Cold air tickled Nick’s forehead as something sniffed his face. Without bothering to open his eyes, he groaned and swung his left arm across his head. “Go away, Fluffy.”
Despite hitting nothing but air, there was a muffled yelp, followed by a heavy thud. Satisfied that the stupid hairball had gotten the message, Nick let his arm fall back to his side. He frowned when he touched wood and shifted his hand up to his chest.
Dumb frame.
“Hey! No one attacks my friends!” yelled a voice that sounded strangely like Rainbow Dash.
Nick’s frown deepened. That’s weird, did I leave the televisi—?
He gasped, tear-filled eyes shooting open as his stomach collapsed. When it refused to reinflate, he tried to scream, but his lungs were emptier than a popped balloon. He tried to clutch at the pain, but ended up grabbing something soft and furry instead.
“Oh, no, you don’t!” The Dash-like voice was much closer this time.
A blue blur, bright streaks of red, yellow, orange and magenta painted across it, crashed into the bridge of Nick’s nose. The world went black for a moment as his head smacked, then settled, against the ground.
“Rainbow! That’s enough!” a Twilight Sparkle soundalike called from the left.
No way. This isn’t possible. It has to be a dream. Or I’ve been kidnapped by voice impressionists. Or... or...
Nick found himself face to face with a rather angry looking Rainbow Dash. Despite the death glare, he felt a fuzzy warmth rising up his chest. He wasn’t sure if he could credit that to just the sight of Dash or her soft blue muzzle pinning his head to the ground.
She spoke from the corner of her mouth, never letting her gaze drift. “No way! He tried to hurt you!”
“He was disoriented. Besides, last I checked, my name isn’t ‘Fluffy.’”
“It isn’t? Phew! I thought I had it wrong for a second!” the unmistakable voice of Pinkie babbled from Nick’s right.
“Ugh, Pinkie, not now...” Twilight said. Nick could practically hear her rolling her eyes.
“Well, he’s still obviously dangerous. He probably wants to knock you out and drag you back to his evil lab for evil experiments!”
“M-my wha...?” Nick could barely whisper.
“Don’t play dumb with me! I know what you are, human!” Rainbow pressed closer, the floor digging into Nick’s skull. He wanted to complain, but thought better of it.
Twilight sighed. “Dash, where is this even coming from?”
“Daring Do and the Lost Island of Mare-ica, duh!”
“Dash, that’s fiction. As in not real!”
“Then explain this.”
“Whoa, he lives in a book? Wouldn’t he get smushed every time you close it? Does that mean he’s like one of those blob monster thingies?”
“Pinkie!” Twilight snapped. “Okay, so humans exist, but that doesn’t make the book true. Now cut that out before you hurt him.”
With a flash of magenta light, Rainbow Dash was staggering off to Nick’s right. The fuzziness went with her, leaving a hollow pang in his chest. He shrugged it off, taking the opportunity to sit up while he wasn’t being half-crushed by a pastel pony.
Every inch of the wooden shelves was packed to the brim, as though the books were bricks keeping the whole wall from collapsing. Haphazard piles of excess material lined the floor around each bookcase. Nick wondered if he might be able to get a peek at the secrets within.
Twilight stepped into view and the books were forgotten. As Nick met her eyes, he felt the warmth return and a smile crept up his lips.
“Sorry about Rainbow, she can get a little carried away. I’m—”
“Twilight Sparkle!” Nick blurted out.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash blinked. Pinkie poked her head around Dash’s tail.
“Er, yes... have we met?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“No, I mean, we just did, but that’s not what you mean. I, um...” Nick shrunk down, his mind scrambling for a way to explain himself that wouldn’t make him look insane.
“Then how do you know who I am?”
“That’s, um, complicated, but I guess the short version is, I’ve seen your show.”
Way to go, Nick. Just keep digging.
Pinkie jumped in front of Twilight. “Ooooh, so you were there last Friday?! Didja like my chicken joke?”
“Um...”
Twilight pushed Pinkie Pie aside and gave Nick a firm stare. “What show?”
Nick figited. Come on, stranger things have happened to these girls. Plus you know you can trust them.
