Friendship is Ganking

by Teh_Zodiac

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Spike, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 21807

So what happens when five Heroes from Dota 2's Dire team end up in Equestria? Something funny, probably.

For Meepo, Invoker, Chaos Knight, Queen of Pain and Sand King was just a normal day: get up, kill Zeus, destroy the towers. But when a push turned rowdy get them killed, they don't respawn in the Fountain , but in the Everfree Forest, completely cut off from the Dire. Clock's ticking, and they have to get back to their dimension before their boss thinks it's too dangerous to let them prance around ponies instead of fighting and decides to cut their Contract early, effectively ending their lives.

Will there be an epic magic duel between Invoker and Twilight Sparkle ?(answer's yes)

Will Queen of Pain resist the urge of torturing to death cutesy helpless little ponies?

Is there going to be someone who actually notices Meepo since he does look like someone who could actually come from an adorable fantasy world filled with wonder and whimsy? (boy that's a long question)

What is this? Pinkie Pie and Sand King go to town and party hard? I smell geniuuuuuuus.

Read this story and find out exactly how many days it takes for a Chaos Knight to get petrified by the Elements of Harmony! (spoiler, not very long.)

Published 2013-05-13 20:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-02 00:39:54 UTC

Picking

He ran and ran, feeling the cold whisper of death upon him. He trampled through grass and bushes, making his way through thorns and spikes of vengeful vegetation. It seemed everything was against him: every branch was slowing him down, every twig leaving its mark on his skin, blotting the foliage with crimson hues. His heart was exploding and his head was throbbing madly, but he could finally see the end of the forest, the road, and the secret shop. He could see the jolly goofy faced of the Shopkeeper, always unwavering and silent, even if you bought from him the most expensive item he had. It was so near, so near he could almost hear the torches crackling in the night. He jumped out of the forest, and into the empty road. It looked like there were no creeps in sight, ‘twas good. Less risk of getting spotted by that pesky Dire omniscience. He stopped for a moment, letting his ragged breath settle down to a calmer pace. He couldn’t even believe it! He was alive! The last fight had been a disaster, a complete ruin. They were better armed, better combined and all the more powerful. As soon as that gaudy little horned whore silenced him, there was nothing he could do, so he just ran, leaving his comrades behind. Not that he particularly cared about them! He couldn’t fathom how the Radiant could choose a bunch of ragtag, punks or just plain idiotic beings to fight for it! He, the Father of Gods, was supposed to battle alongside a dimwitted ogre? Or a perverted old man on a sickly looking horse? Never mind, it wasn’t important. He had the gold to buy a teleport scroll, he just needed to cross the road, make a call for the Shopkeeper and just return to the fountain to rest a bit. Then everything would be-

“Just where do you think you’re going, Zouzou?” That whorish voice hit him like lightning on a clear day. He smirked, knowing it would happen the same to the fiendish demon behind him. The mustached and cocky Zeus slowly turned around to see the smirking, beautifully twisted face of Akasha, the self-titled Queen of Pain, looking down on him. But she was alone and he knew it. Her annoying screams and elusiveness couldn’t help her this time. After all, he could strike anywhere, anytime.

She pouted, an act which many had wrongly considered adorable, and those many laid across the roads of the Eizalre Kingdom in the wake of the Holy King’s death, maimed and tortured but with a satisfied smile on their lips. He wouldn’t fall for his feminine charms. After all, he was the dominant type, not the submissive.

“Ff things ever fall out between you and that stick in the mud you call wife, you know where to find me, Zouzou…” She blinked seductively at him, but the King of the Olympus was unwavering in his resolve to show this demonic bitch who was the boss.

“Certainly! In the smoldering crater I’m going to leave you!” He answered angrily, waved his arms in the air, preparing to strike a world of lightening and hurt upon her, when he felt a small tremor beneath his feet and a coarse, yet calm and soothing voice behind him say:

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that” as a hard, smooth stinger was plummeted into his thorax. He vomited a river of blood on the dusty road. Everything felt dizzy and numbed down, and he couldn’t even lift a finger to cast a spell. The last thing he saw was Akasha getting pushed off his vision and a small shovel glistening with energy cracking down on his skull.

Zeus’ head exploded in a sea of gore, blood and brain fragments, and his aged body fell limply on the ground. Akasha turned around, knelt down and patted the head of a strange creature that looked like the inbreed result of a mouse and a monkey, garbed with camping equipment that seemed to account for everything one could encounter in every forest of every place on Earth. A shimmering crystal was strapped to his belt and he was firmly grabbing a glistening and now bloodied shovel in his right paw. His expression was one of boredom as his eyes drifted over the lifeless corpse; he wiped the trail of blood off his muzzle, yawned, chanted a strange formula and disappeared in a poof of blinding light.

“You did well, Meepo. It was a tad too quick, maybe…” Said Akasha, seemingly to herself, barely hiding a smirk while she licked her lips.

She got up and turned to face the strange, scorpion like being in front of her, who was looking at the ominous looking forest that sprawled behind the group. “But you, Crixalis, I didn’t know you had it in you. If I didn’t know for certain that you’re just a walking talking desert, I could think about it-“

The Sand King dived into the earth and appeared behind them, a couple of meters down the road. He started scuttling towards the forest, and addressed the Queen of Pain:

“I’m not like you, Temptress. I do not take pleasure in murder, especially if it’s avoidable.” He positioned himself under a tree and settled down, seemingly humming a strange and ancestral melody. Light started to bend beside him, like a gigantic lens had just settled there. Slowly it revealed in its place a tall figure, dressed in grandiose clothes that still seemed somewhat functional, with sharp, white eyes and long blond hair. He spoke with a voice that commanded silence and respect, and reverberated through the ether as if he were in a gigantic cave.

“Surely you will find some pleasure in putting an ignorant fool back in its place, Sand King.” He asked with a tone that expected for an answer an unconditional ‘yes’. Before Crixalis could answer, Akasha seemingly teleported behind the Invoker, leaving the always familiar smell of sulfur and blood. She put her arms around his shoulders and leaned to whisper in his ear:

“Mhhh, I knew you and I were a match made in Heaven, Karl” He shook her with a grunt of annoyance and said, deadly serious:

“For the last time, I am not interested in your attempts to bed me! Firstly, I’m quite familiar with the fate of all your partners. Second of all, I am a scholar of all things arcane, and I do not have the time for this foolishne-“

A stomp from a hoof as big as a boulder silenced him. From the forest had emerged, silent as water, a gigantic black horse, with a fiery red mane that seemed to be made out of blazes. On it, sat a knight, clad in a dark and ominous armor that seemed to radiate palpable heat. The entire set of armor was sturdy and tangible, but if you eyed it intensively, it looked like it was just an illusion from heat, as it imperceptibly shimmered and flickered. Invoker took a cautious step backward, and so did Akasha. Crixalis never moved its gaze from the ground, but flinched slightly as he heard the Chaos Knight speak, with a voice that seemed to come from the void between worlds.

“The Dire is calling us. We have to go.” He said, slowly rotating the ominous looking battleaxe clutched in his left armor-clad hand. He looked at them through the slit in his helm, a small fissure that was so brightly hot it was painful to look at, before slowly turning back his horse and marching into the forest. He stopped before his figure was completely hidden by the old, dry vegetation, trees and stump and branches that had already started smoldering and sizzling from the heat, and remarked, somewhat dryly:

“Now”

They didn’t wait for another word, as Karl the Invoker grabbed a scroll from his left sleeve, pressed his palm firmly into it and disappeared in a column of ghastly light. Akasha smiled at the smoking hole in the forest left by the Chaos Knight, whispered “Oh, scary, scary” to herself and teleported out of sight. The Sand King seemingly stood still for a while, eyeing the road for a while, before burrowing himself into the earth.

The shadows in front of the torches molded and recoiled to form a clear figure, a creature with deep, red eyes, a mask on his face and two painfully sharp blades in its claws. The Bounty Hunter, now fully visible, rested its back against a tree, wiped the sweat off its brows and said with a weary sigh:

“Few, that was a close one…” He watched the dead forest, and beyond that the menacing orb of evil that was the avatar of the Dire on this plane, the Ancient. It was visible even from there, and it dominated and corrupted everything around it, twisting a once normal forest into a devious looking trap of flora.

“So, the Dire is whipping up something…” He whispered to himself. “Better let the old man hear this, he will know what to do…” He said almost absent mindedly, and ran off into the luscious grounds of the Radiant team, vibrant and green.

As Sand King reached the top door of the Dire Base, he crossed a few troops running out from the barracks, ready to pick up a fight with whatever Radiant force they may encounter. He looked at their twisted bodies, the scary mask, the crude weaponry they had to manufacture themselves. It was to no use trying to have a conversation with them: it was unknown to Crixalis if they couldn’t physically talk, but every question was answered with a simple grunt. However, the Walking Desert wasn’t one for chit-chat, as he found the musings and worries of mortals as interesting as the white bones of unwary explorers that made his land shimmer under the hot, blazing sun. He scuttled quickly over the barracks, and spotted his companions all reunited in front of the swirling mass of red and black that was the Ancient of the Dire. Meepo saw him and waved to come near, while yelling animatedly:

“Spidey, over here, over here!”

Crixalis sighed and answered with a groan:

“For the last time, Meepo, I am a magic carapace infused with the sentient sands of the Shimmering Desert, not a spider” as he came closer to the Dire team. Invoker tried to eye down the rodent to no avail; the Geomancer was too hyped up to notice it. Akasha however seemed to pay no heed to the uptight wizard, as she giggled and knelt down to hug the talking mouse. Meepo, always used to the thousand of dangers of the Riftshadow Ruins, shriveled a bit before realizing it was the demon doing the hugging. For reasons unbeknownst to everyone but her, Meepo alone was spared the constant flirts and threat of erotic torture and was instead showered with affection. Nessaj, the Chaos Knight, didn’t seem to particularly care, but he coughed to remember them who they were facing. They were in fact all in front of the Avatar of the Dire, the entity that managed to obtain the services and the loyalty of all the Four Fundamentals, Chaos Knight included. Enigma wasn’t participating in this cycle, and everyone was grateful for it. Chaos Knight was intimidating and towering, but the gaseous mass of darkness was just plain creepy, and always seemed to know more than he let on. More so, the rare time he spoke, he did in cryptic and short sentences that made even Akasha’s spine tingle. In a faction where you could find demons, aliens and living nightmares, he still got the top prize for the freakiest hero in the whole Ancient Battle. Paying heed to the polite cough of Nessaj, they all turned around to face the Dire avatar as he called down on the mortal plane their employer. A column of green light traveled through the clouds and struck the darkly globe like lightening: the Ancient took life, and started speaking to them in a familiar tone they all knew, even if some of them still couldn’t believe that one of the two Crystals of the Old could talk like this:

“Sup guys! It’s me, the Dire!” the jubilant voice reverberated in their heads, its words marked by the rhythmic pulses of the ball that stood in the Ancient. “So, I know I asked for you without calling first, and I’m really sorry and I promise I won’t do that anymore, but this is serious business, really serious. The thing is, into the parallel cycle, heroes are not getting resurrected! So far we lost Dark Seer, Shadow Demon, Axe and Lycan, and I can’t find them anywhere! I know this has happened to the Radiant side too, and I would hate for it to happen in this cycle too cause I love you guys, but I’m not really sure I can avoid or block whatever it’s causing this to happen! I just wanted to let you know and… Oh boy. Oh boy. I believe we just lost the Tier 2 central tower. I know I just told you that you may die for real this time, but you really need to get out of the base and defend the last tower! We can’t afford to lose anymore cycles. Don’t worry though; I’ll be scourging dimensions, looking for the cause of this mess! Peace, good luck and have fun!”

With another column of light, the Dire disappeared just as quick as it came, leaving most of them with a state of the mind that could easily described by the locution “Eh, whatever”. Sand King was immortal, and even if its carapace was shattered, its mind would just fly back to the Shimmering Desert. Akasha was pretty much the same: death in this realm meant she was just going back to the Seven Hells. Invoker was just too confident to think anything in this battle could kill him, and Meepo was already used to constantly get thrown in deadly situations. As for Chaos Knight, he just didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was to snuff out the Light before it was too late. However, this wasn’t what they wished for. They all had reasons to fight for the Dire, as they all a contract or a pact of some sort with the cheerful Ancient, and this was a fairly big bump in the road. Still, their lineup was the best in all the cycles, as they had never lost a single match before, and this wasn’t going to be the first. Their coordination and knowledge of each other’s limits and strengths was so great that they didn’t even need to actually talk to one another to coordinate attacks. Even if the relationships between them, a giant talking scorpion, an arrogant immortal mage, a demon with a love for sexual undertones and torture, a mouse scavenger and a walking, head bashing personification of chaos, were less than ideal, and if many of them didn’t even had the concept of care and love, they could still be called, with a very loose use of the word, “friends”.

