Sophistication, experimentation, and inebriation

by Rhodesm96

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8154

The Prime Minister of Trottingham visits his cousin in Ponyville. Drinking, chaos, and science ensue.

Shadow Cabinet needs a break. Being the Prime Minister of an entire city-state is tiring, and he decides he's going to take a relaxing visit to Ponyville to take some time off and catch up with his cousin Positive Charge. After all, what could be better than a relaxing few weeks with his cousin?
As it turns out, a lot of things.

Characters and tags will be added as they become appropriate.
Cover art by the wonderful Neko1Inu2Kitsune3

Published 2013-05-18 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-29 20:08:21 UTC

Chapter 1 - In which cats are wierd

Positive Charge stood at the Ponyville train station, eagerly awaiting the arrival of his cousin, Shadow Cabinet, from Trottingham. Positive was a light green Unicorn pony with a long, messy, brown mane and tail, piercing blue eyes, and a black stylised atom as his cutie mark, proudly declaring his special talent in the field of physics. Having graduated Trottingham University with flying colours, he had moved to Ponyville for its quieter, more relaxed nature when compared to the general hustle and bustle that was Trottingham.
Not that home didn't have its advantages, but for Positive, his gaze was always set to the horizon, always moving forward.
Speaking of horizons, he thought he spied the train arriving from Trottingham, bearing his much-missed cousin ever closer to him. They hadn't seen each other in years, and Positive found himself wondering if his cousin had changed at all in the time they’d been apart…

  

As the train rolled into the station; he had an idea and snuck through the dense crowd of ponies waiting to receive their expected guests so that he was hidden among them. The ponies that had arrived on the train began to file out, Positive Charge watching from his hidden place among the other ponies observing them quietly.
Soon, he found the one he was seeking: A light grey Pegasus pony, standing on the platform with his suitcase at his hooves, staring at his watch with an annoyed expression. As Positive got closer, he could hear him muttering to himself;
“Dammit, where is that blasted foal? He had better hurry up and get here.” This and other things to that effect were heard, before his muttering was cut short by a green missile crashing into his side and knocking him to the floor.
“CABBY!” Exclaimed Positive as he pinned Cabinet to the floor with the force of his flying tackle, telekinetically locking his wings in place so he couldn’t fly away or buffet him with them. “So good to see you!”
“Get off of me, Positive! Yes, I am glad to see you too, but could you kindly refrain from tackling me in the middle of a crowded train station!” Cabinet yelled.
“It’s not that crowded.” Positive replied, laughing.
Positive gave a confused look at Cabinet who was laying on the platform.
"Hey Cabby, what's with the fancy clothes?" He asked Cabinet with a slight chuckle. In response, he just pushed positive off of him, got back on his hooves, and dusted himself off.
"I appreciate the welcome party there cousin, and as I said, it's nice to see you." Cabinet replied, smiling, “There are a lot of things I need to tell you! But can it wait till we get to your house? I’m pretty thirsty.” Positive nodded enthusiastically, very excited to hear what his cousin had been up to all these years.
"Then there's not a moment to lose!" Cabinet said as he trotted over to his briefcase, but before he could pick it up, it became surrounded in Positive's telekinetic grasp as he yanked it away.
"You're right! Stop being so slow!" Positive yelled, galloping off down the platform, dodging in and out of the plethora of ponies collected on it.
"Oh that son of a mule!" Cabinet shouted, hoping Positive could hear him over the many conversations taking place. He then spread his wings, and shot off after Positive, flying above the crowded platform. Positive was already off of the platform and was galloping down the dirt road that went to his house in Ponyville.

  

