What Happens to Those Who Live
My story begins here
I grunted, rolling over as harsh sunlight hit me in the face. I covered my eyes with my hooves, not needing the usual boredom and emptiness that came with each passing day. I thought of comfort and... and a full belly, feeling myself drift away.
But I rose quickly when the sounds of magic gunfire roared through the air. Another gunfight? I thought blearily as I gathered my things, slinging the ratty old saddlebag over my back. I stealthily crawled through the hut I was in and peeked out the shattered window.
Two stallions were battling it out in the center of a clearing. One had multiple gunshot wounds to one leg, the other had a huge hole in his right wing. Idiot. I thought. Only those with a death wish flew in the daylight. I saw the stallion with leg wounds dash behind a rock to reload. I got a look at him before he slowly recovered and began firing again. He was a light orange earth pony, with wavy brown hair and a cutie mark that looked like it couldn't be anything to help him in the wasteland.
The pegasus stallion fired off three quick rounds, then dashed forward a little. The earth pony scrambled to the side, firing one slow round. Though he wasn't a quick shooter, I saw the bullet leave a sizable hole in a nearby rock. Super Slugs. I thought grudgingly. If he won, he would be a bad opponent. even with his wounds.
The pegasus, who was a blue green with dark blue hair, looked momentarily to the side. The earth pony took his chance. Next thing the pegasus knew, his head was rolling on the ground, ripped from the neck from the force of the shot. I stared in shock at the accuracy. Most couldn't hit a wing like the earth pony had, much less a head.
All was silent for a few moments, save for the cawing of some distant bird.
The earth pony turned to my hiding place, "I know you're there."
I ducked down just as a shot opened a hole in the wall behind me. I stared in fear at the level. Had I not reacted so quickly, my head would be in the same condition as the pegasus'.
Quickly readying my weapon, I dropped the ammo as a bullet ripped through the wall next to me. Shit, how good a shot can he be?
"I'm missing on purpose, you know." the earth pony called. "If I wanted to, I could guess where your head is and send it flying."
Nothing made me doubt it. I slowly rose and raised my hooves. "I-I-I don't want any t-t-trouble." I stammered. "B-but with you firing at me and such..." I trailed off. The earth pony glared.
"And I wouldn't shoot if you weren't sneaking around like some rodent." he said with acid on his tongue.
I gulped and called out. "I just was trying to stay out of it. Like I said, I don't want trouble. I'm just wandering, staying alive. Like you."
The earth pony laughed. It was a harsh, grating laugh. "Well then, I don't see how. You can't survive by sneaking around, occasionally getting supplies from trade caravans. Don't tell me you go into town. No one can be trus- Gah!" He stumbled, his wounds finally taking toll.
Seeing a chance, I grabbed my ammo, stuffing it into my gun: a small, powerful pistol I called Ol' Ironhoof. Turning swiftly, I came out of cover for a clear shot. The earth pony was unconscious, though. I pointed my gun at him, but nothing willed me to shoot. My morals were too great.
I walked into the clearing. He didn't move, save for the faint rise and fall of his chest. I went up to the pegasus, and checked for anything that could help me. I took his saddlebags, his ammo, his semi-powerful semi-automatic rifle, and the water he had with him. I then looked to the earth pony again. I couldn't will myself to shoot, even though if he woke up he'd probably kill me anyway. I stood there for a few moments before making my decision.
Sighing, I heaved the pony onto my back and set off towards the nearest town. Ponyville. Never thought I'd go back. I grit my teeth and kept walking.
A few hours later, I sat in a chair in the waiting room of the run-down clinic in what used to be Ponyville. This specific building was something called SugarCube Corner, if the history books read correctly. TY=The original clinic that had been here wasn't anywhere to be found. I looked around at the gray, aged walls, thinking of what they must have been like in the Happy Times.
Ah, yes, the Happy Times. Stuff of legends, nowadays. When Luna and Celestia still lived. When we had the Elements of Harmony to protect us. When the legendary mare Pinkie Pie ran this shop without a care in the world.
Slowly, after his second defeat, Discord had broken free of his prison. A history book I'd found someplace read as follows:
A Brief History of the Wasteland
Celestia was concerned of the recent cracks in Discord's statue, and called the Elements to help. They arrived, and saw for themselves what was happening. Discord himself spoke to the ponies, speaking of his chaos coming, and his close return. Panicked, the Sun Princess tried every method she knew of resealing the statue, but every attempt only seemed to hasten the process. Finally, Discord broke free. He quickly dispatched the Princesses and went after the Elements. They fought valiantly, but seemingly nothing happened when they used the Elements against him. He finished off his greatest enemies and reigned over us all with chaos.
Many rebelled against him, but said rebels never lasted long. Slowly our fair land of Equestria was brought to its knees, and then Discord left, claiming to "finish what he started." No one has seen him since. Equestria was left a wasteland, where ponies slowly learned how to fight, something they hadn't needed to do for over a thousand years. We developed "guns" with our magic. They shoot bits of magic in a casing, and that ammo is highly explosive when used correctly. Gradually, Equestria has become lawless and dangerous for the most innocent foal to the evillest villain. But... aren't we all villains, living as we do now?
I now move on to what has happened in the past fifty ears of the wasteland. First, I-
The book had cut off with a smudge of ink and a spatter of blood. I shuddered.
Just then, a nurse stepped through the door leading upstairs. He was a mint green unicorn with a dirty orange mane. Odd colors. I thought.
"He'll live." the nurse reported reported. "But he'll be stuck in bed for a while."
I nodded. For some reason, I'd felt the need to help the pony, even though it meant endangering myself in a town. Towns were where you could easily get robbed, mugged, murdered, raped, etc. You were always watching your back.
I remember when I was little (and scared), my sister -our parents were dead- would tell me stories of Mare-Do-Well, the superhero from the Happy Times. Apparently, she was around even today, helping ponies in need. But of course, those were just stories, stories for foals. No heroes lived today. They were either fake, or died quickly.
Shaking my head to get out of my thoughts, I asked, "How long should he be here?"
The nurse looked at me. "Maybe four days. Luckily, none of the bullets hit his bones, but the wounds have damaged his muscles. We can heal him given that amount of time."
I nodded. "So, should I just find a place to stay?"
The nurse regarded me like I was crazy. "Are you kidding? You'll die quicker than a bullet rips through flesh. This is probably the most unsafe town in all Equestria now."