The super sociopathic friends rushed out of the Dire base, and saw the road clad in darkness. Indeed, there were not any towers left in the central lane, and the pitch black shadows of the night combined with the natural fog that seemed to be in all battlefields made spotting an enemy much harder. Even the expert Meepo, the one with the most experience with rough terrain and difficult meteorological conditions, couldn’t see that far. Still, they had to do something. There wouldn’t be any more creeps for a while, and it would take just a single push to open a path to the Ancient, and it wasn’t something they could afford in the current situation. Chaos Knight didn’t even wait for them to reach a consensus, and started walking down the road slowly, turning his head around to catch any possible sounds. Sand King quickly scuttled beside him, soon followed by Meepo and Akasha, as Invoker evoked two Forge Spirits to keep guard, an Ice Wall to seal the entrance, and quickly ran to reach them and close the line. The forest was especially silent, and even the small camps filled with ogres and kobolds, usually quite noisy fellows that could be hear from miles, couldn't be heard. They had probably been picked out clean, and that made the Dire team all the more wary of their surroundings. The objective was to destroy the Radiant tower: it would grant them some room to retreat and think about the mess the Dire told them about. The trek from the base to the river was a lengthy one, at least three kilometers of forest and darkness. The group marched forward, and Meepo smelled the air repeatedly, trying to pick up some foreign scent that could reveal the position of the Radiant team, but the search yielded nothing: there was only the overwhelming scent of decaying trees. He clutched the shovel firmly, and started fidgeting with the big, shining gem hanging from his belt. If push came to shove, he would have to use it. He didn’t like it much: the splitting and the feeling of controlling 3 bodies was disorienting and weird, even if it made him much more lethal. Akasha was playing with her poisoned dagger, seemingly oblivious to the tense atmosphere that weighted on her teammates. Three orbs of purple energy rotated around Invoker as he chanted complicated formulas and spells, preparing for a battle. After half an hour of walking, they could finally see the flickering and weak fires of the torches that were all around the river. Chaos Knight stopped before the small slope, and so did the others. They heard the familiar march of a creep wave behind them; it was best to wait for them and proceed with their cover. They didn’t account for much in a battle, but better to have them that to regret not having meat shields. The creeps passed beside them, without even looking at them, grunting and panting yet never stopping: as they descended the small slope that made possible to cross the river in its choke point, the Dire team followed, and when the hooves of Armageddon, Nessaj’s horse, touched the water, the water sizzled and evaporated. Akasha teleported beside him and said in a sultry tone:

“Chaos Knight, have I ever told you that you’re quite… hot?” She finished her sentence with a small giggle. Nessaj, not bothering to turn around to answer her, just responded in a flat tone:

“Yes. Twice, in fact.” That remark got a small, dry laugh from Sand King and Invoker, while Meepo looked quite confused, as the joke had just passed over his furry head. Akasha turned around, a bit of crimson on her face, and said angrily:

“Ehi, stop laug-“as a sharp, curved blade suddenly appeared in her chest. She coughed a stream of red blood, her eyes reduced to pins that tried to point out just what had stabbed her. The others could see the shape behind her, a blur that grasped the sword that was currently driving itself into Akasha’s thorax, and that same blur had just thrown a shuriken that firmly planted himself into the shoulder of Invoker, who didn't even have the time to recoil in pain; like Meepo, who was already moving his left paw, strands of light coming out of it and forming a net of some sort, like Sand King, who had started to wag its tail, sending out waves of power that rippled the earth like water, like Chaos Knight, his ominous axe descending down on the attacker. They were not fast enough, for it all happened in an instant: as soon as the blade made its way through the Queen of Pain, a wave of burning light invested them like boiling oil, making their skin scream from the pain. A wall of fire came with it, and the blur of blades. They all saw a mask of ivory, a sword cutting through them repeatedly just as easily as butter, as they all fell down, head first, into the murky river. The last thing they head wasn’t the howls of the flames, or the clashing of blades, but an idiot arguing with another idiot:

“I got them first!”

“No, I did!”

And then all fell silent and dark.

With a sharp gasp, she woke up. Her eyes darted around as she touched her breasts to feel the blade that had been piercing her, but there was only smooth skin. She felt the soft touch of grass on her back, and she saw a clear blue sky, a thing she had not seen in a very long time, streaking by occasional stains of black, the fronds of trees. Trees that looked healthy, green and flourishing. For her, a sight so pacific and bucolic was new and strange, as she was accustomed to ghastly forests and plains of brimstone and magma. It was not unpleasant, but she still felt out of place. She heard a pained groan, and immediately got up, startled and still on the edge, but what she saw in front of her was comforting if not amusing: Meepo was entangled in a tree, hanging by his belt, and has just started to wake up. Chaos Knight somehow had got himself inside a trunk, with only his head poking from the other side. Sand King was on his back, and couldn’t seemingly get up; his scorpion legs waved and squirmed as he silently cursed in a tongue Akasha didn’t know. Invoker was head butting the ground. She just couldn’t resist and started laughing out loud, drawing a venomous stare from Crixalis and an angry grunt from Invoker. She teleported beside a struggling Meepo, grabbed him and teleported back to the ground. He quickly started searching for something, before finally settling down as he found his crystal still bound to his belt. He looked up at the Queen of Pain and smiled. Akasha squealed in delight and knelt down to hug him.

“Oh Meepo, you are just so adorable!”

He waved a paw in front her face and said with a pained breath:

“Miss, I can’t- can’t breathe!” Akasha released him from the bear hug and got up, all while giggling. Invoker had managed to get his head out of the dirt, and looked at the two with sharp, annoyed eyes. Meepo had noticed the difficulty Crixalis was facing to get back on his legs, so he just poked him a bit with his shovel, enough for the Sand King to turn around and be able to walk once more. He looked at the rodent and said with a solemn voice:

“My thanks to you.”

With an annoyed grunt, Chaos Knight flexed and removed his head and half his body from the trunk, practically sawing the tree in half. He pointed a hand at the ground and whispered something, yet nothing happened.

“This is strange.” He said with his usual dreary voice as he turned around to face his teammates “I can’t evoke Armageddon.”

Silence fell, as they all looked around themselves to get a better understanding of their surroundings. It looked like they were in a small clearing of a mundane, normal forest. Not the dead ones of the Dire side or the unrealistically beautiful of the Radiant. Just a regular forest.

Meepo was the first one to speak, asking to clear a doubt that plagued all of them.

“We did die back there, right?” He said with a curious tone.

“That we did. Yet we’re not in the Fountain.” Said Sand King plainly, as stating a fact.

“Well, we can see that” retorted Akasha with a dry edge to her voice. “But if we’re not in the Fountain, where are we? I know that Eredar liked to toy with the souls in his dominion by making them believe they are still alive and kicking but this is not case, I can feel it. And he’s on our team.”

Meepo rested the chin on his shovel, sighed and said wearily:

“You never know with that Shadow Demon fellow. But I’ve worked with the guy, and it doesn’t look like it’s his mojo jojo.” He looked at Invoker, who was busy looking at the sky, and asked him: “Ehi, Invoker! You know where we are?”

He glared at him, adjusted his fancy dress and answered, anger and annoyance oozing from his voice as usual.

“I don’t, rat.” Meepo seemingly didn’t think of the epithet as an insult.”We’re not in the Earth plane anymore. This dimension is seeping with magical energy, you should all feel it. The ground is especially rich in mana, something you should notice, Geomancer.”

As he mentioned, the talking rodent touched the ground curiously, and whispered a small enchantment. From the tip of his claws started to seep out strands of pure, white light. The trails organized themselves instantly into a net of luminous energy that Meepo waved around a bit before making it disappear with another disappear. His eyes were wide with awe as he said:

“Incredible. It didn’t even feel like I needed to use any mana at all!”

Invoker coughed and everyone turned back to look at him, except for the Chaos Knight, who was busy staring down the sky. It was strange to see him without his horse as it had been a constant presence in the squad and a team mate in his own right, but it didn’t make him any less menacing.

“Because you didn’t. Unlike the Earth Plane, where the natural, floating mana in the air and the ground was absorbed by the Ancients, in this plane we have no need to draw upon our own reserves to fuel our spells and abilities. They are only limited by our stamina and willingness to use them.” He said with a teacher-like tone, as he nodded to himself with a smug, satisfied smile.

“It does feel rather different…” said Akasha “It’s like being submerged into liquid power. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it as soon as I woke up!” She spun around and appeared thirty meters above, floating in the air, before landing again in a blur of red and sulfur in the same spot. She started laughing, almost hysterically:

“It feels amazing! Even in the Seven Hells I didn’t have this much power at my disposal! Oh, the things I could do with it…”

Meepo, on the other hand, was busy poofing all over the place, appearing under trees and behind rocks, and Invoker was sporting a rather creepy smile as he magicked out of thin air a small book and started whispering under his breath:

“Ohhh, I’ve never tried this one, never had the mana…. Skywrath’s Mystic Flare…”
Crixalis scuttled between them and raised his harsh and dry voice almost to a yell, and his peremptory shout seemed to silence the hyper-active spell casters:

“Enough! This is not the time to play! We have a duty, we are bound to come back to the Earth plane and fight for the Dire!”

Akasha eyed him sharply, clearly not happy having someone tell her what to do and answered with a scoff:

“Please! I can do whatever I want now, I’m an all powerful bitch! Why should-“

“We have a Contract to fulfill” Came the deep voice of Chaos Knight, echoing from inside the helm, as he walked forward and positioned himself at the side of the Sand King. At the mention of the Contract, the Queen of Pain opened her mouth, furious, but remained silent and ultimately her eyes fell to the ground, filled with shame and anger. Invoker coughed sheepishly and put the book in his left sleeve and Meepo finally settled down on the grass and kicked a small pebble sadly.

“Every hero signs a Contract with the Dire when they join the fight.” Continued Chaos Knight, his voice never changing and keeping that monotonous, otherworldly feel to it, as he marched through them and finally stopped at the edge of the clearing. He looked at the forest that sprawled in front of him for a while, before saying:

“You are all familiar with your personal fate if you decide to desert. Demoness, Sorcerer, you are both right, as this realm is unlike anything I’ve seen before. I know not of a way to go back to the Earth plane.” Akasha smirked at Sand King, hoping Nessaj would back her up on her idea to go all out and forget about the fight, but her triumphant smile turned into a frown as he continued: “But… If we are cut off from the Dire, then it can’t communicate with us, either. How long before it will assume we just ran away?”

“You may be right, Chaos Knight, but the Dire in person told us heroes have been disappearing. It will likely think we suffered the same fate…” Said Invoker, his hands still trembling from the excitement of having an unlimited supply of mana to fuel his experiments.

“Maybe. But we have a demon, a famous mage and a plane traveler in this group, three proficient at going through dimensions. Maybe the Dire won’t seal us off right away, but as the days pass and we don’t come back, eventually it will think it’s better to just make sure we have not actually defected for the Radiant. It will activate the Terminal Clause. We need to go back to the Earth plane before our usefulness stop outweighing the possibility of us being a liability. Without Armageddon, I can’t travel through the planes. Demoness, Sorcerer, do you think you can bring us back?” He said as he turned around to face them. Akasha sighed and shook her head:

“Nope. It’s true that I can appear everywhere, but I have to be summoned first.” Everyone turned immediately to the Invoker, who gulped nervously and said:

“Right now, no. But with the right thaumaturgic instruments and a magic lab, I could do it… in a month, maybe less. So we need to find a settlement.”

“When I teleported in the air, I saw a small town in the distance, just outside the forest. Maybe we can torture them to give us what we need, then we can butcher them and hav-“said Akasha, her voice suddenly getting heavier and heavier, her eyes shining with barely contained lust.

“We have no idea what inhabits this dimension.” Said Sand King harshly “We can’t afford to antagonize the locals. No torture, no maiming, and no flirting.”

“The Sand King is right, demoness. We aren’t going to murder anyone who crosses our path to satisfy your deviant lust” Interjected Nessaj. He firmly grasped his axe, clearly annoyed by all this chatter, but the Queen of Pain answered to him nonetheless.

“Oh come on, you are the embodiment of chaos! How can you not enjoy a few slow, protracted murders here and there?” She rebuked, and poked the Knight with a small knife, enjoying the sound of metal against metal. In a blur, he shot his left hand forward, grabbed the knife and crushed it in his palm, before throwing it on the ground. She flinched and teleported back a bit.

“Your petty games and the lives of mortals are not my concern, one way or the other. Whether they live or die, it is of no importance to me. But completing my mission is important, and anything that could slow me down will disappear. Am I clear, demoness?” He looked at her through the slit in his helm, and a few slithers of flame got through it. Akasha watched him intensely for a couple of seconds, then sighed, and said wearily.

“Ok, ok, no killing and torture. Ugh, let’s just get back to the Earth plane; at least there I can have some fun. The town was that way” She pointed at thick of the forest.

They all walked forward into the dangerous forest, with Chaos Knight chopping down trees to pass through, Akasha flirting with Invoker, who tried his best to ignore her, and Meepo and Sand King closing the line, the latter informing the small rodent on which species of scorpions were possible to eat. For others, it may have looked like an ominous sight, a parade of monsters and outcast marching through a place of dread and danger. For them, it was a Tuesday.