Cabinet was gaining on Positive as they reached the centre of town.
“Gotcha!” Exclaimed Cabinet, as he swooped down to grab his suitcase, only for it to be yanked away at the last second. Cabinet was not as quick to change course though, and was sent careering into a large tree. Looking up, he saw that it had a balcony built into it.
“What, why?” He managed to say through the splitting pain his head.
“Oh horseapples, sorry cus, are you okay?” Said Positive, trotting slowly up to his downed cousin.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, just a little bump.” Said Cabinet, as the door built into the base of the trunk swung open, catching him in the head again.
“OW!” He exclaimed.
“Oh, sorrysorrysorrysorry!” said the purple alicorn crouching beside him. “I thought I heard a bang, so I came outside to check what it was. I had no idea you were just outside the door!”
Another Pink mare followed the purple one out of the door, grinning, as a cyan pegasus swooped down, apparently to laugh at him.
“Aw man, that was hilarious! You were all ‘whoosh’, and then you were all ‘thunk’, and then Twi opened the door and you were all ‘ow’, and oh, that was just really funny! …Who are you anyway?”
“What, Cabby?” asked Positive, who had been giggling along with Rainbow Dash at the sight. “He’s just my cousin, come to visit from Trottingham. Which reminds me, Pinkie, can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Sure Possy, whatcha want to talk about?” Chirped Pinkie Pie as they walked around the corner of what Cabinet now realised was Ponyville’s library. Well, Positive walked. Pinkie kind of bounced.
“Cabby? That’s an odd name.” Remarked Twilight as Positive and Pinkie disappeared around the corner.
“Actually, it’s short for Cabinet.” Cabinet explained as he got to his hooves, dusting himself off as he did so. “Shadow Cabinet is my full name, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He smiled, extending a hoof toward Twilight, which she took and shook with a gasp.
“Really, ‘Shadow Cabinet’, that’s your name?” sniggered Rainbow, about to burst into another fit of giggles before Twilight cut her off.
“Rainbow! Be more polite! This is the Prime Minister of Trottingham we’re speaking to!”
“Say what now?” Deadpanned Rainbow Dash.
“Well, I must say I am surprised you recognised me merely by my name, although of course I know who you both are. As the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and one of the princesses of Equestria, I must say that you have quite the reputation, and that it’s an honour to meet you in person.” Cabinet responded.
“Hold on a second here, Twi. Are you telling us you just slammed a door into the head of one of the most important ponies in Equestria?” Asked Rainbow innocently.
“I thought she just hit Cabby here with the door? Did you manage to attack more ponies while we were gone? Just not your day is it, Twi?” Chirped Positive as he returned with Pinkie from behind the library, having only caught the latter half of what Rainbow had said.
“Hang on a second here” Interjected Twilight before he could rib her further “You actually have no idea what your cousin does for a living, do you?”
“Well, he’s a…” Said Positive, craning his neck to look at his cousin’s cutie mark, a symbol of a portcullis topped by a crown. “Gate… maker… guy?” He grinned sheepishly.
“Close” replied Twilight, her voice laced with sarcasm. “He’s the Prime Minister of Trottingham, actually.”
Positive was surprised, to say the least.
“Say what now?” he said.
Pinkie, however, was even more excited than before, and actually proceeded to bounce on the spot.
“Oooh, so that’s why my Pinkie sense has been acting up all morning!”
Cabinet looked at her with a confused expression, and was about to question her when Positive threw a hoof around his neck and began to lead him away.
“Lesson numero uno of living in Ponyville, cus.” He elaborated.
“Never apply logic to Pinkie Pie.”

  

They managed to reach Positive’s house without any more trouble. Once inside, Positive flicked on the lights with his magic, and swept a hoof out before him to show off the room they had entered into.
“Voila, Casa del Charge. After you, milord” Positive said in mock sincerity, not quite managing to conceal a smirk.
“Hilarious, Positive. Now why is it such a tip?”
Empty cans of cola and various other soft drinks littered the coffee table in the centre of the room, a blue stain covered one of the cushions of the sofa it was in front of, and half of a cupcake was on a coaster next to the radio in the corner of the room.
But what really caught Cabinet’s attention was the orange mass that sat in the middle of the floor, only about three feet in front of them. Horrified, he watched as the thing began to move toward him. He must have been making a noise, because Positive started to laugh when he saw what he was staring at.
“Aw, are you scared of little old Creepy? Don’t worry, he doesn't bite...” Positive leaned uncomfortably close to Cabinet and said in an ominously deep voice “…Unless provoked.”
He then began to back off toward the one tidy thing in the room, the bookshelves, although he didn’t break eye contact until he reached it.
“Anyway, I want to show you the cool room.”
“One thing first, though.” Cabinet interrupted “What exactly is that? Creepy, I mean.” He dared another glance at the creature, but saw that it was nowhere to be found. He kept glancing around, trying to spot it, but to no avail. “It looked somewhat feline, but I have a feeling that isn't the whole thing.”
“Well, kind of a long story there, mate.” Positive turned away from the bookshelf, and instead opted for the comfy chair next to the sofa. Cabinet followed, careful not to sit in the blue stained area, whatever it was from.
“You’re kinda right there, Creepy used to be a normal cat. Can’t remember what I used to call him before the incident, but now, Creepy just seems to suit him.”
“Hold on, what incident?” Interrupted Cabinet.
Positive glared at him.
“I was getting to that.” He deadpanned, pointing an accusing hoof at Cabinet. “Just ‘cause you’re the big fancy Prime Minister now, doesn't mean you can go around interrupting folk.
“Anyway, like I was saying, one day I was in the lab and Creepy kinda wandered in. He started sniffing around at some of the stuff I had on one of the benches, and knocked it all over himself, dumb animal.
“Anyway, that naturally sent him flying around the room, as if that was going to get it off of him. In the process, he managed to jump right in the way of my magic as I was experimenting with spider silk, to see if there was an artificial method of producing it. Anyway, next thing I knew spider was gone, Creepy was orange and weird, and I'm laying on my ass from some kind of explosion I couldn't remember happening. Blew up half my good lab equipment too.”
A soft hissing from behind Cabinet made him jump, and he span to see something staring at him from the end of the sofa, with an orange coat and holy hell four eyes? Yes, as he looked again, he saw that Creepy did indeed have two extra eyes jutting from its forehead.
“Little bugger has always had quite the penchant for mischief. After that, he ended up with an extra pair of eyes, and that’s not all. Watch.” Said Positive, rising to his hooves. He picked up a small ball from the table and levitated it up above Creepy. Creepy eyed it up, and then pointing its rear end upward, shot a fine thread from the end which stuck to the ceiling. He pulled himself along it until he was level with the ball, then swiping it with a paw knocked it at Positive’s face.
As the ball collided with Positive’s face, Creepy dropped back down to the side of the sofa and settled down to sleep, a smug look upon his face. Cabinet slowly turned his head back to Positive, wide eyed and mouth agape.
Positive merely chuckled and rubbed his face.

