I think I'm starting to lose my mind. If I were to ever tell you this, Spike, it would be incredibly bizarre and creepy. If it sounds odd in my head, then I know I have a problem. At least, I think that's how it works. I tell Spike everything, or at least I used to. I stopped telling him everything when he hit that growth spurt... Thank Celestia he stopped growing after he reached a few inches taller than me. It all started at one of Twilight's slumber parties. Geez, this just sounds so…overly cliché. I can't help what happened, though. I am, of course, talking about watching him sleep.
For some reason I couldn't sleep that night. It might have been because that was the first time I'd been to a slumber party in years, or because Twilight miraculously talked me into coming. I don't know, but that part isn't really important. Anyway, I was mindlessly staring at the ceiling bored out of my mind. Everyone else had fallen asleep during some stupid movie. I think it was some cheesy musical Fluttershy had suggested, but I don't really remember. All I remember is that I looked over to where Spike was, and something inside me clicked. I had never actually taken the time to pay attention to what he looked like, and I found myself staring at him like a complete moron because of it. I honestly caught myself wondering how I had not noticed how attractive he was before. Yes, I did just use that word. It's weird using it, but it's the most accurate thing I have.
After that, things were never really the same... at least for me. I definitely could have a career in acting, though. Nopony has taken notice of my stupid tendencies to blush around him. So far I haven't slipped up once, but I have come dangerously close more times than I'd like to admit. There have been a few times where I'm so tempted to move closer to him and lay on his chest, and just listen to his heart beat. Yes, I know how creepy that is. It's not so much a problem anymore, which takes some weight off my shoulders. Now that he's acting more like a teenager than a kid, Twilight kicks him out of the library whenever she wants to have a slumber party. But sometimes when we hang out, especially if it's after one of those days where he's been working in the library all day, well, sometimes he falls asleep, and…
I watch you while you sleep, Spike. That just sounds so incredibly creepy and wrong. If anypony knew that they would label me a freaking stalker. It's not my fault that he falls asleep, though, and it's not my fault that he looks so... adorable while doing so. Did I seriously just use that word? He dreams a lot, if that crap about eyelashes fluttering is true. Maybe I should ask Twilight about that sometime.
I often wonder what he dreams about. Is that weird? I'll sit there quietly and think, but I usually just draw the conclusion that he's dreaming about Rarity. Then I stop thinking about what he's dreaming about because the most probable answer to that question starts to depress me. Would it sound strange if I told you I wanted him to dream about me?
I've had dreams about him, you know. They're nothing I can remember too well, but they're also nothing explicit. They're nothing anypony else would find exciting, either. He's in them, though, and that simple fact makes them something to covet and something that makes my stomach flutter. Doesn't this sound so…wrong? It's like one of those really awful movies where some mare falls for some overly-oblivious stallion who ends up marrying somepony else.
Crap. That's exactly what this is, isn't it? I'm pretty sure we used to make fun of those movies because of how corny they were. Now, I'm practically living one. Ugh... This is insane, literally. I really feel like none of this is real and someone just wants to see me suffer for no particular reason. That just makes it all the worse.
Still, I can't believe I'm right back to where I started. Only this time, I'm watching Spike instead of the ceiling. Earlier, when everyone was here for Twilight's birthday, I wasn't feeling like this. Although, when Cloudchaser began to tease us about our closeness Spike just rolled your eyes and smiled it off, but I... I was blushing, even though I just made it out to look like I was angry at her. I really didn't mean to start punching her, but when she and Raindrops started annoying me, well... I got nervous somepony would catch me blushing.
I do feel bad for what happened... And really stupid. I may be smaller than the average mare, but I do know how to fight. Sure, Cloudchaser and Raindrops were athletic, but I had them beaten by a long shot. Of course... I did go easy on them. It was Twilight's party after all, and I really didn't want to ruin her birthday by having a couple of unconscious bodies lying on the floor in her house. I let them hit me a lot, so to speak. It didn't really hurt that much, considering how many other things I've done to get myself injured. The thing that hurts the most after everything was said and done was my pride. Still... I did get one good thing out of that fight. After everything calmed down and ponies were going home, Spike helped clean me up. Well... maybe I should word that better. What I meant is, all he did was make sure nothing was broken, especially after the way I was kicked in the stomach. Honestly, I knew Cloudchaser didn't do that much damage, but I couldn't resist an excuse to have him that close to me.
What did I tell you?
I'm really creepy.
