he took her chin at stared into her eyes.

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

Lero flung Twilight to his side as the climax of the song hit. Much to Twilight’s surprise they were now on a ring of some planet. They skated besides each other like synchronized dancers. Lero’s hand had let go of her and both of their wings where now wrapped around each other.

Discord gagged at the sight. He felt it was such a waste of time. The schedule had them eating ice cream around this time. Well not that he would have followed the schedule. That thing hanged out with the bad crowd Discord wanted to avoid, especially with such an impressionable little brother.

A giant jackhammer fell out of Discord’s pants pocket back home which made him snicker with glee. He grabbed the oversize tool that he was clearly not licensed for as started to hack away at the ice ring. It immediately froze over. Discord pulled and tugged at the infernal device as the duo got closer. They twirled like ballerinas as a wall of ice sprayed from their ice skates. Discord was quickly covered in a sheet of ice much like when he was a statue.

Fill my heart with song

Let me sing forever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

The jackhammer finally broke through the ice and the new christened sculptor sailed away into space. It was soon greeted by that same meteor Discord dated not even ten seconds ago. Discord found his new ride’s destination to be a star ready to explode. He pulled out an umbrella and whimpered.

Twilight once again found herself on Equestria’s moon as the green blue planet hanged behind her like a jewel in the sky. Lero just sang out his love for her, the joy of it all made her lightheaded. Blush covered her cheeks as her heart ran a marathon. It was just them at the moment, nothing else. Lero enveloped her with his long, large wings like a cocoon.

In other words, please be true

In other words

Discord crashed behind them. His freeze-fried body twitched. It went unnoticed.

In other words

I love

A deep kiss ended the song.

You

38: Bittersweet Apples by BackgroundNoise

Bittersweet Apples by BackgroundNoise

****************

Granny Smith didn't normally walk the eastern edge of the fields anymore, her family, bless their hearts, worried about her constantly, and as much as she liked to pretend that she was just indulging them in their over-protectiveness, lately her hip had been giving her a worrying amount trouble; to say nothing of how tired she's been lately. "Feh, there's still some life left in this ole' gal yet."

Her body might not be what it used to be, but she still had her memories, back when this was her farm, back before it had even been a farm. It helped sometimes, walking along the borders of the old farm she used to remember, back when it had just been a simple orchard... back when she still had her herd. Suddenly a noise interrupts her bittersweet reverie, a pained groan coming from the border separating the old orchard from the Everfree Forest. "''m I hearing things again?" She wonders as she carefully trots towards the source of the noise.

It was a strange critter, that's for sure; all banged up and covered in scratches and burs like it'd just run pellmell through one of the nastier parts of the Everfree. The oddest thing about it wasn't how big and hairless it was (though that certainly threw her off), but the way it was covered in clothes like some kind of big-shot, but what sorta big-wig would be running around the Everfree? Broken from her train of thought once again by the strange creature's pain (her heart melts a bit when she recognizes it as stallion) "C'mon now big fella, I'll take care of ya.", despite her soft words and gentle actions she can't help but let out a pained hiss, the weight of the odd stallion is much less than she'd thought it'd be (and wasn't that a scary thought, just how long was he trapped in that thrice damned forest?), but it's still enough to make her hip positively throb with pain. Despair fills her as she realizes just how far she is from the homestead, in spite of this she grits her false teeth, a spark of determination in her eyes "'m not useless! I can still do this much!"; it was a long walk back...

"Granny, landsakes, what happened to ya? And what in the name of Celestia is that thing?!" Granny Smith huffs tiredly, legs shaking and coat covered in perspiration, her dentures having long since fallen on the perilous trip back, "AppleJack!" she snapped tiredly "I taught ya better than that. This here stallion just got outta the Everfree and he needs our help!" AppleJack looks taken aback for a moment, not expecting to be cajoled in such a way, but her expression quickly softens when she gets a look at the aforementioned "stallion"; "C'mon now, lets get ya inside... Big Macintosh get out here and help Granny!". Granny Smith collapses tiredly, the trek having taken everything she had left until even her determination had been snuffed out. She barely notices her grandson gently lifting her "I did it Zelda, I saved him..." she mutters tiredly, consciousness slowly draining from her as she falls into a peaceful slumber. She would dream of her strange, beautiful herd that night, and for the first time in long time it wouldn't hurt at all.

Author's Note

BackgroundNoise is now continuing this tale here

39: First! by SpinelStride

First! by SpinelStride

******************

It was a lazy day in Ponyville. By some unspoken consensus, the town had decided to take one big collective day off. Even the hard-working Apple family had knocked off for lunch and somehow not gotten back to work. Twilight had even set her books aside, and studying was her normal definition of a day off. It was just that kind of day.

An eclectic group had gathered by a convenient twist of the river to sprawl out together. Two pegasi, three unicorns, two earth ponies, a dragon, and a human. Lero had his back against a tree and a brush in his hand. Rarity had supplied the brush. Rainbow Dash had settled herself in a branch overhead, her mane and tail substantially less disorderly than usual. When Rarity invited Lero to brush her mane, the cyan pegasus had an ill-timed attack of possessiveness, ending in her taking the first turn laying across Lero's lap while he brushed her, and she was too languid to ruffle it back again by the time he was done. Which, to judge by the smile on the white unicorn's face, was precisely the outcome Rarity had hoped for.

Her mane really is lovely, if she just takes proper care of it, the fashionista thought to herself. Perhaps if I told her the Wonderbolts need to look presentable...

Fluttershy had ended up with her chest against Lero's thigh next, the brush gliding down her long pink mane. She was almost asleep on the spot, and Lero couldn't tell if she was purring, he was imagining it, or she had a kitten hidden somewhere on her person. None of which would entirely surprise him.

"Do you remember when I found you?" she asked quietly. "I mean, I'm sure it wasn't very nice for you and if you don't want to remember it that's all right..."

Lero gently interrupted before she could start apologizing. "Of course I do. I was so tired I couldn't move, and everything hurt, but then I saw your face come into view over me. You looked so worried about me."

"Y'all weren't scared, sugarcube?" drawled Applejack from beneath her hat, laid out on her back in the sun. "Ah mean, Lero ain't exactly the usual kinda animal y'all take care of."

"Oh, no," Fluttershy whispered. "I didn't know Lero was a person, then. But he was so hurt and just needed someone to take care of him, I couldn't be scared at all."

"And that's why you've never been scared of him since even though he's like twice your size and eats meat and lives with two martial artists who've probably been teaching him how to use the Five Point Fluttering Hoof Exploding Heart Technique and comes from a way more violent world!" said Pinkie triumphantly. Though even she didn't get up from her comfy spot on the ground.

"Yes it is," said Fluttershy firmly.

"First impressions matter a lot, even for ponies," Lero commented. "Especially positive ones."

"Oooh! Ooh! I remember my first impression!" Pinkie cheerfully said. She bounced to her hooves, turned away, and then turned back with a black hat on her head and a gray false beard. "Guess who! It's my dad! My very first impression ever!"

Rainbow Dash snorted and woke up just in time to catch the end of Pinkie's comment. "First impressions? Wow, I remember my first impression. I hit that mountain at like top speed and was laid up for a week, but there was this totally awesome impression of my whole body in the rock. I think it's still there, even." She reached up and ruffled her mane, to Rarity's disappointment.

There was an amused snort from under Applejack's hat. "Well, in that case, Ah remember my first impression. Big Mac was showin' me how ta buck trees for th' first time, an' Ah was mighty impressed the way he landed every last apple in the basket in one kick."

Twilight rolled her eyes, but joined in anyhow. "My first impression was the first time Shining Armor came home from the Guard Academy. He told me he was drafting me for a vital task, and Cadet Junior Junior Junior Grade Twilight Sparkle had to help him clean his room. So that was my first impression into the Guard."

"I don't remember my first impression," said Spike, "but you've told me often enough how I impressed on you right after I hatched, Twilight."

"I get the impression you are all very silly ponies," Lyra said without opening her eyes or unfolding her legs.

Lero just laughed and kept brushing Fluttershy's mane.

"I'm really glad I found you and you found a place for yourself where you're happy, Lero," the yellow pegasus said softly. "That's always what I'm hoping for with all my friends. Ponies and animals and everything else."

40: First Contact by FanOfMostEverything

First Contact by FanOfMostEverything

*************

The Everfree was unwelcoming at the best of times. Now, amidst the sounds of something barging through the undergrowth with all the grace of a drunken rhinoceros, anypony with a scrap of survival instinct who might have been lingering near the forest's edge was long gone.

Clad in tatters, Lero burst out of the nightmare wood like the Kool-Aid Man through a brick wall. He collapsed, gasping for breath. Hopefully, he was safe, his struggle for freedom and sanity over. If not, he was well and truly doomed.

All considered, the last thing he needed was a pegasus yelling into his face.

***************************

"Carrrroooot!" Ditzy Doo flailed wings and legs alike in a half-flying, half-galloping, half-cocked form of locomotion that only she dared perform.

Carrot Top sighed and rued her predictable schedule. "You're going to want to move, 'Drops."

Raindrops took a few steps back from the market stall, a nervous look on her muzzle. "What are you going to—"

Her question was answered before it was finished as Carrot Top lobbed a muffin (carrot, obviously,) in the path of the runaway blonde.

Ditzy's eyes fixed on the pastry (and a passing butterfly.) She fell silent as her retreat became a diving catch. She slid to a halt in front of her friends, muffin in her mouth and joy in her heart.

After a collective moment of contemplation (and, in one case, chewing,) Raindrops could wait no longer. "So, wanna tell us what that was about, Ditz?"

"Hmm?" Ditzy swallowed the last of the distraction and gasped as she remembered what she was doing before being presented with ballistic deliciousness. "A monster just came out of the Everfree Forest!"

Nearby ponies began to mutter in concern. Herds precipitated about their stallions. The florists were gearing up for full-on panic just as Carrot Top cried, "Hold it!" All eyes turned to her. She offered a wide, worried smile.

Raindrops, not paralyzed by stage fright, took charge. "Ditzy, what exactly did you see?"

"It was tall, and bald, and, and..." Ditzy groaned, flapped into the air, and shouted, "Just follow me!" She flew back the way she came before anypony could respond.

Raindrops sighed as she spread her own wings. "Might as well. Hopefully nothing to worry about."

Daisy returned to her bouquets. "Well, that's a relief."

"The horror?" ventured Lily.

"No."

"Oh. Darn. I was hoping today would be interesting."

**********************************

The clearing was many things. Bright. Grassy. Possessed of a visible boundary beyond which the laws of pony held no sway.

Most importantly, it was monster-free.

"Bu-but..."

"Well, that's a relief." Raindrops frowned as she turned to Ditzy. "The hay were you thinking, filly? Going to shout 'fire' in a crowded theater next?"

Tears welled in Ditzy's eyes. "But there really was a—"

Raindrops held up a hoof. "Save it." She sighed and smiled. "Look, next time you want to pull a prank, do something that won't leave the whole town panicking, okay?"

"...okay."

Needless to say, there were many apologies once Lero's circumstances came light, both to and from Ditzy Doo.

41: Fanfic by SpinelStride

Fanfic by SpinelStride

******************

"Hey! Lero! I hate you and I'm going to call you mean names like 'monster' and 'monkey' for no good reason!" said Honeydew.

"That's mean!" said Miss Cheerilee. "You shouldn't call anypony mean names and definitely not somepony who never did anything bad to you!"

"So what are you going to do about it?" said Honeydew and sneered.

"This!" said Miss Cheerilee, and she bucked Honeydew right in the face.

"Ah dunno, Scootaloo," Applebloom said, putting down the paper. "Ah think Miss Cheerilee might not like it too much."

"Aww, why? What's wrong with it?" asked the little orange pegasus. "She's totally teaching somepony a lesson! It's a great thing for a teacher to be doing!"

"I think teachers aren't supposed to buck ponies in the face," Sweetie Bell pointed out. "They might think she'd buck a student in the face too."

Scootaloo's face fell, and she tossed the sheet over into the corner, along with such opuses as 'Twilight Sparkle Turns Honeydew, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon Into Daisies' (rejected on the grounds that Miss Cheerilee had made them take letters home after their last creative writing effort's inclusion of the two bullies) and 'Princess Celestia Sends Honeydew To The Moon' (rejected halfway through writing because even Scootaloo admitted the Princess was way too nice).

"How 'bout this one?" Applebloom suggested, and began to read.

"Y'all are just a big ay-lee-yun thing an' y'all oughta get outta Ponyville!" yelled Honeydew. "It jes' ain't right, you gettin' in love with ponies an' not botherin' anyone!"

Lero looked downright sad. "Ah never thought of it that way," he said. "Ah'll jes' leave Ponyville furever, then, so's I don't keep botherin' ya."

"Now you just hold up!" said Time Turner. "That's a darn mean thing to say. Lero, y'all stay right here! I'm gonna go find when Honeydew turned into a jerk and keep it from happenin'. Ah'll be right back!" An' Time Turner jumped into his blue box an' it made that grindy noise like the time we went an' saw the Smooze, an' then it came right back an' Time Turner jumped out. "Never mind," he said. "Looks like Honeydew was jes' always a jerk the whole time. But you still don't gotta leave, Lero! I have a better way."

An' Time Turner bucked Honeydew in the face.

"We're not supposed to let anypony know about his box, Applebloom," Sweetie Bell pointed out.

"And he said the Smooze never happened after all, once we did that thing with the Rainbow of Light," Scootaloo added. "So nopony would get what we're talking about."

The bow-clad filly sighed and crumpled her story up, adding it to the pile. "Your turn, Sweetie Bell. Hope you got somethin' better."

Sweetie smiled and started to read.

"You horrible hairless monster!" said Honeydew. "You're so ugly you probably break mirrors when you look at them!"

"Why, I've never heard such a thing!" exclaimed Rarity, who was passing by. "Lero is a perfect gentlecolt and an absolute darling, and he looks positively smashing in the outfits I make for him!"

And Rarity bucked Honeydew in the face.

Scootaloo rubbed her chin. "Well... Let's put it in the 'maybe' pile."

Applebloom nodded. "That does sound like Rarity."

Sweetie Bell pranced gleefully over to add the uncrumpled sheet to the much smaller stack next to the discard pile.

Somepony knocked at the door, and then Spike came in. "Hi, girls!" he said. "Twilight said I could have today off and then teleported me out of the house, so I'm gonna have two or three days off before it's safe to go back in the library again. Can I hang out with you today?"

Scootaloo scowled. "What the heck is it with everypony this week? Rainbow Dash is at the library all the time too."

Sweetie Bell nodded. "And Rarity said I should go play with you girls, too!"

Spike and Applebloom shared a knowing look. One due to sharp draconic hearing and access to a fully-stocked library with access to the 'reserved' section, the other due to certain consequences of farm life.

"Let's jes' accept they're not gonna be payin' us too much attention for a couple a' days," Applebloom said.

"Totally not fair you two get it and won't tell us," Scootaloo grumped. "Some friends!"

"Yeah!" agreed Sweetie Bell.

"So, uh, what are you up to, anyway?" Spike asked.

"We're doing creative writing for school," Sweetie Bell said. "So we decided to do a story about Lero!"

Scootaloo nodded. "Yeah! We were in the market the other day and we heard Honeydew saying really mean things, so we decided to write a story where she learns a friendship lesson."

"Or gets bucked in the face," Applebloom added.

"Yeah, or gets bucked in the face," Scootaloo agreed. "Those ones are way cooler."

Applebloom and Spike coughed briefly and snickered, much to the consternation of the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders, but refused to explain.

"Anyhow! Y'all wanna join us, Spike? Ah bet you're real good at writin'," asked Applebloom.

"Sure!" said Spike. "Can I write one about Rarity?"

"Sweetie jes' did one," Applebloom said. "Sorry!"

Spike drooped. "Aww. Well, okay."

And they got to writing.

"Hey, Lero!" Honeydew yelled from her stand. "I'm not selling any melons to big ugly monkeys!"

"Why do you not like me?" Lero asked patiently, and came over. "Did I ever do anything to you?"

"No," admitted Honeydew. "You're scary and different and I don't like that."

"I'm sorry I'm scary and different," Lero said. "It's the way I am. I can't help not being a pony. I'm trying to be good even when ponies aren't nice to me."

Honeydew looked down. "I know, and I know I'm a bad pony. But you're scary and different!"

Lero held out his hand. "If you let me be your friend, I won't be scary anymore, will I?" he asked.

"I guess not," Honeydew said, and put her hoof in his hand for a shake.

"Well, maybe Miss Cheerilee will like it," said Scootaloo doubtfully. "But it just doesn't have that kick to it. Where's the action?"

Applebloom frowned, reading it. Something was kinda off and she wasn't sure just what.

Sweetie Bell's eyes were watering, and she rushed over to hug Spike hard. He yelped and fell over backward.

"Hey! Sweetie Bell, what's the matter!" he exclaimed.

"P... ponies were mean to you like that?" she asked in a very small, wet voice.

"Never!" Spike said. "In Ponyville."

Applebloom came over, eyes wide. "But... ponies were like that in Canterlot? Y'all lived there before you came here, right?"

Spike averted his eyes. "Well... maybe. A little. A lot. Okay, yeah, a lot of Canterlot ponies were a buncha big snobs who either thought I was a pet or a danger, but not all of them! Some of them were nice. Donut Joe was never mean to me and the guards always helped."

There was a brief but heartfelt moment for Cutie Mark Crusaders Dragon Huggers. Only Applebloom checked her flank afterward.

There came another knock on the door. Applejack's voice came through. "Applebloom? Sweetie Bell? Scootaloo? Spike? Y'all in there?"

"We're here, AJ!" called Applebloom. "There somethin' wrong?"

"Nah, jes' checkin' up on y'all," she said back. "Not doin' anythin' that's gonna catch on fire, even if y'all weren't bein' extra-careful, right?"

"We're jes' doin' some writin'," said Applebloom. "Tryin' to write a story about Honeydew learnin' a lesson about not bein' mean to Lero."

There was a pause, then Applejack's voice came back. "Done one about me teachin' her some honesty yet?" she asked.

Applebloom swallowed, then shook her head. Even though the door was still shut. "Ah thought y'all might not like that too much?"

There was another pause. "Well, jes' so y'all know, Ah lead with the right rear hoof. Stay outta trouble!"

And they got back to writing.

43: Fairy Floss by FanOfMostEverything

Fairy Floss by FanOfMostEverything

**************

The creature that had staggered out of the Everfree had made quite a stir in Ponyville, not least because it didn't follow the usual script of terrorizing the town until it was quelled by one or more Elements of Harmony. Instead, Fluttershy had taken in the poor thing, caring for it like any other injured creature.

Pinkie Pie had watched, and smiled, and said the bright, happy nonsense that was expected of her. In time, everypony would learn that this being was more than just a shaved ape or naked bear. In time, they would hopefully learn to accept the human, to welcome him into their hearts.

For now, though, there was work to be done, and with the town's attention so thoroughly transfixed, there was no better time to do it.

At half past eleven, Pinkie rummaged through her closet. Storage space was never a concern for her. Making spaces that were bigger on the inside was child's play, and there was always a great deal of unused real estate on the other sides of mirrors. But what she needed couldn't be kept in so novel a means. It could not be magically contained, for it was made to contain magic.

Eventually, she tugged the heavy object out into her bedroom. It was a stark, black iron peytral, a strange, sepulchral echo of the Princesses' regalia. The craftsponyship was of the highest quality, and it was ringed with bands of black iron and menaced with spikes of black iron. Not a spot of rust marred the dusky surface. The slow fire dared not burn on such a treasure.

Pinkie shrugged on the armor. As the weight settled on her withers, she felt it press down not only on her body but her mind and soul as well. Her mane collapsed like a souffle. The countless paths that most ponies could not walk vanished from the edges of her vision. The high, piping song of baker's yeast and pollen on the breeze fell silent in the middle of a chorus.

Thoroughly disenchanted, the pony began her dolorous tread out of town and into the Everfree Forest. The wood held no fear for her. She was as thoroughly sealed from the world's magic as it was from hers. Timberwolf fangs would detach from their jaws before they would pierce her skin. Manticore venom would do little but itch in her veins. Even the gaze of a cockatrice would do her no more harm than that of an unsatisfied customer. Less, actually. She didn't care about the cockatrice's opinion.

Back in Ponyville, the clocks struck midnight, the witching hour. Pinkie approached what most would see as an intersection between two game trails. Weighed down by her iron burden, she could scarcely see the yawning void that was the gate between dimensions. Still, she could make it out well enough. She stepped high to clear the lower lip of the portal.

The peytral shook and rattled. Iron would not willingly enter Faerie. Most would be repelled, blocked, deflected. But not this. This was more than the metal of thunderbolts. It was the very idea of iron, the pinnacle of ferrousity, a paradox hammered in the forges of the sidhe from that which they could not tolerate by the selfsame smiths who had stripped magic from the blood of man and slipped the hated metal in its place. It could go where no other iron could. But that didn't mean it had to like it.

Its presence and that of its wearer were soon noticed. The musical laughter of the fair folk fell silent before Pinkie, and remained so long after she passed by. The lesser creatures of the in-between fled before her. The rest hid, save only the most daring or foolhardy. It was not only fear that quieted them, but also recognition. The pony wore that rarest of items in Faerie, a torture device that none found entertaining.

Pinkie followed the path of memory, letting recollections of a bygone era steer her hooves. In time, she found her way to a doorway. A pair of proud, willowy figures armed and armored in burnished bronze, stood in her path, their spears crossed over the entrance.

"You will let me through," said the mare. None of her friends, had they followed her and managed to stay free and sane, would have recognized her voice. It was deadly serious, a tone of absolute command, demanding immediate obedience.

"Who orders us so?" asked the creature on her left.

Pinkie sighed. Had it really been so long? "I had many names, once. When I left, they placed this yoke upon me, and the weight pressed them all out of me. Now, I have but a title in these lands. Tell your master and mistress the Exile has returned."

*************************

Hooves echoing on tile were all the announcement she got, and all that she needed. The murmurings of the Court fell silent as the novel sound reverberated through the palace. A single gesture from the Queen sent the courtiers scattering.

The only creature left, other than the royal couple, was a capering, goblin-like figure in motley of a thousand colors. As Pinkie entered, he capered closer and smirked. "How now? Pay heed, o pluripotent patrons! A pink pony prances into our parlor! Prithee, pony, plan you to plop your plot 'pon our palatial paradise?"

Pinkie replied with a grin. Not a smile. Really, even calling the baring of teeth a "grin" was giving it a bit much credit. Still, it did the job, making the jester pale and back away. "Well, Puck you, too, Goodfellow. Always thought they'd take out your tongue before your eyes."

Robin Goodfellow fled from the Exile and her burden. Like any good trickster archetype, he could tell when the time for japes and pranks had come to an end, and those were times when even his welcome wore out.

The same, of course, could never be said of royalty. King and Queen remained unmoved in every sense of the word. To ask for their physical appearance would be to ask about the tensile strength of a promise, the specific gravity of a sunny day. They were the King and Queen of Faerie. They were the woman you want and the man you want to be, and vice versa. They appeared however they wished, and not even an omniscient narrator could hope to hold them in a single shape long enough to describe it.

But even they respected the power of iron.

"So," the Queen said off-handedly. "You return. Not for long, I imagine."

"Not at all." A true smile, if a melancholy one, came to Pinkie's lips. "It is good to see you, though."

"Hmm. Would I could say the same." The Queen examined one immaculate hand, nails long enough to blend luxury and danger. "Why have you emerged from that ludicrous exile of yours?"

All sense of wistfulness evaporated from Pinkie. "One of your pets has emerged in Celestia's world. He may look and sound and smell human, but I know you. Unless this is the first genuine jailbreak in centuries, you let him escape, and I would know to what end."

Guile glittered in the Queen's eyes as she demurely brought a hand to her breast. "Me? Why, I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about."

Pinkie cracked her neck. Her peytral groaned like a living thing, its very presence dulling the lingering perfumes of the Court. "Do not toy with me, REDACTED. I was there when you took the throne. I have not forgotten your games."

"And could I not, as the humans say, have turned over a new leaf?" asked the Queen, smiling a flawless smile.

"No, you could not." Pinkie stared straight into the Faerie Queen's eyes. "How did that one witch put it? 'What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't—'"

"Enough!" There was the faintest twitch, not just of an eye but of the Queen's entire body, like the image cast by a projector with a flickering bulb. What sat in her place in that stuttering split second, I dare not say. "Enough," the Queen said again. She sighed. "Did you have to bring that... that thing?"

Pinkie's gaze did not waver. "We both know if I had not, I wouldn't be leaving this room alive. I might not have entered it alive."

"No," the Queen confirmed. "You would not have."

The King shifted. Mare and Lady both turned to him. Queens were swift and vengeful and did whatever they liked, but kings, slow as they were, were the ones who mattered. "The man managed to escape of his own accord," he rumbled.

"ALSO REDACTED!" cried the Queen.

"What can we do while she wears her burden?" he asked her.

"What can she do? She is sealed, a mere puppet of meat and bone!"'

"Aye, a puppet whose strings cut the fingers that would pull them. I know sense is too much to ask of you, STILL REDACTED, but accept that this slight is one you must let go. None will know, none but you, and she, and I."

"Three too many!" The Queen repositioned herself, as though preparing to rise from her throne.

"Careful there, Your Highness," called Pinkie. "Wouldn't want to vacate our seat, now would we?"

The Queen froze and glared at the pony, glared with enough hatred and impotent fury that by all rights the mare should've burst into white-hot flames.

For her part, Pinkie didn't even seem to notice. She knelt before the King. "Thank you, Your Grace."

The Fair Folk did not feel regret. It was not in their nature. Still, there was something of a long-forgotten longing in the King's face. "You could remain here, you know. This exile of yours has always been self-imposed."

Pinkie shook her head. "Not so long as you believe that tears and blood are the price of laughter. Until the day you can feel joy without the suffering of another, I will continue my hermitage in the blood of ponies." She turned and left without another word or a second glance, and the Queen hated her all the more for it.

Author's Note

FanOfMostEverything: You can all blame/thank SpinelStride for this one. Xenophilia: Advanced and The Blank Plague put the idea in my head, and I needed to get it out

44: Dreamboat by SpinelStride

Dreamboat by SpinelStride

*****************

Celestia trotted back and forth in her room. This was intolerable! She had ruled all Equestria by herself for a thousand years, faced down dragons with perfect serenity, but this, this preyed on her mind, an itch she couldn't scratch, a burr between her wings she couldn't reach!

"Trouble sleeping, sister?" Luna's voice asked. Celestia whirled. Standing on the balcony was possibly the worst pony in the world for her to try to explain this to. "Would a glass of warm milk help?"

Oh, no. And she was feeling playful, too. Celestia withheld a groan. "No, thank you, Luna. I will be just fine."

Luna cheerfully stepped off the balcony, into the room. "Oh, sister, I would hardly be doing my duty as guardian of the night if I were to let any pony, even the Princess of the Day, be so terribly distraught without at least attempting to render some assistance. Please, tell me of your troubles."

Celestia sighed. "You know my trouble, Luna. And I know how much it amuses you."

Luna nuzzled her with a mix of genuine sympathy and the sort of gleeful malice only a sibling can truly offer. "Why, sister, every pony in Equestia adores you. How could you possibly have any troubles?"

Celestia nuzzled her back anyhow. She was such a twit right after the New Moon. "Every pony, yes," she said.

"Not all of them quite as much as others," Luna mused aloud.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "Pip is a wonderful, loving little foal, and adorable beyond measure, yes."

Luna spread a wing across Celestia's back. "Oh, indeed he is! Do not tell me that such a cute little colt could cause the ruler of Equestria such heartache!"

Celestia shook her head. "You know the trouble, Luna."

Luna theatrically raised a hoof to her chin. "But if every pony in Equestria loves Princess Celestia, how could there be anything to trouble her?" She gasped. "Oh! A non-pony! Has Spike the Dragon so perfectly supplanted you in his heart with the lady Rarity? Perhaps Tom dreams of a shiny little piece of quartz!"

Celestia blinked. "... Do rocks actually..."

Luna's giggle was really tremendously annoying. And she didn't even answer the question. "Oh! Bellerophon Michaelides, is that the problem?"

"You know he is," Celestia said with all the patience she could muster.

"But sister, he gives you all your due respect, and he has been a model citizen in almost every way!" Luna mock-protested. "How could he be any sort of a problem?"

"I wronged him, sister, and he cannot accept my reparations," Celestia said, and turned to sigh into the fire. "As you well know. And beyond that, he is dangerous. More dangerous than he knows. There are still times, even now, even knowing him, when I remember that perhaps I should carry out those threats I leveled upon him. Twilight would never forgive me, Rainbow Dash would actively lead a rebellion against the Tyrant Sun, Lyra Heartstrings would slay her way to the throne room and force me to destroy her as well, and yet. What he might do."

"Might he seek to conquer Equestria?" Luna asked softly, still teasing, but with darkness in her voice. "Might every pony die because of him?"

"They might," Celestia answered quietly. "If he did what even Nightmare Moon was unwilling to do to her sister. As you know well. We are neither of us safe while he lives."

Luna's wing rubbed against Celestia's back. And then Luna's eyes widened. Her wing fell from Celestia's back as the dark alicorn dropped to her rump, laughing like a maniac.

"At last! At last! At last the truth comes out!" she choked out. "Thou dost not fear him! Thou... thou..." She fell to her side and pounded on the floor with her hoof, gasping out gales of laughter, and then sing-songed out, "Tia wants Leeeero, Tia wants Leeeeero!"

Celestia felt as if the sun had risen on her face instead of the sky. "Luna!" she snapped. "I am not joking!"

Tears ran down Luna's muzzle. "Thou art fooling thyself, sister!" she panted out. "Thou dost not fear him, and if thou wert honest with thyself, thou wouldst admit it! Thou... thou..." She broke into giggles again, then gasped, "Thou art excited by him! The touch of danger! The thrill of the alien!"

Celestia stared into her fireplace. It lit. That was what it was there for, after all.

To let her know when she was getting angry enough to set things on fire by looking at them, that is.

She loved her sister. Really she did. But could anything be worse than having a sister who knew what she dreamed about?

45: Getting Applefaced by SpinelStride

Getting Applefaced by SpinelStride

*********************

"ANOTHER!" chorused the Royal Canterlot Voice from both sides of Lero. His eardrums might never be the same. A golden goblet and a silver goblet at the same moment met the fate of each being crushed by an alicorn's telekinetic powers. Into perfect little models of the sun and the moon, respectively. Even drunk, Celestia and Luna had style.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!"

Also impressive lung capacity. They'd broken out the single finest vintage in Equestria to celebrate Luna's recovery from the Blank Plague. Sweet Apple Acres Zap Apple Cider. From the very first crop Sweet Apple Acres ever produced, aging in oak barrels beneath Canterlot for that entire time. Lero had taken one shot and understood just why an entire town had grown up around Zap Apples. He'd had two more to further his understanding since, and he was feeling a pleasant buzz. That was strong stuff.

Celestia and Luna, on the other hand, were on their fourth goblet each. Their first goblet had been treated decorously, toasting each other and the ponies of the Court. The second goblet had been more cheerful. The third and fourth goblets were handled by the ancient General Burn-Your-City-Around-Your-Flanks-If-You-Don't-Surrender-Now and the always-competitive Air Marshal Drop-A-Meteor-Shower-Down-Your-Throat. At least they were just verbally competing.

Lero hoped like hell they were just verbally competing. He really did not want to believe that Princess Celestia, as a unicorn, had already had enough power to vaporize a city with a solar flare, or that a pegasus Princess Luna had been able to fly into orbit and drop things from there.

That didn't mean he didn't believe it. Just that he didn't want to.

"What have we here?" a drunken Luna boomed, turning to regard Lero. "A human! Well met, warrior! Thou hast travelled far from thine own lands! Thou... Thou..." She burst out into laughter and wrapped both forelegs and both wings around him. "Lero! Lero! We did not recognize you! Thou hadst four of thou and all were most elusive! Thou art a mortal of untapped depths!"

"Untapped depth! Untapped depth!" Celestia burst out laughing and pounded on the table in front of her. She'd already left a large number of deep dents in the thick wood from prior outbursts. "Is... isn't it our untapped depths we should be dealing with?"

Luna guffawed right in Lero's ear. He felt drunker just from her breath. "H... how about it, le... le.... human? Al... ali... alic... Princesslers do not go into heat, and it... it's been... a really long time since we had a good ride! Sh... shtupid politics..."

Lero's face was red. And then his eyes went wide as he felt hooves hugging around him from the other side. One hoof was wandering very low. "That sounds like a gloriously terrible idea!" Celestia gleefully agreed. "'Tis a great honor, human warrior! None have ever had the... the joy of being our twilight, caught between the night and day..."

There was an incredibly humiliated little purple puddle on a chair on Celestia's other side.

"Th... there was that one time," Luna reminded her sister. "Do not forget that one time!"

Celestia giggled wildly in Lero's ear. "Hushush, sister! Starswirl said that never happened, and your tower is still standing so it cannot have!"

Two shots had left Applejack facedown on the banquet table, snoring her head off. Rarity had gone down after a ladylike one. Fluttershy had passed out sniffing hers. Rainbow Dash was on her second goblet and watching the two Princesses with wide eyes and holy buck her wings hurt so much this was so bucking hot her stallion was getting Celestia and Luna into bed and if Rainbow Dash could unbend enough for Twilight then no way was she going to sit out doing it with the Princesses. She thought about asking if they could invite the Wonderbolts, too, but she'd forgotten how to speak somewhere in that first goblet anyway.

Spike had his second cask to himself and was happily dunking donuts in it. He'd been to a few banquets Twilight had preferred to skip, and he was pretty sure Celestia and Luna were going to be falling backwards off their chairs right about...

THUNK

... then.

He snorted. "Lightweights."

46: Saucy! by SpinelStride

Saucy! by SpinelStride

**************************

"Mmmm... That feels positively divine, darling," Rarity murmured. That was the nice thing about Zap Apple Cider. No hangovers; their innate magic left a warm, comfortable afterglow instead.

"T'ain't nothin,' sugarcube," the drowsy mare in her forelegs mumbled back, nuzzling in her semiconscious doze against Rarity's shoulder.

Rarity snapped awake. "... Applejack?" she squeaked.

Applejack took her time waking up. "Yeah, sugarcube?" she yawned.

"Applejack, darling, are we at another one of Twilight Sparkle's slumber parties?"

Applejack lifted a hoof to wipe her eyes. "Ah don't reckon so. Last Ah recollect, we were all at some fancy ceremony in Canterlot. Hoo-wee, but that stuff was strong."

