Do you know the words I wish to say but cannot?
Do you realise all I would apologize for if only I had the courage?
For one thousand years I felt the cruel pain of isolation, every day was a reminder of the betrayal I had dealt towards you.
I have no excuse for what I did, or how I acted.
I think back to how you used to come to me with questions to which I would try to answer. I remember when I would come to you for comfort when I felt frightened. I miss the days we would read together, play together, explore together.
The first day we moved the moon and the sun were one of my happiest memories, the look of genuine childish glee upon our young faces as the celestial objects moved to our commands. I think between the two of us we caused no end of mischief that initial week, too young to know the consequences our actions would bring unto others.
I think back to how we used to be, when we were young and you were always there for me. Always the one with a kind word, the one to help me when I was down. I came to rely on you, came to depend on you. You were placed upon a pedestal but in time I began to forget the reason why. In time I took it for granted, and to my eternal shame I performed my greatest sin at that time.
The sin I committed was simple, I let issues become important, issues that became everything to me. I think, in a small way looking back, I believed I was doing it for you. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I believed I was doing it for good reason and this blinded me.
When I wished you close you were there, when you sought comfort I was beside you. We ruled side by side once we matured, and yet I was the foalish one. I ruined all we had, I nearly ruined everything we had managed to create, I nearly ruined you...
The guilt that ate at me, it was as if a void had been torn in my chest. I had done cruel things, selfish things...
Yet, was I truly in control of my actions or was I merely a victim of my emotions? No, to go down that path is to create an excuse, an excuse for which there is no recourse, I was in the wrong. I acted, I did what I did in the belief... the self vindication it was correct, that I was right.
I remember now with clarity the war, the suffering we both caused, yet then it felt as if time was merely a river rushing towards its destination. A week, an hour, a moment... they all flowed into one single second, each second we breathed, we fought, we bled. Watching our armies converge, hearing their screams of anger and wails of agony.
Sometimes dear sister, sometimes I still hear them. When I let out the softest whimper in my sleep, I am remembering such horrible, vile memories. Yet I can never forget, no... I can never allow myself to forget. To forget is to repeat the same mistakes, one I shall never allow myself to do no matter the cause, no matter the stakes.
The fighting, it dragged on for days, weeks, months. Families suffered, our... subjects suffered. We were both too focused on ending it as soon as possible, to remove the one who had denied us our goal. They speak of glorious battles, of good and evil clearly represented. We both know that is a lie, there is no glory in what we perpetrated. The horrors we committed unknowingly to try and stop the other.
Our grand army was torn in two to follow one of us, one of the exalted alicorn sisters. Brother against brother, sister against sister... and parent against child. I had a very long time to think about these things, you are well aware of that... I think that the hardest part was when they would realise what they had done and collapse in anguish. I am glad historians have lost such details, no-one deserves to remember that, to learn of that. That is only your burden and mine alone to bear.
Then... then with our forces exhausted, our resources almost spent, we met one last time on the battlefield. Your eyes focused, your ideals steeled towards what you had to do, what you felt you needed to do to me. My heart dear sister, my heart almost crumbled in that moment, for I felt the same. You looked at me as if I was a monster and perhaps you were right, but I know my gaze reflected the same of you.
The battle, they still speak of it in legend to this day a thousand years after the fact so I hear, how we fought, we raged, and we refused to relent. To give in at that stage as you know was to admit we were wrong. I think at that point, we both knew we were... but we couldn't admit it, our anger driving us forward.
I remember the sacrifice of one of your guards, throwing herself before you to take a mortal blow that I... I was about to deal to you when you were caught unaware. Her death, do you know I never forgot her name despite her being my enemy at the time? The look of contentment upon her face knowing she had saved you, seeing you safe even as you screamed out her name.
It's... funny, you probably thought them tears of rage within my eyes but they were tears shed for her. That one emotion tore through me, it pounded into my resolve. To see her sacrifice herself, to protect you as I, by Equestria, as I of all ponies should have been doing! I decided then and there I had to end this, to stop the fighting even if it meant...
You know what happened next, when I launched my final attack. They talk of it as it was desperation, as if I had nothing left to give. One last charge they say, thankfully stories fade, they alter. I knew you were weakened, I knew what would occur if this didn't end. I can never forgive myself for what I did.
I used my loyal soldiers, the ones who had followed my ideals against your own. I used them to weaken you, I remember all their names just like the one who sacrificed herself for your safety. I have memorilised them, each and every single pony who gave their lives that day. I will show you sometime, I know you will be happy to see how I have immortalized their memory.
You were overwhelmed, the history books speak of this as if it was a close thing. I'm glad they say such, it does you justice dear sister despite the bitter memories entwined within. You fought valiantly, you fought with desperation... but in the end you fought to save as many of your soldiers as possible.