The forest seemed endless, thick, and bent on slowing them down as much as possible. Even if the thickest trees only managed to squeeze an annoyed grunt from Nessaj, the necessity of mauling down every bit of vegetation that stood in their path had made what could have been a small trek into a hours long forced walk of which the end looked ever the more distant the more time passed. What made it even more unnerving was the realization they more moving slowly. Really slowly. Akasha’s periodic teleportation’s in the air told them the small town wasn’t getting any nearer. It just hung in the distance, a mirage of hope for a way to come back home or just something that could alleviate the boredom of the situation. It wasn’t before long that Invoker decided that he, an immortal magical genius, wasn’t lowly enough to just walk into a muddy forest, and shouted angrily:

“Enough! It’s not possible that after six hours of walking we’re not getting closer! I say we are running in circles. We are LOST” He made sure to dramatically emphasize the last word, and Akasha even added a whispered “Dun dun duuun”.

“What, we? Lost? Puh-lease, mister magic man! You can’t get lost with deeez babies over here!” Said Meepo, and waved proudly at his long, pointy ears.

“I am not a magic man, I’m a sorcerer, you insolent rodent! And how ears will even be able to help us find a city?” Shouted Karl in frustration.

“Eheheeheh, you’re not familiar with wilderness, are you, mister magic man? A city, even a small village, compared to a forest like this one, makes a lot of noise. While you can’t hear it, I most certainly can!” He said while puffing his chest with pride.

“So? What do you hear?” Asked the Invoker with impatience.

“Nothing! This place is as silent as a grave!” Answered candidly Meepo with a smile.

A sadistic smirk crept on Karl’s face as he neared the innocent creature, his hands covered with fire and his eyes reduced to pinpricks. Meepo stood petrified, unsure what to do, whether to run into the forest or stay there and take the blunt of the Invoker’s rage:

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy turning you into as-“

“Stop! I do hear something!” Said Sand King, as he stepped between them. Akasha nodded and added “Yeah, I hear something too! I couldn’t mistake that sound anywhere! Screams of pain, uhuhuhuh” She shuddered with pleasure and licked her lips. As the others mentioned it, both Meepo and Invoker started hearing an unmistakable shriek of pain, yet it didn’t seem to come from a wounded animal, but something capable of speech. Nessaj grabbed Invoker by the shoulders, turned him around to face him with his feet a couple of inches off the ground and said, as serious as can be:

“You will not roast Meepo, Sorcerer. We need him. Alive.” As Invoker opened his mouth to complain, the Chaos Knight stopped him before he could say another word: “Uninjured.” He let him out of his grasp, and the magician fell back on the grass. He massaged his shoulder and mumbled angrily.

However, Nessaj didn’t pay much attention to him and turned around to ask Meepo if he could pinpoint the location of the scream, to which the scavenger nodded enthusiastically.

“Then, show us. Bring us to this creature, maybe it will know the way out of this forest”

Meepo sniffed the air a few times, turned his head around frantically for a couple of seconds, and then stopped abruptly as the screams appeared to come to an end. He suddenly started running into the forest as the others followed. He moved with agility through the bushes and trees, dodging expertly the big branches and using his shovel to clear out a small path for his team mates to follow him. As they ran through the forest, they all wondered what strange creature would inhabit such a magic filled world: probably things of great power and wisdom, and so they braced themselves to face a proud, wounded creature that would not yield to them. It was to their great surprise that the forest suddenly ended around them, as they stumbled across a simple, trodden path. It stretched for miles, and it was large enough for them to pass through without any hindrance. At one side, its back resting against a tree and yelping in pain was a small cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane. They weren’t alien to flying horses, as they had one that was used as a courier, but this one had a much flashier color scheme, and big, expressive eyes that looked very much like that of a human. It was also a fair bit smaller than a normal horse, standing just above Meepo in height. The pegasus was clutching its left wing in pain, and there was blood trickling down from it. The creature was so absorbed in its pain, its eyes shut and puffy with tears, that it seemingly didn’t notice the strange bunch in front of her until Meepo talked:

“Oh, it’s just a pegasus! A flashy pegasus, but still… Oh well, we can still put out of its misery and eat it. I’m starving!”

As soon as it heard the rodent talk, the pegasus’ eyes shot wide open and looked at the group standing in the middle of the path with panicked, nervous gazes that traveled between each of the Dire Heroes. As she saw Meepo walking towards her, the shovel firmly grasped in his paws and ready to strike, she waved a hoof desperately in front of her and blurted out:

“W-w-wait, what’s the problem with you guys? You can’t e-e-eat me!”

Meepo stopped and tilted his head to the right, looked at her intensively and then stated, like it had been obvious from the start:

“You can talk.”

“Of c-course I can talk! But if you want a piece of the Dash, you’ll have to earn it the hard wa- ouch ouch” She answered angrily, and tried to get up, only to fall back down as her left wing started bleeding more intensely. Meepo waved a paw dismissively at her and said with a smile:

“Come on, we would never eat something that talks, am I right guys? Uh, uh?” He looked back to his comrades and gestured them to come closer. Nessaj stood still, unwavering and never moving his gaze from the small talking horse, while Akasha was sporting the creepiest smile she could muster. Invoker, on the other hand, was looking curiously at the creature’s wings, as if they were a work of marvel. Sand King quickly scuttled forward to the scavenger’s side. The pegasus recoiled as she saw the monstrous insect coming towards her, but quickly seemed to calm down a bit when she heard what words Crixalis had to say.

“I’m sorry for my comrade’s behavior, we’re just quite away from home, lost, tired, and from where we come, horses don’t quite… talk. Allow me to introduce myself and my team mates: I am Crixalis, the Sand King. This is Meepo, the Geomancer. The woman with the horns over there is Akasha, the Queen of Pain. Behind her, Nessaj, the Chaos Knight” her ears moved a bit when she heard the word ‘chaos’ “and Karl, the Invoker. What is your name?”

The pegasus mare eyed them with suspicion for a while, sometimes breaking the silence with a yelp of pain. Ultimately, she sighed with resignation and answered the Sand King:

“It’s… Dash. Rainbow Dash. I kinda injured my wing while doing a sick stunt, and now I’m stuck here in the Everfree Forest.”
Nessaj stepped forward, pointed at the mare with his axe and ordered Invoker:

“Sorcerer, cure her.”

The mage grumbled and muttered complaints under his breath, but nonetheless walked up to Rainbow Dash and knelt down beside her. The mare still seemed wary of them, but the Invoker didn’t care, and told her with a scowl:

“Stay still.”

His hand, a globe of blue, soothing light, soon engulfed the injured wing like a cloak. Rainbow Dash could feel the wound close up, and in a matter of seconds, Karl retracted the hand, and backed off. Her left wing felt in top shape, and she flapped it a bit to try it out. A small smile crept on her face and muttered a “thanks” to her healer. Crixalis thought it was the right time to ask her about the town, now that they had shown a bit of kindness, but he was pushed aside as Akasha stepped forward, a small dagger in her hand and a horrific smile on her face.

“See? She won’t talk it’s torture time I take the wings-“She said as she lunged forward, lust dripping from her voice. An armor clad hand shot out and grabbed her left arm. Akasha stopped abruptly and shook her head, like she just had just come out of a trance. She teleported back, and said sheepishly:

“Right, no torture.”

Nessaj stared at her for a moment, before turning back to the Rainbow Dash. He walked forward and asked to the mare:

“We are not from this dimension. We need to get to the town near this forest, and we need a magician’s lab to go back to our own. Take us there”

As usual, his dreary and deep voice asked for obedience, and Rainbow Dash seemed to comply with his request:

“Ehm, sure. I guess I can take you to Ponyville” Akasha flinched slightly when she heard that name” and talk to my friend Twilight. She’s one of those magic eggheads; she knows everything about it and has this nerdy lab under her home. I kinda owe you for fixing my wing.”

The Chaos Knight offered a hand which Rainbow Dash hesitantly took. She shook the dust from her mane, and Nessaj gestured her to lead the way. She flapped her wings and started hovering a couple of meters off the ground. She looked back one last time and started moving forward. After a couple of minutes of march down the path, she gulped and found the courage to ask:

“Another dimension? So you guys are like aliens, or something? Because that would be totally cool”

Laning

“So, you saved the world three times? I guess that’s pretty cool, eh. What world, exactly?”

Rainbow Dash groaned in frustration. It had been half an hour and it seemed none of her awesomeness actually impressed any of the aliens.

“You guys just met an flying, talking pony who managed to do a Sonic Rainboom not once, but two times, who is going to get into the Wonderbolts and is generally cool and radical, and no one cares except Meepo!”

She shouted, frustrated at their general lack of interest. The horned…whatever, Queen of Pain, wasn’t even looking at her, and was busy whistling and playing with a rather pointy knife. Sand King was seemingly lost in his thoughts, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t read his scorpion-like face even if she wanted to. Invoker just glared daggers at her, as he clearly wanted the pegasus to shut up but was forbidden from harming her in any way. Meepo was cheerful and actually interested in every word she said, but when she looked at the small talking rodent, she felt like this little ball of fur packed a lot more punch and viciousness than a first glance could show. But the most perplexing and unnerving one was the self-titled Chaos Knight. Discord had been reformed alright, but Rainbow Dash always felt jumpy beside him: the way he had managed to make his way inside her head and turned it inside out, that was an experience that she wouldn’t forget her entire life. And she had seen clearly the amount of magical power he possessed, and bitterly came to the realization that he had a lot more “juice” than both the Princesses combined, and the fact that his being well mannered ultimately rested on her friendship with Fluttershy didn’t help her either. For Discord had been cold with all of them except the meek pegasus, and Rainbow Dash feared that as soon as they passed away, with no one to keep him on the right tracks, the lord of Chaos would return to his former ways. Yet both the Princesses seemed happy enough with his transformation, and Rainbow Dash wouldn’t dare to tell them they were wrong to be so trustful. But this “Chaos Knight” was different. You couldn’t take Discord seriously, and that was one of his greatest strengths, but this guy? As soon as you look at him, you know he means business. Rainbow Dash felt a sensation that she normally had only for the Princesses: reverence. It was like this knight was much older and much more powerful than what the eyes could tell you. Even if he had defended her earlier, and pretty much had been just mildly bad mannered every time he spoke to her and nothing more, Dash still felt tingles every time he talked. And that happened right away:

“Horse, we’ve been alongside something that could only be described as a blue, talking space cow, a glowing centaur with a penchant for natural philosophy, a faceless purple man, and a gaseous mass of noxious energy that likes to collect souls. You’d too find your previous accomplishments and feats not that interesting if you had battled with a self replicating, spear wielding cat.”

She looked at him, stunned by the wealth of information and the sheer awesomeness of it all. For some reasons, the idea of a Opal Lancer sounded incredibly cool. She gulped and managed to ask with a shaky voice, too curious to just stay silent:

“You guys are warriors?”

“You got it from the axe and the knife or just the general unpleasantness we radiate?” Came a sickeningly sweet voice from the back. Rainbow Dash turned around to see that the horned… demoness, that’s what the pointy eared guy had called her was the one speaking to her.

“Uh, it’s just… I can see you, or the big guy being fighters… But all the others…” She answered sheepishly.
“Heard that, Karl? The rainbow pegasus pony says you’re a wimp!” Said the Queen of Pain with a small chuckle. Invoker waved a dismissive hand at her and turned around to finally look at Rainbow Dash after half an hour of ignoring her:

“You are right….” He snapped his fingers and gestured her to continue.

“Rainbow Dash!” She answered indignantly. This dude had already forgotten her name!

“Rainbow Dash, yes. I definitely am not a fighter. I’m a scholar of the arcane, and regrettably I had to give up my studies to fight in this war. I can’t speak for the wise Sand King or the stupid talking rat, though.”

The pegasus pony was more confused than before: she just realized she didn’t know practically anything about these guys except their names, the fact that they come from another dimension and that they were fighting in some kind of war. Rarity said to her once that she was too brash and jumped to conclusions easily. She was sure that jumping to conclusions with these guys wasn’t needed or wanted, so she went for a solution that was as ladylike as you can get: ask for formal introductions.

“Uhm, so maybe we should introduce. You fixed up my wing and I’m taking to you to Twilight, so we should know each other better.” She asked hesitantly, waiting for a harsh rejection. But the first thing she heard was the jubilant voice of Meepo:

“Uh uh, me first, me first! I’m Meepo, a geomancer!” Rainbow Dash cocked her head in confusion. Invoker saw on her face the mark of ignorance and proceeded to get into his best teacher mode:

“A geomancer is an expert in manipulating the thaumaturgic forces of the groundborn mana.” He explained, and nodded, satisfied. Surely the pegasus would understand his explanation. But as he looked at her, he saw even more confusion on her muzzle, if that was even possible.

“Uhm… He’s adept at exercising control over earthly powers.”

“?”

“Ehm, he’s the master of the flux that runs deep into the soil.”

“?”

“He can do magic tricks with mud.”