Rarity coughed delicately. "Exactly how strong would you say it was... sugarcube?"

Applejack rolled onto her back and laughed. "First-harvest Zap Apple Cider? Ah reckon it'd give Luna's own original moonshine a run for its bits. Why ya askin', darlin'?"

Rarity cleared her throat. "Well, I'm fairly sure that I didn't bring this rope. Would you mind untying me?"

Applejack blinked and looked at her. Rarity didn't like the look at her eyes.

... Then she sort of did.

"Maybe not jes' yet, darlin'..."

***

Fluttershy snuggled happily into the big warm fuzzy ball of fur that had come to up cuddle her good-morning. She didn't care too much about exactly which of her little animal friends wanted to help her wake up today, but it was odd that she couldn't tell who it was by hugging them. It had to be one of her bigger animal friends, but none of them were so puffy like this. Or smelled sugary like this. Or giggled like this.

"You are just the most adorable thing ever when you're sleepy, Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie happily informed her bedmate.

Fluttershy thought about why Pinkie was in bed with her. Oh well. Too late now. She gave her new extra-special friend a peck on the cheek and dozed back off.

Pinkie blinked. "... Oh! So that's what that Pinkie Sense was telling me about. I thought I was just going into heat."

And they happily cuddled up to sleep in.

***

"Well, that wasn't how I expected that to unfold. Oh well," Twilight Sparkle muttered. Lero was sitting back and groaning. An unfortunate consequence of different biochemical natures meant that he got the same alcoholic aftereffects as ever. Twilight gave him a sympathetic nuzzle. "Thanks for helping with the ropes last night."

Lero groaned. "Please. Please tell me you have an insta-kill spell. Please."

The purple unicorn awwwww'ed and kissed his cheek. "I'm saving that for myself if Rainbow Dash and the Princesses ever figure it out."

***

Rainbow Dash woke up slowly. She'd had a lot of that seriously amazing cider last night. She had no idea where she'd fallen asleep, but this was one lumpy bed. She felt heavy all over. Wow, she must have partied so hard...

Someone cleared their throat. Politely, classily, and yet with the very clear indication that an excessive amount of forbearance was being employed.

"Rainbow Dash, now that you're awake, I don't suppose you'd mind climbing down, untying us, and returning the Royal Attire?" Princess Celestia inquired.

"She can keep mine," Luna muttered. "I always wanted to go with a diamond crown instead of black anyway."

47: BBBFF by warpd

BBBFF by warpd

WARNING: Explicit language and crossovers... if either of these elements offend you then you might want to skip this chapter.

***********************

Honeydew trotted over to her stand and kicked the side of it. The whole thing smoothly popped up like a picture book for foals as melons bounced right onto the counter. The summer morning sun rolled over the marketplace as her fellow compatriots set up their own stand. Apples, carrots (not next to each other of course), cherries, and other wares ready for the public’s demands. Another beautiful day in Ponyville.

“Great, some crazy monster is about to attack Ponyville.” Honeydew grumbled as the anomaly pulsated above her stand. “Again.”

With a groan, she pushed her melons out of the way. “Always this town. Equestria has other places too, you know!” She shook her hoof at its general direction.

A spark of lightning arched out of the anomaly as it trailed down to the ground. A magic aura exploded in a light show that blinded anyone that didn’t have a pair of shades. Thankfully, everypony did.

Sunglasses on muzzle and melon smoothie in hoof, Honeydew and the other ponies around her passively watched a figure form from the magic show. The shadow of the being grew more pronounced as it materialized in their world. The shape was recognized by all of them.

“Bucking great, it’s another human monkey.” Honeydew growled as she played with her melons. They could be used as ammunition rather easily.

The magic teleportation exploded one last time as the human finally appeared, he was smaller than the one they already had and a little curvier.

“Fucking dammit. Where the hell am I know!?” Change that, a human mare. Honeydew dropped her melons when the long haired redhead whipped around and stared right at her with hot emerald eyes. A skin tight blue suit covered her body from her barrel to her legs. “Horses? Crap, I didn’t step in any horse shit did I?”

Honeydew’s blank stare quickly turned dark. “Watch your filthy tongue human. We actually don’t fling crap like you monkeys do.”

“Excuse me?” The human said, Honeydew flushed as the human’s attention fixated on her. In an instant the human was upon her, face to muzzle. “Did you just say human, horse?”

Honeydew attempted a growl, but somehow those teeth the human mare bared seemed to remove any bravado Honeydew had. “We have one.”

Honeydew glanced down at the shirt the human wore. She could see the human’s mammary glands rather well. Soft, bouncy mammary glands. Almost like melons in shape. “Eyes up here.”

“What’s his name, cutie?” Her hand roughly gripped Honeydew’s jaw. It didn’t hurt, but this human wanted to make sure she paid attention.

“Lero.”

“Bellerophon Michaelides!? You mean he is actually here?” Honeydew could have sworn her eyes sparkled.

“Lives here in town. The only human, so you can’t miss him.” The grip on her jaw loosened and she felt a quick scratch behind the ears.

“Thanks, cutie.” The human about faced and strolled away with a slight skip in her step. Everypony watched her leave, some of the more frisky watched something else too.

Honeydew laid there with mouth wide open for a few moments. “That was a human mare. Buck, why are they so hot!? That’s not fair!”

At his home, Lero was reading a lovely little book on one of the library’s many large tree branches. Rainbow Dash napped above him with her book as a pillow.

That nap ended when Twilight slammed the window open. “We have trouble!”

Rainbow screamed a very powerful, tough scream (Scoots will back her up on this) and fell off her branch. Lero grabbed her foreleg, but lost his balance. Thankfully Twilight grabbed them both and floated them gently to the ground.

“Sorry. I just felt a really powerful magic spell force something into our world. Something might have crossed the barrier to reclaim Lero!” Twilight teleported to their side as they got up.

Rainbow instinctively wrapped a wing around Lero. “What!? Hay no. That is not happening on my watch.”

Twilight nodded and looked up towards her stallion. “Right, we need to get you to a safe place. Lyra should be inside with Spike.”

Twilight and Rainbow glanced at each other and wordlessly agreed on the defense plan. They returned their gaze towards Lero to tell him the plan. He wasn’t there.

They blinked a few times before a shock face of realization smacked them in the face. “Lero!?”

“Big brother!”

A few short feet away, a human female held Lero like a priceless treasure. Tears streamed down her face as she blubbered away. “I missed you so m-m-uch. The family didn’t know what happened to you for the longest time.”

Lero held her in absolute surprise. “Syne? Syne!”

“Syne?” Twilight raised her eyebrow. “You don’t mean...your sister Mnemosyne!”

“Is this really you?” Lero asked while he held her close. It was a long time since he had last seen her. “How is it possible?”

“Ya, it really is.” They weren’t sure how long they held each other, but time didn’t have any meaning for them at the moment. The words were not lost on Twilight as the scene brought a small smile to her face.

A few moments later they were all in the library over tea. The entire herd talked to the new arrival animatedly. Syne hung by Lero’s side like Rainbow Dash to cider and his every word like it was holy scripture from the Pope’s lips. Lero wanted to know just as much about her, but figured he could wait his turn for her. “So my life has been pretty good here. Crazy stuff does happen, but it all works out.”

“That’s great! I’m happy you are doing so well.” Syne’s joyous smile never left her.

Lero returned her grin with one of his own. “Not bad at all is it? I need to hit the restroom real quick. Tell me how the family is doing when I get back.”

He excused himself and Spike left to start another pot of tea in the kitchen. The girls looked at each other, they all had questions, but didn’t want to overwhelm their guest.

“Fuck.”

That put a chill in the atmosphere. Syne rubbed her forehead with three fingers. “Fuck, this complicates things.”

“Whoa, um did your mood just drastically change?” Rainbow tilted her head.

“How the hell did this even happen? Get in, get out. How do you balls this up?”

Twilight cleared her throat. “You have us at a loss. What are you talking about?”

Syne rose her head, discontentment colored her expression. “How the bloody hell do you all end up fucking my brother? This is some God damn shit.”

“Really, stop that.” Lyra eyes slanted.

“I also don’t like what you are insinuating about our relationship with Lero.” Twilight slowly put her teacup down.

“I’m sure you are lovey dovey with him after al...wait a minute you are a God damn unicorn!” Syen glared at Twilight with visible hatred. “You charmed him didn’t you.”

Twilight twitched as she slammed her hooves on the table. “How dare you insinuate that I would even play with his mind like that!?

“What crawled up your rump and died?” Rainbow growled.

“Am I interrupting anything?”

The four girls froze as Lero’s voice cut above them. He calmly strolled over his chair and sat down. With elbows on the table and folded hands in front of his face. “Syne, did you just accuse my wife of bewitching me and what is with your language? You would have blushed if you heard a censor bleep last I remembered.”

Syne shrank in her chair as her brother stared at her indifferently. “Sorry.”

“It’s been hard the past few years. When the authorities found nothing, I decided to continue the investigation myself. I learned things. The truth of our home. A veil that covers our eyes from a horrible nightmare that creeps in the shadows. Magic existed and it fed on the innocent.”

“Magic isn’t supposed to do that.” Twilight protested. “Besides, Lero has said magic doesn’t exist in your world.”

Syne glared at her. “It didn’t, but apparently something else came in and replaced it a long time ago. It turns men and women into monstrous beasts, and kidnap, family members out of thin air. Vampires, lycans, changelings, demons, wraiths, and warlocks. I had to go through a lot to find you.”

“What?” Lero muttered out loud.

“Ya, I’m not supposed to tell an innocent all that, but with you married to freakn’ magic alien horses--”

“Ponies,” Lyra corrected, “And by for by, you are the alien here.”

Syne waved her head. “Whatever, the point is I had to adapt, especially when I found out what kidnapped you. So I learned magitek.”

“You learned how to do magic.” Lero jaw dropped.

“No, not quite. More like I learned how to make science fiction my tools.” Syne stood up and gestured towards her suit. “This is actually the second skin of a battle armor that I made to fight powerful magic creatures.”

“Hold on.” Rainbow waved her hooves out. “You are telling us that your world is infested with dangerous monsters so you made a kick flank armor to fight off the forces of evil to find your long lost brother.”

Syne paused scratched the back of her ear. “Ya, you could say that. The way you said it reminds me of a game.”

“So how did you end up here?” Lyra asked. She found this story crazier and crazier as it went along.

“My leads finally got me a changeling, which I beat up for information. Which lead me to a small time fae, which I beat up for a key. Which lead me to bloody Arcania of all places, which I beat up. This brought an angry fae queen after me, who I beat up. Turns out she was the one who kidnapped you, so I beat her up some more. She told me where you fell, so I went to rescue you...after I blew the cunt’s head off.”

Needless to say, Lero was rather pale at this point. Rainbow puffed her cheeks out while Twilight’s eyes went slightly wide. Lyra coughed. “So your plan was to come here and save Lero from whatever evil monster had captured him?”

“Hate to rain on your adventure, but Lero is not in any danger.” Rainbow snorted. Though admittedly a cool storyteller this girl was still a mule (no offense).

Syne fidgeted in her seat. “Lero, do you mind if I scan you for magical manipulation.”

Twilight groaned and smacked her muzzle against the table. Lero sighed. “Fine. For your peace of mind, but you will apologize to them.”

“A-alright.” Syre took out a magnifying glass and looked at Lero through it. “Well, you are clean.”

Lero shrugged his head towards his herd. Syre nodded. “Sorry. I thought the worse and jumped to conclusions.”

“It’s alright.” Twilight smiled. “I would probably be overprotective of my BBBFF if I had found him after he went missing for a long time.”

“Oh no.” Lero facepalmed.

“Big brother best friend forever?” Syre replied with a smile.

“Big brother best friend forever.”

“Why did you even remember that?” Lero dramatically yelled.

“Aw, don’t worry Lero.” Syre wrapped him up in another hug. “Everything is going to be just fine. Now do we all travel to earth to meet the parents or should I bring them here?”

“Um...”

“Road Trip to Earth!” Twilight announced without hesitation.

48: Alternative 4 by The Quiet Man

Alternative 4 by The Quiet Man
An alternative ending to XFT's Just gonna have to be a different man.

********************

As the haze slowly started to clear around her, years of training kicked in and Rainbow quickly moved to do what a Search & Rescue pony does does best; she took stock of the situation so she could best help the affected.

“Hey, everypony!” She called into the smoke, the smell of ozone mixed with rotten eggs and burnt sugar making her nose twitch.

“Give me a shout here, I need to know who’s still conscious.” Flaring her wings she gave a them a mighty flap, pushing the smoke in the immediate area away from her and towards the edges of the room. Her first priority was to locate everypony and then figure out if any of them needed medical attention. “Twi, is that you?”

Twilight staggered out of the smoke, her horn blackened and smouldering around the tip. Much of her fringe was burnt away and the rest of her mane was heavily singed around the edges.

“I’m here. Got the biggest headache of my life though and the ringing in my ears is... Sweetie!” The unicorn cast about the room anxiously. “Where’s Sweetie?”

From the other side of the room Lyra’s disembodied voice floated through the fog

“She’s down here.”

A mint green head poked up from behind a lightly smoking sofa before ducking back down again just to reappear seconds later with a giggling foal in her teeth. The youngster seemed to think the whole thing was a splendid game and could she have another go?

Twilight breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the sight of the wriggling child.

“Phew, ok, so four down, where’s the other two?”

Alternating between calling for the princess and for the last member of herd Bellaphon, the three adults were unspeakably glad to hear Lero’s voice from the far end of the room.

“I’m over here. Back to being human and I still seem to have all my bits attached as well which is good.”

The biped pulled open one of the apartment windows, letting the smoke start to billow its way out of the room. As the air started to clear around him they could see that his normally smooth pink skin appeared to be rippling, stripes of short brown fur weaving their way over his body, though he had somehow managed to keep his towel in place.

After a scant few seconds the furry markings dissipated in much the same way as when a transformation spell would wear off his annoyingly magic-resistant body, leaving just his tanned skin with a swath of paler pink across his chest where he usually wore a shirt.

Suddenly there was a cough and then Princess Luna’s voice came from another part of the room, behind an overturned table where the force of the magical explosion had thrown her after Twi had tried her best to aim the explosion away from her human herdmate, accidentally catching the princess of the night in the blast instead.

“Even for a pony of my power, being on the receiving end of a magical detonation of such power is... disorienting” She complained. “I believe next time, the deployment of some kind of magical armour may be a wise precaution”

Expecting the alicorn to shake herself off and make herself known, the others started to become concerned when all that came from behind the toppled table for the next few seconds were a series of thumps and a distinctly un-regal growl of frustration, followed by the distinct noise of a table leg being snapped.

“Oh dear. It would appear that I am experiencing some difficulty in extricating myself from your dining table.” Luna’s voice had more than just a touch of annoyance to it. Seconds later the terse tone was replaced with the full power of the Royal Canterlot Voice as she cried “QUID FACTUM EST CRURA MEA?”

With ears still ringing, Lero quickly pulled the table away to expose a very confused lunar princess who was flailing her limbs around in an especially unladylike fashion as she attempted to stand. As she wriggled and writhed, furry stripes of jet black moved across her body, fading away much like Lero’s had moments before to leave behind nothing but skin of a light tan colour, much like coffee with plenty of milk.

Pushing her forelimbs out in front of her the princess could see that her forehooves had been replaced with hands sporting long slender fingers, much slimmer than those of her human friend. Light blue eyebrows reached for the heavens as her - still striking cyan, though much smaller than before - eyes took in the sight of these weird alien appendages at the ends of her arms, flexing and curling at her every command.

Looking down she could see the rest of her body was slightly darker than Lero’s tanned parts, though she was much slimmer that he was and for some reason she seemed to have these two rather large mounds right on her chest where the human’s nipples were. The ends of her long mane fell lifelessly over her shoulders and across these... bouncy mounds, the strands of light blue hair showing no sign of moving in the ethereal winds, much as it had when she had first been freed from the corruption of Nightmare Moon. Moving her eyes further down she could see a flat stomach, then a small patch of light blue fur followed by a pair of long, curvy legs.

Looking up to find her three startled ponies, with an exuberantly grinning child and a gob-smacked human all staring back at her, her features contorted into an expression that, what with her great age and experience, she had found very little call for in recent years.

“QUID COITIO?” cried the very suprised new human.

Lero just stood, slack jawed and staring. A twitching under his towel wordlessly communicating exactly what the rest of his body was trying to say even though both his mouth and his brain appeared to have clocked off for the day.

“My god!” He finally stuttered. “Hot princess booty is HOT!”

Author's Note

Yes, I know the latin sucks.

49: A Sunset Refracted by FanOfMostEverything

A Sunset Refracted by FanOfMostEverything

***************

Like many universes, from a non-subjective, non-linear point of view, Equestria resembles a cylinder of infinite volume formed from countless timelines streaming from past to future in parallel. That these timelines can be parallel even as they branch off of one another is one of the more peculiar aspects of six-dimensional geometry.

Like any part of the natural world, these timelines needed to be guided and maintained by ponies. However, it should come as little surprise that, given the incredible complexity of the task, these ponies have a less-than-perfect track record. Especially when it comes to those who would travel from one timeline to another.

At first, the scene would be familiar to a hypothetical observer of Equestria: a cloaked pony skulking through the Crystal Palace, evading the guards, and slipping into Twilight Sparkle's suite.

That was where the familiarity came to a stuttering halt, along with the interloper herself. Her eyes bugged out as she took in the scene before her. Rather than a single sleeper, there were no fewer than three crowded in a much larger bed than she'd been expecting. One was a purple unicorn she didn't recognize, presumably Celestia's latest stooge. The other mare was clearly Rainbow Dash; the mane was a dead giveaway.

But it was the third sleeper that gave her pause. That face. That size. That hand around Dash.

Shocked out of her stealthy mindset, Sunset Shimmer whispered, "That isn't possible."

A flash of gold at the edge of her vision was all the warning she got before she slipped into unconsciousness.

Sunset groaned as she came to. For a moment, she wondered why the floor had become one of the walls before realizing that she was lying on her side. Trying to right herself revealed that her legs were bound. She narrowed her eyes. "Applejack." On any world, that bumpkin was the only person to treat hogtying as a solution to any problem.

Oh well. Easily fixed. Sunset focused her will into her horn and–

"Ow ow ow fuck shit OW!"

"Well, I think she's up."

Sunset didn't recognize the voice, but she was more focused on the circle of sharp little teeth biting down on the base of her horn. Even without channeling magic, she could sense a weight there if she focused. Years spent without hooves had done little to dull her spellcraft, but it had caused her to forget just how sensitive the damn hood ornament could be with energy flowing through it.

A door opened on the far side of the room, and Sunset took the chance to take stock of her surroundings. Judging by the close quarters and the solid sheet of faintly tinted crystal in front of her, she was in the Crystal Palace's dungeon. Fan-flipping-tastic.

Outside the cell, two mares and an impossibility approached her: a mint-green unicorn, a blue earth pony, and that which should not be. Sunset focused on the last. "How?"

The three shared a rather befuddled glance. The man asked, "Do you recognize me?"

Sunset snorted. No sense in hiding anything. If she answered their questions fast enough, she just might be able to salvage her plan. "Recognize you? I've been one of you miserable magicless monkeys for thirty moons!"

The other mares gasped at this. The man looked to the unicorn in confusion. "How long is a 'moon'?"

"Four weeks, generally." Sunset recognized the green mare as the voice she heard earlier.

"About two and a half years, then." The man turned back to the prisoner. "Where was this?"

"Like you don't know," Sunset scoffed. "I don't know how you kept your hands – or why, for that matter – but you obviously came here the same way I did."

The man leaned closer. The unicorn moved closer to him. "Lero…"

"Lero" disregarded her. "You were turned into a human… then back again?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Obviously. That's how the portal works. Except for you, it seems."

This got a frown. "Portal?"

The earth pony spoke up. "That mirror, then. The one giving off the unusual temporaspacial energy."

Sunset chuckled. "Of course. Celestia's left you all out of the loop. Typical." She looked around the part of the dungeon she could see. "Where is she? Too cowardly to look her former student in the eye?"

"That is none of your concern," said the unicorn. "Why did you enter our suite last night?"

"'Our' suite?" Sunset quirked an eyebrow at Lero. "What, the other two weren't enough for you?"

The unicorn gave no outward display of emotion. Just the opposite, if anything. She betrayed nothing in posture or tone beyond the kind of inner peace that comes from knowing how to kick a pony's kidneys out through her ears. "I'll thank you not to speak of my herdmates like that."

Sunset blinked. She must have misheard the other mare. "'Herdmates'?"

Lero scratched the unicorn behind her ears. She softened for a split second before hardening up again, twice as terribly tranquil. "Yes. This man is our stallion. Do you have a problem with that?"

"…'Our'?"

The earth mare stepped forward. "I think I'd better take it from here."

The green unicorn frowned at her. "You never did explain why the sousaphone player of Octavia's ensemble had the credentials to stand in on this interrogation."

"As in John Phillips Sousa?" asked Lero.

Both mares looked at him perplexedly. "As in Tsu Tsa the Metallurge, the ancient dragon composer and smith," said the earth pony.

"As for my credentials," she continued, "I'm afraid those are highly classified."

"It's on a need-to-know basis," said Lero, "and we don't need to know."

"That's… actually a very good way to put it, yes."

Lero nodded and turned for the door. "Come on, Lyra."

"But–"

"We should at least reassure Dash that this mare isn't an assassin. She's going to wear a groove through the floor at this rate."

Lyra's ears flattened against her scalp. "…Fine." She turned back to the earth pony. "You know what you're doing?" At the other mare's nod, she gave one of her own. "Then I can accept this."

The pair left the room, leaving Sunset with the mysterious earth mare. "So," said Sunset, "what's your story?"

"My name is Beauty Brass. As Miss Heartstrings said, I am a sousaphonist. Most of the time. When needed, I also serve as a member of the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau. Specifically, the Office of Parallel Realities." Beauty began to pace in front of the cell. "We are currently within what the Bureau calls Universe Eight-Six-Phi, distinguished by the unusual gender ratio of ponies skewed heavily in favor of females, the resultant adaptations of society, and more recently, the appearance of a single human from outside the local cosmic totality." She stopped and gave Sunset an apologetic smile. "Your presence here is, quite frankly, a mistake on our part."

Sunset found she had only one possible response to this revelation. "…What."

"That portal isn't exactly the most stable in the various Equestrias, hence the short active-to-inactive ratio. If I had to guess, I'd say the Celestia in the timeline you meant to access anticipated you somehow and destroyed or sealed the mirror there. That, or it's just a fluke. Probability space can be… finicky at times."

"What."

Beauty shook her head. "Pardon me, I tend to woolgather at times. In any case, you will, of course, be sent to the proper authorities, especially if you've been squatting in a timeline not your own for thirty moons. We have rather stringent immigration policies, you know." She nodded and smiled. "In any case, enjoy your stay. I understand you're the first unicorn to be held in the Crystal Palace dungeons since the Empire returned from the Shadow Plane. Quite momentous. Good day."

Sunset slumped as much as she could as the bizarre mare left the room. Well. Crap. Apparently she was in the wrong alternate world entirely, and imprisoned to boot. Now how was she going to brainwash an army of teenagers?

…huh. Saying it like that, it almost made her plan sound kind of stupid.

Author's Note

FanOfMostEverything: I hope this isn't too meta for its own good. The ETSAB is a semi-original creation of mine that several of my stories use fairly frequently. Sunset's gallivanting between universes seemed tailor-made for the organization, and since the Parallel Realities agent I usually use is already accounted for in the Xenoverse, I had to call in someone else. You can blame Archonix for setting me up the bomb inspiration.

50: Don't Tell Anypony by VelvetHeart

Warning: Slightly sad/dark
TQM EDIT: Seriously... this shit is dark! Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Don't Tell Anypony by VelvetHeart

*************************************

Four fillies lay sleeping, clustered together in a curled up, fluffy mass of bumps, chests rising and falling with each breath. Among them lay the shredded remains of a sleepover gone right, burnt 'smores and empty popcorn boxes. Little Sweetie Belle'd somehow managed to end up laying in one of the mushy marshmallow treats, leaving it stuck to her head like a cartoonish lump.

A sight missing a night with the mares for. A faint smile quirked Lero's lips as he watched the little cluster through sleepy eyes. His bed awaited...

...making soft whimpering sounds. Large eyes looked out from underneath, glistening moistly in the darkness. "L-lero, mister?"

"Pipsqueak, isn't it? Your friends are all in the living room, what are you doing under my bed?" Lero sat down, leaning in with an arm across the bed to watch the small, tear-stained face.

"I... I dreamed I was back."

"Back where?"

"Back in Trottingham. Y-you wouldn't understand."

"Well, maybe I will, if you tell me."

"...Promise you won't tell anypony?"

"Promise."

"I-it was in the living room. There was crying, but the adults were ignoring it. They were talking about everything but the crying, loudly, so they could pretend they couldn't hear it. But they could. We could too, in the corner with the other foals. We were playing, 'cause we'd been told to go play. We didn't feel like it, didn't have our hearts in it. We didn't even speak as we pushed our toys around.

I had a little sister, you see. S-she'd only just been born, and the adults were upset. They'd wanted a colt. You see, a filly costs lots of money. Food and such, until she's old enough for a job. But a colt... you can rent out a colt for money, to do... things. Sometimes a rich pony would come and...

...a-and rent. And we'd have money to help us keep the house and pay for the stuff daddy needed. But a filly... we couldn't afford another useless mouth s-so they pretended she'd never been born.

They told each other it was a stillbirth, while all the time she was crying. She was hungry, cold and alone and nopony would come to her crying. She kept crying and crying and crying and I wished she would just go and die already.

And then she suddenly went quiet. I-I felt so guilty. L-like my wish made her die. I never saw her again. My little sister died without ever seeing any pony. She died alone.

Sometimes I still dream about it. Sometimes I dream about holding her so she won't die alone.

Can I sleep with you tonight, Lero. Please?"

51: Imported Vices by VelvetHeart

Imported Vices by VelvetHeart

*****************

Countless years have passed since the Age of Harmony, a time now only remembered in quaint little fantasy games that linger tenaciously, gathering dust on servers that obediently churn their plates to give the lost ponies their fix of escapism.

It no longer matters to the ponies living in their lofty towers, sky-high phallic symbols of glass and steel, picturesque little terraces and online shopping-malls. The great void left by the Princesses is no longer felt either - and only those with ancient knowledge would even care that the sky around the sun was now peppered with arcane symbols and warped structures - creations meant to keep all but SolCorp from moving their property; the very thing that fed life to the world, now a monopoly.

Down in the shadowed slums, however, the shining sun brought little joy; Burnt-out, haggard, the street-corners were filled with the lost and lonely stallions who had nothing left to sell but themselves. Their bruises told tales of abuses and cruel clients, but they still lingered, longingly, for the mare to spend such a large portion of her coin just to stay clasped in loving hooves - to not be lonely for just one night.

Dilapidated buildings, their once-pristine beauty tarnished by the steady scrape of time and acid rain, stood crowded together like shivering survivors in the cold. Though dismal, it was a normal day; the sick, the drunk and the desperate abandoned to their fates, until fate struck; One of the buildings, already teetering, trembled as the bottom floor disappeared in a fiery blast. The upper half, complete with its pony inhabitants, sank into the rubble within seconds. None survived, but one saw the cause:

"They's wearin' these black suits, you see. More 'spensive than pony lives 'round here, so I thought: Snipsy, y'd better be keepin' an eye on those them mares." The street urchin sat at the table, his face barely visible over the edge as he talked. "One o' them dropped something, so I gots it for yeh, I know you likes this stuff." A tiny envelope was pushed across the softly-lit table, into the hesitant telekinetic grasp of a pearly-white unicorn in pristine garb.

"Why, ehm, thank you. Here you go, our usual agreed sum."

Credits were transferred, and with his booty fresh on his stick, the little urchin shot off. Best not to be seen talking too much, after all.

Rarity idly turned the small paper folder around, tilting her head this way and that. Without taking her eyes off the clue, she licked her lips and stated, "I already know you're there, dear. Why don't you come up and introduce yourself? It will go better than stalking back there, you're not as stealthy as you think you are."

With a metal clack, a cybernetic leg slapped to the ground nearby, swiftly followed by three more. The black limbs were clunky, metallic, obviously-artificial, but practical in design, and attached to a very sturdy-looking earth-pony mare. "Ah ain' got anythin' against you, miss. Ah was thinkin' you'd be needing some back-up for this one. And this mission? It's personal." A gleaming blade shot out from the mare's right foreleg, sharpened to a nigh-unnatural edge. "M'name's Applejack. Street Samurai Applejack."

"Ehm." Applejack looked down at the piece of paper in front of her, the countless scribbles quickly becoming a confusing blur as she tried to muddle through the various statistics and scores. "Ehm, I'm strong, an' fast, and tough an' such, so you're gonna need me, and stuff. Is this where Ah roll one o' these dice?"

"We'll get to rolling dice soon enough, Applejack," Lero replied from behind a cardboard screen. "But first, let's give the rest of the group some time to introduce themselves, ok? I understand Rainbow Dash has been aching to make an entrance for a good half hour now."

52: Crystal Eye Candy by warpd

Crystal Eye Candy by warpd

**********************

It was a time for celebration. The Crystal Empire was saved from the tyrannical grip of Sombra and the future has never looked brighter. Multi-colored crystal buildings sparkled as the residents partied hard enough to keep up with a certain pink pony. Emotions ran raw; lovers tongue wrestled, new lovers smooched, and strangers kissed.

The heroines that rescued the crystal ponies were surrounded by their grateful hosts. The little dragon had a horde that continued to grow as the day went on. Princess Cadance continued to greet and hug every one of her ponies. It was a joyous celebration.

Under a soft blue umbrella, a young mare and her stallion drank crystal berry tea. “Fantastic once again, Castle, just as I remember.”

The indigo grey stallion smiled as he softly answered. “I’m glad, Berry. Surprised I still remember after all this time.”

Berry Splash sipped her tea, her tail wrapped around his. Castle’s eyes popped before he blushed. “So, um, we never did get to...well you know we had just started this herd before him.”

“Oh I know.” Splash purred. “We are going to have fun at my place.”

Castle softly smiled before he pointed past her. “Hey, that’s one of the Equestrian mares.”

“Hmm? I think that’s all of them actually.” The six ponies happily chatted away across the street in a restaurant. Rainbow Dash hovered above all of them as she regaled to them some of her deeds.

“Castle, tell me what you think of the pegasus.” Little hearts played in her head as mischievous thoughts ran wild.

“She’s pudgy and round, which is rather strange for a pegasus.” Castle hummed as he poured another round for his mare.

“What? No, not the ugly one. I meant the blue one.” Splash scolded him. “Though now that you mentioned it, she is fat. Actually so are most of them, except for the rainbow pegasus. Even the Apple has some roundness to her.”

“Well she’s...really beautiful.” A red tint colored his crystal cheek. “She looks sleek, powerful. I’m sure she has an impressive trophy case of all her enemies’ feathers. I know you’re an athlete, do you notice anything?”

“Oh yes I do. That body belongs to the proud owner of a warrior, and not just one that trains thoughtlessly. She knows every part of her body and has pushed them everyday to their limit. Her pectoralis muscles are hard as diamonds, flexible for tight turns and yet powerful enough to turn storms. Such beautiful wings.” Splash sighed as tilted her head. “I would love to get to know that body up close.”

“S-splash! Not so loud.” Castle mumbled as he shrunk down. “What if she hears you.”

“Don’t worry, I bet she is the leader of their herd. Everything about her screams Storm Lord and I remember them being rather feisty.” Splash chuckled as she licked her lips.

“Well no actually I heard they are all just friends.” Castle coughed a little. “Odd for different tribes to get along so well.”

“It’s been a thousand years, there may have been tension with the unified tribes back in our time, but looks like that is all in the past.” Splash gave Castle a quick brush on his muzzle. “Think we have a chance with her?”

“I-i don’t know. She probably already has a herd and concubines back home.” Castle folded his ears back as he leaned up next to her. “I don’t have anything to offer her.”

“Hey now.” Splash kissed his cheek. “We are a herd. I will take care of you so no more sadness.”

“Thank you, Berry.” He returned the kiss passionately.

“Well even if she is out of our league I don’t see any harm in window shopping do you?” Splash giggled as they returned their attention towards the group. The heroines all laughed together at an unheard joke.

*******

Inside the restaurant, jovial friends enjoyed one another’s company. “Hey are those two ponies giving us the googly eyes?”

“Pinkie, what pony today hasn’t given us undue attention.” Rarity smiled as she continued to admire the crystal enchantment on her. “I don’t blame them really.”

Rainbow Dash sighed as she floated back down to the table. ‘Well it would be nice if they thought that of me. Oh well.’

Everyone went home none the wiser. Though the crystal pony mare from earlier did tell Rainbow Dash thank you rather enthusiastically.

53: Diverted from the tracks by VelvetHeart

Diverted from the tracks by VelvetHeart

**************************

"Fancy Dress! That makes an outfit combo!" Rainbow Dash cried out as she slapped her card down on the table.

"I guess that in a game, you are willing to put some effort into your appearance, Rainbow Dash," Rarity added with a titter, before drawing a card from the deck and placing it in the holder before her.

Twilight Sparkle let out a little squee of her own; "Oh, this is so much fun! Chatting and playing with just the girls again, now the stallions are out on their own thi--"

The door thumped open, admitting the familiar tall form of the only human in Equestria, who hesitated only a moment before joining the mares clustered around the circular table. "It didn't take as long as we thought it would. The wood just... popped right back into place, like it was never broken in the first place. Anyway, what are you girls playing?"

"Ehm." Twilight Sparkle hesitated only to have Applejack jump in, "It's Colt Gone Cold, a game. Y'see, it's about this here stallion, the hottest one in town, who suddenly became available 'gain. So in this game, you got to seduce the stallion into yer' herd before yer' opponents can. To do so, you draw cards and try to make these combos at the bottom here. Rarity there has a 'Perfumes' combo, which gives 'er points. If you get enough points, you win. Buuuut-"

"-your opponents can get special mess-up cards, which can break your combos or force you to throw away cards!" Pinkie Pie interrupted. "Waaait... we still have room for a player. Lero, join-join-join-join-joinjoinjoin!"

"Well, I suppose it's only an imaginary stallion." Lero sat down, and swiftly found himself with a hand of cards, completely ignoring the holder he was also offered. "Ok, I play this combo then. Cosmetics, with Perfume, Lipstick and... Nethergloss? What's nethergloss?"

