Ponies Discover Red Wine

by Tamar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2251

Rarity invites Applejack and Twilight over to help her taste a new case of wine from Canterlot.

Rarity invites Applejack and Twilight over to help her taste a new case of wine from Canterlot.

My Little Ponies are, well, little. And alcohol works fast on them.

Published 2012-02-11 03:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-11 03:34:02 UTC

Ponies Discover Red Wine

Twilight knocked tentatively at the door to Carousel boutique. It was quickly opened, and after a few furtive glances Twilight was pulled inside.

“Rarity? What in Equestria is so important that you wanted me to come under cover of darkness?”

“Ssh!” Rarity said, lifting a hoof to her mouth. “Sweetie Belle is asleep upstairs. We’d better not wake her.”

“Right. Fillies need their beauty sleep,” Twilight said with a wink.

“Ye-es,” Rarity said. Twilight would have asked what she meant by “ye-es”, but she was interrupted by another knock.

“Ssh!” Rarity squeaked, diving to open the door to admit Applejack.

“Rarity? What’s with all this cloak-and-daggery? Why couldn’t I come over during daylight? I’m plum tuckered after all the apple-bucking from earlier today. This had better be important – oh, hey Twilight. Rarity’s got you in on her little scheme too, has she?”

“I know as much about what’s going on as you do, Applejack,” Twilight said truthfully. “What is all the secrecy for, Rarity?”

“Well, girls,” Rarity said with suppressed excitement, “A week ago I ordered a case of red wine from the Royal Canterlot Cellars. And it’s just arrived. So I thought you two would be the best suited to help me try it!”

Applejack and Twilight looked at each other. “Red wine?” Twilight repeated.

“Wine?” Applejack asked. “I ain’t never had no wine before. What’s it like? How do you make it?”

“I believe it’s made from fermented grape juice,” Twilight said. “Though I’ve never had it myself. I heard about wine from time to time in Canterlot, but I never had any.”

“You mean it’s gone off grape juice? Well shucks, what’s the point in that?”

“The point is,” Rarity said patiently, “Fermentation makes the grape juice alcoholic. It takes on a whole new personality of taste, and you can blend different grapes to get different tastes. Besides, it’s not gone off, it’s just like the difference between your apple juice and hard cider.”

“Now see here,” Applejack said, “We don’t make hard cider up at Sweet Apple Acres. Our cider doesn’t have time to go off, and if it does, we throw it out.”

“Well then, you’re in for a treat.” Rarity disappeared and quickly returned with a bottle. “This is called a Pinot Noir.”

“Peanuts?”

“Pinot Noir!”

“Right. Pinocchio. Rarity, are you sure about this? An’ why did you ask Twilight an’ me, an’ not the others?”

“If Pinkie tasted wine, she might explode,” Rarity said delicately. “Fluttershy I fear would be greatly damaged by it, and as for Rainbow, I shudder to think how she would become after a few glasses. I trust you two,” Rarity said, pointedly looking at Applejack and Twilight, “To appreciate this wine in a civilised manner. Yes?”

“If you say so,” Twilight said. “In all my studies I’ve never sampled alcohol. I’m sure it will make a very interesting letter to the Princess. I know! I’ll write to her as soon as we’re finished!” Twilight clapped her hooves, delighted with her idea.

“Er, he he,” Rarity chuckled, “You might want to wait until tomorrow before writing, Twilight.”

“Tomorrow?”

“For the full experience.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so,” Rarity said, uncorking the bottle with a pop. “Red wine works its magic upon you for long after you’ve finished actually drinking it, in more ways than one. Glasses.” She passed glasses around Applejack and Twilight.

“What are these fancy glasses, Rarity? Is this what they drink from in Canterlot?” Applejack said, examining the glass in front of her critically. “It seems a funny design. Why, half of it is just a leg for the glass to stand on.”

“I think it’s easier to use if you’re a unicorn,” Twilight suggested.

“The glass is specially designed so that you can smell the wine,” Rarity said.

“Smell it? It ain’t a bunch of flowers. I’m going to be drinking it, right?” Applejack said.

“Well yes ...” Rarity sighed. “Would you prefer to drink from an ordinary glass, Applejack?”

“If it’s no trouble.”