Now here we are, and I'm laying on his bed. I've never been in his bed before. I've actually never even seen his room until now. I think he knew I didn't want to go home tonight. The way I was pouting and acting after the fight was a definite giveaway. I saw him look at me with those pretty green eyes of his. The way he was looking at me was off, almost as if he was calculating something in his mind. Finally, he spoke up, saying something I thought I'd never hear again. "Hey, uh, Dash... Do you want to stay here tonight? I'm sure Twilight will let you..." There was slight, awkward hesitation in his voice. I ignored that, and tried my best to respond with a calm tone.
It came out more like someone who had just won a million bits or something. Seriously, it was completely embarrassing. He went to go ask Twilight if it was alright, and I just stood in the library like an idiot, trying my best to hide that stupid blush on my face. The entire reason I'm in his bed, however, is an accident. We were just talking, and he eventually fell asleep. I'm surprised Twilight didn't say anything, but she may have been too tired to care.
I tend to study Spike while he sleeps. It goes beyond what he looks like on the outside, because I like to analyze the stuff he tells me. What he does during the day, his favorite things to do, his hopes, his dreams... This is getting cheesy, I know. If this wasn't so weird, Twilight would be proud of me. She's always telling me analysis will help me understand more things, and sure enough, it's helped me understand Spike more.
I never thought it would happen, but I've become envious of Rarity. I saw the things Spike used to do for her, the look in his eyes whenever he saw her... I really wish she would take the time to realize Spike isn't just some silly dork. I know she appreciated all of his help, but the way she dismissed his crush like it was nothing... I'll never quite get that. I'm not Rarity, though, so I don't know what goes through her head.
Would you listen to me? Since when did I get so emotional? I really don't know what it's like to be in love with someone, but if books are anything to go off of, then I definitely am. I don't know really know much, though. I don't even know if Spike knows about love, besides when he said he was in love with Rarity. It's actually been a couple years since he's said that, but I still believe it to be true. I'm a freaking lovesick idiot, aren't I?
Being in love with your best friend has got to be the worst thing ever. Yes, even worse than the changeling attack or King Sombra. If he really is in love with Rarity, then I sympathize with him. It's just a sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize they only think of you as a friend, no matter how much you dismiss it. I've never actually told him, though, so I don't know what he thinks about me. Maybe if I just... No, he'd probably think I was joking.
I look over to where he is sleeping. He lays peacefully on his back, with one of his arms being extended and sitting behind his head. I can hear a soft snoring noise coming from him, and I have the overwhelming urge to use his body as a pillow. Maybe it's just because I didn't have a pillow, or maybe it's because I'm insane, but I'm suddenly coming to the conclusion that it's a good idea. Either way, I'm quietly crawling over to him without hesitation.
Crap, please don't wake up... I'm trying my best to be stealthy, but this is anything but simple… Oddly enough, he's more comfortable than the bed even though he has scales. I rest my head for a moment, but I quickly freeze when he stops snoring. Of course I'm not quiet enough, because I can see him slightly stirring in his sleep. Or... maybe I'm just heavy, and the force of my body suddenly being there is waking him up. Wait... He's murmuring something that sounds an awful lot like my name. My stomach feels completely jittery right now, because he definitely did say my name, but followed it with a "laying on me?" In a lame attempt to look like I'm asleep, I try my best to close my eyes and make it look natural. I hope it works.
I feel something gently poke my forehead. I can't see Spike's face at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I have a good idea of what it looks like right now. The only thing I hear right now is the soft breathing of the guy I woke up, but I shouldn't expect much. He's probably going to ask me to get off of him because I'm invading his personal space. Nothing happens for what seems like an hour, but it's probably only minutes.
"Hey Dash?" He whispers. My stomach is doing flips right now; I really wasn't expecting this to happen. I think he bought that I was asleep, though, because he wouldn't be whispering otherwise. I feel kind of guilty for tricking him, because lying is the fastest way to lose a friend's trust... at least, that's what Pinkie keeps telling me.
"Yeah?" I ask with a fake yawn, my voice cracking a bit.
"You're laying on me."
"Yeah, I know." I can feel my stomach twist into knots. My heart starts to beat faster than I'd like it to, and I pray he can't feel it. Thank Celestia the candle that lit the room had been put out, because I know for a fact that I'm blushing. I don't know what I'd do if Spike saw me blush.
Crud. I just jinxed myself.
"Well... Are you aware you're blushing?" he asks me. Is he wearing night vision goggles? I don't remember him being able to see in the dark.