Twilight Sparkle turned red in the face, prompting a guffaw from Rainbow Dash. It was Rarity who answered, however: "Dear, that's a cosmetic that's used to, ah, accentuate a mare's most-feminine features. It also comes in various flavors for the more, shall we say, active mares?"

"Y'all be usin' nethergloss then, Rarity?"

"Well, I used to." Rarity sighed. "Unfortunately young Sweetie Belle seems to have developed a crush on some colt or other and decided to help herself to mine. Poor filly never could do anything in moderation, she applied it like icing to her little 'cupcake'. What was left after that... well, I decided to let her keep it. A lady doesn't use a used stick of nethergloss."

"Ooh, cupcake!" Pinkie Pie bounced with enough force that the table trembled, "That makes me want a taste of-- of... why is everypony looking at me like- oh! No, I mean the tasty kind! I mean the jui- ack, that's even worse! I mean the kind that comes from an oven!"

"We were just joking, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash slapped two cards to the table. "It's not something I would've thought to use. Non-unicorns never have an easy time getting it to look right."

"Well, I can, and mine's special!" Pinkie added her interrupt card to Rainbow's combo, breaking it. "It's got edible glitter in and it tastes like strawberries!"

Rarity's eyebrow began to climb on a dainty journey into her maneline. Several other eyebrows around the table, perhaps inspired by this bold move, quickly began to follow. "Dear, did I hear you correctly? Do you mean you make your, ah, 'cupcake' sparkle?"

"Yepperoonie! At special parties it's great fun! Instant discopie! In fact, remember Vinyl Scratch, the DJ? She loved the sparkly stuff so much I had to pull her out from under the table so she'd remember to play for the wedding!"

Rarity's eyebrows completed the remainder of their journey in record time. "You wore sparkly nethergloss at the princess' wedding?!"

"Yep! How else did you think Twilight Sparkle knew which of the Pinkie Pies was a changeling and which was the real one? She peeked! And the smell of Twilight's tail-shampoo helped me, so I knew which one to use as a properly-mounted machi-nicorn!"

Twilight Sparkle's face was steadily going from a shade of lavender to a deeper purple. "So... how did you know which one was the real Rarity?"

"Oh, that was easy! Her nethergloss tastes like rasberries!"

Rarity's eyes bulged in a very unladylike-fashion. "Wait, THE FLAVOR?!"

54: Not subtle by VelvetHeart

Not subtle by VelvetHeart

***********************

They weren't very subtle. Their entry into Ponyville had quickly tripped almost every spell Twilight had prepared. Tracing them through the crowd had proven to be little challenge to sun's favored student, even among the cheerful dancing of ponies and the rather unusual makeup of the band. The two invaders had stood entranced for a while when her stallion took the stage for his own. She'd keep a tracking spell on them, they would not go near anypony without her knowing.

That still left her just a little bit surprised when the two mares just came up to her front door and knocked.

"Yes?" Twilight Sparkle answered as she opened the door, horn still aglow, just in case she needed it.

"We would like you to show us the elevator your stallion sang of," the first spoke, her expression as flat as her acting.

"Yes. The one with the love in it," the second added, before attempting a wooden smile.

"Ehm... Of course! Of course, right this way!" Twilight Sparkle replied, turning to lead them into the house, and down through the basement door and into a surprisingly-empty basement. In fact, the only thing of significant note was a rainbow-maned pegasus mare slowly grinding her forehooves together in eager anticipation. "It's a good thing you're here. Rainbow Dash loves pummeling changelings!"

With a strangely satisfied sigh, Twilight Sparkle closed the door as the sounds of violence began, bangs and cries muffled by the wood. After only a couple seconds, though, the sounds stopped with an ominous suddenness. Moments after, the door creaked open, and Rainbow Dash' face peeked around the corner, "Ehm... Twilight? Can you come in here? Things got a little... awkward.

Remember how you said I love beating up changelings?"

"YES! Nourish us with your beatings!"

"Hit us some more! Strike me! Strike me!"

"Yyyyeah. Let's just... drop them outside of town and forget this ever happened, ok?" Rainbow Dash said, wincing.

**********

Honeydew kept her smile in place, though it was threatening to slip. Some customers were just plain rude, but at least she could keep a smile on her face for most of them. Well, as long as they weren't-

Her thought was interrupted by the happy sight of her sisters walking down the road. Sure, things had been tense once in a while thanks to a disagreement over the whole monkey thing, but they were still her sisters. Flagging them over to the stand, she leaned over to give each a quick hug. "Well, 'least I still got you two being nice. What are you two doing away from your shops, though?"

"We're going to get a beating from Rainbow Dash!" Honeybee cheerfully announced.

"We deserve a good, loving beating!" Honeysuckle echoed.

Honeydew's mouth fell open. "W-what? Don't tell me you've gone and become those benches' benches!"

"Don't be silly, we're ponies!"

"We're ponies who are going to go over to Rainbow Dash for a beating. Because she loves hurting us!"

"I... what... I... why... Ugh! Forget it! You two just go on and call that Rainbow bitch your mistress then, if you're so insistent on it. Forget I was ever your sister! Just shoo!" Honeydew shouted angrily, thumping the surface of her stall.

Honeybee gasped. "You can do that? That will make her beat us? Yes! Thank you!"

Honeydew just watched as her two sisters began prancing down the road, numb with shock - an emotion that quickly transfigured into open-mouthed horror as she felt that familiar surge of magic rise moments before her sisters opened their mouths:

We're going We're going

To the Mistress To Rainbow Dash

To get the beating The beating we dese-e-e-e-erve

A taste of her love

Fill us up with her love

All night long her love

With every blow her love

Oh mistress Rainbow Dash beat us plea-ea-ease!

You two stop right there

And come with me-

If you want to please a mistress

You'll be dressed by Rari-te-e-e-e-ee

It's a gift to you for fre-e-e-e-e

"Oh Celestia," Honeydew whimpered quietly to herself, "it's a Harmony song. And everypony's singing along."

55: The Bell Tolls by VelvetHeart

The Bell Tolls by VelvetHeart

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Ding!

Play Write sighed as the schoolbell's song struck its final note, although little of it could be heard over the squealing of the foalswarm that came pouring around her legs, through the doorway, threatening to sweep her away like an undertow of concentrated adorable. Ponies lined the playground's fence outside, loyally waiting to be bowled over by the coming tsunami of hugs and excited chatter. Some had brought carts, but most were inclined to simply walk alongside their foals on the way back. Little Filthy Rich proudly held up a small jangling purse to his mother - Play Write'd need to talk to her about her son selling candy during recess sometime, but at the moment felt no urge to interfere.

Soon, all was quiet, the playground empty. It was the end of another schoolda-

Ding!

Play Write blinked as the schoolbell began ringing again for no reason, and quickly turned to run into the building to find out the cause of the strange malfunction.

That cause turned out to be a blond-maned little filly, teeth clamped around the rope as she worked herself to a sweat just to get the hefty bell to ring, often finding herself airborne as the swinging metal pulled her from the floor.

"Applejack?" Play Write stepped closer. "What are you doing?"

Her gaze was met with a pair of moist green eyes, "Teacher! I-I know it's wrong, but please don't make me stop! I need to ring the magic bell!"

"But Applejack, it's just a schoolbell."

"NO! Liar! It's a magic bell! I done seen it with my own eyes!" the little blank-flanked filly wailed. "It has ta be! It makes the parents come back for their children. If'n I ring it long and hard enough, mama'll come back and remember she's s'posed to be waitin' for me!"

The little filly's voice squeezed off in a squeak. "Parents're not supposed to stay away forever..."

56: (in)Humane Fashion by VelvetHeart

(in)Humane Fashion by VelvetHeart

***********************

The tape-measure zoomed back to Rarity's side as, with a quick flick of her magic, she jotted down her last notes. "Why, Lero, I think you may have gained a bit of mass around the upper arms. You're becoming quite the muscular young stallion." She giggled and turned to the half-naked man in her fitting room. "Don't worry, I'll adjust your coat to-"

The unicorn stopped midsentence, eyes going wide. Lero could almost swear he saw stars in them.

"I finally get it," Rarity whispered, before her voice caught back on, "I finally understand the appeal!"

"What?" Lero couldn't help but ask.

"That bulge!"

"What?!"

Suddenly Rarity was clamping her forelegs to either side of Lero's hips, her nose so close that the human could feel the front of his underwear warm with the heat of her breath. "How the cloth hugs you so intimately, hiding your most masculine feature yet giving such tantalizing hints! It's like the very art of seduction concentrated in cloth form! What were they called agai- ah yes, briefs!"

Rarity dropped down and aimed a forehoof at the stunned human. "Briefs! They'll be the newest stallion fashion, those louts in their Canterlot manors won't even know what hit them! Now shoo, Lero. I need my creative space. You'll have your outfit soon enough. Besides, if my guess of Rainbow Dash' coming state is correct, you won't be wearing much for the next couple of days anyway."

Turns out Rarity was right on the proverbial money, and it was well past the weekend by the time Lero managed to claw his way out of bed to pick up his clothes from the fashionista. On the way there, though... the first time he saw it, Lero did a double-take, the second time the response was just confusion. By the time he arrived at Rarity's boutique, he found himself in a sort of daze.

"Oh Lero! Fantastic news!" Rarity was near-breathless with excitement, "The new briefs fashion has exploded beyond my greatest imaginings, I'm getting orders from stallions everywhere from Appleloosa to Zebraica. With your human underthings and, of course, a large dose of that Rarity flair (let it not be said I am just a copycat), I have conquered the world of stallion fashion!"

"Ah, Rarity flair," Lero deadpanned. "That would explain all the lacy panties."

58: A Little Game by TheAlmightySage

A Little Game by TheAlmightySage

**********************

It all started so deceptively simple. Twilight had been taking a break from her studying and Lyra had asked her if she would help her with a Still Way mental exercise. Twilight, of course, had agreed without much thought and now found herself in the single most frustrating, mental exercise she had ever encountered in her entire life.

"What color is the corn flower?" Lyra asked, while staring at some spot of the ceiling's wood grain.

Sure it was just a series of seemingly simple questions, but the only rule of this exercise continuously frustrated Twilight. The rule simply stated "Take turns asking each other questions, but you must answer the questions without thinking", easy right? Wrong, dead wrong.

By the time Twilight caught herself pausing to think, Lyra was grinning at having already caught Twilight in her pause.

"This hard, agonizingly hard," Twilight said rubbing her forehead.

“Ponies suffer only because they take seriously what the Creator made for fun," Lyra answered cryptically.

Twilight frowned for a moment before a question for her turn popped into her mind.

"What is the theory of thaumaturgical resonance entanglement?" Twilight asked as she smugly thought to herself, Ha! Answer that without thinking.

Lyra did not say a single word, instead her horn lit up with its usual green aura and two small magical bubbles, one red and the other blue, appeared above the coffee table. Twilight watched as the two bubbles slowly merged into a single orange bubble, before disappearing. Satisfied Lyra laid back into the couch cushion smiling.

"But you didn't say the answer!" Twilight blurted out, equal parts confused and annoyed.

"The rule said it had to be an answer without thinking, it does not say the answer has to be said spoken," Lyra explained with a giggle.

Pushing her frustration aside for a moment, Twilight sighed and tried to look at this "game" from another angle while Lyra calmly sipped her tea.

"What's the point of this?" Twilight asked idly.

"We only see the gemstone at the bottom of the lake through still water," Lyra answered her herd mate with a small, knowing smile.

Twilight's ears perked up as realization sparked in her eyes. She glanced at Lyra, then inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, in a calming breath.

"Ready?" Lyra asked with a smile.

Twilight answered with a nod and smile of her own.

"When the bath water goes down the drain, does it go clockwise or counterclockwise?" Lyra asked before taking a sip of her tea.

"Clockwise," Twilight answered with a twirl of her hoof.

Lyra smiled at Twilight.

"Oh my gosh, I did it!" Twilight exclaimed happily.

“To a mind that is still the whole universe surrenders," Lyra quoted with a smile.

The two herd mates laughed merrily at their folly.

Author's Note

TheAlmightySage AN: Written in 46 minutes; no editing. I should really use this time to write something related to the stories I'm supposed write. Oh well.

59: Dream Stallion by VelvetHeart

Dream Stallion by VelvetHeart

****************************

The night was well on its way, but light still poured from the windows of the Carousel Boutique where the curtains would allow. Inside, the ponyquines had been moved to the side in favor of a large circular table, encircled not by fashion but with excitedly-chatting mares. A silence fell, for just a moment, as Fluttershy snuck her snout through the door, her hesitation immediately interrupted by the magic of a rather eager Rarity. "Why darling, you've finally come! For a moment there, I thought you might've chosen to decline my invitation!"

"Welcome, Fluttershy, to the Dream Stallion Fanclub!" Rarity added with a gesture that was, perhaps, a little too grandiose for the modest cluster of mares.

"D-dream Stallion?" Fluttershy looked up at her friend with an expression of confusion, moments before being marehandled into one of the chairs.

"Why yes! The most wonderful stallion, visiting lonely mares in our very dreams to ensure our nights pass in a perfect (and sometimes perverse) passion! Why, when I heard of it through the grapevine, I couldn't bare the thought of such a... a hero going unappreciated! Why - girls, why don't you tell poor Fluttershy about him?"

"Oh! Well... three nights ago, he took me to a mountaintop in my dreams, and fed me cherries under the full moon before he..." Bon Bon's cheeks burned. "He was magnificent. I wish I could meet him in reality. See him for myself, maybe, you know..."

"Yes, he took us both to this exqueeeezit natural cave with a shimmering pool," Aloe ventured, Lotus rapidly bobbing her head in response. "Through a hole in ze cavern roof, the moon and stars shone in, light glittering off the waters as he loved us both. It was the best dream ever."

"Oh, he never visited me. I think he only meets with mares who have no stallions in their herd." Twilight Sparkle jumped in, "I'm just utterly fascinated with his mastery of Oneiromancy. Clearly his grasp of dream magic is only second to Luna herself. If I collate everypony's experiences, maybe I can find out who he really is and we can talk and hypothesize about dream magic all day! Can you imagine what I could learn from this unicorn?"

Rarity rested her foreleg over Fluttershy's withers. "And that's why I formed this club. Together, we exchange tales and spread the joyous news of the Dream Stallion to lonely mares all over Ponyville. Lonely mares like you, Fluttershy. But above all, we want the Dream Stallion to know he's appreciated, and that he should, above all, come into our dreams more often. Especially mine, since, alas, like poor Twilight Sparkle-"

"Hey!"

"- and, it seems, you, I have gone without. But not to worry, we have figured out a way to tell him what poor mare needs him most. Come with me, outside." Before Fluttershy had so much as gotten comfortable in her chair, she was dragged out again, and outside.

"This," Rarity announced, pointing at a boxy, wheeled structure just outside her home, "is the Dreamsignal." It only took a flash of magic to light it fully, sending a beam of luminescence cutting through the night-time sky to paint an image of light and shadow across the underside of the clouds.

Fluttershy's mouth fell open, "Is that a huge..?"

"Well, to be honest, we first wanted the image to represent pleasant dreams, but none of us could come up with a universally-understandable image that was simple enough to project. So, we decided to focus on the stallion part of his title, since he is quite definitely all stallion."

Fluttershy was quiet for a while, "I... hope none of the little ones are looking out of the window right now."

"Oh, don't worry, darling. They've all seen one at some point, right? And hopefully-" Rarity let out a little squeal of excitement, "- hopefully I'll get to see one tonight as well!"

The rest of the evening at the club meeting involved things most commonly found in clubs: Snacks, drinks, and talking about stallions. Well, one stallion in particular.

Oh, and Rarity offered to give Fluttershy the Dreamsignal next, after she had her turn.

The night was black as pitch outside of the Carousel Boutique, no light poured from the windows, all was at rest but for the steady glow of the Dreamsignal, pouring its explicit representation of a stallion out across the clouds for all to see. A shadow moved, a shrouded mass sneakily slipping up to the target's home. A hoof reached out, and neatly popped open a window before the shape carefully forced its way through.

The cloaked and hooded pony carefully tread up the stairs, and into the bathroom, where it pulled out a slender hoof-mirror. A soft tearing sound announced a paper package torn asunder, its powdery contents poured across the mirror's surface before being nearly arranged into a duo of lines. A rolled up piece of paper made for a suitable funnel as the intruder quickly snorted up the mysterious powder-blue powder.

For several seconds, it listened, then set off. Doors opened quietly, and a shadow fell over the sleeping Rarity as the mysterious pony leaned in, and began to speak:

"Ah, Lady Rarity. You need not hide your wings from me, none but a princess could be a creature of such incredible beauty as thee. How could I not respond to your invitation to the gala with an eagerness only matched by my magnificent wealth and royal blood?"

The warm, manly voice rolled over Rarity's sleeping form...

...courtesy of the powdered poison joke working its magic on Fluttershy's voice.

Author's Note

VelvetHeart's AN:

The night was a pleasant one, most nights in Equestria were, made moreso by the unicorn at Lero's side. The night's chill was no more than that of a warm summer day's rain. Had it not been for the heavy cloudcover, the library's balcony would've been moonlit and picture straight of out of romantic fantasy. With Lyra's head resting in his lap, he barely had to move his arm to slide his fingers through her minty mane, before gently teasing one of her ears, something which got the mare to lean into his caress quite shamelessly.

A new light in the sky interrupted him. Thinking it was the moon peeking through the clouds, he glanced up and...

"...that's not a bat."

Lyra giggled from the content depths of his lap, "Sure it is, as long as you're playing softball."

60: Ivory Alicorn by warpd

Ivory Alicorn by warpd

**********************

Brimming beakers boiled carelessly, ticking instruments dribbled data, and blackboards filled with cryptic inscriptions written over smeared missteps lined the walls. Tools of the mad scientist spilled over from the lab room to the rest of the living area; after all wasted space is useless space. Energy sparks jumped from conduit to conduit in a display of controlled chaos. In the middle of it all, Princess Twilight Sparkle cackled with wings out stretched to their full glory.

Twilight’s mane was frayed from disastrous explosions, her coat blemished from ink spills, chalk dust blanketed her back, and pink flower bandaids dotted her flank. None of this mattered to the scientist, for today had brought her the fruit of her labors.For this moment she had prepared her line for her ‘spying’ audience. Her favorite word that her stallion introduced to her.

“Eureka! I have found it!”

“Twilight, that is a redundant statement.” Lero leaned on the door frame a safe distance. Who was he kidding? “Honey, when was the last time you left your room?”

Lero blinked, then found himself staring down the face of his wife; wide, thin long grin and all. “Days maybe, or a few weeks. I don’t know. I’ve been on a roll and I finally found it, and you got here just in time!”

“We did schedule for me to be here. Rainbow and Lyra send their love.” Her stallion only had the tiniest urge to run away, but love won out over logic once again. “Alright, what did you find?”

“I have discovered new magic.” The princess declared. Her voiced cracked a bit.

A hesitant hand caught the twitching ear and slowly rubbed away the tension. “Ok, that’s good, but you have to be more specific. You create new magic enough times for there to be a weekly column in the paper.”

A brush of magic tickled the tip of his hair. Gone was the manic grin, replaced with one of foal like glee. “How would you like to be a unicorn for today?”

Lero tilted his head, the simple question was not what he expected. “This is what you’ve been working on?” Twilight nodded her head. “Wow, I remember when you said it was impossible.”

“I see magic a little bit differently now, so things are more open.” Twilight tilted her head from side to side. “Now then...please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!”

“All right, all right, I wasn’t going to say no.” He sighed as her muzzle rubbed his nose. “Where would you like to do it?”

“Right here...er.” Twilight looked back at her safe environment that the Cutie Mark Crusaders would hesitate to enter. “Let’s go to your room.”

The royal consort’s room hosted the intended Princesses and her consort just fine. It also held any unwelcomed guests fantastically as well.

Shoveling popcorn into his mouth with a shovel, Discord’s cheeks continued to expand until they were twice the size of his head. “So what’s todays magical lesson Princess Twilight? Your most faithful student awaits.”

“I want a new towel, Twilight.” Lero had disrobed to avoid destroying his clothes during the transformation. The towel he got was…

“Oh my.” Discord the Towel glowed.

Twilight glared at him as her horn sparkled. “No.”

“Oh pooh.” Discord the Towel released his grip as Discord wrapped himself around his head. “I do enjoy how red he gets.”

“Let’s just get this over with.” Lero slumped over with a groan as Twilight wrapped another towel around him.

The princess spread her legs apart as she lowered her horn at him. Twilight’s eyes glowed white as she found her place in the tapestry of magic that surrounded the world. The roots of harmony stretched out before her, from the lowly animal aura to the massive whirlpool from the spirit of chaos. Finally, to that dead empty spot where her stallion was. ‘Not today. I will give him magic, even for just a little while.’ Twilight carefully divided her magic into three parts as she readied her spell.

The air grew heavy as sparks of magical discharges zipped around the room.Lero felt pressure all over his body as his wife lifted him off the ground slowly. His skin prickled as Lero mentally calmed himself with slow breaths. Bones started to shift and patches of hair started to come. It felt weird and it thankfully didn’t hurt, just the odd feeling of losing one's body. Something warm started to build up in his core.

‘That’s different. As is the headache...ow.’ He thought just before a nub of bone protruded from his forehead. ‘That would do it.’

Discord sipped his popcorn and ate his soda. ‘Wonder if Sunbutt found my pet brain slug I left in her crown.”

Magic converged to a singular point. Radiance burned from the tower. The unfortunate pegasus guard that happened to be looking at it was only two days from retirement. A beacon of light broke through the heavens. Then nothing. Someone from long ago woke up.

Lero’s sight returned slowly, he noted that he would have recovered faster as a human. ‘Unicorns might have more sensitive senses. I can feel my hooves, fur on my body, and tail, so check all across the board. Just like every time, get up carefully.’ He could feel his muscles strain.

“Twilight? Twilight are you there? I can’t really see much.” His voice was a little more tenor.

A magic induced headache plagued the princess as she lay flat on her back. A towel was draped over her head. “Well princess, aren’t you going to get up?”

Twilight magiced the towel away, a thousand yard stare painted her face. With a quick flash of her horn the memory was burned, trampled, and forever cast down to the unknown. “Oh Lero! I’m coming. Sorry about the backlash, guess my math was not...not...Lero is that you?”

“Yes? I’m pretty sure I’m me.” Vision returned as Lero blinked rapidly. He could see his wife in her lovely shade of confusion and amazement. “Well I feel a horn, so it worked right? Right?”

Lero was tall. Tall enough to look Princess Celestia in the eye. His coat, tail, and mane were pure alabaster that seemed to repel any form of grime and grit. His horn, that fantastic elegant spear on his head, made Princess Celestia’s look petite. “Aaaaahh.”

“You ok there?” The new unicorn’s night sky blue eyes twinkled in amusement. “Don’t tell me I leave you that awestruck.” He snickered.

“Aaaahh--wait a moment. What the hay!?” Twilight shook her head as some strange things threw off her gaze. “Your hooves, they’re cloven. And your tail looks like a lion’s tail. Your body is so thin. Did I mess up my calculations?”

She then heard the sound of clapping. Discord in a surprising display of non-sarcastic praise clapped in approval. Then he was joined by a theater of clapping, whooping, and whistling as flowers from unknown origins that landed at Twilight’s hooves. “Bravo dear, fantastic work.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow as a thornless rose landed in her mane. “Discord, I wanted to turn him into a unicorn. This is clearly not a unicorn.”

“Well, time for the student to become the teacher.” Discord snapped his talons as a chalkboard dropped from above. Twilight found herself in a student’s desk two sizes too small for her, Lero found himself on display at the front of class. “Now play attention. I don’t do this, well ever really. So magic kindergarten is in session and my dishonorable student you have failed the pop quiz with an A-.”

“An A-!” Twilight gasped, then promptly scowled. “You monster.”

“No use trying to butter me up. Now then.” Discord whipped Lero’s flank with a crop. Unsurprisingly he whinnied. “Note the disgusting clarity of his voice and how utterly harmonious is sounds. Sadly no cure is possible. Reflective eyes that you can dive into. Cannonball!” In a surprising twist the tiny Discord bounced off Lero’s eye and sailed through the air. “The purifying magic that keeps him protected from most magic. Please catch me my dear and pay attention.” The little Discord smacked Twilight’s muzzle with an audible slap.

“He can heal poisons, wounds, curses, mind control (he grumbled), diseases, hexes, and bad food, but not stupidity. Out of luck there kiddo.” Discord patted her cheek with bemused affection before he bounced back up to the front of the class. “Oh and he is about as physically capable as melted jello.”

“This is what you unicorns use to be.”

Twilight furled her brow. There was always the chance is was lying, but why all the work for a joke? “When did the change happen?”

Discord hemmed as he unchewed an apple. “A little around the time when you little ponies decided to get together and become the bestest of friends. Everypony got hanky panky under the blanket.”

“This is actually what unicorns were said to look like in our myths.” Lero spoke up. He paused for a moment like a pest bothered him. “Hi my name is Lero. Great, I sound like puberty decided to pass me up, and what happened to my beard?”

“Twilight? Lero? Are you alright.” A hesitant but calm voice called out to them outside of the room. “We all saw the eruption of magic. I’m coming in.”

Princess Celestia pushed open the door, behind her an entire squadron of guards shaking in their armor readied themselves. “Everythings fine and under control! No need to panic!” Twilight called out, but her words were caught by a baseball glove.

“Shhh, I want to see how this plays out.” Discord whispered inside her ear.

Lero, with a manly squeaked, spun around to see the princess come in. Appropriately enough his form sparkled as he did so as his mane seemed to glide across the air. “P-princess Celestia!”

“Oh...oh. I don’t think we’ve meet. Um...hi.” Celestia’s thoughts seemed to evade her at that moment. “Do you need some help? I could--.”

“I’m Lero, Princess.” Lero uttered with a deadpan expression. “Twilight turned me into a unicorn. A full blooded unicorn with none of the genetic variables from the other races.”

“Oh come on!” Discord yelled from behind the curtain. “You had this one chance to play it up. Spoilsport.”

“I didn’t like where this was going.” Lero groaned. Celestia approached him until they were face to face.

Then she started to laugh. “I remember stories as a foal about the old unicorns...had a bit of a fantasy about them too.”

“So sorry, Princess” Twilight teleported to her side. “I got carried away with my research again. Though the results have been intriguing. Very intriguing.”

“Princess can you assign us to protect him?” They all whipped their heads towards the guard outside the open door. “He looks so delicate.”

Lero flinched like he was just slapped. “I am not delicat-whoa! That stumbling means nothing.”

**********************

“Breaking news, nerds.” Discord announced to you as a paper spun towards the screen.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, in a recent experiment, turned her husband into a unicorn. According to eyewitness accounts evidence has proven that modern unicorns are not as pure as we once thought. Nobles are currently going ballistic as all claims to be above the commoner have been ditched in a moat.

“No, please, just no.” Lero repeated to the noble mare before him.

Lady Goldentrim would have normally had her snout in the air, but it was a moot point with the two taller ponies. “I was speaking with Princess Twilight Sparkle. I have laid out my proposition to you and I must say I am being quite generous.”

“Your daughter doesn’t even have a cutie mark yet, and we already have a lead mare.” Lero grimaced as he looked down the foal not even up to his knees.

“Do you allow your stallion to speak for you? Unbecoming of a Princess, though I do suppose you are new at your station.” Goldentrim huffed as flicked her ear back.

Twilight stewed on her throne. “Pony after pony has come today with one ridiculous proposition after another. Out!” Goldentrim and her daughter was suddenly teleported outside the open door next to the long line of other petitioners. Twilight teleported next to the door. “Out! Out! Get OUT!” The door slammed shut from her shout alone. “I am not seeing anypony else today! My court is dismissed. Guards, take your leave.”

Twilight sat on her haunches as her chest expanded rapidly. She extended her front left hoof and brought it to her barrel. With deep breaths, she practiced her tried and true calming technique.

“Honey.” Twilight looked up to her fragile stallion as he nudged her with his muzzle. “Maybe we should just turn me back.”

She sniffed a few times as she nodded. “I always wanted to share magic with you, not sit around court all day listening to proposals from jerks. The spell was not even suppose to make you fertile, just turn you into a unicorn. At least we know it is possible. We’ll try again another time...when I can find more time.” Twilight’s horn glowed as she started to weave the reverse spell. The princess reached out to him.

The spell was immediately dispelled when it touched Lero.

Twilight blinked rapidly as she tried again. Same results. She scrunched up her face as she tried with more force, again it failed. “The purifying magic. I can’t change you back.”

Lero became pale, he’s talented like that. “You can’t be serious. Twilight I don’t want to remain like this.”

“No, no, no I just need to...um...research this. I can fix this.” Twilight said rapidly as she teleported herself and Lero to her cluttered bedroom. “No need to panic dear. This is just a misstep, yes a simple misstep.” Princess Twilight flipped over a blackboard as she took out three chalk sticks and started sketching different equations.

The new unicorn mustered up his self control as he remained calm. ‘No need to make it worse by panicking. She does it enough for the both of us.’ Lero cantered towards the closed window and opened it. “You don’t mind if I open this, do you? Some air would do us some good.” Twilight continued to mumble as books floated above her head as she grabbed another chalk stick.

Lero sighed as he decided to watch the sunset, and the smoke rising from the town entrance. “Hey, Twilight. Something is going down in town.”

A bright flash of violent magic sparked as a pillar of ice rose from the downtown. There was joyful laughter that followed. “Twilight, this is very important. You need to see this now!”

Her stallion yelling brought Twilight out of her trance. “What? I’m trying to fix this problem, Lero.”

“I think we might have a new problem.” Lero pointed to the ball of energy that crashed through buildings to reach the castle.

“NO! That thing destroyed Donut Joes!” Twilight screamed. “And I hear laughter. Do you hear laughter?”

“That sound of someone enjoying inflicting mass destruction, oh yes I hear that.” Lero nodded as he recognized the mundane sound of another super villain rolling into town. “Though doesn’t this usually happen in Ponyville?”

Twilight didn’t answer as she focused on the magic the newcomer was using. “This one is really strong. Stay here.” She opened her wings as she jumped out of the window. She dipped low as she clumsily caught herself.

There was a black mare surrounded by down guards with a smug look. “Unification has done little for you peasants.” The unicorn was just as tall as Lero, and that’s where the similarities ended. There was something incredibly wrong with her horn. A spiral of bone came from her head, a red base that melded into a white tip. Gold eyes flared like flames as her black mane and tail bellowed.

“Where are you, my Prince?”

“Cease this at once!” A royal voice blasted from the heavens. A white blur slammed into the ground. Princess Celestia spread her wings out and glared at the intruder. “I will not tolerate this anymore.”

“What in Aether’s name are you supposed to be?” She snarled, her sharp pointy teeth evident. “Some kind of mockery of the unicorn?”

“I am Princess Celestia and you have already caused enough destruction in my kingdom.” She stamped the ground.

“Interesting. I am Princess Mithril. I care less for your kingdom, I want the unicorn you are holding.” Lightning sparks jumped around Mithril as her cloven hooves cracked the ground beneath her. Twilight hovered down slowly next to Celestia. “Another one? You look like the rest of the commoners that call themselves unicorns.”

“What do you want?” Twilight called out.

Princess Mithril smiled, which reminded Twilight of Nightmare Moon’s teeth. “You have a male unicorn. I want him. I have slept for eons and now a suitable partner has appeared.”

“Male Unicorn? You don’t mean...Lero!” Twilight gasped as took as step back.

“Lero? Tis an odd name, but I’m sure it has some significance. I will ask it of him after we bond in bed.”

“Bond with him? I don’t think so, I’m married to him. He’s my stallion.” Twilight flared her wings out as she glared at the intruder.

Mithril eye’s narrowed. “He is yours? I challenge you to a duel for the right to keep him. I will eat the flesh from your bone and present my winnings to him.”

“No.” Celestia stepped forward. “You have done enough. By my authority you will surrender or you will be subdued.”

The unicorn smiled. Then a long white horn caught her eye, up in one of the tall towers was a white stallion. Her prize. “Fine, I accept your withdrawal. I’ll collect what is mine and be on my way!” With a quick shimmer of her horn, Mithril teleported. A streak of magic zoomed it’s way up the tower.

Lero felt it coming. ‘I think it might be a good time to run.’

A ball of light flashed behind him. “Hello.”

‘Oh hell.’

He looked at the creature before him and she was...odd. Mithril pranced before him with tail high and a pleased grin on her face. “My fellow unicorn. I am Princess Mithril. Please come with me we will leave these clumsy rejections for greener pastures.”

“What are you talking about?” Lero gulped as he backed away slowly. He found himself backed into a wall quickly.

Mithril paused for a moment and tilted her head. “I know I haven’t brought you any war bounty to present to you, but I assure you I am a worthy partner.” She then started to shift her hooves as she contemplated her next words. “Your voice is beautiful and your tail is quite lovely. Curses, I’m not good with this. If only I had some flowers.”

Princess Mithril stood up tall and marched to Lero and kissed him roughly. Lero on his part did not kiss back, though he could have sworn he heard a moan of happiness from her. A burst of light appeared between them as Twilight teleported in and shoved Mithril away. “You stay away from him.”

“So you do wish to fight for him? I assumed you had lacked the will.” Mithril snarled. “Look husband, I’ll prove to you I am the superior partner.”

“First of all creep. He’s not actually a unicorn, I turned him into that this morning.” Twilight snorted as her front right hoof scrapped the floor.

The unicorn glared at her. “What sort of meaningless drivel are you spouting?”

Lero cleared his throat as he sat down. “Ya, actually I’m a human. Princess Twilight here had a new spell we agreed to try out.”

Mithril blinked before she smiled. “Is that so? Well then princess.” She said sarcastically, “dispel it then.”

Twilight sighed as she gestured with her wing. “I can’t, his magic counters any attempt to change him back.”

“Interesting tale if it were true.” Mithril’s horn glowed as she tilted her head down. “Be ready, interloper.”

Twilight lifted off as ice sprung up beneath her. She fired a laser spell that bounced off Mithril’s shield. “You are nothing to a true unicorn!”

‘She can’t dispel my magic. Magic I’m not even sure how to use.’ Lero grumbled. Twilight weaved through spells as she casted her own. ‘Dispel...dispel...could I dispel myself?’

Princess Celestia strode into the room with a contingent of guards. Their magic shots bounced off the intruder’s shield. Mithril tried to fire one back, but was blocked by Celestia’s own shield. ‘Twilight explained it to me how magic feels. If I see myself as cursed, it should work.’