“It’s not.” Rarity returned to the kitchen, taking Applejack’s wineglass with her. She returned with a tumbler. “Of course, it’s not a proper wineglass, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the smell. The bouquet.”

Rarity sat on her haunches and lifted the bottle of wine. She poured out a glass for Twilight, then a glass for Applejack, then a glass for herself.

“Now before you drink, girls,” she said, “Let me say a few things about the wine. It comes from Grape Vine’s vineyard on the southern hills near Canterlot, and -” She was cut short by Applejack coughing violently.

“Good grief, Rarity, this stuff is firewater!”

“It is not!” Rarity said indignantly. “And try to be quiet, or you’ll wake Sweetie Belle! It has a refined taste that must be enjoyed delicately. You must think about what you’re tasting. Think about what it is telling you. Where it is coming from. What it met on its journey to you. And if you slug it down,” Rarity said pointedly, “It won’t thank you for it. Hold on, I’ll go and get a drink of water for you.”

When Rarity had returned and given Applejack her water, Twilight spoke. “Wow, Rarity! You seem to know so much about wine! I wish I was as learned as you on the subject.”

Rarity smiled, lifting her glass. “After the whole fiasco in Canterlot with your birthday party, Fancy Pants took it upon himself to teach me a few things. He thought it was unfair that just because I lived in Ponyville, I shouldn’t have an opportunity to learn about high society matters – like how to taste wine. Now, let me show you. First, lift the glass.”

Applejack and Twilight raised their glasses.

“Examine the colour. Hold it up to the light. Think about how the colour changes as you move the glass.”

“Er,” Applejack said, looking at her tumbler sceptically. “It’s red.”

“It seems to be a rosy sort of red, Rarity,” Twilight offered.

“Good. Next, smell the wine. Swirl it in the glass and put your nose to it. Sense the aroma. The nose. The bouquet. The whiff-”

“We get it, Rarity!” Twilight giggled. “I’m smelling it now. It smells very nice.”

“Now put your nose right into the glass. What can you smell in it?”

“Wine.”

“Yes, beyond that, Applejack.”

“Um,” Applejack said, her voice muffled by the glass as she buried her nose in it. “I guess it smells a little spicy-like. Like a winter’s evening.”

“There you go! That’s a really good observation!” Rarity said encouragingly.

“Ain’t that dandy. Can I drink it now?” Applejack said.

“Yes. Slowly. Think about it when you taste it. Try to notice the different tastes in there. See how they complement each other. See how they argue with each other.”

The three ponies took a deep, slow drink of the wine. For a while there was silence as they swilled the velvet pinot noir round their mouths and tasted the hundred spices on their tongues.

“It’s ...” Applejack said eventually.

“Wonderful,” Twilight finished.

“Oh my,” Rarity said. “That is rather good, isn’t it? A most delightful wine. Wow.”

“It tickles you all the way down!” Applejack said. “It makes me feel warm inside. Give us more, Rarity. This does you powerful good.”

“How fascinating!” Twilight said eagerly, pulling out a quill and paper. “I must write this down. I’ve never experienced a drink so ... so ... charming! It pushes all the right buttons. It’s not the nicest of tastes, I mean, I’d rather a glass of apple juice, though I think I could get used to this wine thing. But the effect it has one you is like no other. It's like having a friend in your glass, and he wants to take you places. Rarity,” Twilight declared, “I must have more of this wine. For science. For the Princess. Darn it, for Equestria! This is important!”

“Quite right, quite right,” Rarity agreed, pouring out three more glasses. “Quite right. See, this is why I invited you two over. None of the others would have been able to appreciate this drink in such a mature way.”

“I-” Applejack began, but she was cut across by Rarity.

“Hold on, I haven’t finished. You two – girls – you can appreciate a refined taste. In wine. You can understand what the wine is saying to you.”

“You’re not wrong!” Twilight answered, scribbling furiously with her quill. “Why, the discoveries! The new sensations! It’s almost – I’m sorry, Applejack, did I say something funny?”

Applejack had collapsed in a fit of giggles, clutching her glass. “You said sensations,” she said. “Sensations!”

Twilight thought for a moment, then began to giggle too. “Sensations,” she repeated.

“Come along, girls,” Rarity began. “If we aren’t serious we won’t properly appreciate the sensations ...”