He worked his mouth. It felt like minutes before something finally came out. “Well, uh... where I come from there’s these productions and, um... they’re about you and your friends and they’re actually kind of popular.”
“Right, and you come from where, exactly?”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, but Twilight shot her a glare and she snapped it shut.
“Um, America?”
Dash smirked, but Twilight’s eyes were fixed on Nick.
He followed her gaze and was suddenly aware that he was wearing a ratty old T-shirt and an equally tattered pair of shorts. Great first impression there, Nick.
“You sure don’t look like any kind of island savage,” Twilight said. Nick got the impression she was saying it more for Rainbow’s benefit than his.
“It’s a continent and we’re actually pretty civil. Usually, anyway.”
“Okay, so the book’s definitely out. Where is this continent of yours? I’ve never come across anything about it in my studies.”
“Well, uh... nowhere near Equestria. Probably another... planet? I guess?” Nick winced as he fumbled through the words.
Yep, that hole’s looking pretty deep right about now.
“Wow! We must be really famous!” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing up and down.
Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Another planet huh?” Rainbow chortled. “That’s a good one. Got any little gray ponies living there with you too?”
Nick thought for a moment. “Does charcoal count? Not that our ponies are anything like you.”
Pinkie glanced at Dash. “I think it does.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Anyway... Okay, let’s say you are from another planet. Mind explaining how you got here?”
Nick’s mind went blank. How did I get here?
“I... I don’t know. I just remember going to the kitchen... and then there was this bright light and... Next thing I knew, something, or someone, was sniffing my forehead.”
Twilight’s eyes flitted sheepishly to the side.
As though on cue, Nick’s muscles all started aching. The wooden floor pressing into his rear probably wasn't doing anything to help, either. “Hey, think I could step outside to get some air? Wood floors don’t—”
“No!” Twilight yelled.
Nick blinked. Rainbow and Pinkie stared at their friend.
Twilight gave him a soft, yet stern look. “Er, let me explain. The other ponies aren’t quite so open-minded and I don’t know what they’d do if they saw a human. So please, please, stay away from the windows and don’t go outside.”
Nick frowned. Images of ponies fleeing from Zecora flashed through his mind. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Pinkie poked her head in front of Twilight again. “Hey, I know! I’ll throw you a welcoming party! And it’ll be the best hoo-mun welcoming party I’ve ever thrown!”
“Don’t you mean your first human welcoming party?” Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow.
“Oh, yeah. Gotta start somewhere, right?”
“I don’t know, he’s looking a little tired for that. You okay there, um...?”
“Nick. Yeah, I guess whatever decided to dump me in the middle of your floor didn’t do me a whole lot of favours.”
“All right, here’s what we’ll do: I’ll pull out the spare cot so you can get some rest. That should give us some time to figure something out.”
Looking into Twilight’s eyes again, Nick felt a little warmer. She was just as kind and caring as he imagined. He tried to smile, but ended up fighting to stifle a yawn instead.
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
—-
Nick flipped the book closed and swung his feet over the side of the cot. He set the tome atop a growing pile. Even if he couldn’t understand half the terminology, his mind lapped up everything it could. So much so that when he glanced at the window, he was shocked by the mishmash of purple-orange light drifting in. Apparently his mind had been very thirsty.
None of the ponies had returned and he was beginning to wonder where they were. While he was sure there was a lot to talk about, he would have liked to know what was going on. Not that he didn’t trust his favourite equines. In fact, he probably trusted them more than most humans, but being cooped up all day was making him antsy.
Nick stood and stretched, stealing another glance at the window. He wished he could be outside, watching what was undoubtedly the most beautiful sunset in the universe. Instead, he was stuck inside surrounded by silent books and stale air.
Not that anyone is stopping me. It couldn’t hurt to take a little peek, could it?
His eyes fell on the door. He crept forward, keeping a slow, methodical pace, as though approaching a sleeping hound. When that little black handle was finally within his grasp, he reached out his arm. The door swung open and he fell backward.
“Agh!”
Pinkie Pie trotted into the library, a small picnic basket clutched between her teeth. With a playful flick of her head, her package arced through the air, landing with a solid ‘plop’.