A flare of fire bellowed around the room chasing Twilight. Months of research went up in ashes. “You destroyed all my math work! I’m going to pulverize you!”

“I like to see you try.” Mithril chortled as she launched spears at Celestia. Earth Pony Guards blocked them with towering shields as the guards slowly got closer to Mithril.

“I wish.” Lero whispered to himself. “I wish to repel this spell.” There was a spark. Twilight saw a twinkle in his eye “This form is not true, return the body to that what it once was!” Magic. His magic. Lero could feel it at that moment. “...Amazing.”

A bright flash enveloped the room as all magic spells were extinguished. Mithril stumbled backwards. “What?” Her sight returned and what was once a majestic unicorn stallion stood something else. An strange creature with gangly limbs and an odd standing position.“You just dispelled yourself. No! Change back, I demand it. I didn't come all this way for it to end like this!”

She stomped towards him with nostrils flared. Lero raised an eyebrow as he casually reached out and grabbed her horn. Mithril glared at him as she tried to shove it aside with a spell. It did not work as his hand blocked it, so she struggled violently. “Let me go now.”

“Are you for real?” Lero asked. “You are actually fighting me with everything you got and I can barely feel you.”

“Barbaric strength.” Mithril snarled.

“Not really no.” Lero sighed. Then Twilight slightly kicked her back leg. Mithril collapsed with a gasp of pain. “She is quite literally a glass cannon.”

“Please. Please come back to me. I have nothing left.” Mithril started to cry. Lero mentally grasped the bridge of his nose.

‘Oh great, now she’s crying. This isn’t awkward at all.’

“I’ll take her, Lero.” Princess Celestia trotted next to them. Chains appeared around Mithril as some of the guards lifted her up in a field of magic. They carefully took her out of the room leaving behind Princess Twilight and her stallion.

Twilight looked around the destroyed remains of her room. “My spell. It will take me weeks to get it all back. That’s if I get it right the first time.”

Lero placed his hand on her withers. “Sorry. I don’t think any of us saw this coming.”

A small grin formed on Twilight’s face. “Could always try a pegasus.”

61: A Friend In Need Is Wetter by VelvetHeart

A Friend In Need Is Wetter by VelvetHeart

*******************************

Lyra's ears perked up, quickly followed by a hoof that halted Lero mid-sentence. As one, the four turned to look, then followed her pointed ears to the library's front door. Lero, breath held, listened intently. "I hear nothing. I guess it was-"

"I'll get it." Rainbow Dash volunteered, rising from her cushion to open the door, unveiling a rather familiar yellow pegasus. "Hey, Fluts. What brings you here at this hour?"

"Ehm... well... I wanted to ask... you see... ehm... could I borrow Lero for a bit?"

This got a bray of complaint from pretty much everypony, and even Lero made a little sound that could be interpreted as shock. "Woa there!" Rainbow Dash squawked, "We don't do things like that here! I know heat-season is soon but you can't just barge in here and ask for our stallion's service!"

Fluttershy's jerked back, her face immediately going from yellow to a pink notably darker than her mane. Leaning in, she gently grasped Rainbow and brought her lips to the fellow pegasus' ears, whispering.

"Ohh. False alarm," Rainbow laughed. "Say, Lero, would you mind helping Fluttershy with her shopping?" She turned to her friend and gave the shy girl a quick hug, "You bring him home intact, ok? No breaking him."

There wasn't so much of a peep out of the shy pegasus all the way to the store, a curious building whose only identifying feature was a sign with a single large snowflake. A soft push by Fluttershy sent the door inward with a soft chime, and gave her and Lero access to...

...a hall of dicks. Lero gaped as he ran his eyes along the walls, where rubbery phalluses jutted lewdly from their displays, wide in variety, shape, and interestingly, strapsizes. In fact, each and every one came equipped with straps, a bag, a tube, and some kind of squeezebulb.

"Welcome to The Chillbox! I'm Icicle, and I'll be taking care of your needs today!" A rather chipper unicorn mare spouted as she practically jumped her customers. Glancing at the human she quickly added, "Please don't try to give oral to any of the products. We're trying to be hygienic here."

Lero's mouth snapped shut. "I thought... ehm..."

"So, Fluttershy. You finally found some indication as to your perfect cooler?"

Shyly, and partially hidden behind Lero's legs, Fluttershy nodded. "Ehm, Lero, could you... hold out your arm, roll up your sleeve, and make a fist?"

" Why- oh." Lero felt the heat rising in his cheeks as he obediently extended his arm, and then it was Icicle's time to look surprised.

"Oh my, well... give me a moment."

Lero was used to being measured by floating tapemeasures. After all, Rarity was a friend and a uniquely-experienced tailor. Still, there was something a little off about having the unicorn rattle off words like 'flare-size' and 'shaft-girth' while measuring his arm.

"Alright," Icicle finally concluded, "I've got everything I need to make your custom cooler, Fluttershy. You can come pick it up in three days. But..." Icicle hesitated for a moment, "...are you absolutely sure you can take this size, ma'am? Once I start, there's no money back, and if it doesn't fit comfortably, then all you've got is a very expensive conversation piece."

Fluttershy whimpered quietly, before falling silent. Finally, she turned to look up at Lero and asked:

"Ehm, Lero. Could you... make a fist again?"

62: Culture Crystallized by VelvetHeart

Culture Crystallized by VelvetHeart

**********************

"It is an honor and a pleasure to host your presence and the presences of your herd, your majesty," Perfect Pearl announced through the plush hotel carpeting she'd pressed her face to. Quickly rising, but keeping her head slightly dipped to keep her eyes beneath the royal chin, the glittering mare quickly ran her gaze through the eclectic group. "Do not worry, we have the royal herd-suite fully-prepared and ready for your arrival. Your baggage has already been moved there."

"Ehm..." The newly-crowned princess Twilight Sparkle felt her cheeks flush slightly, "...actually, they're not all in my herd."

Perfect Pearl's eye twitched visibly, "...They are not?" Her gaze swept through the group again, landing first on Rainbow Dash' toned flanks before turning to Lero. "I fear I was misinformed, but do not worry; We will prepare a second herd-room for your Storm Mistress ally and her herd, and we have kennels for your pet."

"Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Lero here are, actually, my herd. The others in the group are all single."

"Well, in that case, please let the maid guide you to the royal chambers. We have lesser, single accommodations for your--"

"Friends, and they mean the world to me."

It seemed Pretty Pearl's cheek was steadily acquiring a rather impressive variety of tics, "Of course. How could I have possibly expected it would be ea-otherwise. Let us consider some crystal berry tea before showing you your rooms. Which we have ready. Absolutely ready. Don't worry, every single need our noble guests have will be properly addressed. You will not find my hotel lacking."

Pinkie Pie giggled as she watched the hotel's owner frantically gesturing to her staff when she thought they weren't watching.

* * *

Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity walked through the warmly-lit crystalline corridor, glowing orbs and numbered doors alternating in a steady parade down both walls. "Number sixteen, number seventeen, ah, this one's mine."

"Good, mine is just a little further. Come along Pinkie Pie, yours is further still."

The shy pegasus smiled and sighed, fishing out her key to click open the lock. The door creaked open-

"Oh, oh dear! Sorry, there must've been a mistake! I didn't know this room was occupied!" Blushing heavily, Fluttershy quickly backed out of the room, and closed the door, glancing to the doors on either side of hers to check if she got the right number. "Rarity? Rarity?" she called over to her unicorn friend, running the short distance to stand by the unicorn's side just as said unicorn closed her own door. "Rarity, did your room... did your room have a stallion laying on your bed too? One who was... ehm... you know..." Fluttershy's face was steadily going from yellow to pink and progressing towards red.

"Why, yes dear. I must admit, this hotel manages to make a mint on the pillow seem rather stingy, considering the erect crystal stallion on mine." She opened the door again, and walked right in, shamelessly running an appraising eye along the stallion's glittering length, "It would be ungracious not to make use of our host's generous services, now would it?"

"No, Rarity! Look, he's crying~"

"Oh! Oh no. I... I hadn't even considered that. The crystal empire is from a thousand years ago, they probably never even heard of stallion equality before, and... Wait, did Pinkie Pie find her room yet?"

A loud 'Bang!' echoed down the corridors, sending the two mares into a frantic run to Pinkie's room, where the door had been blown clear off. Confetti lay everywhere like the debris of a fragmentation bomb. "Hey, hello Rarity, hello Fluttershy! Come and join me in celebrating mister North Spire's 'You're Not Getting Raped Today' party!"

* * *

"Now, remember what I showed you." Princess Cadance' expression was stern as she pointed a hoof at the table, neat cups steaming with fresh tea while her stallion Shining Armor sat at one end. She turned to one of the waiting mares, and nodded.

The mare walked up to the table, and smiled. "Hello mister. We'll be having tea together today."

Shining Armor hmmphed out loud, "With you? No, I'm tired of tea. I'll have some coffee."

The stallion wasn't sure what happened next, but one moment he was in his chair, the next he was on the floor, clutching his testicles and trying not to throw up. For some reason his wife was smacking the mare around the snout with a rolled-up newspaper.

63: Art Dump by VelvetHeart

Art Dump by VelvetHeart

********************

She liked her place, she liked her job, and unlike what her attitude implied, she took her job seriously. So when Rainbow Dash knocked at her door, Pink Palette was already there, papery package in-hoof. "Well, hello there, Rainbow Dash. It's done.

But before you go," Pink Palette laid her hoof on the pegasus' shoulder, "let me tell you that your commission has been the most challenging I've had to complete in a long time, and I feel I've grown as an artist in overcoming it. You'll find it's the best work I've done sofar."

"Uhm... thanks, I guess?" was Rainbow Dash' less-than-sure reply.

"But, if I may ask, where did you get the... idea for this comic?"

"Oh, my stallion gave it to me."

"It's a gift for him?"

Rainbow Dash smirked. "Sortof."

**********

Whatever you could say about that sugared-up pink pony, she could definitely throw a party. Tired, but satisfied, Honeydew stood among the remains of her birthday, cleaning up the colorful decorations and the empty plates. A yawn escaped her just as she cleared the large dinner tray that she'd used to convert the gift-table into a dinner table, one followed with a wince as she saw just how dirty it was. Maybe she should've offered the extra bits for Pinkie Pie's afterparty clean-up service after all...

...well, it was too late now, so- holdon there!

A slender gift remained on the table, wrapped in bright pink. Apparently she'd missed it and placed the tray on top of it.

No nametag to say who it was from. Luckily, no stains either. Carefully, she tore the pink wrapping, unveiling a smile on her face, and a set of handsome, muscular and thoroughly-erect stallions on the cover of a magazine. It looked like somepony out there knew of her fondness for stallion-on-stallion. She'd have fun with this one!

She was already excited to see what those two stallions would do - and what they would need that one bucket for.

64: Mystery Skills by VelvetHeart

Mystery Skills by VelvetHeart

*****************

"The tribes are all equal." We assume this to be true, and in a way, they are. That does not therefore mean, however, that all tribes are the same. You have but to look at the distribution of talents among them: Agrarian to the earth-ponies, weather to the pegasi, and magic among the unicorns. You'll rarely find a unicorn with a flight-related cutiemark, or an earth pony with a magic cutiemark, let alone something as ridiculous as an animal-caretaking cutiemark on, say, a pegasus.

******

Commander Hurricane had been weathered and hardened by hardship and cold, but even she could feel the powerful glow of the sun deeply warming her muscles as she flew across the fields of Equestria. The earthponies had been busy; they'd done their thing, and the pegasi had done their thing, and the unicorns had topped it off in their typical showy put-the-sun-in-the-sky style. The end result was more plants than the commander had seen in a long, long time. Food. Finally.

A few quick wingbeats set Hurricane down near a large amount of the curious plants, long brown strands of material topped by little brown ovals. Food. Well, flying was appetite-building business, and these earthponies wouldn't miss a little bit. A quick bite was all it took - Crrrrnck!

"Ptui!" What was this?! This was the food they were growing?! She remembered these barely-edible little pebbles well enough, the earthponies used to weigh down their food tributes with entire bags of the stuff. Why were they dedicating so much land to this? It was an outrage!

Well, Commander Hurricane knew what she'd be talking about next time the tribe-leaders met.

******

The door opened with a soft creak, and the commander stomped in. Princess Platinum and her servant were already seated with the 'temporary' Earth Pony leader, Smart Cookie. In the midst of the table stood... something brown.

"Ah brought us somethin' tah eat," Smart Cookie explained, pointing at the curiously-fragrant item on the table. Every muscle in Hurricane's back went rigid in readiness when Smart Cookie drew forth a blade, but finally relaxed a little as the blade sank into the foodstuff, feeling a little guilty for already mistrusting her cross-tribal ally.

Of course, you dunce! It's too big to eat in one piece. Whatever it is, it needs to be cut, like a large apple!

Princess Platinum looked hesitantly at the supplied piece of brown, crusty thing with the soft, gooey innards, so Clover the Clever took it upon herself to sample a piece.

The enjoyment on the unicorn's face convinced Hurricane to finally try the strangely-shaped fruit, its sugary fragrance catching her nose just before she took a bite.

It was... like an apple! But even sweeter, and with a strange, sweet outer skin that was kind-of crunchy! Why had the earthponies never included any of these in their tithes?! Even Princess Platinum seemed to be losing some of her usual decorum in favor of slathering the general area around her mouth with the fruit's sweet interior.

"I'd mmfff mm," Hurricane quickly swallowed to clear her mouth. "I, Commander Hurricane of the proud pegasi tribe, hereby deman-" The commander bit off her word, clamping her teeth together. This was going to take some time getting used to, "I hereby humbly request that fewer fields be dedicated to that pebbly stuff and more to grow these..."

"Apple pies," Smart Cookie helpfully interjected.

"...these Apple Pies. I have never even heard of this fruit before!"

"Uh-huh... It ain' a fruit."

"Vegetable?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, y'know..."

Moments later, Commander Hurricane was looking confused, Clover's eyes were sparkling, and Princess Platinum's expression was one of horrified shock.

"Impossible!" the unicorn princess cried out, "To warp the very nature of matter to change several foods into one, new food? Using the power of fire to transform without requiring a constant source of magic? How long have you been keeping this a secret?! No, we must begin trade talks immediately - the things we could learn... You should, nay, you must tell me where to find this pyromancer, this Bay King!"

Author's Note

"I'm sorry, princess," Clover the Clever whimpered from among the mass of maps scattered through her room as she turned to Platinum. "I looked everywhere, all the bays, all the lands. But I could find not the land of Kitchen."

"Well, keep looking! Smart Cookie would not lie to us. We will find the Bay King there!"

* * *

"Chancellor Puddinhead, can ya believe it? All this time, them pegasi an' unicorns were eatin' our tributes raw."

65: The Everfree Effect by VelvetHeart

The Everfree Effect by VelvetHeart

******************************

"Oh, oh no!" The cry of the pegasus faded to a little whimper as she landed beside the package, which now lay among the flowers of the Everfree, badly-dented. Carefully, she lifted it, met by the ominous crunchy noise of shattered pottery. Derpy felt her lip begin to quiver as she sat down, tears barely held back. She'd done it again! Broken! And she thought she'd been so smart in taking a shortcut over the Everfree to get to Rarity's from Fluttershy.

How was she ever going to explain this? Whatever was in this had to have been completely ruined by the crash!

Still, it was her duty to deliver it, and somehow suffer the shame and tears of yet another valuable delivery ruined.

...but... she could wait until tomorrow. She knew she was in for it, but she could at least delay the likely verbal thrashing she was going to receive for that long...

* * *

Ding! Rarity's doorbell was a cheerful little chime, announcing every arrival as a potential customer. Before she'd so much as registered the sound, she was up on her hooves with the usual catchphrase on her lips; "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chique, unique and whoah!"

Leaned against her doorframe was a massive pegasus, the frame in question audibly complaining about the weight brought to bare against it. The gigantic stallion towered over her as if he were born of the same mold as Celestia herself, but oh so very obviously male. "Greetings, young lady Rarity," the grey stallion rumbled with a voice that, had it ever been used for more than a paragraph, would've caused every mare in earshot to spontaneously cream herself. "I have a package for you, but I'm afraid it's far, far too thick to fit through your front slot."

The doorframe groaned as he righted himself, looking down upon Rarity from on high with a thigh-wettening pair of golden eyes. "But if you'll let me in, I'll bring it around, and push it in your... back door."

"W-w-why yes, of course!" Rarity felt her tail quiver, which turned out to be a minor thing compared to the heat in her cheeks, and... pretty much everywhere else.

A simple step and the masculine titan simply walked over Rarity, barely brushing her in passing but forcing her to duck to avoid getting an unintentional faceful of his most personal package - an action Rarity immediately regretted.

"Where would you like it?" The grey pegasus rumbled, looking through the room.

"Oh! I- I mean... ohh... Over the kitchen table, please!" Rarity flung herself forward, forehooves pressed to the firm surface, hindlegs spread and tail pushed aside, quivering with need.

She heard the back door open, a grunt... and suddenly she felt something pressed against her snout: The surface of some kind of huge, badly-dented cardboard box, which had suddenly decided to take up most of the space on her kitchen table.

"Thank you for your time, young lady Rarity. I'll continue on my route now."

Confused, dazed, and apparently sharing a table with a thoroughly-smashed box of Fluttershy's porcelainware, Rarity watched the muscular superstallion fly off, golden mane and tail flying in the wind.

"...fuck..."

* * *

Aloe could've sworn Ponyville didn't have any stallions quite so physically-perfect as the glorious beast that just walked through the spa door, but she wasn't going to complain. "Ah- ehm, I mean... What would you like, here, I mean. Sir. " She could already feel a blush coming on.

"I need to take a dip in your hottest, deepest pool, Aloe. You should get your sister, too. It's going to get... wet and steamy."

* * *

Vera sighed, seated next to her sister, both of them looking rather disappointed. "We should've known he was here for the poison joke cure."

"You don't suppose Derpy would, perhaps, maybe, be willing to fall into poison joke again? Maybe for a date?"

66: Zeno-filia - ever closer, never quite there by GroaningGreyAgony

Zeno-filia - ever closer, never quite there - a parody by GroaningGreyAgony

****************************

Leroy, the human who months ago had been ripped from his home world and hurled into Equestria by a group of easily bored shoggoths, lay snuggled in his bed between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, his herdmates and lovers.

Sleeping with ponies had its disadvantages. The vigorous bedtime activities usually made the mares gassy, and once Dash started to shift her tail in her sleep Leroy knew what was coming. Dash had a habit while sleeping of snuggling tightly against Leroy while releasing a sonorous blast that sent a column of hot moist fetid air rolling down his legs, and no sooner would he shift away in disgust than Twilight's bookending rump would quiver as she delivered a steamy thunderous echo—her gas was warmer than Dash's by some consistent ratio, which Leroy estimated as about five to four.

It went on after that like a game of ping-pong, emphasis on the pong. Leroy wondered if their butts were talking to each other while they slept, and what the topic of conversation might be. Did Twilight's butt discourse on the proper ratios of methyls to produce the most penetrating stench? And as for Dash's butt... he wasn't sure how it managed to italicize a fart, but it sure was able to do it.

Still, they were his herdmates, and he loved them. A tear rolled down his cheek, and not entirely from reaction to the odor. Leroy gently eased himself out from between them, and got up to take a shower and wash his legs.

As the hot water coursed over his body, Leroy reflected on how good his life was since he'd been brought to Equestria. It was a good thing that his human family was so readily forgettable, but it was also especially fortunate that ninety percent of the male pony population had died out in ancient times from a horrible plague that left its victims screaming for the release of death as hideous sores covered their bodies and spasms racked their bones, and the Lamarckian nature of magical equine evolution had kept the sex ratios at that state ever after. The surplus of mares had left Leroy with an easy playing field, once he'd gotten used to the idea of crotchtits and the odor of hayfarts.

It was strange... the stallions were so powerless in this society, but they could still apparently get away with being as rude as they liked to any mare. Even accounting for this, Leroy had no very convincing way to explain why two of the realm's mightiest and most famous heroines had utterly failed to score any serious tail for themselves until he had come along. Someone must be watching out for him. He reached up to offer the invisible Author a brohoof...

Much to his astonishment, his fist contacted an actual hoof that suddenly thrust in through the shower window. Leroy was hauled outside to stand naked and dripping water before a group of stallions, foremost among them Big Macintosh, who had pulled him forth. None of the assembled stallions looked entirely comfortable.

"Uh, Leroy, we gotta have a talk with ya," drawled Big Mac.

Leroy, surrounded by naked stallions and conscious of how outclassed he was in regards to size, quickly grabbed a lacy curtain from the window and tied a crude loincloth from it. "Uhm... Sure. What's up, guys?"

"Ey-welll..." said Big Mac, rolling his eyes skyward and scratching the back of his mane, "'T'ain't no easy way to say it, but we gotta tell you that... Well, folks across Equestria have been hearin' about ya shackin' up with a third'a' the Elements and Lyra, and there's been a lotta talk that ain't been so good for the rest'a us—from Manehattan ta Fallabella, they're all wonderin' what kinda stallions we are if we can't keep up with no, uh, little bitty monkey, meanin' no offense..."

"Big Mac, let's get to the point," said Thunderlane. "Remember, we all agreed to this. Leroy, there's this special ceremony we perform sometimes where we oil a fellow up and shower him with gold dust as a sign of our esteem and admiration... And, uhm..."

"Wait," said Leroy. "You want to gild me?"

"Ah hah hah! Yes, that's just it. We wanna gild you. If you'll just come with us, we've got all the gilding equipment set up in a remote field out by the Everfree..."

"Sounds like fun!" said Leroy. "Just let me put some pants on first. It's cold enough to freeze your balls off out here, if you know what I mean..."

"Uh..." said Thunderlane. "...Right."

67: Hooves by warpd

Hooves by warpd

*****************

Ponies, as most herd creatures, often do social activities and functions together. Not just parties and other fun venues, but also the mundane necessities of life. Taxes, chores, and random monster attacks are all drudged through with mixed enthusiasm. Done almost monthly are hoof trims and cleaning, no exceptions.This means you, Dash.

Ponyville never had an expert that set up shop for them. The spa was mostly for touch ups, but the town usually had to wait for the mayor to hire somepony out of town to visit for a week. Then Lero showed up and nothing changed. Then Lero started to work for the spa and nothing changed. Then the mayor got her hooves done by Lero and everything changed.

Lero was quickly put in charge of a hoof maintenance job. No, they did not ask him. Mayor Mare held a conference, gave him a plaque, and threw him back into the masses. Such was life among ponies, when they find you did a job well it will define you.

“Rainbow, what are you doing?”

“Mentally preparing myself for this.” Rainbow stood upright. Her forelegs outstretched to match her impressive wings on full display. Full deep breaths allowed peace to flow throughout her body. To overcome any challenge required a sharp, peaceful mind that was in full control of its cognitive abilities.

“NOPE!”

“Dang it Dash, I know where you live!” Lero yelled out the window as he shook his tools at the fleeing figure of his wife. “Aloe, send in my next customer.”

Lero sat down in his soft faux leather chair as he waited for whoever it was. He bounced off his seat when an eardrum shattering voice greeted right next to him. “Hi Mr. Belphone! I mean Mr. Mulchalide. Er, Mr. Lero.”

“Sweetie Bell. Nice to hear your lovely voice again.” Lero said, not that he could hear himself.

“Thanks! I brought Rarity with me.” Sweetie squeaked as her older sister closed the door behind them. It was policy that an older family member attended with the younger pony. It was like a visit to the dentist only with less drills and pulling of teeth. Dash hates both.

Sweetie hopped up Lero’s work table with a little help from Rarity. “It is lovely to see you Mr. Michaelides.” Rarity gave a side glance to Sweetie Bell who blushed. “I see Rainbow Dash couldn’t help herself. Down to business, I want her hooves trimmed precisely to these measurements.”

A piece of paper floated to his outstretched hand. Despite the very detailed instructions that Twilight would have approved of, Rarity began to dictate anyway. “I would like a new measurement of her hoof circumference for all four of them. Only trim off three milimeters off the top with with a point one percent grade medial. Apply one milliliter of this softener on her frogs--”

Lero let the client ramble on as he started to work. The first task after removing the shoes was cleaning the hooves. Part of the reason he got this job was he could reach into the little nooks and crannies and feel for any dirt and cracks. He learned quickly the Cutie Mark Crusaders had the worst hooves in all of Equestria.

“Lint, mud, sap, sap, more sap.” Lero started to list out loud in monotone. “Gold dust, cup cake icing, my dignity…”

“Tut, tut my dear Lero. You are doing a fabulous job given the circumstances.” Rarity added a little drop of disappointment with that word before she continued. “She could take better care of her hooves.”

“Hey Lero, can you rub that part of my frog again. That felt nice.” Sweetie Bell whispered to him in a hushed tone.

Rarity cleared her voice. “Sweetie Bell, it is unladylike to beg.”

“Sorry!”

Lero sighed as shined the last hoof. “It’s fine. I got everything and it looks good as new. You bought a package deal Ms. Rarity so please go out into the mud bath.”

“Thank you. Come along Sweetie.” Rarity picked up her sister and placed her down next to her. “We have a long day together and I plan to enjoy this sister’s day out.”

“Have a good day Mr. Lero!” Sweetie quickly dashed up to his leg and nuzzled him. “You did a really nice job.” She galloped back to Rarity’s side. “I can see why you say he makes you feel like a lady.”

Rarity sucked a quick breath in as she mumbled. “Sister, what we write in our journal is private.”

“But that was the least naughty thing you wrote about him.” Rarity froze as her sister walked ahead. Lero raised an eyebrow as the most fashionable and certainly most ladylike pony in all of Equestria merely laughed away the preposterous accusation. The door being slammed shut was not an action done out of a failed attempt to keep up an unshakable bravado.

“This only started to be a problem when this job happened.”

“Gee, it’s like the monkey has problems with his super important job. Can’t handle all the love and admiration that goes with it?” Lero turned around to face the scowl of Honeydew.

“You don’t usually get your hooves done by me.” Lero said carefully, not aware if a mean prank was about to happen.

“Normally, I would tell you to keep your stinking paws off me you da--”

“Hands. Finish that sentence and I will turn you away.” Lero crossed his arms and matched her scowl.

“Fine. I have an emergency.” Honeydew lifted her left hind leg to reveal a badly chipped hoof. “An accident caused this and I don’t have time to go out of town.”

Lero dusted off his table and motioned her to get on. “Let’s make this quick then.”

Honeydew jumped up the table with a quick flick of her tail. “Do it right for your wellbeing.”

He took the hoof into his hand and studied it. Like any farmer, it was worn from constant hard work. Heavy shoes left deep impressions from repeated use. A thin fracture line wiggled from the bottom of her hoof to the top. Old and impacted dirt and seeds from many years of work created a wall of debris. “I need to clean the area first so don’t squirm too much. I also need to see your magic flow.”

“Fine.” Honeydew huffed as she drew magic down into that hoof. A fine faint glow enchased the inside of her hoof as Lero started to work his magic. The professional applied even pressure for deep tissue penetration. “Eep.”

She resisted the urge to tense up as her magic became putty in his hands. Heat rushed to her legs as Honeydew felt the core of her being tested. A quick swipe of his index finger caused her to gasp as her cheeks flushed.

“Going to apply your magic to the area so it can heal faster.” Lero said as he pushed her essence towards the area.

“Y-you can d-do that!?” Honeydew squeaked out.

“Earth pony magic can do that and my training helps me use it for the treatment.” Lero pushed his fingers into her hoof as it started to mend itself. Honeydew screamed as her leg kicked out and knocked Lero back into his chair.

Honeydew stood up as she took quick deep breaths and a scarlet red blush to match. “T-that’s enough.”

“Honeypot, what are--”

“It’s Honeydew!!! It has always been Honeydew. What is so hard about my name!? You say something different every time.” Honeydew looked at her mended hoof and huffed. “Did something right. You got lucky.”

She stomped out of the room as Lero sighed. He took out a rag and started to clean his work table. “I can never figure out why she is so angry with me. Earth ponies are hard to work on.”

Aloe called out to him from beyond the door. “Your next appointment is here!”

“Already!? Who is it now?”

“Hello my favorite human.” Celestia swept out her wings as she entered. A sunbeam radiated from the open window as it illuminated her presence. A golden glow made her divinity all the more apparent as her living rainbow hair flowed.

“Oh come on!” Lero facepalmed as the princess sat on the table delicately. As delicate one her size could anyway. “You have your own personal hoof trimmer. Why are you here?”

“Steel Fist took the day off and I was a little curious.” Celestia smiled brightly.

Lero readjusted his posture into an upright position. “Right, so what is he doing?”

“Oh Fist came with me so she can see your ‘art’ as she calls it.” Celestia gestured to the bulky minotaur that poked her head into the door. Her horns plowed through the walls as the biggest minotaur in existence strode into the room. Her every step shook the building.

“I want to see your fingers sing to me little ‘taur! I expect a grand performance! Then you will have the honour of doing me next!”

“This job…” Lero silently prayed for deliverance.

“Then I take you for dinner where I will woo you with tales of the glorious war games of my people!”

68: Lost tales by ?

Author's Note

Way way waaaaay back, before it came to FimFiction, Xenophilia was originally posted on some other site which has since been eaten up by the great... whatever it is that eats websites when they die. Anyway, Goat Licker was reminiscing about the good old days - when the kids didn't crap on his lawn and the world was still in black and white - and managed to track down a bunch of old ficlets from Xenophilia's early from the bowels of the internet. Don't ask me how he got them, I just know it's done with magic... and maybe weasels. Anyhoo, here they are. We have no idea who originally wrote them (except for the one Goat Licker himself wrote) so if anyone does know then please let us know so we can blame...err, I mean credit them.

68: Lost tales by ?

Lost Tales by ?

*********************

Rainbow Dash looked into Lero's eyes, as she made her thoughts clear regarding sharing him with other mares.

"...I was actually thinking earlier about setting you up with Lyra and maybe Pinkie..."

Lero's left eye twitched as a memory flooded back to him, washing away his grip on the world around him.

--a few days earlier--

Lero walked into Sugarcube Corner, a normally busy little bakery but was suprisingly empty today. He had come to help Pinkie with some baking, but maybe she wouldn't need his help after all?

Suddenly, but not suprisingly, Pinkie seemingly appeared from nowhere, a cupcake perched on her head.

"Hiya, Lero-Shero-Jero! Buisness is kinda slow, so here's a cupcake!"

For most, that would be a wierd jump in logic, but it was normal for Pinkie. Lero happily accepted the treat from the pink party pony.

...Lero awoke a few hours later, at home in his bed. His head hurt, his fingers were sticky, and his pants were on backwards. He never again allowed himself to be alone with Pinkie Pie.

---present---

Lero looked Rainbow in the eye, trying to transmit all the 'no' in his soul directly into hers with one look. Rainbow chuckled nervously.

"Uh, but if pegasi are your thing..."

Applejack hauled the last of the day's harvest of apples into the barn as her mind wandered. Rarity trying to convince her to buy a new hat, Fluttershy helping out with Daisy after she got that summer cold, and to Rainbow Dash... and Mr. Handy.

Ugh, she thought to herself, he was trouble on two legs. Not that he was a bad guy, mind you. He was a nice, honest, hardworking boy. But he seemed to have put strange thoughts in Rainbow's head.

There's nothing wrong with being friends with another species, but a... romantic relationship is too much, y'know? It just wasn't proper!

Nothing would come of it, no matter how dependable or trustworthy or gentle- NOPE!

Applejack shook her head, and looked for a place to shove the apples so she could go inside and get ready for dinner. But her thoughts wandered.

It's not that she didn't like him. She did... she really did... but he was a different species! Even if he was rather handsome in an exotic kind of- NOPE!

With that smooth looking skin- NOPE!!

And those fingers- NOPENOPENOPE!!!

Applejack stomped her hooves in frustration, willing the strange creature from somewhere else to leave her thoughts.

Finally with a defeated sigh, the cowpony pulled her hat down over her face and grumbled to herself in the privacy of her old busted barn.

"Stupid, sexy human..."

Rarity closed up shop, humming softly to herself as she troted upstairs. Within her room, she threw herself onto her bed and sighed loudly.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash! You have found such strange love! A creature from another world and a pony who has always felt unloved in this world, it's something right out of a novel! ...One of those trashy novels with a sex scene every other paragraph, but a lovely novel none-the-less!"

Rolling onto her back, Rarity heaved another over-the-top sigh.

"After hearing about all those interesting things 'hyoomins' can do, I find myself... curious. Oh, but I CANNOT!"

Rarity whips her head to the side, covering her eyes with one foreleg while waving the other.

"I will be Canterlot elite one day, and someone of my social standing cavorting with such an unusual creature would just ruin my reputation! Only losers and wierdos date other species."

Rarity sighs for a third time, though this sigh is more natural, tucking her forelegs to her chest as her horn lights up and a small box levitates out from under her bed.

"I shall never know your exotic touch, Lero! Or learn of kinky Hyoomin mating habits! Or recieve a 'morning present' from you! I suppose I'll just have to settle..."

Rarity opens the box and grins at the contents.

"... with these pictures I take everytime you think you're alone in the changing room."

Rainbow lay on the hospital bed, sweat on her face as she cried out in pain.

"Push, push!"

A final effort, and a relief comes to the pegasus pony.

"Ah, there we go- OH BRIGHT CELESTIA!"

The creature he holds looks up at it's mother with it's too small eyes on it's hairless pony face, tiny hands where wings should be. It smiles with sharp teeth.

"Blargh, I'm an abomination!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Rainbow shoots up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat, trembling. Lero stirs beside her.

"Rainbow? What's wrong?"

"I'm getting my tubes tied tomorrow. It's the only way to be sure!"

Fluttershy walked through the center of town with a determined look in her eyes. A look nopony could see, since she had her face tilted at the ground and hid behind her mane, but it was a determined look nonetheless!

For quite a while now, she had wanted to ask out Lero, but her lack of confidence had kept her silent. But, Rainbow Dash had managed to form a relationship with him, and that meant she had a shot!

Now, all she had to do was ask.

...simple...

Okay, maybe she wasn't as cool as Rainbow Dash, or athletic, or talkative, or confident...

Also, Rainbow Dash had big, strong wings and Fluttershy's were like twigs with feathers glued on-NO!

Fluttershy shook her head, clearing her head of these doubts that had plauged her so much through her life. But not today!

