Twilight Tripe

by RustyNails

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2988

Twilight is tortured by a mystery animator.

In this Duck Amuck parody, a mystery animator decides to have a little fun playing around with Twilight Sparkle. He/She/They put Twilight into a number of random, weird and hilarious situations, the likes of which irritate the lavender unicorn. The mystery animators' identity is also quite a surprise.

Published 2013-05-16 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-16 19:20:02 UTC

Twilight Tripe

A lone computer sits idle in an office at DHX media. An unseen party walks into the room, sits down, and turns the computer on. At the desktop, the animator chooses Adobe Flash, and opens the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic folder. The scene on the computer loads up to a closeup of the door and front step of Twilight's library house, with a white malibox reading "T. Sparkle".

The animator uses a paint tool to paint a deep hole at the foot of Twilight's doorstep, then drags a green sheet over it like a Burmese tiger trap. Using a finger pointer, he rings Twilight's doorbell. Twilight opens the door, and looks outside.

"Hello? Anypony here? There doesn't seem to be anypony...WAAAAA!!!!!" She steps on the sheet and falls down the hole. She hits the bottom with a thud. Twilight's front hooves come over the holes edge, and she pulls herself up.

"Alright. Whose cruel sick joke was..." she breaks the fourth wall looking at the animator. She jumps out of the hole in disgust.

"You!! No way! Absolutely Not! I am not going to be in a cartoon done by the likes of you! Capital N, Capital O, NO! So leave me be, and good day to you!"

Twilight turns to go back inside, but the door closes right in her face, flattening it. She looks at us in confusion, then shakes her head, unflattening her face. She grabs onto the knob, and desperately strains to open the door. It falls out of its frame and flat onto Twilight, now lying sideways on the ground. The door is pushed open underneath by a purple hoof. Twilight crawls out from under it.

"I told you that I'm not working with you. Now let me go back into my house."

A brick wall appears in the doorframe out of no where. Twilight pulls the bricks off with her magic. She tries to enter again, but a steel wall appears. She walks into it with a clang.

"For the last time, I'm not doing this cartoon and that is..."

Twilight's house explodes for no apparent reason whatsoever. She stares at the smoldering crater in total shock as pieces of the library fall around her.

"That."

She turns to look at the animator.

"Look. I know you. I dealt with you before. Whenever you're involved with something there is nothing but trouble. So you have no right to come in here and pull your shenanigans on me."

She levitates a piece of paper from off screen.

"My contract with Hasbro clearly states that I only make good quality entertainment for children, and maybe some older adult fans. It says right here in the third paragraph, character shall....be part of any cartoon produced by anyone at anytime. Refusal to partake in the latter shall result in unconditional termination of employment?!?"

Twilight looks up from the document with a look of dread in her eyes. Her head morphs into a red lifesaver with the words "Sucker" then morphs back to a pony. She snorts and looks incriminatingly at the animator.

"Alright. You win. I'll do this cartoon for you. Now what shall we do? Wait, I've got a few ideas"

She darts off screen and comes back on dressed as Brunhilda from Wagner's Ring Cycle.

"We could do an opera, and I could SIIIINGGGGG."

She darts off screen again and comes back wearing scuba gear.

"Or an undersea adventure. Here we see the beautiful sea sponge, interacting with this amazing pink sea star."

She darts off screen once more. While shes off a farm scene with a big red barn and giant fields is slid in over Ponyville.
She comes back wearing a space suit and helmet.

"Or a deep space adventure, exploring the vast reaches of the...final...frontier?"

Looking behind her she notices the farm scene.

"A farm story. You want me to do a farm story. Well okay. Beggars can't be choosers."

She darts of screen and comes back on wearing overalls, big straw farmers hat, and has a piece of grass in her teeth. She walks around the scene singing.

"Twilight Sparkle had a farm, E I E I OH."

As she's walking the scene changes to a winter scene with deep blankets of snow, and a goofy smiling snowman.

"And on her farm she had a snow. E.......I.........E.......I........Oh????????"

"Seems somepony is having a little trouble making up their minds."

She walks offscreen. She comes back prancing about in a scarf and her green/blue Winter Wrap Up vest.

"Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up, Lets finish our holiday cheer. Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up, Cuz tomorrow spring is here."

As she's trotting about the scene changes again to a green Irish countryside.

"Cuz tomorrow spring is...here?"

She looks at the animators not amused.

"Uhh. Yeah. Sure. Fine."

Twilight walks off screen again, and comes back dressed as a green leprechaun with an upside down pipe in her mouth and playing a fiddle. She dances merrily about the green backdrop.

"Oh! then tell me, Shawn O'Ferrall, Tell me why you hurry so? Hush ma bouchal, hush and listen, And his cheeks were all a-glow. I bear orders from the captain, Get you ready quick and soon, For the pikes must be together At the risin' of the moon. At the risin' of the moon, at the risin' of the moon,"

Twilight doesn't realize that she walks right into a blank space with absolutely no scenery.