  

After the whole incident with his cousin’s freaky cat, Cabinet decided that he needed something to drink. He trotted through the adjoining door to the kitchen from the living room and was slightly surprised when he saw that it was actually neat and ordered, unlike what he’d seen of the rest of the house.
He began to look through the cupboards to try and find a glass. The first one he tried was, bizarrely, completely empty. The second held various plates and dishes, not quite what he was looking for. The third was full of alcohol. He was tempted, but decided to avoid the liquor for now. As he reached for the bit of the final cupboard, he was distracted by Creepy dropping from the roof on a thread to his eye level, about an inch from his muzzle. Great, the blasted thing could apparently walk on walls and ceilings now. As if it wasn’t weird enough already.
Creepy continued his descent, barely sparing Cabinet a three eyed glance, and alighted upon the central table. Cabinet once again attempted to reach for the bit on the cupboard, but was interrupted by Positive.
“No!” Positive said sternly, walking into the room.
Cabinet halted, before realising that he was only talking to Creepy.
“No cat-spider-thingies on the table! Bad!”
Cabinet rolled his eyes at the display as Creepy mewed pitifully. Finally managing to open the door without any further interruptions, he took a glass and held it under the tap, turning it on with his hoof. When it was full, he turned to the bizarre sight of Creepy hanging by a thread a few centimetres above the table, and Positive staring at him sternly.
“Um… what exactly are you two doing?” queried Cabinet.
“No, not on the table.” Positive muttered under his breath, his attention still completely focused on the creature. Creepy lowered himself a fraction of an inch, his leg getting closer to the table. Cabinet raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t you touch that table.” Positive said. Creepy lowered himself further, his leg scant millimetres away from the table. Cabinet actually found himself interested in the exchange as he took a sip of his water.
“Don’t you do it!” Positive actually raised his voice a little. Cabinet leaned forward expectantly. Creepy seemed to hang motionless for a second, before lowering his paw firmly onto the table.
“Ah, you did it.” Positive remarked with finality, before grasping the animal in his telekinesis and shoving him into the previously empty cupboard.
“Oh, so that’s why that was empty.” Cabinet remarked before heading back into the main room.
He stopped in the doorway, causing Positive to bump into him as he followed him out.
“And we’re stopping because…?” He asked.
Cabinet stepped forward out of the way as Positive walked past him into the now miraculously tidy living room.
“It’s clean. When did that happen?” He asked. It was, too. The cupcake was gone, all the litter was nowhere to be seen, and the cushions had even been turned over to hide the stain.
“Hey, not all commoners are filthy plebeians you know.” Remarked Positive.
“Do you have any idea what that even means?” Cabinet asked. “A plebeian is-” He began, but was cut off by a loud “Yeahcoolbye” from his cousin.
Cabinet sighed. “Well, I’m pretty tired from the train ride so I’m going to take a quick nap.”
“’Kay. You can have the guest room on the right, if that isn’t too mundane and commoner-like for you.” Was heard from upstairs as Positive ascended.
Cabinet groaned. “Thanks.” He said sardonically. “I’m just going to nap on the couch for now though.”
Cabinet collapsed onto the warm cushions and let sleep come to him, planning only to sleep for a few minutes.

Author's Note

Alright, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction, so be brutal. Let me know what's fucked up and what needs changing.

Chapter 2 - In which beverages are unidentified

Cabinet was awoken by a loud bang coming from directly in front of his face.
“AAAAH!” He screamed, suddenly wide awake and rolling off of the couch.
Jumping up, he looked around for the source of the disturbance, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a rather large cannon. It was at this point that he noticed he was covered in confetti and streamers.
“What the hell?!” He exclaimed.
“Hiya Cabby, how do ya like my party cannon?” Chirped Pinkie, trotting out from behind the cannon.
“Party… cannon? Why do you have a party cannon?” Cabinet responded, beginning to gather his wits again.
“Well for the party of course, you silly filly!” She exclaimed, spinning him around.
“Oh.” He said. “How did I miss that?”
All around him, it seemed a party was in full swing. Ponies were everywhere, in the kitchen, the living room, up the stairs. A flash of green and brown caught his eye as he surveyed the room.
“Excuse me a moment Pinkie, I need to-” He began, but stopped when he realised that Pinkie and her cannon were no longer behind him. He shrugged, and went off in search of his cousin.
  

Meanwhile, Positive Charge was busy playing the good host. He was so caught up in talking to the guests that he didn’t even notice Cabinet angrily walking towards him.
“You!” Exclaimed Cabinet when he reached his cousin. “Why did I wake up in the middle of a party covered in confetti and streamers! And why is it night! I swear I only slept for a few minutes!”
“And you would have done,” Began Positive, “But that wouldn’t have been enough time to get everything set up for this. So I slipped something in your drink.”
“YOU DRUGGED ME?!” Exclaimed Cabinet, outraged.
“Little bit.” Replied Positive, with a completely straight face.
Cabinet was about to begin yelling at his cousin, but decided against it, instead opting for a facehoof and a groan.
“When did you even have time to plan all of this?”
“Earlier at the library, when I was talking to Pinkie. All there really was to plan was to get her to throw it here instead of at Sugarcube Corner.”
“And just what is this party in aid of?”
“Well it’s your ‘welcome to Ponyville’ party of course!” Exclaimed Pinkie from right next to him.
“GAAH!” Shouted Cabinet as he fell over in surprise from Pinkie Pie seemingly appearing next to him.
“How the hell do you do that?” He exclaimed.
“No, no, no!” Said Positive as he ‘helped’ him get to his feet by telekinetically yanking his tail into the air. “Remember lesson numero uno? What should you never apply logic to?”
Cabinet just stared at him. He had already realised that Pinkie had disappeared again.
“…You know what?” He deadpanned, “I need a drink.”
He walked off into the kitchen, remembering a cupboard full of booze from earlier.
  