“Hi, Nick! Whatcha doing over here? You weren’t trying to leave, were you?”
“No, no, totally not. I was just, uh, worried about what happened to you girls, so I wanted to take a quick peek outside.”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I got curious. Please don’t tell Twilight!”
“Okay!” Pinkie smiled and bounced over to the basket.
“Okay? That’s it?”
“You said sorry. That’s good enough for me!” Her grin momentarily melted into a serious stare. “You aren’t going to do it again, right?”
“No, of course not. Thanks, Pinkie.” Nick felt the warmth returning, this time in much greater force. He opened his arms wide, but hesitated, chiding himself for being so presumptuous. “May I?”
“Oh, a hug? Sure!” Pinkie Pie bounced forward and wrapped her forehooves around him. “I love hugs. They’re like the best thing. Except for smiles, but they’re still up there.”
Nick savoured the moment, holding the bubbly little pony tight. Her coat was silky smooth, her mane the sweet scent of bubble gum and just touching her made him feel warm all over. He didn’t want to let go, but that would have been rude. With great reluctance, he released her and turned his attention to her parcel.
“So, uh, what’s in the basket?”
“Food, so you don’t starve!” Pinkie threw the lid open, revealing a tangled wad of plants.
“That’s, um, nice of you.” Nick winced as he felt a pang in his stomach. “Does this mean the others are going to be long?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Maybe, if Fluttershy really gets talking.”
“Fluttershy?” Nick tilted his head. “Isn’t she an animal expert?”
“Yep! And you’re an animal!”
“I am not an animal!”
“Sure you are! We all are!” Pinkie Pie threw her hooves wide. “That’s what Twilight says, anyway. Carrot?”
“Um, sure.” He took the vegetable from her and eagerly bit in. It felt a little gritty, but his stomach insisted that he not care.
Pinkie grabbed one too, casually devouring it in one bite. Nick peered at her as she went for a second.
“What?” she asked, revealing a mouthful of mutilated carrot.
“I’m just surprised. I kind of expected twenty-four-seven deserts.”
Pinkie giggled. “That is my usual, but Twilight said she didn’t want us bouncing off the walls while she isn’t here. Which is silly, ‘cause I can already do that.”
Nick smirked. “I’d believe it. So you must make a lot of sweets, huh?”
“Nah.”
Nick blinked. “Nah?”
“I’m not that much of a baker.” Pinkie Pie shrugged. “I mean, if they really need me in the back, but I’m usually giving them to other ponies. Like when I’m at the counter or in the party room. Everypony says I’m pretty good at talking and giving stuff away. Oh, and giving stuff away while talking, that’s my favourite.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
Pinkie leaned in, dropping her voice low, to which Nick raised an eyebrow. “But when I do, I can make a pretty mean cream pie.”
“I’ll bet. But, uh, why are you whispering?”
Pinkie let out a giggle. “I don’t know!”
Nick couldn’t help but laugh too. Strangely enough, something about Pinkie just being Pinkie made him feel more grounded. Then it hit him. The warmth was familiarity, even friendship. It only made sense that the feeling took the form of a magical warmth, because in Equestria, friendship is magic. He looked into her eyes and smiled.
Pinkie Pie grinned back twice as wide. “How about you? Are you a baker?”
“What? No, I’m just a bag boy.”
Pinkied fixed him with an intense stare, first tilting left, then right. “You don’t look like a bag.”
“Not literally.” Nick smirked. “I put groceries into bags and sometimes carry them out to customers’ car...ts.”
“Oooooh, well, that’s nice of you!”
“I guess. Other people don’t seem to think so. They just kind of expect it.”
“Aw, I’m sure they’re happy when you help. They just don’t know how to show it.”
“That’s...” he laughed and leaned forward, enveloping her in another hug. “Thanks, Pinkie, I appreciate the thought.”
Pinkie Pie pressed her muzzle against his neck. “You’re welcome!”
A mighty yawn escaped Nick’s lips.
“Tired already? Maybe I should’ve brought the sugary stuff!”
“Heh, I don’t know how long that would help.”
“That’s too bad. I can go forever!”
Nick blinked. “Forever? You mean you don’t have to sleep?”