I nodded grimly. "I know. My sister died here."
The nurse's eyes widened slightly. "Oh. I'm sorry for bringing it up."
I shook my head. "No, no. It's fine. It happened a few years ago."
The mint unicorn nodded slowly. "I see. What happened."
I shrugged, trying to seem indifferent, although I was crying inside. "Raped. Then beat to death. What else?"
The nurse looked surprise at my seemingly indifferent attitude. "Oh. You... you don't seem affected in any way."
I nodded slowly. "It happens everywhere. Why mourn one death when thousands of others probably died in the same second?"
The nurse shook his head. "That's no way to look at the world, much less the death of a family member."
I chuckled grimly. "It's that view that keeps me alive." I turned and trotted out and away from the pastry shop made clinic.
I flew backwards into the wall, my breath leaving my body. I opened my eyes to see the burly drunk stallion standing a few feet away. He was a dark brown earth pony with matching hair. His cutie mark, if it can be called that, was something too crude for me to repeat.
"You don' mess wi' me, you here?" He slurred, "I'm th' one who leads 'round... 'round here." He swayed, but one of his companions steadied him.
I stood slowly, and threw him a glare. "Your too drunk to even stand. Your cronies fought me. I could beat you single handed right here, right now."
He shot a glare right back at me, and his buddies raised their hooves threateningly.
"You dare to challenge me?" The drunk shouted, all of his drunkenness gone. "You dare to challenge me, leader of the Deadly Blades, One-Shot Hoofman!?"
Against my better judgement, my anger flared. This was the group that was responsible for my lack of a sister! I began to talk smack at him.
"The Deadly Blades? Please. I could think of a better name in my sleep. And One-Shot Hoofman? What kind of name is that? Your mom must have been a real stupid bitch to-"
I was cut off as his hoof slammed into the side of my face. I flew to the side and into another pony, who laughed and roughly shoved me back into the growing circle of ponies. I faced One-Shot, his eyes burning with rage, fueled by his drunk state. He swung a hoof at me, and I ducked, my adrenaline pumping. And thank whatever deity is out there. I thought. If not for that, I would be losing, dazed from the first two punches.
I tried to kick One-Shot's legs out from under him, but my legs met solid resistance. One-Shot lifted a leg, and brought it down on my left. I screamed in rage and pain as I felt something give. I scooted backwards quickly and checked the damage. It wasn't too bad, but it would be if this fight went on for too long. I looked back up to receive another hoof in my face. But it was one of One-Shot's followers that delivered the punch. I stood up and bucked the stallion, sending him into a dazed heap more than a few yards away.
"That's cheating!" I shouted at One-Shot. The brown earth pony just grinned.
"No, it isn't." he said, "I'm the law in this town, so you do as I say."
I looked around at the other ponies, daring them to say something against his claim. When I met a silvery mare's eyes, she quickly averted her own. I snorted in contempt. They had all been cheering only moments before. Now when I was winning, or when I had spoken out against One-Shot, they were silent.
"Well?" I shouted into the crowd. "Are you all chicken? Are you all his bitches, sitting there, doing what he says, no matter what?" I saw a stallion and a mare looking at me in slight interest, but they also looked away when I tried to make eye contact. The mare was a light pink, and she had a disheveled mane and tail. Her husband was dark blue, and he was glaring with complete hatred at One-Shot. I interpreted that as a sign that his wife had been raped by the Blades.
I turned back to One-Shot, disgusted. "I should have done this when I had the chance all those years ago."
Using my magic (oh wait, did I say I have magic? Oh, well, I do) I pulled 'Ol Ironhoof from his holster and pointed it directly at One-Shot's head, who's eyes widened once they lit on the barrel aiming right in between them. But then he laughed.
"You... I remember you now! Your sister... ah, yes, she was a good bi-" His face caved in where the bullet had hit it and he toppled, never to finish his sentence. The air rang with the echo of my shot, and everyone stared in awe at the body of the stallion they had all feared for so long. One-Shot's cronies stared in fear at me, and for good measure I shot the one pony who actually looked like he was about to attack me. That did it.
I stepped forward, and everypony made a path to the bar for me. I walked up to it, slapping what little bits I had on the counter. "One room and food for four days."
The stallion nodded and took the bits, giving me the key to my room and backing away quickly. I grunted and trudged up the stairs, feeling everyone's eyes on me.
I found the room and stepped inside. It was in okay condition, and had quite a lot of room for being such a "popular" inn. I threw my saddlebags on the bed and looked at myself in the mirror.
My dark gray coat was smudged with dirt and grit from the past few weeks of wandering. There were a few cuts, but nothing serious. My dark vest seemed fine, also. My dark green mane was streaked with dirt also, and my tail was even more of a mess than usual. I remember my sister saying how she loved how I had such a... "poofy" tail.
I felt my eyes tear up and I quickly wiped them away. No use in crying at this point. I turned away from my blue gaze and locked the door firmly with my magic.I then placed a drawer in front of it, effectively sealing it off.
Feeling safe, I crawled into the bed. I pulled a knife from a pocket in my vest and settled down, drifting away.
What was that? I had thought I'd heard a soft scratching noise. I listened closely, miming sleep. There it was again. I groaned, as if having a bad dream. Satisfaction. I grinned when I heard the sharp intake of breath from outside the door, and then sighed, as if relaxing again. As if copying me, the pony outside let out a soft sigh of relief, and began pushing on the door again. Slowly, ever so slowly, I saw, through squinted eyes, the door open and a dark shape slip in, closing the door behind them.
The dark shape moved closer to my bed, and I heard a low chuckle as they assumed victory. I tightened my grip on the knife, which was under the sheets. The pony -or at least what I was still assuming was a pony- lifted something. Something that glinted in the soft light of the moon, which somehow still rises every night. Something sharp.
Just before the blade came down, my knife plunged into the pony's stomach. I heard a feminine gasp, and rolled quickly out of the bed. Wait... feminine!?
I flicked on a lamp sitting nearby and looked at the prone form on the floor before me. It was a yellow earth pony mare, with an orange mane and tail. She grunted and groaned as blood pooled around her.
"What... who are you?" I asked. "You're not a member of he Blades!"
The mare looked up at me, and grinned. "Well, for starters, I thought you were someone else. So now that we're friends, can you take me to the nearest clinic?"
I just stood there, dumbfounded. "Wh... what?"