My cheeks are becoming even more flushed. I'm pretty sure my entire face has turned red by now. "I am?" I fumble out stupidly. I'm afraid to look at him. Is he mad at me? I mean, I'm not hearing anger in his voice, but that could be because he's tired.
"Dash... are you alright?" He asks me quietly, and I raise my head to look at him to find myself close to his face. Really close. His face is literally only a couple of inches away from mine. His expression shows that he is confused, but also slightly amused with what I was doing. I open my mouth to say something, but a whimper is all that comes out.
Oh Celestia, why? Why in Equestria did I just do that? That was the stupidest thing to do in a situation like this. I look at Spike, but his facial expression never changes. "Uh…," I nervously chuckle. Spike continues to stare at me, and I want to do nothing more than crawl into a hole or hide under the bed.
"You okay?" he repeats softly to me.
I fumble around with my hooves a bit, mumbling nonsense as I triy to think of something to say. I don't know if he was concerned or not, but I had the feeling he was going to ask me to move at any moment. "I'm fine," I squeak. I'm surprised he isn't laughing at me right now. Nopony, not even me, would expect myself to be reduced to a blushing, squeaky dork. I look back at and take a deep breath "Sorry if I woke you up."
Did I just... Oops.
"What?" he asks, and then, even in the darkness, I can see a small grin form on his face. "Dash, you were asleep when I woke up. If anything, I'm the one who woke you up. Unless..." An uncomfortable silence fills the room.
Please, don't say anything stupid... please don't say anything stupid. "I... wasn't asleep," I respond, my voice still squeaking slightly. I really hate myself right now. His expression surprisingly stays the same, which makes me even more nervous than I already was.
"You've been awake?" he asks. "For how long?"
"I…I haven't slept," I respond, the blush once again creeping its way onto my cheeks. I quickly bury my head into my hooves. The motion incidentally puts my hooves on Spike's chest. I think I feel him flinch, but I can't be positive on that. I'm too busy trying to hide my shame before he pushes me off the bed.
"What have you been doing this entire time, then?" Of course. The one question I don't want to answer. He just had to ask it, didn't he? I keep silent, hoping he'll ignore the question he just asked. Fat chance of that happening. "Dash…what have you been doing?" I wasn't doing anything that bad, right?
"It's creepy," I mumble quietly into my hooves. Maybe this was a good enough answer for him, but I really doubt it. Spike is the type of... creature, I should put it, that usually wants a straightforward answer. Trying to talk past the question isn't going to get me anywhere, and running away would just make things more awkward in the long run.
"Tell me anyway." I should've known better. I raise my head to look back at him, and his eyes are slightly stern, almost as if they're telling me I should know better than to give vague answers. Wait... is he blushing, or is that just my imagination? I push that thought out of my mind, and shake my head in response to his question. It looks like he's going to to open his mouth again, but I let out a sigh that makes him stop. I shut my eyes tightly for a moment, before opening them again.
"I've been…watching you sleep," I quietly whisper, hoping he didn't hear me. To my dismay, however, he does hear me. The stern look fades and his eyes turn much softer. I can't identify the emotion he's using at the current moment, because I don't remember seeing anything like it.
"If you're bored, you could've said something," he responds. I blush for about the tenth time tonight, to which Spike raises his eyebrows in question. I bite my bottom lip, before I look straight into his eyes and answer him.
"I... wasn't bored." I respond boldly.
"You weren't? Well I guess, since I am asleep, I wouldn't really know…but, Dash…"
"Huh?"
"Have you ever…like, watched me before or…is this the first time?"
"It's…the first time in a whi-" Is... this is a dream? Only my mind could think up Spike ending my sentence prematurely by kissing me, softly, on the lips. It's almost like a test, like he doesn't know if he should but he's going to anyway. Now I've lost my breath and my eyes are wide, and he just looks as if it were no big deal, but there is a smile fighting to show on his face.
"You know, I never really knew you could be so submissive, Dash," he says. I mumble something incoherently, trying to prevent myself from blushing anymore than I needed to. I can't be dreaming. Even I could not think up a dream like this. This must be karma for putting up with my incoherent emotions all these years and watching Spike be head-over-heels with Rarity. It's finally my turn to have something really, honestly good happen.
"I... Neither did I..."I respond quietly. He laughs just as quietly before kissing my forehead. I relax against him, a small yawn escaping my mouth.
I watch you while you sleep, Spike, and freaking creepy as that may be, you don't seem so angry about it.
