Dr. Whooves: Equestria Divided

by Farseer

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 2701

The Doctor, through a TARDIS malfunction, comes to an Equestria that is devastated by infighting.

Derpy shouldn't have touched that button.

Now that she has, the TARDIS's console has been compromised, and it's refusing to recharge at any kind of fast rate- quite the opposite, in fact. But when they step out of the TARDIS, they find themselves on the edge of a lake, where Ponyville should be. As they try to fix this, a war rages around them. And if wounds don't heal soon, they Equestria will be doomed.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-15 18:03:02 UTC

Appearance

And suddenly, the box stopped moving.

The Nighthoof had been watching for some time now. It had sensed... something... around the flooded ruins of Ponyville while on a mission. She decided she could stick around and watch for a bit. After all, it's not like the package of gems to the diamond dog tribes would exactly disappear while she watched for ten minutes. She had thought after a while that it was just her imagination, but then that last bit of willpower had paid off. She grinned. It would be nice to actually tell Lady Rarity something more than the same old, "Mission complete."

Then she heard a rumble coming from the southern areas. She got moving. Didn't want to be caught in the way of a warband of the owners of those cannons. She hoped that, if anyone was in the box, that they weren't a unicorn. And, if they were- she shook her head. Too many ifs, she thought, and pondering on the future wasn't the best thing for a rouge of her caliber. Although meditation had its place, she though, continuing on her way.

The door of the "box" opened. Out came a grey pegasus, closely followed by a brown unicorn who was trying not to have a particularly annoyed expression. "I told you, Ditzy, it wasn't that button, it was the one next to it?"

"What? It's not my fault that you color all of the buttons exactly the same!"

"Yes, and it's not my fault that you lowered the TARDIS's shields halfway through a solar storm!"

"It was a wrong button!"

The brown unicorn shook his head, then looked around. "Alright... it seems that at least we landed in Ponyville- or near it anyways. See, here's the lake."

The pegasus- Ditzy- looked around. "Doctor... I don't think that this is the lake."

"What do you mean? It's a large body of water that's bigger than a pond, but smaller than a sea."

"I know, but... look at it. The pond's trail goes to the southeast. This one goes to the northwest."

"Hmm... I gu- wait... shh...?"

Ditzy and the Doctor stopped and listened.

"What's that, Doctor?"

"I... have no idea."

And suddenly, they were surrounded by a large amount of lightly armored ponies with swords- leveled at them. The Doctor jumped at their sudden appearance. He raised a hoof nervously. "Urm... hello, there." The ponies surrounding them seemed to narrow their eyes at him, but remained silent. The rumbling continued in the background, growing louder. But other than that, there was silence...

Until a voice rang out from behind them. 'A'right. State yer business, unicorn." The guards stepped aside and let a orange pony in full battle plate step into the circle, holding a hammer with her tail.

This seemed to unnerve the doctor even more than the guards sudden appearance.He remained silent as he figured out what to say. "Um... well, ah... I am the Doctor, and this is Ditzy. We are-"

"Enough of that. Why're you here?"

"I was getting to that. You see, the strangest thing happened. One second I was up there, spinning around in space in my box, and the next..."

"Ah get it, Doctor. It seems like House Moon and Star are developing some kind of magical teleportation device thingamajig." She shook her head. "You picked a bad place to show up, Doctor." She turned around. "Hey, Apple Bloom! Take a look at this device, will ya?"

A voice, sounding somewhat childish, said in the distance, "Alright, sis!"

The Doctor yelled at the mechanic running up, "Don't touch anything! She's a very delicate device!"

The orange pony sighed and turned back to the Doctor. "Welp, let's ge' this over with." She drew a long sword and picked the Doctor up by the tail.

"Waitwaitwait! What did I do?"

"Unicorns ain't allowed here." She growled, putting her blade against his horn.

"No! Nonononono! I'm not a unicorn! I'm a-"

"I don't care if you're a moon mare. You've got a horn, and horns ain't allowed here."

She drew her blade back, and swung it forward.

Ditzy screamed, "WAIT!"

Her arm arrested midways. And there was silence.

The orange pony stopped and looked at her. "Yes, pegasus?"

Ditzy shuddered. "Um... can't he at least explain himself before you take off his horn? We have no idea what's going on here..."

After glaring at her for a bit, the orange pony switched his glare to Doctor Whooves. "Who are ya, pony?"

"I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?

"Just the Doctor."

She paused.

"What are you doin' here?"

"I don't know. My box materialized here. What do you expect? I have no idea where I am or who I am currently speaking to."

A murmur rose up from the crowd that had gathered around them. The orange pony glared at the crowd, who quickly fell silent. She turned her glare onto the Doctor again.

"Welp, you're talking to Supreme Commander Applejack of House Earthborn. And this here is Ponyville. Or what's left of it after the flood..." She shook her head. "Last question: You working for House Moon and Star?"