Her grin turned to a glare. "I said: Take. Me. To. The. Nearest. Clinic." She said it slowly, as if I couldn't understand her. I scowled.
"Well, I've got enemies at the moment, so don't bother me. If you can treat yourself, I'd recommend doing it, because if I tried you'd die quicker. Good night." I turned off the light and got back in bed. I heard a few more grunts from the mare, an then I heard a humming sound.
Next thing I knew, a body slid into the bed next to me. I waited for a moment, my heart beating frantically, then I felt breath on the back of my neck.
"Eeeeyagh!" I shouted, leaping from the bed. I looked back to the bed as the light was turned back on, and saw the mare, perfectly fine, laying (or is it lying?) in the bed in a... suggestive position. I eyed her warily and she laughed.
"That was hilarious!" the mare rolled around in the bed, laughing uncontrollably. She suddenly stopped, and I felt a reluctant hope that she had just disappeared. A figment of my imagination.
"Come on!" she said, suddenly at my side. "You need to get out of here now!"
"What?" I turned to her, jumping back in surprise to the distance between us. Our snouts were almost touching.
"You have to get out! Now!" she roughly shoved me towards the window, throwing my saddlebags at me. I caught them, but stumbled, landing on my rump.
I stared, dumbstruck, as she seemingly pulled a long, thin sword out of nowhere. She looked back to me.
"Dumbass! Get moving!" She swung at me, hitting the boards an inch away from two things very important to every stallion. I scrambled towards the window, looking back at her once.
"I'll handle these idiots." She said around the hilt of her sword. "Wait for me at the clinic! I'll tell you what to do after that!"
I dropped down, hearing the door crash inwards... which was immediately followed by male screams. I ran, away from the giant tree that had once been a famous library.
The next morning, I sat in the clinic waiting room, staring at the front doors. The nurse from yesterday came out and looked at me.
"Um..." he said uncertainly. "Why are you back here."
"I'm waiting for someone." I replied, not moving.
The nurse audibly gulped. "Well, if you don't mind, I have good news."
"What happened to your attitude?" I asked. the nurse did a double-take.
"Well..." he looked around nervously. His gaze never met mine. "I... I heard about last night..."
I sighed. "Really? You're afraid of me. I just shot him because he raped my sister. And he was pissing me off." I said nonchalantly.
The nurse got a weird look in his eyes as he maneuvered in front of me. "You haven't slept, have you?"
I shrugged. "She said she'd meet me here, and so I waited for her. But she hasn't come yet."
The nurse stared me straight in the eye. "You. Need. Sleep."
I shook my head. "No!" I began angrily. "I don't need-"
Kathonk. My head met the floorboards as consciousness fled me.
"Hey!" the distant voice came. "Hey! Dumbass! Get up!"
I felt a sharp kick hit my side, and my eyes flew open. The yellow mare from the night before stood over me, glaring down.
"You'll die if you live like that." she snorted. She turned to the nurse. "He's fine. What about Jer?"
The nurse looked shocked. "Wait... Karen? You... you disappeared.... when..." he trailed off.
Karen glared, "Mobius screwed up big time. He needed my help. Sadly, I see nothing has changed since I last left this reality."
The nurse groaned. "Oh, you better believe it. We lost contact when you... disappeared, and since then everyone's either turned up dead or like Jer."
What kind of name was Jer? "Excuse me?" I broke in, "But I really have no idea what you're talking about."
Karen facehoofed. "Right. You're just here by accident. Well, I'm here to help, that's all I'm saying. I had friends, but they're dead or somewhere in the wastes." She waved a dismissive hoof. "I hear that you brought in an earth pony a few days ago. What exactly happened?"
I explained the past two days, and Karen nodded. "You knew full well that the pony could have killed you whenever he felt like it, right?"
I nodded, then sighed. "Yes. But I couldn't bring myself to kill him. Besides, that pegasus did a number on him, and-"
"Wait, the other pony was a pegasus?" Karen interrupted nervously.
"I... yes, why?"
Karen stood there, looking shell-shocked, before crumpling. "No..."
The nurse looked equally shocked, but he moved forward to comfort his... friend, I guess.
"It's okay..." he comforted, "We don't have a way to return like you do anyway. He would have-"
"Shut up!" Karen stood. "He understood me better than anyone!" Tears formed in her eyes. "I... I loved him, and he loved me." A dark, burning hatred entered her eyes. "This is unacceptable!"
She started to charge to the stairs, but the nurse got in her way. "It wasn't his fault!"
"How do you know!?" Karen screamed frantically.
"I know... I know because I know how Fleffer was." Where do they come up with these names? "You remember how easily he got into a fight. It was only made worse when you were gone."
Karen nodded, then trudged out the door.
I gaped, then turned to the nurse. "Wait... what?"
The nurse shook his head. "Too long of a story. Just say that now is a bad time. I... I guess since you heard our conversation, Karen thinks you can be trusted. The name's Patch. At least, that's my name here." He winked, and I shook my head.
"Uhhh... name's Graymane Streak."
What just happened?
Two days later, I entered the clinic to a horrible scene. Blood spattered the walls and floor, and ponies were... essentially blown to pieces. One mare had a look of horror frozen on her face, staring at the leg on the floor in front of her, severed by a single... Super Slug. He... he wouldn't have. One stallion had so many holes in his body his intestines were spilled everywhere like a demented pinata. A group of ponies missing there heads were at the foot of the stairs. Only one could have been called not headless... if you consider half of a head still a head.
I turned to the stairs, and saw a long smear of blood leading down it, as if somepony had dragged themselves down its blood-streaked walls. I slowly stepped up the stairs. At the top, I found doors blown off their hinges. Going through the hallway, I found a room that was labeled "unnamed." I assumed it was the stallion I had brought here, and stepped inside.
I found a scene worse than downstairs, and it was all from one pony. Guts... guts were strewn over the room like streamers, and the hind legs of the poor pony were placed on the in table, as if they were flowers left by a lover. The pony itself was an open cavity, revealing what the killer had left inside the body, which was hanging from two hooks on the wall.
That certain pony breathed. I jumped back in disgust as I saw the pony's lungs working through his revealed ribcage. He lifted his head, and through the blood I saw a dark orange mane.
"No..." I whispered. I rushed up to Patch. "Patch... Patch! What happened?"
He looked at me through half-glazed eyes. I heard labored breathing and he spoke in a rasping, wheezing voice.