Cabinet trotted into the kitchen and headed straight for the alcohol cupboard, completely ignoring the other ponies in there.
“Whoa there, what’s the rush? Calm down a little.” Said a purple earth pony with a grape and strawberry cutie mark. “There’s enough booze to go around!”
Cabinet turned back and saw that the contents of the cupboard had been arranged onto the table. He walked over to it and surveyed his choices.
“Hey there, name’s Berry Punch.” The purple one continued. “What’s yours?
“Shdmw cbnmt” Cabinet attempted to mumble out past the bottle in his teeth. Sighing, he set it down and tried again. “Sorry. My name is Shadow Cabinet. And what brings you to this delightful gathering, Miss Punch?”
“Look, just call me Berry, okay? No need for all that at a Pinkie Pie party.”
“A what?” asked Cabinet.
“Oh, so you must be the new guy! Well, basically, any time there’s a new pony in town Pinkie Pie throws a party for them to welcome them to Ponyville.”
“But I’m only going to be here for a week or two!”
“That doesn’t matter to Pinkie Pie. As long as you’re here, you’re here. Might as well try to enjoy yourself.”
“Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt too much to relax a little.” Cabinet groaned, reaching for the bottle again.
“Wait, you’re not planning on getting hammered on that weak stuff, are you?” Berry asked.
“Actually, I wasn’t planning on getting too drunk at all”
Cabinet said.
Berry shook her head at him. “Look, this is where it’s at.”
She pushed a large black bottle to the front of the table in front of him, and poured him a shot.
“What is that?” Cabinet asked cautiously.
“No Idea, but it bucks you up good!” She exclaimed.
“Wait, if you don’t know what it is then should I really be drinking it?” He said cautiously.
“Pfft, spoilsport.” Replied Berry, downing the shot she had poured him. “C’mon man, you need to loosen up a bit.” She added, bumping him with her hip.
“Fine then.” Said Cabinet “But if I’m doing this, I’m doing it my way.” He scanned the table, and picked up the decanter of brandy. “The classy way.”
  
About half an hour later, Cabinet found himself back on the sofa in the main room, chatting with Berry Punch. He was regaling her with tales of back home in Trottingham.
“So anyway, everypony thought the opera house was haunted by a phantom the entire time.” He concluded. “Turned out just to be an old donkey.”
“Wait, so…” Berry began as she tried to gather her drunken wits enough to form coherent thought. She had finished the entire bottle of unspecified alcoholic substances, (or as she had begun to refer to it, The Bucker-upper, “because it bucks you up”) and was now drinking Cabinet’s brandy, which strangely he didn’t seem to be minding. Normally he wouldn’t share a drink with anypony.
“So…” Continued Berry Punch as continued to try to gather her wits. By this point she was so smashed that she couldn’t stand without leaning on somepony for support. Currently she was sprawled on the edge of the sofa and on the verge of passing out.
“So this old donkey” She said, finally managing to gather her wits for a few seconds “Managed to fool everypony into thinking he was a ghost? And you all believed it?”
“Uh, well, yes.” Cabinet replied, nervously
“Then you guys must be… kinda…dumb…” She said before losing her grip on consciousness and finally blacking out completely.
Positive, seeing her, chuckled and lifted her onto the sofa.
“Enjoying yourself at last I see.” He commented to Cabinet, who had relaxed visibly. “It can’t be good for you to be all serious all the time, you need to loosen up every now and again.”
“Yes, well, I can’t exactly avoid it now can I? After all, I did wake up in the middle of a full blown party.” He said with a glare.
Positive just grinned at him. “And you’re very welcome.”
“No, I was being sarcastic.” He said sardonically.
“Very, very welcome.” Positive repeated before sauntering off. He heard a knock, so he walked over to the door and held it open as Twilight walked in.
“Your majesty!” he gasped sarcastically, with an over exaggerated bow.
“Oh, knock it off, Charge.” She replied, with a stern look. “I was here to see your cousin, is he here?”
“Oh, I see how it is, eh?” He said, flashing a cheesy grin and wiggling his eyebrows “Important foreign official shows up, you immediately make a move. Eager for a grab at power, eh? Bet that’s not all you’ll be grabbing, eh?” He probably would have continued, but Twilight held his mouth shut with her magic.
“Shut. Up.” She said angrily. “I haven’t even been here a minute and already you’re driving me up the wall! I just wanted to tell Cabinet that I have informed Celestia he’s here on a vacation, and that she wanted to meet with him. Do you think you can handle the task of passing on this simple message, or are you too thick for even that?”
Cabinet cocked a mocking salute and mumbled out something that sounded vaguely like a confirmation past Twilight’s grip on his muzzle.
Twilight sighed. "Just make sure he's there." She said, and left.
Positive walked back into the main room to find his cousin. However, he couldn't find him, so he asked a passing party-goer where he was.
"Last I saw him, he was talking to this mare. Both drunk off their flanks. Hang on, he's over there now, looks like he's pulled." they replied, nodding toward the staircase.
Positive looked over and saw his cousin being led up the stairs by a lilac pegasus mare that he recognised as none other than Ponyville's resident nympho, Cloud Kicker.
Positive whistled.
"Get in there, Cabby." He said to himself, before returning his attention to the party at large. "Get in there."