The three ponies collapsed into gales of howling laughter, rolling on the floor with their hooves waving in the air.

“Stand back, I’m going to sensate the sensations!” Twilight declared, taking hold of her glass again.

“S'not a word,” Rarity said. “You can’t say that.”

“Even if it was, my glass is empty,” Twilight said, disappointed. “There aren’t any more sensations to sensate.”

“Well, that won’t do,” Applejack said. She drained her glass in a gulp. “Look, my glass is empty too.”

“Here, let me pour you another glass,” Twilight said. “Hope you don’t mind, Rarity.” She lifted the bottle and tilted it over Applejack’s glass. She tipped it further and further, until it was upended. “Would you look at that. No more wine.”

“Aw, shucks. I was enjoying it.”

“Not to worry, girls!” Rarity declared. “There is more where that came from!” She disappeared back to the kitchen and returned with another bottle of wine.

“How many of those did you get?” Applejack asked Rarity, her eyes round.

“I bought a case,” Rarity said. “So quite a few. We shouldn't have them all at once, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves for a bit.”

The three ponies continued like this for some time, pouring out more peanut no-r and laughing at each other’s antics. After a while, Sweetie Belle appeared at the bottom of the stairs, clutching a teddy bear.

“Rarity!” She said angrily. “I was asleep! You woke me up!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sweetie,” Rarity said, her voice full of concern. Applejack and Twilight did their best to remain silent, without much success.

“What’s wrong with you, Rarity?” Sweetie said, unimpressed. “You seem as giggly as a schoolfilly.”

“That is the magic of the peanut no-r,” Rarity said sweetly, huffing alcoholic fumes into Sweetie Belle’s face.

“Phee-ew,” Sweetie Belle said, holding her nose. “I think I’d rather not know. Just keep it a little quieter, could you please? I have school in the morning.”

“Absolutely, my darling sister. I’ll be up to tuck you in soon.”

“You tucked me in an hour ago.”

“And you escaped! I shall be up again to tuck you in doubly hard.”

“...Right.” As Sweetie Belle disappeared up the stairs Twilight and Applejack surrendered, and burst out into guffaws of laughter.

“Really, Rarity,” Twilight gasped, “You’re a bad example for poor Sweetie Belle. I ought to side with her! She wants to go to school in the morning!”

“School, shucks,” Applejack said. “If she’s too late for school, she’s can come up to Sweet Apple Acres. I can teach her to buck apples. Heck, it might even help the little ‘un find her cutie mark.”

“You’d do that, Applejack?” Rarity said seriously, with a hoof over her heart. “You’d give your time to help Sweetie Belle find her cutie mark?”

“I mean it,” Applejack said earnestly. “I don’t make idle threats. Just you wait, I can teach Sweetie to buck like nobody’s business. She’d enjoy it, too – I think the little thing needs a bit of hard work sometimes.”

“You know, that means so much to me,” Rarity said. She took Applejack’s hoof into her own. “I’ve always thought you were a good friend, Applejack, but now I know for sure, you are a best friend. You and I, we should never part. We should never allow each other to move away from Ponyville.”

“I know,” Applejack said. “You and I, we make a great team. We shall never be separated.”

“Oh, Applejack!”

“Oh, Rarity!”

The two ponies swooned into each other’s embraces.

“Hey! What about me?” Twilight said indignantly, feeling left out.

“But Twilight, of course you’re my best friend!” Rarity said, extracting herself from Applejack’s hooves. “If it weren’t for you I’d never have made such good friends with all these ponies.”

“Shucks, Twilight, if it weren’t for you I’d still think Rarity was just a stuck-up girl obsessed with dresses and frou-frou things like that,” Applejack said with a grin on her face.

“And I’d still think Applejack was a hillbilly who spent her days kicking trees,” Rarity responded.

“Oh, Rarity!”

“Oh, Applejack!”

The two ponies collapsed once more into each other arms. Twilight, not to be left out, joined in the group hug.

“I say, Rarity,” Twilight said, her voice muffled. “This wine thing was a brilliant discovery of
yours.”

“Hear hear,” Applejack said.

“How much did you say you had bought?”

“A case.”

“How many bottles in a case?”

“Twelve.”

“Oh my.”

Upstairs, Sweetie Belle groaned and stuck her head under her pillow. It was going to be a long night.