"He's a devil..." He whispered. "A devil...."
I looked back to the empty bed. "You mean...?"
Patch nodded. "This morning... I woke him up... He asked for some water... I left to get it... When... when I got... got... back... He... he... he..." Patch began wheezing. I stood there until he finished. "He... he had his gun. Took my... left leg in shot... I don't remember much except pain... Then more shots... then screaming..." He wheezed a little more. "I... I saw him leave... through the north exit of town... please... go after him... he won't... make it far... got... one shot in... same leg... was wounded..." Patch smiled weakly in satisfaction, then his eyes widened. But when he tried to speak, no sound came out. I read his lips and saw one word: Run.
At that moment, a bullet ripped Patch off the hooks, throwing him into the wall with a sickening crunch-smack! I looked out the window and saw the pony that I had helped, aiming straight in the window.
I ducked just a second before the shot rang through the air, tearing into the wall and leaving a huge hole. I scrambled out of the room and down the stairs. Bullets ripped into the house like a repeating beat, only broken for when I suspected the gun was being reloaded.
For one terrifying moment I slipped on some blood, and found myself staring into the stomach of the pinata pony. Screaming in terror, I wrenched my face up and wiped furiously at my muzzle. My hooves became soaked with blood, and I felt the air tear next to my ear as a bullet ripped by. Brought back into motion, I streaked out the door and into the street. Bullets ripped past, and I pounded my legs harder into the dirt road, willing myself to go faster.
When I reached the marketplace, ponies saw my terror, and the blood, and immediately chaos reigned. Feeling sick to my stomach, I used this to my advantage. I would dash behind ponies and watch as they were ripped open by the Super Slugs, and then move on. I made my way out of the plaza and into the slums of the Ponyville Wastes.
Running through the cramped streets, I was confronted many times by ponies that I had seen with One-Shot. I ignored them, and ran on, their shouts fading away. I don;t how long I ran for, but someone sudden;y grabbed my neck, lifting me off the ground.
"You! Yous the one who fucked One-Shot up, ain't you? Well, here, take this as payment!" I felt a barrel press against the back of my head, and heard the shot.
But the shot came from another gun, which was followed by the crunch of bones. Turning, I saw the pony who had grabbed me stare at me with wide eyes, the top left side of his head missing. his body crumpled, and I kept on running, seeing siding rip off buildings as shots went awry repeatedly. I ran and ran, until I found a dead end. I stared up it in terror, and heard the clop of hooves as the... thing that I had thought was a pony came closer.
I did something crazy, and it probably saved my life.
I dashed back up the alley, and rounded the corner the moment as... what should I call him? I think I'll call him demon, because that's what he is. I rounded the corner the same moment as Demon did, and his eyes widened as he saw me flash by and away.
Again I was on the run, my stuff left stupidly in my room at the inn. I rounded random corners, trying to throw Demon off, but I heard his hooves easily keeping up with mine at every turn. Finally, I slipped on a loose board in the road, and stumbled. I closed my eyes, waiting for death, embracing it.
When the shot ripped through the air, it seemed twice as loud as normal, and silence reigned again. Nothing moved. Nothing breathed.
Except me. Opening my eyes slowly, I wondered if Demon had been teasing me, drawing out the kill. I shakily stood as nothing happened, and turned to face my attacker.
What I was confronted with was a headless body that swayed unsteadily. The head rolled down the street, away from me, and the gun was left abandoned in front of the body. I stared in awe. What... had somepony actually rescued me?
Another crack-bang! lit the air, and one of the legs disappeared. The body fell, limp and lifeless at last.
I approached the body cautiously, as if expecting it to explode or something. When I reached it, I did something I never thought I would do. I spit on the body, and desecrated it. I picked up the gun with my magic and blew a few holes in the body. When the gun was out of ammo, I slammed it repeatedly into the body. When I was done venting, I stood gasping. The last... however long it had been was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.
I looked up, looking for the shooter who had saved me. What I saw shocked me more than anything.
I saw a purple-and-navy blue costume, and a mask with blue eye-holes. saw a hat that looked oddly familiar, and I saw a cape flaring out behind the pony.
I saw Mare-Do-Well.
The superhero of legend tossed something on the ground next to me, then turned abruptly and ran off. I could here their hooves clacking on the roofs of buildings, though. As if pulled by some other force, I subconsciously grabbed my saddlebag, which was what had been thrown down to the ground, and followed the clacking sound.
I followed it all the way out of town, passing by mangled bodies, crying ponies, and angry shouts -the shouts were blaming me- and went to the edge of town. I saw a dark dot racing away in the distance, and I instantly raced after it. Mare-Do-Well was real! That meant... that meant that there was a chance to save Equestria! With hope keeping me going, I followed the superhero of legend into the Wasteland.
Little did I know what the consequences would be.
What Happens to Those Who Live
Dead Promises and Insanity
My story changes here
I ran into the glaring red sunset, intent on catching the dot that seemed to grow smaller with every step of my hooves. There was also a nagging thought in my head, one that told me I was running from Ponyville, too. Running from the carnage that I had brought in a simple act of trying to help one pony. I felt that that was only a small part of the truth.
You see, I had been running around ever since my sister had died, going from place to place, and finding jobs when I could. I always tried to be the good guy, and I learned pretty quickly that that would get you nowhere.
About two years ago I had found two ponies out in the wasteland. One a lavender mare unicorn, the other a butter yellow pegasus. They had greeted me as those two names that were in every history book, along with four others: Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. For some crazy reason I believed them, and asked if I could journey with them. They agreed, and we had struck out.
Pretty soon I came to trust these two ponies, though I had doubts about their identities. They looked like the Elements of Kindness and Magic, but there were subtle differences that were actually not too hard to notice.
One day I confronted them about this, and they shared an uncomfortable look. They said that they used the names as a ruse, because they were running from a crime they didn't commit. They had been framed, and so posing as the two mares they looked like, they kept running from that town they despised.
I believed this, and that was my own undoing.
One day in the ruined town of Fillydelphia, the two mares I was traveling with murdered someone and stole his bits. Unbeknownst to me, they were disovered and pinned the blame on me with pretty convincing evidence. I found out when they led the "law enforcement" to me, which were actually the buddies of the murdered gang member. I was severely beat, and then thrown out into the street, told that if I didn't leave before sundown, I was a dead stallion.