"I have no idea what that place or clan or whatever it might be is."

Applejack narrowed her eyes, then closed them. "Do ya have any idea what's happening?"

"Unfortunately, no."

She shook her head. "You better come with me, then. The Earth Council- and myself- will be very interested in hearing why we shouldn't part your horn from your body- followed by your head."

Just then, there was a loud bang from behind them, and, out of the TARDIS came Apple Bloom, covered in soot and coughing, with a stream of black smoke coming out of the door. "Whatever it is, sis, it ain't natural- or stable."

The Doctor shook his head. "It's still overloaded with energy after absorbing half of that solar storm."

"Wha?"

"Perhaps I can explain to you later, after I'm out of this predicament." He eyed the guards around him. "Well, let's get this over with."

Salvaged

Fillydephia.

it was a rather large city, and one that was the most contested, being that the territory around it was contested by the other houses. It was a dangerous place to hold a meeting- but, seeing as the council usually accompanied Commander Applejack, it wasn't all that much more dangerous. At least, there, they could do it properly.

There were few civilians around here- the ones with any sense, that weren't commissioned by the others, were waiting out the war in refugee camps near the Everfree Forest- but many remained, refusing to leave their homes and livelihoods. So, it didn't surprise the doctor that the streets were full- not packed, perhaps, but full- but they cleared rather quickly, the large cannon being powered by a steam engine doing the job rapidly. Inside the carriage of this cannon, was where the Doctor sat, with Ditzy sitting next to him, sweating profusely. The Doctor was, secretly, nervous too, but he tried not to notice. He tried to start conversations with the guards several times, but they just glared at him, so he eventually just shut up and resigned himself to keeping the worried expression off of his face, for the benefit of Ditzy.

They- eventually- arrived at the town hall. He was roughly shoved out of the carriage and through the silvered doors, tarnished through years for negligence. Eventually- through many passages, and a flight of stairs, he was shoved out into the courtroom.

And relaxed.

The Earth Council was a council of elders- a council that, although prejudiced against him, had probably seen Equestria before it had been plunged into civil war. He wasn't sure if he could win against the council if it was made of military leaders- but the council was for spiritual and civil purposes. He took a deep breath.

While Applejack was running the meeting legalities, The Doctor whispered to Ditzy, "Alright. How do you think I should do this?"

Ditzy was still glancing around the room, nervous. "I don't know... be honest?"

"About our adventures...? Are you sure...?"

"Keep it realistic. Not all of our adventures. Just... like the last one or something."

"..."

Applejack coughed. "And now I would like to hear what our... guests... have to say for themselves. About how he happened to get here."

The Doctor stepped fowards slowly and bowed, with Ditzy following suit a moment later. "Well... it's quite an interesting story, actually..."

The TARDIS was sitting there, next to the lake that it appeared behind. A pony, clothed in black, walked up to it, checking out the box silently. He put a hoof on it and jerked it back. It was loaded with energy... energy that could be used for various purposes.

He tried to lift it. And failed miserably. He shook his head and shot a spell into the water. It was still for a moment longer, then it started to bubble. And out burst four ponies, their bodies rotting and shivering, grins splitting their decomposing faces. With a magical command, they picked up the box and, slowly, began to lug it away, following him. A demonic smile crossed his lips. An almost infinite power source... this would serve him and his masters well.

"... and then we landed here." The Doctor finished.

There was silent.

Then, one of the elders burst out laughing.

"Hohoho! That was the best story I've heard in all my life, and I've heard quite a few." She smiled. "I say he should be kept alive, if only to inspire creativity in the fillies and colts."

"But he's obviously lying!" another one raged. "And liers have no place in House Earthborn!"

While the council split into two sides in this argument, Applejack was busy scrutinizing the Doctor. She eventually slammed her hammer against an anvil behind the podium, creating a huge ringing sound that made almost everyone become silent.

"He ain't lying."

The Doctor stepped back, glancing around. "So... verdict on my life and horn?"

The council looked around and began murmuring. Applejack listened in and nodded. "It seems that we have reached a-"

"Applejack?"

Applejack sighed. "Yes, Matron Smith?"

"Can I have a word with you?"

She nodded and walked into a back room with her.

The council continued to mutter and converse with each other.

Applejack soon walked out with a scowl, and Matron Smith walked out looking smug.

"Alright. The verdict: you've got two options. Ah can see that you're on some special, spacey-wacey, timey-wimey mission or whatever. So ah cain't very well kill you. So ah'll give you two options." She looked around. "First, ah can surgically remove that horn. It won't hurt that much. Then you'll be welcome to be in our territory."

"I'd prefer to keep my horn, thank you. What's option two?"