“Ohhhh, why didn’t you say so earlier?” Said Rainbow Dash with a boisterous laughter. “So you can you magic the ground, little guy?”

“Sure can! I can teleport to anything that is connected directly with the ground, my shovel is enchanted with several runes and of course I can summon my earthbind!” He waved a paw into the air, and strands of lights came out of it, and swiftly formed a luminous net. He waved it again and it disappeared immediately.
“I come from the Riftshadow Ruins, a pretty cool place, if you don’t mind the horrible predators, incredibly dangerous artifacts and the vicious and bloodthirsty bandits!”
If she was to believe him, this little guy lived in what he described as a nastier and possibly more dangerous version of the Everfree Forest. And he was still here to tell the tale. Guess she had been right to not underestimate him.

“I believe it is my turn? I am Crixalis, the Sand King. I hail from the Scintillant Waste, a vast desert that knows no bounds. The sands of the Waste are sentient, and when someone comes and threatens them, I’m called for defense. Inside this magic carapace there are the swirling thoughts of an entire desert, so forgive me if sometimes I seem lost in thought.” Said the talking scorpion.

Rainbow wasn’t sure about him: he seemed a nice enough fellow, polite and calm, but those teeth and pincers looked really nasty. And she couldn't quite understand how sand could think...

“Well, my name is Akasha, and I’m a succubus, sweetie.” Said the Queen of Pain with a wicked smile.

“But the pointy eared guy called you demoness and Queen of Pain…” Said Rainbow, puzzled.

“A succubus is a type of demon, honey. Succubus' dwell in the highest level of Hell, the one nearest to the surface. There, they wait until they are summoned. When it happens, they make a contract with the summoner, and they are obliged to follow its terms. Queen of Pain is just a nickname. I was summoned by a king, and forced to pleasure him. Let’s just say the guy had special, exotic tastes.”

Yuck. So, a demon torturer from… Hell?

“What is Hell?” Asked the pegasus, curious.

Akasha looked really surprised at the question for a moment, but answered with a smile nonetheless.

“Well, when you die, you go to the Narrow Maze. There Razor and Visage will make sure you go to the right place. If you were a good pony, you’ll go straight to Heaven, in peace and happiness forever. But if you were a bad pony, you’ll be stuck in Hell eternally, at the mercy of bloodthirsty demons like me, who will torture you forever and ever.” Explained Akasha, finishing the gruesome tale with a sadistic smile.

Rainbow Dash looked at her for a couple of seconds, before finally readjusting and letting everything sink in. She had no reason to believe her, she had no reason to lie either. Now Rainbow Dash knew the answer to the most important question all philosophers tried to resolve for centuries, if not millenia. And she didn’t like it one bit. Nessaj saw the distress clearly painted on the pegasus, and gestured a Queen of Pain clearly satisfied with her work to tell her all the truth.

“Don’t sweat it! I’ve never seen your kind in Hell, so I guess you’re all a bunch of goody two shoes. Or maybe you don’t go there at all. The Underscape is not for everyone. ” She said, begrudgingly.

Meepo grabbed the tail of Rainbow Dash and yanked it slightly to get her attention.

“Yeah, and if you’re a real badass, like Lion, you can just come back to life!” He said happily.

“Lion?” Asked the pegasus, looking at the small rodent smiling at her and feeling a little more confident.

“He’s one of our comrades! He was dragged to Hell for a bad deal, but he was pissed off with the people that set him up, that he slew the demon who cheated on him, tore his arm off, put it on himself, made his way back to the living and beat the crap out of everybody with his totally bitching demonic hand!”

Normally Rainbow Dash would just scoff and laugh at such pretenses, but after seeing these… creatures, she wasn’t really sure what to think. They had no reason to lie, or to impress her anyway. The ominous thought of the afterlife was put in the back of her head for awhile, as the Invoker started to speak.

“Mph. They call me Invoker, or the Arsenal Magus. I’m known far and wide as the best wizard in the whole world!” He said, completing his boastful introduction with a satisfied nod.

“I thought Rubick was the actual Grand Magus, Karl…” Said Akasha, while poking him with her finger.

“Ah! That blubbering green idiot wouldn’t know the difference between a spell and a Greevil even if it hit him!” He answered, shooing the demoness away. All the heads and appendices turned to face the big, ominous looking knight. He stopped for a second, as everyone held their breath. And when he spoke, that was most underwhelming.

“I’m the Chaos Knight. Mortals call me Nessaj.” He said, plain and simple.

“That’s it? You don’t want to elaborate?” Asked Rainbow Dash, trying not to sound too eager. Even if he was a bit intimidating, he was easily the coolest of the bunch. The way he walked, that gigantic axe, as big as her body! It was scary, yes, but also pretty darn awesome.

“No.”

“Uhm, okay then! Thanks for sharing, I guess. Ehi, would you look at that! You can see Ponyville from here!” She stopped abruptly and pointed at a small town in the distance. The Everfree Forest was now sparse, with only a few ghastly trees sticking out here and there in the fields. For a moment Rainbow thought of just getting them to the library and call for Twilight, but she remembered how Ponyville citizens had reacted to a bunny stamped. A monster parade would’ve probably caused mass hysteria, panic and disorder.

“Guys, how about you wait here for a couple of minutes, while I go call my friend Twilight? She’s the one with the lab and will think of a way to get you into town without getting noticed. Ponies around here are a little impressionable…” She said, hoping they’d have the patience to wait out for just a bit.

“ We don’t need any hindrances. If waiting here gets us quicker to the lab, we will wait.” Said the Chaos Knight, laconic and emotionless.

“I’ll be right back, don’t you worry!” Said Rainbow Dash, and took off In the direction of the small town, disappearing swiftly beyond the horizon. The sun was already falling down, and the night was near. The stillness in the air was calm and soothing-

“Who wants to play cards?”

It had been a quiet, uneventful day at the Golden Oak Library. The Ponyville residents weren’t exactly scholars and voracious readers, and it was summer, so nopony wanted to get out if they didn’t need to. Twilight Sparkle was busy putting some books back to their place, with Spike helping her out. The silence of the dusk and the cry of the cicadas was sweet music to her ears, relaxing her after a long day of studies. But the peace was interrupted as soon as she heard a loud crack coming from the kitchen, like the sound of a window breaking down. And she knew only one pony who introduced herself like this.

“RAINBOW? HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO USE THE DOOR? I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK THAT DOORKNOBS ARE FOR… DWEEBS!” She yelled from the entrance as she stormed into the kitchen. What she found was a Rainbow Dash in a clear state of unbridled panic. As soon as she heard the unicorn walk into the room, she dashed and blocked her on the wall.

“Rainbow? What are you-“

“NO TIME! Aliens, other dimensions, Hell, someone who looks dorkier than you, Chaos Knight, talking scorpion!” She blabbered away, her eyes reduced to pinpricks and looking at her friend with fright.

Twilight saw her in clear distress, and decided to calm her. She took her hooves and got them off her shoulders, and patted Rainbow on her back.

“Calm down, Rainbow, and explain me what happened.”

It was just a couple minutes later that Spike, not amused at the idea of having to pick up the fragments of the window for the third time, heard the familiar voice of her favorite unicorn yelling at him:

“SPIKE, LETTER, PRINCESS, NOW!”

Dear Princess Celestia

Rainbow Dash has encountered 4 otherworldly beings in the Everfree Forest. If they are to be believed, they are some kind of warriors from another dimension and they are currently stranded here and in need for assistance. Rainbow said they never harmed her, and one of them actually healed her wing, but they all sound, at least from her description and impression, dangerous and not at all used to equestrian custom. They simply wish for a magic lab to find a way to return home, but I fear letting them into the town unguarded, as they are currently waiting on the edge of the Everfree Forest. I’m awaiting for your wise counsel.

Your faithful student

Twilight Sparkle

Ps. One of them called himself “Chaos Knight”

Dear Twilight

Don’t talk to them, don’t get near them, just make sure they stay where they are. I’m coming to Ponyville right now, with Luna and Discord. Prepare the Elements, just in case. Stay safe.

Princess Celestia

Author's Note

Had this chapter already written down for a couple of months, just quickly looked through it and published for your viewing pleasure.

Warding

“Come on, this can’t be right! How could you have won three games in a row? I’m supposed to be the shady dealer here!” Meepo said, and threw his cards in the air in a fit of frustration. He thought that of all the things the Invoker was good at, Dark Reef Poker was not one of them. But the magician was incredibly slick and merciless, and could call his bluffs with no difficulty whatsoever. The Invoker had a smug expression all the while, rejoicing in the chance of putting the rodent back in his place.

“Your affinity with mud and shovels won’t save you in a game of wits, rat! Again, my superior knowledge paves the way of victory!” And he ended that boast with a prideful and loud laugh. What he didn’t tell the furry scavenger was that Slark had explain him how to fix a game. But he didn’t need to know that.

While Invoker was busy metaphorically stripping Meepo down to the underwear, Sand King and Chaos Knight were discussing what they considered important matters. Preparations for the battle they were going to face when they’d manage to come back to the material plane, something that it looked like wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. In fact, it was the bored Akasha, dangling upside down from a tree, who realized that night was getting near and there was still no trace of Rainbow Dash.

“Say, it’s been three hours since that rainbow pony went to the town to ask for help. She said it would only take a moment, and we’re still here!” She said, annoyed.

“It is quite strange. Maybe they are preparing the local populace, so we won’t scare them. Still, I’d expected for someone to inform us by now.” Sand King concurred, and scuttled near the border of the forest. The sun was already under the horizon, and the sky was of a purple hue. The town was bright in contrast with the darkness of the forest behind them, and still there were no sound coming out of it.

“It’s too quiet, guys. Usually a town like this is really noisy… but I can’t hear anything, yet all the lights are on!” Meepo said, as he got up from the ground, tossed the cards on Invoker’s face absent-mindedly and went to Crixalis’ side. Karl, fuming with rage, yelled at the scavenger.

“EHI! WE’RE NOT DONE YE-“but stopped abruptly, and looked at the lights of the small rural town. Everyone turned to look at him, since it was fairly uncommon for the Invoker to stop a spectacular display of anger once it had started, but for a moment all they could on his face was an expression of extreme pensiveness. At last, he turned to face them, and said with a serious tone:

“There are four individuals with exceptional mana pools coming our way right now. The smaller one is just a little bit less than my personal reserves. The bigger one exceeds Harbinger’s.” They all knew that expression: Karl may be a boisterous, self centered, anger prone jerk, but there was a moment when he dropped every annoying quirt, every obnoxious insult, and behind the undecipherable gaze you could see the cruel, cold eyes of the real Arsenal Magus of the Ancient Era. It happened only when he was up against someone whom he felt as equal, and his comrades had given them a nickname, the Radiant Three:
Nortrom, the Silencer, Dragonus, the Skywrath Mage, and Rubick, the Grand Magus. They were all exceptional casters in their own right, capable of overwhelming the enemy with incredible skill and precise and deadly spells. If they and Invoker actually clashed in a cycle, it left the battlefield scorched for weeks. And now four exceptional wizards were coming their way.

“Tell us more, Invoker” said Chaos Knight, grasping the mighty battleaxe in his right hand. He was especially good against magicians, since he could stop them from ever casting, bring them in front of him and pummel them down in a matter of seconds.

“Three of them are females, probably. The flux of their mana is different. One is calm and collected, one is eager and impatient and the other is really nervous and tense.” He answered, his fingers already flickering in the air, ready to cast. “The last one is the also the biggest, and it’s male. I can’t read it though; it’s in a state of constant turmoil… Wait!”

“What happened?” Sand King asked.

“It disappeared… I think he teleported away. The smaller one now is also angry, and so is the middle one. The one left, the calmer one, is trying to keep up the appearance, but she’s preoccupied now that the male caster is gone.” He answered, his eyes fixed on the small town.

“Invoker, I want you to scout ahead. Go into the town and tell us what’s coming.” Chaos Knight ordered him coldly. Normally the wizard would’ve started a long series of recriminations and complaint, but he just nodded, conjured up a spell, and disappeared in the darkness of the evening.

He ran across the fields, towards the hill that was partly blocking the view of the city from the forest. If someone wanted to spy or jump on them, they would certainly be there. Invoker smirked as he felt the enormous amount of mana encompassing him: there was so much he could keep the Ghost Walk indefinitely. He reached the top of the hill, and looked down. Under him, a good hundred meters down, there was a not so small crowd of ponies. He could see a couple of dozens of ponies clad in golden armor, probably soldiers or guard. He spotted a veritably uncomfortable Rainbow Dash, looking at the ground and hovering beside five other mares. Of course, the Pegasus mare had told them that there were three species of ponies in Equestria, and now the Invoker could spot all of them. Rainbow dash and four others had some kind of necklace on them, while the last one, a purple unicorn whom Karl recognized as the least powerful caster of the four he had sensed earlier, wore a tiara of sort. Beside them there were two big ponies, almost as tall as him, who sported both wings and horns. This was confusing, but he felt that these two were the other spell casters.