"For the pikes must be together at the risin' of the...moon?

Twilight looks at the animator most annoyed. She struggles out of the leprechaun costume.

"Look, if you have no idea how this cartoon is going to be done, then I suggest you send me back to Ponyville right now. And my house better be there."

The animator brings back the Ponyville scenery, but it's upside down. Twilight walks back to her house but doesn't realize that she's not standing on anything.

"Thank you very much. Now come back to me when we have a real cartoon to make. Until then, have a nice day."

Twilight walks to the top of her now restored library tree. She suddenly looks down and realizes she's standing in mid-air. She grabs hold of the top of the tree. She then tries to climb up to the door, but stumbles on account that she has hooves, and not hands. As she struggles to climb, the animator paints a rope to her tail with a 500 pound weight at the other end. Twilight plummets off the bottom of the screen. The animator paints a lake underneath her. Twilight falls in the lake with a big splash. She crawls out of the lake really slow, struggling to pull the weight out behind her. She pulls and strains as hard as she can, but the animator erases the weight and rope. Twilight rolls flat onto her back. She gets up and confronts the animator.

"What is the matter with you? What kind of cartoon is this? I mean you blow up my house, change scenery at random, and then turn the scenery upside down and tie a weight to my tail?" Just what is the deal here anyway."

Twilight's body inflates a little bit into a round balloon shape. She stops talking and looks back at herself.

"Hey. When did I get so round? Well anyway as I was saying...Whatever this."

As she talks, Twilight blows up a little more. She looks at her rounding body a little more worriedly.

"What's going on?"

She walks in the middle of the blank scene, blowing up a little bit more, and a little bit more.

"You're not doing what I think you're doing."

Twilight blows up more and soon is so big her legs don't reach the ground.

"Please no. Anything but this."

Twilight blows up bigger and bigger and bigger until she is an enormous elephantine ball with a tiny head, tiny legs flailing around, a tiny tail, and a cutie mark in the middle of a giant purple ball. She rolls around to face the animator, half of her face obscured by her round shape.

"This isn't funny." Twilight cries. "Don't make me get any bigger."

Twilight does get bigger. She blows up a few more times until the whole screen is purple. With one last blow, she pops and flies around the scene like a deflating balloon. Twilight's body comes to rest at the bottom of the scene flat, limp, and deflated. Using her horn, she re-inflates herself to her normal form.

"So what? Is this whole cartoon going to be just you doing weird things to me? I mean who in the name of Celestia would do a cartoon as crazy as that. It...It doesn't make sense at all."

The animator paints a patch of wet cement underneath Twilight. Unaware of where she's standing, Twilight steps in the cement and gets her hooves stuck. She struggles to take a few steps, but falls forward onto her face.

"What? Wet cement? Get me out of here please!"

The animator paints a cement mixer and spout above her. Cement pours all over Twilight and begins to harden really quickly. Twilight tries to move, but the cement hardens freezing her into a pose with her front hooves out in front of her. Twilight's whole body is rock except for her eyes. The animator places a fountain pool into her hooves. Twilight's eyes turn visibly angry and her horn begins to glow and get brighter underneath the cement. The cement cracks and she shatters off of her. Twilight pants in extreme fury. She's so angry that she can't make coherent words.

"Dognibbitalshfaouthermanadingslind!!!"

She turns red with anger, and redder and redder. Steam hisses out of her ears, and she snorts smoke. The sound of rising pressure can be heard as her rage builds. Suddenly, Twilight explodes in a ball of fire and smoke, leaving nothing but a smoldering black spot on the floor of the white scene, and a small piece of her horn. The horn piece glows, and all the scattered pieces come together, re-animating Twilight from her hooves up to her horn.

"Alright. I've had just about enough of this. What other crazy things do you have in store for..."

A huge pineapple comes out of Twilight's mouth filling it up. She spits it out.

"Cut it out you cretin..."

She coughs up a huge Christmas tree complete with ornaments and popcorn chains.

"Stop that or I'll..."

She spits up a chain of five watermelons one right after the other.

"Please, be reasona..."

She spits up a huge canoe twice her size.

"Now, that's just going to far..."

A rope comes out of Twilight's mouth. She pulls on it but there's more of it. She keeps pulling but there's more and more and more. The rope seems endless. Twilight pulls the rope out faster and faster. The rope reaches its end, but is attached to something stuck inside Twilight's mouth. Twilight gives three big tugs and finally pulls out a box, which contains a jack in the box with a mallet, who whacks Twilight right over the head. Twilight sits on the ground with her tongue sticking out and stars in the shape of her cutie mark going around her head. She comes too and shakes her head.

"Alright you psychotic Salvatore Dali wanna be. I've got the good mind to tell the management at Hasbro about you, and maybe even Lauren Faust if you don't..."

The animator deletes Twilight's face. She feels the blank area with her hooves, then stands tapping her hoof and pointing at her head emphasizing "put my face back." The animator paints a tiny face on her head. Twilight's voice is all high pitched and squeaky.