I had struggled to my feet and left, but not before the ,ares came back. They consoled me, saying words(lies) that never reached my ears. Idiotically, I shot them then and there. I was spotted, and the alarm was raised again. I had fled, and never gone back.
Now here I was, heading in that direction. Well, hell to pay for hell given. I thought grimly. The nagging thought became an insistent voice that told me that dying where I had committed murder in payment for causing death was a good thing. That being killed for somepony else's crime was a good deal. I shook the thought away, but sensed it was still there. I kept running, now telling myself that I was doing this in the name of justice.
I caught up with her that night, seeing the light of a dying fire to the left, not ten meters away.
I came, panting and gasping, to a stop behind a rock. I waited, listening for any telltale signs that she had heard me. Nothing.
I crept up to the form on the ground, lying as if nothing had happened that day, as if they weren't sleeping in the middle of nothingness.
I poked her in the side. "It's dangerous to lower your guard like that. Especially in the open."
She gasped, pulling the gun she had used earlier out and aiming it straight at me. Again, I was saved by uncanny ducking, and the shot rang out above my head.
"Hold it!" I shouted. "I'm on your side! I'm the one you saved back in Ponyville!"
Slowly, the gun lowered, and the mare spoke to me through her mask. "Why did you follow me?" She demanded, "It's dangerous out here!"
I snorted. "Coming from the pony who slept out in the open with a fire going!"
Her voice became indignant. "It's cold!"
"Tough it out!"
"Don't talk to me like that!"
"I'll talk however I want, even if you're Mare-Do-Well! Or maybe you're just another poser!" I turned, about to gallop away, when a different tone of voice reached my ears.
"No... wait, please don't go... It's been so lonely out here..." I turned in shock and looked at the mare before me. The mask and hat had been cast aside, and what I saw shocked me to no end.
Sitting in front of me was a gray earth pony, with a blue mane that flowed out in contrast to the color of her face. Here eyes were pools of green, filled with loneliness and pain. Something in those eyes and her voice compelled me to sit down.
"Okay... that wasn't something I expected." I said slowly, making sure she got the implication.
The mare nodded glumly, and looked at the ground, "I know. It's just... I've been going around, helping ponies when I could, but looking for..."
"Looking for...?" I prompted.
"Him." she stated simply, biting her lower lip. I got the meaning.
"Discord!?" I practically shouted. Who in their right mind went after Discord?
"Shhhhh!" The mare hissed, shoving me down, immediately snuffing out the fire. "Do you have a death wish!?"
"What? What are you talking about?" I squirmed under her, trying to get free, but she was on top of me, forcing me to eventually lie still.
"Discord has spies everywhere!" the mare whispered in my ear. "Not only that, but saying his name is now taboo, thanks to a certain spell." I could barely hear her words. "How do you think all the heroes disappear so quickly?"
"What do you mean, taboo?" I whispered at the same volume.
"Taboo! What else could it mean?" she said it as if I should know.
"I know what it means, but why is it taboo?"
"That's how He kills off rebels so quickly. They go on about going after Him, and that allows him to pinpoint their location and send the nearest assassin to kill them. That's also why you were targeted by that pony. He was an assassin, but you didn't know that. He found out about how you killed that gang leader, who happened to have close ties to him. And so, your a target now. He knows you're out here, and that can either be good, or bad."
My eyes widened. "How is that even possible?"
Mare-Do-Well shrugged, "It's His magic. I don't question what he has up his sleeve, I just look for Him." she sighed, and let me up.
As soon as I sat up, however, she shoved me back down.
"What-" a hoof was shoved into my mouth.
I felt her move down towards my head, then felt her breath next to my ear. Her voice was almost inaudible. "One of them is here."
I stopped moving, and sat silently. Soon I heard the faint, oh ever so faint, scrape of careful hooves on dry earth. Mare-Do-Well maneuvered off of me and slunk away, not making a sound. Slowly, cautiously, I tried to do the same. I slipped, and a loose stone clacked away. I froze, as did the hoofsteps. I waited a moment, then looked up to see Mare-Do-Well, her mask and hat back on, gesturing frantically for me to run.
I scrambled to my feet just as the steps came back, quicker than before. I jerked up as a bullet ripped the air a few inches away, and ran.
"Go! Go!" Mare-Do-Well screamed, streaking into the night. I followed, my saddlebags bouncing up and down on my back.
I heard more gunshots, and looked back to see a dark shape chasing me, and chasing fast. I pounded my legs into the ground and gained a burst of speed.
While I ran I tried to pull my gun from its holster with my magic, and I was struggling. I jerked it out, though, when a bullet whizzed by, close enough for me to feel the heat coming off of it. Turning my head, I saw the shape gaining ground again, and fired a wild shot. The shadow stopped, and I slowed. but immediately after I did, the shape moved again and fired off three rounds. I jerked back into a gallop and didn't stop once.
Save the occasional shot backwards, I kept on running. Every shot I sent back made the hoofsteps behind me pause, giving a few seconds respite, before starting up again. Mare-Do-Well was nowhere to be found. Hmph. Some hero. I thought darkly.
A bullet grazed my flank at that moment, and I stumbled. I regained my feet, and heard another shot, which was followed by a scream.
I jerked around and saw the shape much closer than he had been a few moments ago, and i saw a pool of blood glinting in the faint moonlight, along with intestines. I grimaced.
Immediately Mare-Do-Well was at my side, asking questions in rapid succession.
"Are you okay? Did he hit you? Were there any more than one?"
"Stop!" I shoved her away. "A bullet only grazed me. I'm fine."
Mare-Do-Well took a step back. "We need to get you to the Hospitale."
"I'm fine!" I spat. "And what the hell is the Hospitale?"
Mare-Do-Well paused. "No, you're not okay. Their bullets are mixed with poisonous chemicals that will kill you if they puncture the skin. You... you have a few days, maybe a week. The Hospitale is the only clinic area that has a cure."
I shook my head. "And this... Hospitale is where?"
Mare-Do-Well paused again. "The quickest route is through the Everfree."
I blinked. "The Everfree!? Are you crazy? The overgrown, easy-to-get-lost-in Everfree?"
I turned to leave, but a serious, soft voice made me immediately turn back. "No."
My mouth went dry at her tone. "What?" I croaked.
"The Hospitale is the only hidden rebel town in all Equestria." Mare-Do-Well said, "It's where rebels gather to get supplies, food, equipment, and medical help. I myself have stopped there frequently, to restock, and it's the only place that knows how to deal with your wound." She paused.