There he was, sitting at a table outside a resturaunt and talking with Rarity and Twilight, with Rainbow Dash at his side. Fluttershy felt her heart swell at the sight of her friend so happy, and a longing for that happiness for herself, imagining herself in Rainbow's place.

As Fluttershy approached though, the couple turned to eachother and-GASP!

"K-kissing i-in publi-lic!"

And not a peck on the lips but a deep, passionate-was that a TOUNGE?! The sheer amount of blood rushing to her face left the poor, easily-embarassed pegasus lying unconcious in the middle of the street. At the table, Rarity shook her head.

"Honestly, Rainbow, can't you control yourself for a few minutes and NOT have your way with him in public?"

"No."

Lero had been hesitant about this date with Twilight Sparkle, but the evening had gone suprisingly well.

Now, inside the empty library (Spike having a sleepover at Applejack's), Lero tried to relax as Twilight sat next to him, although she was clearly very busy in her head, staring at her own forehooves. Finally, with a deep breath, Twilight turned to Lero.

"Um, I had a l-lovely time tonight."

Lero could see Twilight immediately regret her own words. Lero tried to not laugh at her akwardness. She was like a nerdy guy trying to get lucky with a girl he thought was out of his league... wait, that kinda was the situation, wasn't it?

"Look, Twilight, I had a really good time and I've really enjoyed your company, and I trust you completely there's no reason to be nervous or anything."

Twilight blinked, and a relieved but still somewhat nervous smile spread over her face. Suddenly, she leaned in for a kiss, and Lero accepted.

Their lips pressed together as her hooves reached up and pressed against his chest, then slid down his belly as her tounge brushed against his lips. Then she suddenly sprung back as if burnt.

"AmIgoingtofast?It'stoosoonfortoungisn'tit,I'msorryIshouldhaveaskedpermissionfirstandoh,Celestiamyhooveswerealloveryour,Ishouldhavecontrolledmyself,I'msorry!Areyousureyou'reokaywiththis?"

Lero took in the rapidfire appologies and excuses as he ran his fingers through his hair. This could take a while...

It had been a few weeks since Twilight's first date with Rainbow Dash and Lero. Now, some mares would try to get some... let's say 'action' by the second date. Twilight respected Lero too much to try anything that soon. The third date ending with a goodbye kiss she didn't mind. The fourth date... she was a bit dissapointed, but didn't say anything. The fifth, though, that's when she decided to have a talk with Rainbow Dash.

Sitting in Twilight's room, Rainbow laying with her legs tucked under her on the bed as Twilight paced, the pacing mare spoke.

"I knew he'd be a little... shy about physical intimacy, but I honestly thought he'd warm up to me by now."

"He likes you a lot Twilight, but he's still having some issues with the whole herd thing. He just needs to get over that and-"

"How long will that take?! I mean, I don't want to push him or pressure him but-I mean-I'm a mare, I have needs and we're together now, right?"

Rainbow chuckled at the purple unicorn's visible frustration.

"Calm down, egghead, and think. He likes you, he trusts you, all he needs now is a little push in the right direction."

"Push? I said I don-"

"I don't mean pressuring him, I mean- Okay, look, I have a plan."

Twilight gave Rainbow a look, a look that doesn't need to be described, because you know the look she was giving.

"Don't look at me like that! I can make plans! Anyway, it's a simple plan. I was digging through my old collection of horror movies, and we're gonna come over here to watch it."

"You are?"

"Yep! Then, I'm gonna make up some excuse about leaving my oven on or something at my house and leave you two alone. From there it'll be classic 'colt gets scared-mare comforts him-mare makes her move-bow-chikka-wow-wow!"

"Classy."

"And effective! ...from what I hear... Anyway, once you get started with him alone, he'll be way more open-minded. You just gotta break the ice!"

---that night---

Just as Rainbow had said, they'd arrived to watch the scary movie, then after hitting play she immeadiately made her excuse and left, leaving Twilight alone with Lero. He seemed a bit more tense now that Rainbow was gone, but hopefully she'd get past that tonight. He'd get scared, and she'd be there to protect him from... Zombie Ponies from Tartarus? What a goofy name! How was this going to scare anypony?

---after the movie---

Rainbow knocked at the door, wondering if she'd given Twilight enough time to make her move. She was suprised when nopony answered, leading to a smile forming on her face.

'Good for you, I knew you had it in you Twilight! Hee-hee! Maybe I should take a peek!"

Rainbow quietly opened the door and crept inside. What she found... wasn't what she'd hoped to find.

Twilight, teeth-chattering and looking like she'd seen a ghost, was clutching Lero's arm for dear life while the human patted her head and tried to comfort her.

"It's okay, Twilight, it's just a movie."

Twilight made the single most pathetic squeak Rainbow had ever heard that hadn't come from Fluttershy and buried her head in Lero's chest. Rainbow shook her head, and quietly lost a little respect for Twilight.

At Twilight’s library, the six friends had met up to catch up on anything they’d missed of eachother’s lives during the busy past few weeks. It had started nice enough, but now an argument had started between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Not an unusual occurrence, but the subject was a bit personal and could easily lead to hurt feelings.

“I’m just sayin’, sugarcube, maybe ya’ll should give real stallions another try.”

“And I’m saying you ought to rethink your words, cuz it sounds to me you just insulted Lero, who is my stallion.”

Applejack, if she felt intimidated by the angry mare before her, showed no outward sign of it.

“I’m not tryin’ to insult anypony. Anyhuman. Whatever. My point is ponies are supposed to, y’know, be with ponies. I’m not sayin’ ya shouldn’t be with Lero, just that you should try getting an actual stallion in yer group.”

“Well, I have no luck with the colts, and Twilight couldn’t flirt with a stallion if her life depended on it. Uh, no offense, Twilight.”

Twilight’s head hung slightly, a sigh escaping her lips.

“No, it’s fine, I only got into my last herd because one of the mares knew me. I never really learned how talk to stallions either.”

Fluttershy patted her on the back and gave her a look that said ‘I know your pain’. Both somehow sighed simultaneously. Pinkie bounced over to the two, a look of confusion on her face.

“HUH?! Don’t know how to talk to stallions?! Silly filly, you just trot up to ‘em and say, ‘Hi! I just bought a new bed and need to break it in, wanna help?’”

Rainbow immediately forgot her anger as her jaw dropped, Applejack sputtered as she stared with disbelief at the pink party pony, Rarity took another sip of her tea(To hide her smile), Twilight froze with a far off stare as if her brain had seized up, and Fluttershy fainted as it seemed the best idea at the time.

Twilight somehow regained her mental faculties enough to speak and ask the obvious question.

“Does… does that ever actually work?”

Pinkie’s goofy grin quickly shifted to a sly smile.

“You’d be surprised! But mostly you just get restraining orders. Or a hoof to the face, if one of their marefriends is standing next to them.”

69: More Lost Tales by ?

More Lost Tales by ?

*****************************

Rainbow trotted happily into Ponyville Library, both to see Twilight and get her latest Daring Do novel. Apparently Daring was going to find aliens in this one and the villain was a unicorn stallion with mastery of mental magics, sounded like an awesome adventure to her! However, her fangirling was interupted by the sight of Twilight Sparkle.

Sitting at her desk, not surrounded by piles of books as usual, with a single tome lying on it's surface. Unopened.

THERE WAS A BOOK IN FRONT OF TWILIGHT, AND SHE WASN'T READING IT.

This was serious.

"Uh, Twi? You okay?"

Twilight turned to face Rainbow, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Oh, hi Rainbow! I just got your book in, it's sitting right on my desk-"

"It can wait. What's wrong, Twilight?"

Twilight turned away, pretending to examine on of her shelves of books.

"Nothing's wrong, Rainbow, I just..."

Twilight trailed off as Rainbow put her wing around her in a hug, pulling her close.

"Twi, please tell me."

Twilight was silent for a moment, but Twilight couldn't keep her emotions inside any longer. She sighed sadly, head drooping.

"I... Rainbow, does Lero really want a relationship with me?"

Rainbow had a feeling this was coming, Lero always had long conversations with Twilight and they would campare theories and would even trade insights on philosophy(Almost none of things could Eainbow half understand), but their 'physical relationship' hadn't gone past goodnight kisses. Rainbow tried to explain to Lero he was giving mixed signals, but he either hadn't understood what she meant or was still confused on what he wanted himself. He and Twilight would have great chemistry on a date, they'd even flirt with eachother a bit(Mostly Twilight), but all the dates had ended the same: a distinct lack of action. Rainbow was sure there was a classier way of putting it, but she didn't care.

"Twilight, I know Lero is being a little... hard to read but he does like you, I know that much."

"Then why... I mean... am I just not that attractive?"

"Wha-? No! That is not the problem! Hay, look at my scrawny flank and he loves me just fine."

Rainbow leaned against Twilight, pressing the side of her head agains the purple unicorn's in an attempt to comfort her. She was happy to feel the unicorn relax slightly.

"Twilight, maybe... maybe Lero's uncertain, because you're uncertain."

The purple mare turned to Rainbow, blinking owlishly(A rather good impression of her pet).

"Huh?"

"I mean when you go into your 'Lecturing Egghead Mode', you're all sorts of confident, but when you start to put the moves on Lero..."

Twilight finished for her.

"I act like school filly trying to ask a boy to dance? Yeah, I know. I'm pathetic."

Rainbow raised her wing, and gave a light smack to the back of Twilight's head, a dissaproviong look on the rainbow-maned pony's face.

"No. Wrong attitude, and just plain uncorrect!"

Twilight rubbed the back of her head.

"Incorrect."

"Whatever! My point is that you have nothing to be worried about, but you worry anyway, and I think Lero is picking up on it and it's making him worry. What you need to do is act with confidence, to not overthink everything, and go with your instincts!"

"So, I should be like you?"

"No, I mean you should...wait... actually, yes. You should be like me."

I smile spread over her face, a mischevious one that she usually only broke out when a prank of some sort was about to occur. Twilight couldn't help but feel worried about this.

"I have a plan. How good are you at illusions?"

Lero whistled quietly to himself as he stepped into his home, another day of rewarding work complete. Lero really did enjoy helping out around town, even if his job as a masseuse paid better. He enjoyed the feeling of knowing that he'd helped improve somepony's day. Also, when he was acting as a handyman, mares almost never offered to pay extra for a 'happy ending'. Almost.

Lero decided to take a shower, and as he began to walk into his bedroom he heard a familiar giggle. A smile crept over his face.

"Rainbow that you?"

"Yep!""Uh-huh!"

Lero blinked. Shrugging, Lero pushed open his bedroom door... to find two Rainbow Dashs sitting on his bed, smirking at the confused human.

Double Rainbow Dash? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

"Oh, come on in, Lero!"

One Rainbow Dash fluttered her eyelashes as the other licked her lips.

"The water's fine."

Sex. Sex is what it means.

"Um, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this."

"Lero, we get it. You feel like being with Twilight is unfaithful to Rainbow, and you're nervous."

"To help you relax and realise you can love both, we'll both be Rainbow tonight!"

Lero hesitated, but realised that these two had put in a pretty good effort to do this, just to make him feel comfortable. So, Lero sat onto his bed, a Rainbow Dash on either side of him.

And then they had sex.

(Alternate Ending)

Lero lay in his bed, a Rainbow Dash on either side of him, feeling sweaty, sticky and satisfied. As he held either pony to his sides he felt a closeness to them both, a trust that he'd had for Rainbow but now he realised he hadn't with Twilight.

And then Twilight barged into the bedroom door.

"I'm so sorry Rainbow, I couldn't figure out the spel- WHAT THE HAY?!"

A moment of confusion as the Rainbow Dash on his left suddenly leapt from the bed.

"Twilight?! But if You're Twilight, then who-"

The Rainbow Dash on Lero's right leapt into the air, and transformed in a flash of green flames. Queen Chrysalis laughed evily, casting a perverse grin at Lero.

"Thanks for the sex, slut! Changeling rule, ponies drool!"

With that, the bizarre creature flew out the open window. Twilight stared with horror, Rainbow trembled with barely restrained disgust and anger, and Lero just sat in bed staring blankly at the window, before speaking his thoughts.

"What."

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash trotted towards Lero's house. Lero wouldn't be home, but the two wanted to suprise him with dinner when he returned from his current odd job. Twilight couldn't help but smile as she remembered her first date with Lero and Dash, and her smile widened as she remebered her first time with Lero and Dash(Mostly Lero). She had honestly thought Rainbow Dash was exaggerating when she told her about her and Lero's bedroom adventures. Turns out she hadn't.

And she was suprised that it almost felt like she was back in her first herd in a way, that feeling of closeness and love she remembered had returned and more, despite the obvious differences. Although it was a bit of a small herd, with only two mares. In fact...

"Rainbow?"

The multi-chromatic pegasus turned to Twilight.

"Yeah, Twi?"

"I was thinking-"

"You're always thinking, egghead!"

Twilight gave Rainbow a playful shove.

"Oh, hush! I was thinking, while it has been nice with you and Lero, don't you think we should... have more?"

Twilight cursed her inability to properly articulate her thoughts, she was so vauge and hesitant that there was no way Rainbow Dash would understand!

"Yeah, I guess it is wierd to only have two mares in a herd."

...Oh...

Rainbow Dash sighed and cotinued.

"But Lero is still uneasy about this, just look how long it took him to get used to you! We need to go slow with this, another fillyfriend would probably be too much for him right now."

"Girlfriend."

"Huh?"

Twilight smiled at Rainbow, taking on her 'lecture mode' tone of voice.

"The Politically Correct term is girlfriend, because fillyfriend encourages an anti-interspecies view on relationships."

Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes, wondering who exactly had a problem with 'fillyfriend' or 'coltfriend'. Dash then shrugged as she turned back to Twilight.

"Besides, I'm not even sure I know any mares I'd want to join this herd."

Twilight 'Hmmm'ed softly to herself.

"Pinkie Pie?"

"Nah, Lero made it clear that she isn't the type of mare he wants in a relationship."

"Yes, I can understand that... how about Lyra? She's pretty, and she gets along great with Lero!"

"Um... I'm not so sure about Lyra... plus, if she joins then Bon-Bon would have to join too."

Twilight blinks, then nods as she took an expression of contemplation.

"Oh, right... I don't like Bon-Bon very much."

"Yeah, she can be kind of a jerk sometimes."

Twilight was now in deep thought, before a smile spreads over her face.

"Oh, duh! We should ask Fluttershy if she-"

"No."

Twilight stared at Rainbow's face for a moment, puzzlement apparent on her purple features. Rainbow did not look at her, though, keeping her eyes on Lero's house as they neared.

"Why not?"

"You don't know Fluttershy like I do, Twilight. Trust me."

Twilight's horn lit up as she opened the door, following after Rainbow as they entered Lero's home. Twilight closed the door, and followed after Rainbow as she went towards the back, where the laudry room was. They had planned to also do Lero's laundry for him so he didn't have anything to do when he returned.

"What could I not know about Fluttershy that would make you say no so quickly? She's the gentlest, sweetest, kindest pony in Ponyville!"

Rainbow would have replied but both mares were struck silent when they entered the laundry room to find a familiar butter-yellow flank sticking out of the dirty laundry hamper, a noticably stiff pair of wings jutting out above, and a quiet sound of rapid inhalation. Twilight couldn't help but voice her thoughts.

"Fluttershy, are you sniffing Lero's dirty clothes?!"

The yellow flank, adorned with three butterflies, had been swaying back and forth until the unicorn had spoken, at which it had frozen. Slowly, the shy pegasus pulled herself out of the hamper. With a set of boxers in her teeth.

"... This... I-it's not what it l-looks like!"

Rainbow just covered her eyes with a foreleg and sighed.

"Fluttershy, we both know I've caught you doing worse. Just go."

The meek pegasus pony quickly turned to leave, muttering a soft apology as she attempted to squeeze by Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow quickly stuck out her foreleg to block Fluttershy's exit and gave the mare an annoyed look.

"Leave the underpants."

Fluttershy laughed nervously as she dropped the boxers, and then flew out of the house as quickly as possible. Now that Rainbow and Twilight were left alone, a rather awkward silence ensued.

"...So... no Fluttershy."

"Yeah, no Fluttershy. She can be creepy."

70: Yet More Lost Tales by ?

Yet More Lost Tales by ?

********************

"So, how's everything with the whole- y'know?"

Twilight looked across the table at Applejack, raising an eyebrow. Then she smiled as understanding spread over her face.

"You mean my relationship with Rainbow Dash and Lero?"

Rarity laughed from beside Applejack, Applejack snorted with annoyance and tilted her hat down to hide a blush, and Fluttershy peaked from behind her mane while trying to act uninterested.

"Why yes, darling, I do believe that's what Applejack was asking about."

"It's... it's great! I mean, I haven't had much experience with relationships, but everything so far has been wonderful. I knew Dash loved Lero but I didn't realise how intense their connection was until, well, until I was a part of it. They care so much about eachother, and they care so much about me too! This... it's great!"

Applejack and Rarity both blink, suprised at just how emotional Twilight was acting. Normally she only got this excited about new books or praise from Celestia. Fluttershy actually pushed back her mane so she could smile at Twilight.

"That so wonderful, Twilight! I'm very happy for you!"

Fluttershy was being suprisingly loud, her voice actually above a whisper! Twilight appreciated her friend's words.

"Thanks, Fluttershy. I guess I should'nt have worried like I did. I knew Rainbow cared for me, but I was so nervous on the first few dates because I was sure Lero would think I was boring or a weirdo. But he really enjoys or discussions and conversations, he's nothing like most stallions."

Applejack gave her a curious look.

"Well, yeah. 'Cause he ain't one."

"That's not what I mean, Applejack. Most stallions, they say the want a smart or funny or nice mare, but they all end up going after the mares with money and looks who just use them and treat them like dirt."

Twilight, Fluttershy and Applejack all glance at Rarity at the same time. Rarity notices this and, rather than being offended, smirks.

"Don't hate the player, darlings, hate the game."

Twilight resumes her explanation.

"Lero isn't like that, he sees the best in ponies, beyond their flaws, and is always so understanding and trusting. He's attracted to what's inside, and he's just so nice."

Fluttershy and Applejack both smile at that, clearly happy that Twilight is so happy in her new relationship. Rarity coughed lightly, attracting attention to herself.

"Now, Twilight, that's all well and good. But now you simply must fill us in on the important matters."

"Important matters?"

Rarity took a sip from a cup of tea before clarifying, a sly smile on her face.

"The bedroom, of course!"

Applejack immediatley pulled off her hat and lightly swatted Rarity with it.

"Ah can't believe you! Jeez, there are someponies here who respect privacy!"

"But this is an important question! Whether you like to admit it or not, a good relationship requires a certain level of intimacy and physical release, and Twilight lacks experience with such things to really judge them, and also I want to know how much of what Rainbow Dash brags about is true and how much is made up!"

Applejack stared at the white unicorn for a moment, then sat her hat back on her head and turned to her other unicorn friend.

"...Is his equipment really shaped weird like I hear?"

Twilight blushes furiously as she glances between her two friends that are now staring at her intently.

"I-Wha-GIRLS! I can't believe you'd actually ask me-I mean, this is just-!"

Twilight struggles to find words for how offended she is by these questions, but is shocked when Pinkie Pie leaps in from out of nowhere to defend her.

"Twilight doesn't have to tell us anything about *THAT* if she doesn't want to! It's something private between her, Rainbow Dash and Lero!"

"Thank you, Pinkie."

"Besides, Dash already told me all about it."

"Wha-WHAT?!"

"And it is shaped weird."

"PINKIE!"

Twilight bounced lightly on her purple hooves as she trotted around Rainbow Dash's home. This was actually her first time inside the cloud house, and she had to say that it wasn't what she expected. The outside of the home was excessive and flashy, much like the owner. The inside was actually fairly normal, if intenseley messy.

"Rainbow, have you ever cleaned after yourself?"

The rainbow maned pegasus walked out of the kitchen, swallowing the last bits of a donut, an annoyed look on her face.

"Geez, you sound like my dad... I haven't really been up here lately so I've let the place go. That's kinda half the reason I wanted you to come up here alone."

The other half being that they didn't know exactly how long the cloud-walking spell would last yet and Twilight wanted to test the limits before bringing Lero up here. Rainbow was 99.9% sure she could catch Lero before he hit the ground if he fell... but that .1% was enough of a reason to test first. Rainbow might do things without thinking first sometimes, but not with somepony else's life... especially not Lero's.

If Twilight fell, she'd just teleport to the ground.

Twilight had wanted a tour of the place, and decided to give her analysis of it as they went, to Rainbow Dash's annoyance. She loved Twilight to pieces, but the mare really didn't know how annoying it was to have other ponies point out your flaws.

"Hey, what's in here?"

Rainbow snapped out of her thoughts as she turned to see Twilight sticking her head into a room labeled 'KEEP OUT'. Aw, horseapples!

"Twilight, get out of there!"

But the purple ponuy was already examining the contents of the room. Twilight scanned her eyes across the shelves of books, salivating slightly. Literature!

"Rainbow, I didn't know you had a personal library!"

"Uh... yeah... well, you know now! Which means we can leave and you can forget ever seeing it!"

Twilight ignored her and trotted towards the nearest shelf. Rainbow quickly zoomed in front of her and blocked the unicorn mare's path. Twilight blinked, then frowned.

"Rainbow, are you still embarassed about enjoying books?"

"No! That's not it-"

"Because I thought you were over this-this anti-intelectual mindset that so many ponies seem to have!"

"Twilight, I do like books, but these..."

"Oh, come now, there's nothing wrong with... with..."

Twilight's eyes narrowed, and Rainbow realized that she was no longer looking into Rainbow's eyes but looking over her shoulder.

"...Slutty Stud Stallions Volume Fifteen?"

Twilightr looked around the room again, filled with shelves filled with books, mostly magazines, from the floor to the ceiling. Rainbow lowered her head with shame as Twilight's face became a mask of shock.

"These are all pornography, aren't they?"

"Yeah."

Twilight just looks over the room again, trying to take in the immensity of this collection of filth.

"I... wow. Do you spend all your bits on porn, or do you just get the weather team to pay you in Playfilly magazines?"

"Eh, Playfilly is alright, but I actually prefer- Uh, I guess you were just being sarcastic, right?"

"Wait, you actually ARE paid in porn?!"

"No! That's silly! I cover other ponies shifts if they can add to my collection! It's sorta like overtime."

Twilight just stares at Rainbow Dash.

"Please don't tell Lero about my collection!"

"... He's gonna have a hard time missing it! This is the biggest room in your house, isn't it? Geez, Rainbow, don't you any self control? Any willpower? Any-"

Twilight's tirade was cut off as Rainbow tossed a magazine at her. Reflexively, the unicorn caught and held it in a telekinetic field. The cover showed two unicorn stallions pressed against eachother in a... suggestive manner, one stallion nuzzling the horn of the other. Emblazened over the cover was 'Playfilly, Unicorn Edition!" with "Colt-on-colt action!" and "Horn-play!" listed beneath.

"You pretend you didn't see this, and you can take that home with you."

"... do you have anything with blue-maned stallions?"

There was a knock at Twilight's door, a rather loud rapid knock she didn't recgonize. As the mare opened the door, colored smoke and sparks exploded inwards as a loud female voice called out.

"Behold, Twilight Sparkle! Your rival, the Great and Powerful Trixie, has returned!"

The purple unicorn coughed and rubbed her eyes, before turning her attention to the blue unicorn in front of her, posing with her forehooves in the air and cape billowing in the wind.

"Um... who?"

"Trixie! The Great and Powerful! Your beautiful, brilliant, cunning and amazing rival!"

"... Oh! You're that show-off! Wait, that was a year ago..."

"And I have spent this time planning how I would show you up, Twilight Sparkle the Mediocre and Adequate!"

Twilight holds back an urge to throw one of her tomes into Trixie's face. It might damage the book, you see.

"After many months of trial and error, of unsuccessful attempts, I have mastered the art of summoning! Yes, that's right, the Great and Powerful Trixie has summoned an alien creature from another world! A creature never witnessed by pony eyes! A creature so unusual and bizarre that-"

Lero walks in from the kitchen, carrying two glasses of lemonade. He offers one to Twilight.

"Oh, thank you, Lero!"

The purple unicorn takes a sip as the blue unicorn stares at Lero with undisguised shock, jaw hanging. Lero turns to Twilight.

"Um, is she okay?"

"I'm not sure. I've never heard her this quiet. Though, I've only met her the one time before."

Trixie snapped from her shock, and got right into Twilight's face, their horns almost touching.

"You think you're so cool, don't you?! Well, you're not! I'm cool!! You're a loser hack who steals ideas!!!"

With that Trixie throws up a smoke screen, but the sound of the door slamming as she ran out ruined the efect somewhat.

"What was that about?"

On the outskirts of Ponyville, Trixie preapared her new wagon for travel, her entire body tensed with barely contained fury. The door in the back opened as a human wearing robes clearly of the same design as Trixie's cape stepped out, with curly black hair and a clean-shaven face.

"...So, are we not doing the show in Ponyville now?"

"NO, WE ARE NOT DOING THE SHOW IN PONYVILLE!!! Now get back in there and make me a sandwich!"

"...okay."

This last one was by Goat Licker.

Princess Celestia lay on her rug and sipped her now cold tea, hard and strong to prepare her for the changing of the guard ceremony due in ninety minutes. She winced when she heard Luna’s voice coming from the throne room, an interesting feat considering it was on the other side of the castle, several floors below. Celestia strained her hearing as she tried to make out Luna’s words – something about an invisible clergy? Never mind, Celestia decided. The night court is wearing my sister down.

With a gentle poof and a blast of quickly dissipating green smoke, a scroll appeared. Princess Celestia took hold of it with her magic and smiled warmly. Excellent, she thought, as she magically untied the red ribbon holding the floating parchment, letting the considerably long scroll unfold. Obviously Twilight Sparkle, judging by the length. Princess Celestia hoped it was about her budding herd relationship, as that was delightful and heart-warming reading. There was some vicarious feelings there as well – after all, over a millennia ago, Princess Celestia had chosen to abstain from romantic relationships and take the path of celibacy, considering both necessary self-sacrifices to better serve her ponies. That her most faithful (and beloved, though propriety demanded she keep that secret) student was taking her first steps into a serious relationship pleased her greatly. It helps that I really like Lero, Princess Celestia thought. Rainbow Dash too, of course. I wonder how much of this relationship Twilight Sparkle is comfortable with revealing to me.

Princess Celestia took a sip of her tea and began reading the scroll.

***

Dear Princess Celestia,

I never thought this could happen to me...

***

Twenty minutes later, Princess Celestia rolled up the scroll and muttered, “Apparently everything.”

71: Lost Tales Of The Slightly Longer Kind by ?

Lost Tales Of The Slightly Longer Kind by ?

********************

Twilight followed Rainbow Dash as best she could, having trouble keeping up with the pegasus although rainbow-maned pony was visibly frustrated by their pace.

"Can't you gallop faster than that?!"

"What(PANT)is(PANT)the rush?"

"It's... wierd. The most bizarre thing ever!"

They approached Lero's home, a bolt of worry shooting through Twilight as she realized whatever had Rainbow Dashed so worried, it involved Lero. However, that worry was quickly overshadowed by doubt.

"Uh, Rainbow Dash? We've personally battled Nightmare Moon and the Spirit of Chaos himself, we attended my brother's wedding where he almost married a Changeling, and we're both in a relationship with a creature from another world. What could possibly qualify as weird to us?"

Rainbow slipped into the door, motioning for Twilight to follow. As soon as she entered, Twilight was suprised to find another pony already waiting for them, a stallion she didn't recgonize.

He had a pale tan coat, nearly white, and he was a bit taller than Macintosh but not as muscular. What really got her attention though was the pony's red mane, with a braid behind one ear, and the familiar mustache and goatee on his face.

"H-hi, Twilight."

"Lero?!"

"Told ya it was weird."

Rainbow loved Lero despite not being a pony. Hay, deep down some of his inequine features excited her more than a pony's would have. Then he was a pony.

Twilight, being Twilight, had almost instantly gone into 'scientist mode' and began examining and question Lero, when not thinking outloud about how 'interesting' this transformation was. Rainbow had still been feeling unreal, like this was a weird dream.

When Twilight turned to her and admitted she had no idea what had happened and thus no clue how to undo it, it actually hit her that Lero was a pony. Maybe forever.

Rainbow... she had been stunned by the suddeness of this transformation. When the reality of the situation came to her... she started panicking.

"WHADYA MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?! MAGIC IS INVOLVED, RIGHT?! FIX IT WITH MAGIC!"

"Rainbow, calm down! You know unicorn magic doesn't work that way!"

"It-It's that Poison Joke stuff, right? Or maybe it-it's Changelings! Those jerks musta-"

"Lero has never even seen Poison Joke before, and I checked anyway and see no signs of it in his system. And Changelings can only change their own bodies. I'm sorry, I just don't know."

Rainbow trotted in place, fluttering her wings. Her first reaction to trouble was move fast and solve it quick, but what was she supposed to do?!

"It's okay, Rainbow!"

Rainbow turned to Lero, who had been very quiet this whole time. The human-turned-pony smiled at her in an attempt to calm her.

"I'm okay, I just... look different. And Twilight is the smartest girl I've ever met. She'll figure everything out, it'll just take some time, right?"

Twilight chewed her lip lightly before opening her mouth to say something, but was stopped by the look in Lero's eyes. The doubt on her face seemed to suddenly be replaced by, somewhat forced, enthusiasm.

"Um, yeah! I'll figure it out, so don't either of you worry!"

"See, Rainbow? So don't-"

As he spoke, Lero tried to walk over to comfort Rainbow only to trip over his own hooves. He would have bruised his face against the ground if Rainbow hadn't blurred over to him and caught him in time. With her forehooves holding him up, Rainbow realized how unused to his body Lero was, and now that she was close she could feel a slight tremble in his frame. Rainbow silently cursed herself as she realized the obvious. Lero was terrified. Of course he was, he woke up this morning a different species!

Rainbow pulled Lero into an embrace, an embrace that Lero welcomed. She held him like that for a moment, before Twilight joined the hug.

"I really am going to try my hardest to fix this."

Rainbow chuckled.

"We know, egghead. This is just..."

"Really weird?"

"Yeah, that. But it's gonna be okay, Lero. Me and Twilight are gonna take care of ya, big guy."

"Thanks Rainbow. And you two, Twilight."

The three ponies seemed to just remain there enjoying the comfort of eachother's presence for a moment.

And then...

"Um, I'm sorry girls, but I need to ruin the moment."

"Huh?"

"Whadya mean?"

"I sorta have to use the little boy's room..."

"PfftHAHAHA!"

While Rainbow rolled on the floor laughing, Twilight just blushed and disengaged her hug. But Lero didn't go, he just stood in place with an uncomfortable, yet contemplative, look on his face.

"Uh, what's the problem?"

"... How do ponies use toilet paper?"

Rainbow had taken a few days off to stay with Lero as Twilight researched a way to fix things. But those few days passed and now Rainbow really needed to get back to her job. The other ponies just weren't used to handling Rainbow's load of work that she did(In ten seconds flat). But she really didn't want Lero just sitting alone in his house, so... it was time for him to go outside and get used to being a pony, if only for a while.

"I don't think I can do this."

Lero nervously shuffled his hooves, he at least had gotten the hang of walking on four legs.

"It'll be fine, Lero, don't worry."

"But I... couldn't I put on some-"

"For the last time, ponies don't where clothes often, you'd probably attract more attention to yourself."

Lero blushed visibly, his light coat doing nothing to hide it. Rainbow leaned against his side and lightly nuzzled his neck, earning a laugh from him.

"Ha! Got ya to laugh! Now come on, you never stared at naked ponies before, right? Nopony's gonna stare at you or anything!"

Rainbow opened the front door and held the door open. Lero took a deep breath, and followed Rainbow out the door.

It had been a few minutes, and Rainbow was happy to see Lero getting used to being in public as a pony. As she'd expected, nopony recgonized him. The only reason she'd known it was him was his braid and facial hair. He'd removed his braid for now, and facial hair wasn't exactly rare.

Lero seemed to be somewhat amused by his anonymity, used to getting stares everywhere he went. Not that he wasn't getting stares, but they were of a different sort.

Whenever Lero would look away, at least two or three mares would look him over. Rainbow was glad they at least had the decency to not let him notice they were checking him out, she was sure that would send him racing back to his house.

But Lero hadn't noticed his increased popularity with the mares of Ponyville(which was actually impressive since he had already managed to catch the eyes of quite a few) and trotted lightly towards the fresh produce stands and stalls.

Rainbow looked around to see if Applejack had set up her apple stand today. Unfortunately, it seemed that Applejack hadn't come in today. Shame. Rainbow could really go for some apples, actually. When the multi-colored pegasus turned back around, Lero had already approached a stall. Rainbows heart nearly stopped when she saw whose stall he was at.

"Oh, Celestia, not her!"

Lero, for his part, was inspecting one of the melons he was considering purchasing. Finally, he tapped one of the melons with a forehoof.

"I think I'll take this one, Miss Dew."

Honeydew smiled at the stallion in front of her, who knew of her despite being new to Ponyville. She knew he must be new in town, she'd certainly remember seeing a handsome stallion like him around here.

"Oh, very good choice, sir! You picked the best one in the bunch! You must have alot of gardening experience!"

Honeydew fluttered her eyes a little, leaning just a little closer to the stallion. Lero smiled, he'd never really interacted with Honeydew before(Her stall always seemed to closed when he was shopping), but he was happy to find she was a very friendly pony. She'd given him these sideways looks before, he was worried she would be mean.

"Oh, not really. I'm just guessing, mostly!"

"Well, you have good instincts! Say, what's your name?"

Lero hesitated, wondering briefly why he hadn't thought of a fake name earlier.

"Um... well, Miss Dew-"

"Oh, no 'Miss'. Just call me Honey!"

Honeydew gave Lero a wink and a smile.

Just then, Rainbow rushed up.

"Sorry to interupt, but we've got somewhere to be."

Lero looked at her with a confused expression, since he knew they had no plans besides getting him used to being a pony. Honeydew glared at the pegasus mare, an aggressive look on her face, then questioningly glanced at pony-Lero.

"How does a loser like you know a guy like this?"

Lero turned to Honeydew, mildly suprised at the sudden change in attitude. He noticed a similar look on Rainbow Dash's face. What's going on?

"Um, is something wrong?"

Rainbow did her best to remove the anger from her face.

"No, everything's fine. Let's go."

Lero followed Rainbow as she walked away from the stall. Lero really wanted to ask about what just happened, but Rainbow looked like she was in deep thought. He'd let her tell him when she wanted to.