“Maybe they are a cross species, bred to have the best traits from all the three races? They do wear a crown, so maybe they are the rulers of this land?” He thought, unsure on what to think. He still couldn’t understand most of it, but from the flow of their mana and the general tense and serious expressions, he could see they weren’t here for tea and scones. He dashed back to the forest and appeared right in front of his comrades, eliciting a series of gasps of surprise.

“Why do you always have to do that?” Akasha said.

“There’s no time. Beyond the hills there are thirty guards and two ponies sporting both wings and horns. They looked like they were high on the chain of command, possibly even the rulers of this land. The pegasus pony is with them. She probably told them we were here.” Invoker told them.

“I told you we couldn’t trust her! We should have just forced our way into town!” Akasha said, throwing her arms into the air.

“And you think they wouldn’t have sent someone to stop us? Maybe they are here to negotiate, or to help us!” Interjected Sand King. He tried to resolve this peacefully, but the thousands of years of experience told him this wasn’t actually the case. Still, things could still be resolved without fighting.

“What do we do now, Ness?” Meepo, asked preoccupied.

“We wait. I wish to avoid direct confrontation if possible. We are outnumbered and we don’t know what the enemy is capable of. The outcome is-“

“Look!” Meepo said, interrupting the Chaos Knight. They all turned to see the crowd Invoker told them about descending the hill. In the front, there were the two big ponies plus six mares. One of them was indeed Rainbow Dash. Meepo’s heart sunk as he saw her with a plethora of guards, clad in golden armor and armed with big silver spear marching for them. Chaos Knight started walking forward, gesturing them to follow, but to stay behind him. His hand was firmly grasping the humongous axe, and the fresh grass sizzled under his boots. Eventually, the convoy stopped twenty meters in front of them, as the two big ponies walked forward. Chaos Knight saw the guards accompanying them tremble slightly at his sight. His axe was the same size as their bodies and he was almost a meter taller than their rulers. Being imposing wasn’t something he was unused to, but the teammates behind him were impressive in their own right. The six mares adorned with jewels seemed just as tensed as the guards, if not more. A cream colored one wasn’t even hiding her fear, and was trembling behind a soldier.

The biggest one, sporting a white coat and a strange, multicolored mane of ethereal nature, spoke first in a calm but firm voice.

“I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria together with my sister, Princess Luna.” She gestured the pony at her side, which had a deep blue coat and a darker mane lit by tiny points of light that looked like stars.
“We wish to know what five dimensional travelers are doing in our Kingdom.”

“We are stranded, and we need to go back to our plane. We need a magical lab to perform the necessary rituals.” Chaos Knight answered coldly. He saw four eyes locked on him, eyes that resonated with wisdom and power. Much like his. If he had some.

“That much we heard. We will gladly give you a fully furnished lab, at one condition.” Celestia said.

If Chaos Knight had brows, they would’ve been in the upper atmosphere. It looked like the guards were only for show, and this was actually a negotiation. Not that he cared much. In way or the other, he would get that magical lab. Nonetheless, he heard the sigh of relief of Meepo and Sand King behind him.

“What is it?” He asked.

“We believe you harbor a demon of Tartarus. Give it to us, so that we may send it straight where it belongs with the Elements of Harmony.”Celestia answered, and looked at the Queen of Pain with barely contained disgust. Akasha looked surprised at first, but it quickly subsided into an amused smirk. Succubus loved attention. She thought about intervening, but decided to let Chaos Knight do the talking.

Nessaj’s gaze moved slowly on a flustered Rainbow Dash, who did everything in her power not to look at that incandescent slit in the helm. He was accustomed to betrayal and treachery, as he saw many things while riding through the worlds, and loyalty was not one of them.

“If you’re talking about Akasha, she’s not from this plane you call Tartarus and thus has no business with you. She’s my comrade. I won’t let you take her.” Chaos Knight said, and tensed his right arm. He felt his comrades moving slowly away from him.

“Enough! Give us the fiend and we will ignore your gross disrespectfulness, creature!” Luna interjected, his voice already growing in volume.

“Luna, stay calm! Please… If it’s a demon escaped from Tartarus you’re travelling with, it will have poisoned your mind and your heart right from the start! Give it to us, and you’ll be free to go!” Celestia said, a pleading look in her eyes.

“No.” Chaos Knight answered, unwavering in his resolve. He had been given by the Dire the role of leadership and he swore on his honor as the First Fundamental that he would never abandon them. No matter the cost.

Celestia sighed and shook her head sadly, before asking:

“Are you the one Rainbow Dash called Chaos Knight?”

“I am.” He answered plainly.

“What do you think about harmony?” She asked with a glimpse of hope in her voice.

“A foolish concept. It may works for mortals, at least for the minuscule span of their lives, but in the end chaos always wins. Disorder is the natural state of the universe and anything going against it is an abomination that needs to be crushed.” He answered, emotionless.

“Princess, I told you that we should have just used the Elements of Harmony! They are dangerous, you heard him!” The purple unicorn with the tiara yelled, and pointed her hoof at Nessaj. Her voice seemed firm to most, but everyone in the Dire could feel that slight tremble, the almost unheard shiver that was always the symptom of enormous fear. They were all accustomed to fear, more or less. Some cared to be hated, some didn’t. But it wasn’t the first time that any of them had faced the threat of annihilation, or whatever those Elements of Harmony did.

However the most perplexed one was Akasha. Not because they demanded her head, at least that’s what she understood, but the eyes of Luna were fixated upon her and they carried a hate and contempt that could only be fueled by personal experiences. Yet she had never seen her before. Oh well, it wasn’t the first time someone dumped on her past wrongdoings of the demon race, and she didn’t care much for it. But usually it didn’t look this personal. Maybe the pony had mistaken her for someone else?
“I know Twilight. I just wished to find another way. I’m going to ask you to surrender and face equestrian judgment.” Celestia said, while placing her right hoof in front of her. The guards immediately readied their spears against the five heroes.

“No mortal can judge me!” Nessaj boomed.

“I’m not really sure about what’s going on, but I think we’re in for some fun!” Meepo interjected, and pulled out a glowing shovel from his backpack.

“Lady, I’m not sure what exactly your problem with me is, but I’ll be happy to discuss it in the battlefield. Or over a cup of coffee.” Said Akasha seductively, and winked to Luna.

“Ugh. I’ll ignore your cross-species bedding attempt and point out just how disappointing is that individuals with such a huge magic potential have so little understanding of legal proceedings.” Invoker said.

“It is regrettable that diplomacy was not an option. Nonetheless, we have a contract to fulfill.” Sand King said as his tail started to flicker slightly into the air.

It did look the brief negotiations failed spectacularly. But deep down every one of them, even the apparently pacifist Sand King, was tingling with excitement. Battle! It had been over a day since they had fought someone, and the thrill was stronger than ever. The thought that some of them may die for real in this realm didn’t even cross their minds, as they prepared themselves for battle. The same could not be side for the ponies. They seemed beyond surprised that Meepo and Sand King could actually talk, and the fact that the five creatures didn’t even seemed fazed a bit by the prospect of a full out fight scared them.
Still, they had a princess to obey.

“Guards, apprehend them!” Celestia yelled and pointed her hoof at the intruders. The thirty guards rushed beyond the princess and the five mares, and closed the twenty meters gap in an instant, or so they thought.
Chaos Knight, immobile as a boulder, said blankly:

“Invoker, deal with them.”

The Arsenal Magus stepped forward, whispered “At once” and moved one hand to face the soldiers. The tips of the spears were practically in their face when a loud boom resonated in the ether, and all the guards were abruptly pushed in the air. Some of them had wings, but the push had been so sudden and violent, much stronger than the stronger winds they had ever faced, that they couldn’t hope to resist it. All thirty guards were flung backwards and reached the ground face first. They were almost a hundred meters behind the princesses, and from the moans and cries of pains, many of them had broken bones.

The princesses and the mares looked completely fine, and Invoker saw the unmistakable glimmer of a magic shield, a shield strong enough to resist the push of his Deafening Blast, a feat not easily accomplishable. He smirked, and conjured up three orbs, ready for another spell, but an armor clad appeared in front of him.

“Stop. It’s useless to just throw spells at them. Wait for my signal, and I’ll use a Chaos Bolt. When their guard is lowered, we will strike.” Chaos Knight whispered in the minds of his comrades. The Mind Link truly was one of the most useful things that the Dire had put them on them, and what really helped the right team shine in battle. When push came to shove, they could share their respective point of views and opinions in a blink, devising a strategy and setting it in motion within instants.

The princesses didn’t seem surprised much by the show of magical prowess, but the lavender unicorn whispered under her breath, still loud enough to be heard over the cries of the injured soldiers:

“Such a powerful spell… Princess, we have to hurry!” Celestia, who hadn’t took her eyes off the Chaos Knight, said in a calm and collected voice.

“I know, Twilight. I’m just sorry it came to this. Use the Elements, we’ll shield you.”

Twilight nodded, and turn back to face the other five ponies. They all nodded, and looked at the Chaos Knight for a moment. Then slowly but surely the six mares started to float into the air, surrounded by a globe of light. Feeling a looming threat, he yelled to his teammates:

“Dire, disperse!”

And they all hid either burrowing straight into the earth, teleporting out of sight or just disappearing into thin air.

“Sacrificing yourself for the sake of your comrades, fiend! Admirable, but foolish. Nothing escapes my sight at night, and we will find them!” Luna yelled at the unflinching Nessaj.

The six ponies were already radiating so much light at this point that it was difficult to look at them directly. Even though Chaos Knight was definitely not a wizard, he could feel that what they were going to use on him was a powerful, powerful spell. No one saw it for the blinding luminosity of the surroundings, but just before the whole world seemed to stop, and a gigantic rainbow of pure, hot magic fell on him, a small bar materialized in his left hand. And everything went white. For a moment, the night shined as brightly as the day. But in a matter of seconds, the light disappeared, and in the place of the Chaos Knight was only a gigantic cloud of dust. The mares, except for Rainbow Dash, cheered wildly, hugging each other. Both princesses sighed in relief and brought the enthusiastic ponies back to reality.

“Now, now. Let’s scatter the dust and retrieve the statue.” Celestia said, and started walking forward, but was blocked by a sudden bout of wind. It blew off all the dirt, and instead of a lifeless statue of a former Chaos Knight, there was a very much breathing Chaos Knight, surrounded by a golden aura. They all noticed that he was firmly grasping a strange yellow bar in his left hand.

“Impossible! You should have been encased in stone! How can you-“Twilight said, her jaw almost touching the ground.

“It’s called Black King’s Bar, doofus!” A snarky voice said from behind Nessaj.

“Really, you bet everything you had on a single spell?” Akasha said as she appeared on the shoulder of the Chaos Knight, ending it with a small chuckle.

“This is getting really disappointing. It seems like I greatly overestimated you.” A voice from the darkness could be heard. A couple of seconds later, light seemed to bend at the side of Nessaj, and revealed the humanoid shape of the Invoker.

The earth trembled for a moment as the Sand King jumped out of the ground and landed right in front of them.

“That was somewhat lackluster. All that great buildup for naught.” He said as he shook his head in disbelief.

“This isn’t happening… The Elements didn’t work! What are we going to do now, sister?” Luna said as she grasped Celestia, panic stricken.

“Luna, I don’t-“

Chaos Knight took a step forward, silencing her. Both his axe and Black King’s Bar disappeared, to make place for two sharp looking swords, one nimble with a green hilt, and another with a broad edge and a red handle.

“Now it’s our turn.”

Author's Note

OMG CELESTIA IS ALL LIKE

BKB IS IMBA PLZ VALVE FIX

ALSO CHAOS KNIGHT GOES LODA BUILD

Rune Checking

Rune Checking

For a moment, there was only silence. The cool wind of the night swept across the field as the two sides stared each other down. There was a flash of light, and suddenly only the two Princesses remained. The six mares were now thumping desperately behind a solid wall of light at the top of the hill.

“Sister?” Luna asked, confused.

“The Elements have failed, Luna. I won’t endanger their life further.” Celestia answered calmly.

“Maybe, but we still could have used the magical prowess of Lady Sparkle. Alas, it will be only us who defeats these demons. Just like old times.” She said, smiling.

“Yes, old times.” Celestia concurred. “They look a bit tougher than the usual Tartarus trash, though, don’t th-“ She was cut off as a something that could be described as a thin red line appeared in front of her. It was incredibly hot and it opened, an absurdly scorching gateway of magma. Her surprise didn’t last for long as she was instantly pulled towards it. The slit opened to make space for her, and she was flung in it. She appeared in a split second right in front of the Chaos Knight, who had both of his swords already descending with the force of a hurricane on the still disoriented Celestia. He grunted in frustration as his blades were stopped just above her cranium by a strange, blue aura that felt much like Rubick’s telekinesis. There was only a moment of hesitation, and then he was flung backwards into the air, right into the forest by a veritably furious Luna. She knelt down to see if her sister was unharmed, and she was met with a quick nod. They looked around them: the other intruders had disappeared again, and even the Chaos Knight could not be seen, so far in he had been plunged into the Everfree Forest.

“What was that? I’ve never seen such magic before!” Luna asked confused.