Chapter 3 - In which Somepony is irritated, and somepony else finds it hilarious.

Shadow Cabinet was rudely awakened by the shock of having a glass of ice water poured onto his face. He jolted upright looking for the source of the disturbance, only to be hit by his hangover from last night. He groaned and sank back onto his pillows as the pounding in his head increased.

Positive chuckled from the doorway.

"Oh good, awake at last I see. Come on, get up, big day ahead and all that."

"Go feather yourself." came the grumbled reply from the still half asleep Cabinet laying in bed.
Positive frowned and yanked him out from under the covers.

"No but seriously, big day." he said.
Cabinet moaned and began to unsteadily get to his hooves.

"Why is it such an important day then?" Cabinet asked, but Positive had already left. He groaned and followed him out of the room.

"I'll tell you why it's such an important day after you get cleaned up. You look like shit." He called from downstairs.
Once again, Cabinet groaned before heading to the bathroom to get a shower.
Positive, satisfied that his cousin would be wide awake soon, continued to the kitchen in search of breakfast and, more importantly, coffee.

A short time later Cabinet floated into the kitchen, seemingly drawn by the rich smell of caffeine emitting from the room.

"Awake at last I see." remarked Positive, floating a steaming cup of coffee toward him from his seated position at the table

"How is it possible that you are so perky at this hour of the morning?" He asked grumpily.
Positive laughed the question off.

"Doesn't really matter. Now come on, you need to get ready for our big day today." He said with a huge smile.

"Oh yeah, that." Cabinet replied thoughtfully. "You said you'd tell me what that was about."

"The Princess wants to see you." he replied as casually as was equinely possible.

"Oh, alright then." Cabinet replied. After a few seconds he actually processed the information, his eyes went wide, and he almost spewed his coffee all over Positive.

"Hang on, WHAT?" he exclaimed.

"Probably 'cause you're a visiting semi-foreign political figure, I don't really know." Positive said with a shrug.

"It seems a little irresponsible of somepony like the princesses to only inform me about this the morning of the expected appointment" Cabinet said, beginning to calm down again

"Actually, they sent word last night."

"Then why the hay are you only telling me this now?!" Cabinet exclaimed, his temper flaring up once more

"Because I didn't want to interrupt anything" replied Positive evenly.

"What in the wide world of Equestria was so important that you delayed telling me this until now?"

"Well to put it simply; you pulled."

Cabinet facehooved. "Oh god, I had a random one night stand with a complete stranger, didn't I?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Positive said with a smirk.

"That's because it is a bad thing!"

"Give me one good reason why."

Cabinet opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything. He sat there for a moment, dumbfounded. After a moment he found his voice again. "So, what time do we have to leave?"

"Half past nine."

Cabinet glanced at the clock and facehooved. "Positive, you imbecile, it's already a quarter to ten."

Positive glanced over at his clock and saw that it was as he had said. He shrugged.

"Oh." he said, disinterestedly.

Cabinet groaned. "Give me a minute to get dressed and we'll go." He said as he went to his room.

"Y'know, you seem to be taking this awfully well." Positive commented, as he made sure to top off Creepy's food for the day.

"Maybe after all your horseapples I've had to deal with over the past two days I've just stopped caring." He replied from up the stairs.

Positive thought about that for a second. "Well, guess I'll just have to up my game then." Cabinet groaned as he returned, wearing a tie. "Why did you bother getting your tie on? It hardly makes a difference, we usually just walk around naked anyway." Cabinet turned to him and gave him a withering look.

"I am going to meet the princesses. I should at least look presentable." He deadpanned

"They hardly wear any clothes, just their crowns and stuff. Besides, I'm not wearing anything." Positive replied, going over to the door.

"Wait, why are you coming again? I thought they just wanted to meet with me?" Cabinet asked.

Positive shrugged in reply. Cabinet groaned and opened the door, only to be greeted by the sound of heavy rain from outside. "Wonderful." he stated.

Cabinet ran out of the door, heading at full speed toward the train station. "Cabby, wait up!" Called Positive. He took off after him, the wind whipping his unkempt mane into his eyes and making it hard to see where he was going. He tripped over a few times from runaway objects blown loose in the wind, but eventually he reached the station and caught up with his cousin. "Why did... you run off... like that?" He asked when he got there, out of breath.

"Didn't want... to get... wet." Cabinet replied, who was also panting rapidly. Positive gave him a quizzical look.

"You know, you could've just flown above the clouds if you didn't wanna get rained on." he said, poking a hoof at Cabinet's wings. Cabinet took a look at the appendages and sighed.

"I hate hangovers."

