Falling Into the Unknown

I felt myself floating through space, unaware of anything outside of my little unconscious dream. The mist I had come to know well surrounded me, cloaking everything around by body in darkness. Slowly, I felt solid ground materialize beneath me. I got up slowly, in no need to hurry, before I saw two shapes around twenty feet from me.

They were  rather large, and growing larger every second. Slowly, the mist dissipated around them, and I saw them for who they were. One was pure white, brighter than the sun, but the other was a deep blue, more majestic than any ocean.

Luna I recognized instantly, and the talks I had held with my roommate told me the other one was Celestia. They stopped around five feet from me, and stared.

I looked right back, unafraid of them, but silently wishing this was the real world, where I could actually fight back against them. Ejecting them from the dream might be funny, but it would serve no long-term interest. Slowly, I saw Celestia point her horn at me, already glowing.

I made no move to dodge as a golden orb shot out and hit me, and I collapsed the next instant onto the misty ground, in pain. I felt ice fill my head, while at the same time I felt it burning me. It lasted for ten seconds, but it might as well have been ten hours.

Slowly, head feeling like someone had split it open, I gotten up to my feet. I shot daggers with my eyes at Celestia, and I was just about ready to eject her from the dream. Suddenly, however, she spoke.

“Do you think it understands us now, Luna?” Celestia asked, turning towards Luna. I could understand them! They were speaking clear, understandable English, not whatever gibberish they spoke normally.

Luna spoke next, “We don’t know, Tia. Tis been too long since We had to use a translation spell, and We don’t know if it even understands language.”

“Hello!” I shouted, drawing two startled glances, “I’m right here, and you can stop speaking about me as if I wasn’t five feet away from you!”

“Well,” Celestia said, “It appears our visitor CAN speak. Tell me, what are you doing in my kingdom?” She said the last few words with venom, as if she couldn’t stand to be around me.

“Well, it wasn’t MY fault that a random portal in my bathroom stranded me here!” I said, “As for the rest, I really can’t expect you to be trusting and humble after you tried to hunt me down, can I?”

“You kidnapped a guard.” Luna said.

“You sent the damn thing.” I countered.

“ENOUGH!” Celestia shouted in a VERY loud voice, nearly breaking my eardrums in the process. She turned towards me, glowering. “You WILL be locked up until we can find out what to do with you. It’s obvious you don’t have any weapons, other than the strangely hard knife, so we will leave you your things. However, don’t try to escape. You won’t.”

“I’m tired of you two.” I said, bored to death of this conversation. I quickly conjured up a revolver, cocking back the hammer and aiming it at Celestia, ready to end the dream. “Goodbye.” I shot the gun, instantly ejecting her from the dream. Luna was quick, however, and ended the dream. I felt it dissolve around me, and I awoke suddenly to a cold sensation.

Looking around, I saw that I was in what looked like a small, stone room. The floor was cold, and the only thing in the room was an iron bed. A small, barred window sat around eight feet above the ground. The room/cell was about six by eight feet, and about ten feet tall.

I rolled over and checked for my weapons. Surprisingly, I still had both of my guns, although when I felt around I found that my knife had been taken away. They probably didn’t know what the guns were, and so they probably didn’t want to touch them for fear of a reaction. Made sense to me, anyway.

Loud thumps from my right announced something. Turning, I saw a thick, iron door being slowly opened, and a white guard marched inside. I gave a silent laugh at the thought of a horse marching, but mentally stopped myself as he took a guarding position by the door. It motioned with one leg to something outside the half-open door, and then spoke.

“Come in. It looks docile enough.”

Immediately, a light blue unicorn entered, wearing a lab coat. A clipboard floated in, surrounded in an aqua glow. The unicorn stared at me for a moment, before turning to the guard.

“I don’t suppose it understands us?” The unicorn asked the guard, who shook his head.

“Actually, I do.” I interrupted, earning a glare from the guard. “And I would appreciate it if you would leave me the fuck alone, and stop talking about me as if I was an inanimate object.”

“Actually, I need to ask you some questions.” The unicorn said. “Now if you’ll just sit still and answer these…”

“Nope!” I said, while grabbing my laptop out of my backpack. The unicorn and the guard glared at me as I sat down in a corner of the cell and opened it up. I pressed the power button, and it glowed blue, signaling that the computer was booting up. The unicorn watched in apparent fascination as the screen lit up my face and upper body, and I decided to give them a little show. Turning the laptop slightly so they could see it, I started up ArmA 2.