"Leave our territory. And don't come back with that horn. Of course, option one will always be available to you, should you choose to do so."

The Doctor pretended to think about it, then shrugged. "I'll leave. I like my horn for now."

She shrugged. "Very well. We're headin' up towards yer box-thing, anyways, to deal with some insurgence by House Stormwing. It's about time that we headed up there, anyways."

The Doctor shrugged. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

She sighed. "I guess, since ah'm throwing you out of yer ears, I might as well explain what's goin' on. If you come with me..."

Ditzy lifted her head. "Excuse me... commander?"

"Yeah?"

She took a breath. "You're not going to dump us into the Everfree, are you."

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. What was wrong with the Everfree Forest with common ponies, he didn't know.

Applejack looked at him funnily, then turned back. "Ah'll let you choose who ya want to go to... what's your name?"

"Ditzy."

"Well, Ditzy, we personally reccomend House Whitegold, but once you hear about them all, you can choose."

"Alr-"

A messenger came back, dropped a message in Applejack's hooves, and left. She opened it and her eyes widened. "Darn these darned necromancers"

"What?" the Doctor asked, suspiciously.

"Looks like I know where you're goin' if you want to get your box back, Doctor."

"What? Who took my box?"

"A collection of insane necromancers that call themselves the Cult of Laughter."

Explanation

"Ah guess I owe ya that explanation now, huh?"

The Doctor, Ditzy, and two guards were sitting around a table inside a huge battering ram that was being wheeled up front with the other heavy equipment.

The Doctor smiled. "Yes, please, madam."

Applejack sighed, and began.

"It all happened fifteen years ago, more or less. One morning, everything was fine, all of Equestria was happy, and all of that. The next morning, poof! The princesses- that have been governing us for over a thousand years just disappear?"

The Doctor frowned, but said nothing. Ditzy, however, spoke up. "Why did they leave?"

"Nopony knows. Now, Twilight- me and my friends still bein' together and all- decides that the only way to fix this was to become alicorns ourselves. She told me that it would only work with a pegasus, a unicorn, and an earth pony- a whole transferal of essences or something like that. I thought that she was insane, and wasted no time in telling her that. She told me fine, but if I didn't cooperate, she'd brand me as a traitor throughout all of Equestria. I told her fine, believing that she was just bluffing. But then she turns around and actually does it!"

Ditzy gasped. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Applejack said, scowling. "Anyways, she ended up getting Pinkie to do it."

The Doctor spoke up. "Pinkie? You mean Pinkie Pie?"

She turned and glared at the Doctor. "Yes, Pinkie Pie. Now can I finish, or should I even bother?"

The Doctor sat back silently, looking embarrassed.

"Thank you. Now, the spell happeneed, and it had tragic results. It failed miserably. Worse off, Rainbow Dash was horrifically injured on one side of her face and Pinkie was killed!"

Another gasp from Ditzy. "That's horrible!"

"I know. She then came out with all this, unicorns are better than the rest of you and all of that junk, and went back to Canterlot. I tried sending a friend to go talk to her, but I haven't seen her since." She sighed. "Then Twilight, jealous that she didn't have Ponyville, played off of Rainbow's little remaining loyalty... and had her flood Ponyville."

The Doctor paused. "So... that lake we saw... that was Ponyville?"

"Yup. Or what's left of it, anyways."

"Oh, dear."

"Very. And then Rarity came down with some disease and retreated to Manehattan, and Fluttershy cut off contact with us. She's somewhere in the Everfree forest. And we've been fighting ever since."

"Huh... strange. Now what's this Cult of Laughter thing about?"

"Oh... that. Well, apparently, some thieves found Pinkie's coffin and started obsessing over it. They stole it, and ever since, this, 'Cult of Laughter' has been popping up everywhere. We've kept them down over here- mostly- but, other than in the Everfree Forest, most cities have the cult in it, one way or another."

"Hmm... So I'm looking for the biggest and closest Cult presence. And that would be...?"

Apple Bloom stuck her head down the shaft. "Manehattan!"

Applejack sighed. "Apple Bloom, aren't you supposed to be watching the engines?"

"I trust my fellow blacksmiths for ten minutes."

A sudden puff of steam came down from the shaft. Apple Bloom looked worried. "On second thought... hey, wait, guys!" She ducked her head back up.

Applejack sighed. "She's right, anyways. Manehattan. Or it's slums, anyways. I doubt that Rarity would want anything so disgusting inside her precious city walls. Welp, I know where your goin'. Might want to talk to her about gettin' your box back. She might help ya."

The Doctor bowed. "Thank you, Commander. I wish you luck."

She nodded and the door swung open. "We're here!" yelled a blacksmith.

As the Doctor and Ditzy marched on, Ditzy tried to make conversation.

"Hey, Doc?"

"Yeah?"

"Weren't you an earth pony, last I checked?"