“I don’t know, but we’d better be careful. They are not your average villains, and… Oh, what do we have here?” Celestia said with a smirk as her horn glowed bright yellow, and the ground exploded in front of her. When the small cloud of dust settled, in her firm telekinetic grasp there was a flailing Meepo, who was desperately trying to free himself from the magic grip.

“You really thought burying yourself was more than enough to hide, strange creature? Now you will tell me all about your friends.” She said with her best menacing tone. It had been a long time since she had to play the bad guy. And to be honest, she kind of liked it.

“Leave me alone, lady! When Nessaj comes back, you’ll be in for a good old beating!” Meepo yelled in frustration, not good enough to hide the small smirk from the perceptive Celestia. So, she wasn't caught off guard when she felt a strange shift of air behind Luna, as she quickly pushed both her and her sister to opposite sides, just in time to dodge a blow so strong it left a small crater. In the commotion, she released her grip on the scavenger, who fell to the ground with a yelp. But she was too surprised to take notice of it, as the thing that had tried to hit her and her sister was Meepo himself. Both Luna and Celestia teleported backwards, and saw that now there were two Meepos in front of them: the one who had been captured by Celestia and the one who had tried to cleave her leg off cleanly just a moment before. They didn’t have much time to process the information, as another Meepo dashed from the underground and tried to land another hit on them. They managed to teleport out of the way, but the blow still left a crater the side of a giant rock.

“How many of them are there? I didn’t feel any magic, so how did he do that? And what is that monstrous strength?” Luna asked.

“Luna, look at his shovel! It’s enchanted with runes!” Celestia pointed her hoof at the last Meepo, who was now smiling at them. They dashed forward, hoping to catch him, but with a blur, he appeared right beside the other two.

“Ok, let’s catch all of them with levitation and smack them together until they pass out. Then, we deal with the rest.” Luna said to Celestia, and they both nodded. They opened their wings, ready to make a dash for it, but with a loud boom, the Sand King appeared from under them and send them into the air. It was all so sudden they didn’t manage to open flap their wings in time, and fell face first into the grass.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.” Sand King said coldly as he scuttled in front of them.

Luna roared in anger, her horn lit up as she tried to get a good grip of the talking scorpion. But in a split second, he disappeared, his place taken by what looked like a sandstorm. The winds were incredibly strong, and it was difficult to see, with the grains getting into the eyes and the lungs. In their ears resonated a strange chant that made even hearing difficult.

“Oh that’s just great, they can control the weather too now?” Luna yelled as they teleported away. While the numbers weren’t in their favors, it wasn’t the first time they had had to do battle with vicious monsters. But they were Celestia and Luna! They controlled the sun and the moon, and they were constantly pushed back by five low class demons? There wasn’t much space left: only a couple of hundred meters until the barrier Celestia had put up to protect the Elements. They needed a plan, and they needed it now.
But time wasn’t exactly something the Princesses had: the Invoker appeared right in front of them, and said with a smirk:

“Among other things.” And he snapped his fingers. A couple of seconds and a ball of fire and melting rock was flying over his head and pointing right for the alicorns.

“A falling star? Oh no, falling stars are my thing!” Yelled Luna as the fireball stopped in mid air and was yanked back at the Invoker.

“Oh, damn it.” He said, and a small curved staff materialized in his left hand. He pointed it at himself, and was pushed by a dozen meters, just in time to avoid the meteor impacting the ground. He didn’t waste any time, and conjured another spell. Celestia felt a shift into her sun, as a pure beam of concentrated light hit her right on spot. Invoker groaned in frustration, as he saw that his Sun Strike had had no effect whatsoever, and Celestia was uninjured and smiling.

“Using my own sun against me? I think you’re a little overconfident, creature!” She yelled as she threw an incandescent beam of energy back at the Invoker. She too, however, was met with failure, as the beam of magic impacted on a thick wall of ice that had just appeared out of nowhere.

“I think that’s enough, sweetie.” Luna heard a voice behind her, and she suddenly felt something weighing on her back. Her horn lit up as everything around was swept in a cold, pitch black darkness. She turned around to see that it was Akasha sitting on her back, apparently struggling with her magic. It was one of her most famous spell, a fog that conjured up your worst nightmares. However, the demoness seemed perfectly normal, if a bit impeded by the sticky nature of her magic.

“Nightmares, Lulu? You got nothing on Bane.” She said smiling as she teleported again in front of her and stabbed with a small dagger with the hilt shaped like a flower. Instantly Luna felt her link with the moon and the stars disappear and her own magic gone. Celestia dived to help her, only to fly right into a luminous net of light that didn’t allow her to do anything, even teleport. The weight of it pushed her into the ground, her muzzle grinding against the dirt.

“Meepo, honey, net this one too!” Akasha said sweetly as just one Meepo appeared from the darkness and threw another net to pin down Luna, who just growled at her in anger.

“Ok, why don’t you explain to me what is it that you have against me? Was it a bad deal with another succubus? I’ll let you know that my work ethic is top notch! Or maybe you mistook me for someone else?” She asked, genuinely curious.

“Enough, demon! I won’t let you invade my mind like your kind did last time! You’re just like the Nightmare!” Luna yelled at her as she trashed around, trying to get free from the Earthbind.

“Oh, so you had a run-in with Shadow Demon, eh? Well, I’ll let you know that I’m a succubus, I only deal in contracts. You invoke me, you make a contract with me, you offer me something for the trouble and we’re done. I take it you were possessed at some point?” Akasha asked.

“Don’t try and make a fool out of me, demon! I know you crawled out of Tartarus and-“

“Enough! I’m not from this Tartarus you’re babbling about! I’m from the First Hell, ok? The First freaking Hell! I was evoked, I signed a contract and now I’m just trying to fulfill it! And I’m not a guy!” She interrupted her, her normally seductive voice transformed into an annoyed snarl.

“I think she’s telling the truth, Luna.” Celestia said with a resigned sigh.

“Of course I am! Lying is bad for business! I don’t really what you girls encountered before, but it surely wasn’t me or anything even close to my kind.” Queen of Pain said, still somewhat irked.

“I think we may have been too hasty in our judgment, sister.” Celestia whispered to Luna.

“Damn right you have! You didn’t even give us time to explain!” Meepo said angrily, having picked up the whisper. Luna looked up to him, and saw there was only one of him. He decided to inquire about these creatures’ powers later, and to get out of that strange luminous net firstly. However, diplomacy wasn’t her forte.

“But that monster, Chaos Knight! We can’t allow him to roam freely into our Kingdom! He would be a blight on the land!” She said, her face contorted into a frown.

Meepo tried to speak, but was silenced by the imposing steps of the Chaos Knight slowly walking out of the forest. Everyone was mute as he made his way towards the two mares, and pointed a very sharp sword at the throat of Luna. The alicorn of the night recoiled for a moment, but decided to look defiant and eyed Nessaj angrily.

“I don’t care for the lives of mortals, or whatever concept they created to justify their measly existence. I only care about my mission.” He spoke.

“Which is?” Celestia asked hesitantly.

“Going back. Everything else is unimportant.” He answered plainly. “Now you have two choices. You can die here…” And he tapped Luna’s throat slightly. “Or you can give us that lab. Either way, I’ll get what I want. I always do.” The sword started to press on the alicorn’s black fur, and Luna winced for the pain. Celestia looked with fear at the scene, as her eyes darted in panic to the edge of the sword and the Chaos Knight. There was a trickle of blood dripping from her sister’s neck, and she saw Nessaj press on, his sword pushing through the skin, just before-

“ENOUGH! You win! Just leave Luna alone, please.” She yelled. “I’ll give you your lab. Just… don’t hurt her.”

The sword disappeared into thin air, as the Earthbinds dissolved and Celestia rushed to the aid of her scared sister, who was coughing and trembling in the cold air of the night. The Princess of the Sun was defeated.
Even as she caressed her panic stricken sister, her subjects’ wellbeing was the first thing that came to her mind. She knew she wasn’t in position to make demands since they had been sorely beaten, and moreover the Elements of Harmony were revealed as useless against these creatures. But, even if she was still risking her life, she could not allow for her precious ponies to be harmed. She spoke, her voice firm and calm.

“I’ll give you that lab, on one condition. You must not hurt anyone for the rest of your stay.” She closed her eyes, and resigned herself to be threatened again, or even hurt. But what she heard was not the edge of an axe, or harsh words of contempt. It was a simple:

“Fine.”

Her eyes opened in surprise, as he saw the Chaos Knight offering his armor-clad hand to her. She took it hesitantly, and was yanked forward. She was still stunned when she heard him speak again:

“Crixalis, help the other Princess stand on her hooves. Invoker, heal the cut.” He commanded his comrades, and turned back to face Celestia again. The Sun Princess realized just how big he was. He easily towered over her, her head only reaching up to his shoulders. He knelt down, grasped her muzzle firmly with his hand and directed it to the incandescent slit in his helm. Celestia blushed slightly averted his gaze as he spoke. It had been ages since anyone had handled her so roughly.

“I gave you my word, Princess. No harm shall befall your subjects as long as I’m here. Now, uphold your part of the bargain.”

“I’ve never seen such a dreadful forest in all my life! And I’ve been to the Tar Forest of Crimson Lake, I should know! Still this is fascinating… So much mana, so much life!” Rubick said as he picked up a leaf and eyed it intensively. The small figure following behind, clad into a strange suit of armor with tubes and bulbs poking out of it, picked up a small mushroom and shoved it into a slot on his left shoulder.

“I can’t wait to analyze this when we go back to our plane! Imagine the prestige! The fame! There won’t be a scientist in the world who will not know the name of Boush!” Tinker said with a boastful laugh. A gigantic bear appeared from behind and gently tapped him on the shoulder with a vicious looking claw. The Tinker turned around and tried to muster his best puppy eyes. But the bear didn’t seem fazed in the slightest and pointed at the ground. Tinker opened the slot and tossed the mushroom back into the humid, dark soil.

“Why do you have to be such a spoilsport, Ursa?” He asked.

“I don’t trust you with mushrooms, Keenfolk. Or anything that could even be remotely dangerous. You never know when to stop! Think of the cubs! Won’t somebody please think of the cubs?” Ursa said with a trembling voice, as tears started to swell in his eyes and he sagged to the ground.

“Ehi, it’s okay, Ursa. We’ll be able to go back. We have the Grand Magus, right here! Isn’t that right Rubick?” Tinker said as he eyed the magician, busy mumbling formulas at the most interesting leaf in the world.

“I said, ISN’T THAT RIGHT RUBICK?” He yelled, and kicked the wizard in the shin.

“What? Oh, yes yes, of course, we’ll go back!” Rubick said with a frantic nod. He walked to the saddened Ursa, already a trembling mass of sobs. He looked at him for a while, unsure what to do. He settled for a pat and a whispered “There, there”.

“Don’t worry about your cubs, honorable Ursine! With the Moon as our guidance, we will be able to do everything!” A female voice was heard from the bushes. Moments later, a beautiful woman clad in armor and a strange ball of light made their way into the clearing where the rest of Radiant team had been resting.

“Thank you, Luna” Ursa said with a few sniffles. The moment was solemn and moving. The cool breeze was soothing and the quietness of forest pleasant. Wisp spoke. A strange collection of beeping sounds that ended with something that was suspiciously similar to laughter. As he finished talking, everyone in the clearing except for Luna started snickering uncontrollably.

“What did he say this time?” Luna asked with an angry frown.

“He said…” Tinker spoke with difficulty, snickering all the while. “He said… Why don’t you ask Nova for guidance?”

And they all started laughing hysterically. Luna groaned and rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long night.

Author's Note

NOVA.

FOR SELEMENE.

AND FOR THE DARK MOON.

can i meepo i haz perfect microskillz

EXTRA - The International 3

It was easily the best day of his life. The fame, the glory, he had attained it all, and clutching the Aegis of the Immortal felt like soaring on invisible wings which carried him forward to a brighter future. Indeed, Loda was happy. When Bruno, Luminous and Tobi started bombarding him with questions, his only answer was an ecstatic nod and a dumb, elated expression on his face. People were screaming his name, the name of his team, and the sound of cheers and cries of joy resonated in the aether.

They were the International 3 champions.

Alliance won.

Officially, the best team in the world.

The party went on all night long: Chuan brought the booze, Mushi the babes, ixmike his wonderful mustache and sunglasses for everyone, even if it was already three in the morning. Ayesee had just won a karaoke championship, and Blitz and Purge were busy making out in the background. Indeed, everyone was busy partying for the newfound champions of the DOTA 2 professional scene: Burning and YYF were trying to hit it on Kelly both at the same time, while Tobiwan and the Enigma cosplayer were having a wonderful, wonderful time together, orchestrating wondrous black holes. Admiral Bulldog was showing Wagamama his pet bear, a beautiful panda that was still pre-6.78, so it was possible to put an Armlet of Mordiggian on him.