"Rainbow! Hey, over here!"

The pegasus and ex-Human turned their attention to three familiar mares. Apple jack was pulling a small cart filled with groceries, with Rarity strolling to the left of her and... Pinkie Pie bouncing on her right.

<?!>

The pink mare was excitedly waving her forehoof. Lero smiled at Rainbow.

"Oh, you saw the others and wanted to meet up with them! That's why you wanted to leave the stall."

"Huh? Uh, I mean, yeah! That's it!"

The two approached the three mares, Applejack and Rarity casting curious looks at the stallion they didn't recgonize. Pinkie Pie smiled at the two the way she smiled at everything, so it was questionable if she'd even noticed his presence. Rainbow was a little suprised at that, usually she freaked out when new ponies came to Ponyville.

"Uh, hey girls! What're ya doin?"

Applejack raised an eyebrow, then looked back over her shoulder at the plainly obvious groceries in the cart.

"Uh, ain't that obvious?"

"Oh! Right.."

"Now, darling, don't stall! Tell us about your freind! Oh, how rude! I should introduce myself first, shouldn't I? My name is Rarity, fashionista extrordinaire, personal freind of *the* Fancy Pants, and an aquaintance of Princess Celestia! Charmed, I'm sure!"

A single thought went through Rainbow's mind when she saw the way Rarity was looking at Lero.

Oh, HAY NO!

Honeydew flirting with him was bad enough. But Rarity being interested in him? No, this would not be allowed. She went through stallions like most mares went through tissues. If she thought she could treat *him* like that...

Before that thought could continue, Pinkie started laughing and rolling her eyes.

"Pfft, silly filly! You've met him before!"

Rarity paused, then shook her head and sent her curled mane bouncing lightly.

"No, I think I'd remeber meeting such a handsome stallion before!"

Lero blushed next to Rainbow, and she had the distinct feeling he wanted to go back to his house to hide. Great.

"Well, that's cause Lero was a Human-thingy then! How'd you turn into a pony, Lero-Shero-Jero?"

Rainbow's mind froze for a second, and she accidentally spoke her mind.

"What the- How could you tell he's Lero?!"

"Well, duh! Isn't it obvious?"

Applejack and Rarity both blinked, then stared at Lero with disbelief.

"Wha-Lero?! As in the tall fella?! Bu-huh?!"

"I share Applejack's confusion, but more eloquently."

Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck, and gave an apologetic look at Lero who looked really embarassed.

"You see-"

"Also, more beautiful and more cultured, too."

Applejack leveled a flat look at Rarity.

"Hush it!"

Rainbow decided that her and Lero's trip into town was officialy a bust.

"Girls, let's head back to Lero's house to discuss this, 'kay?"

Back in Lero's house, Rainbow filled the others in on the situation.

"...and Twilight still hasn't figured out how to fix this. I didn't want Lero sitting in this house by himself, but... I don't think wandering around Ponyville alone is good either."

Pinkie, being Pinkie, saw nothing unusual about the situation and accepted it immediately. Rarity, after getting over the bizarreness, seemed to view the whole thing as very amusing. Rainbow was mostly suprised by Applejack's reaction. She seemed really uncomfortable for some reason, glancing at Lero then quickly looking away or pretending to examine the walls. Weird.

Rainbow was brought out of her thoughts by Rarity.

"Well, darling, as it turns out I need some help at my boutique."

Lero blinked.

"Uh, I'm not sure what Icould help you with. I'm not very good at sewing or anything."

"Oh, I'm sure I could find a task suited to a strapping stallion such as yourself."

Rainbow Leaned over so that she was between Rarity and Lero, giving her a warning look. The fact that the white unicorn suddenly looked a bit paler convinced Rainbow that she undrstood.

"Um, completely innocent and harmless work, of course!"

Rainbow sat back down, a pleased look on her face.

"Of course."

"Um..."

All the eyes in the room turned to Applejack(except Pinkie's eyes, as they were eagerly reading through the newest Daring Do novel which Rainbow had left sitting on the table) as she nervously shifted in place.

"We could use a little help at the farm, all sortsa things. If ya wanted, you could come up an help us out."

Lero seemed to consider that.

"Well... there wouldn't be too many ponies around at the farm..."

Pinkie suddenly looked up from her novel(which she was holding upside down).

"Why wouldn't you want to be around ponies?"

"It's just... I'm a little... embarassed."

"About what?"

Rainbow sighed.

"Y'know how Humans have a taboo against being naked?"

"Yeah?...OH! Lero's embarassed cuz he's naked!"

Rainbow had to force herself to not laugh when Lero did a rather good impression of Fluttershy, his face turning red and covering his eyes with his forehooves. Rarity's giggling probably didn't help.

"Oh my! This *is* the first time I've seen you without clothing, isn't it? If you want, darling, I can create a few outfits for you if you could stop by my boutique."

"Oh, well... I don't think so... Twilight's going to find a way to fix this soon..."

"Oh, but it would be such a wasted opportunity!"

"I... I'll think about it. Um, how long were you planning to be out shopping?"

"Oh, I completely lost track of time! I need to get back to my boutique before Sweetie Bell tries to design dresses with my materials again. Ugh, that filly is guilty to at least a thousand crimes against fashion!"

Rarity trotted out the front door, and quickly levitated her groceries out of the cart the three had shared.

Pinkie bounded out the door and omehow balanced three bags of groceries on her head.

"I gotta go, too! I'm not really in a hurry, but I wasn't even supposed to be in this snippet and the writer's getting mad!"

The party pony dissappeared in a pink blur.

Applejack got up, heading for the door as well.

"Ah guess Ah'll be headin out, too. Ah'll be sellin' a few apples early in the mornin since someponies like'em fer a snack before lunch, so Ah'll head by here after that an we'll head to the farm."

Lero smiled, glad he wouldn't have to walk through town himself. He felt really vulnerable right now, and not just because he was naked. Being in a body he wasn't born with left him feeling very unsure of himself. He honestly wasn't sure how much help he would be in a body he wasn't used to, though, but he'd do his best.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then!"

Applejack nodded, then hooked herself to the cart and started pulling it and her groceries home.

As she did, her mind started to race. About Lero. About the Human she'd secretly had feelings for. Silly feelings she'd never act on, cause they were different species and that went against tradition in the Apple family, and her family loved tradition. She'd never break tradition. Except he was a pony now. An earth pony stallion. A very handsome earth pony stallion.

And she was going to be working with him at the farm tomorrow. The two of them workin hard, till they were sweaty and had sore muscles. Applejack felt her body heat up a little at her brief thought.

"Aw, hay. What have Ah gotten mahself into?"

72: The Hiding Show by VelvetHeart

The Hiding Show by VelvetHeart

*********

The little chair was seriously starting to pinch Lero's butt, and by the wiggling of several of the ponies around him, it seemed the constant sitting was starting to grate on them too. The bright smiles they'd worn at the start had slowly dimmed, even if they came back on occasion as the various amateur acts played on stage.

It'd been a simple enough idea: The audience could reward each act with donations for charity, and the act that got the most money donated would win a large, gold(-wrapped chocolate) trophy. The start had been a success, but by the time the violin-playing Applejack finally drooped off-stage with only a few bits and a lot of disappointment, it was clear they were never going to meet their-

"It turns out, we have one last act! A last-minute entry who will..." the announcing mare, one Sweetie Drops aka Bonbon, co-creator of the prize, glanced at the paper in front of her, "...it doesn't say. Well, we'll see it soon enough. Start the music!"

The tune tickled a memory somewhere in Lero's head, like he'd heard it before in some kind of movie and-

Again his thought was interrupted as a sudden rip suddenly appeared in the stage door, courtesy of the axe-blade suddenly jutting through the wood. A deep, masculine voice sounded through the hole: "Heeeee-eeere's-"

Suddenly the door exploded onto the stage, leaving a towering pegasus stallion standing among the fragments in nothing more than a firemare's helmet and a heat-reflective suit clearly made for a stallion of considerably more moderate size.
"-your savior of the hour.
coming smashing - through your bedroom door.
I got the call - I heard there's a fire,
the heat is high, so we’ll use the floor."

The stallion smoothly flipped the hoof-axe by the handle-strap, shouldering it in such a way that the blunt end of the head practically bounced off his well-defined flight-muscles. The extra pressure of the axe's weight proved too much for the already-straining reflective suit, which went from skin-tight to fragments in a dramatic burst of cloth, unveiling a silver-grey coat glistening with rolling droplets of sweat.
"Don't you worry, Stud Muffin is here to cool you.
I don't need a flower - you're already my rose
I will save you - just follow my directions
You bring the heat, and I will bring the hose."

* * *

The click of the door startled Dinky from her nap on the couch, catching the pegasus mare trying to sneakily close the front door. "Mom! Where have you been? You're never this late! Is that a trophy? You were in a contest?!"

"Well, honey, I, ehm... I was helping a friend make money for charity. He won, but he let me keep the prize."

"Wow. How much money did you make?"

Derpy's eyes slipped further out of alignment as a mental flash brought a memory of a rain of gold coins pelting off of her- nay, his muscles like so many water droplets. "W-well, they seemed happy with it, Dinky. Now, isn't it a little late for you? You should be in bed already! I'll go have a bath, and then I'll come tell you a story, okay?"

"Okay mom! You're the best mom ever, to everypony!"

* * *
The water turned darker with every shake of Derpy's hooves, the last remains of the herb cocktail pouring from the jar into her bath. "W-why won't you stay away?" she whimpered, sinking as deep into her tiny, economy-sized bath as she could, trying to splash her whole body. "P-please stay away, Mr. Muffin. I... I don't want Dinky to see me like that. What would she think about her mama? I want... I want to be me."

The changes were coming more often now, without any Poison Joke. What would the ponies think if they discovered she was in a constant, losing war with her Sexy Side?

73: Predator Privilege by Goat Licker

Predator Privilege (or, writing in present tense is hard) by Goat Licker.

**************

Honeydew drops a 100 bit coin at the bazaar, and watches with desperation as it rolls into the shadow of a rutabaga stall.

“Oh darn,” Honeydew says. She’s about to ask Honeybee if she can see it, when Lero walks into the bazaar.

Honeydew gasps as Lero gazes at her, hunting her with his eyes. Her body goes stiff, and the rest of the bazaar goes silent as ponies realize Lero is victimizing them with his predation.

“He’s coming right towards us!” Rose shouts, and she, Flower Wishes, and Lilly stampede away from the bazaar, neighing in fear. Doors and windows slam as neighing ponies hide from the oppressive hunter.

Lyra breaks through a window at Twilight’s castle, forgetting her training, while the atavistic flight instinct overtakes her. Spike jumps after her, claws snickering, reptile tongue lashing through his slavering fangs. Inside a bookfort, Twilight whinnies her distress while Owlowiscious perches on the roof, hooting derisively.

At Sweet Apple Acres, the cows and the Apple family are herded into a stall by Winona, as she snaps and snarls at legs and hooves. Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith form a protective circle around Apple Bloom.

On the periphery, the howls of Diamond Dogs echo through the town as they bite into cute woodland critters, causing nearly all of the animals on Fluttershy’s land to flee in screaming panic. The otter family fishes on its own, tearing into fish with no remorse, as Fluttershy makes a note on her clipboard and says, “That’s interesting.”

Meanwhile, Angel terrorizes the garden, his maw stained red with the blood of an innocent family of tomatoes.

Lero comes closer and smiles, showing his fangs. Ponies who can’t escape faint dead away. Berry Punch loses her long battle against the death drive and rolls onto her back, exposing her tender belly.

At Carousel Boutique, Opal swats a dead mouse as Rarity and Sweetie Belle huddle together on a chaise lounge, weeping with dread.

Lero unleashes his claws and picks up the coin, as Honeydew whimpers.

Above, Rainbow Dash looks down and makes an emergency crash landing into a nearby cloud, as her wings instantly spring erect at seeing her mighty hunter. She peeks over the cloud and watches with heavy breath and twitching tail.

Lero offers the coin to Honeydew, who exposes her neck as she waits for the kill. She accepts the coin and, thoroughly exhausted, manages to say, “Thank you.”

As meat-eating violence gushes from his very being, Lero whispers, “It was my privilege.”

74: History Revised by VelvetHeart

The background hum of ponies talking was momentarily overwhelmed by the squealing of a swarm of foals as they obediently, but noisily followed their teacher and their tourguide through the ancient exhibits. A nervous-looking young mare in the museum's uniform trailed after the group, run ragged by her attempts to keep the curious little fillies and colts from touching (or climbing!) the precious artifacts.

"Ooh, Lero!" Twilight Sparkle's excitement seemed a complete antithesis to Rainbow Dash' utter boredom-induced catatonia, "They have one of Snowdrop's original snowflakes on display here, made by Snowdrop herself!"

Lero thought for a moment as Twilight's magic grasped his hand to tug him along. "Ah, I remember reading that bedtime-story to Scootaloo. That's the little blind filly who invented snow, right?" Even after all his time in Equestria, the idea someone had to invent snow in this world still tickled him at times.

They could feel the chill rolling off the display the moment they entered the Snowdrop Exhibit room, enchanted crystals cooling the single precious snowflake held in its glassy home.

"Woah," Lero whispered at the sight, causing even Rainbow Dash to perk up and pay attention to where she was, "it's the size of my hand and shaped like one of those ninja-throwing-stars."

"Why yes!" Twilight Sparkle cheerfully explained, "Snowdrop was one of the most-legendary warriors and the first to weaponize weather to such an extent!"

Rainbow Dash grinned; now here was some interesting history she was at least familiar with! "Not just legendary, legendarily-brutal! Because she couldn't see, she sent a storm of these babies into her enemies and followed the screams and the feeling of their hot, spraying blood on her skin to find her enemies in battle! Snowdrop still holds the highest killcount for ponies killed to this very day, even if you only count the ones she killed with just her teeth!"

Lero stood bemused for a second. This was... rather different than the bedtime story suggested. "But... how did she tell her allies from her enemies?"

"Oh, she didn't," Twilight replied, "she always completely lost herself in bloodlust. They coined a new term for her fighting style: Berserker."

"I... guess little bullied fillies that make soft, pretty snow can grow up to be bloodthirsty berserkers."

"Actually," Rainbow Dash replied, "the first snowflakes weren't meant to be soft. She just wasn't good enough at sharpening them yet."

*******
Based on a one-shot prompt by Spinelstride.
*******

Author's Note

VelvetHeart:
"Well, to be honest, the image of the inventor of snow-crystals, Snowdrop, being a cute, blind, helpless little filly isn't entirely accurate. We thought it would make for a happier story for the history books than 'Bloodthirsty pegasus tried to carve even snowflakes into blades'."

Snowflake, Myth and Reality artscribble by Archonix

76: Untamed Life by warpd

Untamed Life by warpd
Sequel to Ivory Alicorn

*********************

“You’re slacking off! Don’t make me kick you out of this car.” Discord glared joyfully as a disgruntled Lero picked up the pace. “At this rate you will see your beloved wife next century.”

“Oh I’m sorry. Didn’t realize moving a two ton stone car with only my legs was slowing us down.” Lero sneered back with a hint of mischief. Despite the oversized vehicle, they traveled through the grand halls of Canterlot castle with nary a scratch or two on the ceiling. The ‘convertible’ putted along with two large cylindrical stones for wheels. The sun roof gave Discord enough room to stick his head out and let his nose fly in the wind.

“You are so pathetic you are letting that old mare beat us, and she’s sleeping!” Discord and Lero waved hello like good neighbors to the passing Ms. Inkwell. Pedestrians had the right of way on the floor.

Like any credible human, Lero had quickly learned to roll along with the chaos spirit’s antics. They didn’t meet up often, but he was not about to let himself get upset over silly games. If only more ponies took a page from that book like Fluttershy had. Flexible, but firm when needed. “So I take it you met me here because something interesting might happen with Twilight.”

“Muah? Can’t a good friend take another good friend for a joyride?” Discord’s hand answered like a sock puppet as it raised an eyebrow. “Left or right by the way?”

“Right.” Down the hall Lero was sure that would take them to Twilight’s room. Then again they were traveling on the ceiling.

“To Albuquerque? Maybe another time.” Discord finished off his carrot he had been snacking on.

“We can’t go left, that takes us to Tenbucktwo.” Lero sighed, quite aware of the game Discord was playing.

Discord slammed his feet into the ground as the whole car screeched to a halt like it had just finished a drag race. “Here’s our stop!”

Lero opened the door, but paused as he looked up to the floor. “I’m not that crazy.”

“Oh pooh, well you are getting there young mole cricket. One day you might be a quarter and a half as brilliant as I.” Discord sang out as he tried to unbuckle himself.

Lero sighed as he pushed the child safety button for Discord. He sprung out of his seat unto the floor and grabbed the car from the ceiling to put it down. The young man stepped out as he realigned his senses. “Well that was a trip. Saved me a train ticket.”

“Indeed! She also has great milage too.” Discord patted the large wheel in the front, which promptly ended when the car popped apart into a million pieces. “Oh well, it’s a rental.”

Twilight’s door opened up to reveal she had some company. Mithril stood with a noble posture, flanked by two unicorn guards at her side. Iron Hide and Holdfast Lero noted, recognizing the guards. A small magic reducer was placed at the base her horn, but that clearly did nothing to her superior demeanor. Twilight was technically of higher standings, yet she wore a simple lab coat and the ornery orange tinted goggles. This did nothing to help her appearance. Regardless, Lero thought she looked cute. “Lero! You are here much sooner than expected.”

Mithril teetered a bit in surprise before she greeted the human. “Prince Michaelides, herd stallion of the house of Sparkle. It is good to see you in good health.” Discord leaned towards Lero with a wide grin. “Pestilence, what brought you crawling back here?”

“Oh you wound me, little princess, and for the record our little man here is not Prince. None of the style I’m afraid.” Lero just barely resisted the urge to step on Discord’s tail. “Think the term you are looking for is royal consor--Ouch!”

Twilight, on the other hoof, is not nearly as patient with Discord. What a horrible Princess of Friendship. “My husband. Not a consort, not my concubine, and certainly not my boy toy.”

“Boy toy? That’s a great one! Ah, well, the trophy husband then.” Discord twirled his beard as though he finally found enlightenment. Enlightenment was soon followed by nirvana served by a smack in the back of the head.

Lero and Mithril watched as the two started to go at it. Lero sighed. “They will be at it for a while.”

“It is a most curious relationship. When my time was young and proud, we had to keep him away with our pure stallion priests. That this ‘magic of friendship’ is capable to turn even his ilk still seems unfathomable.” Mithril mentally shook her head from the thoughts of pretty stallion priests that she occasionally seduced. “What is the tale behind this story?”

“Princess Celestia wanted to redeem Discord and brought him to Ponyville. Fluttershy was able to make a connection with him and actually befriend him.” Lero’s glance told him that Mithril had stepped a little closer to him only to be blocked by one of the guards. “That’s the story I know. I was out of town. Oh he might be coarse about it, but if I had a title, at best it would be Master.”

“For me you will be my Prince.” She whispered softly. “Please. Tell me about this Ponyville that you reside in. Seems to be the place to redeem mad monsters in.”

“Friendly town, if a bit excitable. Been slowly growing with new blood due to Twilight becoming princess, but at the end of the day it is a tradition heavy earth pony town.” Lero nearly jumped at the sour hiss from Mithril.

She couldn’t help but give a hard stomp as she growled. “Earth ponies, bah. Valley dwelling, life perverting zoophiles.”

Iron Hide’s demeanor broke first much to Lero’s shock as she hissed evenly. “Excuse you? What right do you have to belittle earth ponies?”

The last unicorn princess didn’t give her the pleasure of a face to face answer. “My sentinel seems to have forgotten that she is to remain quiet to guard me.”

“Actually no. You are incorrect Mithril, we are not required to remain quiet. We are here to make sure you follow Princess Celestia’s orders which you will not deviate from. Your house arrest doesn’t make youqueen of the castle.” Iron Hide’s visible snorts increased in volume. She stopped herself when she noticed Twilight with a dropped jaw and Discord snickering behind her. “Princess Twilight, excuse me for my outburst.”

“You are excused, but Princess Mithril, that was uncalled for. Apologize!” Twilight sternly told the unicorn who seemed bewildered at the thought.

“A-apologize? For what?” Mithril blinked for a moment before a ghost smile graced her face. “Ah I see, you must have had an earth pony taint your family line. Great Grandmother perhaps snuck her way under the bed covers.”

“My mother is not trash like you imply.” There was a dangerous glint in Iron Hide’s eye that she made clear in her tone.

Discord couldn’t help but croak out a mirthful chuckle. “Not winning favors as usual, little princess.”

Lero’s and Twilight’s glance told him to shut it, which worked much better than usual. Mithril remained silent as she casually looked out the window like something was a million miles away. “I apologize.”

‘Small steps Twilight. Small steps.’ Twilight breathed a calming breath before kissing Lero. “You are here early, dear.”

He returned it with a heartfelt smile. “Was picked up by Discord and we ‘drove’ here. The girls send their kiss and hugs which I will now deliver.”

“Bleh, gag me why don’t ya.” Discord stuck out his tongue hoping to get a tiny rise out of them. He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get it. “So, Princess Twilight, what fun ideas do you have planned?”

Lero’s lips smacked as he tasted Twilight’s breakfast, she had apparently been eating in the lab and didn’t brush her teeth yet. Grapefruit with some honey drizzled on.“Nightmare Night tonight. Any plans?”

Twilight giggled manically with a cute smile. “I am going to turn you into a pony.”

Mithril’s ears perked up as her attention focused straight on Twilight. “You have found a way to return him to his unicorn form?”

She did not expect a sincere smile of rage from Twilight. “Oh I’m sorry. Somepony destroyed my work so I can’t do that right now.”

“I apologized!” She said quickly, earning an unseen smile from her guards.

“So something else then. All right, I’m game. Then we can go back to Ponyville.” Lero nodded as he popped his joints.

“Wish you would stop doing that. It sounds so wierd when your body does that.” Twilight pointed her horn straight at her human. “Let’s get this science on the road!”

The room startled to cackle with energy as thrilling music provided by the Discordian Symphonic Orchestra ( Conductor: Discord, Lead Singer: Discord, Lead Triangle: Discord) added to the ambience. “Twilight, the last time you did this the room exploded.”

Mithril looked a little worried. “Exploded? What do you mean exploded? Guards, does Princess Twilight normally cause explosions?”

“Well…”

“Don’t worry everypony.” Twilight shouted over the power surge. “I made the appropriate calculations and there will not be a magical backlash.”

Applejack looked on from her little hay ride at the Canterlot Castle as violent violet smoke rose from one of the taller towers. “Twilight is at it again.”

“Eeyup.”

Despite all appearances, the explosion of magical force was only ninety percent of the first one. Not that Mithril would have ever known as she stood shaking like a leaf. “She is absolutely crazy.”

The two guards stood stoically as smoke wrapped around their forms. “She has improved.”

“An earth pony!” Discord exclaimed with boredom as he sucked in the purple smoke from the room. “Twilight, where is your sense of adventure?”

Burnt orange with dull red mane and tail greeted Twilight as she beheld her stallion as a stallion once more. Slightly more stocky than normal, which she predicted, and very much woolier. “Perfect! How do you feel?”

“Just fine, thanks. This seems like the other times you turned me into a stallion.” Lero looked over his body. His hair was a bit thicker and somehow more alive with energy. “No wait, I think I feel something different.”

“Of course you would.” Twilight pressed up against his body with utmost glee. “Those other times I just made you take the form of a pony. This time you really are an earth pony stallion. Do you feel the magic?”

“Just a little, actually. Mostly in my hooves.” Lero strained slightly as he stuck out his tongue. “Still really can’t use it.”

Twilight’s proud smile didn’t show any signs of disappointment. “Just a little practice should get the magic flowing. Let’s clean up before we head back to Ponyville. The girls will be so excited.”

“Why of all things did you decide on turning him into that!?” Mithril stomped her hoof to finally get their attention after previous trys. “An earth pony? You wasted your time for that?”

“There is nothing wrong with earth ponies.” Twilight squinted her eyes at the unicorn. “In fact, you are coming with us tonight to Ponyville. This is a perfect opportunity for you to intermingle with the local population outside the castle walls.” Lero tapped his hooves together, hoping to get the juices flowing.

“I’m afraid I must decline your offer. I have prior engagements.” Mithril looked away with a slight upturn of her chin. Lero pranced in place before poking Discord for some advice.

Twilight wasn’t buying it as she asked the guards, “Does she now?”

“No.” They both answered unanimously. Discord shrugged with little interest as Lero returned to inspecting his hooves.

“Traitors.”

“Perfect we will all go together.” Twilight smiled victoriously which was in no way vindictive. Not even a little.

“This is boring. Time for a different scenery!” Discord snapped his fingers as they all disappeared in a flash of smug light.

Right in Ponyville, “Discord! I wanted to take a shower!”

“Yes, yes and do all sorts of naughty things with your husbando, ” Discord had on a Batmare costume that looked like her clown villain had gotten ahold of it, “But there is candy to be acquired and fun to be had.” Discord, the jolly fellow, went laughing all the way.

Lero had reared up the moment they had teleported from the castle and slammed his hooves into the ground. There was an audible ping sound as a magic shockwave echoed from him and spread across Ponyville and beyond. Twilight felt a slight tingle in her hooves and had a distinct impression of Lero through it like a magic ID. “Wow. Lero what did you just do?”

“I am not sure.” Lero looked at the bottom of his hooves before he tapped the ground again. Smaller pings were felt. “Whatever it was it told me where everything is in Ponyville. Magic is cool.”

“That was a life pulse spell.” Mithril stated with stony grace. “It’s a spell that earth ponies use to communicate, locate, and announce their presence. A frustrating ability they have; you could never truly hide from an earth pony and their ability to coordinate made battles with them absolutely frustrating.” She softened as she pleaded to Twilight. “I beg of you please allow me to return to my quarters. I have never been on good terms with any earth pony.”

“Do you have a problem with me?” Lero asked with no hint of challenge in his tone and the concern that a friend would have.

Mithril slightly struggled as she collected the words to say. “N-no. I’m sure you are a beautiful stallion by earth pony standards. I never actually saw one truly, your form is not entirely unpleasing to the eye just not as lovely as your unicorn form.”

“We are getting nowhere with this.” Twilight facehooved. “Come on. Let’s head to my castle and introduce you to our herd at the least. Afterwards we will test out that life pulse spell some more.” Lero for his part wasn’t quite sure if he was insulted, complimented, or all the above.

The guards grimaced inwardly and prepared for disaster. After all, they are in Ponyville.

The cauldron was prepared for the night’s festivities. Zecora pushed it onto her cart with the other ingredients for great celebrations; fire works, heavy mist, stardust, and many other tools of her trade were already loaded up. She had felt that magical pulse from Ponyville and concluded that the new princess had something interesting planned for Nightmare Night, even if the pulse gave her a distinct impression of the local human.

The Everfree Forest was always an untamed wilderness that Zecora had to respect. She walked the worn familiar path to the village beyond the trees, but the hair on her back could not stop standing on end. ‘Is the forest filled with unrest? It seems like it is possessed.’

Then the first sign of trouble crossed her path as a manticore staggered into the evening light followed shortly by cubs. Zecora carefully pulled out her staff as she prepared her stunning spores just in case. ‘Her movements are like those under spells, this foul work rings all the wrong bells.’ A cockatice slithered by her legs with barely a cluck, a pack of timber wolves meandered past her, and a cragadile casually knocked her cart over, spilling the contents everywhere, as it glided on the ground.

Zecora backed away from the dazed creatures until her ears perked up. There was a soft tune that the earth sang, something she had not heard in a long time. Unlike her homeland’s song, this seemed possessive with none of the motherly love. Zecora blinked, she gasped slightly with the sudden appearance of a mare in her face.

“Finally a pegasus that isn’t fat!”

Rainbow Dash could hardly believe what she was hearing, she was completely ready to go alpha female on the Mithril based on what she had heard about the jerk. Praise threw her off her game. Stupid praise.

“You wouldn’t believe how overweight the guard pegasi are. I take it that they are not under your legion.”

“No.” Rainbow Dash was sure this was some kind of snide remark or hidden motive this freaky looking unicorn was playing at. “We don’t have legions anymore. They were dissolved into the unified militia with the other races, though the wonderbolts are similar.”

Mithril frowned as she looked over the pegasus from her muzzle to her colorful tail. “Truly a waste. Commander Hurricane would have loved to have you as one of her legion legate. Then again, you could have been her superior.”

Rainbow Dash did not like how she purred that last part. “Laying it on real thick there. I thought you only had eyes for unicorns.”

There were too many pointy teeth in that smile. “Unicorns are the superior pony, but the pegasi are not without their charm. Despite your stubborn nature.”

“Yup, you got the stubborn part of her down.” Spike tried to help himself to another candy bar in the bowl only for Lyra to pull it away. “Oh come on.”

“You’ll eat more when you go visit the other houses. Don’t ruin the fun too quickly.” Lyra raised it up a little higher as Spike feebly tried to reach for it. “Come on Rainbow, no need to have a sour mood so soon. Tonight is supposed to be fun.”

“Oh speaking of fun, did you see Lero?” There was drool forming at the corners of her mouth. “Big guy has it going on!”

“Did you feel it? That was not just a simple shape changing spell, he really is a pony. That magical aura he has is heavy with density.” Lyra’s time with her winged herd mate had allowed her to share some bad habits, but she was not about to drool in front of company. “If he is the real deal we might be able to have children.”

That perked up Mithril’s ears. “Not as an earth pony, that is a waste of offspring, and I would implore you to have him as a pegasus when your time comes.”

Rainbow Dash’s head snapped back like she was just bucked. “Excuse you. Who the buck do you think you are!?”

“Time to nip this in the bud!” Twilight shouted before she teleported in a flash of light. She wore metal plated armor around her barrel and chest, an emblem of her cutie mark emblazoned on the center of her armor. “Dash, she has issues. Mithril, not in my house.”

“I can tell.” Dash drew back her wings as she took a calming breath.

Indignation colored Mithril’s muzzle as she protested. “Issues? Bite your tongue. My matters are my own. I have no need of plebeians to patronize me.” Twilight’s withering gaze stopped her rant cold.

Lero sat next to Lyra as they observed this awkward tension. “You know we invited her on a whim.”

Lyra gasped as she clopped her front hooves together. “You don’t say? I would have never guessed.”

“And now we get to take her to the population of Ponyville.” Lero said cheerfully as he swished his tail. He yelped when Lyra gave him a playful nip on his lower back.

Dinky galloped along with her little herd of fellow classmates; colts, fillies, bullies, and cutie mark crusaders, none of that mattered this night. Celebration of candy and treats, there was just too much fun to be had to worry about anything else. Her ladybug wings fluttered as she giggled. ‘Zecora should be here soon!’

The special Nightmare Night fog made by the weather team seemed to be thicker than usual. The group waited in anticipation by the trail where the zebra should emerge, but careful to not get too close to the Everfree Forest. “I think I see her!”

Through the unhealthy mix of green and blue mist, the shaman almost slithered out with unnatural possessed gait. “Ms. Zecora, are you ok? You don’t look well.”

Dinky flinched back when Zecora’s head jerk in her direction. The hiss made Dinky freeze up as the previously unfocused pinpoint eyes narrowed on her.

“I am not familiar with this fruit, but it is delicious.” Mithril stated regally as she chewed on her apple. “This is your family’s special crop, yes?”

Applejack nodded with a thin smile. “Are you telling me that you have never had an apple in your life?”

“Apple. Apple. Tis a good name.” Mithril took another crunchy bite out of the bright red fruit. “It was difficult growing anything in the mountains.”

“Twilight, all this time she’s been in Canterlot nopony thought to give her some decent meal?” Applejack gave the nervous princess a side glance.

“Well her diet is a little--.”

“The chiefs of Canterlot are excellent in their art, the fault is my own for not asking for this.” Mithril’s sharp teeth told Applejack everything she needed to know. Thankfully (or not), the unicorn was more than happy to elaborate. “Chicken, fish, pork, ursi, and many more delicious meats. Your era has made wonderful progress on cooked meat. Almost makes me want to stop hunting for a fresh meal... Almost. It has been ages since my last hunt.”

Mithril turned a bright smile towards Lero. “I would be welcome to a hunting partner.”

“Ok! This hasn’t gotten strange at all.” Applejack chuckled nervously as she rustled something else up from her stand. “Here you go, this is on the house. I can’t have you leave without enjoying good old fashioned apple pie. It would be a crime.”

Lero mouthed a thank you as Mithril took the curious pastry with her magic. One bite turned into a mouth stuffing gobble as the desert was devoured with impunity. “Earth pony Applejack, your wares are the finest in all the land.”

“You are quite welcomed there.” Applejack’s chest warmed with pride as the unicorn licked the crumbs off her face, a feat considering her teeth.

“I wonder if you can put meat into this ‘pie’.” All that warmth froze like the vengeance of a windigo’s breath. All the ponies in the vicinity paused with mixed levels of disgust. “What?”

Lero kept his cool as he mentally poured sweat. ‘Do not say a thing about Tourtière.’

‘Hallo. Du siehst gut aus.’

Lero tensed up as he felt someone greet him. He looked around at the crowd. The voice was heavy with drowsiness, and not one he was familiar with. “Did anyone hear that?”

Rainbow Dash hovered closer to the ground with her cloud as the others continued to banter on. “Hear what big guy?”

‘Was ist denn los? Ich brauche dich.’

“I felt someone talking to me, without actually speaking.” The female speaking with him gave him a distinct feeling of a young mare, he wasn’t sure how. “It’s a little creepy with the whispers overlaying what she is saying.”

“Like some kind of magical mind talk thing?” Rainbow Dash tilted her head as she hopped off her ground and landed next to him. “Think somepony is trying to mess with you?”

‘Entschuldige bitte, dass ich es vergessen habe.’

A magical pulse echoed from the Everfree forest, ponies that were on the ground halted in place from the call. Pegasi that stayed in the air and Mithril remained oblivious for a moment before they noticed the other ponies with confused expressions. Rainbow Dash swayed like she had briefly inebriated. “What the buck was that?”

Twilight held her breath as she tried to gather herself. Applejack for her part recovered the fastest. “Twilight, that came from the Everfree Forest, and is coming here real soon.”

“Wait, what has occurred?” asked Mithril as her guards attempted to stand upright and vigilant despite the magic pulse almost knocking them flat on their dock. “Princess Twilight, is something amiss?”