“What’s that glowing thing you have?!” The unicorn said at a fast rate, still writing down observations on the floating clipboard. “It lights up! What does it do?”

“It’s a computer.” I deadpanned, leaving the unicorn hilariously speechless as he tried to figure out what I had meant.

“What does it do?” The unicorn said insistently.

“It’s an electronic machine. It does all sorts of things. I’m playing a game.”

“What type of game is this that you are playing?”

“War.”

The unicorn blanched at my answer, turning away to confer with the guard. I caught the words ‘savage’ and ‘barbaric’, and decided to load up a small mission I had made in the editor.

Fifteen minutes later, with the unicorn still confused as to what was happening, and me nearly laughing out loud at the guard’s confused look, I finally shut it off. With my only entertainment being the ponies that would probably visit at all hours of the day, I needed to make the most out of their temporary confusion.

Shortly afterward, he left, mumbling about advanced technology and its connection to a savage. I grinned at the guard, who returned with a glare as they both stepped outside the door. I saw it close and lock, and decided to get some sleep. It seemed to be night outside, judging by the little light that came through the window, so it was time to catch some sleep. Being unconscious doesn’t count, in my book.

I quickly packed the laptop up and got out my sleeping bag, taking off both of my guns. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this, but I assumed that I would eventually find a way. As I knew the city was on a mountainside, however, it would be harder to escape that it might normally be.

I unrolled the sleeping bag, and laid it over the small mattress that lay on the iron frame of the bed. I practically crawled inside, and lay my head down; knowing tomorrow would be a whirlwind of activity.

The sun shone brightly through the small, barred window. I noticed this moments after waking up to the loud sound of the door being opened. Poking more of my head out of my sleeping bag, I saw an unamused guard standing in the doorway.

“Come on,” He said, “The Princesses request your presence.” Apparently, the ‘request’ part was a joke; they probably demanded it and then phrased it politely. I nodded to him, crawling out of my sleeping bag only to end up sprawled on the floor, sending someone behind the guard into laughter.

Pulling myself up, I packed my sleeping bag into my pack, and then slid my pistol into its holster, with my rifle slung over my back: As long as they didn’t know what my guns did, I felt the need to carry them around. I slung my backpack around my back and headed towards the guard, who promptly turned around and marched down the hall. Following him, I noticed two other guards, these ones grey unicorns, take positions to my left and right. I had to assume the every-guard-the-same-color thing was some sort of magic, or other weird shit like that.

Our group of four rapidly made our way through the castle, and we quickly passed from the dark halls of the dungeon to a long, winding staircase. The climb up took at least five minutes, and I think we might have climbed around ten stories in that time. We entered a white hall that lead past several stained-glass windows of various ponies, and about a minute later we reached a set of large doors. They slowly moved open, showing a vast room beyond them.

I assumed this room was a throne room, since at the end of a long, red carpet sat Celestia and Luna, apparently waiting for me. Silently praying for a way out, I walked slowly across the floor towards the raised area, and stopped at the base.

One of the guards motioned towards me. “Bow.”

“Eh, I’d rather not.” I replied.

“They are the Princesses!” A unicorn guard explained.

“So?” I replied, taking it in style and enjoying the mental headache I was giving them. “It’s not like they rule me, or anything.”

The lead guards was going to protest again, but was stopped when Luna raised her hoof. “Be dismissed. We no longer require thy presence, guards.” One by one, the guards filtered out, leaving me alone in the room. I looked around for any way out I could find, eventually settling my gaze on a stained-glass window. Noting it for later, I turned back to the two princesses in front of me.

“So,” Luna said, “Why doth thou not bow before us, creature?”

“First of all,” I said in growing annoyance, “My name isn’t creature; it’s Tyler. Recognize that fact, and maybe I’ll respect you. Second of all, you’re not the empresses of the goddamn universe or anything. I’m a citizen of the United States of America, and I will NOT bow before any other ruler.”

Celestia and Luna didn’t seem to comprehend half of what I said. “United States of America?” Luna asked.

“Yes, my country.” I replied. “We have a combined population of 300 million, and an Army of around 6 million.” Luna and Celestia seemed concerned at these numbers.

“But our kingdom hath only four million citizens!” Luna replied in shock.

“There is not a chance of what you said being true!” Celestia said. “I shall go into your memories to ascertain the truth! Luna, assist me.”

Suddenly, their horns lit up. I smiled, knowing they were about to get the shock of their lives. Slowly, I felt them enter my head, and I felt myself drawn along for the ride…