Cabinet and Positive arrived in Canterlot slightly later than they had intended to, but the next train hadn't been that much later than when they got there, so overall they weren't that late. Or that was at least how Positive saw it. Cabinet had a slightly different view.

As soon as the train pulled into the station, Cabinet had taken to the air and flown in the direction of the castle, shouting something about how late they were. Positive followed along behind him on the ground at a more leisurely pace. Thankfully, Cabinet was only slightly faster in the air than he was on the ground, as his job didn't really give him much of a chance to regularly stretch his wings. This meant that Positive had time for some sightseeing as he went along. When he saw that Cabinet had almost reached his destination, he sighed and teleported the rest of the distance. Cabinet landed in front of him with a cross expression.

"Why in Equestria didn't you tell me that you could do a teleportation spell?" He asked

Positive shrugged "Didn't ask."

Cabinet groaned and stepped past the guards and into the castle. Once inside, he was squirted in the face by a jet of mushroom soup. The floating soup turine then turned to Positive and attempted to squirt the tomato soup at him, only for him to intercept the jet of carrot and coriander in his open mouth. He thought for a second and then swallowed.

"Strawberry!" He proclaimed "My favourite!"

Cabinet looked at him and tasted some of the soup plastered on his own face. "Ah! Spicy!" He immediately yelled. Laughter echoed around them and the floating form of Discord descended from the ceiling.

"Excellent, good show!" He said, rapidly clapping his paw and claw together. "Most amusing!" He added.

Cabinet opened his mouth to speak, presumably to rant about the inappropriateness of spraying soup on one's guests, only to be intercepted by yet another jet of seemingly multi-flavoured liquid.

Positive turned to Discord. "Hey, aren't you Discord?" He asked.

Discord placed a paw on his chest and adopted a shocked expression "I'm Discord?" He said.

Another Discord appeared from around the corner and loudly proclaimed "No, I'm Discord!"

A smaller discord popped out of Positive's mane "I thought I was Discord?"

An even smaller Discord wriggled itself free from the first Discord's beard and yelled "I'm the real Discord!"

"Enough!" Exclaimed Cabinet. He took several deep breaths and attempted to calm himself.

"What's his problem?" Discord asked Positive, loudly whispering behind his claw.

"Stick so far up his ass he's practically choking on it." Positive whispered back, equally loudly.

Cabinet huffed loudly and trotted off.

"Do you think we offended him?" Discord asked Positive

"Nah, he'll be fine." Replied Positive. He looked up at Discord. "So, what're you doing, anyway?"

"Aside from being bored out of my tree?" Discord said, floating slowly down from his tree. "Nothing at all." He looked at Positive and smirked. "Actually, you don't look too boring. Want to mess with somepony?"

Positive grinned wildly. "Hay yes!" He exclaimed, bumping Discord's paw with his hoof.

Author's Note

Alright, it's done. Sorry this took so long to write, but here it is.
Also, Discord is hard to write.

Chapter 4 - In which one princess needs to chill out

Cabinet had managed to calm down slightly by the time he reached the throne room. When he arrived, the guards by the doors let him in without a word. Entering, he approached the Princess's throne and bowed low.

"Princess, it's an honour to finally meet you." He said.

"Likewise." Said Princess Celestia. "I trust Twilight explained to you why I asked you to come?"

"Actually... not exactly." Replied Cabinet. "I never actually got the message from Twilight. My cousin, Positive Charge, gave me the message. Twilight probably gave him the message to give to me."

Celestia frowned. "How odd. It's not like Twilight to ask someone else to do something she was asked to do."

"Yes, I'm afraid I might know the cause of that." Said Cabinet grimly. "Positive does tend to have a habit of getting on one's nerves."

"Well, that aside, I asked you here to discuss the upcoming Equestrian games. As you know, they're to be held in the Crystal Empire in a few weeks, and I wanted to confirm with you how many athletes will represent Trottingham, their means of transportation to the Empire, e.t.c."

"Alright, well off the top of my head..."

Cabinet and Celestia discussed this matter for a while. Meanwhile, somewhere else in the castle...

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Asked Positive uneasily, tightening the knot on the giant water balloon.

"Nope!" Replied Discord, mixing the yeast extract. "Isn't it exciting?"

Positive smiled. "Heh, yeah. Okay, we're all set here!"

Discord grinned. "Alright, I'll get into position." He flew up to the double doors. "How did you think of this, by the way? It's brilliant!"

"It just popped into my head." Replied Positive. "Ready? FIRE!" He exclaimed, slamming his hoof onto the large red button on the back of the catapult-like device, sending the water balloon filled with dish soap, blue food colouring and Hydrogen Peroxide hurtling towards Princess Luna's bedroom. Discord thrust his arm into it as it sailed past, dropping the yeast mixture into it before it busted right through the doors. A scream of fury was heard from within. The two galloped and floated in to see the results of their efforts. What they saw was Princess Luna covered in a rapidly expanding blue foam that covered her entire body.

"Ooh, idea!" Said Discord. He flew up to her, created a fire extinguisher out of thin air, and proceeded to spray it all over her. This froze the foam, encasing her in a solid puddle.

Positive looked at this for a second before bursting out laughing.

"DISCORD!" Yelled Luna. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! GET ME OUT OF HERE, IT'S FREEZING!"

