My Little Spartan

  We all walked through this castle that they brought me to, apparently to see some princess or something? I only got the names of the ponies until I tuned out and started listening to dubstep again. The purple on was an alicorn, her name was Twilight, then there was the rainbow maned pegasus Her name was Rainbow Dash, big surprise there. Fluttershy was the yellowish pegasus that was shy, no shit eh? Pinkie introduced herself next, I think she is on drugs or something, but she is a pink mare with neither a or or wings. Applejack was next, she was an orange mare that was like Pinkie, no horn and no wings. Finally Rarity introduced herself, she was a white unicorn that thought she was the next big thing in fashion. I was about to ask them why they all had tattoos on their asses but Twilight started to tell me about the place where I was, Equestria, to tell the truth I couldn't give two shits, just that I didn't have to meet the bumbling idiots over at Ragnarok. We stopped at a huge pair of doors, the alicorn seemed to be saying something important now so I turned of my music and turned on my helmet speakers. "-the throne room, in here is the princess, treat her with respect and dignity." She said.

"Yup sure, now we going or what?" I asked, pushing the door open. Inside there was a large throne, and sitting on it was a pure white alicorn with a tattoo of the sun on her ass.

"Princess Celestia, I brought the strange pony." Twilight said to Celestia.

"Strange? Come on i'm weird at times but really?" I said to Twilight.

"Sorry." She apologized to me.

"What is it that you are wearing?" Celestia asked me.

"A super suit." I said back to her, to tell the truth I never really inquired what it was made of, I just put it on.

"A super suit?" She said, not believing me.

"Yeah, it enhances my physical abilities, give me extreme protection, energy shields and makes me look badass." I said to her, if she had eyebrows she would have raised them.

"How does it do this, is it magic?" She asked.

"Nope, no magic, just science." I replied.

"Can you take it off?"

"Yeah, one second." I reached up and grasped my helmet, pressed a few buttons then took it off, there was a audible hiss as the pressurized air inside escaped, next I took off my leg bracers, revealing a black jumpsuit underneath. I had the suit off in about five minutes, pretty good considering I was a pony. "Ta-da!" I said to Celestia, who was looking at me strangely. "What?"

"Where did you get this?" She asked.

"Oh right, I forgot to tell you that I am not from here, I come from a different universe I think. That universe was and still is quite war-torn, so I got that suit along with many others so we can end the wars." I said to her.

"You seem to be acting quite normally for somepony who just traveled dimensions." Celestia said to me.

"They were going to send me to a training camp with a bunch of bumbling idiots that would team-kill me by accident in seconds." I replied bluntly, Celestia opened her mouth to reply when a large noise came from outside, followed by voices.

"Son of a bitch! Grif! This is why you don't sleep on the teleporter controls! Ahhh! Why are you a horse?" A voice yelled.

"Why are you a horse?" The one I guessed Grif was yelled.

"Look! It's the blues! Get them!" A gruff voice yelled.

"Sarge we're horses! How do we run, let alone get them?" Grif asked Sarge.

"Grif! Where is my shotgun!" Sarge growled.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered.

"Do you know these ponies?" Celestia asked me.

"No, but they're the idiots I spoke of." I said to her, putting my suit on, this was much faster for I knew how to get my legs into the holes from when I took the suit off. I walked towards a balcony that faced the direction of where the voices were coming from.

"What are you doing?" Celestia asked me.

"Dealing with a problem before it starts." I replied to her, then I jumped off the balcony, ready to deal with the reds and the blues at once. "Hey!"I yelled at the two groups of armored ponies, some had wings but most either had hidden horns or were just earth ponies as Twilight called them.

"Who is that guy?"Grif asked Simmons.

"No clue, do you think he is a freelancer?" Simmons replied.

"No, i'm not a freelancer, but I am a skilled operative." I said to them.

"Hey wait a minute, are you that new recruit of ours?" Tucker asked me, he seemed to have trouble getting up.

"Not recruit, new sergeant." I said to him walking over to the reds.

"Just like a blue! Getting us while we're down." He grunted, trying to get up from the ground.

"If I were here to kill you you would be dead already." I said to them flatly.

"So what are you here for?" Simmons asked me.

"Well teaching you guys how to walk would be first on my list. I think killing you is around the bottom of the list." I said to them, helping them up one by one. Now just walk forward like you would crawl on all fours like a human. They did that and were walking soon after.

"So you here to help us?" Tucker asked me.

"I just did, now fuck off."

"Whoa, no need to get angry!"

"I died about three hours ago, why shouldn't I be?"

"You died? Are you like Church?"

"No, I died when I was a human."

"And then you got sent here?"

"What do you think dumbass? How did you get here?"

"One of the reds took a nap on their teleporter controls and made it go all wonky, teleporting us here."

"Which one?" Tucker pointed at Grif. "Thanks." I walked over to Grif who was only beginning to stand up, I kicked him in the groin so hard I swear I crushed his balls.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!" Grif yelled as he writhed on the ground in pain.

"You stupid fuck! I was going to enjoy it here because I didn't have to fucking deal with you dipshits! Then you fucked the teleporter up and teleported you guys here! Now I still have to deal with you!" I yelled at him.

"Fuck you too." He said, still holding his family jewels.

"Come on, we have a monarch to talk to!" I said, walking towards the castle entrance.

"Ohh! I like butterfrys!" Caboose yelled. I sighed, this was going to be a long day, I wonder if they have nooses around here?