“You know that life pulse spell you mentioned? Somepony just used it.” Twilight shook her head then powered up her horn. “It was different from Lero’s version. You didn’t feel that?”

“Earth pony magic is only detected by fellow earth ponies. Given that this is the Unification Era I wouldn’t be surprised some earth pony blood can be found in your line.” Mithril tried her very best to not spit that out. “Besides, this is an earth pony village, is it not? What is so strange about this magic?”

“I have never felt anything like that before, nor has my Granny mention anything like this in her stories.” Applejack couldn’t suppress the tingle in her spine and the gut feeling boring a hole into her.

“I think a mare just contacted me before the spell happened.” Lero spoke up over the chatter after being ignored long enough. “I couldn’t make out a word she said, though.”

Twilight’s horn glowed as she touched it to his forehead. “That’s ancient earth pony. It’s only used in biology taxonomy and she said it fluently.” Her horn brightened up as she squinted. Lero, for his part, only squirmed a little. “The whispering actually says her name, Gaia.”

“What!?” Mithril screamed in shocked. “Gaia? Here?”

Lero blinked his eyes rapidly as the horn light faded. “The Titan Gaia?”

“Close, but no.” Twilight sat up straight as she adopted a dignified pose. “The Gaia family were earth ponies with powerful ties to the earth. Their most powerful offspring would be bestowed the name Gaia. It would be like comparing a normal unicorn to Princess Celestia.” Then the twinkles appeared in the scholar’s eyes. “They disappeared into history, but if this is one of their offspring, then I can’t wait to actually meet one.”

“She is not here to make friends, Princess Twilight.” Mithril stamped her hoof with indignation. “She’s here to make claim to your stallion.”

“Not again.” Lero sighed heavily.

“Oh buck no.” Rainbow Dash’s wings fanned angrily. “That is not happening.”

“Twilight!!!” The looked up at a hysterical Spike on top of Lyra’s back as she galloped towards them as fast as possible. “There are monsters coming from the Everfree Forest!”

Ponies are very good at panicking, especially when they shouldn’t. Though most would agree three hydra heads roaring just outside of town was an excuse as any. Lyra skidded to a halt, but was able to hold on tight to Spike. “It’s worse. There are ponies that seem to be under mind control with the monsters. We saw some of the foals attack their parents and turn them under the spell.”

“Dinky!” Carrot cried out, immediately getting the attention of the filly and the others around her. Derpy grabbed Carrot and pulled her back into the soon to be short lived hiding spot. “Derpy, that’s our daughter out there! We have to save her.”

“We will, but we need to be smart or we will be caught by the monsters too.” Derpy took a quick peek over the ledge before ducking back down. “One of us needs to grab Dinky while the other distracts them.”

“You are faster, as long as you don’t run into a building.” Carrot felt with her hooves how close they were. “I’ll distract them while you grab her. Go!”

Derpy flew straight up as Carrot barrel rolled out from cover. The nagi didn’t have time to register before the earth pony full bodied tackled it. It flew straight into the crowd of ponies, knocking them all over. Then, with an actual barrel, she kicked it towards a flying manticore with a clean strike. Derpy swooped down into the opening to grab Dinky by the scruff of her neck.

Dinky growled as she tried to stretch around and bite her mother. “Dinky, it’ll be alright. We’ll get you to Princess Twilight who will break the mind spell on you then we can get the rest of the family to find a safe place.”

“Derpy, look out!” Carrot screamed with a sharp shrill. A hydra swung one of its necks and blindsided the pegasus. Carrot galloped as fast as she could and braced for an impact from the pony known for knocking town hall over with her butt. “This is going to hurt.”

Carrot blacked out briefly upon contact; a few seconds later she regained consciousness with her entire body screaming in agony. She could see the trench that was made from their bodies crashing through the road, and she felt something liquid going down her face. “Derpy, Dinky? Are you both ok?”

“I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I can feel something other than pain.” There was a heavy stomp as Derpy’s eyes shot open to see the hydra looming over them. “I feel terror now. Pain and terror.”

“Guaaa.” They looked over to their left as Dinky stumbled to her hooves. Dead eyes bored into them right to their core as she approached. Her parents tried to gather their strength to maybe pull off a last ditch effort.

They looked at their odds, and knew this was it. One last kiss and a ‘love you’.

“I am the terror that flaps in the night.” There was a flash of light and the hydra disappeared like a horrible nightmare. “I am the frog that makes you sound horse on a date.” A billow of smoke appeared behind them. “I am Captain Chaos!”

Discord, still in his batmare outfit, stood proud over the two with a snapping Dinky in one of his paws. A snap of his finger broke the curse and her eyes sparkled anew. “Fear not, citizen!”

“Why are you wearing a mare’s outfit... you know what? Nevermind.” Carrot breathed a sigh of joy for once, Discord was never really high on her list. “Thank you.”

Another snap of his fingers and the ponies felt as good as new. “Tell me, citizen, what is happening here today? I highly doubt hydra is part of the festivals. Unless you ponies have decided to actually have fun for once.”

Derpy nuzzled Dinky affectedly. “Some monsters from the Everfree and possessed ponies are attacking everypony. We don’t know much more than that.”

“Sounds like the work of another mad unicorn looking to jump the ranks of the bad guy scale. We have support groups you know.” Moans from a large herd of ponies reminded Discord that there was still a problem. “Oh right, let’s get rid of that nonsense.”

He snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. “Huh, someone just countered my chaos magic.”

Carrot looked up to him in disbelief. “Somepony can do that!? Wait, do you hear laughter?”

Shadows slinked around them as flashes of light blinked in and out from the corners of their eyes. The laughter grew louder and the voices multiplied. Discord quickly wrapped his tail around the three ponies and jumped away as a beast crash landed where they were. It looked like a mixture of chicken, boar, and many other creatures. “Are those draconequus?”

“No.” Discord eye’s burned red as they straightened up. His voice dripped with rage. “Jabberwockies. And it’s draconequi.”

“I’ve never heard of those.” Dinky huddled down closer to her parents as a dozen mismatched beasts chuckled away like hyenas. “They look scary.”

“Poor imitations of me, and they really tick me off.” Discord set them down. “Go get help or something. I have to take out the trash.” Jabberwockies blinked in and out of reality around him as he cracked his joints. That irritating laughter did nothing to alleviate his sour mood. “Don’t know who made you second rate copy cats, but you should have stayed hidden.”

Derpy, Dinky, and Carrot backed away soon as the fight started. They were still in danger of the zombie ponies and the monsters that lingered close by. “Princess! Over here!” Dinky shouted at the top of her lungs.

A blue force field sprouted out around them halting any advance of the creatures. Princess Luna descended from on high. “Salutations, my precious citizens, I am grateful to see thyselves well.”

“Yay! Princess Luna saved us!” Dinky quickly dug through her saddlebags and pulled out something. “Here is some candy, I don’t have much but I hope you like it.”

Luna took the offering with a smile. “Brilliant. Please excuse me a moment. Princess Twilight, we have secured more uninfected citizens, how goeth thee?”

A staticy magical voice sounded out. “We secured the Cake’s residence. We found them fending off everything with cookware.”

“Princess Luna.” Carrot meekly gulped as she got the princess’ attention. “Discord is fighting some creatures called Jabberwockies if you wanted to know.”

“I had suspected that fiend had left us to laugh at this tragedy.” Princess Luna shook her head. “Regardless, I am sending you to Princess Twilight’s castle. It is safe there.”

In a twinkle of an eye, they disappeared to safety. Princess Luna took calm breaths as she looked at the zombie ponies that banged away at her shield. “We will find the one responsible and free you all.”

“That would be Gaia’s Binding of Life.” Mithril looked solemnly on at the direction of the oncoming monsters. Her horn restraint was taken off in good faith. “It is a most devastating curse that would pit family against family, and those monsters are her creation. Jabberwockies were made by earth-mages as a defense against Pestilence. A very effective batch that were thankfully never brought to battle.”

Lero watched in the distance as Princess Celestia scorched several building sized timber wolves, the fact that they kept going while on fire spooked him. “She is still talking to me, but it’s all disjointed. It’s like she’s not all there.” The translation spell Twilight provided for him was a lost cause. When had tried to talk to the mare she didn’t respond quite right.

“She sees your magic not you, and it draws her to you like a dragon to an abandoned hoard. Thanks to Princess Twilight, you have the purest form of earth pony magic.” Mithril grimaced as another monstrosity was crushed by Celestia. “I do not like this. A stallion is not meant to be ‘bait’. Who know’s what other beasts she could be hiding.” Mithril growled as her sharp teeth scraped against each other.

“Hey this was my idea, I would rather her go away from Ponyville instead of destroying the whole town. She’s going full force with all these black vines attacking.” Lero said sternly, trying to leave no room to argue.

He was talking with the wrong pony. She fumed as she started to pace. “Ridiculous. Foolhardy. To risk stallions on the front lines is so utterly barbaric.”

“I am not going to even argue with you about it. So suck it up.” Lero tapped his hoof into his ground again with a small pulse of magic. “Talking with you just makes me all the more happier that you weren’t successful in your kidnapping of me.”

Mithril’s jaws dropped as she sputtered. ‘I-I...A princess does not cry. A princess is strong to be an example.’ The earth rumbled with fury as a mound of dirt grew before them. With a hissing roar, a tatzlwurm broke through the ground, it was shrouded by the moon as its many tentacles waved gracefully through the air, ready to strike. The guards gulped as they took an instinctive step back.

“Leave us be, foul beast!!!” Mithril bellowed as a spell blasted from her horn. The worm writhed in agony as ice wrapped its cold embrace around it. Mithril lifted it with no sign of strain and tossed it straight into a particularly stubborn blazing timber wolf giant.

“You can not have him, wretched mare! Send as many monstrosities as you like, they will all fall like the rest!” Mithril’s grin grew as a wicked idea blossomed. “He’s already mine.” Kiss.

Lero’s eyes grew as he found foreign lips on him. They were wanting. He broke it as quickly as it happened. A dark scowl painted his features as he growled out his next words. “Do you mind explaining to me the logic behind that before I put you on a stretcher.”

If she was taken back by his anger she didn’t show it. “A challenge. Gaia knows.”

As if to answer her call, black thorns the size of tree trunks erupted around them. The guards’ horns quickly cast a shield spell, the thorns scratched around the dome. “Warn us next time you decide the goad her!”

A large hill glided over the earth, tearing anything up in its path; centuries old trees toppled over as dirt flew everywhere. Boulders the size of houses were tossed aside like pebbles. Then it stopped. Lero and the guards gulped as they sat there, spellbound. Mithril grinned like a mad mare. “Here we go.”

It rose like a bud in spring. A closed flower big enough to envelop a dragon broke ground. Rocks bounced off the shield as the flower reached the heavens. It then tilted down to face them. Like Celestia spreading her wings on a light morning shower, it opened.

“What the…”

A thin mare, brown coat with unkempt long dirty orange mane and tail, lay on the flower’s disk flowers like a bed. Sunken in cheeks, ribs visible for everyone to see, and raspy breath greeted them. They could barely make out the poisoned yellow eyes beneath the eyelids that barely opened. “What the heck happened to her!?”

“Doesn’t matter, Lero.” Iron Hide threw up a light spell. “Princesses, she has revealed herself!”

The sun, moon, and magic quickly appeared before the skeletal mare in a blink of an eye. Luna gasped at the sight. “She’s in magical coma.”

“She’s been asleep this whole time!?” Lero sat on his haunches as the Princesses’ power made the air heavy.

“Then it is time we wake her up.” Celestia’s sun rose a little early for this moment. “Now!”

The combined earth pony magic from three princesses slammed into the earth. Twilight felt the flower shudder from the sudden block from it’s source of power. The black vines twisted in confusion while the beasts halted their assault. “It worked!”

Mithril sliced the stem with a ethereal scythe clean through. The guards reached out as the mare fell and, as gently as possible, caught her. “We got her.”

The zombie ponies stopped, swayed a little, then brightened up under the sun. “What just happened?”

“Did I miss Nightmare Night?”

“Hi mom!”

The Everfree creatures shook away the daze, but the fatigue made them easy targets for the guards to subdue. Gaia was carefully lowered down as Luna touched her horn to her forehead. “This is a dead deep slumber. I don’t recognize the magic.”

“Here, I have an idea.” Lero placed his hoof over the chest and tapped. He jumped when the mare took a deep breath like a newborn child breaking into new life.

“What? I don’t...where?” Gaia mumbled as she covered her eyes from the morning light. “Brother? Are you there? I can’t see.”

“Young one, I’m afraid you’ve been sleepwalking.” Celestia wrapped a wing around the mare and lifted her from the magic gurney.

“A pegasus? I don’t...brother! You said you would wake me up. Where are you!?” Terror crept into her voice.

Celestia slowly started to rock her passenger. “We are not here to hurt you. We are outside an earth pony village, would you like us to take you there?”

“O-ok, we can wait for him there. Wait! Is that stallion who woke me up here?”

Lero stood stiffly, hoping she wouldn’t try to get him. “Yes. I’m here.”

“Could...could you please allow me to be placed on your back. I’m scared.” Celestia looked up to Lero who nodded.

“Very well, Lero will carry you to the village.” Wings carefully stretched over Lero as Gaia rolled onto his back and held tightly.

Twilight cleared her throat making her squeeze just a little tighter. “Just to be clear. My stallion.”

“Sorry. I won’t do anything to him. Is the village your home?”

“Ponyville is our home.”

Mithril and Luna watched them go as the exhaustion of the night caught up. Luna looked over to the unicorn princess as she studied a necklace. “Where did you get that?”

“It fell off of her neck. I don’t understand the script, though.” Mithril casually lent it to the lunar princess. “What do you make of it?”

Luna had to dig deep in her memories to make out the old words and date. “This is Moon Celebration 1548 EC. That’s over two thousand years before Unification.” Mithril simply stared as the townsfolk came out from the little village to see the commotion. Luna concluded with weary spirit. “She was waiting for her family to wake her up, and they didn’t. To wake up with no family must be frightening.”

“Yes.” Mithril looked up as it started to rain on that clear new morning. “Yes it is.”

Author's Note

TQM: If, like me, you like this and want it to become a full story, go nag warpd and maybe it'll happen

77: Off days and On days by VelvetHeart

Off days and On days by VelvetHeart,

***********************

The bell had rung, the first day of that week's school had started, and the class was seated. Well, almost all of the class, Diamond Tiara noticed with a hint of glee, seeing as one of the chairs remained surprisingly-unfilled. As Cheerilee began her roll-call, a little pink forelegs shot up into the air; "Teacher! Teacher! Twist is playing hooky!"

"Ah, no Diamond Tiara," Cheerilee began, laying down her list for just a moment, "Twist has been excused from school for a while." Seeing the filly's confused expression, the teacher addressed the whole class. "You see, students, some fillies develop a little faster than others, and Twist recently entered her pre-heat, so she's been given a few days off to prepare."

"But she has to do the math test next week, right?" Sweetie Belle asked, only to be met by a smile and a quick shake of the teacher's head.

"No, Sweetie Belle, she's excused from all school until her heat is over, even tests. She'll get to do hers a little later, once she's caught up with the rest of class."

"Rainbow Dash can work in her pre-heat!" Scootaloo proudly interrupted, "She doesn't need to prepare, she's got a stallion who can help her with her heat without getting preg- ehm pregen... with a foal!"

"Now calm down Scootaloo. I know you admire Rainbow Dash, but thanks to your latest show-and-tell, I think we all know a lot more about her personal life than most of us would like. Now, how about we focus on learning to be smart fillies and colts? We have a lot of math classes to get through for next week's test!"

In her seat, Diamond Tiara was quietly fuming. After all, why did only Twist get to have two weeks off school? Diamond Tiara didn't bother to pay attention to classes that day: She had some planning to do.

It had taken an unsettling toll on Diamond Tiara's piggy bank and several forged signatures, but the package had finally arrived. Up in her room, the filly eagerly tore the wrapping, unveiling an almost-insultingly-tiny bottle, inscribed daintily with reams and reams of text. It was the perfect crime. All she had to do was write a letter and fool the ponies at the clinic that her mom was having 'issues' and the medicine simply came in by the mail!

"Could've sent a bigger bottle for all that money, though," she murmured to herself as she looked a the little vial on her dresser. "Well, bottoms up!"

"Teacher?" Diamond Tiara put on her saddest, most shiny-eyed expression as she approached her teacher at the start of class. With the instinctive acting skills of a puppy, she barely peeked over the edge of Cheerilee's desk. "I think I'm going into heat too."

Cheerilee sighed, and walked around the wooden furniture to wrap her forelegs around the surprised filly. "Oh Diamond, poor thing. Don't worry, I'll write a note for your herdparents and I'm sure it'll turn out alright. Just make sure you prepare, alright?"

Diamond Tiara could barely hold back the urge to stick her tongue out at the rest of the class. Hope you losers enjoy your math test!

Blah-blah-blah-blah. Her parents just wouldn't shut up about all this stuff she was supposed to do. At least daddy gave her a bag of money to buy stuff with. The 'training cooler' stuff was, of course, nonsense, but the little note that said she had permission to visit the 'special' section in the back of the store where they kept Pink Palette's comics was a whole lot more interesting! Finally she'd get to read the grown-up stuff!

*****

Lero yawned, eyes blinking blearily as he pulled himself from his bed, gently pressing his face into Lyra's neck to start her day with a ticklish kiss. A quick motion of his hands swept aside the curtains, sending the bright morning sun pouring into the room...
...except where the light was obstructed by a bright pink filly pressed to the outside if the glass like a mosquito after a high-speed meeting with a windshield. Her mane was in disarray, her trademark tiara missing, wild eyes focusing on Lero before forehooves began scrabbling against the glass. A soft whine began, like a puppy with a full bladder desperately scratching at the door to be let out.

"Ehm, Lyra? Twilight? Girls, we've got another one!"

Author's Note

Diamond Tiara could feel the rage building. Not only did Twilight end up sending her to Twist for relief, as apparently she'd bought a cooler like a good little drone, but after all that trouble, she still hadn't gotten out of her math test! Sure, it'd been delayed, but having to study for the test and keep up with the class' homework just to be prepared?! What kind of sadist did they have for a teacher?

At least Twist promised not to tell anypony about the whole cooler thing, even if the little bi-

"Ptttht! Diamond, could I borrow a penthil?" Twist's voice came from the adjacent schooldesk.

A quick flick of Tiara's hoof drew one of expertly-crafted pencils from their pouch and into Twist's grasp. "Yes mistress."

The whole class suddenly fell silent.

"...o-of lisps! Mistress of lisps! Like, yeah, 'cause she lisps all the time!" Whew, nice save, but why was Twist smirking?

78: Superman by VelvetHeart

Superman by VelvetHeart

*****************

Small, scaly, clawed fingers gripped his, Lero's own folded around the smaller hand. Clawed toes pat-pat-patted alongside Lero's longer steps, slowed to help Spike keep up. Around them, a steady current of ponies ran through the convention halls, their fresh loot (and lighter moneypouches) filling their saddlebags.

"That's... a lot of powerponies," Lero marvelled, a little amazed at the sheer mountainous amount of comics arranged on almost a score of tables, manned (mared) by no few than nine salesponies. For a moment, Lero let his eyes wander along the various tables with their artists, producers and sales-staff of a surprising variety of small-to-medium comic-companies, occasionally moving to follow Spike's excited hand-tugging. This stuff really was booming business in Equestria! He was a little old for comics himself, but it was gratifying to see the little dragon enjoying himself so much. Power Ponies, Mystery Mares, The 'Magic Force', something that looked suspiciously like the Element Bearers in costumes, something involving mares in medieval armor wielding flaming swords, something...

...holdon there. Lero looked again, then again. "One moment, Spike." Quickly, Lero dragged his little charge to one of the other tables and reached out.

For a moment, he felt like he could cry. "It's superman. Ponies actually have superman. As a stallion, not a mare!" Holding the comic aloft, an otherwordly-piece of his childhood, back when he still wore Superman pyjamas as a little boy. "Superstallion." Even the S on his tight spandex costume was the same. It didn't matter that some mares stared as he hungrily leafed through the pages, he was just happy to have some kind of tenuous link to his childhoo-

Lero stopped, closed the comic, and placed it back on the table, and sighed. "I should've seen that coming,

I've seen enough hentai."

79: At Magic's End by Goat Licker

At Magic's End by Goat Licker.

***************************

Lero fell forward into a pile of dusty glitter. He sputtered and pushed himself up with his hands, spitting with the tip of his tongue pulling between his lips. The dust coated the entirety of his body, gritty and rough.

He shut his eyes tight, trying to fight against the irritation. He continually dusted his forearms, trying to clean them so he could wipe his face. He stopped and grabbed the collar of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head, and used the clean back to wipe his face.

He could open his eyes now, blinking to cause tears, and saw the piles of dust in front of him as the full spectrum of color flickered in the sunlight. He flapped his shirt like a matador’s cape to knock off the dust. His flapping stopped as he realized he didn’t know where he was.

Dead rotting trees with no foliage were in front of him. It was daytime, though he couldn’t see the sun. Weird shoots, like green weeds, towered above him.

Where the hell am I, he thought.

He cycled through his recent memory. I was walking through the Everfree and fell. Something happened between that. Did I fall into a portal? This thought would have been absurd in his old life, but now it felt normal. Equestria had changed his expectations.

He put on his shirt, still dusty, and felt a tremor running from the ground into his feet. He wondered if something big had fallen.

He sat on clean ground and meditated, using the techniques Lyra had taught him. Shortly, he heard roaring and pinpointed its direction.

It sounded like an ocean. He stood and walked toward the south.

The dead trees were behind him now as he pushed through the weeds, their odd smell of wet asphalt sending him reeling to his old life on earth. It was both comforting and upsetting.

Another tremor shook the ground, and Lero fell to his knees, his hands hitting dirt once again. The shaking and rumbling stopped, and Lero thought of an earthquake.

There are never earthquakes in Equestria, he thought. What’s going on?

He ran through the tall green weeds as the roaring of the ocean got louder. A strange sight was barely visible through the weeds, as if he was peeking between his fingers at a secret he couldn’t believe.

He broke through the last line of weeds, and stopped, breathing heavily, as he reached the shores of a tideless ocean, as still as a rain puddle.

In the far distance, water was rising into the air, like a blue sheet. He thought tidal wave, but it was only moving upward, not forward. At the tips, he could see chunks of ice forming and breaking. He did not notice that the daylight was fading.

Another earthquake, a short and violent stab like a mugging, and this time he was knocked to the ground.

He got up on his knees, and to the far west, saw the stationary sun. It is Equestria, he thought. He knew that sun. What the hell happened?

He scanned the east, and his breath caught in his chest.

The ground was rising above the horizon, many miles away, broken into chunks like some floating level in a video game. Lava pushed underneath them, flowing upward and cooling rapidly.

The shoreline had receded, a sure sign of tsunami, but it was being sucked upward as well as the wall of water seemed to move toward him.

Another tremor struck Lero down, and the ground below him flung into the air with a deafening blast, g-forces pressing him down. The daylight faded away as the stars revealed themselves. Lero gasped for air. The atmosphere was being ejected from the planet, starting its journey through outer space.

They had been on his mind, in the background, pushed away because of hurt and sadness, but now the glitter-dust on his body shined green, purple, blue, and Lero thought of his mares, his fists clinched into the dying earth hurtling him into space.

Tears escaped his eyes that didn’t finish their travel down his cheeks, as they evaporated, and he couldn’t breathe, and he was so cold, and magic and hooves grabbed him and he was pulled into the portal that opened behind him.

He landed on soft green grass, the daylight warm all around him, as he gasped for breath. Hooves and forelegs rushed him, hugging him.

“G-girls,” he stuttered, and he sat up, despite his short breath, enveloping them in his arms as he looked into their happy faces; all of them happy and relieved.

“Oh gosh Lero, I’m so sorry!” Twilight said, looking into his face. “I tried to pinpoint you but mppphh,” her sentence interrupted as Lero kissed her. She sighed happily and kissed back.

“Hey, save one for me!” Dash said, and Lero kissed her and Lyra as well.

“I don’t know where I was,” Lero said. “I thought I was a goner,” but here his death dream ended as he took a last gasping breath, his body hurtling into outer space, freezing, blood boiling, and he lapsed into unconsciousness. Death followed.

The land of Equestria, and all the other lands on the dead planet, ejected into outer space, elements fusing and dissolving, and millions of years later the ruins would form an asteroid belt around the unmoving sun. By that time the moon had been dragged into the sun, and dissolved.

The universe continued on its journey through the billions of years.

…

Princess Twilight Sparkle, unadorned, and Princess Cadance, adorned and with saddlebags, slowed their pace in Everfree Forest, their retinue following behind. They were reaching their destination. Their pace was like a dirge, silent and solemn.

Princess Cadance swore she would be brave for Twilight, but now as she entered the clearing, revealed by shafts of sunlight like fingers pointing through the leafy canopy, Cadance couldn’t help but suppress a sob.

Twilight turned toward Cadance, the two leading the procession, with love in her eyes. “Oh Cadance, you’re so brave to take this.”

Cadance couldn’t help herself, and threw her forelegs around Twilight’s shoulders, and Twilight hugged her back. The grizzled sergeant major behind them raised his banner, ordering the processions to stop.

“Twilight,” Cadance said, and that was all that was needed.

Twilight cradled Cadance’s face in her hooves, and gently kissed her on the lips, their years of friendship, sisterhood, and shared rulership contained in that symbol of love.

“Darling Cadance,” Twilight said. “Prince Night Stream will be a fine successor.”

“Oh, I know that,” Cadance said. “We trained him well,” and Cadance thought of the blue-coated and silver-maned alicorn, sitting on Twilight’s throne, tears running down his cheeks as he watched his beloved mentors travel to Everfree forest, knowing only one would return.

“All the research papers are filed in the royal archives,” Twilight said. “Let him continue the work.”

They stood silent for a while, Twilight raising her head to survey the clearing that always loomed large in her dreams, Cadance studying every last hair and detail on Twilight’s face, as if she would forget for one second what she was.

Furry paws stuck out from the left side of her saddle bag and threw out eggshells.

“I have to go now, Cadance,” Twilight said. She turned to Cadance and smiled. “I love you very much.”

“I love you terribly, Twilight,” Cadance said. One last embrace, one last kiss, and Twilight moved to the clearing.

“Set it in position,” Cadance said, her voice steady.

Twilight heard the ponderous steps of the Military Police, earth ponies, tasked with carrying the black iron prison. Long poles jutting from underneath the black box were attached to specially made saddles, and their unicorn assistants grabbed the poles with their magic (the black iron prison itself couldn’t be manipulated by magic), and carefully lowered the box behind Lero, within Twilight’s view. They quickly marched back to the formation.

“About face,” Cadance said, and the clattering of armor and stomping of hooves echoed throughout the clearing as they turned their backs to the prison.

Twilight swallowed. “Gerald, I’m ready.

Rustling grass pricked her hearing as Gerald raced to the cage. The weasel hopped on the roof of the cage and grabbed a glowing sphere and unattached it from its holster. He hopped off, and made sure he was at least two meters away from the black iron prison. He twisted the sphere like a dial, and the prison’s opening slid up, and black iron bars extended forward like a jack-in-the-box.

Gerald hopped toward the bars, chittering and performing acrobatics with the sphere. He turned his rump to the opening and slapped it, blowing a raspberry.

A vile and deathless growl, like a volcano in Hell, emanated from the prison. The rattling of armor as the retinue of soldiers quaked in fear broke through the clearing. Gerald was unperturbed, and continued his sarcastic and mocking performance.

With a whistling roar like a hurricane striking land, the Basilisk lunged at the weasel and struck out a squamous claw, snapping its pitted beak, gazing with killing eyes, doing everything to kill Gerald, a member of its most hated race. The weasel danced out of the way and quickly checked Twilight Sparkle.

Gerald immediately twisted the sphere, and the bars contracted, pushing the Basilisk back inside, and the door slammed shut.

Gerald hopped on the roof and inserted the sphere into its holster. He scurried to Princess Cadance, caught her eye, and saluted.

“Th-thank you, Gerald,” she said, forcing a smile. “You are dismissed.”

Gerald climbed up Cadance and went back to his saddlebag. Cadance levitated an egg, and greedy paws reached out to grab it. The flap on the saddlebag muffled the sounds of the delighted weasel.

“Retrieve the black iron prison,” Cadance announced.

The MPs double marched to the prison, retrieving it.

Once the MPs passed her and returned to their place, Cadance, with low face, turned around. There was Twilight Sparkle, looking up at Lero, both frozen in stone. Twilight stood next to Lyra, who was next to Rainbow Dash, both turned to stone three millennia ago, at their requests.

Cadance walked toward the clearing now, her face looking at her lost friend Lero, his expression neutral because he didn’t have time to react to the Basilisk that passed in front of him.

Rainbow Dash was determined. Lyra was calm. Twilight Sparkle was smiling. All three were heroes of love, sacrificing their future so Lero wouldn’t have to wake up alone.

Cadance turned around. “Forward march,” she said, and she flew back to her position as head of the procession.

The sergeant major came through, and walked beside her.

“Princess,” he asked in his gruff voice, “will they ever come back?

“As long as there’s magic, they’ll see each other again,” Cadance said.

Stomping hooves faded away as quiet gathered in the clearing, and the Everfree forest carried on as it had millions of years before.

Author's Note

SpinelStride: Prompt idea: Lero gets petrified by a basilisk and is NOT rapidly rescued. Eventually, yes.

The Quiet Man: Bonus points if the time's measured in weeks, months, or even years.

80: The Natural Music of Ponies by Goat Licker.

The Natural Music of Ponies by Goat Licker.

**************************

Lero, while enjoying the company of Rainbow Dash and Lyra, was finishing up a slice of pecan pie out in the lovely bright clear day that's Ponyville in perpetuity, when Apple Bloom came up to him and said,

“’scuze me Mister Lero, but, do you ever fart?”

Lero slowly lowered his bite of pie to the plate. He eyed Lyra and Dash for help, but they seemed completely unconcerned with Apple Bloom’s question.

“Um, why do you ask that?”

“Well, because I never heard you fart before. Big Macintosh and Applejack said they never heard you fart neither. You got something wrong with ya?”

“Mister Lero farts, but his are quiet. See how thick his flanks are?” Lyra jabbed Lero in his right butt cheek, causing him to squirm away. “It’s like a muffler, and it makes them come out silent. That’s why you don’t hear them.”

“Ohh!” Apple Bloom said. “That make sense. Well, I’m just glad there ain’t nothing wrong with ya, Mister Lero. Bye everypony!” Apple Bloom scampered back to the apple display to help her sister.

Lero sighed. “Quick thinking, Lyra. I’m assuming she wouldn’t understand that I hold them in.”

Dash gave him a questioning look. “Dude, why do you hold them in? You’re the only one that does that.”

“And I’ll keep being the only one that does,” Lero said. “Everypony here just lets them rip.”

“Well, sure,” Lyra said. “Farting is a vital part of our society. They're magic farts, Lero; the gas has magical properties that help calm ponies. That's why our crime rates are so low. It's why we're peaceful - well, for a given definition of peaceful." Indeed, nopony held in their farts. Walking through the Ponyville bazaar was like listening to a poorly-tuned trombone symphony at a chubby chaser bar.

"Well, mine aren't magical, so there's no need for me to fart."

"Are you afraid of embarrassing us? That will never happen." Lyra pointed at Dash. “Me and Dash fart all the time.”

“I’m farting right now,” Dash said. She was.

“Twilight farts as well.”

“Ha!” Dash said. “Twilight’s a machine!”

“Is this some kind of cultural taboo where you’re from?”

“It is,” Lero said. “It’s considered rude.”

Dash laughed. “Sorry Lero, but your culture is so weird.”

Lyra gave a gentle smile. “I know there’s a lot to get used to. But, does our constant farting offend you, or weird you out? Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Uncomfortable, Lero thought.

Princess Celestia.

Dash’s farts were like a trumpet sounding Reveille in the morning, a rich brassy blast. Twilight’s were a flute twill, soft and high pitched. Lyra’s farts were, almost impossibly, a harp glissando.

Farts were why he performed his masseur duties as little as possible, massaging only when he felt he owed favors, or when he needed the money. Relaxed ponies farted constantly. The worst culprit was Rarity, whose staccato timpani beats just wouldn’t stop. However, he could put up with all of that.

But Princess Celestia...

Princess Celestia was surrounded and preceded by the rich sonorous organ tones of her entrails. Bach couldn’t play chords as sophisticated as that. They shook Lero’s fillings, and he couldn’t stand it.

He still remembered the worst incident.

...

“Twilight Sparkle? Rainbow Dash? Whatever is the matter?”

“Princess,” Twilight said, “He’s terrified. I’ve never seen him this frightened, and neither has Rainbow.”

How the hell can they not be hearing this, Lero thought. Those earth shattering blasts Celestia’s letting out, rattling my bones... I can’t even move!

He could barely hear them talking over him. I’m going insane, he thought. Impossibly fast devil’s chords, louder than life. Music that shouldn’t exist in nature. No longer think. Go insane.

“I promise you, I will not harm you. You are completely safe.”

“Nothing, I swear, I’m quite alright, Lady”, Lero said, thinking, I’m going to die. My organs are turning to mush. Why can’t I just get out, why can’t I just leave? I’m in Hell. That’s the only ex- Did she say something? “I... I don’t know, Lady.”

And then, suddenly, the music had stopped. Celestia’s sick, mad symphony of evil farts had ended.

His brain rebooted. Wait, she thought it was her hair?

A firm resolve came over Lero as he concocted a plan to save face. No one must ever know.

...

“No, I’m not uncomfortable at all!” Lero said, bright and sunny in an attempt to cover his sick laugh of desperation. “I just need to get used to it, that’s all.”

“Good,” Lyra said. “And then maybe, one day, you could fart with us.”

Never going to happen, Lero thought.

81: Don't Be Dense, Lero by Goat Licker

Don't Be Dense, Lero by Goat Licker

**************************

“I mean, it’s a nice seat and all,” Spike said, “but I’m a growing dragon. It’s not going to grow with me, is it? And my room! I love having privacy, but-”

“Oh Spike, don’t worry about it,” Twilight said, as she leaned back in her throne. Spike sat (or perhaps lazed) in the seat next to her, his legs dangling off one armrest while his head was propped up on the other. The new castle had sprouted the day before, and Twilight Sparkle, her family, and her friends were still exploring the environs. There were secrets left to be plumbed. “We’ll deal with that when the time comes, don’t worry. Maybe you’ll get the whole castle.”

“I’ll kick everypony out.”