"Don't look at me, it was all his idea." Said Discord, gesturing to his left in time to see a bushy brown tail disappearing around the corner of the corridor. "Gee, thanks." shouted Discord.

Luna screamed again and shattered the frozen foam around her. She got up and turned to Discord, breathing heavily.

"Yeah... I'm going to go now" Said Discord as he attempted to back away. Luna screamed and started flying after him. "Oh, ponyfeathers!" He said as he turned and flew away.

"Alright, I think that's just about everything." Said Cabinet.

"Excellent. I also wanted to officially invite you to the games."

"Thank you, your highness." Said Cabinet. "I'd be honoured to-"

"HEYCABBYWEHAVETOGOLIKENOW" Shouted Positive, bursting through the double doors to the throne room.

"...attend." Said Cabinet with a sigh. "What do you want, Positive?"

Positive took several deep breaths. "Hanging out with Discord. Pranked Luna. Gotta go now."

"You know, I'm not even surprised." Cabinet deadpanned. Turning back to Princess Celestia, he said "I'm sorry for the interruption, Princess, but I suppose I should be on my way."

Celestia was about to say something when Discord phased through the door and pressed himself to the wall next to it. He looked at the gathered ponies and pressed a talon to his lips. The door slammed open, flattening Discord against the wall.

"Tia!" Shouted Luna, who stood in the doorway. "Have you seen Discord?"

Celestia looked bemused. "No, sister. Why, what has he done now?" Silently, she mouthed "Behind the door" and gestured to where Discord was hiding with one hoof.

"Never mind." Grumbled Luna, before winking at her sister, storming out and slamming the door behind her. A paper-thin Discord peeled himself off of the wall before popping back to his proper shape.

"Many thanks, Celestia." He said. Then he noticed Positive. "You! You ran out on me!"

Positive shrugged. "Well, I didn't exactly want to get chased down by the Princess of the Night."

"Well, neither did I! I'll get you for leaving me like that." Discord glared at him and snapped his talons behind his back. "Anyway, you've got that to look forward to. See you around." He grinned evilly and backed off towards the door.

"What? No!" Cried Positive.

Discord opened the door and slipped through. He looked to his left and gave a yelp of surprise before flying as fast as he could down the hall to the right, closely followed by Princess Luna.

"I guess we should be on our way before Princess Luna finds out about your involvement." Cabinet said to Positive sternly. "I think we were just about done here anyway."

"But what about Discord! He said he was going to get me back, what do I do?" Said Positive, grabbing Cabinet by the shoulders.

"Frankly, cousin, that's your problem. Maybe it'll teach you to take a little responsibility for your actions... though I doubt it, honestly." Cabinet retorted, brushing him off.

Celestia spoke up. "I'll arrange a chariot to take you both back to Ponyville. What with your involvement in Discord's little prank I don't think it's wise for you two to be here when Luna finds out."

"Thank you, your highness." Said Cabinet

Positive hung his head in defeat, resigned to whatever revenge Discord had in store for him.

Author's Note

So, the ~~much anticipated~~ next chapter is finally here.
If you're wondering why this one took so much longer to write, the answer is:
I procrastinated.

Chapter 5 - In which revenge is hilarious

Though he had gone to sleep fraught with worry and paranoia, Positive awoke the next day relatively calm. Despite Discord's threat still hanging over him, he felt ready to take on whatever life threw at him. Magically, he threw his covers off of himself, only to reveal his cat, Creepy, entwined within his tail.

"What the - Get out of there!" Positive said. Creepy just mewed slowly. Looking closer, he saw that Creepy's eyes were dilated and bloodshot. Moving to get up, Creepy fell out of his tail and onto the floor. He lay there on his back with his paws swatting at the air lazily. Positive stared dumbly at him for a moment, before he noticed a small purple flower sticking out of his tail. He pulled it out with his magic, not expecting the sharp pain that came with it. He examined the flower and saw that it had been severed at the bottom, and that there was a small drop of blood on the end. Scrabbling franticly for his tail, he found more shoots sticking out of his very flesh. He sniffed one of them and his eyes went wide with realisation.

"Catnip." He whispered, before his anger began to rise. He raised a hoof to the heavens and let out a cry.

"DISCOOOOOORD!!"

Cabinet was jolted awake by the shout emanating from his cousin's room. Racing across the hallway, he burst into Positive's room only to find him with his hooves between his legs.

"Ah, dammit Positive!" He yelled, jumping to conclusions and screwing his eyes tight shut..

"LOOK AT THIS!" Yelled Positive, advancing on him.

"I'd really rather not!"

"LOOK AT IT!"

"No!"

"LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO ME!"

"Wait, what?" Cabinet opened his eyes to behold his cousin's rump in his face. Cabinet backed up wildly before noticing the purple flowers.

"That asshat Discord made catnip grow from my tail!"

Cabinet stared dumbly for a moment or two, before bursting into a fit of giggles. Positive glared at him before going to seek breakfast. As he walked past Creepy jumped from the ceiling and landed on Positive's tail, burrowing into it before falling asleep.

Pinkie Pie had just opened Sugarcube Corner when Positive walked in.

"Heya Possy, Whatcha doin'?" She asked, oblivious to the foul mood he was in.

"Hey Pinks." He replied without enthusiasm. "Can I get some breakfast? And a coffee?"