Everyone was having fun. Everyone except the Na’Vi, who were looking pretty sad and were just sulking, away from the cheers and the songs and Era’s wonderful massages. When Loda saw them, he couldn’t just let them be: even if they were second, they had taught them so much, and came so close from snatching victory away from them. With a smile, he walked past a row of adoring fans worshipping s4, and stopped right in front of them. Puppey looked at him with puppy eyes and whispered:

“Congratulations, Loda. You won.”

“Thank you, Puppey! But you guys shouldn’t be here, looking all depressed! The night is still young, and you have a lot to party for!”

“It’s okay, Loda. We’re not sad because we lost, we’re sad because we’re leaving.” XBOCT said, a small frown on his face.

“Leaving Seattle? Did you like it here that much?” Loda asked, curious.

“We’re not leaving Seattle, we’re leaving Earth.” Kuroky said, barely holding back the tears.

“We had a wonderful time here, but now we have to go back. You see, we are actually fictional characters from a popular show that’s loved for its jab at normal demographics.” Funn1k said, deadly serious.

“Uh. You never really talked that much… Wait, WHAT?”

“It’s true, Loda. And now we have to leave. But we hope that we taught everyone here a lesson.” Puppey said, as he lowered a hand on the Loda’s shoulder, and started to glow. In fact, they had all started to glow so bright it was hard to look at them. A couple of seconds, they all started to float, hovering towards a portal that had just conveniently appeared on the ceiling.

“Like what?”

“LIKE NERF THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WISP AND STOP PLAYING RAT DOTA” XBOCT yelled amiably. “AND LET ADMIRAL BULLDOG PLAY SOMETHING ELSE APART FROM NATURE’S PROPHET AND LONE DRUID, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. THAT SHIT IS GETTING OLD, ALWAYS RUSHING MIDAS AND RADIANCE!”

“Wait, don’t go, you have so much more that you can teach me about not sucking!” Loda shouted as he jumped, trying to grab them.

“Well, for starters you could stop picking Phantom Lancer, since he’s an unbalanced steaming pile of filth that shouldn’t even exist in the first place.” Puppey said, his voice already sounding like an angel.

“At least tell me where you came from!” Loda asked desperately as they floated to the portal no one had apparently noticed.

A melodious voice came from the only Na’Vi who had been silent.

“Do you remember what you said when you met me for the first time, Loda?”

“I said, ‘Dendi you are so random’! So what… OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, REALLY? I WAS ALMOST OUTPLAYED BY A FREAKING BUNCH OF PONI-“

Author's Note

i'm so

so

so

sorry

hopefully there are not many people here who follow dota 2 pro scene

if you do

i don't know why i wrote this

i really don't

sry

Last Hitting

Luna looked at the wonderful sky above her: the moon was shining like a pearl entombed in a field of rich, deep darkness and the stars were glittering like a legion of fireflies. She was lost in contemplation of a beautiful display of nature at its finest, and the power of her goddess Selemene seemed all the more potent and comforting under the pale moonlight of a-

“And then I said: your Mask of Madness? More like your MoM!”

It wasn’t going to last for long.

“Ok, how about this… Dark Seer walks into a bar and the bartender asks: Why the long face?”

“Nah, that’s old. Wisp always has the good ones.”

The series of strangely charming sounds fooled for a moment the warrior of Selemene. The little flying ball was adorable and one many too many times Luna had fallen to its charms and somewhat cutesy attempt at communicating. Still, it was really annoying that she was the only one who didn’t understand Io, because the little bugger always used it against her, and made the butt of its disturbingly raunchy jokes. And it looked this time was no exception. She was almost near the clearing she had left to gather her thoughts in peace, to meditate in harmonious communion with nature, when she heard the roaring laughter of both Tinker and Rubick, and the always jubilant voice of the Grand Magus.

“Oh, that was really a good one, I have to admit. But, I’m more of a Ry’lai slash Luna kind of guy, if you know what I mean. Am I right, Tinker?” Rubick asked the Keen Folk, and was greeted with a flabbergasted expression and a sharp pain on his neck, as a firm hand grabbed him and elevated him into the air.

“Luna! Such a pleasure to- ARGH! To see you, eheheh. I’m sure you understand this is all in good fun, yes? It’s all OUCH!” He tried to speak as the Moon Warrior held him by the throat and looked at him in the eyes. She wasn’t amused in the slightest. She spoke with a fear-inducing loudness that shook the trees around them.

“You are the Grand Magus! Yet you act like a whimsical fool! You should be the wisest among us, and you parade around like a bloody clown!”

Tinker had crouched behind a bush, and was already tiptoeing his way out of being scolded, when an unwieldy force of light locked him in place. The legendary Lucent Beam of Luna was keeping him still.

“Where do you think you’re going, Keen Folk? You opened a gate to some hellish dimension that would make the Doombringer quiver in fear like a baby! You’d think it would have taught not to joke in the face of danger…” She said angrily as she stepped forward, shoved a hand into the bush and grabbed the purplish scientist by the ear. Boush squirmed, trying to free himself, but the Night Princess, former bandit and scourge of the Bone Plains, was way stronger. He looked up with pleading eyes and saw the beautiful Luna sporting her trademark manic smile, the one she had while, as she put it, smiting that insufferable ginger harlot. “But it’s clear you haven’t learned your lesson.” She whispered as her moonglaive got dangerously close to his throat.

A collection of astral snickers resonated from behind her. She unceremoniously dropped Tinker and turned around to point her accusatory finger at the big ball of light currently facing her.

“And you! You’re supposed to embody all that’s good and caring in the universe! And the only things that come out of your shiny ballface are DIRTY JOKES!” She yelled angrily and threw one of her moonglaives into a nearby tree, eliciting what seemed to be a yelp from Io.

Tinker managed to crawl to a terrified and twitching Rubick and hugged him fiercely, while Wisp hovered behind them, quivering in fear.

“You look absolutely pathetic right now. I can’t fathom how the Radiance decided to put me with you three idiots!” She groaned in frustration as she retrieved the glaive stuck in the tree in front of her. “You know what? I don’t care, I’m going to sleep. And if I wake up and you have not cleaned the camp and prepared breakfast, Selemene help me you’ll regret it.”

And she stormed off angrily, settling behind some bushes. They waited to be sure that she was actually sleeping, and crawled (or hovered) back to the fire.

“Ok, so, I was facing DarkTerror, and I said, ehi, Faceless Void! Yo mama is so fat she doesn’t even fit into the Cronosphere!”

“I am the embodiment of forces beyond your understanding, demoness, and far more ancient than your fiery master. I will NOT rest in a town named Ponyville!”

Chaos Knight boomed as his fist impacted an unlucky tree, cracking it in half. All the ponies present, except for the Princesses, winced. Chaos Knight had actually managed to seal the deal, something Invoker and Sand King thought the warmongering Fundamental could not do. But as soon as he discovered that the town they were supposed to be staying in was named Ponyville, he lost it. Seeing Nessaj angered was not an unusual sight for them, but it was probably scaring the locals, as he was an imposing and ominous sight. The Smartass Duo, as they were known in the team, wasn’t really sure that they could completely trust the Princesses, or these ponies. They didn’t go all out on them since they wanted them alive, but even outnumbered two to five, they had managed to hold their ground for a while. They had both seen powerful rulers in their respective lifetimes, and the King of Desert and the Arsenal Magus knew that every intelligent leader acted only with their country best interest at heart. The aura of power that Invoker felt before the battle and that disappeared almost immediately was enormous, on par with a Fundamental or a Demigod. He was going to better brief Chaos Knight of this presence as soon as they were left alone. But it looked like it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. The ponies that tried to magic Chaos Knight out of existence were all standing behind the Princesses, Rainbow Dash included. It looked like she felt guilty, for whatever reason. Maybe she thought she had betrayed them.

“Your call boss. We are going to sleep here, since Princess Celestia graciously offered us a roof over our heads. Enjoy your stay in the wicked forest of doom!” said Akasha with a small smirk.

“Honorable Sand King! Surely you understand!” Chaos Knight said as he took a step forward.

“I’m sorry Nessaj, but I can’t go another night with no warmth. I am a creature of the desert.” Sand King said as he scuttled towards Akasha.

“Invoker?”

“I must remain to make sure this alchemic lab is functional to our needs. Even if the gaudy name irks me too, I will stay here.” Invoker answered.

“Urgh… Meepo?”

“No can do, boss! I’d love me a nice bed!”

“Fine! I will go alone. I’ll come in the morning to check your progress, Invoker.” Chaos Knight said as he marched towards the Everfree Forest. Soon, he disappeared in the darkness.

Silence.

It was awkward.

“Ahem. Before letting you sleep, I’m going to have to ask you a few questions about yourself and your mission.” Celestia said firmly and turned around to face the scared crow behind her. “Citizens of Ponyville, please return to your homes. There’s nothing to fear! These travelers will not harm you!”

Angry murmuring could be heard through the crowd, but eventually everyone returned to their homes and left the outskirts of Ponyville empty, except for the four heroes, the six ponies, the two princesses and a couple of guards.

“I assure you, Princess, that we have nothing to hide. Ask your questions.” Said the Sand King.

“Fine. Where do you come from?” Celestia asked.

“It is a tricky question to answer. Before we found ourselves in your Everfree Forest, we were in what is called the Material Plane. But only three of us are natives of it, namely me, Invoker and Meepo. The Material Plane is the central dimension of the Loom, the great structure that binds together all the different worlds. It is currently housing a war of epic proportion, fought through space and time, for the possession of the fabled Ancients, the Radiant and the Dire. Akasha comes from a different dimension, the First Hell, where the souls of the unworthy and the cowardly are sent after death to suffer a punishment fit for their shameful lives. Chaos Knight is here temporarily.”

“And where does he come from?” Asked Luna impatiently.

“Ehm… It is kind of difficult to explain. I guess the most correct answer would be everywhere”

“How can a feller be everywhere at the same time? Ah reckon it doesn’t make any sense to me!” Muttered one of the six ponies, the orange one with a strange hat on her head.

“You’ll find that Nessaj makes little to no sense at all, miss…” The pony seemed surprised that Sand King actually considered her.

“Uh… Applejack.” She said sheepishly.

“Well, Miss Applejack, what you just saw walking into the forest was just a smaller part of a bigger entity. Like the tip of an iceberg. There are other versions of him pretty much everywhere. He’s spread out across many dimensions, so his powers are severely diminished.”

“Such a shame that not a single one learned some manners, unlike you. Rarity is my name, darling. I’m pleased that there chivalry is not lost through the dimensions, though I wished we could’ve met in more favorable circumstances.” Said a white, frilly looking pony.

“A fight born from a simple misunderstanding, unfortunately. I’m sure you will find him surprising, Miss Rarity. Chaos Knight can be quite… random.” Sand King answered calmly. The lavender pony raised his hoof excitedly as soon as he finished talking.

“Uh…yes?” Sand King remembered that she looked pretty scared when the fight started…. But now her eyes were twinkling with curiosity and her mouth was distorted into a somewhat creepy smile.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle and I want to know EVERYTHING!”

“You’ll have to be more specific, Miss Sparkle.” Sand King said with a small smile.

“I mean, everything about YOU! I’ve never met dimensional travelers before! We didn’t even know it was possible before you came to Equestria! How do you do it? Is it possible to replicate? Why are you so different-“She kept chattering away at incredible speed, making her speech completely inaudible. Sand King scuttled forward and smacked his tail into the ground, producing a loud sound that startled the lavender pony and finally made her close her mouth.

“Calm down, please. If answers are what you seek, I’ll be glad to give them to you. Dimensional travelling is common where we come from, but it’s not easy and you need certain individuals to do it. I’m not an expert on magic, though, so maybe you could step in, Invoker?” Sand King said as he turned around to face the impatient Magus.

“Mph. If I must…” He said, but everyone on the Dire team knew he was actually waiting for someone to actually ask about his magical expertise. “The power to travel through dimensions is rare, and is only found naturally in few places. I can already see by looking at you that this dimension is not one of those: you all seem to be permeated by natural magic, but it’s deeply connected to this planet.” He looked at Luna and Celestia in the eyes. “And yours are tied to the Moon and the Sun. Strange, but not unheard of. Since your natural source of magical energy is tied to a physical place, you couldn’t hope to leave it under normal circumstances. For beings like us, not blessed with the ability to skip dimensions, there are essentially two ways to do it: the first one is to resort to a Smuggler.”

“A smuggler?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Aren’t smugglers just common criminals?” Rarity interjected. “How could they possibly know how to move through dimensions?”

“Not this kind of smuggler. Smugglers are beings that can skip dimensions on their own, and with the promise of some kind of payment, will take you anywhere you want. There were a lot of Smugglers before the Ancient War, but the battle between the Radiant and the Dire has closed off most of the gateways, and now only a couple of them, the most expert ones, are still available.”

“Do you know them?” Celestia asked.

“Yes. Barathrum, Razor, and the Weaver. I personally don’t like them, but they will always uphold their part of the bargain. If you can find them, they will take you anywhere, as long as you can pay. But there is another way. If you have an extraordinary talent in magic, you can cut off your natural magic temporarily and use your own mana to sustain it, create a gateway to another dimension, walk through it and hook your natural magic to whatever forces you can find at your destination. It’s incredibly dangerous and almost always results in death. Only one wizard that I know of actually did it, and he came back fairly… changed. For the worse.”

