Here I am

Have you ever had an out of body experience? Not like, that mystical gypsy stuff, or where you get hypnotised and then forced to dance around in front of a crowd. I mean, where you are laying in your bed, and suddenly, your thoughts stop, and suddenly happen all at once.

You feel like you are floating, and then falling. You feel above the world, out of time, out of space. I think that is how it would feel to be made of energy. It frightens me. That’s how I felt. I felt like that for so long. I wanted to cry, scream, wail... hehe.... not very masculine of me, is it?

Not that is matters. Masculinity died when wearing tight jeans and singing shallow songs in falsetto became the thing for guys to do. But anyway. I was scared. I was really scared. Like that animalistic feeling, that feeling where you just want to survive.

I was lying in my bed, an uninteresting, yet not inherently bad day had just passed, and all I wanted to do was go and get some sleep, so I could start again tomorrow. You know that feeling? Right? Well, I was going quite fine, and then I started floating. Usually, when you space out, you have a few moments before you suddenly wake up and realise that you weren't falling. I didn’t.

Can you imagine that? Go on, try. I’ll give you a few seconds. Ready? Go...

That long enough for you? It doesn't seem pleasant, does it? Sure, my perception of time has never been spot on, but I am sure I was stuck there for a while. Then I fell asleep.

Notice how somethings wrong? See, you’re a regular Sherlock Holmes! You know if I made that pun to anyone here, they wouldn't get it. It’s a little disheartening, having to reprogram your sense of humour for what people find funny.

BAH!

I am straying from the point again. Anyway. I fell asleep. When I woke up, something was different. I’ll call upon your childhood memories. Remember when you’d fall asleep on the couch, wake up, and find yourself in your bed? That kinda happened to me, except I fell asleep in my bed... at least I think I was in my bed...

So as I was saying, It happened to me... You know I feel like my speech pattern is repeating a little. Is it? I don’t even know.... Fine fine, continuing!

So, I woke up. It was dim. My eyes felt different. Usually I could open my eyes and everything would be fine, but now it was different. Things were bigger... Colours were sharper, I could see more! I think that’s what it must feel like for a child to get their first pair of glasses. It was... Nice.

But I was hurting! Man my neck was hurting something fierce! I tried to rub it, but I couldn't feel my fingers. Usually the pins and needles would kick in if I slept on my arm wrong. Turns out, I was sleeping in a pretty bad position, but still, that’s irrelevant. I was different. My skin was... well, it wasn't skin. It was a fur of sorts. Soft and a little like velvet... and grey.

Listen, I’ll save you the monologue of the sudden realisation and get to the point. I started tripping balls and realised I was in a strange bed, in a different body, and totally confused.

It was another five or so minutes of sheer bewilderment before someone came to get me.

I thought I was just a little bit concerned before, but then suddenly my acid trip kicked over into a whole never level of psychosis. Holy balls I was freaking when a white pony with an emerald-ish mane walked through the door, all smiling and happy and obviously oblivious to the fact I was about a hairs length from just nope-ing the space time continuum... or wherever I was.

Eventually she got me down from the chest of drawers. I’m not proud to say that I tried to pull off one of my hooves in case my foot was actually inside it. No such luck. So yeah, I was a little... Concerned.

She straightened it out to me though, more or less. Well, whatever she told me, it made me follow her, however clumsy my walking was.

As I followed, I figured out she was a nurse. Sure, there was a red cross tattoo on her ass, but I just thought that was a fashion statement, you know? Yeah no, turns out here that your talent manifests into a technicolor birthmark on your upper thigh, or “rump” as they call it.

I did figure she was a nurse on my own though! She was kind. Really kind. The sort of kind that you can only find in a nurse. Nurses are hero’s really. She was my hero...

I figured that I was going to be handing in my mancard by the end of the day, considering I was clutching this girl... woman... mare... for dear life as I was led out into a pretty funky hall where the monarch gave us all the rundown of what the hell was happening.

Oh, i forgot to mention, when the nurse led me out to the hall, there were a bunch of other... pony-people-things being led out with nurses too... I think was handling the situation better than some of the others I saw.

Anyway.

Turns out the religious nutcases were wrong... or right... they were something, but no matter what, those multiverse fanatics can go back to rubbing themselves over their own genius, because they go it right.

We were all from another place. All of us that were there with a nurse by our sides. There was some hooha about the soul and such, but in basic terms, our consciousnesses were pulled from our dimension due to instability in the walls caused by an alignment of planet and refracting solar rays the could blow a hole in- GARGLE BARGLE BLOO!

Yeah, it’s not as simple as explaining how a light switch works. I know I was there because I was near asleep. Apparently the consciousness is at its most malleable when you’re in that falling state between dreams and the real world. And that's when I was pulled through to here.

All of this is probably going to sound a little... hard to follow, I know. I’m sorry, this is just how I am. Just... I’ll ask that you bare with me. I have a lot to tell... a lot has happened...

I have a story, something I thought only people like war veterans or crippled car crash survivors had. But I have one. I have chosen to share it with you.

So, Let me get started.