"Sure thing!" She beamed. Pinkie trotted off and returned with a tray bearing a buttered croissant and a steaming mug of heaven.

Positive hoofed over a couple of bits, took the tray in his magic and headed over to one of the tables to eat. Pinkie noticed that he was a bit down, so she took a seat at the table and stared at him until he noticed her. Positive looked up at her.

"Yes?"

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"Nothing." He replied evenly.

Pinkie scoffed. "Come on, it's obvious you're upset over something, so I want to help you out. What kind of friend would I be if I just let you be miserable?" Positive sighed and pointed to his tail. Pinkie leaned over to look at it.

"Is that your cat?"

"What?" Positive craned his neck to look and saw Creepy sprawled on the floor. Gummy, Pinkie's pet alligator, wandered over and looked at him. Creepy mewed and shot a thread at Gummy's face. Eyes webbed shut, Gummy began to wander around the bakery, bumping into several objects.

"So, your cat was in your tail? That's what you're upset about?"

"No, I didn't even know he was in there. Yesterday I pissed off Discord and now I've started to grow catnip out of it." Pinkie looked closer and saw the lilac flowers entwined in Positive's tail hairs.

"Huh. So, why's that got you down?"

"Pinkie, my cat is pretty bucking weird. It's half spider or something. Celestia knows what it'll do in there. Besides which, I don't want to have cats following me around all the time looking to get high."

"...Free cupcake?" Pinkie offered.

Positive smiled. "You always know just what to say!" He giggled.

Cabinet was having a good morning. After breakfast, he had headed out into the town to get his first proper look around. When he returned, Positive walked past him and breezed into the house ahead of him.

"Hey." He said, smiling happily.

"Hi." Replied Cabinet. "I see you've cheered up." He noted.

"Yep. Instead of dwelling on the problem, I though I'd just figure out how to fix it, so I'm heading to my lab to perform some tests."

"Good for you. So where is this lab then? I didn't see it while I was out."

Positive chuckled. He bent his head down to the bookcase which rested against the far wall. "So naive." He said, before inserting his horn into a hole in the wood. The bookcase swung open on hidden hinges, revealing an array of equipment including an oscilloscope, an large microscope, a telescope the height of the room, and many smaller items like Bunsen burners and laser projectors. A workbench covered the left side of the small room, and had folders and other research materials strewn across it. Positive grinned at seeing his cousin's awestruck face.

"What do you think?" He said.

"Is this it?" Cabinet asked. "This is where you do all of your research? Positive, the room's no bigger than the kitchen."

"Well, it's not the biggest of labs, but I make do." Positive said defensively. "Certainly better than what Twilight has cooped up in her basement. If I want to do some large-scale experiments then I have to go to Canterlot University, but that's rare, so this is all I really need." Positive walked over to his workbench and levitated his microscope over. Yanking a flower from his tail, he proceeded to examine it under the lens.

"Just as I suspected! The protein molecules in the flower stem, especially around the base, show similarities to my own haemoglobin samples! Furthermore, the xylem tubing within the plant itself has developed elastic layers similar to those in pony arteries, which would suggest an artificial method of genetic splicing involving specially created enzymes."

"Wait, I thought you were a physicist, not a biologist?" Asked Cabinet.

"Oh, I am. I have no idea what I'm talking about!" Beamed Positive. "Come on, let's go see if Twilight will help!"

"I thought you said your lab was better than hers, why can't you figure this out with your own equipment?"

"It's physics equipment, duh. Besides which Twilight, much as I hate to admit it, knows more about this kind of stuff than me. You said it yourself; I'm no biologist. Now are you coming or what?"

Cabinet shrugged. "I suppose I have nothing better to do."

"I hope she helps." Said Positive uncertainly as they approached the library.

Cabinet frowned. "Why wouldn't she? She seems nice enough from what I saw of her."

"Yeah, it's not that, it's just she and I-" Positive was cut off as the door to the library opened and Twilight walked out, catching them by surprise.

"Hey, Twilight, how's it going?" Positive said, smiling nervously.

Twilight's expression hardened. "Oh, it's you. What do you want, Charge?" She saw Cabinet and smiled. "Oh, Cabinet, good to see you again!"

"Likewise." He said "But my cousin has something he needs to ask of you." Twilight looked sceptically at Positive.

"I... need your help. There's something wrong with my tail." Said Positive sheepishly.

"Why can't you handle it yourself? You're always telling me how you're a better scientist than I am." She replied sarcastically.

"Hey, my field is physics. This is a biological problem, it's not real science." He said. Cabinet raised an eyebrow at his cousin's attitude toward Twilight, when he was supposed to be getting her to help him.

"Hmph, forget it." She said, and started to walk away.

"Wait." Cabinet said. "I know that Positive can be a pain, but please help him. I know that you know that he wouldn't ask unless it was serious."

Twilight hesitated, and then said "Alright, fine. I'll help." Walking past Cabinet, she added quietly so that Positive wouldn't hear "For you." Positive made to move into the library when Twilight stopped him. "But if you make even one joke, you're out of here. Understood?"

"...Yeah. Thanks for doing this, Twilight." Positive said, sincerity evident in his expression. Twilight's expression softened, and she led them into the library.

Author's Note

So, here's chapter 5, within a month of chapter 4. Not bad, I think.
As always, constructive criticism is ~~appreciated~~ demanded.