“Then, how do you explain how you got in Equestria? Is it the work of these so called “Smugglers”?” Luna asked.

“Probably not. They are on our side and sending us here would not aid them. Also, before we disappeared, the Ancient informed us that this was starting to happen in other cycles too. A single hero or entire team disappearing from the material dimension. “Now that he actually explained that, he felt like he had just missed the entire point of those disappearances. How could you just pluck five powerful beings and shove them, without their consent, in another dimension? The Radiant couldn’t possibly be responsible, with its power bound and no real dimensional traveler in its midst. Yet if the trend kept going, it could possibly spell the end of the Ancient War, with the Dire on the losing side. Maybe there was a third party rooting for a Radiant victory. Maybe there was a pattern, something the Arsenal Magus couldn’t yet discern. It had been such a long time since he had actually put his phenomenal intellect to work.

Twilight raised her hoof with excitement and made sure to grab the Invoker’s attention with a loud “Oh, oh, me, me!”

“Urgh. What is it?” The Invoker asked, annoyed with the interruption.

“Rainbow Dash told us a bit about you, but it would be SO enlightening to actually hear it from the source!” She said excited with a huge smile plastered on her muzzle.

“Hear what?” Invoker asked.

“Oh, just everything.” She said as she got uncomfortably close to Karl’s face. Before he could push her away, a blue light engulfed her and she was shoved back.

“You must forgive Twilight, mister...err, Invoker. She’s a scholar and the poor dear simply gets too excited when she can study something new. Now, since we’re all civilized beings, I’m sure that introductions will fix the misunderstanding we’ve all been through. I’m Rarity, fashionista and designer.”

“Name’s Applejack. Ah ‘m an apple farmer.”

“My name is Fluttershy and I care for the animals…” The butterscotch pegasus said, her voice barely more audible than a whisper.

The pink pony just gasped and disappeared in a flash.

“She’s Pinkie Pie, and she’s a baker and party organizer. A bit on the random side.” Twilight Sparkle interjected. “You already know Rainbow Dash” she said as she pointed at the cyan pegasus who was trying her best not to be noticed. “And together we are the Elements of Harmony, saviors of Equestria!”

She was clearly waiting for some kind of compliment, but what she got was the trademark Invoker scowl, a blank face from Sand King, an amused look from the Queen of Pain and Meepo picking his nose.

“You know, Equestria!”

…

“This very kingdom!”

…

“Millions of lives! And we saved them all!”

…

“And now I’m a Princess because of it!”

…

“An immortal Princess!”

Akasha appeared in front of Twilight with a sulfur puff and put a finger on her mouth. Luna tensed visibly, but Celestia stepped forward, implicitly telling her sister to settle down. The lavender mare, on the other hand, just blushed, eliciting an amused smirk from the demoness.

“Honey, I’m so happy that you’re climbing up the social ladder around here, but so far we’ve battled against a ghost, a drunken panda that can split in three, a small purple guy in a suit of armor, a big drop of water that somehow is able to move, a zombie, a dashing masked samurai, a talking hedgehog, a talking tree, a talking bear, a talking rock and a talking walrus. And that’s only on Tuesday.” She paused for a second and looked Twilight in the eyes. Those deep, innocent looking purple eyes that clearly had not seen much physical pain, if ever. “Forgive them for their rudeness. They are beyond salvation, I think. I tried to uplift them, I tried to make them better, but you know how boys are…” She said as her gaze moved from mare to mare.

“Impolite and vulgar” Rarity nodded with an understanding smile.

“Too immature to tell the truth right away.” And that earned Applejack’s earnest nod.

“Uninterested in culture and knowledge.” She whispered back to Twilight, who was now a deeply shade of scarlet as she nodded furiously.

“And sometimes even cruel to poor little animals!” Fluttershy nodded sadly with a barely audible sigh.

“But we… mares are different! Oh, I want you girls to tell me all about your adventures! And don’t think I forgot about you two!” She said as she disappeared and reappeared between the two monarchs with a loud pop and a cloud of red smoke. “You know, I’m a Queen in my world, so we can exchange notes.” She said as she smiled sweetly at Luna. The Lunar Princess was not amused, however.

“Don’t think I trust you, demon. You may not come from Tartarus, but you’re still- EEP!” She faltered as Akasha kissed her on the cheek. “Ho-how d-dare you k-kiss the royal-chee-“

“Oh, I’m sorry Lu-lu, you just look so CUTE when you’re angry and I couldn’t resist. You’re just so fierce, and proud, always trying to assert your strength. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re the big sister, distant and powerful.” She said as Luna muzzle gradually turned light red. Celestia looked at the demoness with a skeptical look, not convinced by such simple flatte-

“But would it be fair to leave the wise Celestia out? Her diplomatic skills and nerve of steels avoided a complete disaster! That kind of calm under duress is something you get only after thousands of years of expert ruling. Truly you two are a perfect match: fiery strength and courage! A lucid and powerful intellect! You must absolutely tell me ALL of your secrets! My own kingdom will greatly benefit from your wisdom and bravery once I get back!” She said as she started walking forward, slightly pushing the two Princesses, who looked completely dazed, with her hands. They didn’t offer any resistance and the five mares followed them closely, like under a spell. Soon the amiable chatter of the demoness faded in the distance as the strange group headed for the small town, leaving behind three annoyed heroes and a confused Rainbow Dash, who whispered:

“What was that?”

“Akasha is a succubus.” Answered Sand King. “Charming people is her specialty.”

The cyan pegasus flinched as she realized they had heard her, and started hovering away, her head still hung in shame. All three of them were pretty confident about what was eating at her, but it was Crixalis that spoke first.

“Rainbow Dash, stop. I know what you’re thinking, but we’re not mad at you for informing your Princesses about us. We understand that you had obligations and loyalties, and we respect that.” Sand King said as he scuttled forward and touched her leg slightly. She turned around, her eyes shut and barely keeping the tears in. “Isn’t that right, fellow heroes?”

“Mph. I have no animosity towards you, blue horse. It is clear you did what you thought was right.” Invoker said with an annoyed tone.
Meepo just jumped on the blue mare and hugged her fiercely, almost making her barrel into the ground.

“It’s ok, Dash. We’re not mad. You had yer princesses and stuff to think about.” He said as he hugged her.

She managed not to break right there, just barely. The battle and the moment she had to use the Element had been excruciating. On one hand, the Princesses told her they were dangerous and that they had to stopped. On the other, they had been nothing but nice to her, and had probably saved her life by finding her in the Everfree Forest. And even if she was so glad when finally everyone had reached an agreement, she still felt guilty for almost betraying her new friends.

“Thanks guys… I’m sorry for everything.” Rainbow Dash whispered as she sniffled slightly. She pushed Meepo away with a light nudge and got up again. “Come on, I’ll show you where you’re gonna sleep.” She said and gestured them to follow her.

They started heading towards the town in silence, but after a couple of minutes the cyan pegasus said:

“What was that about the zombie and the talking walrus?”

Author's Note

This was so difficult to write and came out so awkward I don't even know.

Aaaaaaanyway, Diretide was given (!) so I guess World Peace is just around the corner.

I was thinking guys, maybe we could make a group to play together some nice DOTO, let me know what you think about this (and the chapter) in the comments.

pls no copy pasterino

EXTRA - bad englando

If there's one thing Twilight Sparkle loved, it was grammar. Words, morphology, precise lexical cohesion, syntax, it was a monumental building of epic proportions to enjoy and admire in all its glory. Strong foundations given by both classics and modern scientific research, and the gentleness of the everyday tongue, lovely changing, just slightly, rules so adamantine, they might as well have been considered on par with gravity. Truly there wasn't anything like a well thought out sentence, a string of morphemes coming together to form a coherent cognitive entity that sprawled across the skies of the mind like a gigantic octopus of rare iridescence and beauty. So, considering today was "Semiotic Appreciation Day", the only logical course of action was to honour the written word by re-cataloguing every single book in the library.

"Spike, are you done yet?" she yelled from the main room. Her ears perked up, waiting for an answer. It was the first time she had left the baby dragon in charge of a whole section.

"Nope! I'm halfway through the Gnome Chompsky section. Where am I supposed to put Everybody or Everypony? An essay on cute specism again?" came a muffled voice from down below, in the part of the basement open to the public.

"In the "Great Classics of our Time" section, together with Starswirl, Smart Cookie and Neighton: an Eternal Tasty Cupcake and the Tractatus Friendicus Philosophicus" she answered, and she couldn't help but smile at the eagerness of her number one assistant.

She was almost done with the "Biography" shelf, when a precarious column of Starswirl bibliographies almost crashed on her. She managed to avoid being crushed at the last second by jumping backwards, but she wasn't exactly the most athletic of ponies. When she felt her center of equilibrium shift in the air, she lost her balance and fell, butt first, in another pile of books. She rubbed her sore rump as she got up, and something caught her attention. Right in front of her, above all the other books, stood a single, solitary purple tome. She got closer and read the title.

Vladimir Ishutin

A riveting tale of friendship and doto

by Dondi Dongers

Those were names she definitely wasn't familiar with, and even if she took pride in the idea that she knew every book in her library, this... she didn't remember. She levitated in front of her, opened it and started reading the front page:

"My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino. My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino.My name is Vladimir Ishutin. I walk ten hours in snow everyday to go to internet cafe and play doto. I see dondo and puppan and singusingu play good doto, I get ispired and become pro 6k mmr so I can buy scarf for mamushka. This is my story, sorry for bad Equestriano, pls no copy pasterino."

And so it went on, for six THOUSAND PAGES. Twilight feverishly turned page after page, looking for at least one coherent sentence that wasn't full of grammatical mistakes, but to no avail. The whole book was complete garbage. She gasped at her own thought. There wasn't such thing as a bad book, only a misunderstood book. Surely this was some kind of post-modern experiment of a Canterlot intellectual. She sighed in relief and put the purple book down, with the intention of archiving it. She quickly decided to go back to the biography pile, to sort the mess she had caused as soon as possible. She picked another book and looked at the cover:

S A D P O N I E S

by the D-God

She screamed in fear. This, this wasn't a book she remembered! She quickly grabbed another.

#hardwork, #dedication, #roadtotheelementsofharmony

by FrankerZ

This is not happening, she kept repeating herself, as she kept grabbing more and more books, to find them completely altered.

Me, Kappa and Keepo

by Gray Face (No space)

Rat doto and how it changed my life

by Admiral Bulldog

101 prayers for the Merciful EE-sama

by David Gorman

She resisted fainting on the spot and ran downstair to look for Spike. Whatever had taken hold of the library was an evil presence, and she wanted to run away as fast as possible. She found him sifting through old books.

"Spike, we have to go, right now! Something's wrong with the library!" she said as she grabbed him and put him on her back. She felt shivers running down her spine when she heard Spike answering in a cruel, mocking voice.

"Oh really? Where are are your precious rare books now, Celestia fangirl?"

Author's Note

coming soon guys

rly

no im serious

so whats up with sven now eh

3 plus armor

taking literally

no

damage

EXTRA - ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Give DIRETIDE

EXTRA - ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Give DIRETIDE

It was a beatiful day. A truly beatiful day. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. And it was just the day after Nightmare Night. Twilight Sparkle was remembering fondly the night that had just passed, filled with cheers, laughter, wonderful costumes, lots of candies and amusing games.
She really liked Nightmare Night now that she had friends: getting scared, wearing a costume, staying up late having fun with your friends, it was such an amazing occasion. But after it was over, Twilight felt weird, like there was something wrong with the world. Had she forgotten something? She had everything checklisted and ready to be archived, and nothing was missing. But there was a big hole in her heart after Nightmare Night, something so big it felt impossible to close. A chasm in her very soul.
This thought was ruining her otherwise fine day, but while she was busy trying to think of a solution, she ran into Pinkie Pie. A strange Pinkie Pie, though. She wasn’t chipper or bubbly, but she kept staring at the ground intensely. Twilight got close and asked:
“Pinkie? Is there anything wrong?”
“They forgot about it.” She answered with a whisper.
“Forgot about what?”
“I don’t want another Skywrath Mage set, they all look the same.” She kept staring at the ground, but now she was visibly shaking.
“Pinkie, you’re starting to scare me-“
“I don’t want any more tickets, everyone watches the tournaments on Twitch anyway!” She said as she looked Twilight in the eyes.
“Pinkie…”
“Give Diretide, Twilight.” She said coldly as she got closer.
“What?”
“Give Diretide.” She was clutching a strange metal tube in her hooves. She pointed at Twilight and…

BAM

A loud bang filled the air. Everyone turned to see Twilight with half of her face blown off, desperately clutching Pinkie for a moment, and then falling into the dirt.
A pony got closer and asked:
“Is she Volvo?”
“No, Cyborgmatt.”
“Then we ask Volvo again.”

Author's Note

volvo pls

Next (real) chapter tomorrow.