"Do on." I prompted.
"If you join me, you'll immediately mark yourself an enemy of Him, because you'll have ties with the rebels."
"And if I refuse?"
"You die. Alone, in pain, and without purpose."
I weighed my options. It was either live and fight for the good cause, or die. Hmmm... "Well, being Public Enemy Number 1 beats dying by a mile. I'll join you."
The relief in Mare-Do-Well's voice was quite obvious. "Great!" she said, "Come on, then."
She dashed off towards a dark mass I assumed was the Everfree, and I followed. The pain in my leg became excruciating, but I didn't dare admit it.
Finally Mare-Do-Well noticed and slowed down to a fast walk. "You okay?" her voice was laced with concern.
"I'm fine!" I hissed through clenched teeth. "You're not my-"
My leg collapsed, and I stumbled. Mare-Do-Well caught me and said. "You're not okay."
"Yes! I am! I just-" My leg went into some odd spasm, and I was left twitching on the ground.
Mare-Do-Well stood over me, and said. "I know a place, not too far into the forest. It will offer shelter, and is very defensible. Not only that, but assassins won;t follow us in there." I sensed a "but" at the end of that sentence, but i didn't ask. I knew she wasn't admitting something, though.
"Lead on." I grunted. She helped me to my feet and we were off, leaving the little daylight that was approaching and into the darkness of the Everfree.
But I'm glad we chose her decision. If not, we would probably be dead.
I sat in the shallow cave, thinking over how quickly my life had changed. First I had been a wanderer, not really doing anything with myself, and then I ventured back to Ponyville. I'd killed my sister's murderer, and become the "hero" of the town, therefore making myself Discord's target. Then I had been chased by a murderer, and been saved by legendary Mare-Do-Well. I followed the fleeing Mare-Do-Well, and now I had been sucked into this crazy rebellion that I had never heard about.
And wait... what about Karen? I thought. Was she there in the hospital? I hadn't seen her in the carnage, but the mere thought of her dead... it sent odd shivers up my spine. She didn't seem like the kind of pony to go down easily.
I looked up at this other mare... seemingly harmless as she slept on the ground a foot away. But I saw the high-powered Bolt Rifle tucked carefully under her, and you wouldn't notice it until she pulled it out and shot you in the face with it. Her coat was that same light grey all over, and her electric blue mane and tail seemed in a completely stark contrast to the rest of her. She was stretched out, the costume laying next to her. I had the extreme urge to cuddle with her, but I shook my head violently whenever the idea presented itself.
Oh yeah... and she'd said her name was Catherine, but her friends called her Cat. Friends...? I thought incredulously. Friends were only there to stab you in the back later on.
I ended up focusing on my leg, inspecting the wound thoroughly. It looked like any normal scratch, but by now it sure didn't smell like it, and I could feel it throbbing with my heartbeat. I redressed it and settled down, thinking we were safe, forgetting that hat's what gets you killed...
And waking up to a crash-boom-ROAR! I jerked up and looked around frantically. Catherine was shaking herself awake and dressing quickly. I looked around for my saddlebags and slipped them on, making sure nothing had disappeared during my snooze. Luckily, everything was there, down to the last crumb.
I looked back to the entrance and was yanked roughly up as Catherine dragged me with her, shouting, "We have to go now! Don't sit around! It's how you die here!"
And then, the series of sounds came again, louder and closer. Catherine sped up and I finally regained my feet, casting terrified glances over my shoulder at the thing chasing us.
I tripped over an unseen root and feel, crying out as I landed on my injured leg. The thing chasing us increased its speed, and Catherine righted me quickly and made sure I stayed on my feet, next to me.
We ran and ran, not looking where we might be going, not stopping.
Catherine veered to the left, and took me with her. We fell into the shrubbery, and I shouted. "What the hell-"
Her hoof was shoved into my mouth again. Peering out of the bushes, she motioned for me to check too.
I peered out and saw a hooded, cloaked figure in the clearing we had just been in. It was, from what I could tell, a black pegasus with green stripes here and there on its body. It stood there for a moment, then flipped off the hood. I barely suppressed a gasp.
A horn. A real, pointy horn was protruding from his forehead. An Alicorn. But... but I thought... My mind raced as I tried to process the scene before me.
Just then the sound came from right in front of us, and a huge reptilian beast burst out of the tree cover. I looked like a pony, but had scales, slitted eyes, and moved in an awkward fashion. It was fast, though. I watched as it approached the Alicorn at almost a speed too great to follow.
I almost jumped out to help, but Catherine placed a gentle hoof on my shoulder, shaking her head. I gave her a puzzled look, and she gestured back to the scene before us.
The pony-reptile was kneeling in front of the Alicorn, it's head bowed. The Alicorn spoke words in a screeching, but soft, tone that the other creature replied to in the same voice. I watched as they conversed, fascinated, and eventually the other creature left. The Alicorn remained a little longer, but then took a deep breath. He seemed to disappear into thin air, but an insane cackle could be heard fading into the distance.
Catherine waited a few more moments before speaking again. "That was Leafin," she whispered, "A pony that disappeared into the Everfree before the Discord crisis. He's been driven insane by the years of loneliness, but that's all we know. Nothing about his power, or those... creatures under his command. 'He is an enemy to be feared,' is all we know. Sorry I didn't tell you before; you might have decided to die."
I shuddered. "It's okay. But then... how will we even make it through this place?" I asked.
"Courage, skill, and a little luck." That phrase sounded familiar, but I couldn't remember where it was from. "Come one."
We were sneaking now, fearing for our lives.
A few days later, we emerged; bedraggled, scraped up, and sacred near to insanity.
My wound had gotten worse, and by now I was seeing odd hallucinations everywhere. With Catherine's help and my own willpower, I convinced myself that this cliff wasn't a nice bed, and that that cave wasn't a tropical paradise. The pain was even worse, and every step sent it flaring through my body. A check this morning had revealed a high fever, and Catherine had become urgent in her duty to get me to Hospitale as soon as possible.
The air had been hot and muggy, and it was no better out here in the open.
But even worse... even worse was the screaming that came every few hours, the screaming and cackling of that insane Alicorn. It faded in and out, seeming never to end, and it haunted us in our sleep... not that we had gotten much anyway.
But Catherine had held firm, for the most part, and gradually I felt more sure about going to this rebel base.