“Okay, maybe not forever. Is fifteen days close enough?”
“Fift—that actually explains a lot.” Nick yawned again. He crawled back to the cot and plopped down. “Give me a sec. I think I need to rest my eyes.”
Pinkie giggled. “Night, night.”
“I accuse Lemon Tart. She did it in the study with the potato launcher.” Nick grinned as he reached over and flipped open the oversized envelope. Sure enough, the package contained simple, hoof-sized tokens of a yellow earth pony mare, an oddly-shaped tube thing and a desk.
“Aw, you got me!” Pinkie Pie giggled, poking her playing piece. “I dunnit and I didn’t even know it!”
Nick saluted. “Detective Rose Shield, on the job!”
Pinkie reached over and pulled a small white box from her saddlebags. She held it out to him. “To the victor go the spoils! Except this isn’t spoiled. Does it still count as spoils?”
With a smirk and shake of his head, Nick accepted the gift. “I’m sure it does.”
“Yay!”
He flipped the lid open, revealing a large cupcake with perfectly swirled pink icing. The alluring scent of strawberries drifted up, and his mouth began to water. “Oh, wow, this looks great, but weren’t you supposed to hold off on the sweets?”
Pinkie Pie grinned, shrugged and raised a hoof to her lips.
“Thanks, Pinkie,” Nick said, taking extra care to get the cupcake without losing any icing to the box. “You know, this is what I love about you.”
“Cupcakes?” Pinkie Pie tilted her head.
“No. Er, I mean, I guess that’s a part of it.” He paused, struggling to untangle his thoughts. “What I’m saying is you’re exactly the right pony to get me through this. I’m just some strange guy who showed up in the middle of your friend’s house. But you weren’t suspicious of me and you didn’t tell me to go hide in some back room. I mean, sure, the books are fun and all, but being cooped up like this would have driven me nuts if it wasn’t for you. So thank you, Pinkie, for not judging and just being a friend.”
“Awww, I’m happy you’re my friend too!” Pinkie leaned forward and wrapped her hooves around Nick. He held the cupcake aside as he returned the hug. Once they parted, she looked up at him. “Well? Whatcha waiting for?”
“Good question,” he replied before taking a generous bite, chewing slowly to savour the flavour. “Mmmm, this is delicious.”
“Toldja I make a mean cupcake!”
Nick stopped, a wave of exhaustion washing over him. “I thought you said cream pie?”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Did I? Silly me.”
The edges of Nick’s vision blurred. He set the cupcake on the floor, nearly crushing it in the process. He leaned on both palms, fighting to steady himself.
“Hey, are you okay?” Pinkie cocked her head.
“Yeah, I just... suddenly tired, that’s all.”
Pinkie Pie trotted to Nick’s side, vanishing from his view. Her voice was watery and he had to strain to make out the words. “...need help... to bed?”
“Yeah, I think...” Nick turned, reaching his arm toward Pinkie’s back. “... think I might. Thanks, P—”
The world went black.
Pinkie Pie winced as Nick’s full weight landed on her back. She braced herself and craned her neck. She poked her nose into his forehead a few times. When he failed to respond, she glanced over at the cot.
Nick floated up into the air, his arms and legs dangling limply. The blanket parted as he came in for a graceful landing, swallowing him up once he did.
Satisfied that all was right with the world, Pinkie trotted over to the door and slipped out.
A few steps down the road, Ponyville melted away. The shops, soft blue skyline and vibrant grass became dull, grey rock. The brilliance of the sun dimmed, slipping into a sickly green glow. Fresh air gave way to a dank, mildewy scent. But Pinkie Pie paid them little mind.
Her eyes were set on the other side of the cavern, where two changelings stood at attention. Green light fell over their backs, washing out everything save for their bulbous blue eyes and the holes in their legs.
The swirling green portal sat lazily in its throne. A light grey arch, pitch black runes running end to end, formed the backing. A platform of similar material served as the cushion.
Pinkie stopped a few feet away. The changelings stared expectantly.
“My children.” A wicked grin crept up Pinkie Pie’s face as she pointed a hoof at the portal. “Our new source of food.”