"Thank you. Finally you've done something reasonable for once. Hey! Something's wrong with my voice!"

The animator paints a mirror in midair. Twilight looks in it.

"I sure hope my face isn't...EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!! You know better than that!"

The animator erases Twilight's tiny face, and makes it normal again but doesn't put in her horn. Twilight looks up noticing her horn is missing.

"A horn please."

The animator paints a trumpet where her horn should be. Twilight feels it with her hoof.

"Not this kind of horn."

The animator erases the trumpet and gives Twilight a rhinoceros horn, which partially mushes her muzzle.

"Not a rhino's horn." she says, her speech muffled by the horn's size. "My horn! A unicorn's horn!"

The animator erases the rhino's horn and gives Twilight her normal horn. Twilight walks forward on the blank screen frustrated by her situation.

"Criminy, how can this get any worse."

As she's walking, the animator erases her tail.

"Alright I saw you. Put my tail back this minute."

The animator gives her Rainbow Dash's tail.

"This is not my tail. It is Rainbow Dash's tail! It belongs on Rainbow Dash!!!"

The animator erases Twilight and paints her as Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash (aka Twilight) stands up on her hind legs, crosses her front legs, and talks with Twilight's voice.

"Look, we both no that it is against the rules to mismatch trademark characters. So if you want to keep your job you better..."

The animator erases Rainbow Dash and paints Galaxy from G1 My Little Pony. Twilight looks at her red sparkly body, and jewel shaped eyes.

"I don't know who this pony is, but it still is not me. I'm purple with a pink streak in my hair."

The animator erases Galaxy and repaints Twilight badly drawn with big bulgey bloodshot eyes, giant whoopie cushion like hooves, a skiny tail, and a fat hairy body, and zig-zag neck.

"Alright this is better."
She notices her bizarre complexion.

"Holy Botworms! what happened to me!!"

She looks at the animator.

"Draw me like this and we'll both need new jobs."

The animator erases Twilight, and paints her as normal. She looks at him with a hint of sarcasm.

"So I'm normal now. What a splendid idea. Are you sure you don't want to make me into some weird shape, like a flower head, a lizard body, duck and bird feet, and a flagpole tail that says Screwball?"

The animator erases Twilight and paints her just as described. Twilight quivers and bursts into tears. She falls to the ground and covers her eyes sobbing.

"No more!!! I can't take it anymore! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

She tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Look if you make me normal again, I'll do whatever you want. Whatever you want. Just please stop this insanity."

The animator paints Twilight a tissue, which she blows her nose with. She is then erased and repainted normally.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Shall we call a truce?"

She extends her hoof in peace. The animator responds by using a hand tool to shake Twilight's hoof.

"Great. Now whatever you want me to do. I'll do. Kay?"

The animator loads a scene with the Friendship Express train, and places Twilight in the cab with an engineer hat and bandana.

"Engineer pony. I've always wanted to do that. It's great we're finally making sense. All Aboard!!!"

Twilight starts the train which chugs its way across the scene for quite a ways. The animator zooms ahead of the train to a tunnel, and erases the tunnel. The train crashes full speed into where the tunnel should be. When the smoke clears, the Friendship Express locomotive is smashed. Twilight sits on the ground slightly bruised and in a dazed stupor. She shakes her head and faces the animator in an irate rage.

"THAT DOES IT!!!! What is the matter with you! What kind of sick twisted idea in a ball of hard jello possessed you to do something like this. You go get the Hasbro board of directors and we'll see what they have to say, and nothing is going to make me move from this spot till you do"

Twilight sits on the ground like a dog and sticks her nose in the air. The animator paints a chain around her waist, and attaches a huge black bomb with a pony's skull and lighted fuse at the other end. Twilight hears the sound of the fuse and reacts with a "what the hell?" face, looks back and freaks out over the enormous explosive. She tries to run away, but the chain stops her. Frantic she tries to break the chain with her hoof and fails. Then she tries to blow the fuse out. She looks around in a panic trying to think of something, then finally has an idea.

"Okay. I finally figured a way out. And not even you can stop me."

The fuse is almost down to the end. Twilight strains to light up her horn. At the last second before the explosion, a message appears on the screen reading "This program has performed and illegal operation and needs to shut down. Any work you haven't saved may have been lost."

The mystery animator at the computer turns out to be Trixie. She turns to us and smirks.

"Well well well. It seems the Great and Powerful Trixie has finally given Twilight Sparkle a taste of her own medicine."

She gives two raises of her eyebrows, and glow of her horn.

Author's Note

Duck Amuck is one of my favorite cartoons and I've always wanted to do a spinoff of it with another animated character.

This story was originally going to be done with Pinkie Pie. Twilight was picked instead because I thought it would be funnier.

The mystery animator's identity went through a number of different possibilities including Spike, Discord, Ren and Stimpy, Daffy Duck, Dave Polsky and even Lauren Faust herself. I decided on Trixie as she has a motive to get even with Twilight, and pull all this crazy stuff on her.