As the last mad cackle faded into the distance, a dome opened up in front of us. It was made from scraps of metal, and had gears turning all over it. I saw turrets and guards, barracks and...
"This is the rebel base!?" I exclaimed in spite of my exhaustion, "Why haven't you attacked Disc- Him, already?"
"We did," Catherine sighed, "We were more than twice as string as we are now."
As that sunk in, my eyes widened in horror. What power could Discord have at his disposal if he could wipe out an army stronger than the likes of this in front of me?
Just then a stallion rushed up, panting and gasping. He was a light gray earth pony with a dark blue mane and tail. His eyes were a deep shade of green, and he wore some sort of armor not unlike that of the guards patrolling the area.
"Catherine!" he said, still panting heavily, "You're back!"
Catherine nodded. "Good to see you, Silver Dawn." she said with kindness.
Silver Dawn looked at me. As his eyes lit on my condition, and the bloodied bandage on my leg, his eyes widened. "that's why it took so long for you to get back." he concluded.
Catherine nodded, and I realized she had removed her mask and placed the hat on my head, keeping the sun out of face. She was looking determinedly at the dome before us and began struggling to get me closer.
"Here, let me." Silver Dawn's voice said through a tunnel as I dropped. As black took over my vision, I felt somepony lift me up onto their back.
I awoke to cool, scented air, and urgent voices.
"You said it was a reconnaissance mission! And to eliminate one assassin! I did that!" Was that Catherine?
"It was." Came Silver Dawn's deep, soft voice. "But it didn't require you to bring someone back."
"He followed me, I said!"
"And did you have to let him come with you?"
"Well... no, but he was shot."
"How do you know it wasn't set up?"
"He was clueless to what was going on!"
"Spies can be like that, Cat."
"I know, it's just... for once, he seemed so much..." Catherine's voice trailed away.
"So much like that other guy?" Silver Dawn asked, a little edge to his voice.
Catherine sighed. "He seemed to have the same attitude... and the same spirit... and at first glance, he seemed to have the same looks. I was just so convinced that this was my second chance... to keep my promise..."
Silver Dawn's voice softened. "I know. He would be proud. But we can't take risks."
I slipped out of consciousness before hearing the reply.
I awoke to rough shaking. "Get up!" Came a gruff voice.
I opened my eyes slowly, bleary with sleep. "What? What's the matter?"
"If we're right, you."
Next thing I knew, I was roughly pulled from the bed. I looked around and saw none other than Silver Dawn, glaring at me. He wore the same armor as before, and now I could tell it was golden.
"What did I do?" I asked, standing up straighter and glaring right back, all sleepiness gone. And all my pain. I wondered vaguely how long I had been out.
Silver Dawn must have noticed my momentary confusion, because he gestured to the table next to the bed. "One flower for each day. Brought by Cat."
I looked at the table and saw enough flowers to make multiple bouquets. I stepped back in shock, and my flank came in contact with cold metal. Taking in my surroundings in earnest, I saw a blue metal room, with humming instruments everywhere. I saw a hospital bed, quite large, and the table next to it. I saw a thick glass window, and a hallway, brightly lit, leading in both directions. I looked behind me and saw an outline of a door frame, covered with gears and metal tubing.
I turned back to Silver Dawn. "Is this...?"
"Hospitale infirmary." he reported. "But spies are supposed to pretend not to know."
"I'm not a spy!" I said indignantly, refraining from announcing that I had heard the claim before. "I just followed Mare-Do-Well and go hurt, so she took me here!"
Silver Dawn nodded. "Yeah, sure. You're also supposed to say that."
I growled and ground my teeth. "Why do you need to believe that? If this place is as high tech as it looks, don't you have a lie detector or something?"
"I am the lie detector." Silver Dawn said, before a hoof crashed into the side of my head. I collapsed, weakened from however long I had been in this hospital, and writhed for a minute.
I stood, shakily, and the hoof connected again.
It went on and on, and Silver Dawn added words to his assault. "You think you can waltz in here and sabotage us so easily? You think you can turn us on ourselves so easily? I don't know what you did to Catherine, or how you convinced her that you weren't the guy who had caused the massacre in Ponyville, but you're not good! You even look like someone I used to know, and that's pretty suspicious on and of itself! What do you have to say?"
I lay there, gasping, bruised, feeling blood trickle out of my mouth. Finally Silver Dawn lifted me up. "Time for your trial." He snorted, dragging me along.
Trial? I thought frantically. I haven't done anything! Have just thought I was guilty of some crime, and so they want to put me on trial!?
I struggled weakly, and received another hoof in my face. I felt something dislodge, and spat out a tooth.
In silence I was dragged across cold, metallic floors, the pale blue flooding my vision. I heard doors slide open with hisses, and saw them close behind us, guards flanking every set.
Before I knew it, I was lost in my head, thinking about my sister. I remembered her smiling light grey face, her dark red mane curling around it in a funny looking halo. Her reading bedtime stories to me. Her laughing with me. Her cooking for me... and with me.
Her bloody. Her screaming, in pain. Her body, lying in the street, soaked with blood and violated. Me crying over her, no pony stopping to even cast a glance or say a few words of comfort.
My rage, my hatred as I gathered our things. My sorrow as I buried my sister. My regret after taking it out on our house, making it fall due to bullet holes in it.
My loneliness as I wandered the wasteland endlessly, finding ponies, killing ponies, being betrayed by ponies. Me finding Devil, and taking him to Ponyville. Me killing One-Shot, and meeting Karen on accident. Devil killing Ponyville in one giant massacre. Me meeting Mare-Do-Well, and coming here with her. Seeing Leafin in the Everfree.
And my confusion as I was dragged through these silent humming halls.
And then I was placed on a stand, white light shining in my face. A booming voice called out, "You are Graymane Streak?"
"Yes." I croaked. My eyes slowly adjusted to the light, and I saw a courtroom, just like ones used in the Happy Times... Except i saw three judges, all looking like soldiers, and the jury was a mix of civilian looking ponies and soldiers. In the rows of watching ponies, I saw Catherine at the front. From the way she was looking at me, I assumed I didn't look to good. The rest of the room other than where I was standing was dimly lit, and the far reaches were pitch black.
"Why is he so... beaten?" asked the center judge, a burly stallion with a dark green coat and black mane. His eyes blazed with black fire as he looked down on me, as if I were something he'd stepped on, and was stuck to his hoof. His rumbling voice was scathed with scorn.