I could not fault such a thing, seeing you as you were cornered, knowing the inevitable and yet you fought on. No longer for yourself, but for those who you protected under your wings. You were my enemy, but I had never felt as proud of you in that moment. It is such an odd thing to admit is it not, but the truth sometimes is. In the face of certain defeat you applied every ounce of yourself for them.
I could not fight such dedication, such selflessness. Whatever the cause, whatever was the defining focus behind the war... no-one could have stood against what at that very moment, that very instance you fought for. No longer for yourself, you had pushed past your limitations to make sure at least one of those who believed in you would continue to breathe.
Knowing I could not stand against such conviction, I instead took a third option. You always said to look outside the box, to see past a linear path and instead walk along the grass. You would have been proud of me then, if I had the courage I would ask you dear sister now if that was true. I went for your soldiers, not to kill, but to disable. I again am not proud of what I did, but I removed them from you, took away your reason to continue.
Then, as my soldiers were overwhelming you in sheer numbers, I got them to weaken you. I used them... the words feel filthy in my mouth. I can not hide behind the lie that I was not thinking, that I was under the influence of something else. What I did in that moment will forever haunt me, forever torture me.
But it pales to the memory of when I had you, when you were finally exhausted.
Yet, the look upon your face when the time came for the final blow to be delivered, I faltered. For a scant moment, the narrowest window I saw you as I remembered you, as I loved you my sister. I saw within your eyes the sister I adored, the sister I loved, the sister I needed.
I know you saw it too, that is why you didn't deal the blow when I hesitated leaving myself open. Why we both didn't deal the blow that would have ended it, forever.
Yet the history books are correct on what occurred, the betrayal... it never leaves, I feel it within me of what I have done. I would plead before you, and cry for forgiveness... but it would be a wasted gesture.
I watch you now surrounded by the colts and fillies, their innocent joy of your company expressed clearly upon their young faces. Despite everything dear sister, you show me that you still hold within you kindness. You still hold within you the sister that would encourage me when I was down.
Seeing how you interact with them, it gives me hope that we... that I can be forgiven for what I have done. That those in the past would forgive me, just to see this one moment and see what we have done, together. I cannot ask for their forgiveness anymore than I can ask for your own, if only I could. If only I would.
How you interact with Twilight Sparkle, I can only smile when I see how open you are with her. You deserve someone like her to help you, to guide you more than I ever could dear sister, and yet I will be here for you whenever you may fall.
I will never, ever leave your side again dearest sister. If there is one thing I have taken from what was committed in the past, it is the resolve to never repeat it again. I will be vigilant, I will not be lost to my emotions.
I will not ignore you when you need me.
I will not think other things more important than you.
I will not be lost in my self imposed duties over you.
You are my sister, nothing will change that and I shall never let it occur again.
The mare looked up from where she was talking with the young ponies, enjoying each question asked of her as she lay upon the soft grass. Noticing her sister approach she gave a smile, her tone reflecting the concern for the expression that flickered like a ghost upon the alicorn's face.
"All is well dear sister?" Luna spoke with a slight tilt of her head, the foals looking in the direction of the Princess of the Sun as she gave a small smile back.
"Yes Luna, all is well with you by my side." Celestia spoke truthfully, noticing Luna's slightly bemused expression before the dark mare got to her hooves. "I see you're quite popular today." She added with a mischievous smile coming to her lips.
"It would appear so, we... I... would think your company would be appreciated with the children too, do you not think that would be wonderous?" Luna's last words addressed to those around her who paid no effort to hide their enthusiasm to this idea.
Celestia gave a smile in response, her heart filled with warmth seeing the scene of her sister and the foals around her. How they looked up at her, responded to her, trusted her. After appearing contemplative Celestia offered a small nod and stepped towards the group.
"I believe we are due to meet up with my most faithful student, Twilight. I think she might enjoy spending time with you all just as much." What Celestia said was met with doubled enthusiasm, although how much was for Twilight, and how much was for the possibility of Spike or Pinkie Pie accompanying her was even beyond the princess's insight.
"Then let us make haste!" Luna's voice tinged with excitement, encouraging the foals as they made off for the courtyard at a soft canter, towards where Twilight would be arriving. Celestia paused momentarily as she watched her sister before following, the smile never leaving her muzzle.
Do you know the words I wish to say but cannot?
Do you realise all I would apologize for if only I had the courage?
For one thousand years I felt the cruel pain of isolation without you, every day was a reminder of the betrayal I had dealt.
For it was I who cast you into the moon when I couldn't bring myself to kill you, when you couldn't kill me.
Yet you already know that I need not ask the words, to ask for your apology?
Luna gazed back, her green eyes full of playful mirth as she watched her sister. Celestia meeting her gaze as their smiles grew, the older sister joining the younger as a wing gently brushed to her side.
Because I know I need not ask.
Because we are sisters, and we always shall be.
I will always love and be there for you, forever.