“No you won’t,” Twilight said.

Lyra glided into the throne room, her coat shiny with perspiration. Twilight smiled and took to the air, flying over to kiss Lyra. Spike made gagging sounds.

“Good workout today?” Twilight said, casting a warning glare to Spike, who pretended not to notice.

“It was fantastic,” Lyra said with a dreamy smile. “Meditation in the rock garden is very fine, too.”

Twilight was glad the castle had thought to grow Lyra her own dojo and rock garden. The magic used to make this happen had to be extraordinary. It was amazing what Harmony could do. Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to have her own room, but in her words, “I don’t need it. I got this nifty throne, anyway,” though she said ‘nifty’ with air quotes and eye rolling. That was Dash, though; she didn’t particularly want anything except her herd and her awesomeness.

Twilight was concerned for Lero, though. She was worried that, due to his nonmagical nature, harmony didn’t provide anything in the castle for him. We’ll just make him something, Twilight thought. He deserves to belong, too.

From deep in the castle, Pinkie Pie shouted, “Oh giirrrrls! I think I found Lero’s roooooom!”

Twilight and Lyra looked at each other with happy smiles, and immediately rushed toward the sound of Pinkie’s voice. Spike didn’t move, as he had fallen asleep.

…

Twilight and Lyra managed to get to the room with Lero and the rest of the element bearers, and Twilight’s jaw dropped when she entered.

It was a circle room, with walnut paneling all around. The carpet was a rich pink, deep and plush. And, in the middle of the room, was a giant heart shaped bed, surrounded by a dozen lighted candelabra, casting a warm, sensual glow throughout the room.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lero said, with a frown.

“My word, the quality of this,” Rarity said in awe, as she approached the bed. She pushed her hooves through the diaphanous pearl curtains surrounding the bed, revealing the scarlet bedsheet. She gasped as she touched it. “Silk!” she said. She rolled the bedspread over and spied midnight blue sheets with silver trim. She gasped again.

“Th-these are linen sheets made of Ibrtian cotton!” She ran her hoof across the sheets, and her eyebrows fluttered. “Sateen weave, at least eight-hundred thread count.” Her hoof, once exploring the sheets with purpose, now circled in slow, sultry strokes.

“You know,” Rarity said, her voice oddly husky, “this bed is big enough for all us.”

“Ahem,” Twilight said, and Rarity immediately zipped her hoof away from the bed.

“Well, it’s a large bed, at any rate!” Rarity said with a nervous titter.

“Nice getup you got here,” Applejack said, as the mares spread out to explore the room.

“It’s not mine,” Lero said.

Applejack pointed above the doorway. Emblazoned on a bronze plaque were the words, “Welcome to the Boudoir of Bellerophon Michaelides.”

“This can’t be real,” Lero said, shaking his head.

"I like your room, Lero," Fluttershy said, as she took to the air to get a pegasus-eye view. She glanced up, and did a double-take. "I've never seen a room where the whole ceiling is a mirror."

Yet another startled gasp from Rarity, as she stood at an oak table with gold trim, pressed up against the wall. “Look at all these massage oils! Why, these are the finest I’ve seen in Ponyville!” She rifled through the collection until one bottle caused her eyebrows to quiver. "H-heating oils," she said. She waved her face with her hoof. "Oh my."

Applejack pointed to a collection of vials, full of orange liquid, stacked behind the oils, all sitting on a silver platter. “What’s with all them stamina potions?”

“What’s in here?” Pinkie Pie said, as she grabbed the handle of the only drawer the table had.

“Don’t,” Lero said, holding the drawer closed with his hand. He instinctively knew what was in there.

Rainbow Dash flew up behind him, and pressed her mouth against his ear. “I know where we’ll be spending most of our down time,” she whispered. Lero could virtually see the perverted grin she was wearing.

“Come on Dash, it’s not like that,” Lero said.

“I wanna check out the bed!” Pinkie shouted, and she dove through the curtains, landing on the bed. She bobbed up, and down, and up, and down, and her grin increased.

“It’s a waterbed!” she shouted.

“Okay, it is like that,” Lero said.

“Told ya,” Dash said, and she left a quick bite on his ear.

82: Lero's Hospital Duty by Goat Licker

Lero's Hospital Duty by Goat Licker

********************

It was a simple request from the hospital—“We have a unicorn patient with a migraine”—and Lero was heading over there now, thinking, poor Rarity. She always has bad migraines.

He was a little confused as to why she'd be in the hospital, as she usually sent Sweetie Belle from Carousel Boutique to let Lero know she was in pain. Perhaps something else came up, he thought.

He entered the hospital proper and was immediately shown in by the receptionist. Nurse Redheart was waiting for him.

“Thank you for coming by,” she said. “We can always rely on your expert touch.”

Hiding his embarrassing flush of pride with modest words, he said, “I do what I can.”

She approached the closed door and stopped. “He’s in here. I’ll leave the rest to you.”

Lero’s heart sank. He, he thought. This better not be who I think it is.

He opened the door, and it was; Pokey Pierce, in the hospital bed, one starchy white sheet covering his body, his eyes squinting at the door as Lero entered. Oh, perfect, Lero thought.

“Lero?” Pokey said, his voice constricted like a python’s prey. “That you, boss?”

“It is,” Lero said, seeing Pokey’s sweat-drenched face as he approached his bedside. “Another bad one, huh?”

“Worst yet,” Pokey said. “Please, help.”

Lero smirked as he took hold of the base of Pokey’s horn, the sensation causing Pokey to let out a tiny gasp. Lero twisted gently, using his fingertips, and Pokey’s horn lit blue.

Lero increased his speed, grabbing Pokey’s horn with his other fist and working it up and down, from base to tip, while his other hand continued to twist at the base. Lero varied his speed, at once teasing, and at other times gripping hard. A ball of light appeared at the tip of Pokey’s horn, and Lero flicked at it with his thumb, causing long moans to escape from Pokey’s lips. Lero really didn’t have to do all this, as simply grasping the horn and using a wanking motion would suffice to cure a magic migraine, but Lero’s pride interfered. He had to give the best hornjob he could. Outside of using his mouth, anyway.

Finally, Pokey choked out a yelp as his horn spurted magic, bursting into the air, lighting the room like a discotheque. It didn’t last long, and the velocity of his magical residue subsided, as it skeeted against the bedframe and faded into the aether.

“Ahhh,” Pokey said, a crooked smile on his lips. His eyes were fully open. “Thanks boss, you’re the best. Better than another pony’s mouth, even.”

“Thanks,” Lero said, tersely, unconsciously wiping his hands on the sheets.

“You could hold me like you do Rarity, though.”

“I don’t do that,” Lero said, which was an utter lie.

Pokey reached out a hoof and looped it around Lero’s wrist, pulling it toward his body. “It means a lot.”

“I’ll get the nurse now,” Lero said.

“I mean, you’re awesome,” Pokey said, as he pushed Lero’s hands under the sheets, where an obvious tent was forming.

Lero jerked his hand away from Pokey’s hoof. “You’re a disgusting creep, you know that?”

“Oh come on!” Pokey shouted. “You work one shaft, but you can’t work another? And what do you mean by ‘disgusting’, you bent—”

The door blasted open, and Pokey screamed like a scared filly as an angry Redheart marched into the room.

“Mr. Pierce!” Redheart shouted. “How many times do I have to warn you about harassing hospital staff?”

“It’s my staff I want harassed!” Pokey shouted.

Lero had left the room and didn’t hear the rest. He marched down the hall of the hospital, shaking his head in amazement. He passed the receptionist and said, “I’ll send you my bill.”

83: Death of a Knight by warpd

Death of a Knight by warpd

*************************

Princess Celestia’s golden shoes echoed through the hospital halls. The Ponyville hospital wing was vacant from pony visitors, patients, and staff. Most would find the eerie silence in a place where life and death dance hoof in hoof to be rather unnerving, especially when they knew they were about to face a monster. However, Celestia found it rather quaint. Luna would probably object her sister’s decision to leave behind the guards.

‘Even if this one is friendly, I don’t want Twilight to be exposed to this knowledge.’ Celestia thought as she came to the door where the visitor slept. She glanced out the curtained window, her little ponies going about their daily lives. ‘It is time.’

Soundlessly, like the morning light, she passed through the door into the sunflower yellow room. “Princess Celestia Sol Invictus, I am honored.”

The creature in the form of man lay in the hospital bed. Wrapped in bandages, eyes closed, and his voice weak from trauma. “I would show you proper respect, but I am quite tied up. The nurses do their jobs very well”

“I would ask you to not tell me your name.” Princess Celestia asked as she stood between him and the open window. “I haven’t seen your kind since the first age of chaos, but I have not forgotten.”

A wheezing chuckle cracked his lips. “I’m not that old, but you are not without reason. I have not told anyone my name, nor will I ever.”

“Very well.” Princess Celestia looked past his physical form, to the light hiding beneath. “You are a knight. Her knight. Why have you dragged yourself through hedges of thorns to my domain? This place is not welcome to your kind.”

“You gathered that much just from peering into me. Little wonder why She hates you Princess Celestia Sol Invictus.” The Knight flinched under the radiant glare. “I am here because I wished to escape that grasp. Taken from a home I have forgotten, where memories are sold by your master to better suit their needs. You know what a Knight does, you keep one imprisoned in stone.”

Celestia’s glare intensified briefly before she closed them and looked away. “I cannot provide you sanctuary here. Whatever hopes you have in freeing yourself is a shortsighted dream. You will feel the tug of her call, and nothing can change that.”

“Please.” The Knight gripped his bed, knuckles turning white. “I despise what I have done and what I am. Memory makes my ears ring from the screaming, the pain I’ve inflicted, and ashes that keep my throat parched that no drink may quench. I refuse to be a tool anymore for Her conquests.”

“So you wish for redemption.” Celestia concluded for him. She watched him as he nodded his head, a softness in her conscious spoke to her. “Knight, you are the first I must confess. Not even in lies and false promises has your kind ever spoken of such things.”

“I am aware. My brother helped me with that.” A feint pained smile brushed across his face. “We were both taken and in order to keep me in line I was promised to keep him. Every time I pleased Her, She would give me a little bit of him. Centuries would pass before I be given a piece. Memories are very hard to track down.

Princess Celestia walked to the bed. ‘Memories of a brother. Him coping with his actions and lose of memory, or was he being strung along for amusement? Most likely both.’

The Knight coughed as he loosened this grip on the bed sheets. “I am aware that you cannot provide sanctuary here. This is why I have a request.”

“I need you to kill me.”

His eyes opened up. The room silent aside from the sound of ponies outside living their mundane lives. Celestia stared at the soul. “That would not save you. Knight, even I can’t burn the soul to ashes, not without grave repercussions. Your soul will be dragged back to your mistress.”

“You are correct. This is not for me. I wish for you to save my brother.” He closed his blank eyes, gritted his teeth, and then pulled himself up. “I have scoured for a long time to find him, and this sad pitiful amount of him is all I have. Please, burn who I am and make him be reborn. There is enough to give him a sense of self and who he was before, but I will be the bedrock for his second chance. No contract binds him, unlike myself. He would truly be free.”

“I see. What is his name?” Celestia asked directly.

The Knight shook his head. “I do not remember. You would have to give him one.”

“This will be extremely painful, both the burning and me implanting memories.” Celestia allowed him to place a hand on her withers to get up. “Very well Knight. I will honor your request. Before I do this, is there anything else you wish one last time?”

He pondered her question for only a moment. “A bowl of dessert the nurse said was chocolate ice cream and to watch the sunset. That would be good, Princess Celestia.”

‘A human name. I think I’ll give him the name from my first human friend all those years ago.’ Celestia concluded as she smiled. “Very well, Sir Knight.”

84: Just Dropping in by PhucknuckL

Just Dropping in By PhucknuckL
**************

"Well, I'm glad that day's over," Lero announced to his reflection as he finished toweling his hair off and hung the towel on the rack. He checked himself over in the mirror. "Time to grab a drink, flop on the couch and read a book for a while." Lero was struck with how much his body had changed over the recent months. Gone was most of the padding that his formerly sedentary lifestyle had provided him. Only to be replaced with a healthy amount of muscle growth.

All this manual labor is really paying off. He lifted both arms into a bicep flex. Lookin' pretty good there Lero my boy. If only the guys from the chess club could see me now. Lero dropped his arms and tensed his chest. I s'pose having to satisfy three different girls at any one time has had nothing to do with it? His brain may have initially objected to the idea of polygamy on moral grounds, but something a little further south extremely enjoyed the ego boost that came with.

Feeling rather pleased with the ruggedly buff rapscallion grinning back at him, Lero gave the mirror a twin finger gun salute with an accompanying wink and clucked tongue. He slipped into his comfiest sweatpants and T-shirt and headed down stairs. He swung into the kitchen and gave the newest member of his herd, Lyra Heartstrings, a peck on head at the base of her horn. Lyra paused as she stood on her hind legs washing dishes. A noticeable tremor started at the base of Lyra's tail and chased Lero's right hand. A hand that was currently in the process of dragging it's fingernails up her long sinuous back, it ended its journey by slightly tweaking her ear.

"Try as he might, Spike will never get that apron to look as sexy as you can," Lero purred into her opposite ear. Lyra's shoulders shuddered and she turned her head to kiss the lips of her stallion, only to find them missing. The accompanying head buried in the icebox. "I'm sure I had some left... Rainbow if you've drunk them all again I swear to Luna I'm gonna spank your ahh, one left. " Lero dragged a frosty bottle of cider from the box and lifted it to his lips. "Hello beautiful." Lyra mock scowled as Lero kissed the muzzle of the embossed Applejack on label.

"That's my kiss she's getting," Lyra pouted.

"Don't worry my love," Lero chuckled. "I'm sure I've got some more to spare." Lero waggled his eyebrows at her. "Join me in the library when you're done and I'll show you how many I've got, with the rest of the girls out of town, I'm all yours." Lero winked at her and disappeared out into the main room of the Golden Oaks library, he could be heard flopping down on the sofa and twisting the top of the bottle.

Lyra let out an exasperated sigh and returned to the dishes. He's lucky he's cute. With the thought of alone time with Lero, and a few titillating ideas on the best way to utilize that time, Lyra renewed her chore with vigor.

Just as she was finishing up, she was greeted to an odd site from out the window. A grey earth pony mare was trotting towards the library with purpose, she had the case of a cello slung across her back and a small brown paper bag clutched in her mouth. Lyra felt her eye twitch. Of all the times, she picks now for an impromptu practice session. Lyra magically lifted the apron over her head and hung it on the hook. With masked irritation, she trotted out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I finally have him alone, I finally have the chance to find out if he'd be willing to-

~Knock knock knock.

Lyra adopted trademarked enigmatic smile number four™ and opened the door.

"Hello Octavia, how are you this fine day? After a book?" Lyra added a little hastily, hoping this was going to be a quick visit. The grey earth pony lifted an eyebrow and crossed her eyes, using them to point at the bag hanging beneath her muzzle. Lyra's horn glowed as a matching golden aura surrounded the bag and freed it from her mouth.

Octavia Melody ran her tongue across her lips in an effort to replace the lost moisture. "Good afternoon Lyra, please accept my gratitude, and no, I will not be requiring a book at this time." Octavia's usual stoic demeanor cracked a little as she continued. "I was rudely accosted by that... that Pinkie Pie mare on my way through town. She shoved that bag in my mouth and told me I was to proceed here with all haste. Upon arrival I was to pass that to you, for you in turn to present to Master Lero. Although, how she knew it would be you that answered the door is beyond me." Lyra opened the bag and looked inside with a frown. "He's not to consume it, merely retain it. It's purpose will become apparent when the time is right." Lyra waited for clarification but none was forthcoming. "That was all she said. Not... Precisely the way she delivered it of course. I am merely paraphrasing. ” Octavia tapped a hoof on her chin. “Although... she did look off towards nowhere in particular, clutch her tail and mutter something about ‘twitching’ to herself before scampering off. She didn't even allow me the opportunity to refuse."

Lyra gave the slightly disconcerted mare a knowing smile. But then again, she always did. "Thank you for going to all the trouble of bringing it here Octavia. I have always found it sound advice not to ignore anything twitching on Pinkie Pie." Lyra closed the bag and motioned inside. "Can I offer you a cup of tea? It's the least we could do for your troubles," Lyra cheerfully yet reluctantly offered.

"I thank you for the offer, however I must decline, for I have a prior engagement that I mus-" Lyra felt a slight tingle at the base of her horn as Octavia cut herself off mid speech. She looked up to see the instrument laden mare's face twist into a slight frown.

"You felt it too didn't you?" Lyra knew the answer before she asked.

"Hopefully this shan't take long," Octavia sighed as she stepped into the foyer.

"I'll get my harp," Lyra's sigh was a little more pronounced as she realized what it was costing her.

"Hey Lyra who was at the d- Oh, hello Miss Melody, what brings you- oof," Lero lurched forward, spilling some of his cider as the brown paper bag sailed unnoticed through the air and landed on his stomach.

"This is for you," Lyra muttered as she threw the bag at him.

Lero picked up the bag and studied it. He could tell a bag from Sugar Cube Corner when he saw one as he unfolded the top and peered in. "What's this for? Not that I'm ungrateful Miss Melody, but why would you come all this way to bring me a... Urr, what's wrong with you two?" Lero looked quizzically between the two mares staring at him. Both had their eyes half closed and were gently swaying side to side. Lero reached forward and waved his hand in Lyra's face. "Lyra, hello Lyra?" No response. He clicked his fingers "Anybody home?"

"Don't eat it!" Lyra barked out as she suddenly jerked forward.

"I aah, wasn't going to just yet. Why, what's wrong with it?" Lero cautiously withdrew his hand and sat back on the sofa.

"Nothing at all," Octavia offered. "It's not yours though."

"Okay, now I'm confused. You bring me a gift of free food but it's not mine and I can’t eat it? Why, who's it for?" Lero looked from the bag to Octavia.

"That as yet we do not know. That what we do know is this, The gift is not intended to grant you joy through consumption, however by offering it to another, you shall find a higher joy in their enjoyment," Lyra added cryptically.

"Oh~kaaay, that was out there, even for you." Lyra playfully stuck her tongue out at him. "And I'm pretty sure you were supposed to prefix that with, Grasshoppaaaah," Lero emphasized the long soft vowel from the back of his throat.

Octavia and Lyra exchanged glances and raised an eyebrow each. "It's a human thing," was all Lyra could offer.

"Yes, well, quite," Octavia returned. "Shall we begin? I don't know how much longer I can hold off."

"Begin what?" Lero inquired.

"Sure thing, let me grab my clàrsach and I'll be right back." Lyra ducked down the stairs to the basement to retrieve her beloved instrument, leaving Octavia alone with Lero. Octavia shrugged off the case of her cello and began setting up. The whole time swaying to a rhythm that Lero couldn't hear.

"It's a music of harmony thing isn't it?" Lero laid back and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Does it have anything to do with this?" Lero hooked the thumb of his empty hand towards the bag.

"I honestly don't know, it may well indeed. But as of this moment I'm not privy to that information. I only know that Lyra and I are compelled at this very moment, by forces unseen, to play right here, right now, in this very room." Octavia raised herself up on her back legs and took her place behind her cello. Drawing her bow across the strings to punctuate her sentence.

"Okay, let me get this straight?" Lero pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "The music of harmony wants both Lyra and yourself to play a duet for me. I'm just to sit here with a present for me from Sugar Cube Corner, which is not actually for me, but I’m just to hold it for somepony else, but we don't know who that is yet?" Lero released his grip and opened his eyes, looking to Octavia for validation.

"Correct," she replied as she dragged the bow across the strings a few more times while gently twiddling with the tuning pegs.

"Okay just checking." Lero sighed and took another sip of his cider.

Lyra reappeared from the stairwell to the basement, trailing her harp in her magic behind her. A chair, encased in the same golden glow, floated in from the dining room and settled itself beside Octavia. Lyra plonked herself down, sitting human style and without preamble, closed her eyes and began plucking strings with both hooves and magic. Octavia, also with eyes closed accompanying her.

Lero took a generous pull from his cider but couldn't swallow, a sense of nostalgia mixing with surprise flashed across his brain... Hey, I know this song, Lero was suddenly struck with a vision in his mind's eye of a young, naked, blonde, human woman. A woman who had no right being naked in the scenario in which she was featured. It wasn't sexual, it was just... Lero found he lacked the understanding and capacity to describe why she was naked. His mind was wrenched from the vision as he swallowed what felt like a solidified and sharp edged lump of cider, helped down with a few fist bumps to the chest. He coughed once and laid back to just enjoy the music being provided by the two beautiful mares in front of him. Slowly his eyes began to close.

"Pretty cool huh?" Came a cheerful voice from right behind his head.

"Aargh! Pinkie what are you doing here!?" Lero sat bolt upright, clutching his chest and spinning to face the intruder.

-No Pinkie Pie.-

Maybe I just imagined it. Lero relaxed a little and turned back to the musicians.

Pinkie Pie inexplicably stepped out of nowhere from behind Octavia. The pink mare carefully picked up the grey mare while she continued to play and moved her about half a body length to the left. Octavia didn't seem to react at all, she didn't even miss a beat.

"Pinkie what are you do-" Pinkie cast him a stink eye, silencing him. She made a swiping motion across her face. It happened so fleetingly that Lero wasn’t 100 percent sure, but later he would swear, he saw the flash of what appeared to be a metal zip close across Pinkie’s muzzle. Lero shook his head in order to clear the vision. Pinkie silently moved behind Lyra, who also appeared to make no reaction as Pinkie dragged her chair backwards a few feet. Lero just stared as Pinkie Pie silently moved to stand in the middle of the room between Lero and the two other seemingly oblivious mares. She spun around slowly on her axis, sniffing at the ground like a dog looking for a place to lay down, various parts of her anatomy jiggling and shuddering. Her mane appeared to move on it's own accord. Her front cow-lick bending back on itself and rummaging around in the rest. It withdrew a piece of white chalk and drew a large X on the floor. It flicked the piece into the air as she stepped forward and caught it in her mane, the rest of the billowing pink curls swallowing it again without a trace. Lero just sat there perplexed as she sat back on her haunches and held up her forehooves. She appeared to be framing an unseen picture, staring at an arbitrary spot high on the wall. Lero turned to follow her line of sight to see what it could be that entranced her so. Nothing at all seemed to stand out. Lyra and Octavia continued to play as a shaky Lero turned back to ask Pinkie what was going on.

Pinkie Pie was gone.

Lero lifted his hand to his face to take another swig of his cider, a very big swig of cider. An empty hand met his face."Dammit Pinkie Pie! That was my last one." Lyra cracked open an eye at him. She found her Stallion with his head buried in his hands muttering something about: Physics, chalk, zippers, and hair just can't do that. She softly closed the eye and continued to play.

The music of harmony giving her no other option.

Lero may not be directly affected by the music of harmony but he can certainly appreciate the soothing effect of two of the most beautiful sounding instruments ever created. Especially when those same instruments are being played in ensemble by two of the most gifted musicians ever to walk on four legs. His mind was calming faster than it usually did after dealing with Pinkie. Lero relaxed his posture, linked his fingers together, rested them on his stomach, and laid back. It's just Pinkie being Pinkie, he thought to himself. She has a special deal with the laws of physics. They turn a blind eye in exchange for a few cupcakes offered up in sacrifice now and again. Lero's mind was clear and his heart rate lowering and he felt truly peaceful.

That's when she arrived.

Not through the door, mind you, because that's not how she did things, but straight through the wall. In precisely that same spot that Pinkie pie was framing earlier. She tumbled end over end, flinging parchments and letters in every direction. Lero curled himself into a protective fetal position, covering his head with his arms, as his once soothed ears were assaulted with a cacophony of smashing and crashing. when the noise stopped all that could be heard was the dulcet tones of a cello and and the accompanying harp.

Lero unfolded himself and stared incredulously at Lyra and Octavia. They hadn’t seemed to have reacted at all. They still had their eyes closed, they were still playing their instruments, still continuing the same song, as if nothing had happened.

"My bad," a familiarly apologetic voice floated up from the floor.

Lero cast his eyes at the figure sprawled on the floor, perfectly obscuring the chalk 'X' Pinkie had drawn. He was greeted with the sight of a blond tail resting between two grey pegasus butt-cheeks adorned with seven white bubbles apiece. The front end turned to face him, golden eyes simultaneously looking at him, and the somewhat large hole she had just created.

"I umm, I have a Letter for Twilight Sparkle," The mail-mare pulled the one remaining letter from her satchel with a wing and passed it to Lero.

Lero sighed for the umpteenth time since leaving the shower. "I guess I know who this is for now." He picked up the bag and upended it's contents onto his other hand. He held the delightful smelling banana and walnut muffin for his new guest to take a bite.

Derpy Hooves lifted herself from the floor, using her wings to brush dust and wood chips from her coat with a well practiced air, she closed the distance to Lero and, with a large smile, took the proffered pastry from his hand. "Thank you very much Mister Lero, I just love making deliveries to this place." her wandering eyes closed in bliss as she mumbled her appreciation around the half masticated treat in her mouth.

Lero turned his head and examined the fresh destruction to the library wall. "And we just love having you drop in."

4: Readers Letters by VelvetHeart

Readers Letters by VelvetHeart

**************************

Dear SuperSizeStuds,

I haven't been a long time reader, or a reader at all, but a short while ago, I found your latest issue. The comics and drawings in it are very pretty. But there is something I wanted to ask your readers, the ones who like big penises:

You see, I know a stallion who has a big penis, and it turns out he's not happy at ALL! The mares in town all feel he's very intemiintima a bit scary because of his big penis even though he's very pretty and nice, so none of them give him their flower. He's very sad because of that. He's very nice. Very kind. And he works real hard too. Maybe one of you readers can love him and his big penis too.

I'm sending a picture along that I took when he was under the shower and washing his penis so you can recognize him when you see him. He lives on Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville. His name is Big Macintosh. He's really nice.

Your first time reader,

Anoneemoose

Anana

Nevermind

The pencil clattered to the wooden floor, spat out as the little white unicorn read the letter again, just to be sure. "Do you think I said he's nice often enough?"

"Plenty!" Scootaloo jumped in, "Just put it in the envelope with the picture already!"

Applebloom hesitated. "Are you sure mah big brother won't be angry I'm sending a magazine a picture of him with his thingie showing?"

"Don't worry! Once a mare comes and gives him her flower, he'll be so happy he won't care what you did! He'll give you candy!"

Pretty Petal couldn't help but feel a thrill in her stomach as she almost-cantered through down the dirt road. It had been easy enough to get directions to Sweet Apple Acres, although for some reason the mare she asked sounded a bit exasperated for some reason.

The day couldn't get any better. She'd rather enjoyed the cozy little spa they had in ponyville, prettied up by those two twins with their delightful accents. After the long traintrip, it was quite important she look at her best. After all, she was going to meet the stallion of her dreams.

And soon, if she played her cards well, she'd be impaled on that gloriously huge cock. Those massive muscles in his flanks, oh, the power that he could put behind his thrusts...

She cut her fantasy short when she saw Sweet Apple Acres' fences come into view.

Wow, there were a lot of mares here.

A lot of mares.

30: Done Waiting by SpinelStride

Done Waiting by SpinelStride

******************

"Do you remember?"

"I remember a lot of things."

"Do you remember when we first found out? I was so excited, so happy. You were going to be there when I grew up."

"I remember. Twilight had her wings. You thought that meant she'd be with you too, but you were so overjoyed to find out there was someone else."

"And she was with me. For part of it. And in a way she still is."

"With me too. But not in the same way."

"Her magic was part of her. Her magic is part of me. It always will be. You still have Dash's feather."

"They really are almost indestructible."

"I always thought that 'almost' would catch up to it sooner or later."

"One day maybe it will."

"But not yet. Not before me."

"Have you decided what to do with your hoard? The Guard is defending it now, but the rumors keep growing. It really is the greatest hoard ever assembled."

"They can stand down when I'm gone. There's a surprise waiting for whoever gets in first."

"If I promise to keep it a secret, will you tell me?"

"For you, yes. There's nothing there. I've been giving it away a bit at a time for the last thousand years. I timed it pretty well. I only have one thing left."

"It's still as perfect as the day you gave it to her."

"She's still as perfect as the day I first saw her. In my mind."

"I'm sure she's waiting for you."

"All this time? She was that generous."

"She was at that."

"What are you going to do?"

"Keep waiting here. There had to be a reason she didn't come back. She deserves to have someone who loves her be there when she arrives."

"Did you ever find out how long it would be?"

"Any day now. Same as it's been since she first cast it. Time spells don't leave forwarding addresses."

"Such loyalty. It's no wonder Rainbow Dash fell in love with you."

"You're sounding tired."

"I am. I think this is the time. Thanks for being with me all the way. Dad."

"I'll see you again one day, son. With your mother at my side."

"I'll be waiting."

42: Exceedingly Unlikely Plot Arc by SpinelStride

Exceedingly Unlikely Plot Arc by SpinelStride

*************

"Lero, you don't have to do this!" Rainbow Dash begged. "There has to be some other way. Something!"

Lero bent down to hug her, but pried her forelegs off of his waist when he was done. "We both know I'm the only one who can do it, Rainbow." He sighed, looking up. A purple star beamed in the sky.

"She got up there, she can get down!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "Lero, this is me we're talking about here, and I'M telling you this is insanely way too crazy dangerous!"

Lero kept trying to pry himself free. "Rainbow, Princess Luna explained all this. Unicorn-style magic doesn't extend above the atmosphere, and astral magic doesn't do any good when your body's physically up there. That's why Luna didn't just teleport back to Equestria when Celestia bound Nightmare Moon there in the first place; Luna's physical body was stuck until that thousand-year conjunction let her access Equestria's unicorn magic. Twilight teleported herself up there, but she can't teleport back down. And there's no air for her to flap her wings against, so she can't fly either."

Rainbow Dash let go, reluctantly, but pointed at the massive metal edifice Lero was about to enter. "But Lero! You can't seriously tell me you think that thing is going to get you safely up there and back! At least let me fly it! Nopony can fly like I can and you know it!"

Lero kissed her firmly. "Outside of magic. Twilight's an alicorn and that lets her stay aware. You aren't. You'd be drooling on the control panels and floating around the cabin."

Rainbow Dash outright whimpered. "But... Lero, how the hay did Applebloom even make that thing?"

Lero smiled at his mare. "Apparently she got her cutie mark in rocket science. Who knew? The first apple-powered spacecraft ever." He pulled his helmet on and started climbing the gantry. "Hold on, Twilight! I'm coming for you!"

Up in orbit, Twilight sighed into the vacuum and swore once again to never answer an "Is it possible for an alicorn?" question with "Let's find out."

57: Bury Me Deep by TheAlmightySage

Bury Me Deep by TheAlmightySage

********************

Lero Michaelides stood upon the balcony of Golden Oaks Library in the warmth of the early, spring morning light, enjoying his coffee. With Rainbow on early morning weather duty and Lyra visiting Canterlot visiting her old dojo; the library had been rather quiet this morning. As he brought the cup to his lips, Lero paused as he caught sight of a lone unicorn casually trotting towards the library/house.

Normally the sight of a pony heading towards the library at six in the morning wasn't something to garner Lero's attention. Typically, it was either somepony dropping off a due book or two in the overnight slot or Ditzy with the morning mail; which in all honesty had at least one book mixed in the usual bills and adverts.

However, Lero had already noted that the approaching pony was a unicorn and not a pegasus, so that ruled out the morning mail. As the unicorn got closer the human was able to discern that the approaching unicorn was a mare with a slightly faded mulberry coat. He was also able to note that she wore a light overcoat, that was best described as "something a professor would wear", along with a smug, superior grin. All these facts complied themselves in an orderly fashion in Lero's mind, leading him to one, horrifying conclusion: Star Sparkle had come by on one of her infamous, unannounced visits.

After the shock of realization had settled in, Lero calmly set his coffee cup down on the balcony's railing, turned around, briskly walked into the bedroom, and got back into bed and pulled the covers over his head.

Twilight sat at her small dresser, with her brush paused mid-stroke through her mane, completely perplexed by her human stallion's bizarre behavior.

"Um, Lero, why are you hiding under the covers?" Twilight ventured, hoping for some semblance of a sane answer.

Lero poked his head out the covers and gave his scholarly mare a grim look as replied, "Your mother is at the door, bury me. Bury me deep."

Author's Note

TheAlmightySage AN: Written in 25 minutes with no editing. Yes, I'm insane.

75: The Mystery of the Disappearing Lero by Goat Licker

The Mystery of the Disappearing Lero by Goat Licker

*******************

The door shut, and the three gasped in horror.

“He’s gone!” Dash said. She knocked on the door. “Can he get out?” She reached out a hoof and grasped the handle. “It’s locked!”

Lyra leaned close to the door. “Lero? Can you hear us?” She pressed an ear to the door. “What’s going on in there?”

“That’s it!” Dash said, pushing herself into the air with a mighty flap of her wings. “I’m knocking the door down.”

“Wait!” Twilight said, curling a hoof around Dash’s leg. “The door might hit him!”

“Argh!” Dash shouted. “What are we going to do? Can’t you magic it or something?”

“L-let me think of something!” Twilight said, as Dash settled down. “Hold on.”

Twilight moved to the end of the room and dug through her saddle bag and pulled out a six sided dice, each side having some sort of message written in red ink. “I call this my rubrics cube,” Twilight said. “It helps me plan when I don't know what to do.”

“Don't explain, just throw it!” Dash said.

Twilight tossed the dice, and it landed on ‘make a flowchart’.

“Okay,” Twilight said, rolling up imaginary sleeves. “I just need some paper and ink, and we'll have him out in no time!”

The doorknob jiggled, and Lero pulled open the door. He frowned at his mares.

“Seriously, girls? I just had to use the bathroom.”

Dash rushed him, holding his body tight with all four legs. “Don't leave us like that!”

Lero felt Lyra’s magic cradle a particularly sensitive part of his body, and Twilight’s magic grasp another particularly sensitive part of his body. He could identify the magic without looking at the color, as magic always gave off psychic impressions – Lyra’s magic was freshly cut cucumbers, drizzled in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, with a pinch of dill crumbled on top, all on a white porcelain plate. Twilight’s magic was a cozy chair and a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night with a good thick book and a cup of hot cocoa.

“Let one of us go with you next time,” Twilight said, as her and Lyra’s magic began pulling him toward his bed. “We didn't know what happened to you!”

“Or keep the door open so we can see you,” Lyra said, as she crawled onto the bed.

Heat season is stupid, Lero thought.