"He resisted." said Silver Dawn. "It was self-defense."
"Th-... That's a lie!" I shouted. "I didn't even know what was going on and he started beating me! I-"
A hoof connected with the side of my head, and I slumped onto the desk. Voices rose in protest... and support. I blearily heard arguments breaking out in the jury and audience.
"ENOUGH!" the right judge cried. He was a thin, smart looking stallion with wide glasses. he wore a lab coat, but I could see his coat was a dark blue, and his mane was brown and messy. "We will settle this like civilized ponies." He turned to Silver Dawn, and said in a high, squeaky voice. "Is his claim true?"
Silver Dawn said nothing, nor revealed anything that even suggested an emotion. The right judge nodded and said, "Right. We shall take assault into his account on defense. Proceed." He nodded to the center stallion.
"Graymane Streak, you are held on the account of working for Him(Discord), seducing and turning Miss Catherine Bales, formally known as Mare-Do-Well against her allies, and the massacre of Ponyville ponies. There are also multiple accounts in the past of you murdering ponies, who allegedly did nothing to harm you. What say you in your defense?"
I stood there, jaw agape, appalled at the charges they had just listed. "I.. I didn't do any of those things! Ask Catherine about when we met, she'll tell you!"
"The suspected pony under your influence is not allowed to speak in your defense." the left judge, a mare with a gray coat and pink mane said.
Well, that does seem reasonable. I thought. If she was under my control, she could just deny everything. But still!
"I promise on anything that is holy these days that I didn't do any of those charges. I'll even give evidence."
I began to list off my adventures, starting with when my sister had died. I told them of the many betrayals I'd had, and specifically admitted that I had killed those two mares. I don't know how long I was talking, but I found myself crying at the end, especially during the part where I described Leafin.
"We... we stayed up at night... just in case anything tried to attack. We would take turns on watch, but we never really fell asleep. When we did, his insane laughter echoed in our dreams."
I recounted all the events leading up to now, and specifically recounted how Silver Dawn had abused me.
When I was finished, ponies were crying. Some had shocked looks on their faces, and others were gaping, unable to speak. Sure, stories of this kind were common in This Equestria, but I guess mine must have seemed a little... more than usual.
The judges sat there as stoically as before, but I saw the ones on the sides trying to keep straight faces. A single tear leaked from the center judges face, and he let it go. He took a few moments, and then he spoke. His voice was laced with seriousness, and ponies had by now recovered, but shock could still be seen.
"It seems we have found you, Gray Streak of the Dusk." He said. Several ponies gasped, and others stared at me in awe.
"... What?" I deadpanned., looking warily around at all the attention I was getting.
"You... you remember nothing." the silky voice of the right judge had risen to a squeak.
I thought about that. No, I didn't really remember anything past my parents' death, mainly because I didn't want to relive it. "No, not really."
The judges now exchanged shocked looks. "You... you don't remember anyone here?" the squeaky voiced left judge asked.
"Nothing past my parents' death."
The judges' eyes widened. The center one slammed his hoof on his pedestal. "Then there is no way we can be certain. But for now, you are cleared of all charges. This trial is adjourned!" He slammed his hoof down again, and everypony left quickly, whispering and casting glances back at me.
Catherine was the first to help me down, followed quickly by Silver Dawn, who was apologizing profusely.
"I'm so sorry, Sir Gray Streak, I thought you really were a spy, and that you had hurt Catherine, and that-" I held up a hoof.
"Whoa, whoa. What's with all the respect? You apologized, that's all I care about. And please call me Graymane. No Sir." Who was this "Gray Streak of the Dusk" that the judge had called me?
"Oh... sorry, Graymane." Silver Dawn eased up, and gave a smile, but immediately flinched again when Catherine got in his face, screaming things I don't really want to repeat. Basically, she was scolding him on beating me before we even knew if I was a spy or not.
When she was finished, she started fussing over me. "Oh, look at how bruised you are! We need to get you back to the infirmary." she began leading me away. I looked behind me and smiled apologetically. Silver Dawn shrugged, a bewildered look on his face, and turned to another exit.
In the hallways, I got looks from ponies, looks of awe and fascination. Whatever I was, it apparently meant a lot here. I refrained from asking, though, because it seemed that Catherine might edge away if I suddenly became this pony with a name strikingly similar to mine.
Back in my hospital room, there was a unicorn waiting. He healed me, and I was given my saddlebags. It felt good to have the familiar weight back with me, and I happily set back out into the halls of the Hospitale.
Catherine walked with me, leading me to the cafeteria. She explained to me how this base had been built along the way.
"When He first took over, rebels were strong. But He struck them down easily. He even got followers. Ponies joined him for the glory and safety of working for Him. Right now they live a plush life and are sent out as assassins when the need be."
She looked down, her eyes clouded. But then she shook her head and went on.
"Over time, rebels found out NOT to go on some big quest. They learned to work together. They met, and more met over time. Gradually, this base formed from a simple shack sitting alone a few miles west of an unknown section of the Everfree."
She beamed.
"Many of us are descended from the original rebels that formed the base. Silver Dawn's father was a Royal Guard, and he rebelled along with us. I wasn't there at the time, though, so you'd have to ask Silver. He's very tight-lipped, though, when it comes to things like that."
I nodded. "So... how did half of you...?"
Catherine's eyes clouded again. "Yes... we all decided to launch a mass attack on where we thought He was hiding. It was a trap, and we were ambushed. Since then, we have withdrawn back into hiding, waiting for another chance."
We reached the cafeteria, and all talking immediately stopped. Ponies looked my way, and I began to feel hot under my vest. The only thing that broke the silence, though, was a wailing siren.
Ponies looked up as a voice shouted. "Intruders! Intruders from the East!"
Gasps echoed around the room, and immediately ponies leaped into action. Catherine had a shocked look on her face.
"That's ... that's not possible!" she exclaimed.
"Well, apparently it is." I said, turning around. "Let's go."
She blinked. "Wait... you'll help us?"
"Of course." I smiled. "Won't do me any good to sit around if this place gets overrun."
She smiled back, and was sudden;y in her Mare-Do-Well outfit. "Well then." she said, "Let's go."
We dashed off together, Mare-Do-Well leading the way to where the attackers were reportedly coming from.
Well, I had found a purpose, and a place I might be able to call home, and now it was being attacked.
Will I ever find peace?
